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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wxhaynes on 2024-01-24 05:51:41+00:00.
Last week I locked my keys and wallet in my apartment as I was heading to a holiday party I was hosting for my employees. I texted my landlord at about 5:30 asking for a spare and then got caught up in hosting and drinking at the party. As the party was ending I realized I hadn't heard back from my landlord. So I reached out to the person i'm seeing and asked if I could stay over. I've been with this person on and off for about 3 years. For the sake of this story, i'll call them my partner. They told me they were headed out but suggested I go to a KeyMe kiosk (it stores copies of your keys that print on demand) which was perfect because I had zero intention of screwing with their plans. The problem was I didn't have my wallet, but I convened with them and they really helped me out. We decided that I would get cash from an ATM, to buy a gift card, to use on the KeyMe kiosk and they asked me to update them on my progress.
I then spent about the next 3 hours walking across Manhattan. No stores would sell gift cards using google pay, the rest wouldn't sell them after 11pm, and when I finally did get one and made it to a 7/11 that was actually open, turns out the kiosk doesn't accept gift cards. So at this point, about 3am, I am nearly frozen & defeated and get on a train to head to a 24hr McDonalds. I hit my partner and ask if they're headed home, if i can stay over. They agreed and left Manhattan to meet me in Brooklyn where we both live. I stayed over, and next morning they went with me, bought my spare key and lunch the next day. They were amazing and I let them know I was infinitely grateful.
Today the situation came up (for context, it was a digression from another conflict we were already having) and they accused me of being selfish that night. They feel like me not checking in with them like we agreed meant I had no regard for what they asked me to do and that was selfish. I explained to them that I did not want to bother them or screw with their plans that night in the first place and since i was confident (at the time) that there was a finish line in view, I figured would just let them know once I had the key.
We went back and forth a bit and ultimately. I told them I completely understand their point about adhering to what we agreed on instead of doing something different regardless of my reason, and that I will be cognizant of that moving forward, but I don't agree with the assessment that I was being selfish when my intent was the very opposite. So I wouldn't concede to that label, which was upsetting to them. I argued that the substance of the point that they made was completely understood so whether or not it should be labelled as "selfish" is something that we can agree to disagree on. They do not see it this way and that further perpetuated the conflict we were already having. Am I the asshole?