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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aggravating_Luck924 on 2024-01-24 06:04:22+00:00.
Longtime lurker here.
I (M48) and my wife Anne (F47) live by ourselves; our kids have both moved out. I’m the breadwinner and Anne the SAHM; now she’s the housewife after our youngest moved out last year.
What’s changed is that she says she’s ‘owed’ for raising our kids and taking care of the household. She wants more personal time, less work around the house, and so I’ve basically taken over almost all the housework, cooking three meals, cleaning the house. I’m still working a full-time job, and I never slacked on chores that I did, such as the gardening, hard-lifting, etc., and I was never an absent father.
I bore with it for the past year, but she’s gotten more abusive, outright berating me in front of the kids when they visit that I’m only good for my strength and don’t think about the household at all, while she is doing less of the household work. It’s gotten to the point that I just want to relax in the car for a good solid minute because I only know there’s a long list of things to do.
Last night, she went out with her friends, while I slept early for work. This morning, I looked for the car keys for over 30 minutes, which were not in the drawer we always put them in. I woke her up to ask where she put, and she just grumbled at me to find them myself before going back to sleep. I ended up finding it in her handbag and got to work late.
I got home today to her screaming at me for invading her privacy by going through her handbag. I tried to tell her that she told me to find them myself, but she kept cutting me off saying I should have known better than to dig through her personal belongings. That she has rights, and I should respect them and to wait for her to wake before getting her to find the keys herself.
It was when she said she didn’t care if I was late to work that I lost it. Her exact line was, “It’s not like we’re needing that stupid money anymore.” I yelled back at her that she was entitled and selfish, and that the only reason she’s able to enjoy her current time is because of my stupid money. That she’s been having it far too easy the past year, and if she wanted to see what she’s owed, she can go back to either working, or doing all the chores she’s dumped on me.
Anne was shell-shocked that I yelled back at her. The rest of the night was quiet, and she locked herself in our bedroom and hasn’t come out. I’ve called our kids, and told them what happened. My daughter agrees with me, but son says that I may have been too harsh to call her entitled, and implied that I undermined her efforts all those years as a SAHM. They’re going to take turns calling Anne, but I now wonder if I may have been overboard with yelling at her about taking it too easy.
Daughter has suggested couple therapy, and said that she’s going to suggest it to Anne as well. I’m more than willing to do so, as today’s encounter made me reflect that I’m getting extremely tired and weary of this life.