this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Girls don’t break wind, they shatter it, and that’s why they’re breathtaking. That’s what my grandfather always used to say, until my grandmother stabbed him to death during a mental episode. Would have been funny if she suffocated him, but she didn’t seem to consider my need for irony

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago

This was not a comment I expected to read on this post

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I hope it's because she ate an onion-heavy dish🥰

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Onions are good AND good for you! Sure, they fuel a low-to-medium risk biological agent when digested in sufficient quantities, but it's still better than eggy farts!:)))

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago

I wish she would come and fart in my bed instead

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I knew he was the one when we started laughing at eachother's nighttime farts.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My girlfriend said she knew when I opened the shower curtain and used my dick as a catapult to launch water at her.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Relationship goals

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Like hell I’m going to let the girl of my dreams outfart me. The bedroom is going to be a hazmat crisis before I relent!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

One time my wife farted herself awake, you can't not laugh at that

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Farting *then lifting the edge of the duvet for a quick huff

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

And that's fine.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

you’d be noseblind after a while so go for it

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

I have a deviated septum and therefore almost no effective sense of smell.

I have it on good authority that those around me have taken advantage of this on many occasions.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

The girl of my dreams doesn’t know how to remove oligosaccharides making food 🤔

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

I can fix her

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I would be as well, but I have to settle for farting at work at this moment.