Am I the Asshole?
A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been...
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Screaming_gaffers on 2023-12-28 06:30:04+00:00.
I (20f) have been with my bf (20m) for a year. This is our second Christmas together and the first time we actually saw each other on Christmas Day. For his gifts I got him a nice keyboard for his computer stuff (30$) and the Daily Bugle Lego set (370$) that he had his heart set on. Maybe a week or two before Christmas he told me one of my gifts wasn’t coming until Valentine’s Day (they were Ugg’s I really wanted that he said he would get for my birthday but didn’t). I let it go, thinking maybe he’ll get me something else in place of the Uggs since they were coming so late. He told me my other gift was a stuffed animal (40$). Again, I let it go. Closer to Christmas my parents and almost everyone around me was upset since I spent about 400$ on him and he spent maybe 140$ and one of the gifts I wouldn’t even get on time. The more I heard it from everyone, the more upset I got. He came to my house Christmas Day and gave me my gift. It was a pound puppy, an old 80s stuffed dog. I was not happy. I thanked him and told him I liked it but I was honestly really upset and disappointed. When we went to his house later, his parents ended up getting more for me than him. I tried not to let it get to me, thinking I’m being unappreciative and maybe he just couldn’t afford anything else but my mom put it into perspective for me. My mom bought the Christmas presents by herself this year for 5 kids (including me) and paid bills with the same hourly pay as my bf. And let me assure you these gifts were not stuffed animals. I confronted this to him saying that it really hurt that he didn’t put any effort into his gift. He says he liked the gift he got me and thought I would like it too. We aren’t really talking right now, just 1 word replies here and there, but it makes me feel like maybe I should just appreciate that I got something at all. Aita?
Edit: let me just clarify: no, no money boundaries were set and he did admit that he could afford something better. No, I do not care about monetary value, it’s just for reference. My bf is an artist, I would’ve rather gotten an art piece and a card than this dog because then at least he would’ve put some thought into his gift. It was the lack of care and thoughtfulness that makes me upset.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/charlottecolettedad on 2023-12-28 05:36:08+00:00.
My daughter Charlotte, 15, has complained about her little sister, Colette, 12, about her bullying, which colette says are lies.
My wife is more on Colettes side but I think she is fair.
To end tge feud between the girls, I tried to reach a compromise so that both girls can freely enter each others room. Colette happily agreed but Charlotte cried and wouldnt agree. She thinks that Colette would break her promise and not leave when asked to and disrupt her studies.
I strongly convinced charlotte to give colette a chance but she said she already gave her plenty as a little kid. I think she should bd more easy going and try having s relationship with her sister
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cotton_Snow_1603 on 2023-12-28 03:50:31+00:00.
Basically, I am 8+ months pregnant with our 3rd child. It’s been a difficult pregnancy as I have bad sickness and gestational diabetes which can feel debilitating some days. However I have bent over backwards trying to make xmas special for my DH and our 2 boys. I planned since September, buying and wrapping ALL presents for both kids, and thinking about what DH would really like for Xmas too. At 1 point he mentioned he was short on loungewear tops, so I trawled the internet to order 5 different ones so he’d have a choice. I got him some personalised football gifts and other stuff I thought he’d really like.
Around Sep, I mentioned that if he was looking for something for me for Xmas , I really needed button down pjs for when baby arrives as I will be breastfeeding. I mentioned a few other things I liked… a bracelet, and a pair of shoes… but told him the main thing I needed was pjs suitable for feeding baby.
On Xmas morning I opened a few gifts from him but couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Of the 12 things there, he’d got me around 7 things of sweets including some licqures- which I can’t have coz of the gestational diabetes and pregnancy. I received one single button up pyjama top-with no bottoms- that is a size too small from what I normally wear. He said he struggled to find anything that buttoned up in my size, however I’d been pointing out ones in my size since Sep and there’s the whole world of internet shopping at his fingertips…
I guess I feel a bit like he didn’t put much thought or effort into my gifts but I don’t know if I’m being really unreasonable?
He does try to be supportive most of the time and ended up cooking most of xmas dinner by himself as I felt really rough (though I’d prepared all veg the night before while he wrapped my gifts) I do often feel like he doesn’t listen when I tell him something or will deliberately “misunderstand” if something doesn’t suit him. (Eg I told him back in Nov that I didn’t think I’d manage to go to in-laws this year and asked him to invite them to ours instead. He didn’t do this and on xmas day he revealed they’d planned on us being there and had bought food for us too. When I reminded him I said I didn’t think I’d manage at 8 months pregnant in their overcrowded house he said he thought I would just have coped and it would be fine… he later apologised to me, saying he’d misunderstood and we made alternative arrangements with in laws, but it made me feel bad.
I have tried to let these things go the past couple of days but it’s kind of niggling away at me. I am wondering whether I should try to tell him how I am feeling but am worried that i might be sounding really ungrateful and unappreciative.
WIBTA if I tell him that I don’t feel he put much thought or effort into my Christmas?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/New-Year-2024 on 2023-12-28 02:56:49+00:00.
This entire situation reminds me of how Thom Yorke has to empathically clarify that he is not a creep just because he wrote the song called “Creep”. The TLDR of it is that my BIL wrote a scary song, and now he’s offended because I joked to him and my husband that BIL is in fact a scary person.
So I (F30) have been married to my husband (M30) for just over a year now; we got married in September 2022. My husband’s brother, who I’ll just call “Maple” (M28) (because he’s obsessed with those delicious maple syrup cookies) is a very shy guy, but he’s a sweetheart. He’s going to a top medical school for a combined MD/PHD program, and he’s excelling in his studies. I have no doubt that he’s going to do big things.
Maple is the singer and the lead guitarist of a rock band. Their music is dark, and it’s really good. My husband and I visited my BIL at his apartment back in October, and he excitedly showed us the first-ever song that he’s written. We listened to it…and it’s very cool, but it’s also nightmare fuel and a cacophony of demented guitar, bass and drums. There were no vocals aside from a sampled recording of a woman saying “good to see you!”, and the song ends with the static resulting from Maple unplugging his guitar while the amp is still on.
Ever since then, I have taken to making jokes about how many bodies are underneath Maple’s bed or how he acts so shy and gentle, but he’s actually a mental case. Whenever I do make these jokes, he blushes and stammers. Also, he has a habit of fiddling with his bangs whenever he’s embarrassed, and it’s all so cute.
The only time I truly pissed him off was when my husband and I were visiting him earlier this month, when he was recovering from a strange case of multi-day nausea and headaches. We brought Maple some homemade food that in our home culture we eat when we’re sick, and I made a joke that he was sick because he got mixed up and gave himself the roofied drink, lmfao. This was the first time I saw my BIL get angry, and after he pouted at me, he went to the bathroom to throw up. On the drive back home, my husband let me know that he never ever wants me to make jokes at Maple’s expense ever again. But that’s a tall order, isn’t it? I mean, ever again?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/radiowavesodie on 2023-12-28 02:11:33+00:00.
So, I had a friend group from University, we all graduated 3 years ago and I thought we were all close.
Long story short they formed a clique and I wasn't a part of it, I was always the person to initiate conversation, make plans, they never reached out to me, on nights out they didn't invite me and I get invited by a third party, rtc.
I found out earlier today that 2 of them (T and K) had returned to my home town over Christmas and had messaged a mutual friend (L) to go out for drinks, the mutual invited me to go out but didn't tell T and K because she is always the person that invites me and not the friend group themselves.
I turned up, T and K had no idea I was turning up and they looked like they had seen a ghost. I pointed this out to them and asked "What's wrong? You look like you don't want me to be here" and they didn't really have much to say.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't know it made them uncomfortable to be doing the same thing they did to me but I spent the whole night making digs to their faces about how they never talk to me, how they should just tell me they didn't want me around rather than striking me along and being cowards about it. And basically told them how over the course of our friendship they treated me like I was dirt, they of course denied it because they didn't experience it for themselves but I just wanted to give them one tiny taste of how I've been feeling the last 6 years.
We all went home and after about an hour my messages had blown up about how much of an asshole I was for ruining their night out, from other friends saying how if I had a problem I shouldn't have come, that it was unnecessary and spiteful.
So, Am I the asshole?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/VioletVi6 on 2023-12-28 18:44:12+00:00.
Currently my mother has Covid for a little over a week at this point, she’s mostly fine. She is extremely dramatic though and is so scared of everything (barely leaves home without someone driving her, thinks the neighbors are out to get her). She has been requesting lots of complicated remedies from dad. He’s been cooking for her 5-7 times a day between soups, fried rice & other made from scratch meals because she doesn’t want anything from outside . He will do 9/10 things she requests and forget 1 because there’s just so many things, and then she will blow up on him in an extreme way bringing up everything he has ever done wrong. My roommates see him constantly cooking and doing things for her and are so impressed by the level of care she is getting, but everyone is concerned by his level of fluster as he is older and sometimes she really pushes him to an unhealthy point of stress.
This morning I wake up to see texts from her saying that she needs chicken soup as it is proven to be the best thing against Covid. He says he will roast a chicken and get it ready for soup. She responds with “I wish I didn’t have to ask. If I didn’t ask I wouldn’t get it” This really upset me. Why would he make soup when she’s requesting 2-3 different kinds of meals a day and he’s making those already? And he did make her chicken soup the day before yesterday. She said in her next message “I went a whole day without chicken soup.” It baffles me how someone could be so ungrateful and he is way too scared to call her out because he knows she will go off the rails. On top of taking care of her my dad and I also made the Christmas / Christmas Eve dinners and ran all the errands and he has been nonstop busy. I told her - “Dad has been cooking for you nonstop and you still aren’t satisfied that’s not very nice” to hopefully open her eyes to how much of a terror she has been. She accused me of attacking her, went off the rails of course and claims that what she said isn’t rude, and then insulted my dad further calling him heartless for not just caring and doing all these things automatically and constantly. I also am so shocked as I was sick before her and she made soup once and maybe brought me tea twice but other than that didn’t really do anything, several times said she would and then forgot (which is odd because she doesn’t have a job or any tasks to handle). And with the soup, I actually had no appetite and repeatedly said not to bother as I would likely throw it up (politely).
I don’t know how to explain to her that the way she is behaving is awful. I feel that no one has ever put their foot down with her so she is spoiled and has a twisted view of wrong and right. How can I wake her up to her behavior? This is a common pattern of her going 0-100 immediately and treating every situation like it’s a dire insult.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/EstablishmentFirm726 on 2023-12-28 01:50:06+00:00.
My (26F) friend Natalie (25F) is obese. Not morbidly, but she’s around 180lbs at 5’4, that’s obese in a concerning way. Usually I let people live their lives, but this is my best friend and I want the best for her health. I have asked her to join me at the gym multiple times, but she always says no to hang out with her boyfriend.
She’s complacent because her boyfriend is an attractive man, who has muscles and all that jazz, I don’t know HOW he became attracted to Nat, but I’m worried she will just think she can be fat all the time and not have to worry at all about her weight. Over the months, it’s becoming worrying because I see her eating more bread and pasta.
Here’s where I may be the asshole, we were hanging out at the park near the mall and Natalie was joking around with her boyfriend. They both started running across the park until Nat got tired and then tripped. They were both like “oops!” but I took the opportunity to say “haha this is why I told you so. Exercise more then you won’t trip and fall”
I meant to say it as a joke, but Natalie said she’s had a enough of my comments, cussed me out, and called me an asshole. Her boyfriend called me one too. I don’t understand. But anyway we went back to the mall with them both giving me the cold shoulder. How am I wrong for wanting my friend to be healthy???? AITA?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tough-Serve5507 on 2023-12-28 18:39:52+00:00.
I (28F) have a girl friend, (30F) who I will call Olivia. Olivia and I have been friends for about 3 years. When we first met, we instantly hit it off and started hanging out regularly. The more time Olivia and I started spending together, the more I began to realize that we value different things — Olivia leans towards a more materialistic and hedonistic existence with a tendency to be narcissistic and I'd say I'm more simple. I'm not saying that one is better or worse than the other, just different. Despite these differences, I still value our friendship. Over the course of these 3 years, l've tried to be a better influence over her but it seems like with no avail. Olivia is currently going through a divorce. I've tried to advise her against it (because I believe she's being a bit self-centered considering she's breaking up with him because he doesn't make a lot of money and she thinks he's being a deadbeat), but ultimately it's up to her what she does. Fast forward a couple of months. While still technically married and going through a bunch of craziness with her soon to be ex husband, Olivia meets Sean (50something YOM). They start a relationship, which I advised her against considering she was still married and had a bunch of unfinished business in her previous relationship, but again, it's ultimately her choice so I supported her decision. One thing to note about Sean, he's pretty well off, which is why I suspect Olivia was into him. Fast forward again to Olivia and Sean's break up. They didn't work out because according to Sean, Olivia was too materialistic and made their relationship feel transactional. According to Olivia, Sean wasn't stepping up to the plate and being a man because he didn't want to pay for many of her bills, things, etc. Anyway, a couple of days ago Sean called me to vent. This is where I think I made the mistake— I told him that this conversation would stay between us. I tried to console him by bringing up a few times where I felt Olivia was a bit self serving/ absorbed with me in our friendship. No matter how hurt I felt by Olivia, I don't think I should have aired my dirty laundry to Sean. I was just trying to meet him where he was at and help him move on. A few days went by and Olivia and I were hanging out and she brought up that Sean messaged her saying that one of his best friends told him Olivia was self absorbed, narcissistic, etc and warned Sean against her. I feel like Sean threw me under the bus a bit considering that we agreed that was to be a private conversation between us and I definitely think he misconstrued what I said to him. I feel like I might need to break my promise to Sean and tell Olivia about our conversation and what was said, but I worry that Olivia will get really upset and feel betrayed. I also am not sure it's worth bringing up and causing more drama between Olivia and Sean. AITA if I don't tell Olivia about my conversation with Sean?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Key-Champion-5896 on 2023-12-28 18:39:52+00:00.
I(19M) am currently dog sitting for someone. Their house is—to put it kindly—a total mess. It wreaks of dog pee and the floors are covered with a sticky pee-film. The whole house is cluttered and messy. I originally considered going over, taking the dogs outside and around to play and eat, go potty, ect. But my parents said I made the commitment so I cannot come home for the next four days.
I am not getting paid.
I decided an ultimatum:
Either A: I deep clean the house and make it livable.
Or B: I sit in filth until the home owners get back.
I went home last night, and I smelt awful according to my parents. I refuse to not wear shoes because the floor is so gross. The furniture also smells like piss, and the dogs may have fleas.
WIBTA if I deep cleaned their house?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Repulsive_Incident15 on 2023-12-28 01:15:54+00:00.
I love my boyfriend most of the time, but he really made me angry. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this is the first time I’ve sent him to buy my insulin.
Being type one diabetic has always been really tough for me. I had a hard time opening up to my family about it, they mostly pretend that it doesn’t exist and a lot of my close friends don’t even know I’m diabetic because I hide it.
It’s just that people have preconceived notions about diabetic people that I don’t want to deal with. They’ll tell me it can be reversed, that it’s my fault, etc.
It’s not, but I got tired of explaining it. It’s feels very debilitating and lonely, but I opened up to my bf about it.
I told him everything, all my medical fears, etc. He listened to it all, but I was sad to see he is uncomfortable around me and my diabetes. It seems to me that he is worried about saying the wrong thing, etc.
I mentioned I was out of insulin and I was exhausted, not in the mood to pick it up. He asked if I wanted him to go, and seemed surprised I said yes.
I told him exactly what to get but he came back with the wrong thing. He said the tech/nurse told him he was buying the wrong thing and he brought me what they said to get.
I was so mad. I said seriously, this is about my fucking health. Why wouldn’t you get what I told you to get?
He said he was sorry and he would go to the store now, but I said there was no point. It was closed. I said how hard is it to get what I told you to get? Holy shit? Are you stupid?
He said he’s not stupid, he thought maybe he heard me wrong and that the nurse would know better.
I said I told you EXACTLY what to get. How could you come back with the wrong thing? There are no excuses.
He said ok, there’s no excuses, but you don’t need to yell at me. I can get there before they close, I’ll fix it.
I said no, I’m just going to sleep, I don’t even care anymore. I can’t believe how dumb you are. I’ll go get them in the morning.
I can’t even believe he had the audacity to speak but he said you shouldn’t talk to me like that. It’s about to be over.
I said are you fucking serious? You fucked up. You were stupid. You should own it. This is called weaponized incompetence, have you heard of that?
He had the audacity to argue with me. He said you want to talk weaponized incompetence, you make me get all the groceries for you because you’re “weak.” That’s weaponized incompetence. This isn’t.
I couldn’t even speak I was so upset. I just said stop talking, I’m going to bed. He ended up bringing me the right stuff, but I completely ignored him.
AITA here? Or is this clearly weaponized incompetence? Like he could have messed with my health and he still argued with me. Like you messed with my health, stfu and let me yell at you. Dear god.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AmyS1001 on 2023-12-28 18:39:49+00:00.
My husband and I have lived at our house for over 2 years now, and next door have always had space for 1 car on their drive. About a year ago, they started parking a second car on their drive, and although it is their drive, it clearly wasn’t designed for a car to be parked on as it was just soil/mud with wood chippings on top.
Over the course of that year, it’s became a massive mud bath and looks awful. They decided to chop up some wood and throw that on it too a few weeks ago (no idea how they thought that would help!) which had made it look worse.
Now it’s so muddy and the hole is so deep, they have stopped parking on it but are now walking on our drive and walking between our cars to get to their front door. So not only have they made the outside of our house look awful, but are now walking on our drive to get to their house.
My husband and I are getting a little frustrated and want to say something to them. Nothing horrible, just if they have any intentions on doing anything with the muddy hole they’ve created outside of our houses!
Do you think AITA for being angry at this? And what do you think we should do?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Distinct_Barracuda44 on 2023-12-28 00:58:18+00:00.
My gf Lisa (27F) and I (28M) have been dating for two years and discussing about moving in soon. The main disagreement we have is about her dog, Coco.
Lisa has had Coco for six years before we met her, so needless to say they are very attached to each other. I’ve never been a pet person, I’ve just never had one growing up and I also migrated from a country where there are a lot of stray dogs that just coexist with us, they’re not as adored or treated as part of the family as much as the Americans do. However, Coco is a small dog and Lisa loves her, so I’ve also taken on a caretaker role with Coco, such as buying her food & treats, cleaning up after her, walking her, etc.
The main problem I have with Coco is having her on the bed every night when I sleep over at Lisa’s house. Every single night she will snuggle her way into sleeping in the middle, and usually kick me off the bed by slowly edging me out, getting aggressive when I try to move her. Every single time she hears a small noise in the house she will jump off the bed using my chest as a launch pad (a few times every night) which will wake me up. Half the time I’ve slept over at Lisa’s, I always end up sleeping on the couch. Having sexy time with Lisa is always an issue for us because Coco will jump on the bed every chance she gets, and when we ask her to step down she just stands there and stares, which is kinda weirds me out. When we put her outside the bedroom, she will bark/wail all night until we let her back in. Imagine trying to do it with a small dog running around on the bed every few minutes and hearing her wail loudly outside the door when we kick her out, it usually kills the mood fast. Coco also tends to get very aggressive at random times when I get physically close to Lisa, so I usually have to be very careful not to make sudden movements around Coco (one time she bit me when Lisa was tickling me so I bear hugged her and tackled her to the sofa jokingly. Another time she bit me again when Lisa dropped a large box in the kitchen and I ran in from the other room to see if she was ok) Lisa is used to everything since she’s had Coco for a long time.
I am completely okay with not moving in together mainly because of Coco and I like having a place to myself where I can sleep peacefully all night, but my lady is basically getting mad I don’t want to move in and insists on us getting a place together. I told her that she either let Coco live at her mother's (5 mins walk away from where our new house will be) or I wont move in with her. I genuinely can’t imagine having to sleep on the couch every night in my own house or having to watch my back every time I want to hug my girlfriend if we were to move in. Lisa thinks I’m being the biggest douche for saying I won’t move in with Coco, but I’m just mostly concerned about my sleep and since Lisa is always against disciplining Coco, so I don’t think it’s that absurd for me to not want to move in unless my condition is met.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/pekarica on 2023-12-28 18:38:52+00:00.
My boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) are in a year-long committed relationship. From the beginning, I was aware that he probably suffers from depression, and I was okay with dealing with it, given my work in the mental health field, mostly with children. All I ever asked for from the start was that he puts an active effort into finding help and bettering his condition, and I was under the impression he was seeking it.
Two months ago, he lost his job as he was under a year-long contract. Supposedly, he is looking for a job, although now I'm questioning that, as he hasn't gone to any interviews so far, and he applied to several positions that haven't been filled in the meantime. Since losing his job, he spends his time either at home or in a bar, and he stopped going to choir practice, his only hobby.
He has had three depressive episodes in the past two months, and we always worked through them, with him assuring me he'll seek help, or at least try to. The last episode started yesterday. He was supposed to come to my parents' house for post-Christmas dinner. Over the phone, several minutes before he was supposed to come, and after several unanswered calls throughout the day, he said he wasn't feeling well and that he won't be coming. My parents had prepared dinner, wrapped presents, and were happily expecting him until the last minute, as yesterday morning he confirmed he was coming.
I just can't deal with that anymore. I feel exhausted and emotionally drained from practically being his therapist for months. I can't do it anymore, firstly because it's unprofessional and conflicting to be therapist to someone you deeply care for, and secondly, after working with mental health issues for 8 hours at work, I just want to have someone supportive and, to be frank, joyful or at least happy around me.
I know and understand that everyone has bad days, and that when you suffer from depression, you can't just snap out of it. But you can at least try to seek help and put in an effort to appear at the event you were supposed to, not lie about job hunting, and not flat out say, "and what can I do, I'm helpless."
We met up today, and I told him that I feel exhausted, helpless, and unhappy with our relationship when he isn't at least trying to help himself. I said I would like if he at least tried to put in an effort. In the end, I gave him a choice: either our relationship, as I can't be the only one putting effort into it and always cheering him up or "saving him from the depths" - his words, or him seeking help, finding a job, and putting more effort in. Yes, I know that giving ultimatums is practically a sin when trying to help someone with mental health issues, but it just flew out of me.
He was silent most of the time, and in the end, just said he can't help himself and that I'm horrible for even saying what I said, and he left my apartment. So, am I an unsupportive, cold-hearted asshole for saying what I said?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sunnyrainnnn on 2023-12-28 18:37:19+00:00.
My bf (M25) wants me F22 to move in with him, because he lives in a different state. He initially said moving in with him it would be rent free and I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I currently live with my parents and don’t have to pay rent, but I’m saving up for grad school.
We were talking about it a couple days ago and then he randomly said that I would help pay rent for the apartment if I moved in. I have no family, friends, or anything there. If I were to move I literally have to find a new job there. I basically would be moving just for him. I also make less than he does, and have never lived with anyone before. I was very hesitant with the idea of moving in especially since I’m actually saving money living with my parents compared to moving out, but the only thing that made me okay with it was when he said I wouldn’t be paying rent. AITA for not wanting to pay rent?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ox2slickxo on 2023-12-27 23:49:50+00:00.
My (42m) girlfriend (32f) and I are getting ready to go out to dinner. I told her that she looked cute. she said “no.” I said, “ok,fine, no.” then she got mad at me for not reassuring her. I said that my initial complement was the reassurance and that it hurt my feelings that she rejected it. AITA for refusing to go back and forth trying to convince her that I thought she looked nice?
thanks in advance for your opinions.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/-AnonymousQuestions- on 2023-12-28 18:34:46+00:00.
For Context, I am 13 and only just started skiing 2 years ago. This is not can excuse, just some background info.
So, I reluctantly decided to ski a slope that may have been a little difficult for me but I had done it twice before so I thought it would be alright as I had not had any issues before.
As I was skiing down the slope, my brother was in front of me, skiing a little faster than what is my comfortable speed. My parents weren’t with us as they went to a nearby coffee shop.
Suddenly, I get distracted as I try to dodge some snowboarders. I don’t see my brother anymore and I make a wrong turn by accident, leading to an even steeper slope. At this point I was terrified as I was alone and didn’t know the route. The next thing I know, I’m zooming down the mountain at top speed, unable to control my speed or anything. I was petrified.
I get near to the bottom of the mountain, still scared and unable to control my speed. This is when everything goes wrong. The queue for the chairlift is right in front of me and I didn’t see the quiet as it was hidden from the contours of the slope. I bump into basically the entire queue, skiing on top of four people’s skis ,unintentionally breaking the speed. I tumble down a little before standing up, to profusely apologise to the queue.
Next thing I know, a forty something year old man yells at me, “Are you fcking off your bloody tts?”
I reply, “I’m so sorry, did I hurt you in any way?”
He shouts, “You (r slur) insane chnky cnt! You shouldn’t even start smiling at me!”
I don’t even smile that much and don’t have a smiling resting face so idk. I take off my goggles so he can see my expressions clearly as I realise he might not have realised he is talking to a young teenager here. And it is not nice that he called me a racist slur but I’ve been called a ch*nk so many times before so ig it’s just life.
“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t control my speed. It was a stupid mistake and a bad accident. If I hurt you in any way, please tell me and I can get some help.”
Then, another man says, “I don’t think it was. You shouldn’t be skiing down this slope if you don’t have the ability to do so. You’re old enough to man up and take some responsibility ” (btw I am a girl)
I agree with the fact that I shouldn’t have been skiing down the slope and apologise again to the whole queue one by one making sure I didn’t injure anyone or their kids. They all shake their heads and a woman swears at me before going up the chairlift.
I agree that I should have been more responsible and will try to learn from this mistake going forwards and it was a stupid careless thing that I did. AITA?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAsurflord on 2023-12-27 23:37:34+00:00.
My daughter’s godfather is a collector of Mattel dolls. He has some very very expensive dolls — Some of which are kept in a box, some are not.
He gifted my daughter a beautiful Barbie doll for Christmas. My daughter is 3 and we had a late Christmas due to spending time with my grandmother across the country (she is in the hospital) for the past two weeks.
I understand the circumstance doesn’t exactly matter, BUT it did lead to me rushing home to let my daughter open her presents which was also in a rush.
I did not know what he gifted her, he’d sent 3 wrapped presents. Alas, one of them was a beautiful Barbie, which I filmed my daughter opening, and to can hear her say “open it dad, open it,” to my husband.
I helped my husband open/unbox the doll, who promptly enjoyed a spin in my daughter’s new RC Barbie car. We took a video of this too.
After our late Xmas festivities ended, I texted the videos to my daughter’s godfather. He called me immediately and became irate. He said he purchased the collector’s edition doll for my daughter under the pretense that she keeps in the box so it accrues value. I told him I didn’t know this, but he said that I’m stupid for him reading the “limited edition” label on the box and opening it. He did not send a card or note along with the gifts explaining this.
Now my daughter’s godfather is furious with me over opening the doll. He said “this is the last time I buy her a nice doll.” He feels like the doll’s value was obvious and is reminding me often that she’s worth a fraction of her original value unboxed vs boxed.
AITA for opening the doll?
Typo in title — I meant “unpackage” not “I package”
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/whenismytime2behappy on 2023-12-28 18:32:07+00:00.
So i (f18) kinda dated a guy last year but it was really short like just for 10 days and ever since that my 3 guy friends(all 18m) have been making fun of me. I said I did not want to talk about that and they stopped for the moment but have been doing that non stop. my family does not like dating and stuff and there would be a HUGE problem if they got to know. today they crossed the line when they started saying all that stuff in front of my aunt and when she asked me what it was about , i told her that i just fought w the guy and somehow managed it. I was SO SO mad at them and then they started laughing and saying sorry. I just said f you and left. my phone has now been blowing up and I really really don't want to talk. What should I do?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sleepywife2 on 2023-12-27 20:51:01+00:00.
AITA for staying in bed until 9 when I said I'd get up at 8:30m
Long story: My husband and I have an agreement where we trade making breakfast every few months and it is currently my turn to be making breakfast. I also like to sleep in (sometimes until 1130am) when I'm on a weekend or break (like today). He wakes up everyday around 8am. I really don't like getting up early and any day I can get to sleep in, I try to.
Today we had my families Christmas to do around 1pm. We did originally have something to do in the morning but it got moved to tomorrow. So, my alarm went off at 8, I found out the thing to do got moved to tomorrow. He normally is awake before me and just play games on his phone, which is the case today too. I asked if he was cool if I sleep in until 8:30 then and he said sure. However, at 8:27 he got out of bed in a huff. I think he thought I didn't set another alarm or something even though I did have another alarm for 8:30. After he gets out of bed I'm pretty well awake but I don't want to get up and be around him because I thought he'd be grumpy and so I stayed I'm bed until 9, he thought I was sleeping the whole time.
I get up and start making breakfast among another small morning task that he ignored in his frustration. I was just trying to play it cool and then he started getting mad and letting me know how upset he was that I didn't get up exactly when I said. I should also note that I asked if he was hungry, he said not really. I asked if there was anything else he wanted to do with me, he said no and he just wanted to play games and get the day started (please note gaming is not the issue here) and take some time to relax before spending the day with my family. I didn't understand why he was so upset at me for staying in bed a bit longer if there was no real reason for me to rush out of bed. He swears he wouldn't have been mad if I got out of bed when I said and that he was upset that I said I was going to do something and didn't immediately do it. I told him I thought it was controlling to ask me to get out of bed exactly when he desired and that I thought he'd be upset either way. This led to a nearly marriage ending fight.
Also, I want to add that when it is my turn to make meals I sometimes make it an hour later than he asks when I'm doing school work which leads him to be very hungry. I have gotten to sleep in some days on my break already. Even this week I slept until noon and didn't make breakfast until then and he feels resentful, feeling like he had to wait 4 hours for food and so he doesn't feel like I'm holding up to my part of the food making deal because he wakes up every day of the week to make food for me before school at 8. Finally, sometimes when he asks me to do something I get snappy because I have issues with being told to do something (I always end up doing it though). Because of these situations, he is resentful which plays a big part in this fight.
Long story short, title.
So, AITA?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Shanpagneshower on 2023-12-28 18:30:44+00:00.
I’m a mother of two small girls 4 and 1. Generally my oldest is always up bright and early especially Christmas morning but since we had our second who is an insanely early riser, I now without choice wake up between 5-6 am everyday. Christmas morning I woke up at 6:30 am shocked to see both my girls were still sleeping! I quietly went out into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, sat down in the living room and turned the Yule log on the tv (on mute of course) and sat by the tree enjoying a few peaceful minutes alone. My mother passed this year and it’s our first Christmas without her, and needless to say a very rough year for our family. When I went to grab the baby from our room since I heard her stirring and to my utter surprise my husband was FURIOUS. He Asked what the FUCK I was doing in the living room and accused me of waking the baby up by leaving the bed… I was so confused. I wasn’t allowed to…. Wake up? Because the kids weren’t up yet? Then he whisper yelled that our daughter needed to be the first one up on Christmas and the first one to enter the living room. I was expected to sit quietly in the bedroom until she awoke or “go back to bed” I was so crushed. I had woken up with a feeling of Christmas joy, well rested since the girls had slept passed 6:30am and here is my husband basically telling me I’m ruining Christmas for the girls. My daughter always comes straight to our room on Christmas morning and never just goes straight out… but even if she did…. Would it have ruined her joy to see me out there excitedly waiting for her to wake up? I ended up going back to the room and hushing and shhhing the baby for about 30 mins praying my daughter would just wake up soon so we could leave the room and the Christmas Scrooge…. Eventually she finally awoke and came rushing to our room excited for Christmas. While my husband cussed and swore at me about turning on the Yule log my daughter thought it was so “sweet of Santa” to turn on the Yule log and Christmas music for us to wake up to. I just so badly needed that moment alone my first Christmas without my mom…. And honestly it almost ruined my Christmas and truly made me feel animosity towards my husband the rest of the day…. But AMITA here?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Ease-7242 on 2023-12-28 18:22:21+00:00.
Context: My husband is white and I am Pakistani-American, 1st gen. We've been together for ten years. In laws are very affectionate towards me but can also make belittling/microaggressive comments. They actually kind of remind me of the parents in Get Out. When my husband calls them out on tone deaf comments, they always play dumb ("oh I'm so sorry didn't mean it"!)
The incident: We were watching a movie and there was a punchline delivered by a black character to another black character, using a word that nobody else is allowed to use. For some bizarre reason, FIL decided to repeat the punchline at full volume *INCLUDING* the racial slur. Husband and I gave each other a horrified look. I was too shaken to say anything. MIL who describes herself as "progressive" did not say anything either.
The addendum: it was recently my husbands 40th and I treated him to a 9 day vacation in the Carribean. When he sent in laws photos in our group text, their immediate response was "trip looks beautiful but short!" and "we started taking two week vacations, it's been a game changer!" I found the comments so odd - why not just say "looks fun!" instead of commenting about the length?
Since then, I have been doing some reflecting and decided that I've had about enough for awhile. It's an awkward situation because husband is close with parents and likes to visit several times a year (they live a few hours driving). I usually go along because it means a lot to him, but I no longer feel like being around them at all for awhile. Even if their intent is harmless and "they're old and don't get it", the impact that it has on me is still valid and I'm entitled to space. I think that the only thing that could change this would be if my husband were to confront them, especially about the racial slur. As a person of color, he should spare me the emotional labor of having to "educate" them.
Any thoughts or insight would be appreciated.
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AndrewJonesessy on 2023-12-27 20:40:53+00:00.
Background: I'm from Germany and my girlfriend is from central Asia, for the sake of anonymity I won't write where she lives, but here they have different table traditions than where I live. If in Germany we are used to bringing our own food to parties (the hosts can buy a maximum of beer and make sandwiches), they have hosts there who cook so much for the guests that the food covers the whole table.
So, a week ago we were visiting my girlfriend's house and they were having some kind of religious celebration with treats, I didn't get too into it. I politely sat through the religious feast, although I was confused by the fact that here they only let the men sit down at the table after the women had left. But the table was set by the women anyway, so I thought it was fair enough that they ate first. What surprised me more was that the children were sitting at a separate table the whole time. So, I made it through this insanely long and boring religious feast. Half of the feast was reading religious texts, and the next half we ate. At least the food was good.
By evening, my girlfriend and I were about to leave. We're staying in her homeland for now until mid-January, so we were going to head to the apartment she has here. On the way out, one of my girlfriend's relatives handed her a bag. I didn't pay attention to it, but then they gave me the same bag. I looked inside and saw that they had packed us a lot of food from the festive table.
In broken English, I began to explain that we had purchased food in the apartment and there was no need to hand us food. But that relative didn't understand English at all and kept trying to shove the bag at me. My girlfriend began to convince me that it was part of the cultural tradition of her nationality: when a guest leaves, he must be given food from the festive table, and if we had relatives in the apartment who could not come to their feast, the food would be packed for them as well. My girlfriend said I should take this food so as not to be disrespectful. We started to argue. I didn't want to take the package because I was already full and there was food at home. I'm not from their nationality anyway. My girlfriend finally said something to her relative in her own language and took the bag of food herself. Already on the street she said that I should have just accepted this "gift". I objected that we had a whole fridge of food at home, we wouldn't eat all the food that was given to us anyway (and there was a lot of food in the bag), and my girlfriend said that if I didn't want it, she could eat it herself, but I shouldn't have refused the gift like that.
I think I might have offended her in-laws or something, but I don't know. They have weird traditions, to be honest.
Edit I see it was commented here that I used the word in-laws incorrectly, sorry. I'm from a small German town, where most people prefer German speech, besides that I had so-so schooling :) So my English is not as good as my friends and acquaintances'
Edit 2 Also, I expressed myself a bit incorrectly, and it sounded from my side as if in Germany we don't cook for guests ever at all. In fact, of course we do cook for guests, but it's not as common as in Central Asia. Like, my girlfriend said that one dish for guests here can be cooked by ten women all night long, and the portions are really huge. And some dishes are cooked only by men, only outside, because the portions are so huge that it's easier to do it in a street oven, and they cook it for TWO days
Edit3 I'm also being accused here of disrespecting my girlfriend's tradition. Maybe that's a little true, but I was already trying too hard to respect her traditions. Like when the women were sitting at the table and reciting a prayer before they started eating, my girlfriend said she wished I hadn't picked up my phone at that time and sat with everyone else who was waiting their turn to sit at the table and folded my hands in front of my face. And I sat there like a jerk, tongue in cheek, and with everyone else for half an hour complying with this request, even though I obviously didn't even understand the language
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Foreign-Pie1512 on 2023-12-28 18:22:18+00:00.
I spent a lot of time and money making sure that I got my boyfriend and his two older kids very nice and thoughtful gifts. I spent quite a bit and I know I didn’t need to but just to make sure the things I got were quality and items that I knew they actually wanted. When it came to gifts for me though, my bf gave me two things that he bought for his daughter then later said he didn’t think she would like them so gave them to me (yes it’s nice to be given gifts and I am appreciative but these are two items bought for a 15 year old and then given to me as a 40 year old) they are not things I would wear at all. My other gifts from him were a vibrator, a nightie, a Lacy PJ shorts/tank set that would not be appropriate around the kids, and a cheap pair of leggings from China. I don’t mean cheap money wise but moreso cheap as in wear them one or two times and they’re trash.
I don’t mean to sound unappreciative at all. I just feel like my bf put no thought into Christmas at all and only gave me gifts that were meant for his daughter that don’t fit my personality at all and then the rest are gifts that objectify. I’m just a little hurt that he asked me for gift ideas and I gave them but I got nothing that I asked for and things that just don’t fit my personality or make me feel like effort or thought was put into this. I spent so much time and money making sure I got things that he and his kids wanted, spent thousands on nice things. I know I sound greedy and I’m really not. I just am having a hard time with getting only things that objectify me and other gifts weren’t even meant for me. I know I should be appreciative. It’s just hard.
I should also say that I bought a lot of items for both his kids and he bought nothing for my son. One could argue that the items I got my son could come from both of us but at the same time I bought both of his kids separately items that cost a few hundred each from me that he knew I was getting them. He had suggested the items.
This was our first Christmas as bf/gf celebrating as a family with our kids too. I just feel like I put so much time, effort, thought and money into this and I feel left out a little. I mean I know I got gifts but honestly none of my gifts really fit my personality and I think that some of the “bedroom” gifts aren’t meant for Christmas like this. Not sure, maybe I’m wrong. AITA for thinking this way?
This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Money-Map-1432 on 2023-12-27 18:24:09+00:00.
I wanted to go out bar hopping on the new year eve with my brother and my buddies and book a hotel room and crash so we don't have to lose our drivers licence or get in to trouble.
My gf on the other hand saying I should spend the time with family (gf + kids), she's saying NY should be spent with family also saying it will be an memorable moment for our 3 yo son as he would enjoy watching fireworks.
Be brutally honest and explain why I would be the the AH.
PS: I'm a bad drunk and couple of weeks ago I broke my foot when I wss out with my brother and friends drinking, now I have a cast 🙈