Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/UnhappyAssumption735 on 2023-12-27 21:09:17+00:00.

My wife and I flew out to spend Christmas with her family. Her sister and her husband did the same so we decided to split the cost of renting a vehicle. My BIL and I went to rent the car together so both of us could put our names on the form as drivers. However, once we were at the counter, we disagreed on the insurance.

I wanted to buy the rental insurance because we would be driving around in a very large city with mostly parallel parking and terrible drivers. BIL argued against the extra cost and said that his insurance will cover any damages. We talked for several minutes but couldn’t agree so I decided not to add myself as a driver and he rented the vehicle in only his name. I forwarded him half of the cost of the rental before we left the counter.

At some point during the week, someone hit the vehicle and put a hole in the bumper so big that I can put my entire hand in it. Now the rental company is charging him for the damage. I’ve never dealt with this issue because I’ve always gotten the rental insurance so I don’t know what’s happening with the insurance but BIL and SIL are asking us for half of the repair cost.

I refuse to pay because I don’t think we should bare the cost of something that’s not our fault. They argue that since we shared the vehicle, we’re equally responsible. My wife wants us to pay to keep the peace. Now my wife and I are arguing about it. I think I’m right so what do you think?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Vast_Edge_9460 on 2023-12-27 21:09:12+00:00.

My wife and I have a daughter [23] called Katie, who has an almost 1 year old son named Jesse. Katie still lives at home with us, which isn’t ideal, but we’ve had to make do with the situation. My wife has basically become a second mother to Jesse and we have both been helping out Katie as much as possible, as Katie and the father are no longer together. He still does his part but since Katie still lives with us, Jesse is with us most of the time.

I would rather not have Katie still living with us but she had nowhere else to go so we couldn’t kick her out with a child. My wife doesn’t have as much of a problem with her living at home as I do, but the main thing that annoys me is that Katie spends her money on stupid things that she doesn’t need instead of saving up for her own place. We’ve given her so much and she basically just throws it back in our faces.

Jesse is starting to walk around furniture and is getting more adventurous, so Katie bought corner protectors and cabinet locks to put around the house as well as baby gates. She came to me and asked me if I could help her put them on stuff and put up the gates, but I told her that I didn’t want to start putting all of that around my house. She said we need them up to keep Jesse from hurting himself, but I reminded her that Jesse has a whole nursery that he can learn to walk in, so he doesn’t need to be walking around the kitchen or living room or any other room, and it’s her responsibility to make sure he doesn’t injure himself. We got into an argument about it and I basically told her she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house.

She got pretty upset but I think she got the message because she hasn’t talked about putting them up since. My wife asked me why I wouldn’t help her out and I told her that if we start childproofing our house, it will give Katie the impression that we’re willing to accommodate her and Jesse for as long as she wants and that she can live with us for god knows how long. I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mediocre-Tax8719 on 2023-12-27 19:58:19+00:00.

I (f late 20s) am the oldest and only girl of 5 siblings.

I babysat my brothers growing up, but I wasn't allowed to discipline them in any way. As a result, my brothers fought, hurt each other, broke things, ate food my mom was saving for dinner, etc. I was blamed for all of this and punished. My dad frequently told me to "treat them like your own sons." One of my brothers was special needs, meaning medical emergencies could happen at any time. I wasn't always sure of what to do and my parents weren't always easy to get ahold of. I was also volun-told to babysit for my mom's friends for free. They would always stay out about 3 hours late and I'd be home after midnight. Because of all of these things, I made a choice as an adult to never babysit ever again. I have severe anxiety that I've been in therapy for, coming from my teenage years due to balancing school, work, extracurriculars, and babysitting and feeling like I had no help or comfort in any of my family members. On Christmas: the topic of kids and babysitting came up when someone asked if birth order affected personality. There was some back and forth, but I said I think it does. When I was questioned about my reasoning, I just said that I had to be responsible in different ways than they had to. I was told I was being dramatic, then was pushed for more. I asked my youngest brother if he ever had to be responsible for younger siblings, and he, of course said no. I said that babysitting them put a lot of responsibility on me that I didn't consider appropriate for my age and maturity level, and that they'd never had to go through that. I also explained that I had to go without a lot of our parents' attention so they could have it (example: they missed my fencing tournaments and orchestra concerts to go watch my brothers' wrestling practices). After all of that, everyone was quiet, until my dad said, "So you don't believe in family responsibility?" I explained that I do, but that that there was a point where the amount of responsibility wasn't appropriate for one kid to handle. I also said that I don't think kids should be forced to babysit their siblings because it creates an unhealthy dynamic between them. My dad responded with, "I didn't have to feed you or keep you in the house." I asked him what he thought would happen if he didn't do those things for me as a kid? He said, "I'd have a skinny, cold kid." For more context, aside from my wedding and $300 for rent one time, I never asked for anything from my parents after I left at 18. I thought about asking what he thought was his responsibility as a father, but I realized he wasn't taking me seriously, so I dropped the topic. I was told I was being ridiculous, and that I should let things from the past go. I'm wondering if I'm TA because my parents did need a lot of help with their kids growing up, especially with my special needs brother. I do also believe in responsibility to one's family, but clearly my line is different from theirs. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Warm_Spite9142 on 2023-12-27 18:51:25+00:00.

I (22f) have a 2 y/o daughter. Her father signed over his rights back in March after trying to sue me for custody and realizing he couldn’t win with and the evidence I had of him being abusive and him not having a job or a place of his own (he lived with 3 male roommates). Through the entire process, he was supposed to set up supervised visitation every 2 weeks for a few hours a time. After the first visitation, he never set up another. After a month of no visitations, I got a call from my lawyer saying he was willingly terminating his rights. I work 40-60 hours a week, so when I’m at work she’s with my mom. I get up at 6:30 in the morning, and drop my daughter off by 7:15. I have her dressed and ready for the day before I drop her off at my mom’s, but my daughter will not eat for the first hour to two hours after she wakes up, and only likes my mom touching her hair. The other day, my sister was visiting and pulled me outside and berated me for not having my daughter fed or her hair done before I drop her off with my mom in the mornings. She said that if I can’t even do that, I shouldn’t be a parent. She proceeded to say that I shouldn’t be making my mom get up and feed her early in the morning, and that my daughter walking into my moms house with her hair down was “disgusting” and I needed to be a better parent. I buy everything my mom needs to take care of my daughter while she has her, and even fill up my mom’s gas tank if I ask her to run errands for me while I’m at work. My sister proceeded to tell me that I was a horrible mom for keeping my daughter from her father and had I been a better mom, he wouldn’t have been abusive. I got upset and told her to mind her business if she didn’t know what she was talking about and to never talk to me again until she apologized. My mom said I was in the right to tell her to not speak to me, but my sister feels that everything she said was valid and I have no reason to be upset.

So dear redditors, AITA?

ETA: -my sister is 23, with 4 kids.

• My daughter’s father chose to terminate rights after I asked for child support. Child support was due to start last December, and rights were terminated in March of this year, without a dime of child support being paid. -He agreed to the schedule for visitation, but never set it up. I was informed of the schedule and when to drop her off.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Negative_Flight_4130 on 2023-12-27 18:01:22+00:00.

This story will be shared on a throwaway account for privacy reasons.

For some context, my Wife (36F) and I (38M) have

two kids (F6, M8).

This whole thing starts back around Thanksgiving when my wife told me that the kids had wanted to go to Great Wolf Lodge, and that it could be a nice gift trip for Christmas.

Immediately, I made it very clear that I was against

that, primarily for two reasons.

1. That place is dirty as fuck. Pretty much every story I have heard from friends and family about that place involves the kids coming home sick.
2. It's also super expensive. Rooms go for at least $400. And that's not including meals, snacks, souvenirs and whatever else, all also at a premium.

As the month continues to roll by, her & I continue to plan presents for the kids. She had never said anything more to me about it, so I figured she had decided against it (the presents were ordered by her bc the Amazon Prime is on her account, but I knew what she was getting.) Anyways, on the 16th, she let me know that she had booked the trip.

I immediately asked her why she had gone against me & she said that the kids wanted it and that it would be fun. I told her that we really couldn't afford it, especially being last minute and over New Years (I already had taken the week between Christmas and New Years off), with inflation (we're both making pretty much the same as pre-pandemic when you adjust for inflation), plus helping to pay my mother's hospital bills from this fall, and she said we would figure it out.

I had also been planning to surprise her by taking her out to a nice dinner and drinks on NYE, and had even let our baby-shitter know and put in a reservation at her favorite nice restaurant, both of which I had to cancel.

I have decided that I will not be going and have told my wife as such. I have also told the kids and when they asked me why I told them that it was a work conflict, as to not worry them.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Far_Mind_6528 on 2023-12-27 17:47:33+00:00.

My(45M) next door neighbor(67F) called me last week to tell me she was having her fence replaced and asked if we (me and wife 42) would consider cutting down a large maple tree near the property line. I said sorry no, it’s a healthy tree and provides a lot of shade to our back yard. However, I did have a copy of a survey I’d had done three years prior for an unrelated reason that showed parts of her fence were on my property. I went over, gave her a copy and we walked the property together. She was adamant that her husband had taken great pains to erect the fence on their property 30 years prior. I have no doubt he did, but time and the elements appeared to have moved parts of it and that was normal. We seemed to part ways amicably with me suggesting she give a copy to the fence erectors.

It did not go well from there. Over a couple days it was clear through her messages that she did not believe the survey and said she thinks I know the fence is on her property. That was a Friday evening and she dropped the bomb that the fence was being installed Tuesday, the day after Xmas.

I got my attorney involved and followed his advice which was to give the fence erectors a copy of the survey and tell them they didn’t have permission to erect the fence on my property. They said they wouldn’t and would string a line we can all look at and agree on.

They didn’t do that. They began to dig post holes where the old fence was. My attorney said to tell them again not to erect the fence on your property and that the next step is to call the police and the building department. They continued to erect the fence so I called the cops and told them my neighbor was erecting a fence on my property and trespassing and that I have a survey to prove it. Police did nothing, same with the build dept, no surprise really. My attorney called the fence company owner and asked for the name of his attorney. Fence co guy says he doesn’t need an attorney. My attorney spelled it out for him but they’re still erecting the fence.

I didn’t want to do any of this. I think good fences make good neighbors. I waited till my neighbor was replacing the fence to ask her to make sure it’s erected on her property. I asked her to have the crew string a line along the property line because a straight line is impossible to argue with when you’re looking at it. She’s refused all of these things. I don’t understand what was so hard about $15 worth of string and stakes and I even offered to pay for that.

update The fence erection is complete. As more of the existing fence was demolished and they finally strung a line it was very clear the survey was accurate. What was likely once a straight line bowed over 30 years into my property and at the worst spot the old fence was ~18” over the property line. They made adjustments, which my attorney says indicates they acknowledged they erected a fence on my property. Out of a ~75’ length of fence there is ~20’ that is ~6” or so over the property line.

I am in New England. A permit is required for fences over 6’, this fence is 6’ so no permit was required and Build Dept had no authority to stop work.

My attorney is confident my neighbor has no legit claim to adverse possession.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Zestyclose_Range2169 on 2023-12-27 17:44:51+00:00.

So basically, my husband and I planned a trip to Los Angeles. His sister decided to make a last minute trip from Japan to visit us, which I was excited about until I found out that her chosen dates directly overlap with our trip. I asked my husband if he told her we’d be out of town, and he said that he did. Now she and my husband want her to roadtrip with us (I’m fine with this) and stay in our very tiny hotel room. The hotel is CitizenM for reference, which has fairly nice & cheap yet TINY rooms where the bed is literally wall to wall and there isn’t even a closet. My husband said he’d sleep on the floor. Apparently she can afford to fly last minute from Tokyo but can’t afford a $118/night hotel for three days. I said I’m fine with her joining last minute but she needs to get her own room. Husband is acting like I’m a heinous bitch. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ChoiceNegotiation370 on 2023-12-27 17:13:56+00:00.

If this helps to explain my situation further about how complicated my family situation is I am also the person who wrote this post

I cannot reply to comments I do not have enough karma! My answers to questions are below the original post.

OG post:

I (17F, soon to be 18 in January) have a sister (15F) who is disabled, she is autistic and has PTSD, depression and anxiety. As well as an illness she had as an infant that left her with a neurological condition. She has medium support needs, she can talk and walk but has trouble with social communication and sensory issues. I must make this clear that although she these conditions she has a normal intelligence (she has also been tested for LDs before and doesn't have any) and quite likes the attention she gets from her conditions. My sister has a very limited pallet and when it comes to restaurants she will only eat the following list; pizza, fish and chips, chicken nuggets/goujons and ice cream. Absolutely nothing else from a restaurant that she likes. Since she was born my whole family have made these accommodations for all celebrations. On the rare occasion my sister didn't like the restaurant we were going to she throws a tantrum and spends the whole dinner trying to ruin it. This is done by looking moody (literally frowning) and complaining to my mum that she doesn't like it and being incredibly rude to everybody there. Or if she tries the food and doesn't like it, she will throw up on the plate and quite frankly it is disgusting and puts me completely off my meal. My 18th is approaching in mid January and my family were asking about restaurants (both my mum and dad want to take me to separate dinners, they are divorced) and the usual suggestions were made of places my sister likes. The problem is I don't really like these restaurants, the food is meh and I'm sick of eating the same foods. I've never said anything about not liking them, since they are the only options my sister approved of. I really don't want to eat at these places for my 18th and I feel like it's unfair that I have to always adjust to her requirements. I asked my mum if there's any chance we could eat somewhere else for my birthday and she told me no that "____ will not approve of a new restaurant" haven't talked about the subject since to either my mum or dad. I'm currently feeling like I don't want to go out at all, I mean what's the point? I don't even like the restaurant and it's my birthday. WIBTA is I did choose not to?

I cant reply to comments since I don't have enough karma so below is all my responses

Am I paying? I am paying! Forgot this is important information but I am paying for it with my own money (that they gave me either for Christmas/my birthday) my mums dinner will be payed for with money that I gave her that she hasn't returned yet. If you want to be specific I am paying for "mums" dinner with my own money (that they didn't give me) and my "dads" dinner with birthday/Christmas money that they did give me.

Why am I paying? My mum owes me money and we decided that instead of her giving me it back it would just go towards my birthday dinner (so basically I'm paying). So basically I've gave her the money in advance. Since my money is in my mums possession I don't know if I'll be able to get it back and don't want it to go to waste. For my dad I thought it would be a nice gesture since he has been paying for my driving lessons.

Who is going? I my mum and dad want to take me to dinner separately but both with my sister present (one with me, my mum and my sister and another with me my dad and my sister) this is usually how our dinners happen. My stepdad may also attend my mums dinner too, but we'll see.

Can she stay home? They do not leave my sister at home ever, even though I am paying they will not go to a restaurant without her. mum and dad will definitely not be okay with me leaving her out, that's why I thought cancelling would be better. She comes everywhere, doctors, hairdressers EVERYWHERE. No chance they'll be okay with it.

Edit about LDs: The way I've wrote this doesn't explain what I meant properly, sorry about that. I mean meant my sister does not have a intellectual disability or a learning disability (I do, dyslexia & ADHD she doesn't)

Tantrum vs meltdown: The reason I used the term "tantrum" and not "meltdown" is because my sister simply ruins the dinner because she doesn't like it, not because she can't sit through it. I would like to make this very clear, I would never, not in a million years make someone sit through a situation they are uncomfortable with. As someone who is neurodivergent myself, I could never, it's horrible. The reason I used this term is because my sister usually gets her way because she autistic, she has admitted to me before that she likes when people do what she wants. It's not a meltdown it's a tantrum she does it on purpose so we have to go home. The "tantrum" look like her insulting the whole table ("I hate you" "I didn't want to come here" "why's she aloud to pick???"), typically me, my mum and my gran on occasion get these type of insults. She hates when my gran comes since she can't walk far we often have to pick restaurants she likes and not my sister. And she sits there sighing and will then be in a mood all day. Trust me when I say she is aware. As for the food thing, she knows everybody hates it and it stops the meal from continuing, since typically after I've watch her chew her and spit it out I'm not really feeling hungry. She usually smirks after doing it to me and thinks it's funny when I no longer want to eat. Hopefully this explains somethings.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CuriousBell1613 on 2023-12-27 16:49:21+00:00.

My (42M) wife (39F) had a daughter, “Sophie”, with her ex. She is now 17. I have a 11 year old daughter with my late wife. My wife and I have been together for 3 years. My wife is very kind to my daughter and they are quite close. My daughter has very little memory of her mom and has told me how nice it is to feel like she has a mom now. My wife is also happy to play that role in my daughter’s life. I’m not as close to Sophie, because she’s older and she spends two weeks a month at her dad’s place. But she’s polite to me and I think she’s a wonderful girl.

Sophie’s dad is pretty well off, my wife and I are less so. He was the main earner before my wife left him. My wife and I both work full time, but we have to be careful with our finances right now. We got my daughter a few books and Sophie a dress for Christmas. Both of them liked their presents. Sophie’s dad got Sophie a brand new car. We have only one car in the family right now, I drop my wife off on the way to work in the mornings, so it works out. But it does mean that I couldn’t take my daughter or Sophie anywhere during the holidays, as my wife still has to work. I have the week off because I’m a teacher. (She did have a few days off though.)

Now that Sophie has the car, she is planning to go to her friends’ New Years party. My daughter asked if Sophie could drop her at her friends’ house too, and Sophie said it’s too far out of the way (extra half an hour approx) and it’s her car, so my daughter can wait until she’s old enough to drive. I thought this was uncalled for, so I said Sophie was being rude and she should drop my daughter. She said it’s not her fault I can’t afford another car for us.

My wife said I should just let it go, because my daughter has a dad all the time and Sophie only has one half the time, and a car is fair compensation (not the right word, but I can’t think of a better one) for that. My daughter and Sophie are both upset now - AITA?

Edit: I suppose you are right, it’s her car, she can do what she wants. I just thought it wouldn’t hurt her to think of others this time. My daughter asked very politely and Sophie often has much nicer things than my daughter and I’ve never asked her to share or anything. And I pay for all her gas while she lives with us.

Edit again: 30 mins extra means 15 mins out of the way, 30 mins total. An hour is a lot of extra driving, I agree. I can’t reply to comments because of the poo mode, so editing here. To the person who said ask nicely - my daughter asked very nicely and Sophie literally said I don’t have to do anything for you. That’s why I said she was being rude. I’m not forcing her, I just said I think she should. To the person who asked if I broke up their family - Sophie’s dad cheated on my wife, twice. So maybe… think before you speak? I might be wrong here but there’s no reason to overreact.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/spicydicey76 on 2023-12-27 16:48:15+00:00.

I (26f) am living with my boyfriend (27m). I got back from a cousin’s wedding a few days before Christmas. Since I went for my cousin’s wedding, I do have henna on both my hands.

My boyfriend was less than happy about this. He was convinced it was “dirty” and that I should wear gloves when preparing food until it wears off. At first I was like, fine, I’ll wear gloves when kneading dough or something if that helps him feel better. But it doesn’t. He refuses to touch any food I make because henna is “dirty” and I didn’t wear gloves. Like, I cut some fruit for him yesterday and he refused to eat it because I wasn’t wearing gloves.

I was pretty done with this. I told him if it bothers him so much, I’ll just cook for myself until the stain wears off. He can make his own food. Usually we both share the cooking load, but if he’s being this way I don’t mind just doing our own thing until my hands are no longer “dirty”.

He says I’m being unreasonable and just wearing gloves when touching/preparing food is a “good compromise” on my part.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CaramelLast6113 on 2023-12-27 14:19:25+00:00.

I’m 41, my husband is 47, we have a 5yr old daughter. My husband’s mom is 72, she has some mobility issues but overall she’s fine health-wise. She lives alone, her husband passed away quite suddenly last year. We live about 2 hours away from her by car, so my husband visits her sometimes on weekends but not that often.

I’ve never had a good relationship with her, she made some insensitive comments when I miscarried and has always said that my job isn’t a real job, and I should “pull my weight” in the family. I teach music lessons online, I don’t earn as much as my husband (who works a regular corporate job) but I do make a good chunk of the family income, so it’s not just a hobby. I’m also home with my daughter, which is a lot of work too… anyways. When my FIL passed my MIL took it pretty hard, I suppose it sunk in that she’s wasn’t as independent as she was in the past. She asked if she could move in with us, but I didn’t want her to because it would honestly just be miserable to have her around all day.

My husband wasn’t really happy but he told her if she gets older and needs help, she can move in with us. For thanksgiving this year we went to my parents’ house, and she was upset about it, so she called during dinner and she was crying that she was alone. Later I said that she did that just to screw up our evening, and my husband said I was being cold and heartless. She asked if she could stay with us for Christmas and New Years, and I told my husband that she was absolutely not coming here. He got really angry and we both said some thoughtless things. He thinks I’m just holding grudges and being cruel to leave an old lady alone during the holidays, and his mother on top of that. We were both just pretending everything was fine on Christmas so our daughter would enjoy it like usual. I don’t know if I’m the problem.

Edit- We did visit her on Christmas Eve and will visit again for New Years. I just didn’t want her to stay for the whole two weeks.

Edit #2: it’s not the first holiday season since her husband passed. Last year she was with us for a few months after he passed, during the holidays as well. She insisted I cook every meal for her separately, since my daughter doesn’t like spicy food we have gotten used to more mildly spiced food, and she didn’t like that. Once she left, we went to the beach for the weekend and she called saying she was very sick. We headed home straight away and it turns out she wasn’t sick at all. I know I’m being selfish but I just don’t want to deal with it again.

Edit #3: husband isn’t an only child. His brother lives in Australia, though, which is kind of an issue… we are in the US. He says he will help pay if she needs to go to a nursing home later, though.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Meteoramelody on 2023-12-27 14:10:38+00:00.

AITA for telling my dad he's just being dramatic when my stepmom died?

Here's the story:

When I 28f was 11 My mom and dad divorced After they divorced my mom left me with our dad and never wanted to see me My dad met a girl from another country And we moved there because moving in our country would make my stepmom's son needs to learn another language

But I spoke English well so me and my dad moved to the states

After they married it was a lot of change so I started becoming more and more sad Mom not wanting me anymore, moving to another country, new school, language I'm not used to speaking, stepbrother and stepmom, dad becoming more like stepmom So I became depressed

I felt hopeless because I didn't have friends And my dad likes my stepbrother and never really payed any attention to me

He always told me I was being dramatic when I told him anything about my depression But then when I never tell him anything He worries

So now A week ago my stepmom got into a car accident And died in the hospital When my dad was acting sad around me I told him He's just being dramatic and it's no big deal

My stepbrother then told me I was being too harsh on my dad

SO AM I THE ASSHOLE??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cataclysmus78 on 2023-12-27 12:53:09+00:00.

I (40sM) live with my wife (40sF) and our youngest child (18M). Times have been tight for us the last few months. Our bills are paid, but we have essentially no discretionary income, and that means that Christmas presents were pretty much off the table. This is the first Christmas where this has been the case, and my wife and I have been pretty sad. Our son is aware of this, and being an empathetic kid, was accepting of the situation. He’s also lucky in that I have a few wealthy relatives that give him money for Christmas each year.

So, Christmas morning comes around, and our son comes in and gives us each a card. We smile and open them, and in each card is $100. It almost brought me to tears. He used his own Christmas money to give us a gift, even though we couldn’t give him anything.

Here’s where I’m torn. I got up, gave him a hug, thanked him, and then gave the money back. I told him that he will NEVER have to give us money. My personal feeling is that gifts of money go DOWN generations, or sideways, but never UP. I absolutely do not want either of my children giving me money, and would never ask. It just seems wrong to me.

He seemed a bit disappointed. I took the cards and put them up on the mantle over the fireplace, and made a big deal over how much we liked them, but I refused the money, told him to keep it and buy himself something nice with it.

Am I the Asshole for refusing this gift?

ETA: Many here have suggested that I let him treat us all to a nice dinner. I’ve just spoken to him, and that’s what we’re going to do! Thank you so much for your feedback and kind words. I especially appreciate the Y T A votes that included positive feedback and advice! I hope everyone has a happy New Year!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CeramicPlatter on 2023-12-27 12:34:23+00:00.

Not in the US

My husband Nate and I (both 50) have been married 24 years with twin sons (22). He got into an awful car accident a couple months ago and though was not seriously injured he was shaken. He now often talks about how life is fleeting and we should make sure to be prepared.

Nate has 2 siblings, an older brother and a sister Tina (33). Tina is actually Nate’s biological daughter. He had her in high school and his parents adopted her from birth. Her mom was never in the picture. The family all knows about this including Tina herself. Tina and my family were cordial but not close.

Nate’s parents passed within a year of each other almost a decade ago. They split all they had 3 ways for their 3 “kids.”

Five years ago Nate’s older brother decided to join a monastery. He left behind all of his worldly possessions to Tina and my sons though my sons mostly got things of sentimental value while Tina got things of more monetary value.

I think my in laws were all within their rights to handle their money as they saw fit. My problem is Nate.

Yesterday Nate told me he had a rough idea of how he would like his possessions taken care of. Basically he would like to split all he has 3 ways: Tina and our 2 sons. We don’t have a lot but Nate has his parents’ inheritance and he would like to give that to all his children equally.

I asked him how was this fair? Tina was adopted by his parents and already received her inheritance as their daughter. If his parents gave him and his brother half and half, I would understand why he felt the need to provide Tina with something.

As it is, Tina already took from his share of the inheritance. Moreover his brother also gave her money and valuables worth more than our sons received. Tina is also a dentist. She is in no way in need of financial help.

Nate said at the end of the day Tina is his biological daughter and it is only right that he left her something. I don’t think we need to pile more money onto a capable woman with a good job who already has so much while our sons are still young and just starting their careers. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd-Implement-3127 on 2023-12-27 09:51:59+00:00.

I (18F) moved to France for university. I live completely alone but because my mom is half French, I was lucky enough to have some very extended family members here.

I got very close with one of my cousins "Marie" (18F) as we live in the same city and share very similar hobbies. Marie's family are Catholic and since she heard that I was going to be alone for the holidays, she invited me to spend Christmas with her family in Normandy. I told her she didn't need to do that as I am Muslim and don't celebrate Christmas but she insisted. I went to Normandy with her.

Before we got there, Marie told me she had warned our racist uncle "Jean" (55M) to be nice. I am very well acquainted with him as he always makes jokes about me being Turkish by showing common household objects like tables and saying "You must not have these in Turkey". He once kept me from entering the church where one of my distant uncle's funerals was held in because "it's not for people like you". He also calls me a "civilised" Muslim because I choose not to wear the hijab. He's the worst and one of the reasons why I didn't want to go to Normandy.

When I got to my cousin's house, her parents immediately told me that they had told Jean and his wife "Helen" (50F) (who were hosting Christmas dinner) that I didn't eat pork (religious reasons) and fish (I'm allergic) so there would be nothing to worry about.

When we got to Jean's house the table only had dishes with pork and fish except for a few salads and desserts. I just had some salad.

15 minutes later, Jean brought out a meat pie and told me not to worry because it didn't have pork in it, only duck. I had some and tasted something similar to pork but just assumed it was the spices mixed with the duck. Once I cleared my plate, Jean informed me that I had just eaten pork and meat pie. I was livid but because I didn't want to make a scene, I simply told Helen (who was the one who cooked it) that dish was great.

The next day, there was a gift exchange. I gave everyone the gifts I had bought for them and even received gifts as well, which I wasn't expecting. All the gifts I got were amazing and very well thought out except for Jean's gift which was a tourist get up with the ugly I love Paris sweater, the beret and staple red scarf. I thanked him to which he replied "Since you're a tourist in this country". I'm not, I have French citizenship through my mother, but I just awkwardly laughed and moved on.

When I got home, I told my mom everything and from what Marie tells me, she exploded on Jean and Helen, calling them awful names. I received a message from them today calling me ungrateful for making "a big deal out of something small" especially when they had the kindness to invite me over. They also said I hadn't acted like anything was wrong the entire time I was in Normandy so it was "bitchy" to tell my mother about it.

So yeah, AITA for telling my mom what happened even though I never mentioned I was uncomfortable to the family?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CeramicPlatter on 2023-12-27 12:34:23+00:00.

Not in the US

My husband Nate and I (both 50) have been married 24 years with twin sons (22). He got into an awful car accident a couple months ago and though was not seriously injured he was shaken. He now often talks about how life is fleeting and we should make sure to be prepared.

Nate has 2 siblings, an older brother and a sister Tina (33). Tina is actually Nate’s biological daughter. He had her in high school and his parents adopted her from birth. Her mom was never in the picture. The family all knows about this including Tina herself. Tina and my family were cordial but not close.

Nate’s parents passed within a year of each other almost a decade ago. They split all they had 3 ways for their 3 “kids.”

Five years ago Nate’s older brother decided to join a monastery. He left behind all of his worldly possessions to Tina and my sons though my sons mostly got things of sentimental value while Tina got things of more monetary value.

I think my in laws were all within their rights to handle their money as they saw fit. My problem is Nate.

Yesterday Nate told me he had a rough idea of how he would like his possessions taken care of. Basically he would like to split all he has 3 ways: Tina and our 2 sons. We don’t have a lot but Nate has his parents’ inheritance and he would like to give that to all his children equally.

I asked him how was this fair? Tina was adopted by his parents and already received her inheritance as their daughter. If his parents gave him and his brother half and half, I would understand why he felt the need to provide Tina with something.

As it is, Tina already took from his share of the inheritance. Moreover his brother also gave her money and valuables worth more than our sons received. Tina is also a dentist. She is in no way in need of financial help.

Nate said at the end of the day Tina is his biological daughter and it is only right that he left her something. I don’t think we need to pile more money onto a capable woman with a good job who already has so much while our sons are still young and just starting their careers. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Odd-Implement-3127 on 2023-12-27 09:51:59+00:00.

I (18F) moved to France for university. I live completely alone but because my mom is half French, I was lucky enough to have some very extended family members here.

I got very close with one of my cousins "Marie" (18F) as we live in the same city and share very similar hobbies. Marie's family are Catholic and since she heard that I was going to be alone for the holidays, she invited me to spend Christmas with her family in Normandy. I told her she didn't need to do that as I am Muslim and don't celebrate Christmas but she insisted. I went to Normandy with her.

Before we got there, Marie told me she had warned our racist uncle "Jean" (55M) to be nice. I am very well acquainted with him as he always makes jokes about me being Turkish by showing common household objects like tables and saying "You must not have these in Turkey". He once kept me from entering the church where one of my distant uncle's funerals was held in because "it's not for people like you". He also calls me a "civilised" Muslim because I choose not to wear the hijab. He's the worst and one of the reasons why I didn't want to go to Normandy.

When I got to my cousin's house, her parents immediately told me that they had told Jean and his wife "Helen" (50F) (who were hosting Christmas dinner) that I didn't eat pork (religious reasons) and fish (I'm allergic) so there would be nothing to worry about.

When we got to Jean's house the table only had dishes with pork and fish except for a few salads and desserts. I just had some salad.

15 minutes later, Jean brought out a meat pie and told me not to worry because it didn't have pork in it, only duck. I had some and tasted something similar to pork but just assumed it was the spices mixed with the duck. Once I cleared my plate, Jean informed me that I had just eaten pork and meat pie. I was livid but because I didn't want to make a scene, I simply told Helen (who was the one who cooked it) that dish was great.

The next day, there was a gift exchange. I gave everyone the gifts I had bought for them and even received gifts as well, which I wasn't expecting. All the gifts I got were amazing and very well thought out except for Jean's gift which was a tourist get up with the ugly I love Paris sweater, the beret and staple red scarf. I thanked him to which he replied "Since you're a tourist in this country". I'm not, I have French citizenship through my mother, but I just awkwardly laughed and moved on.

When I got home, I told my mom everything and from what Marie tells me, she exploded on Jean and Helen, calling them awful names. I received a message from them today calling me ungrateful for making "a big deal out of something small" especially when they had the kindness to invite me over. They also said I hadn't acted like anything was wrong the entire time I was in Normandy so it was "bitchy" to tell my mother about it.

So yeah, AITA for telling my mom what happened even though I never mentioned I was uncomfortable to the family?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/horselove67456 on 2023-12-27 08:39:11+00:00.

I really don’t think i’m the asshole here but everyone around me seems to think i am, so here i am coming to reddit lol.

i 21 F, have a massive book collection. They are my babies. i have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars since high school on my books. i have three huge bookshelves and i also have like six of those cool floating bookshelves you get off amazon. So yeah my books mean a lot to me. I’m active on bookstagram and always post reviews.

Last week i let my friend, Maya, 22 F borrow one of my books. One of my favorite ones too actually, my holiday edition copy of fourth wing by rebecca yarros. I have rules for when ppl borrow my books, one of them being please use a bookmark and i’ll give you one if you don’t have one. She agreed to my rules.

fast foreword to yesterday, She hands me back my book and it was DESTROYED. The dust jacked had rips in it, (apparently her dog attacked it) the pages had water damage because apparently she read it in the bath and dropped it in, and there was a COFFEE CUP STAIN on the actual hardcover of the book. I was so mad and calmly told her she would not be allowed to borrow a book from me again because of how she returned it, and i asked her to please pay me back for the cost of the book and i asked her to leave. She texted me later saying i was dramatic and an asshole and it was just a book, and our other friends agreed with her but i’m like i know it’s just a book but it’s the POINT. Aita here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Excitement-2937 on 2023-12-27 08:13:43+00:00.

My Christmas budget for family ranged from $50-100, which is how much I spent last year. Yesterday I went to target with my dad to exchange something and ended up buying myself a MacBook and a 55inch tv. My dad made a comment how I must not have liked my gifts if I felt the need to treat myself like this. I told him I need these things for New Year’s Eve and he didn’t say anything else. When we got back to his house the rest of my family seemed annoyed with me and didn’t understand what good deals they were. Later on I was telling them how I wanted to trade in my 2024 Buick encore gx for something bigger like a ford escape which caused my mom and dad to go off on me and tell me how greedy and selfish I am. I left their house after this and later tonight when I was getting something from my wallet realized my debit card was missing. I looked in the app and there were $1500 worth of charges from Walmart. I called my mom crying and she said my brothers were just there she’ll have them go back up maybe someone turned it in like??? They clearly stole it and went on a shopping spree!! I drove to their house to confront them and my brothers were denying it. My mom and dad kept asking them if they did anything and they both said no. I told them I was going to call the police on them then my parents told me I had no proof and I most likely left it at target and someone else stole it. I have my card locked now but I know they did this. My mom and dad both said it was hurtful for me to accuse them of stealing but it’s so obvious! Especially bc the younger one has posted a video on snap chat of him singing karma by t swift. I told them I will file a complaint with the police bc this snap chat video is proof they robbed me. I’ve talked to some friends about this and they are siding with my family!! AITA??!?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/IronParticular on 2023-12-27 10:25:14+00:00.

My husband sleeps in every weekend and usually have to wake him up around 10-11 am. Sometimes repeatedly. Even once he's awake he lies in bed on his phone. On Christmas morning the kids got up around 09.30. They were tearing into things and I was helping take toys out packaging, cut off labels etc. Before I knew it everything was open..I woke him up and he was mad cos he'd missed it.

I didn't intentionally not wake him, there was just so much going on.

Previous years, I've woken him at the same time as the kids have gotten up and he continued to sleep anyway so I didn't think this year was any different. He didn't ask me to wake him the night before, maybe i should've known?? He was then in a bad mood on Christmas morning. I left to go to my parents and when we came home, he apologised and said he was just disappointed but blamed himself. I feel bad about the whole thing.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoShock8442 on 2023-12-27 07:09:44+00:00.

So every Christmas I make sure to spoil her. She didn’t grow up with a lot of money, plus I love her and try to make sure she has a good Christmas. We aren’t rich but we live pretty comfortably I’d say. She got me ONE thing that was around $30.

She spent more on her best friend, more on our friends kids than she did me. It’s really not about how much was spent, it’s just she put zero thought or care into Christmas like I do for her. It’s the thought that counts but she didn’t seem to think I was worthy of having a nice Christmas and that eats at me.

I told her how I felt tonight and I was suddenly the asshole. Am I? I just feel like I do so much and get so little in return and that I don’t matter. She claims she didn’t know what to get me but we’ve been together for 13 years and I dropped a ton of hints but she somehow still didn’t know.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DenzelTyson on 2023-12-27 07:00:41+00:00.

Basically two weeks ago, I (17m) was sitting in class. My friend was to my left, and a girl who sat behind me. Throughout the class I kept getting whiffs of someone farting. Initially I put it off because I assumed it would stop.

It then got to a point where it kept happening every 1-2 minutes. We were towards the end of the lecture. I then whispered to me friend “who the fuck keeps farting this is pissing me off, I can’t focus”, and he starts laughing. Unfortunately the girl behind me heard it, and immediately the girl behind me starts crying. The entire class is now looking towards us because they saw us laughing, followed by her crying. The teacher looks, and she leaves the class.

The teacher goes outside to ask what happened, he comes back in two minutes later and says “(name of my friend) and (me), come talk to me before lunch”.

He then calls both of us after class and asks the situation. I explain that I kept getting a bad smell so I whispered to (name of my friend). He then says that she got very embarrassed and should apologize to her the next time I see her. The next day in class, both my friend and I told her we were not making fun of her and did not mean to offend her. She didn’t end up saying anything.

This was a few days before break, and the situation got reported to the dean. The dean said he will speak to us after break. None of us know if there will be consequences or not.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Lucky-Environment5 on 2023-12-27 06:17:01+00:00.

I (21f) am fluent in a few languages and lived in many different countries growing up. As a result I have a bit of a mishmash accent and it changes depending on my mood, who I’m talking to, environment etc.

Anyway my brother’s friend often teases me about my accent when I speak English. He will mimic the way I say words or whole phrases. When I say something a bit wrong he will ask me to say it again just to rile me up. He even secretly records me sometimes when I’m unaware and joked that he listens to the audio at night to help him fall asleep…whatever that means!

Anyway yesterday he once again teased my accent. I was fed up and hold him that he was raised speaking English, he only knows English and he will only ever speak English. I told him that I have an accent because my brain stores more information and that there’s nothing in his.

Finally I said that he should master his mother tongue before he comes to me.

He was shocked and told me to chill out. My brother laughed and made fun of him.

So he hasn’t spoken to me since but texted a poorly written apology. He said he doesn’t dislike my accent at all and that he actually likes hearing me talk. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ZealousidealSweet979 on 2023-12-27 02:45:41+00:00.

Okay so, my husband and I used to rely on MIL and BIL picking up our children from school and taking them to MILs house (where BIL lives) for a few hours as we both work and have no other childcare.

A few months ago, I found medicine in my child's bag (I work night shift, I don't get their school bag ready, that's normally my husbands job)....medicine for the BIL....that is bright green and comes in 100ml bottles normally, you have to do a wee test and pick it up from the pharmacy everyday etc (Google it if you don't know).

Something in my head told me that morning to check my child's school bag and thank goodness I did because that was in there....I know what would of happened had he gone to school with that in his bag, it makes me feel sick, still after all these months.

Since then, obviously I have not let anybody pick my children up but me. I wasn't aware that this medicine was around my children while they were at my in laws house and I wasn't aware they were being taken to the pharmacy everyday with BIL to pick it up.

Since then there has been so much tension between me and my husband I feel like it's ultimately going to lead to a divorce. I get pressure constantly from him to let my MIL and BIL see the children, even though he seems to accept that it was 'bad' the medicine (it was methadone) was left in my child's bag...I took it out so nothing bad happened and I just need to 'get over it' because his brother is in a good place now....as far as I'm aware he was in a good place when I was letting him pick the children up from school or I never would of let him pick them up in the first place.

My husband and MIL make me feel like I'm being horrible and awkward not letting my children go to her house and it's destroying my marriage and my mental health.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/pawnshopblues2010 on 2023-12-27 01:30:20+00:00.

So, my family had a Christmas celebration a few days ago and my aunt kept running her mouth about the lgbt community. She kept complaining that I brought my (21F) girlfriend (22F) to the celebration, since she and I “barely know each other” and “she is not welcome.”

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and it is not uncommon to bring guests to this annual celebration. My sister brought her high school boyfriend of only a few months last year and I’ve brought friends in the past. I fully believe she complained because we are a lesbian couple. My aunt made comments about my girlfriend “looking like a boy” and that “because she looks like a boy, I was so close to having a normal relationship, I almost chose right.”

She also can’t help but bring up the typical “don’t do it around kids” “I hate when they make it their whole personality” and “I hate the whole pronouns thing”

My cousins have a tradition to bring a chocolate fountain to the event, which is very popular among the kids. And because kids are messsy, they spill a lot. Naturally, they trend to spill the chocolate on the floor. So, toward the end of the night when the adults were cleaning up, my aunt and I were isolated at the dessert area and I noticed her inching toward the spilled chocolate.

I knew she was going to step on it but I didn’t say anything. I figured she’d get some on her shoes and be annoyed and that would be it. However, she slipped and fell onto the ground and as soon as she landed she screamed at me for not helping her or stopping her from falling.

I kinda think she was being dramatic and fell on purpose but regardless, she’s acting like I’m Tonya Harding or something in the family group chat as if I organized the whole thing.

I do feel a little guilty for not saying anything, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little satisfying watching her walk out of the function with an ice bag. So, I am at the mercy of reddit now: AITA?