Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/pawnshopblues2010 on 2023-12-27 01:30:20+00:00.

So, my family had a Christmas celebration a few days ago and my aunt kept running her mouth about the lgbt community. She kept complaining that I brought my (21F) girlfriend (22F) to the celebration, since she and I “barely know each other” and “she is not welcome.”

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and it is not uncommon to bring guests to this annual celebration. My sister brought her high school boyfriend of only a few months last year and I’ve brought friends in the past. I fully believe she complained because we are a lesbian couple. My aunt made comments about my girlfriend “looking like a boy” and that “because she looks like a boy, I was so close to having a normal relationship, I almost chose right.”

She also can’t help but bring up the typical “don’t do it around kids” “I hate when they make it their whole personality” and “I hate the whole pronouns thing”

My cousins have a tradition to bring a chocolate fountain to the event, which is very popular among the kids. And because kids are messsy, they spill a lot. Naturally, they trend to spill the chocolate on the floor. So, toward the end of the night when the adults were cleaning up, my aunt and I were isolated at the dessert area and I noticed her inching toward the spilled chocolate.

I knew she was going to step on it but I didn’t say anything. I figured she’d get some on her shoes and be annoyed and that would be it. However, she slipped and fell onto the ground and as soon as she landed she screamed at me for not helping her or stopping her from falling.

I kinda think she was being dramatic and fell on purpose but regardless, she’s acting like I’m Tonya Harding or something in the family group chat as if I organized the whole thing.

I do feel a little guilty for not saying anything, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little satisfying watching her walk out of the function with an ice bag. So, I am at the mercy of reddit now: AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/justmeinmyheadx on 2023-12-27 01:29:18+00:00.

My boyfriend (33M) is estranged from his family and doesn’t have any friends. When we met it set off a few red flags but he seemed like a genuinely good guy and I chalked it up to him just being a loner.

Over the next 2 years he was great 95% of the time and in that 5% he was like a completely different person. Mean, nasty, cruel and just overall a horrible person. He would call me slurs, fat, ugly and other things to the point where I would mentally shut down. Then he would come to me and do everything he could to make me feel better.

So this past weekend was one of the 5%, I think he is angry that his family excludes him but would never say it. He badmouths them all the time, to the point where it becomes exhausting. So as he was badmouthing them, he said something like at least when his grandma dies and he gets his inheritance he will never have to deal with them again. I told him that was a horrible thing to say to which he said that he cares more about the money than any one in his family except for his parents. That’s when I told him he is fucked in the head.

He spent the next 48 hours berating me, calling me every name you can think of. Texting me nonstop while I was with my family and just being hurtful. Yesterday I texted him Merry Christmas and he responded with a “suck a dick”.

Idk why but that made me madder than at any other point so I told him he is a miserable hateful person and it’s no wonder no one likes him he has no real qualities except for his looks and money. He is a disgustingly shallow human being and will grow old and die alone and no one will give a fuck.

He replied with lol. And that was that. He’s still my boyfriend and my friend said I was an asshole and went too far. I’m not sure if I am or not.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/justmeinmyheadx on 2023-12-27 01:29:18+00:00.

My boyfriend (33M) is estranged from his family and doesn’t have any friends. When we met it set off a few red flags but he seemed like a genuinely good guy and I chalked it up to him just being a loner.

Over the next 2 years he was great 95% of the time and in that 5% he was like a completely different person. Mean, nasty, cruel and just overall a horrible person. He would call me slurs, fat, ugly and other things to the point where I would mentally shut down. Then he would come to me and do everything he could to make me feel better.

So this past weekend was one of the 5%, I think he is angry that his family excludes him but would never say it. He badmouths them all the time, to the point where it becomes exhausting. So as he was badmouthing them, he said something like at least when his grandma dies and he gets his inheritance he will never have to deal with them again. I told him that was a horrible thing to say to which he said that he cares more about the money than any one in his family except for his parents. That’s when I told him he is fucked in the head.

He spent the next 48 hours berating me, calling me every name you can think of. Texting me nonstop while I was with my family and just being hurtful. Yesterday I texted him Merry Christmas and he responded with a “suck a dick”.

Idk why but that made me madder than at any other point so I told him he is a miserable hateful person and it’s no wonder no one likes him he has no real qualities except for his looks and money. He is a disgustingly shallow human being and will grow old and die alone and no one will give a fuck.

He replied with lol. And that was that. He’s still my boyfriend and my friend said I was an asshole and went too far. I’m not sure if I am or not.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ShiveringMulberry on 2023-12-27 01:21:01+00:00.

Not in the US

My (31f) parents divorced 18 years ago because my dad had an affair resulting in my half sister (18). My dad chose not to pay child support but instead my mom got all the money in their joint account and I got the family house we lived in. The house was left to him by my late grandparents with instructions to not sell unless absolutely necessary and to keep it “in the family.” My dad moved two hours away to live with his mistress (they never got married) and ever since we were LC with him and his side of the family.

I moved across the country for university and got a job there. Six years ago my mom remarried and moved to another continent with her partner so I basically paid my mom’s cousin living in the same town to look after my house and didn’t pay much attention to it.

A couple weeks ago my half sister reached out to me. She was just 18 and pregnant. Her mom has been out of their lives for almost a decade so with my dad kicking her out for wanting to keep the baby she has nowhere to go. We met a total of two times our entire lives—once at our uncle’s funeral and once at my university graduation.

She wanted to stay at the house until she figured out what to do. I told her no. We have no relationship and I don’t trust her with my house and my stuff. She said I was free to hate her but she was still my grandparents’ grandchild and should be able to stay at the house in her time of needs. She’s currently staying with a distant relative on her mom’s side but couldn’t make it permanent as their place was already small. She said they kept telling her to abort the baby so our dad would take her back and she could continue school but she didn’t want to.

I know I don’t owe her a thing but what she said about my grandparents got me thinking. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ShiveringMulberry on 2023-12-27 01:21:01+00:00.

Not in the US

My (31f) parents divorced 18 years ago because my dad had an affair resulting in my half sister (18). My dad chose not to pay child support but instead my mom got all the money in their joint account and I got the family house we lived in. The house was left to him by my late grandparents with instructions to not sell unless absolutely necessary and to keep it “in the family.” My dad moved two hours away to live with his mistress (they never got married) and ever since we were LC with him and his side of the family.

I moved across the country for university and got a job there. Six years ago my mom remarried and moved to another continent with her partner so I basically paid my mom’s cousin living in the same town to look after my house and didn’t pay much attention to it.

A couple weeks ago my half sister reached out to me. She was just 18 and pregnant. Her mom has been out of their lives for almost a decade so with my dad kicking her out for wanting to keep the baby she has nowhere to go. We met a total of two times our entire lives—once at our uncle’s funeral and once at my university graduation.

She wanted to stay at the house until she figured out what to do. I told her no. We have no relationship and I don’t trust her with my house and my stuff. She said I was free to hate her but she was still my grandparents’ grandchild and should be able to stay at the house in her time of needs. She’s currently staying with a distant relative on her mom’s side but couldn’t make it permanent as their place was already small. She said they kept telling her to abort the baby so our dad would take her back and she could continue school but she didn’t want to.

I know I don’t owe her a thing but what she said about my grandparents got me thinking. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Zestyclose-Actuary51 on 2023-12-27 00:04:37+00:00.

I 27F am a divorce lawyer. My friend Sofia has been married to Tim for 7 months.

Sofia married Tim despite everyone’s concerns. I refused to go to her wedding out of concern, and so did some of our mutual friends. Her and Tim eloped then and I stopped talking to her. She works with my husband, so I have only seen her at his work functions and occasionally with mutual friends.

Sofia has a good job and inherited a house from a relative. Tim has 3 kids with two women that he doesn’t see. He is also in between jobs and constantly asking Sofia for money. My final straw was when I met Tim for the first time at a restaurant and when Sofia went to the bathroom he opened tinder on his phone.

Despite voicing these concerns to Sofia, standing an intervention with friends she married him within 4 months on knowing him. I begged her to at least get a prenup, but honestly just gave up after she was adamant on staying with him.

Since getting married, Sofia has tried reconnecting with me but I have stayed away and stayed civil around her as we still share friends. She has now contacted me about divorce advice and representation. I honestly don’t want to do it, but we have been friends for so long and I do feel bad for her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Zestyclose-Actuary51 on 2023-12-27 00:04:37+00:00.

I 27F am a divorce lawyer. My friend Sofia has been married to Tim for 7 months.

Sofia married Tim despite everyone’s concerns. I refused to go to her wedding out of concern, and so did some of our mutual friends. Her and Tim eloped then and I stopped talking to her. She works with my husband, so I have only seen her at his work functions and occasionally with mutual friends.

Sofia has a good job and inherited a house from a relative. Tim has 3 kids with two women that he doesn’t see. He is also in between jobs and constantly asking Sofia for money. My final straw was when I met Tim for the first time at a restaurant and when Sofia went to the bathroom he opened tinder on his phone.

Despite voicing these concerns to Sofia, standing an intervention with friends she married him within 4 months on knowing him. I begged her to at least get a prenup, but honestly just gave up after she was adamant on staying with him.

Since getting married, Sofia has tried reconnecting with me but I have stayed away and stayed civil around her as we still share friends. She has now contacted me about divorce advice and representation. I honestly don’t want to do it, but we have been friends for so long and I do feel bad for her.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RubFuture1374 on 2023-12-27 04:14:23+00:00.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FreeWindowCleaner on 2023-12-27 04:13:30+00:00.

My (29f) SIL passed away almost a year ago and my brother (35m) who traveled a lot for work often asked me to help babysit my niece Diana (8f) as we lived close to each other. I don’t mind and I split the time bringing her to my place and going over to theirs.

To set the scene, my SIL came from another country. Her culture places a lot of emphasis on respecting your elders. They also have a specific way of greetings where it requires a lot of things to be done right such as eye contact, position of your hands, the angle of your head. Diana was taught how to do it but since she rarely meets her mom’s side she didn’t get to do the greeting often.

Last week my SIL’s brother came to visit. I invited him in and Diana said hello. The uncle kind of stared at Diana and we awkwardly stared back. He then asked Diana if she was not going to “greet” him. I caught on and told Diana to do what her mom taught her and Diana nodded before doing the greeting gesture.

The uncle then commented on how children needed to do the greeting right away and not wait for an adult to prompt her. I apologized on her behalf, saying she didn’t get to meet people from SIL’s culture much. The uncle took offense, and said my brother and I were belittling her mom’s heritage and not teach her how to behave appropriately. I told him we never let Diana forget her maternal side and it was rude of him to berate a little girl over something so trivial.

The uncle left after dropping off gifts from his parents. He called me AH for disregarding Diana’s need to learn how to be respectful. I don’t know. My SIL was easy going and I don’t think she will berate Diana if she were in my shoes. Still, cultural sensitivity and whatnot. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/iM_dEpReSsEdd on 2023-12-27 04:12:53+00:00.

i genuinely do not understand why my sister always has to put me down. in feb, im going to megacon in Orlando and meeting Joseph Quinn. i told this to my step-dad, and she goes, as all teens do, "no one cares, and no one asked." like, ok. if Joe didn't play in stranger things/if i never watched stranger things, idk what id do. i don;t go around only talking about that, im just excited.she doesnt understand how joseph has helped me. i also think that shes jealous because she wanted to meet tom hiddleston, and it was 200 dollars, which shes saving up for a car.

AITA, or am i being dramatic? (sorry if i had any grammar mistakes, i got long nails on.)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AllIsFair-- on 2023-12-27 01:22:22+00:00.

I am 35m, and I have a younger brother who we all call “Max” (31m). Max is in his final year of a 4-year-degree in mathematics, and he wants to go to grad school and study cancer after he earns his bachelors. He’s getting straight As, he has research experience in computational biology, and right now, he’s just a very kind, warm person.

The problem is that starting from when he was around 14 yrs old, Max was an absolute MONSTER. And at the age of 17, he and a few other guys aged 17-21 had extorted a retiree for her money and possessions. They didn’t hurt her, and they had their own twisted sense of “honor” where they inflicted as little physical harm on people as possible. Mostly the guys just stole stuff and got high/drunk. My brother did serve time in prison for this crime. I and the rest of our family have forgiven him, and my parents love that he is trying to redeem himself. We come from a very impoverished background, so my parents are very gracious to Max and they want him to beat the odds. But despite all this, I can’t get over Max’s self-pitying claims of PTSD and mental damage from his prison sentence. I mean, you need to own it, man. You messed up. Sometimes he claims to have “flashbacks” when I do certain things around him, and lately I have just given up on being patient with him. He won’t open up to me about what exactly he’s experienced in prison, but he’s acting like he’s been through ‘Nam.

AITA for not being able to stand my brother’s self-pity?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/JustTheBay6 on 2023-12-27 04:12:46+00:00.

I (28 M Cleric) was raised by a conservative Paladin family and have worked hard to fight against the prejudices I learned from my dad. I've done a lot of character side quests and like to think I've grown as I've invested a bunch of EXP into my Cultural Awareness stat.

Recently I started dating this amazing Witch (2,900 Chaos Apostle) and things were going great for the first moon cycle, but yesterday they found this orb and have spent the last 12 hours hunched over the orb speaking in Arhameic. I know Witches/Warlocks need time to play with their orbs, but I always that this would be something they would do in private and not in the living room. AMITA for telling them to only Beckon to their orb in the bathroom?

Also as a side note, is it wrong that I got mad when I learned they weren't thinking of me while they stared into the abyss of eternity??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Objective-Waltz-5721 on 2023-12-27 01:14:50+00:00.

Some background, we live on the east coast and his family lives in TX. My family lives about 4 hours away. They drive to us for every holiday, birthday, dance recital, etc. We have lived here for roughly 7 years (before that, we lived in TX). His family takes several trips/vacations a year and only once, this past year, came to visit us. Over the 7 years we have went to visit them at minimum 1-3 times per year. My husband works out of town about 3 weeks a month so it’s a lot of solo parenting for me.

The weekend before xmas he went with his parents and siblings to OK to visit his grandparents. Myself and my children were unable to go as my daughter had holiday things going on at home she didn’t want to miss. He came home the Monday before xmas and asked if we could swing a trip to TX after xmas to see his family and so his dad and him could go to the Alamo bowl. I told him that we unfortunately couldn’t. We really couldn’t swing an unplanned trip financially right now and with wanting to travel so close to the holidays booking prices were extremely high. I also explained to him that our daughter had off of school and all sports this week and that NEVER happens, especially when he is home too, and I really wanted this to be a week for us to all spend together. Especially since he will start traveling for work again on the 2nd of January and will not be home until the last week of January.

The day before Christmas Eve I was out shopping and he texted me saying he knew I was going to be mad but his dad had booked him a flight and bought tickets for himself, my husband, my BIL and MIL to all go to the game. He would return the 30th. I got upset because we had already talked about going and I said that we just couldn’t swing it this year. His response was that he “knew nothing about this and his dad surprised him with it for a last minute Xmas gift” (which is a lie because they mailed our gifts to us and our children and he had received a Xmas gift). I asked him if everything had already been purchased as I would like him to not go. He said yes, and that he was going because it’s something he really wanted to do. We haven’t spoken much since then honestly because I feel very hurt that he doesn’t want to spend time with myself and our children before a long work trip, after he’s just seen his family last week, and would rather spend most of the week with his parents. He says that we could just book flights for myself and our kids to go but we honestly don’t have the money and I’m not maxing out a credit card for an unplanned trip.

Tonight he asked me if I will be driving him to the airport tomorrow morning for a 6 am flight. I told him that he will need to book an Uber because I’m not waking our kids up at 3:30 am to drive an hour each way to the airport so that he can go on a trip that I don’t even want him going on. He says that I’m being unreasonable. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wildbasher_GC on 2023-12-27 04:10:59+00:00.

Before Christmas some of my friends suggests to have a mini party when they heard that Freds coming back from Japan They start at 6.Time goes on &one of our friend (Bal) also message that he will come. Party finished,girls left boys continue with their chilling. On GC: Bal's partner message in GC if Bal is not coming home. Us knowing that it's a group for "alumni only" didn't bother to answer since those who are active at that moment were not in the venue. We keep on chatting with whatever happened 2nd message received:Bal's wife raging into the group as to why "we" are not allowing his partner to go home. We continue ignoring her since it's their problem as "partner".third, She's angry sending messages using Bal's account with !!!??? at the end of messages. I understand that its somthing annoying. But ranging in a "group chat" using your partners account is smthng that shows how you disrespect your partner. my friend replied "Stop ranging here and don't include us in your misunderstanding. We understand that you need him home and it's Christmas. Just stop since a lot of people can read what you're saying here". She keeps on replying saying that we don't understand and we're keeping his partner. No one is keeping him& we understand her frustration. What we don't understand why shes putting her rage on us cause her partner don't want to come home. They are actually telling Bal to go home even before his partner start ranging and "f*ghting" every1 on the group, hes the 1 whot want to.admin kick out his account. Then one of Bals cousin message my friend that "that girl" is a manipulative one, always putting blame on his partner for everything, and one of the reason why Bal's mother gets angry with him She added that even some of their cousin thinks that the girl is too much and mention some sample and Bal looks pitiful in his own home. knowing him we know that he's a good person. We don't wanna say anything because it's their business. We know ourselves that we don't have the right and we are not acquiring any. We thinks that what she did was so disrespectful to her partner & other batchmate.its really awkward knowing they're sharing each experiences in the group after the party and someone just broke into it. And everyone thinks the same. Since his account was already removed in the group we have a small talk that she should just message one of the member in the groupwho she thinks is still with her partner. What's funny but lovely is we are consoling each other to just let it slide since its Christmas. In the end we just laugh it of. So are we the a-hole for what we did and getting annoyed with this girl? Tbh I think we are an AH also but so she is. We know we are some bunch of AH sometimes but we know our limits and we respect boundaries.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/funkofanatic_ on 2023-12-27 04:05:28+00:00.

Annually, my family hosts a big Christmas dinner. I am talking about a ham dinner, entire family invited, extended family included. Picture a Christmas Vacation type Christmas Eve and that would be our dinner.

My cousin has had numerous problems when it comes to pregnancy. Her and I have never been close, but I still supported her throughout her journey of becoming a mother. In April of this year, she gave birth to a beautiful, premature baby boy. Her and her husband were trying for another child in November, but sadly she had a miscarriage.

My fiance and I became pregnant. After 7 weeks of hiding it, we decided to announce our child soon to be. Clare, my cousin noticed I hadn't been drinking. I brushed off the question but then once we began our toast, my fiance raised his glass and announced "to our future girl." There was a moment of quietness and silence before I chimed in for a proper announcement. Clare shrieked like a baby and stormed off, her husband quickly following. We decided to end the night shortly after and that night, I received multiple messages from many family members taking sides.

Some relatives are saying I should have waited, some say I said it at the okay time. So what do you think? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AdviceOk6016 on 2023-12-26 23:29:16+00:00.

My husband and I have one son, 22 years old, who asked for sports cards for Christmas. We bought several other things but forgot the cards, the one and only thing he asked for. We felt terrible about it and offered to order them right away. He got very angry with us for forgetting and said he didn’t want them now. I tried to remind him that there are other things we do for him out of love and wanting to make life easier for him and forgetting the cards didn’t mean we love him and less. Was I the asshole in this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/southernbelle961 on 2023-12-27 04:04:58+00:00.

I 22F am dating 21M. 21M has a twin brother who has been in a relationship for many years. The first time I went to meet my bf grandparents my bf twin brothers gf invited her best friend over as well to meet her bf grandparents for the first time. As I walked in my bf brothers gf looked at my bf and apologized saying she had no idea I was going to be there, then walked in my bf brothers gf best friend. There was immediate tension in the room. The friend talked the entire dinner and I was unable to get a single word out.

When we got in the car to leave I asked my bf what that was all about. He said that they had started to have a thing a few months back when he met me. Later at my house my bf brother gf texted my boyfriend informing him that her friend was single. 3 days later, the friend added my bf on everything. He removed her immediately and informed me but his brother gf blew up. Said I was immature and that if that’s how he wants his relationship to be whatever but that is “wasn’t that deep”.

Later we all went on a trip together and my bf brother gfs best friend was also there. She made the entire weekend about her, was very flirty and conversational with my boyfriend. She would say things about how good she was and almost seemed to be makings jabs at me by the way she would look at me and say this stuff. It’s gotten to the point where there’s a lot of tension and I cannot stand to be around this girl.

Is it unfair of me to not be a fan of my bf brothers gf and her best friend? I don’t feel comfortable around them anymore and don’t feel like I can even talk without being judged.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Unfair_Grapefruit_70 on 2023-12-27 03:59:36+00:00.

Backstory: I've (29m) lived with my parents for most of my adult life. I pay rent + utilities and have done for the past 10 years. Almost 2 years ago my dad passed and about a year and a month after that (April this year) my mother (Jane) started dating his best friend (Ben). Personally I think the relationship is very strange and i'm uncomfortable with it, but i've not mentioned that as in theory I'm ok with my mother moving on.

Onto the problem; Ben and his ex wife had a house and 3 kids together (14, 15, 17), Bens ex had been trying to get him to sell the house for a few years (they've been separated a few years at this point) which he finally agreed to earlier this year. In March this year Ben had asked to move in with us after the house was sold, with the plan being it was until Ben found a new place for himself. I was ok with that, but laid out the caveat that since I WFH most of the week and the only spare room is my home office, he would need to be up and out of the room before I started work each day.

That was the last I heard of Ben moving in with us until Nov 29th when he just showed up with his suitcase ready to move in the following day. Since then I've felt like a stranger in my own home, I was uncomfortable with their relationship to begin with mainly because he was my dad's best friend, but now I can't do anything in my home without having to interact with him on some level which is always uncomfortable and awkward.

Ben's kids currently live with his ex full time, but I have no idea what will happen in the event that they want to stay with their dad for a while because as I mentioned earlier, the only "spare" room is my home office and I WFH for the majority of the week so they can't stay in that room, I doubt he'd want his teenage daughters sleeping in my tiny room so that leaves the kitchen or living room with our dogs or the basement which is full of crap and frequently floods.

Before Ben and my mother got together I didn't really have a problem with him but over the last couple of weeks he's said some funny things that honestly creeped me out, such as how "he was glad they didn't have alcopops when he was younger because he used to try and get girls as drunk as possible to sleep with them and that would have been much easier with alcopops", which he said infont of my mother who seemed to have no problem with that. I can't really stand to be in the same room as him after that to be honest.

Tl;dr: My main reasons for wanting him to not live with us are the fact that there is no space for his kids to stay here, he and my mother have only been in a relationship for a couple of months and I think it's too soon to move in together and he's made a few offhand comments that make him seem like a real creep which just makes me even more uncomfortable around him than I was initially.

WIBTA if I asked him to start looking for his own place?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ilavayou on 2023-12-26 22:49:51+00:00.

AITA for getting pissed that my boyfriend asked my son ‘what is wrong with you?’ after my son used his foot to close the car?

We [me (36f), my boyfriend (33m), my son (11) and my daughter (14)] were coming home from Christmas at my mother’s house (2 hour drive, rainy weather). My boyfriend drives a nice car, worth roughly $60k. My 11 year old son was getting his belongings out and used his foot to close the door.

Yes, he was wrong to do this. We all know how much pride my bf takes in his car and how nicely it is kept. My bf said (voice raised) ‘woah woah, don’t use your foot, what is wrong with you?’

My son turned red and quickly said ‘I don’t know, I don’t know what I was thinking’.

I agree that something should have been said. And I know I can be a bit over protective. My son is on the spectrum, although very high functional/low support is needed. I do have to repeat things to him.

It just felt like a punch to the stomach to hear that. I value feelings over things, and although my son has brushed it off, I don’t want him to hear these types of things said to him.

We also have not had the nicest things and my car is old and gross and I don’t treat it with respect. I do take the blame for that. My bf says I have rose colored glasses when it comes to my kids and he views it as disrespect to use your foot. I view it as his hands being full and not thinking in the moment.

I am the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Life_Squash_5363 on 2023-12-27 03:54:55+00:00.

I am pissed at my best friend. This is a long one.

M has been my absolute best friend since 2008. Starting in 2018, we have spent every thanksgiving and xmas together. We usually spend it just she, myself, and my fiancée. She lives about an hour away in a small town with her roommate. This is why she prefers to come down to us because we live in the city.

This year has been incredibly difficult for my fiancée and I. Our friend passed the day before Thanksgiving after a long battle with cancer. Starting on the 13th of December we had to put down one of our dogs, our cat ran away, and my fiancée lost his job the day before his birthday. This all happened in the span of three days. We needed to hang out with our chosen family the most this holiday season.

My fiancée and I have a very large friend group. We all (the large friend group) planned to spend xmas together, potluck style. This is the first year that she did not come for xmas. I went above and beyond to cook 7 dishes for the potluck for her dietary restrictions. This is our last xmas together because my fiancée and I are moving across the country before the end of summer. She knows this.

I recognize that she may be avoiding seeing us because it will be emotional. She is very upset we are leaving. This is to the point that she doesn't want to discuss any details about it. However, not showing up and not telling me that she wasn’t coming was rude. I sent location and everything. She never communicated that she was not coming. This potluck was a big deal for all of our friends. No one is happy that we’re leaving but understand that we need to.

WIBTA for confronting her about this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/troptical_smoothie on 2023-12-27 03:54:25+00:00.

I (20F) am currently in a situation with my family where I’m being told I’m TA.

Some background, i’ve always loved beauty, and everyone in my family knew from a young age that I’d end up going to cosmetology school. I’m currently in school training to be an esthetician, graduating next month. I’ve always been very particular about my skincare products and taking care of my skin, I don’t like using a product just because it’s going viral on social media. It’s also worth noting I’m one of the oldest of the girls in my family (grandchildren wise) and the only one really focused on beauty stuff of the adults, all of the younger kids in the family are all under 14 currently.

The girls in the family (my sisters, cousins, etc) asked for very specific gifts this year, some of that obviously included beauty products. I won’t name specific brands, but all of the skincare they listed was ones that have gone viral on TikTok at some point.

Keeping in mind that they’re so young and don’t have the skin issues that these products are used for, the primary ingredients in these would absolutely destroy their skin barrier and cause more issues than good. I suggested to them a bunch of different brands and products that would better suit them, but they refused and were adamant on the ones they chose because “they were popular for a reason.”

When my family overheard me suggesting something different, they immediately started asking me why, because I’ve always been so encouraging of them doing self care. I told them that a lot of the stuff they were asking for was mainly for the packaging/brand name, and that the actual use for these products aren’t meant for people so young with minimal skin issues (literal children in this case)

I also said I know in particular how the girls are and how they like to apply products in bulk, and by using too much and abusing it it’ll mess up their skin even more. My aunt got defensive and said that it doesn’t matter, but yes it does, 9 year olds don’t need to be using retinol and chemical exfoliants especially when they don’t know how to even use them properly.

I was getting annoyed at this point because it seemed like I wasn’t being listened to, so I pulled up the list of what they wanted. I showed everyone every product and listed all the ingredients that they have, some of which are literal chemicals/acids that their skin cannot handle at their age, plus how some do them have ingredients that if they pair together they could basically fry their skin.

Well apparently the gifts from the list were already bought when I said that, so they took back the ones I’d mentioned and got the ones I’d suggested instead. On Christmas when they opened their presents they looked pissed at me.

Now because of how they’ve been acting for the last day some of my family is saying I’m an AH and should’ve just let them learn the hard way. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Independent-Pea8299 on 2023-12-26 22:33:07+00:00.

My partner (44m) and I (35f) have been together for 5 years. He is still close with his ex-wife and they share a teenager. She is constantly around and I have said that I wish we could have better boundaries. She will just show up whenever she wants and they talk about stuff regarding us and he still feels the need to take care of her when she is not feeling well. I get wanting to co-parent, but I do not like them talking about us or her just showing up unannounced whenever she wants. He just says that is how she is and I need to deal. My issue is not her coming over but doing it unannounced. We have 2 young children but they try to make all of the decisions for all of the kids. I’ve been asking to move closer to family for a while because it is hard to raise two young g kids with no help, not even daycare. Anyway, her mom was very sick and she had to go out of town to take care of her. She decided to get rid of her apartment (which has always been within 15 min of us) and leave her cat with us. Now she is coming back and I was told that she was going to stay with a friend when she returns and was told this since before she left. Now that she is coming back in less than a week, I finally find out she is staying with us indefinitely and has not talked to her friend. I only found this out because I pushed to get an answer, I felt like I was being lied to by weird cryptic comments he would make to her on the phone. We have 3 kids and a large dog in our rental house. Things are already crowded and stressful and I just wanted to know what was going on. Well my partner is treating me like a jerk because I am upset that we didn’t have a conversation about this. Apparently, she just decided she is staying with us and didn’t ask him either but told him. I find this hard to believe and is part of what makes me so angry about the situation. I don’t mind helping out but internally I like to have a plan. “I don’t know” and “maybe” for big life events are upsetting to me. AITA for this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Still-Search8961 on 2023-12-27 03:51:50+00:00.

Okay so, I (25F) was FaceTiming my boyfriend (23M) and it was getting a little spicy so I locked my door because I still live with my family and don’t want them walking into my room by surprise. About 2 minutes later my mom went to open my door and because it was locked she walked away mad. I went outside right away and asked her what was she going to talk to me about, and she said “nothing, I forgot” then under her breath she said “I just don’t understand why you gotta lock your door” but I ignored it and walked away. I understand that I might be the AH because I live with my family, but I literally pay a third of the rent (it’s split equally between three people including me) and I pay my own things so it should be my house too or am I just being entitled? For reference I am latina. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Vegetable_Potato9508 on 2023-12-26 21:54:02+00:00.

My (26F) brother (32M) is not talking to me because I have not invited him or my sister in law to my family birthday dinner.

I am planning a birthday dinner at my favourite restaurant. I absolutely love seafood, and so does everyone in my family, so I want to make a reservation for a popular seafood place in my town.

The issue is, my sister in law (Beth) is autistic and has some wishes when it comes to picking a restaurant. I have no trouble with that whatsoever, and I am happy to accomodate dietary wishes, but I can not tolerate weaponized illnesses. She is fine with seafood, but having dinner with her in a public place is incredibly exhausting.

I will spare you the details of our previous dinner, but here are some of Beth's wishes:

1. Beth must sit in a booth, against a wall. Chairs are a no go (I do not know the reason)
2. If Beth does not like the music, it needs to be turned off (Taylor swift is a yes, any other pop songs are a no)
3. No one is allowed to eat vegetables, because Beth does not eat them, and will lose her appetite if she sees them. (broccoli trauma?)
4. No kids in the restaurant (this will overstimulate her)
5. We are not allowed to taste any of her food, but she will eat off your plate without asking.

If any of these wishes are not followed, she will sulk/complain, and write a one star review for the restaurant. Whenever you confront her, she will make a scene and say stuff like ''It's because i'm autistic'', or ''You hate people who are neurodivergent''.

Because of this, I talked to my parents about not inviting her. They agree with me, since it's my birthday, but told me to talk to my brother about it.

I called up my brother and explained the situation. He got angry because he feels that I do not consider her family, and that I could at least pick a restaurant that will make her feel welcome. Beth overheard the situation and has texted me several angry messages, and that I will never be invited to their house again.

Am I the asshole for not inviting her?

Edit: Some questions/notes that I will add/answer here:

**Is there a restaurant that can accomodate to all 5 wishes?**There is one. It's in another town. It's an American Style buffet with booths, no music, 99% of the food is just pizza, fries, BBQ, pasta's and a tiny salad bar that you can easily miss if you're not looking for it. They do child free nights every first monday of the month. I did not want to go to this restaurant, because I simply do not enjoy the food or atmosphere. Also, my birthday is on a Friday, but I planned dinner on Thursday because it's more convenient for everyone.

**Have I given my brother and Beth another option to celebrate?**No, and that is a great point. Something like not inviting them to dinner, but celebrating with them at their house with some drinks in a ''Beth safe'' environment. When I was on the phone with my brother that is exactly what I wanted to talk about. Sadly it could not get to that point of conversation.

How many people/who are invited? List: Parents Fiancé Younger sister (20) 2 childhood best friends (who grew up with us and lived with us)

**Will there be other neurodivergent people?**Yes, I have invited my 2 best friends, and my sister (20F) who are also on the spectrum. This is the list of their wishes (combined)

1. Fries and fishfingers/nuggets on the menu (they have a kids menu with fish fingers, fries and other fried snacks that my friend likes)
2. No metal cutlery (she will bring her own plastic cutlery from home)

To me, these are incredibly reasonable and easy to manage.

**What do my parents think about the situation?**They agree with me, but would like me to make peace with my brother. My dad has sent a message to him, asking if he could call me back to talk about it.

We live in a western european country where booths are not very common, especially in nicer places.

I would pay for the entire dinner

I also apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings with the words "weaponized illnesses". I am trying to describe someone who is using their illness as an illegetimate excuse instead of an explanation

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sublime_Submarine45 on 2023-12-27 03:51:39+00:00.

This is my first Christmas with my husband and we celebrated it with both his parents and mine.

Last week my MIL told me that my FIL’s step-mom, Joy, would be joining us for Christmas.

Joy’s husband passed 5 years ago and her relationship with my husband’s family is a bit complicated and has been rocky in years past.

My MIL explained to me that she always opens their home to Joy, but Joy always seems to have an excuse not to come. This year she took them up on the offer last minute and I didn’t think much about it.

Today I was out at an event with my husband’s family and Joy tagged along. There was a moment when it was just Joy and I standing together away from the family, and out of the blue she says

“I’m so glad you joined the family. They always say I’m welcome but that’s not true. They open their home but I don’t feel welcome, so I never come. I’m glad I came this year to get to see you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I thanked her for being so sweet and immediately changed the subject.

It left me feeling uneasy because I had ironically heard both sides of a story that is not my business. I want to believe my in-laws are good, welcoming people, but I know their relationship with Joy hasn’t always been the best.

WIBTA for not saying anything to my husband or in-laws? I don’t feel that it’s my place to speak for either side and I know Joy is an adult that can make her own decisions. Though, I don’t want to withhold something that could help my in-laws encourage Joy to be closer to the family now that she’s widowed.