Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Gothprincess247 on 2023-12-26 12:06:35+00:00.

So about a year ago my grandparents got some shocking news that shook our family to the core. Long story short things got heated and my parents suggested I move out of my grandparents back home because of the toxic environment that was being produced in their home.

I had to move into a room with my brother which I didn’t mind because my parents said it would be temporary and if I kept my space clean I could move into the other room when my oldest sisters kids moved in with her( another story for another time). Now the kids have been gone for 6 months and their reasoning is that I keep my side of the room unorganized and therefore do not need my own room or space

For context I’m 23, a full time nursing student with a part time job as well. I Can admit things do get messy sometimes especially when I have tests or work overtime to get more money. But I always clean up

My brother is 20. I love him with all my heart but he’s the epitome of a spiraling middle child. He’s either quit or gotten fired from every job. Flunked out of college multiple semesters. And basically smokes and plays video games all day. He’s also mean and nasty to everyone in the house and also refuses to do any chores which are also left for me to do on top of my already busy schedule.

No matter how much I reorganize my room his side always looks like a tornado hit it with dirty weed smelling clothes everywhere. I’ve even come home to his things all over my bed. My mom has never really made him do anything or expected him to do anything. She still won’t move me out of the room. My scrubs and school uniforms even smell like weed sometimes because of my brother.

I know this seems minor but accelerated nursing programs are HIGHLY stressful and I have nowhere to do my work and I’m constantly fighting with my brother for simple things. I don’t think it’s fair that I’m working so hard and he’s doing nothing and we both get the same treatment. I decided I can’t take it anymore and while things are sometimes tense with my grandparents they said I’m welcome to come back and I would have my own space and a desk and be closer to school as well. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/St_Pen on 2023-12-26 12:05:35+00:00.

About 2 weeks ago a guy from church texted me. We had never spoken before, I didn't even know his name before he texted me. He asked me to meet. I asked why and he said he really liked me and wanted to get to know me. Something my brain decided to ignore and pretend he wasn't asking me out on a date. I decided to agree, because I have very close guy friends and didn't see the harm in it. I mean he hadn't said it was a date, explicitely. I figured we'd meet and if we hit if off nice, if not what's the harm.

He texted me two weeks before Christmas and I told him I'm flying home for the holidays and don't have the time, plus I have exams the whole January (I am in my first semester if uni, so it's very important to me that I do well.) When I agreed I sort of didn't want to put an exact date, because I wanted to focus on my exams and spending time with my family. Something I should have communicated clearer.

He kept texting me, asking me questions about myself, trying to set up the meeting. I was a bit weirded out, because we had never talked in person and he was asking personal stuff (nothing weird). He had said he had wanted to get to know me, but I figured that's why the meeting was. I started not responding often, like I'd text back once, twice a day. That didn't stop him from sending me messages.

I think a breaking point was when he asked me what my favorite flower was. The sort of a thing a guy doesn't ask a friend. I wanted to end the conversation without beeing rude, so I figured I'd play dumb and texted him: When you said you wanted to go out you meant as friends, right? I'm just not looking for anything romantic at the moment. My idea was that he'd lose interested, bc I was convinced he was talking about a date at that point. He agreed about asking to go out as friends. And continued texting me.

I was ignoring him for a lot longer at that point, bc I was uncomfortable. I felt guilty about it, i send the message: sorry for not answering i've been feeling down and it's super weird for me to text someone I don't know. He said he understood but kept texting me.

It's been over a week since I last replied, I have gotten about 5 texts. I don't know how to end this, whitout beeing even more of an a-hole. I had planned on meeting him, but the amount of texting put me off. I hate to admit it but I did loose a bit of respect for him. At the start I admired the fact he texted me, he had interest and he did something about it. Atta boy. It was all the texts afterwards that put me off and now I want to back out.

So, yeah, I sort of feel like the a-hole, bc i feel by wanting to be polite i was leading him on and now i really don't know how to back out. I am also really having a hard time trying to figure out if me beeing creeped out is due to lack of dating, beeing reserved or if the texting really was a bit weird.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tricky-Ice2042 on 2023-12-26 12:03:54+00:00.

My (F27) sister (F42) is recently divorced from her husband after 8 years of marriage! She is really struggling emotionally and I feel for her, however, I am getting married on January 13th to my boyfriend of 10 years (M28), and she keeps talking about how love is a lie and I will regret my marriage in the long run! I get she is upset, but I've gotten to the point where I'm considering banning her from my wedding! WIBTA if I banned my sister?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Strange-Tea2517 on 2023-12-26 12:01:35+00:00.

First things first, sorry for my english, it's not my native language. Like 2 weeks ago my ex-bestfriend (39F, i am younger, 29F) told me she would like to visit me, because she'll take a trip with her bf soon, and wanted to see me before. I was in work when she arrived, so she had to take a walk to my workplace, so we could talk and drink some. I am working in a bar, at that night it was full of customers, and she stepped in like "heya everyone, i am XY best friend for years, she has a very shitty personality and i am the only one who can stand her". I was in shock but i didn't said a thing. There was one customer, i think he's in mid 20's, and they instantly clicked. They spent the night with each other, nothing sexual, they just talked a lot - about me, my relationship, my personality, etc. So i was like, why are you talking about me while i'm standing right next to you? They had a lot of vodka, and their conversation is continued. Like my "bestfriend" told that random stranger all of my shit that i hide at my workplace, i don't share anything about my personal life with random customers. She broke my trust when she started talking about my relationship problems, and how much debt i have, and even my bf's health (he has some serious anxiety, phobias and depression). Later, when my "bestfriend" went to the washroom, the guy (anyway he's a regular so i see him every other day) told me that i am really a shitty person, and he will talk to my boss so i"ll be fired. He doesn't even know me, or anything about me, but my "bestfriend" successfully roasted me...it felt like i wasn't really important to her. She even roasted me at home front of my bf, his sister and their stepfather. It was a really uncomfortable situation. I went on a walk to clear my mind. She knew that we're not friends with the stepfather. I would never share her personal life's aspects to a stranger (or even our acquintances) that i met 5 mins ago, so i didn't said a thing, i tried to survive the next 2 days with my "bestfriend", and when she took her seat on the train i already blocked her everywhere and didn't talk to her since. She approached my bf to ask why am i mad, and on 24th she even texted my bf's mom, who's already hates me, so actually i am the devil at home because of MY behaviour, and didn't even got a real chance to talk about my side of the story. I am sad. I've never had real friends in my life so far, and i thought she'd be one. It feels like a very shitty breakup but i don't want to talk with her. I am so, so disappointed, and lonely, like i was in my childhood. AITA because i cut off everything with her? Am i overreacting this stuff?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThroWAWay0-77 on 2023-12-26 12:01:00+00:00.

My dad and my stepmom held a family gathering for Christmas where they allowed me to bring in my boyfriend of 2 years. They also have a 5 years old son. As usual for little kids he was excited to wait out for Santa Claus to come in that night, however he started crying and throwing a tantrum about Santa Claus being a lie. When my parents asked him what happened he pointed to my boyfriend saying that he told him about Santa Claus not being real and my boyfriend admitted right away that he did cause it's the truth. My dad then got into a pretty heated argument with my boyfriend and ended up kicking him out of our family gathering and even tho I was welcomed to still stay, I decided to follow him out.

However I did tell my boyfriend that he was at fault for getting us kicked out and he should've just let my brother believe in Santa Claus, but he just dismissed me with "He'll survive" and that I'm overreacting over spilt milk just like my dad did. I stopped arguing with him about him cause I didn't want us to fall out during Christmas, but was my boyfriend in the wrong or were my dad and afterwards me for still scolding him about it ? AITA ?AITA

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Brief-Issue1442 on 2023-12-26 11:59:05+00:00.

I (16F) live with my parents and brother (18M) and yesterday, on christmas eve, we recieved our christmas presents,My brother got a record and some shampoo. Today my grandpa is coming over for christmas brunch, my parents were picking him up and they asked my brother and me to clear up the table. All of our christmas presents were still on the table. So we go downstairs and my brother starts watching TV while I clear the table, when the whole table is empty except for my brothers presents I ask him to please clean them up and to take them upstairs. He gives me 0 reaction. I ask again louder, thinking maybe he hadn't heard me. This time i get a sarcastic "yes mom🙄🙄 i'll do it in a second" . My parents were coming home literally any minute so after a few minutes i ask again and he still won't get up. Before i continue i need to tell you some context. My brother and father don't do ANYTHING in this household, my mom does every single thing on top of her job. My father and brother think that because they work jobs they filled their duties and don't have to do anything else but my mom works too and it isn't even questioned that she makes dinner every night and does all the cleaning and gets the groceries etc. I try to help her but i literally can't keep up. My mom and i have said plenty of times that they have to contribute to the household but they just won't and i am so done with it. We have told them this in calm converstaions, they'll say that they will change but it never does.

So today when i asked my brother to clean up his presents (which is a task that would have took him about 3 seconds) and he wouldn't do it, i got pretty irritated. I told h that if he won't clean them up i'll throw them away. He didn't believe me and said that i would never do that. I took his shampoo and opened the kitchen trash can. There was no other trash in there besides some plastic (i checked before hand) and told him once more that he needs to clean his shit up. He still wouldn't get up so i threw the shampoo away. I feel like he deserved it and he obviously can just take it out again, i just wanted to make a statement. When i said my father has anger issues before, it isn't just my dad. My brother can get really mad and he ran towards me and i braced for impact but then he ran upstais and took a t shirt that was lying IN MY ROOM and came downstairs are threw it away. It isn't that big of a deal bc the trash is still just plastic and i can just put it in the washer but it is so annoying to me how he thinks he is amazing and right when in reality, he is entitled and lazy. His argument is that i didn't clean the shirt up but it is literally in my room and also he hasn't asked me if i would clean it up, he just threw it away.

I know my reaction is a bit over the top but he won't listen to anything else, just asking normally does not work. Am i the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/marzipancult on 2023-12-26 11:56:52+00:00.

My sister and I are currently on vacation. We have been super excited to spend time together on this trip.

Before the trip I told her I really enjoy walking places whilst on vacation to soak in everything (I also work a sedentary office job so when on vacation I enjoy getting fresh air and stretching my legs), but she doesn’t have to do this and is more than welcome to take a cab or public transport. She said that is ok as she is happy to walk.

Now we are on vacation, she is either refusing to walk to our destinations or complaining that it is too cold, too wet, she is hungry, tired, etc etc. I have said multiple times she does not have to walk and we can always meet up at our destination, but she will only take a cab if I go with her.

Additionally, she is spending lots of time relaxing in bed which is her prerogative, but she doesn’t want me to go sightseeing without her. So I have to either wait until she is ready to go outdoors, or simply go alone, which I’m happy to do except she gets angry when I do.

She says I am “ditching her” if we don’t do everything together since we are supposed to be vacationing together. However my idea of vacationing together does not necessarily involve being together 100% of the time.

So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Comfortable_Coat_299 on 2023-12-26 11:51:44+00:00.

My Boyfriend and I were planning to go on vacation with my family in December, his passport wasn’t done in time and I had to go alone. He didn’t end up taking those days off from work and said that we would go somewhere in January for almost 2 weeks. I was upset that he couldn’t join in December but that consoled me. Fast forward to yesterday (I’m still in a different country with my family), he tells me we can’t go on the proposed dates in January anymore, because an important work meeting has been scheduled and we’d have to move it about 2 more weeks. He only mentioned this when I said we’ll be seeing each other soon on the 5th. I got upset that he didn’t tell me earlier and let me believe that our plan is still in motion. I then said I can’t I come back to country we both live in on the 5th anyways and he said it would be a waste of money. And yes, after thinking about it calmly I realize it is a waste to fly me out and then have to fly to holiday destination and back again. We’ve been arguing about this since then and things have been tense. I’ve apologized for being upset about not being able to fly in earlier. Then today, he tells me he wants to go on this holiday alone. And I just lose it. He’s justification is he needs a break and since we’ve been arguing I will just be adding stress to his time off. Important context is, he probably won’t get days off again next year and he works 6 days a week. So AITA for being upset he wants to go alone?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/grandparacismo on 2023-12-26 11:48:15+00:00.

Obligatory throwaway

This happened last night and I’m (19M) still not sure who’s right. My grandpa is a sweet 77 y/o man, recently we went out to dinner with him and the rest of my family + my new gf (19F). I’ve been with my gf for five months but this my first time introducing her to my extended family. On the way over to the restaurant we were cut off and my grandfather made an off handed commented that “it must’ve been a Asian” woman they can never drive. He’s made these sort of casual racist comments for as long as I can remember and I guess I’ve just grown to ignore them.

Nobody made any comments but throughout the whole dinner my gf seemed really cold but I just assume she was nervous. On the drive back home I asked her what was wrong and she said are we just going to ignore the incident. I was confused as I didn’t know what she was talking about but then she said my grandfathers comments in the car. Apparently, she found the comments really offensive and was shocked that I didn’t speak up. I told her that I didn’t see what the big deal was he’s just an old man with outdated prejudices. I’m also quite non confrontational and just wanted to avoid the argument. But she disagreed and said that anybody can learn to be more tolerant. We ended up arguing and sleeping separately. Now it’s the morning and I can’t tell who’s right.

I really love my gf and agree with her on most things but I just can’t help feeling like she’s blowing this way out of proportion.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Turkish-Deligh on 2023-12-26 11:47:30+00:00.

Hello reddit! I am not a native speaker, and this is my first time posting.

I (15M) am a huge, and I mean HUGE grishaverse fan. I have all the books, even multiple copies of some of them, I've seen the Netflix show (both seasons) a total of four times now, so yeah, it is safe to say this series has quickly become something that means a lot to me. Life has been very rough for the last few months really, and the Grishaverse has quickly become a safe space for me.

I watched the show with my mother and my father separately (#childofdivorce) and once I got both of them hooked (nowhere near as how hooked I am, but they like it too.) I started talking even more about the Grishaverse.

For the problem: for a few weeks now, I have changed my mother's contact name to "Ketterdam", based on the quote from Kaz Brekker, one of the characters in the Grishaverse, "My mother is Ketterdam, she birthed me in the harbor. And my father is profit, I honor him daily.". Occasionally, I call my mother "Ketterdam" as a little inside joke, and until today, I thought it was just a sweet little inside joke.

When it came time to wrapping my mother's gift (specifying to avoid confusion: a gift I paid for.), I decided it'd be cute and funny to write "for Ketterdam".

However, my mother saw this and quickly became angry, telling me not to write that. I said it was a little late for that since I'd already written it on the gift, and my mother got angry stating my older brother (who is coming to visit for Christmas with his girlfriend) wouldn't get the reference, and it'd be weird. I quickly apologised but now I feel extremely guilty.

On one hand, maybe I should have asked before just writing it on the present, but then again, this is my mom's gift. It is an inside joke between me and her, so I can't see why it would matter if my older brother gets it or not.

I feel really guilty and really bad, I have autism and ADHD so maybe this is a social cue I am missing.

Lay it on me reddit, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/One-Rock8623 on 2023-12-26 11:40:09+00:00.

This year was the first year my (36m) girlfriend(34f), we'll call her Sophie, was going to be alone at Christmas. Neither of the two father's of her children are in the picture, one is in prison and the other has sadly passed away. So she shares the holidays with her extended in laws and this was their year.

When my step mum found out Sophie was going to be alone, she extended an invite to Sophie as well. She was worried Sophie would feel alone in her house with the 4 children making noise. Sophie gladly accepted and was excited to attend. Sophie and my step mum get on really well, they have done since I introduced Sophie to them. They have gotten closer since we announced that Sophie is pregnant. Dad isn't Sophie's biggest fan. He wasn't happy I brought a white woman home.

On Christmas Day, just as we were about to leave Sophie's my dad called and told me that Sophie was no longer invited. He told me that I should still come as my son and daughter (both teens) were about to arrive and I should come and see them. I told him that if Sophie wasn't welcomed and then neither was I. He tried arguing that I should still go for the sake of my kids and I told him no and hung up. Ever since my dad has been sending me messages saying that I ruined Christmas and I let down my kids yet again. I had messaged them (they don't answer calls) to let them know what had happened and they chose to go to my dad's because that's where their presents were. Sophie is feeling bad that it's because of her that my dad is angry. Step mum has messaged her telling Sophie it's not her fault but Sophie still feels like it's her fault. My siblings think that I should have just swallowed my pride and gone without Sophie but it didn't feel right to leave the mother of my child on her own at Christmas.

AITA for not attending Christmas after my girlfriend was excluded?

Edit: We did a video call that evening after they'd had dinner. I'm taking them both out to the football this evening which is our tradition. My daughter is a keen footballer while my son supports the team we're going to watch. I used to not be very involved in their lives until 5 years ago. I now see them regularly and am actively involved. They just don't answer calls, even from their mother. Neither of them like talking on the phone and would rather text, video calls happen occasionally.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Alternative-Kiwi264 on 2023-12-26 11:37:52+00:00.

As it is boxing day my friend Amber and a couple of others were meant to go for a pint tonight to celebrate. Amber texted me last night asking if i wanted to meet up with them to catch a movie before going to the pub which i agreed to. In my country at certain cinemas we have subscriptions for £15.00 a month to see any movie you’d like, i have this. I asked amber the time and the movie to which she told me and i went to book my ticket, as i was texting her that i had my ticket bought she told me that her friend whom i don’t know bought all of our tickets and that i owe him 14.50. Now o recognise that i probably should of told her about the subscription but i was under the impression we were buying them when going into the cinema.

Anyways i told her that i was really sorry but i already had my ticket which she said that it was okay and that she’d tell her friend, her friend is now demanding that i pay him 14.50 or i pay for something in the cinema or buy him a pint as compensation, i don’t know this guy and no one told me that he was buying them, i don’t think i should pay for a ticket that i already have or give any compensation so WIBTA for not paying ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/entoast on 2023-12-26 11:34:08+00:00.

I just want to make it clear that I have no aversion and nothing against Christmas, I just don’t celebrate it. So for context, I do not celebrate Christmas and never have, the most I really do is get my very close friends and bf a gift because, well they’re my close friends and if they celebrate I will usually get them something just to be nice yk.

I have met my bfs parents a few times and they seem like very nice people however I am not close with them at all. I have never spent a Christmas with them though. His family lives a couple hours away but they sometimes come down to see him, which is when I have met them.

This year his family (parents, cousins, uncles, aunts etc.) invited me to spend a few days over Christmas with them. This was my first time staying with them. I accepted their invite but also mentioned that although I don’t celebrate I would be more than happy to participate and share the holiday with them. I told them that since I didn’t celebrate I would not be buying presents(except for my bf and his parents as they were hosting) I also mentioned that I had no expectations to revive anything from them. I had told them this well in advance, right after they invited me

I stayed with them for a few days leading up to Christmas and everything was fine until on Christmas Eve my bfs mum asked me why I hadn’t put my presents for everyone under the tree yet and I explained to her and showed her the message I had sent. I also told her that i had only got my bf something and a gift which was a gift card for her and her husband, but I didn’t get his siblings etc. anything because I barely know them. She then went off about how even though I don’t celebrate I should still participate by getting everyone presents anyway regardless or what I celebrate, because it was respectful and rude to the people that had apparently spent their money and got me something (even though I specifically said not to) etc etc. My bf then get really upset at her for that. After that she told me I was welcome stay the night but I needed to be gone by 8am on Christmas morning. I packed my things and I left right after that whole fight.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/New_Marionberry_9598 on 2023-12-26 11:34:00+00:00.

So for background, my (27F) husband (28M) is a minimalist who hates clutter and things. He also grew up in a very minimalist family, so he usually doesn’t love Christmas because he doesn’t want much stuff. He also gets stressed out when we get new things because he’s afraid of creating fluff. I have a hard time Christmas shopping for him, because he’s so picky.

So this year, I decided to do something more personalized. He gets a bunch of nicely stitched patches for special projects at work, and he’s really proud of them but has no way to display them. So I secretly mailed them to my mom and we put them into these beautiful frames. It took weeks to put together and make nice. I was so excited because it was so specific to him. And he hated it. He said he “didn’t ask for that” and was stressed out because there was no where to put them right now and it was just adding to the clutter. I was really disappointed because my mom and I worked really hard on it and we were both so excited for him to open them.

AITA for adding to the clutter and letting this be more about me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Simple-Mood-4390 on 2023-12-26 11:29:25+00:00.

I grew up in a very toxic family. I grew up on my moms side. My grandpa passed away 3 years ago. Everyone worships the ground my uncle walks on,the man is a bully and a monster. He once called me "useless" and I confronted him in front of the whole family. The whole family bashed me for confronting him 😒 and bypassed the whole fact that he called me useless. My own mother didn't even defend or anything. It's December now and we are all at my grandmother's house. My grandmother comes and says your uncle is not happy with you guys. You wake up late and you are expected to clean and help cook. They label us as rebellious because we stand up for what we believe in. They complain that I can't do anything with my nails and I should take them off,which is not gonna happen

My mom plans on leaving me here and thinks I don't know. When she leaves I will force her to take me with. She claims she doesn't have money to pay for my college fees,but has money to help install a borehole close to 80k (rands). This family know no boundaries and respect. She tells them lies about me and doesn't mention her part in the gossip she spreads. My uncle was banging the door and our window scolding us for locking the door,which was not us. It was my grandmother. She woke up and apologized,which was some bs. The man sleeps in his house outside and the was no reason for my grandmother to apologize because this was her house.

I don't see myself spending my gap year here. I'm gonna force my mom to take me with and find a job to pay for my fees and never come back to this dump. They can kiss his ass,not me

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Available_Pomelo_723 on 2023-12-26 11:27:29+00:00.

Basically, for the last three years, my brother and his partner have spent Christmas with his inlaws who live abroad. They go for about a week over the Christmas period. I'm quite happy to celebrate Christmas with them either before or after they go but my brother expects us just to put our Christmas day on hold just because he isn't there (or celebrate it about ten days early). We aren't allowed to open stockings or presents, and I don't just mean the ones from them to us but any presents at all. One year he also made us cook something different on the 'real' Christmas day so that he could be around for our usual Christmas dinner (we nearly always have a Christmas leg of lamb).

This year, my brother wanted us to do Christmas on the fifteenth of December. I was totally against this - it felt wrong and it would be a really rushed evening affair as I would be coming straight from work. Added to that, me and my partner still had a whole week in work left and neither of us felt Christmassy. I pretended we had other commitments and he said we could do it in the New Year instead.

I finally have a flat of my own and my partner and I decided to host Christmas day for my parents and her parents. My parents arrived first - not only did they bring no presents for us but they also refused to open the gifts that we got them. They told me that this wasn't 'family Christmas'. I just feel that we put in an awful lot of effort and spent a lot of money buying all of the food but they didn't seem to appreciate it. I felt a bit awkward as my partner's parents arrived loaded with gifts for everyone.

In the end, I got a bit annoyed and told my parents that seeing as we had put in so much effort I would appreciate it if they could open their presents. They agreed eventually but they still were adamant that it wasn't 'proper Christmas'.

I feel as if my brother's FOMO means that none of us can celebrate Christmas without him.

Am I being overly sensitive here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/More-Ad-8494 on 2023-12-26 11:18:25+00:00.

Hi, the title is a bit misleading, first a bit of history. Me and my partner have been together for 7 years, we are both 26 with a daughter. After having a rough start ( early kid, young parents and Corona+ inflation with Putin) we are finally coming around financially, we both got good stable jobs and finally kickstarted our careers.

The last time she went back to her country to visit was with her ex-boyfriend, I think 7-9 years ago, so naturally she is excited af ( I am also super excited for her). We are planning to rent an Airbnb there, the prices are alright, around 20 euros per night but she would like to have her Dad and girlfriend live with us ( I think they offered initially)

Her dad said her girlfriend will cook and clean for us, even though it is not needed as we planned to eat out every day and try the local cuisine. Our intimacy is also not like before so I was trying to reconnect with her a bit ( as much as we can with our daughter) but she says her dad should not be a problem. Now i am a bit torn about what to think about this, we talked about this for a few times about the logistics of things, will we pay for everything for them, will they accompany us everywhere we go ( so have to pay again) and so on. Financially we could do it, but with 3k for the plane tickets and another 2-4k there depending if we also have to pay for them it would mean a huge expense for us. I don't want to deny her spending time with her father, but I also don't feel super ok with this situation.

We talked about this and will still talk, but i was looking into the opinions of others on this matter.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SpaceBug1038 on 2023-12-26 11:14:46+00:00.

Alright, buckle up for the lowdown on what just went down a few hours ago during our Boxing Day shindig. Now, I'm left wondering: Am I the dickhead for stirring the pot within my own family?

So, quick rundown: Dad's side of the fam lives way up north, and we don't bump into them much, maybe once every couple of years. There was this one awkward incident during our first visit this year where my dad purposely sat down squashing my scrawny cousin Mike. But let's shift gears to the main event—the second visit.

Now, my mum's side is a whole other story. We're talking a bunch of cousins—13 of them—running wild at every family get-together. I'm 19, not the oldest but close, and I kinda play the older cousin card with the younger ones.

Our family gatherings are no tea party. We've got a mix of 10 boys and 3 girls, and things can get rowdy. I've been thrown downstairs, pulled off some WWE moves on my cousins (they loved it, weirdly), and, being the older one, I've earned my stripes as the cousin with a bit of authority.

Cut to Boxing Day. Little Mike's chilling with me while his folks do some shopping. He's deep into Roblox, and I'm all about staying active. So, I drop my drill sergeant act on him, telling him to ditch the computer and do something physical. He nods, and we do a pretty intense workout. but surprise, surprise, he's back on the computer after a while.

Fast forward to after dinner, and we're all gathered around the fireplace, a bit buzzed from the festivities. Someone asks where Mike is, and his sister spills the beans—he's on my computer. No biggie, I figure. I stroll in, spin him around, and, in my best drill instructor voice, give him 10 seconds to shut down.

I get a bit hands-on, grabbing his shirt and pushing him back in his chair, all in good fun. I even pull the whole "pretending to throw him in the fire" routine. Then, I challenge him to do some pull-ups on the bar I have in the room.

But here's where it hits the fan. His mum notices something on his neck, and boom, chaos ensues. Mike starts bawling, his mum accuses me of bullying, and my dad, usually the chill dude, goes to bat for me. But she brings up the accidental squashing incident from before, and how it's always Mike that ends in tears. and my dad's had enough. He kicks the whole family out.

Post-incident, I'm out on a run to clear my head, and it hits me—I've been running for nearly an hour. I get back, dad's not mad but drops some wisdom about not being dick head

So, laying it all out there, was I the party pooper, the bully, or just a misunderstood cousin trying to inject some discipline? Your call, folks. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/xmasg123 on 2023-12-26 11:11:15+00:00.

My (14F) sister (20F) came over for Christmas. My sister has bipolar disorder so she used to have like crazy mood swings before, but now she seems like she is more calm and is way nicer (at least text wise and when I see her).

My dad also happened to invite my grandma over. We were all having a good day when he got a call from my uncle, and then told him to do something. When my sister asked what was happening (because my dad mentioned the university she goes to) he said that it’s none of her business so I told her that he told our uncle about the high tuition for her med school and how he wanted him to go ask the dean to lower it. It’s something unbelievable but he legit believed it could work.

Well my sister freaked out. She started yelling at my dad telling him how she already had this conversation before and how this is not even possible, and how even if it was she changed her mind on doing medicine. She freaked out like crazy saying she didn’t want to be known as some beggar (cause this is really really abnormal in my country tbh). And then she left.

My parents asked me why I had to tell her and dad told me ‘are you happy you ruined christmas’ and my grandma called my sister disrespectful and rude. I also got a call from my sister saying she is never going to talk to my dad again but if my mom and I wanted to see her we can do so anytime.

I tried to tell her that dad is just being nice but she reminded me how many times she had this conversation with him and how freaky it would be for him to do that. Her university is private and kind of new ig so I can understand her in a way. But my dad is giving me the silent treatment so AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Amethyst_Umbrella on 2023-12-26 10:34:19+00:00.

My husband (36) and I (38F) hosted Christmas this year. My 20 living close family members (brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews) have stayed with us from the 18th and will continue to until tomorrow. A further eight people joined us yesterday for Christmas dinner and a Christmas party.

My older brother (40M) and his husband (53M) usually help me with the Christmas dinner and they did this year as well but there were a few more guests than usual and we needed more hands on deck so I asked my younger sister (30F) to help. She agreed, if reluctantly, once she saw how much needed to be done and got to work.

She muttered when she started that I had better pay her back for this, to which I laughed because I thought it was a joke. There is a very high chance that I misinterpreted this because I do have autism and recognising sarcasm is not one of my strong points. But she didn’t object so I took my interpretation as the correct one.I was and am incredibly grateful for her help and thanked her for it many times. Once the cooking was done and the food was served in our dining room, I made sure to mention the contribution that everyone had put in to the meal, by name, as I do every year.

My sister then, this morning just before she was about to leave (everything packed up in her car, saying goodbyes to everyone), asked me how much I was going to pay her. I asked her what she meant and she said that she had agreed to do it with the idea that she would be paid for it and she wasn’t my slave. I said I wasn’t going to pay her because it was a favour. Also, I’ve done a lot for her during her time here so if anything, it was her paying me back. She just glared at me and asked again for her money and I said I don’t have anything for her.

She didn’t ask again and left after telling me I was being pissy with her for no reason. We’re normally on very good terms so this was surprising - I don’t remember us ever arguing before now so I think I either did something very wrong or she was in a bad mood because she was hung over and I only did something slightly wrong. So Reddit, AITA?

Edit: People do help out in other ways, which is why I went to my sister because she was the only one who wasn’t busy.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/tonytonychopper5 on 2023-12-26 11:06:10+00:00.

Hey Reddit, need your perspective on a Christmas dare that turned chaotic. Me (15M) and my friends had a low-key plan to spend our Christmas eve chilling in the Western Beef parking lot, sipping Four Locos and energy drinks with a wicked view of the city. The dare was for me to discreetly take the drinks out the store in my backpack while a few of my friends were still “shopping” as a distraction. As I darted passed the check-out counters I thought we were going to make it, but our plan went awry when, as I quickly tried to get through the exit door, someone yelled "hey," halting us in our tracks.

It was the grumpy security guard who had been eyeing us since we entered. Things escalated fast, with him aggressively confronting us. He got up in my face and made me and my friends empty our pockets, then instructed us to walk over to one of the counters. He forcefully grabbed my backpack and emptied it with all the drinks spilling out. In the midst of it all, he tried to break my headphones which were also in my backpack. I tried to politely take them from him since they belong to me, but that’s when the situation took a turn for the worse.

He pushed me off, and when I tried to use a term of endearment I often use casually with my friends, he lost control. The security guard went so far as to threaten us, stating he would beat me up and even made a chilling comment about killing me if I used that word again. The whole scene drew attention from everyone in the store, with cashiers stopping their work to watch. Eventually, he took a photo of us and kicked us out.

Now, I'm left questioning whether I'm the Asshole for accepting the dare? I wouldn’t steal usually but I’m wondering if the security guard's extreme reaction, including attempting to break my headphones, crossed a line. Your insights would be much appreciated.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AndrewRyan1989 on 2023-12-26 09:54:02+00:00.

My mum is terrible at buying gifts. Clear example. When I was 14 or so I really struggled with my weight and was very insecure about it. One at Christmas, we were hosting and had a number of family and friends around. Time to open presents and I had this cylinder shaped thing I struggled to guess what it was. Excitedly opened in front of everyone and it was strawberry flavoured Slim Fast powder.... As you may have guessed, everyone started laughing at me.

Forward 20 years and her gifts are less embarrassing but still very poor. Clothes that obviously don't fit, poor quality products Amazon or educational gifts for our children that are clearly inappropriate (what's a 2 year old going to do with a dictionary?).

This Christmas, she was quite upset that I told her not to get the children any gifts. I told her it was because we've mostly stopped buying the children toys (which is true) as they use them for a few weeks and it ends up in the bin or charity shop. If she wants to get the kids something, best an financial contribution or a gift we select. However, those gifts we select that we haven't purchased already ends up being the latest Nintendo game or similar which she refuses to buy (video games waste the brain in her opinion).

So, she ends up getting all of us a gift anyway. Me and my wife get a silver scroll holder to put the children's birth certificate in. Nice gesture, but the kids are 6 and 4 (very random gift at that age) and the birth certificates has little to no sentimental value to us. Literally in a folder stuffed away with other documents that may come in handy some time in the future.

I get the giant Will Smith biography book, despite me not being much of a book reader nor have a particular liking for Will Smith. My wife got this a grotesque and unfinished African statue (she's African). We have a tiny house and have no where to really put it. I did put it in the garden but then was immediately told it was very disrespectful and also not meant for the outside.

I've since told my mum explicitly not to buy us gifts and let her know the main reason why is because she's terrible and choosing them.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BlissfullIgnorant on 2023-12-26 10:56:10+00:00.

I work in a factory with one other person in my department (we'll call him "Sean"). We work very well together and are usually very good about splitting up our overtime and weekend work. With the holidays here, management put up a list about taking volunteers to work Wednesday and Thursday. In my department, we're not required to sign up because if production is running, one of us would have to be there regardless, so we just wait to see what's going to be running. Over the last couple of months, Sean and I would talk about the holidays and we have different opinions on what work should do. I've always been vocal about how we should just have the week off so people can relax for once and how starting up for 2 days would just be a waste because we'd only get maybe 24 hours of decent production. Sean disagrees. He thinks that we shouldn't have any time off for the holidays, and if we want those days off, they should all be vacation days. His reason is that not everyone has family that spends the holidays together, so why not just be at work instead of home doing nothing. When the sign up sheet went up for volunteers, people would ask which one of us was going to sign up to work, Sean said multiple times that he would sign up in a heartbeat and volunteer to be at work, and when the list went up of what was running, he didn't change his mind at all and kept saying that he would volunteer to work our department for those two days, so I thought it was all figured out. Then comes the day before the holiday break. Someone asked which one of us would be working and Sean would get quiet and look at me like he was waiting for me to say something, when I didn't he would sigh and say "well I GUESS I'll be working." Like it was suddenly a problem. And later on he says to me "I don't mind working both days if you don't want them." To which I replied, "I don't want them, so if you're fine with working those days, it's all you." He seemed really mad at my response and kept asking if I was sure I didn't want to work a day and didn't want the hours. I kept my response the same, I don't want/need the hours and he's been saying for weeks how he would work those days. Again he had an attitude about it, sighed, and said "well, I guess I can push back visiting my friend to later in the day, but that's fine. I guess I'll just work." Then goes to tell anyone that will listen that I'm lazy and am making him work those days.

So, AITA for not agreeing to work?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/stickshiftcrisis on 2023-12-26 09:37:50+00:00.

In October my mom [44F] totaled her car while driving under the influence of prescription drugs. This was her third accident and second car totaled within a year, with 2/3 involving her driving while inebriated. This has been an ongoing issue for three years and has had a huge impact on my family. Since October, I [18F] have gone on mental health withdrawal from university, gotten a part-time job, and have been saving my paychecks to go towards a down payment on my first car. My mom came home last month after staying out of state with family for two months. Even when she was there, her family wouldn't let her drive their vehicles. She's been trying to get sober since October.

While I was saving up, my dad [55M] warned me that mom was going to ask if she could drive my (currently hypothetical) car. He said it was up to me whether or not I'd let her, but advised against it. A few days after, she asked me out of nowhere. I caved and said yes, because I felt bad for her. She said she was afraid of forgetting how to drive. She also told me she'd only use it for errands and doctor's appointments, but I said I had to be in the vehicle while she was driving. I don't know why I said yes at the time. I think it's mostly because:

1. She's my mom.
2. It sucks not having a vehicle, especially where we live. At least speaking from personal experience. There's okay bus service, but schedules can be spotty and the buses themselves can get sketchy.
3. She's just really sad and I think being able to leave the house would be good for her. She has problems, and I feel like being inside all the time makes it worse. She still didn't get out much when she had a car, but I think having some kind of option would be good for her.

But again, I'm hesitant because she's still taking some kind of pills that make her pretty dazed. Nowhere near as bad before, but still clearly not fit to be operating heavy machinery. She says it's only her anti-anxiety medication and that she isn't taking them with the other pills that made the effects worse, but my mom isn't good at keeping promises. I understand that getting sober is difficult, and I feel like a dick for even doubting her progress a little, but this isn't the first time she's promised to get better.

A few days ago I asked my dad if there was any kind of car she wouldn't drive. He told me she'd drive anything but a manual. Since then I've been considering getting one so she wouldn't drive it. But I already told her I'd let her drive my car, and if I bought a manual I'd be going back on my word. It's shitty promising someone something, then backpedaling on it. Still, given the entire situation here, I'm afraid it might be for best. Buying a car isn't something to be taken lightly, and ALL of my paychecks since I got my job would be going towards it.

So, WIBTA if I bought a manual car so my mom wouldn't drive it?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/my_brain_is_dead7 on 2023-12-26 10:55:55+00:00.

For background at the start of the year I moved 45 minutes from where I used to live and that caused me to be in a different high school from them. At first when I moved we talked weekly but soon it became monthly and I have been the only one speaking first it has always been me. They started to not tell me things about their lives. I told them about it before and how it made me feel (bad and thinking they didn't want to be my friend) they didn't listen. Today we got in a big fright about it, it was over text ofc. I brought up the fact they never talk to me for the whole year and it was always me who started it. Since this had been going on the whole year I thought I was valid to be sad and mad about it. They keep saying I'm being unreasonable and I need to talk to them more. Maybe that's true or not that's why I'm asking AITA?