Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ramenluver2012- on 2023-12-26 10:42:03+00:00.

For context: I am Asian and my friend is White. Anytime she interacts with a POC, whether it’s my specific Asian ethicity or not, she always has to tell me.

I find it uncomfortable that she tells me EVERYTIME she has these conversations with other POCs. I struggle with explaining why, but the way she brings it up is “Oh! I was talking to this girl and she told me she can speak this language and I mentioned how my friend who is Asian can speak another language too!” Or “I was talking to this person who loves to travel and I mentioned how you go back to my ethnic country every summer because your family is from there!”

I just don’t think it’s something to bring up to me as I never meet the people she converses with and I feel like the token POC friend everytime she tells me that she met another POC and how I am brought up in relevance.

She got upset and claims that in certain conversations I am a way to keep the conversation going and she wants to let me know that she met someone that reminded her of me. (As a POC)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BlueEmAndEm on 2023-12-26 09:30:09+00:00.

This is kind of a long story but I'll try to keep it simple.

Me (27F) and my bf (28M) have been together for 3 years now and when we first started dating he had a very strong relationship with his best friend (let's call Sarah). He trusted her so much, always went to her for advice or just chill, and my bf doesn't have too many friends because he's not from this country (he came to live here around 6 years ago) and he's very selective with people he wants in his life too. At this point everything was fine, I've met Sarah a few times and we were not close but I liked her and she is a nice person as far as I know. My bf would even go to her house to party etc and stay there for the night when he was drunk (I'm not the jealous kind of person so this didn't bother me at all). The thing is that Sarah has a sister who lives with her, which I met before knowing they were siblings because we went to the same places and we had some friends in common. She's a nice person too.

The problem began a year after when I was talking to my bf and it came up to the conversation that when he first moved in to the country he shared a house with three more roommates (all girls) and one of them was Sarah's sister, then he told me he had a big crush on one of them but that eventually she rejected him but some things happened between them before the rejection (like sexual stuff). This surprised me and even more when I asked who that was and he said it was Sarah's sister. After that I didn't feel comfortable knowing that he still went to their house tons of times, and even slept there on the same bed with both of them when he stayed!!!

I tried to not make a big deal out of it, since this happened a long time before we knew each other and we really had a very good relationship but I couldn't help feeling a bit worried every time he told me he was going to their house, so I talked to him about his and he said he didn't mind loose Sarah sister's friendship because he didn't feel anything for her anymore and he wanted to be with me and he cut that relationship off. He stopped going to their house too much and tried to just meet with Sarah when her sister was not around but this eventually came up between them and he had to tell Sarah all that happened between him and his sister (which Sarah didn't know). After that Sarah started to take some distance from him and eventually stopped talking to him at all.

It's been a while but sometimes my bf tells me he misses his best friend, and I can't help feel guilty because this would've never happened if I kept it to myself.

AITA for telling him how I felt and kind of ruined his frienship?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Holidayscrooge on 2023-12-26 06:43:44+00:00.

I (34 F) have been having holiday issues with my husband (34m). It started a while back when his mom told me I wasn't allowed to join the family lunch on Easter if I didn't go to church with them. I am pagan they are Christian. My husband told me to get over my discomfort and stop ruining his holiday. Long story short he spent the day with his family and I stayed home. I should also add that I have gone to their church 2 times prior because his mom wanted to show off our children. Each time I have been uncomfortable and "sucked it up." this time I finally said no.

Then comes the day before Thanksgiving and his mom tells him and his brother only are requested to attend dinner with their aunt who is in town. Only it turns out the entire family was there just not me. His mom says it was just a mistake and he believes her. The only thing is the restaurant was only 10 minutes from the house and If it was a mistake I could have been called at any point to join in, I wasn't. Also his mom does things like this all the time.

Because Of the Easter incident and this, I told my husband I would no longer be attending ANY family gatherings, and as far as I was concerned his mom could kick rocks.

He said this was unfair and we came to the compromise that I would attend Thanksgiving and Christmas and that on Christmas Eve we would start our own holidays.

Fast forward to one day before Christmas Eve. I'm super excited I've wrapped all the gifts made plans etc.

However, his mom invited us over for Christmas Eve, and I expressed a desire to stick to our plan, he insisted we didn't have concrete plans and pressured me to attend, saying my attitude towards family gatherings could lead to a divorce and how he thought we had moved past the Thanksgiving incident.

Eventually, we agreed to spend Christmas Eve as originally planned, but then he remembered he promised his dad and siblings he would spend Christmas Eve golfing and that's exactly what he was going to do.

On Christmas Eve, I woke up feeling genuinely unwell told him as much and he still left me and the two kids 3 months and 2 years by ourselves to go golfing. A couple hours later I called to let him know I had a fever of 104 and he told me he had 4 holes left and would be home soon.

I spent the rest of that day and Christmas sick. He took the kids to his mom's house and came back telling me we're now expected to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas at his parent's house to make opening gifts less chaotic. I told him absolutely not and now I'm wondering AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fit_Summer1771 on 2023-12-26 09:24:56+00:00.

So, I (19m) am a South African who moved to the Netherlands a few years ago with my entire family. We still come to South Africa often but more often than not to visit family so I do not aee my friends often. This is not necessarily a problem for me as I know it's not my parents fault that our family and my friends don't live in the same place. However this Christmas I have been in South Africa and today we were meant to drive approx. 90 minutes to my hometown to pick up my friend Jack (20m). Here is the issue, my sister (21f) has been ill the past few days and has been getting more and more ill, symptoms are bothersome but not horrible according to her, mainly it's diarrhea and general uncomfortableness. Now this morning it seemed to have gotten a bit worse so my father drove with her to the hospital to get an IV for rehydration (don't even ask why she can't just be there alone and get picked up by another family member later, she always gets super stressed about these types of things and can't be left alone), now we only have the one car and now it seems we will only be able to pick up Jack later today or tomorrow (he will be leaving again in 2 days so time is kind of the essence here). Now I mentioned to my mother that I am frustrated that no one seems to come to me and show some sort of understanding for my frustration, I know that sounds rich but I literally just mean "I'm sorry we're going to be late it wasn't the intention" my mom says as I am an adult I should know this and say it to myself. I think I have a right to be frustrated that no one seems to show me sympathy and that my sister who is a grown adult can't just be at the hospital alone until her IV is done.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/toadstool19 on 2023-12-26 09:23:21+00:00.

First I want to start by saying I have been with my fiance for over five years, and I have been very vocal about not liking his taste in jewelry. (im not even in love with the engagememnt ring he bought me).

This year I even sent him a wishlist and told him, "please don't get me jewelry" knowing we don't like the same things. He shows me these hideous wrapped crystals all the time he finds online and I am very open about not liking them. I told him my taste just isn't the same as his.

Cut to christmas and the one gift he got me this year is a horribly wrapped crystal that he told me he sent to some lady to have wrapped just for me. He probably paid a lot if money to get this done. It has these huge hidouse spikes coming off of it, it looks like it has shark jaws surrounding it.

The more I think about it, the more frustrated I am. It feels like he went out of his way to get something he knew I wouldn't like.

I have been very honest with him about not liking his taste in jewelry. It's not my style one bit. It actually is started to really upset me that he doesn't consider me when he gets me a gift. I don't know what else to do, I don't want to be stuck returning jewelry for the rest of my life. Should I have to suck it up and pretend to be grateful that he keeps getting me jewelry I don't like?

Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Call-me_gwanda on 2023-12-26 09:20:42+00:00.

I (15F) am Autistic and have expressed my boundaries about not touching my stuff as I struggle with change severely and cannot find stuff after it’s been moved. For Christmas I got gifted FNAF funko bittys, as I am staying in a tent while we’re at our grandparents house I took them down to my tent. Later I brought the Bonnie one up to film a video on it. I put it on a cabinet so I could grab it before I went to bed. I was chilling in the lounge room and my mum asked if I knew where it was, I told her. She told me she moved it and when I went to go and grab it slightly annoyed that she moved it but I moved on. The actual figure was missing I start freaking out and then my mum gets mad and says I wouldn’t have known if she didn’t bring it up and I got absolutely pissed and yelled that of course I wouldn’t have known because she moved it and I’m not a fucking mind reader. I went to my tent to cool down but they said to not come back. (I forgot to mention I yelled Because I was pissed about that comment, my figure getting moved from a place where it wasn’t in the way to a place where it could easily get broken and everyone complained about me overreacting) AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Suspicious-Art1122 on 2023-12-26 09:07:46+00:00.

Important note: English is not my native language, sorry for the mistakes, but this has been weighing on my soul for a long time :(

As part of a competition, we went to Italy to gain professional experience, and our accommodation there did not exactly meet the average (it is important to note that my expectations were not high (beds in good condition, for example) but they were not met either). The beds weren't exactly in good condition, so much so that the bed under one of my roommates actually broke (although she wasn't heavy at all), and for the boys' part of the team, the path leading to their room above was a really dangerous, since the stairs weren't in the best condition either, and the one thing that didn't help with these things either that the washing machine in the laundry room (which we had to pay for to wash our clothes and it wasn't the cheapest option either) was very dirty. I don't remember the other details well, so I won't write everything down, so as not to misrepresent the place.

Before the Christmas break, due to the closing of the competition (in paper matters), we had to fill out an opinion form. For some reason, they wanted to fill this out with us as a group in class (this class was in 6. class and I only had 4 class that day, and I had urgent matters to do at home)(as it turned out later, to only gave them good opinions, so no one had an honest opinion). I already did this at home a week before and I didn't go to all this, which is why I was scolded by the teacher, which I admit I deserved because I forgot to tell her that I already filled the form.

However, the peak of the whole thing: I sent the form converted to pdf to the teacher who dealt with this competition, and then at the beginning of one class I was called by my class teacher to go to the principal's office immediately. Of course, I was confused as to why I had to go there, and after I entered the principal, the deputy principal and the teacher dealing with the competition stood in front of me. This conversation was really about one thing: the points I gave on my form. At home, I honestly, taking into account the faults of the accommodation, gave points for the different aspects of the accommodation, as well as the workplace (but there was nothing wrong with the workplace, I think it was good). Most of the conversation was spent with the principal saying that "The school deserves better than this" (although my opinion was not directed against the school, to this day I still don't understand why she said that), and she also mentioned that if they don't win another competition, then they tell the students that they can thank me for not winning it.

After that, as far as I know, there were no physical consequences, but it has been weighing on my soul ever since, and I would like to hear other people's opinions about it.

Was I in the wrong here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Bodybuilder-425 on 2023-12-26 09:03:11+00:00.

I F20 & my M23 boyfriend agreed to split Christmas Day with both our families, the first half with mine the reminder of the day with his. We were both excited to spend Christmas with our son since it’s his first one. So Christmas Day comes & he texted me asking when are we coming because his mom wants to open gifts with our son, which is fine I understand. I didn’t want to be rushed so I told him to just pick him & id go over to his house in a while because I had things to do. He got upset saying he wasn’t going to rush me but I know he was. He then turned the tables on me accusing me of getting upset he wanted to spend time with his family which is not true. I just wanted to spend it together with both our families. But he ends up agreeing and all is well, until I go to my families house to drop off food. I stayed for maybe one hour & texted him that Ubers were expensive in hopes he’d come pick me up however he got upset and told me to just stay there because I ruined the plans. Let me say it was only 6:30pm, and he lives 15 minutes away. I then got upset saying now we weren’t going to spend it together and now I won’t spend it with our son & I was disappointed in how he was acting. He then said he was dropping off our son bc I was “bitching” at him. I then replied i wasn’t bitching at him and that I let him open the gifts so he wouldn’t be upset with me . He came to drop off our son and us now not answering my texts or calls so am I the asshole for getting upset at my boyfriend for not spending Christmas with me?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bitterlytired on 2023-12-26 09:02:53+00:00.

Long story short… dude is a bit of a handful and is always drunk and high… he also fancies himself to be a wild man so he is always showing off his latest knife/spear/sword. He had a new set of knives that he was very proud of and was playing with all evening. He became very drunk and wound up sitting g on the floor, my dog came up to him and he started petting the dog. I didn’t see this my wife did but apparently he found a matted area on my dogs chest and proceeded to try to cut it out with his knife… dog kinda yelped and got up and walked away. I’m in the kitchen and my dog comes in trying to get my attention and when I looks down his whole chest was covered in blood and it was dripping in the floor. Poor guy was asking for help. I got him cleaned up as quickly as I could and noticed what was clearly a section of skin that had been sliced off…. In the confusion of trying to figure out what happened my brother in law promptly decided they were going home. After they left I found a chunk of hair on the floor where he was sitting and there was literally a fucking chunk of skin attach to it, razor cut hair leading up to it. I told my sister they aren’t allowed back and she says he was just trying to help and he was drunk… which I think is fucking ridiculous. My wife is pissed because she already does not like this person and was already hesitant to host… and now we have a vet bill on our hands.

Sorry for the rapid fire… this is the first time I’ve been able to get this out of my head more than just talking to my wife.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/hacksaw977 on 2023-12-26 08:57:28+00:00.

So we had a gathering today at my aunt's house for christmas day and everything went well at first. They set a table for the kids and then the young adults and the elders. I sat with my cousins in the young adults group and I sat with my cousins and their grown up kids who are in their 20s. My cousins were talking about different stuff when one of them asked me what I've been up to. I told them that I've just been in school a lot and doing things and finally had sometime to come back home for the holidays and that it was a relief to escape Houston for a couple of weeks due to how humid it is down here. I'm stuck with college there for the next few years. Then one of my other cousins asked me "Do you still work on youtube ?" I said yes I still do. Then one of my other cousins butted in and said "Why don't you just focus on your schooling instead of making these youtube content that no one watches ?". Then they all laughed at me and I got upset so I walked out on them and slammed my aunt's glass screen so hard that it broke the spring thingy. My aunt and uncle kicked us out and told my parents to take me home so that I can calm down and stop acting like a child. My sister called me an asshole and said that I am so immature for my age. She told me that I shouldn't be acting like a child and having meltdowns when I am literally 28. I couldn't help it cause they upsetted me. I'm already dealing with people cyber bullying me already so it doesn't help me when people are attacking me. If they didn't want the glass door to break then they shouldn't have gotten me ticked off. I'm not paying for the screen door. Am I an asshole for doing all of this and refusing to pay for a new door ??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/v4mp1az on 2023-12-26 08:50:35+00:00.

For some context, I have always been an overachiever and my parents have been somewhat supportive of me and have helped me get to where I am today, my mom has a co worker who we will call Nancy, Nancy has a daughter my age and we both met at the beginning of high school, at first Nancy’s daughter Alison was nice to me and often talked with me about school. The next year I decided to join APs and honor classes while she kept with the original route, I guess my mom had posted something about her being proud of me on social media, the next day Alison came up to me and said something along the lines of “Hey what are you doing? Do you think you’re better than me?” Of course being the Naïve teenager I was I looked at her like she was speaking a different language, by now I didn’t speak with her or anything I had separated into my own group and to my knowledge had done nothing to offend her. Alison then told me that I was trying to hard to kiss up to my parents or something. I just let her tell me these things as I tried to process what the hell was going on. At the time I just thought that I was making her jealous but I brushed it off and continued, Alison did not talk to me at all during Junior Year.

During Senior year, she joined the Newspaper club, the one that I was the president of, I tried making conversation, she proceeded to roll her eyes and laugh in my face as I tried getting her to finish her part on the paper, but when around the teacher advisor she was kind and helpful, by now I was done with her and moved over to sit with my other friend but it just continued on.

One day she came up to me again crying and screaming. “Stop trying so fucking hard? You aren’t all that, stop acting like you are so smart and perfect all the time!” I tried to talk back only for her to storm off in anger and tears. I went home later that day and told my mom about it, apparently Alison’s sister who we will call Kayla won student of the year 7 years back and was very smart, and Alison in terms of grades was below average. Soon Nancy started hearing about my achievements from my mom, and maybe she had told Alison. I felt really bad about it so for the next months I tried being nicer to Alison. But I made it worse, I think I was condescending maybe? I am not sure, but once I had gotten accepted to a really good school I was so proud of myself and posted it on my Instagram story, I got messages of congratulations from friend and family, and I saw Alison message me. “Fuck you.” “What?” “Who do you think you are? No one cares about you being so smart, do you really think you’re so much much better than us?” “No? Idk what you’re saying rn?” “You don’t know? You’re constantly telling everyone how smart you are!” I was fed up with how she treated it so I blocked her. In college I made a friend, and I asked her about what she thought, she told me that I should have been nicer and tried to consider Alison’s feelings. I disagree with her statement but at the same time AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GlitterBombGlamor on 2023-12-26 08:49:06+00:00.

Not in the US.

My (34f) parents passed almost a decade ago and ever since my sister Gina (45f) has always hosted the family holiday party (many siblings and nieces/nephews). We don’t celebrate Christmas so it’s more like an annual family celebration. It was just one day of everyone hanging out but nobody stayed overnight.

In February I moved to the same city as Gina. We were looking forward to seeing the family on the 24th. However, on the 21st one of my nieces caused a small fire in Gina’s kitchen and though they would still be able to live in the house the kitchen would be out of order for a while. Gina told me since our family are coming here anyway I should host. She could buy the ingredients then go over to cook at my place and help me decorate.

I told her absolutely not. I don’t want to spend the days before cleaning and organizing my house. Gina called me selfish and asked where were we supposed to have the party. Most restaurants couldn’t accommodate a group our size on such short notice.

One of my coworkers’ family plans to open a cafe early next year so they have a place all set up. I asked if the family can use their place and they were happy to get to practice with real guests before their actual opening. They were able to serve some food and cakes and make drinks for us at a discount. I asked to bring in a few dishes from outside and they said OK.

So on the 24th all the family headed to the cafe. The decorations were beautiful and the staff friendly. There were cakes, cookies, sandwiches, deviled eggs and I brought salads and take-out fried chicken and spring rolls. There were lots of compliments on the beautiful place and delicious food and drinks. At the end of the party, the amount of money each sibling had to pay (we always split the party expenses once our parents passed) was almost identical to what we usually pay every year.

Gina called me after the party and said a few came to her and complained that being out was not the same as being hosted in a house where everyone could just chill with family. She told me I could have hosted at my house but chose not to out of laziness and instead everyone had to mind their manners and not fully relax for the celebration since we were in public. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAthrowaway-isuck on 2023-12-26 08:46:14+00:00.

Throwaway account

Over the past 17 years, my (28F) friend Rachel and I have seen each other through life's stages. Now, she's a wife and mom, and though I adore her and her son, our conversations feel one-sided.

For context, whatever stage of life Rachel is in, it becomes her whole personality. The sport she played in high school, the university she attended, her relationship with her now husband, their engagement, their marriage, their trying to conceive, her pregnancy, and now her motherhood.

I could be talking about my grad school or a project at work, and she will find a way to land the conversation back to her being a mom and a wife.

Recently, I shared how I’m depressed, struggling in my relationship, experiencing harassment from a classmate and becoming burnt out at work. Once again, she turned the conversation to be about her. She noticed I was shutting down (becoming quiet and not really responding), and she asked what was wrong. I shared with her that I wish we could talk about things other than children and marriage, and that sometimes I would appreciate the space to speak and the focus to be on me.

This isn't about minimizing Rachel's motherhood, but about respecting the balance I need in our friendship.

She became upset with me, saying it’s not fair to expect that considering she is a mom and a wife, and that won’t ever change. I don’t want it to change. I’ve truly loved seeing her grow into who she is now, and I’ve felt so fortunate to have had a presence in every phase of her life. I would never want that to change.

We haven’t spoken since and I’m afraid I jeopardized our friendship that I cherish. I also feel extremely alone now. I wanted support from my friend in this scary and lonesome depression and I feel like no one hears me.

I feel like an asshole because I was selfish for sharing these feelings with her when I know she has greater things to worry about than my feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/IkBenFemke96 on 2023-12-26 08:42:53+00:00.

For my birthday i got a weekend to Amsterdam from my boyfriend. We planned to go to the christmas market, lightshow, dinner and do some christmas shopping. His uncle and aunt happened to be there too, so we agreed to grab some beers during shopping. We ended up only seeing the christmas market and national museum (hyperspeed mode, because he wanted to be with his uncle, it was his idea going to the museum) with the two of us and the rest of the day was mostly drinking with his family. I notified him twice i wanted to do some shopping as planned, but he said he didn’t want to anymore. So i shopped in one street with his aunt for some late christmas presents and went back. We had a dinner reservation so we went there eat together and went back to his family. We ended up spending half a day drinking with his family, but it was supposed to be a “us” weekend.

So WIBTA if i tell him i didn’t really like our weekend?

Extra info: His uncle and aunt live close by and we can always visit them when we want.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FriendlyQuality141 on 2023-12-26 08:41:29+00:00.

so my(17f) parents have a christmas tradition wherein they organize a sort of tournament for the kids in my family, and the winner gets a prize. Usually, its between me, my siblings (19m and 22f) and 5 of our younger cousins(ages ranging from 14-16). This year, however, our little cousin(9m) "Sam" wanted to join because he found out that the prize was a lego set.

Now, Sam is OBSESSED with legos. We've gotten him legos for his birthday for as long as I can remember, and he always gets so excited. My parents were hesitant, but eventually they agreed to let him participate if the rest of us agreed not to go easy on him. My cousins were ruthless, but it's generally just board games and stuff, and Sam could hold his ground.

Eventually, it came down to the final round between me and Sam, and it was a card game. He was a good player, but I had more experience, and it would've been an easy win for me. But I could see how much winning would mean to him, and I didn't particularly care about that lego set either. So I threw the game, and he won and got extremely happy. He took the set to another room, and then my entire family exploded on me.

One of my cousins(14f) said it was unfair of me to let him win because I hadn't let her win when she had been 9, and another(15f) said that if I didn't want to win, I shouldn't have participated. My mother then chimed in and said that the rules had clearly stated that we shouldn't go easy on him, and that by letting him win, I was "ruining his perception of the real world". My siblings were on my side fortunately (my sister even said she was proud of me because I used to be extremely bratty about winning lol) and pointed out that he was literally 9, and I had only wanted to make him happy on christmas. It somehow turned into everyone yelling at each other, and at the end, my parents weren't speaking to me and my siblings. My cousins weren't speaking to me and they were also being cold towards Sam, which really pissed me off because he hadn't even done anything. Me and my siblings managed to distract him with random stuff and he didn't really notice.

Later, the rest of my family came to dinner. My maternal grandparents heard everything that happened and they decided that the best thing to do would be for me to come clean to Sam, and my parents to revoke the prize so that it was fair to my other cousins. My uncle (My mother's brother and Sam's father) said that was ridiculous and that it was just a sweet thing I wanted to do for my little brother, and one of my aunts (mother's sister) said her daughter had been really looking forward to this year and wanted to win and that I had ruined it. My brother pointed out that she wouldn't have won even if I hadn't thrown the game, and then everybody started fighting and took sides. We had dinner seperately, and now have been ordered to bed.

I honestly didn't think it would be this big of a deal, and the fact that I broke the rule has been brought up multiple times. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayyy293932 on 2023-12-26 08:36:40+00:00.

I left home when I was 17, I’m now 23. It wasn’t that hard because I had many people that helped me. I managed to get away from my terrible home life and never looked back.

Because of reasons, I no longer talked to my mom and younger brother (he’s now 18). I mostly hate my dad but my mom having no backbone upset me and my brother is just like our dad sometimes so I just wanted a fresh start.

But a few weeks ago my friend’s mom contacted me saying that my brother’s been kicked out of the house and asked if I’d be willing to take him in. She wasn’t mean/upfront about it, but she just didn’t want to deal with his attitude and felt I’d be a better fit for him.

I was hesitant but my boyfriend (22) said “of course he should live with us” so I called her and well I regret it. Terribly.

The first few days were fine but then he started to get mad at everything. He’s even wrecked several of my boyfriend’s paintings and art supplies during his meltdowns. My boyfriend is a really nice person and is far more generous than I am. He keeps telling me it’s okay and that all the stuff he broke is replaceable and that nothing matters more than my brother’s well being. He’s right, but it still pisses me off. I’m sorry but it does.

I was out with some friends and came home to the house being a mess again and my boyfriend cleaning it up while my brother locked himself in his room. I already knew what happened and I was literally so annoyed. I started banging on my brother’s door till he opened it and I just told him that he can disrespect me all he wants, but my boyfriend is probably the only person left in this world that has any hope for him. There’s a reason he keeps being kicked out of places and if it weren’t for my boyfriend, he’d probably be on the streets right now.

My brother stormed out of the house after calling me a fucking bitch and only came home after my boyfriend found him. He no longer speaks to me and doesn’t even look me in the eye. Fair enough. But my boyfriend is upset with me too and keeps saying that I fucked up. He says that I don’t need to speak for him and that he knows what he’s doing. He’s acting normally for the most part but there’s a lot of tension now and we mostly just talk regarding my brother. I’m just so on edge all the time so I want some outside opinions, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FearlessCommercial27 on 2023-12-26 08:29:39+00:00.

I am (18F) and my brother is (25M)… So my brother met his fiancé (27F) 4yrs ago and they now have three kids under the age of three. I’m really close with all of them so I did what any person would do and help them out when they needed help watching the kids or something. I recently became really sick with my asthma and still pushed past the fact that I could barely breathe and still helped them out. I was over their house for about 5 days before my asthma started to flare up again and I had a bad asthma attack and had to leave…mind you no one came to check on me to see if I needed help so my step dad came and got me and told them it could be bronchitis and after I had left his fiancé started goin off on me for being sick and sayin I could have gotten her kids sick but, I told her it was my asthma flaring I am she acted as if everything was okay….two days later she texted me asking if I could come watch the kids bc she needed to run errands I told her no because I was sick and she caught an attitude and said “I thought you said it was just your asthma but okay.” Mind you with me being sick for so long it could have lead to a sickness so I took precautions by tellin her no….i was rushed to the hospital two hours later bc I couldn’t breathe two days after I got home I then texted my brother and told him I wasn’t only finna be used when they wanted me to watch the girls and that they are my family so they should treat me like I’m family bc they only talk to me when they need a babysitter they still haven’t called to see if I was okay. My own flesh and blood don’t come and check on me when I couldn’t breathe. They are now mad at me and haven’t talked to me. He didn’t even call and say Merry Christmas. It hurts me to know that they only use me for babysitting

AITA for telling my brother how I feel ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PUNK_T4CT1C on 2023-12-26 08:28:01+00:00.

I (F 21), have a boyfriend (M 24). We have been dating for 2 years and have been mostly healthy except a few arguments here and there. Last night we went to a nightclub but ended up arguing because I met a girl who I found cool and started talking to her. It was a pretty heated argument so we gave each other the cold shoulder while in there.

I was talking to my new friend when I saw my boyfriend flirting with a girl who seemed really interested in him. I felt shitty so I decided to ask my friend for her number so that we could talk later and left the nightclub. On my way back home, I noticed that my boyfriend had also walked out with that girl he was flirting with.

I walked home in the cold night and when I reached my house, I changed then laid down on my bed and cried into my pillow. After a while, I heard a message from my phone so I decided to read it. It was from my boyfriend asking me to come over so that we could talk. I got up, cleaned my face, and put on a hoodie then walked out of my house.

I started to walk to his house in the cold. When I arrived I rung the doorbell and he answered. I couldn't help but notice he had hickeys on his neck. Tears stung in my eyes as I realized he really did do something with that woman from the club. My boyfriend told me to come in and sit down on one of the couches in the living room.

I sat down and my boyfriend explained to me that he was sorry for what he had done. He said he just wanted to make me jealous because I was giving him the silent treatment. He said he let his ego get the best of him but he also said that I 'shouldn't have ignored him and made him feel like he didn't matter'.

I immediately started to cry and I told him that it hurts that I was sitting there across from him with so much love for him in my heart knowing that he cheated on me in front of my face because of his ego. He kept saying one excuse after another so I told him that I would talk to him when I'm mentally ok to.

I walked out of his house and walked back home. When I got home I saw that he left me a long paragraph about how I was everything to him and he would understand my decision but his mother texted me 1 hour later to tell me that I was being a asshole and a sensitive bitch.

I'm so lost on what to do right now. I keep overthinking if that girl was better then me. I cant even respond to my boyfriend right now. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DropFun70 on 2023-12-26 08:27:29+00:00.

My gf and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We’ve had our fair share of disagreements throughout our relationship, but this certain situation wasn’t necessarily a big fight (we both were upset and eventually made up). Despite us reaching somewhat of a resolution, I wanna hear others’ thoughts.

The day of my cousin’s wedding, me, my gf, and my parents rented out a hotel room, which is where most of my extended family also stayed for the wedding. Considering that we’re still somewhat young and my gf’s parents weren’t there, my parents made the decision to have a two-bed hotel room with a pull out bed: I would sleep on the pullout while my gf slept on the bed.

Long story short, after the wedding, pretty much everyone is hanging out in the hotel lobby. At this point, my gf asks me if we’ll still be sleeping separately (this is probably around the third time she’s asked me this day). Instead of my usual “yes we will”, I somewhat brushed it off and said “We can sleep together, but don’t worry about that right now”. She kept asking for clarification of what I just said, but I kept telling her not to worry; since we just came back from the ceremony, I was more focused on having fun with family rather than the hotel room sleeping arrangements.

Later on she kept on asking if I was absolutely sure it’d be fine with my parents, and that it seemed that I always agreed with us sleeping separately. Again, I told her not to worry about it and to just have fun. Despite my reassurances, she said that I should’ve told her about my changed thoughts on the sleeping arrangements, since she was under the impression that we’d still be in separate beds.

I was getting upset, but did my best to keep my composure with others present. As for my gf, she insisted that sleeping in separate beds wasn't a big deal to her and she was just trying to be sure. Eventually she began showing clear signs of being upset (ya know… the usual upset gf body language). Being the person that I am, I wanted to end the issue quickly, so I excused ourselves from the lobby and took my gf to go to our hotel room alone. There, I told her basically the same stuff I’ve been saying, except I included more details on how I can convince my parents that we can sleep in the same bed.

She basically responded “Well why didn’t you just tell me that earlier when I asked? You should’ve told me and I would’ve been fine.” It was at this point when I slightly raised my voice and asked her to stop blaming me. Perhaps it was the tiredness or the slow increase in impatience, but I seemed to convey that I was angry. Nonetheless, in my eyes, her saying that I SHOULD’VE done something that I didn’t do felt like a form of blame. I also felt that I didn’t need to give an exact answer since it wasn’t on my mind at the moment.

Like I said, it was quickly resolved and we both made our apologies. In the end I easily convinced my parents that we could sleep in the same bed.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Losing_My_Way333 on 2023-12-26 08:22:43+00:00.

It’s Christmas Day, I had a few presents for my BF, not much because this season I’m broke. I get breakfast going. He wakes up, we’re both in a seemingly cheerful mood. One of the gifts were two polo shirts. He unwrapped & instantly rejected them. Said they’re not his style and that they wouldn’t fit. I say “hey I mean don’t knock it til you try it.” he again says that they’re not something that he would wear… so I say “but I think it would look good on you….” then out of nowhere he gets upset, raises his voice and says that he’s allowed to not want something, and that I need to stop repeating myself. Hurt by what I felt was unnecessary attitude, I say “fine” and walk away. I go back to the kitchen to continue breakfast, he goes into the bedroom to try them on… but the damage is done. He comes out to the kitchen to show me. I see him approaching in my peripheral, but I pretend to not see him as I walk away because I don’t want him to see that I’m crying. He follows me. I’m pretending to look for something and he says “the shirts actually worked out better than I thought… thank you” and so I say “ok”. He gives a half hearted apology about how he rejected the shirts. Sees I’m still upset, so he says “I have a present for you but I’ll wait”…. Well, after some time of me trying to calm down, I approach him. Expressed that I’m not offended that he didn’t initially like the shirts, I was hurt by the tone he used on me when all I wanted was to share a gift with him. He snapped “I already apologized.” I try to explain again that I’m allowed to still feel upset over the situation.. he didn’t like that. He then says that “this isn’t something to ruin Christmas over” which ended up setting me off. So, I say “oh I’m so sorry. I forgot, you’re never wrong. I’m the emotional one. You’re right.” And I walked away. I ended up burning breakfast by accident because I couldn’t focus anymore. We don’t talk for an hour. He comes out to me in the living room. I’m sitting there watching TV. He sat on our couch’s armrest, I forgot what exactly he said to me but it led into me emotionally unloading on him about how his attitude is affecting me, and that it’s making me feel inadequate & a burden (there have been other situations before this), that I’m already struggling with seasonal depression and having him acting this way isn’t helping… but all I got were annoyed facial expressions from him. So I finish what I’m saying. All he says is “do you feel better now?” And I say “actually no… not really.” because his facial expressions told me everything I needed to know. He tells me that he didn’t have the time for me to emotionally dumped on him, and that when he asked me what’s up, he didn’t expect me to get that deep… AITA for expressing myself?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Proper-Peace7418 on 2023-12-26 07:50:36+00:00.

Our friend group has a particular friend, "Henry". Henry loves living the good life (staying at the Hilton when on trips, spending $200 on a fancy Japanese dinner, etc.) and if someone suggests going somewhere to eat that's below his standards, he throws a hissy fit.

I proposed a group trip to Europe. Henry was a yes, a few were no's but the main core were on the fence. I see the main core more than Henry and I asked what's their biggest worry for going on the trip. They all said that they do not want to travel with Henry because he will double the cost of the trip.

Henry hates being excluded and if we sneak away he'll know and make things worse. We know he has a LDR BF in the US (we live in Canada) and Henry goes to see him on 4th of July, American Thanksgiving, etc. So we know when Henry is going to be gone and the idea was to tell Henry and plan the trip the Tuesday before he heads to see his BF. We think this is a good way to tell Henry and avoid him coming.

I told another of my friend groups this plan (they don't know this friend group) and they said it was kind of a dick move to deliberately exclude Henry. But if Henry comes, the trip is cancelled so I insisted that this was the lesser of two evils.

TL;DR- We want to take a group trip to Europe which will be pricey. We have a friend that only likes upper class things and will throw a tantrum when things don't go his way. We plan on taking the trip a couple of days before he goes to see his LDR BF so he can't come.

AITA?

E: since I cannot respond to comments-

1. We have had face to face talks with Henry in the past and he’s been retaliatory. He’s typically a calm guy but very weak to criticism. Henry is a spiteful guy at times. Apparently he’s still mad at one of the core guys over something that happened 6-7 years ago and is not a factor in his life.
2. This is a one time thing so far. No subsequent trips planned so this should be a one off situation.
3. We could set a plan but Henry will force his agenda. Henry will agree and then try to take control.
4. We have addressed Henry’s spending. He failed to pay his cards on time twice and a couple of guys had to bail him out. That didn’t convince him to change.
5. We don’t bend to Henry’s demands despite the hissy fits. He just has a sour look on his face and often says “isn’t this better than what you guys pick?” when he gets his way.
6. Some backstory about Henry. The group was formed out of individual friendships and became one by association and the core have become tight-knit with a couple on the periphery. Henry was a core of the group but then he became this pissy person I described, we talked to him and he fought back so we started to phase him out, multiple people have called him out because he changed and then he met his BF and reverted back to OG Henry.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Felix_FedEx on 2023-12-26 08:08:10+00:00.

It’s my Girlfriend and I’s first Christmas as a couple, she’s been super excited to see me open my gift and vice versa. I got her a pair of Bose headphones that she loved and she knows I spend a lot of time at my desk and got me one of those flashy gaming chairs. I’ve tried one of these chairs before and found them very stiff and uncomfortable but hesitated to say anything about it to avoid making her feel bad because she was super excited thinking I’d love it. Once I got home I FaceTimed her to show me opening and setting up the chair and she said if I don’t like it to please let her know. I also Didn’t want her wasting her money for a gift I wouldn’t like or use so opening the box up I felt the cushions and the backrest of the chair and it was exactly what I expected and told her my feelings about this kind of chair and how I really like my current chair, but that I really appreciated the thought that went into it and that it was a very sweet gesture. She started crying, beating herself up over the fact that she didn’t pick a good gift and I feel really bad. My reasoning was that this is something I’d have to use every day and couldn’t just fake like for the sake of sparing feelings. It’s through Amazon and returnable, and we already started the return process but she’s upset at herself still. AITA for making her feel bad?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Long-Presentation-11 on 2023-12-26 08:07:58+00:00.

I(18F) and my friend(Ally 18F) are really good friends. Her bf(Mason 19M) and my bf(Lucas 18M) have been best mates for a long time. So Ally and Mason have been together for just over 9 months now. Lucas and I have been together for 8 months. this past month, Ally went to her best friend’s(18F) birthday party where there were both alcohol and drugs. Now most people, when drunk and bored, will message their partner if not with them. Not Ally. She messaged this guy(Jarred 18M)who she has a history with all night. She was hitting him up, flirting with him. I was not invited to the party as the girl hosting it wasn’t allowed to invite me because of her boyfriend. So all of this I heard from my other friend(18F) who went. This party was over a month ago and since then i saw Ally messaging Jarred again. she said she felt bad for blocking him and unblocked him recently. I found it strange but shrugged it off until i saw her trying to hide their messages. I immediately told Lucas this stating it was weird but i don’t think anything was happening but told him the messages i did see(this is all prior to me finding out about the party). He said it should be fine but if Mason tells him anything about Jarred that he’ll let me know. One of the messages i saw was about Ally going over to his house if Mason was okay with it(this will be important). Mason never liked Jarred and for good reason, he was in love with Ally and she knew that but still spoke to him, would even call with him. Eventually Lucas told me that Ally was going over to Jarred’s house and when i asked if she had told Mason he said “Yeah she asked but Mason’s response was a “yeah wtv”. That response it’s not a “it’s okay go see him” kind of response. It is a “if you think i’m okay with it you’re wrong”. yet she didn’t question it and went. We, or atleast I have no idea what happened when she saw him. All i know is that they smoked green and he burnt her leg. I thought it was very weird she would go to his house and when i asked about when did jarred burn her she said it was a long story(i was trying to see if she would tell me that she went to his house. she didn’t). Now to today, my other friend(jasmine) who went to the party told me about everything ally did that night. She (Ally)was doing it for “the chase”, for fun. She cheated for fun. Yes she was drunk, but it was completely her own choice to message jarred and not mason. Even after jasmine told her to stop and that it was considered cheating. she did not stop. She chose to keep it going. And she kept it going for the entire night. As soon as jasmine told me i immediately messaged lucas. once lucas got off work he told mason and now he is waiting to confront Ally. I am fully aware that Ally was drunk, but she chose to message jarred after being told not too. I am worried she is going to get mad at me and call me a dick and i’m not sure on what to do

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ChloesSisterAITA on 2023-12-26 08:07:50+00:00.

I had my phone on do not disturb and wasn’t checking my texts at all for the last two weeks because I knew I’d probably fail some classes unless I crammed nonstop for finals. I checked my phone on Friday and saw I had multiple friends texting me asking “OP are you alive?” and “OP did you die or just get wrecked by finals?”

I was in the car with my family so I said “I was cramming so hard that my friends thought I died lol.” My parents thought it was funny but my sister “Chloe” made a comment about me trying to “rub it in” and she was being rude the whole time during dinner and was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Later I overheard Chloe complaining to our mom and basically saying I was a brat for talking about my friends and trying to “rub it in” her face (which I wasn't doing at all, by the way.)

I think the reason that Chloe assumes me talking about my friends is me trying to “rub it in” because she really doesn’t have friends who she talks to in real life. She and her best friend from high school “Bella” still follow each other online. But Bella’s in another state living her own life and Chloe’s pretty busy too. So they don’t have any contact offline anymore and it’s not very often anyway according to Chloe. Chloe could make friends pretty easily, in my opinion. But I think the problem with Chloe is that she never puts herself out there. She basically keeps to herself. If someone else makes the first move and initiates a conversation, Chloe shuts it down. Yet she expects the friends to come to her.

I confronted Chloe about it later and told her that trying to forbid me from talking about my own friends is ridiculous. Would she like it if she weren’t allowed to share things about Bella? Of course not. So how is it fair to ask that of me and my friends? Chloe started implying that my friends had no standards by talking about how she’s holding out for people “who actually have standards” and aren’t “selfish.”

I told Chloe that people not chasing her isn’t selfish. She needs to be the one to put herself out there. I have social anxiety, trust me, I know it can be very hard to talk to new people and it’s usually always awkward. But it gets less awkward the more you do it. If you want to make friends then you usually need to make the first move. How does she expect to make friends when she always keeps to herself and shuts down conversations? Chloe started getting nasty with me so I told her that she’s 22 and if she’s insecure about not having real-life friends then she needs to do something about it instead of expecting everyone else to bend over backwards for her. The argument got pretty heated. Chloe was still in a bad mood today but I honestly still think that Chloe needed to hear what I told her. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Lonely_Software_8588 on 2023-12-26 07:13:30+00:00.

I (23F) and my husband (23M) just had our baby a few months ago. My baby has been teething for the last couple of weeks which has made it difficult to travel to other places at times. My side of the family usually celebrates on Christmas Eve while his side celebrates on Christmas. My mother's is 30 min away. His mom's is 45 min away. We'll call his mom Jane (not her real name).

For several months, Jane has been telling us that she would come down to our house for Christmas since our baby would still be so young. We gladly agreed since we wanted to spend Christmas at home for the first time. A few days ago, Jane mentioned that her husband didn't want to travel on Christmas anymore and asked if we could go up to their house instead. I told her that my husband and I would talk about it and get back to her.

My husband and I already decided that we were going to go to my mom's side of the family since my grandparents are in their late 70s. We told Jane last night that we didn't plan on driving on Christmas day since it is harder with the baby. She mentioned that we were able to go to my side of the family's so why couldn't we go up there? I told her that we were already having issues with the baby at my family's side, so we didn't want travel two days in a row. She claimed that I prioritize my family over hers and thinks that we don't like going to her house anymore.

This caused drama between her, my husband, and I. Jane's husband said that we need to make her Christmas better and go to her house to do that. I just don't understand why it was such a big deal for them to not come to our house. They would not be seeing their first granddaughter on Christmas because they didn't feel like traveling. I want to do what I think is best for my family or to help make us have a good Christmas. I feel like the drama could've all been avoided if I just would've gave in and immediately said yes to going to her house. Jane is upset over this situation as well as I am.

AITA for not wanting to go to her house?

EDIT: I am not able to comment so I wanted to mention that father in law had no particular reasons for not wanting to travel. It was his personal preference. My husband really wanted to see his family on Christmas, but we were going back and forth. The next time they would've wanted to see us to celebrate would be the following weekend.