Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/thedarkestshadowrays on 2024-01-14 18:14:15+00:00.

I (19f) am a college freshman who met a college senior (24m) when we auditioned and got into a play together. He’s cute and handsome, so I asked for his number. He accepted. I called him that night to learn about him. He’s a really sweet and kind man majoring in theater and graduating this year. I’m a music major.

Both of us were held back in school before due to special circumstances and wanted to break into the entertainment industry in the future. He took a few semesters off for jobs, which proves his age. We also wanted long term and serious relationships and encouraged to be ourselves.

However, when he asked me to hang out with him 3 days after meeting, I said yes. He asked me where I want to go. I chose to go to his dorm room as it was cold and rainy that day. So we had a deep conversation about stuff. He hugged me when I told the trauma of a toxic ex I dated back in high school a few years ago, whom I thought to be a good person in a bad situation. Then, as he kissed me, I kissed him back because it felt good. Soon, I grabbed a condom out of my bag. While I didn’t plan to have sex, I prepared for it as an emergency. We ended up making out on his bed and had consensual sex as virgins. It was beautiful and it made me laugh when we flirted before I went to work. I know, I was stupid and risky for giving it away to someone I just met. It gave me is happiness to be treated like that in a relationship again.

My oldest sister (21f) and I always had a strong bond. She’s also a college senior graduating this year. After I told her about it, she disapproved of my relationship because of the 5 year age gap and how fast I went through. She saw other freshmen she knew who struggled with power dynamics. She said no matter how good the intentions are, she kept labeling him as a predator who took advantage of me, a young girl, even if I was the one who planned and wanted sex. I understood and listened to her advice, but I still refuse to cut off contact because we’ll be in the play together and I hate wasting his future over some “sex scandal”. I had a history wanting men no older than 5 years to understand me when I turned 18. I’m also used to younger classmates that I grew up quickly, but still had immature influences as a result. I never told my parents because of the shame I had that they’ll call him a bad influence even when I want to be in a relationship and did the stuff myself.

This guy and I called last night to openly communicate on the aftermath and my sister’s concerns of the event and as I apologized, we agreed to slow down to get to know each other better and get STI tests at the doctors to make sure we’re ok. My sister made a dilemma to make me to stop contacting him in order to protect me. I’m an adult who wants to make my own decisions on who I want to hang out with. I blocked her number. I tried taking my own life because of how my communication disorder is affecting my life and living in a strict family.

AITA in this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Harriethun0101 on 2024-01-14 17:04:21+00:00.

For some background context I’m 26 weeks pregnant, suffering from excruciating pelvic girdle pain, and extremely low iron which causes me to feel fatigued and quite dizzy, he comes home from work and if I ask him to change a nappy or do something related to the child I always get the same comment of “I’ve just walked in the door!! Let me change and go to the toilet in peace first” like, I don’t have that luxury of going to the toilet in peace!

To be honest I was really looking forward to going back to work after I’d had the first one just so I could have scheduled toilet breaks and lunch breaks/ have some sense of routine again, but he wanted a second child, so he knew I’d have to be a stay at home mum for a while and don’t get me wrong I do enjoy it … most of the time.

It’s just difficult running around up and down after a toddler, bending over and on top of that we have 3 dogs which I walk everyday obviously no problem doing that, they’re my responsibility and I love them loads, but it’s a lot to do when you’re heavily pregnant and just not feeling great! I just feel there’s no appreciation for how difficult I’m finding it and anytime I say anything he gives me a jokey comment like “it’s your job!!” Which makes me feel like the a**hole for asking for help. 🥲

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Blessedman11 on 2024-01-14 15:39:48+00:00.

Me and my partner are going to get married soon and the topic of finances/house work was brought up. I mentioned that the choice is completely up to her and she can choose to help out with paying bills or not. But if she chooses not to help out, then she should not expect me to do half the chores around the house. She says that her money is her money and my money is our money. So what does she want to do with her money you may ask? Spend it all on herself. Despite that, she wants me to come back home from work and still help her out with the house work.

I explained to her that if we both go to work for 8 hrs, and there’s an hour drive there and back from work(2 hrs) then I’ve put in 10 hrs of work into this relationship since I’m paying 100% of the bills. Whereas even if she puts in 8 hrs of work, and 2 hrs of travelling time, she has put in 0 hrs of work into the relationship since that’s all money she’s making to spend on herself. And I also said that if there’s a lot of chores that need to be done, let’s say 4 hrs of chores total, now If you want to split that up, that’s 2 hrs of house work for me and 2 hrs for her. Meaning ive put in 12 hrs of work into the relationship, whereas she’s only put in 2.

I just want to put a disclaimer that we were talking about daily chores as in cooking, and cleaning, and other stuff. I still don’t mind doing the traditionally manly chores like throwing out the trash, fixing things, building things, etc.

It just seems very selfish to me that she wants to spend all of her money on herself and expects me to spend all of mine on the bills and her, then she wants me to do other daily house work too. I’ve also given her the choice for her to help out financially and then I can do 50% of the house work so she has that option, but she isn’t satisfied and wants the best of both worlds. So anyways, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TWahwhyfe on 2024-01-14 15:22:02+00:00.

I’m an immigrant and lived here for 7 years in the US. I (31F) haven’t been back home since I left. My sister (25F) and I have had a rocky relationship for a lot of that time where she has treated me poorly at times. As a result my husband (30M) doesn’t trust her or like her but has been respectful. I accept his feelings but obviously love my sister.

My sister applied for a tourist visa to come visit me. She came in November. Very quickly my husband noticed she started talking to and hanging out with a man who is in my husbands friend group but not friends with my husband directly.

My husband was upset because he claims she deceived us by telling us she wanted to come visit me. But he let it go and I supported my sister. They got engaged in December. It caused a bit of a fight because I was happy for my sister and didn’t understand why he couldn’t be.

He claims that this is very shady and she’s likely using this guy too. He’s been very mean making comments about how this is the fifth foreigner she’s been engaged to etc.

He asked my sister if she planned on leaving at the time that she told CBP she was leaving, and the time her passport says she must leave.

She said no. He told her to get out of our house she’s not welcome to stay here anymore. Her fiance came and picked her up, and they’ve lived together since.

My husband and I talked about it and he claims that her doing this casts a lot of suspicion on to our relationship and risks my naturalization. He says that he worked hard and gave up his 20s for us to be together and I’m risking all of that for my sister.

He keeps bringing up that she blocked me for a year, has hid things from me, and more. He’s bringing it up because he thinks she will do it again. He said she hasn’t changed because everything she’s done from the moment this trip was planned has been a lie.

My sister apologized for all that. When I tell him that he says that he told me that would happen when she cut me out of her life. He says “I told you as soon as she needs or wants something from you she’ll be back” and that I should be suspicious of her.

He has told me he doesn’t want to ruin our relationship but he said I shouldn’t trust her. My brother passed away so I don’t want to lose my sister over something stupid. My husband said that’s her decision and I should stop jumping in front of the train for her and stand up to her manipulation.

My sister says she is going through the process legitimately here but my husband said that’s not how it works and she’s an illegal immigrant.

He told me I can’t go over to their house. He claims this guy is a jerk to other women, and he’s upset that this started because this guy was telling me about his problems when he was drunk at a party we went to. He said I should have shut him down and told him that it’s not appropriate to talk to me about his problems. I introduced him to my sister that night.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ivilarc on 2024-01-14 14:55:22+00:00.

To start with, I'm roommates with 3 other girls of my age. We wanted to do a little fun activity and decided to do a gift exchange. Basically, we would get random names and we would have to buy a gift for them.

We had 3 whole days to plan out what we wanted to buy and go buy them. There's Ann, Kyra, Sam. I got Kyra's name. Kyra got Ann's name. Ann got Sam's name. And Sam got my name.

We're all quite close with each other so we didn't really expect much from the gifts and would be happy by whatever we got.

For my gift to Kyra, I decided to get her a bunch of her favourite snacks and a hair clip. I heard her mention once that hers broke and she needed a new one.

The first to give their gift was Sam. I didn't know that she got my name when suddenly, she approached me and handed me a plastic bag with some street food in it. I thought she was offering it to me, since she also had one. However, I was surprised when she said that she got my name and that was her gift.

I didn't want to start an argument so I thanked her. She had gotten me some food that I don't even like and had never expressed any sort of like towards to.

I thought I was overreacting because I didn't like her gift. I only stated that it wasn't something that I would eat, but I could try. I saw that her face dropped, so I didn't say anything me. During this time, Kyra wasn't with us.

Later that night, I mentioned about the gift to Kyra and she was shocked. Since I had bought a new bottle, she assumed that must've been the gift. However, it wasn't. She said that it was outrageous for her to just buy that for me with no effort whatsoever. She didn't even think to buy me something I could use daily, or snacks, etc. It was so obvious that her gift was last minute.

Once we were all in the room, I took the gift Sam gave to me and gave it to the other two because they actually liked it. I did this in front of Sam. I noticed her face frowning, but she didn't say anything. Kyra wanted to say something to Sam but I stopped her because I didn't want any conflict. However, she did make some sassy remarks to her.

Also just for some info, Sam has been very whiny about her gift. Since Ann got her name, Ann had bought something from online. I still don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's expensive. Sam keeps bothering Ann on when her gift is gonna arrive.

Side note: Sam is from a rich family. Not that rich, but definitely rich enough to spend on at least a cheap item and something to put it in for less than 5$. No, definitely rich enough to get me something one would consider luxurious, but I never expected that. I didn't want any of that. I just wanted a gift that she actually thought of what I liked and how I was before she got it.

It really hurts me how obvious it is that she never pays any attention to other people's likes. This is a small problem, but I really need some advice and validation for feeling this way.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Prettyintrusion on 2024-01-14 23:55:41+00:00.

So I (F19) and my boyfriend (M20) live separately. I have a place of my own that I rent, but my boyfriend lives with his mom still because she’s pretty sick and has no one else to care for her.

I stay over there pretty often (maybe 2-3 nights a week) because my boyfriend works night shifts and his mom still needs someone to look after her, so I’m more than happy to stay over and do whatever needs doing.

However, now she is asking me to pay $350 a month for staying round so often.

This honestly baffles me, because I literally only stay there overnight a few nights a week, I barely use her food, I have the odd shower but that’s IT. I certainly dont use $350 worth of her stuff a month. This is on top of the $350 that my boyfriend pays her, which is fair enough because he lives there full time.

Why should I pay rent on her house when I already have a place of my own that’s quite expensive?

I told her no, that’s not fair, but now she’s angry at me. My boyfriend is on my side but i can’t help but feel like I could be an AH.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Civil-Break4576 on 2024-01-14 23:43:37+00:00.

AITA for telling my sister and her family to leave my house after my sister started to curse at me.

My sister, her husband, and my niece come to my house almost every weekend. This weekend, my daughter had committed to my niece to help her put together a lego set. They arrived at our house and when they came in my daughter was playing a game, my niece was eating some dinner they’d brought for her and my sister was eating but also was clearly expressing some anger/frustration with her husband who was in the family room playing video games with my husband. This was the plan all along— for our husbands to play games and my daughter and niece to build legos. It was super early in the night (maybe 5:30/6ish) so there was a lot of time for everyone to get to everything because they are usually here until 10:30 or 11 on a weekend.

My niece finishes her food and my sister was fussing. I actually said to my husband I may leave and run some errands because I don’t like the energy in here. I packed up the food my niece didn’t finish and put it in a bag for her. My niece starts to open the legos. She’s 7 and capable to start this task—- we were letting her do her thing. My daughter was still playing her game.

My sister says “Sarah, are you going to get up? Jane is opening everything and she’s ready.” Sarah responded that she was coming in just a bit. My sister goes in and starts helping my niece and says “well now you need some scissors. I thought the teen almost young adult was going to get up and help you”.

This is when I chimed in with, “Sarah doesn’t have to hop up just because Jane is done eating and ready. She will be in in just a minute” and I put the pair of scissors on the table.

After about 3-4 minutes Sarah goes in and starts helping. My sister is on the phone and grumbling about something else and then says “oh Sarah it’s okay I don’t want your mom to think I’m forcing you to come help”.

I respond, “hey that’s not really necessary” and try to explain that I was just saying they both could be patient while Sarah finished what she was doing. My sister cuts me off and I say “listen whatever you’re upset about you don’t need to take it out on me.”

She proceeds to start yelling and cursing at me. Telling me I need to shut the fuck up and I really need to not take this to another level because she’s already not in the mood and she about to “go there” with me.

Without yelling I say, “you need to go. You gotta go home.”

She says fine and said “I didn’t want to come over here today anyway.” I didn’t say anything and let them leave.

Later my husband says “you and your sister ruined us(him and my brother in law) hanging out.” I asked okay but was I wrong? I don’t think anyone should be able to come in my home and disrupt my peace because they are in a bad mood.

My husband responded “you don’t put family out of your house”.

Am I the asshole???

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dee_Ree on 2024-01-14 23:29:03+00:00.

I (f35) and fiancé (m30) are considering cancelling our wedding and eloping instead because of MIL

MIL has never tried to have a positive relationship with me. She makes sure I’m not included in conversations, belittles my achievements & talks down to me.

Things escalated when I was planning fiancés 30th. MIL fought me on every detail and accused me of not knowing my fiancé at all. (I planned a golf weekend away for him and his family) he loves golf.

Fiancé confronted MIL and asked why she doesn’t like me? MIL admitted she doesn’t like me. (Doesn’t like my partner driving to events, didn’t like it took me a month to find employment when I moved to a different town to be with fiancé. Fiancé receives calls and texts from MIL daily. If he doesn’t respond, she blames me.

Fiancé told her if she doesn’t stop this behaviour toward me he will no longer speak with her.

I agreed to meet with MIL to smooth things over and try to move forward. MIL never took me up on it. But things seemed ok for a time.

Fast forward to fiancés brothers wedding.

Wedding day arrives and we were to be at the venue at 4pm. Five minutes to 2pm fiancé receives call from MIL saying the family photo shoot is in 5 minutes. We hadn’t been told of a family photo shoot? MIL demands we arrive at 2pm for it. We frantically get ready and arrive at the house where the wedding was. There was never a photo shoot planned. MIL comes out and tries to hand me boys suit shirts to iron. I refused.

MIL snaps at me asking where my son is. He was never coming. He’s at the hotel. MIL continues stating everyone thought he would be there. I respond he was never coming and we RSVP just us. She has been told multiple times he wasn't coming.

The ceremony is over & I started to have guests come up to me asking where my son is. I don’t even know these peoples names. I tell them he’s at the hotel. Looks of disgust are thrown at me. My new friends stopped talking to me. I realised these people were being told my son was at the hotel but not telling them how old he is (teenager)The wedding was a place of ridicule and disgust on me.

Christmas Day at MIL house. Her family scurry away from me on arrival, refusing to hug or greet me. One man, whom I had met once 2 years ago, aggressively accused me of leaving my son alone on Christmas Day. (Son was at fathers place this year). The rumour has continued and now not only does the MIL hate me, so do her family.

I made up an excuse to announce the fact my son was a teenager whom just finished his first year of high school at the top of his class. Everyones jaw dropped. None of them knew he is a teen. MIL hurried out of the room.

Now fiancé wants to cancel wedding and elope because of MIL. Fiancé is demanding I speak with MIL one last time in order for him to cut her off.

AITA for not wanting to confront MIL and for cancelling the wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ToxicMushroom69 on 2024-01-14 22:15:16+00:00.

So, for some backstory, me and my boyfriend have been talking about getting married for about a year. We live together and have a baby daughter, but we aren't engaged yet, as we want to have some stuff sorted out first and be fully ready for the commitment. One of the things stopping us at the moment is his mom. We used to get along, but she's incredible toxic and vindictive, and I cut contact with her over a year ago. My family all hate her and she's not allowed anywhere near our daughter because several reasons. My bf is low contact with her, or so he says, but imo they talk pretty often.

My bf really wants her at the wedding, but I don't. He says it's unfair I get to share life experiences with my mom, but he can't do the same with his mom. Thing is, she's (for lack of a better word) evil. Every time my bf tells me about her, like stories from his childhood, she just seems to get worse. I tell him that what she did wasn't okay, how could she do that to a child, and he just seems to look at me confused and goes "really? I thought that was normal." It really does break my heart to hear about all the things he went through in his life that he thinks are normal because she treated him like shit.

I've tried to convince him to go no contact and tell him about how much its hurting us, but he won't listen. She's not in our daughter's life because of all that and awful things she said about me during my pregnancy (accusing me of cheating and the baby not being his, spreading STDs, calling the police on me twice for "abuse", trying to convince my bf to leave me and steal our daughter to go and live with her, claimed that I'm gonna k word our daughter because of PPD, that I don't have a maternal bone in my body and that I'm a horrible mother, etc).

Because of those reasons and more, I have decided I do not want her at my wedding. I do not want to spend the entire day stressing about what she's saying to people, what she's doing, and if she's going to ruin everything. She's the type of person to show up in a white gown to outdo the bride and then "accidentally" spill wine all over the bride's dress to ruin it. As well, my family are all very protective and know about her abuse and violence, and so they all despise her. I have no doubt in my mind that it will end in a fist fight between her and at least one of my family members. I don't want the day to end in fights or anything.

I understand my boyfriend's side, and I do genuinely feel upset for him that his mother is the way she is. I know my boyfriend envies mine and my mom's relationship and it makes me feel horrible. I really wish it would work out with having her at our wedding, and for her to see our daughter, but it just won't. So I fully put my foot down and said she's not invited and there's no changing my mind, and he snapped at me a bit and told me to drop the subject. Did I go too far? Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Designer_Twist5619 on 2024-01-14 21:52:13+00:00.

I (14f) don't want to be a sister. My mom (35f) is 7 months pregnant. I don't like babies, I don't like children, I barely even like people my age. It sounds snarky and rude, but I've never had a good experience with them, which is why I do online school. Neither of my parents work currently, so all of us have been at home. Recently, I made plans with one of my friends I've known for pretty much my whole life since her birthday is coming up. I told my parents about this maybe a month before the actual event came up and they promised me I could go, no matter what.

A few days ago, I was getting ready to leave and my parents ask me what I'm doing. I tell them and suddenly it switches up to them saying I can't go because I need to take care of my pregnant mother while my dad (45m) meets up with his friends at a bar. I don't know why, but I think this made me snap? On top of always cooking dinner because my dad can't cook and my mom isn't able to because she feels sick, going to the store by myself because my mom can't be alone, getting my phone taken because I need to focus on my mom, and not being allowed to have basically any time to myself, this must have been my last straw. It felt like I couldn't control my words. I told my mom, "I'm not the one who got you pregnant, I don't even want a sister, so why do I need to take care of you when you have a perfectly able husband?" I couldn't do much else because they just stared at me as I ran back to my room to call my friend and tell her what happened and that I couldn't go.

After that, I've barely come out of my room and my dad has started slipping index cards under my bedroom door telling me I need to apologize because my mom thinks I hate her and that I'm ungrateful for this oppritunity to grow as a person and I should be happy to have a little sibling on the way. I can understand she's emotional and stressed, she's growing a whole other human inside her body, but I don't understand why they need to make my mom and this baby my responsibility? My dad doesn't do anything other than watch TV and go out with his friends while I study all day and have tons of homework piling up because I'm taking care of my mother all day so my dad can sit on his ass, but I need to do pretty much everything for my mother. AITA??

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WarAutomatic8555 on 2024-01-14 19:39:30+00:00.

I (26M) and my girlfriend (23F) have been together for 5 years, our relationship has always been good although it took a hit after my girlfriend got demoted at work.

I don’t believe I have any right to go into details as it’s her experience but Ill obviously give the necessary details, she got demoted at work not because of her job performance but because the consensus was there was another person better for the job. She never got fired, but that day she quit. My job is well paying, it’s enough for us to live paycheck to paycheck until she got a new job. I wasn’t going to argue with her about it as I understood being demoted really hurt her feelings, she’s always had a hard time facing criticism and has always prioritized her career.

For the next couple of days she would cry non stop, to the point where her entire face was swollen and I never cared about her appearance but it looked painful and whenever I’d try to bring her ice for her swollen face she would scream at me, berate me and tell me no one cared about me and I won’t lie it would most definitely upset me but yet again I love her so I never said anything.

After around 6 days I decided to propose the idea of getting a new job, or maybe helping around the house as it was difficult for me to work my shift and come home to clean, cook and do both of our laundry. She agreed and wasn’t rude or anything of that nature although she never got a job and never helped around so a few days later I decided to help her look for a job yet this time she got in my face started screaming, like actual headache inducing screaming at me and calling me a bunch of insults.

This time I was really upset and mad, so I decided not to speak to her, I’d never insult a girl may I add so I never said anything I just walked away. The next day shes up again crying, I didn’t actually see it but it was loud enough for me to hear. I got dressed for work and left, when I got home she told me that it was hurtful for me to walk right by her and I was really confused as I thought she didn’t want me to comfort her as when I did it’d turn into her yelling at me, I tried to respond but she walked away. I’ve tried to talk to her multiple times, she’s always silent. Not a single word, I still hear her crying sometimes, and I feel bad yet whenever I try to say something it’s always silence or her throwing whatever is nearby at me. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dancing-pineapple4 on 2024-01-14 19:04:45+00:00.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my first post. I’m sorry I didn’t reply, but I read all your messages and it was super helpful.

So I’ve ended up being able to organise moving out. I gave her a months notice and I am being removed off the lease and moving elsewhere. It’s been incredibly uncomfortable and I think In the end I didn’t deal with it well. This was all happening just before Christmas which is shitty.

I spoke with her again and was firm, she let me know that she understood and he would be leaving for a week before coming back for a short time and then leaving again. I thought this would be ok, but he never ended up leaving and suddenly it was Christmas Eve and she was cooking the three of us a Christmas dinner while I was at work. I felt awful because I was still mad and annoyed that she once again seemed to lie to me and yet I couldn’t be angry that he was still there because it was Christmas and she was cooking a dinner. I didn’t want to participate and accept those nice gestures when I felt like it was all fake… My coworker convinced me I had to say something. I felt horrible, but she convinced me and although I probably ruined my flat mates Christmas, I think it needed to be said. I let her know that I was sorry but he never left and since she didn’t stick to what she said I would now be leaving. She cancelled the dinner and wouldn’t speak to me when I got home and later told me that she asked him to stay because she didn’t want to be alone.

She was upset that no one considered her feelings and that she was distress because she couldn’t please both of us. She would rather I speak with him directly instead of using her as a middle man… I was confused and asked if I had a guest she had a problem with, would it be her responsibility to kick them out?

I’ve been venting to my best friend about everything that has happened and in hindsight that was an awful mistake as she is friends with my flat mate, but she’s recently decided she doesn’t want to be friends with this person anymore if that is how they treat people. Which is all my fault and I’ve tried to convince her otherwise but she won’t budge.

I didn’t want to move out. I enjoyed living with this person. But unfortunately I couldn’t let the blatant disregard for the fact that it is also meant to be my house. Go. And so next week I move out. I do feel bad about how this all went down, but I also feel relieved.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cautious-Composer-12 on 2024-01-14 17:56:27+00:00.

I have 3 kids aged 13, 11, and 9. They frequently have friends over and have sleepovers, which I’m fine with. But I recently realised that despite having friends over at our house all the time, my kids have never been to their houses. My eldest has went to a friends for a birthday party but that’s it. They never get invited over and they certainly haven’t had a sleepover.

We do have a bigger house than most, and maybe more room to accommodate extra kids, but I can’t help but feel like my kids are missing out on sleepovers at their friends. I’m the only mother who works full time among their friends’ parents, and I often feed the friends or buy them snacks when I get something for my kids.

It seems quite rude to me as a parent to send your kids to someone else’s house and never returning the invite. Am I being unreasonable to expect some invitations in return?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Calm_Tank on 2024-01-14 17:54:39+00:00.

I (25f) own my moms old house. When she died 5 years ago my two siblings and I inherited it equally, but it was not fully paid off and in order to close out the estate it needed to be sold. I had the money and was emotionally attached to the home, so I bought out my siblings and own it outright now.

I live in a different city a few hours away from the home, but use it for family gatherings like Christmas every year, where my siblings and their families are always invited. I also used it for some weeklong vacations in the summer when I wanted to get away.

Last June, my sister (29f) and her husband were going through a rough period. They lost their apartment and asked me if they could move into the house with their child (2m). I told them yes under the conditions that I could come visit over the summer like usual with a bedroom to sleep in and that Christmas could still be hosted in the house. They agreed to these terms and moved in. I did not charge rent, but implored them to use that money to save and get themselves out of the debt they were in.

This august when I came to visit, I had to stay on the sofa because they were using the extra room for her husbands office, which was not the agreement. I understood that they were living there and just trying to be comfortable so I let it go.

Over Christmas, I asked them about plans for the holiday. My sister informed me that she was struggling mentally and did not feel like hosting the family. She said it was going to be too much work. It was the first Christmas in my life that I didn’t celebrate at my moms house.

This week I asked them to move out of the house. They were not following the agreements, and so I thought it was fair. Now she’s calling me a monster for kicking her child out of his home. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hopeful-Outcome894 on 2024-01-14 17:44:23+00:00.

Some backstory. I’m pretty successful especially in comparison to my family. I also travel quite a bit for work.

When I do come into town I try and meet everyone and usually go out to a few dinners. Because of the income disparity I almost always pay for my family. Sometimes I splurge and take them out to a really nice place but usually it’s just outback or something. I do let them pay every once in awhile when it’s a quick, cheap meal so they don’t feel bad.

I have no issue with this and love helping my family ( I handle family vacation, bought mom a car etc) so I feel like I’m very generous with them.

I was coming back into town for the holidays but couldn’t stay long this time. My mom said everyone wanted to see me and planned a dinner.

After I got into town I had a text from my mom from a few hours earlier (no signal on plane) to meet at a really high end steakhouse. I was a bit uneasy about it because I always initiate more expensive meals but rolled with it.

I show up at the restaurant to find a huge party. My mom, stepdad, grandparents, cousins, neighbors etc. Usually our family dinners are 6 people roughly. I don’t have much family and very few I’m close to. This was almost 20 people.

I didn’t think much of it and ordered dinner. Then the neighbor of my grandmother, whom I’ve only ever waved to, offered a toast to me for being so generous and taking everyone out to dinner.

I looked at my mom who was beet red. Appetizers came out at this exact moment. I had assumed some version of a Dutch meal since so many people were there. I immediately said “I’m not paying for dinner”

I quickly looked around. Everyone had drinks. They ordered a ton of appetizers and everyone had steaks. This places steaks all are 80-250 per person. Quick math said this was going to be a 4k dinner easy.

I got up, threw a $100 on the table and left.

My phone was blowing up, I turned it off and went to bed and left the next day without saying bye. I didn’t handle it well bet actually felt used. I also told my mother I would stop sender her monthly allowance going forward.

I know I’m nta with the dinner but more concerned about my reaction.

Update: so my mom has been begging me to call her. I figured I’d let it go and called her back. I apologized for storming out, and assumed she would apologize too and we could move forward.

Nope. I was called selfish, greedy, disrespectful and mean. I asked how they could call me greedy and selfish after everything I’ve done for everyone. She said I didn’t do that much and could do more.

To be clear I’ve bought her 2 cars now. Helped remodel a bathroom. Replaced their roof. New appliances and paid for 5-6 family vacations. This is on top of a legion of other things.

I got so mad I went scorched earth and told her that nobody would be receiving any more help they weren’t appreciative of going forward.

I called AT&T and canceled the 6 lines I was paying for everyone. Canceled the internet I was paying for. Changed passwords on or canceled all my streaming accounts. Kicked their cars off aaa. Kicked her off my insurance (car). And canceled the credit card I’d given her.

No more free rides.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Assumption-2139 on 2024-01-14 17:29:53+00:00.

Throwaway and on phone

I need more opinions on this. I have always wanted to go horseback riding and I found a ranch that offers a package where you go every Saturday for a 5 weeks to learn. It will start you at the very basics and the last Saturday you go on a day trip. I wanted to do this since I heard good things about it and it seems really fun.

I was a looking at the program and the website made it very clear that you have to a less than 225 pounds in order to join. It had a very long paragraph about the horse safety and that a horse can only carry so much that isn’t equipment.

I have a friend group of 7 people. Three of those people are overweight. They are very open about their weight and I know they are all over 225. I knew the program wouldn’t allow it. So I asked my other 5 friends in they were interested. Four of them decided to join.

I was asked today by one of the friend why she wasn’t invited. I told her she didn’t qualify for the program. She asked what I met and I told her the program wouldn’t allow her on one of their horses. She kept pushing so I told her the horse apparently can’t handle her weight.

She got very upset and called me a dick. The two other friends are on my ass and are pissed I basically called them fat. I sent them the program and the info but that didn’t help

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok-Reveal-7154 on 2024-01-14 17:24:34+00:00.

So my (30F) cousin who we will call Jay came over to visit my family yesterday. He came over with his wife Mal and 2 kids Kai (8F) and Lee(6M) and stayed for lunch.

I don't really know the kids but I didn't think much of it. I was heading out to gym, but I ensured to close my bedroom door as I work from home and my workstation (a laptop and 2 screens) is set up there, and I also have my PS5 and books that I treasure in the room. I left the Switch in the TV room and docked it for the kids before I left.

Fast forward I get home and when I go to my room I see the door open. When I enter I see that K and L, switched my laptop on, the Playstation is on, and all my books are pulled off the shelf and thrown on the floor with my Harry Potter and LOTR book cases torn. I immediately go outside and tell my mum this is what's going on. She was shocked and tells me she set the kids up to play in the TV room and that M was checking on them all the time. I asked M and she said the kids wanted to play in my room and she didn't think I would mind.

This is where I may be the AH. I told my cousin that my laptop isnt a toy as its my work equipment and my mum bought me those book collections and they were really expensive and now they are ruined, he tells me they are just kids. I told him if he can't control his kids and let them act like barnyard animals then he should leave. He ended up leaving and my dad told me I was completely out of line and that I should have more respect. My mum agreed with me, and apologized saying she told them not to go into mine or my brother's room. My cousin texted me saying I was completely rude and he cannot believe I disrespected him and that I'm being way too childish over books and a game and that I don't get it because I don't want kids, I told him after meeting his they became solid birth control for me.

AITA

EDIT: So just to clarify on a point. When i saw what the kids did, I told them they cant be in my room and took them back to the lounge and closed the door. I spoke to my mum in private first about what happened and told her I will speak with them I was angry but I remained calm. When I first approached my cousin and his wife I to them this is what they did and it's not okay. My exact words were "mum told the kids not to go in there and they did. They destroyed my book boxsets and some of my games are all over the floor. Please may you ask them to clean this up? Because they messed it up." He told me they were just kids and that it happens, i should have put the stuff away knowing they were coming over. That is when I lost it and told him, it's my home and I shouldn't have to hide my stuff for his "Barnyard animals" and if he can't control them then maybe he should leave. He told my mum and dad that I was raised poorly to talk to elders this way, dad said sorry, mum said I was right.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gardenstate71 on 2024-01-14 17:15:24+00:00.

I (40f) have 4 kids. Three daughters (16, 14 and 11) and a son (16). Only the twins are relevant here, let’s call them John and Judie.

Since a few months John and Judie are asking their dad and me for permission to get a tattoo. Both hubby and I are inked so we were not against it. We just asked them to think about what exactly they want for a few months so they don’t regret it later and then they can get inked in 2024 with our permission. They presented us their motives on January 1. Judie had a lovely little flower/nature motive for her arm. I instantly fell in love with it.

The problems was with Johns motive. He chose the world serpent from norse mythology and this tree. The serpent forms a circle around the tree and there are Norse runes inside the circle. I saw it and had to thought immediately about white supremacists and their Nordic tattoos. It was an instant no for him. We are white with blond hair and blue eyes and this tattoo would send the wrong signals. It would be on his arm so everyone could see it if he wears a shirt. John was furios. His dad asked him to compromise by removing the runes from his concept but John said no. So no tattoo for him.

I made an appointment for my daughter at my tattoo artist but when I told my husband he said he wants the twins to get their first tattoos together and that this means something for him. Besides, it would be unfair to John and he has second thoughts now because maybe they are to young. I disagreed with him. Why should Judie suffer because of her brothers unwillingness to choose something more appropriate. I tried to convince him but he was adamant. In the end I thought f*ck it. She’s getting this tattoo. So I drove her to my studio without telling hubby and she got her tattoo. My husband was furious when he saw it and called me a massive AH. He said I broke his trust and undermined his authority. John is giving me the silent treatment.

AITA? His reasons were sh*t in my opinion but he is Judies dad and we vowed to always act as a team.

EDIT: 1. It is legal in my Country (EU) to get inked at 16 with permission from parents. 2. Why is this turning into a girls vs boys thing in the comments. This has NOTHING to do with the gender of my kids.

Edit2: I apologized to my husband for my actions and promised that something like this will never happen again. He accepted my apology.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DubK1d93 on 2024-01-14 15:55:50+00:00.

Im pretty sure the asshole here but heres my story,

I (30m) told my wife (32f) told me wife that she was sitting on her ass that whole time while her grandpa was in the hospital in ICU, waiting on news for them from the doctors. While I have been trying to clean and straighten up the house for potentially over night visitors from her side of the family.

So her grandpa was admitted into a hospital and then was flown out to a more resourced hospital. My wife was there every day of the last week by their side, keeping them company and while I'm working my job and coming home taking care of the kids, doing the cooking, and cleaning. Bringing her food and other thing that she needs. Just to clarify that the hospital that her grandpa is at is bout over an hour away, due to constant traffic and shear stupidty on the road.

Just before this incident, her mother was in the ER for bad sciatica and was in the ER since 3pm to the 7am of the next morning. I took her mother there myself and waited nearly all night before me and my wife switched because I had work in a few hrs.

I left work early the past week a few times, so I could be able to get the things that my wife needs or wants, and be able to keep the kids company and try not to let the kids wonder why their great grandpa is in the hospital.

So last night, I got the kids fed, the house clean, and waited for my wife and her mom to come back from the hospital to eat dinner. Earlier in the day I took some items over to her that she needed, while I was in the middle of cleaning. I told her that I need to give the younger 2 kids a shower and It didn't happen. So, I finished cleaning and then cooking started and finished. After dinner, I was in the middle of giving the 2 kids a shower, she told me that I gave the kids a shower already. I told her that I didn't because I was busy cleaning and cooking. She commented that I got home hours ago and it was 9pm. I told her that I got back by 3pm and finished the cleaning and immediately started prepping to cook and didn't eat til 730pm. Then we proceeded to have an argument on that subject, then I told her I been trying to do all that I can to keep the kids comfort and the house clean and food on the table. While she works then heads to the hospital, to sit on her ass to wait for results or anything from the doctors.

I realized that I fucked up, and began to apologize of what I said. I'm beginning to wonder if she will leave me over this incident. I really don't want her to leave. Rereading this whole thing, I am the asshole. I really shouldn't have said or make a comment on her staying by her grandpa's side.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Big_Theory7747 on 2024-01-14 15:07:08+00:00.

We had a daughter last year and I’ve put on about 30 pounds. Now, even though I’ve gained weight, I don’t think I’m fat. My legs have just gotten thicker. Anyways, he keeps making comments saying that I haven’t stopped eating since I’ve gotten pregnant. Yesterday, I was preparing a snack for our daughter when he said “ why don’t you move out the way, you don’t see you’re big’. He tried to play it off after and said he was just talking about my butt. It really hurt my feelings so I said “ at least a fat person can lose weight but your hair is never gonna grow back”. For context, he’s 27 but the front of his hair and the middle have thinned out a lot. He’s very self conscious about it to the point that he won’t leave the house without a hat and he’ll turn back around if he realizes that he forgot to take it with him.

He’s been angry at me since I made the comment but I felt like if he keeps talking about my weight, then I can talk about his hairline. So AITA?

Edit: I see a lot of people in the comments asking if I gained the weight after the pregnancy. It was during the pregnancy. People are also saying I can control my weight and I should be going to the gym. I do workout when I have the time. Finding time to go to the gym is very different for a father than it is for a mother. Yes I know two wrongs don’t make a right and when I calmed down, I realized I should’ve handled it in a better way. Thanks for all the feedback

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Otherwise-Clue-2231 on 2024-01-14 14:27:37+00:00.

(On my older cousins account to avoid my friends seeing this post) I, F15 am a Type 1 diabetic and need daily insulin shots. I use my glucometer at lunch to measure my glucose levels to see if everything is alright - if it isn't, I have to visit welfare (school nurse but in the UK). Now at this particular lunch time, my stomach had been hurting and we had a test just before that we had been preparing for for weeks so my stress levels were kinda high.

Me and my friends (me, Lucy, Kayla and Jane) were all sat down eating lunch when I pulled out my glucometer and started using it. Lucy started laughing, asking me which iPhone model I was using and I just smiled. I was really focused because I was about to prick my finger when she suddenly grabbed the glucometer and started throwing it in the air and catching it. I asked for it back in a joking way and she said no and kept throwing it in the air.

My stomach began hurting like hell so I yelled at her to give it back (more serious this time) and she just began laughing again. All our friends went silent and it was just her laughing until I put the needle down, grabbed the glucometer out of her hands, got all my stuff and left. I went to welfare and measured my glucose there and took an insulin shot as they were higher than usual.

I didn't speak to any of them for the rest of the day until Lucy put in the groupchat that she was just joking and what I did was bitchy and some of our friends were agreeing with her. I just said that I was stressed and my stomach was hurting, I needed to quickly measure my glucose in case something happens and they did end up being higher than usual. Lucy just said my diabetes are not her responsibility and I didn't have to be so bitchy and left the groupchat.

I don't really understand what that meant but I feel bad that I offended her. She's one of my friends and it's her thing to be the funniest one. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh when I yelled at her and pulled it out of my hand. One of my friends though, Jane supported me and privately texted me that I did nothing wrong and that Lucy was just being weird. She said we could all talk tomorrow but I don't know if I should apologise or not.

AITA?

Update: Thanks for your comments. I guess I'm a bit naive, I won't apologise and I'll explain that what she did was disrespectful tomorrow and that as a friend, I expect her to care for my health. Jane said she'll be there to back me in private messages after Lucy left the groupchat. I'll tell Kayla that I didn't appreciate her supporting my health being made into a joke and I think I'll just start hanging with other friends for now. Thanks again! :)

Update 2: Jane just told me that Lucy made a new groupchat with just Jane and Kayla and sent screenshots of this AITA post. I guess using my elder cousins account didn't really help at all. Jane left that groupchat and told Lucy that she didn't want anything to do with her until she realises what she did was wrong and why. I'm just scared she's going to start leaving comments on this post or something.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TimeDistrict2940 on 2024-01-14 13:59:10+00:00.

My half sister and I share a mom. She died when I was 6 and my half sister was 18 months old. I lost my dad when I was 2 months old. Mom married my half sister's dad when I was 4. He didn't adopt me and then mom died. I vaguely remember a social worker talking to me at the time and maybe a judge but I'm kinda fuzzy. My dad's brother and sister in-law won guardianship over me. I do remember wanting to live with my uncle at the time. I also remember saying that to those who asked me.

I do have one memory of my sister's dad that sticks out and it was not a happy one. But I don't remember a lot about living with him specifically though I remember my mom reasonably well. She had a lot of problems and I have no idea if those existed before my dad's death or if they were things that happened after.

My half sister and I see each other once a month and that has been the schedule ever since custody was figured out. My half sister always wanted more but I was okay with seeing her once a month. Over the years she told me I should move in with her and her dad and I always said I was fine not doing that. She would ask me why I called my dad dad instead of calling her dad dad. I told her we had different dads and she would always say her dad claimed two daughters and that I was the other one. I would show her photos of my dad and she would get a little frustrated with me because he died when I was so young while I have memories of her dad.

In the last year she has been more obsessed with me moving in with them. I'm 16 now and I'm happy where I am and I don't want to live with them. I have always told her I'm happy at home with my family and she will tell me she and he dad are my family. I lost my temper with her a couple of months ago when she mentioned it again to me. I just got so tired of hearing it. She got upset and asked for our visit to end early. Then last month we had our visit a week before Christmas and she came with this idea that I owe it to her to move in with them because I'm her big sister and I'm the one who chose not to stay with her and her dad. She said it means so much to her and all that and that if I want to be a good big sister I would do it for her. I told her I don't owe her that. I don't owe us living in the same house. I told her that is not what I want or am willing to make happen. She got really mad and yelled at me. Then her dad called my uncle and raged over the phone about my saying that to my half sister and claiming I should have more tact.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Alarmed-Hurry-7324 on 2024-01-14 13:23:56+00:00.

I have been with my partner for over 3 years and we've said in the next 5 years it would be nice if we had enough for a deposit for a house. Last month I won a pretty substantial amount of money which will allow me to pay a large down payment on the house and get a mortgage.

I was talking about this with my partner and mentioned to her that since I would be the one paying the down payment and deposit that I would only be putting my name as a homeowner. I said I don't expect her to pay towards the mortgage, I'd only expect her to contribute towards utilities.

She said I was being unfair since we were planning to buy a house together. I said that if she wants to wait until we both have the money then that's fine. She said since I have the money now, it makes sense for us to get a house now since it would mean we're not paying rent anymore.

I just repeated that if that happens then I will be the sole homeowner. She again said I was being unfair since it should be both of us but I just pointed out that I'm the one paying the deposit and down payment so I'm going to be the one who owns the house. She just repeated that I was being unfair towards her and that we should both be on the deeds as homeowners.

AITA for refusing to put my partners name on the mortgage and deeds to the house?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wild_Stick_5998 on 2024-01-14 12:27:48+00:00.

So I (21F) went to my grandads (80M) house last week and he handed me a jar full of cash with my name on it. He told me to count it and it came to £3200. I asked him what it was for and he explained the rules of the game he'd been playing with the whole family:

From the 1st of December 2023, to the 31st December 2023, everytime a member of the family visited him, he'd put £100 in their jar for every hour they spent with him. At the end of the month, the person who spent the most time with him would receive all of the money in their jar, and the others would get nothing. He obviously didn't tell anybody that he was doing this so that no one spent extra time with him to get the money.

I won his "game" by £600, so 6 hours more than the person who came second (my uncle).

At first I didn't want to accept the money, only because I didn't think it was right to play games with people without them knowing, especially not your family. But after a while he convinced me to take my prize money because I "earned it".

When I got home, I told my parents about the money and explained his game to them. I told my mum where she came on the scoreboard (4th) and she was understandably upset at her father for making us unknowingly compete with each other. Then she told the rest of the family via a group chat.

So now pretty much my whole family is mad at my grandad for doing this, but also me for accepting the money. He is an old man and he's not exactly a millionaire, so they think that I should have refused the money and confronted him for what he did. I think that if he was willing to play this game then he obviously has no problem with giving the money away, and he did insist on me taking it. Also, he's always been a weird guy, so although I don't agree with what he did, I'm not too surprised, so I don't think I should have had to start an argument with him about it.

Edit: sorry I didn't make it clear enough, this took place between December 1st and December 31st of last year, so only lasting one month. Each person who visited him had a separate jar, so my jar had £3200 in it because I spent 32 hours with him. Other people had different amounts in their jars, but I only received what was in mine. :)

Another Edit: Thank you for all of the responses so far. I've seen a lot of comments about how his game was unfair because some people have more free time. That's completely true, although in this case, don't assume that just because I'm young, I have more free time. I have a full time job, a partner, and a small side business to run, I have significantly less free time than most of my family, apart from maybe my uncle, who works slightly more hours than me. The majority of my family work part time or not at all, and only my aunt has a young kid to attend to, but she doesn't work either. I'm not saying the game was fair, but I think most of my family would not have trouble finding the spare time to spend with him, some would just rather be doing anything else :/

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/m1l1k1 on 2024-01-14 21:41:49+00:00.

For context I broke my foot a few months ago, and my friends I used to see almost daily started hanging out with a different crowd of people, a few of those people they recently started hanging out with really don't treat me well/show me any kind of respect.

I have repeatedly told my friends that I don't really enjoy myself when this individual (lets call him Joe) is around, and that I'd rather just stay home. They don't seem to care overly much.

I went out with them recently, and the entire time it was clear that when Joe is there, I kind of get ignored by the entire group and it just feels like I'm not welcome.

Today, we had plans to go somewhere, and were adamant that the whole group comes. My friend told me/the group-chat that *Mar* (Joes GF) might be coming . I was upset because they know I'd rather just skip out.

I let my emotions get the best of me and I texted back "is her pet also going to be there". My friend Jill continued to tell me I was "so mean".

Am I the asshole for sending that text and telling my friends I don't like hanging out with them when Joe is with them?

TL;DR: My friend started hanging out with new people after I got hurt, recently I have been going to hang with them again, but whenever certain *new* friends come, they all seem to ignore me. I got mad and sent a text asking if he would be there, and got told i was mean. AITA?