Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AndyMan463 on 2023-12-29 14:50:42+00:00.

I, (14m(young, I know)) am a very avid lego collector. in a couple days, my grandparents are going to Cuba (specifically one of the poorer parts) and they asked me if I wanted to donate anything to the poor kids in need there. My mom suggested that I donated some of my spare lego(I have tons of spare pieces) as I have so much, but I told her that I didn't really want to as those pieces hold tons of good memories and a great sentimental value to me. Now she's guilt tripping me and making me seem like a huge asshole for not donating and now I feel like my grandparents will also give me hell for choosing not to donate. I feel really bad about this whole situation, but I feel like I'm in the right for not wanting to donate. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maximum_Kangaroo_194 on 2023-12-29 14:40:35+00:00.

For background: I am a full time employee at a well known online retailer. The employees at my site range from warehouse workers up to senior leadership. We also work with external vendors/contractors, who are in our building daily.

We have seen an increase in employee thefts within the building (nearly all of these thefts involve the warehouse workers). Usually it's taking from another worker (food, jackets, headphones, etc.) or it can involve taking from the company's assets (food/drinks from our vending area, company swag, etc.). I work in HR, so it's my job to investigate these incidents with our security team, and take disciplinary action, as warranted.

That said: one of our contractors brought a giant box of chocolate Christmas candies (something like 5 lbs.) into the office for the employees to share. Said contractor approached many of us to let us know that they brought the candy in, where they left it, and to help ourselves.

I went over to the location where the contractor left the box, and it wasn't there. I started asking around, and no one else had seen it.

After asking everyone in the office, my next step was to consider that, perhaps, a warehouse worker had taken the candy. This isn't only an issue of taking the candy, but would also imply that a warehouse worker entered a restricted area that contains sensitive data, a terminable offense.

I got with our security team to review camera footage to determine if we could pin down where this candy went, and who may have gained access to the office.

We found out the culprit: it was the most senior leader of the building, who makes more than twice what I do, and 5x as much as most of our employees. Not only did this person walk out with the box, they made an effort to conceal it in their backpack.

When approached, they said they, "took the box home to split the candy up into individual baggies to hand out to the employees."

So, wait, you took a gift from someone else, and decided you were going to regift it? Doesn't even make sense, and was an obvious lie.

They took it and thought no one would notice, and morale in the office has kind of been affected, because who does that? It's not because they took candy, but because they took the gift of a much lower-paid contractor before it could be shared with anyone else, and then lied about it.

The other employees in our office are pissed at the sense of entitlement and disrespect, but are largely urging me to let it go, especially since this person is more senior.

I disagree - I think this person needs to know that their selfish action affected a lot of people, is unbecoming of a leader, and took time out of our day to "investigate."

I'm not trying to get them fired, or even receive some type of official discipline, but I want them to know that we all know they took it, and that they're setting a bad example.

WIBTA?

TL;DR Senior leader took office Christmas gift home, then lied about it. I want to confront them, but coworkers think I should let it go.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/That-Imagination9462 on 2023-12-29 14:36:01+00:00.

For context, I (22F) am trans. I transitioned pretty young, I’ve completed my transition with bottom surgery and completely pass so look just like a “normal woman”. My friend (22M) and I are super, super close. He’s gay, and when I first told him I was trans he said “yeah, I did think you had a really feminine face but you have kinda broad shoulders so I could tell”. He’s kind of dropped other comments on my appearance that have stung a little, but he’s the ONLY person I have ever experienced this from. Guys talk to me in bars, I’ve had boyfriends, sure I look in the mirror and see flaws, but i don’t think any of these flaws are out with the female range. I posted a picture a while back on one of the trans passing pages if you think it’s relevant

The last few days I’ve been feeling kinda down and a little sensitive emotionally. I sent him a picture of my dog in bed and my forearm/hair are visible in the picture (long, blonde hair). He replied “who is that?” And I said “….me? Who did you think it was?” And he said “I can’t say without offending you”. He thought it was a guy.

I’m kind of hurt. I’m just like….my bedsheets, my dog, my hair and my…forearm(?) gave you guy? It felt so unnecessary and like if he had taken a second to think on it he could have just not said it.

I don’t know why but his opinion of me matters to me so much. I said he was digging a hole when he tried to explain and to leave it, but that I really hated when he would make comments about my appearance and how he thought i looked manly. He said he didn’t think I looked manly and that I was clutching at straws.

Now we’re kind of fighting and I feel like I maybe could’ve kept quiet and just been a little butt hurt on my own. Am I the asshole for lashing out or is he in the wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/NoSea7924 on 2023-12-29 14:31:43+00:00.

Am I the asshole for giving rose toy stocking stuffers for Christmas? I [26F] have a family of grown adults, mostly women. My youngest sister is 19. For those who don't know, a rose toy is a sex toy that is commonly mentioned as a meme on TikTok and similar platforms. However, as someone who is into sex toys, I find it to be a very good product. It can be ordered cheaply from various websites, which is what I did. So, thinking that since we're all ladies here, I decided to gift rose toys to all four of my sisters and my mom. I also got them clothes and other items. When they opened the gifts I gave them, everything seemed fine until my youngest sister opened the rose toy and was like, "umm..." I said, "Yeah, I got you guys rose toys." My mom and older sisters were like, "What is that?" with smiles on their faces, and I told them it's a sex toy. All of their smiles disappeared, and my mom said, "A sex toy?" I responded, "Yes," and she asked, "Why would you buy me a sex toy?" I was shocked because I had found dildos and vibrators in her nightstand and closet before, so I wondered why she was acting surprised and acting like it was something new. I replied, "Yes," and my other sisters were just awkwardly laughing and looking at each other. My mom told me that a sex toy isn't an appropriate Christmas gift, and she thought I had more "class." First of all, what exactly is an appropriate Christmas gift? I have always been told that it's the thought that counts. I told her, "Listen, it's not a big deal, and you don't have to accept it." Then she said, "Did you really think that it's okay to give your family and your younger sister, who is only 19, a gift like that?" I responded, "She's an adult, Mom." My sisters remained silent, and after I said that, things got quiet, and the rest of Christmas was spent with my mom obviously upset, and nobody accepted their rose toy. Which is fine, but my mom told me the day after, "Don't expect an invite next Christmas." Really? I told her she needs to lighten up because she's a grown woman. There was no response. Am I the asshole for giving my family rose toys? This happened three days ago, and I'm curious about what I did wrong.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ordinary-Camera-7753 on 2023-12-29 14:29:01+00:00.

I 23F am a full time content creator and influencer. I started in college for fun, but I blew up and I was able to start paying bills with my hobby.

After graduating, I secured a training contract as a lawyer but really my heart was in context creation and when my income from social media was more than my job, I quit in October to work full time as an influencer.

My family and friends were concerned for me, but I was able to sustain my lifestyle and my mental health at my job was awful, as I worked crazy hours and didn’t really have time for myself between my job and social media.

Part of why my content works well is guys. I make fitness, clothing and beauty content but when going through analytics realised I get a lot of traffic on my page from guys interacting on my post. Since then I’ve tailored my content to retain my audience.

I am quite private about my personal life so a lot of them think I am single and will message me or ask me out. My audience is now 80% guys. I have never taken anyone up on this offer and wouldn’t, as I have been with my boyfriend Alex since high school.

Recently, I went to an influencer party and a guy bought me a expensive bag and flowers to ask me out which he sent to my apartment. I told the guy I wasn’t interested and told Alex about the interaction. At the party, I only spent time with him in a group setting and gave no indication I was interested in him romantically.

Alex got really upset and wants me to make a post announcing we are in a relationship, but this would tank my views and now affect my income, as I have no back up. I told him it was unreasonable for him to ask me that but I’m looking for a second opinion. In my personal life, I make it clear I am in a relationship, but it’s not something I want to announce on social media.

Alex is a private guy and I don’t think he understands how much of that privacy he’ll lose or how invasive fans can get.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Effective_You3535 on 2023-12-29 14:26:30+00:00.

So my gf got on the phone with me and told me that she threw up this morning and doesnt feel that well. I simply just answer that i aint no doctor. And i cannot tell her whats the problem. Every time this happens she becomes aggressive and yells at me And i dont understand why. Because if she feels lowkey sick she makes an elephant out of an fly. And 99% of the cases its nothing even serious. It is just like. Her arm feels numb because she lay on it,or an small Vein in her eye popped because she looked on the screen for to Long Aita ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FerOfTheDark98 on 2023-12-29 14:26:21+00:00.

Hello. I'm a long time lurker but first time poster, English is not my first language and I'm bad at typing.

So I (25F) live with my family (mom and dad, late 40s, and my brother who's 23) which is normal where I live. For New Years my extended family on my dad's side (Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother and Grandfather and my Cousin who's maybe late 20s) have come to stay on the 27th and plan to leave sometime after New Years.

The issue is, they don't have a lot of guest etiquette, my cousin is staying in my room on his own but he sleeps in so so late and I don't have access to my clothes, my things, my art supplies. Nothing, until he decides to wake up or his mother wakes him up for some activity.

I've been staying home for now but today a couple of my friend's are coming from out of state to spend some time with me (I moved to my current state 2 years ago and I still feel pretty isolated and unhappy after uprooting my whole life) so I'm excited to have them here. Issue is, if we decide to go out in the morning to a park or anything, I won't have easy access to my clothes. If we try to do some painting I won't have access to my art stuff, unless my aunt wakes my cousin up.

I wanted to propose (to my aunt) switching my cousin to the room where my extended family is staying and letting my Grandpa sleep in my room since he wakes up early and would free up my room but when I brought it up to my mother she said it would be disrespectful.

My cousin had a late diagnosis of high functioning autism but on top of that he has been spoiled his whole life, I feel like they should at least be a bit considerate of our space and ask him to wake up at a reasonable time but they can't fathom doing that.

I cas also let him sleep there but not let him inconvenience me. As in, if I need clothes I'll ask someone to wake him up. If I need my stuff I'll ask someone to wake him up. And so it goes, not caring about how grumpy he'll be.

So would I be the asshole for asking him to switch rooms or would I be more of an asshole for making someone wake him up whenever I need something? :(

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/StoryPlayful1056 on 2023-12-29 14:23:02+00:00.

My father's daughter (4) went into foster care in July/August after my father and her mother (my aunt) died. I (18M) along with my siblings (20F, 22M and 23F) did not have a relationship with either of them after we learned they started an affair while our mom was undergoing cancer treatment. She discovered the betrayal halfway through her treatment and she filed for divorce while she was going through so much. She also disowned her sister and told her she never wanted to see or hear from her again.

None of us met their daughter but when our father and aunt passed away this past summer we were contacted twice. Once to inform us of the death that happened in another state and a second time to hear their child was in foster care and questioning if any of the family would take her. We all said no. None of us wanted to establish contact or a relationship with her.

Early December my oldest sister and I both got messages on FB from someone claiming to be fostering our father's daughter. She said she and her husband wanted to try and facilitate contact between her and her biological relatives but that they also wanted her to hear stories about her parents. My sister responded and I ignored the message. All she said was thanks for thinking of us but we weren't interested and we had no contact with our father or aunt prior to death due to a difficult family situation and she would appreciate if they could respect that and leave us alone. She was polite in her rejection but was also clear.

She got three more messages until she blocked them. Then I got two. Our other two siblings don't have social media so were harder to reach but the last one I got basically said we were all monsters and we could at the very least look beyond a difficult family dynamic and give their child some nice stories and memories and feelings about the parents she won't remember. That she's innocent and deserves that connection. I was tired of pushy nature of the messages at that point and I responded that they can't force me and my siblings to play pretend and act like we have a good thing to say about either parent and would they really want her to grow up hearing how much her parents are despised. She responded back that I did not have to be so rude and did not have to take this out on her. She said they were trying to look out for their foster daughter like they do for all their foster kids.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Entire_Accident_6858 on 2023-12-29 14:17:10+00:00.

I told my mother that I want an appointment at the hairdresser's for Christmas, but for someone else to do it for me, because I won't do it myself (I have a 7-month-old child and limited time, besides that I also have a reluctance to talk on the phone with strangers, and I tend to unconsciously avoid it until I stop doing that thing at all). Today I met her to go to the appointment (she was supposed to babysit in the meantime) and she asked me if I had money with me and I was surprised, I told her that I thought it was a gift?! She said, well, I thought that just calling to make the appointment was a gift. Something that seemed outrageous to me, wtf, who could understand that this is a gift? I mention that my mother has a tendency to do this kind of thing where she offers me something and then starts withdrawing or not being sure she wants to help, and I feel like a puppy being being called and then she asks, yes, what do you want, do you want something from me, well then be nice, lift your paw, stand on two legs. This is my perception at least. I felt super shitty and said I don't want to go anywhere anymore, she said no,no, I'll give you money, but you didn't say that, my husband who was dropping me off said l'll give you the money because I didn't give you a Christmas present anyway. I said ok, well, let's go then, and when I was about to go in my mother starts to tell me not to get upset but - something critical about the fact that my sweater, this after the first thing she told me after we met was that my shoes are too old and ragged. I got really angry and said I'm not going any more, she started threatening me that she will get upsed with me and that I'm messing up the hairdresser's schedule, anyway, I left and didn't answer the phone. We generally have a conflictual relationship , most of the time the arguments start from the fact that I feel constantly criticized and she considers that my asking her not to do that anymore is a kind of cruel censorship.

Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/jealousgirlie on 2023-12-29 14:14:42+00:00.

My husband (M35) and I (F32) have had a busy year at work. He is working a job that gives him no PTO and underpays him, I'm finishing a PhD plus work. We've been struggling to keep up with the daily/weekly/monthly chores as we are both tired by the end of the week. Traditionally, we had generally split chores, with him generally in charge of dishes (but not full kitchen) and me generally in charge of laundry. Now over the last few months, we have had a few tiffs over the fact that he feels like the whole kitchen is his responsibility and it feels like too much. I think that's fair since I was slacking on helping with dishes and general kitchen cleanliness, but it tended to be because when we would have time to clean, he would say, "I can do the kitchen" and I'd do everything else; bathrooms, floors, living room, etc. But again, the kitchen and dishes are a daily task while everything else is less frequent. So I agreed to step up and help in the kitchen, but I wanted his help with everything else, especially laundry. Not to do it all but to at least jump in and help. Since then, we split dishes about 50/50 but he does still tend to deeper cleaning like wiping down the oven and countertops. He has done laundry once in the last 3 months (while I was out of town and he was out of clothes), and when I have expressed frustration over him not helping with the tasks I asked for help on, he brings up this one time like it makes up for all of the cleaning I have taken on to help him out.

That brings us to this issue. He ran out of underwear before Christmas. At the beginning of this week, I washed our bedding, which takes a bit (delaying him from maybe doing clothes laundry). After doing the bedding, I decided I wasn't going to do this load. I have plenty of clothes left, and I just did the unwieldy bedding load. However, we are well past Christmas, and the man has still not done any laundry. On Weds we had plans to go out, and he said, oh shoot I don't have any clean underwear, I guess I won't wear any. It has been two days since then and still no laundry done. I'm not going to do this load, and I don't want to have to ask him to do a chore he said he would do. He complained again this morning about not having clean underwear, and I just walked away from him. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/alevel10gyat on 2023-12-29 14:13:41+00:00.

I (28f) am married to my husband, darrel (39m) who has a son mike (17m) and a daughter chelsea (4f). My husband’s children came from his ex-wife who divorced him almost 3 years ago and me and my husband met 2 and a half years later and got married soon after. For PTCs and stuff I am usually the one going and Mike is not very fond of me, but his daughter chelsea loves me very much. I treat them both fairly but mike hates me and I don’t blame him. He still calls me by my first name which is fine but his sister calls me mommy. Anyway, I am the ones picking them up after school and such and 2 days ago, I found some messages in mike’s phone. It was a few notifications at first but the gc name was “GYATT TASTERS” and I am not a boomer so of course I know what this means. I clicked on it, and was immediately horrified. I searxhed my name up out of curiosity (which i shouldnt have done) and they were calling me a milf and saying stuff about me like how hot I was and how they wanted to do me or whatever. One friend of his who I like because he is gery respectful even called me a level 10 gyat and I am deeply concerned and after seeing those messages, I completely blew up on my Mike as he had also participated in these messages and grounded him for a month and took his phone away, and when I checked there are way more messages about me. Calling me a gold digger, his friends talking about what positions they’d do me in and it makes me feel really sad and I don’t know what to do. Mike told my husband what happened and my husband said I should be happy they arent talking shit about me. I got angry and got into an argument with both of them and I told them I was leaving. I am spending the night in my friend’s house now and its been 2 days. They aren’t texting me. Am i in the wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Buddy_1178 on 2023-12-29 14:11:58+00:00.

So, a little backstory, I am in a same sex relationship. I’ve always been part of the pride community and my dad and step mom have never accepted that of me, I was previously married and I pretty much had to force them to meet my then wife. Fast forward to now, I’m in a long distance relationship and have been with this person for almost a year. She has met my mom’s side of the family as well as my sibling because she comes here to visit every other month.

On Christmas this year, my dad and stepmom decided to surprise all of us with a vacation. My sibling and 2 step siblings are bringing their partners, however I wasn’t given the option to bring a partner or friend. We are all staying in separate rooms and any excursions we do are up to us, individually. I am an adult (29) and I do have a full time job, I have just enough vacation to go visit my partner every other month per year and this vacation will not only require me to use some of that vacation time but also falls on the month I’d be going to visit her.

I asked my step mom if it would be possible for them to add another person onto the vacation if I covered and paid the extra cost, she said she would find out how much it would be and let me know. A few days later my dad calls me blowing up because they don’t want my partner going, with the excuse of “we don’t know her.” In reality, I strongly believe it’s because I’m gay and they don’t want to see me with her. After all this, I told him he could accept me for who I am or not be part of my life and that if my partner wasn’t going, neither was I. (She wanted me to go even if she couldn’t) however, to me, that isn’t right or the right way to go about the situation considering they have 9 months to meet her before the trip.

Sooooooooooo, AITA for not wanting to go as well as not really caring if I hear from them again?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Significant_Pay6794 on 2023-12-29 14:08:00+00:00.

I am part of a friendgroup (all 18) consisting of 6 people (Me (F), K (F), M (M), F (M), R (M) and A(F). A is away for college so she’s not included in every day activities but when she’s home we always try to get us all together to do something. K and I have known each pretty long now and have been good friends but our interest are very different and she has a job/ a lot of hobbies which means that she often doesn’t have time when someone plans something with the group. M, F and I have a lot of similar interest and often do things together or also with R when he got time. He likes to come along even if he’s not the biggest fan of where we’re going. K on the other hand doesn’t want to join us a lot of time because she has different interests and wants to save money. This’s totally okay but it does mean that we don’t spend as much time together. We stoped asking if she wanted to join us when we did someone she doesn’t like cause she would always say no or when we knew she had work we wouldn’t ask. K also barely suggest anything we could do or tells us when she has time to plan something. Now to where I could be the asshole. A has been home from college and M, R, F and I were planing on going to a party. We knew K didn’t like the same party last time she went with us. She doesn’t like going out and is not a fan of the music they were playing so we didn’t ask her to join us. When A found out about the party we ask her to join us and she happily did. K saw this in A’s snapchat story and decided to send a long text into our groupchat saying she has been feeling left out for the last couple months, that we are bad friends, that she tried to hold the group together and that she doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore. I ofc immediately texted her saying I never wanted her to feel excluded and that I always asked her to join us if we were doing something she liked because I want to spend time with her. We met up and talked about it and she just kept on insulting me and saying that we all hate her and and other not true things. and a lot more things I said/ did that she understood wrong. (Ex I would join her during break cause I wanted to talk to her and spend time and she thought I would only join her because I couldn’t find anyone “better” and didn’t want to be alone). I told her that I don’t want to loose her and feel sorry if she felt left out cause that wasn’t my intention. I just feel like it’s normal for smaller groups in a big friend group to do something together from time to time. F, M and R often do something just the 3 of them and everyone meets up with everyone just the two of them from time to time. I don’t feel like what I did was bad enough for her to completely end the friendship. I didn’t know she was feeling this way or else I would have talked to her already about it. She said she needs to think about it and I just want to know Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ExpertAssociate9740 on 2023-12-29 13:56:11+00:00.

TLDR : built up anger went out to friend that doesn't confront properly and leaves me out to rot

13M. My best friend is 13M. He never the type to properly confront. Would either talk over me spouting gibberish, say things that didn't resolve or advance the argument or just ignore me entirely. Mix this with me inviting him to play games then him coming up with excuses such as how he's going to shower or eat and then leave me to rot. (Apparently his excuse is that I'd be pissed if he told me he was playing with his friends, which I admit is true. But the anger doesn't last as long as being stalled afk'ing in the lobby.) So I lashed out on him. Called him out but instead stopping at 'things that didn't resolve the argument' I kept on pushing. The only real points I got was that he was trying to 'balance his friends' which I understand he does, thinking I'd get jealous. I mean I do but I understand he has friends too.)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ripsav on 2023-12-29 13:55:14+00:00.

Listen this sounds a lot worse than it is. I (22) work a busy schedule and am always tired. I frequently find myself exhausted by the time I get off work and am always sort of in daze especially recently dealing with grief. My gf (22) will get upset with me if I don’t tell her something right away. Now if something big is happening I won’t hesitate to reach out but for some small things such as going to the store or getting food she will get upset if I don’t tell her. She accuses me of never telling her anything when I genuinely just wasn’t thinking of sharing irrelevant details about my day. It’s getting frustrating and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to the point where I feel I’m over explaining just so I don’t forget a detail. AITA for not sharing every small detail?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/1DoctorSmith1 on 2023-12-29 13:55:04+00:00.

My grandparents own a bus company, and today my grandfather will be driving for the last time. My entire family is coming over to be there and be part of that ride with him. I've thought about it for a long while, and I've decided not to go, because I feel like that would make it even harder for me to accept that it's really over. I'm still going through the stages of grief, and I'm nowhere near acceptance yet. I know I won't get this chance again, but I think it would be bad for me to take it now. My grandmother on the other hand thinks I am lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate for not wanting to be a part of it. She says because my grandfather accepted to be part of my Confirmation, I should accept to be a part of this. It's not that I don't want to. It's that I feel like I shouldn't. Like I really, really shouldn't. I get very emotional over things like these, and I'm a little scared that joining this little event would haunt me every single time I take a bus in the near future. She doesn't really seem to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not trying to be rude, and I know it would mean a lot to my grandfather, but I'm genuinely just trying to look out for myself and my mental health here. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Any-Might7823 on 2023-12-29 11:19:46+00:00.

The background starts with my mom dying. I (17F) was 11 and my sister's were 16 and 18. Our dad met his second wife a couple of years later (when I was 13). The expectations for my relationship with her and my sister's were very different. My sister's were expected to be civil but if they weren't close it was no big deal. But almost everyone (minus my sisters and minus my mom's family) expected me to see my dad's wife as some second mother or maternal/parental figure. They got married when I was 14.

My dad's wife wanted me to divide Mother's Day between my sisters and maternal side with her. My sisters were not expected to do the same. But she would say she wanted to celebrate the day with her kid.

She signed us up for mother/daughter things. She would get hurt when I didn't want to go and would never ask my sister's. I asked her before why she expected me to do these things with her but she never invited my sisters. She said she was raising me and wanted to be a mother presence in my life but they were grown. I told her (and my dad on separate occasions) that I didn't want or need and wouldn't accept someone else into that kind of figure. I was ignored.

I had a small run in with my sisters when dad was getting married because I said he shouldn't and they said he should be allowed to move on and mom would want him happy. When I explained what was going on they realized why I was feeling that way. They tried talking to dad but it did no good.

My dad's side of the family would all make comments that I was lucky to have another mother figure, or how I don't seem to give her the care and consideration she deserves. They would ask why I seemed to spend no time with her of my own free will. Or why I was never loving toward her.

My dad told me I should show her more love and affection and he told me I made her feel left out when I didn't tell her stuff or when I made plans with others but not her.

I know some people would love to have someone like this in their lives. But I want the same relationship my sisters have with her. But more is expected.

So Christmas Day came and everyone was at our house for Christmas (minus my mom's family). My dad and his wife gave me a card "from my parents" and my sisters got them with "dad and his wife". Then when it became time for family photos we got one with the three of us and dad but then my grandparents wanted me in the family one with my dad and his wife but my sisters weren't expected to be in it. I tried to step out and my dad's wife said it wasn't a family photo without their kid.

This was the point where I lost it and I told her I am not her kid, she is not my mother figure, that she is dad's wife just like she is to my sisters and I want it to be that way. I said I do not love her and hate how they all treat her like she suddenly became a parent to me. My sisters were on my side but my dad was furious and his wife cried and cried harder as I continued.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/spergilicious on 2023-12-29 13:50:22+00:00.

I’m home for the holidays. I’m 24F, my dad is 58M. I’m leaving tomorrow and we got into a fight. We don’t have the best relationship and fight a lot in general, but I got really emotional. However, my mom took his side so I think that I might be in the wrong on this one.

I’m of Balkan ancestry and shaving my legs is a pain in the ass. I do it regularly in the summer, but in the winter I don’t really do it much. As a result, my legs get hairy af. I don’t really care, for the most part. I understand it’s an unconventional choice but I’m kinda artsy and weird.

My dad is adamant that I shave my legs “to look prettier.” I told him that I’m not trying to look pretty for him and that I’m not trying to impress anyone. He told me that it’s “a hygiene thing,” and compared it to brushing my hair. He said he’s disappointed in me for “not grooming myself” by shaving my legs, and compared me negatively to other girls in my age range that he knows. He says that I should always want to look “presentable.”

Honestly, I got really emotional and started crying. I told him that it has nothing to do with looking presentable or hygiene, that I’m not trying to impress anyone, and that it was weird for him to be noticing other girls’ appearances like that. I also told him that I especially don’t want to shave my legs now, because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. My mom says I’m being childish.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CarpenterBig5349 on 2023-12-29 13:28:56+00:00.

I (30f) have three children with my ex, Jake (30m). Our daughter is 10 and our sons are 8 and 7. We broke up 4 years ago (we weren't married) and he got married 2 years ago. His wife is Dawn (33f). So ex and I share custody of the kids and we have an every other week parenting plan. The situation with me being sarcastic comes from Jake and Dawn wanting the kids to call Dawn mom or to give her a mom name (mama, mam, etc). The kids don't call her a mom name and they don't say they have two moms. So Jake told me I need to start encouraging the kids to call Dawn mom and to refer to her as their other mom when they can hear so they start to get used to that. I asked him why he thought he could demand that from me and he said something like Dawn is doing the job of a second mom and deserves to be recognized and loved as such, instead of the kids just seeing her as a dad's wife and comes in last stepmom which is how they treat her. He said they do not treat her equally to us and it hurts her feelings and she is so wonderful that she deserves better.

I don't strictly agree with that because Dawn has been rude/standoffish to me over the years I have known her and has treated me like I am in my kids lives to spite her instead of thinking I might, shockingly, love my children. She has made comments in an attempt to minimize my role in my kids' lives. Including the fact my kids look nothing like me. But she's also bitter that the kids have my last name and not Jake's (and now hers). She started a war with Jake's family over me and the kids too. So I think she's not really looking at the best interest of the kids, but the best interests of her wishes. And for that reason I do not plan to encourage my kids to call her mom but if they did so on their own I wouldn't correct them.

I told my ex this and he said I'm just as bad if I can't see that Dawn deserves to be treated with love and respect and to be acknowledged as their third parent and second mom. I snarkily asked him when he was going to encourage the kids to find a second dad and fourth parent. He got pissy and told me to grow up and behave like a parent and an adult and treat him with the respect I seem to think I'm deserving of.

My comment made things between us more tense and he has been testy with me since. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Street_Station_6999 on 2023-12-29 13:23:45+00:00.

This is a quick one!

Earlier in the week I (35f) invited my friend (34f) and her child (both our kids are 10) to a New Years event. She said they’d love to come, and would confirm later in the week. I texted her today to check they if they were coming, my friend is now going barhopping but said their daughter is really excited to go.

I said I’d take both the kids but feel a bit like a babysitter.

My friend now says I’m an asshole for saying that and that I’m choosing to take her daughter, I don’t have to. Which is true I guess, but the original invite was for both of them, not for me to have both kids. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TheHonPonderStibbons on 2023-12-29 11:08:10+00:00.

We (M & F, 50's) have a nine month old puppy. I've struggled to train him, and hired a professional trainer to help us out. Even so, he does puppy things like chewing anything he can find that looks interesting. He has lots of specific dog toys, but they're clearly not as well designed at all the human-owned things that are so much more desirable to his puppy brain.

Over Xmas, my brother "Ray" (37) and his husband "Kevin" (50) wanted to stay with us. I refused at first, but finally agreesmd because accommodation is insanely expensive in the summer holidays. Before I agreed, I gave them the full run-down on the puppy's behaviour. I told them they can't leave anything on the floor, and the door to their bedroom has to be shut whenever they're not there. To make things easier, I cleared out the top shelf of the cupboard for them and bought several boxes with lids that click into place. When they arrived, I reminded them again. My point was demonstrated when the puppy came trotting out to greet them with a pair of safety goggles in his mouth. I didn't even know I owned safety goggles and have no idea where they could have come from. Maybe he convinced a passing tradie to throw them over the fence to him?

Anyway, Kevin bought a new pair of RM Williams boots. He left the box on the floor of the living room, and the puppy devoured them. He's demanding I pay to replace them, because it was my dog that destroyed them. I'm refusing, because I gave him fair warning and provided a secure place to store anything he didn't want chewed up. They also insisted on staying here, claiming they couldn't afford accommodation, but I pointed out that if Kevin can afford $650 for boots, he can afford a couple of nights in a local hotel. I think in in the right, but my husband thinks I should pay. He said I'd be upset if the dog ate my boots. I said the dog DID eat my boots (although mine weren't $650), and I changed my behaviour to avoid it from happening again. Husband says it's not fair to expect people to remember, but I think that's a silly argument and said if be really thinks we should pay, the money will come out of our joint account. Now he's sitting in the living room with Kevin and they're both sulking. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mark582 on 2023-12-29 13:12:31+00:00.

So first a bit of context. I have a big very close group of friends from my hometown whom I have spent my entire childhood with. We are 13 guys and I see every single one of them as true friends. Since we were old enough to celebrate NYE alone (15 years old) we always did it with this group. I also have another group of friends from high school who during my college years (i’m now 21 yo) I really grew very close to. Every year they understood that it was tradition that i celebrated NYE in my hometown.

This year especially however, I have spent considerably more time with my friends from high school. Partially because I joined a scouting group which also includes one of them. I really like the people in this scouting group and they are also organizing something for NYE.

The group from my hometown didn’t organize anything until like a week ago, and in the meantime I had already agreed to go to this other party, where my high school friends would also be. My hometown friends however are really upset with me not going to their party and now I feel really bad for ditching them.

I was kind of expecting them to react like this, but if I had to follow my heart I just know that i will have more fun with my high school friends. They see me as a traitor because they value that NYE party a lot. Now I’m scared that I have ruined my friendship with my hometown friends. Did I make a bad decision here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MorningHappy7860 on 2023-12-29 11:01:54+00:00.

I (35M) know this sounds crazy and if I was a stranger reading this without context I’d be weirded out too, but let me explain. My wife (42F) Karla has split custody of her kids with her ex husband Jonathan (45M). Everything they do is 50/50 including the medical bills. For some back ground my stepdaughter Maliyah (12F) has Trecher Collins Syndrome, and is constantly in the hospital. I don’t really know how to explain it as well as my wife would to you, but think the little boy from Wonder. Except it’s worse in real life. There is no way to explain how hard it is for Maliyah every day.

Now, Jonathan and Karla have been getting into arguments over Karla not being there for surgeries and not paying for her half of the expenses. From what Karla told me she said she got mad and wanted to prove to him that she didn’t need him and told him she could pay for all the expenses.

I straight out told Karla that was a stupid idea. If you have a family member with the same syndrome Maliyah has you know the surgeries get expensive. We are middle class, so paying for half wasn’t too hard when we do it together. Jonathan is high class. He has multiple business and has the money to pay for all the surgeries if he wanted. Obviously I know he shouldn’t and it definitely should be a 50/50 thing between the parents.

Last night I told Karla that I’m stepping out of the medical expenses for Maliyah. She asked me what I meant and I told her I wouldn’t be helping her with them. She told me that I was being selfish and I didn’t care for Maliyah, but honestly I think that what I did wasn’t wrong.

My parents said that I’m not in the wrong but my sister and brother told me that I was being cold about the situation.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glittering-Process47 on 2023-12-29 13:11:33+00:00.

Okay so I'm asking for perspective as I know I'm quite stubborn. I arranged with my friend to have a dinner with her and she was going to bring her partner and me bring mine. Im 28F and this dinner was supposed to be in my first house that I bought by myself (so not with my partner we've only been together 6 months) and my first Christmas dinner. Granted it was two days later (27th). But I mean the turkey, brocolli, cauliflower cheese, roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, carrots, roast carrots, sausages wrapped in bacon ect imagine like the movie spread and that's basically the dinner I was cooking i.e a hell a lot of work. She and her partner were going to make the cheese sauce and a couple of starters for 10 euros. So five euros each. So anyway we met up at the store split the bill and went home. Now my best friend has depression , lost a family member recently that she was close to,and is incredibly difficult to get a hold of but she was finally feeling social and I hadn't seen her for months so I invited her too (the day before it was supposed to take place) the last time we saw each other was a funeral of a friend from secondary school so I wanted to see her under better circumstances. I know this was last minute but since I was cooking the meal I figured I'd just cook extra it's fine. Told my friend and she seemed a bit annoyed, asked me why she had to pay for half. I said this is last minute and the other two will pay their share and it was solved or so I thought.

11:30am the day itself an hour before it was supposed to take place she sent me a message saying she couldn't come because her partner was sick. I saw through this lie immediately and called her out on it. She then admitted she didn't like I invited two other people, said she made the starter and there's only enough for 4. I said I told you it was enough because I've made two starters myself and the dinner is huge we have more than enough. We'd already had a bit of a disagreement because they made starters for 20 euros which is far too much considering everything I was making. But she said they were in shock yesterday, that I've played with them enough about the starters (I said they had to bring what we agreed upon so half of what they made). That they never gave me permission to invite two others. I think this is where I'm a bit of a arsehole, I told her it's my house and I'm the one doing all the cooking I don't need her permission to invite a couple more people, that she always preaches that she never lies and just lied to my face. She tried to say that she said immediately after it wasn't a lie I said no you admitting and me seeing through it is different. I also explained why it was so last minute. We've both had our fair share of trauma and depression so I thought she'd have understood. She said she didn't want to meet new people because being social with new people is a big task for her and her partner. I know for a fact it's her partner throwing a fit because we've been to dog shows and I've stood there awkwardly and she asks questions to everybody. So I know she has a lot less of a problem with it than her partner, or even me. I'm autistic and I've had the diagnosis since I was 6, I've suffered a lot socially and I don't really know her partner instead of snippets I've heard but I was willing to give it a go. My partner isn't very socially inclined either and doesn't know her very well and doesn't know her partner at all and he was willing, I just think it's a pretty shit excuse considering.

I told her as much, that it's a shit excuse and she should have cancelled earlier at 8 or something instead of waiting until I cooked for 6. She said they had a darts tournament late last night and they were tired this morning, and her partner didn't feel like going yesterday already. And I said then you should have told me yesterday and that everybody is a stranger until you make the effort to speak to them. She said her partner didn't want to come and there was nothing she could do.

I haven't spoken to her since. And the dinner itself, after half an hour with the alcohol flowing there was no awkwardness, just alcohol and card games and jokes. I know part of my problem is not being able to let things go easily and despite others agreeing with me my dad says she has a right to be upset. I do kind of see his point but I feel like her mistake and mine aren't really on the same level and I didn't do anything with malintent whereas she knew she'd hurt me.

So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TimeReputation1133 on 2023-12-29 13:02:13+00:00.

Long story short an old friend and ex-lover [40 M] called me [ 30 F] up from jail asking if I can co-sign for his bail. He has the money and will give it to me but I have no idea how bail bonds work and I have no idea the conditions of the bond (he just asked me last night so we haven’t gotten that far yet) .

He states he’s been in jail since 5th of December and was arrested on some serious charges (something about brandishing a gun during a road rage incident ) , could be they are charging him with more I don’t quite know bc the convo was short. He also mentioned having a court date which passed but he went to the wrong court house , and as a consequence, judge upped his bond to $300,000. He says he only needs 1% if that which he has already and can transfer it to me.

Now I’m no fool but co-signing for anything is something I’m not akin to doing (and I’ve been burned before lending out money) . I also have a lot to lose (I have a pretty high paying job and at least 100,000 in liquid assets that I wouldn’t want anyone touching for any reason). Unfortunately, people (whether friends or acquaintances) seem to run to me first for co-signs bc of my excellent credit and decent job.

According to him, his mom can’t bail him out and his baby mother won’t do it (they recently had a child together ). I said his BM should do it but apparently they aren’t on speaking terms (cheating maybe) .

Anyway, we don’t talk much . We had a “relationship” in the past but I left that alone quickly when I realized he had a history of cheating, though we are still friends .

I am 30 year old female , he’s a 40 year old male and we are both here in California.