Relationships

53 readers
1 users here now

/r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between...

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
676
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fluty0316 on 2024-01-12 08:29:57+00:00.


We’ve been together for over a year and have lived with each other for a year. We lived with his aunt which I loved her. Everything was great in the start and throughout our relationship we had some problems but always worked it out no matter what. I recently had some issues with his aunt because he was going to her about how he felt on some things I did, and she thought of it as controlling but he knew that’s not what he meant but that’s how she took it. I wish he did come to me instead of getting other people involved in our private life. I decided to go with my aunt one night and get some advice to better myself for him. His aunt ended up kicking me out and now I’m separated from him. We’re still together just doing long distance. Our love is strong and we’re fighting to get back to each other by buying our own place which is gonna take a few months. It’s just hard because I got taken away from my person. I just wanna know how can i cope through all this and make the best of the situation. I appreciate any advice and help

TLDR: my boyfriend and I got separated by his aunt after living together for a year on her property, and I just want advice on how to cope with it, and how to quickly save money for us to buy our own place together.

677
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Known-Pollution-6673 on 2024-01-12 07:00:47+00:00.


So basically I got to know this guy recently, and we hit it off really well on Instagram. Basically we've been talking by a week by now at this point and he's definitely been kind of the first one to reach out and stuff. However after we met in person he stopped replying as fast and started to have gaps in time we talked. I'm so hurt by my previous relationship, I'm thinking this is going to be the exact same scenario.

In my precious relationship, I was in a 3month relation 8 months ago with a guy I met. He love bombed me and told.me nobody could replace me. Bunch of bs eventually I guess into the relationship he got bored because he started meeting up less and time. Eventually the point I asked the guy we should break up bc he kept answering once a day. He told me it was in my head and he still loved me. I ended up trusting him and he ended up with texting me once a day to once a week to not even in a reply. Very gradually, so frustratingly.

Is he not interested anymore and should I not reply to his one sentence answer anymore? Especially since it doesn't seem like if I'm not replying to him. He isn't following up.

TL;DR This guy reminds me of an old relationship where they slow fade me, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.

678
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WillingAdeptness5943 on 2024-01-12 08:33:41+00:00.


I am a male(20) and I have been with a girl(23) from the past 5 months. Recently I broke with her. My situation is hella complicated. We met while playing badminton. We started talking, became friends and after a month exchanged our Instagram username. After texting with her for 2 weeks on Instagram I confessed that I liked her and the next day she accepted. First month went smooth. It was only in the second month things went downhill. I would ask her to go out for walking. She said she will join me but at the last moment when I was all ready and dressed up she would cancel the plan. This same situation happened for four more times.. This bothered me cause she just lived 2 min away from my place. When asked she said that she was too afraid of going out with me. Now I can't say whether she was afraid of me or that her family would find out that she's dating. Once she mentioned that she was craving for Pani Puri and asked me to take her out. Later I was the one waiting 2 hours for her to show up and then return back to my house. When confronted she casually said that we was just kidding and I shouldn't have taken it seriously Nevertheless I thought of forgetting all of these and focus ahead. It was around this time we thought that we should make each other aware of each other's past. I told her everything about my ex-girlfriends but when I asked her she said she only dated her neighbour for four years. However 3 weeks later she accidentally said she had another ex-boyfriend. I forced her to say everything. She hesitated and later confessed that she had dated another guy for a year. At this time I was really confused as what was going on with her and why she had been hiding these things from me. And finally just 2 weeks ago we were randomly talking at night having some *** conversations. After a bit of forcing and asking she revealed that she isn't a virgin. She had lost her virginity to her first ex-boyfriend. This really made my blood boil. Not because she had sex but because she lied to me that she was a virgin . Now I have called off the relationship. I was too tired to deal with her again. The worst part is she is constantly texting and calling me, asking to come back with her and forget everything about her past. I am so damn confused right now. I don't feel like continuing anymore and one the other hand I can't even block her.

TLDR; My girlfriend is hiding her past, never went out with me, says she's too afraid to go out, lying about her previous sexual relationships.

679
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lloydy96 on 2024-01-12 08:33:06+00:00.


My girlfriend(25) and I (28) are in the middle of buying a house in the UK. November/Decemeber was a pretty hectic time for and I did say to her that maybe it isn’t the best time to buy dude to UK economic climate and it restricts our freedom.

As Christmas was a busy one we just went with it but after Christmas I started to think of getting a house was the right decision. I’ve always wanted to travel but went straight into a career where I’m doing well so never got the chance.

I don’t know whether to wait for a house until I’m 30 and go travelling next year or get this house, try and rent it (not knowing if we can or can’t) or when the two year fixed rate is up we sell it and I’ll travel at 29/30.

I feel time is more on her side here as I’m not sure I want to be travelling in my 30s as I do want kids and settle down at some point.

What’s your thoughts?

Tl;dr buying a house but now want to travel in next 1/2 years, not sure what to do

680
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fluty0316 on 2024-01-12 08:29:57+00:00.


We’ve been together for over a year and have lived with each other for a year. We lived with his aunt which I loved her. Everything was great in the start and throughout our relationship we had some problems but always worked it out no matter what. I recently had some issues with his aunt because he was going to her about how he felt on some things I did, and she thought of it as controlling but he knew that’s not what he meant but that’s how she took it. I wish he did come to me instead of getting other people involved in our private life. I decided to go with my aunt one night and get some advice to better myself for him. His aunt ended up kicking me out and now I’m separated from him. We’re still together just doing long distance. Our love is strong and we’re fighting to get back to each other by buying our own place which is gonna take a few months. It’s just hard because I got taken away from my person. I just wanna know how can i cope through all this and make the best of the situation. I appreciate any advice and help

TLDR: my boyfriend and I got separated by his aunt after living together for a year on her property, and I just want advice on how to cope with it, and how to quickly save money for us to buy our own place together.

681
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Known-Pollution-6673 on 2024-01-12 07:00:47+00:00.


So basically I got to know this guy recently, and we hit it off really well on Instagram. Basically we've been talking by a week by now at this point and he's definitely been kind of the first one to reach out and stuff. However after we met in person he stopped replying as fast and started to have gaps in time we talked. I'm so hurt by my previous relationship, I'm thinking this is going to be the exact same scenario.

In my precious relationship, I was in a 3month relation 8 months ago with a guy I met. He love bombed me and told.me nobody could replace me. Bunch of bs eventually I guess into the relationship he got bored because he started meeting up less and time. Eventually the point I asked the guy we should break up bc he kept answering once a day. He told me it was in my head and he still loved me. I ended up trusting him and he ended up with texting me once a day to once a week to not even in a reply. Very gradually, so frustratingly.

Is he not interested anymore and should I not reply to his one sentence answer anymore? Especially since it doesn't seem like if I'm not replying to him. He isn't following up.

TL;DR This guy reminds me of an old relationship where they slow fade me, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.

682
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAcake990 on 2024-01-12 05:54:26+00:00.


Throwaway as my friends have my main. Let me just say, I'm not trying to be the evil best friend here. I'm doing this to protect myself, primarily.

So I've been in love with Ryan (25m) since college. I've tried to deny it multiple times but eventually I just accepted it. We were friends in high school as well but got really close in college. That's when I started falling for him. I did think about confessing multiple times but I was honestly too afraid of losing the friendship and things getting awkward. We did once made out at some party (we were both drunk). He came up to me next day saying how sorry he was and he doesn't wanna make it awkward because of one drunken mistake etc etc. That kinda stung but we agreed. We've been best friends ever since.

Ryan did date once in college and not much after that. He's told me he goes on dates, but things never go further. I honestly can't see why as he's such an amazing guy but whatever. He started dating Lia about a year ago. Didn't introduce her to anyone for like 6 months but told me he really likes this one. When we finally met, I could just sense it was going to one of those 'girl is uncomfortable with boyfriend's friend' kind of situation. She was distant with him as well. I did try to make conversation with her as well but the whole dinner was really awkward.

The next day he comes up and says Lia really liked me (yeah, right) and wants to do this again. I made excuses ngl. Lia has made some comments whenever it was just two of us, asking how close we both are, how much I know about him, getting really affectionate in front of me. I could get the hint. Me and Ryan stopped hanging out much alone after they started dating and I initiated it because honestly, I didn't want some girl to feel insecure in her own relationship because of me.

Throughout the whole year they'd 'broken up' like 4 times. Each time Ryan would come to me and rant about it and how it's unfair and he really wants this to work. I tried to be helpful by giving some advice every time but one time I was so exhausted that I just told him I think he's trying to force this to work as he's mentioned several times before that he feels like he's missing out by not dating.

He said maybe and broke up with Lia the next day. She then came after me saying I must've made her look bad in front of him and I'm not a girl 's girl and how I want them to break up. And Ryan knew all this but didn't try to defend me or smn. I just hung up and blocked her. I stopped feeling much for Ryan after that incident. Yeah I wasn't expecting him to argue with his girlfriend for me but this was his relationship, his problems, his decision and he was ok with her blaming me for it?? He reached out the next day, said he was sorry, he really wanted me in his life, he can't lose this relationship. He genuinely looked sorry so I didn't cut him off but I did put some distance between us. He wasn't ok with it but said he respects that. It's been 3 months to that incident and they're now engaged. Ryan again said how Lia was pushing for it but he's scared this is going too fast and she wants to get married in April but also have huge demands about how the wedding should go.

I don't say anything, couldn't care less what's happening in their relationship. Lia recently reached out and said she wants me to be a bridesmaid. I politely declined. She then shows up at my place and says she needs to do this to make Ryan happy because apparently he wants me included in the marriage and was planning me to be the best woman. So yeah, she wants me to be a bridesmaid so I'm not on the groom's side.

This whole thing has been exhausting me way too much. I was thinking if I could even attend their marriage because honestly, I have no interest in watching the guy I've loved getting married and that too to someone who treats him so horribly (I'm not making this up, even our friends think so too). I've realised that I can say no and I don't need to put myself through this. They're planning to send out wedding invites soon and I'm going to decline, as I have a "work thing" That needs me to be out of town (i do have them frequently). Another friend of mine knows about this whole thing with Ryan and he thinks Ryan would be disappointed and this could also cause our friendship to end. I hear him, but I'm really not planning to change my mind on this.

This is making me relieved but also kind of guilty. Am I wrong for not wanting to be there on such an important day of his life but I also don't want to put myself through this whole wedding. Is there anything else I can do?

Also I'm just gonna say it, if it was some other girl than Lia, who he was so happy with and someone who treated him well, I'd have no problem attending the wedding and getting along with the girl. He did once date this girl who was amazing! They ended in 2 months as she was moving to another country but I'm still friends with her.

Tldr : I've loved this guy for years and he's now getting married. I'm choosing not to attend the wedding.

683
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAcake990 on 2024-01-12 05:54:26+00:00.


Throwaway as my friends have my main. Let me just say, I'm not trying to be the evil best friend here. I'm doing this to protect myself, primarily.

So I've been in love with Ryan (25m) since college. I've tried to deny it multiple times but eventually I just accepted it. We were friends in high school as well but got really close in college. That's when I started falling for him. I did think about confessing multiple times but I was honestly too afraid of losing the friendship and things getting awkward. We did once made out at some party (we were both drunk). He came up to me next day saying how sorry he was and he doesn't wanna make it awkward because of one drunken mistake etc etc. That kinda stung but we agreed. We've been best friends ever since.

Ryan did date once in college and not much after that. He's told me he goes on dates, but things never go further. I honestly can't see why as he's such an amazing guy but whatever. He started dating Lia about a year ago. Didn't introduce her to anyone for like 6 months but told me he really likes this one. When we finally met, I could just sense it was going to one of those 'girl is uncomfortable with boyfriend's friend' kind of situation. She was distant with him as well. I did try to make conversation with her as well but the whole dinner was really awkward.

The next day he comes up and says Lia really liked me (yeah, right) and wants to do this again. I made excuses ngl. Lia has made some comments whenever it was just two of us, asking how close we both are, how much I know about him, getting really affectionate in front of me. I could get the hint. Me and Ryan stopped hanging out much alone after they started dating and I initiated it because honestly, I didn't want some girl to feel insecure in her own relationship because of me.

Throughout the whole year they'd 'broken up' like 4 times. Each time Ryan would come to me and rant about it and how it's unfair and he really wants this to work. I tried to be helpful by giving some advice every time but one time I was so exhausted that I just told him I think he's trying to force this to work as he's mentioned several times before that he feels like he's missing out by not dating.

He said maybe and broke up with Lia the next day. She then came after me saying I must've made her look bad in front of him and I'm not a girl 's girl and how I want them to break up. And Ryan knew all this but didn't try to defend me or smn. I just hung up and blocked her. I stopped feeling much for Ryan after that incident. Yeah I wasn't expecting him to argue with his girlfriend for me but this was his relationship, his problems, his decision and he was ok with her blaming me for it?? He reached out the next day, said he was sorry, he really wanted me in his life, he can't lose this relationship. He genuinely looked sorry so I didn't cut him off but I did put some distance between us. He wasn't ok with it but said he respects that. It's been 3 months to that incident and they're now engaged. Ryan again said how Lia was pushing for it but he's scared this is going too fast and she wants to get married in April but also have huge demands about how the wedding should go.

I don't say anything, couldn't care less what's happening in their relationship. Lia recently reached out and said she wants me to be a bridesmaid. I politely declined. She then shows up at my place and says she needs to do this to make Ryan happy because apparently he wants me included in the marriage and was planning me to be the best woman. So yeah, she wants me to be a bridesmaid so I'm not on the groom's side.

This whole thing has been exhausting me way too much. I was thinking if I could even attend their marriage because honestly, I have no interest in watching the guy I've loved getting married and that too to someone who treats him so horribly (I'm not making this up, even our friends think so too). I've realised that I can say no and I don't need to put myself through this. They're planning to send out wedding invites soon and I'm going to decline, as I have a "work thing" That needs me to be out of town (i do have them frequently). Another friend of mine knows about this whole thing with Ryan and he thinks Ryan would be disappointed and this could also cause our friendship to end. I hear him, but I'm really not planning to change my mind on this.

This is making me relieved but also kind of guilty. Am I wrong for not wanting to be there on such an important day of his life but I also don't want to put myself through this whole wedding. Is there anything else I can do?

Also I'm just gonna say it, if it was some other girl than Lia, who he was so happy with and someone who treated him well, I'd have no problem attending the wedding and getting along with the girl. He did once date this girl who was amazing! They ended in 2 months as she was moving to another country but I'm still friends with her.

Tldr : I've loved this guy for years and he's now getting married. I'm choosing not to attend the wedding.

684
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adorable-Track-1166 on 2024-01-12 05:36:25+00:00.


Only thing that is stopping me is that he has a girlfriend for 1year relationship with a 24F and currently she pregnant and I am in a 11 year relationship with a 25M and we have a 2T but lately he been distant and to himself and always on his phone scrolling through his phone and always tired he been getting help for that tired and than I’m always telling him over and over to please give us attention to please put the phone down he does but than gets back on and I’m just getting tired and drained! So last time I seen my crush we hug each other and he whisper in my ear “ I miss you “ than my feeling towards him started to come back and when I went to hang out with his sister 21F he kept staring at me so hard and lately I’ve been having dreams of my childhood crush and just been wanting to tell him how I feel towards him because I hope it can help me stop dreaming of him or day dreaming of him I don’t expect nothing from it but I want to find peace within I’m just struggling on how to go by this situation

TLDR; I’ve been having so many dreams to the point I’m always thinking of him and the way I just want to confess I like him when we were kids just don’t wanna to mess anything up for nobody I just feel like I’ll probably stop having dreams of him or thinking of him if I were to tell him how I felt so we can come out of the bloom I respect mine and his relationship just want the peace and stop thinking of him like that

685
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adorable-Track-1166 on 2024-01-12 05:36:25+00:00.


Only thing that is stopping me is that he has a girlfriend for 1year relationship with a 24F and currently she pregnant and I am in a 11 year relationship with a 25M and we have a 2T but lately he been distant and to himself and always on his phone scrolling through his phone and always tired he been getting help for that tired and than I’m always telling him over and over to please give us attention to please put the phone down he does but than gets back on and I’m just getting tired and drained! So last time I seen my crush we hug each other and he whisper in my ear “ I miss you “ than my feeling towards him started to come back and when I went to hang out with his sister 21F he kept staring at me so hard and lately I’ve been having dreams of my childhood crush and just been wanting to tell him how I feel towards him because I hope it can help me stop dreaming of him or day dreaming of him I don’t expect nothing from it but I want to find peace within I’m just struggling on how to go by this situation

TLDR; I’ve been having so many dreams to the point I’m always thinking of him and the way I just want to confess I like him when we were kids just don’t wanna to mess anything up for nobody I just feel like I’ll probably stop having dreams of him or thinking of him if I were to tell him how I felt so we can come out of the bloom I respect mine and his relationship just want the peace and stop thinking of him like that

686
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA47268a on 2024-01-12 05:11:10+00:00.


TL;DR. Bolded statements.

I have a very close friend of 2 years, almost like a brother to me, who has been exclusively dating this girl for about 4 months now. She lives out of town, so they only ever get to see each other once in a while (probably 3-4 times so far). When she comes over, he usually keeps this on the DL since he is naturally a private person. I only find out she's in town on social media (they post stories of the same thing, not of each other), or he tells me after she's left. I've never met her.

I am one of the few friends he told when he first started dating her, and they became official. At first, I was very happy for him since he made her sound like a great girl. However, I am also one of the few friends he confides in whenever he has relationship problems with her. I helped him through his first breakup with her (he broke up with her, things got ugly), but then they got back together days later and he avoided letting me know until he had problems with her again (I asked about her when I thought they were still broken up to see how he was doing, and he didn't acknowledge that they got back together).

Since their first breakup, he's told me of a few red flags about her that he has recognized, which I confirmed. About a month ago, he asked for my advice on how to break up with her. They had another argument over Christmas but I guess they're back together since she's in town again (found out on social media - she likely will be here for a few days). I honestly don't know why he keeps going back to her when it sounds like their relationship is toxic.

Anyway, I feel anxious whenever she's in town because I'm very protective of my friend. It almost feels like he's been seduced because he tells me their issues, asks me for breakup advice, but he keeps seeing her, and he's roped back in. Although I talk to him nearly everyday, my friend and I haven't had a proper hangout either (we started planning one soon, we both have busy schedules), so I kind of feel a bit jealous(?) he's spending time with her, despite all their problems.

I don't want to ruin our friendship over this. How can I be a good friend, and what is the best way forward?

687
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Natural-Comfortable5 on 2024-01-12 05:05:51+00:00.


I(25f) don’t even know where to start. Growing up. I always wondered why my father did not want to be part of my life. I imagined that he must have been a really accomplished and important person for me to not be enough for him. I tried to picture him countless times, because you see, I didn’t have a name, didn’t have a picture. I had no idea who he was because everyone around me acted like my stepdad was my dad, but I knew, I always knew that he wasn’t the one. It wasn’t until I turned 18 that my mom finally told me his name, and showed me his Facebook. I am not going to lie, it was a disappointment. I started right then to believe that maybe it was a good thing that he want in my life. Maybe it was out of spite but my mom had worked really hard to give me the best education, I’ve gone to college, getting ready for law school right now while my biological father didn’t seem to invest in his children as much. Or maybe this is what I’m telling myself to make me feel better about not having had him in my life like they did. Once I knew who he was, my curiosity died down and I focused on other parts of my life, like spending thousands in therapy healing from years of emotional abuse from my mom. Then today, almost 26 years too late, my mom tells me my biological dad has been reaching out to her asking to talk to me. It was quite a shock because why now? Does he need a kidney? Part of my liver? I told her I’d get back to her on that but I hope stay don’t think I can do it. Don’t get me wrong I don’t necessarily want to refuse because I want to know why, I want to hear whatever bullshit he is gonna say. But I am hesitating because I’m scared I’ll just melt into that 7 year old little girl who needed her dad and cry in front of him. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I don’t even think it would have any effect because we are talking about someone who cheated on his wife with my mom when when mom was barely 17 and he was in his 30’s. We’re talking about a man who walked away from his child for freaking 25 years. What can I honestly expect from someone like this?

I’m also upset that he thinks he get to just ask for my number like I’m some sort of a playground where he gets to walk out and walk back in whenever he wants. My first instinct is to not make it too easy for him to have access to me but also. What would being difficult accomplish, and would it get me the answers I may want?

I know this needs to be done on my terms but I’m not exactly sure what my terms should be.

I’m so confused: as anyone gone through this? How was your experience? Please help!

TLDR: biological father wants to talk 25 years too late and k debating whether to accept.

688
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/twotiredchonks on 2024-01-12 04:50:07+00:00.


I've been with my fiance for almost five years, and we got engaged last March. We constantly run into miscommunication, and we are currently in couples therapy.

Many of our arguments start because of something I said. Either he didn't understand me, or I said something that could be misinterpreted as insensitive. I get defensive and am working on taking accountability quicker, apologizing better, and understanding that even if my intent wasn't harmful, my impact was. I'm not always perfect on this.

My finance is a smoker. He has had a persistent cough for months. This evening, he was telling me that it's not a sick cough, and he's starting to diagnosis the program as a chronic cough and is getting natural medicine for it online. I'm a nervous/worry and I worry about his health, as we are getting married and he has been smoking almost half his life.

I told him that I was worried, that this cough could be the beginning stages of something more serious, and I guess made it sound like this something serious was definitely going to happen.

He told me that I was being judgemental and attacking him. Obviously we argued the rest of the night, and I'm struggling to understand why this keeps happening.

To make matters even more confusing, I've just discovered RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) and I think we both may have this.

These arguments happen often - I say something with a positive or neutral intent, and it's taken as judgemental/attacking/critical.

I guess I could really be so insensitive that I don't notice it. I'm hoping for input. Has anyone else dealt with this in a relationship, and what was a solution?

TLDR; I say "insensitive" comments that I feel are not insensitive but are often misinterpreted and my fiance gets offended. What could a possible solution be here?

689
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DifferentSympathy998 on 2024-01-12 04:48:22+00:00.


I’ve shared drinks and vapes with her on a very few occasions because I felt pressured into it even though I hate sharing germs with people. I am feeling irritated at her personality at the moment. Anyway I found out she had a suspected cold sore a couple months ago shortly after sharing a vape with her friend, who later mentioned they get cold sores. I got drunk and I believe I forgot for a few seconds and actually offered her to taste my drink. This is not in line with my personality at all.

This might sound ridiculous but I feel her repeatedly trying to share things with me influenced me or normalised it more so that I acted like that when I was drunk.

If I definitely have it, and it looks like it, I know I caught it from her. I just do. It’s all too much of a coincidence and the timing for incubation of the virus correct.

I tried to talk to her. I wanted to know if she developed a sore after we saw each other. She said no. She was completely dismissive that I could have contracted it from her. I don’t know if it’s real or just willful ignorance. She said it isn’t a big deal. I could tolerate this attitude if it weren’t applied to people other than yourself. Whether it’s a big deal is subjective.

Maybe I shouldn’t blame her because of the amount of unproven misinformation about how non- infectious it is.

I am starting to get over feeling so freaked out about it having myself but I am scared I have spread it to my son. It would be so unfair to him at such a young age, and knowing it came from me. And basically from my sister. I don’t know how to get over this or feel okay. He ate the ice cream I was eating from after I told him not to and why. He forgot..

I have no right to say anything about this but she kisses her children on the lips after having suspected cold sores. But maybe if I had said something she would have listened and been more cautious. The thing is that I know she won’t have forgotten she might have HSV even if she was drinking.

I basically hate myself for what I’ve done. All of it. I regret my personality. I resent her for being constantly irresponsible about picking up and spreading viruses and bacteria and for ever pushing my boundaries and influencing me. I know that sounds immature. But if my son gets it I don’t think I will feel ok with her again.

She is angry at me for being upset and has been pretty nasty. I am feeling really irritated at this whole aspect of her personality right now, and I am full of regret.

TL; DR I think I might have contracted oral HSV and I feel completely alone in my anxiety over this

690
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Operation_8082 on 2024-01-12 04:45:30+00:00.


we've been tg for a year and we're long distance in college. one day during break he accepted a girl at his colleges snap add and they started snapping a lot in the span of 10-15 min. she said he was hot and he said she was hot. she asked if he had a gf and he said no. and then she asked if he wanted to meet when break ended and he realized how wrong he was and unadded her saying sorry, this is wrong.

he told me the next day. i don't really know

tldr he snapped and flirted w a girl is it cheating and what do i do

691
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/psychout57 on 2024-01-12 04:45:09+00:00.


I [28F] am searching for my old friend [28M] of 7 years.

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I'm hoping someone can point me in the direction to find an old friend from high school.

So here's the tricky part. He was never big on social media and his old socials are dead/he doesn't check them or post.

Last time we talked he didn't have a phone number just used a text app or messenger which our last conversation was March 2016.

I've reached out to all our old friends. Everyone stopped hearing from him around the same time or before me.

His address is not the same already checked.

I know one of his jobs and a general date range but that was at KFC and if he has a LinkedIn I wouldn't expect that to be on his work history.

I know roughly his parents and brothers name. They all have very generic Hispanic names making it incredibly hard to find just based on name alone and state.

I know where we went to high school but not in any of the high school pages. I know where he worked after high school. He didn't get a license till at least 25 (not sure of that males a difference). Have not seen him on LinkedIn nor his brother when I've tried checking for both. Also could not find his parents. I'm unsure if he ended up going to college.

I know a general birthday range and age range.

How accurate is truth finder? Anyone actually get some use out of paying for one of those search engines?

I've gone through a lot lately and have been really appreciating reaching out with old friends. He used to be one of my best friends in high school and a little after.

Does anyone have any suggestions of something I may not have tried?

TL;DR I am searching for an old friend but have run into a road block trying to find someone who never had a phone or hasn't been on social media for years.

692
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Alarming_Wedding_195 on 2024-01-12 04:28:02+00:00.


No judgment please. So in next few days, I am moving to a new city (a 6 hour drive away from home) for my first big job. And honestly I feel pretty lost, unhappy, and indecisive on having to choose between staying home with my family or moving away from them just to see my boyfriend.

I am 22F and I just graduated from a university last May, which is located in the same city where I’ll be moving to. During college last year, I met my amazing boyfriend 24M who lives in that same city. We’ve been together for 11 months. Since I graduated in May, I moved back home and we’ve been doing long distance since then. I just got a job offer in his city and I was excited at first because well, that means I get to see my boyfriend more. However, as I thought about it more, I’ve been feeling more sad that I have to move away from my family. And I’m wondering if it’s worth moving for a relationship.

His parents don’t know about me yet. I don’t know why, but this is a bit of a dealbreaker for me since it kind of shows our relationship is not serious to him. My parents already know about him and they questioned why he never flew up here to visit me. I said because my boyfriend is busy with work and doesn’t have time to visit on weekends, and he would also have to lie and make up an excuse to his parents on flying up here. My parents said nah if a man really loves you, he would do anything for you, no matter how busy he is. They suggested that I shouldn’t move away from home JUST for him.

I started thinking about our future. If I’m being really honest, I would want to stay near my family more. I don’t think he would continue doing long distance and move near my family in the future, if I don’t move. He has been pretty much settled in his city his whole life and has all of his family and friends there, so he’s not going anywhere. He's pretty great, so I'm afraid of losing out on a great guy or even ending up single for many more years and regretting not settling down with him. What’s worse is I’m a huge homebody. I don’t want to die alone. Sometimes I just feel jealous of people who get to live near all their family. I love him a lot, I know he loves me a lot too. I feel so horrible wasting our time and having to ask myself a question if I should break up. I can’t stand to see him with another girl.

I have my family and all of my close friends here. I barely have any friends in his city since I lost many friends I made during college. I only know one friend in his city. I’d be moving and staying at my new place all alone. My family wishes me to stay close to home and I’ve been feeling really bad because I can tell they’re sad I’m moving away again. They said they would buy me a house here and help me open my own small business (a boba shop) here, which sounds more fun than my job. I’d make a lot more money than what my job is paying me. But does money buy happiness? What do I want? I don’t know, I just want to make the most out of 20s. Life is short, I don’t want to waste time and I also want to spend more time with my parents and close friends. But I also really love this man. :(

Part of me says f**k it, just move to his city and see how it goes and if I don’t like it by next year, I can always move back home. Other part of me wants to turn down the job offer and stay home, not waste time.

Would this be a worthwhile sacrifice? I don't know what to prioritize. What would you guys do in my situation?

TLDR: I (22F) am moving to a new city with my boyfriend (24M) but I also want to stay home with my family, which puts our future at risk.

693
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due_Cable_9910 on 2024-01-12 04:19:48+00:00.


So i (16f) did the deed with by bf (m17) and it turns out while he was behind me he took a video without me even knowing. i found out because i heard him laughing (which made me insecure) and replaying it to himself. I asked him what was funny but he acted like he didnt hear me at first, then said nothing. I start to wonder if he's done this to his exes in the past as well because the way he just pulled his phone out like that and filmed it made me think he did it before or that he was already plotting to. I don't trust him anymore and i feel like he doesn't even like me like he once did. I'm not sure what i even did to him, he's been giving me sneaky vibes but i try to ignore it because i dont actually have proof and when i confront him he makes me think im crazy and denies everything. plz idk what to do.

I want to ask but I doubt he'll confess to doing it. Im too embarrassed to ask his friends because we've only spoken briefly. Is there another way to find out if he did? no judgement please help!!! I don't want to end up exposed or have my life be ruined. I have too much going.

tldr; think my bf is being sneaky and sent a sex video to his friends

694
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Angelica_ludens on 2024-01-12 04:08:27+00:00.


Me and my brother grew up in a strict christian household. My mother was paranoid and would often snoop around our rooms for any drugs or anything. She has made me snoop in his room as it seems more "right" for me to do so.

I investigated his bedroom which i do feel bad invading his privacy. Hidden in his bedroom closet i was shocked to find an opened package of xl bedwetting diapers designed for teenage girls.

Also along side the girly print diapers i found a vibrator, adult onesies, womens lingerie, school girl costumes and thigh highs.

Now growing up with him i know he doesnt have bedwetting issues so it is likely a fetish thing. I felt really disturbed as my brother could be a danger to children considering the girly diapers.

I havent told my mom about this yet.

tl;dr found girly bedwetting diapers in my brothers room, i am concerned he is attracted to minors

695
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cannedmilk223 on 2024-01-12 04:08:04+00:00.


I just found out that a few months ago, after my bf and I had sex, he felt horrible after and wanted to cry. He vented to his female friend about it and it makes me uncomfortable because I felt he should’ve communicated that to me. He said he felt like that through a religious stand point, but I was never aware of that. He said he never felt like that after. He had a tendency of of disclosing private matters in our relationship such as when my period was late because I haven’t had sex in a long time. Things like these make me feel uncomfortable because I felt like these should be kept in private. He hasn’t done it in a while but I didn’t know about this situation and it feels extremely serious. It almost feels disrespectful because why didn’t let me know? I always believed our problems or issues should be private and should be discussed among each other. What should I do?

TL;DR my bf talked to his female friend that he wanted to cry after having sex with me.

696
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fit_Operation2630 on 2024-01-12 03:55:06+00:00.


I think I ruined my (30f) relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years, Nina (29f)...

(For quick context, I am going to therapy for the untreated grief of losing my former boyfriend ("25"m), Sam, 5 years ago, which exploded at his death anniversary last year.)

Yesterday, I had a zoom therapy meeting, with Nina by my side. We discussed my feelings about Sam, as usual, and how to handle the grief, like usual.

But this time my therapist wanted to look how my other relationships was effected by Sam's passing. That lead down a spiralling hole, first about my parents, his parents, and then my friends... it was all going "well" until we reached Karma ("27"f) and Andrea (30f) (fake names).

Andrea WAS my best friend of 15 years, and she is the killer of my boyfriend and more. To cut a long story short, when out partying without me, Andrea 'accidentally' pushed a drunk Sam and Karma infront of a car, leading to Sam's death and severe injuries (amputation of right arm and leg, partial crushed throat and torso) to Karma.

This obviously destroyed me, losing on of my pillars, losing Sam. The fact that Karma would try and eventually succed in taking her own life, just cut down more of those pillars. While all of this was investigated, I had beyond horrible thoughts of what I wanted to do to Andrea. They ranged all from that the most "pleasant", involved bashing her brain in with a hammer, to disembowled and mutilation, eye removal, burning her alive, to even at one point, r*** with a chainsaw, which I told my therapist detail for detail. To say I had at that point in my life entered a beyond dark place and crashed right into near insanity was not a joke.

It all came to a heads up as I meet Andrea again, just weeks before her sentencing and just days after Karma's death, talking in the middle of the night on "our" porch. Unknown to her, I had nearly bashed her head in with a baseball bat at least twice, nearly swinging it at her head when she wasn't looking. She left after I did leave my baseball bat to gently rest at the back of her head (warning her). After that I broke down crying, realizing what I had nearly done and what a monster I had become. I wanted to die, for even wanting to kill her, and those thoughts left me. (that was 4.5 years ago)

After talking about Andrea, my therapist looked a bit grim and uncomfortable and when i look at Nina, she looked mortified and afraid. We chose to talk a bit about it and the therapist seemed to be even more understanding? We ended the call not far after.

Nina, she wouldn't look me in the eyes and even as she taller and has a bigger frame, she seemed to cower from me. She wouldn't hold me or even really talk to me. I could see I made her extremely uncomfortable and I chose to sleep on the couch, something to my horror she didn't even try to dissuade. Since I woke this morning, she seems to hold to the walls, as if afraid to approach me and is trying to keep as much distance between us as possible.

That broke me and I have to admit that I turned to my old friend of self harm, biting and scratching myself.

I feel lost... and I don't want to exist if the person I love the most is afraid of me.

Tl;Dr: therapy session lead to me admitting, in extreme detail, to having wanted to kill and torture my ex-bestfriend/the killer of my boyfriend (a though process that i dont share anymore and is guilty about) and my girlfriend is now afraid of me.

697
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Healthy-Bench7183 on 2024-01-12 03:29:05+00:00.


My friend (27, NB) of many years has been with their boyfriend (31, M) for around three years and they were living together. I had heard my friend’s boyfriend’s financial situation wasn’t great and that my friend had been covering their rent, bills, meals etc (many of which included extravagant dinners out where my friend’s boyfriend made no effort to be conservative despite not contributing anything financially). Each month they gave the money for rent to their boyfriend, who was supposed to then pay the landlord. My friend didn’t have contact with the landlord and their name wasn’t on the lease, the lease was in my friend’s boyfriend’s name. Very suddenly last summer my friend told me their landlord had told their boyfriend that they needed to move out by the end of the month. My friend didn’t give a reason, just vaguely said the landlord was letting them do month to month and wanted to end it. I have experience in real estate and suspected it might be a bit more likely that they were evicted for some reason, but didn’t press the issue. Since then, my friend and their boyfriend have been living between parents and friends houses and are just now looking for apartments.

Today, my friend sent me a link to an apartment they are touring with their boyfriend this weekend. I’m nosey and looked up what happened with their previous apartment, and was shocked when I discovered a court case that showed their boyfriend had been taken to court and was in fact evicted and owed at least four months of rent. My friend has made no mention of the eviction to me and I’m worried that they don’t know the true reasons why they were kicked out of their old lease, and I’m even more worried that they don’t know that their boyfriend was pocketing at least four months of rent that he was supposed to be using to pay the landlord. I’m really not trying to cause drama, I just truly think if it was me who was being financially deceived by my boyfriend I would want to know, especially before applying for another place with him.

TL;DR: I think my friend’s partner lied about paying rent and pocketed the money instead, which led to their eviction. I’m not sure if my friend even knows that they were evicted. Do I tell my friend that I found the eviction court case?

698
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mysterious_Fee_3147 on 2024-01-12 02:21:09+00:00.


Relationship length: 3 years

How can I help my husband understand my point of view?

Since getting marriage (1.5 years ago) my husband and I have had a frequent reoccurring argument. Essentially, I tell him something, and he very often doubts that what I’m saying could be true. Example 1: I say, “our bus is this first bus” (because I’ve been on it before and I saw the sign labeling it out correct bus), and my husband responds, “are you sure? I don’t think so” before going to check the sign for himself. My husband is a very intelligent person getting his phd and he also has anxiety which is where I think his lack of wanting to trust others comes from. However this pops up in all sorts of ways in our marriage and leaves me feeling like my husband doesn’t think I’m smart or worth listening to or at least cares about my feelings enough to pretend I could be correct. I’ll give two more examples so people can understand the context more, but what I’m trying to figure out is how to explain this in a way that we’ll click with my husband because every time we argue about this he just gives me the reasons he knew or thought he was right, which, isn’t really what matters. He never seems to get it.

Example 2: I give some fact I learned in class, my husband responds by saying he doubts that and then explaining what he thinks the answer is based on his perspective from his phd.

Example 3: I grab a sample spoon at a restaurant that I thought was clean, my husband sees it was dirty and is quick to tel me I grabbed the wrong spoon before going to check the label (he was right, but the way he approached the situation with the assumption that he was correct was triggering- admittedly I may be getting hypersensitive about this because it is occurring all the time.

The way I have tried to explain this to my husband is that it hurts my feelings that he seems to always think there’s no chance I could be correct and I wish instead of telling me I’m wrong he would care about my feelings and ask me questions to gather more information instead. Advice on how to present this differently?

tl;dr I feel like my husband doesn’t believe anything I say.

699
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAhappylove197 on 2024-01-12 01:26:20+00:00.


You know how some people just don’t get along well with others? I think I’m like that with my bf’s sister. Which is annoying since they’re both extremely close. In the ideal world, I’d be close with her but her values really don’t align with mine. I’ve had several fights/disagreements with my bf which does stem from my not-understanding of her. But ultimately, it’s that me and her sister aren’t compatible. I know that I will come across as judgy in my post, so please tell me when and why. I already go to therapy, so instead of saying “go to therapy” tell me what steps I can take on my end. Thank you :)

First things first, they are close in age, basically twins (M20 and F21). I’m obviously dating my bf and his sister has her own bf. They are “close” and have bond that I know I will most likely never have with my bf, and that’s ok. They have shared trauma from their (non-present/parents that didn’t really parent) parents growing up, but are now in healthier place with them. So sometimes I wonder if their “closeness” crosses into codependency/enmeshment. Also, his sister is has anxiety and has been taking meds since she was 17/18. I’ve also taken the same meds for around 6 months, for depression.

-overall, the main impression I get of her is SEX. This is because everything I’m going to say right now has been initiated by her, not my bf nor I (but in an including us way).This could be by chance but it could be that it is genuinely her. For example, “we’ve” gone on a sex toy website together. “We’ve” seen her new sex toy that she ordered online, and told us that she ordered a discreet package. She’s called my bf over to show him how expensive it is to ship from America to Australia (but she was on the sex chocolate website). When we had “down-time” together (which is basically when they’re doom scrolling), she finds it funny to watch the reels where you have to time your pauses to “reveal” the hentai picture. Like she‘d pause correctly and show it to us while laughing.

-another thing that I don’t understand is their dynamic. Somethings that she does I find disrespectful to my bf, but my bf doesn’t find it disrespectful (bc it’s always been like this). Again, it’s her initiating these things. For example, she’ll ask him to pick her up from her bf’s house (which is a 40 min drive), THEN, my bf arrives (and texts her that he’s arrived) and has to wait a further 10 minutes for her to come out. From how I’ve grown up, out of respect, you should be ready to leave within 40 minutes, especially if someone is going out of their way for you. You should not keep them waiting.

-she chooses not to work/progress in her career. This one by itself idm, but coupled with the fact that she asks my bf to do things for her is something that’s hard for me to wrap my head around. She works 3 days a week in retail, she denied her promotion to be manager. Their family is very “stay at home as long as you want” which adds to it, I reckon. The thing is, she asks my bf to drive her to work those mornings, she asks my bf to pick up food for her, she asks him to drive her to her bf’s house. The way I see it, she is dependent on him for travelling, and seeing that she doesn’t work a lot, probably isn’t saving up for a car. After all, why would she? Her brother can drive her everywhere, or pick up food for her.

I’ve really tried to understand, and think of it from her mental health but her actions are too much of a contrast from my values.

TLDR: I don’t like my bf’s sister(’s actions towards my bf) but they are close and idk what to do. She talks about sex too much for my liking (not to mention with her brother/she has own bf) she (imo) disrespects my bf’s time and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to change. And obviously, my bf is the enabler in this situation.

How should I approach this?

700
 
 
This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MystcManzaray on 2024-01-12 01:21:31+00:00.


I don't know what to do. My parents want me to go to the university in the city that we live in just like my older sisters but I'm 99% sure I'm not getting in. Basically grade 11 I tried really hard to get a good average and this resulted in me getting early acceptance into civil engineering at Ottawa University. My parents want me to go to queens engineering which is right where we live but I can't get in because queens looks at mostly grade 12 marks and my grade 12 marks are shit.

Here is the dilemma when I got back my midterms for grade 12 I panicked and lied to my parents about it. I lied a little too well and they are positive I will get into queens now. If I don't get into queens they will connect 2 and 2 together and find out I lied resulting in them possibly disowning me (they are brown).

So I figured my only chance is to tell them I really want to go to Ottawa University and that it is my passion. But my parents say that if I go to Ottawa I will become a bad person or something. They won't really specify but keep going on about me becoming a bad person. I tried convincing them but its futile because they are really stubborn.

I really want to go to U Ottawa because my experience at highschool was literally me missing out. I am not allowed to hangout with friends, I am not allowed to leave the house, I'm basically in jail. All my dad does is get mad at me. So when I was trying to convince him to let me go to ottawa he got mad at me again, this made me a bit angry and I said that this is the exact reason I want to leave because all you do is get mad at me and never let me do anything. So he just told me to leave the room. Next day he told me everything we are doing for you is to make you better and basically assumed that my friends somehow are making me want to move out and that our values don't match with them.

I'm really scared right now because I love my dad but if I don't stand my ground he will find out I didn't get good marks, but if I do stand my ground and convince to go to ottawa he's going to not let me go happily he's gonna be really mad at me.

What should I do?

TL;DR: parents want me to go to university at home but I'm not getting in but they assume I will because I lied to them about grades

view more: ‹ prev next ›