Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-delivery on 2024-01-11 05:30:42+00:00.

Context of the last 2 years: My father passed away and left me his inheritance which includes a house that is now in my name. When I moved back into that house, I allowed my mother to live with me as she was looking for a place to stay after she left her apartment. The house needed serious renovations from the garage all the way to the yard, and being a young single man I didn’t really care about any of that so I gave my mother creative freedom over everything and the money would be from my inheritance. She has been a great help while I finish up my Master’s, but now I am about to be home for good. Last year, I meet my now girlfriend while the renovations are pretty much done, barring a few things here and there.

My girlfriend and I hit it off immediately and within a few months I asked her to move in with me. She moved in under the assumption that the house was my mother’s but she was okay with it. Not too long after moving in I tell her that it is actually my house that I inherited, which she doesn’t seem to have much reaction to. Luckily my father left me a good amount of inheritance so while I am intelligent with where I put my money, I fortunately have the luxury of buying some nicer things. Her past birthday I bought her a used BMW for around $10,000 and was willing to put $5000 more for customizations that my girlfriend is interested in, as she is a car girl whereas I drive a nicer civic but I don’t really care about all that stuff.

My girlfriend moved in and as a normal couple would do, she started pointing out things about the renovations that she would like changed some time in the future. Since it was my mother’s creative decisions I didn’t mind changing it in the future to be what my eventual wife would like best. My mother found it disrespectful because she had not even been living with us for a year and came to start pointing things out that she wanted changed, which I can see where the timing is unfortunate, had I met her previously the house would have been to her liking from the start and these issues would have never existed. I do tend to buy things for my girlfriend, but she is a very cheap person that shops at thrift stores and only likes the best deal, while also not wanting too much or too many things to save for bigger things like vacations or properties that she wants to invest in. My girlfriend has immense dreams, and is very knowledgeable about flipping houses as that is what her uncle does for a living, so I trust her to be able to make smart financial decisions.

This past week was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I surprised my girlfriend with a necklace of about $1000 that she had said months ago was like the perfect necklace and since then she hasn’t taken it off. My mother believes that she is only with me for my money but what she doesn’t see is all the love and support my girlfriend provides as well as being able to cook and take care of a house and our cat we adopted. My girlfriend has always been a beaming ray of sunlight yet my mother believes she has other motives, when my girlfriend has always been the one texting her and calling her and thinking about her, much more than I have. Keep in mind, my girlfriend’s favorite gifts have been those that I made myself with love, rather than the car and the necklace.

My mother began being extremely disrespectful to my girlfriend and that is not something I will ever allow in my house, so I told her that if she cannot respect my girlfriend and my boundaries then she needs to find somewhere else to live. I gave her until May but she should be gone before then.

Is my mother being overprotective and over stepping her boundaries? Or is my girlfriend truly only with me for my inheritance?

TLDR: I bought my girlfriend nice things and my mom thinks shes with me to empty my pockets and leave, so I am having my mom move out.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Onerlight on 2024-01-11 04:52:59+00:00.

Context is important here, my friend hosted exchange students. One for several months, I fell in love with his host student and we are very happy together even though we are long distance. My friend has never dated, nor kissed anyone, and before he was always supportive of any relationship I entered. Except this time, he gets quiet, and stares at me weirdly, and usually makes fun of my boyfriend after. (He will also be going to stay with my boyfriend for 3 months as part of the program) Most of what I say is positive. About how he speaks of me highly and loves me very much, and how happy I am. Normally, my friend is very happy for me, but I can't help but sense a change in behaviour. We are all good friends, banter is very normal in our culture, but I don't understand why he's acting this way, and only on this topic. Can anyone help me understand?

tl:dr boyfriend is a host student, friend will be living with him for three months and is strangely unsupportive of us.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Puzzleheaded-Fee2650 on 2024-01-11 04:52:34+00:00.

I (23f) am leaving my husband (24m). It was my boss (37m) who convinced me to do it. My husband has been manipulating me and dosent care about me, I knew this but didn’t care to act on it till it was my boss who told me I deserved better. Now don’t get confused, I’m not leaving my husband for my boss. But I do now have feelings for my boss. I’m thinking of telling him after I leave my husband. We have weekly meetings to hopefully help me get promotion the next time one is being offered but recently we’ve been talking more about how he thinks I deserve better before getting to the actual meeting. I think I’m gonna tell him I can’t have the meetings anymore because I have developed a crush on him. This way hell know how I feel and maybe I can get my head out my ass and get back to work without these meetings I adore way to much.

TL;DR I have a crush on my older boss should I tell him

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/General_Task_7509 on 2024-01-11 10:32:18+00:00.

I noticed my wife undies were wearing out. I told her few months ago to go out and spend some decent money and buy herself some nice undies. She always says she hates spending money on undies and bras as they are so expensive.

I am thinking of buying her a few more pairs and giving them to her, maybe a few colours she doesn't have but samw style and size from the same company.

I don't want her to think it is a sexual idea more rather being nice.

It's is weird?

TL;DR buying my wife some undies

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ih8geckos on 2024-01-11 10:20:02+00:00.

My boyfriend and I are in a LDR since June last year. Before he went to another country we were contemplating whether to continue our relationship since he hated the setup. However even before he went to another country, we were already in a ldr but only 2 hours away from each other. It was bearable since we were able to see each other 1-2 times a month. Him leaving to another country was very different since it would mean seeing each other once a year if possible and probably not even getting the chance to see each other for an entire year.

Three days ago I opened up to him about him being emotionally distant. However we weren't able to continue since he was also busy that time and also two days ago so we weren't able to talk. We talked about it on call yesterday and he asked me if I still would want to continue the relationship because if I don't want to, he doesn't want me to be tied down to something I wouldn't like. He also told me that he's already on the edge of continuing our relationship and we've done everything we can to solve the problems related to physical distance which was spending time together, etc. but he feels as if it's lacking. Honestly, hearing his pessimistic comments were discouraging. It felt like he placed the outcome of our relationship on my shoulders. We stopped talking for a bit since he had to run some errands. I had the feeling he was interested in someone else near him. I asked him this question and he told me yes. He missed the feeling of seeing each other. He saw us being happy through her. While thinking about the memories we had together, I was replaced by her on them. I really felt betrayed and helpless after hearing that. I understand feelings can't be prevented but doesn't that mean he didn't have clear boundaries leading to him being interested in someone else?

We had the same problem three months after our relationship just started. He became interested in one of his classmates. Hearing that shattered me so much because I had so much trust in him. I begged him that we can still fix our relationship. He promised me that situation won't happen again and I believed him. Now it happened again twice. I don't know if I would want to experience the same feeling again thrice once he goes to college next year. I broke it off with him but a part of me regrets my decision because I still love him so much. We will be talking again later.

TL;DR; : did u have any experience of your partner being interested in someone else while you're in LDR?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwoffmychestthr on 2024-01-11 10:08:13+00:00.

I would love some advice on how to approach this because my initial reaction is just to shut down and avoid my friend forever and I don't want that. Note - we're both autistic so whilst the answer might seem obvious whilst reading, I'm awful at stuff like this.

I have a male friend. We get on really well, and meet up occasionally for lunch etc. however, I have a daft crush on him. Its not life ending and I know it won't go anywhere and so have never pursued it.

He's started being more friendly, like I said something he found funny and he was laughing for a while and said whilst laughing oh I love you, then later on was talking about how we "respect and love" each other and I just kind of brushed it off because I'm presuming he meant it platonically, but as I have this crush on him it's making me uncomfortable and struggle to socialize with him. I recognise this is a me problem.

How can I get him to stop making these kind of remarks without making it awkward, quite lightly, do we think there's a way?!

Tl;Dr - friend very verbally affectionate, due to already having crush would like him to stop as very uncomfortable

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OkHovercraft5880 on 2024-01-11 10:07:41+00:00.

throwaway for privacy. i met my guy around halloween at a party at my college. we hooked up a few times, and i thought that was all it would be at first (he is way out of my league, surprised he even let me come on to him at all tbh), but he started coming over more and taking me to things with his friends and such. we’ve been in this “talking” stage since then, so about 2/3 months. i say “talking” with quotes because we’re basically dating. to set the scene: he comes over, and sleeps over, at least 4-5 nights out of the week on average. we’re completely exclusive with each other. he spends the whole day with me if he can, or he’ll sleepover, go to class/work, and then come back. he’s always asking if i was okay or how i was doing, just to make sure. he opens every door for me and puts his hand/arm out so i can hold it while we’re walking, because he knows i like to do that. he’ll backtrack and walk around a pole so he doesn’t split it (im very superstitious about not splitting a pole). he comes to a lot of “girls nights” with my friends, when he’s the only guy there, and he’s comfortable with all of them. we call each other (and fall asleep on said call) nearly every night when we’re not together. he knows about my family issues and i know about his, and though we haven’t told our parents anything, my sister and aunt and his brothers and cousin all know about us. we’ve gone on and planned future dates, he was talking about going on trips with me and planning our future halloween costumes, you get the picture. none of that explicitly says “oh, we’re dating!” but it’s gotten to the point that my friends have told me that they forget we’re not actually together.

we’ve talked about us and what we’re going to do about it. im very clear on my intentions and that i want this to be a relationship, and he’s told me that he also wants one with me. BUT, he hasn’t officially asked. before people say “why don’t you?” 1) i am a girl and don’t want to 2) i started everything between us and 3) i’ve told him i would if i knew he would say yes. i can’t tell if he’s scared of commitment or something, i know a lot of stuff went down between him and his ex though. she somehow found me and told me a lot that happened so i get that he might be scared because of how that ended, but also im not her, or anything like her. additionally, he says he doesn’t know if he can get into another “do or die” relationship right now (as in he dates to marry, which i do as well. i don’t believe in dating just to date) which is kind of understandable, but isn’t the point of dating to figure out if you’d be compatible enough to stay together?

i really, truly do like him a lot, and we both know we’d be good for each other, so i don’t know what to do. any advice would be helpful.

TLDR; the guy im seeing won’t make it official, even though we’ve been dating without a label for two months.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/jehnthefoot on 2024-01-11 10:06:54+00:00.

Hello. I’m sad to be turning to internet advice but it seems that when I try and talk about this with my boyfriend he turns it into an argument.

How unfair is it for me to be jealous that my boyfriend doesnt come to bed with me each night and spends until on average anywhere from 3 am to 4 am talking to his friends playing video games? They are his childhood friends who live in his hometown which he moved out of, and I 100% respect that he has those friends and enjoys talking to them. I get that and I want him to have alone time/friend time. I’m just starting to feel like he enjoys spending time talking to them more than he does me. We both are college students and spend SOME time together during the day, but nowhere near as much as we used to because we are busy. When we are with each other, it is starting to feel base level and us doing either basic chores like cooking, or sitting down to watch TV.

We have been together for three years, and we live together. I have a job that starts earlier in the morning, which means I have to go to bed around 11 each night. He KNOWS how much I value us sleeping together in the same bed. I have talked about this many times with him. He always promises he will come to bed soon when he says goodnight, but that’s almost never the case. He said his friends also tease him and say “oooooh she needs her cuddles.” Well that hurts my feelings.

It’s starting to make me jealous that I can hear him from the bedroom each night in what seems like deeper conversations with his friends than we have had in a long time. I don’t even know how to approach him on this in a way that won’t upset him. I don’t want to be needy and co-dependent, but I have always valued falling asleep next to each other and I really wish it happened more than 1-2 days a week when we literally live together. Again, I love that he has friends he can talk to, it’s just that anywhere from 3 to 5 hours nearly every night just seems excessive and like he loves his friends more than me. I’m not sure if anyone can see where I’m coming from, because when I try to reason with myself in my head I just seem like an evil witch.

When I bring this up, he says he does it because he enjoys spending time with his friends. This makes me feel like a really shitty person to want him to spend less time with them at night, but I feel like my needs should be values as well. I dunno, just feeling a bit lost.

TLDR: My boyfriend of three years spends more time playing video games late at night with his friends than having meaningful time with me during the day. I don’t want him to stop talking to his friends, and I don’t want to be the controlling girlfriend who tells him to dial it back. I’m not sure what to do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nirmity on 2024-01-11 09:58:04+00:00.

So I was talking with a girl at work, and she said she was 28. I am 27. So when she asked me how old I was, I asked her to guess. She guessed 20 and I told her I was 23. Because she thought I was so young and my other co-workers also assumed the same, I said 23 instead of 27. I feel stupid as to why I said that because there is this huge age gap now. She is interested in me and I like her as well. What can I do now? Will she get upset if I tell her I am 27 now? I am stressed pls help

Tldr; Instead of telling her the exact age, I said I was younger not realizing it would create an age gap.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FelixDJR on 2024-01-11 09:49:29+00:00.

We’ve been dating for over 4 years and live together for 3 years. Sometimes I take her as a family member, not a lover. We’re too familier with each other.

Since last year I found myself uncontrollably attracted to other girls. Even when we have sex, I'll think of her as the hot girl who lives nearby.

But I don’t want to break up with her. What should I do?

I'm not afraid of being criticized.To be honest, I think no man will be satisfied with just one woman, if he has a choice.

TL;DR: I’m often attracted to other girls, but I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Plenty_Celebration_4 on 2024-01-11 09:36:32+00:00.

**TL;DR;** : How do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend never seems affectionate in our relationship, in spite of my clear affection and support for her?

I'll keep this brief as I can. I asked my now-girlfriend out for the first time about 3-4 months ago, after being acquaintances for some time. In getting to know her over time, we really clicked, and for about a month we have decided to make it official. We can talk for hours about a ton of different things, we have a lot in common, and usually always have a great time when we hang out.

Of late though, there has been an issue, and I'm not even sure if it's one I have the right to feel some way about. Over these past months, whether it be texting, organizing dates, or hell, even compliments, it's almost entirely one-sided.

I tell her she looks nice, she says thank-you or looks kinda nervous. I don't think she's ever given me a compliment. I ask if she wants to hang out/do yada yada, she is almost always on board, but never suggests anything of her own, even though I have made a habit of asking her if there is something she would like to do.

When we text, though she used to a little at the very start, she almost never texts me first to talk (we don't text often, 1-3 times per week, but the convos are pretty long). I got her something for Christmas, and/or pretty much always pay for the dates, and though I don't need/expect it, she doesn't ever really offer to do the same, which rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

I like her a lot, and I know she does have issues with anxiety. I understand that, but it's to the point where I don't really perceive how/why she likes me. When we made it official, she told me that she was "attracted to me" and "REALLY liked me", and liked me enough to stick with it if it went long distance, when I asked her why....she couldn't seem to tell me, and said that she had issues putting feelings into words. And I don't really get any sort of affirmation from her...on almost anything, in spite of me giving it to her (supporting her passions, hobbies, etc)

Honestly I don't know what to do. Do I have a right to be bothered? Is it something on my end? I would sincerely appreciate it if ya'll could give any advice on the issue.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ILoveDogs2142 on 2024-01-11 09:30:46+00:00.

TL;DR

• 27M. Best friend (35M) blocked me for no apparent reason.
• I feel heartbroken, disappointed and betrayed.
• I am not sure what to do.
• To be clear, I am straight. He has a wife. I am interested in women. We were just best friends.

Long version

We met at work a few years ago and got along like a house on fire.

Like me, he felt miserable and resentful about the workplace. It was as though everyone else was foreign and we were the only ones who truly understood each other. He told me about his rough upbringing, being raised by foster parents and being addicted to drugs and alcohol. In his 20s he traveled the world and met the love of his life, a woman who later left him after having a mental health issues. I was his closest friend and he confided everything to me, including things that were happening at home with his wife.

When our employer made the whole team redundant, he took up delivery driving. I found another office job. We stayed in touch and often hung out a few times a month, going to the beach, having lunch, eating dinner and seeing movies. We spoke over the phone regularly about life, career goals, his marriage, our old job, his landlord and everything under the sun. I offered to be his referee so he could find work but ultimately he stuck with delivering food. He tried to divorce his wife, but withdrew the application to avoid the risk of going to a contested court hearing.

For a long time, he had been dissatisfied with the marriage. This was a common point of discussion ever since we met through work. He would tell me about his desire to abandon the State, cease all communication with her and live with another family member. He was also quite negative about his landlord, who also happened to be another of his close friends. Calling him angry and judgemental, toxic and negative, he made clear that he wanted to be free from him.

Little did I know that this was to foreshadow what was to come for me. Unlike his wife and unlike his landlord, he was not dependent on me. Perhaps this is what made his decision to block me easier.

I did not even know he had done so until a mutual friend told me, after I had been trying to get in touch with him. Needless to say, I am absolutely heartbroken. We were almost inseparable at work and I regarded him to be my best friend. And then cold turkey. Nothing.

How could someone do this? I feel betrayed. I am disappointed that I did not receive an explanation.

I can only speculate as to why this happened. I wonder if there was a sense of jealousy involved. He sometimes said that I had an easy life and so much free time, while he had to work almost every day delivering food. Even at work, there were very subtle signs that he was annoyed by my achievements, but perhaps I am over-thinking it. He was sometimes joyous to hear when bad things had happened to me, something which I felt was unusual but something I never thought too deeply about. None of these signs are obvious. I am left in a position where I have to piece together the clues, the little moments where he may have let his true feelings show.

Reflecting on it now, I wonder if he spoke ill of me behind my back, in the same way he spoke about other colleagues, about his wife and about his landlord.

I am not sure how to make of this situation. My feelings are mixed. On the one hand, I cherish what we once had. On the other hand, I know that even if we were friends again, the trust is destroyed. It would not be the same. I just cannot understand how people can go from best friends one moment to instantly cut off the next.

How should I feel about this? Are there any actionable steps I should take?

I never thought losing a friend would be so painful, let alone being blocked by your best friend for no apparent reason whatsoever.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FelixDJR on 2024-01-11 09:49:29+00:00.

We’ve been dating for over 4 years and live together for 3 years. Sometimes I take her as a family member, not a lover. We’re too familier with each other.

Since last year I found myself uncontrollably attracted to other girls. Even when we have sex, I'll think of her as the hot girl who lives nearby.

But I don’t want to break up with her. What should I do?

I'm not afraid of being criticized.To be honest, I think no man will be satisfied with just one woman, if he has a choice.

TL;DR: I’m often attracted to other girls, but I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Shot_Owl_950 on 2024-01-11 09:24:53+00:00.

For as long as I can remember I’ve never really wanted a boyfriend or maybe that’s what I tell myself. I’m at that age where everyone’s had their first sexual experiences and are getting into relationships but I don’t fully know what I want in this sector of my life.

I feel like a backstory is necessary to help so anyhow I didn’t have my first crush until someone asked me who I liked and I just pointed at someone. Coincidentally we ended up becoming really good friends but he liked my best friend which stung. After that I liked 2 other guys who didn’t like me back which stung. I saw I had a pattern of developing feelings for any guy that was remotely nice to me so I tried to distance myself from men all together. Which leads up to recently, I met this guy online and we hit it off. I never intended for things to get as deep as they did but we really connected. The distance between us was also a lot but I was actually ok with doing long distance since it was with him. Things ended as he said he just wanted to be friends which was devastating. Initially I agreed but I felt I was sabotaging myself by doing it so I told him we needed to cut contact.

I still want to experience all those experiences like first kiss and first others but I’m afraid I’ll never find anyone. I’ve thought about having a FWB to explore that kind of stuff but it feels so off to not do it with someone I have feelings with. Won’t it just be meaningless? I’m really lost in what I want now. I don’t even know how to unpack everything.

TL;DR - How does everyone know what they want out of relationships or if they should even be in one.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Plenty_Celebration_4 on 2024-01-11 09:36:32+00:00.

**TL;DR;** : How do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend never seems affectionate in our relationship, in spite of my clear affection and support for her?

I'll keep this brief as I can. I asked my now-girlfriend out for the first time about 3-4 months ago, after being acquaintances for some time. In getting to know her over time, we really clicked, and for about a month we have decided to make it official. We can talk for hours about a ton of different things, we have a lot in common, and usually always have a great time when we hang out.

Of late though, there has been an issue, and I'm not even sure if it's one I have the right to feel some way about. Over these past months, whether it be texting, organizing dates, or hell, even compliments, it's almost entirely one-sided.

I tell her she looks nice, she says thank-you or looks kinda nervous. I don't think she's ever given me a compliment. I ask if she wants to hang out/do yada yada, she is almost always on board, but never suggests anything of her own, even though I have made a habit of asking her if there is something she would like to do.

When we text, though she used to a little at the very start, she almost never texts me first to talk (we don't text often, 1-3 times per week, but the convos are pretty long). I got her something for Christmas, and/or pretty much always pay for the dates, and though I don't need/expect it, she doesn't ever really offer to do the same, which rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

I like her a lot, and I know she does have issues with anxiety. I understand that, but it's to the point where I don't really perceive how/why she likes me. When we made it official, she told me that she was "attracted to me" and "REALLY liked me", and liked me enough to stick with it if it went long distance, when I asked her why....she couldn't seem to tell me, and said that she had issues putting feelings into words. And I don't really get any sort of affirmation from her...on almost anything, in spite of me giving it to her (supporting her passions, hobbies, etc)

Honestly I don't know what to do. Do I have a right to be bothered? Is it something on my end? I would sincerely appreciate it if ya'll could give any advice on the issue.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Virtual_Beginning_64 on 2024-01-11 09:17:59+00:00.

hi, so my boyfriend(M 21) and i(F 20) have been together for four years. We actually just celebrated our four year anniversary recently. We’ve been living together for a good amount of time and I genuinely do love him. He’s been with me through some of the darkest times and we have grown a lot together but I just feel like I genuinely don’t know if this is right for me anymore I don’t think i feel happy and I just don’t know if this is the right place for me. I feel like I’m constantly asking simple things for him that I shouldn’t be having to beg for but no changes being made. I can’t remember the last time he’s taking me out on a date I can’t remember the last time he’s brought me flowers and these are things I’m constantly bringing up it’s not just only this I try to talk to him about how he’s feeling and his days and he says everything’s fine and then he’ll blow up after not saying anything of days and days of stuff bothering him and he just refuses to communicate and then he’ll go on and say I promise I’m gonna change like I’m working on it I promise I’m going to try to talk to you and I’m gonna take you on a dates to make you feel special but he always just goes back to the beginning. It always just goes back to nothing after a couple days and I do love him so it’s so hard for me to even imagine being apart from him, he means the world to me like I love him so much but I don’t want a relationship where I have to beg for the bare minimum. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t feel like I’m getting what I deserve and we’ve been together for a while now and the topic of marriage has been brought up and I’m just scared that if we continue moving on this path and I’m gonna feel stuck and I’m unhappy where I am, but I also worry that I’m throwing something away that is good because despite his flaws I know he does love me and he is good to me. he doesn’t ever make me feel bad about myself. He always tries to support me when he can. He has such a good relationship with my family and i know that at the drop of a hat i could call him and he would come running and ik he doesn’t do it out of ill will he just genuinely doesn’t think of theses things and I know that he is trying but I just don’t feel like it’s enough and I don’t feel like it should be taking so long for me to see simple changes because I don’t know if I’m just asking too much I’m just so uncertain and it’s making my mind go crazy because It’s just certain aspects I just don’t know if I’m overthinking it too much if these are things that we can work on or if it’s just time for me to cut my losses if you have any advice, I generally appreciate it. I just kinda needed to get this off my chest.

TL;DR;: I think I am unhappy in my relationship, i feel like there is a lot of miscommunication and i feel like we’re on different pages but I’m scared of leaving should I stay and try and make things work or cut my losses and move on?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ILoveDogs2142 on 2024-01-11 09:30:46+00:00.

TL;DR

• 27M. Best friend (35M) blocked me for no apparent reason.
• I feel heartbroken, disappointed and betrayed.
• I am not sure what to do.
• To be clear, I am straight. He has a wife. I am interested in women. We were just best friends.

Long version

We met at work a few years ago and got along like a house on fire.

Like me, he felt miserable and resentful about the workplace. It was as though everyone else was foreign and we were the only ones who truly understood each other. He told me about his rough upbringing, being raised by foster parents and being addicted to drugs and alcohol. In his 20s he traveled the world and met the love of his life, a woman who later left him after having a mental health issues. I was his closest friend and he confided everything to me, including things that were happening at home with his wife.

When our employer made the whole team redundant, he took up delivery driving. I found another office job. We stayed in touch and often hung out a few times a month, going to the beach, having lunch, eating dinner and seeing movies. We spoke over the phone regularly about life, career goals, his marriage, our old job, his landlord and everything under the sun. I offered to be his referee so he could find work but ultimately he stuck with delivering food. He tried to divorce his wife, but withdrew the application to avoid the risk of going to a contested court hearing.

For a long time, he had been dissatisfied with the marriage. This was a common point of discussion ever since we met through work. He would tell me about his desire to abandon the State, cease all communication with her and live with another family member. He was also quite negative about his landlord, who also happened to be another of his close friends. Calling him angry and judgemental, toxic and negative, he made clear that he wanted to be free from him.

Little did I know that this was to foreshadow what was to come for me. Unlike his wife and unlike his landlord, he was not dependent on me. Perhaps this is what made his decision to block me easier.

I did not even know he had done so until a mutual friend told me, after I had been trying to get in touch with him. Needless to say, I am absolutely heartbroken. We were almost inseparable at work and I regarded him to be my best friend. And then cold turkey. Nothing.

How could someone do this? I feel betrayed. I am disappointed that I did not receive an explanation.

I can only speculate as to why this happened. I wonder if there was a sense of jealousy involved. He sometimes said that I had an easy life and so much free time, while he had to work almost every day delivering food. Even at work, there were very subtle signs that he was annoyed by my achievements, but perhaps I am over-thinking it. He was sometimes joyous to hear when bad things had happened to me, something which I felt was unusual but something I never thought too deeply about. None of these signs are obvious. I am left in a position where I have to piece together the clues, the little moments where he may have let his true feelings show.

Reflecting on it now, I wonder if he spoke ill of me behind my back, in the same way he spoke about other colleagues, about his wife and about his landlord.

I am not sure how to make of this situation. My feelings are mixed. On the one hand, I cherish what we once had. On the other hand, I know that even if we were friends again, the trust is destroyed. It would not be the same. I just cannot understand how people can go from best friends one moment to instantly cut off the next.

How should I feel about this? Are there any actionable steps I should take?

I never thought losing a friend would be so painful, let alone being blocked by your best friend for no apparent reason whatsoever.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/c982 on 2024-01-11 09:17:16+00:00.

Me 28F and him 26M met online 4 months ago, last month we met in person and made it official. We are however long distance but do have a goal to close the gap in the next 2 years. He’s very different to what I’m used to, he doesn’t see the need for constant texting etc as we FaceTime every evening which is understandable. I am used to having very fast and intense relationships which obviously is not healthy. He was hurt very badly by his last girlfriend and due to this he told me that I’m not his whole world but a big part of it. That did hurt a bit but I can understand that. He likes his own space and also needs to see his friends/family as his last relationship destroyed some of these friendships. But it feels he’s quite guarded with me because of this and I have said to him that he needs to not tar me with the same brush. Is this something that will improve over time?

Tl:dr - boyfriend was hurt in last relationship and now seems guarded, will this improve?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vanilla_Motorcycle99 on 2024-01-11 09:07:26+00:00.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year (and some change). It’s my first real relationship as I didn’t date anyone seriously in college, while my boyfriend has had multiple years-long relationships.

Our anniversary a month ago would have been the first anniversary I’d ever celebrated with anyone, and I was really excited, both because he’s the greatest guy I’ve ever dated and I wanted to celebrate our relationship, and because we’d never celebrated a real holiday together. We had just barely started dating around last Christmas so didn’t get each other anything, stayed in on new years, he wasn’t interested in Valentine’s day as we were both really low on money and he didn’t really care about it etc.

We spoke a couple times about what we might do on our anniversary, I made sure to bring it up to him several weeks in advance as I know he’s forgetful and doesn’t care much about holidays. The entire week leading up to our anniversary, he didn’t say a word to me about our anniversary or making plans. I told myself I wasn’t going to keep reminding him and pestering him, but every day I got more and more upset. The night before our anniversary, I stopped by his house on the way to a dinner with coworkers and I was obviously in a bad mood. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was upset that our anniversary was the next day, but he had clearly forgotten. He incredulously stated that he hadn’t forgotten, he had several ideas and he figured I’d stay over at his place and we’d plan the following day that night.

I was so, so dumbfounded at his thought process. He hadn’t asked me to sleep over that night, I’d made other plans for the night that he was aware of. All of his plans involved restaurants that needed reservations, a movie theater and stores that weren’t open that day, nothing that could be done spontaneously, and nothing he had mentioned to me or asked my opinion on at all. He kept saying he wanted it to be ‘a surprise’ but he hadn’t planned or bought anything, didn’t have reservations anywhere, the ‘surprise’ was just that he hadn’t planned anything basically.

Although I was upset, I agreed that we could try to do something spontaneous the next morning and left. On the day of , we tried to figure out something to do over text, but had the same discussion about how none of his ideas were possible and nothing I wanted to do was available last minute, and I spent the day at home depressed. We had a talk where I told him that in the future I’d appreciate more planning and effort on his part, and we agreed to do an anniversary redo soon. At the time he was very apologetic and seemed to really take my words to heart, but I’ve mentioned our anniversary probably a dozen times in the last month and he’s taken zero initiative to actually stick to his word and plan something. He’s really such a wonderful guy in every other way, but I feel so cheated about this and so frustrated that he doesn’t care at all. I seriously don’t understand why he cares so little and is putting so little romantic effort in. At this point I’ve just given up ever being able to do this with him, and as much as I care about him, I cant spend another anniversary, or valentine’s day etc. sitting around feeling dejected.

TLDR boyfriend didn’t plan or do anything for our first anniversary and although we agreed to a redo and I’ve mentioned it several times he hasn’t taken me up on it once, and I’m not sure how to proceed.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Virtual_Beginning_64 on 2024-01-11 09:17:59+00:00.

hi, so my boyfriend(M 21) and i(F 20) have been together for four years. We actually just celebrated our four year anniversary recently. We’ve been living together for a good amount of time and I genuinely do love him. He’s been with me through some of the darkest times and we have grown a lot together but I just feel like I genuinely don’t know if this is right for me anymore I don’t think i feel happy and I just don’t know if this is the right place for me. I feel like I’m constantly asking simple things for him that I shouldn’t be having to beg for but no changes being made. I can’t remember the last time he’s taking me out on a date I can’t remember the last time he’s brought me flowers and these are things I’m constantly bringing up it’s not just only this I try to talk to him about how he’s feeling and his days and he says everything’s fine and then he’ll blow up after not saying anything of days and days of stuff bothering him and he just refuses to communicate and then he’ll go on and say I promise I’m gonna change like I’m working on it I promise I’m going to try to talk to you and I’m gonna take you on a dates to make you feel special but he always just goes back to the beginning. It always just goes back to nothing after a couple days and I do love him so it’s so hard for me to even imagine being apart from him, he means the world to me like I love him so much but I don’t want a relationship where I have to beg for the bare minimum. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t feel like I’m getting what I deserve and we’ve been together for a while now and the topic of marriage has been brought up and I’m just scared that if we continue moving on this path and I’m gonna feel stuck and I’m unhappy where I am, but I also worry that I’m throwing something away that is good because despite his flaws I know he does love me and he is good to me. he doesn’t ever make me feel bad about myself. He always tries to support me when he can. He has such a good relationship with my family and i know that at the drop of a hat i could call him and he would come running and ik he doesn’t do it out of ill will he just genuinely doesn’t think of theses things and I know that he is trying but I just don’t feel like it’s enough and I don’t feel like it should be taking so long for me to see simple changes because I don’t know if I’m just asking too much I’m just so uncertain and it’s making my mind go crazy because It’s just certain aspects I just don’t know if I’m overthinking it too much if these are things that we can work on or if it’s just time for me to cut my losses if you have any advice, I generally appreciate it. I just kinda needed to get this off my chest.

TL;DR;: I think I am unhappy in my relationship, i feel like there is a lot of miscommunication and i feel like we’re on different pages but I’m scared of leaving should I stay and try and make things work or cut my losses and move on?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fantastic_Studio_367 on 2024-01-11 09:07:02+00:00.

Please give advice for this because I might lose my best friend.

I (21M) and my best friend (20F) are currently not in a good position because I am terrible at replying back to people. This is not out of the blue for me though as I had this problem ever since I gained friendships. Whenever a friend would text me when I was younger, I wouldn't think much of it until they told me why I don't respond to texts... Which made me think of why I don't respond to texts... I love talking to people in person, but that energy isn't the same when it comes to texting.

But just recently, it started to impact my best friend who I met in college. We both have pretty different personalities when it comes to texting, she is someone that responds to people via text while I don't. But our personalities when it comes to in person is pretty similar. We spoke about my problems when it came to texting people and we both agreed on how I should text more often. That was last year when we had this conversation and now it is repeating again...

These past few weeks were pretty hectic for me as I broke my finger right before school started which rendered my left hand practically immobile, because of this problem I might not be able to find a job in time to deal with rent, which means that my savings will almost be depleted, and this pinky also impacted me when it came to school as I am taking up a lab class. I also have a few other things that caused major stress a few days ago, but those problems have mainly been resolved.

It has past a little more than a week since I spoke to my best friend, even though we usually at least have a call during that time. This has really had her worry about me to the point where she doesn't think I'd want to be her friend anymore... I texted her that this is completely not true as I would never not want her to be my friend and reassured her that I was just going through some things which made me not want to interact with people that much anymore (at least via text as I still go outside).

The thing is, I feel like I would just be repeating myself if I told her about what was happening as she is aware that my finger is broken and probably is aware of how it would impact me. I feel like if I tell her all of this but drag it out more I'd just be making up excuses... I'm not sure if I have already doomed our friendship because of my terrible behaviour. But I really want to try to figure out the best way to approach this. Any help or advice would be great.

TL;DR I (21M) didn't respond to my best friend (20F) for a week which might've ruined our friendship

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vanilla_Motorcycle99 on 2024-01-11 09:07:26+00:00.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year (and some change). It’s my first real relationship as I didn’t date anyone seriously in college, while my boyfriend has had multiple years-long relationships.

Our anniversary a month ago would have been the first anniversary I’d ever celebrated with anyone, and I was really excited, both because he’s the greatest guy I’ve ever dated and I wanted to celebrate our relationship, and because we’d never celebrated a real holiday together. We had just barely started dating around last Christmas so didn’t get each other anything, stayed in on new years, he wasn’t interested in Valentine’s day as we were both really low on money and he didn’t really care about it etc.

We spoke a couple times about what we might do on our anniversary, I made sure to bring it up to him several weeks in advance as I know he’s forgetful and doesn’t care much about holidays. The entire week leading up to our anniversary, he didn’t say a word to me about our anniversary or making plans. I told myself I wasn’t going to keep reminding him and pestering him, but every day I got more and more upset. The night before our anniversary, I stopped by his house on the way to a dinner with coworkers and I was obviously in a bad mood. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was upset that our anniversary was the next day, but he had clearly forgotten. He incredulously stated that he hadn’t forgotten, he had several ideas and he figured I’d stay over at his place and we’d plan the following day that night.

I was so, so dumbfounded at his thought process. He hadn’t asked me to sleep over that night, I’d made other plans for the night that he was aware of. All of his plans involved restaurants that needed reservations, a movie theater and stores that weren’t open that day, nothing that could be done spontaneously, and nothing he had mentioned to me or asked my opinion on at all. He kept saying he wanted it to be ‘a surprise’ but he hadn’t planned or bought anything, didn’t have reservations anywhere, the ‘surprise’ was just that he hadn’t planned anything basically.

Although I was upset, I agreed that we could try to do something spontaneous the next morning and left. On the day of , we tried to figure out something to do over text, but had the same discussion about how none of his ideas were possible and nothing I wanted to do was available last minute, and I spent the day at home depressed. We had a talk where I told him that in the future I’d appreciate more planning and effort on his part, and we agreed to do an anniversary redo soon. At the time he was very apologetic and seemed to really take my words to heart, but I’ve mentioned our anniversary probably a dozen times in the last month and he’s taken zero initiative to actually stick to his word and plan something. He’s really such a wonderful guy in every other way, but I feel so cheated about this and so frustrated that he doesn’t care at all. I seriously don’t understand why he cares so little and is putting so little romantic effort in. At this point I’ve just given up ever being able to do this with him, and as much as I care about him, I cant spend another anniversary, or valentine’s day etc. sitting around feeling dejected.

TLDR boyfriend didn’t plan or do anything for our first anniversary and although we agreed to a redo and I’ve mentioned it several times he hasn’t taken me up on it once, and I’m not sure how to proceed.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SonLion on 2024-01-11 09:06:20+00:00.

I got rid of two of my best friends. I blocked them everywhere after they were again super toxic and obnoxious. I couldnt stand it one second anymore, and I am genuinely at the moment pretty stressed and feel bad because of many unpleasant dreams.

But these two friends are not toxic in general, otherwise these wouldnt be my best friends. We really grew together and were going through many situations together. So with abandoning this friendship, I also lost valuable friends.

Now, after one week of seperation, i feel so good, happy and free. I am spending much time alone after one year of almost constant contact. I am pretty comfortable alone and in solitude, I also not somebody who leaves the house often. These two friends aspired me to go out more often and meet up with people, and i appreciate that. But now after returning to solitude I feel more happy.

But then suddenly tonight i had a bad dream with those two friends. They were calling me selfish and that i should feel bad for feeling happy without them. They would never say something like this, i know, but it really concerns me the whole day now. I feel really bad for feeling happy after the seperation and abandonment now.

tl;dr: Got rid of my two best (but also sometimes toxic) friends. I feel bad for being happy after my decision to cut contact.

Do you have advice for overcoming this? How can i cope and do you had similar experiences? Maybe i really should feel bad for just abandoning them?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fine_Butterfly3455 on 2024-01-11 08:03:42+00:00.

I would like to start by saying that my bf doesn't care about special occasions. He didn't let me wish him on his birthday. My birthday was last week and even though he wished me on text, he didn't call me. This has upset me greatly and I have been cold to him for the past few days but he doesn't seem to notice or care. I would also like to say that for most of our relationship, he has been nonchalant about calling me or talking to me. We talk maybe once a week. He says that he doesn't have things to talk about.

I don't think expecting a call on my birthday is asking for too much. He is generally a great guy, always ready to help me, but he is very practical and I guess, he does not give much important to emotional gestures.

I love him and I believe he loves too(although not as much as I love him).I do not want him to get defensive or feel that I do not appreciate all the other things that he does for me.How do I make him understand(without coming across as hostile)that sometimes he should try to care about the little things that matter a lot to me?

Tl;dr : Bf (22m) didn't call me on my(22f) birthday. How do I make him understand that things like this matter a lot to me, without sounding like I do not appreciate all the other things that he does for me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/smalltalkisntfun on 2024-01-11 08:17:42+00:00.

tonight me and my boyfriend (m18) smoked and i got a little bit too observant. I may have smoked too much or overthought myself into an anxiety attack. we’ve been together for 15 months. Funny thing is, our 15 months is actually today, when this all happened. we were having a convo and he began to talk about how he loves his coworker (m32), ive worked with him before and he really is lovely. However I noticed that my boyfriend always makes sexual jokes with his guy friends, and for some reason this coworker sticks out the most, or atleast did in the moment we were talking about it. i’m not sure if this is normal? nd for some reason I brought it up, saying it’s totally okay if you actually are, i’ll still be here, etc. He got super defensive, where i assumed it was because i hit a nerve or was tickling a secret spot. He told me guys always make sex jokes with their friends. I’m not sure what to believe because i know guys can be hella flirtatious as a joke with eachother but saying you’d give them a bj or fuck them is so next level. Then he made a joke about how they meet up after work in the back of their car. Also we were in the car with my gay bestfriend (m18) who didn’t have any thoughts about this and just agreed he was joking but idk, i thought myself into a panic attack and broke down. I think Im in shock, Ive been shaking and heart racing since the first thought of my bf being gay. It’s kinda funny to even admit it because he really does love me, but I know the soul loves whatever it wants. 🥲 This does happen to people, and i need some second hand advice/ thoughts. whatever. It’s unfortunate that every time i looked at the clock during this convo, the time happened to be 11:11, & 1:11 on the date of 1/11. Which made me feel like the universe was screaming at me to see what was going on.

TL;DR My boyfriend makes gay jokes with his friends, we smoked together and got into a deep convo about how he loves his coworker and i assumed he was actually in love w him. He got defensive? Or i am just overthinking this?