Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PianoSquare9896 on 2024-01-11 07:19:54+00:00.

I (26f) have been with my (25m) partner for 2.5 years. We met on Tinder and honestly we’re only meant to be a one night stand. It progressed and we were pretty besotted with one another and then about 6 months in I got pregnant whilst using the pill. My partner said and did everything he could have done to make me comfortable and said it was my decision whether to keep the pregnancy or have an abortion, and no matter what he would support me. I chose to have an abortion, which was really difficult for me as I had left my last relationship because he did not want children.

This had a profound effect on our relationship but ultimately gave me the green flag that he was exactly what I wanted out of a partner. We also discussed that in a year or so maybe we would be in a different situation where we could start trying, because we loved each other and both had the desire for children with the other. Fast forward a year, 18 months into the relationship, we bring up the idea of trying to conceive. For context I am a teacher, and decided that December-January would be good timing for us to start trying, which was a couple of months away.

After this agreement to start trying in December or January. In the October my sister went in for a planned c/section and her son died in the hospital. This was very traumatic for obvious reasons but we were also minding her two older children while she had the C-section, so felt even more involved. We kept them for a couple of weeks until she was ready to leave the hospital and then my sister was in a really bad mental state, so her and her partner sat me and mine down and asked us to agree to take her children on for a few months IF she needed us to at any point during her grief process. I live 200 miles away from my family and sister and was really unsure whether to agree to this, but my partner was the one that convinced me we must. Again, green flags for me that he was going to be such an amazing father. Around this time we also agreed that starting to try for a baby was not a good idea right now given my sisters loss and that we had just possibly agreed to take custody of a 3 and 5 year old.

A few months later my partner got offered a job where he would he working away for 5 months but for a really good salary which we could use as a deposit to buy a house. He took it and we were apart for that time. While he was working away, I had some gyno issues and was in and out of hospital. It was not serious enough for him to come home, but the Doctors recommended I stopped using the contraception I was at the time. I told my partner and said “but will we realistically use condoms” and he said probably not but if that’s what the Dr recommended we could just start trying now, it didn’t matter as it would always happen eventually. I decided against it.

Later again, I was really struggling with hearing about other people’s pregnancies, which felt like they were all around me. I went to therapy at this time for a few months partially for this but for other goings on too. This prompted us to have the same talk again about when do we start trying. We had agreed the following December-January which was a full year and a bit after the loss of my nephew. That would have been right now.

In December we told his family we were to start trying after the new year, but not mine as I felt after the loss of my nephew I needed to handle the situation very carefully. A few days ago, in early January, he suddenly said he didn’t know if he wanted to have kids now. It’s been almost a week of crying and arguing and I feel so confused and lost. Last night we spoke very calmly and I told him I felt that I had been led along this path where I was being sold a dream. He said he felt confused and scared and not sure if this is what he wanted now. I told him if he wants to change the plans we made, we need to break up. I cannot see myself with anyone else, but simultaneously I yearn for a baby, I cry weekly over how strong this desire is. Am I being unfair? I would love to hear opinions for clarity.

TLDR: Me and my partner have had tumultuous times but always been planning to TTC on the back burner, now it has come to the time we were due to start trying, he is having cold feet.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fine_Butterfly3455 on 2024-01-11 08:03:42+00:00.

I would like to start by saying that my bf doesn't care about special occasions. He didn't let me wish him on his birthday. My birthday was last week and even though he wished me on text, he didn't call me. This has upset me greatly and I have been cold to him for the past few days but he doesn't seem to notice or care. I would also like to say that for most of our relationship, he has been nonchalant about calling me or talking to me. We talk maybe once a week. He says that he doesn't have things to talk about.

I don't think expecting a call on my birthday is asking for too much. He is generally a great guy, always ready to help me, but he is very practical and I guess, he does not give much important to emotional gestures.

I love him and I believe he loves too(although not as much as I love him).I do not want him to get defensive or feel that I do not appreciate all the other things that he does for me.How do I make him understand(without coming across as hostile)that sometimes he should try to care about the little things that matter a lot to me?

Tl;dr : Bf (22m) didn't call me on my(22f) birthday. How do I make him understand that things like this matter a lot to me, without sounding like I do not appreciate all the other things that he does for me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PossibleSlight4687 on 2024-01-11 06:24:59+00:00.

I’m (26nb) and we’ve lived together almost three years; the first year of living together was a little rough while we learned each other’s habits and preferences regarding the house. I was naturally messy than my partner but I adjusted and have since become a generally cleaner and more organized person. That said, my girlfriend still feels the need to remind me to do things. Or rather, TELL me to do things, usually without giving me a chance to take ownership.

These reminders range anywhere from “You should start a load of laundry.” To “You should go brush your teeth.” Often I feel patronized or mothered, especially since these are all things I can do and have done without reminders before, and have started to feel a little spiteful. I’ve confronted her about it, and she’s admitted she feels that if she doesn’t remind me, I’ll just fall into bad habits. Despite the conversation, she keeps doing it. I’m just not sure where to go from here?

tl;dr My partner treats me like a kid and feels a constant need to remind me to do basic tasks, how can I approach this in a constructive way?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/editorsjct on 2024-01-11 07:52:17+00:00.

When I[24F], and my boyfriend [24M], were in the talking phase, we promised each other that we wont be dating other people. However, 3 months in the relationship, i found out from him that he did went on date with 2 other girls, and also, confessed that the girl he danced with on university fest was one of his ex. The dance happened in front of me. He is a very nice guy, and is sorry for this behaviour, and i want to forgive him for this. How do i forgive him? From your experience, do this kind of acts affect the relationship in the long term?

TL;DR my bf dated other people and broke the promise, he is sorry for this, how do i forgive.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Maximum_Screen7868 on 2024-01-11 05:46:10+00:00.

I never thought I’d ever be in this situation but here’s some context: Me and my best friend have been friends for 7-8 years now. My wife and I have been married for a few months, but have known each other for the same amount of time. Currently my best friend is about to get married in a month or so.

I stumbled tonight on a journal of hers from a few years ago after already having a hard day at work. It was in a box and I was just curious what it was for some reason. I happened to read the last page about her having a first ever intimate dream about him while also expressing feelings for him that sound like they’ve been around a while. She is a twin and her twin has also had very public feelings for him. We’ve all been in the same friend group for years. My wife and I started dating a few months after the last journal entry about it, and as far as I can tell she never told him. We dated once in college and got back together. She and I had a pretty miraculous getting together, and we were in love pretty fast since we had known each other so long. And she might’ve mentioned to me that she liked my best friend at one point but I can’t remember for sure. She and I have a very open, genuine, intimate relationship. We are very honest, we know our struggles and are by each others side through everything. I trust her and she trusts me.

I feel terrible for prying but I’m also so heartbroken. Yes this journal is from years ago but I hate the fact that I stumbled upon it or like she didn’t tell me (again, she might’ve but I can’t remember). I have always struggled with comparing myself to my best friend. All the girls were all over him in college, he’s a gorgeous, good singer, buff, etc.

I hate bringing it up just bc I’ve had my fair share of struggles with things like porn that she’s been so gracious to walk with me through even though it’s hurt her, as well as I have had the unintentional sex dream about her sister before (they’re twins). I would hate to make her feel bad when I haven’t been in control of my dreams in the past. I guess the difference is I wasn’t having feelings for her sister and writing them down. I also hate that I snooped and read parts of her journal. I just happened upon it and was curious and wish I hadn’t even read it. I want to lean into her and not retreat but i feel blocked emotionally at the current moment.

What do I do?

TLDR: I found an old journal of my wife’s from Before we started dating where she confesses feelings for my best friend. I’m hurt and unsure what to do about it. I want to lean into her but i feel blocked emotionally at the current moment.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Chemistry_7781 on 2024-01-11 07:36:31+00:00.

we were planning to have a serious conversation this weekend about the relationship and have taken space till then. right before this conversation topic came up i was sad for a bit as something he did upset me and we talked about it and everything was fine. we spoke right after i moved on to figure out this weekend and he told me he was busy friday night as that's when we initially planned, but he said he was free friday afternoon. I also asked about saturday and he was busy at night but free the morning. i responded by saying if anything we can do sunday too but we can figure out the specific day later this week. he got upset with me and said that i didn't want to have the conversation at the earliest moment by saying that and i was trying to delay it and be petty because i was upset. I can genuinely say i was no longer upset with him at this point and had nothing against him by saying that.

in no way did i explicitly say i wanted to delay it and i was offering another day just to inform him i was free all weekend and any day would work for me. he still said me saying that was unecessary and i'm just confused as to if i did something wrong. i feel hurt because i genuinely just wanted to mention that sunday works too so no one has to feel pressured to cancel on plans or be stressed over the timing and was trying to be polite.

later on when he got upset i explained more and said that i want to have the conversation as soon as possible of course, was no longer upset and not trying to be petty, and was explaining that sunday was free too so we can decide accordingly later this week. i don't even know what to do honestly i'm just so lost. sorry this turned into a rant it's still fresh.

TLDR: bf got upset i mentioned sunday works too when we decided to have a conversation this weekend, he feels like i don't want to have it as soon as possible and i was being petty in my response.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/spookyplantplant on 2024-01-11 04:41:05+00:00.

Hi all, I (25F) am married to my husband (28M). We’ve been married for a year and a half, together for five and a half years.

Generally, things are pretty good. I’m decently happy and he says that he is too. The issue is that when he gets mad, he can get mean. He won’t actually fully apologize, it’s more of a half assed thing (I’ll give an example). And he doesn’t do it often, but when he does it obviously hurts. I’m feeling some resentment and I don’t know how to work past it. I’ve also set the boundary that if he does it again that I’m done and out, although I’m not sure if I’m being reasonable about that or not.

My therapist says I’ve been enabling his behaviour by staying, I didn’t see it as enabling because I’d speak up in the moment and tell him that he couldn’t speak to me like that and then we’d be good for 6-12 months until he did it again.

The most recent one was that I made a mistake to cover his computer screens with some clothes because I couldn’t sleep, I covered them instead of turning the computer off because he had previously been upset with me turning his pc off in the middle of the night due to it needing to be on for some download or something. I will admit that there were other options and I could have handled it differently, I explained after the fact why I did it, that I was sorry, and that next time I’d sleep in the other bedroom or turn his screens off, I promised it wouldn’t happen again.

While i was at work I had received these messages, hence my apology to him: “Can you never ever fucking put shit all over my electronics ever again unless youre prepared to pay $600 for JUST the screens”

“Just send a message saying "please put these things away" instead of using actually negative brain rot logic”

“I found some extra nails I'm gonna leave them under your tires in the morning, sound good?”

Long story short I told him I wouldn’t be able to stick around unless he figured out how to communicate with me respectfully, and that he needed to set up counselling for himself or both of us together. He has his first counselling appointment tomorrow, but I’m feeling very guarded.

He had apologized for the way he came off, but not for what he actually said or how he handled the situation. How do I move forward? Is it fair to leave if he does something similar/puts me down again? I’m just not feeling sure about anything right now :/

tl;dr husband says mean things when he’s mad, but it doesn’t happen often. Is it fair for me to want to leave if he does it again?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Obvious-Elephant-190 on 2024-01-11 07:25:25+00:00.

Hi all,

Never posted here. I have been stuck in my thoughts about this a lot lately. I would love some advice…

I (22M) have never seriously dated anyone. I recently graduated college and moved to a new city.

A week before I moved and two weeks after I signed my lease, I met my GF (21F). We instantly kicked it off and then started doing long distance - she is still going to school; where i recently graduated from.

I love her. But daily I have these thoughts of me missing my independence.

She is expensive. With a LDR, I budget 1K a month on visiting her and dates, but this quickly gets eaten up, and I don’t like spending this much. (I still roughly save about 2k cash and ~1k 401K)

I want to buy a home, save for my future, continue growing personally, professionally, and emotionally.

I feel she has toxic tendencies. Clingy, love bomby, emotionally manipulative. I brush these off as it is hard to put a finger on, and she herself probably isn’t aware of these tendencies.

I do love her. This is my first love. But I don’t feel ready for a relationship. I’m not sure if I am being impulsive or if I am not…

Another part of me feels if I didn’t have the job I have, apartment I have, and other materialistic stuff, she wouldn’t like me… I feel part of our relationship is logistical even though she swears against that….

I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASE HELP ME

(we have only been seeing each other for about 3-4 months…)

TL;DR I love my GF, but I don’t think it is the right time for me. She is expensive. I want to save money. It is LDR, and I seem some red flags appearing 4 months in..

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DistributionFit8605 on 2024-01-10 21:10:02+00:00.

I'm(26F) trying to wrap my head around something with my family and am deciding if I want to put more distance between them and me for my own sanity. My dad(60M), half sister(11F) and step mom(40F) have been pitching me and my sister(21F) to go ski with them when they take my half sister for all day ski lessons.

I'm a big snowboarder myself and am part of a club that run shuttles up to the same ski resort so I thought it'd be fun to do something as a family.

My sister and I both agree to go but now my dad starts griping that my board won't fit his trunk and I should go with my club to take the bus. We test it out and it fits but my dad starts saying that it'd be too cramped for all 5 people in the car and is worried about my baby half sister after all day lessons and she typically wants to lie down for a nap in the back of the car. But he offers to take my board up for me and drop it off a couple days after.

For reference, taking the bus is actually better for me, the walk is closer and there's more space the only good thing about catching a ride with my dad is for family time and because they leave earlier. Also my snowboard is new so it's my baby and I immediately take it out of my bag when I get home to prevent rust. As well, I go snowboarding regularly so don't want to wait on it being brought back. So my dad taking my board without me is the absolute stupidest idea I have ever heard especially if he doesn't know anything about board care.

At this point, I plead a little for him to let me in but I ultimately just book with my club but I'm kind of hurt.

I already go to therapy due to my family(Historically stepmom doesn't give a crap about kids through marriage only baby and dad was very neglectful growing up leading to me having poor boundaries) and I just want to check the level of weird and whether feeling hurt about this is justified before I take this to therapy. Didn't think it was TOO bad until a friend brought up how unfair and wild it was.

TLDR Dad won't give me a ride even though he offered before and there are 5 people for 5 seats. Is this a sign of something else and that I should be wary/create distance?

Update: Asked him to reconsider again and he says the raised foot area in the middle of the back makes it hard for someone sitting in the middle to rest their feet during the long ride. He says he'll come up with a schedule rotating me and my sister(21F) next time. Note this is a SUV not even a sedan.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PianoSquare9896 on 2024-01-11 07:19:54+00:00.

I (26f) have been with my (25m) partner for 2.5 years. We met on Tinder and honestly we’re only meant to be a one night stand. It progressed and we were pretty besotted with one another and then about 6 months in I got pregnant whilst using the pill. My partner said and did everything he could have done to make me comfortable and said it was my decision whether to keep the pregnancy or have an abortion, and no matter what he would support me. I chose to have an abortion, which was really difficult for me as I had left my last relationship because he did not want children.

This had a profound effect on our relationship but ultimately gave me the green flag that he was exactly what I wanted out of a partner. We also discussed that in a year or so maybe we would be in a different situation where we could start trying, because we loved each other and both had the desire for children with the other. Fast forward a year, 18 months into the relationship, we bring up the idea of trying to conceive. For context I am a teacher, and decided that December-January would be good timing for us to start trying, which was a couple of months away.

After this agreement to start trying in December or January. In the October my sister went in for a planned c/section and her son died in the hospital. This was very traumatic for obvious reasons but we were also minding her two older children while she had the C-section, so felt even more involved. We kept them for a couple of weeks until she was ready to leave the hospital and then my sister was in a really bad mental state, so her and her partner sat me and mine down and asked us to agree to take her children on for a few months IF she needed us to at any point during her grief process. I live 200 miles away from my family and sister and was really unsure whether to agree to this, but my partner was the one that convinced me we must. Again, green flags for me that he was going to be such an amazing father. Around this time we also agreed that starting to try for a baby was not a good idea right now given my sisters loss and that we had just possibly agreed to take custody of a 3 and 5 year old.

A few months later my partner got offered a job where he would he working away for 5 months but for a really good salary which we could use as a deposit to buy a house. He took it and we were apart for that time. While he was working away, I had some gyno issues and was in and out of hospital. It was not serious enough for him to come home, but the Doctors recommended I stopped using the contraception I was at the time. I told my partner and said “but will we realistically use condoms” and he said probably not but if that’s what the Dr recommended we could just start trying now, it didn’t matter as it would always happen eventually. I decided against it.

Later again, I was really struggling with hearing about other people’s pregnancies, which felt like they were all around me. I went to therapy at this time for a few months partially for this but for other goings on too. This prompted us to have the same talk again about when do we start trying. We had agreed the following December-January which was a full year and a bit after the loss of my nephew. That would have been right now.

In December we told his family we were to start trying after the new year, but not mine as I felt after the loss of my nephew I needed to handle the situation very carefully. A few days ago, in early January, he suddenly said he didn’t know if he wanted to have kids now. It’s been almost a week of crying and arguing and I feel so confused and lost. Last night we spoke very calmly and I told him I felt that I had been led along this path where I was being sold a dream. He said he felt confused and scared and not sure if this is what he wanted now. I told him if he wants to change the plans we made, we need to break up. I cannot see myself with anyone else, but simultaneously I yearn for a baby, I cry weekly over how strong this desire is. Am I being unfair? I would love to hear opinions for clarity.

TLDR: Me and my partner have had tumultuous times but always been planning to TTC on the back burner, now it has come to the time we were due to start trying, he is having cold feet.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Every-Run7451 on 2024-01-10 18:28:38+00:00.

Throwaway account, minor details changed for privacy.

My brother is getting married this Summer and I’m obviously attending since we’re family. I’m flying 16 hours for the wedding and staying just for two days before flying back because I have work commitments. I’m not psyched about travelling alone for what sounds like a stressful trip, and I would prefer to have my partner come with me. We’ve been dating for 3 years and live together now but (partially due to Covid) he’s only met my parents (who both like him just fine).

My brother and his fiancée have never met him nor made an effort to meet him. His fiancée in particular has suggested I should go out and meet new people, sometimes even mentioning single eligible friends who she wants to set me up with. If I mention going on vacation, they always ask who I’m going with and are disappointed that I’m still dating him.

My wedding invitation did not have a plus one. I’m not familiar with wedding etiquette, and I’m wondering if my partner wasn’t invited because a 3 year college relationship isn’t “serious” enough. Or if it’s because they just treat him as if he doesn’t exist. My relationship with my brothers fiancée is simply amicable and she’s in charge of the wedding planning. I don’t know if it would be rude to ask if my partner could attend or not, or if I should even bother confronting them over the lack of an invitation. I don’t want to be rude or cause a ruckus over nothing. It’s worth noting that the guest list has around 500 people, so it is a big wedding. We’re also Asian, so there is a bit of a power dynamic at play where I have to respect those older than me.

TLDR: My serious boyfriend isn’t invited to my brothers wedding and I don’t know if I should ask why or try to get him invited. Should I confront my brother and his fiancée about it, how would I even approach this?

Edit: thank you for the reality checks, insight, and advice! I will be speaking to my brother later today.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/raptor0897 on 2024-01-11 06:57:20+00:00.

I have been dating a girl for a couple of months now. Things have been going well overall but there have been some instances of issues which stem from jealousy on her behalf. I have accepted these and dealt with them since overall they are not particularly game changers for me and I am not precious on the requests.

However, in the last few days a new conversation has arisen about my living situation. Due to financial restraints, I live with a housemate, separate rooms, separate bathrooms etc. The housemate happens to be female and we have been living together for 7 months, which was a lot before I met this new girl. It was pre existing.

I do get on well with my housemate, that is why it works. In an ideal world, I wouldn't be living with a housemate, I would be living alone, but sadly, needs must. For me it was really important to choose someone who respects me, respects the space, doesn't bring random people back or have parties etc. And I have found that. We don't actually do that much together. She has her own hobbies, she has her own friends and life here, she is always out doing something. But of course, from time to time we try and do something together. Whether that is a small hike (happened once in 7 months), have an evening where we have dinner at home together (maybe once a month or less) or something similar. But actually, the majority of the time we are doing our own thing. Inevitably because we get on well, we can talk to each other about stuff going on and also have a laugh with each other.

However, since the day she entered my apartment, we have always both retained a boundary and respect for each others privacy, each others space and the fact that we are simply there to live in the same property. There has never been any feelings, actions or inappropriate behaviour beyond that.

My housemate even went out for a coffee with the girl I am dating to get to know her a little more to build trust and reassure here that I am a good person and there are clear boundaries with nothing to worry about beyond the normal.

I went on a short hike with my housemate recently. I tore my ankle ligaments and have not been able to exercise for nearly a year. It is finally easing up and my housemate who hikes every weekend suggested we do an easy one together to test my ankle and my new hiking shoes. I invited the girl I was dating but she declined as she does not enjoy hiking.

I also baked a sticky toffee pudding with my housemate this week. I made sticky toffee pudding recently for the girl I was dating and later her father who enjoys it. I mentioned it to my housemate and she said "yum!! let's make that if we have the ingredients". As it happened, we did, so I made it for us as a very unhealthy lunch. (I made everything, my housemate chopped the dates). We have done something like this twice in 7 months.

In the last week, the girl I have been dating has visited me at mine to hang out in the evening. My housemate was home too and she obviously saw that we got on well around each other. However, now she says she is uncomfortable that I live with a girl. That we are too close to each other and it makes her jealous and the fact that we are hiking, baking, sitting on the sofa, laughing together, etc etc is breaking her boundaries. Which seems to be an overreaction of the reality given how infrequently it happens.

I fully understand that it is uncomfortable, I have been mindful of that, my housemate has been mindful of that, hence why she wanted to go and meet her to reassure her. If it was the other way around, I would be uncomfortable and I have said that. However, it is a pre existing arrangement and I am very calm and believe that the boundaries are set in a very good place.

To me, it feels like the issue is more on the side of jealousy rather than it being about an uncomfortable of me living with a female. A male housemate who was a "lad" bringing girls back, having parties and inviting me out would be far worse than a female who is very respectful and we have both set up clear boundaries with each other.

Am I in the wrong by saying it is prexisitng and that the boundaries are clear and I am not interested at all in my housemate. That my energy and interest is clearly on the girl I am dating. I think I show that very clearly.

I suggested that it is an issue internally in her mind as she keeps repeating the hiking, baking, sitting on the sofa, laughing together, etc when I reassure her that the reality really is not like that.

It feels like I cannot win in the augment on the topic. It feels like although she does not want to say it, she clearly wants me to kick out my housemate. but this argument is coming up every day and every day I say the same thing: I am into the girl I am dating, there is nothing between me and my housemate, there never will be. There are incredibly clear boundaries and the picture she is building in her head for how we interact and spend our time does not match the reality.

How can I deal with this or am I missing the point and should kick my housemate out because she is jealous?

TL;DR: The girl (27F) of 2 months that I (34M) am dating is not happy that I have female housemate despite having been living with her for over 7 months with very clear boundaries and separate lifestyles and social groups.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PossibleSlight4687 on 2024-01-11 06:24:59+00:00.

I’m (26nb) and we’ve lived together almost three years; the first year of living together was a little rough while we learned each other’s habits and preferences regarding the house. I was naturally messy than my partner but I adjusted and have since become a generally cleaner and more organized person. That said, my girlfriend still feels the need to remind me to do things. Or rather, TELL me to do things, usually without giving me a chance to take ownership.

These reminders range anywhere from “You should start a load of laundry.” To “You should go brush your teeth.” Often I feel patronized or mothered, especially since these are all things I can do and have done without reminders before, and have started to feel a little spiteful. I’ve confronted her about it, and she’s admitted she feels that if she doesn’t remind me, I’ll just fall into bad habits. Despite the conversation, she keeps doing it. I’m just not sure where to go from here?

tl;dr My partner treats me like a kid and feels a constant need to remind me to do basic tasks, how can I approach this in a constructive way?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Living-Assignment734 on 2024-01-11 06:19:01+00:00.

So I(28F) was living with my bf(28M) for about 8 months. In these 8 months, he wasn't working and I used to take care of everything. I even used to pay for him, buy him gifts, he goes to gym regularly so I used to force him to buy protien sources like eggs and chicken as I understood he is too proud to ask me for money everytime. When we went out, I used to give him my card as I thought he might feel sad seeing me pay everytime. I wasn't rich but earning enough for both of us and I didnt spend much on myself when we were together. I was struggling with money sometimes because rent and groceries are expensive but I thought its a temporary situation as my bf would soon finish his studies and get a job. After 8 months, he was done with his studies but got a low paying job. By that time, I decided to move abroad and resigned my job. I also decided to stay with my parents for 2-3 months before the move, even though bf insisted that we live together at this time, I knew that we couldn't survive with just his low paying job. We both moved back in with our parents. Before all this, bf used to thank me for paying everything all these months, he used to see me struggling with money but still make it every month. He promised he will pay some money to me when he gets his salary as I need to move abroad soon and I dont have much money left with me. He also said he can help me out with money whenever I needed. But guess what, he did pay half of the money he promised, then used his credit card to buy a bunch of expensive stuff for himself. I know its his money, he can spent it on himself, but I really thought he could help me out for a bit as its so expensive moving to a different country. He could have waited till I left to blow up his money. Now I will have to ask my parents for help. I cant help but feel resentment towards him. When I earned, I had to make sure we had food, we paid the rent on time, and I also managed to get him gifts and take him out on dates. I felt like I haven't spend anything on myself then. But when he started earning, everything went on himself. He also has zero money left every month because of his EMIs. Am I being a gold digger here expecting him to spend on me and not on himself?

Tl;dr : i used to help out my bf when he was unemployed. Now he is started earning while i am unemployed, but he spends every dime on himself

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sensitive-Cut-6677 on 2024-01-11 04:00:08+00:00.

My (19m) gf (19f) have been together for over a year now and she keeps lying about having reddit despite me finding both her accounts?

So my gf has made a reddit account before after I started using the app but for some strange reason she REFUSES to admit to me that she has it, I found her profile the first time about her going on about her having a small pregnancy bump and after I asked she got super defensive and angry even though I'm showing her the account.

The second account I found was her describing how sex felt so good after birth and I got quite annoyed because I dont like her talking about our sex life with anyone especially strangers on the internet.

So after I told her not to do it she got super angry and said it wasnt her, even though I've commented on both posts and the notification popped up on her phone.

She deleted the app conveniently before I sent her a chat message to show her I found her account and hasnt spoke about it scince.

I have asked numerous times and she veimently denies it, what should I do?

TL;DR, my gf has lied to me about using reddit despite me finding her accounts and posts, what should I do? Is this a red flag?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Witty-Square4141 on 2024-01-11 03:58:53+00:00.

My boyfriend (18M) and I(19F) have been together for over two years, we met in high school and now attend the same university together. Our relationship overall has had few major bumps, a majority being typical communication issues as we are both teenagers and new to being in a relationship/ being fully fledged people in general (I am his first girlfriend and I had one -rather unhealthy- 3 month relationship prior to this). He is a phenomenal boyfriend; he’s very loving, attentive, open, funny, kind, and overall just a beautiful soul figuring himself out in this world.

He comes from a very stable upper middle class nuclear home and is an overall healthy and stable person to be in a relationship with. His biggest struggles (from my perspective) are that he’s a huge people pleaser to the point he is sacrificing his own happiness/comfort, he’s more anxious than he is willing to admit, and as he’s joined me at college i don’t think he’s realized how much he relies on his mother and he has been subconsciously throwing his mental load onto me (which we’ve had very open discussions about and it’s improving). He also has ADHD which is why I think the latter has been difficult; I think his mental load has always been too big for him and he just never realized because he has a support system picking up the slack.

In comparison, I am low income and live with my disabled single mother. For a majority of my childhood I lived with an abusive stepdad as well and my bio dad is “involved” in the sense that he speaks to me sometimes but also lives across the country, was an alcoholic rock star i rarely saw my entire childhood, and over half a decade ago had a stroke and communication is subsequently difficult. He’s also just overall a crap bag but he believes he loves me with his whole heart which just makes the whole thing more confusing imo. Anyway, my life has still been awesome and I’m very grateful for what I have- I have 3 parents that love me in the way that they can and some have none yk- I’m just trying to paint the overall instability I’ve experienced in comparison to my boyfriend, especially in terms of relationships. I also want to paint how independent I have had to be, I can’t really consistently rely on my mom (not her fault ofc) and haven’t been able to for quite some time; I’ve had to organize myself, feed myself, pay for myself, teach myself, etc. This has made me really struggle with my relationship because I’ve also been the only one taking care of myself physically and emotionally (besides my therapist) prior to my boyfriend and I dating so I struggle relying on him. I’m also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder, so mix that with my unhealthy attachment and you could imagine I’m a bit difficult to be in a relationship with. Also personality wise I’m a bit sporadic and head-strong. I don’t me to sound like I’m dissing myself, I honestly think all those traits are awesome and have their benefits, it’s just also a double-edged sword yk.

Anyway, very long context but to summarize, I love my boyfriend. The only real issue we have is that I had to grow up too fast, Ive enjoyed slowing down and let him catch up, in the same way that he’s let our relationship be at my pace while I figure out how to be comfortable in healthy and consistent love (I’m sure others relate to it being a stark adjustment after living in chaos your whole life, it’s hard not to be skeptical). This bring me to my issue, these thoughts keep crawling into my mind that we aren’t compatible, won’t work long-term/ aren’t meant to be together, I’m unhappy in our relationship, and we should break up. As I said, I have an anxiety disorder, so typically when my brain has life changing thoughts I try and back it up with facts as opposed to doing something irrational and following my gut ( horrible advice for anyone with an anxiety disorder, my “gut” tries telling me I’m being hunted by a pack of hyenas the second I get out of bed). And there’s genuinely no reason for us to break up other than my brain feeling like it’s the right thing. The only reasoning I can come up with is things that occurred almost a year or more ago and have sincerely been resolved.

Upon self reflection, I think I might just be bored/ unhappy with my current life situation. Prior to recently, I always had something crazy going on, I was never in a routine and I think I hate consistency because of that. I can’t really change anything else going on rn, my mom and I are good and not fighting, i have money to buy necessities and take care of myself while I’m on break, I gotta go to college and work my job to get my degree, I have 4 or 5 consistent and wonderful friends, none that I see on a regular basis because of distance but I still chat with on the phone and such. I think my brain knows that it can start something entertaining with my relationship because that’s how it was in my previous one and my relationship with my parents so that’s what it’s going for. Maybe I’m missing something awful, but I genuinely think that I’m the problem, and even after two years, I’m not used to stability. Being “bored” isn’t bad, consistency isn’t bad. Honestly I feel awful for having these thoughts especially because me and him do things somewhat frequently, little dates and stuff to keep things interesting and I feel like I’m not even enjoying them in the moment because of my brain being so clouded. I also keep having this repetitive yet irrational thought that it’s a sign from the universe trying to save me from future hurt??? I wish I had more control of my thoughts sometimes tbh. Maybe they’re intrusive?

I also know I’m not the only girlie with parental issues that’s experienced this so I’m wondering how it turned out for you guys, do you have any advice with managing these thoughts? As much as I adore my therapist, she is very much an independent woman who believes relationships with men aren’t necessary for happiness and you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself or your creativity for (which I whole heartedly agree and if my boyfriend was the slightest bit toxic and unchanging that would be a different story). Point is it’s difficult to discuss with her and I’d like outside perspectives or personal experiences. I also have avoided repetitively talking about it with my boyfriend because I don’t want to burden him (not that he’d find it to be) and I fear the more I talk about it the more it will become true. He reassures me always but I don’t necessarily need reassurance because I know he loves me and I love him yk? I’m trying to navigate if these thoughts are just intrusive and anxious/ routed in my dissatisfaction in other parts of my life or if I genuinely want to leave the relationship for n no o particular reason. How do I know? Thanks for any insight!

Tl;dr: I keep having thoughts of breaking up with my boyfriend despite our relationship being overall healthy. I think it could be because I’m unsatisfied/ bored with other parts of my life.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/scissorlover on 2024-01-11 03:35:04+00:00.

I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for several months now. I’ve met her family, she’s met mine, and we’re thinking about moving in together. My girlfriend has BPD. She told me when we first started dating. Today, we called each other like we usually do before we go to work. Later in the day, out of nowhere, she sent me a text that said she needed space and was trying to deal with some personal stuff. I asked her some general questions about this, and she hasn’t responded. I’m not trying to pry, I just want communication. I have trauma with being broken up with/left on read, and she knows this. The only sort of contact I’ve gotten is messages relayed to me by a mutual friend. She said she doesn’t wanna break up, but just wants some time alone. It seems like this has happened out of nowhere and I’m really confused. I know people with BPD can’t control their emotions and how they feel/what they do, but does that make it okay? I might be overthinking this because of my past trauma, but I don’t know. As of right now, I’m gonna give her some space and try contacting her again in a few days. I’m just worried how this will affect our relationship in the future.

TLDR; My GF with BPD said she wanted to spend some time apart.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MundaneAdvice4217 on 2024-01-11 03:34:04+00:00.

Okay so, I just started seeing someone recently and he already admitted to cheating and lying to his partners.

He said he’s cheated on the last few serious girlfriends in the past. One, he told and she left him. The other one, he didn’t tell her. Also that he just got out of his “___ phase” sleeping with 4 or so girls, including the ex he cheated on.

I already have trust issues enough from my past, do I have the ability to trust someone that admits his faults so early on? Or do I take the red flag and run?

TLDR: new relationship admitting to infidelity in the past, do I trust him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRABADfrienddd on 2024-01-11 02:38:49+00:00.

TLDR I have a crush on my bfs bestfriend. I do not want to act on it, and will never tell a soul. What is the best way to deal with/get over it?

So I 26F have been with my bf 25M for about 2 years now. We broke up for a few months but have been back together since September and are in a really good place. Unfortunately I have developed a little bit of a crush on one of my boyfriends friends (24M).

He is super cool and good looking, and he makes me laugh a lot. He is one of my boyfriends few friends who actually treat me like a friend as oppose to just “the girlfriend”. Whenever I go out with my boyfriend and his friends, I feel like I can talk to him the most and are most comfortable with him out of everyone (other then my bf obvs) and we even have a few inside jokes. I also see him sometimes in the gym and he will come over and talk to me for a few minutes before going back to doing what he is doing.

Now I want to be clear. My relationship does not feel lacking in anyway. I love my boyfriend, we get on great, our sex is great, he is very good looking etc. If anything he and his friend are very similar in personality, style, hobbies, physique etc. They are both good looking, gym bros, who like to party a lot. They are sort of like best friends, and spend a lot of time together, confide in each other a lot, and even spend most christmases together (his friend will usually come over and have a late dinner and drink with my bf and his family on christmas day).

Both my bf and this guy are like what you would call reformed fuck boys I guess. The friend has a gf, and their relationship is great (though I haven’t met her yet) but he tells me I would get on great with his gf, and that we are very similar.

Obviously, I know having a crush is inappropriate, obviously, I would NEVER act on it etc. But I just want to know what the best way to deal with this is? I see him fairly regularly, whether it is with my bf, or when I’m alone in the gym, and from my experience the best way to kill a crush is distance, but I don’t know how to achieve that without making it weird?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Winter-Aioli-5542 on 2024-01-11 02:37:27+00:00.

I (20M) and my girlfriend (18F) have only known each other for about 4 months and I don’t know how to break things off with her without ruining her life. Here’s some context:

We had both recently gotten out of situationships and matched on Bumble in mid September. I didn’t really have the intention of getting into another relationship and was feeling impulsive so I invited her to my apartment and we hooked up. Our personalities really clicked, even before the sex. We shared some really private details about our lives and had a lot in common. I found out that she was bipolar which didn’t bother me, especially because she’s medicated and in therapy.

We ended up hanging out very often after that. We would hang out at least 4-5 times per week and she would sleep over a lot. It was really easy to spend time together because we’re both in college and live right across the street from each other. We both felt that things were moving a little bit fast, but it felt so right. My feelings towards her were unlike any other relationship I’ve ever experienced. We went on cute dates, I cooked her meals, bought her things, and even nursed her back to health when she had Covid.

We declared our relationship committed and official after a month. I met her sister and then the rest of her family. They really liked me because I treated her right and I’m the first guy who’s not been an asshole to her, especially because she had an abusive father.

A few months ago her grandfather was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. I told her that I would be there to support her and her family. I listened to her, gave her advice, and gave her a shoulder to cry on. I even helped her family build a house in her grandparents backyard that she and her mom could move into so that they could help her grandmother after her grandfather passes.

I’ve been to a couple of her family gatherings and she even came to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Everything about this relationship seemed so healthy and amazing.

I also am in the process of starting a student organization at my school and she is the vice president of it.

However, with time we began to have issues. Small things she did started to annoy me more and I noticed myself becoming less attracted to her. Over Christmas break we still saw each other a few times but it was more difficult since we were home and our families live about 90 minutes apart. During that time I found myself almost relieved that I got some time away from her. This was a major red flag to me and I tried to work through it with my therapist.

I was recently diagnosed with quiet BPD and also have struggled with severe ADHD for awhile, and these can both make relationships challenging. I really am trying to get my life together though. I’ve been going to the gym, eating healthier, focusing on my mental health, and making plans for my career after college. On top of all this, I am trying to be the best boyfriend that I can but it really is starting to feel forced.

I realize that I’m an asshole for not saying anything yet but I genuinely would feel horrible for leaving her right now. She’s noticed a shift in my behavior and that I’ve become more quiet and distant, but I always tell her that I am working on it. I help her family with so much stuff, I fix her car, and I’m the only person besides her therapist that she feels comfortable confiding in. I feel responsible for keeping her safe, especially in her manic episodes (she’s in one right now). But I’m very close to my breaking point and I don’t think I can take this anymore.

I know that I need to break up with her, but I don’t know how to do it without it being extremely messy and complicated. I apologize if this post was poorly worded and scattered but it’s hard for me to even get my thoughts together right now. Any advice on what to do would be appreciated.TL;DR: After a fast-moving 4-month relationship with a girl I met on Bumble, I'm feeling less attracted to her and need space, but I'm worried about breaking up due to her bipolar disorder and reliance on me, especially during a tough family time. I also have my mental health struggles (quiet BPD and ADHD) to manage. Need advice on how to end things without causing her undue harm.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Particular_Gift3436 on 2024-01-11 02:02:13+00:00.

My gf (32f) of 3 years and I (33m) get along wonderfully. Great chemistry, plenty of shared interests, lots of fun time together. We've been together 3 years now and have met the families and talked about our long term life together. One of my favorite things early on about my gf was how independent she was -- she has a full life, plenty of solo hobbies, and lots of friends. She also strongly emphasizes her independence, and her alone time, and her boundaries around refusing to compromise either. These are some of a few habits that have, at times, made me feel like she's had one foot out of the relationship, especially during the inevitable rocky patches.

Fast forward 3 years: Although things are going well, I'm ready to move in together. It's important to me to make sure we get along well living in the same space. My gf, however, says there will be plenty of time for that, and that she enjoys her personal space and alone time and isn't ready to give up on living alone. This has started to make me anxious about our future, and whether we will ever take that step. My gf has mentioned that some of her exes got too clingy and demanding, so I've been hesitant to bring up my concerns, a fact that also, separately concerns me. For the time being though, I've decided not to bring it up. But it can't go on that way forever, can it? What do I do?

tldr: i want to move in after 3 yrs, but gf says not yet

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRABADfrienddd on 2024-01-11 02:38:49+00:00.

TLDR I have a crush on my bfs bestfriend. I do not want to act on it, and will never tell a soul. What is the best way to deal with/get over it?

So I 26F have been with my bf 25M for about 2 years now. We broke up for a few months but have been back together since September and are in a really good place. Unfortunately I have developed a little bit of a crush on one of my boyfriends friends (24M).

He is super cool and good looking, and he makes me laugh a lot. He is one of my boyfriends few friends who actually treat me like a friend as oppose to just “the girlfriend”. Whenever I go out with my boyfriend and his friends, I feel like I can talk to him the most and are most comfortable with him out of everyone (other then my bf obvs) and we even have a few inside jokes. I also see him sometimes in the gym and he will come over and talk to me for a few minutes before going back to doing what he is doing.

Now I want to be clear. My relationship does not feel lacking in anyway. I love my boyfriend, we get on great, our sex is great, he is very good looking etc. If anything he and his friend are very similar in personality, style, hobbies, physique etc. They are both good looking, gym bros, who like to party a lot. They are sort of like best friends, and spend a lot of time together, confide in each other a lot, and even spend most christmases together (his friend will usually come over and have a late dinner and drink with my bf and his family on christmas day).

Both my bf and this guy are like what you would call reformed fuck boys I guess. The friend has a gf, and their relationship is great (though I haven’t met her yet) but he tells me I would get on great with his gf, and that we are very similar.

Obviously, I know having a crush is inappropriate, obviously, I would NEVER act on it etc. But I just want to know what the best way to deal with this is? I see him fairly regularly, whether it is with my bf, or when I’m alone in the gym, and from my experience the best way to kill a crush is distance, but I don’t know how to achieve that without making it weird?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NaiveDiscipline8539 on 2024-01-11 01:58:56+00:00.

I (26F) have been dating my (25M) boyfriend for about a year now. I am Indian and he is German. I love him so much and I met him when we were in university together. I told my parents about him and they have said that they cannot accept him at all. They are extremely blatant about it and said that I should marry only an Indian and that they truly believe everyone should always marry within their community. I see so many stories like this on this subreddit but I would like to hear success stories please. I would like stories of people who went through the same/similar thing but are happy now with their partner and family and like genuinely happy not just in a pretend way.

TL/DR: success stories of inter racial relationships and families acceptance that started out rocky in the beginning because of lack of parents support. I would like some advice on what is also the nest way to deal with it while time fixes all of this but also whether you think it gets better at all?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/One_Alternative_8792 on 2024-01-11 01:44:26+00:00.

So my boyfriend of 3 months cheated on me (drunkenly had sex with a girl). So we had gone from being with each other practically every day and then I went back to my home state for a couple weeks for winter break and he went to a different city for his. I came back to the state we both stay in on the 4th and he was still in a different city (still in that state) with family and I had planned to visit him (2 hour drive) which I did today. I find out today that like 4 nights ago he went out with this girl whose family has been a family friend for a few years and her friends. They went out and all drank and he got black out drunk and had sex with her. He said he doesn’t remember any of it and that he was blackout drunk. He told me about it and said this was the only time this has ever happened. He cried and told me how ashamed and awful he felt and he said hes in it for the long run with me and will do anything to earn my trust back. There is a part of me that believes him and I mean I’ve been black out drunk before and have made out with someone and completely did not know that I did it until a friend told me so idk. I believe that he loves me. I had the conversation of if this is the life he wants this is his out if he wants to hookup with girls this that and the other and he said it’s not and that he wants me and only me. He has never before given me reason to doubt his loyalty. He hardly ever uses his Snapchat I’ve seen it before he only talks to me same with instagram and texts. I’ve never asked to look at them but he always has his phone open in front of me. I also told him to delete the girl from everything and he did without any hesitation. I really want it to work I just don’t know how to move forward. Am I being stupid? This is just so shocking to me that I think it is a blackout drunk fluke but it still hurts the same. He is always constantly calling me and I hungout with him every single day when prior to us going on winter break.

tl;dr: boyfriend of 3 months cheated by having sex while blackout drunk, said he didn’t remember any of it. Has never done anything like this or given me reason to doubt before. I want to move forward bc I genuinely believe he loves me. How do I move forward.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/One_Alternative_8792 on 2024-01-11 01:44:26+00:00.

So my boyfriend of 3 months cheated on me (drunkenly had sex with a girl). So we had gone from being with each other practically every day and then I went back to my home state for a couple weeks for winter break and he went to a different city for his. I came back to the state we both stay in on the 4th and he was still in a different city (still in that state) with family and I had planned to visit him (2 hour drive) which I did today. I find out today that like 4 nights ago he went out with this girl whose family has been a family friend for a few years and her friends. They went out and all drank and he got black out drunk and had sex with her. He said he doesn’t remember any of it and that he was blackout drunk. He told me about it and said this was the only time this has ever happened. He cried and told me how ashamed and awful he felt and he said hes in it for the long run with me and will do anything to earn my trust back. There is a part of me that believes him and I mean I’ve been black out drunk before and have made out with someone and completely did not know that I did it until a friend told me so idk. I believe that he loves me. I had the conversation of if this is the life he wants this is his out if he wants to hookup with girls this that and the other and he said it’s not and that he wants me and only me. He has never before given me reason to doubt his loyalty. He hardly ever uses his Snapchat I’ve seen it before he only talks to me same with instagram and texts. I’ve never asked to look at them but he always has his phone open in front of me. I also told him to delete the girl from everything and he did without any hesitation. I really want it to work I just don’t know how to move forward. Am I being stupid? This is just so shocking to me that I think it is a blackout drunk fluke but it still hurts the same. He is always constantly calling me and I hungout with him every single day when prior to us going on winter break.

tl;dr: boyfriend of 3 months cheated by having sex while blackout drunk, said he didn’t remember any of it. Has never done anything like this or given me reason to doubt before. I want to move forward bc I genuinely believe he loves me. How do I move forward.