Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/rando1233333333 on 2024-01-11 01:13:18+00:00.

Hey, I’m 18F and just want some perspectives/advice on this situation. TW all about mental health stuff and touchy subjects like sh and suicide

I’ve struggled with mental health since I was really young, and I’ve never been too close with my parents just cause I have difficulties being close with people, but now its worse. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 9 but wasn’t told till late 2022 when I was 17. Obviously I was confused and frankly felt betrayed. But it’s opened my eyes to a lot of other things they’ve done over the years that seem negligent imo but I can understand/forgive all but 2. I want some perspective to see if there really is just things I’m missing, but mainly advice on how to move forward. I love my family and I want things to be ok again.

Situation 1:

I probably reached my worst point during covid and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts since 11. I didn’t bring it up before because my brother also struggled and I didn’t want my parents to think they failed both of us. Anyway, I started sh-ing more during covid and one time I went out in a tank top (I cut my shoulders bc its easier to hide) to ask my mother a quick question and realized my mistake too late. She saw, I panicked, covered what I could, said “I cut myself” (smooth ik), she asked why, I tried to backtrack and say “no no it was an accident with some scissors”, I retreated to my room after other incoherent excuses, all in all not convincing. I freaked out and avoided them but barely even a week later I had a video assignment for school and asked my dad for help. It was hot outside and I took off my jacket like an idiot. We finished the assignment and as we were going back inside he asked what was on my shoulder, I panic again and said it was the cat, he said “Oh yeah I think your mother mentioned something about that”, he kept trying to get me to show him the cuts but I kept saying it looked worse than it was and eventually made it back to my room. Avoided them again, and to my then relief it wasn’t ever brought up. But looking back I wonder why they never said anything? They obviously discussed it, I gave 2 different horrible excuses, was clearly panicked and lying, and my cuts were pretty obviously sh, no scissors or cat was doing that shit. I can’t get over it because what if I really had offed myself? Where they not even a little concerned about it? My brother had also been suicidal a couple years prior (he’s better thankfully) and my mother is a teacher and trained to identify and deal with these kinds of things. I just can’t understand why they let me be. What if I had gotten hurt? At the very least a small conversation would’ve been good no?

Second situation:

This first takes place fall of 2022. So, I had begun dissociating really bad after covid and now back at school it was really freaking me out. I had stayed silent in hopes it would go away my junior year but my senior year I had had enough and spoke to my doctor. I’m 17 at this point. She suggests therapy and I expected that answer. To do therapy though I’d have to at least tell my mom as I couldn’t pay or drive on my own. I did and while I watered it down a bit I basically said, “I’ve been dissociating for a while and it’s really been affecting my life, my doctor suggested therapy and think at least a couple of sessions might be helpful.” I wasn’t too afraid of this as again they went to great lengths to help my brother before. I had always assumed they would help me all I needed to do was 1. Admit I had a problem, and 2. Tell them. 2 things I had immense difficulties doing. But I did and my mother agreed readily. I was extremely happy, I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was getting help. Finally. Maybe I wouldn’t have to suffer and waste such a good life any longer. Unfortunately it was a false promise. She forgot and even though I reminded her multiple times over the span of a few months she repeatedly forgot, said she would help but didn’t. I was extremely hurt and confused. But I gave up and accepted this is just how I would have to live for at least another year. But then not long after this incident I find out they had lied about my weird illness when I was 9 and it was actually caused by anxiety not a stomach ulcer. I felt the glass shatter, everything over the years began making incredible sense and it was absolutely heartbreaking. It felt as if my world and everything I thought I had known was crumbling and all a lie. Why did they do that? Why did they do any of this?

With all of it being built up for 8+ years and hitting me at once I was extremely hurt and had a hard time processing it. I admit once everything began dawning on me I grew resentful and wasn’t easy to be around. Not like a crazy person but even more distant, cold, and disrespectful. It was a revenge of sorts but it only makes me feel worse. That’s why I’m so desperate to understand them, I want to be ok with them again.

I’ve brought it up casually twice and both times my mother becomes very distressed and hard to talk to. I’m bad with confrontation and so just went to defusing instead getting answers so the only explanation I’ve actually gotten is that she didn’t help schedule the therapy because she was busy. I was her TA at the time as she worked at my school so I knew the basics of her workload, it’s a lot but I was literally asking to get help, was work really more important? And it’s not as if it was more than when my brother needed help. They gave him every resource and I got none even if my situation wasn’t as dire in their eyes. It just hurts, and I’m not sure how to go forward.

Any advice? Are there things I just can’t understand bc I’m young without a family of my own or bc of my own bias? Would you even want your kid to bring it up? If so how should I go about it to make it easier?

TLDR; I [18F] need help repairing my strained relationship with my parents [49FM] after they brushed off my sh and request for therapy.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-Animator8955 on 2024-01-11 00:36:51+00:00.

We've been dating for over two years. He's my first bf and my first everything. Since he's older, he's had way more relationships. I'm his 5th gf and he has had multiple hookups. He works full time and I work part time and go to college and I'm studying for the LSAT. He also makes 2x as much as me. So he makes about 3,700-4,000 a month working 40-50 hours a week while I only bring in 800-1000 after working 18-30 hours a week (depending on the week) and making 10.00 an hour. Our finances and the experience gap we have makes our relationship a little imbalanced sometimes.

He knew I was in school before we started dating and he said he was okay with it. I told him I can't work full time and maintain good grades ( i know some students can, but I've tried and I can't. I can do 25 hours before my grades start slipping) and he initially said it was okay and he would pay for most of our stuff. However, over the past 2 years he has taken every chance he's got to bring up that he "pays for everything". He doesn't pay for everything, but it is split about 70/30 most months. To make up for this, I clean daily and cook dinner for him about 4x a week.

Last night he came home and asked me why dinner wasn't ready. I told him that I was trying to go to sleep early ( I usually stay up until 11 or 12 waiting for him and then I don't go to bed until 1 or 2) because school is starting soon and I need to get my sleep schedule back on track because I have morning classes. I explained this to him and he said the least I could do is make him a nice, hot meal because he pays for everything I want. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just thought the way he spoke about it was kinda gross and demanding. I tried to explain this to him and he kept saying that all he wanted was his gf to cook him food because he pays all the bills.

I get what he's saying, but I do cook for him and I pay the bills that I can. I pay about 30% of the rent, all the utilities, wifi, and I we split grocery costs. I just really didn't feel like cooking last night and his comment is making me dread cooking dinner tonight because now I feel like cooking for him is required to keep a roof over my head, not something I do because I like it.

December was a hard month financially for me. My work cut everyone's hours and my bf had to step up and pay the utility bill. We've had months like this before, and every time I start to struggle financially he does pay for stuff, but he starts to bring up how he pays for everything and I just freeload.

I feel like this isn't fair. I never bring up how he doesn't clean the house and can't even put his bowls in the sink. I never even counter that I do pay some of the bills. I feel like he sees our relationship as transactional now.

I feel like my finances are going to be held over my head until I graduate college and get a full time job. He always talks about how he can't wait for the day I work full time so he can "use me how I use him". I just, I'm doing the best I can, really. Even if I worked full time I still wouldn't make as much as he does. He knew this when we got together and if I knew this would be a daily issue in our relationship I might not have gotten with him.

How can I make him see that I cannot go 50/50 with him? OR how to talk about finances with him?

tl:dr: bf said he expects me ti make him dinner every night because he pays most of the bills

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwaway7633210 on 2024-01-11 01:31:55+00:00.

I (18m) and dating L (18f). We have been dating over a year and we have many memories together. The only problem is in the last couple months I’ve started loosing the love I feel for her.

I don’t want to hurt her because I care about her more then anything but I don’t love her like a girlfriend anymore. I love her like a best friend.

I don’t want to end things but I feel like I have to because of the effect this is having on my mental health.

I know if I break up with her then she will become depressed (she doesn’t have the best household and I’m basically her security blanket and happiness). I don’t want her to think that she has no one because she will still have me it’s just I don’t want to be with her. I love her but don’t want to be with her.

There is more to the story but I don’t want this to be too long.

Please does anyone have any advice and can you help me. Her birthday is on the 23rd and I don’t want to ruin her 19th so I’m in a situation I don’t know what to do in.

TL;DR I love my gf but I don’t want to be with her anymore because I have lost my feelings of being with her. She is amazing but I have not felt the same for 2 months and I think it’s time to end things but I don’t know how

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/rando1233333333 on 2024-01-11 01:13:18+00:00.

Hey, I’m 18F and just want some perspectives/advice on this situation. TW all about mental health stuff and touchy subjects like sh and suicide

I’ve struggled with mental health since I was really young, and I’ve never been too close with my parents just cause I have difficulties being close with people, but now its worse. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 9 but wasn’t told till late 2022 when I was 17. Obviously I was confused and frankly felt betrayed. But it’s opened my eyes to a lot of other things they’ve done over the years that seem negligent imo but I can understand/forgive all but 2. I want some perspective to see if there really is just things I’m missing, but mainly advice on how to move forward. I love my family and I want things to be ok again.

Situation 1:

I probably reached my worst point during covid and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts since 11. I didn’t bring it up before because my brother also struggled and I didn’t want my parents to think they failed both of us. Anyway, I started sh-ing more during covid and one time I went out in a tank top (I cut my shoulders bc its easier to hide) to ask my mother a quick question and realized my mistake too late. She saw, I panicked, covered what I could, said “I cut myself” (smooth ik), she asked why, I tried to backtrack and say “no no it was an accident with some scissors”, I retreated to my room after other incoherent excuses, all in all not convincing. I freaked out and avoided them but barely even a week later I had a video assignment for school and asked my dad for help. It was hot outside and I took off my jacket like an idiot. We finished the assignment and as we were going back inside he asked what was on my shoulder, I panic again and said it was the cat, he said “Oh yeah I think your mother mentioned something about that”, he kept trying to get me to show him the cuts but I kept saying it looked worse than it was and eventually made it back to my room. Avoided them again, and to my then relief it wasn’t ever brought up. But looking back I wonder why they never said anything? They obviously discussed it, I gave 2 different horrible excuses, was clearly panicked and lying, and my cuts were pretty obviously sh, no scissors or cat was doing that shit. I can’t get over it because what if I really had offed myself? Where they not even a little concerned about it? My brother had also been suicidal a couple years prior (he’s better thankfully) and my mother is a teacher and trained to identify and deal with these kinds of things. I just can’t understand why they let me be. What if I had gotten hurt? At the very least a small conversation would’ve been good no?

Second situation:

This first takes place fall of 2022. So, I had begun dissociating really bad after covid and now back at school it was really freaking me out. I had stayed silent in hopes it would go away my junior year but my senior year I had had enough and spoke to my doctor. I’m 17 at this point. She suggests therapy and I expected that answer. To do therapy though I’d have to at least tell my mom as I couldn’t pay or drive on my own. I did and while I watered it down a bit I basically said, “I’ve been dissociating for a while and it’s really been affecting my life, my doctor suggested therapy and think at least a couple of sessions might be helpful.” I wasn’t too afraid of this as again they went to great lengths to help my brother before. I had always assumed they would help me all I needed to do was 1. Admit I had a problem, and 2. Tell them. 2 things I had immense difficulties doing. But I did and my mother agreed readily. I was extremely happy, I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was getting help. Finally. Maybe I wouldn’t have to suffer and waste such a good life any longer. Unfortunately it was a false promise. She forgot and even though I reminded her multiple times over the span of a few months she repeatedly forgot, said she would help but didn’t. I was extremely hurt and confused. But I gave up and accepted this is just how I would have to live for at least another year. But then not long after this incident I find out they had lied about my weird illness when I was 9 and it was actually caused by anxiety not a stomach ulcer. I felt the glass shatter, everything over the years began making incredible sense and it was absolutely heartbreaking. It felt as if my world and everything I thought I had known was crumbling and all a lie. Why did they do that? Why did they do any of this?

With all of it being built up for 8+ years and hitting me at once I was extremely hurt and had a hard time processing it. I admit once everything began dawning on me I grew resentful and wasn’t easy to be around. Not like a crazy person but even more distant, cold, and disrespectful. It was a revenge of sorts but it only makes me feel worse. That’s why I’m so desperate to understand them, I want to be ok with them again.

I’ve brought it up casually twice and both times my mother becomes very distressed and hard to talk to. I’m bad with confrontation and so just went to defusing instead getting answers so the only explanation I’ve actually gotten is that she didn’t help schedule the therapy because she was busy. I was her TA at the time as she worked at my school so I knew the basics of her workload, it’s a lot but I was literally asking to get help, was work really more important? And it’s not as if it was more than when my brother needed help. They gave him every resource and I got none even if my situation wasn’t as dire in their eyes. It just hurts, and I’m not sure how to go forward.

Any advice? Are there things I just can’t understand bc I’m young without a family of my own or bc of my own bias? Would you even want your kid to bring it up? If so how should I go about it to make it easier?

TLDR; I [18F] need help repairing my strained relationship with my parents [49FM] after they brushed off my sh and request for therapy.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/xhrui on 2024-01-10 22:51:30+00:00.

Hey guys. So I think context is needed before saying what I am about to say, so I am going to explain this first. So I am planning on visiting my aunt and uncle in France for 2 weeks in April. I am not currently working and I am just doing job interviews to get back into the workforce. So living in parents place and using my savings. I am also in the process of applying to medical school and I am going to take my MCAT exam(medical school entrance exam) before April 2024. I was planning on going on a trip after with them as a reward to me and I spent like $800 on tickets. So its my aunt, uncle, and cousin there. So I am going to join them basically. Whenever they visit, we are always the ones to book hotels, tickets, gas, etc. and they pay for food once in a while. So she is taking care of Airbnb costs, gas, and tickets. And I am planning on doing the same by footing the bill for restaurants once in a while.

And my aunt has this strange thing she always does. Imo my grandma(her mom) is like this with very little boundaries, so I am going to assume my aunt is like this because of that. My aunt always burdens people when they travel. When my grandma comes over from India, she tells her to carry multiple pounds of lentils to bring to France. When my family (Mom, dad(her brother), brother and I) go to India, we sometimes go through France when we return back home. Since we have large weight allowances since our final destination is USA, she sometimes asks us to carry heavy bundles of rice and grains and we have to leave behind some things we bought from India *for us* to accommodate weight wise. This always made me angry because we rarely come to India and its expensive and we end up leaving behind our items for her(aunt regularly goes to India and is a single woman who's only responsible for 1 ticket).

Or if we will meet her during a trip, she will send stuff to our house for us to bring. This has been going on for years. So last summer for example we were going to India to visit grandparents and she was in India for a month long trip, told us to buy 10 GIANT BOTTLES of shampoo which she paid us back for and sent handbags and clothes to our house. She would buy it from US websites for example and have it shipped to our address. We had to add an extra suitcase to accommodate her things. We also have a family member (my brother) with a disability and my mom has to push his wheelchair. So the two of us(My dad and I) were left to handle 4 giant suitcases by ourselves. Reducing the luggage weight is always a must for us because of my family member having a disability and my dad having back issues. So 2 ppl have to handle ALL the luggage. And NEVER EVER have we done anything like this. It always blows my mind. We are all the type of people to never want to burden others and I've never made her bring anything for me. When she comes to the US from France, I have never bought things from French websites, sent it to her home, and made her carry all that for me when she travels to see us. Never. Its just rude to burden people like that is what I think and what i've been raised knowing. Never burden others too much.

Similarly for this upcoming trip, she has sent to my house: 5 dresses, 2 handbags, and multiple board games for my cousin. She also asked me to buy 6 giant shampoo bottles of a dandruff shampoo she uses and that she will pay me back when I get there. I have to get a whole another suitcase for all this. I myself have to carry all my stuff and her shit. I don't even have my dad to help. I wanted to buy a blowout brush which works in India/Indian voltage. The US has a different voltage and my hair tools won't work in India. Since France and India have the same voltage, I bought this brush on Amazon France and sent it to her home. She picked it up from her front porch and its sitting in her place. When I come there, I will pick it up and take it back home to the US. That's the only favor I have asked from her. To just pick something from her front door and keep it inside. She doesn't even have to carry it! I conveniently sent it to her home so that *I* can pick it up when I come there.

In the past to test her I guess I asked for a small favor. There's a hair dye in India that I really like and she was going to India. I asked her to get me 10 packets of those so that I can pick it up when I come to France(It is extremely light and not like American dye boxes. Its a small flat packet with just dye and developer and all 10 packets added together probably weighed 1 lb. The whole 10 packets added up is probably weight of 1 or 2 apples.) She didn't even do that! She got back home to France and just said "Oops, I forgot". She couldn't even get such a light and tiny thing and I have to get her 6 giant shampoo bottles and carry that, the clothes, handbags, and board games she sent over?

Burdening people coming to visit me by making them carry multiple pounds of heavy items wouldn't even cross my mind. I hate that i've been put in a spot like this. I am not at all a confrontational person. Part of me feels like this is some powerplay on her part since she makes a lot more money and is footing the bill for gas, hotels, and tickets. Maybe she thinks I have to allow anything she does now?? Maybe she's trying to see how she can benefit from this and wants to use me coming here for this. What do I do? How do I tell her no in a polite way?

TL;DR Aunt always makes us carry heavy things whenever we visit her. I don't like this. Its a huge inconvenience

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-Animator8955 on 2024-01-11 00:36:51+00:00.

We've been dating for over two years. He's my first bf and my first everything. Since he's older, he's had way more relationships. I'm his 5th gf and he has had multiple hookups. He works full time and I work part time and go to college and I'm studying for the LSAT. He also makes 2x as much as me. So he makes about 3,700-4,000 a month working 40-50 hours a week while I only bring in 800-1000 after working 18-30 hours a week (depending on the week) and making 10.00 an hour. Our finances and the experience gap we have makes our relationship a little imbalanced sometimes.

He knew I was in school before we started dating and he said he was okay with it. I told him I can't work full time and maintain good grades ( i know some students can, but I've tried and I can't. I can do 25 hours before my grades start slipping) and he initially said it was okay and he would pay for most of our stuff. However, over the past 2 years he has taken every chance he's got to bring up that he "pays for everything". He doesn't pay for everything, but it is split about 70/30 most months. To make up for this, I clean daily and cook dinner for him about 4x a week.

Last night he came home and asked me why dinner wasn't ready. I told him that I was trying to go to sleep early ( I usually stay up until 11 or 12 waiting for him and then I don't go to bed until 1 or 2) because school is starting soon and I need to get my sleep schedule back on track because I have morning classes. I explained this to him and he said the least I could do is make him a nice, hot meal because he pays for everything I want. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just thought the way he spoke about it was kinda gross and demanding. I tried to explain this to him and he kept saying that all he wanted was his gf to cook him food because he pays all the bills.

I get what he's saying, but I do cook for him and I pay the bills that I can. I pay about 30% of the rent, all the utilities, wifi, and I we split grocery costs. I just really didn't feel like cooking last night and his comment is making me dread cooking dinner tonight because now I feel like cooking for him is required to keep a roof over my head, not something I do because I like it.

December was a hard month financially for me. My work cut everyone's hours and my bf had to step up and pay the utility bill. We've had months like this before, and every time I start to struggle financially he does pay for stuff, but he starts to bring up how he pays for everything and I just freeload.

I feel like this isn't fair. I never bring up how he doesn't clean the house and can't even put his bowls in the sink. I never even counter that I do pay some of the bills. I feel like he sees our relationship as transactional now.

I feel like my finances are going to be held over my head until I graduate college and get a full time job. He always talks about how he can't wait for the day I work full time so he can "use me how I use him". I just, I'm doing the best I can, really. Even if I worked full time I still wouldn't make as much as he does. He knew this when we got together and if I knew this would be a daily issue in our relationship I might not have gotten with him.

How can I make him see that I cannot go 50/50 with him? OR how to talk about finances with him?

tl:dr: bf said he expects me ti make him dinner every night because he pays most of the bills

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lucky_Duty5781 on 2024-01-10 22:18:17+00:00.

We have been in a relationship for over 3 years, and have cohabited for a large portion of it. She met my daughter very early on, and they established a great connection. It wasn't long after where she took to a mother like role, and we have been a family unit since then. She moved far away to go to university, but that didn't deter our relationship, and she would come home whenever she had the opportunity. I was even able to fly out and visit her! I was attending university locally, and we were both planning for a future together. Her last stretch away was her longest (4 months) and towards the end she had started to become distant, and would talk about a specific male friend in a way that made me uncomfortable. He spent the night at her apartment one day, but she told me he had slept on the couch. When she came down to visit this Christmas, it was as magical and perfect as it usually was, and the whole time we were making more plans to see eachother and discussing how excited we were for the future we were building as a family. We even planned to have our daughter fly out to visit. On the evening of the 26th, I saw the friend in question text her that he missed her. I was concerned by this, but she seemed very upset, like he was trying to pursue something with her and she was hurt it would damage their friendship. It would be tough to have someone you thought was a friend pursue you romantically and disrespect your relationship. Although I believed her, something felt wrong, so when she fell asleep that night I looked through their messages and saw that they had communicated like boyfriend and girlfriend, and he discussed how amazing their night together was and how cute she was when she slept. She showed a lot of interest in him through text. I woke her up and confronted her, and she admitted that she had kissed him on the neck and invited him to stay the night, and they both fell asleep holding eachother just in their underwear, but she denied any sexual activity occurred. I was livid and absolutely crushed, so I told her she had to leave, and I drove her to the nearest coffee shop to wait for her family to pick her up. She didn't say a word to me, and although I was angry, she never tried to explain anything. In the following days I reached out when I was calm, hoping we could discuss the matter further, and possibly reconcile, but she treated me coldly, and never took any accountability for her actions. She stated that she just needed to be alone, and she felt remorse, but things had to end. I was even more heartbroken that she didn't try to fix the situation in any way, and we didn't see eachother for the rest of the time she was down. Our relationship is over. She did say she was going to end things with the guy, and she "just needed time to work on herself", but I recently found out that they immediately started "dating" when she went back to university on Jan.6th. My daughter has been so incredibly sad, as have I, and I have no idea how to explain how someone she saw as a mother could be there for Christmas one day, and completely gone from our lives the next. The relationship wasn't perfect, but there was no warning signs that it would end so abruptly. I don't know if I should reach out to her. I don't know what to say to my daughter. Man, I don't know what to say to myself. I don't understand how she could abandon her family like that for a 19 year old boy. She always said she was her daughter, and that I was the love of her life, and now she is gone in an instant to pursue someone else.

How do I leave it all behind with my head held high after an embarrassing pain like this?

Sorry the writing is suboptimal, I am a bit of a mess right now and I just really need to hear someones perspective on the situation who isn't my mom. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.

Tl;dr My girlfriend of 3 years started dating someone new before we broke up and completely abandoned me and her stepdaughter

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ArmouredOtter on 2024-01-10 23:39:59+00:00.

Hey gang,

I know the red flags are blaring, but I earnestly don't think this is one of those one sided things....but it is kind of melting me from the inside out.

I've (M32) been seeing this woman (F28) Sporadically since Mid November. She's gorgeous, assertive, unique and wildly funny. After about 4 dates, I confessed to having strong feelings and wanted to move towards a relationship. Very plainly, she said that she really liked me, but needed more time, but agreed that she was focusing her attention on me. More than fair! She broke up with her boyfriend in August and just moved out of their shared apartment a few weeks after I asked her.

Here's the thing... Ever since that night, my feelings have only compounded. Every time I see her I feel like my tongue grows 2 sizes and my heart works in triple over time. I've remained honest about my feelings and I can tell that she isn't there yet. All of this is good and normal, I think, but here's where it gets bad for me.

My brain is spiraling and obsessing a bit. I've tried to shake the feelings and give her space, but every little thing eventually leads back to her.... and then the doubt sets in. "maybe she doesn't like me?" "maybe she's falling for another dude?" "is my affection annoying her? is it scaring her off?" "why does she take so long to respond to my texts? is it because she just doesn't like me like that??"

I'm normally ultra confident and it's one of the things that she was attracted to in the first place... but when it comes to her i feel like a cloying needy loser... and since we aren't in a relationship, I feel like I cant ask her for reassurance. I wish I could just scream into a void and say "I NEED YOU TO TELL ME YOU LIKE ME AND THAT IM PRETTY!!!!" and just get it off my stupid chest forever.

I'm roughly a year and a half out of my marriage and she's the first person I've fallen for since and I earnestly think I'm falling in love.

How do I cope? Should I seek other romantic liaisons, just so i can stop obsessing? Do i break it off, just for my own sanity? Maybe witchcraft has an answer... I do have access to a healthy amount of sage and crystals.

TL;DR - I'm falling in love with a woman who's not ready for a commitment and it's melting my brain.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Bit2134 on 2024-01-10 22:09:21+00:00.

I am fully back to being in office 5 days a week. A guy that works in a parallel department to me have been friends since I started my job. We both work in marketing, just different teams, and we regularly use the term "work husband" and "work wife" and our spouses are very aware. There has never been a hint of him being into me and I trust him.

We often will drive together to go get lunch. Before the holidays he asked if I could reply to an email while he was driving and when I opened his phone I swiped through his open apps to get to his inbox and the photo app was open with a bunch of nude photos and I shrieked and obviously he was embarrassed. It's now an in joke thought because now I know he's definitely exactly small (I always joke he sho

uld get the "large" meal when we go out) but I'm now wondering if we're starting to cross a line.I never told my husband about the incident because I was worried he would flip out and didn't think it was a big deal. But now I wish I could tell him but I don't know how. I'm also worried that i've ruined the best friend I have at work.

Should I tell my husband about this and if so how would you recommend I tell him? If not, is there a good reason not to? How do I talk to my work friend about the incident?TLDR I (28f) accidentally saw my work husbands nudes and never told my husband (31m) and now I feel stuck

Edit #1: I just want to add that I am concerned about both of their feelings but of course my husbands feelings come first by a country mile. I realize I was naive and I've made a mistake. I'm asking for advice for how to fix the situation. Please be kind although of course criticism is ok, I have thick skin.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PinkRaven999 on 2024-01-10 23:38:34+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years with a dating period of about four months before that. We bet through a group activity where our overlapping friend groups intermingled.

I am very happy in the relationship. My boyfriend is kind and loving. We do a lot of activities together (movie nights, video games, hikes and trips, etc.).

A week ago a group of my boyfriends closest friends whom I am casually acquainted with started texting me that I am a bad girlfriend because we don´t have sex. They accused me of just playing with my boyfriend and exploiting him. They told me I should break up, so that he can get a "real" girlfriend. Apparently at one of their regular meet-ups my bf told them after a lot of poking from their part that we haven´t had sex in our entire relationship.

I am not interested in sex at all and don´t even think about it, so it never crossed my mind to discuss our sexuality. He also never brought it up, therefore I assumed it wasn´t a problem.

But the mean texts I received unsettled me. Obviously I will talk to my boyfriend about it, but I wanted to gather an outside perspective before I do that. Should I just bite the bullet and have sex with him, even though I have no interest in it? Or are they right and I should break up?

TLDR: Some of my boyfriends friends found out that we don´t have sex and are now calling me a bad girlfriend and telling me I should break up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/shloaph on 2024-01-10 23:29:53+00:00.

The guy I am with now is better than I could imagine. I don't want to lose him. I thought I grew out of old habits from my first relationship, and learned from my second relationship how horrible toxicity feels. My now SO is better at being kind, understanding, and communicating to the point where all my flaws stick out. This is the kind of man I want in my future, and could see as a father figure. However, his emotional maturity and great communication skills make me look SO bad. All my bad habits come out and I'm wondering if it'll always be this way or if things will naturally pan out to where his positive traits reflect on to me. I'm just afraid I may lose him by the time I get a grip on my temper, learn how to express my feelings clearly and have them for good reasons. I'm not pregnant, on my period, anything I'm just a moody b**** in need of advice.

I believe all arguments are caused by miscommunication. He said he never argued with his exes and I believe it. This is so much different than what I grew up with and have done/been exposed to. I want to treat him right and hopefully some positive communication strategies would do the trick?

My toxic traits for reference: overly defensive, jealous of a dog, self-pitying, wow I sound bad, to rooms to be alone when overwhelmed...

tl;dr I thought I grew out of toxic traits after being with a toxic person only to realize I’m just less toxic than they were! I want this relationship to last. Where should I start to STOP communicating in a toxic way?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cutecatgurl on 2024-01-10 20:16:02+00:00.

so, right now my boyfriend of 5 months and i aren't on good terms at the moment. i feel pretty upset because last night, he made a comment how a female music artist was a "h*e" or "h*eing" and how these other 2 male artists said they slept with this girl, and how this girl has slept with the whole music scene, essentially. and i responded that "well, what about the other male artists? i'm sure they've ALSO slept with the whole music scene too, why should she receive all this heat?"

this prompted a discussion in which he initially first used the lock and key analogy, which i found deeply offensive. in response, i told him i was shocked and disappointed that someone like him would genuinely believe something that ignorant and i thought he would have a more intelligent, nuanced perspective on this. it was harsh i know, but it genuinely how i felt, and usually i would sugarcoat and filter myself so i don't make people feel bad when i disagree with them, but it just felt so sexist.

"master key" "shitty lock" (words he used) like are you kidding me? and the crazy part is that, he wasn't even trying to mean or offensive. he genuinely thought this was a salient point.

then we really got into a discussion about it and when i kept referring back to him using this lock and key analogy, he then asked if he could redact the statement and we should throw out that he said it because it sounds bad. so i asked him point blank if he thought that it was somehow "worse" or more of an issue when a woman was more 'promiscuous' (i don't love that word but it's the closest i have to illustrate) vs. a man. and he said, and kept insisting that he didn't think it was "worse" just different, and that it wasn't equal. i kept asking him what precisely he meant by this, and to me it seemed he was really beating around the bush about his perspective on why there is more stigma around women being more 'promiscuous.' he also equated a woman being called a "h*e" to a man being called a "f-boy", and that men can be h*es too, they're just "wh*remongers." eventually it became a conflict.

he insists he's not sexist, misogynistic or ignorant at all, it's just that the sexual dynamics between men and women are different so a woman having more sexual partners is different than a man. he said "women care about men's future, and men care about a woman's past." i also told him that this phrase was also problematic, imo.

he also told me that to him, this is just a discussion and it "shouldn't" cause discord between us if he disagrees with me. i told him to that to him, it gets to just be a simple topic because he couldn't grasp how sexism/misogyny plays into societal attitudes about female sexuality.

he's a great person, but on this issue we are at an impasse because i don't know how to let it go that he thought/thinks this way, and i don't know if maybe i'm making a big deal out of nothing. he feels upset that a couple of the comments i made were indirectly calling him dumb. i didn't call him dumb, but i did say i really would expected a more intelligent and thoughtful perspective from him on this issue.

tl;dr: my bf made some comments about female sexuality that i thought were super sexist, including using the "lock and key" analogy. he doesn't think it's sexist, and he thinks the dynamics between men and women's sexuality is different, so it's "different" when women have more sexual partners. we got into an argument, and he thinks i shouldn't even be upset. i don't know how to resolve it.

edited for grammar and spelling

edit: hopefully i'm not getting downvoted on this bc people think i agree. i DON'T agree with it, it made me feel sick and i am in shock. It just happened last night and I'm just being transparent about my thoughts and confusion about it. i just don't want to be downvoted and this thread gets lost, because i am earnestly reading everyone's perspective and input and taking it all to heart. it is really helping me and validating my anger to read some of you guys' thoughts, even if it might be a strong one.

edit 3: because another thing is really messing with me is that he says HE is upset with me because he says I "called him dumb and ignorant." And I just don't know how to respond to that given that I genuinely, 100% believe that his perspective on this IS ignorant and lacking so much intellect, empathy, and intelligent thought. So how can i even apologize when I don't feel sorry??? He wants me to admit that I hurt his feelings by saying this, and that I should take it back.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OccasionDear7857 on 2024-01-10 23:24:29+00:00.

Im (f26 ) and hes male (29). We've been together four months and he shares dogs with his ex girlfriend of three years. She has one and he has the other. He told me about this when we first started seeing each other because he said they meet up once in awhile to let the dogs play together. I said I was fine with it as long as he told me before he was going.

Two weeks ago I called him at night and asked what he was up to and he said that He has just pulled into the park to meet his ex and let the dogs play. I stayed calm as he said he had to go and would call me after. An hour and a half later he called me and I explained how I was upset and uncomfortable that he hadn't told me and reitorated that I'm fine with it as long as I'm made aware beforehand. Mind you this was at 9:30 at night on a saturday. I don't love the fact that they were most likely the only ones there. He said that his ex texted him the night before (when i was with him) and asked to do this. He did not warn me. I told him why wouldn't you at least tell me that it was a possibility? He said why does it matter when he tells me weather before or after. They've only been broken up for a little over a year. Should I be worried about this? the situation and how he seems to not care about my feelings here.

**TL;DR;** : Boyfriend met up with ex to let their dogs (shared custody) play without telling me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Silent-Change110 on 2024-01-10 23:05:47+00:00.

I 28f met a guy 32m in my early 20s thru a friend we would often go to parties together, ended up hooking up about twice but he continued to hit me up for years afterward. I wasnt sure if he liked me or not as it never became anything serious. Eventually I kinda slow faded him out for that reason. He was always nice to me and no real issues tbh as I did not have real feelings for him at all.

Anyway, about a decade later i am working at a hospital (I am a nurse) and he is randomly the security guard. I said hey when I first saw him but he didnt rly acknowledge me. I figured OK he doesnt recognize me, which is odd as I really look almost exactly the same. Anyway, I forgot about it but would see him in passing. Months go by and now he's messaged me asking do I work there. I said yes and mentioned I said hello and he said my bad(?). I guess he finally put 2 & 2 together months after the fact. From his instagram it would appear he is in a serious relationship, possibly even engaged but not sure. So we have been making small talk since and he mentioned he wanted to come by and chat with me. Is this an appropriate relationship? I notice he replies when he is at the hospital but not in the evenings. He also seems to talk to me more via messaging than in person - weve barely talked in person, as we are not rly ever in the same area much.

Any thoughts? Im not sure whether to entertain a friendship at work or not. Ive never been in such a scenario before.

tldr; 28f ran into a guy i used to sleep with 32m at WORK and now hes being friendly all of a sudden and following up. Unsure if appropriate to be friends given he has a gf. thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/xhrui on 2024-01-10 22:51:30+00:00.

Hey guys. So I think context is needed before saying what I am about to say, so I am going to explain this first. So I am planning on visiting my aunt and uncle in France for 2 weeks in April. I am not currently working and I am just doing job interviews to get back into the workforce. So living in parents place and using my savings. I am also in the process of applying to medical school and I am going to take my MCAT exam(medical school entrance exam) before April 2024. I was planning on going on a trip after with them as a reward to me and I spent like $800 on tickets. So its my aunt, uncle, and cousin there. So I am going to join them basically. Whenever they visit, we are always the ones to book hotels, tickets, gas, etc. and they pay for food once in a while. So she is taking care of Airbnb costs, gas, and tickets. And I am planning on doing the same by footing the bill for restaurants once in a while.

And my aunt has this strange thing she always does. Imo my grandma(her mom) is like this with very little boundaries, so I am going to assume my aunt is like this because of that. My aunt always burdens people when they travel. When my grandma comes over from India, she tells her to carry multiple pounds of lentils to bring to France. When my family (Mom, dad(her brother), brother and I) go to India, we sometimes go through France when we return back home. Since we have large weight allowances since our final destination is USA, she sometimes asks us to carry heavy bundles of rice and grains and we have to leave behind some things we bought from India *for us* to accommodate weight wise. This always made me angry because we rarely come to India and its expensive and we end up leaving behind our items for her(aunt regularly goes to India and is a single woman who's only responsible for 1 ticket).

Or if we will meet her during a trip, she will send stuff to our house for us to bring. This has been going on for years. So last summer for example we were going to India to visit grandparents and she was in India for a month long trip, told us to buy 10 GIANT BOTTLES of shampoo which she paid us back for and sent handbags and clothes to our house. She would buy it from US websites for example and have it shipped to our address. We had to add an extra suitcase to accommodate her things. We also have a family member (my brother) with a disability and my mom has to push his wheelchair. So the two of us(My dad and I) were left to handle 4 giant suitcases by ourselves. Reducing the luggage weight is always a must for us because of my family member having a disability and my dad having back issues. So 2 ppl have to handle ALL the luggage. And NEVER EVER have we done anything like this. It always blows my mind. We are all the type of people to never want to burden others and I've never made her bring anything for me. When she comes to the US from France, I have never bought things from French websites, sent it to her home, and made her carry all that for me when she travels to see us. Never. Its just rude to burden people like that is what I think and what i've been raised knowing. Never burden others too much.

Similarly for this upcoming trip, she has sent to my house: 5 dresses, 2 handbags, and multiple board games for my cousin. She also asked me to buy 6 giant shampoo bottles of a dandruff shampoo she uses and that she will pay me back when I get there. I have to get a whole another suitcase for all this. I myself have to carry all my stuff and her shit. I don't even have my dad to help. I wanted to buy a blowout brush which works in India/Indian voltage. The US has a different voltage and my hair tools won't work in India. Since France and India have the same voltage, I bought this brush on Amazon France and sent it to her home. She picked it up from her front porch and its sitting in her place. When I come there, I will pick it up and take it back home to the US. That's the only favor I have asked from her. To just pick something from her front door and keep it inside. She doesn't even have to carry it! I conveniently sent it to her home so that *I* can pick it up when I come there.

In the past to test her I guess I asked for a small favor. There's a hair dye in India that I really like and she was going to India. I asked her to get me 10 packets of those so that I can pick it up when I come to France(It is extremely light and not like American dye boxes. Its a small flat packet with just dye and developer and all 10 packets added together probably weighed 1 lb. The whole 10 packets added up is probably weight of 1 or 2 apples.) She didn't even do that! She got back home to France and just said "Oops, I forgot". She couldn't even get such a light and tiny thing and I have to get her 6 giant shampoo bottles and carry that, the clothes, handbags, and board games she sent over?

Burdening people coming to visit me by making them carry multiple pounds of heavy items wouldn't even cross my mind. I hate that i've been put in a spot like this. I am not at all a confrontational person. Part of me feels like this is some powerplay on her part since she makes a lot more money and is footing the bill for gas, hotels, and tickets. Maybe she thinks I have to allow anything she does now?? Maybe she's trying to see how she can benefit from this and wants to use me coming here for this. What do I do? How do I tell her no in a polite way?

TL;DR Aunt always makes us carry heavy things whenever we visit her. I don't like this. Its a huge inconvenience

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CandidateSensitive91 on 2024-01-10 22:38:39+00:00.

Hi, I'm OP (24F) and I have been dating my BF(24M) for 5 years now. We have been living together for 3~4 years.

There are a lot of things leading to me wanting to break up with him (nothing too wild like cheating, lying, manipulating etc) but I feel like I can't grow while being with him. We both started as broke immature college students making dumb decisions and I realised that we were going to have to grow up a lot. Now 5 years later I am getting my life together and am trying my hardest to motivate, help and convince him to be healthier, find something he enjoys doing or to take more responsibility around the household. While he has improved in some ways, it is unfortunately not enough improvement for me.

We're struggling to make ends meet, we have been for the 3~4 years living together. I have been working part time jobs ever since dating him and still have no money to save at the end of the month, while he just sits and barely does any of the chores at home. I can't do many more mornings where I get up at 6/7 AM for my 9 to 5 job while he's been awake all night gaming and drinking, trying to sweet talk me while I'm getting ready.

I think I fell out of love with him awhile ago and gave up trying to argue over the same points over and over again. I am planning to move out by the end of January and as soon as I figure out the hows and the whats, I will tell him that I want to break up.

I'm scared. This is my first relationship ever and I love him and I'll miss him but mentally I'm drained. I want him to be his best self and he has so much potential and thinking about leaving him makes me so sad but I realised I need to choose myself instead of hoping that in the next 5 years he'll be at the point where I 'want him to be'.

I don't even know if this will get any responses but TLDR; I fell out of love with my BF of 5 years, how do I break up with him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA6482947 on 2024-01-10 22:37:57+00:00.

He and I have been together for about 3 years, known each other for almost 5.

He’s a veteran. He got badly hurt a year and a half ago and life just went downhill since then. He’s been struggling severe mental health issues and a physical disability. To the point that he started using and he tried taking his own life. I’ve done absolutely everything in my power to help him. I’ve worked two jobs to be able to get him the best therapist after the ones provided by the VA could not assist him. I’ve been there for him during withdrawal, I found him almost dead in the bathroom. I’ve been driving him to physical therapy, to his doctor appointments and therapy sessions and I finally took him to rehab which I paid for with the remainder of my savings.

I just don’t know how much longer I can keep going. And really soon I won’t be able to help him because I’m not doing so great myself. So it took me a while but I finally made a decision that I have given him all the possible resources for recovery and healing. But he has to do that without me. He has to get better for himself and I can’t be his caretaker anymore. I’m not qualified and half of the time I don’t know what I’m doing, it’s killing me.

So I started packing today, while he’s in rehab. And I found an engagement ring between his clothes in the wardrobe. I don’t know when he got it and when he was going to give it to me. But it really made me hesitate and I’m not sure what to do now.

TL;DR My partner is an addict and suffers from severe mental health issues. I made a decision to leave him but found an engagement ring and it made me rethink the whole situation.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CARSTORM2470 on 2024-01-10 22:37:06+00:00.

Hi,

So I have quite a unique situation with one of my friends. Last summer, I did my internship in an R&D company. The other intern was her. At first, it was very cool to learn about her. We spent a lot of time together during work hours, and after she was a little bit shy, and so am I. Basically, we were two coworkers trying to learn about each other, and because we have common interests, such as MTB, having fun, and beer, we used to hang out with other coworkers or just the two of us at the bike park during weekends and after work.

In the middle of the summer, things seemed to turn a bit. One example is she invited me to go to a show, but on the same day, I texted her to confirm if she still wanted to go, and she said yes, after her activities with friends. She never texted me back, and the next day apologized by SMS. I didn't say much about it to her, but I was a little bit disappointed. Other than that, she was more distant, and talking to her was a bit harder. She doesn't seem very interested in talking to me. For example, during the morning, I always say, "Good morning, how are you?" and her response was just "good," and she didn't want to talk much after that. But then, other coworkers ask her the same thing, and she seems more peppy and starts to have a conversation with them.

And this is where I want to talk about me. I'm a reserved/introverted person normally, and she is also, but she is not shy to poke you. At first, I was able to make her laugh, and I was good at sizing up her sense of humor. I have to admit, I'm not the most skilled person socially. I don't like attention, not a good speaker but a very good listener (INFJ-T). Also, I'm a green profile, and she is a blue profile according to the 4 colors of the personality test. I also started to discover that she seems a bit selfish (speaks a lot about herself, and when I speak about me, she's like, "Ah yeah, okok," etc). So I took my distance and tried not to talk to her much and just do my things. I think at some point I must have said something that she found weird, or maybe we don't have the same vibe. Anyway. But I didn't feel good for a few days because I was constantly thinking about whether I did something wrong because I hate to have the feeling that a relationship is slipping out of my hands. But one day we were alone at the office, and I asked her if everything was okay. She said yes, why? And I said basically that I was wondering if I did something wrong because it seems we don't speak that much anymore. She said no, don't worry; I'm just super busy with work, and if there was something, I would have told you. She added that soon we should go MTB together. I was happy and a bit relieved.

After that, the relationship was a bit better. A few times she was very nice to me. We used to stay at work after work hours and just talk. Surprisingly, she was so generous at a few times. For example, I needed a license for software for school, and she didn't hesitate to give me one of her licenses. After summer, we went back to school, and she proposed for me to take one class with her. So we became friends and classmates. She is very, very smart. We used to eat during lunchtime together at her dorm room. And like I said earlier, she seems to not be interested in asking questions about me. Only a few times she asked me questions about me, and we mixed up the conversation, and it was very cool. But being her classmate started to get heated for me because I have more time to do my exams due to a specific disability, and her opinion is that it's unfair, and it should not be like this, and because of that, she doesn't consider my grades to compare herself for her grades. She says ADHD/dyslexia, etc., "doesn't" exist, and everyone is just different. We have a very different opinion and "argued" a few times about this subject because for me, it's something that I've been battling every day since I was a kid. But then, there's a program that allows me to have someone take notes during classes, and it pays good money. I proposed to her if she wants to take notes for me just for the money because I don't need it, and she said yes, of course. But I feel at this point, I'm just a "school friend" and don't really want to hang out. I proposed to her to go grab a beer after our midterms. She accepted, and she seemed a bit hesitant. Like if I'm not arround anymore, she wouldn't care.

TL;DR : So to conclude, I'm just a bit overwhelmed by the relationship with her, and it should not be. I really appreciated her because she is funny, has the same interests. She was my bike buddy last summer, and I'm pretty sure we would ride together. I don't think she is a bad person. She showed me she is well aware and can resonate quite well during some situations. Maybe the fact she is a bit younger plays a little bit. So do you have any advices or is there's a good way to talk to her about the situation ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/unflushablepoop_10 on 2024-01-10 20:06:00+00:00.

About 3 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend that I had been dating for just under a year. She was pretty stupid, clingy, a bad conversationalist (she would constantly do things to get reactions out of me like pick my fingers and annoy me in different ways because she didn't know what else to do) and obsessed with travel and I realized we weren't a good fit. Despite all the problems I really struggled with a lot of doubts and anxiety regarding the breakup because I had internalized a belief that most people found me repulsive from a time in 8th grade when I ended up with no friends due to social anxiety. She had asked me out and during the relationship I had come to believe that she was my one shot at not ending up alone forever because I considered myself incapable going out and pursuing a relationship. With the help of a therapist I uncovered a lot of the flawed underlying assumptions of this doubt and and made a lot of progress toward moving on and realized that I was capable of getting into a new relationship.

However just as I felt I was getting over the doubts and anxiety for good. I got a text message from my friend and my ex saying that they are now dating. My friend claimed that it was very spontaneous, that he didn't develop feelings for her till recently, that he didn't mean to blindside me and that he didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. I know for a fact this was bullshit because I had stayed in contact with my ex since we broke up and he and another friend had been talking to her since we broke up (3 months ago) under the pretense of reaching out and helping her deal with the breakup (something he did not bother to do with me). They would even stay up till 2am sometimes talking one on one and he really doesn't seem the type to talk to someone that much unless he was interested in them for some reason so I'm not buying the "spontaneous" shit. Plus while my ex and I were still dating he was in a group chat with her and he would always give long replies to her and take special interest in what she was saying. Despite this when I asked my ex about it (who then asked him) he doubled down on the lie saying that he only developed feelings for her in December.

I did not take this news very well. For a week it made the doubts and anxiety come back with a vengeance. I always considered the two of us to be very similar and so the fact that he saw something in her despite getting to talk to her a lot more than I did before I started dating her undid a lot of my progress toward getting over her and I was super depressed and anxious for a week. I was so scared that I would come to a conclusion that I had made a mistake in leaving her right when it was too late to do anything about it. Thankfully I recovered and am back in a position where I no longer regret the breakup.

I replied to the message saying he was dating my ex with a very passive aggressive "ok, happy new years" and since then I think he has been avoiding me online and in person because he thinks I am pissed at him and tbh I don't know if I should be. On one hand I genuinely don't think that me and my ex are a good match and that I don't have a say on who she can and can't date. But the fact that he went behind my back without even asking me if it was ok and is now lying and saying he wasn't interested in her all along is making me think I can't trust him and he isn't a real friend and doesn't care about my feelings, that he just wants to avoid drama. He also probably has social anxiety tho and this is his first girlfriend as well so he was probably really desperate like I was and saw this as his one shot so idk if I should forgive him.

Should I confront him and tell him what he did was not cool and I know he's lying? On one hand I don't want to let him off the hook scotch free and look like I'm a coward who lets people walk all over them to the rest of my friends. but I also don't want to risk ruining our relationship, especially considering that new friends don't come easily with social anxiety.

TL;DR: My desperate friend started dating my ex (dated for one year, have been apart for three months) and I don't know if I should be mad at him. He didn't ask me first and is lying about not having been interested in her beforehand and it being spontaneous. I am torn between not knowing if its worth risking my friendship confronting him or if its worse to let him wrong me like this and let him off free not knowing if I can trust him going forward.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SpecificFix3736 on 2024-01-10 22:33:52+00:00.

I (f36) have been with my partner (m35) for 3 years. My partner had surgery and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks. He lived with me during that entire time I waited on him and foot basically. He spent another month at my place we went on vacation around holiday Now he now is better back at his place during the workday. We both work at home and I will call and/or text 1x a day during 10 hour time hes at his place working.He now is frustrated Im bothering him during his work hours and puts it on DND. This is a brand new thing. I used to call or text zero issues. He just says he needs to focus give a lecture about working hard which we both do. I bring it up and he goes into his lecture and that Im disturbing him. Also he comes around 9pm every night I told him no you dont come here at 9 like not acceptable behavior. Maybe if youre working like crazy yeah you can stay yours a night or two and pull an all nighter but you just showing now every night at 9 isnt cool.He expects for me to let him know where I go who I see. Now he comes home all dressed up a couple of times and I go umm why are you dressed up. I went to lunch with a colleague. I dont honestly care if he does but he demands all transparency with me and silences his phone so I have some thoughts.Also to add I put some hard boundaries right around this how he treats me and speaks to me with respect.Am I being crazy here…. I feel like either hes trying to prove a point or test me which he has done in the past or something else is going on. Im about to call it off honestly and move on.

TL;DR: F (36) and my partner (M35) have been together for 3 years. After a period where he was recovering from surgery at my place. He's now back at his place, working from home, and has started putting his phone on Do Not Disturb, citing a need for focus and giving lectures about working hard when I call or text once or twice a day. He came back at my place, around 9 PM, which I said was unacceptable. He expects full transparency from me about my whereabouts and who I meet, while he goes out well-dressed and silences his phone. I set clear boundaries regarding respect and treatment and is considering ending the relationship, suspecting that he might be testing me or hiding something.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Financial-Study-553 on 2024-01-10 17:32:47+00:00.

Let me start off by saying I don't believe that "the one" is some magical person coming from the sky where everything is easy. I know relationships take hard work and compassion. Here's my situation...

I (28F) have been with my (37M) boyfriend for 4 years. Since the moment we met, we've had such a special connection. We laugh, have each other's backs, and support each other. He's kind, thoughtful, and I trust him 100%. I love him and I feel loved and comfortable in this relationship.

Then why can't I help but think...is this the man I'm supposed to be with forever? I can see myself with him for the next 20 + years, but I also can't imagine a wedding? I don't know what my problem is or what issues are holding me back from moving in with him, proposals, etc.

I hate it when people say that they "just know" when they've met their person because while I understand it's true for them, it's just not specific enough for me.

I'm trying to take emotion out of it and look at it from a logical perspective. Am I unsure because I shouldn't be with him, or am I just overthinking it and need to appreciate a good man?

Reddit, how do you know when it's time to take next steps in a relationship and that you've found your forever person?

TL;DR: I have a healthy and loving relationship with my boyfriend, how do I make sure this is it and that I’m not settling out of being comfortable?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lucky_Duty5781 on 2024-01-10 22:18:17+00:00.

We have been in a relationship for over 3 years, and have cohabited for a large portion of it. She met my daughter very early on, and they established a great connection. It wasn't long after where she took to a mother like role, and we have been a family unit since then. She moved far away to go to university, but that didn't deter our relationship, and she would come home whenever she had the opportunity. I was even able to fly out and visit her! I was attending university locally, and we were both planning for a future together. Her last stretch away was her longest (4 months) and towards the end she had started to become distant, and would talk about a specific male friend in a way that made me uncomfortable. He spent the night at her apartment one day, but she told me he had slept on the couch. When she came down to visit this Christmas, it was as magical and perfect as it usually was, and the whole time we were making more plans to see eachother and discussing how excited we were for the future we were building as a family. We even planned to have our daughter fly out to visit. On the evening of the 26th, I saw the friend in question text her that he missed her. I was concerned by this, but she seemed very upset, like he was trying to pursue something with her and she was hurt it would damage their friendship. It would be tough to have someone you thought was a friend pursue you romantically and disrespect your relationship. Although I believed her, something felt wrong, so when she fell asleep that night I looked through their messages and saw that they had communicated like boyfriend and girlfriend, and he discussed how amazing their night together was and how cute she was when she slept. She showed a lot of interest in him through text. I woke her up and confronted her, and she admitted that she had kissed him on the neck and invited him to stay the night, and they both fell asleep holding eachother just in their underwear, but she denied any sexual activity occurred. I was livid and absolutely crushed, so I told her she had to leave, and I drove her to the nearest coffee shop to wait for her family to pick her up. She didn't say a word to me, and although I was angry, she never tried to explain anything. In the following days I reached out when I was calm, hoping we could discuss the matter further, and possibly reconcile, but she treated me coldly, and never took any accountability for her actions. She stated that she just needed to be alone, and she felt remorse, but things had to end. I was even more heartbroken that she didn't try to fix the situation in any way, and we didn't see eachother for the rest of the time she was down. Our relationship is over. She did say she was going to end things with the guy, and she "just needed time to work on herself", but I recently found out that they immediately started "dating" when she went back to university on Jan.6th. My daughter has been so incredibly sad, as have I, and I have no idea how to explain how someone she saw as a mother could be there for Christmas one day, and completely gone from our lives the next. The relationship wasn't perfect, but there was no warning signs that it would end so abruptly. I don't know if I should reach out to her. I don't know what to say to my daughter. Man, I don't know what to say to myself. I don't understand how she could abandon her family like that for a 19 year old boy. She always said she was her daughter, and that I was the love of her life, and now she is gone in an instant to pursue someone else.

How do I leave it all behind with my head held high after an embarrassing pain like this?

Sorry the writing is suboptimal, I am a bit of a mess right now and I just really need to hear someones perspective on the situation who isn't my mom. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.

Tl;dr My girlfriend of 3 years started dating someone new before we broke up and completely abandoned me and her stepdaughter

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Worried-Budget2315 on 2024-01-10 14:53:22+00:00.

He claimed that his phone was broken/messing up but I saw him look at my Instagram stories and he read my messages on there. He last texted me on Friday and I reached out through iMessage and called him. He texted me back late Sunday night through iMessage and said that his phone was acting up but I have this gut feeling that I don’t believe it at all.

He is usually always on his phone as well even when we’re together and usually texts or calls every single day. I have such an uncomfortable feeling now that I can’t shake, how do I approach this? Tl;dr : I think my bf is possibly cheating

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sutton_Z_Williams on 2024-01-10 10:26:02+00:00.

For context I come from an educated family and fell in love with my partner who was raised by a single mother who has never gone to school. My partner is quite self educated and quite educated enough given their circumstances. I feel a bit weird about the fact that their mother still needs constant help for simple tasks because she can’t write or read and has recently started asking me for help as well. I keep feeling really weird about this. Does anybody have any advice on whether I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if this could be a compatibility issue?

Tldr: partner has an illiterate mum who constantly needs help and refuses to learn the basics of reading and writing

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Physical_Interview76 on 2024-01-10 22:09:47+00:00.

My girlfriend of six months had confronted me of sharing a picture of me and my friends from high school on Facebook that also had my HS ex in it, to which I said “yeah, and you have pictures still up of your ex and the dates you went on just last year”, which she in turn denied. I admitted I was wrong, but I noticed the next day she had deleted the said pictures and I pried a little, to where she admitted they had dated but “never had sex”. Which I would believe, but for her to look me in the face and lie about something so benign is concerning. I’ve also caught her white lying to her mother and that also concerns me. I asked her if she was being truthful about something else, in a nice, non-confrontational way and she told me I “b___tch a lot”.

TL;DR: my girlfriend white lied about a past relationship, and has been pretty abrasive when it comes to reassurance. I don’t know what to do but shut down.