Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/happyburger700 on 2024-01-10 06:53:55+00:00.

my boyfriend is a great guy, and he cares about me a lot. but as time goes on i can’t help but resent some of his habits and i feel like he doesn’t put as much effort into his appearance.

the biggest issue is weight and his eating habits. he never cooks, always eats a lot of fast food and doesn’t go out often. i’ve tried to encourage him to cook more at home and eat healthier but he still doesn’t. his stomach hangs out of his pants and it’s just really unattractive to me, and can’t help but wish he would lose weight. it’s also an issue when we have sex because he gets tired easily and his stomach hits me. he mentions his weight a lot and how he’s fat, his face his fat, he gained weight etc. yet he won’t do anything about it. then i just get stuck in a really awkward position. i also just feel like he doesn’t care about taking care of himself, and thus i don’t know if this is someone i want to be with long term. i’ve tried bringing his weight up before but he got really offended and hurt and i feel kind of stuck bringing it up again.

another thing is his hygeine. i get grossed out that he doesn’t shower everyday, even after we have sex and get kind of dirty. especially cause he asks for blowjobs a lot. idk i feel like the bare minimum is keeping yourself clean if you want your partner to do things for you. i also have to ask him to shave cause his facial hair just gets so sharp, and he’s always reluctant to do so cause he says he’s lazy.

how should i bring this up to him? if i even should. i know it might not even be my place to ask him to change all these things for me. i just don’t want to keep harboring this resentment and wishing my partner would do so and so differently.

TLDR; boyfriend doesn’t take care of his appearance and i want to know how to bring up my feelings to him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/happyburger700 on 2024-01-10 06:53:55+00:00.

my boyfriend is a great guy, and he cares about me a lot. but as time goes on i can’t help but resent some of his habits and i feel like he doesn’t put as much effort into his appearance.

the biggest issue is weight and his eating habits. he never cooks, always eats a lot of fast food and doesn’t go out often. i’ve tried to encourage him to cook more at home and eat healthier but he still doesn’t. his stomach hangs out of his pants and it’s just really unattractive to me, and can’t help but wish he would lose weight. it’s also an issue when we have sex because he gets tired easily and his stomach hits me. he mentions his weight a lot and how he’s fat, his face his fat, he gained weight etc. yet he won’t do anything about it. then i just get stuck in a really awkward position. i also just feel like he doesn’t care about taking care of himself, and thus i don’t know if this is someone i want to be with long term. i’ve tried bringing his weight up before but he got really offended and hurt and i feel kind of stuck bringing it up again.

another thing is his hygeine. i get grossed out that he doesn’t shower everyday, even after we have sex and get kind of dirty. especially cause he asks for blowjobs a lot. idk i feel like the bare minimum is keeping yourself clean if you want your partner to do things for you. i also have to ask him to shave cause his facial hair just gets so sharp, and he’s always reluctant to do so cause he says he’s lazy.

how should i bring this up to him? if i even should. i know it might not even be my place to ask him to change all these things for me. i just don’t want to keep harboring this resentment and wishing my partner would do so and so differently.

TLDR; boyfriend doesn’t take care of his appearance and i want to know how to bring up my feelings to him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/snshnkitty on 2024-01-10 04:39:43+00:00.

So my boyfriend (27m) and I (27f) live together. Through a little reflection, I feel like l've always been his motivator career wise. I've given up a lot of "dreams" in my life (prior to him) to be self sufficient and have a median income. Am I always happy at my job? No, but I'm self reliant and can survive on my own if I had to. My boyfriend on the other hand wants to be "happy" in his career, doing what he loves and money doesn't seem to mean much as long as he's not homeless.

Right now, I bring in over half the income if not more. His job (creative field) is not very lucrative. There's limited designs jobs but they're not well paying and he doesn't seem open to anything that doesn't seem "happy and fun" 100%. I don't know if I'm pessimistic, realistic, or flat out jealous.

I love the guy, but fuck... it's really creating a wedge.

tl;dr As the breadwinner, have you ever felt envious of your partner? Is it anything that can legitimately worked through?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/snshnkitty on 2024-01-10 04:39:43+00:00.

So my boyfriend (27m) and I (27f) live together. Through a little reflection, I feel like l've always been his motivator career wise. I've given up a lot of "dreams" in my life (prior to him) to be self sufficient and have a median income. Am I always happy at my job? No, but I'm self reliant and can survive on my own if I had to. My boyfriend on the other hand wants to be "happy" in his career, doing what he loves and money doesn't seem to mean much as long as he's not homeless.

Right now, I bring in over half the income if not more. His job (creative field) is not very lucrative. There's limited designs jobs but they're not well paying and he doesn't seem open to anything that doesn't seem "happy and fun" 100%. I don't know if I'm pessimistic, realistic, or flat out jealous.

I love the guy, but fuck... it's really creating a wedge.

tl;dr As the breadwinner, have you ever felt envious of your partner? Is it anything that can legitimately worked through?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HealthSubstantial357 on 2024-01-10 04:26:26+00:00.

Well, let's see things start at the end of last year 2023, I meet a boy through social media… we had friends in common and he started talking to me to flirt and stuff like that... I'm starting University and I'm a young person, 18 years old. I’d already had relationships in the past but never really like they were serious relationships, there was no sex, I never introduced them to my family, etc.

I consider myself a very introverted person. Apart from that, I have always been focused only on school, that is, I practically never went out to parties, or with friends, nothing, mainly because my parents are strict, however, for some time now I had wanted to experiment sex just because, I’m a normal teenager...so let's say that this boy did look very F boy and well, when we started meeting he talked to me about sex and stuff (I would say that maybe normal, but not in my environment) so it’d became my opportunity to experiment sex, so it happened when we went out for like the 4th time things happened that we ended up having oral sex... after that it was like it was more obvious what he was looking for with me (sex), plus that added my desire to experience sex and I ended up having sex with him... but here is the problem now the guy is contacting me often and wants us to go out and well 👉👌 I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind, I don't want a boyfriend, friend with benefits I don't want anything with anyone, I want to continue focusing on school and if I get distracted I don't want it to be a relationship of that type mainly because he doesn't take me seriously and neither do I him, I already got what I wanted, to experiment and I have no reason to continue with him not even his friend with benefits, much less his girlfriend or something like that.

As I said before I really don't have any social experience, and practically not even in relationships, I want to end whatever I have with him, as soon as possible and in the best possible way but I don't know how or what to say to him...

TL;DR; : I met a guy through social media and in a short time I had sex with him but I don't want to do it again, he keeps asking for the second time but I'm not looking for that type of relationship, I just wanted to experiment and I looking for a good way to break up it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HealthSubstantial357 on 2024-01-10 04:26:26+00:00.

Well, let's see things start at the end of last year 2023, I meet a boy through social media… we had friends in common and he started talking to me to flirt and stuff like that... I'm starting University and I'm a young person, 18 years old. I’d already had relationships in the past but never really like they were serious relationships, there was no sex, I never introduced them to my family, etc.

I consider myself a very introverted person. Apart from that, I have always been focused only on school, that is, I practically never went out to parties, or with friends, nothing, mainly because my parents are strict, however, for some time now I had wanted to experiment sex just because, I’m a normal teenager...so let's say that this boy did look very F boy and well, when we started meeting he talked to me about sex and stuff (I would say that maybe normal, but not in my environment) so it’d became my opportunity to experiment sex, so it happened when we went out for like the 4th time things happened that we ended up having oral sex... after that it was like it was more obvious what he was looking for with me (sex), plus that added my desire to experience sex and I ended up having sex with him... but here is the problem now the guy is contacting me often and wants us to go out and well 👉👌 I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind, I don't want a boyfriend, friend with benefits I don't want anything with anyone, I want to continue focusing on school and if I get distracted I don't want it to be a relationship of that type mainly because he doesn't take me seriously and neither do I him, I already got what I wanted, to experiment and I have no reason to continue with him not even his friend with benefits, much less his girlfriend or something like that.

As I said before I really don't have any social experience, and practically not even in relationships, I want to end whatever I have with him, as soon as possible and in the best possible way but I don't know how or what to say to him...

TL;DR; : I met a guy through social media and in a short time I had sex with him but I don't want to do it again, he keeps asking for the second time but I'm not looking for that type of relationship, I just wanted to experiment and I looking for a good way to break up it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lemmedisassociate on 2024-01-10 04:22:04+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, but we’ve known each other for three.

A month ago, after a great day together, I saw he got a DM from a woman. It said something like “Awww thank you love”. Immediately I was suspicious and asked him about it. He got defensive and said he just complimented her on a painting. I knew he was lying. He kept going on and on saying “What! I can’t talk to someone if they’re female?” I said it wasn’t that, but if he was complimenting her on her looks that’d be another story. I started crying and he kept saying it wasn’t a big deal and wanted reassurance that I still loved him. It all just screamed guilty, but since I had no proof I decided to let it go. After all, there was a possibility he hadn’t crossed a line.

Fast forward to us going on a trip to see his family a few days ago. Some nights before bed we watch scary movies. He brought it up on his phone, but proceeded to fall asleep. I know I’m a stranger, and none of you have any reason to believe me, but in the entirety of knowing him I have NEVER looked through his phone. Ever. But since that night of him getting that DM, I just needed to see proof of what he said. I got way more than I bargained for.

Since we’ve been together, he has DM’d multiple women, complimenting them on their looks, asking if they could hangout, that he missed them. Women he knows, OF models, etc. It didn’t matter, just anyone with a pulse. That DM he got that I mentioned was in response to him saying that every time she posted she just got prettier and prettier. I just kept going on and on and it went back to probably March of last year. So the entirety of us together. I then went to his texts and saw he had reactivated Tinder in March and Bumble multiple times JUST in November. I also saw that in his recent google searches, one was “BJ dating apps.” I have no idea if anything physical has happened between him and anyone else, but at this point it doesn’t matter. He’s a cheater, a pathological liar, and manipulator in my eyes. It’s like he’s two different people. One person with me, another behind my back.

What I’m concerned about is him turning it on me, because I did snoop. I feel so guilty about it, but if I didn’t look, he would’ve never fessed up. I needed to protect myself and my mental health, it’s the only reason why I did it. I know he’s going to make me out to look like a psycho, and that’s what’s stopping me. How do I navigate the confrontation? Do I apologize for snooping but continue to stand my ground? Do I just not mention the snooping? Please help.

TLDR; my boyfriend has been cheating on me for a year, I only found out because I snooped through his phone. How do I navigate the confrontation? Do I apologize for snooping, but continue to stand my ground? Do I just not mention the snooping? Please help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lemmedisassociate on 2024-01-10 04:22:04+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, but we’ve known each other for three.

A month ago, after a great day together, I saw he got a DM from a woman. It said something like “Awww thank you love”. Immediately I was suspicious and asked him about it. He got defensive and said he just complimented her on a painting. I knew he was lying. He kept going on and on saying “What! I can’t talk to someone if they’re female?” I said it wasn’t that, but if he was complimenting her on her looks that’d be another story. I started crying and he kept saying it wasn’t a big deal and wanted reassurance that I still loved him. It all just screamed guilty, but since I had no proof I decided to let it go. After all, there was a possibility he hadn’t crossed a line.

Fast forward to us going on a trip to see his family a few days ago. Some nights before bed we watch scary movies. He brought it up on his phone, but proceeded to fall asleep. I know I’m a stranger, and none of you have any reason to believe me, but in the entirety of knowing him I have NEVER looked through his phone. Ever. But since that night of him getting that DM, I just needed to see proof of what he said. I got way more than I bargained for.

Since we’ve been together, he has DM’d multiple women, complimenting them on their looks, asking if they could hangout, that he missed them. Women he knows, OF models, etc. It didn’t matter, just anyone with a pulse. That DM he got that I mentioned was in response to him saying that every time she posted she just got prettier and prettier. I just kept going on and on and it went back to probably March of last year. So the entirety of us together. I then went to his texts and saw he had reactivated Tinder in March and Bumble multiple times JUST in November. I also saw that in his recent google searches, one was “BJ dating apps.” I have no idea if anything physical has happened between him and anyone else, but at this point it doesn’t matter. He’s a cheater, a pathological liar, and manipulator in my eyes. It’s like he’s two different people. One person with me, another behind my back.

What I’m concerned about is him turning it on me, because I did snoop. I feel so guilty about it, but if I didn’t look, he would’ve never fessed up. I needed to protect myself and my mental health, it’s the only reason why I did it. I know he’s going to make me out to look like a psycho, and that’s what’s stopping me. How do I navigate the confrontation? Do I apologize for snooping but continue to stand my ground? Do I just not mention the snooping? Please help.

TLDR; my boyfriend has been cheating on me for a year, I only found out because I snooped through his phone. How do I navigate the confrontation? Do I apologize for snooping, but continue to stand my ground? Do I just not mention the snooping? Please help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lost_Comment_9443 on 2024-01-10 03:44:37+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying my marriage is already kind of rocky (in my eyes). We have been married over 3 years, together for over 7. No kids, just pets. I love my husband - he's my best friend, but we have had issues with finances in the past because I joined the military, served and was medically retired, and have been the main breadwinner since I've been out. I work full time in HR, I take college classes online, and I cook and do most of the cleaning. He works, but his hours are sporadic and he's hopped from job to job. He's also very negative, a complainer, and has no goals or aspirations despite me being a loving and supportive wife.

Yesterday I decided I want to do something fun for us this year. I got a promotion at work, I'm graduating from college this summer, and we haven't been on a trip in many years (outside of moving for the military). We finally are doing well financially, on my income, and the trip is 8 months out so I have lot of time to save extra money. I started to plan a 7 day cruise. As previously mentioned I pay for mostly everything, so I never expected him to pitch in. I just wanted to give him good news and have something to look forward to. I want to travel and spend time with my husband. My stepdad surprised us with trips when I was a kid all the time and my family was always ecstatic because it was so sweet and always a good time. My mom deserved it and I'm glad she found a good man.

However, when I told my husband yesterday he said, "hmm. Kind of a dick move not to consult me. I wouldn't have chosen that for a trip". Of course I was immediately upset, confused, hurt, etc. I even said "I can take K, (my best friend) if you don't think you want to do this with me". And then he got upset and said "I never said I don't want to go". To me, he basically did say that and I got defensive about it. I do see his point of view on this, but his reaction was hurtful and rude in my opinion.

How can I approach this? Did I do something wrong? Tonight I told him to please give me space because we argued and it made me feel sad. Part of me wants to take someone else or cancel the trip entirely. It's all planned and paid for and I really want to go. I feel like this is the straw that breaks the camel's back on top of the already rocky marriage we have. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I just had to share and see what everyone thinks.

TL;DR!

I booked a 7 day cruise vacation for September using my extra income (I'm the main provider) and my husband told me it was a dick move for not asking what he wanted to do and proceeded to make me feel dumb and like I'm a bad person for not asking his input.

EDIT: I wasn't expecting to get so much advice, but I really appreciate all the input. I want to say that I'm not particularly angry that he doesn't want to go on a cruise, it's just his entire reaction that threw me off and we both got heated. Personally I would have used different wording if I didn't really want to do something like this. Consulting him would have been a good idea and I see that now. I didn't think about how some people don't enjoy traveling much. I thought I knew him well enough to plan this. I've been on a lot of cruises and I loved them all. I can still make changes and hopefully not lose any money if we can figure out another option. He is looking for stable work. I should have added that in my initial post. He feels bad and money is a sensitive topic. I think that's a big part of his reaction and I was insensitive as well. I just want to go on a trip with the person I love the most.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lost_Comment_9443 on 2024-01-10 03:44:37+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying my marriage is already kind of rocky (in my eyes). We have been married over 3 years, together for over 7. No kids, just pets. I love my husband - he's my best friend, but we have had issues with finances in the past because I joined the military, served and was medically retired, and have been the main breadwinner since I've been out. I work full time in HR, I take college classes online, and I cook and do most of the cleaning. He works, but his hours are sporadic and he's hopped from job to job. He's also very negative, a complainer, and has no goals or aspirations despite me being a loving and supportive wife.

Yesterday I decided I want to do something fun for us this year. I got a promotion at work, I'm graduating from college this summer, and we haven't been on a trip in many years (outside of moving for the military). We finally are doing well financially, on my income, and the trip is 8 months out so I have lot of time to save extra money. I started to plan a 7 day cruise. As previously mentioned I pay for mostly everything, so I never expected him to pitch in. I just wanted to give him good news and have something to look forward to. I want to travel and spend time with my husband. My stepdad surprised us with trips when I was a kid all the time and my family was always ecstatic because it was so sweet and always a good time. My mom deserved it and I'm glad she found a good man.

However, when I told my husband yesterday he said, "hmm. Kind of a dick move not to consult me. I wouldn't have chosen that for a trip". Of course I was immediately upset, confused, hurt, etc. I even said "I can take K, (my best friend) if you don't think you want to do this with me". And then he got upset and said "I never said I don't want to go". To me, he basically did say that and I got defensive about it. I do see his point of view on this, but his reaction was hurtful and rude in my opinion.

How can I approach this? Did I do something wrong? Tonight I told him to please give me space because we argued and it made me feel sad. Part of me wants to take someone else or cancel the trip entirely. It's all planned and paid for and I really want to go. I feel like this is the straw that breaks the camel's back on top of the already rocky marriage we have. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I just had to share and see what everyone thinks.

TL;DR!

I booked a 7 day cruise vacation for September using my extra income (I'm the main provider) and my husband told me it was a dick move for not asking what he wanted to do and proceeded to make me feel dumb and like I'm a bad person for not asking his input.

EDIT: I wasn't expecting to get so much advice, but I really appreciate all the input. I want to say that I'm not particularly angry that he doesn't want to go on a cruise, it's just his entire reaction that threw me off and we both got heated. Personally I would have used different wording if I didn't really want to do something like this. Consulting him would have been a good idea and I see that now. I didn't think about how some people don't enjoy traveling much. I thought I knew him well enough to plan this. I've been on a lot of cruises and I loved them all. I can still make changes and hopefully not lose any money if we can figure out another option. He is looking for stable work. I should have added that in my initial post. He feels bad and money is a sensitive topic. I think that's a big part of his reaction and I was insensitive as well. I just want to go on a trip with the person I love the most.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/secretlyasadllama on 2024-01-10 02:21:09+00:00.

I (20f) have been dating my girlfriend (18f) for five months, and I want to put it out there that she is wonderful. She is so caring and kind, and she treats me so so well. But…I wasn’t ready for a relationship. At all. I’m dealing with a lot of mental health issues that are making it very difficult for me to be emotionally present, and when I think about this relationship, all I feel is anxiety, even though she has done absolutely nothing wrong.

And, in truth, I’m realizing that my feelings for her aren’t as intense or strong as hers are for me. She tells me she is in love with me, but I don’t think I feel the same way. It makes me feel absolutely horrible to say that, but she deserves someone who feels the same way about her as she does for them. I have no idea how to end it though. It’s tearing me apart because I know it will hurt her so badly, but she deserves so much better than me: an emotional, anxious mess who can’t be the partner she deserves.

How can I end things with as little heartache as possible? I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m so unhappy and anxious and I need out.

TLDR: My (20f) girlfriend (18f) says she is in love with me, but I wasn’t even ready for this relationship. I don’t know how to end it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Alex_waddup on 2024-01-10 01:14:16+00:00.

I'm 24. My girlfriend is 23. My bestfriend is 24. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months, so fairly new. For the most part it's been going really well. Lots of cute dates. We make each other laugh and smile. We can't keep our hands off each other.

However. She really can't stand that my bestfriend is a female. Me and my bestfriend have known each other since we were 16 so been bestfriends for over 8 years now. Their has never been any romantic connection between us and she is like a sister to me. We've always been their for each other through the dark times.

My gf and my bestie have met each other a few times but they both mostly just interact with me and not each other. Times when I have been at the bathroom or something and when I later come back and ask my gf what they've been talking about its usually just about work. She always seems overly clingy to me whenever my bestie is their.

Here is the thing. She doesn't want me to see my bestie if she's not their. It caused our first big argument. I hadn't had any one to one time with my bestie in ages so we agreed to go out for some drinks and then watch a film at her place. Again a completely platonic bestie outing. She couldn't stand the idea and was seething. She screamed at me saying to me that me wanting to spend time alone with another girl isn't normal and that I don't care about her.

I shouted back that she is insecure and I can see who I want, i won't let her control me, and if she has a problem with that then she can leave. I also said it hurts that she clearly doesn't trust me. She then shouted back at me saying that 'no straigh man has a straight female bestfriend where the relationship is completely platonic' at this point I was very angry and I just walked out without responding. We haven't spoken all day today.

I do not know what to do about this situation. I really though things were going well with us but this is a huge red flag for me. Can this be rectifyable? What should I say to her? I just don't understand why I can't have my girlfriend and my bestfriend both in my lives like anyone else can.

Tl;Dr. My girlfriend of 3 months can't stand that my bestfriend of 8 years is a girl. We had a huge argument because I wanted to spend time with just my bestie and she couldn't stand the idea and said that me having a best female friend isn't normal. We haven't spoke since? What should I say to her? Os this salvageable?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/secretlyasadllama on 2024-01-10 02:21:09+00:00.

I (20f) have been dating my girlfriend (18f) for five months, and I want to put it out there that she is wonderful. She is so caring and kind, and she treats me so so well. But…I wasn’t ready for a relationship. At all. I’m dealing with a lot of mental health issues that are making it very difficult for me to be emotionally present, and when I think about this relationship, all I feel is anxiety, even though she has done absolutely nothing wrong.

And, in truth, I’m realizing that my feelings for her aren’t as intense or strong as hers are for me. She tells me she is in love with me, but I don’t think I feel the same way. It makes me feel absolutely horrible to say that, but she deserves someone who feels the same way about her as she does for them. I have no idea how to end it though. It’s tearing me apart because I know it will hurt her so badly, but she deserves so much better than me: an emotional, anxious mess who can’t be the partner she deserves.

How can I end things with as little heartache as possible? I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m so unhappy and anxious and I need out.

TLDR: My (20f) girlfriend (18f) says she is in love with me, but I wasn’t even ready for this relationship. I don’t know how to end it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Alex_waddup on 2024-01-10 01:14:16+00:00.

I'm 24. My girlfriend is 23. My bestfriend is 24. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months, so fairly new. For the most part it's been going really well. Lots of cute dates. We make each other laugh and smile. We can't keep our hands off each other.

However. She really can't stand that my bestfriend is a female. Me and my bestfriend have known each other since we were 16 so been bestfriends for over 8 years now. Their has never been any romantic connection between us and she is like a sister to me. We've always been their for each other through the dark times.

My gf and my bestie have met each other a few times but they both mostly just interact with me and not each other. Times when I have been at the bathroom or something and when I later come back and ask my gf what they've been talking about its usually just about work. She always seems overly clingy to me whenever my bestie is their.

Here is the thing. She doesn't want me to see my bestie if she's not their. It caused our first big argument. I hadn't had any one to one time with my bestie in ages so we agreed to go out for some drinks and then watch a film at her place. Again a completely platonic bestie outing. She couldn't stand the idea and was seething. She screamed at me saying to me that me wanting to spend time alone with another girl isn't normal and that I don't care about her.

I shouted back that she is insecure and I can see who I want, i won't let her control me, and if she has a problem with that then she can leave. I also said it hurts that she clearly doesn't trust me. She then shouted back at me saying that 'no straigh man has a straight female bestfriend where the relationship is completely platonic' at this point I was very angry and I just walked out without responding. We haven't spoken all day today.

I do not know what to do about this situation. I really though things were going well with us but this is a huge red flag for me. Can this be rectifyable? What should I say to her? I just don't understand why I can't have my girlfriend and my bestfriend both in my lives like anyone else can.

Tl;Dr. My girlfriend of 3 months can't stand that my bestfriend of 8 years is a girl. We had a huge argument because I wanted to spend time with just my bestie and she couldn't stand the idea and said that me having a best female friend isn't normal. We haven't spoke since? What should I say to her? Os this salvageable?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Much_Comparison_1505 on 2024-01-10 01:11:14+00:00.

Hello,

I am 30(F) in love with 37(M) after getting to know one another. I need help as to how to move on although I have never been romantically involved with this man, but we both love each other. It has been 1.5 years now since we've met and one year since I've realized I really love this man after learning more about him. Nothing ever happened between us but wife is suspicious of our feelings. What began as physical attraction developed into more emotional feelings. What do I do? I know what NOT to do, but I am stuck because of the things I cannot do. Help and advice needed!

TL;DR!: In love with married man, cannot seem to move on. Help needed to move on when we are no contact.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/o_desamor on 2024-01-10 01:06:01+00:00.

I [24F] have been dating my bf [24M] for half a year now. I'm my bf's first and only relationship ever. We see each other 1/2x a week. My love languages are like this:

• Acts of Service - 30%
• Words of Affirmation - 27%
• Quality Time - 17%
• Receiving Gifts - 17%
• Physical Touch - 10%

My bf is in the spectrum (autism). At the beggining of the relationship I had to tell him "you need to start taking an effort to plan dates" because i was doing all the work. It was frustrating but he has definitly been doing that and we had no more issues. He even created notes with places he wants to take me.

To be honest I just think that anything that is given some effort is what I like. A flower you saw in the middle of the road? I will love it. A guy I dated gave me a small pretty rock he picked up and I was happy, not because of the rock but because you thought about me, even though is such a small gesture.

I have been in two relationships and I know I'm a very intolerant person and value myself a lot to stay in relationships if I'm unhappy. But I just don't want to be so intolerant that I mess up something good, and that's why I wanted to hear what other people think about this.

I love my bf. I show him that in every way possible. I will call him every now and then, I ask him if he slept well, I give him his space, I ask him if he eaten breakfast (he normally doesn't), I give him thoughtful gifts, I will gift him things sometimes (when I travel for example), I will bring breakfast to bed, I will tell him I miss him, and so on.

My bf barely calls me anymore (I don't remember the last time). He takes a long time to listen to the songs I send him, sometimes doesn't even give feedback about if he likes it or not. The only thing he sends me normally are memes, but it seems like he doesn't mind connecting. I don't need to have full conversations during the week (we work) but I would love to feel that he thinks about me sometimes during those days when we aren't together (besides texting).

But he also bought christmas gifts even for my pets, constantly invites me to his plans with friends, wants to travel with me, hugs me and holds my hands a lot, one time (a few months ago) I was sick at his place and he went to get medicine for me. I don't wanna be mean but these are actually the only things that he did/does that make me feel warm inside (besides you know telling me he loves me and that)

I've talked about this with him, he was drunk at the time, told him I felt like he doesn't really love me and he reafirmed how much he loved me and started crying.

Fast forward a few days ago I was in his place the other day and I needed to leave (it was night time). He didn't walk me to my car. His parents got mad at him for it and then he said he felt bad about it. I was so sad he didn't felt like he should be taking me to my car. He didn't even look through the window to make sure I was there already. He said he never thought about that before and that he would be taking me to my car everytime now. I understand his statement but it doesn't seem truthful that he never thought about something so obvious. It felt like an excuse.

So I've told him I don't feel like he shows me he loves me but everything seems the same.

TL:DR : Bf doesn't show love through actions and I feel neglected. He says he loves me but for me it's minimal effort

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/autisticduck69 on 2024-01-10 00:00:48+00:00.

We are both 18, I am M and she is F.

Ever since we first met back in high school, something was always different about her. We were very good friends in our first 6 months, we got to learn a lot about each other. A day did not pass where we didn’t tell each other everything: our troubles, our fears, our positive experiences, our dating situations, our hobbies, everything. She was the only person i knew that just got me. There were no boundaries in our friendship and it was truly great. We were both interested in other people, so there was no jealousy and no problems.

A few months later, she confessed her feelings. Me, having caught feelings as the same time as her, decided to accept and date each other. It went quite alright, she was my first kiss among other things. We lasted a month, before i had to leave for vacation. She told me that she could not do long distance, so it was simpler to break up. I had nothing against this, as we were to remain friends. And so we did: our friendship remained completely unchanged, as we grew older and began to experience our teenage years separately (as she had changed schools after summer) but at the same time, together.

Now, a couple of years passed since my first meeting with her. We’ve grown to be very affectionate towards each other, and always being there for one another, always understanding each other. I do not want to reveal to many details, but we did not go through the same path. Some of these things are so sad, yet i understood why she did them and have and will never judge her for what she chose to do. I very obviously did not do the same, and did my own thing. Yet we never stopped talking, never for more than a few days.

It’s then i started to develop something that i think reaches far beyond a simple friendship, crush or purely romantic/physical attraction: i realized she was THE person of the opposite gender i felt comfortable with, and so vice versa. We were more than best friends: we had a way of understanding each other that no one else would. We talk for hours upon hours about boring and nerdy stupid hyper fixations we both share, we know when one feels some way based on how they text or speak, we know each others family problems as we were there. I know her baby niece, and i hear so much about her she might as well be my firstborn.

We’ve believed both that we were destined to be together in the future. Her theory is that we knew each other in a past life and that’s how we reached an affinity so rare, and that our souls are interlinked. I love her soul, and she loves mine. We are each other’s comfort people, and we are the first to know about anything. We understand each other’s behaviour that may seem weird to others, and we instinctively know what to say when we see the other in a bad place. We have never had a disagreement more important than nerd shit in our multiple years of knowing each other, and the fact that we will always be there for each other when we need each other comforts me.

She told me that she sees us having children in the future and being married because of how great and calm that would be. I love her so much, even more than a friend, a girlfriend, or even family. She’s the only person i can comfortably see myself living the rest of my days with in peace, despite all her flaws.

To be honest, I’m worried about her. Her mental health isn’t great because of all the abuse and trauma she’s went through as both a child and a teenager, and I do my best to help. I don’t care for anyone else as much as I do for her, and it makes me so sad to see her go back to people who hurt her or do things that sink her even deeper than she was before. We're not dating, but we are best friends. Even though we have done and do some typically sexual and romantic things, we aren't, and im okay with that.

I will always be there to help when she needs me, and I know she will do the same for me.

Is this love beyond love, and could we truly be soulmates?

TLDR: I think i have a soul tie with a friend, but i need help knowing if this could be something greater.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LowLibrary7633 on 2024-01-10 00:23:13+00:00.

I (28F) found a text in my boyfriends (32M) phone from a co-worker that says “I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable”. & this isn’t the first time she’s asked this..

Am I overthinking things? I got curious and kept scrolling, and she seems to frequently attempt to make conversation with him when they’re not working.

Nothing specifically out of line, but my mind is definitely open to the possibilities of the things she could have “done” to him.

EDIT: I guess it’s worth mentioning that this is our second go at a relationship… and he’s cheated with a co-worker once before. 5 years total. 3 years the first time, 1 year off, 1 year back in.

TLDR: Boyfriends coworker texted him to make sure she didn’t make him feel “uncomfortable”, whatever that means.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAadvice4m3pls on 2024-01-09 22:43:20+00:00.

A little over a month ago I started dating this man, we can call him Sam. Sam seems like a very good guy. He has a full-time job gets paid very well, has his own apartment, a new truck and a dog that he takes care of. He’s been very successful in life and I’m honored that he expressed interest in me. He has taken me out to dinners (paid everytime), took me to his works Christmas party (and bought the dress I wore to the party), and explicitly told me that he likes me. His work is safety based (think law enforcement) and requires him to travel sometimes.

This week he is out of state so I offered to watch his dog for him. He gladly accepted and I met the dog while he explained how she needed to be taken care of. I’ve been going over twice a day to take care of her and spend time with the dog as well as send sam some updates on how she’s doing, before returning home. However, he has not been communicating a lot (he’s in training with people he is familiar with so I could be overthinking) and he hasn’t brought up paying me back for gas, time, or the dog food I bought for his dog (yes he knows I did this- he had to send me which type of food to buy). I don’t have a problem paying for things at all but the slowed down communication and the avoidance on any type of transaction while I am doing him a big favor this week, is odd.

Am I overthinking? Or is Sam using me as a pet sitter?

TLDR; me and my new partner of a month have been hitting it off. I’m watching his pet for a week while he’s on a work trip. He has slowed down communication based on past patterns and has not discussed a transaction (doesn’t have to be money, maybe a meal 🤷🏼‍♀️) for all the time I’m spending doing him this favor. Am I just being dramatic and overthinking? Or is this partner using me as a pet sitter for the week before dropping me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Chai4eva on 2024-01-10 00:04:41+00:00.

I’m 26F. I’ve been with my bf for 5 years. Him and I live out of state from my dad and his mom (they live in the same city) I’m very close to my dad and he’s my main support system. I look up to him as a business man, and person. My dad’s a very hardworker, is very known in his community and is always busy. My personality is a lot like my dad’s. Very headstrong, and direct. While my dad claims to love my bf, he’s always hinting something for me to feel otherwise, and when I bring it up to him he claims I’m putting words in his mouth.

My bf has always been very respectful and has never caused any issues within our family. But, there has been many instances where my dad has had to save the day when my bf hasn’t been able to pull through on his own. A couple instances include:

1. my bf not filing for his passport soon enough (after telling everyone he did) just to last minute not be able to go on a trip with me and my dad had to buy a family member a ticket to the country I was going so I didn’t have to go alone.

2. we planned a road trip and to drive separately in a car rental, just to last minute get to the airport and my bf wasn’t able to get one because of money. Which left my dad having to buy one for us.

3. my dad had to help purchase me a car while ive been in nursing school (barely working) and I’ve been sharing this car with my bf the last 2 years while bf tries to save for one. (Dad is mostly pissed because of this) My Dad feels he’s paying for a grown ass man to drive around his daughter’s car. Dad gets severely pissed when I ask for finacial help on maintenance and I live with a man who’s also driving the car.

My dad’s also huge on college education or some type of certification. Bf doesn’t have either right now and is a salesmen.

Ever since these instances my dad will always hint he basically thinks my bf is a loser and he’s tired of saving the day when I have a man I’m living with. He claims he wouldn’t mind helping me out as much as he did if I was single, or with a man that he saw trying harder than my bf. Also, the fact that we don’t have kids and things are like this makes him worry more. The first couple years my dad never said anything but now he’s always hinting at something negative about him. My bf didn’t grow up with a father, but is now avoiding my dad whenever we visit and claims “he doesn’t want to be around someone who thinks he’s a loser when he’s trying.” My dad has never said these things to him directly, and my dads always respectful. But after telling my bf some things we’ve discussed he gets super defensive, and we argue to the point he tells me to go back to my dad. The tone in our house for weeks has been crap, and everyday he tells me it’s because my dad is getting in my head. I’m seriously torn and feel angry at both my dad and bf. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in days.

TL;DR dad keeps hinting bf is not good enough for me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Nongimmer on 2024-01-09 21:51:45+00:00.

Hello guys first away, i cheated once 3 years ago and i regret it to this day and i changed since all these years my mindset and feel like another person... I'm 24 male and important to mention, i have severe OCD. That is now one of my biggest fears, when i get into a new relationship, to cheat on my girlfriend.. Always when i have more stress, my OCD gets more and more severe, recently i'm getting uncomfortable and, uncontrollably urges to cheat on my girlfriend, also to look on other women, but really intense looking, it also feels like an urge... I don't want to cheat on her and i hate these urges and thoughts, sometimes it that intense, that i don't wanna go out, or don't try to come near a woman (my thoughts say to me: talk to her, or you could get her etc...) I don't know how to handle that, it's damaging my love to my girlfriend. I talked with my SO and told her that i have these urges and that they are incredible distressing amd that i also don't want to cheat on her... But the more i say that i don't wanna cheat on her, the thoughts get stronger... I also feel ashamed and guilty and this makes me depressed..

Tl;dr: How can i lower the urge or even the thought of cheating on my girlfriend?

You have tips?

Thanks

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yourtoxicex on 2024-01-09 21:14:23+00:00.

I (28, F) and my bestfriend(28,M) lets call him M.S have been friends for the past 3 years. He started working at my job a few months after me and we hit it off instantly. We’ve always had this banter/flirty thing going on between us, and from time to time the line almost gets blurred but we always go back to being totally plutonic. Our friends and co workers keep on teasing us about how we should just get together already but we always just brush it off. Tbh from my own angle, i just think we are too much alike/ both set in our ways and too stubborn to make it work. Also i told him he was an fboi way too many times for anything to happen between us. LOL. Over the years we grew attached to each other, we’re very very very close, like when something is going on at each of our homes, or with each of our parents we call each other to rant. Also we’re always holding hands at work, not even in a secret way, no it has just become a normal thing for us as long as we’re close to each other, our hands are entertwined. We hold hands to go clock in and out of work, but we dont normally meet on weekends or after work. A few months back we started joking about getting married, he’d tease me about how all my friends are married except for me and i’ll say i’m waiting for him to propose and we’d just laugh it off. Around october i was mad at him to i joked about how i’m dating someone and it’s getting serious and his body language said looked like he was disappointed. He said “im happy for you” and a few weeks after he also started dating someone, (or so he said) Around november we went out together he joked about me being his “wife” he actually hugged me and called me his wife. Everytime we try crossing the line i’d remind him he has a girlfriend or he’d remind me i had a man.

Then last week, he asked why i didnt want to kiss him because i complained that i havnt kissed anyone in a long time, and i told him i was scared for him because if i did, he’d fall inlove with me, and he joked about how maybe i’m scared for myself because i might fall for him so we made a bet that before the year ends we’d kiss and first to fall inlove with the other looses (first to fall is a fool) and we both joked about how we pitied each other because “you’re about to fall inlove with me”. Up until that day, i never imagined doing anything with him. I thought our flirtations were something we’d grow out of, like a phase or something. But after that the idea of kissing him just stuck to me. On thursday we decided to go watch a movie, and since we arrived at the mall we became more touchy touchy than usual, he’d grab my waist and pull me closer to him. When i walked a little bit infront of him, he grabbed and hugged me from behind. When we went to watch the movie, we were cuddling, and he was using his hands to caress me (which is something we never did). About 30 minutes into the movie we started kissing. As far as first kisses go, that wad my favorite, there wa no awkwardness, we borh obviously wanted it, it ws great, intense, passionate, it felt like home. He kept pulling me closer and closer even while we were kissing. We decided to leave the theatre and go somewhere more private, we went to his car but coudlnt decide where to go because we kept on kissing again and again. We made out for almost two hours straight (with some under the shirt action but not too much). We wanted to go to his friend’s place but we couldnt and we both said thank God for that and he emphasized that it’s fore the best because “it’ll be dangerous for us to be alone together in private” We kissed some more before i decided i wanted to go back home. While we were kissing he did say “i hope you know what you’re doing” and i told him i didnt he should telll me, then i asked if he had fallen inlove with me yet and he said i’d have to work harder for that. Now my head is all scrambled and my feelings are all weird. I dont even know if i want to date him because i feel like calling him my boyfriend would be reductive to what we have, whatever it is. We met the next day at work and nothing changed, we were still us. But over the weekend, he kept dodging the fact that we kissed. We met again today and he came and sat next to me and we held hands as usual. So i told him i wasnt dating anyone i just said it to annoy him, to which he asked why he’d be annoyed, and we just let yhe conversation go. Then in the evening he started ranting about how much he loves his girlfriend and how he hopes she’s the one, How he misses her and wishes he could go see her now but he cant. I tried to explain to him how that could be hurtful to me and he acted like he didnt understand what i meant. Because he knows i’ll never date him and i already know he is with someone else, so what js there to be complicated about? I dont regret kissing him but i also feel soo crappy because of how casual and aloof he’s being about the whole thing. This is someone that would be soo protective of me he wouldnt let me date any of his friends because he says they’re not good enough for me. I thought i was important enough that if it’s just a moment if lust, he wouldnt have acted on it because i wouldnt have. I thought we’d just talk and laugh about it and move on from there. It hurts soo much that he doesnt even care it happened. I dont know what to do but i know i have start keeping him at arms length, thank God he will be on leave for a month and i will be going on mine as soon as he resumes. TLDR; i kissed my bestfriend in the whole world and i hate that it happened.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Concern-6001 on 2024-01-09 23:33:01+00:00.

so jayden and i have been together for a year now and for the most part everything was great in the beginning except one thing.

Her Ex.

when we first became "official" she had a conversation with me and told me that she was still friends with her ex but she told him that she found somebody new and how did i feel about her still being friends with him

i told her that i was okay with it because i never want to be someone who tells someone who they can and can't hang out with.

she told me that he didn't take the news very well and they stopped talking.

i didn't think much of it until a few days later when she told me he reached out and wanted to talk. she told me that he had told her that he wishes he could have told her how he felt earlier and changed what he needed to change so they could still be together and this is where i started to get concerned.

she again asked me how i felt about the situation and this time i said i was more uncomfortable because he still clearly has feelings for her and she agreed and said she told him to keep his distance. she asked what my boundaries were on the situation and i clearly had mentioned i don't feel comfortable with JUST the 2 of them hanging out together alone. which i feel is a fairly okay boundary.

literally like 3 days later she told me that he had come over to her house to talk and he ended up helping her clean and fell asleep on the couch and she went upstairs and went to sleep in her room.

he slept there all night and in the morning they went to get breakfast together.

now this is where i became very concerned. i felt betrayed and confused as to how this happened i was so angry and told her we literally just talked about this the other day and she assured me nothing happened and my feelings were valid but she didn't tell him about what i said i was uncomfortable with.

again just more confusion and feeling like i lost trust because i tried to be as open and respectful as possible with this situation and it just kept coming up but worse each time. i would say i wasn't comfortable with something and then it would happen and she would say she understood why i was upset but nothing would change.

so fast forward a bit and it seemed like any time we hung out, she was texting him. she would try to hide it because i told her if im going to be okay with them being friends, i at least don't want to hear about him all the time because she would bring him up almost constantly it seemed.

and one night i had enough of just constantly being reminded of him. it seemed like no matter where or what i did with her, her ex got brought up somehow. whether her little niece would tell a story about him or on thanksgiving when her drunk aunt mistook me for him.

it messed with my head so much to constantly feel like i was living in this guy's shadow and i looked at her phone and saw the messages...

her: "i love you. have a safe flight"

him: "i love you too, bug. i wish you could just teleport into my arms"

her: "im just a little goose. waddle waddle"

and i instantly felt my heart sink. seeing them exchange i love yous after everything we talked about. seeing them be so cutesy, i felt so destroyed. i showed her the messages and she just said "okay, what about it" and i was just so hurt that i just started to leave the house.

she kept saying "so you're just going to leave? you don't even want to talk about it?" i said what is there to talk about? even if its not cheating it's over the line for me and what i said i was comfortable with and she stood there with me at my car and we talked about what happened and why i was so upset.

she mostly just said it was friendly and that's just how he is and how they talk with each other and the reason she says i love you is because she never knows when the last time you could be talking to somebody is but i told her i just needed to leave for a bit and she said okay.

i was gone for 3 hours just trying to understand and process what happened and just calm down so i could think clearly. i went back to the house and she was just laying in her bed listening to sad music and i came in and laid down with her and she said that she felt like i never communicate with her and said that she felt like i gave up on her and that it felt like a light switch went off and she lost her feelings for me and then a few days later she told me she wants to work things out and keeps going back and forth

this was a few days ago and i'm just so confused and lost. she's putting blame on me and i know i'm not perfect but most of our problems come from her ex and she blames me for not communicating but every time i communicate, nothing happens so i just say everything is okay when it's not which i know isn't the best but unless its a major issue i just try to pick and choose my battles.

where do i go from here? i really love her so much but this situation is one i've never been in before and i don't know what to do. my friends and family tell me i need to leave her and my therapist asks me questions i feel are to convince me to leave as well, it's just hard.

TL;DR: My GF of one year who always kept her ex close even after it caused us several arguments after i tried to be okay with it said she lost feelings for me and said that *i* had communication problems and *i* gave up on her because i left the house for a few hours after reading her lovey-cutesy texts between her and her ex.

i need advice because i'm just so lost. i want to make things work but she just keeps going back and forth and blames me and then blames herself

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AppropriateAd_2926 on 2024-01-09 21:12:57+00:00.

I have been talking with a girl for a couple of months now and we have a date planned as of recent. I really like the idea of us getting to see each other though I feel like I am annoying her by reminding her of our planned date. She says we aren't done and still are talking, and will be for some time, which is perfectly alright. It is just complicated because I think it is important for her to remember the date times we have set!!! I really look forward to seeing her though sometimes it almost seems like she doesn't care. I don't know what it could be. Any advice?

tl;dr My girlfriend and I have a date planned though I keep reminding her of it though it may be I am being slightly annoying talking about it all of the time. How can I know for sure??

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JumboMuffin531 on 2024-01-09 21:36:12+00:00.

I (22, M) have been dating a girl (20, F) for nearly 2 years and we’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a little over 9 months. Before this phase, we were together, but I had to move to another country for my graduate studies. I’m currently in the United States, while she’s in India.

And things are getting out of hand.

Last semester (Aug-Dec 2023) was perhaps one of the most mentally exhausting phases of my life, and I hate to admit that it was because of this relationship. For some context, my girlfriend is currently going through a difficult period in her life – she’s been diagnosed with clinical depression and is currently on meds. However, throughout the last semester, she has expressed a huge dislike for my going out, spending time with friends, and in general, socializing. She believes that I can’t support her if I’m out all day with friends, and I agree. Now, I used to go out, maybe once or at max twice a week. And after she told me this, I reduced it to once every two weeks. I’ve cancelled several plans with friends so that I can be there for her when she needs me. And yet, this problem persists.

Her insecurity is something that concerns me as well. Over the last semester, she has become fixated with a female friend of mine with whom, I admit, I’ve spent a good amount of time. But my time with her was never me and her alone, it has always been in a big group of friends - with everyone around. I understand that a certain level of insecurity is natural in a long-distance relationship, but it got to the point where my girlfriend literally messaged my female friend, after we had shared a mere one-second embrace when she was going on vacation.

Apart from these things, the fact that she has to resort to insults to present her point is also something that concerns me. Despite having numerous arguments, I have never resorted to humiliation or being mean – respect is something I value highly.

Over the past few months, I’ve constantly received messages such as:

“Stop thinking about yourself all the f*cking time”

“You will talk to me for 2 hours every day and I don’t care whether you sleep or not”

“You’re a p*ssy”

“I’ve never learnt anything important from you”

“Your peanut-sized EQ won’t understand what I’m trying to say”

“The reality is that all you have to offer are good manners, and nothing else”

“I’m just letting you know that at this point, you’re replaceable”

I’ve gotten so used to such messages that these days, I’m just numb.

I feel I am at a crossroads and I would love your opinion on whether I should stay in this relationship. I love her, but just how much is too much and when does it cross a line? Finally, would I be wrong in considering breaking up with someone who's going through depression?

I would love your honest opinions, experiences, and insights.

TL;DR - Girlfriend (going through depression) continues to be insecure, dislikes me going out and spending time with friends (even once every two weeks), and sticks to insults and humiliation during arguments. How much is too much and should I end it?