Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/crystalrain18 on 2024-01-09 20:39:47+00:00.

My fiancee and I used to work together. He was my senior and we started hanging out after almost a year after I joined the organisation. Things started to go in a romantic direction and 3 months into casually seeing each other without any labels, he got me flowers and said he loved me and wanted to marry me.

I was quite struck by the sudden nature of it all but the way he treated me those 3 months was enough to convince me he was the right man. From telling me he loves me almost 10 times a day, planning dates, being emotionally vulnerable, self made, hardworking man, he felt like the perfect green flag. I did not accept his marriage proposal at that point, but we started officially dating because I actually loved him.

Now, only a few days after saying that he loved me and wanted to marry me, when we were sitting on a garden bench, he told me if it wasn't me sitting next to him at that moment it would be some other woman. Any other woman. He said he has immense pressure from his family to get married and if I don't say yes till a certain date, he will take it as a NO. He also said that he is a terrible person, he gets angry a lot and says things he regrets and all, which I now feel like was just a manipulation tactic.

After considering for a couple of days, I said yes to him. But, everything changed almost a week after I said yes to his marriage proposal.

He barely said he loved me, would lash out at me when he was angry, he would never plan anything and left it all upon me to plan dates, the flowers stopped. He went on trips all alone for months. He would say things like, "Don't do this thing when you move into MY house after marriage", "If I have to go somewhere alone and I ask you, you have no other option but to say yes" etc. He would always keep passing sarcastic comments on basically everything I did, said or for that matter, wore. He would criticise my choices and say how I have no brains to do a certain task. He literally stopped showing any form of affection. It feels like a switch flicked and suddenly it all went dark.

I communicated with him regarding his hurtful actions and he said that he has a lot on his mind and can't talk about anything. It has been months and I repeatedly convey how he hurts me with his behaviour but there is no change.

I have met his family and they're very sweet people, but I'm not sure about this relationship anymore. It has been almost a year since we first went out and now several months have passed since he totally changed and I continue to timely convey to him how I do not like this behaviour of his. He doesn't apologise, he doesn't change.

What should I do?

TL; DR: My fiancee went from being head over heels in love with me to literally behaving like he can't tolerate me and constantly mistreating me after I said yes to his marriage proposal. This has left me reconsidering this relationship.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ActualClick7073 on 2024-01-09 20:59:06+00:00.

I am girl (22) and I met a guy (23) online in 2022 . We have never met in life till now because of certain conditions but I will meet him soon this year.

We love each other. I know online love is strange but it happened eventually with us. I call him my boyfriend and a small group of people know about us. I will declare it to all once I meet him. It's been 1.5 years of us dating online.

We share our lives with each other, we have an awesome sexual chemistry that has not faded till now and more than that he understands me my situation and is ready to wait till we meet to take our relationship further.

In between all of these I met another guy online(22) in 2023 "my guy bestfriend". And we share a great friendship bond between us. He knows about my online dating thing and always mocks me by saying you are a fool, he will leave you one day, it will not work, don't waste your time...Last night I sexted with him. It just happened. He started it but i never stopped him

after finishing I felt a hole within me what I just did. I cheated on my partner. I was not able to sleep properly thinking about it. My boyfriend is a loyal guy , I know how much he loves me how much I mean to him and he is serious about me.

I am numb right now on what to do. Should I confess this to him. Or should I bury it in me and promise to not do it till we meet.

The problem in me is this online thing. This is like a barrier I want to go out meet him have a fucking normal life with him. But there are certain conditions stopping me to do so. And I am sure once I declare this as a "relationship" around me I will not do such kind of things.

But honestly I don't have the courage to confess it to him. I know I'm a wrong person to say this but I too have strong feelings for him. I don't want this thing to end between us before starting it properly.

Please just be brutally honest with me on what should I do and help me calm my mind.

If you ask me I want to bury this thing in myself and never ever do it till I'm with him.

TL;DR - I sexted with my guy bestfriend last night while dating another guy from past 1.5 years online and I feel miserable. Please help me on what should I do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/starrynight81 on 2024-01-09 19:09:47+00:00.

I (F20) have been friends with this guy (M22) for a long period of time. We have known each other for such a long time that we became best friends.

We had our ups and downs, especially when he admitted he's in love with me and I wasn't in love in with him. Although I told him it won't affect our friendship we went no contact for like three months.

After that, when he came back to town we started speaking again and he found a girlfriend. There were no problems until I found some video he liked on instagram that included a title like this "men can't be just friends with women, they just wish to sleep with them".

I felt sad because we talked about that way too many times and we always came to the conclusion that I love him as my brother and he feels the same about that.

I cut him once out of my life and I kind of feel the need to do the same but I just can't because I love him (like a brother). He cares for me but that was just so wrong.

What should I do? How to do it?

TL;DR: I found out my male best friend whom I treat like a brother (and he knows it) liked a video about men not being able to be just friends with women because they only want to sleep with them. I don't know how to deal with that since our friendship was going amazing. What should I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gecklava on 2024-01-09 20:27:49+00:00.

My bf (m23) wants me (f20) to live with his family after marriage

I (F20) am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend (M23) and am very happy with him. He’s my first love and I would never want to loose him. We’re both Middle Eastern and religious. In our culture it’s normal for the woman to move wherever the husband is. In our case this would mean that I have to move 2hours away to his city. I‘m okay with that. We want to marry once I’ve finished my education, which will probably take 4-5 years.

While my parents are still quite young, his are in their 60s. He lives with his parents and 3 of his siblings in their house. His other 4 siblings, who are already married, only live like 5 minutes away from his parents. Recently he’s been mentioning us moving in with his parents after marriage. I have told him that I want to have my own apartment/house several times. Now he’s been saying that in a few years, his parents might get sick and will need someone living with them.

I really do not want to move in with them. His siblings and their children (they really have a lot of kids) visit their parents almost every day which would mean no privacy ever. Someone would always be around. Also, I really doubt that all of the 3 unmarried siblings will move out in the next couple years, which would mean that I not only have to live with the parents but also them. I doubt that I will be able to change anything in the house and I really do not like the interior at all. I have anxiety, am very introverted and am very very uncomfortable with this.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I a bad/selfish person for not wanting this even if they get sick and need help? They are his parents after all. How can I tell my boyfriend this and what should I even say? I would really appreciate some advise

Tl;dr: My boyfriend wants me to move in with his elderly parents and siblings after marriage. I have many concerns and don’t know how to confront him.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowAway20141208 on 2024-01-09 19:06:52+00:00.

My (40f) boyfriend (41m) have been together for several years and have lived together the last 4. We have a "good" relationship. He's a great partner, helpful, kind, generous. I think I want to be married in general, but I've I have never been able to put my finger what is holding me back. Is it me? Is it him? Is it the combination of "us"? I recently read a relationship book that helped me articulate some of my reservations - all seem to be related to personality differences. The book lists some common irreconcilable differences that are often cited in divorce but it also mentions that a lot of times couples are able to live with these differences when they have a core similarity that binds them together. So... What has been your experience in a relationship that is generally good, but you have differences like the ones below. Did they eventually drive you apart or did you find a way to live with them? Are you happy with your choice?

*Agressive/Passive One likes to make things happen, the other likes to wait for things to happen (if you look at my previous posts this is a better way of describing what I called "leading")

*Physical/Sedentary One likes to get a lot of exercise and do sports, the other just likes to sit around

*Active/Lazy One can't stand not getting things done, the other can't stand doing things (in our case this is more that one of us tends to procrastinate)

*Hot/Cold One partner is warmer, more passionate, more emotional the other is cooler, more reserved, more intellectual seeming

*Optimist/Pessimist One is happier & more hopeful, the other is negative, gloomy, depressed

*Fast/Slow One does things quickly, the other goes as slow as possible

*Extravert/Introvert One of you likes people, parties, popularity, the other likes staying home alone (in our case it's more an issue of social introvert v extreme introvert)

*Thrifty/Spendthrifty One of you hates spending money, money seems to burn a hole in the other's pocket (in our case we're both savers, but one of us is very generous with charitable giving)

*Left/Right One is a dedicated democrat, the other is a rabid republican (in our case we lean the same way it's more that one cares a lot about politics and the other doesn't)

*Flexible/Inflexible One person is ok with spontaneity and last minute changes of plans, the other is set in their ways and doesn't like to stray from their routine

*Old Soul/Kid at heart

TLDR: How have you handled differences in your relationship - did you live with them or did you decide to leave - and how did that work out for you?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/starrynight81 on 2024-01-09 19:09:47+00:00.

I (F20) have been friends with this guy (M22) for a long period of time. We have known each other for such a long time that we became best friends.

We had our ups and downs, especially when he admitted he's in love with me and I wasn't in love in with him. Although I told him it won't affect our friendship we went no contact for like three months.

After that, when he came back to town we started speaking again and he found a girlfriend. There were no problems until I found some video he liked on instagram that included a title like this "men can't be just friends with women, they just wish to sleep with them".

I felt sad because we talked about that way too many times and we always came to the conclusion that I love him as my brother and he feels the same about that.

I cut him once out of my life and I kind of feel the need to do the same but I just can't because I love him (like a brother). He cares for me but that was just so wrong.

What should I do? How to do it?

TL;DR: I found out my male best friend whom I treat like a brother (and he knows it) liked a video about men not being able to be just friends with women because they only want to sleep with them. I don't know how to deal with that since our friendship was going amazing. What should I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EkinDelWaldorf on 2024-01-09 18:46:46+00:00.

I’d like to preface this by letting you guys know i’m not a native speaker so apologies if this is a messy read.

So i’ve been seeing this guy for a about a month and we started dating around two weeks ago. Yesterday i asked him to show me his instagram dm’s out of the blue and he complied without hesitating.

While scrolling i came across his texts with this girl that he has known for 2 years, met on discord and has never met irl. He sent her memes frequently and she simply liked the messages or left him on read so there was no real conversation or action going on.

Except this one time he texted her saying that he added her back on his close friends for some reason and i found that a little sus and read the whole situation as he was pursuing her and she was not interested. She also knew abt me since he posted me on his story like 3 times.

There was also this one instance where he posted a picture to his instagram story which was taken in her hometown. She replied the story asking him why he didn’t let her know and he said that he was busy and with a group yada yada. When i confronted him saying if he had the chance would he meet her and he said yes without missing a beat.

Since then we have talked about this he stated that he acknowledges that there was some flirting there but he didn’t mean to do that(?). He also blocked her on instagram and said he was sorry and he means to build a real relationship with me but would understand if i were to leave him because he would do the same if he was me.

So what would you guys advise me to do?

TL;DR! - my bf sent flirtatious messages to his friend and i don’t know if it should be classified as cheating or not.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Introduction_8589 on 2024-01-09 19:07:15+00:00.

My (32F) boyfriend (25M) of 1.5 years is keeping in touch with a girl he dated. The girl lives in another country. He never mentioned her before. I had a gut feeling that something was off, snooped and confirmed that they are talking regularly. I brought it up, asked him who the girl is and if he has feelings for her. He told me how they met and he said that he HAD feelings in the past, that they’re only friends now. I asked if they are planning to meet and if he would tell me, and he said yes. He also said that the reason he didn’t mention her was because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I was so upset that I didn’t ask any more questions.

I told him that I felt disrespected and left out, and I would appreciate it if I’m aware about these things. I even asked him if he understands why I feel suspicious. I was trying to keep an open mind although it bothered me that they are updating each other. I’m trying to understand what he is getting from this “friendship” and why is it necessary to keep in touch.

Then I saw what he wrote in his year-end reflection, that he loves the girl but he’s with me. And one of his goals this year is to meet her. I know it’s wrong but I was so devastated. I decided to read his journal where I saw that he calls her his love and his longing. I feel so betrayed. He allowed this situation to happen.

Everything else in the relationship is going well. Before I learned about the girl, I had no reason to believe that he would potentially cheat emotionally. He is a good listener, and addresses my worries. He encourages me to talk about my feelings, and he has proved his willingness to change his behaviour.

I already brought this up. He knows that I felt betrayed by what he did. He knows that I feel like an option and I’m worried that he’s only with me because I’m the one available. We agreed to be honest and transparent. I didn’t snoop again, but I have a strong feeling that they are still talking. I just feel threatened. I need advice on how to have this conversation without coming off as controlling or demanding.

TL;DR Found out that my (32F) boyfriend (25M) keeps in touch with a girl he dated and loves her

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Far_Win8124 on 2024-01-09 18:07:04+00:00.

Before dating my partner officially, while we were seeing each other. I was visiting a city where my ex who I dated 4 months for in college lived. We dated when I was 18 so basically a long time. We haven't been much in touch, just a few hi hellos through the years. When we met it felt like long lost friends and I see him as a normal friend now.

However my current partner brought up how meeting an ex is not considered good for him and I suddenly remembered this dinner. There was nothing important about it so I don't even remember telling my partner, I may have mentioned that I was meeting a friend and never thought much of us.

We have been dating for a year now. Should I tell him now?

TLDR: I had dinner with an ex boyfriend a year ago, before officially dating but seeing my current boyfriend. Should I tell him?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Lifeguard749 on 2024-01-09 18:42:04+00:00.

I (23F) have been with my partner (26M) for nearly 5 years. We are in a healthy relationship and are moving in together this summer.

My (immigrant) parents both disapprove of my bf and don’t want me to move in with him. They disapprove of him for reasons I don’t agree with — such as him not making enough money. They recently started telling me that he is manipulating me and that he only treats me well because I’m his ticket out of poverty. My parents have stated my partner “knows how to play the game” and charm people to get what he wants. I wholeheartedly disagree with these comments. My bf is very hardworking, self sufficient, and a very caring and kind person to everyone in his life. I have never gotten the impression that he only likes me because I come from a well off family. Plus I’m a social worker, so it’s not like I’ll be making lots of money. Anytime I tell my parents not to make comments about him, it’s ignored.

My parents have also started telling me they will not provide any financial support if I move out. They said they would’ve given me extra money and they would’ve bought me a new car, but now they won’t because I’ve chosen to live with my bf. I have ever expected this kind of support from them, and I don’t want it. But this withholding of money feels wrong and manipulative on their part.

How do I set boundaries and have a healthy relationship with my parents?

TL;DR - parents don’t like bf, accuse him of manipulating me, but they seem to be manipulating me themselves.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/jxnva on 2024-01-09 15:47:32+00:00.

TLDR; I (26F) am in love with my of (27M) but he is indefinitely living at his family's place to save money to buy a house, and it's straining our relationship. Should I be patient and stay with him or leave because he can't make a decision?

My bf (27M) and I (26F) have been together for 2.5 years. He has been working in construction and saving $$ by living at his family's apartment since he was 18. He does not have his own room there. He sleeps in his mom's bc she essentially lives at her bf's place. Meaning when I visit him, we are technically sleeping in his mom's bed (I hate it). When she rarely comes back to the apt, he has to sleep on the couch. She refuses to fully give the room over to my of (fair bc she pays rent) and his younger brother (21M) lives in the other room.

I have my own room in my apt shared with two other female housemates around my age. I live 45 mins from my bf. He rarely ever wants to come over be he complains about the drive. I go over to his place way more often, even though it's an awkward living situation. This is partly due to the fact that I have friends and family in the area he lives, so he argues it makes more sense for me to come stay at his place than for him to come stay at mine.

For the past 1.5 years we've talked about moving in with each other but he will not commit to the idea of paying rent bc he feels like it's throwing $$ away. He would rather buy a house, and is in a financial position to at least consider a down payment, but would struggle to pay mortgage long term beyond that. I'm tired of this endless cycle where no decisions are being made. Our relationship is not moving forward bc of it, and I feel like I'm in a long distance relationship even when we don't live very far from each other.

Lately he says he's ready to move out, but he has an unrealistically low rent budget, with unrealistically high standards to match regarding the type of place. He's done this before- I do believe he wants to move out and live with me but is just not willing to pay rent since he's used to living rent free.

I respect his desire to buy a house, but I also feel like we need to take baby steps first since he has not decided to buy any time soon. I'm a driven and responsible young woman with a career, and l've told him that in the future we could buy a house together. I don't have nearly as much $$ saved up as he does bc I have been paying rent for years and I also was busy with college for 3 years. Meaning I wasn't working full time from 18 years old onwards saving $$ like he did. But as I move along in my career I'm making more $$ and will be in a position to buy a house with my partner in a few years.

I'm wondering if this is just an ultimate incompatibility. I am a responsible young woman with a career, and I've told him that in the future we could buy a house together. I don't have nearly as much $$ saved up as he does bc I have been paying rent for years and I also was busy with college for 3 years. Meaning I wasn't working full time from 18 years old onwards saving $$ like he did. But as I move along in my career I'm making more $$ and will be in a position to buy a house with my partner in a few years.

I'm at the age where I need to know if I can trust my partner to build a life together, otherwise I need to move on. I've expressed to him that it's important to me to live together so that we aren't struggling with long distance and are spending more time together. He's still caught up on not wanting to pay rent. There are so many beautiful parts of our relationship but I want to be with someone who can make decisions and work through the difficult stuff in life together. It bothers me that he's ok continuing to put us both through this long distance situation and staying at his moms when we're together.

Do I stay with him or leave? Any tips on navigating further convos with him about this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/astrosis on 2024-01-09 18:21:05+00:00.

Me - 23f, him 23m - married for 8mo

I am the worst with hanger and my husband sometimes gets the worst side of me because of it. I really try and snack immediately when I feel hungry and then if he's making a meal I tell him so he can cook in time before hangry me appears or cook a meal to save us both haha. Well we were long distance for 7mo and I ate considerably less and sometimes only getting a solid 2 meals in the day and now he's gone for 1.5mo and the same thing is happening again. When we are together which is most of the time, I am eating 3 meals and need 3 meals. Why do I seem to deal with hunger better when he is not home and can get away with skipping a meal? This is just a curiosity of mine not serious really.

TL;DR! - why do I eat more (3+meals a day) when my husband is home vs away (<2meals/day)?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAineedadvic on 2024-01-09 13:26:50+00:00.

There’s this girl (F23) that I (M23) have had a crush on since early high school, I wanted to pursue her at the time but unfortunately she got together with one of my friends. I completely ignored my feelings for her, we got really close and there was this deep platonic connection between us, and up until college we were close friends.

Between this time I was in a relationship with someone (F22), she became a long time girlfriend but there were a lot of breakups in between. The relationship wasn’t the best, lots of fights and disagreements, I felt like I was really mistreated so I left. After this, my high school friend and I got closer again (we became distant because my then girlfriend didn't want me talking with anyone), we realized we had so many things in common and we were happy together, but both of us weren’t ready for a relationship since we were going into college and both of us were fresh from breakups. It was nice up until she met someone from her college and I got back with my ex.

Fast forward to the present, my then girlfriend became terminally ill and I took care of her for years since the pandemic, I had to sacrifice school to be there for her. The relationship fell back to being unhealthy, but I couldn't stomach leaving someone who was going through so much, so I tried my best to at least make her happy even though I was tired. I tried my best to make her feel loved during her last days. Although there was love in the relationship , the last year and a half or so I felt like I was alone in trying to make the relationship work. Of course I don’t blame her because she was fighting for her life, but we were so disconnected at that point. She passed just 4 months ago.

Recently my close friend and I rekindled our friendship, we were able to be more open with each other since years passed since we last talked. The connection before was still there, and it was even stronger than before, there were a lot of similarities and our principles in life are aligned. We talked about high school, I told her that I had a huge crush on her, to my surprise crush she had a crush on me even before she had a boyfriend. Right now we’ve been talking for 2 months , and I’m sure that she would be a perfect partner, I can’t explain it but everything makes sense with her. Even my parents and my close friends have been noticing how healthy our "relationship" is and how well we complement each other.

Is it too early to enter a serious relationship? I want this to last and I want to save her from the possible backlash from people we know, since there's a lot of overlap between the three of us regarding mutual friends.

I feel guilty that I'm happy this early, I get a sense that I'm actually in a healthy relationship for once.

TL;DR: Stuck through an unhappy relationship to be there for my former partner who was terminally ill. Rekindled with a close childhood friend who I’ve always loved in a way, is 4 months too early to be in a relationship again?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Any-Maintenance-7908 on 2024-01-09 14:55:13+00:00.

Hello everyone, so me and my Gf have had a long history together. We've been with each other since High School, and have seen many breaks between there (mostly me ending). Even with the long past I enjoy it because we've been through a lot together and have in my opinion helped eachother tremendously along the way in a supportive loving way. And I Love the relationship that we have currently, but I can't shake off this one thing.

In the past my Gf had been seeing a guy behind my back (maybe a year or so ago) and it all exploded. I found out, let the guy know etc. Later we ended up getting back together after some time and it just didn't work for what exact reason I can't remember, and she actually started to then re talk to the guy after, which was fair game because I was no longer with her at that particular time and I too had a different Gf.

Going back to current times my Gf used to recently go to her ex's sister for cosmetic/beauty stuff, and continued to do so even after they were over and she was back with me. I didn't see this as any major issue as I am aware finding people who know how to do certain things like that the way you like is hard. But my problem comes now that she has been posting my Gf on her instagram account (last time was less than a few weeks ago) and her ex is liking ONLY liking the photos/ videos where she is in.

This to me is very uncomfortable and I mentioned it to my Gf immediately, asking her and not blaming her but asking if she could contact her to take them down. But was hit with "there's always something everyday", and that "she doesn't even live here anymore, and I'm not going to tell her to do anything that's for her business". Now I feel like am I in the wrong? I just feel extremely uncomfortable with this.

tl;dr: my gf thinks I shouldn't be uncomfortable with her ex's sister posting her in videos on her instagram and her ex still liking them.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/playadefaro on 2024-01-09 13:41:35+00:00.

My 19yo daughter is highly capable and quiet kid. I know every parent is proud of their kids so please bear with me. She's like perfect SAT, 4.0 GPA, president of a few clubs, homecoming queen type of person. She also has severe depression and ADHD. So there's a lot going on there. She's under psychiatric and therapy care along with medication.

She decided on an out of state school and a relatively easy major (for her) that she actually enjoys.

Her anxiety and depression were exasperated by COVID and isolation and she became quieter and quieter. I'm struggling to help her, mainly because she never asks for help. She desperately wants internships but won't take my help. She overdraws on her bank balance but doesn't check before spending (I'm on the joint account so I know.) She told me her tuition is due two days before it was. Every month I have to remind her about the rent. The last two months they charged a late fee because there's some issue with her account that needed to be fixed.

She likes to do everything by herself. I don't know if I should step in and help or let her fail. The thing is she does come through somehow at the end. She figures it out. But a lot of angst could be saved if only she asks for help or at least communicate (doesn't have to be me. Anyone!) If she's a normal kid I would back way off. But my worry is, she struggles with depression and anxiety and small slips here and there might spiral her into deeper stress and I don't want that.

I can't have an honest talk with her because she gets so short tempered with me. I tried writing email to her but she won't respond.

This is taking a toll on me. I don't know what to do. Thanks for any insight.

tl;dr: Daughter at an away school doesn't ask for help or communicate, makes her life and mine much harder than needed. Not sure what to do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Melodic-Night-5353 on 2024-01-09 11:58:48+00:00.

I’ve been with my bf for a few months, we’re long distance and have been doing a lot of video calls etc ;)

Last night after we had a really nice time being intimate he said words along the lines of ‘you look lovely but better from different angles, but that’s the same with everyone’. I was in a post-o bliss and didn’t really process what he said but now I’m really upset and hurt.

I’m a bit overweight, I’m curvy, had a soft tummy. I’m not unhealthy, but I enjoy food and exercise.

It’s not the first time he’s commented on my body and I’m starting to think he has some fatphobic thoughts.

He says he loves me but I can’t help think he can’t if he secretly doesn’t even like my curves and shape?!

Should I talk to him about this? End it?

TLDR: my bf made a comment on my body and now I feel really uncomfortable

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Coffroyo on 2024-01-09 11:54:52+00:00.

I am 26 (F) and he’s 28 (M). He didn’t cheat. On our early months of dating, I had seen him checking out and staring at other women, but I just shrugged it off. It just escalated when he asked me to send his mom a message then after unlocking his phone… I saw porn. I was so shocked esp ‘cause I came from a conservative family so I just gave his phone back and didn’t talk (I felt so overwhelmed and hurt). Then, that same day I found him staring at other woman. Glancing would be fine but it was different and I was just there watching him. We talked and it he denied it. Ever since then, I just felt that I couldn’t trust him. I would find myself policing sometimes and it’s hella draining.

There was also this time when he told me that our friend’s gf seemed to like him and that he “unintentionally/jokingly” asked her co-worker to go out with him (we were together that time).

We talked about all these things already, went a bit messy, but he already apologized and said he would change. But I couldn’t stop overthinking that he would cheat on me in the future because of the signs I saw from the start. We’re still together but I feel like I’m being so toxic now in our relationship.

Tldr; we’re 3 years now and I still feel on edge everyday when I’m with him. My family loves him. Should I follow my intuition or just let it go off my mind?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Professional_Win6067 on 2024-01-09 08:30:19+00:00.

Help. My (47/f) boyfriend (41/m) of eight months both says he loves me and says he has had doubts about the relationship from the beginning. I'm not sure what to do. He says he wants to just see how it goes. And I think he's felt under pressure from the fact that I'm 100% into it. When I've asked him if he thinks we should break up he says no. He thinks it could be really great and he's trying to make it work. I've also tried to ask him if it's just not sitting right and reality he knows in his guts that it's not right for him. But he says it's not that either. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me thinks I should just give it more time and give him more space because perhaps in trying to progress things too fast. But I also want to feel appreciated and not get into a situation where I just have my heart broken again. Do I stay or do I go? And if I stay, how long do I hang around waiting for him to make up his mind?

Tldr: Me [47/F] with my boyfriend [41/M] 8 months duration, he says he loves me and majority of the time he's into the relationship but has doubts. Should I stay or go?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Krookeh on 2024-01-09 17:53:24+00:00.

Going to keep this short- I have a girlfriend who I've been in a relationship with for roughly 3-4 months, although I've known her for the last 5 years. In the past, she's mentioned the possibility of bisexuality although NOW she told me she carries herself as straight due to the relationship with me (a straight male).

While we were enjoying each other's company over the phone, she began excessively complimenting and focusing on the attractiveness of different females on social media from an admiration standpoint. Of course, there was also some envy & self-deprecation at play while she discussed them at times but I couldn't help but notice how comfortable she was with it. She's never complimented me in a manner even close to how she spoke about some of these women. I became quite disgruntled at the fact that she began multiple in-depth conversations about how pretty some of these girls were as I would never have an in-depth conversation about someone else's attractiveness (most of these are types and not just extremely beautiful people) with her. I feel it's okay to acknowledge attractiveness, but focusing on it or paying a great deal of attention to it comes off as odd. She also told me at times she sees pretty girls and mutually friend or follow them just to see them more.

Am I simply being a bit insecure, do I need to communicate my concern and tell her to not do that in front of me, or do I possibly need to seek out other options? I don't want to impede on her interactions with other women whatsoever, but I feel as if there may very well be a tinge of emotional cheating due to the way she admires them. The issue also extends to some of her friendships as she seems to have a completely different (inferred much better) experience, comfort, and personality with them than with me. I've been with bisexual (and potentially bisexual) women in the past, although none of them have exhibited some of these behaviors. It has made it a bit more conflicting for me to decide my next course of action as a healthy individual so I'm asking y'all for help. I haven't yet spoke to her about it, nor do I know if I want to.

TDLR I don't know how I should react to my girlfriend excessively complimenting and focusing on other women's physical beauty.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sassymcsasster on 2024-01-09 16:09:05+00:00.

My younger sister (31F) is very abusive and volatile towards me (36F). In the 31 years I have known her we have never been close. In the past I have stood up for myself when she calls me names, makes up stories and scenarios, and gaslights me all while the rest of my family watches it happen. The minute I defend myself, she gets very volatile, and says really hateful and cruel things and storms out. Meanwhile the family gets upset with me and say things like “you know how she is, why cant you just not react when shes acting out,” instead of acknowledging the bullying that is happening. Recently i chose to exclude myself from a family dinner to avoid ruining it for the family simply because I am there breathing the wrong way towards her. She sent me a message about how I am selfish and how I was out of line because of a text I sent the sisters to have a talk together to hash things out and try to understand where the animosity is coming from. I wanted the other sisters there as mediators because frankly i get anxiety being around her but still want to resolve the problem. I validated her feelings, took accountability for my part in miscommunication, understood her side and told her I believe her when she says she doesn’t hate me and I didn’t do anything to her. I proceeded to express my feelings and my side of things and why i did things the way I did, and also mentioned why I felt hated by her in hopes of us understanding each other’s side and coming to a middle ground or at least a respectful way to communicate with one another. That did not go over well as she blew up and said thats im toxic and im the problem, how I am committed to misunderstanding her and how if she already says she doesnt hate me why do i need to express why i feel hated, bringing up BS. She proceeded to say she needs a healthy distance from me for her mental health. I replied back saying “me telling you my feelings and my side is not me disregarding what you said, I simply want to be understood as well”. After I received no reply I realized I needed peace and in order to get that I needed to hold her accountable, and put up my boundaries clearly so there was no question. I went down the list of things she has done that were cruel, and not appropriate reactions to the situations at hand. I explained how moving forward I will not allow her to abuse me regardless of what family is there to have her back and I how I agree we should keep a healthy distance from each other as I will no longer allow the gaslighting to continue. My parents call me days later to tell me how I am in the wrong, how she is my sister, and sometimes we need to put up with family and accept things as they are. I respectfully disagreed and told them that if they were not going to respect boundaries and the fact that I will no longer accept abuse from her I will also remove myself from their life as well. Now the rest of the family is calling me to tell me I’m being petty and immature. I never thought of myself as a scapegoat but could it be possible that I am? Did I handle this wrong? If so I am open to suggestions.

TL, DR: My sister seems abusive to me but maybe I am wrong. Thoughts?

We tried to talk it out and she didn’t want to hear my side just wanted to express hers. Though i took accountability for miscommunication on my side.

I mentioned scenarios to hold her accountable and received no response.

My family is upset with me for choosing to stay away from her saying i’m immature and should be the bigger person.

How should I have handled the situation? Could i be in the wrong? Am I a family scapegoat?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Upstairs_Criticism49 on 2024-01-09 16:00:07+00:00.

Hello. I'm currently under a lot of pressure to financially support my family and I feel like I'm gonna crack. I feel beyond burnt but there's truly no easy solution or immediate end in sight for my situation.

I migrated from my home country years ago. Every month for years I've dedicated around half my income to ensure my family doesn't starve. I currently have 3 remote jobs that make me work anywhere from 9 to 12-15 hours a day. Combined, they allow me to help feed my family in the old country (younger brother and mother) and support myself and my sister and dad. Together we can live comfortably be we don't have much of a safety net or capacity to save (we still do but it's not much).

My dad and sister have jobs of their own and also help me with mine. But I am by far the one with the largest workload and I often feel like they don't help enough. Starting with my sister, she has a terribly erratic sleep schedule. Some days she wakes up early and helps me write articles in time (the job that pays for our mom and younger brother). Other days she wakes up at noon and delivers her work hours after the deadline I established. She's also been historically sickly so it's really not that she's lazy (although she does lack some ability to focus even when she's feeling good, as she takes hours upon hours to finish an article sometimes when I can finish it in 2-3 hours).

My dad, on the other hand, is diagnosed with anxiety, gets easily overwhelmed and sometimes meds fuck him up. One of my remote jobs is actually for the same company he works for so we can theoretically help each other out. In practice, most of the time it's me covering for him when it should be the other way around due to my workload.

I can't count the times I've had cover for him because he simply left to walk the dog EXACTLY at the time his shift starts, shortly before mine ends. Other times, he literally doesn't finish his job and delegates it to me for the next day, even though I have an immensely larger workload. One time, he was supposed to deliver something by 9pm and he left SHORTLY BEFORE 9PM without delivering it and I had to work after 10pm to deliver it myself.

I'm also studying like 1 hour a day to become a web developer because I want to earn enough to not work 3 fucking jobs and be forced to carry my sister's and father's workload or else our family starves. Anytime they feel ill or whatever, I'm on call, but combined they couldn't do what I do in a day. I don't think I've even had vacations since I moved 4 years ago and even if I did, I can't make my vacations coincide with all 3 jobs simultaneously, so I'd still be working. IT'S A FUCKING MESS AND I'M SO FUCKING BURNT OUT

What on Earth can I do to make this situation better?

tl;dr: I'm burnt out with 3 jobs. My sister and dad should theoretically be helping me but they're terribly inconsistent and facing physical and mental illness. I feel hopeless and like this will never end. What can I do to make this situation better?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anxious-Operation893 on 2024-01-09 14:23:23+00:00.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. Our biggest issue is him not taking on more responsibilities within our daily life. I have too much on my plate and no matter how many times I communicate this, he does the absolute bare minimum (dishes and walking our dog). Every now and then he might go to the grocery store, he will do things when I ask, but I'm sick of asking. He doesn't sweep, vacuum, dust, deep clean anything, take initiative on planning anything (including dates, what to even eat this week, taking our dog to the park, budgeting our finances, etc.).

I told him a last month I can't do this anymore and I don't want to be with him. He got me to agree to go to couples therapy and I told him if this doesn't work, I'm filing for divorce and leaving.

Therapy starts today. But... Here's the back story to what really broke me. He, a 31M, thinks it's okay to ejaculate onto our hard wood floors and leave it for weeks... Months... I flipped my shit and told him how disgusting and disrespectful this is, and how disappointed I am that in our brand new house he thinks this is okay. He apologized and said he won't do it again. So, not only did I find more stains on the real, hard wood floors... I walked into the office last night to find him ejaculating onto, the first nice carpet I have ever bought for myself.

I don't even want to go to therapy. I just want to pack my shit, take our dog, and drive 14 hours to my mom's, file for divorce, and start over.

How should I handle this?

For the sake of my sanity, unless you're my age or older and have been in long term relationships, please refrain from responding.

TL:DR my husband acts like a 13 year old boy who is fixated on not getting in trouble with his wife so he hides things or acts with negligent incompetence.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Akira044 on 2024-01-09 14:21:35+00:00.

My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been in a relationship for over a year now. This past few months until now, I had reoccurring thoughts of wanting to break up with him. I thought of the idea of being single and it made me really happy. The problem is that I've tried many times to break up with him but it isn't working. Im having a hard time if Im bad for wanting that or not. The cause of me wanting to break up with him is because we've been having multiple fights everyday and even tho I thought we solved the problem, it was always the same problem again the next time we argued. And that we don't have too much anything in common. I crave communication and deep talks but he's unable to form stuff like that in general which upsets me. Not only that but I've noticed how incompatible we are to one another especially with our core values. The fights are getting toxic and were both hurting one another. He always assured me that he loves me despite our arguments but i can't say the same now to him. He's genuinely a kind guy who loves me despite our problems but im worried if our relationship is toxic or not and if I should leave. I've seen multiple videos especially on TikTok that if you love someone/pursuing a long term relationship, you need to be able to withstand the days where youre tired, bored and even when there are multiple fights. I do think its true but I am still so confused what to believe in.

tl;dr- Should I consider leaving our relationship because of our unresolvable arguments or stay? The problem is that Im willingly wanting to fix our problems with actions but he seems to forget what to do or not do it at all ang give me a reason why he doesn't wanna do it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Samwise_Rosie2323 on 2024-01-09 12:53:46+00:00.

Longtime lurker here. Apologies for the length.

I met Nancy, my girlfriend, at a bar last summer. We were both attending a comic con in a nearby city and the bar in question was connected to the hotel that was hosting the event. She was wearing the yellow ballgown from the Don Bluth film "Anastasia" (I learned that she made it) and I knew I had to buy her a drink. A drink led to a conversation and exchanging of numbers. And we've been together ever since.

I'm from a wealthy family and am a successful broker. Nancy is a high school English teacher who's had to work hard to get where she is now. Because I've been burned by several girlfriends in the past, I waited a while to tell Nancy about my financial status. Our dates have mostly been going Dutch or pitching in (this is at Nancy's insistence). I'd love to spoil her but if she's more comfortable splitting the bill/going to more affordable places /doing things at home, I'm sure as hell not going to complain. One of my favorite dates with her was when we made Kraft mac and cheese with hot dogs and settled on the couch to watch "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm".

It's not the place/event but the person if that makes sense.

When my parents said they wanted to meet her a month or two into the relationship, I knew I had to introduce them. My parents (both 70s M and F) have a good judge of character and I trust their opinion. They were right about my last girlfriends. Nancy was nervous but she won over my parents. Mom and Dad told me to not lose her.

I know it's early but with every passing day, the more convinced I am that Nancy is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's kind, caring, thoughtful, independent, patient and has a strong moral compass...to name a few. I'm waiting for the day that I know she'll say yes. We talk about getting married and having kids in the "When we have kids, I hope they're ABC" or "When we get a house, I hope it has XYZ" sense.

My parents' 40th anniversary is coming up. Nancy asked me how I felt if she made them a memory quilt as a present. I loved the idea and helped her not only pick out the fabric but got copies of family pictures for the panels. Every day, she works on it, hard going because of her job as a teacher but she makes time. I love watching her work on a project. Her eyes light up and she grins. I can't even describe just how sexy I think that is.

Yesterday morning, I asked Nancy to help me pick a LV purse for Mom for her birthday. I decided to enlist her help because she's always had an eye for detail and I thought she'd like to be part of the process. Maybe I did something wrong in that case, I don't know. I was lurking through Reddit afterwards and I came upon a post Nancy had made asking for advice.

I was surprised when she said she was insecure about the quilt and was afraid Mom and Dad wouldn't like it. When I came to her apartment for dinner, I asked her about the post and we talked about it. I won't go into too many details because that's for Nancy to tell but there was a period of her life when her family was dealing with a lot of financial difficulties. And I mean these were pretty bad times. It took a toll on her confidence. She's told me that she's planning on going to therapy to work through these issues and I told her I'd help her pay for them if she wanted.

The fact that Nancy feels that she's not good enough really troubles me. It's hard watching someone you care about struggle. Maybe I'm looking at her through rose colored glasses. I don't know. I look at Nancy and see this amazing, gentle, caring and sexy woman. The thought that she doesn't think she's good enough really bothers me and I don't know why.

I think she's more than good enough for me. She said in her original post that she hit the jackpot in regards to me but in reality I'm the one who hit the jackpot. Nancy, I don't know if you're reading this but I think you're an amazing person and I love you.

How can I convince her that I think she's more than good enough for me?

TLDR: I learned about my girlfriend's insecurities and I don't know how to convince her that I think she's amazing.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/usmle12022 on 2024-01-09 04:18:32+00:00.

I F(26) have been dating my boyfriend M(27) for 2 years. Before we started dating, we were friends for a few years and I lived abroad. He asked me to be his girlfriend, introduced to his family, helped a lot to my family during hard times, I was very happy at the beginning and couldn’t believe that I’m so lucky to meet this kind of guy. But of course there’s another side of the story.

After first 3 months of the relationship he told me that he cheated on me with his ex. He said that he was very drunk and he never met her again. I decided to forgive him, because I just couldn’t believe it. All his actions towards me were so nice, that I thought that it was a mistake.

Then, he started saying from time to time that he wants to meet new girls, but he can’t imagine his life without me and wants to be with me forever. He always looks at girls online, we barely have intimacy (like once a month). I am a pretty girl and I have always been fit, but he told me that I still can be skinnier. I started feeling really insecure and thinking that it’s partially my fault he cheated, looks at other girls and dreams of them. He texted a few times to his friends that he might break up with me soon and that he wants to meet new girls as well.

At the same time I have wonderful relationship with his family, he was a really good friend to me and his help played a big role in my life. I’m very grateful for that and these memories make me think that he’s a good person and he’ll change.

Today we went to hang out with friends and we bumped into a girl he met in the bar a few years ago. He was so happy to see her, didn’t introduce me at all, but mentioned that there were his friends. I feel so sad and broken, I’m acting distantly, but this pressure is eating me from the inside.

All in all, I love him a lot for his good side of personality and I’ll never forget how much support he gave to me when I needed it, when we started dating. But all this toxic behaviour makes me unhappy and I understand that I’ll have to break up with him. When I think of the break up, it scares me a lot and I feel miserable.

TL;DR What should I do to let go all the grudge I hold? And how can I break up with him, without intention to come back?

Thank you 🙏🏻