Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAWeb86 on 2024-01-09 11:20:57+00:00.

So I (23m) have been with Eden (24f) for like 10 months. Been friends with Nikki (23f) since we were kids.

Nikki hates touching people or being touched by others. She's not an affectionate person, hates hugs and stuff, a few close friends are an exception. Sometimes, it's not even us. It's because of some really bad childhood incidents, you get the idea. I was there back when she was going through it and comparison to how bad it was back then, she's doing really good now. There are 7 people in our group and she kind of freaks out if anyone other than them touches her, especially when she's not alert. She's in therapy and like I said, she's doing better now.

Nikki was away in some other city for about 6 months for a cyber security course. Eden and Nikki haven't met other than a few times. Before Eden, Nik and I used to hang out at her place, sometimes with just the two of us. It stopped in the early stage of my relationship with Eden because she didn't want me to be alone with a girl in her house. I mean, that was kind of reasonable and I agreed.

Something I should probably mention, when Eden met Nikki, they didn't really get along well. Just difference in personalities. Eden is social and loud and Nikki is introverted. They met at a birthday party and Eden was basically asking Nikki why she wasn't 'fun'. She also tried to get her to the floor to dance and Nikki told her not to touch her and she doesn't want to. I said the same and just so you know, yes we were polite about it. Then my girl told me Nikki was making her feel unwelcome by not interacting much. I don't even know where she got that from but I assured her, that's just the way she is. My other friends were friendly as well but she seemed to have an issue with Nikki. Well we sorted that out , I thought.

Ever since then, there have been a few moments when Eden was kind of touchy with my friend. She says that's just how she is, which is kind of true but if someone has specifically said they don't want to be touched, it needs to be respected. I then sat her down and told her how Nikki doesn't like being touched by others and how she needs to respect that.I didn't tell her why as it's not my story to tell.

Nikki likes Eden, they just don't have much in common so nothing much to talk about other than casual 'how have you beens'. Eden is a makeup artist so she's asked Nikki if she'd like her to help her with it or smn and Nikki said no. The day this happened my girlfriend was VERY angry and made me leave with her and then ended up screaming about how I can be friends with someone who's so rude to her. She refused to talk for 2 days and demanded I stop talking to Nikki. Mind you, this was in the 4th month since we became official. I don't get her obsession with Nikki. Why would you want to be friends with someone you've got nothing in common with??

Nikki came back recently and yesterday, we were having dinner together with all our friends and Eden was there too. She entered the house and straight up hugged Nik, who was uncomfortable but brushed her off. All through the evening, Eden was on the couch with Nikki and kept her hand around her shoulder and stuff like that. Nikki got up to get beer and Eden went upto her and hugged her. She then says nothing would happen if she'd stop "being so sensitive". Nikki was panicking, she and told Eden to get out and she doesn't want her in her house. Eden asked me if I'm gonna set my friend in her place and yeah I didn't say anything. Eden then started screaming again and Nikki got up and locked herself in her room. I told Eden to leave. I then apologized to Nik when she calmed down. Got home and Eden was there. She then started an argument about how I didn't stand up for her and I allowed my friend to bully her and stuff about why can't I protect her from Nikki. Also accused me of being in love with Nikki.

All this pissed me off so bad. She knows how Nikki hates people's hands on her. She doesn't know the reason because I don't wanna be the one to disclose something so personal. And protect her? from someone who doesn't even talk to her much? My friends were all sour about it, they care about Nikki and have basically told me to not come if I'm bringing Eden next time. Also if anyone's wondering, there's no history between me and Nikki. We're close friends, that's all. And she hasn't done anything that will make my girlfriend uncomfortable or imply that she's interested in me.

Eden and I haven't talked since she left last night after accusing me of cheating. I could be somewhat wrong here because I've always been protective over Nikki ever since we were . But even if this wasn't the case, if someone tells you not to touch them, you simply don't touch them. Why doesn't she get it? I've again apologized to Nik and she says she doesn't really want to see Eden again. What do I do now? Where do we go from here? Am I actually in the wrong here?

Tldr: Girlfriend keeps being touchy with my friend and my friend doesn't like it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pthrown on 2024-01-09 00:26:38+00:00.

So some basic context. We are long distance. We are old childhood friends, she moved away in her teens and I hadn't seen her for 10 years before we saw each other again in summer 22/ We met up when she came into town, hooked up, and started a relationship from there. We have seen each other twice since, her visiting me both times. I am going to visit her for our 3rd meet up, this time we are meeting each other's respective families, so a decently big moment in the relationship. I also think there's important context that this is my first relationship of any meaning. I've had some hookups in the past, FWB, but nothing serious or long term so I'm kinda fumbling my way through here.

After the first few months of being long distance, her level of flirting and level of messaging started to nosedive a little. She wouldn't text as frequently, sent me less pics, and became less flirty with me. It bothered me but she was going through some things work-wise so I brushed it off. When she visited, we had a great time and got a lot closer, but left without concrete plans for our next meeting. That time was tough, work was tough for her, we didnt make plans to meet until right before we actually did, and the trend in her communication continued. I was ready to talk to her about it but we had an another amazing time and came out of it with strong plans to meet, this time me to her, and for us to meet family. This, to me, was pretty big deal, so the doubts about communication I had again pushed aside.

As I prepare to see her soon, this communication again is becoming more and more of an issue for me. Her texts are so dry and any attempt at flirting is not rejected, but almost ignored out of hand. I try to be sweet with her and send her something like " I cant wait to see you" or "I miss you" and I don't get any response back, no reaction. At best she continues a conversation and ignores it, at worst the conversation ends until one of us texts the other about a different subject later. It makes me feel like she is not even interested in me at all, but recently we have fleshed out plans for my visit, where I'm staying on what days, when we're going to meet my family, she just recently found a party happening near one of our airbnbs that she wants to go to, so it's not like she's completely disengaged. But just today, after that conversation I asked her what she was up to for the day, she gave me two separate one word answers and then ignored me the rest of the day until later when she asked me how work was. I texted her back asking how hers was and got 0 response, I even sent a few audios when I got out to flesh out the convo and to this moment, hours later I have heard nothing from her. It drives me crazy. Why ignore me like that and not respond? I'm not blowing her up with messages, but its fuckign strange she will ask me how my day was and then not engage in conversation with me. This is not abnormal, it happens all the time.

When these things happen, especially the lack of affection, it's making me doubt the relationship. When we're in person she's amazing. She's attentive, listens to me, we have full convos and I feel close and intimate with her. Physical attraction isn't an issue either and we have no problems with sex. It's just the 6 months out of the year when we're long distance where things fall apart. I don't know where her head is at and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there's something I'm not understanding, some way of making her feel connected to me that I'm not indulging in? Where do I go from here, how do I bring this topic up without making her feel attacked, especially when the time we have together is actually so short?

TL;DR: My GF is great when we're together, but I struggle with connecting to her when we're long distance. She is not affectionate with me and her communication is often dry and will ignore me for hours or not respond completely. I want to talk to her about but my lack of experience in relationships has not allowed me to learn the tools of how.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Active-Algae1624 on 2024-01-08 23:53:40+00:00.

TL;DR: I suspect my SIL’s fiancé is cheating on her. What should I do?

I have very strong suspicions he’s (36m) cheating on my SIL (34f) among other things. I won’t get into details here as to not be recognized but he’s been a walking red flag since the beginning. I now think he’s cheating on her and they’re supposed to get married in a few months. What should I do? I don’t want to create drama so I haven’t said anything to anyone so far in the family so far. A friend suggested I create a fake dating profile to find him online but I’m really wondering if it’s too much?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Neither-Toe6232 on 2024-01-09 07:01:47+00:00.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (35F) have been on and off for 8 years. At the time I thought we were at our absolute best and he assured me we were the happiest we had ever been he began talking to someone 10 years younger than him that he worked with at the time. He hid it from me for months and finally my suspicions got the worst of me and I caught him lying in the moment and hiding another woman. He told me I was crazy, delusional and insecure. I had my suspicions and decided to move out. Mind you at this point we were together and seemingly a happy family for 5 years almost.

When I moved he did and said all the right things but I didn’t want to move back in. We agreed to stay in separate homes but work on our relationship while living separately. We spoke daily, saw one another often, and acted in every way someone would as a couple. We said I love you, had sex often, and talked constantly about how to repair what had been broken and how I could regain my trust. Fast forward a year, I was ready to move back in and then the games began. The lies and deception started 10 fold.

Come to find out ( I had suspicions but refused to accept them) he was with the same girl that he initially was cheating on me with for the entire year. She was practically living with him and he was introducing her as his girlfriend. Now I will say I am not an idiot and there were a lot of signs and red flags for the months leading up to me finding out but I was convinced no one could be that heartless to be building a future with two people at once. Of course everything imploded, she found out about me, I found out the absolute truth about their relationship and he made himself the victim.

She and I both left him and moved on with our lives but about 6 months later he was in a horrible accident and whether it be stupidity or insanity I took him back. It’s now been over two years and he has 100 percent put in the work to earn my trust. He has taken all the right steps and actions and done everything he can to prove his love and devotion and especially his commitment to me. He constantly reassures me and asks how he can be better for me and for us. Hes gone to counseling, done everything I’ve asked and demanded and constantly works on efficiently communicating with me. He’s truly been amazing but I can’t get over it.

The other girl is soon to be married and having a baby and I am constantly still deep in thought about everything. She has not talked to him since she left and he doesn’t miss her in the slightest but I’ll see the car she used to drive and panic at the thought of it being her or we’ll be watching a tv show and it’ll be a memory of something he told me about of them when I asked about their situation. When he and I got back together I told him to tell me everything. Details about their life together, what he felt for her, if she was better than me, etc. looking back I realize how dumb that was but in the moment I needed to know.

Now I feel like I still obsess over it. I legit can not get over it, I can’t move on from it or move past it and it consumes me in so many ways. It’s destroyed my self confidence and so many other things. I don’t feel like its fair to him because he’s been amazing but I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I move past it?

TL;DR: I constantly worry it’ll happen again how do I get past that?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Get_off_my_wifi on 2024-01-09 05:18:53+00:00.

My boyfriend (39) and I (31) have a lot of time we’ve invested in our relationship. I have a 12 year old son he has helped me raise, he has always played a very active role. In the first few years I believe he was creating on me and was caught talking to other women, he stayed out late, we lived together but he had an apartment he would work out of.

Two years ago I broke up with him because he hasn’t asked me to marry him yet, he wasn’t treating me properly, he disrespected me. We were broken up for about 7 months no contact.

I ran into him in public after 6 months N/C and he begged me to sit down and talk to him.

I agreed to get back together if he help out more around the house, help pay more bills, get rid of the other apartment. I asked him to stop commenting on other women’s instagram, lastly I wanted to become engaged after a year of being back together together. He agreed and we got back together.

We go 50/50, bill, insurance, mortgage and car is in my name. He pays half the mortgage and he pays for one the cars in my name. I grocery shop and pay for food, I do pay for a renovation loan we do not split.

He always disagrees with everything I say, anything I like, he’s like a teenager and I have to ask him to do alot. I cook dinners and he doesn’t cook… I’m noticing our sense of humor is different. Anything I show him he thinks is stupid. The only thing keeping me with him sometimes is my son. He is a great person and treats my son like gold.

He was fired from his job the day before thanksgiving and he has a new job. Huge pay cut from his last job.

I feel like I take on the responsibility of almost everything. I don’t know if I can take being with him. I’m afraid I will traumatize my son. We also have pets together. We’re a family. I love him but I know I deserve more.

TLDR; we’ve done couples therapy but he just doesn’t see me, there’s no empathy for me, I feel objectified, unseen, unheard. If he doesn’t make changes I can’t do it with him. Plus we barely have a sex life.

I feel like I settled for him. I feel like he will never appreciate me the way I need to be. I work in sales and worked overtime all November and December while he was unemployed he couldn’t even clean the house. Many times I cooked he occasionally picked up a carry out.

How do I end this relationship so that we can remain on good terms?

Or do I just ride it out until my son is a little older?

Any advice on how to salvage which would mean overlook everything he said but didn’t do…or I call it quits?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bsmitty1212 on 2024-01-09 04:54:43+00:00.

Hi everyone! The title is the basis of this post, BUT she isn’t leaving explicitly because of this (at least to my current knowledge).

So basically, I started this job about 8 months ago. It’s my literal dream job and like just out of this world, culture wise. I got this job after working in one of the most toxic work environments with one of the most toxic managers (literally explain it to people like the movie Training Day, I was Ethan Hawke’s character and my manager was the DW character lmao).

Once I was hired onto this current job, as I said, it was a dream come true. My manager was so freaking on point and just a wonderful person who tapped into my creative capabilities for other opportunities within the company and became a 11/10 mentor to me; as well as a friend. Our team is small and we slowly all became really really close and our overall team chemistry was on point. To the extent of other divisions getting legitimately jealous at our vibe lmao. At the end of the day, it was all so organic and it was literally like being on the dream team. We were on fire.

However, my manager rounded us up on our second day back after the new year and announced her resignation suddenly. It was a total fucking shock because we all spoke in lengths about the upcoming year and this just kinda blew all of us away..plus she had been there for 10 years and had been kicking major ass lately.

Now here’s my scared-confusion and further context to the situation.. we had a work Christmas party in early December and my manager, her husband, another teammate, and I went out after and long story short, my manger got a little flirty and made out with me in the back of the car whilst her husband and my teammate were up front. Now was that a complete shock to me? 110%, yes. Were we drunk? Oh hell yeah. Was I really fucking stoked in the moment? HELL YEAH. My manager is super hot, cool, etc. but would I have ever initiated that even if I was drunk and feeling confident. HELL TO THE NO!

Writing this feels cathartic because I’ve been walking around feeling like the man, but can see the obvious faults in what happened now and how much she kinda technically took advantage of me and cheated (no matter how much I dug it or how much we partied).

However, I can’t help but wonder if this caused her to leave… as mentioned, if our team was the dream team; she was Jordan. Losing her is a HUGE blow, as she is the best in our company and the direct leader of our team. Lots of emotions, as she had a legitimate influence on me and had been an outstanding teacher/leader despite this.

Ps. I’m positive her husband did not see us nor did I try to take it further/brag about it to teammates after the fact.. my confidence did skyrocket though, not gonna lie. Also, we have not talked about it.

Wanted to gauge thoughts on this… should I talk to her about this? Leave it behind? We have a great professional relationship despite this and I can’t help but worry a bit.

TL;DR: my all star manager is suddenly resigning from company. I’m worried it’s because of our kiss.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA778219 on 2024-01-09 04:38:34+00:00.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years and have a child together (1F).

Since the beginning of our relationship we have had issues with his social media activity. He would constantly follow women on Instagram that post provocative, half nude content (and literally look NOTHING like me) and would like, save, and comment on their photos. He’s subscribed to Snapchat premium for multiple women (at least one which he knows personally) and would follow OF accounts (again one of which he knows personally).

I have repeatedly asked that he stop following these types of accounts and liking/commenting, stop Snapchat premium, and stop OF (especially in regards to the girl he knows as it’s the same girl on both Snapchat and OF). He has stopped with the Snapchat and OF, but not IG. It seems like he stops for a bit but inevitably I find that he has started up again. I know a lot of people find other people attractive when they’re in a relationship and that is considered normal. However, when I am in a relationship with somebody I genuinely do not find anybody else attractive in the slightest because I don’t have a connection with those people. His activity makes me feel like I’m not enough and like he would prefer a woman that looked like them. They’re all either Latina or white, curvy, have large perky breasts, have big butts, average height, have full lips, have curly hair. I’m white, deflated breasts from breastfeeding, no butt, very tiny (under 5 foot), thin lips, and straight hair. A lot of his exes, or women he has been interested in in the past, look similar to these IG women too.

I have asked him if he’s going look, to please just look and scroll on by and not interact (follow, like, comment, etc) and he keeps promising me that’s all he would do. But he never does. I understand that not everyone is like me when it comes to finding others attractive while in a relationship, so I thought this would be a good compromise. He can still look, but I don’t want to see any evidence of it. But he has to just keep following and liking apparently. Like I said, it hurts because I don’t look anything like these women and he seems to have no issue letting them know he likes what he sees and that he finds them attractive, but he doesn’t do it with me. It probably also doesn’t help that I found out at one point, before we started dating, he was interested in a family member of mine (he had no idea we were related) and she fits this type that he likes. I know you can be attracted to different types of people but I honestly question his attraction to me at all. If every other woman matches the same “aesthetic” and I’m the outlier….

I’ve just asked for the simple respect of not interacting, but he just keeps doing it. It feels like he doesn’t value me as a person or a partner and it really hurts. I say this to him and then he starts crying saying he messed up and he’s not a good person/partner for it and it’ll stop. But it feels like lip service. I’ve asked him what advice he would give to our daughter in this scenario and he never really has an answer for me. Are my options here to just leave or accept this? Is there any other approach I could take to get the point across? I do love him and don’t want to break up our daughter’s family if at all possible.

TL;DR My (27F) boyfriend (28M) won’t stop following provocative accounts and liking photos despite multiple conversations. Are my only options to accept it or leave? Is there another approach I can try?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/shadowhuntersann on 2024-01-09 03:23:08+00:00.

For context: I am a 21 year old female who has been in a relationship with another woman (22 years old) for 5 years. Obviously we got together really quite young, and we have been through a lot together. I always knew I liked men, but never really thought about women until I met her.

My girlfriend dotes on me. She showers me in love and talks a lot about our future together. Her parents are currently building a sleepout at the back of their house for us to live in while we save for a house. She has asked me to marry her multiple times, and often pushes the idea of us moving in and getting married despite my obvious reluctance. in the past, she did cheat on me emotionally and sexually in the first year of our relationship. But by the time I found out about it all, I felt it had been too long for me to really be upset about it and hold it against her. I had also just spent the last few months deathly ill with an undiagnosed auto immune disease-which she stuck by my side throughout. I am currently in my last year of study and will be starting my career officially next year and she has been the greatest support to me emotionally and financially here and there.

I love her, I am just no longer sure it is the right kind of love anymore. But I don’t want to hurt her. She has her family, but no friends. And she often says she believes she wouldn’t be alive without me and jokes she’d do something like that without me (important note: she has self harmed in the past). I am scared that if I broke off our relationship, she would do something to hurt herself. I am also scared to suddenly have someone who has been such a big part of my life for 5 years-suddenly be gone. I don’t think she would want to remain friends if I were to end the relationship. I am riddled with guilt about having these feelings, but I honestly have been thinking like this for a while now.

There is no one around me that I can go to for advice without her potentially finding out. And I wouldn’t want her to find this out from anyone but me.

Tl;dr : I feel guilty for wanting to leave my long term relationship with a woman who loves me so much. I am also worried about her safety if I was to leave. Do I stay and work through these feelings? Or is it time to let go-and how do I do this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Chroeses11 on 2024-01-09 03:22:15+00:00.

So I’m a 34 (M) in a relationship with a 32 (F) for around three months. Perhaps due to anxiety, low self-esteem in my youth, bad decisions or just bad luck in the past this is my very first romantic relationship. I’ve dated other women before but it never lasted too long.

At first I was very excited about her. We seemed to click and we had fun on dates. We had some minor issues, but we worked them out and were still together. Around two weeks ago, I just noticed that I wasn’t sure how much I cared about the relationship anymore.

I just don’t feel as excited as I was and I’m not sure if I should break-up or continue? My friends said this can happen in relationships so perhaps I just need to still go and try my best for the relationship to succedd. However, somedays I feel like the chemistry isn’t there anymore.

TLDR- in my first relationship trying to decide to end it or continue

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/breekingthehabit on 2024-01-09 02:25:24+00:00.

Long story short, my girlfriend--who I've always given a lot of leeway to, even so far as to give her a pass to experiment with girls--got drunk and ended up sleeping with a male coworker of hers. In her defense, she told me immediately after, literally within hours. Unfortunately this is the second time something like this has happened within the past year, though the last time wasn't as bad (just some bad touching, no coitus).

She was beside herself when she told me, and she only told me out of her own sense of guilt, not because there was any risk of me finding out otherwise. I believe her when she says that it didn't mean anything, and that she was drunk and would never have hurt me like this. She's agreed to stop drinking, which I know is going to be a struggle for her but she is going to try for the sake of our relationship.

However, she wants to keep hanging out with the other man. I told her how he was involved in one of the most painful things to ever happen to me, and that she has to break it off. She's willing to do it, but she tells me she'll be miserable because he's one of the only people she feels like she can relate to and she wishes they'd never made that drunken mistake, because everything was going so well until then. My girlfriend has very few friends, basically just me and an internet friend who lives very far from us. I keep telling her that she'll eventually find other people, but this person has to go. Her internet friend and her mother (yes, she told her mom about the cheating; that's how bad she felt) both told her she has to break it off with the other guy, so I feel justified in my decision, but I also feel bad. I wish she wasn't so lonely that she felt the need to keep the company of the person she cheated with.

She's suggested ways to "make it up to me" including having the guy write an apology letter, having him verbally apologize, letting me talk to him, or letting me punch him in the face (no, I'm not that kind of person so I wouldn't do it). She's asked if they can still talk via text or at work, as long as they don't hang out. But I don't want any of that, I just want to move on and forget this ever happened and start building trust again. I want to forget this guy exists, so the last thing I want is for him to continue to be a part of my girlfriend's life at all.

Am I making the right call here, or am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR My GF got drunk and cheated with her new friend, and now she is reluctant to end their friendship despite me telling her how much it hurts me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Unlucky_Spring6528 on 2024-01-09 02:01:28+00:00.

For the past days, some of my parents' old friends have been staying at our home (mom, dad, and a small child). Additionally, another family of old friends who moved internationally over a decade ago are also on vacation in our city and visit almost daily. They're the mom, the dad, and a their daughter ("Sarah").

Sarah was born here in Latin America but her parents moved back to South Korea when she was very young (her parents moved here as children themselves). They come home after their tourism and all 3 families have a big dinner.

Sarah doesn't speak Spanish but speaks English so we speak to her in English and her parents in Korean. But really, the only person she really speaks to is my sister (15). If we're not having dinner, she's probably chilling with my sister.

So, tonight I came back from the gym and Sarah was in the front yard. Out of habit, I approached her to greet her with a kiss on the cheeks and she flinched and raised her arms to cover (?) herself while staring blankly at me for a second, then walked back home and went straight to my sister's room.

I feel really bad. She seemed pretty freaked out there for a second.

I wish to apologize to her but it's going to be extremely awkward to do it in English and also... we don't really speak ever so it's not like I can just approach her and apologize. I thought about telling her parents but I couldn't think of a way to tell them that wasn't incredibly awkward and wouldn't ruin the mood of hanging out in the living room.

Also, only the dad speaks good enough Spanish, so the mom would likely have to hear it from the dad to understand what's going on. It's kind of a mess :|

So my best bet is hoping she tells them tonight and they don't assume the worst (that I was trying to take advantage of her for the brief moment we were alone).

What else can I do to apologize or reassure her?

tl;dr: A Latin American-South Korean family that is old friends with my parents is visiting us while vacationing. Out of habit, I tried to greet the daughter with a kiss on the cheeks but she got freaked out and walked back inside. Language barrier and awkwardness prevented me from apologizing or telling her parents. What can I do to apologize or reassure her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Prestigious-Spot9070 on 2024-01-08 23:21:38+00:00.

I have been married to "Kayla" for about 3 years. I am her second marriage; she used to be married to a guy named "Tom". The relationship was really traumatic for her, and part of the reason was that he was addicted to pornography and ended up cheating on her.

Kayla is without a doubt the best partner I've ever had. Kind, hilarious, successful, not to mention sexy as hell. I am very attracted to her but our sex life has drastically dropped in the past year. I should mention that she actually looks better than when I met her in her early 30s, whereas I've gained about 30 pounds since my mid 30s - I am no Jeremy Allen White.

This issue has been weighing on me and I finally brought it up to her today. I told her that I feel like our sex drives are mismatched, as a result of which I now "please myself" and use porn to do so. She reacted really poorly. Told me that bringing up porn was manipulative given her history with her ex husband - however, I never knew this until she mentioned it today. She claims that she told me this early on in our relationship, but I honest to god don't remember. She responded to this telling me that it's probably because I talk about myself a LOT, which contributes to her declining sex drive.

Was it wrong of me to bring up the porn thing in the context of the conversation? Or should I have brought up the sex drive issue and just left it there? I'm not sure what to do at this point...

tldr; I told my wife that I don't feel like we're having as much sex anymore and that I watch porn. She insisted that I shouldn't have included that part when broaching the subject and is pissed.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/loveandlight13 on 2024-01-09 10:15:08+00:00.

TL;DR- Fiancé (26M) might have cheated, got a Instagram message from random woman.

My 26 F fiance (26 M) might have cheated on me.

We've been together 4 years and living together for two and our relationship has always been amazing. Our wedding is booked in for next year.

I got a message from a girl on Instagram yesterday that she went on a date with my fiance who she found on tinder and I checked the date she said and it was a date he was out later than usual. She said nothing happened on the date but wanted to let me know. I asked if she had proof and she had nothing.

I then of course spoke to partner and he told me shes a friend of an ex work colleague who he rejected on a night out (he left said job due to his colleagues) and shes a friend of hers on instagram. I also checked his phone and didn’t find a dating app on there.

I’ve been feeling on edge and super anxious since I got the message so I just want to know how do I move past this?

Do some people send those messages to ruin relationships? Maybe I’m just too trusting but I just don’t know why someone would send that if it didn’t happen?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CuriousEditor1602 on 2024-01-09 10:13:25+00:00.

I've recently been going through a horrible breakup. I have written a short story about the events and I'd love some impartial advice on the situation. When you live through a trauma it's impossible to think rationally about your actions and those of your loved ones.

My Story

Amy and James have been together for over ten years. They believe they're deeply in love.

James mentions to Amy that he'd like to take up dancing, so that they both can dance together in the years to come. Amy is already proficient but James will undoubtedly need some lessons before he's at the standard required to dance alongside her.

Amy drives him to his first dance lesson. She witnesses James meeting the teacher, Claire, and waits in the cafe while he's taught.

James emerges from the lesson invigorated. They are both excited that one day they’ll be able to dance together!

In the coming weeks, James attends further dance lessons. At the same time they have purchased their first house. Amy is stressed dealing with multiple contractors, financial transactions, material and furniture sourcing. James is attending work during the day so is unable to assist, except at weekends where they do visit shops together.

On the days James has off from work, he's keen to continue the dance tuition. His lessons are one hour long but sometimes he's at the dance hall for 5 hours. He tells Amy that he's practicing. Amy is frustrated with being at their house alone, looking after the dog and managing the renovation. She pleads with James for more help. James asks that she gets off his case.

Amy naturally becomes suspicious about why he's at the dance hall for such extended periods. Is he dancing the entire time?

One Saturday night, after attending a party, she notices James is texting someone new. She asks to see the texts and discover it’s a girl from dancing. This person is also a beginner and James has been meeting her for coffee. They swapped numbers and now are sending voice notes, jokes and even photos. Amy finds that he has sent a picture of his naked leg getting into their bath.

She's extremely upset. She asks why he needs to interact with another woman this way. James apologises but says he wants to stay friends with this girl.

Dance lessons continue. James' time spent at the dance hall continues to be far longer than his lessons. Amy patiently waits at home. At this point, she's extremely worried and upset about what James might be up to.

Weeks pass. She then discovers another huge bombshell. James hs been sending messages to his teacher, Claire. He's been Googling signs to look for that Claire might be sexually attracted to him. Amy decides enough is enough. This needs to stop.

She confronts him about his dealings with Claire. James capitulates. Says he's devastated that he's hurt her this way. He will stop the messages and also the lessons. Amy knows how much the lessons mean to him and say it’s ok that they continue. But the messages to Claire have to stop. James texts Claire and says he can’t speak to her outside of the sessions. It’s hurting Amy and she is his priority.

James is due to go away with friends at the weekend and offers to cancel. She's kind enough to say that he shouldn’t let his friends down.

The first night James is away, Amy's suspicions flare up. She is in the house. Alone. Scared that her biggest love might be slipping away. She decides to check his Instagram messages, to see whether he has kept his word.

To her horror, she discovers he has not. The messages didn’t stop on the day he said they would. They increased. He was sending hundreds of messages a day, whilst at work. He had always said to Amy that he had no time to text anyone whilst at work, even friends and family.

James told Claire she was his soul mate.

He joked with her about them having sex one day.

He called her for an hour on the phone, while he was away.

Amy was mortified. Heartbroken 💔 She text him the next morning, revealing what she'd done. James apologised profusely. Said he loved her more than anything and would fight for her. Amy said they were finished and blocked his number.

Amy was devastated and alone. She had moved across the country to live in James' hometown and all her friends were over 200 miles away. She decided to visit his dad and sister. She told them James had been cheating on her, at least emotionally, with Claire. They were horrified and said they would have strong words with James about this. Amy cried. They comforted her. James' sister said he must have lost his mind to have done this. Amy said there may be some truth in that as he had been suffering for many years with a mental health issue and that it would be his place to reveal the details if he wanted to.

Amy felt a twinge of sadness about implying James had struggles. It was something she had kept secret for a decade. She immediately regretted it.

Amy left and decided to take their dog for a long walk. To her surprise, James returned early from the trip. She saw on the doorbell camera that he had packed a suitcase and was leaving the house. She tried calling him but he didn’t answer.

Amy called James' sister and said he had come home but had now disappeared. His sister said she’d find James and would keep Amy posted. Hours went by and Amy reached out for a status update. The sister said she had found James and that Amy needed to give him some space. Amy sent further questions. There was no reply.

Amy text James' Dad. He said James was safe and not to worry. Amy never saw James' Dad again.

Amy went to James' work to see him. He said he needed time without her. He was going to continue his dancing with Claire. It made him happy.

He said that by checking his messages Amy had totally violated him. Even if he had been joking about them sleeping together, his messages to Claire were private. James was furious with her about going to see his dad and sister. James would now have to tell them, after 10 years of keeping it to himself, about his mental struggles.

Amy apologised to James.

She felt alone and discarded. She began dating, seeking solace in human interaction. It didn’t help.

Weeks and months went by where she'd still meet up with James. He'd say how much he loved and missed her. They made love regularly. But he wasn’t ready to be with her again and couldn’t say if he ever would.

He said Claire was just an incredible lifelong friend now. He didn’t have any romantic feelings for her.

Amy discovered he took residential trips with Claire. He stayed in bedrooms with her.

His birthday was approaching and Amy wanted to take James away, like every year gone by.

James had instead booked a holiday with Claire so that they might dance together for the first time on a stage.

He was going to be sharing a room with her, albeit in separate beds. He asked Amy not to worry. He said that one day they might dance together. Amy wished she could ask him not to go but knew it would be futile.

James wrote Amy a letter saying how let down by her dating he felt and that she didn’t care about him. Amy wrote back defending herself and her feelings.

Amy wrote a story about her heartbreak and read it back, reliving every painful twist and turn. She cried.

**TL;DR;** : This is a story about Amy and James. After a 10 year relationship, Amy discovers evidence of infidelity. She writes an account of the events which led up to and proceeded their breakup. She longs for impartial advice from the Reddit community so that she might get some closure on such a significant time of her life.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAring947 on 2024-01-09 10:09:26+00:00.

Original post :

Thank you for your responses. Many people wanted an update so here it is. After that incident, my sister called me 2 days later asking if I've finally realised how insensitive I've been to her and she wants me to apologize. Yeah exactly. I told her yes, she's my family and I love her but she can't expect everyone to work according to her feelings. I didn't tell her if I was still going ahead with the plan because honestly I was afraid she'd try to ruin it or smn. I hung up and refused to answer when she called. I took the advice and refused to share any details with my parents and her (they called the same day asking me to care for her sister's feelings as well). I wasn't expecting much from my parents anyway. They just want us at peace and don't really care much.

Now onto the proposal. We were visiting a friend in our hometown who just had a baby and stayed there overnight. Went to the beach and....well I proposed. It went exactly how I wanted it to be. We were walking, I then got on one knee and started my speech about how I love him and etc etc. I kid you not, I wasn't even 30 seconds in when he hugged me and got emotional. It was so beautiful. I couldn't stop smiling. He was so happy with the ring I selected! We said some sweet words, got all emotional. It was perfect. He also said how he loved that it happened at the beach!!! So yes my sister can go screw herself.

We then went out to dinner and he couldn't stop smiling. Even told the waitress "My girlfriend just proposed to me, I'm engaged!" So yeah, whatever doubt I had about him not liking being proposed to, vanished. We had a great night. Later when we were about to sleep, I still did ask him if he really was ok with me proposing because of how upset he was about the ring. He told me he was upset because he felt like he was letting me down by not getting a ring and instead helping his mom (she's doing good btw) And he still says he wants a ring on my finger soon. We talked stuff out and we're good. I couldn't have asked for a better day.

Now the original plan was to go visit my parents after we're done visiting our friends. But I wasn't sure because of the whole thing with my sister. So I called my parents and told them I'm engaged. They did congratulate us but were not happy because I haven't been answering their calls. I asked them if those were calls to make me change my mind about the proposal and they said yes. I told them it obviously wasn't happening. Asked them if they still wanted me to visit them and they said yes. My sister then called saying she can't believe how petty and immature I'm being. And how I just had to got ahead and ruin her day!? ( I didn't even mention the engagement to her, my mom )

I told her the same thing again. Whatever happened to her wasn't my problem and I won't be changing my plans because of her inability to deal with her emotions. She then said "congratulations on your engagement, don't worry it won't last." I hung up. So it's safe to say we won't be talking for the foreseeable future. We didn't visit our parents and spent the next day with our friends as well and then left. My parents don't blame me but want me to "fix" this because "you know how your sister is". I'm done with her though. I was guilty only because I actually felt like I was hurting her but she had no problem talking shit about my boyfriend and my engagement. But well, I have a FIANCÉ!!

Have a good day.

Tldr: I proposed at the beach and it was perfect. My sister and I aren't talking anymore.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Oil-8664 on 2024-01-09 10:04:20+00:00.

We have been dating for 2 years, at first everything was fine and with time she started being herself more and I got to know their family more. She has been through a lot, Oldest out of 3 with the same dad, she has other 2 with different step dad. Her dad also has 2 kids with different wife and has another wife now. She has seen all their parents mistakes and ofc it’s has affected her a lot. Both of the parents were not the best parents. Now she feels lonely in that sense, she has low self steem, not confidente, a lot of anxiety (big part is from her mom- mom is very bipolar in the sense of she could get mad fast and be good 2 minutes later), could have signs of depression,needs reassurance.

I grew up in an opposite household, youngest of 2, parents always looked out for us gave us everything we needed, 30+ years together. Healthy.

I have taken her to the therapist, I have helped and encourage her a lot but she still negative, doesn’t have a lot faith, she just has a lot of fears and problems.

I feel like now it’s getting to me, I’m feeling drained, it’s affecting me, we always have arguments about the same thing. (Her family problems and her own problems, etc.)

TL;DR; : I’m confused, I feel like I’ve tried and I have done a lot stuff to make her life easier but still doesn’t happened. I want to give up on the relationship, is that the right decision?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JoeBloggs7462 on 2024-01-09 09:58:09+00:00.

Hey,

So just want to get some experiences from others in a possible similar situation that ended up getting married a 2nd time? Did some of you do it for your other half to experience it?

Me and my GF have been together nearly 5 years now. Everything is going great. Just purchased our house together, jobs very stable and are planning for a family. Early on in the relationship when talking about future together, we spoke about marriage, kids etc. I expressed that I'm not for or against getting married again after doing it previously in my 20's. I always said opinion may change down the line but it isn't a priority for me. Would like kids, house, just a steady life really before I consider it again. She understood and was agreeable.

Fast forward to now and I'm starting to see more subtle hints of wanting to tie the knot from her. With us planning and hoping for kids soon, I think the possibility of not all our names being the same being the main factor for her. I completely understand and being young 30's, with long relationship, house, the question of marriage is usually a topic brought up by family and friends (more from her side).

For me, not wanting to get marriage anytime soon is down to the fact that nothing really changes in your relationship. Its the same. Apart from having matching last names if you decide to. There is also the cost involved with a wedding. Yes it can be done very cheap but i know that she would most likely want a larger event with the friends and family. I would be more open to very small and secluded. Especially with costs of everything now and just making a large purchase of a house.

On the other hand, i want to show her I'm committed long term and want the secure family life. I also don't want to deny her the experience of getting married with her family and friends present. Although my first marriage didn't work out. I don't regret doing it and actually enjoyed it when it happened.

TL:DR - Me [32 M] been married before at younger age. GF [33 F] never been married but is now starting to show hints that she may want to after moving forward with our relationship with family planning. I am on the fence as to a 2nd marriage.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/danger_paige_ on 2024-01-09 09:46:49+00:00.

I (18f) recently moved in with my boyfriend (18m). We’ve been best friends for 4 years and together almost a year and we are a great fit for each other. He’s an absolute ray of light; so kind and funny and he goes above and beyond for me. When I can’t split us 50/50, he never hesitates to pick up the slack and never throws it in my face or mentions it at all. His actions are loud, they scream “I love you”. Recently though, we don’t go out on dates much anymore. I completely understand that he works an exhausting job (paving roads) and I’m in no way neglected by him, but I don’t want us to get too into the mundane and forget romance completely. I also understand that he spends time with me and shows affection in small ways, i.e. bringing me a snack when I don’t ask for one, making sure I’m showered first so I have hot water even though he prefers a boiling hot shower, and pulling blankets back over me in the middle of the night so I’m not cold. He also shows love for me in louder ways, flowers and many many sweet comments, acts of service and physical touch always (even if we just touch knees, we are almost always touching. He says it brings him calmness). He gets up early (4:30 usually) for work and while he is gone I clean, do laundry, cook, etc. he and I have discussed that when we get our own land and make a home, I’d prefer to stay home and raise kids/homestead. We are in agreement on this and he’s recently been bringing up getting married a lot more. Little comments and jokes, but marriage is quite obviously on his mind more than usual. I’m quite excited to be married, not because of anything other than it brings us closer. I’m just worried he’s going to rush propose because I’m excited and tend to really focus on things like that. I want him to know that I’m happy where we are now, that I’m content with our dynamic. What are some ways I can show more appreciation/love for him to make sure he knows I’m content in all stages of life with him? He’s in this sub, I’m praying he either won’t see it or won’t recognize the text patterns and connect it to me.

tl;dr I love my boyfriend and i would like more ideas on ways to show appreciation for him and all he does for me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Academic_Print_5753 on 2024-01-09 09:31:42+00:00.

Me (m34) and future fiancé (f31) been in a relationship for five years where we spent a year apart and now back together.

While cleaning her apartment I found a stash of condoms and when asking if she slept with anyone while on our break, she said no and to be doubly sure (in giving her another opportunity) still said no.

I’m not upset about her sleeping with someone else while we were apart, but I am uncomfortable about her lying about it.

What purpose does lying about it serve? What else is she lying about? I’m on the fence about whether I should really get to the bottom of this or not. It’s bugging me and know if I broach it more that we may start a fight. I take stock in being honest, especially that we plan on spending the future together.

TL;DR: now future fiancé lied about having slept with someone else even when we were apart though I found a stash of condoms in her apartment.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MasterSandyMan on 2024-01-09 09:30:00+00:00.

I’ve (28m) been with Dani (30f) for a year and two months.

Dani is sexually more adventurous than I am. She is bicurious and is interested in sex parties, kink and the like. I’m quite vanilla by comparison although willing to try most things if I’m comfortable doing them and think my partner would like it. To that effect, we’ve attended a sex party (just as voyeurs), had MFF threesomes (which Dani instigated and organized, as she wanted to see me with another woman and also explore her bicurious side), and experimented with toys and a few other things.

One thing that Dani has mooted is couple swapping. I think this is a big turn on for her as it has repeatedly come up. I have tried to approach the subject with an open mind but just found the idea of another man in the equation far too uncomfortable. Over the summer things came to a bit of a head when Dani became quite insistent that we try it. I didn’t get angry or upset at Dani for making the suggestion, I just told her I’d tried my best to give it some thought but that my answer was no. She did not take well to this, and complained that me not wanting to try it was unfair, narrow-minded, and selfish. I felt like Dani was prioritising her own sexuality at the expense of my mental wellbeing and after a big argument I threatened to break up with her over her behaviour towards me; after a long apology from her and a promise not to be so forceful again, we eventually reconciled.

The other day Dani and I were laying in bed. Dani was on her period and had mentioned in the preceding days to me a few times how horny it had made her. We had tried period sex before but I hadn’t enjoyed it; when it’s that time of the month we normally wait until it’s over before having sex again. That morning Dani asked if we could have sex, and I tried to let her down gently and say I’d rather we waited. Her mood towards me shifted abruptly; I had been snuggled up close to her but she turned her head away from me and said in a cold tone “I’m not your friend”. I immediately felt guilty and suggested we do it anyway, but she rebuffed me because “I want you to be into it and not just do it because I wanted us to”. She became unresponsive for a few minutes, so I got up and went to have a shower.

Whilst showering I took a few minutes to process what happened. I realised in that moment I’d been transported back to the same headspace I had entered when Dani and I had our first big argument in the summer. My guilt gave way to disappointment and upset, and I confronted Dani when I came back to the bedroom. I told her I don’t like how she behaves towards me when she doesn’t get her way sexually, that she should be able to take “no” for an answer when making a sexual request and move on. That if I had been withholding sex for weeks or months I would understand, but it had only been a few days, and only because I didn't want to have period sex (something we had tried before). This lead to another spat and Dani leaving in a huff.

We spoke on the phone earlier this evening to try and talk things through. Dani said to me that my reaction the other day had been unwarranted, that she had been semi-joking about being upset, but also she was disappointed that she wasn’t able to express that upset. Dani said she was worried she would begin to resent me because I had proved yet again that I don’t provide a safe outlet for her to express upset at being denied certain sexual things, citing our argument in the summer. She spoke about how her sexuality is very important to her and that she wants acknowledgement from me of the things that she is giving up sexually for the sake of our relationship.

The call lasted about an hour and consisted of me mostly apologising to Dani and asking her how we can possibly make things work going forward, and her ending on the ominous note that she needed to think things through and decide if our relationship was salvageable. I did feel bad, as I know I should have been more patient with her the other day and just let her sulk for a bit rather than giving her grief for it (especially as I know hormones can run high when it’s that time of the month). I am upset that Dani is still seemingly putting her sexual wants over everything else, and wonder if she is aware of this on some level and wants to deflect blame onto me.

My mind is all over the place now. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends or family about this but desperately need someone else’s input. I'm also on the autism spectrum and struggle with intuiting how to properly navigate relationships. Is Dani being a bad partner to me and trying to deflect away from her behaviour? Am I just being narrow-minded and making it difficult for her to express herself? Is it a mixture thereof? Please let me know your thoughts.

TL;DR partner (30f) wants to try sexual things I (28m) am not comfortable with and is upset about how I react to us discussing it. Feel like partner is at times trying to deflect blame onto me when they are in fact being a bit selfish and not taking no for an answer.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Junior_Ad_402 on 2024-01-09 09:06:54+00:00.

im 19m and my gf is 18f and we had a relationship for like 2 years now and we've had an amazing relationship. We both love each other and care for each other deeply. I met her when she was very anti social and had no friends. But she managed to come out of that and be a more social person through our relationship. Ironically I became anti social during the relationship but not because of the relationship but because of my conservative parents who rarely let me out the past year.

Anyways fast forward to a few months ago she started a job and met a guy who eventually becomes her bsf.

Now this guy hangs out with her always and my gf sends pics of them when they hangout and it makes me really jealous and feel weirded out. They even go out with each other and i dont say anything about it because this is like during the era where she started becoming social so i was all for her making friends.

I told her this guy most probably has a crush on u and it made her upset because she didnt want her friendship to end cus i might be true.

but anyways this guy confessed to her(btw this piece of shit douchebag literally knows i exist) and told her that he's in love with her.

Now ik for a fact that if any girl friend of mine confessed to me i would rightly back away from them or for the least not hang out with them alone

but after my girlfriend found this out she just rejected him and kept on hanging out with him like before

It really makes me uncomfortable and idk how to tell this to her without sounding like a dick

like who am i to tell her who she can or cant be friends with thats literally toxic and controlling

If any of yall can help me with explaining to her how i feel can yall lmk.

TL;DR:my girlfriend has a guy friend whos in love with her and she knows it but she still goes out with him and shit

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ColdConnect9604 on 2024-01-08 20:18:46+00:00.

Backstory: I've been married to wife for about several years. I will admit that at the beginning of our relationship I was not perfect. Even after we went official, I was still talking to a couple of exes (one of which I had unresolved emotions about), would "like" their photos on social media, as well as other women (some were insta models) and some were suggestive photos. Wife told me repeatedly it bothered her for about a year - One day she told me flat out it was damaging her self esteem, that other people could see what I was doing, and so for her sake I stopped.

I know that since then, she has tried really to get over it but once in a blue moon she'll get triggered and the bad feelings from the past will flare up. Just now, she ran into the room asking me why I was following a suggestive Instagram model account - I was bewildered because I wasn't? Turns out the model showed up on her "discover" page and one of the "likes" was close to my name - she looked at it really quickly and freaked out. She immediately apologized, said she was confused and went back to what she was doing.

I have no idea what to do. It seems like this pattern that I thought had been put to bed is still on her mind? To be fair she wasn't mean to me at all and immediately apologized once she realized she was mistaken... any insight appreciated

Tldr; wife seems to be carrying paranoia about my history w social media and other women, i'm not sure what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwRA363632 on 2024-01-09 09:02:40+00:00.

All fake names. My aunt Jane and her partner Hannah are the parents of my cousin, Olly (13M). Olly has a heart issue that he needs to be careful with. I'm unsure what the name of it is, but it's pretty serious. Monthly check ins with doctors, can't play sport etc. If he were to say she was short of breath when laying down, Jane gets pretty worried.

I found out my brother (Sam) has been lying to people that it's him who has the heart issue to get out of things. He's been lying to people at university for group projects that he can't do certain things. He's been using it to get sympathy from people. I found out because we go to the same University. I met one of his ex girlfriends who asked me how he was going. And it was from that conversation that I found out about the whole thing when she brought up his heart. She told me story that happened to Olly six months ago that he said happened to him. I didn't say anything to her because I wanted to speak to him first. I'm just unsure how to approach this with them. Because I don't know how my aunt would take it if this got back to her.

**TL;DR:**How do I ask my brother about this? He's in the next room and I don't know how to bring it up

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/korgyelli on 2024-01-08 17:07:20+00:00.

Edit: I forgot to add she also paid him back for a bar tab but didn't want me to tell him she was going to and waited a week for the next time she saw him to get it to him instead of just giving it to me any time during our work week.

First time poster, many apologies if im not doing this right. I (34f)moved to a new state with my long time bf (31m) I've been working at the same place for a year now and have started to get closer with my co worker(25f). so we have been hanging and she's finally hung out with my bf a few x but she's done some things around him that have made me side eye and I like to know if theze few things are weird or just me. We got a Uber on new years and she made getting in the car a confusing clusterf* because she wanted to sit in the middle of me and him. But he sat in the front seat cause that made him uncomfortable and he planned to sit there to begin with. And beyond that I'm the smallest of all three of us so if we were to squeeze in the back im usually middle for my size alone.

Next incident we went out and sat at a four top and she sat across from him while I sat across from no body And third incident just always catching her looking at him threw the rear view or i said I had to go to the bathroom and the way she told me to leave then made me super uncomfortable to leave at that moment I know it's probably nothing but it just seems a little suspect for a girl to be trying so hard to be closer to him them the person she's supposedly friends with

tl;dr My friend seems more into hanging out with my dude when we go out and it's making us both a little uncomfortable. R we being paranoid?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Neither-Toe6232 on 2024-01-09 07:01:47+00:00.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (35F) have been on and off for 8 years. At the time I thought we were at our absolute best and he assured me we were the happiest we had ever been he began talking to someone 10 years younger than him that he worked with at the time. He hid it from me for months and finally my suspicions got the worst of me and I caught him lying in the moment and hiding another woman. He told me I was crazy, delusional and insecure. I had my suspicions and decided to move out. Mind you at this point we were together and seemingly a happy family for 5 years almost.

When I moved he did and said all the right things but I didn’t want to move back in. We agreed to stay in separate homes but work on our relationship while living separately. We spoke daily, saw one another often, and acted in every way someone would as a couple. We said I love you, had sex often, and talked constantly about how to repair what had been broken and how I could regain my trust. Fast forward a year, I was ready to move back in and then the games began. The lies and deception started 10 fold.

Come to find out ( I had suspicions but refused to accept them) he was with the same girl that he initially was cheating on me with for the entire year. She was practically living with him and he was introducing her as his girlfriend. Now I will say I am not an idiot and there were a lot of signs and red flags for the months leading up to me finding out but I was convinced no one could be that heartless to be building a future with two people at once. Of course everything imploded, she found out about me, I found out the absolute truth about their relationship and he made himself the victim.

She and I both left him and moved on with our lives but about 6 months later he was in a horrible accident and whether it be stupidity or insanity I took him back. It’s now been over two years and he has 100 percent put in the work to earn my trust. He has taken all the right steps and actions and done everything he can to prove his love and devotion and especially his commitment to me. He constantly reassures me and asks how he can be better for me and for us. Hes gone to counseling, done everything I’ve asked and demanded and constantly works on efficiently communicating with me. He’s truly been amazing but I can’t get over it.

The other girl is soon to be married and having a baby and I am constantly still deep in thought about everything. She has not talked to him since she left and he doesn’t miss her in the slightest but I’ll see the car she used to drive and panic at the thought of it being her or we’ll be watching a tv show and it’ll be a memory of something he told me about of them when I asked about their situation. When he and I got back together I told him to tell me everything. Details about their life together, what he felt for her, if she was better than me, etc. looking back I realize how dumb that was but in the moment I needed to know.

Now I feel like I still obsess over it. I legit can not get over it, I can’t move on from it or move past it and it consumes me in so many ways. It’s destroyed my self confidence and so many other things. I don’t feel like its fair to him because he’s been amazing but I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I move past it?

TL;DR: I constantly worry it’ll happen again how do I get past that?