Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extension-Fly4990 on 2024-01-08 16:51:50+00:00.

So I have severe anxiety and paranoid thoughts and this is my first actual relationship. We've been together since 2019 and got married March 2023.

My husband is amazing and as far as I know has never lied to me, but he has some quirks. He's a very sexual person and always has been. He was in a completely open relationship with his previous partner where they could go do whatever and never needed to tell the other partner.

When he told me he was poly, but mainly just for sex (he has severely low limits for human interaction) I told him we could open slowly but never ever without telling each other and preferably doing it together. We've had a couple of times where we invited a guy he already knew, but it's been a few years since then. We've made plans (well, he has) to meet up with some others (he's a grindr regular) but we've always had something get in the way (usually my anxiety, but often just time or distance or the other guy's issue) so it's just been us.

I enjoy the group sex but I'm always terrified of being ignored/left out. I think it's at phobia levels the thought bothers me so much. My husband wants to be able to sleep with other people without me some times, and I HATE the idea.

We used to have a really quite active sex life, but things have slowed down a TON. We go more than a month sometimes now without any sexual anything. At first it was because of some new meds he was on that completely killed his libido, but he stopped taking them and it's been a few times we've had sex but still less often than monthly. He won't even let me preform oral on him when I don't expect him to reciprocate.

He's not affectionate really other than like a quick peck when he leaves for work, but that's been pretty normal for him and he explained that he's not really romantic. Pretty sure he's aromantic or close to it. I on the other hand an very affectionate and love to touch and pet and cuddle so it's a little painful to have that barrier.

He just feels further and further away lately and he's been stressed and in pain (chronic issues) and I've been the same. We both have trash bodies lol. He feels like he's more testy lately and of course that makes my brain automatically start running crazy. We usually work almost the same hours so we are together on our days off which is up to four days a week, he works more often as he has two jobs.

So my paranoia, I know, is mostly just that, and he knows that I'm like this and does what he can to alleviate my dumb brain. But my brain never stops. When we first got together he said something along the lines of if I wasn't okay with his wanting to have sex outside of the relationship he'd find a way to do it anyway or something like that, and I don't know if he was playing or not and I don't want to bring it up because I know he's probably annoyed as heck talking about it all these years and he probably wouldn't even remember.

So lately, within the past year or so he's been wanting alone time. He's a very introverted person, even though he's super charismatic (but doesn't believe it even though everyone adores him) so he likes his quiet time. The thing is, he doesn't want me to be home for the quiet time. I've offered to stay in the opposite side of the house with headphones on so I can work on my art crap and he's pretty much said I need to not even be in the house for his alone time to work. Which of course, makes me paranoid af.

In turn the paranoia makes me want to snoop and spy so I can assure myself that things are okay, but I know that if I were to do that and got caught he'd be super pissed (understandably so) and it might even ruin us. I LOVE this man soo much it hurts. I don't want to ruin things but my brain never stops (and yes I'm medicated and have tried so many things, nothing seems to help me) I want to give him this alone time, maybe take an extra shift at work on one of the days he's off, but my paranoia is killing me. I had the idea of maybe setting up a cheap nanny cam or something. Just in the living room to see who all comes in. Would that be awful? I also want to put location sharing on our phones so I can see where he's at. We never really go anywhere on our own besides work or his friends' place.

TL;DR My husband wants to be able to have sex outside our relationship, but was cool with taking it slow and letting me know if he ever does as I asked; I'm super uncomfortable with it. Sex life has gone south, my paranoia is killing me. Husband wants alone time where I'm not home and that makes me more paranoid and I want to set up a camera in the house but I feel like that would be a horrible idea if I got caught. What to do I feel like I'm going insane

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Leading-Book1457 on 2024-01-08 12:45:50+00:00.

I 46f met someone 47m on an advice blog. Yes we did meet in person and now the feelings are deeper. Basically he was in the process of filing for divorce and just needed someone to talk to. Fast forward about 3 months later he has filed but says he loves me and wants to be with me. I know it sounds terrible. I know he wanted out of his marriage for a long time so emotionally he wasn't in it. I do have great deep feelings for him as well I'm just worried he hasn't healed and is moving too fast. I have been single for about 3 years now. We weren't looking for a relationship together..it sort of just happened.

TLDR; would you date someone who recently divorced?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TitleOk199 on 2024-01-08 11:51:42+00:00.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs. My boyfriend has hurted me a lot during our relationship and somewhere I also was unable to understand him. He had said plenty of hurtful things to me suppose he misses his ex's body , he will be okay if I stay or not , I wasted his time , I love him more than he does ,I need to be more intelligent, I need to satisfy him physically otherwise he will leave me etc....He too had pressured me to have sex with him and flirted behind my back. These things happened several months ago for which he never apologized. I too moved on with insecurities and scary feeling in my heart.

We wanted to move abroad after I complete my graduation here. Recently we had a talk about confessing our relationship to parents but this was not easy as my bf's dad didn't have a good reputation in the society. I knew this from my close relative( who is also his relative) but I chose to stay with him thinking that he might be nice kind of a guy. But thorought the relationship he didn't treat me well. It is when we talked about disclosing our relationship, he started treating me good.

Basically it's been just few weeks that he has started treating me good otherwise he used to greet me with 'hi stupid' in a response of 'hey handsome'. Moreover, since he found that manipulating me is easy , he also expressed that he will certainly convince me for threesome after marriage . It might be due to that I had told him dreaming of naked women more than men. I had told him that I can't see him having sex with other women and I myself can't imagine having sex with other men. But he constantly expresses that he wants it due to which I'm scared that he might cheat on me if I don't agree. On the other hand , he also promises that he won't cheat on me , he will love me a lot after marriage. I am not sure if I should trust him.

I'm filled with insecurities and part of me don't want to fight for such a person with my loving parents who have always fulfilled my demands without questioning me. However , I had tried to cross check with my mom once but she directly refused to accept our relationship. She told that when we marry , we marry the whole family and society and nobody will respect us in the society if i decide to marry him, i will get hate from everyone, we won't be able to handle that ,etc. and I agree to her statements that nobody will support us if anything bad happens which I think , have chances to happen. So I'm really scared about the marriage thing with my boyfriend? My boyfriend is not even ready to visit a counsellor. How should I move forward? Will our marriage have positive consequences?

TLDR: My boyfriend has been disrespectful in our entire relationship. I'm really confused and scared about marrying him though he promised that he will love me more after marriage and will never cheat.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sea_Efficiency334 on 2024-01-09 04:50:58+00:00.

Throw away account obviously.

My wife and I met four years ago and got married late last year. A few months later we began trying for a child and she quickly got pregnant. She's currently at 14 weeks.

Shortly before our first OB/GYN appointment she told me that she tested positive for hsv2 (genital herpes) years before we met. She knew I would find out at the appointment since it's on her paperwork and it can lead to possible complications with the birth that she had to discuss with her doctor.

She's asymptomatic and has never had a flare up, I have since been tested and the results indicated that I have not contracted it (the odds of contracting hsv2 from someone without symptoms is roughly 4% per 100 times we have sex).

I, of course, feel super betrayed and don't want to contract herpes, but she has otherwise been very faithful and is giving birth to my daughter.

I don't know what to do now, I feel trapped in the relationship. I don't know if leaving is even a real option, I very much want to be in my daughter's life.

How can we have a sexual relationship when I know I could be contracting herpes anytime we have sex? Has anyone else gone through something like this with a spouse, and if so how did you work through it?

tl;dr: My wife has had herpes the whole time I've known her but didn't tell me until she knew I would find out.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MoistRate6481 on 2024-01-09 06:22:29+00:00.

TLDR: " am 18 (f) ,have this male best friend and we are like very close in an emotional sense, we know everything about each other, our understanding is on another level. And I thought we will be friends forever. But recently he confessed to me, and to be honest I am kind of disgusted. I dont want to be in the romantic relationship with him, but I kind of love him but not in any sexual way. I dont wanna do things which lovers do, with him

The reason why I am angry is that we both have our vital exams near soon, and he confessed now. So whether I want or not he's in my head and it's affecting my studies. I have said yes to him. But it's like I don't want to do any kind of lovers things and I have told him that.

The point is now that I don't want to think about him right now. I can think about him after my exams end, but somehow he is always in my head. And education and exams are my topmost priority.

So can anyone suggest anything or a way, in which I can completely focus on my studies and keep him out of my head?

Any kind of advice is appreciated,thank you.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lonely_Magazine_5403 on 2024-01-09 04:42:20+00:00.

My (28) bf (40) has about zero emotional regulation, we have together almost 2 years. (I didn’t see this in the beginning of our relationship, but have come to accept him for who he is. He would never lay a hand on me!) It has affected some of his side jobs and causes those close to him to walk on eggshells, again we accept and understand him for who he is regardless. I do my best to be careful with my words as he is sensitive. His lack of control to regulate himself in a state of stress or anger has now started to affect his relationship with his children (both in their 20s). His children have confronted him about it, asking him to control the yelling and try listening instead of defending himself. I agree with them, but am a coward and kept my opinion to myself to avoid an argument that would go late into the night, I had a stressful day and was tired. When he feels attacked or blamed he gets infuriated and screams, a lot. He interrupts constantly in arguments but gets even more infuriated and louder when someone interrupts him. He is almost impossible to argue with and refuses to see any other point of view other than his own. He can be very mean when angry and tends to belittle others. He refuses to look inward and continues to blame his exs for how his kids perceive him. I tried to be positive and say “why don’t you sit down and talk with them, I’m sure they will not come across as harsh as you are thinking right now.” He shut me down immediately, of course. How do I be supportive..how do I kindly tell him I agree with his kids? I feel bad I didn’t have anything else to offer him after he shut me down. He really is a good man, growing up I don’t think his parents demonstrated healthy ways to deal with emotions.

TD;LR my bf has anger issues, what do I say?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/afragginthrowaway on 2024-01-09 05:25:46+00:00.

Okay so I know the title is a little confusing, so let me start at the beginning.

Me (22m) and my gf (19f) met online about 3 months ago, and about three weeks ago I went to her state to meet her. I was staying at a friend's for a week in her state, only like an hour away from her town, so I figured this would finally be our chance to meet up and go on an official in-person date.

We went to a nice restaurant and had a lot of fun, then, when we were going to go hang out somewhere else after the restaurant, we got into a car accident, we were t-boned on the passengers side (I was driving).

She hit her head pretty bad (cuts on the side of her head) but she seemed okay at first, the first ER they took her to after the accident discharged her. Then, a few days later, she ended up starting to show some bad signs, so she went back to the ER. Turns out she had a brain bleed (epidural hematoma). She got airlifted to another state, where she ended up having her head drilled to get the blood out, and she was put in a medically induced coma for 2 days.

She's awake now, and back home, but here is where I need advice.

I'm getting so exhausted and frustrated with her. I know it's not fair, and I feel awful for it, but because of the brain bleed she has pretty bad memory loss, and can't seem to retain new memories. The hospital said that it could clear up in a few months, or it may never change.

I love her with my whole heart, and I feel awful that I'm even considering ending the relationship as an option, but I don't know if I can handle the constant memory loss if it doesn't get better. I tell her things and then 10 minutes later she's forgotten, and I'm exhausted and have stressed myself sick from constantly worrying about her, because these first 6 months are the times where she is the most at risk for a re-bleed.

In a way, I feel like I should be responsible for taking care of her, but i'm just exhausted, stressed out, and I feel terrible, because I know she's tired of not being able to remember things too. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. I don't even know if I can. I need some advice on what my next steps should be, and how to work through this.

TL;DR; Brain injury caused by a car accident has caused severe memory loss in my (22m) girlfriend (19f) and I feel like crap for even thinking of breaking up with her, but I don't know what else to do. I need some advice on what my next steps should be, and how to work through this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Akira_2021 on 2024-01-09 05:19:57+00:00.

Little bit of back story: me and my husband have been together for 7 years married 4 years. We have been having issues for the past year as he told me he had doubts about our relationship. We both decided to try therapy individually to try and get through some issues we were dealing with on our own. We have been communicating really well and we talk through issues regularly. I thought things were getting better since he was telling me things were ok and he wanted to try for the relationship. On New Year’s Day I found out I was pregnant and shared the news with my husband and he was happy. Things were great until my parents showed up to my house unexpectedly over the weekend to share some terrible news with me. They said over Christmas he tried to cheat on me with my sister. He had gotten very drunk and a bit high and went into her bedroom at night and asked her if she wanted to have sex. She declined and felt super uncomfortable with the situation and kicked him out. The next day he texted her also and apologized for making her uncomfortable.

After this my sister told our parents, who decided to come tell me in person. I’m just so shocked and sad, I feel like someone just spit in my face and ripped my whole life away.

I confronted him about it when he got home from work and he didn’t deny anything. He was honest and said he has been feeling doubtful about our relationship for a while but was scared to tell me he didn’t want this anymore. Which is just very dumb since he hurt me even worse. He knows he fucked up and is sorry he hurt me. I just don’t understand why he wanted to try that with my sister someone who thinks of him as a brother. We’ve been talking about this since and communicating to try and understand because we have our baby in the middle of all this mess.he says he still loves me and care for me. He also says he’s very confused and lost in life and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. It doesn’t help that he’s depressed- he says he self sabotages himself and thinks he’s this disgusting human being who deserves nothing. I don’t know what to say or how to help myself or him. He says he wants to still support me and be involved with the baby and be a good dad.

Some days he’s clear that he wants to end things and other days he says he’s confused and doesn’t know. I decided we should have sometime apart to think clearly about what we want in life. He agreed we needed sometime to think. I don’t know if this is the best decision or if I will just continue to push him farther away. I still love him and want to make things work and for our baby also. Please help with any advice I’m really struggling and don’t know what to do.

TL;DR;: My husband tried to cheat with my sister, just found out I’m pregnant. Should I give him another chance?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/daversa on 2024-01-09 04:26:01+00:00.

There is a woman who is a regular at a bar in my new neighborhood who I've been really hitting it off with. We've already sat next to each other a couple of times. She's smart, funny, gorgeous and we have each other laughing constantly.

All signs scream to ask her out but that is a larger age gap than I'm used to. She has a successful career, her own place and wouldn't need me for anything. Plus, she's probably smarter than I am haha.

Would you consider this too large of a gap? I haven't met someone I've been this excited about in a long time.

The last woman I dated was a year older than me, so I'm not actively looking for someone younger.

TL;DR Met someone great, but am a little curious about how an 11 year age gap is perceived. 40M and 29F.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/digger_404 on 2024-01-08 22:40:11+00:00.

I don't know if it's best to split up and only be able to see my daughter from time to time, or try to fix the relationship.

I have tried many different approaches, but nothing is good enough for her. I genuinely tried to change everything that bothers her, with multiple comversation and action plans, and indeed I have changed, but she is always saying how my life is easier for being a man (I don't want to get political here), and that our chores are unbalanced.

My daily routine would be made of 3 hours driving through the city to fetch and deliver people so we could have our jobs and our baby be in school.

I help with house chores, always doing literally everything she asks, but I have a hard time identifying what chores to do, and for her it is a very big of a deal to just point me them, eventhough she knows it is a trait of ADHD, which I'm diagnosed with.

So we have set chores for me and her to do periodically, and sometimes have so much other things to do that these chores are delayed. This happen from both sides.

She says she take care of too much things related to our baby by herself, and while this is true, I take care of almost everything else by myself so we are able to live in a fully functioning house. I take care of everything about our car, our renting, every service provider, I do plumbing and electric repairs, and I took care of our daughter everything she had an appointment, some of which would take her entire day.

She said many times that she would prefer living alone with our baby. Sex is almost non existent, e.g. in the last 3 months we did it 1 or 2 times. She is always trying to prove me wrong on every suggestion I make, e.g. saying it would be quicker to heat the baby's formula in the microwave instead of the stove, arguing that I'm trying to change her.

Even her mom apologized for the way she treats me sometimes.

She is very jealous. Have read messagens in my phone multiple times when I wasn't looking.

While I try to make plans for a nice future, studying and looking for ways to make more money, she is always scrolling Instagram, looking for better hair and skincare products. If I don't say anything about changing out life to the better, she will just live day after day talking about influencers and korean soap opera, eventhough she also dislikes our current living situation.

In the beginning we really loved being together, and occasionally we have good moments, but in the ordinary day she is just upset about life, and she already wakes up like this. Her mom said she was always like this.

Maybe I have not being objective with the problem or questions, but I have no one to talk about this, I'm living 5 hours by plane from all my family and friends, went to live here after accepting a job offer. I don't know what to do, but I really love my daughter.

Worth mentioning I don't want to live here in this city for much longer, but neither does she, meaning if I go away, eventually she would also do the same, and I wouldn't be far from my kid for much time.

Have anyone experienced this? What did you do?

TL;DR: My relationship is getting worse by the day and I don't want to not live with my daughter.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Icy_Kangaroo1285 on 2024-01-08 22:26:29+00:00.

Hey everyone

Last February, my partner accepted a job literally on the opposite end of the country. His plan was to work for a year or two to get enough experience to get his dream job back home. Well, eventually I accepted a job (they waited literally 5 months for me to graduate and get here), and I packed everything up and moved across the country to be with him. We have a beautiful apartment together, and have really have enjoyed our time here so far. Having our first apartment and living together for the first time has been amazing, and I'm used to our routine.

Over Christmas, we both went home. He got an email from his dream job hiring peeps, that he can move on to the next stage of the job application process. He's now there till the end of January to do so, while I am back across the country. If he gets the job, he'll be working probably by March. This puts me in a very difficult situation. I LOVE my job, my boss is amazing and so so so kind. I wake up everyday and I ENJOY going to work, which I have never had before. All my friends back home (who graduated with me) loathe their jobs, and I know if I go back it'll be the same. I always had planned to go back, just not so soon. My boss has been so accommodating. Back in November, shortly after I started, I was off sick for about 3 weeks as I have a chronic illness, and I suddenly became sick. I have great insurance, all my meds are covered, and going back, I know I will start at my 'ideal' workplace as casual, with no insurance. Paying out of pocket for private insurance would literally put me in debt.

On top of this, my mother who has an undiagnosed mental illness has been at a perfect distance from me. Over Christmas, she started a lot of drama and fighting, and it made me value how nice it is to live away. It really takes a toll on my mental health dealing with this. My illness also flares up with stress, so being away, yeah... has been great.

I am just SO upset. I am rooting for my partner and I want him to be happy and successful in his career. He hates his job here, and I do not blame him one bit. His boss is rude, and non-accommodating to anything (they literally told him to skip my treatment for my chronic illness, despite him explaining it's necessary for him to be there lol..). This is his dream job, and I truly want him to be hired. But at the same time, I sort of feel abandoned. I came all this way, packed everything up, and now I am finally settled in and enjoy my career, and now will potentially have to leave after 6 months?? I'm in a rural area, and my boss always says how happy she is to have my position filled, as it has never been filled before. I would feel guilty for leaving, and as though I'm skipping out on something so great.

I know this was his plan all along, to get experience and go back, I just didn't expect it to be so soon; neither did he. The place he's hoping to work for does hiring every 3 years, but for some reason they did another hiring this year. I know this isn't his fault, I just don't know what to do. His father is also older and experiencing health issues.

I want to stay, and I would by myself for a while, but it's expensive. Affording rent, heat, lights, my car payment, groceries, etc. - it will be hard to do alone. I will also miss him dearly, he is my best friend and the love of my life. I've talked about all this with him, just as I described above. I just would like to hear what anyone else has to say, or if someone has been in the same situation.

How do you ensure your happiness while also rooting for your partners? What is the ultimatum?

TLDR: My boyfriend (25M) may be offered his dream job.. I (25F) moved across the country to be with him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Individual_241 on 2024-01-08 22:25:26+00:00.

Throwaway because.

So I (37f) have been married to my husband (37m) for 10 years. We have three small children and very little help as we moved away from our hometown recently. I used to be a homeschooling sahm, but have recently started a new job that requires some office time. I also organize a lot of social activities for my children since we have moved so they can make new friends. To say I'm overscheduled is probably an understatement. As such, I have been extremely stressed since we moved. So much so that I've begun therapy and started to take antidepressants (more on this later).

Husband woke up this morning in a really bad mood. As anxious as ever, I asked if I'd done anything to upset him. He kept insisting he was just tired, but finally admitted that he's aggravated because I complain too much.

This really hurt. I've never been good at expressing my emotions, so I used to bottle everything up. I've been trying to change that by opening up and being honest about how I'm feeling. I have a lot on my plate and I'm constantly stressed out, so yes, sometimes I vent. But once I get it out, I'm usually in a better place and can laugh and carry on as normal.

For context, hubby took the kids somewhere for a night this weekend to let me relax. When they got home, my children asked what I did. I said "Nothing. It was a little boring, though, and I missed you guys."

I guess in hubby's eyes this was complaining? Although I did thank him for doing it and said I did kind of enjoy not having anything to do. I'm not quite sure what else he could see as complaining EXCEPT maybe about our dog that has been tearing our fence up. But he also complains about her constantly, so I'm not sure.

Anyways, now my anxiety is overwhelming my senses and I'm unable to focus on much else except the fact that he's mad at me.

This isn't a one off thing, either. It seems like any time I express any emotion besides happiness, then he gets upset as tells me I don't realize how good I have it. Which isn't true. My logical brain says I know I shouldn't feel the things I feel sometimes, but my emotional brain just goes haywire. I had started antidepressants, but he disapproves of those and says they will cause more damage than do good, and I just need to start being happier. So I'm currently not on them.

I'm at a loss as to what he expects of me. I don't want to go back to pretending to be this happy go lucky person all the time when I'm in fact not, but I also don't want to make him miserable by my apparently negative attitude.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Should I just pretend to be happy and stop telling him whenever something bothers me?

TL;DR: My husband thinks I should always be happy and never express any negative emotions and he cold shoulders me when I do, saying that I complain too much. This hurts because I have anxiety and depression and talking about things helps me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/orchidfields on 2024-01-08 22:03:53+00:00.

My family treats me nice only when I'm doing something for them, for example - when I (F20) cook for them, do the dishes etc.

Yesterday we had a guest over and I served that guest along with my mum (F48) I went to my room to have some rest since the guest wasn't talking to me. Nobody checked up on me while I was gone.

However, when I decided to leave the room my mum asked me to bring cake to the kitchen which I did. After that I went to my room again. Later I went to cut myself some cake and she said "Oh, you are cutting the cake? Could you cut some for us?" I got mad and immediately told her "No, do you have hands? Why are you always waiting for me to do something?"

She got mad. I got tired of it because I can't even say no without offending someone. What should I do? I feel like a servant.

TL;DR: How should I respond to my family members who treat me nice only when I serve them? Everytime I express my opinion they get mad at me and I'm so tired of it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Normal_Reporter_8267 on 2024-01-08 21:53:03+00:00.

My partner (33M) and I (35F) have been together for 18 months. When we met he worked really hard but left his job with good reason. Decided to have a few months break which is fair enough. I don’t work as I’m on disability payments for mental health.

We are now eight months down the track of his unemployment and he doesn’t search or apply for jobs, never really has. I decided to apply on his behalf (with his knowledge) and he got close a couple times and seemed super excited about the prospect of working again.

I support both of us financially which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is hard to do on disability payments. The situation is now taking a huge toll on my mental health bc of the pressure and stress.

He is aware of this and we have discussed multiple times. He’s very apologetic but then he shuts down and doesn’t want to engage.

I really love him and he is a beautiful and genuine person. I would like to understand what is going on here?

TL;DR! My boyfriend won’t get a job and I financially support both of us on disability payments.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/melunholya on 2024-01-08 21:49:54+00:00.

She is one of the most gentle and loyal people I've ever met. We are together for 2.5+ years but I am thinking of breaking up because I am at my wits end.

She doesn't ask questions, follow-up or otherwise, never starts a conversation that DOESN'T involve other people's drama or which country she would like to travel to next. Literally, that's it.

I showed her a music album and said, verbatim "this song right here is one of the main reasons why I havent killed myself" and all I got was a "oh don't say that". I get 0 stimulation from her and our convos. and I am a very talkative person but I also like to listen, to debate about stuff like philosophy, psychology, personal traumas, problem solving, playing the devil's advocate (maybe too often), music, art, the universe, books etc. etc.

I have tried, more than I can count, to start convos. such as "this event was life changing for me" or "i like this artist because of this verse, what's your interpretation" or "what's scarier, finding out that aliens exist or finding out that we are alone" etc. and all I get is a few words like "oh wow" and then she changes the convo to "my friends mom is so strict, she won't let her go to Paris" or "my aunt is so stupid"..

Meanwhile I've pushed her to continue with her hobbies, literally argued over her (very big) painting talent and that she should continue painting, I ask questions about her family, her problems, her personality "layers", what inspires her, what does she think of this quote by X or that study done by Y..

I am not sure if she isn't intersted in me (she says she is, otherwise wouldn't be with me) or she just lacks curiosity and at moments seems shallow..

TLDR: GF lacks curiosity and I think we never had a connection..

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/divinissima on 2024-01-08 21:46:03+00:00.

TL;DR! Bf wants a get a historical tattoo that includes a swastika and despite having an anti nazi meaning it will appear as one in support of it. When I try to convince him not to he says "his body his choice" and that he has every right to ink anything on his body. What do I do?

My bf (been together for a year) is making the worst choice of his life and this is definitely becoming a problem for our relationship. He likes military history, has several tattoos already and now he wants one representing an austrian soldier (my bf is originally from austria) who was a good guy and fought against the nazi from the inside and is apparently some kind of symbol in Austria. Name in unpronounceable to me.

Anyway, when he showed me the sketch of the tattoo (he made it himself, he has great artistic skills) it was the figure of a soldier in a nazi uniform, there is literally a swastika there. To someone like me who knows little about history and austria, and to most people, that's gonna look like a fucking nazi tattoo. He says he doesn't care, that everyone knows he's not a nazi, that if you start paying attention to people judgement you're never gonna do anything in life, there is nothing wrong in representing such a good figure and war hero, and also he's gonna get it on the shoulder which is not a place you usually show.

I still think this is going to create him problems, what about strangers if they see him shirtless, what about at doctors appointments, at the beach, on vacation? People don't care about the true meaning, they will se a swastika and immediately think he is nuts. Please please please what should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Practical_Guest4013 on 2024-01-08 21:36:34+00:00.

Probably this is how most of these Posts start. I met someone on the internet and i am not sure if this person is real or not. She is from the same country as i. I know that cause she texts in a very niche language with even the dialect where she claims to be from. This person also send me pictures of her surroundings. That seem legit. Also she tells me about things in her hometown that only a local would know about. But i am already texting 2 weeks with her and i havent seen how she looks like. She claims to be very shy and told me about past abuse in a relationship and that she got diagnosed with a panic disorder. And now has trustissues… Well this story makes me skeptical. Ofc if its true its absolutely horrible what happened. Also she told me that she is a dwarf with 155 cm. Idk if a catfish would say that. Also no crazy family stories or like job stories. she also send me pictures of her pets. Which dont seem to be from the internet. Also she doesnt lovebomb me. Just is nice to me. I just dont know what to think and i dont wanna be disappointed. What do you think?

TL;DR: Met someone online, afraid of being catfished

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MinuteManagement5366 on 2024-01-08 21:34:18+00:00.

My wife was pretty sick over the holidays. She had been prescribed a medicine that she could not take due to feeling naseau. It is one of those that stays in your system for a few days and really you are not supposed to just stop cold turkey. She could not keep anything down the first day, including that medicine (she had taken it the day prior), although she tried and some of it might have dissolved and been absorbed prior to throwing up. The next day she called her primary doctor. Unbeknown to me at the time, her primary was not aware that she was on the other med. Apparently she was embarassed by being on it due to some other uses it has (not related to her) Her primary prescribed a med that has a strong adverse interaction with the first The next day she was completely out of it, confused, could not wake up more than a few minutes to the point I was really worried. I thought maybe she was still recovering from being sick, so let it go a day with careful monitoring. Still about the same, but maybe some improvement, let it go another day. The next day, by the evening, it was enough to take her to the ER. She was not clear on what she had taken, so I just brought her various prescriptions, including some that might be older that she is not using. I showed the nurse and the doctor what she was taking, particularly the more recent ones (including the one she was embarassed about). Fortunately, everything came back fine, doctor said they just need to get out of her system. I took and hid the med that was more recently prescribed as well, as it had an interaction with the other

I gave it a day and gave that one back to her as I figured the first was finally out of her system.

Unfortunately, now she is angry at me because she said that I embarassed her by showing the doctor the meds she was on, plus taking the one from her. I am hurt myself that she is mad when I was only trying to help her. I am wondering if there is any advice as to how to best heal things? Thanks.

TLDR: Wife upset that I shared what meds she was on with doctor.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fickle_Box3249 on 2024-01-08 19:45:42+00:00.

So I (20 F) had sex with my roommate (28 F) a couple nights ago and this morning when I was leaving for work she said she wanted to talk about what happened but Im not sure what to say or how to communicate what I'm feeling. I don't want or even do relationships (commitment issues) and I'm not sure if I could do the fwb thing with her but I don't want to make things awkward. How do I say I think we should forget it ever happened and what do I say if she wants a relationship and how do I make it so no issues arise if I see other people.

TLDR: I had sex with my roommate and I have zero communication skills.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aromatic-Guava-6363 on 2024-01-08 19:17:31+00:00.

I (34f) have been with my bf (34m) for over a year. We were high school sweethearts and reconnected after my divorce and he asked me to be his gf because he didnt want to lose me again. I was with my ex husband for 10 years and I divorced him because he had an affair. Needless to say, his affair shattered my self esteem. My bf is aware of all I've been through and he still wants to be with me. We don't live together. He has been very open about his promiscuous past, which I am grateful for. However, I find in moments of weakness I hold it against him and worry about him cheating on me because I'm not good enough. I'm proactively working on my insecurities, but now I'm questioning if I should remain in a relationship with him. I absolutely love this man but it's not fair to him for me to be worried about him cheating on me. I don't address my issues every time the feeling comes up because I know this is my burden to overcome essentially. I'm unsure what course of action is best.

TL;DR- I was cheated in my marriage and have trust issues with my bf, leading me to question leaving him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sewing_GF2323 on 2024-01-08 17:41:56+00:00.

Hey all, maybe I'm being weird about this but I could really use some perspective here.

I met my current boyfriend, Gerard, at a bar last summer and we've been together ever since. It sounds really corny but I hit the jackpot with this man. He's sweet, funny, kind, caring, driven and principled. Every day, he makes me feel so loved and appreciated, whether it's by sending me random texts asking me if I know how sexy I am or surprising me with takeout from my favorite restaurant. I know, really corny but I can't stress enough just how special Gerard is to me.

A couple of months into the relationship, Gerard told me he wanted to introduce his parents to me. I was excited and said yes. That's when I learned that he's from old money. The kind where the trust fund will not run out for two to three generations. That being said, he has a successful career of his own and makes his own money. He didn't want to tell me about his financial status because he had been burned a few times in the past by past relationships. Which is understandable.

While I don't make near as much money as he does, I am financially comfortable.

I was a little unsure but he reassured me that his parents wanted to meet me and that if they gave me any blowback, he'd have my back. I agreed and we met at a nice restaurant.

His parents (Rose and Nick) won me over. They made me feel welcomed and asked me all sorts of questions about my hobbies, life and everything in particular. When we parted, I told his parents that I hoped they were proud of Gerard because of how wonderful he turned out to be. They said that they were and they told Gerard to not lose me.

Ever since then, Rose and Nick always ask how I am and how my latest sewing projects are going.

Rose and Nick's 40th wedding anniversary is on February 1st. Because Rose mentioned how much she likes the photos of my projects, I decided to make them one. I usually make my own gifts. The reason for this is because I feel it's more meaningful. For his birthday last month, I made Gerard a needlepoint of Aragorn's standard from The Lord of the Rings. He adored it and has it proudly hanging in his office.

Gerard knows I'm making this quilt for Nick and Rose and helped me pick the fabric. One of my friends has a fabric printer so I got copies of pictures to make panels for the quilt. Things like their engagement photo, their wedding photo, Gerard's baptism, pictures of vacations, etc.

It's coming along nicely.

This morning, Gerard asked me if I was willing to help him pick out a purse for Rose (her birthday is in a couple of weeks). Imagine my surprise when I saw it was a Louis Vuitton purse. I guess that's when it really sank in for me just how much money this family has. I don't know why, but it made me feel really inadequate. Almost like I don't measure up. At once, I got unsure about my own gift.

I'm not sure what to make of my feelings or even if I should be having these feelings at all. Should I bring it up to Gerard? Or should I just keep my mouth shut? Am I being a gold digger?

TLDR: I'm feeling insecure about my gift to my rich boyfriend's parents. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/manulixis on 2024-01-08 17:02:31+00:00.

TLDR: Wife's parents guarding her 2-year old niece with gastroenteritis. My wife's pregnancy is entering 3rd trimester (29 weeks) is already risky (IVF, 37 year-old), and gastroenteritis can increase the risk of early contractions or preterm-birth. I'm worried by a preterm/miscarriage if she catches gastroenteritis, and while her parents live 2.5 hours drive away, every time we change our plans to visit them, they are frustrated and go to great lengths to make us feel guilty about it.

• How do I handle my in-laws reaction if I'm not OK with risks associated with visiting them?

Context:

Wife got pregnant at 37 (higher risk) through IVF (very complicated & challenging process).

• Wife's parents live 2.5 hours drive away and are always putting us through a lot of peer pressure for us to see them.
• We skipped visiting my wife's in-laws 2 weekends in a row for Christmas / NYE due to their COVID-19 symptoms & positive test, to their frustration & guilt-inducing message (they were somewhat understanding, but went into great lengths into expressing their disappointment).
• My wife is entering the 29th week of pregnancy (3rd trimester), and the plan was to go see them this weekend instead.
• We just learned that they're guarding their 2 year-old granddaughter in their own home (where we were supposed to stay at this weekend) because she has gastroenteritis.
• Last time their granddaughter had gastroenteritis (last year), they caught it, and after 2 days of them being "symptom-free", we visited them, and we caught it - leading her to pass-out for a short while, and me vomiting heavily all-night long and being completely dehydrated and extremely week for more than 36 hours. Her parents complained that they had a bad night's sleep because "[my] vomiting woke them up."
• Now they're saying we should come visit them anyways this weekend, because her granddaughter's gastroenteritis is "almost over".
• My wife responded to them saying that we won't stay over as planned, but we could come for a visit during brunch and drive back home in the evening instead. They haven't responded, but I can already assume they'll be disappointed. Every time we change our plans to visit them, they make us go through a guilt-driving process.
• I've looked information online and information suggests that dehydration and strong vomiting can induce contractions in pregnant women in the 3rd trimester, and sometimes induce labor. I'm very worried about my wife entering into labor too early if she catches gastroenteritis and having an extremely premature birth.
• I'm not feeling comfortable with exposing my wife to this risk. Yes, she's the one carrying the baby, but it's my future family too. If she ends up having a preterm birth with higher health risks and possibly life-long complications I'll be the one stuck with that deal too.
• We are seeing our family doctor to seek medical advice later this week, as well part of the regular pregnancy follow-ups. I suspect our doctor will give medical advice, but not relationship advice.

How to I handle this difficult conversation with her and my in-laws?

Thank you!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Past-Indication-4222 on 2024-01-08 16:44:16+00:00.

This is a really weird situation and I'm not 100% sure what I'm talking about since I'm not a specialist in dementia/alzheimer but basically my mother has become a complete different person in the last 6 months and I'm becoming so concerned with it that I am thinking of asking my father to take her to the doctor.

Background: My mother has always been the most compassionate, empathetic, rational and calm person I have ever known. She's intelligent, loves to read, and always had a rational but emotionally in-tune solution to everything. Admittedly, she's played the family therapist countless times and I don't think anyone in my family could ever repay her for.

However, all of this changed when I moved back in with my parents 6 months ago after a stint of bad luck where my girlfriend dumped me and moved out, and I had to scramble together cash for rent and bills after I had just been let go during layoffs at my work....It wasn't pretty, but my parents were happy to welcome me back in with them.

I noticed upon moving back that something was just....different...about my mom. She seemed really impatient, less caring and curt with me, and I noticed her snapping at my father more too. I chalked this up to a few bad days, which turned into weeks. I thought maybe she was actually mad or disappointed with me for being back at home - something that would have really shocked me to begin with since my mom is very nurturing - but after chatting with her she assured me that she was happy to have me back.

It was little things at first...But then it got worse. Soon everything I had to say she took really crossly. For example, I was walking in our garage with the lights off (stupid, I know) and knocked our garbage can over. My mom came to investigate and I told her with a laugh "oh, just knocked some stuff over. Guess it's kinda dark in here!" And she immediately snapped "I KNOW MY GARAGE IS DIRTY, I WILL CLEAN IT SOON!"

Which took me off guard, but I just figured that maybe she misheard me and I rectified the situation, no biggie.

However, she's been doing that a lot lately, I'll say something - anything - and she'll respond aggressively about something off topic as if I had insulted her or insinuating something bad. She is also terrified of seemingly normal things now. She almost refuses to drive without my father and I with her, and one evening we could smell smoke through the house because of our neighbors using their wood burning stove. This is a normal occurrence, and we could see the smoke from the neighbor's chimney. Anyways, mom was distraught, tearing through the house looking for fire and wondering if she should call the fire department until dad and I talked her down.

Now the biggie: Yesterday I was ranting to my parents, having a beer with my dad, and lamenting about my life circumstances. Admittedly, I was getting a little heated, but suddenly my mom let out this tremendous scream. This "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Which my dad and I nearly fell out of our chairs and we stared at her like she had two heads, and she just started yelling "STOP YELLING AT ME!"

My dad and I talked her down, but she broke apart and started talking about the abuse she endured as a child - something that she's never done before, at least not like this. My mother and I have had discussions about how she grew up, but she had never fully lost her cool over it, and in such a random way before. It was scary.

Afterwards, my father walked my mom to their bedroom and she went to sleep. My dad came out and we were both kind've speechless....Not sure what to do or really what to say to each other so we had an early night.

I got to reflecting, and the whole thing just made me feel really bothered. There was clearly something going on with my mom, and there were other things that I noticed too:

For example, my mom came around to find me while I was shoveling snow to ask how to cook a ham....Which we just had a simple conversation about and it didn't immediately raise any red flags...but my mom taught ME how to cook. She knows how to cook hams and has done so possible hundreds of times in her life. I thought maybe she was just lonely and was maybe asking HOW I WANTED it cooked, but now I'm not so sure.

One of the most frightening things, though, is that I have heard her a few times during the night opening my door to my bedroom to check on me as I sleep. I know this is what she is doing because she used to do it when I was a child. Again, I figured maybe old habits die hard, but she's never done this before in my adult life, and actually she stopped her nightly check-ins when I was 17.

It's making me think something is really wrong with my mom, and I want to ask my dad to bring her in to see a doc and get tested for dementia; however, my dad is an incredibly proud man and I think doing this would definitely be offensive to both him and my mom.

However I don't know what else to do?

My mom is not the same woman I grew up with. I know people change as they get older, but I can tell she's suffering - either by something like dementia or otherwise, I don't know. Please help.

TL;DR: I think my mom might be showing personality changes related to dementia. I want to mention it to my dad without offending both my parents. What's the best way to bring it up with my dad? How should I act towards my mom as to not upset her further?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HeronPleasant3236 on 2024-01-08 16:10:28+00:00.

Previous post:

After making this post I sat on what to do until Tuesday, and sat down and had a conversation with him, and claimed that having a child wasn’t a deal breaker for him If It meant he got to keep me in his life, apologized for the gambling and neglect, threw out all of his scratch off tickets and threw out the bud light that we had in the fridge.

He started helping me clean out our boxes because we just moved into a home in November and the garage has been a mess for months of unpacked minor belongings for the Guest room, and had been doing really good.

We went to therapy on Saturday which was also my birthday so to celebrate a good therapy session we went out to dinner and later decided to celebrate the night, in celebration we got hammered and had sex, and when I went to find my birth control that it was gone, so searching everywhere I found It thrown away In the Guest room.

I guess having a kid really is a deal breaker to him, so I will be filing for divorce this week.

TL;DR: things improved a lot, I was finally hoping for some relief and joy, and found out he hid my birth control on my birthday.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Traditionalpumkin on 2024-01-08 15:12:10+00:00.

My boyfriend and I are both really independent. We definitely enjoy our companionship together and want to build a life together and we are doing that, incorporating each other into each others lives. I feel like we have a healthy balance now. We both actively work towards finding a balance daily. We are getting to know each others kids and families and allowing those bonds to form as well. I have a teen still in highschool so I am in no rush and honestly fearful to give up my home too soon so I’m in no rush to love together but it is something I’d want to work towards eventually long term. We definitely talk about future and we’ve both definitely have used “WE” discussing a vacation home/air bnb potential/retirement home. (We’re mid 40’s already) I feel he may be more reluctant to change up is living alone/single routine than me which at the same time is ironic because his marriage lack companionship and they lived parallel lives and it’s something his expressed wanting. I know giving him space but what are other ways to make him feel safe that building a life together, living together and possibly marriage WE won’t loose that?

TLDR: how to assure my boyfriend I value my independence yet want to grow something together along with making him feel safe to also not loose his as I feel he may be more fearful/resistant than me?