Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Limp-Cantaloupe-4376 on 2024-01-08 15:01:52+00:00.

I talked to my wife about how I felt we were making love less often and it made me feel distant from her. Not just physically but in general. When we make I feel like we're more "smitten" with each other for the few days and generally feel closer and more intimate. It's not the only way to feel close to each other, but when we spend several days without making love, it makes me feel bad.

I expressed all of this to her, and she said that sometimes she doesn't want to make love, not because she doesn't want it but because she doesn't like how I initiate. She doesn't like that I sometimes grope her playfully and she also (sometimes) doesn't like it when I hold her from behind and whisper that I want her (but sometimes she does).

All of this was kind of a lot to process because that's pretty much how we've always initiated sex. I initiate much more often that she does, so it's confusing that we have a dynamic where it's pretty much expected that I initiate but when I do, she doesn't like it. When she does initiates, she usually wants to cuddle first, which is really not that different from me holding her from behind.

I can see how groping can be disturbing so I won't do that, but how is gently holding her and telling her I want us to make love disturbing to her?

She didn't explain that and didn't propose ways for me to approach her that she enjoys and didn't mention making an effort to initiate more often. So, it's kind of all on me to initiate in a way she likes but she doesn't share how she wants me to.

How to resolve this?

tl;dr: Wife doesn't like some of the ways I initiate sex and it lowers her sex drive. I asked how I may initiate in a way she enjoys, and she doesn't know. How to resolve this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LazySloth1337 on 2024-01-08 14:45:53+00:00.

Hi all!

I (32M) have been wondering if the communication with my gf of 8 months (29F) is broken.

Since we started dating, we mostly have been exchanging texts back and forth, replying on average every 2-3 hours to eachother. Sometimes we also call but not very often.

We meet around 1 or 2 times per week and everything seems fine but whenever we're apart i feel as if she's disconnected from my life. I as well feel as if i don't know what's going on with her personal life when we're away.

As a person, i am quite flexible with communication be it videocall, call or text. However, i really dislike being on the extreme sides such as taking very long to reply or the opposite.

What do you think? Is this a bad sign or could it be fixed? How do i communicate this without coming off as needy?

TL;DR - Having second thoughts about my relationship due to communication issues.

Have a happy new year :)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Traditionalpumkin on 2024-01-08 15:12:10+00:00.

My boyfriend and I are both really independent. We definitely enjoy our companionship together and want to build a life together and we are doing that, incorporating each other into each others lives. I feel like we have a healthy balance now. We both actively work towards finding a balance daily. We are getting to know each others kids and families and allowing those bonds to form as well. I have a teen still in highschool so I am in no rush and honestly fearful to give up my home too soon so I’m in no rush to love together but it is something I’d want to work towards eventually long term. We definitely talk about future and we’ve both definitely have used “WE” discussing a vacation home/air bnb potential/retirement home. (We’re mid 40’s already) I feel he may be more reluctant to change up is living alone/single routine than me which at the same time is ironic because his marriage lack companionship and they lived parallel lives and it’s something his expressed wanting. I know giving him space but what are other ways to make him feel safe that building a life together, living together and possibly marriage WE won’t loose that?

TLDR: how to assure my boyfriend I value my independence yet want to grow something together along with making him feel safe to also not loose his as I feel he may be more fearful/resistant than me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/laceleatherpearls on 2024-01-08 14:35:22+00:00.

I'm (36f) not abled body. But I'm having a good day and try to clean the house on Sunday. I changed the bed sheets and stepped up to the dishes but my boyfriend (35m) said "I'll do the dishes after laundry"

Laundry will take another 4-6 hours. Why wait? It doesn't affect the water pressure. He needs to shovel the driveway before dark. I can wash them now it's nbd...

He got so angry that I started the dishes. I said "fine!!! you finish them, they are soaking and mostly done now!" but he was infuriated he ‘had to finish a project I started’ and said I shouldn't have helped at all! He said he didn’t want dishes in the sink while washing dishes. Since I wasn't allowed to touch the dishes, I felt like I stuck doing the more difficult chores like vacuuming, which made my heart rate skyrocket.

It took several hours of asking to figure out why he was so angry. Eventually he said it's very disrespectful to start a chore he promised to do later. I couldn't follow his train of logic. What did I do that is so disrespectful? He washes the dishes 90% of the time because I’m disabled.

TLDR; what is disrespectful about washing your own dishes or doing a chore your partner already “called”?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Limp-Cantaloupe-4376 on 2024-01-08 15:01:52+00:00.

I talked to my wife about how I felt we were making love less often and it made me feel distant from her. Not just physically but in general. When we make I feel like we're more "smitten" with each other for the few days and generally feel closer and more intimate. It's not the only way to feel close to each other, but when we spend several days without making love, it makes me feel bad.

I expressed all of this to her, and she said that sometimes she doesn't want to make love, not because she doesn't want it but because she doesn't like how I initiate. She doesn't like that I sometimes grope her playfully and she also (sometimes) doesn't like it when I hold her from behind and whisper that I want her (but sometimes she does).

All of this was kind of a lot to process because that's pretty much how we've always initiated sex. I initiate much more often that she does, so it's confusing that we have a dynamic where it's pretty much expected that I initiate but when I do, she doesn't like it. When she does initiates, she usually wants to cuddle first, which is really not that different from me holding her from behind.

I can see how groping can be disturbing so I won't do that, but how is gently holding her and telling her I want us to make love disturbing to her?

She didn't explain that and didn't propose ways for me to approach her that she enjoys and didn't mention making an effort to initiate more often. So, it's kind of all on me to initiate in a way she likes but she doesn't share how she wants me to.

How to resolve this?

tl;dr: Wife doesn't like some of the ways I initiate sex and it lowers her sex drive. I asked how I may initiate in a way she enjoys, and she doesn't know. How to resolve this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/giada99 on 2024-01-08 14:30:16+00:00.

(F25) In high-school I was friends with these girls. In 2019 I stopped talking to them due to my mental health. Now I am on therapy and medications and my psychologist told me to try and send them a message to see if I can try to make up to them and that the next time that I had an appointment with her i would respond to them because i told her that i was afraid because of my anxiety. Last night I did it and this morning I saw that they replied back but I didn't open the chat. Tomorrow evening I have the appointment with my psychologist. Do you think I should replay back now? I don't want them to think I'm not going to responde to them.

Tl;dr I texted my high school friends last night after 4 years and should I wait tomorrow to answer to them or should I do it now?

I'm sorry for my english hope you can understand what I wrote :)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LazySloth1337 on 2024-01-08 14:45:53+00:00.

Hi all!

I (32M) have been wondering if the communication with my gf of 8 months (29F) is broken.

Since we started dating, we mostly have been exchanging texts back and forth, replying on average every 2-3 hours to eachother. Sometimes we also call but not very often.

We meet around 1 or 2 times per week and everything seems fine but whenever we're apart i feel as if she's disconnected from my life. I as well feel as if i don't know what's going on with her personal life when we're away.

As a person, i am quite flexible with communication be it videocall, call or text. However, i really dislike being on the extreme sides such as taking very long to reply or the opposite.

What do you think? Is this a bad sign or could it be fixed? How do i communicate this without coming off as needy?

TL;DR - Having second thoughts about my relationship due to communication issues.

Have a happy new year :)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gymgirl919 on 2024-01-08 14:26:21+00:00.

Since we have been dating, we like to often scrolling through his explore page and I’ve never seen any posts showing revealing girls. I went home for 3 weeks and when I came back and look through his explore page, it’s become 80% girls, not all in suggestive poses but also outfit/gym/going out posts.

Even worse, he uses instagram instead of tiktok so his screentime amounts to hours.

I’ve had conversations to him about social media and how what he follows makes me feel. He follows a lot of girls from our area that he knows from highschool, dating apps, etc., which already makes me feel uncomfortable but its unrealistic for me to ask him to unfollow all of them.

But now this? I know I should talk to him but the reality is that I know he’s been looking that other girls and it hurts me so much. Is there anything else I can do?

TDLR: boyfriends feed went from memes to almost all girls.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/laceleatherpearls on 2024-01-08 14:35:22+00:00.

I'm (36f) not abled body. But I'm having a good day and try to clean the house on Sunday. I changed the bed sheets and stepped up to the dishes but my boyfriend (35m) said "I'll do the dishes after laundry"

Laundry will take another 4-6 hours. Why wait? It doesn't affect the water pressure. He needs to shovel the driveway before dark. I can wash them now it's nbd...

He got so angry that I started the dishes. I said "fine!!! you finish them, they are soaking and mostly done now!" but he was infuriated he ‘had to finish a project I started’ and said I shouldn't have helped at all! He said he didn’t want dishes in the sink while washing dishes. Since I wasn't allowed to touch the dishes, I felt like I stuck doing the more difficult chores like vacuuming, which made my heart rate skyrocket.

It took several hours of asking to figure out why he was so angry. Eventually he said it's very disrespectful to start a chore he promised to do later. I couldn't follow his train of logic. What did I do that is so disrespectful? He washes the dishes 90% of the time because I’m disabled.

TLDR; what is disrespectful about washing your own dishes or doing a chore your partner already “called”?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/loyalanakin on 2024-01-08 14:06:14+00:00.

A little back story here… I (20F) am a paramedic. I work 24 hr-48 hr shifts. Recently, I’ve been working 90 some-odd hour weeks in attempt to get my taxes paid. My boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for a while, and we get along so well that we’ve never fought with one another.

However, the last week or so we’ve finally hit the point in our relationship that we DID have our first disagreement. In total, there’s been about four episodes of us bickering back and forth at one another for maybe 15-20 minutes before we say our apologies.

For context, one of those “disagreements” so to speak, was him expressing to me that he felt I was losing interest because his hoodie was no longer in my closet (twas in the laundry ‘cause I wore it). I expressed to him that it was only because I am completely and utterly exhausted.

Anyway, so last night… We go out to dinner and I fall asleep at the restaurant. I didn’t mean to, however he was distraught because “If we aren’t arguing then you’re sleeping”. We hashed it out, he says we’re OK.

Sometime around 3am, he wakes me up and tells me he can’t sleep, and that he’s going to go home and try to get some rest before he has to go to work. Understandble, so we say our goodbyes.

I wake up at 5am for work, and I see that all of his stuff is gone from the bathroom, clothes are gone, pictures are taken down, and a photograph of us on top of my kitchen counter with my front door key sitting on top of it.

He texts me around 11am, “good morning”. I ignore him. He then proceeds to text my sibling and say that he’s not sure if we’re broken up, and it depends on whether I reply. I am FUMING at this point. In my mind, leaving your key on the kitchen counter is a “Fuck you, I don’t need this anymore. Goodbye.”

Here’s the kicker, he began saying that it was because we kept fighting and that he didn’t know where our relationship stood but he was tired of getting hurt. He also was saying that the main reason he left is because he couldn’t sleep and that taking his things was impulsive.

I start cold shouldering him, and now he did it because he was scared I was going to leave him first, I didn’t love him anymore, etc. He finally took accountability for it, and admits he did it to break up and he knew I would be upset. He’s also saying he regretted it the second after he left.

He’s been apologizing for the last 6 hours. He says it was stupid of him to do. My problem is how do I trust him again? He slinked off at 3am after a tough week together. He took HOURS to take responsibility for it. How do you even move forward from that? What if I never trust him again, or no longer feel comfortable bringing issues forward about our relationship in fear that he leaves me.

He suggests we go to couples therapy. I don’t know what to do. Is this my sign to leave before we go any farther?

TLDR: My boyfriend left in the middle of the night to break up with me, then texts me and says he changed his mind.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/giada99 on 2024-01-08 14:30:16+00:00.

(F25) In high-school I was friends with these girls. In 2019 I stopped talking to them due to my mental health. Now I am on therapy and medications and my psychologist told me to try and send them a message to see if I can try to make up to them and that the next time that I had an appointment with her i would respond to them because i told her that i was afraid because of my anxiety. Last night I did it and this morning I saw that they replied back but I didn't open the chat. Tomorrow evening I have the appointment with my psychologist. Do you think I should replay back now? I don't want them to think I'm not going to responde to them.

Tl;dr I texted my high school friends last night after 4 years and should I wait tomorrow to answer to them or should I do it now?

I'm sorry for my english hope you can understand what I wrote :)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/loyalanakin on 2024-01-08 14:06:14+00:00.

A little back story here… I (20F) am a paramedic. I work 24 hr-48 hr shifts. Recently, I’ve been working 90 some-odd hour weeks in attempt to get my taxes paid. My boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for a while, and we get along so well that we’ve never fought with one another.

However, the last week or so we’ve finally hit the point in our relationship that we DID have our first disagreement. In total, there’s been about four episodes of us bickering back and forth at one another for maybe 15-20 minutes before we say our apologies.

For context, one of those “disagreements” so to speak, was him expressing to me that he felt I was losing interest because his hoodie was no longer in my closet (twas in the laundry ‘cause I wore it). I expressed to him that it was only because I am completely and utterly exhausted.

Anyway, so last night… We go out to dinner and I fall asleep at the restaurant. I didn’t mean to, however he was distraught because “If we aren’t arguing then you’re sleeping”. We hashed it out, he says we’re OK.

Sometime around 3am, he wakes me up and tells me he can’t sleep, and that he’s going to go home and try to get some rest before he has to go to work. Understandble, so we say our goodbyes.

I wake up at 5am for work, and I see that all of his stuff is gone from the bathroom, clothes are gone, pictures are taken down, and a photograph of us on top of my kitchen counter with my front door key sitting on top of it.

He texts me around 11am, “good morning”. I ignore him. He then proceeds to text my sibling and say that he’s not sure if we’re broken up, and it depends on whether I reply. I am FUMING at this point. In my mind, leaving your key on the kitchen counter is a “Fuck you, I don’t need this anymore. Goodbye.”

Here’s the kicker, he began saying that it was because we kept fighting and that he didn’t know where our relationship stood but he was tired of getting hurt. He also was saying that the main reason he left is because he couldn’t sleep and that taking his things was impulsive.

I start cold shouldering him, and now he did it because he was scared I was going to leave him first, I didn’t love him anymore, etc. He finally took accountability for it, and admits he did it to break up and he knew I would be upset. He’s also saying he regretted it the second after he left.

He’s been apologizing for the last 6 hours. He says it was stupid of him to do. My problem is how do I trust him again? He slinked off at 3am after a tough week together. He took HOURS to take responsibility for it. How do you even move forward from that? What if I never trust him again, or no longer feel comfortable bringing issues forward about our relationship in fear that he leaves me.

He suggests we go to couples therapy. I don’t know what to do. Is this my sign to leave before we go any farther?

TLDR: My boyfriend left in the middle of the night to break up with me, then texts me and says he changed his mind.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Robob8648 on 2024-01-08 13:13:38+00:00.

TLDR: asked a girl out twice in one day...she said shes busy and seemed awkward after, I decided to avoid her, she messages me randomly 4 weeks later

First off - she's leaving soon, otherwise I wouldn't try dating a coworker.

We got talking about 7 weeks ago for the first time. Just small talk, we work in different departments so never had to engage with one another for work reasons. Fairly quickly in (third time chatting) I asked for if she'd like to get lunch but she said she had plans.

Here's the bold part. Later that day I asked if she was free for drinks. I did this as I knew we'd have the Christmas and new year break coming up, our company went on holiday sooner than most. I also knew she was leaving for a new job in January at some point so I thought my window of opportunity to get to know her was tight.

She again said she had plans, and I guess because I knew how pushy it looked I said no worries just thought it'd be good to chat as we're similar age and everyone else in the business is old. At this point I obviously wasn't gonna ask again and the ball was in her court. Next time I seen her I sensed an awkward energy, the vibes were just was bit off. I thought great I've made the poor girl uncomfortable and decided I'll just totally avoid her.

3-4 weeks later she found me on zoom and messaged asking if I was heading into work anyday that week. I said yeah and we were in on the same day. She didn't mention lunch at all but I interpreted her message as basically hinting at asking her again, so I asked her and we had lunch. Lunch went alright, I enjoyed it though there were a few awkward moments. But up until this point - I don't know how to view things. Does she think this is a purely coworker thing or a romantic thing? Surely she knows I'm interested considering I asked twice in one day! I feel like she's just being friendly but she had to find me on zoom, didn't know my surname as we've never emailed or interacted professionally etc, by chance I was the only person with my first name. There's not been any flirting and I've nothing really to suggest she's into me except messaging me randomly like she did and the fact she's very outgoing but seems to have a bit of an awkward energy since I asked her out twice.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Academic_Print_5753 on 2024-01-08 08:37:45+00:00.

Me (m34) and my kinda-SO (f31) dated for nearly 8 years long distance, previously broke up but working on getting back together.

As background, I’m Chinese-American and her much more Chinese - looking for feedback on whether her behavior with asking me for money/purchases is normal or not.

She recently purchased a home and seeing she’s new to the experience, I’ve been helping make certain purchases like a washer/dryer and some necessary amenities. She also asked me to help temporarily pay for her car registration. So far the tally is ~$2k and she then just asked if she can borrow another $6-$10k to furnish her home with a 6-12 months repayment plan.

This makes me a bit uncomfortable as she’s fully aware of my current unemployment status. By no means am I poor/broke, but that kind of money I don’t have just sitting around for no reason. And her record of paying me back is a little spotty as she would expect me to suck it up since I’m the guy and have a relationship.

I can’t tell if it’s manipulation or something cultural or just something that happens in a deep relationship. If I was married to her, that would be a bit different but right now we’re in the midst of reaching that goal.

TL;DR: serious gf asking me to lend her $ to furnish her home but im confused to how to read it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/londonboy15 on 2024-01-08 09:24:40+00:00.

A couple of years back, a girl X (24F) I was friends with confessed to me that she liked me. In a passive aggressive way though after she asked me whether I was playing with me and then told me that if we were going to start something it has to be a forever thing.. she used to pickup random fights with me as well.. so I saw all of these as red flags and didn't want to start anything because I didn't want to hurt her in case things didn't work out. Also I had never been in a relationship in my life at that point. A couple of months after this, I got together with another girl (25F) who really loves me and always checks up on me and such. However X recently told me about her issues with her parents and I started to feel sorry for her and more empathetic I guess. She has also lost a lot of weight and looks quite pretty than before. She has also lost the attitude she had. All of these factors made me develop some sort of feelings towards her which made it really confusing and I feel guilty too. X is going through some family issues and confides in me every now and then.. any advice for me? It's very tough going about everyday like this.

TL;DR : I find girl I didn't like before attractive and have some protective feeling towards her even though I am involved with someone else right now.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/safewordcod on 2024-01-08 09:06:50+00:00.

The other day me and my best friend of almost 5 years met in person for the first time. We met online through yubo and instantly clicked. Since the start Ive been honest with myself that I have feelings for her and I did admit it when we first met and when she turned me down due to the timing I understood and bowed away from it. I have mentioned it recently but just subtly as a way of reassuring her one night when she was having some doubting thoughts on herself. While I do have active romantic feelings for her, there is the side where it is purely platonic. I’m making this clear so no one thinks I’m holding out in the friendship just to hopefully be with her one day, our friendship means way more to me then that. We’ve been through a lot together throughout the years. We are actually from the same state but just far enough in cities to allow some things in plans to fall through to actually meet up until recently. We had dinner with her parents and with my my mom as they were our rides to the halfway part between us. It was nice and went well. I was extremely nervous since I’m a very shy person and this was a new situation but when I walked in and she gave me a hug I felt at ease. At the end of the day before we left we had my mom take a picture and then my friend took a selfie of us. When she turned around before heading to her respectful car, she gave me a hug and then looked at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Of course I was blushing so my mom was teasing me as I got into the car. I didn’t think much of it in the moment as I was just riding the high of the meeting going so well and it finally happening after all this time. I’m not making it into anything but I’m just curious if anyone thinks it does mean anything? I know we are pretty open so I could probably ask her but I try to limit any talk about this kind of stuff unless necessary due to not wanting to risk our friendship

tl;dr me and a friend ( I presumedly have feelings for) meet up after almost 5 years of friendship. She gives me a kiss before we depart

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Complete-Loquat-6405 on 2024-01-08 08:39:37+00:00.

Hello, I(32F) have been with my wife(31F) since our second year of high school. From what I remember, she has always wanted to become a doctor. A Paediatric doctor to be exact. While I kept changing my mind and was continuously unsure about what I wanted, my wife was extremely dedicated on wanting to be a Paediatric doctor. I’ve seen her study her butt off in college and cry from frustration as she studied. Seeing her work so hard gave me the motivation to finish school and become a lawyer. We’ve been each others biggest supporters throughout this journey. From working odd jobs to support ourselves, having cheap dates at the park and crying from stress and frustration, it was like finally seeing the end of the tunnel with my partner next to me the entire time.

We got Married right after I graduated from law school and started living in a bigger place with the money we had saved together. She finished her internship this year and is about to legally become a licensed doctor. However, her happy tune about becoming a doctor suddenly changed. I’m not really sure when her obsession with becoming a house wife started, but seeing her go from being a career oriented woman with hopes and dreams to wanting to become a housewife gave me severe whiplash. I just couldn’t understand what could make her change her mind so suddenly. I tried asking about it and she said something along the lines of “I just want to cook and clean for you… Live a simple life.” I assumed that maybe she was feeling lonely since I’ve been working a lot so I told her that we’d go on more dates and spend more time together but again she insisted that she wanted to be a housewife.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a housewife, but to give up your long years of studying and hard work to stay home and cook is absurd. We’re already splitting the chores at home and we’ve just been on very equal footing since forever. I just can’t seem to read her. Maybe being a doctor just isn’t for her? Or perhaps she got bored. I just don’t get it. I want her to do what makes her happy because I truly love her and she’s my entire world but is stopping everything and throwing away the chance of having one of the most respectable jobs on earth just to stay home and do chores really worth it?

Maybe i’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe she’s trying to tell me something and i’m being dense. I wish I could read her mind. I just don’t get it. At the end of the day I just want to know why and maybe convince her otherwise. As much as I think that’s it’s a bad Idea, it’s still her life, but I don’t think i’ll ever be able to forgive myself if I let her throw her career away.

TL;DR: My (32F) wife (31F) wants to become a housewife after years of studying to become a doctor but i’m totally against it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/janealaska on 2024-01-08 07:13:35+00:00.

I (33F) have been engaged to my fiancé (29M) for 3 weeks. One night while we were together (he had fallen asleep, but I was still awake) at approximately 11:30pm, he got a phone call. I looked over and saw a picture of a girl and just a first name. He ignored the call. Then when I asked who it was the lies started.

He said “no one.” Then he tried to tell me it was a work call from a man, so I told him I saw a picture of a girl. But then he showed me his recent calls to try to prove it was work, but I just reached over and swiped down to see the name of the girl who had just called. Very clearly a female name, just the first name. He started saying he’d been making calls about wedding venues (he knew I’d been stressed trying to find one). He said he was trying to help me out. He tried to prove it by calling a number of an actual wedding venue.

I asked why she had a contact picture and he said it was the new Apple update, when someone updates their picture it updates in your phone, too. Which I believe that is true, but I’m not great with techy stuff.

I can’t even remember all the lies he told. I told him to call back that exact number and he said he didn’t want to. Then he said he deleted the number.

Lie on top of lie. I didn’t believe any of it. I’m a very trusting, sometimes naive, person. But I knew he was lying.

He left and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning when I came out I asked again “who was she?” He told me what he claims is the whole story. He says she was someone he went to high school with. She was working at Walmart one night about 6 months ago when he went in and they recognized each other. They exchanged phone numbers. (Note: he says he did tell her about me).

Now to explain what happens next you need more context. We are both very active in our local churches. He is a part of outreach teams that works to reach people who are searching for a church home.

So he tells me, the original intent of them exchanging numbers was so he could help her out/invite her to church, that sort of thing. Their conversations were friendly, just catching up since high school, that sort of thing. He said they texted very infrequently over the course of about 4 months.

But then he said he could tell the conversations weren’t going the way he wanted them to. Basically that she started coming onto him, so then he just ghosted her. He said they hadn’t talked in months.

So here are my thoughts. I’m very hurt by the initial lie when she called. I am also hurt that he didn’t consider or respect me enough to tell me this had happened. I also really don’t know if his whole story is true. I do believe parts, but some of it doesn’t seem to add up.

TLDR my fiancé was talking to another girl (not sure if it was romantic/sexual or not), lied, then told the “truth.”

So Reddit, what do I do? Work on rebuilding trust and marry him? Or cut my loses and break up?

Editing to say: I brought up getting an app on his phone that would allow me to see all of his texts and calls and he seemed very for it. So that is one thing that gives me hope.

Editing again to say he apologized for lying and said he panicked because he was scared of what I would think.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sackonfire on 2024-01-08 07:00:17+00:00.

Been seeing this girl for 2 months. She has a score of a million and is constantly getting snaps, like idk if there's more than a couple minutes where she won't get one(thank god for silent mode.) Tons of guys ofc so I called her out said she needs attention and that it's a big red flag for me but all she said is she doesn't care about any of them and it's just streaks with ppl she used to go to college with. Ik she's only dating me rn and she wants me to commit to her but I just don't know if I can knowing one of her main hobbies is snapchatting. She's never really on her phone when I'm with her and I'm pretty secure in myself these days so I have just been ignoring it, but what do y'all think?

Tl;dr: Girl I’ve been dating for 2 months wants commitment but she’s addicted to snapchat and snaps a ton of guys

Edit: Just for added context the one day I checked how much her score went up in a single day it was close to 1500

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Vanilla5842 on 2024-01-08 05:59:18+00:00.

I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for over a year and we have lived together for about 7 months. We have always had a good relationship and actively talked about marriage and children in the near future. I thought we were deeply in love.

I want to start looking for a new job and our lease is up soon. A new job in my current industry would likely result in me having to move cities, but I am willing to switch industries in order to stay with my boyfriend in the city we currently live in, if we still are actively working on building a future together. When I brought up resigning our lease to my boyfriend and that it would be a good time for me to start job searching, my boyfriend told me that he plans to move to his hometown two hours away, despite the fact that he works 12 hour long days in the city we live in and this would result in long daily round trip commutes, and that I can come with him if I want. He also told me to not consider him in my job search and said that he was unsure of if marriage was still in our future.

I am very hurt by the fact that my boyfriend has decided to make this decision about moving without considering me and the uncertainty he expressed in the future of our relationship. But at the same time, since this conversation he has still continued to be very affectionate and loving towards me on a daily basis and has expressed a sadness at me distancing myself from him since this conversation. He still tells me he loves me deeply and wants to continue dating me.

My boyfriend is unaware of all of this, but I am now actively applying to new jobs around the country and I will not be moving with him to his hometown. He thinks I am still considering the move. I am planning on finding a new place to live without him regardless of if my job search takes me out of our current city or not. And I am highly considering breaking up with him when our lease is up, since he said he’s unsure if marriage is still in our future and I see no longer living together as a backwards step in the relationship. I know there is still love in our relationship on both sides, but I don’t want to waste time in this relationship if it’s not going anywhere. I am very sad and lost. What should I do?

TL/DR - My live-in boyfriend has made plans to move away when our lease is up without including me in the decision. He says he is unsure of our future but that he still loves me and wants to date me. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Less-Cold-147 on 2024-01-08 05:38:03+00:00.

We've been together together 2 years and my boyfriend has recently over the past few months told me he doesn't think he ever wants to live with anyone. That the idea of living with a person really bothers him. This was after giving me false hope saying we would..

Anyway, he said when I went home after the Christmas period it was really weird because when I left he didn't have anyone to talk to and he felt like.. Oh.. What do I do now? So this makes me wonder if he just needs time to miss me to realise moving in wouldn't be all that bad?

We usually message and voice note all of the time and we only see each other on the weekends. We're 50 miles apart.

Tldr: Been in the together 2 years, after recently saying he doesn't want to live together said he felt strange when I left after spending the Christmas time together. Does he just need time to miss me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BlackberryHorror9511 on 2024-01-08 05:32:22+00:00.

"Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months; we're both 22. We get along well, but there's an issue with physical affection. Despite loving her, she's not very expressive with hugs or kisses or sexual relation. We've discussed it, and while hugs have improved, kisses are limited to greetings and goodbyes. We live in different cities, meeting twice a month. During our time together, we spend very good time and we usually hug a lot, but kissing is still an issue as well the sex . She's shy about intimacy, and even though we've discussed it, outside of our private moments, we rarely share a prolonged kiss.

Additionally, we only share kisses when I visit her in her city, and when we're both in our hometown, it's limited to hugs. This hurts because I won't see her for a while, and our physical intimacy is limited to a few occasions, and only when I visit her city.

I've shared my feelings, and she apologized and expressed that she just never thought of it, the next day I notice she was trying to be lit physical and we kissed but after that things returned to normal. It's affecting my self-esteem, and I feel sexually undesired. Any advice or thoughts on how to handle this?"

TL;DR

"Girlfriend of 8 months is not physically affectionate, especially with kisses. We've discussed it, and though hugs improved, kisses are rare, limited to greetings. We live in different cities, meeting twice a month. Physical intimacy, including kisses, happens mostly when I visit her city. Recently, during a 1.5-month visit to our hometown, the situation didn't change. Shared my feelings, got an apology, but no lasting change. Struggling with self-esteem and feeling sexually undesired. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation."

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwaway_RA24 on 2024-01-08 05:06:36+00:00.

Apologies for what is likely going to be a long post but I wanted to give everyone as much information as possible because I have a large decision to make.

About 17 years ago, I met this woman, let's call her Kate, through my friend group who had recently moved across the country and was renting a room from a friend of mine. When we met, she was in a relationship, but we became good friends and would always hang out in our friend group. A while into it, she and her boyfriend broke up, and we became even closer friends, although nothing ever happened romantically. I had a bit of a reputation as a shithead and a player at the time, so our friends would generally tell her not to mess with me, not helping the situation is her roommate had a friend that was OBSESSED with me for some reason who I wanted nothing to do with, and wasn't all right in the head and seemed to make up stories about her and I that weren't true.

Regardless, Kate and I were very close and almost kissed at a few parties but it was one of those situations where someone would show up at the right time and stop that from happening. Fast forward a few years, and she had decided to move back to the other side of the country. Before she left Kate and I went out to a bar one night to hang out one last time. She got pretty drunk, and when it was time to leave, she stood in front of me, grabbed both my arms, and moved in like she wanted me to kiss her. I was pretty much in love with this girl at this point and couldn't do it, because I didn't want the first and probably only time we kissed to be outside a bar when she was drunk. I said let's get you home and took her back to her place where I was going to put her to bed and then sleep on the couch. Of course, her roommate heard us come in, and ran out and grabbed her to put her to bed, *protecting her friend* kind of deal.

Fast forward to 13 years later, we connected on Facebook last January and began talking in increasing amounts. I am still single and never married, she is single and a couple of years out of a divorce with an adorable young daughter. We are both professionals with really good careers in the same field, I run my own business, which is similar to one that she wants to start, bought our houses around the same time, etc etc. I had mentioned that I was actually planning on quitting my job and moving to her neck of the woods because it is a better area for me to be in with my business. She's helped by sending my houses available for sale and for rent, even sent me one on her own street, and said her daughter loved that house because it had an in-ground pool, even going so far as to send me a video of her daughter telling me to please buy that house so she could use the pool. A month ago, we decided I was going to come out and see her. She had told me about some bad dates she had been on recently, and I took the opportunity to try a soft close and said, "Hey, don't worry, I'm coming to save you." to which she replied, "Yeah but you're only coming for a day."

We did hang out for a day and had a great time. All the feelings I previously had for her came flowing back almost instantly.

My problem is this. I have quit my job and decided to move across the country, as I had always been drawn to do. I have friends and an amazing job offer on this side of the country, but it is a 4.5-hour drive away from where Kate lives. Where I am lucky is that because my business is an online business and does well enough that I don't really have to actually work, I can put the job aspect aside. That said I likely would want to work as I get pretty bored when I have too much time on my hands. For me, if there was an opportunity to be with her, I would take that over the other job all day long.

This woman is beautiful, intelligent, caring, compassionate, successful, and just an overall amazing person, exactly what I've always been looking for. I know we would be amazing together, and each push each other to new heights. That said, I've had such a a hard time reading where she is at. I am out here again and am supposed to see her tomorrow before I fly home. I really want to tell her how I feel and ask if there is any world in which she sees us together or at the very least giving it a chance, if there is I know that this is where I want to be. If not, then I think I need to move closer to my friends and the job offer because as much as I also value her as a friend, I don't think I can live somewhere where I don't know anyone else and am in love with a "friend."

Sorry for the long post, but I am interested in hearing everyone's opinions, do I tell her how I feel? Do I just move here and hope it grows into something? Or do I just take another kick to the heart and not even bring it up and take the job 4.5 hours away?

TLDR: I am moving across the country and have 3 options.

1. Tell a woman I love how I feel about her and see if there is any potential to grow a relationship and move to that area.

2. Move to her area and see if anything happens organically.

3. Not tell her how I feel and take a job offer 4.5 hours away from her which would kill any chance of a relationship happening.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ApricotSwarm on 2024-01-08 04:57:47+00:00.

Hey! So me and my man are in relationship in 1,5 year. When we start meeting my boyfriend was sexual beast. He wanted sex non stop, very hard and many different types, positions etc., he was obsessed about it and wanted discover new things. I kinda felt objectified but it was good to be with him anyways and I wasn't sure if he is with me only for sex. Last times he completely changed, he still likes sex but became more delicate and emotional, caring , I see that he looks at me completely different way. Last times he didn't even want sex that much as before (which I wanted more ) he just prefered to lie down and cuddle all night, kiss and look at each other. He also started talk with me more and before he wasn't that much open. Should I worry? Or is it a good sign ? What do you guys think ?

TL;Dr My boyfriend changed from sexual beast to romantic emotional , don't want as much sex like before, prefers cuddling. Should I worry?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cbran021 on 2024-01-08 04:34:14+00:00.

Exactly as title states. I'm deployed right now, no bother telling where for anonymity. My fiance, we'll call her M, has had difficulty adjusting to it as it is our first deployment together.

The first month was rough but nothing alarming, just constant talking bad texts to try to stay in contact. Second month we had arguments because M just wants to find friends to hang out with. For context she doesn't get out much, has severe trauma issues and isn't good with distance. I had taken several shorter week-2 week trips during my home stay, and it seems she fell apart every time, but never unfaithful.

Third month there's distance. She met a friend who came down for work, and they hung out. This was actually a friendship, not the betrayal, nevertheless it was hidden to me because it was a guy. At this point I had stopped getting pictures as much, and our talks were briefer. I found out about the guy, and it started even more arguments because I thought she was cheating since it was hidden from me.

Well I don't know if this was the last straw or not, but then she went to her mom's for Christmas so 2 weeks of not worrying about it.

Then she got home, and it was only a few days later. I saw him on the camera, he was the tow truck driver who had picked up her jeep after a car accident a few weeks prior. Mid day, in between his shifts. He even had the tow truck with him. He was in the house for a little less than 2 hours.

She called me afterwards, another brief call. And then I can only assume she got completely obliterated while talking to her mom. I got another call an hour or 2 later. This was the admittance, she didn't want to say it. But I had to hear it to know. She said she cheated on me.

But she says it was a month ago, some guy she doesn't talk to anymore. Got drunk and doesn't know what happened. Of course I was upset. How could she do this to me? Our relationship has never been perfect but we've been mostly stable for the past year out of the 4 years I've known her, and I was ready to marry her when I get home.

She put these disgusting thoughts in my head of another man being where I should only be. She said she is sorry and wants to be forgiven. I say I forgive her but in my thoughts I don't know if I can.

On all accounts I love this girl, I've done everything I can for her while I've been out here and I've committed myself. She broke that commitment. I was extremely upset at her but that's the end of that conversation.

We talk the next day where I tell her that I was certain it didn't happen a month ago, rather it was the same day she told me. More arguments and she won't admit the truth. At this point she retracts her previous statement that she cheated. She says she was really drunk and doesn't remember if it even happened. She says she would remember that. And on some level I wonder if she is blocking it out with the alcohol. (I know better because I found his snap and asked him about it, he confirms that it did happen. In our home. In our bed.)

We've had talks since then about communication and transparency, something she struggles with after her previous marriage, but as long as I know she's doing what she says she's doing, I wouldn't have a problem. As I said it, it's not controlling to want to know what you're doing and where you are, it's just showing respect for your partners feelings.

So here we are at the halfway point. Just barely there, and now I'm wondering if I can even trust this person anymore. Ive found myself losing sleep just thinking about the betrayal. We haven't talked about it since then, our talks are still brief but it's not like she's going anywhere now. She's just been in the house.

To the point, I want to keep this woman which may speak volumes about me as well. We've been through a lot together and we both knew this deployment was going to take its toll.

I want to go back to how it was, when we would just be able to talk for hours about nothing. Where I felt the love there. I fear she's destroyed something that was special. And this is the worst time. Being out here I really need someone to be solid for me because I don't always have the best days out here and it's nice to be reminded there's something at home waiting for me.

My mind is scrambled trying to figure out what to do next. I hope this doesn't go viral as there's enough details in here to give it away, but if she saw it whats the harm? Certainly she has to know that I know. I even told her exactly what happened all through the denial. Reddit what do you think?

Tl;Dr: While on deployment, the fiance cheated on me. Single incident, I found out and I don't know where to take it from here.