Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/memescharness on 2024-01-08 01:45:12+00:00.

My boyfriend (30) and I (20f) got into a huge fight today after going to the grocery store. He asked me to help him pay for his car note which I said I might be able to. But my dad just died and I’ve been dealing with all of the stuff to go with this and this means I haven’t been able to work. But he blew up at me after I said I wanted to buy a new game for my Nintendo switch. He was super upset because I had money for me and not for him. He said I lied to him about paying his car note. I told him I let him know and I never did and he never asked me. So I thinks I lied about paying it. We got into a huge fight continuing on the ride home. I basically spent most of the car ride screaming at him what the fuck is wrong with you. I’m a 20 year old and my 31 year old bf is asking me to help him financially. He said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t support him financially and also be there for him. I’ve been helping him for months but I said no this time because he’s in debt with me right now and I’m not having it. He’s upset also because he’s felt like I’ve been distant since my dad died. And instead of expressing that he feels I’m distant and busy for these past 2 weeks he blows up at me about this. I don’t get it.

TLDR: bf said I lied about helping him financially, I didn’t and bf upset about me feeling weird since passing of my father.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TA_CSMTB on 2024-01-07 20:02:45+00:00.

Hey everyone! I just want to thank you guys for your input and suggestions on how to handle the situation with Bryan and Alyssa. I read the comments and gained valuable insight on the matter. I also got answers to questions you all had. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18xrbrx/boyfriends\_ex\_wife\_told\_me\_to\_stay\_away\_from/

When Bryan got home the evening I made that post, I told him about Alyssa calling me. He apologized and talked to her about it. We also talked about postponing the move until the kids are comfortable enough but we won't make a decision for a few more months. Part of the reason Bryan waited so long to introduce Alex and Dan to me was because his last girlfriend (not the AP) and the kids did not get along. So he wanted to make sure the kids were completely okay with meeting me, which is why I didn't meet them until a year into our relationship.

Also, him telling me about the affair happened maybe four or five months into our relationship, so I've known about it for a while. He's been completely transparent with me, giving me his passcodes and passwords so I can check his texts/emails/social media if I get suspicious.

The kids primarily live with Alyssa but spend weekends/some holidays with Bryan but it's 50/50 joint custody. I apologize for any confusion my post may have caused.

Alyssa called me the next day and apologized to me for telling me to stay away from Alex and Dan. She told me that, due to her work schedule, she and Alex hadn't been spending a lot of time together. One thing they like to do together was do each other's hair/makeup/nails/etc. Alyssa told me she felt threatened about losing time with Alex when she saw the bottle of nail polish. She also got the number from Alex's phone (the day we went to the mall, Bryan and I had Alex and Dan put it in their phones in case we got separated and they weren't able to get ahold of either Bryan or Alyssa. That way, they have a safe adult).

Alyssa was really apologetic and I believe her. I forgave her and told her that I wasn't upset. I also reassured her that if she has any questions or concerns, she can always talk to me. We aren't friends by any stretch of the imagination...but I can see us developing a partnership.

On Friday, Alyssa proposed that the five of us (Bryan, Alyssa, the kids and me) could all meet at a neutral location and talk to Alex and Dan about any questions they may have. Bryan and I agreed and we got together yesterday.

It actually went well. We reassured the kids (who knew about Bryan and I talking about us moving in together) that we weren't going to make any major decisions for a long time and that we would take their concerns and opinions into account when the time came. I also told the kids that I was always going to be honest with them. If they had a question that I didn't have an answer to or felt it was a conversation their parents should have with them, then I would tell them so.

I assured them that I wasn't going to take Alyssa's place in their hearts as their mom and that she is a wonderful mom who loves them very much. But I would like to get to know them better.

We answered their questions and everyone parted on good terms. It's going to be a long and rough road. But we're committed to making it work.

Thank you all so much for your advice and suggestions. I think we're all going to be okay.

TLDR: Boyfriend, ex wife and I talked to each other and the kids about their concerns.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Creative-Sunny on 2024-01-07 18:38:16+00:00.

He needs to marry for immigration and religious reasons. He told me he needs to make this next step in his life and that he has to do better in practicing his faith.

He is broke and has a poor credit score. In his religion the man is responsible for his wife, so I’m just wondering how I would be taken care of if this is his current situation. I don’t feel comfortable getting married if we are going to be struggling financially right from the get go.

He said Monday is the deadline. I thought he meant as in to give him an answer and start planning, but he means Monday as in go to the courthouse and get married that day.

He told me this past year we’ve been dating he’s gotten many opportunities from women that are interested in marrying him. He said he declined or ignored all of them because he wants to be with me. I don’t know if this is true or if he’s trying to make me jealous.

I talked to my mom about it and she said she feels he is brainwashing me and that I should not be pressured into this. She suggested not to make any big decisions right now.

Is this manipulation? How do I move forward?

TL;DR! Bf (1 year) gave me the weekend to give him a yes or no for marriage. If answer is no, it’s over between us.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/its_nevets on 2024-01-08 06:33:23+00:00.

I have been a smoker since i was a teenager, in 2016 I started vaping instead of smoking to try and kick the cig habit and it was the one thing that really stuck. Been vaping ever since, never once went an entire day without vaping and was a fairly heavy user, smoking daily inside, outside, in the Car, etc.  

Cue relationship for almost 3 years now, she's always known that I smoke but never approved, and that was fine, I always told her I would quit eventually. Definitely never smoking around kids which we plan to have in the not too distant future. The thing is after we had been dating maybe a year she started to constantly bring it up quitting very frequently. Sometimes using it like ammo when we fought about something, like pointing out that she might be doing something that makes me mad but vaping makes her mad so she shouldn't have to change her behavior cause im still smoking. Sometimes it would just casually be brought up for no reason.   I understand she doesn't like it but pestering me about it is not making anyone happy. She really made it out to be such an issue all the time. Like "If there was one thing I could change about you" this is what I would pick. It probably would get to me as much if she said these things because she was worried about my health, or if it came out of a place of concern for me. But it mostly from a place of inconvienence and first and formost because she doesnt like it.

There are times where I also admit I wasn't as curtius as I could have been either. Sometimes she would complain that the house was smokey (I smoke in my office with the window open) if I forgot to close my door. I never smoked in her car but would smoke in mine sometimes while she was with me. I could tell these times were always tolerated but begrudgingly, which is totally understandable and 98% of the time I made sure to be as respectful as I could.

So now we get to New Years this year. Without telling her I quit cold turkey. I made the decision about two weeks beforehand and didn't want to tell her in case I failed and started smoking again, I just didn't want to deal with the judgement. But also in the back of my mind I also wanted to see how long it would take her to notice. Its something she complains about all of the time and it's fairly obvious that i'm not smoking at all and my office door is always open now with no smoke in the house. I'm not going outside anymore at all. It was assuming that it might take 2 or 3 days? I don't know maybe a little more, but a week! and not even the hint that she's put it together. Do I have the right to feel upset in this scenario? Is there an appropriate amount of time? Or am I just being an Asshole about it?

TLDR: Quit smoking cold turkey, wanted to see how long it would take GF to put it all together. Kinda getting a little mad that its been a week and I dont think shes even close to getting it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Excellent-Tax1124 on 2024-01-07 18:02:58+00:00.

Recently I went on a holiday with my partner to his home country. My family went on another holiday to an island. My partner lives in Australia with myself and has all his family in Colombia except his brother, his brother lives in Canada and he hadn’t seen him for 7 years, his twin brother. My family’s trip and his brother returning to South America coincided. I see my family all the time except my sister who lives in Europe who I saw earlier this year.

My partner and I agreed we can go to South America during this time and not go to the family trip my family had and this year we will travel to Europe to see my sister. The rest of whom I see all the time in my home country.

*I come back and find out that my sister and her husband said at a dinner (on their holiday) with many family members( mum, brother, cousins etc), she said “ you should find someone who loves u and doesn’t take u away from ur family” Her partner then comments “ like Rick “ (my partners name). My brother then proceeds to say I’m not married so I shouldn’t possibly put my partners needs first. I then find out my brother in law said on a seperate occasion “they won’t last”. He has never met Rick and barely knows myself as he lives in Europe. *

This is hypocritical since my sister moved to Europe and left all her family to be with her looser husband.

At this point I am so angry that they are talking about my partner and I in an open forum, I need advice as to next steps and how/if I should confront them.

Tl:dr - sister and her husband spoke badly about myself and my partner behind our backs, how should I address the situation ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gothgirl_undercover on 2024-01-07 16:07:03+00:00.

I met my BF of 8 years in a pretty complicated context. We were both recovering after a massive accident that injured tens of people, killing dozens, including his then GF of 2 years. We got together a year and a few months after the accident and our relationship came with many ups and downs, mostly because he experienced great difficulty moving on from his late GF. However, two years into our relationship, things became normal and we moved in together, and ever since stuff has been pretty good. About a year ago, I talked to him about getting married, and he said he's not ready yet, and let's talk about it again later. I opened the conversation this year because he wants us to buy a house together, and, to my surprise, he still said he's not ready, yet he'd like me to use my savings to purchase a home with him. I told him I don't think that's right and he said that he'll buy it himself then, and we can share it. I'm uncomfortable about the whole thing because I feel like he only wants my contribution when it's to his personal advantage. Should this make me think twice about the direction our relationship is taking?

TL/DR Boyfriend of 8 years doesn't want to marry me but expects me to buy a house with him. Should his behavior be a deal breaker?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad-Blackberry-3318 on 2024-01-08 04:09:09+00:00.

So I was wondering if it is bad that I (18F) do not have my Boyfriend's (19M) location. We talked about this before and he said He feels uncomfortable with the idea because his ex girlfriend used to stalk his location and accuse him of Cheating constantly, but i trust him enough to not feel like I need his location. Is this bad? He said he trusts me enough to not need my location either but some of my friends have been making me feel a little insecure about not having his location. I'm torn. Our relationship is very healthy and we communicate frequently and very well, yet I'm feeling insecure from outside perspectives.

Is it okay for me not to share locations with my boyfriend? Do I listen to my friends or stay trusting my boyfriend?

TDLR: My boyfriend thinks we shouldn't share locations and my friends are making me feel bad about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cheeseandcrackers_3 on 2024-01-08 02:12:54+00:00.

TLDR is it foolish to believe my boyfriend can give up his recreational drug use for me? He offered to give it up because I was going to end the relationship.

I'm not judging, but it's just not something I would like my partner to engage in. I was going to end the relationship but he said he would give it up for me. (He says it's a no brainer for him.)

I'm not equipped to evaluate if this is an addiction or only recreational drug use. He tells me he's tried a host of hard drugs intermittently in the last decade. I worry about how honest he is being with me about the frequency of his past use, because he knows how much of a dealbreaker it is for me. Is it as simple as he says he will give it up and it's done? And if it is a case of infrequent use of harder drugs but over the course of a decade (ex. once or twice a year but for every year in the last 12 years), isn't that cause for concern? I recognize he has anxiety and some emotional baggage from his past, and I worry that it's coming from some place within him that he hasn't himself recognized as yet, and if he is in a position to be making promises to me.

I'm at a crossroads. I can see a future with this person - he has a successful career and has always been kind and respectful towards me. But I also don't wish to be in a position where I invest more time in a relationship only to find out years from now that it is something much more serious that may get in the way of our ability to build a family in the future, and that I will ultimately end up walking away from the relationship .

I have also received conflicting advice about trying to change him, because I realize this sort of change needs to come from him, not from me. Is it foolish to believe he, a fully formed individual in his mid 30s, will change? Or is this a slightly different case because it was his decision to give it up in response to when I tried to end the relationship?

Any thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cava_yah on 2024-01-07 14:09:53+00:00.

I think my uncle (42M) is developing schizophrenia

This year at my family’s christmas party my uncle told me that he believes his phone is being hacked and someone is watching his phone screen. He wanted me to look into it for him since i do computer stuff for a living .. Ok, fair I guess. But then he starts saying some pretty odd stuff, that doesn’t make sense and just seems improbable. Such as, he believes that he is able to see a bug that lets him see their screen instead sometimes, and so he says he can watch them .. watching him?

Keep in mind that he has the latest iphone on latest ios so the odds are pretty low of him being hacked. Also, he suspects his wife is the culprit :/ He believes that the malware on his phone is super advanced and sophisticated, but his wife doesn’t know a lot about computers…

Now he is constantly messaging me screenshots from various apps that show him various metrics like network logs and traffic and bluetooth logs etc. All of it of course can look suspicious if you have no idea what you’re looking at. He sent me a screenshot of a random QR code that he says was in his recently deleted photos but he didn’t remember deleting it. Turns out it was a qr code for an esim for his cell provider…

Anyways, he is super obsessed about this and has recently told me he’s been trying to track this down for YEARS now. If you are wondering why he doesn’t just get a new phone he told me that this is his 4th phone in the last year. Every time, he says the virus “comes back”. Also recently told me he thinks the same thing is happening with his TV, people are watching him watch TV etc.

I don’t really know what to do here, if i tell him directly i think that he is suffering from mental health issues it probably wouldn’t end well.

I want to be there for him and I’ve empathized with him about how hard it must be for him. But I don’t know how to actually help him. He’s always been kind of an intense person that seems to attract trouble for himself. Totaling several cars throughout his life and also pulling over at the scene of car accidents to give first aid (I respect him for this). I’ve never even seen a car crash first hand but he seems to always be at the scene of something.

TL;DR My uncle thinks his wife is spying on him, but i think he is actually developing schizophrenia, and I don’t know the best way to get him help

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/memescharness on 2024-01-08 01:45:12+00:00.

My boyfriend (30) and I (20f) got into a huge fight today after going to the grocery store. He asked me to help him pay for his car note which I said I might be able to. But my dad just died and I’ve been dealing with all of the stuff to go with this and this means I haven’t been able to work. But he blew up at me after I said I wanted to buy a new game for my Nintendo switch. He was super upset because I had money for me and not for him. He said I lied to him about paying his car note. I told him I let him know and I never did and he never asked me. So I thinks I lied about paying it. We got into a huge fight continuing on the ride home. I basically spent most of the car ride screaming at him what the fuck is wrong with you. I’m a 20 year old and my 31 year old bf is asking me to help him financially. He said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t support him financially and also be there for him. I’ve been helping him for months but I said no this time because he’s in debt with me right now and I’m not having it. He’s upset also because he’s felt like I’ve been distant since my dad died. And instead of expressing that he feels I’m distant and busy for these past 2 weeks he blows up at me about this. I don’t get it.

TLDR: bf said I lied about helping him financially, I didn’t and bf upset about me feeling weird since passing of my father.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Distinct_Dot_3760 on 2024-01-08 01:22:54+00:00.

So I (m23) met this girl (f23) during my internship abroad. At first i thought we hit it off, but then I realised she was just a natural charmer and does it to everyone. I put up my guard and stopped responding flirting as I know girls like her and how it ends up as i see how friendship ended between friends bc of her.

I ended up being friends with her, and after a while she invited me to live with her for a few days and just snuggle in bed which in the beginning was more platonic then not.

She did hook up with a few guys i knew from over there, and was always flirting in clubs as well. I was totally not bothered, as I didnt rlly care and caused chaos which was fun.

After like 5 months of no contact, as we both returned back home. We picked up right where we left up and now we’ve seen eachother 7 times in months. I spend chrismas and new years eve she invited me to, next to some social events. Snuggling up every time.

Now during one time, a friend of mine asked her on a date. Now I never felt jealous or anything towards her, but this was the first time i did. I knew it was not going anywhere, and I did not voice any concerns to both. But was glad to hear the drinks didnt go anywhere.

• Now i’m questioning my feelings, and wondering if 2 single friends who snuggle up, can remain purely friends?

Anyway, she’s coming over to chill, nap and watch some movies in 2 days, so I might ask if we have boundaries or if she feels like this isnt a normal friendship. Or I might not say anything.

Tl;dr: I met girl, girl is very flirty and all guys are interested. I blocked myself from liking her and befriended her, she invited to snuggle as friends, now we snuggle often. But as of lately i realised i’m getting jealous. Is it possible to remain platonic? And how should i test the waters without damaging a friendship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DragSuccessful9264 on 2024-01-08 01:11:22+00:00.

my(f20) bf(21m) has always shown that he really cares about me and he treats me honestly really well. recently i found him liking other girl's pics who were somewhat famous for posting their bodies. i personally have no issue with him liking girl's pics that he knows and when theyre not 90% naked, but i do with this. i know a lot of ppl and guys do it but i just personally feel less wanted if the person i like so much is looking at other girls. i brought this up and asked about it and he said he didn't realize that he followed them, i asked about him liking all of their posts (recently, while we have been dating) and he said he kind of just likes every post he sees whether or not he really processes them. i honestly don't really believe him and we've had a few conversations about this, but he immediately apologized, unfollowed without me asking, and said he understood where i was coming from. i made sure to tell him i wanna know his thought process and if he really understands, not so i can be more upset but so i can maybe understand what is going through his mind. it is believable to me that he does like every post on his page, but i just think any human being would notice a half naked woman on their home page. especially because he doesn’t follow that many people, this is an assumption ik but i imagine he recognizes most ppl on his home page? he only followed 2 of them but he liked pretty much all of the posts even after we started dating. he’s been liking their pics since high school which is also why i don’t think he wouldn’t recognize them. again, he had taken amazing care of me and has always given me reassurance without asking and he dedicates a lot of time to me and texting calling recently since we are at home from college. i am 99% sure he would not do that if he didnt really care for me or wasn't attracted to me. that is honestly the only reason i am waiting it out to see how if later, but is this something that should be a dealbreaker? i also communicated to him that i am willing to compromise on a lot, but i just don't know if it is enough for him to not agree with me that this is disrespectful (he could've just done it to satisfy me but doesn't seen an issue). i know there isn't a lot for him to say that will make me feel reassured, and he honestly handled it the best way he could i think, so in a way i am thankful but idk. i've just never felt more unwanted by someone. i told him i'll try to take his word for it but that i'm on edge and i will personally just want more reassurance after this in the future.

also my friend had a similar issue with her bf liking pics of girls who play video games that had them half naked (not that i judge the girls idk) and i asked my bf (before my situation happened) what he thought of the situation and he said that it is weird and most men just follow/like for their bodies

should i wait it out to see what happens, would this be a complete dealbreaker for others and i'm just letting it slide?

TLDR; my boyfriend has been genuinely caring for me but i saw him liking IG girls pics when they’re half naked. he responded the best way he could and i know it’s subjective, but should this be a dealbreaker? am i letting it slide if i don’t leave him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bfazzz on 2024-01-08 00:59:32+00:00.

I (23F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been dating for three years - our anniversary is very soon.

Ever since we have started dating, he's been frugal with money. He comes from a very wealthy family, myself not so much. Despite this I've been working since I was 14. I balance full time work, internships, and freelance work as a hustle. I enjoy nice things and treat myself very well, with the money I've worked hard to make.

There have always been issues in the past in regards to him not treating me well. I come from quite a traditional household and culture and the men I've grown up around prioritise bringing their partners on dates. I'm not looking for an all-expense paid holiday, but dinner once in a while would be nice. I'm happy to contribute to drinks, dessert - I'm also a great cook and jump at the chance to cook for my loved ones whenever I can.

But most of the time, e.g my birthday this year and our upcoming anniversary dinner, I research, book and split the bill for dates. We're also long distance since 6 months ago, so we only really see each other once a month at most for the time being.

I texted him and told him that I would really enjoy it if he researched and booked our anniversary dinner. He agreed. But pointed out that, even though we're normally 50/50, he'd love for me to take him out. This turned into a full blown argument about my standards and how little regard he has for them.

The last time I seriously brought this up, my boyfriend spent a period of time buying me flowers regularly, arranging lovely dates once a month / 6 weeks and generally treating me very well. He told me that he felt like I was getting too comfortable and "expectant" so decided to "cut me off" from that. He also told me he has built up an image of me in his head as entitled and told me his biggest fear is being with a woman who treats him like a wallet. In his own words, he had built up a lot of resentment towards me about my standards.

Not to toot my own horn here. But I've worked damn hard in life so far. I speak 4 languages. I'm a signed model. I've built an entire career out of a side hustle at 23. If I wanted to, I could find a man who wants to buy me a damn dinner once a month.

I told him I need a month break from our relationship but I'm honestly considering breaking up with him. I don't know what to do. I love this man, we've grown so much, but I honestly don't know if he can or will change. It would destroy me to break up with him. I know I'm young but, not coming from money myself, I'm terrified about what a man who has decided to "cut me off" from good treatment at this age for no tangible reason would do if I was his wife.

Am I being unreasonable here? Please advise.

TL;DR! My boyfriend has built up resentment for me based on my standards and has decided to stop arranging/bringing me out on dates, flowers, surprises etc.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/living_dead_girl__ on 2024-01-08 00:00:12+00:00.

I have been friends for a few years with a few girls i was reaaaaally close with (not a group, just separate friends I hung out with). Nevertheless, I was always the ugly duckling and friend, ever since childhood. I was overweight, bad teeth, low self confidence. I used to be really ugly now that I think about it. My friends loved me tho, they used to call and hang out at least once a week, talk to me about their boyfriends and all that. I didnt have much to say bc i had no boyfriend. I loved their company regardless.

Literally everytime we went out my friend would get hit on and I'd get ignored, it made them feel pretty and I was glad, i actually to be honest, never felt jealous because I didnt care. I really didnt. Sometimes my friends would make sly comments like "you'd look so much better skinny" "you look weird" and all that shady things girls say.

But a year ago I started to wonder if I would get better treatment from people if I actually changed my looks. And I did. I started going to the gym, fixed my teeth, grew out my hair, dyed it, changed my makeup and bought a whole new wardrobe. Now I dont look even close to what I looked before and I just feel so good. Im not insecure anymore and I am very happy.

After my glow up my friends and I slowly started zoning out of each other, like, we would go out and this time, I get hit on instead of them. Men would be afraid to approach me and instead ask my friends for my insta. Im very friendly and happy so I guess i attract a lot of attention idk? Sometimes i'd get hit on 3-4 times a night just with walking outside with my friend, and I guess that made her insecure? To be clear I never take these dudes on their offer, but i guess my friends still feel weird about it.

Ever since my slow process of glowing up my friends and I stopped hanging out. One of them straight up told me they feel ugly right next to me, and my other friend told me that she feels like a man when we're walking together.

I dont think we'll hang out anymore.. So my question is, how do I gain new female friends?

I miss having talks and walks with girls, i enjoy their aura and energy but I want stable friends who wont be jealous or nasty towards me. Any ideas? If there are apps or any other ways to make friends please let me know.

TL;DR: My friends stopped hanging out with me because I stopped being ugly and I dont know how to proceed with life.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Skywest96 on 2024-01-07 22:12:19+00:00.

We've been dating for a year and 2 months. It's genuinely great. After a family gathering, we were chilling in bed and talking about life and exes. She told that her ex wanted to see her for coffee to catch up in about a month or so and she agreed.

I went home after (live in same city, not same place yet, she's still at parents) and can't stop thinking about it since and I've had mixed feelings.

After a couple hours, i texted her :

"I need to talk to you, it's just the fact you're going for coffee with your ex after he asked you. It is making me worried. It seemed like someone you really had a lot of affection for. Anyways I'm not asking you to not go. I just wanted to share my feelings. You told me which is great"

she replied "I understand it's making you worried and it's good you're sharing it. It was someone who I had a lot of affection for between the end of 2018 and 2020. It was a long time ago and a lot of things happened since. I love you and my affection is for you now"

Don't know what to think of it. I keep thinking the ex will try to make advances to her/seduce her. I 'm scared she'll catch feelings again. He was the one who left her and she told me she was very sad for a while after. She didn't ask me first before saying yes...

I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop her from going but I'm anxious .

tl;dr : Girlfriend will go for a coffee with ex in a couple weeks after he asked her to. To what extent should I be concerned ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/palmer1palmer1palmer on 2024-01-07 21:40:59+00:00.

TL;DR: So my fiancé (35) and me (31) have been together for 5 years. He’s always said he’s got some wild kinks, and enjoys cross dressing. I’ve been really supportive, with buying him cute clothes, and lingerie, and I genuinely want him to do what he enjoys.

Here’s where things get tough. He’s got an old iPhone that I came across today in a drawer, and something told me to turn it on, so I did.

I found a lot on that phone. Lots of trans porn (which trans porn is totally fine with me!) He has apps where he’s been chatting with others, complementing their looks and calling them sexy. He even has a sex toy app that he’s been using and been reaching out to other people on for “fun time”. He’s maybe connecting with 2-5 people online.

I’m not sure what to do, because in reality, I turned on his phone and dug through his personal life. But on the other hand, I feel like this is a form of cheating.

Should I confront him?

I don’t feel like he’s reaching out to others in order to find a new relationship, and I think he’s doing it for sexual pleasure, but it still doesn’t feel good.

I don’t necessarily want to breakup with him. I just don’t know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowawayR513 on 2024-01-07 21:16:10+00:00.

I'm married (35F) to a man (42M) for 5 years, but I feel like neither I nor my husband really fit into the traditional gender roles, even though we were both raised conservative, and this is putting a strain on our relationship. It hasn't been a problem when we were younger, because we were just figuring things out, but recently I've been thinking more and more that I fit better with the male role than the female one, as I make good money, I work in a male dominated field, I am very proactive and handy with tools, I own a small business that I've built from the ground up and I am extremely independent. My husband straight up told me he's jealous of me. And I love him to bits, but I feel like I treat him more like a bride than a man, and that makes him uncomfortable. He says he's depressed and keeps watching all the hyper masculine movies and videos, so I can clearly see there's something he's missing. I've tried to talk to him about it but he just shuts down. I sometimes fantasize how much easier my life would be if I married a woman with a dick (I don't think I could date someone with a vagina). Am I overthinking? Help me make sense of this.

TL;DR: Husband unhappy that we don't fit the traditional gender roles.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Late_Vehicle_2945 on 2024-01-07 20:48:14+00:00.

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Hello, I have been together with my boyfriend for a little over a year. Unfortunately, we have had a long-distance relationship since the beginning (15 hour train ride) and since we both have jobs we only see each other twice a month for 3 to 4 days. I've had two long-term relationships before, but this time it's something special. The feeling with him is amazing, we get along so well on many topics, we can talk for hours and when we see each other it's always perfect. He is always a total gentleman and always treats me really well and is considerate. So everything I always wanted and missed in my relationships before. When we don't see each other, we are in contact every day and always tell each other everything. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is quite jealous, which is increasingly annoying me. It starts with small questions about male colleagues (whether I would be interested in them) or it bothers him when I talk to my gay best friend for a long time on the phone, even though he knows that we are just friends and I always show him that he is number 1. My boyfriend is a very attractive man who is often flirted with by women or receives offers for dinner or invitations to a bar. He never goes into these things and he almost never does anything with his colleagues in the evenings. He always says that he does it out of love for me (and of course I appreciate that) and that he doesn't want to risk anything, but he also expects me not to spend too long doing something with my colleagues in the evening or doesn't want me to stay up I go dancing at a party and always have problems when I want to do something friendly with male colleagues. (So I mean normal things here, like eating lunch in the canteen or drinking a coffee). So far I've given up on some things for him, but in some situations it just feels ridiculous and I would never cheat on him. We've talked about it a lot and I was hoping things would get better once we got to know each other longer, but he can't help it. I think things would be a lot more relaxed if we lived in the same city. But that's the other big point where we currently have little prospects because our jobs can't be changed geographically so easily. I'm just mentally very exhausted and don't know if it's worth continuing to fight and giving up a few things based on your wishes?

TL;DR; I found the love of my life, but we are 15h by train away, and he have jealous behaviour. Should I move on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_112200 on 2024-01-08 01:37:44+00:00.

Throwaway account because ex uses Reddit frequently.

My ex and I ended our 4 year long distance relationship nearly 6 months ago because of reasons I won’t be explaining due to personal beliefs. It was out of our control and it was a somewhat amicable breakup (as opposed to my previous ones, at least). He left, I begged and cried, we went no contact for about two weeks, reconciled and we have been inseparable ever since.

Thing is, we are more than friends (and friends with benefits) and there’s no denying that. We flirt on a daily basis and we do all the things we used to when we were together; play games, watch movies, text 24/7 with minimum breaks, get “in the mood” etc. He said I’m the one he’s the closest to in his life even now and the way he cares for me in general just makes me believe he’s not over me at all.

I asked him if he loved me right after we ended no contact, he said he cares about me but dodged the actual question itself which he normally does when he doesn’t want to admit the truth which led me to believe he still loves me deep down.

Furthermore, things went down about two months ago and I had to say goodbye because I had a risky surgery and didn’t want to have any regrets, just in case. It spiralled into us talking about everything that’s happened between us which we hadn’t done since the previous paragraph.

A lot of apologies, compliments and reassurance later, he said he doesn’t want to give me false hope but he doesn’t want to rule us out either since I will be moving to his country next year. He also said he’s scared of getting into an LDR again due to his mistakes and that he wants to work on being a better person seeing as he thinks he’s not a good person after everything that went down and he believes he doesn’t deserve me. I could go on with the list but you get the gist. Literal plain love.

Our relationship was perfect, we even had our future and wedding planned out. We rarely argued, we talked all the time despite the distance, regularly spent quality time together, had healthy intimacy and we’re just very similar people in general so we get on so well. Pretty much how it is now, but without the actual “I love you’s” and heart emojis.

How can I tell if he still loves me back and is just trying to work on himself in the next year so we can be happy together? Other than my gut instinct which is telling me yes, but I overthink it a lot. I miss being his more and more every day and it’s tearing me apart just like the mixed signals. I really need some advice from someone who isn’t close to either one of us.

Also, I cannot ask him directly because last time he said he wants me but also wants to wait for me to move before getting together and we couldn’t hold back so that might also be the reason he is holding back.

I also have another question, how the hell do you win someone back subtly??? I’m usually a very direct person but in this case it’s not helpful.

All advice is helpful. Thank you in advance.

TLDR: Trying to figure out if ex wants me back because of mixed signals and brainstorming ways to get him back.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Valuable_Unit_7355 on 2024-01-08 00:37:34+00:00.

Me (22) and my bf (also 22) have been together for almost five years. i knew when i met him that he was a bit of a stoner but i was also at the time and never had an issue with weed. I get the whole stoner teenager thing but we are adults now and he is still smoking every day. he’ll wake up and the first thing he’ll do is have a bong. then he’ll go back to sleep until midday. then wake up again and have another 2. if we are going out he’ll have one before we leave and then another the minute we get home. even if we’ve only left to get food. It’s getting worse and worse every day. we even had to go on a two week holiday just to get him to stop but as soon as we got back he just got right back into his habits. I have brought up my concerns before and he has claimed that he needs it for his anxiety. which i understand. But, he has medication for his anxiety that he just sells to buy more weed. And he has claimed that he only smokes when he “needs” it but its hard to believe when he’s constantly smoking. Another thing i might add is, he buys weed every second day almost. sometimes even asking me to buy it and he’ll pay me back. which he does but i just don’t get why he HAS to buy more when he has plenty already. Because he’s spending all his money on weed and junk food, i’m the one paying for everything else. if we go on a dinner date, i pay, if we need groceries, i pay. and because he’s high all the time i’m the one who has to drive everywhere and he barely helps pay for petrol, $10 at most.

Don’t get me wrong I love him but his obsession with weed is destroying him and his personality, he barely eats and when he does its junk, all he does other than smoke is sleep or watch movies. he does have a job but not regular shifts, so he sometimes goes weeks without working. I think i just need a bit of advice to help me bring this up to him, because in the end i just want to help someone i love.

TL;DR: bf of 5 years is obsessed with smoking and i need advice on how i can help/ask him to slow down.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Valuable_Unit_7355 on 2024-01-08 00:37:34+00:00.

Me (22) and my bf (also 22) have been together for almost five years. i knew when i met him that he was a bit of a stoner but i was also at the time and never had an issue with weed. I get the whole stoner teenager thing but we are adults now and he is still smoking every day. he’ll wake up and the first thing he’ll do is have a bong. then he’ll go back to sleep until midday. then wake up again and have another 2. if we are going out he’ll have one before we leave and then another the minute we get home. even if we’ve only left to get food. It’s getting worse and worse every day. we even had to go on a two week holiday just to get him to stop but as soon as we got back he just got right back into his habits. I have brought up my concerns before and he has claimed that he needs it for his anxiety. which i understand. But, he has medication for his anxiety that he just sells to buy more weed. And he has claimed that he only smokes when he “needs” it but its hard to believe when he’s constantly smoking. Another thing i might add is, he buys weed every second day almost. sometimes even asking me to buy it and he’ll pay me back. which he does but i just don’t get why he HAS to buy more when he has plenty already. Because he’s spending all his money on weed and junk food, i’m the one paying for everything else. if we go on a dinner date, i pay, if we need groceries, i pay. and because he’s high all the time i’m the one who has to drive everywhere and he barely helps pay for petrol, $10 at most.

Don’t get me wrong I love him but his obsession with weed is destroying him and his personality, he barely eats and when he does its junk, all he does other than smoke is sleep or watch movies. he does have a job but not regular shifts, so he sometimes goes weeks without working. I think i just need a bit of advice to help me bring this up to him, because in the end i just want to help someone i love.

TL;DR: bf of 5 years is obsessed with smoking and i need advice on how i can help/ask him to slow down.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RipMysterious62 on 2024-01-08 00:28:42+00:00.

Should I have kicked my gf out of our home after she cheated?

Girlfriend cheated on me

I found out my gf cheated on me six months ago while she was on vacation 6 months ago, continues to talk this person (flirting and sending nudes), and all the while talking to other guys in the same way. We definitely have our rough patches (especially around 6 months ago) and started having a gut feeling a few weeks ago. I was finally alone and able to look through her computer and sure enough all the evidence was there.

I know well enough that this is not normal behavior and told her to leave my place (living together for 3 years now) but she tells me that this is her home too and it may be a bit unfair. She has friends and family to go stay that’s for sure. Should I have allowed her to adjust? I know if I let her stay our resentment of each other will grow and things will get worse. I definitely made sure she had to place to go and offered to even get a hotel room next door if needed.

She tells me she doesn’t know what made her do these things and that it felt nice because she wasn’t feeling the same appreciation from me. I have admitted to that and have always tried on showing that I’ve always cared.

EDIT: She not on the lease

TLDR: should my girlfriend be able to stay in our home to allow her to adjust to find a more permanent solution?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RipMysterious62 on 2024-01-08 00:28:42+00:00.

Should I have kicked my gf out of our home after she cheated?

Girlfriend cheated on me

I found out my gf cheated on me six months ago while she was on vacation 6 months ago, continues to talk this person (flirting and sending nudes), and all the while talking to other guys in the same way. We definitely have our rough patches (especially around 6 months ago) and started having a gut feeling a few weeks ago. I was finally alone and able to look through her computer and sure enough all the evidence was there.

I know well enough that this is not normal behavior and told her to leave my place (living together for 3 years now) but she tells me that this is her home too and it may be a bit unfair. She has friends and family to go stay that’s for sure. Should I have allowed her to adjust? I know if I let her stay our resentment of each other will grow and things will get worse. I definitely made sure she had to place to go and offered to even get a hotel room next door if needed.

She tells me she doesn’t know what made her do these things and that it felt nice because she wasn’t feeling the same appreciation from me. I have admitted to that and have always tried on showing that I’ve always cared.

EDIT: She not on the lease

TLDR: should my girlfriend be able to stay in our home to allow her to adjust to find a more permanent solution?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Scared-Net-583 on 2024-01-07 23:42:17+00:00.

My girlfriend (f23) and I (m24), have been together for four years going on five in August. all that time we've never really done anything outside of the house, except for the rare occasion of going out to eat at a close by restaurant. We don't go on vacations, we don't take day trips, we don't go to the mall, we don't even run basic errands together or take a trip down to the gas station. She has severe panic attacks, preventing her from doing anything besides go to work or visit her parents house. I've been very patient with her over the years but she doesn't wanna get help from therapy and she doesn't wanna be on any medication. She's tried to just go through it in the past, but it never really works. but she doesn't wanna get help from therapy and she doesn't wanna be on any medication. She's tried to just go through it in the past, but it never really works. We always end up going home early. as soon as I step out the door I'm alone if I want to go out or do anything I have to see if one of my friends is available. every party I go to they ask where she is, every time I have to go to the store or run errands for the house I have to do it alone, I've been invited on vacations with friends and their boyfriends and girlfriends but I'm always alone. I find myself overwhelmed with jealousy whenever I see friends or people on social media, taking grand vacations, or even having a simple date night on the town. I've been slowly distancing myself from her, and I've been feeling this heavy resentment. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my early 20s sitting on a couch. we had a fight tonight about how I don't give her enough attention. I want things to change, I really do love her but I don't know if it's time to just call it quits or if I should ride it out and hope things get better. But as of right now, it feels like my relationship only exist inside my house.

TLDR: my girlfriend of 4 and a half years has panic attacks that don’t allow us to do anything outside of the house such as vacations or dates. Do I stay and encourage her to work on her mental health or call it quits?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HeadLevel4553 on 2024-01-07 23:46:23+00:00.

My girlfriend (f19) telling me (m20) that she will find another way home because I won't drive 35 mins to pick her up from a party.

We have been together for 2 years. I drive my girlfriend home from parties every weekend, they hand never been to frequent until recently. I didn't mind before because it was only 5-10 mins from me but tonight she asked if I could take her home from this party in a few weeks located 35 mins away (about an hour and a half overall trip) I said okay but I will need some petrol money as it will be about 70-80 miles round trip. I'm currently a uni student with limited funds. I do everything for her. I would drop everything for her. And when I mentioned £5 for petrol money she said no Nevermind I will find someone else. I said why? She responded because I don't want to pay to have to get home. Her response has really hurt and annoyed me. I'm not asking for money because I don't want to pick her up. But because petrol and the use in my car is expensive. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this?

ーーー TL;DR;: Is this going the right way?