Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Outrageous-Motor7980 on 2024-01-07 23:38:53+00:00.

I have been with my boyfriend for four months, and known my best friend for eight years. We all moved in together in a two bedroom apartment three weeks ago. Neither me nor my boyfriend knew my best friend's girlfriend much beforehand. I would say, however, that she has been an excellent roommate.

My boyfriend has been making sexist comments to me about her from the beginning. He accused her of only getting into college and only getting her job because of her looks, and said she doesn't "seem that smart" for someone in her occupation. He said it was "BS that the girl here is making more money than all the guys." He always calls here "the girl here." He accused her of not doing enough chores, even though she was doing her fair share without having to be reminded, in contrast to my boyfriend who always avoids them. He said she was "too obsessed with her career" because "men don't care" about women's careers and suggested she should be more focused on improving her body instead. Then when she bought a new smart TV for all of us to use, he accused her of rubbing her wealth in our faces to emasculate us.

This morning, he asked me to sleep with him before he had to get ready for work, and I said yes. Then he started complaining how it's so unfair that "the girl here can get a good 9-5 job while I have to work Sundays."

I told him "It sucks that you have to work today but I don't understand why you seem to resent her so much."

Then he said "Come here. We don't have too much time."

I told him I don't want to bang a sexist. He started throwing a tantrum and accusing me of being secretly attracted to her and not seeing her flaws because of that. When he left I was feeling absolutely disgusted by my boyfriend's misogyny. I don't know if I should just break up with him, or if I should tell my best friend and his girlfriend about any of the things that he has been saying behind her back. I'm honestly embarrassed that I have even tolerated it for so long, but I don't know how I should proceed at this point.

TL;DR! - I'm so disgusted by his misogyny I'm thinking of either breaking up and/or telling my best friend and his girlfriend about the things he has been saying.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Scared-Net-583 on 2024-01-07 23:42:17+00:00.

My girlfriend (f23) and I (m24), have been together for four years going on five in August. all that time we've never really done anything outside of the house, except for the rare occasion of going out to eat at a close by restaurant. We don't go on vacations, we don't take day trips, we don't go to the mall, we don't even run basic errands together or take a trip down to the gas station. She has severe panic attacks, preventing her from doing anything besides go to work or visit her parents house. I've been very patient with her over the years but she doesn't wanna get help from therapy and she doesn't wanna be on any medication. She's tried to just go through it in the past, but it never really works. but she doesn't wanna get help from therapy and she doesn't wanna be on any medication. She's tried to just go through it in the past, but it never really works. We always end up going home early. as soon as I step out the door I'm alone if I want to go out or do anything I have to see if one of my friends is available. every party I go to they ask where she is, every time I have to go to the store or run errands for the house I have to do it alone, I've been invited on vacations with friends and their boyfriends and girlfriends but I'm always alone. I find myself overwhelmed with jealousy whenever I see friends or people on social media, taking grand vacations, or even having a simple date night on the town. I've been slowly distancing myself from her, and I've been feeling this heavy resentment. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my early 20s sitting on a couch. we had a fight tonight about how I don't give her enough attention. I want things to change, I really do love her but I don't know if it's time to just call it quits or if I should ride it out and hope things get better. But as of right now, it feels like my relationship only exist inside my house.

TLDR: my girlfriend of 4 and a half years has panic attacks that don’t allow us to do anything outside of the house such as vacations or dates. Do I stay and encourage her to work on her mental health or call it quits?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Outrageous-Motor7980 on 2024-01-07 23:38:53+00:00.

I have been with my boyfriend for four months, and known my best friend for eight years. We all moved in together in a two bedroom apartment three weeks ago. Neither me nor my boyfriend knew my best friend's girlfriend much beforehand. I would say, however, that she has been an excellent roommate.

My boyfriend has been making sexist comments to me about her from the beginning. He accused her of only getting into college and only getting her job because of her looks, and said she doesn't "seem that smart" for someone in her occupation. He said it was "BS that the girl here is making more money than all the guys." He always calls here "the girl here." He accused her of not doing enough chores, even though she was doing her fair share without having to be reminded, in contrast to my boyfriend who always avoids them. He said she was "too obsessed with her career" because "men don't care" about women's careers and suggested she should be more focused on improving her body instead. Then when she bought a new smart TV for all of us to use, he accused her of rubbing her wealth in our faces to emasculate us.

This morning, he asked me to sleep with him before he had to get ready for work, and I said yes. Then he started complaining how it's so unfair that "the girl here can get a good 9-5 job while I have to work Sundays."

I told him "It sucks that you have to work today but I don't understand why you seem to resent her so much."

Then he said "Come here. We don't have too much time."

I told him I don't want to bang a sexist. He started throwing a tantrum and accusing me of being secretly attracted to her and not seeing her flaws because of that. When he left I was feeling absolutely disgusted by my boyfriend's misogyny. I don't know if I should just break up with him, or if I should tell my best friend and his girlfriend about any of the things that he has been saying behind her back. I'm honestly embarrassed that I have even tolerated it for so long, but I don't know how I should proceed at this point.

TL;DR! - I'm so disgusted by his misogyny I'm thinking of either breaking up and/or telling my best friend and his girlfriend about the things he has been saying.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BecomingConfident on 2024-01-07 22:55:16+00:00.

We've been together for three months, and everything is great: good chemistry, common values and goals, good sex, and good communication.

BEGINNING

The only problem is non-sexual touch. We've always had this mismatch; she doesn't like to be touched a lot while I do. At the beginning, she told me she just wasn't used to being touched and sweet talking as she never received affection growing up (she spent most of her childhood and almost all of her adolescence in a foster home before getting adopted).

CHANGE

For the aforementioned reasons, she told me she needed time to get used to physical touch and sweet words, so I reduced both.

CURRENT SITUATION

Today we're on the same level when it comes to sweet talking and wooing each other. She has always texted me a lot, but now she's also very romantic, which I like, even though I'm not a good or frequent texter. Where things haven't really changed is physical touch, and this is starting to affect me. The lack of physical touch is starting to impact me because we've started having sex regularly, and she's very much into it and has a high libido. She's reached a level of comfort with me that can't explain her lack of non-sexual physical touch with "I'm not used to it." I'm starting to think she doesn't like non-sexual touch at all.

COMMUNICATION

Initially, I asked her for consent each time I wanted to touch her, but she found that irritating and told me to just touch her and then see how she reacts. I did that and reduced the amount of physical touch. For reference, we never make out (we did it only on the second date). We almost never cuddle when we're at home alone; we just french kiss each other when we meet and sometimes when we don't do anything else. Our main form of affection is hugging. My main attempts at touching consist of putting my arm around her shoulders and hugging her.

This has been affecting me. I don't feel desired; I don't feel loved. I know she loves me through facts; I'm the first guy she presented to her parents. She gives me a lot of gifts; she talks about going on a vacation with me soon and how she dreams about living with me. She cares a lot about my well-being (I'm visually impaired). She is supportive and insists on paying for everything, to the point where I feel guilty about it.

I told her how I feel about the lack of non-sexual physical touch after she told me that she needed more space two times in two consecutive days. On these occasions, we were talking about politics, and I was 20 cm away from her. She told me she prefers to be at a larger distance from me when we talk about serious topics. This hurt me a lot for some reason, so I finally decided to communicate how I feel about the lack of non-physical touch. She told me I should tell her every time I feel bad about this; she told me to keep initiating touch, and she will tell me whether she likes it or not. But she also told me she feels I still touch her too often for her comfort, citing how I put my arm around her shoulder too often when we're on public transportation and that she's "tolerating it" because she loves me. She told me she doesn't want this to be an issue, and I should keep being open to her. I told her to be honest with me and tell me when she doesn't like to be touched.

CONCLUSION

Overall, we communicate well, but I still feel a void inside about all of this. I'm starting to feel we're not compatible and don't know what to do about it. She told me she's ready to make compromises as long as I make compromises, but I'm not sure about it. It's easy for me to not start physical touch often; this is what I've been doing, but for some reason, not being touched this way makes me feel unloved and undesired. I crave that more than the gifts and actions she made to show me she actually cares about me. I feel guilty about ruining or ending such a good relationship over such a trivial thing. What should I do?

TL;DR:

We have been together for three months and everything is great, except for a mismatch in non-sexual physical touch. My partern (F22) has a history of not receiving affection growing up and needed time to get used to touch, but progress has been slow. Despite good communication, the lack of non-sexual touch is affecting me, I feel unloved and undesired. TMy girlfriend is willing to make compromises, but the situation is causing distress and I iam unsure about the compatibility of the relationship. I'm seeking advice on what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BecomingConfident on 2024-01-07 22:55:16+00:00.

We've been together for three months, and everything is great: good chemistry, common values and goals, good sex, and good communication.

BEGINNING

The only problem is non-sexual touch. We've always had this mismatch; she doesn't like to be touched a lot while I do. At the beginning, she told me she just wasn't used to being touched and sweet talking as she never received affection growing up (she spent most of her childhood and almost all of her adolescence in a foster home before getting adopted).

CHANGE

For the aforementioned reasons, she told me she needed time to get used to physical touch and sweet words, so I reduced both.

CURRENT SITUATION

Today we're on the same level when it comes to sweet talking and wooing each other. She has always texted me a lot, but now she's also very romantic, which I like, even though I'm not a good or frequent texter. Where things haven't really changed is physical touch, and this is starting to affect me. The lack of physical touch is starting to impact me because we've started having sex regularly, and she's very much into it and has a high libido. She's reached a level of comfort with me that can't explain her lack of non-sexual physical touch with "I'm not used to it." I'm starting to think she doesn't like non-sexual touch at all.

COMMUNICATION

Initially, I asked her for consent each time I wanted to touch her, but she found that irritating and told me to just touch her and then see how she reacts. I did that and reduced the amount of physical touch. For reference, we never make out (we did it only on the second date). We almost never cuddle when we're at home alone; we just french kiss each other when we meet and sometimes when we don't do anything else. Our main form of affection is hugging. My main attempts at touching consist of putting my arm around her shoulders and hugging her.

This has been affecting me. I don't feel desired; I don't feel loved. I know she loves me through facts; I'm the first guy she presented to her parents. She gives me a lot of gifts; she talks about going on a vacation with me soon and how she dreams about living with me. She cares a lot about my well-being (I'm visually impaired). She is supportive and insists on paying for everything, to the point where I feel guilty about it.

I told her how I feel about the lack of non-sexual physical touch after she told me that she needed more space two times in two consecutive days. On these occasions, we were talking about politics, and I was 20 cm away from her. She told me she prefers to be at a larger distance from me when we talk about serious topics. This hurt me a lot for some reason, so I finally decided to communicate how I feel about the lack of non-physical touch. She told me I should tell her every time I feel bad about this; she told me to keep initiating touch, and she will tell me whether she likes it or not. But she also told me she feels I still touch her too often for her comfort, citing how I put my arm around her shoulder too often when we're on public transportation and that she's "tolerating it" because she loves me. She told me she doesn't want this to be an issue, and I should keep being open to her. I told her to be honest with me and tell me when she doesn't like to be touched.

CONCLUSION

Overall, we communicate well, but I still feel a void inside about all of this. I'm starting to feel we're not compatible and don't know what to do about it. She told me she's ready to make compromises as long as I make compromises, but I'm not sure about it. It's easy for me to not start physical touch often; this is what I've been doing, but for some reason, not being touched this way makes me feel unloved and undesired. I crave that more than the gifts and actions she made to show me she actually cares about me. I feel guilty about ruining or ending such a good relationship over such a trivial thing. What should I do?

TL;DR:

We have been together for three months and everything is great, except for a mismatch in non-sexual physical touch. My partern (F22) has a history of not receiving affection growing up and needed time to get used to touch, but progress has been slow. Despite good communication, the lack of non-sexual touch is affecting me, I feel unloved and undesired. TMy girlfriend is willing to make compromises, but the situation is causing distress and I iam unsure about the compatibility of the relationship. I'm seeking advice on what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/hanzo_the_razor on 2024-01-07 22:24:35+00:00.

Me [40M] and my wife[40F] are pregnant expecting our first child very soon. Her parents moved in with us as soon as we told them about pregnancy claiming the MIL will help me and wife with cooking, cleaning etc. I thought this will be good as my wife will have someone to looking after her while I'm away for 9 hrs 5 days/week for work. The in-laws [70M, 68F] just came from overseas a yr ago and were living with their other daughter[35F] and her husband[38M].

Little did I know, this daughter actually had threw them out of her house because she brought them to USA so that they can cook/clean and do all the housekeeping. She brought them from overseas so that she can get free help around the house while she does not have to lift a finger. Now the in-laws did not do anything as the sister in-law expected so she threw them out/dropped them at our place. I don't know much details but this is my understanding.

Fast forward 2 months and the in laws are not doing anything at all to help my wife. My 8 month pregnant wife and I have to cook and clean up after them while they trash our place. I accepted that because they are important to my wife and she is very close to them. Also, they have nowhere to go. My bottom line was that my wife likes having them with us so everything is OK with me.

The problem is, they are actively trying to stir up fights between me and my wife. They keep telling her that I don't treat them well and I insult them. This is crazy claim because if I'm at home I'm always with my wife and I avoid being alone with my in-laws because I know better as they have tried to make up stories in past that I have disrespected them and done this/that to them.

A little back story- My FIL/MIL have never worked a day in their life. Before getting married at 30, my FIL lived with his brother. After marriage his FIL gave him a house and financially supported them where they lived. After my FIL's FIL passed away, my wife who was 19 at the time took up job and financially supported my in laws and her sister. My wife is emotionally very attached with them and to her, they are like gods who can never do anything wrong. She believes everything they tell her, no matter how malicious/selfish their intent is. She believes its her duty as daughter to take care of them. The in-laws know how to manipulate her to do what they want. They were against getting her married because she was the breadwinner of the family and they opposed our marriage. They tried to get her married to a rich guy after that guy promised them that he will financially support them. But my wife chose to be with me and it never sat well with them. The FIL had fixed a date with this rich guy AFTER me and my wife were engaged. After our marriage, my wife and I had been sending them money to financially support them before they came to this country but they have always been trying their best to break us up.

I might be wrong here but I think the in-laws are trying to separate me with my wife by trying to get my wife to divorce me or making me leave my wife. They hatch-up new stories almost every week trying to convince my wife that I'm trying to insult them/disrespecting them/avoiding them. I treat them the same way I treat my dad. I feed them the same food I eat, I make sure they are comfortable. I take them to their doctor's appointments and pay for their medicines, food. I don't know what more I can do. I just don't know how to deal with them. Every time I try to talk to my wife about this, my wife shuts me down because she believes the stories the in-laws manipulate her with. On a number of occasions, my FIL has told me point blank that 'she was with us for 35 years, she will always believe us, you just came to her life 5 yrs ago, do you think she will believe you'...something along that line.

I just don't know what to do. Here, me and my wife are starting our family and now we are surrounded with this malicious people who will go to any extent to preserve themselves and their interests.

TL;DR - The in-laws moved in with us while we are pregnant under false pretense of helping us. But in reality they are selfish/helping themselves while actively trying to break up our marriage because that way they can have my wife all to themselves to take care of them in every way.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/hanzo_the_razor on 2024-01-07 22:24:35+00:00.

Me [40M] and my wife[40F] are pregnant expecting our first child very soon. Her parents moved in with us as soon as we told them about pregnancy claiming the MIL will help me and wife with cooking, cleaning etc. I thought this will be good as my wife will have someone to looking after her while I'm away for 9 hrs 5 days/week for work. The in-laws [70M, 68F] just came from overseas a yr ago and were living with their other daughter[35F] and her husband[38M].

Little did I know, this daughter actually had threw them out of her house because she brought them to USA so that they can cook/clean and do all the housekeeping. She brought them from overseas so that she can get free help around the house while she does not have to lift a finger. Now the in-laws did not do anything as the sister in-law expected so she threw them out/dropped them at our place. I don't know much details but this is my understanding.

Fast forward 2 months and the in laws are not doing anything at all to help my wife. My 8 month pregnant wife and I have to cook and clean up after them while they trash our place. I accepted that because they are important to my wife and she is very close to them. Also, they have nowhere to go. My bottom line was that my wife likes having them with us so everything is OK with me.

The problem is, they are actively trying to stir up fights between me and my wife. They keep telling her that I don't treat them well and I insult them. This is crazy claim because if I'm at home I'm always with my wife and I avoid being alone with my in-laws because I know better as they have tried to make up stories in past that I have disrespected them and done this/that to them.

A little back story- My FIL/MIL have never worked a day in their life. Before getting married at 30, my FIL lived with his brother. After marriage his FIL gave him a house and financially supported them where they lived. After my FIL's FIL passed away, my wife who was 19 at the time took up job and financially supported my in laws and her sister. My wife is emotionally very attached with them and to her, they are like gods who can never do anything wrong. She believes everything they tell her, no matter how malicious/selfish their intent is. She believes its her duty as daughter to take care of them. The in-laws know how to manipulate her to do what they want. They were against getting her married because she was the breadwinner of the family and they opposed our marriage. They tried to get her married to a rich guy after that guy promised them that he will financially support them. But my wife chose to be with me and it never sat well with them. The FIL had fixed a date with this rich guy AFTER me and my wife were engaged. After our marriage, my wife and I had been sending them money to financially support them before they came to this country but they have always been trying their best to break us up.

I might be wrong here but I think the in-laws are trying to separate me with my wife by trying to get my wife to divorce me or making me leave my wife. They hatch-up new stories almost every week trying to convince my wife that I'm trying to insult them/disrespecting them/avoiding them. I treat them the same way I treat my dad. I feed them the same food I eat, I make sure they are comfortable. I take them to their doctor's appointments and pay for their medicines, food. I don't know what more I can do. I just don't know how to deal with them. Every time I try to talk to my wife about this, my wife shuts me down because she believes the stories the in-laws manipulate her with. On a number of occasions, my FIL has told me point blank that 'she was with us for 35 years, she will always believe us, you just came to her life 5 yrs ago, do you think she will believe you'...something along that line.

I just don't know what to do. Here, me and my wife are starting our family and now we are surrounded with this malicious people who will go to any extent to preserve themselves and their interests.

TL;DR - The in-laws moved in with us while we are pregnant under false pretense of helping us. But in reality they are selfish/helping themselves while actively trying to break up our marriage because that way they can have my wife all to themselves to take care of them in every way.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lost_being_111 on 2024-01-07 21:29:51+00:00.

TLDR; Am I being inconsiderate? My (f31) fiancé (m41) doesn’t overly like my mum because she doesn’t seem to care about my or our life and it’s making us fight about her coming to stay. He says I’m being dramatic for bringing up the issue and ruining his day.

Background— My mum hasn’t visited us in over 2 years. She lives 2 hours away and I have visited her several times over the years. We don’t have a close loving mother daughter bond due to her mental health issues and she just doesn’t really seem to care about my life. I still feel obligated to keep in touch now and then but wish she was the loving nurturing mother I need.

She has recently mentioned that she may come and visit soon which has created a riff between my fiancé and I.

In the past when she’d stay, she would say it would only be for a night or 2, but would end up being a week and would just sloth around our house and not do too much. She doesn’t have any money so it’s up to us to pay for activities and food. Our house is only small and having anyone stay is crowded and my partner especially feels like a prisoner in his own home (his words) like he’s just not comfortable.

The problem— It’s been playing on my mind that she’s going to ask me to stay and I just wanted to have a conversation with my partner about what he thinks and what days would be suitable. He completely blew up and said I’d ruined his Sunday and he didn’t want to talk about controversial topics to spoil his mood basically. He went on a yelling rant about how much he hates my mum and how shit she is. Which made me feel like complete shit, as if I have a choice what my mum is like?

Bottom line I realised that he cannot have a civil conversation or discussion (about anything he doesn’t like) without getting rolled up to the point of screaming and spitting. It’s utterly disgusting in my eyes. I feel like he avoids important issues to prevent any disagreement or arguments when I, on the other hand hate being avoidant and would rather sort issues out and talk through things, most of the time. Am I being dramatic or over reacting in wanting to do things this way? Should I just tell my mum she can’t stay, because it causes issues between us or should he just grow up? My mum isn’t a bad or nasty person…

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ornery_Building661 on 2024-01-07 14:06:36+00:00.

(We’re a little under 4 months into the relationship) So because it’s winter break at my school, I have been seeing my gf about 4-5 times a week, at first it was fun, but recently it seems like seeing her this often has caused us to get into a bit more arguments, we enjoy each others company a lot and ik we have such a loving relationship, but she has caught me off guard with her irritation at me with the things I’ve said and we recently have gotten into a couple arguments, nothing yelling of course, but just talking back at each other and ruining good nights, this has also taken a toll on our sex life, because we have sex usually everytime she shows up to my house, so it seems like that has been too much and she’ll get upset with me if I choose not to have sex that night because she has told me she hates the rejection for wanting sex. I go back to school this week and I think that’ll help a lot because with the fewer times we do see each other, it would be a lot more meaningful, but I just don’t know if I should say my thoughts right now to her, or just wait til school starts and let everything play out itself, this is my first true relationship no FWB so it’s been frustrating recently on how to handle this just due to me being new to it all. If anyone could help me out with this, that would be perfect thank you!

TL;DR - I believe My gf and I have been seeing each other too much and it has taken a toll on the relationship, the space we should have isn’t there and I’m not sure how to approach her with it because she gets emotional with confrontation good or bad

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ZydrateAnatomic on 2024-01-07 13:47:38+00:00.

The first thing I want to say is that my fiancé is extremely happy, can’t wait to marry me and can’t see any of the giant cultural differences I see. It is driving me insane and I need someone to explain to me why he does not see them.

I and my fiancé got together last spring. He is five years younger than I am, and a lovely person. He proposed only a few months after meeting me, and we are getting married in autumn. He says he wanted to propose to me two days after meeting me, and has never been this much in love. He is currently very happy. I, by contrast, am so worried I can’t sleep at night.

I emerge from a very traumatic long engagement with a man who cheated on me. When I met my current fiancé, I was so desperate for love and kindness that I was more blind and obliging than I should have been. I did not pay attention to the details of our differences because it was so new to me to be genuinely loved and cared for. Now that the honeymoon period is over, I am starting to see the issues.

My fiancé was raised in the English countryside in a cottage which is, to put it plainly, the dirtiest house I have ever set foot in in my entire life. His father is a stay-at-home dad, and his mother works. Because his father is of a generation when most men were not taught how to do housework, he does nothing around the house. The oven is encrusted with dirt, there are two inches of dust on every surface, there are holes in the wall where wasps make nests (we woke up one night and there were like fifty wasps in our room), there are rats who regularly devour everything we leave in the garage, and slugs slip in through the fissure and slide around on the living room floor. On top of all this, they have no heating except a wood stove in one room and there is ice on the inside of the bedroom windows. All of this is not due to his parents being poor (his mother has an excellent career), but rather due to cultural reasons. His mother is also someone who grew up in the country wilderness and takes her husband and son on wild walks in the woods even on Christmas Day, so she is completely indifferent to dirt, cold or bugs in the house.

My fiancé has always told me he does not want to live like that. When I met him, he was living in a city flat and seemed like an urban person. However, in time I have realised that he is obsessed with old houses and that his dream would be to own an 18th century house. Because he has been raised in a house full of damp and dirt, he does not understand the challenges that come with looking after an old house because he is oblivious to them. To him it is normal to live in a draughty house with damp.

One important thing to consider is that there are cultural differences between us. My family is French and works in the luxury sector. We are very urban people (French people are generally very happy to live in flats and don’t worship the countryside the way English people do), and my fiancé’s family’s living conditions would be totally unacceptable to my family, as they are to me. My fiancé used to not do any housework at all, until I explained to him that I really mind dirtiness. He is not sexist at all and does do housework when I direct him, but I have to remind him because he is completely indifferent to these things.

When we went to France, he wanted to walk out among the cows despite it being very hot (he is one of those blonde English people who burn easily and suffer in the heat). I told him that this was completely unreasonable and he looked startled. He agreed to not go out, but then said, “When I was little my mother would take me out in the heat because she wanted to go on a walk, and I would get heat stroke and she would not care. I never thought it was normal.” He says he does not want raise children in the same way, but I am still worried because living in extreme conditions and not taking care of himself has been ingrained in him.

One very important thing is that his parents are those very traditional English people who taught him to always scrimp and save. He dresses like a dandy and loves antiques. The final result is that he bought a pair of old leather shoes from a charity shop that were the wrong size, hobbled in them all day (while also wearing an ill-fitting dandyish tweed jacket also bought in a charity shop), and then the soles broke off and he walked barefoot across London. And he did not even wash his feet immediately when he got home.

Because he is so obsessed with antiques and despises the modern world, it is almost impossible to persuade him to buy decent modern clothes, because he says they don’t fit with his aesthetic. The result is that he will wear an old-fashioned shirt with giant holes in it. He likes the old-fashioned aesthetic, but because of his upbringing he has zero sense of comfort.

This “scrimp and save and make do” ultra-English attitude is really beginning to weigh on me. We spoke about getting a microwave (I cook a lot and he also loves food, so kitchen utensils are important), and his immediate instinct was to get the cheapest one we could find, even if we could afford a better one. He even suggested using the old one his parents keep in their rat-infested garage.

He said he is very willing to move to France with me. When he showed me the kind of French house he would like to live in, however, I was shocked. It’s the sort of fallen down townhouse that needs a lot of renovation and that tourists typically fall in love with (the locals, who are not impressed by old houses and want comfort, know better than to take on a renovation project like that). Because of the way he is, I would not even trust him with the renovations because he is just going to spend as little money as possible and think living in a house that is falling apart is some kind of luxury just because the house “has a history”.

My fiancé is a wonderful person. He is kind and empathetic and has never mistreated me. I bear him no ill will whatsoever. However, I am genuinely concerned about the countless battles I would have to fight if I married him due to our very real cultural differences. I also fear that he is more immature than I am, due to the age gap. I do not know what to do because he is a good person, but realistically speaking I don’t know to what a degree I can “civilise” him, and I can’t bear to live the way he does. What should I do?

TL;DR: my fiancé is a kind person who has never hurt a fly. However, there are huge cultural differences between us because he was raised in a dirty house in the English countryside and is used to horrible living conditions, whereas I was raised on the continent and I really do care about comfort and decent living conditions. What should I do? VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL: he is desperate to marry me and says I make him perfectly happy and despite knowing about all this he does not seem concerned at all.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kbeaver5 on 2024-01-07 10:51:11+00:00.

TLDR - gf of one year told me I took her virginity, then I find out she's slept with 4 different people today before me (after begging her to be honest).

I preface this by saying lying has been one of if not the only problem in our relationship this past year. She's a really funny, sweet, and loving girl. However, I should probably add that she has BPD and lying is apparently a frequent occurrence due to major fear of rejection (and an inability for them to regulate their emotions).

So, to cut it short, when me and my gf first hooked up she claimed she was a virgin for some reason and I believed her. Fast forward a year, and I found out details about her sexual past with at least one other guy. I confronted her about it, and she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about for 5-10 mins.

Then eventually she went silent and told me she's slept with 2 others guys. I'm not the type of guy to judge her harshly for her past (or shame at all), but I was just completely lost as to why she told me she was a virgin initially. was convinced the entire year I've been dating her I took her virginity- not that I really cared because ik it's just a social construct and it's not that important (but it's mainly just the lack of trust over the whole situation). She said she wanted me to like her more, and that telling me she was a virgin would do that and I wouldn't judge her.

Anyways, after talking for a hour or two and processing the break of trust over something so major, I suggested a fresh start where she stops lying about anything from here on out. As a result of that, she then reveals she's slept with 4 guys, not two (which makes the virgin comment even more outlandish). She could've told me she only had sex with one or two when I first met her, but she genuinely had me convinced she had never had penetrative sex before me. Now I have to process she's been lying for a year and that her body count is 4 (not 1 with me, and not 2).

She told me she feels super bad about the whole situation and wishes she would've told me and claims she was going to at some point), but I find it hard to believe she was going to since the situation would get worse the longer time passed. I'm not looking to break up with her or anything, it's just the break of trust is shocking.

How do I go about rebuilding trust?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Stinkmister01 on 2024-01-07 07:19:53+00:00.

I 20F am currently in college for accounting and I plan to get my cpa (so I got a pretty good future planned out I think) but my boyfriend 20M still isn’t sure what he wants to do. We have been together for a year and 3 months. I try not to push him because I know it’s hard to decide or commit to something as a career that you’re going to do forever and for young people this seems very daunting. He is from the town where I go to college and they recently rolled out a plan that certain people living in the county can get a full ride to college and he is eligible. His mom has some mental issues and kicked him out when he was 15 so I know he’s had it a lot rougher than me and once he expressed to me that he used to want to go to college but realized that was unrealistic for him. Once I heard about this plan I told him he had a chance to go to college (for a four year degree or trade school) for free. He seemed unsure about it but I told him I’d help him apply and everything and he did seem excited but I tried not to push it on him so no reverse psychology would happen. The application deadline is coming up and I’ve tried to get him to sit down and finish the application but he doesn’t seem like he wants to, so I assume he probably doesn’t want to go to school anymore. I know all his friends work in the pipelines and oil field and he wants to as well, but without being a welder it’s hard to make decent money there and he could do that higher up in the pipelines with a degree and make a lot more

Since we’ve been together he’s worked for a company where he does some sort of eviction clean ups and the like (think hoarder houses with lots of trash) but the company owner was a pos imo and kind of let him go by ghosting him. He had a job working in the pipelines for 2 months but they finished and the job moved out of state and he didn’t want to go. He worked in construction but they had to lay off a bunch of people and he got let go and now he’s been unemployed since like October.

I just feel like he’s showing me a lazy side of him and I don’t know what to do. I do love him a lot and I see us being able to be happy together for a long time. It also doesn’t help that he is my first real boyfriend (and first everything else) so im having a really hard time thinking about leaving him.

But I do think if we lived together and got married we would work so well together, we are a great match except for what I have expressed. I love him so much and I know he loves me and would always treat me well and before him I’ve never had a guy treat me that well and im scared if I leave him behind I won’t find that again.

Also im religious and see myself only becoming more religious and he is not so I see that kind of as a problem.

TL;DR: I am in college to get my degree in accounting, my boyfriend is from the town where I go to school and has the chance for a full ride to college or trade school and doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t really have a plan and I worry if we continue our relationship and got married would he be able to provide for our family and if his lack of ambition would bother me but he said this is the year he gets it together. So im unsure if I should continue our relationship or end it. We are really in love and he treats me so good so I want us to stay together I just am unsure.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAbanabe on 2024-01-07 01:09:49+00:00.

Me and my fiance was sitting together at 00.30 when his female friend called him.

They used to live in in X country, it is maybe 2 years since they have seen each other. They talk from time to time.

They were just talking about life, and that there is a guy she wants to meet up with. He was also talking about about me and that he can travel he will come from X country and see her (he has too many friends from there). He said and I will come with my fiance. She hang up and call back again at 1 AM and they say they will talk again tomorrow evening as he needed to help her with something.

When we got engaged they also talked and she was like she is so lucky it is very romantic and I will be angry if you don’t invite me for the wedding.

They talked on loud speaker the two times.

My problem. When she called she was like oh (I was there) and if I was ok, she asked twice and was like yeah she (me) understands. Ghe way she sounds very giggly and flirty, her voice like she is laying in bed and calling him at night like he is single and be like oh is she okay. If it is so innocent why you need ti know if I am ok.

Or maybe my problem is just that I am too jealous.

Boiling right now and not ready to talk in this minute because I want to be calm if I talk and I don’t want to be controlling.

Tl;dr: my fiance have a female friend calling at night asking if I am ok with that only because she knows i al there. Should I take caution?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kooky_Gur_1756 on 2024-01-07 00:12:54+00:00.

I (23M) just found a TikTok from two weeks ago where my gf tell her followers how her ex who made love to her so good and told her she is beautiful without makeup ruined her because others AKA me don't treat her like that.

I never ever told her she is not beautiful, I always told her that I liked her. The only thing that I fucked up with is saying that she looks sexy when she wears make up which, for her meant that I only find her pretty when she wears make up. Keep in mind that I told her countless of times how she is pretty without makeup.

We got over that makeup stuff etc but only now do I see a public video of her telling her followers that. I tried switching roles and I just can't ever see myself posting something like that, it's just fucking horrible and disprectful to your partner, especially mentionning the love making part which was very unncesseary in that context.

What would you do?

tl&dr: My gf posted about her ex made her feel so beautiful and ruined her expectations

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KeyMountain1804 on 2024-01-06 22:59:10+00:00.

I (26F) and my fiancee (28M) have been together for 4 years. We recently got engaged and it's prompted me to think about this crush I've had on my coworker for a while now. I joined a new team around 2 years ago and have honestly probably had this crush for almost the same amount of time. So it's been a while which is concerning to me.

My coworker (38M) has a lot of the traits I like in a man, which are also a lot of the traits I love about my fiance. He is also incredibly knowledgeable and helpful to everyone on our team which is very attractive.

I know for a fact that I wouldn't act on this crush even if I was single. For one I don't think it would be what I want because I think a lot of it is just a fantasy that wouldn't feel great if it came true. Also, one thing that makes me more attracted to this coworker is the fact that he never tries to cross the line in terms of appropriateness which has not been my experience with a lot of other older male colleagues. He never tries to hang out alone or even bring up relationship-related topics. All of our conversations have been about work, career aspirations, random current events etc. so I think if he were ever to actually pursue me it would really turn me off especially because I'm significantly younger than him. Another aspect is that although I am attracted to him I don't overall think he's very physically attractive.

However I do sometimes find myself thinking about my coworker a lot. As in wondering about his life (especially because he doesn't share much about his personal life. He is unmarried though I don't know if he's in a relationship. I would guess not since he's never brought a guest to any of the company events) as well as overthinking about small interactions we've had. And sometimes I do fantasize about him, not sexually but perhaps romantically (as in imagining being on a date or in a date-like situation).

In terms of whether there is any reciprocation of this crush, I would say that nothing obvious has ever happened. He has been really nice to me in terms of helping me out a lot, and has complimented me (not on appearance) a few times in ways that seemed uncharacteristic to me (don't want to give specifics) but only because he is pretty reserved in general. He's also never complimented me on my looks even though/when others in the office have. So basically I don't think that's really an issue/factor.

Overall I want to think that's it's okay for this crush to continue, because I love my job and don't want to change that. We are often on the same projects because we have a similar background and our manager often pairs us up. I really don't think this is a threat to my relationship but I do feel bad about how often I think about this coworker.

TL;DR: Is it okay that I have a crush on my coworker that I will never act on while being in a committed relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Separate_Tune3662 on 2024-01-07 13:31:55+00:00.

Context: I (18m) am taking a gap year when I am working and taking time to sort myself out mentally and physically, I am picking up new hobbies like golf and the guitar and working on myself whilst having a part time job to earn money, I recently left my previous job and I am having a tough time getting a new one.

My dad (57m) has recently got a psychology degree and is trying to set up a counselling business. I Lao don’t seen him often as my parents are divorced

I opened up to him about my poor mental health around 2 years ago as I was struggling with a levels and friends and I was just getting by, he has always been supportive but within the last 6 months he is trying to be my therapist. Every problem I have his solution is always some science brain problem answer when I just want normal dad support.

Before he got his degree he would say stuff like, I know it’s difficult, I’m here to talk and if you want help, we can look for it for you, but now he thinks he is that help.

Now it is impossible to talk to him about my problems as he always gives me some answer about science or a study that was done years ago or some bs like that, I don’t care I just want someone who will listen and support me. For the last few weeks over the Christmas period I have felt very anxious when I am around him and feel it is because of his new way of dealing with things.

I understand his desire to help solve my solutions with his psychology answers but if I wanted a therapist I would get a therapist, I want a dad. How do I tell him this wit’s out crushing him?

TL;DR; : my dad has a psychology degree and now thinks he’s my therapist, I just want a normal dad

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Square_Zebra6319 on 2024-01-07 13:17:59+00:00.

I know it seems strange to be in a position of a child at that age, but I still live with my parents and feel like I’m still a child. My parents have been together for more that 25 years, they broke up and came back together sometime 15 years ago I guess, I don’t remember anything. They fight constantly since the earliest I can remember and they are abusive to each other (they scream, push and hit each other). It’s been constant stress for me almost my whole life, you can never feel safe and when you enjoy your life they start fighting, so I feel like I have to break their fights for them not to hit each other. (In my teenage years it was the worst, they hit each other hard so nowadays I feel like they will resort to the same thing, although it doesn’t happen this hard way anymore). Today the fight started again, anger burst and my mom was trying to take away father’s belongings to not let him go out of the house (she constantly did it in the past when he tried to leave, he either couldn’t leave because of it or he left for a few hours, then they talked or argued and it was back to normal again). I couldn’t take it anymore and told her to let him have his things, she gave them to him, he left and came back to take other belongings and now he’s moving out. It never really happened that way from what I remember and now I feel like I’m responsible for it escalating so much. Am I at fault for interfering in their argument and causing it to escalate?

ーーー TL;DR;: I told my mom to give my father his belongings while they were fighting and now he’s leaving for good, Am I at fault?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Air_Bunny9799 on 2024-01-07 13:16:57+00:00.

I have been dating a girl since the end of October/early November, so about 2 or 3 months, and have to say the relationship is perfect. We both really like each other and the idea of dating. There have been conversations of making the relationship something legitimate as time has continued as well. It is complicated to say at this time really the correct thought process though it seems like our relationship is progressing well. She seems excited to see me every time we speak. It is just complicated because this past week I got sick, and though I have been recovering alright it is just complicated to say if us making our agreed upon time next week is a good idea. I think it may be something possible to do, though I really find it complicated to be sure. I just know as the relationship has continued it has sometimes appeared to be complicated the correct thought process as to whether the relationship is in the correct area or not. I personally like the idea of a relationship built on open communication and mutual attraction, and for the most part we have this, though it is complicated to say the relationship is actually touching on all bases sometimes. It almost seems like we don't talk about the relationship as much as probably we should. I want to be able to continue to see her, and next week if things are all set it may be the relationship can successfully happen, though I don't know if such a relationship has actually made it there yet, though we agreed it had as of yesterday. It is just complicated. I am thinking staying very open to the idea of the relationship being rescheduled is something I probably should do. I don't know if something like this really is going to be as simple as accepting we have already made the correct amount of progress for it to be completely set. It almost seems like we are still talking in some areas, though we have had good conversations.

I'm looking forward to seeing where the relationship goes, and am doing my best to stay diligent about the relationship though just it is complicated to say the relationship is there yet. I don't know if they are prepared at this time to take the next step. We talked about meeting up at 7pm though it is complicated to say they are going to be comfortable with this time frame. I just find the relationship concerning. It may be we miss the time, though if it is possible to make it then honestly it would be a major relief. I just don't know if personally I see it at this time. I think we need to keep talking.

Any advice on the best route forward here? Thanks for any information.

tl;dr Some stuff came up this past week causing the relationship with my girlfriend to grow slightly complicated. This next week in addition we have been talking though it is like there are concerns if the relationship is going to be able to be successful. It is complicated because if we haven't talked about things enough we may in fact miss our planned upon meeting time, which isn't something I want to do. She said things were fine and the relationship is already there between us, though I am not entirely confident in this. I think we need to keep talking about things. Any advice is appreciated on the best plan forward, thank you.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/jimmorrison51 on 2024-01-07 12:59:19+00:00.

We both agreed that we didn’t want a relationship before we slept together. We didn’t have anything romantic between us, it wasn’t a tender or loving experience. It was purely that he wanted to lose his virginity, I wanted to help him out. There wasn’t even cuddles after or anything like that. But now he’s acting all hard done by, moping around and generally trying to get my attention.

He said he was angry with me because I couldn’t hang out the day after because I was trying to get my work submitted on time before christmas. It’s pissing me off to be honest. HE was the one who brought up the conversation of establishing that he didn’t want a relationship. Now we’ve slept together I feel like he thinks I have some kind of obligation towards him.

I made time to hang out the day after the day after, although I don’t feel like I’m obliged to tend to his emotions, I am not cold and did care to make sure he was doing okay and everything was okay between us as friends. I do enjoy his company, I just don’t want to feel pressured to hang out all the time when I’m at home.

I feel like I should be able to be completely relaxed and not under pressure from people I barely know when I am in my private space. I don’t appreciate him trying to make me feel bad about this. I don’t want to sleep with him again so maybe this is also partly why he’s annoyed, he tried to make a move on me before I was leaving to visit family and I declined because I had to leave, but honestly mostly because I do not want to do it again with him. I don’t think he cares about me as a person or who I am. He just wants to explore sex with someone.

Why is he acting like this? Is it just because I was the first? I really don’t have the space to worry about his feelings regarding this, especially as we agreed it wasn’t going to be that before we even did anything. Am I wrong for feeling pissed off that he’s acting this way?

Tl;dr - I took his virginity and now he’s acting hard done by. I don’t think he’s being reasonable as we agreed this was not going to be the start of anything romantic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/themsle5 on 2024-01-07 12:49:59+00:00.

Basically he doesn’t know anything so I tell him stuff like about skincare and other things

But then he doesn’t listen to me or believe me and he’s like yeah no I’m gonna ask my guy friend who knows about skincare

And then his guy friend tells him the same thing and he does it

Also I solved some of his issues by him taking my advice (after arguing with him for days) so it’s not like my advice doesn’t work

Anyways most recently we went to a hiking store and I am into hiking and know stuff about it and i was trying to tell him which socks are good and he’s like no I’m just gonna come here with a guy friend who actually knows what he’s doing.. and I’m like ok

Like for some reason he just doesn’t want to listen to or trust any of my advice even though it always turns out to be accurate and correct?

This genuinely ruins my mood and makes me feel like complete shit

Also he literally argues over everything. I want him to go hiking with me and last time we went outside he got cold in less than 10 mins, cause he literally doesn’t even have a winter coat and he only owns tshirts and has no hoodies or anything. So I tried suggesting an affordable long sleeve at the store and he was like “I don’t need that I’m not buying that” and I’m like you literally got cold and he’s like yeah o don’t need it. also he constantly spends tons of money on random stuff and says he has too much money so that’s not the issue.

He’s like I don’t have the energy to walk and I don’t want to. I feel like crap when he does this. I’m not sure if this is just a typical relationship argument or if I should break up because it’s a red flag. Would like advice on if I should stay or not.

TLDR: boyfriend doesn’t value my opinion, not sure how bad of a sign this is and need advice on whether or not I should break up

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/green-sealion on 2024-01-07 12:48:42+00:00.

for context I'm 17F and my partner is 17M and overall our relationship is great. the only big issue that causes conflict is my overthinking all the time.

my boyfriend rarely replies to messages even when he is on his phone which causes me to create scenarios such as 'he's on the phone to another girl' or 'he's messaging other girls' but at the same time deep down i know he would never do that to me, my brain and thoughts are just sabotaging me and telling me otherwise.

when I bring up my overthinking and ask him silly questions he's getting mad, which is understandable but at the end of the day all I want is his reassurance.

and I also think that he just doesn't ever want to talk to me even though I know he is most likely busy with other things the thought still hurts.

can anyone please help and give me advice on how to fix me

Tl;dr: im an overthinker please help

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Rachx_19 on 2024-01-07 12:37:39+00:00.

My partner and I have been together for 8 months. I’m extroverted and he’s introverted and we live separately.

I’m studying veterinary science full time, 1.5h from my family home and he’s studying paramedicine externally full time. He also works full time at a hospital in the city and rents in a share house nearby his work. I work causally at a pet shop on Saturdays near my family home, about 40 min from his place. I also rent at a share house 1.5h away near uni for my studies during the week.

I spent a lot of time with him during the mid year break and sem 2 was the complete opposite. It was really difficult academically for broth of us (his final sem) and and after a while, I felt him become very stressed and distant. He wouldn’t have time to call and we only saw each other for a few hours on a Friday/Saturday night when I went back to his, watching movies mostly. I would drive back to my family home on Friday nights to work Saturdays and to see him often at his place on Saturday nights before driving back to uni (2h away) on Sunday afternoon/night. He rarely planned anything and he was distant sexually too. I can imagine how stressed he was with everything and I kept asking him about how I could best support him but he just said that it was ok and that it will be good once he gets a job as a paramedic soon.

He’s never been very good at communicating and I’m not super confrontational but I really started to become stressed about our relationship and what I meant to him. I tried to support him as much as I could, from cooking meals for him, editing his assignments, getting little milestone gifts for him around exams and ultimately prioritising seeing him at his place. We only really saw each other for about 5 awake hours a week give or take, and mostly watched movies at his.

He still texts me everyday and he tells me he loves me and we have been more sexual since uni ended for the year. He’s still got his grad cert to finish tho. I really appreciate him but I just want to understand and put my doubts to rest. Idk I felt like there was always this reluctance to initiate any plans with me 95% of the time. A hesitation to do the things I wanted to do and almost an encouragement for me to leave when I work up at his on a Sunday the next day. Even if he did come to mine, I felt like he was keen to go home. I’ve always put it down to work or uni commitments, which I totally understand working and studying full time, and wanted to support him as much as I could.

I thought Christmas time would be better and it would be where we were both off and had nowhere to be again. I was so proud of him for finishing his degree and I thought he’d want to do things again having more time but he didn’t initiate to meetup and we kept seeing eachother for a few hours, with me organising most of the time. I had communicated with him in the past about talking to me about what was on his plate but he didn’t really continue. I finally broke down and told him how I felt again and he put in some more effort to invite me over and planned a date which I really valued.

I made plans for Christmas to be at my place and I felt like he was uncomfortable the whole time, hardly saying anything and only commenting one word answers when my family asked him things. He even suggested that he wanted to go home on Christmas afternoon even after planning to spend more time together. He stayed until Boxing Day morning and left. My mum felt like a bad hostess and I spent most of the day crying because I don’t understand why my partner was so keen to leave after hardly ever having any time together. He said was going home to do uni but I know he was going home to play games.

I thought it might have been his introversion and thought that a trip to the beach and a whole day of relaxing on New Year’s Day would be something really fun and just us. He spent most of the day uncomfortable and I thought that the next day relaxing would be good, and while we did watch a bit, he was quick to go home and play multiplayer games with his friends, as I imagine is his “alone time”. I just feel wrecked. I didn’t left my room and had been crying so much.

He has told me about his alone time but doesn’t communicate when and if he needs this. I believe it’s important for self care but when he doesn’t communicate and we only see eachother for a few hours/days at this time; in conjunction with the lack of organisation, willingness and initiation to see me, I just feel really shit and aren’t sure is he truly values me.

TDLR: Bf dating for 8 months, both busy with full time med study at different universities and both working too. Spend only 5 awake hours a week together, Bf was reluctant to initiate plans and was keen to go home after hanging out. At Christmas I thought things would be better because we had time off but he was still uncomfortable and I felt like he wanted to leave. He is very introverted so I thought that he needed alone time, but he doesn’t communicate when and if he needs this. He says he loves me and texts me everyday but I’m just really confused with his communication and is really upset.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Inochi-no-Mori on 2024-01-07 12:26:22+00:00.

My best friend and I had been friends since we were maybe 6 or 7. We both came from dysfunctional, and abusive families, and would lean on each other for support. His family was worse than mine, though. One night when I was 16, I was walking home from a school football game when something very bad happened to me. (I don't know if details of the event are allowed, but I'm sure it's pretty obvious.) We lived in a small town, and everyone knew what happened, and decided that it was better to ignore me, and pretend that it didn't happen. Wherever I went, there were stares, even from my family. People would whisper about me even with me in the room. School was the worst. Even the teachers acted weird around me. There was no place to go to escape it. Everyone just made the whole ordeal worse. I knew that I could rely on my best friend for support, but he just abandoned me. He would make excuses not to see me, graduated, and moved away without an explanation. That hurt me more than anything else. I didn't hear from him again until this past November. He tracked me down wanting forgiveness. He told me that his family life was so bad at that time that he just couldn't deal with anything else. He confessed to me that he had been abused his whole childhood, (all types of abuse) and that when he heard what had happened to me, it had brought up a lot of his own trauma, and he couldn't deal with it. He was very apologetic, and was even in tears. He told me that he had been in love with me all these years, and has never been able to sustain a relationship with anyone because he compares them to me. I understand his reasons, I really do, but why did he wait so long to tell me? He says that it is because it has taken him this long to heal enough from his own trauma, but it still bothers me. I was so alone, and he just left without a word.

Should I forgive him?

TL; DR: My best friend abandoned me as soon as something bad happened to me, and now wants to be forgiven.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Emu-Mediocre on 2024-01-07 12:13:24+00:00.

My girlfriend and I started dating 3 months ago and we became exclusive/official 1 month ago. She kept seeing ger fuckbuddy for 1 and a half months before breaking it up with him. Meaning she had sex with me and him on different nights. She did not tell me about him, and when I asked about former partners she told me she had never had a boyfriend before.

Yesterday she was at my place and we talked about what we had been doing through the week, and she mentioned that her ex-boyfriend had visited her at her dorm room. I was curious since she never mentioned that she had an ex, and asked who he was. She told me he was more like former friends with benefits. I just asked when she stopped and started seeing him, and she told me she stopped fucking him when "she fell in love with me". I asked specifically when that was and she would not give me a straight answer until she said after 1 and a half months of us dating.

She had sex with this guy one and a half months ago and then she visited him at her dorm room. I asked why she invited him over there and she said it was to catch up with him. She also told me it was very difficult for her to stop that relationship, which made me feel even weirder.

Tl:Dr:

My girlfriend and I started dating 3 months ago and we became exclusive/official 1 month ago. She kept seeing her fuckbuddy for 1 and a half months before breaking it up with him. Meaning she had sex with me and him on different nights. She invited him over to catch up and I want to break up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA13582057105 on 2024-01-07 11:41:16+00:00.

Tl;dr: Found out there was overlap between my bf and i hooking up and building a relationship, and a situationship with another girl my bf never told me about

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. We're long distance and see each other about once a month.

When we started dating, things were a bit awkward. We met each other in real life for the first time with no ulterior motives i would say, but we were friends at that time, talking every day and i didn't know he was talking to someone, which of course he didn't have to disclose because we weren't involved with each other. There was definitely tension between us though when we met.

2 months later we made a plan to see each other again. In that time we started sending each other hearts and other more romantic things. It was clear we were both interested in each other. Then one day out of nowhere his entire vibe changed and he stopped talking to me that way. I didn't know why but it made me hesitant to visit him. I asked him if everything was ok and he just said he was confused about his feelings. Fair enough.

He had told me around this time that he had a best friend that he had some issues with and that she was very hot and cold with him. I never thought anything else of it. He said he tried to cut contact with her but that she came back and he fell for it and he was back at square one. This was exactly the time he changed his tone with me, but i never put the 2 together because he said she was his best friend.

Then i visited him and we hooked up the whole week. We talked things out and decided to keep seeing each other, but i needed time to get into an official relationship because i'd just gotten out of one 6 months prior and i felt like we should get to know each other better. Then a month later i visited again, the night before i visited he told me he was calling with his best friend again. We hooked up the rest of the week again, and afterwards established that neither one of us was talking to anyone else or doing anything shady, and that i just needed a bit more time.

A month later, we had a long call and there were some things i wanted him to know about me before getting in a relationship with me. I told him about some previous relationships and experiences and so did he. He never mentioned the situationship he was basically still in before i visited him that last time. We decided to make it official.

The other day i found out from something he told me that this girl was, in fact, not just his best friend but someone he was in a situationship with.

I understand we weren't officially exclusive at the time he was in a situationship with her, but i feel really weird that he never disclosed it to me. I kept him up to date with the situation with my ex, and finding this out one year after we started dating just feels really weird. He doesn't know i know either.

He's very private too, at first i didn't have any reason not to trust him, but i feel more and more like i can't trust him at all.

What do i do with this information? Would this be a dealbreaker for anyone?

Edit: i just want to clarify i'm not upset that there was overlap with me and her, i'm upset he never told me when i started the relationship under the impression we were both completely honest