Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Unavailable_Lime on 2024-01-07 11:19:16+00:00.

I want to go couples counselling ontop of my individual counselling. The way my partner talks at me when triggered, upset, annoyed etc really triggers me and then I shut down and get very teary and if I'm really overwhelmed yell back (his natural voice is quite loud where mine is softer). It's like pulling teeth whenever I try to get us to sit down and talk... even though on the rate occasions we do it... it's beneficial. He says he doesn't like it but he clearly has a lot to say about the way I am in our relationship as well. I've been going to individual therapy for five years and I've been on meds for almost three. I don't know what else to do... We trigger each other and we are just unhappy for it.

TLDR: I (28F) desperately feel like we need couples counselling while my partner (37M) doesn't.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Unavailable_Lime on 2024-01-07 11:19:16+00:00.

I want to go couples counselling ontop of my individual counselling. The way my partner talks at me when triggered, upset, annoyed etc really triggers me and then I shut down and get very teary and if I'm really overwhelmed yell back (his natural voice is quite loud where mine is softer). It's like pulling teeth whenever I try to get us to sit down and talk... even though on the rate occasions we do it... it's beneficial. He says he doesn't like it but he clearly has a lot to say about the way I am in our relationship as well. I've been going to individual therapy for five years and I've been on meds for almost three. I don't know what else to do... We trigger each other and we are just unhappy for it.

TLDR: I (28F) desperately feel like we need couples counselling while my partner (37M) doesn't.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aggravating-Bat7704 on 2024-01-07 11:16:40+00:00.

I (21M) love being around my girl (21F) but we both live in different countries (US/Canada). I think she’s perfect and the best person in the whole world and I’m so lucky she even likes me. When I’m with her I feel on top of the world but then when we go back home and separate, I start losing feelings and having doubts. I don’t like these feelings and I wanna marry her but why do I get doubts about our relationship cuz it hurts so much. What do I do?

TL;DR: I like being around my girl but when we go back home, I start losing feelings gradually.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Quirwz on 2024-01-07 11:15:36+00:00.

So, I confronted my girlfriend again yesterday.

We get only weekends to meet each other (I live 2 hours away) and not even once has she asked me to come over to meet her. It's only me who is either "surprising" her on weekends or making plans to meet. I keep waiting whole week that she would ask my plans and then ask to meet me but I end up getting a little sad and just head over to her place to "surprise" her. When I told her that why she does not initiate then she said that "I am like this only, this is my nature" and "I don't want you to travel so far".

She told me that if I would be in her city then she would have no problem asking to meet. But I have been in her city and yet she never initiated to meet. When I told her this yesterday, her response was "I don't ask because you must be busy", to which I said "Then you could at least talk with me and ask if I am busy or not, instead of assuming".

Example, on New Year's Eve weekend too, she never asked to meet and I just put my ego aside and said that I would be meeting her on 31st, to which she was again hesitant and even after meeting her on 31st and making plan to meet on 1st, she started with her excuses that she cannot meet.

I told her yesterday that if I had not initiated anything then we would have not met in December and even on new year's too.

I love her and when we meet the feeling seems mutual but her behaviour is very repellant and I end up feeling bad that she does not want me.

I am really confused what to do. She calls me the best thing to happen to her and yet treats me like this. and I guess I am done initiating everything.

TLDR - I keep initiating meet up plans while all she says are excuses and that she is like this only

What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cautious-River9363 on 2024-01-07 11:12:09+00:00.

I am desperately unhappy about the fact that this friend has stopped talking to me - she really was someone who I looked up to and whose friendship was precious to me. Anyway, a month ago or so she simply stopped looking at any messages I sent her. There was no indication it was going to happen - in fact the last thing she said was how we should meet up soon. We did have an argument last time we met in person, but by the end of it we could both see that we had both in the wrong, or so I thought, and I had apologised on my part.

I've tried raising it with her sister, who insists nothing is wrong, and that she's just very busy. But, as I've pointed out, she could just tell me this herself, instead of just leaving my messages unread for months on end. Her sister suggested we all meet up this week, but it's now the end of this week, and nothing has materialised.

I keep on asking her about it, and I can tell she's getting annoyed. I've explained that I value the friendship of the sister I live with, but I have a long and deep friendship with the one who is ghosting me, and I am grieving that loss. I am just so unhappy, and so hurt that my friend has decided to treat me in this way.

TL;DR I live with the sister of the friend who is ghosting me, having a mental breakdown over it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aggravating-Bat7704 on 2024-01-07 11:16:40+00:00.

I (21M) love being around my girl (21F) but we both live in different countries (US/Canada). I think she’s perfect and the best person in the whole world and I’m so lucky she even likes me. When I’m with her I feel on top of the world but then when we go back home and separate, I start losing feelings and having doubts. I don’t like these feelings and I wanna marry her but why do I get doubts about our relationship cuz it hurts so much. What do I do?

TL;DR: I like being around my girl but when we go back home, I start losing feelings gradually.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heeybennil on 2024-01-07 11:09:31+00:00.

TL;DR; : I (26f) feel really stuck. He (26m) lived with his parent his entire life . They are plenty rich and he doesnt have any responsibilities around the house. He works in his fathers company. We've been friends since 2020 and started going out around 2021. Since then it started to get serious. I've met with his family multiple times, even went to vacation with his mother and sister.

They dont want me because i'm "poor and ugly". I live with my mom and we are around middle class. The flat is ours so we dont have to pay rent and we both work.we have a very stable life but his dad wants him to marry someone rich. I was really hurt when i heard his comments about me but my bf said that its gonna work out in the future dont worry. But its been 3 and a half years already.

Back then we planned to get married around 27 but when i told him that now, he says its too early and if it was up to him we would get married at 30. I told him we planned to get married 27 and we're already 26, he said "i said that cause you wanted to". I dont wanna waste my time but i also dont wanna throw away our relationship.

He is too comfy in his parents house so he doesnt want to have new responsibilities so he is trying to make it take as long as possible. I dont find him attractive anymore (not physically). I thought i found someone i can finally live the rest of my life with but my thought about him has changed now.

I'm really sad and dont know what to do. Can someone help me with this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Quirwz on 2024-01-07 11:15:36+00:00.

So, I confronted my girlfriend again yesterday.

We get only weekends to meet each other (I live 2 hours away) and not even once has she asked me to come over to meet her. It's only me who is either "surprising" her on weekends or making plans to meet. I keep waiting whole week that she would ask my plans and then ask to meet me but I end up getting a little sad and just head over to her place to "surprise" her. When I told her that why she does not initiate then she said that "I am like this only, this is my nature" and "I don't want you to travel so far".

She told me that if I would be in her city then she would have no problem asking to meet. But I have been in her city and yet she never initiated to meet. When I told her this yesterday, her response was "I don't ask because you must be busy", to which I said "Then you could at least talk with me and ask if I am busy or not, instead of assuming".

Example, on New Year's Eve weekend too, she never asked to meet and I just put my ego aside and said that I would be meeting her on 31st, to which she was again hesitant and even after meeting her on 31st and making plan to meet on 1st, she started with her excuses that she cannot meet.

I told her yesterday that if I had not initiated anything then we would have not met in December and even on new year's too.

I love her and when we meet the feeling seems mutual but her behaviour is very repellant and I end up feeling bad that she does not want me.

I am really confused what to do. She calls me the best thing to happen to her and yet treats me like this. and I guess I am done initiating everything.

TLDR - I keep initiating meet up plans while all she says are excuses and that she is like this only

What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LynxImpossible2851 on 2024-01-07 11:05:37+00:00.

We've been together for about 2 years and 5 months, I remained faithful until the end of our relationship. I gave him everything, even myself, yet he left me. Whenever we're eating outside, from our fare, I was the one who's paying for it. And I didn't rebuke any of it to him. I even introduced him to my family, idk to his side since "he said" he told her mother that he's courting me. He went to our house multiple times, yet I didn't experience the same thing. We've been together for almost 2 years, yet he didn't initiate to invite me to their house. I told him that I'll wait for his mother's invitation before I'll go, but I didn't receive not even a single invitation. My ex-boyfriend said that her mother feel ashamed to her biological father (he's from broken family) who's the one paying for his tuition for him to be in a relationship. I tried to understand his reason. He never posted me to his story in Facebook or even his Instagram, his reason, his father's relative might see it.

1st of July, our 29 months, I was about to ask him to go out, but I hesitated since I remember that he will be attending his friend's welcome home party, so I cancelled my plan. Basically, in a party, alcohol will be there. At first he didn't want to drink any of it, so I expect him to be sober after the party. Hours later, he messaged me saying sorry for not telling me that he's been drinking the whole time. I was mad for not telling me, but I didn't want to lighten up the fire, so I told him that I understand.

He went home after that, he slept for hours, when he woke up.....boom!!!! I felt something strange that I can't explain (that time) His treatment suddenly changed, he used to call me from our endearment every single time. But after waking up, he barely call me from our endearment, but I let it slide. Few days after, his treatment suddenly from this 📉 to this. I confronted him what's wrong with him, do he need space. I even joked him that if he need space, I'm willing to give it to him even if I take him to space. I froze to his replies saying he wanted to break up with me.

I lately realized that he make up such a stupid reason. His first reason, he is tired of me and our relationship. His second reason, that he would just feel sorry for me (since he knew that I had suicidal thoughts when I was in high school.) He even offered to help me to move-on from our relationship. As a stupid lady, I agree. But I told him that if he's already entertaining someone else, let me know so I can distance myself.

I was bored and scrolling from my news feed when I notice that he changed his profile picture, so since I was bored, I look at the reacts then I found the girl who has the same profile with him but of course different person in it. And I found out that less than a month since we broke up, I found out that he was talking to a girl since I confronted him. Maybe I used some psychology to get the answer that I want.

Imagine, being in a 2 years and 5 months relationship with him, he never posted a picture, let me meet personally his mother/siblings, but his new girl experienced everything that I never experienced from him. She already met his mother and siblings, he posted his new girl to her social media. I was begging for him to do that but I didn't know why he keeps refusing me.

I accepted the break-up, but what he did after our break-up, I feel betrayed, I feel that he just cheated on me for 2 years and 5 months. Am I going to forgive him and forget what he did? Cause until now, I'm still holding my grudges to him.

TL;DR : Should I forget everything he did?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/roidedantelope on 2024-01-07 10:07:19+00:00.

Important context: cutting contact isn't really possible, we're in a course together and both very active in social/club organising around it. But I have muted her social media accounts already.

To cut a really long story short, I met a girl around 9 months ago in a course and we hit it off. We spent a few evenings studying together in the library and ended up going on a date, which went well. Eventually though, life got in the way, and I think both of us ultimately had some other stuff going on in our lives, and she said she was at a different life stage, so we went off each other, but she asked me whether we could stay friends.

Since we had 4 weeks of vacation in which we wouldn't really be seeing each other, I said sure, because I had some time to mull it over. Given some of her behaviours (flaking, insecurity, talking to other guys, some questions about her sexuality and religious compatibility) and some of my own stresses I'd gone off of the romantic side of things. Because she'd been fairly unwell and was stressed with school, I figured I could be around as a supportive person in her life despite everything.

Over the course of many months, we got closer in a way we didn't the first time we met and talked, which only lasted a few weeks. During that time I'd say a friendship blossomed while we were both seeing other people; we weren't overly involved in each others' lives, but caught up every so often and helped each other out with work/chatted until late. Eventually we both ended up single again, and unfortunately, I ended up catching some feelings over a few weeks, and I told her. She didn't reciprocate, but she did say she found me very attractive and loved me as a person even if we're not compatible. She's not someone I'd settle with just as FWB, so, I accepted that, I said I'd take some time to myself but told her we're still absolutely amicable.

About two weeks later she approached me at a party and, since we were overseas at the same place and time, asked to meet up there. Naturally I was a bit confused, but after organising a hangout before we left, things felt relaxed, so I decided to go ahead meet her. We met, had a really great time, but I didn't feel comfortable escalating given what she'd previously told me, she didn't say anything, and I didn't notice her make any moves outside of her usual touching/leaning. So I assume she's still not interested!

I think that she really values me as a friend, or at least so she tells me. She really appreciates the connection we have, we enjoy each other's company, and I'm apparently one of the few people who can calm her down when she's stressed (according to her and her mother).

At the same time, I think my feelings are only going to stay managed if I get some distance from her. I don't mind her reaching out if she's in a real jam, but I really don't want to be going and getting coffees, swimming at the beach, things like this, if it's not going to progress anywhere, because it's not satisfying for me; I don't feel like I'm fully acting the way I want to around her, and it's not as comfortable as it once was. I feel deceitful and overly self-observational.

I feel like an idiot for not walking away at the start, but I also didn't really have feelings back then like I do now. My problem right now is how I can make this better for me without hurting her too much? The level of intimacy of our friendship is going to be really hard for me to maintain without wanting more, and it's not fair on either of us if that's the case.

Philosophical note: I can't say exactly why I'm not satisfied with friendship. I'm sure an element of it is sexual, she's an attractive lady, but if I boil it down in my head, I appreciate her more for the way she makes me feel heard, relaxed, and happy, and for the ideas she comes up with; the things she writes. I guess I'm pursuing a deeper closeness she doesn't want - does it make me an immature or bad person for not being able to see past this?

How do I walk away in the kindest possible way? What would you guys do? Is it better to quietly remove myself over time or have a conversation about this? Do feelings come and go? Should I just be better at managing my own? Any advice on how to switch off these feelings?

TL;DR: dated a girl very briefly, didn't work out, decided to remain friends because there were no deep feelings involved. Those feelings grew from subsequent close friendship but were unreciprocated, now feel the need to withdraw myself to help manage them. Wondering how best to do it and how bad I should feel about the whole thing (because I feel absolutely awful).

Thankyou!!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/roidedantelope on 2024-01-07 10:07:19+00:00.

Important context: cutting contact isn't really possible, we're in a course together and both very active in social/club organising around it. But I have muted her social media accounts already.

To cut a really long story short, I met a girl around 9 months ago in a course and we hit it off. We spent a few evenings studying together in the library and ended up going on a date, which went well. Eventually though, life got in the way, and I think both of us ultimately had some other stuff going on in our lives, and she said she was at a different life stage, so we went off each other, but she asked me whether we could stay friends.

Since we had 4 weeks of vacation in which we wouldn't really be seeing each other, I said sure, because I had some time to mull it over. Given some of her behaviours (flaking, insecurity, talking to other guys, some questions about her sexuality and religious compatibility) and some of my own stresses I'd gone off of the romantic side of things. Because she'd been fairly unwell and was stressed with school, I figured I could be around as a supportive person in her life despite everything.

Over the course of many months, we got closer in a way we didn't the first time we met and talked, which only lasted a few weeks. During that time I'd say a friendship blossomed while we were both seeing other people; we weren't overly involved in each others' lives, but caught up every so often and helped each other out with work/chatted until late. Eventually we both ended up single again, and unfortunately, I ended up catching some feelings over a few weeks, and I told her. She didn't reciprocate, but she did say she found me very attractive and loved me as a person even if we're not compatible. She's not someone I'd settle with just as FWB, so, I accepted that, I said I'd take some time to myself but told her we're still absolutely amicable.

About two weeks later she approached me at a party and, since we were overseas at the same place and time, asked to meet up there. Naturally I was a bit confused, but after organising a hangout before we left, things felt relaxed, so I decided to go ahead meet her. We met, had a really great time, but I didn't feel comfortable escalating given what she'd previously told me, she didn't say anything, and I didn't notice her make any moves outside of her usual touching/leaning. So I assume she's still not interested!

I think that she really values me as a friend, or at least so she tells me. She really appreciates the connection we have, we enjoy each other's company, and I'm apparently one of the few people who can calm her down when she's stressed (according to her and her mother).

At the same time, I think my feelings are only going to stay managed if I get some distance from her. I don't mind her reaching out if she's in a real jam, but I really don't want to be going and getting coffees, swimming at the beach, things like this, if it's not going to progress anywhere, because it's not satisfying for me; I don't feel like I'm fully acting the way I want to around her, and it's not as comfortable as it once was. I feel deceitful and overly self-observational.

I feel like an idiot for not walking away at the start, but I also didn't really have feelings back then like I do now. My problem right now is how I can make this better for me without hurting her too much? The level of intimacy of our friendship is going to be really hard for me to maintain without wanting more, and it's not fair on either of us if that's the case.

Philosophical note: I can't say exactly why I'm not satisfied with friendship. I'm sure an element of it is sexual, she's an attractive lady, but if I boil it down in my head, I appreciate her more for the way she makes me feel heard, relaxed, and happy, and for the ideas she comes up with; the things she writes. I guess I'm pursuing a deeper closeness she doesn't want - does it make me an immature or bad person for not being able to see past this?

How do I walk away in the kindest possible way? What would you guys do? Is it better to quietly remove myself over time or have a conversation about this? Do feelings come and go? Should I just be better at managing my own? Any advice on how to switch off these feelings?

TL;DR: dated a girl very briefly, didn't work out, decided to remain friends because there were no deep feelings involved. Those feelings grew from subsequent close friendship but were unreciprocated, now feel the need to withdraw myself to help manage them. Wondering how best to do it and how bad I should feel about the whole thing (because I feel absolutely awful).

Thankyou!!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/glitchdiva on 2024-01-07 09:16:15+00:00.

I am a 22yo gay man and was in a relationship for almost 2 years. We were happy together, but I am not completely out to my parents and that worsened my ex's mental health problems. He told me that he couldn't bear to wait until things got resolved, that our relationship didn't progress after 2 years and I understood his reason. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him, as I was willing, but he said that would be selfish and that I should move on. However, he said that he still fantasize of a future together and that we could try again at another time, if we were willing to do so.

He was my first boyfriend and I was his first boyfriend. I felt so happy with him, with his family. I have so many memories that make me cry just thinking about them. I felt something special and I really believe that our meeting was something predestined (I have known him by sight since 2018 and we only started dating in 2022). After the breakup, I still talked to him for three more days, because I missed him. Yesterday, after sending a message, he told me that I shouldn't feel rejected, because it was just the timing that wasn't right. We ended the conversation with "I love you and" decided that it wasn't healthy to stay in this for now. Then, I blocked him.

I can't and don't want to forget him. I'd wait for him until I graduate and stabilize my life. The love I feel for him is immense, serene, beautiful. I don't know what to do, I feel sad and lost.

TLDR: My boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn't out and he couldn't bear to wait till my life got established.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/glitchdiva on 2024-01-07 09:16:15+00:00.

I am a 22yo gay man and was in a relationship for almost 2 years. We were happy together, but I am not completely out to my parents and that worsened my ex's mental health problems. He told me that he couldn't bear to wait until things got resolved, that our relationship didn't progress after 2 years and I understood his reason. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him, as I was willing, but he said that would be selfish and that I should move on. However, he said that he still fantasize of a future together and that we could try again at another time, if we were willing to do so.

He was my first boyfriend and I was his first boyfriend. I felt so happy with him, with his family. I have so many memories that make me cry just thinking about them. I felt something special and I really believe that our meeting was something predestined (I have known him by sight since 2018 and we only started dating in 2022). After the breakup, I still talked to him for three more days, because I missed him. Yesterday, after sending a message, he told me that I shouldn't feel rejected, because it was just the timing that wasn't right. We ended the conversation with "I love you and" decided that it wasn't healthy to stay in this for now. Then, I blocked him.

I can't and don't want to forget him. I'd wait for him until I graduate and stabilize my life. The love I feel for him is immense, serene, beautiful. I don't know what to do, I feel sad and lost.

TLDR: My boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn't out and he couldn't bear to wait till my life got established.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kar1olhs on 2024-01-07 09:09:16+00:00.

I m(18) am a part of a 4 member family. Me and my older sister are 10 years apart because my parents struggled to conceive me.

I don't obviously don't exactly know what was going on before I was born but I've heard a lot of disturbing events being described by both my mother and sister.

Both of my parents have attempted suicide in front of her when she was very young, they were apparently fighting physically and emotionally 24/7 and she was present during all of it. I know that these are facts and not made up because they argue a lot in front of me aswell and I've also witnessed some unfortunate events, yet I am sure that what they did in front of my sister was 10 times worse.

My sister has a lot of mental issues due to all of this, which my parents refuse to acknowledge. My mother in particular says she's done the best she can, even though she could have easily divorced my father around 25 years ago since she was quite stable financially even though she'd be a single parent that way.

My parents got together when they were around my age and it was a bad decision that was made solely because my mother wanted to cut off her own parents. She thought that getting married was the only way to show them that she could be successful without them so she married the first man to ever show interest in her.

I often confront my mother about this and tell her how she's made some very bad decisions in the past. I do this because she and my father keep trash talking my sister even though they're completely responsible for how she's turned out to be. Their choices in life and their toxic relationship is why my sister is like this, yet they won't admit it.

Today I opened this conversation again with my mother, since I've been given some more info recently about everything that happened before I was born. She straight up told me that I am a bad and ungrateful son and that I'm in no place to judge her or accuse her of anything. She said that my sister is an adult and she can think for herself, her childhood trauma is in the past and should not affect her life.

I got pissed. That's just the tip of the iceberg because our conversation got very personal and long, but it was basically a back and forth of me pointing out very obvious mistakes she's done while raising me and my sister and her saying how she's had it worse as a child and how no one is perfect.

Please give me some advice. I still live with my parents (I'm moving out next year) and I really want to fix our relationship but I can't just pretend that everything is fine when all of these underlying issues of the past keep going through my mind. They constantly want the family to be together for show but it just makes me so uncomfortable knowing what they've done.

TL;DR : My parents traumatised my sister and me and they refuse to acknowledge it. After confrontation they got mad at me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kar1olhs on 2024-01-07 09:09:16+00:00.

I m(18) am a part of a 4 member family. Me and my older sister are 10 years apart because my parents struggled to conceive me.

I don't obviously don't exactly know what was going on before I was born but I've heard a lot of disturbing events being described by both my mother and sister.

Both of my parents have attempted suicide in front of her when she was very young, they were apparently fighting physically and emotionally 24/7 and she was present during all of it. I know that these are facts and not made up because they argue a lot in front of me aswell and I've also witnessed some unfortunate events, yet I am sure that what they did in front of my sister was 10 times worse.

My sister has a lot of mental issues due to all of this, which my parents refuse to acknowledge. My mother in particular says she's done the best she can, even though she could have easily divorced my father around 25 years ago since she was quite stable financially even though she'd be a single parent that way.

My parents got together when they were around my age and it was a bad decision that was made solely because my mother wanted to cut off her own parents. She thought that getting married was the only way to show them that she could be successful without them so she married the first man to ever show interest in her.

I often confront my mother about this and tell her how she's made some very bad decisions in the past. I do this because she and my father keep trash talking my sister even though they're completely responsible for how she's turned out to be. Their choices in life and their toxic relationship is why my sister is like this, yet they won't admit it.

Today I opened this conversation again with my mother, since I've been given some more info recently about everything that happened before I was born. She straight up told me that I am a bad and ungrateful son and that I'm in no place to judge her or accuse her of anything. She said that my sister is an adult and she can think for herself, her childhood trauma is in the past and should not affect her life.

I got pissed. That's just the tip of the iceberg because our conversation got very personal and long, but it was basically a back and forth of me pointing out very obvious mistakes she's done while raising me and my sister and her saying how she's had it worse as a child and how no one is perfect.

Please give me some advice. I still live with my parents (I'm moving out next year) and I really want to fix our relationship but I can't just pretend that everything is fine when all of these underlying issues of the past keep going through my mind. They constantly want the family to be together for show but it just makes me so uncomfortable knowing what they've done.

TL;DR : My parents traumatised my sister and me and they refuse to acknowledge it. After confrontation they got mad at me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DMVB2307 on 2024-01-07 09:01:35+00:00.

I (31M) have developed feelings for my housemate (26F). We've lived together for a year, sharing interests in sports, photography, and art. I started having these feelings around November. Given my past experiences how I’ve been hurt in relationships I’m cautious and have built up a bit of a wall around myself, resulting in me appearing closed of unless you really know me. Our schedules rarely align with her busy lifestyle and my busy lifestyle, making it difficult to connect.

Looking for advice onbuilding a deeper connection before even considering asking her out, considering our different schedules. without making our living situation uncomfortable?

TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to connect with my housemate (31M, 26F) before asking her out, given our conflicting schedules and my past experiences.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DMVB2307 on 2024-01-07 09:01:35+00:00.

I (31M) have developed feelings for my housemate (26F). We've lived together for a year, sharing interests in sports, photography, and art. I started having these feelings around November. Given my past experiences how I’ve been hurt in relationships I’m cautious and have built up a bit of a wall around myself, resulting in me appearing closed of unless you really know me. Our schedules rarely align with her busy lifestyle and my busy lifestyle, making it difficult to connect.

Looking for advice onbuilding a deeper connection before even considering asking her out, considering our different schedules. without making our living situation uncomfortable?

TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to connect with my housemate (31M, 26F) before asking her out, given our conflicting schedules and my past experiences.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TicketAlone566 on 2024-01-07 07:21:13+00:00.

Throw away account for obvious. It's an ongoing situation for about a year, with many layers, but I'll try to paraphrase.

My girlfriend has commitment issues due to her prior long term relationship. For two years her ex cheated, and convinced her she was a terrible person when she accussed him or pointed out things that felt off. He threatened to leave her if she and didn't go to therapy. Only for her to find out in the end, he lied the entire time.

Fast forward we've been together for 3 years. She has an apartment she won't give up. But essentially has lived with me for the most part. She often "breaks up" with me when she gets overwhelmed or too many demands are being placed. I'm sure a large part is her past trauma but I suspect she's always been a dismissing or fearful avoidant. We have both recieved phone calls, weird emails, texts from unknown numbers that weren't really threatening but the aim was definitely to cause a disturbances in the relationship. This has been ongoing for 13 months. I honestly have no clue who's responsibile or why. I'm not bothered by it, she is. It's when the on and off again cycle started. Every time these occurrences happen, She becomes more wary that I am responsible and goes away for a longer period of time.

Before you guys ask we have hired a private detective. We have gone to the police department. We have changed our phone numbers. Nothing has been successful. Honestly whoever is responsible outside of being annoying and causing conflict in our relationship, hasn't done enough for law enforcement to give a crap. I'm sure if any of you have experienced any sort of online bullying or stalking, it is borderline impossible to track down whose responsible unless they make a mistake and reveal something that definitively identifiesthem.

We've been in counseling (shockingly she's not diet open to this) to try to work through this. Tuesday she made it very clear that she has always "known" it was me, that it doesn't matter what excuse or proof I can provide. It will not sway her opinion that she will absolutely forgive that it was me, but she needs the peace of mind that I can be honest with her so she is able to move forward and we are able to heal the relationship. I refused she walked out and this break up doesn't feel like it has quotations. She blocked me on every platform, did the whole unofficial Facebook move, left our Apple family sharing. There's more but I think you get it. I still have yet to hear from her. She has NEVER done this.

I know it sounds crazy to fathom giving in and admitting to something that you did not do. Thankfully this hasn't seeped into her doubting other things so I'm not really afraid that if I do this she will then move on to the next thing although it is something I'm worried about. Of course, the thing that I'm stuck on is the ethical consequences of this all and what it will do to my mental health. I don't want to lose this person at the same time. I realize that I have not gotten to the bottom of whose responsible or what's happening. So it's bound to continue. I'm really stuck and I don't know what to do. Outside perspectives are quite welcome.

TL:DR both of us are receiving harassment via phone and email. She holds me responsible will not continue the relationship unless I admit I did it. I'm not responsible..

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Appropriate_Size9893 on 2024-01-07 02:19:15+00:00.

Two nights ago my wife and I went to a winery a few blocks from home. I brought a returnable soda bottle and put it next to the cashier and said "THIS is the one I want, none of that switcheroo business!" and the cashier laughed.

The whole joke was that recently I brought a large returnable bottle but wanted to buy a smaller size. The cashier accidentally charged me for the larger one, and the next time I saw her (two nights ago with my wife) I made a joke about it.

Yesterday she was all sullen and irritated in the morning about it. When I was about to leave for work, she asked if I wanted to buy soda. I said I didn't (a bit confused), and she something like "since you like that cashier so much, I mean...". I had no idea what she meant and when she explained herself I was like "are you for real, are you seriously jealous right now". She said I was "flirting" with the cashier.

I asked "are you seriously accusing me of flirting with this girl IN FRONT OF YOU", I asked if she thought that I was not only flirting with other women but I was shameless enough to do it in front of her... She stayed quiet after that. She literally didn't say anything else and I left for work pretty angry at her.

this is the first EVER that she accuses me or even remotely insinuates that I'm being disloyal to her... over a fucking dumb joke about a soda bottle.

I tried talking to her about it last night and today and she's completely given me the silent treatment of this topic. When I bring it up, she shuts down immediately. I'm seriously offended that she accused me of essentially seeking other women and when I defend myself and want to talk it out she shuts down, doesn't explain herself, doesn't apologize, nothing.

what do I do here? how do I get her to open up, explain herself, and ideally apologize? Literally she had never accused of something in such a baseless way and then shut down.

tl;dr: Wife accused me of flirting with a cashier because I made a joke with her (the cashier). When I got mad that she was accusing me of essentially being disloyal to her she shut down and refuses to speak about it. What do I do to get her to speak and talk this out?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Appropriate_Size9893 on 2024-01-07 02:19:15+00:00.

Two nights ago my wife and I went to a winery a few blocks from home. I brought a returnable soda bottle and put it next to the cashier and said "THIS is the one I want, none of that switcheroo business!" and the cashier laughed.

The whole joke was that recently I brought a large returnable bottle but wanted to buy a smaller size. The cashier accidentally charged me for the larger one, and the next time I saw her (two nights ago with my wife) I made a joke about it.

Yesterday she was all sullen and irritated in the morning about it. When I was about to leave for work, she asked if I wanted to buy soda. I said I didn't (a bit confused), and she something like "since you like that cashier so much, I mean...". I had no idea what she meant and when she explained herself I was like "are you for real, are you seriously jealous right now". She said I was "flirting" with the cashier.

I asked "are you seriously accusing me of flirting with this girl IN FRONT OF YOU", I asked if she thought that I was not only flirting with other women but I was shameless enough to do it in front of her... She stayed quiet after that. She literally didn't say anything else and I left for work pretty angry at her.

this is the first EVER that she accuses me or even remotely insinuates that I'm being disloyal to her... over a fucking dumb joke about a soda bottle.

I tried talking to her about it last night and today and she's completely given me the silent treatment of this topic. When I bring it up, she shuts down immediately. I'm seriously offended that she accused me of essentially seeking other women and when I defend myself and want to talk it out she shuts down, doesn't explain herself, doesn't apologize, nothing.

what do I do here? how do I get her to open up, explain herself, and ideally apologize? Literally she had never accused of something in such a baseless way and then shut down.

tl;dr: Wife accused me of flirting with a cashier because I made a joke with her (the cashier). When I got mad that she was accusing me of essentially being disloyal to her she shut down and refuses to speak about it. What do I do to get her to speak and talk this out?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kiwi_wen on 2024-01-07 01:59:32+00:00.

Red flag or green flag?

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) went out drinking last night with a friend (21M). This particular friend is known to be a bit of a bachelor, think one night stands that he doesn't call back.

My boyfriend has a small group of friends, but a pretty active social life. He will usually go out once a week for a few drinks, but occasionally stays out late. We do not live together yet. Last night we were exchanging regular messages (once every 30 minutes or so), but out of nowhere in a pretty casual conversation he started messaging me saying things like, "I love you so much", "Please never leave me" and "I don't know how you're mine, you could have any guy you want". This was about 1:30 in the morning, and he continued to reply quickly for the next half hour before I went to sleep.

I initially had mixed feelings about these messages as I have been cheated on before. I didn't say anything to him at the time and continued to be my normal self and thanked him for the compliments. Unfortunately, it has been replaying through my head today, and I can't help but compare it to the times when my ex would go out drinking, cheat on me, then send me random "I love you" texts because he felt guilty. I have no reason to not trust my boyfriend, he has been nothing but amazing, but I can't shake this feeling.

I thought it would be a good idea to write my feelings out and ask for some outside opinions on this. Is this just me overreacting and having trust issues, or is this something I should be worried about? Any help/opinions are welcomed. Thank you!

TL/DR: Boyfriend send "I love you" text at 1:30am. Is he cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kiwi_wen on 2024-01-07 01:59:32+00:00.

Red flag or green flag?

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) went out drinking last night with a friend (21M). This particular friend is known to be a bit of a bachelor, think one night stands that he doesn't call back.

My boyfriend has a small group of friends, but a pretty active social life. He will usually go out once a week for a few drinks, but occasionally stays out late. We do not live together yet. Last night we were exchanging regular messages (once every 30 minutes or so), but out of nowhere in a pretty casual conversation he started messaging me saying things like, "I love you so much", "Please never leave me" and "I don't know how you're mine, you could have any guy you want". This was about 1:30 in the morning, and he continued to reply quickly for the next half hour before I went to sleep.

I initially had mixed feelings about these messages as I have been cheated on before. I didn't say anything to him at the time and continued to be my normal self and thanked him for the compliments. Unfortunately, it has been replaying through my head today, and I can't help but compare it to the times when my ex would go out drinking, cheat on me, then send me random "I love you" texts because he felt guilty. I have no reason to not trust my boyfriend, he has been nothing but amazing, but I can't shake this feeling.

I thought it would be a good idea to write my feelings out and ask for some outside opinions on this. Is this just me overreacting and having trust issues, or is this something I should be worried about? Any help/opinions are welcomed. Thank you!

TL/DR: Boyfriend send "I love you" text at 1:30am. Is he cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ikuseo on 2024-01-07 06:32:40+00:00.

Love triangle?

I (18f) am in a relationship with my bf of a month a half and we have gotten really serious but one of the issues we have is that he cheated on me early on in a relationship and I forgave him because he told me he would change: after that our relationship became somewhat stable but with a few issues like how he became too dependent and made me act like his mom and do everything for him to the point where I’d be withholding his life for him and my own ; and him acting like a baby and wouldn’t let me live my life( that’s besides the point for now), my best friend for 2 years before I dated my current boyfriend I was close with and had surpressed mt feelings of being in love with him for two years. He always took care of me the way no man had; whenever I had a panic attack he would leave his classes to come get me and take care of me, he would cover for me in school; he would walk me to all my classes to protect me when girls wanted to fight me, he would always be there for me, he would remind me to eat, he would always support me and help me constantly. I would try and get into a relationship to avoid these feelings for him and at some times it had worked. I wanted to avoid my feeling for him because I couldn’t tell if he liked me and he was extremely nice to everyone so I thought I was like everyone else and maybe he was only being a little nicer to me because I’m autistic, he’s always accepted me for who I was and was the person who stuck with me through everything. Recwntly my feelings for him came back to haunt me after we stopped talking for a while to focus on our newly relationships and it started burning a hole in my brain and I admitted to him I was in love with him for 2 years. He told me he loved me too and that he always wanted to be with me but didn’t wanna ruin our friendship and now that we are in relationships there’s nothing we can do but cut off our feelings for eachother and distance. Finding out he had feelings for me too and always wanted me was a shocker because I felt like he could never want me because I was never his type and he always had a crush on girls I was nothing like, he always liked light skin girls with super curly hair and that were tall and had glasses. I am a wasian blond hair grey eyes woman that wears contacts because I hate glasses, I have curly hair but I straighten it and I’m not really all that tall. I’m about 5’5, and he likes 5’7-5’9 because he’s 6’2. He’s a dark skin with dreads and our types are nothing like eachother, but somehow we fell in love with each others hearts. Keep mindful that out of 2 years of being friends I have never touched him, nor have we hung out outside of school or really in school for that matter. We texted and liked eachother from a far. Now we are too deep into our relationships that we are trapped in and still have immense feelings for eachother. My relationship has started falling to shambles recently due to my bf not being a man by this day and age. I don’t expect him to provide for me but he doesn’t drive he doesn’t work he makes me cook and clean and work for him and do all his work for him he gives up instantly whenever I ask him to do anything and he’s a mamas boy and he’s cheated before and now he’s too comfortable and I’ve come to realize I’m not happy. And I don’t wanna stay in this relationship because I’ve been getting signs from god that it’s coming to an end, but I’ve gotten signs for months to tell my best friend how I really felt and we both had admitted it too late when we got into relationships and don’t know how to surpress our feelings anymore: what do I do? TL;DR;

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful_Pop7751 on 2024-01-07 06:18:11+00:00.

Me and my boyfriend of 1 year had a discussion recently about a music festival he went to a few months before we met while he was in a long distance relationship with his now ex. He took MDMA during the festival and he was drunk too. He told me how there was a girl at the festival that braided his hair (his hair is quite long) and how he complimented her physical appearance. He then asked her if she had a boyfriend, to which she said yes. My boyfriend told me that once she said she did have a boyfriend, he kinda backed away since he didn't want to make it seem like hes being overly friendly with her and make her boyfriend feel bad. So my boyfriend went up to her boyfriend and told him that he should not let go of her and how lucky he is to have her. My boyfriend told me that after that interaction, they parted ways and my boyfriend started crushing on her with his friends saying how cool and pretty she was.

I have heard the same story from 5 of his friends saying the exact same thing, how a girl at the festival braided his hair, he complimented her, crushing on her with his friends and how he backed off after finding out she had a bf.

I was wondering, is the above considered emotional cheating? During that time, he did not realize it was emotional cheating, until I told him today that what he did wasn't the best thing and I believe is considered emotional cheating. He agrees that what he did was bad and is aware that if I did what he did, he would feel really bad about the fact that I did that with another guy who is not my boyfriend.

TLDR: I don't know if I can trust my bf after he tells me what he did at a music festival while he was in a relationship with his now ex.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/stockgf on 2024-01-07 06:17:53+00:00.

I’ve (24 F) been dating my boyfriend (25 M) for 6 months and whenever I hang around his friends, I feel very uncomfortable, out of place, and like a total outsider. They’ve all known each other since grade school and I’m the newest one to the group. I’m pretty introverted and the entire friend group is super extroverted. They’re all loud, tell jokes, and banter back and forth. It’s nice to watch but as an introvert, I feel very uncomfy with inserting myself into the conversation.

I don’t know what it is, but I can’t help but to feel upset whenever I hang around his friends. I feel like a complete outsider and I barely ever talk, which I can only assume makes me seem cold and disinterested. My bf wants me to be more myself around them because he thinks they’d love my personality. But I’m finding it really difficult to do so.

On the flip side, not a single one has asked me questions about myself, there hasn’t even been an opportunity to sit down and have a normal conversation. I usually see them when they gather for parties where everyone is under the influence of something, or if they’re all just hanging around and watching football, which aren’t ideal places for me to get to know them. It’s hard to find common interests and it’s even hard to be myself because we haven’t had a proper introductory conversations. I want to be a good girlfriend and make an effort with my boyfriend’s friends, but I don’t know where to start

TL;DR: my bf wants me to be friends with his friends, but I have a hard time feeling acclimated to the group because I’m quieter and more introverted than them.