Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KickZealousideal6081 on 2024-01-07 06:12:25+00:00.

Original Title: I (24f) found pictures of a woman’s conversation with a man on my husband’s(30m) phone. I can’t find those pictures anywhere else on his phone and I found them in files which means he downloaded them from somewhere. Is he cheating

Hi everyone! I’m pregnant currently battling with a newly discovered condition so it’s been hectic. My husband and I were doing great until he just changed with me all of a sudden in the past 2-3 days. Which was really random because I’m just a fragile woman who’s trying to keep the peace right now for me and my baby and I also love to have unity in our home. To protect myself and to build trust I don’t go through phones or doubt him without proofs but I was tempted due to his carelessness, coldness, and his attitude toward me all of a sudden plus the fact that he knows how dangerous my situation is and still didn’t show up for me and our child.

I was admitted to the er the other day my husband has been so rude that he created a reason not to even show up nor pick me up.

Anyway, he fell asleep with his phone on so I went in there and looked bcoz he was off from work on Friday and he left home early morning and didn’t even come home until night time with no contact (which was the day I was admitted to the er) today as well he woke up and went to work and no contact and I’m pretty sure he was done with work 3-4 hours early but still came home around 6:30 pm

So I went in there everything looked normal until my finger accidentally click on “Files” and that’s where I found pictures of a woman’s conversation with a man. So basically someone held the phone and took pics of the convo (I could tell based on rhetorical format of the message the woman was the owner of the phone) . And I can’t find the source of where the pictures came from or where they were downloaded from. they’re saved under “PHOTO-2023-12-15-21-17” etc

What do you guys think??

Tl,dr: I went on my husband phone found pictures of a convo from a woman’s phone in which she’s flirting with another man. Those pictures were saved in his files and are no where else to be found on his phone. Do you think that he’s seeing someone else and took those pictures from her phone and because of his unhappiness to her behavior he’s taking it out on me?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mysticalgrubworm on 2024-01-07 06:07:10+00:00.

I don't know who's in the wrong here. She posted some celeb crush earlier today and said "i have had the biiiigggest crush on her". in the tags. Later I made some, admittedly immature, comment "that's enough internet for today" but without making it clear it was about that post? I was on another site too. And we were already joking about seeing some cursed posts so whatever

And then I made another comment saying I wish I looked good with (the hair color celeb crush has) hair but it sucks it doesn't go good with my skintone. Again, immature, yes. But I'm so tired of her constantly thirsting over fictional people and not even paying attention to me. But they've mostly been anime men or over-the-top male villains. So it being a woman and a real flesh-and-blood actor made me upset and jealous. And she's super pretty, while I look like a half-dead goblin most the time

And then she just. Says she's going to bed and goes offline. I see a post later complaining about "god forbid I post about an old celeb crush"

Shouldn't she be glad I'm jealous? Am I the one in the wrong here? I know she doesn't care about my feelings and thinks it's just another of my self deprecation bullshit hours but come on. I know this reads like I'm wanting you to tell me I did nothing wrong and she's stupid for thinking I'm uglier than her dozen other beautiful people crushes, but honestly. If I'm wrong for being jealous and a bit hurt by this pleeeease tell me

I actually want to grow up and mature :(

TL;DR gf thirst posted about an actor, I made some offhanded seemingly unrelated comments about it because I'm jealous and now she ghosted me. I don't know which of us is the bigger dork here

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/QB_1000 on 2024-01-07 06:01:01+00:00.

I(28F) have been seeing this guy (27M) for 3 months online. He has been following me on Instagram for 2 years and we started talking when I replied to one of his story. Everything happened so fast and we confessed our feelings for eachother and decided to get married. Since I am pursuing my Master's in US , I (South Asian)decided to apply to different jobs in Australia and also to Ph.D programs in Australia ( He is British but lives there and doesn't wanna move and is thinking of going back to college after he dropped out of high school ) so that we can be together.

Initially he used to call me every other night and we used to talk about the things that interest him like Cars and such which I always listened to with keen interest but whenever I wanted to have a deeper conversation he would say he is tired and wants to sleep. I like to communicate and used to send him all those lovey dovey posts which he rarely reciprocated. He also mentioned that he would have never messaged me first if I hadn't replied to his story. His texts and calls started to become drier and I realized he doesn't feel the same emotional need to connect with me as I do. I mentioned that to him sometimes and he said that his work keeps him busy and also he has to take care of his siblings so I should understand.

He also frequently mentioned how I physically am exactly his type and how attracted he was to me which I always appreciated while I really wanted to talk about how he views life and other ideologies which he follows to live his life and see how we relate or don't.

I am going through a diagnosis process of a medical condition and I needed his emotional support during this time and when I asked him to call me he said he is working on his van and he can't call me. He then went on a camping trip and realized I was a bit cold and asked me what's wrong. I was hurt and angry and expressed my pain of feeling like I don't even deserve empathy let alone support and attention and that I am always labelled as complaining if I ever ask for his time to which he responded " At times, I really don't miss being in a relationship ". I asked him to explain himself to which he didn't respond until he came back from a trip. He admitted that he is completely wrong and he doesn't give me enough attention.

Since then, I have been asking him to have an open conversation but he kept on saying he doesn't have a time to call me and kept on sending me irrelevant stuff in an attempt to brush it all under the carpet. He also stopped sending me Good morning and I love you.

Eventually, I typed it all out in calm manner that since he doesn't wanna call I want to know that if he feels that I am asking for too much as I feel unloved and want to know why he has gone so cold? I also clearly wrote how it is taking a big toll on my mental health and I am already going through a lot. He responded after 24hrs with sorry for my late reply and actually answered nothing. He then proceeded to tell me how he is getting a dog. I then asked him politely to please offer me some transparency as I don't want to bother him repeatedly or invest in something which isn't good for us to which he hasn't responded.

I am so stressed I want to end it all as I feel suffocated where my emotions and words mean nothing .

TL; DR Boyfriend sucks at communication. I feel like we lack a deeper bond and am frustrated.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TrainingCommittee269 on 2024-01-07 05:48:49+00:00.

Can someone give me some advice on how they would handle this situation or how they would feel about it? I’m so confused and kind of hurt.

So my 25yo fiancé who is the mother of my 3 children has told me that she’s been having urges of wanting to be with another man, she says she feels like it would make her feel closer to me after because we have been together almost 6 years which is both mine and her longest relationship. I have asked her what those urges are and why she feels like she needs to explore them with someone different, to which she says she can’t explain it that it’s not an urge to do anything just to be with someone different. We don’t really have sex that often anymore and I feel like that has made my performance go down even more, I’m not sure what happened but my stamina in bed is not as good as it use to be even though I’m only 28. I feel like it’s because I don’t satisfy her enough….. but when she says she wouldn’t leave me she just wants to explore all I hear is that I’m not good enough and she isn’t happy or satisfied. I thought I could come to terms with her experimenting even if it was a threesome but I just can’t, the idea of another man having sex with her and pleasing her kills me and makes my stomach turn. The biggest issue I have with this is one the fact she might enjoy it too much and leave me for that person. But even more so she has a latex allergy and is super sensitive so even the non latex condoms irritate her so she can’t use them… I can’t stand the idea of another man finishing inside her either. But I feel like I’m being forced to accept it like she really wants to do this but I feel like it would ruin what we have… am I wrong for feeling like this?

TL:DR; the summary of this is my fiancé wants to experiment with another man sexually and I’m not sure I want her too, at the same time I feel like I’m forced to allow her too. Am I wrong for this

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AnarchaComrade on 2024-01-07 05:36:47+00:00.

My boyfriend and i started dating when i was 17 and he was 19. Our 8-year anniversary is next weekend. We’ve been through so much together, and have been a constant part of each others lives for so long. We’ve lived together for probably about 6 years. I’m very close with his family and friends. We own a dog together that we love very much. Our love for each other hasn’t faded, but in the beginning of our relationship we discussed our life goals. He wants to get married one day and have kids. I was clear about the fact that i did not want either of those things. I’ve brought it up multiple times throughout our relationship because i was concerned i was holding him back, but he always reassured me that he wasn’t ready for marriage or kids yet anyway and just wanted to enjoy our relationship for what it was. I was happy with this but worried that we were just kicking the can down the road.

Well, now he’s about to turn 28 in two months and he’s feeling depressed because he isn’t where he wants to be in life. He’s disappointed that he doesn’t have a career yet and is barely going back to school now so he can work towards that goal. I’ve supported him the whole way and have been so excited for him to go back to college. But now he says he’s worried that he’s getting older and will want to get married soon and knows that i haven’t changed my mind on that. We still love each other very much, so much… but marriage and kids are things neither of us can agree on, even now.

We just had a big fight over something else last week and this issue came up again, this is when he told me he’s been thinking about it. I decided to pack some stuff and stay at my fathers house. I told him i won’t come back until he decides what he wants. I gave him a deadline— he needs to decide by wednesday so i have time to move before my classes start again. He hasn’t made a decision yet, he says he still loves me and wants me to come home, but also says he still needs to think about what his choice is. I am forcing myself not to get my hopes up because i can see the writing on the wall. i know in my heart the best choice for both of us is to break up and move on. But god, after being together for almost a decade it’s so hard. Being apart for only a few days has been so difficult. I am devastated. I’m afraid he will say he wants to stay together and i will go back because i can’t stand the idea of us breaking up. But it will happen eventually… maybe it’s time to rip the band-aid off. How do i grieve our relationship in a healthy way? This is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. I’ve never had healthy coping mechanisms and im afraid i will fall back into bad habits during this process. I need advice on how to break up on good terms and grieve and move on with my life.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years but still can’t agree on marriage and kids. How do i move on from this relationship?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Expert-Cranberry6684 on 2024-01-07 05:30:17+00:00.

Me (F21) and my boyfriend (M20) have only been dating for a little over a month. Prior to this, we have been in a talking stage for around 3 months before him breaking it off with me with the excuse of being “‘afraid’ things are gonna turn out for the worse if we don’t end it well right now” (we’re in the same friends circle) during summer break and coming back after around 2 months. Recently, after we agreed to become mutually exclusive I’ve noticed his decrease in effort. He no longer sends me off straight to my dorm at night. We no longer go out for lunch or dinner together. However, idk if i’m the one to blame but ever since that incident over the summer break, i developed this immense feeling of insecurity over our relationship and constantly felt as if it’s on the verge of ending and he’s gonna break it off with me anytime. I needed lots of reassurance whether it’s through actions or words. And especially now, that we’re in an official relationship, I noticed how i’ve been more easily upset and triggered which had led to me taking it out on him despite him having already lots of things on his plate.

note: I never went hysterical with him but i just had to let him know i was dissatisfied.

Fast forward to tonight when we finally went out for a casual dinner together. (We got into an argument a few days before because I was upset about him for not keeping promises that he was gonna go out to dinner with me and he’s been acting different since then) I noticed his shift in energy and had to ask him repeatedly if he was ok and whether that incident has been officially solved between us (we talked about it a few times through but he never rlly commented on anything and just nodded it off saying he’s ok). He finally spoke up saying that he felt as if our days when we were tgt as friends felt more enjoyable and he proceeded to ask me if i’ve been feeling the same way. and tbh, i really have been feeling the same way. Except, I haven’t been brave enough to bring it up and I still like him a lot. He brought up that same statement about being afraid that things might turn out for the worse if we end on bad terms. He also asked me if i can, not not ignore him (as i did before when we broke it off the first time cuz he wouldn’t leave me alone to heal from it) if we ever break up. So i asked him he just wanted to go back as friends. To which, he responded “no, I’m letting you know because i wanna fix things”. And when he noticed my shift in energy, he came and shoulder hugged me and said “noo don’t be sad i’m not trying to break up with you”.

after that difficult convo we had, we just spent time tgt and ate our food and had some fun. Then on the way back, I still couldn’t get those things he said earlier off my mind. Especially after he mentioned that break up. So, I told him I was overthinking. He then said, “nah don’t overthink it, I think our situation’s ok alr”. And as we were eating, he also reassured me saying “hey, I like you yeah”.

Sometimes I feel like i’m asking for too much and too needy. And for some reasons, I’ve begun to doubt all his words of reassurances from the day he decided to come back into my life. Therefore, words like “i like you” only makes little to no impact on my sense of insecurity.

Based on this, do you think he might alr be bored of me or wanting to break things off but is too scared to do so because 1. it’s still too early on and impulsive 2. he doesn’t wanna suffer the consequences of it (given that we still have to see each other everyday in class and stuff). Or am i just overthinking and the chances are he genuinely wanted to fix things for us?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 1 month and a little bit suddenly suggested that he found it more enjoyable and fun when we used to be friends. Now, he said he’s only telling me that because he wants to try and fix things. Yet, he mentioned breaking up and the consequences of it but still insisted that he wants to stay. What are the chances of him actually wanting to stay or is it likely that he’s already planning a break up?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Training-Parking5797 on 2024-01-07 05:29:51+00:00.

TL;DR I’m hesitant to pursue a guy but we have a lot in common, he was my TA

i’m a college student at a university and was previously in a French 101 class. I have a lot in common with the TA such as hobbies, music taste, tv shows, etc. i needed to take a foreign language class to fulfill a language deficiency and i will no longer be taking classes with him. I never gave him my contact information because i wanted the semester to be over before pursuing anything. however, i am hesitant due to the age gap. Is this relationship feasible? Would it be creepy?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Breakfast7429 on 2024-01-07 04:29:36+00:00.

Before I start, this is going to be very long because I've not told this to anyone else and I need to pen down everything that's inside of me. Sorry for the rant. So here I am, trying to tell everyone about my life so that I can just maybe feel a bit better. I've been in this relationship for a few months now, although it's only been a few months, it has felt like we have been dating for a long time now since even when we were friends, we used to act like we are dating. So I'll just say talk about some of my past. In my past relationships, it has always ended due to one reason or another, I have gone through extreme bullying in school to the point that I have also been told by my bullies that I should just end my life. My past hasn't been great and filled with low self esteem. There was once a relationship that I was in, which caused me the most pain as my girlfriend left me without any answers. I was just dumped like that on the text with the words "I regret being with you". After that I gave up on relationships and I stopped showing my emotion to others. I know it's unhealthy but I kept all my emotions bottled up inside of me and never showed it to anyone. I tried pretending to be a heartless guy so that I can never be hurt by anyone. But then one day I add this girl on Snapchat. We talk and we become close, I slowly start opening up to her even though I never though I'd open up to anyone else. She told me how it's not healthy to bottlhw up my emotions, I slowly started showing my emotions to her and trust me I was a complete wreck. She was so sweet and always stayed there for me, she stayed on call for hours just to hear me bawling my eyes out and telling me that she's there for me. Anyway, we went through a lot of stuff which I won't type here, but long story short we became very close. I realised that I love her and I told her that. She said she's confused about me and then in between we went through lots of problems. But then fast forward to a few months, I told her that I think I would like to move on and start seeing other girls. The next day she texts me saying that she loves me and was trying to stop herself to find a reason to love me but she finally realised that she doesn't need a reason to love me. So we ended up dating and we went through our fair share of relationship problems, but nothing that we couldn't talk through. We always talked through things and solved problems. I am the type of person who will always want to talk things out instantly so that I fix the problem asap, whereas she's the type of person who will need atleast an entire day to be alone and then talk about things the next day. I'm the type of person to show affection a lot whereas she's the type of person that finds it difficult to show affection and show love. Anyway, the important part is that I tried understanding how different she is and she understood how different I am but we still made it work. Everything was going fine until recently when she told me that she cheated on me with a guy she met at work. So I'm from Goa and every year we have a week long arts festival here called serendipity. She volunteered to work there and met this guy there who volunteered as well. She knew this guy from last year's serendipity arts festival as he volunteered at that time as well and is a close friend of her ex who she hates, so she always avoided him. But this year after the festival got over, this guy asked her tob hangout and she went. She always tells me everything about guys, if any guys dm her or she's talking to any guy, shes very transparent with me. And I have always appreciated that and I have never told her to not talk with any guy re not meet any of her guy friends. But she ended up cheating on me with this guy... Who she met just 2 times outside of work. When she told me this I couldn't believe this as I've always trusted her the most. I could blindly say that my girlfriend can never do anything like this, but that's exactly what happened. Suddenly everything started becoming a spiral of me hating myself. I could feel my heart shatter and I could feel this intense pain inside of my chest. I have always tried to be a good boyfriend, I know I'm not perfect but I've tried. I've wrote her a poem expressing my love to her, I've brought her lunc at work, I've dropped her to work when she was getting late. I have done so much for her because in my head she was my future. I don't know what to do anymore. The most painful thing is that, I'm still trying to fix everything. I tried understanding it from her side and I told her that I'll forgive her if she promises to never do this to me again. But she said that she doesn't trust herself and that she feels like a sl*t for doing this. I told her I'll overlook this entire thing but she said that she knows that guy just wants to sleep with her and use her and hurt her, so she will let him do whatever he wants. At that time I'd completely lost it and it wasn't making any sense what she's talking about. I've cried so much and broken down infront of her to just stay with me and that this is just a hard time in our relationship and we can deal with it the way we've always done. But it's just futile. She told me that she likes him and had a crush on him since last year, and that she's drawn towards him and it's natural for her to show affection to him whereas with me it is difficult for her to show affection. She says that I'm not better or worse but just different. I have never felt so vulnerable and inferior to anyone ever before. I've been a complete mess in the past but this is just way beyond. I'm completely broken and I just want to end it all but I can't. I feel as if the universe is trying to show me that I don't belong in this world. I understand that from an outsiders perspective it can feel that I'm being dramatic but I swear I'm not. This is just too much to process and handle. The thing that's making it even worse, or maybe a bit better as it has its silver lining is that, the very next day when my girlfriend told me that she cheated on me, my dad told me that he has prostate cancer. He has not told my family and has only told me as he is working on this big project which requires him to travel a lot and if my family finds out that he has cancer, they won't let him go. He said he wants to do everything he can so that we can have enough to live happily. He told me that he wants me to look after my family after he's gone and this hurts so fucking much. Literally everything in my life is crumbling at the same time. I just want to end it all but how can I when my dad asked me to look after my family. I know I wasn't a great son like how he was to his parents, but I can't disappoint him with this request like how I've disappointed him my entire life. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I'm broken. I need serious help. I even lost the person who would be there for me, who would hold my hand and let me cry and say words of encouragement. I'm so fucking lost

TL:DR: I got cheated on by my girlfriend who knew just how much trauma and pain I was going through. And now everything is falling apart for me and I just want to end things for myself

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Playful_Brush9571 on 2024-01-07 05:25:55+00:00.

(aside from a brief stint at a hardware store) and has never lived on his own. He attended undergrad at a commuter college and earned his master's degree at the same university over 3 years ago, and since then, according to my father (63M), his job search has been fruitless, although in all honestly I'm doubtful my brother has even be looking for a job in earnest. He spends almost all day in his childhood bedroom in my dad's house on his computer watching videos or playing games and has no irl friends. He only leaves the house to run errands. He is an extremely sensitive and anxious person due to bullying in his childhood that he never really seems to have overcome, but he's never addressed those issues through therapy, etc so they've gone unresolved.

My emotionally clumsy father has tried and, obviously, failed to help him get his ass in gear and kickstart his independent life, though he continues to support him financially (which is more than most fathers would do, I know). He seems perfectly content to let my brother spend the rest of his life at home, doing the same thing day in and day out.

I live relatively close by and come home to visit occasionally, and every time I'm overwhelmed by my sense of responsibility but feel helpless as to what to do. At this point my brother probably feels incapable of "being out in the world" or getting any kind of job, and I can only imagine how isolating, paralyzing, and overwhelming that must feel. I also imagine he's extremely lonely, depressed, and anxious about his situation. Perhaps what he does on his computer all day is perfectly fulfilling and interesting, but I'm worried about him isolating himself and not being financially independent. I've tried taking very uncritical approaches, encouraging him to take up classes or hobbies, but he always brushes it off, saying "yeah, maybe" or "some other time." I understand it's hard to get back into the world when you've been out of it for so long, but it feels like unless my dad threatens to cut off support and forces my brother to get a job, none of this will ever be addressed.

As you can probably tell, communication is not my family's strong suit, and I always feel like I have to be the one to broach the difficult topics; even then they are often brushed aside and the conversation ends before really getting anywhere. I’ve tried to convey that I’m worried about my brother to him, but the conversation ends awkwardly and then he pretends it never happened. My dad and brother are perfectly fine to just stew inside their brains all day, every day, never actually really knowing or communicating with one another on a deeper level, which is the main reason this has been allowed to go on for so long.

I'm riddled with anxiety about what will happen when my dad is no longer able to support my brother and how he will be able to live from there. There are so many adult things he doesn't know how to do he only learned how to fry an egg last year...) As I try to build my own independent life, thinking about his occupies an enormous space in my brain, and I feel guilty and afraid of leaving my brother in this seemingly helpless state, because he obviously desperately needs support. I honestly feel like he needs an intervention of some kind or to at least be forced to speak with a therapist if he won't speak with us about how he views his life and what he wants from it. He's an incredibly smart and empathetic person and I'm paralyzed by the thought of him wasting his life in this way. I'm just at a loss and would appreciate any advice at all.

Tldr; worried about my brother’s lack of independence and mental health and don’t know how to help him

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fit_Crazy_8328 on 2024-01-07 04:18:45+00:00.

Guyys i need ur opinions please im going crazy 😭🙏

I (F21) have been dating this guy (M37) for 3 months now, we get along very well and we're both looking for serious and longterm. Only thing is, i've never been to his house... To put things in Context, we live +100km away from each other. Most of our meetings have been to restaurants, or hotel sleepovers when doing citytrips, or small dates at my place when my parents are gone...

At first I was doubting that he may be married/has a girlfriend but i did my research (im not gonna tell u how, otherwise u would say that im a crazy psycho😭) and i got my answer and know for a fact he's single and lives alone.

The presumed reason why i haven't went to his place yet is because :

1 : I don't have a car (i live in a high traffic european city, so i just own a mopped)... which means i will have to take 3 trains back and forth, for a total of 6h to go to his place and he doesn't want me to go through all that so he prefers to drive 200km everyweek, even tho at times im so busy w/ school that we only meet for few hours.

2 : He's in the process of moving houses. He said that he recently (in late 2022) bhought a plot of land to construct his house, now it's almost finished (in about 1 month). And for that same reason, his current place isn't very comfy since there's a lot of stuffs in storages etc so he prefers i visit him once his house it's done.

BUUUT recently when i was in his car i saw the adress of his place in the GPS, just the avenue's name, not the number... And in the past he also sent me a picture of the virtual reality image of his future house, i ran a google image search with it and came accross something :

The virtual reality image of the final house was also used by a real estate agency to sell 4 plots of lands in his city, back in 2021 !!! It's weird cause it's supposed to be HIS house, so why the agency were using them images to sell the others lands properties even before his own house project began ?? (The plots of lands are all in the same area, next to each other)

And the unlogic thing is the plot of land it's like 5/10 minutes away from his adress.. I asked him today if he had pictures of the construction advancement of the house, to which he replied no that it was just a bunch of bricks from afar and that he will take pics on the final inspection in 3 weeks... That's weird, who the heell in their right mind wouldn't take pictures of the advancement of the construction of their MILLION € house ?!? Especially when they live 5min away ?!

Is he lying about the house ??? That's like my biggest question rightnow, i don't understand why he would do that, ridiculous, why not being truthfull and honest ??

I can't bear this longer so i decided to buy train tickets to go there myself in secret on monday, go and look if the house exist in real life... what do u guys think ? Am i going too far ? I've been doubting for so long, i just want peace...

If its' true then im happy, he's honest ❤️

If it's not true then that means that man is just playing me, and he certainly planned to dump me in 1 month (when his fake house is done) and when he's done using with me....

Please help me, i can't think straight 😢 and it's bad for my studies, all this overthinking.

Also : he's a surgeon, so it's not unrealistic for him to construc a million € house.

TL;DR : boyfriend never invited me to his place

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/UserUnknown02 on 2024-01-07 05:11:28+00:00.

Am I In The Right To Be Angry? (M21/GF19)

It’s currently 4:47 am at the time that I’m typing this and I have just received a message off my girlfriend (19) after ignoring me for 4 hours.

My girlfriend was out in the pubs last evening with her family which was all good I decided to give her some space and not message while she was with them.

At around 11:30pm I messaged to ask how her night was going where she told me that her her family had gone home around an hour ago. I noticed she was still out at the pubs which was no big deal I played it off and the last message I had send her was around 12ish.

The pubs shut at around 1am here and my girlfriend normally gives me a call when she’s home. 2am comes around and there was no call so I decided to check where she was where I found out she was at some house and had been actively ignoring me which was a bit concerning.

Now it’s 4:30ish am and she finally messages me to say goodnight to which I instantly replied to.

This sort of thing is a big concern to me as I have been cheated on multiple times with this exact same scenario and I have expressed my concerns regarding this behaviour to her to the point where I was in tears talking to her regarding this situation.

My girlfriend had accused me of not trusting her in the past the last time she done this which was far from the truth although with her behaviour recently I truthfully have been a bit hesitant regarding trusting her.

But I think all my concerns comes down to the fact she is an extremely attractive younger woman who is more than mature when you compare her to others her age and I also know what the guys here are like as we live in a relatively smaller town.

And before people question why I was looking at her location she does it to me all the time and she has no issue with me looking for where abouts she is.

I apologise if this is far too long to read or doesn’t make sense as it was typed out in a fit of self contained anger.

TL;DR: Am I being a big crybaby cause my girlfriends at a random house while drunk and ignoring me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/New-Independence9783 on 2024-01-07 03:22:44+00:00.

Tldr, gf distances herself out of nowhere, snapchat says shes talking to other people but not me. Need advice

I (20m) started dating this woman (21f) two months ago, shes really sweet and were both into the same things so we get along great, however she does live in another town so I don’t get to see her as often as id like. And as of lately (about two weeks) her responses (mostly over snapchat) starting going from an hour to reply at the longest to sometimes 16 hours or more. I don’t see her daily so texting/snap is our main form of communication. And this sudden change kind of alarmed me. I ended up asking about it and got a lackluster response about how she is busy all day and etc. i would have taken this at face value but since ive had a string of relationships where ive been cheated on, i asked my friend who suggested i get snapchat plus to see if her score goes up while im not getting a response during the day. So i did and after one day of practically zero communication i check it and her score has gone up over 600+. For those that don’t know you essentially get 1 point for every snap (text/photo) you open from someone or send to someone. This has honestly kinda shocked me as im not against her having friends. But out of all those 600 messages I could even get a single one as her boyfriend? Am i wrong for being upset? What should i do in this situation?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/toasterstroodle1 on 2024-01-07 05:11:26+00:00.

I (22F) visited home from university for Winter Break, had a good time with family, and my mom (55F) did the drive back up to campus with me to keep me company before parting. Context, my mom and I have rebuilt our relationship after a VERY bad rough patch that lasted for about a year, 2 years ago.

We were not on speaking terms and any attempt was the outbreak of war. We’re good now and we were having a great time on the road trip back to campus just now, up until the subject of where I’m moving after college came up. She desperately wishes for me to not even consider California as an option. I’m not interested in California either, but I hadn’t yet taken the time to come to terms with that big decision, to make an entire state off-limits for my future, without doing any real research or deep thought about it.

So, when she brought it up at the very end of our road trip, I said “I don’t wanna talk about that right now.” It’s a big conversation that I wasn’t prepared to handle on-the-fly, while bringing the last luggage from the car up to my dorm room. She persisted, repeating the same points over and over, bashing California, and listing off reasons why it wouldn’t even be possible for me because I’m too poor, and that she would personally help me set up after college if I chose a closer destination. I just asked her again and again to please drop it.

And then she got really mad because she became suspicious that I was planning to run away to Cali behind her back and that I was keeping it a secret. And that I didn’t appreciate her offer to help me set up in a closer city. I end up in tears, just crying uncontrollably at how much this conversation spiraled out of control and soured our entire road trip, now that I know how deeply she doesn’t trust me after we tried so hard to rebuild our relationship.

It always goes back to that. To the sense that deep down inside, we’re still not where we once were as mother and daughter. Because I couldn’t deal with the horrible arguing so I ran away for a week 2 years ago, and then couldn’t even have a relationship with her for a whole year because we could just never communicate. And now after fighting and parting for college, there’s always a whisper of: can we bounce back from this or just resort to another year of silence?

I wish this interaction would have gone like this:

Her: “please tell me you’re not considering California as an option.”

Me: “I don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

back and forth…eventually….

Her: “I know it’s a big decision that maybe you’re not ready to talk about on the spot right now. Now that you know that you should be giving this subject more seriously thought, can we revisit it in a few days after you’ve come to your own conclusion by yourself?”

But instead she wrung out every private thought in my head like a wet wash cloth to investigate if her conspiracy was true, if I was planning for California without her. So I’m just divulging all my half-formed opinions, and she’s picking them apart. And I explain that her conspiracy about me running off to Cali is false, but it doesn’t occur to her to own up to her paranoia and apologize for how offensive it is that she would see the worst in me like that…she just insists that I was in the wrong and acting suspicious when I had no idea my words could be taken that way.

I’m just so sad.

I just hope I’m paranoid as well, and that this isn’t a shortcoming of our ability to rebuild and trust each other again, but instead her just being a concerned mom as she would have been even if the rough path never happened. It brings me peace to think of it this way. What do you think?

Tl;Dr me and my mom’s fights bring back trauma because of how hard it is for us to communicate and for her to trust me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kittykittykat6 on 2024-01-07 01:50:22+00:00.

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for almost 2 years. We live close by but do not live together, and see each other about 4/5 times a week. We are in a very healthy , loving relationship and very rarely argue or fight (I think maybe 1 or 2 minor disagreements over the course of the relationship which were solved in a matter of minutes).

I have my own family and friends who I see often (as does he), but I just don’t enjoy spending time with them as much as I enjoy spending time with him. For example, I vacationed with my sister who I love very dearly for a couple of days recently, but the whole time I couldn’t wait to get home to see him. Now my girlfriends are also planning a girls trip but I honestly miss him so much when we are apart, I am considering not going. He always encourages me to spend time with my friends but i just don’t enjoy spending time with them as much as I do with him.

Now I am wondering if this is unhealthy and if I am co- dependant or is this normal for someone who just really loves and appreciates their partner? I am naturally an introvert so could this just be down to me being more comfortable with him than my friends, despite knowing my friends for 5+ years?

TLDR I am considering not going on a girls trip because I miss my boyfriend so much when we are apart and don’t enjoy myself

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRaEasternne on 2024-01-07 05:10:16+00:00.

Hello everyone. Please don’t share! I’ve been with my partner for seven years and our relationship has been great but recently my partners parents have started causing tension between us and my partner is siding with their parents instead of me. I came to my partner with somethings that were bothering me about the way their parents speak to me, they talk down to me, they always have an opinion on everything that we do as a couple, they recently started being racist towards me (I am white, my partner is Korean). But when I brought all these issues up to my partner they decided to take their parents side and tell me that I need to fix these issues because I am putting them (my partner) in an uncomfortable spot. When my partner told me this I was taken back, I felt as though non of my concerns matter and my partner was just more interested in “keeping the peace”. I’m looking for advice on what to do next, what should I say to my partner? I am feeling very distant and sad.

TLDR: what should the next steps be? Or what should I say?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/optimizatormk8 on 2024-01-07 01:29:47+00:00.

I M (25) have been living with F (28) for 8 years. We met as students. She was a very difficult partner after a traumatic abusive experience with violence. After a year of relationship, she cheated while drunk. We separated for six months. Six months later she had some fun and returned to me. I decided to give our relationship a second chance. Over the next 7 years, she constantly crossed my boundaries, drinking a lot in strange companies and disappearing all night. I am a shy person who works and earns a lot. I am not interested in such leisure and I had a hard time with drinking. Also, I was never able to get rid of the wound from the betrayal. During our relationship, she underwent psychotherapy and emerged from prolonged subdepression. For the last 3 months she has been playing a game in which she spends a lot of time, there are guilds, there is a community. I noticed that in our relationship the output on her part had dropped significantly; I tried to raise the topic, but did not understand the reason. Today I saw something on her phone that I shouldn't have. There was a correspondence with a guy from another city who plays with her, where they had a virtual chat, they confessed their love to each other and discussed some kind of future together. I’m in a lot of pain, I don’t know what to do next, please advise?

tl/dr caught my girl virting with another. I don't know how to live after 8 yrs with her and old cheat from her in background..

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Important-Row6589 on 2024-01-07 05:07:35+00:00.

Why are feelings confusing

My husband (25m) and I (25f) have been together since we were 16. We are each others first everything, so I’ve never known anything else. I genuinely love him and want to spend my life with him. But I keep getting this feeling that maybe I have someone out there better fit for me.

For context: We went to his friends house for a board game night. It was a group of us maybe 10-12 sitting at the table playing games. When we hear a knock at the door and in comes the friend, let’s call him Sam. I have met Sam three or so times now and every time he’s peaked my interest.

The game we were playing, involved the entire group that was there. The goal of said game is to read if the people are lying about what role card they have and are trying to eliminate the player who’s the bad guy. Well every time we play this game Sam calls me out and pays attention to my mannerisms when I’m not talking or smiley or points at people. Just very observant of me and I like that! My husband on the other hand ,didn’t really even seem to mind me being there.

The night goes on and we (Sam and I ) are cracking jokes, laughing and talking about life. The entire night my eyes were on him and his were on me . My husband just kind of disappeared in the background for the night as Sam was my focus. The more we talked and the more I was around him my mind started to spin about how perfect his humour, personality, smile, laugh , passion for things and how he knows what he wants and is such a genuine person. That all I could think is man he’s perfect. There’s definitely a mutual feeling of some sort there but neither of us would act on it or ever say anything.

When we (husband and I) were leaving I was almost sad that I had to go because I didn’t want to leave Sam, I could have stayed there all night and been content. I love my husband and want to be with him but the feelings and connection that’s unspeakable between Sam and I is just so, indescribable.

I feel like a terrible person for even having this feeling, as I know it would break me if my husband ever felt this way for someone else. But I can’t stop thinking about him.

What would you do?

TL;DR: I’m in love with my husband but have chemistry with his friend and now I’m confused if I’m actually happy.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Purple-Objective-127 on 2024-01-07 00:15:33+00:00.

So basically I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago. I found someone else who is my age and more mature. However, my parents refuse to accept her ever since her parents let me drink on New Years Eve. Now I get that I’m a bit too young to have done that, but I told them in confidence that I had been drinking and I didn’t wanna drive. My parents had told me to tell them before so I didn’t think of it. Well now, they’re doing a complete 180 and are threatening to call the cops if I don’t break up with her. I don’t wanna lose my girl, but at the same time I know it’s not fair to keep her in a toxic environment. But really don’t want my parents to be the reason we breakup either. My defense was that I feel like as an adult, was to say that it was my decision and it was the wrong one. But instead of just saying “yeah he’s an idiot but still my kid” they’re making me pay rent (200 a month) and took away my car because it’s still in their name. I had paid 4k for it too! Again I don’t know what to do because I’m only making 1000$ every month if I’m lucky. And I also don’t want to lose my girlfriend over my parents behavior.

TL;DR My parents (45m) and (40f) are trying to get me (18m) and my girlfriend (18f) to break up after I drank at a New Year’s party.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Complex_Caregiver_13 on 2024-01-07 04:47:23+00:00.

The other day me (18f) had a sleepover with my friend (18F), her sister(13F) and my boyfriends sister (13F) which went amazingly. This morning though i received a message from my boyfriend of 10 months that accused me of informing his sister at the sleepover about us doing innapropriate activities. This I claimed to not be true since I have no recolection of me ever talking about this remotly at the sleepover. But how could she have known ? My boyfriend says that she was very specific with the details that only me and him know about. So clearly I look extremely guilty. The only possible answers I can think of is the one of my old friends snitched us to her and tries to blame me or she extremely exagerated one of my jokes and my boyfriend unintentionaly admited doing it. What do I do ? I understand him being upset over this since his parents are extremely strict and we are still in highschool. But I'm innocent but do not know how to prove it since he doesnt want me talking about it with my friends.

TL;DR I don't want my boyfriend to be upset about this and think I talk behind his back yet there's no way for me to prove my innocence.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HotRegion1190 on 2024-01-06 23:01:45+00:00.

Me (22f) and him (25m) have been in a relationship for 2 years. The first year was a long distance relationship, so each of us had to travel to see each other and now we are living together for 1 year. In the beginning our relationship was amazing, I thought I found my soul mate, sex was good and VERY constant when we were together, but since we are living together I don't have sexual attraction for him. It's been 8 months since the last time we had sex and it was so awful that I don't want to do it anymore. I tried to talk with him about it and even dressed some sexy clothes to spice things up but he just became "boring" on that matter. Our relationship overall hasn't been the best either... we had a big fight before I moved in and ever since things were never the same, I feel like he is very childish and sometimes I wonder if that's also a reason why I don't want to be intimate with him. I still want to have sex and fantasize about it but the thought of having it with him turns me off. I tried to talk about this several times but he can't comprehend or doesn't want to talk about it. I still like him but something feels different... I wish things could go back to what it was because I don't really want to break up.

Any advice? Am I the only one feeling like this?

tl;dr: I lost sexual attraction for my partner and don't know what to do

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Random-User-218 on 2024-01-07 04:40:36+00:00.

I (22F) was on the pill when I met my (22M) boyfriend, we’ve been together for over two years now. Around 5 months ago, I got the non-hormonal copper iud placed. This has definitely affected my hormones as I have noticed changes physically, like more acne and hair loss. My main concern is that I feel that I am no longer attracted to my bf like I was before but I do not know if this is actually related or not. I still get horny but when I think of him in that way now I am put off and didn’t feel like this previously. Could these things be related or is there likely some other cause to my change in attraction?

TLDR: Is it possible that going from a hormonal to non-hormonal form of birth control has changed my sexual attraction to my partner?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WorkingRoof9832 on 2024-01-06 22:04:57+00:00.

Me (46M) and my wife (45F) have been married 20 years. Before we got married our sex life was amazing and we agreed that we would not be one of those couples who let that go away. Then we got mart and had two kids and understandably that changed. Now our kids are out of the house and she no longer works, which were the primary reasons for the decline in our sex life. However, she still has little interest. There is always an excuse. For example, this past week she has said she does not feel well. But she has gone to the gym every single day. I am concerned about her feelings towards me and she repeatedly states that sex does not equate to love. I have suggested marriage counseling but she is not interested. I recognize that I am likely being insecure and selfish but it just bothers me and I am building a resentment. When we do have sex it is great (including for her). I should probably just get over it somehow but I just can’t seem to. Am I making a big deal over nothing?

TL;DR I am concerned that my wife’s lack of interest in sex is indicative of a larger problem.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Garuda_ on 2024-01-07 04:35:46+00:00.

We've been together for 9 years, married for 3. One thing that I've always been clear about in our relationship is my expectation that I have a right to privacy. We've always had our own rooms (though we sleep together in theirs), our own devices, etc. We're polyamorous, and there has never been any infidelity on our relationship. We're both pretty kinky people, but some of my kinks, I prefer not to exercise or actively engage in, beyond privately any anonymously online (nothing illegal or unethical, I should note).

A couple of times, back around 2017, my partner let themselves onto my devices and looked through messages, emails, etc. Both times they confessed doing this to me, citing anxious feelings that drove them to look. The first time I let it go and wrote it off as a fluke. The second time I forgave them but it took over a year for me to really fully trust them again - I would worry when I left the house that it might be happening again, and I started locking my room when I wasn't home. After a year, I stopped doing this as the trust regrew.

On new year's eve, I was hospitalised, and had to have emergency surgery on new year's day. While I was in surgery, my phone apparently buzzed with a notification, which my partner looked at. As some of you may not be aware - Tumblr notifications display your username at the top. My partner then took out their own phone and looked up the Tumblr and read the contents while I was in surgery.

Last night, they confessed to doing this (though they didn't actually make an apology, as I recall), and attempted to initiate a conversation about how we could better communicate and about why I don't feel able to discuss all of my kinks with them. I stated that I felt they had skipped several chapters ahead, and that we hadn't really resolved that they had violated my privacy and undermined the trust that exists at the heart of our relationship, and that I wasn't even certain that the relationship could continue. I left and went to stay with a friend, and have been collating my thoughts since.

Should this be a three strikes and you're out type deal? Should the fact that this hasn't happened since 2017 count for something? Is it even possible for a relationship to return to normal after something like this? I like our life and our marriage, but I feel so violated, and if it took a year for me to rebuild the trust the second time, how long it is gonna take this time? A year? Longer? I'd welcome any perspectives.

tl;dr Spouse looked at a blog that I have for a taboo niche fetish that I have absolutely zero desire to ever express or explore. This is the third time in our nine years together that this has happened. How/should I let it go?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Macaroni_Pete_1942 on 2024-01-06 21:32:35+00:00.

I (32M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for over 9 years. In general we have an awesome relationship and are best friends. We own a home and live together, we go on regular dates, we play games together, eat meals and watch shows together, cuddle to movies, we travel together, we almost never fight and can easily talk out disagreements, etc. Almost a picture perfect relationship.

Except we haven't had sex in a year.

Before that we were having sex every couple of months. In the beginning of the relationship, sex was amazing. She was very passionate. However during university, she became too stressed and stress drops her libido. She felt she needed to keep having sex to keep me, so she forced herself to do it without explaining this to me. The quality of sex took a dive, she wasn't wet, it became painful even with lube, and over time, she began to associate sex with pain, causing a positive feedback loop of anxiety. Eventually we took a step back, and started using Blueheart sex therapy app and started doing Sensate Focus which helped us pinpoint what was going on.

Sensate focus teaches us to remove pressure and goals and just do touching sessions while thinking about pressure, texture, and temperature. It starts super PG and slowly builds step by step to removing clothing, eventually to genital touching, etc. We've been doing this for 5 months now, and we just hit a new roadblock. She's telling me that while we're doing the touch sessions, she feels like she's being used. Last time I asked her at which point she felt used and she said when I kissed her neck.

Today I approached her to discuss it and she said she couldn't put her finger on what causes it, so there's nothing to talk about. I'm worried it's any time i feel any sort of passion. It has to stay borderline clinical.

It's getting harder and harder to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions?

TL;DR: She says she feels "used" during Sensate Focus touch sessions despite there being no actual sex involved. I'm not sure how to make her feel more comfortable, and am not sure how much longer I should wait.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Breakfast7429 on 2024-01-07 04:29:36+00:00.

Before I start, this is going to be very long because I've not told this to anyone else and I need to pen down everything that's inside of me. Sorry for the rant. So here I am, trying to tell everyone about my life so that I can just maybe feel a bit better. I've been in this relationship for a few months now, although it's only been a few months, it has felt like we have been dating for a long time now since even when we were friends, we used to act like we are dating. So I'll just say talk about some of my past. In my past relationships, it has always ended due to one reason or another, I have gone through extreme bullying in school to the point that I have also been told by my bullies that I should just end my life. My past hasn't been great and filled with low self esteem. There was once a relationship that I was in, which caused me the most pain as my girlfriend left me without any answers. I was just dumped like that on the text with the words "I regret being with you". After that I gave up on relationships and I stopped showing my emotion to others. I know it's unhealthy but I kept all my emotions bottled up inside of me and never showed it to anyone. I tried pretending to be a heartless guy so that I can never be hurt by anyone. But then one day I add this girl on Snapchat. We talk and we become close, I slowly start opening up to her even though I never though I'd open up to anyone else. She told me how it's not healthy to bottlhw up my emotions, I slowly started showing my emotions to her and trust me I was a complete wreck. She was so sweet and always stayed there for me, she stayed on call for hours just to hear me bawling my eyes out and telling me that she's there for me. Anyway, we went through a lot of stuff which I won't type here, but long story short we became very close. I realised that I love her and I told her that. She said she's confused about me and then in between we went through lots of problems. But then fast forward to a few months, I told her that I think I would like to move on and start seeing other girls. The next day she texts me saying that she loves me and was trying to stop herself to find a reason to love me but she finally realised that she doesn't need a reason to love me. So we ended up dating and we went through our fair share of relationship problems, but nothing that we couldn't talk through. We always talked through things and solved problems. I am the type of person who will always want to talk things out instantly so that I fix the problem asap, whereas she's the type of person who will need atleast an entire day to be alone and then talk about things the next day. I'm the type of person to show affection a lot whereas she's the type of person that finds it difficult to show affection and show love. Anyway, the important part is that I tried understanding how different she is and she understood how different I am but we still made it work. Everything was going fine until recently when she told me that she cheated on me with a guy she met at work. So I'm from Goa and every year we have a week long arts festival here called serendipity. She volunteered to work there and met this guy there who volunteered as well. She knew this guy from last year's serendipity arts festival as he volunteered at that time as well and is a close friend of her ex who she hates, so she always avoided him. But this year after the festival got over, this guy asked her tob hangout and she went. She always tells me everything about guys, if any guys dm her or she's talking to any guy, shes very transparent with me. And I have always appreciated that and I have never told her to not talk with any guy re not meet any of her guy friends. But she ended up cheating on me with this guy... Who she met just 2 times outside of work. When she told me this I couldn't believe this as I've always trusted her the most. I could blindly say that my girlfriend can never do anything like this, but that's exactly what happened. Suddenly everything started becoming a spiral of me hating myself. I could feel my heart shatter and I could feel this intense pain inside of my chest. I have always tried to be a good boyfriend, I know I'm not perfect but I've tried. I've wrote her a poem expressing my love to her, I've brought her lunc at work, I've dropped her to work when she was getting late. I have done so much for her because in my head she was my future. I don't know what to do anymore. The most painful thing is that, I'm still trying to fix everything. I tried understanding it from her side and I told her that I'll forgive her if she promises to never do this to me again. But she said that she doesn't trust herself and that she feels like a sl*t for doing this. I told her I'll overlook this entire thing but she said that she knows that guy just wants to sleep with her and use her and hurt her, so she will let him do whatever he wants. At that time I'd completely lost it and it wasn't making any sense what she's talking about. I've cried so much and broken down infront of her to just stay with me and that this is just a hard time in our relationship and we can deal with it the way we've always done. But it's just futile. She told me that she likes him and had a crush on him since last year, and that she's drawn towards him and it's natural for her to show affection to him whereas with me it is difficult for her to show affection. She says that I'm not better or worse but just different. I have never felt so vulnerable and inferior to anyone ever before. I've been a complete mess in the past but this is just way beyond. I'm completely broken and I just want to end it all but I can't. I feel as if the universe is trying to show me that I don't belong in this world. I understand that from an outsiders perspective it can feel that I'm being dramatic but I swear I'm not. This is just too much to process and handle. The thing that's making it even worse, or maybe a bit better as it has its silver lining is that, the very next day when my girlfriend told me that she cheated on me, my dad told me that he has prostate cancer. He has not told my family and has only told me as he is working on this big project which requires him to travel a lot and if my family finds out that he has cancer, they won't let him go. He said he wants to do everything he can so that we can have enough to live happily. He told me that he wants me to look after my family after he's gone and this hurts so fucking much. Literally everything in my life is crumbling at the same time. I just want to end it all but how can I when my dad asked me to look after my family. I know I wasn't a great son like how he was to his parents, but I can't disappoint him with this request like how I've disappointed him my entire life. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I'm broken. I need serious help. I even lost the person who would be there for me, who would hold my hand and let me cry and say words of encouragement. I'm so fucking lost

TL:DR: I got cheated on by my girlfriend who knew just how much trauma and pain I was going through. And now everything is falling apart for me and I just want to end things for myself