Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Western_Surround_963 on 2024-01-06 21:29:07+00:00.

My fiancé and I have been going through it since September. His family, especially his mom, have disrespected me consistently, me cry and fall into cycles of deep depression. He has never done anything about it. We have been together for a year and four months now, but it has just now started to get bad.

We were supposed to have an engagement party on the the 25th of November but his mom cancelled it because she said some of her family members couldn't make it, and when we tried to reschedule and pick new dates she was stingy with every single one. At the same time, my fiancé decided that we needed more time for ourselves and our relationship, so he let our plans fall through.

His family disappeared for 2 months and his mom did not contact me or my family at all...ridiculous. She had blocked my mom and I off of her snapchat and instagram stories too. Two weeks ago, she texted in a group chat with me, my mom, and my fiance. She sent an invitation to her older daughter's engagement party at her house and my mom and I did not respond right away, which pissed off my fiance and he got into it with me. We do not owe anyone ANYTHING!

He has been getting into it with me because I said I am not comfortable going to his sister's engagement party. He is trying to pressure me into going because he said his mom does not "have the best view of me right now." He claims that even though I am uncomfortable, I should show up and put on a fake front to make his mom happy. He gave me an ultimatium and said that if I do not go, our relationship should come to an end. I have not talked to him since Monday because he keeps trying to force me to go. I feel as if he is not respecting my boundaries and my feelings, especially as someone who is supposed to be my future husband.

I am contemplating reaching out and meeting to talk because I'm not sure if it will go well, he seems to be very stubborn. I don't want to end our relationship and an trying to think of ways to make it work, but he seems to be making it seems as if it has to be his way or the high way. I am so lost and hurt. Should I reach out or wait until the engagement party has passed (it's on Jan 13)? | want this to work out.

TL;DR - My fiancé's mother and family have disrespected me continuously so I am not comfortable showing up to his sister's engagement party, and he is giving me an ultimatum (if i don't show up to make him and his family happy, we shouldn't be together anymore).

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PastUnderstanding342 on 2024-01-07 04:27:02+00:00.

Hi! I’m new here and Need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, we have an apartment together and are pretty stable and it’s been good. There was an instance a year and a half ago where my trust for him died and I’ve been slowly recovering from that and building that trust again. I am already a very anxious person so add that with every single past relationship ending in my partner cheating already made me pretty jaded with trust in the beginning so it’s been really hard to build that trust up again. After that it was great for a while until a loved one in his family passed which hit him incredibly hard. I did my best to make sure I was by his side and always had a hand on his shoulder or a hug. Ever since then our intimacy has been lacking (I completely understand why!) however, he seems to take care of it alone. My issue happens completely randomly I could be sitting on the couch our driving to work and BOOM my mind just starts rapid firing relationship doubts and throwing what happened a year and a half ago in my face again and I get overwhelmingly anxious. There are times where I am thinking he’s the one I want to be with forever and every time I have an episode it makes me want to be single. Especially since intimacy has been at an all time low i feel very alone sometimes and that’s when my anxiety is the worst. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I want to find a way to get through this so our relationship can continue.

TLDR: long term relationship, I get extreme anxiety spikes randomly about the relationship and I don’t know what I can do to help myself through it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/beerbloated on 2024-01-06 19:15:09+00:00.

Long story short, my boyfriend of a year and a half used to date an artist and she made him a lot of handmade gifts over the years. He also adopted a cat when he lived with her and since the breakup has kept a pillow with the cat printed on it in her memory since she kept it. Although it’s annoying to have to see all of this every time I’m at his place, I accept it and understand why he would keep those gifts because I probably would too.

Today, however, I noticed he was wearing a sweatshirt with her old business name printed on it. I know it probably means nothing and he’s just wearing it because it’s the only big hoodie he has, but I can’t help but feel extra bothered by it. It’s one thing to have old handmade gifts sprinkled all over the place because they’re functional and cool looking but to wear her business name is hard to look at.

Im not sure how to address this, since I would never ask him to get rid of these things. I don’t want him to think it’s an attack either. What should I do?

TL;DR - my boyfriend has ex girlfriend gifts all over his house and while that doesn’t bother me, he also occasionally wears a sweatshirt with her business name on it and I don’t know how to address it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fit_Crazy_8328 on 2024-01-07 04:18:45+00:00.

Guyys i need ur opinions please im going crazy 😭🙏

I (F21) have been dating this guy (M37) for 3 months now, we get along very well and we're both looking for serious and longterm. Only thing is, i've never been to his house... To put things in Context, we live +100km away from each other. Most of our meetings have been to restaurants, or hotel sleepovers when doing citytrips, or small dates at my place when my parents are gone...

At first I was doubting that he may be married/has a girlfriend but i did my research (im not gonna tell u how, otherwise u would say that im a crazy psycho😭) and i got my answer and know for a fact he's single and lives alone.

The presumed reason why i haven't went to his place yet is because :

1 : I don't have a car (i live in a high traffic european city, so i just own a mopped)... which means i will have to take 3 trains back and forth, for a total of 6h to go to his place and he doesn't want me to go through all that so he prefers to drive 200km everyweek, even tho at times im so busy w/ school that we only meet for few hours.

2 : He's in the process of moving houses. He said that he recently (in late 2022) bhought a plot of land to construct his house, now it's almost finished (in about 1 month). And for that same reason, his current place isn't very comfy since there's a lot of stuffs in storages etc so he prefers i visit him once his house it's done.

BUUUT recently when i was in his car i saw the adress of his place in the GPS, just the avenue's name, not the number... And in the past he also sent me a picture of the virtual reality image of his future house, i ran a google image search with it and came accross something :

The virtual reality image of the final house was also used by a real estate agency to sell 4 plots of lands in his city, back in 2021 !!! It's weird cause it's supposed to be HIS house, so why the agency were using them images to sell the others lands properties even before his own house project began ?? (The plots of lands are all in the same area, next to each other)

And the unlogic thing is the plot of land it's like 5/10 minutes away from his adress.. I asked him today if he had pictures of the construction advancement of the house, to which he replied no that it was just a bunch of bricks from afar and that he will take pics on the final inspection in 3 weeks... That's weird, who the heell in their right mind wouldn't take pictures of the advancement of the construction of their MILLION € house ?!? Especially when they live 5min away ?!

Is he lying about the house ??? That's like my biggest question rightnow, i don't understand why he would do that, ridiculous, why not being truthfull and honest ??

I can't bear this longer so i decided to buy train tickets to go there myself in secret on monday, go and look if the house exist in real life... what do u guys think ? Am i going too far ? I've been doubting for so long, i just want peace...

If its' true then im happy, he's honest ❤️

If it's not true then that means that man is just playing me, and he certainly planned to dump me in 1 month (when his fake house is done) and when he's done using with me....

Please help me, i can't think straight 😢 and it's bad for my studies, all this overthinking.

Also : he's a surgeon, so it's not unrealistic for him to construc a million € house.

TL;DR : boyfriend never invited me to his place

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/biogsta on 2024-01-06 17:09:30+00:00.

My wife and I have 2 kids (3y and 3mo). We both work from home (though are both on parental leave at the moment.)

One thing I’ve noticed is that if I don’t get exercise, my mental health suffers. When I’m in good shape and routinely exercising, I have much more energy to be a present father, husband, and I’m just happier in general.

I don’t like running (too boring), so my preferred mode of exercise is playing tennis. Right now, I’m playing 3-4x/week, for about 2 hours each time, and always when the oldest is at daycare. It’s pretty much my only “me time”

My wife hasn’t complained, and I’d like to think we have an arrangement where she can get alone time as well (though she often declines to take it when offered)

Overall, kids are doing great, I’m doing half of the housework, doing most of the care of the oldest, and a shitload of time with the youngest.

I guess this is more philosophical - if I could, I’d play tennis every day. But it wouldn’t help that much more with my mental health, and at a certain point it would burden my wife with an unfair load of responsibilities.

If I didn’t exercise at all, and could magically be happy without it, my wife certainly wouldn’t mind. So I think it’s a balancing act.. being able to beg and borrow time to work out, coordinating chores and childcare, etc.

It’ll be a little more difficult to coordinate once I go back to work in a few weeks, but I know that I need to continue to exercise to stay sane through the newborn phase (and with a very active toddler.) This might mean playing tennis on a weekend morning or one evening a week, which will be an increased burden for my wife (who doesn’t go back to work until April)

But since I’ll be working all day, I do deserve to get some time to exercise, right? If I don’t do it, I won’t be as good of a dad/husband.

What arrangements do you have with your partner around exercise?

Edit: keep the downvotes coming ☺️ If the roles were reversed, the comments would look very different

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sweaty-Ad-3526 on 2024-01-07 03:58:47+00:00.

He talks about how the character has a nice ass and such. At times he has told me randomly too that when ever we look at videos on YouTube and he sees and attractive guy or girl ( real people not characters) he says they are hot.

He has never cheated on me but it’s more of a respect thing then a trust thing.

We got into an argument and he says he wasn’t going to stop saying anything just because I was upset.

I have tried to push it down for months but I just been feeling really depressed and I feel I’m only insecure because he keeps doing it. But then he tells me no matter how attractive someone is they are never more attractive then me. But it feels empty when he keeps pointing out other peoples attractiveness like that.

I feel he shows me he loves me in other ways but this everytime it happens I just want to run away and be alone. It hurts a lot. Advice?

Tl;dr: it’s very hurtful to me when my bf makes sexual jokes about female game characters and he doesn’t want to stop. I’m so confused emotionally because he shows love in other ways but I’m still hurt.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BusinessWolverine719 on 2024-01-07 03:52:23+00:00.

I (m/34) got into argument with my little sister and I feel bad…

(TL;DR) Long story but I’ll try to keep it short…

My sister is in a lesbian married relationship which is cool, the other girl has a teenage daughter from a previous straight relationship, and my sister has a young daughter through artificial insemination and the other girl recently had a boy the same way. I try to build a relationship with all of the children, but naturally I’m closer to my sisters daughter. I want to be a good uncle and good role model for them, almost a father figure. But they live about 2000 miles away from our hometown. And honestly it bothers me that they are so far away with no family, but they are adults and have to make their own decisions.

My sister doesn’t really try to be bridge for her immediate family, us back home, so I’ve been working to be that bridge. Her and her wife got married before family and I even met her wife so it’s already a bit awkward. But still I try to be bridge.

This past Christmas I got time off and wanted to get my niece and bring her to my hometown to visit my mom, and grandma, her grandmother and great grandmother. My sister was cool with it, as I always have if her they come to town which is rare. I even had her for a month last summer.

I talked to her wife a few days later because she asked when I was coming. Then my sister text me late at night saying can I come another time or she can give me the plane ticket money back because her wife wants her for Christmas. My plan was to come that Sunday at 8pm then for the flight around 12pm the next day which was Christmas. I figured we would be there in the am to open presents and we could leave in the afternoon, but the girl must’ve heard that and convinced my sister to tell me to cancel it.

I was pissed because I already talked to my sister and I bought the planes tickets to fly 2000 miles away, get me niece, bring her to visit her family, then bring her back, then get back home in time for work. I just feel like I was reaching out my hand and prioritizing them, without them considering any sacrifice I’m making. My family hasn’t seen my niece in almost two years. We had an argument and now she’s blocking me. Smh. I feel like my sister doesn’t prioritize our side of the family at all and only hangs with her wife’s family and it hurts.

Please ask any question for clarification I’m really just venting. Thank you reading.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/almondluver224 on 2024-01-06 17:04:33+00:00.

My boyfriend and I live together and we’ve pretty much always had the same night routine, especially on week nights. I usually shower before him and then get in bed, and he showers after me and comes to bed. Over the last week or so, I’ve realized he is in the bathroom “showering” but he’s actually sitting on the toilet watching porn and masturbating. He thinks I don’t hear the porn or notice that he’s doing it because 1. I haven’t mentioned it and 2. he comes out and gets in bed like nothing is happening in there but him taking a shower. I notice he will turn the shower on, sit on the toilet and masturbate, then shower so it seems like he’s just taking a longer shower than normal. He doesn’t realize how loud his volume actually is because our bathroom echoes into the bedroom pretty clearly. Last night he took a shower earlier in the evening before dinner so he didn’t need to take one before bed. Instead he went into the bathroom to “poop” and was once again masturbating. I noticed because he randomly turned on the sink to block the noise but I could still hear it. I completely understand humans have needs and I’ve never had any issue with my significant other watching porn/masturbating. We all do it. I think I’m just shocked that he’s pretty much doing it right in front of me and I’ve never had this happen with him before. How do I go about this? Should I ask him? Should I let him know I can hear it and now I’m uncomfortable? It’s happened multiple nights (5 or 6) in a row now and we haven’t had sex all week.

TLDR: I can hear my boyfriend masturbating/watching porn in the room next to me and he thinks I don’t know.

Any advice is helpful and appreciated.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JuryBright2871 on 2024-01-06 16:54:10+00:00.

To clarify, my girlfriend (22F) is white, while I (26M) an Asian. Korean to be more specific, and most Korean culture is against interracial relationships. My mom and brother are supportive but almost none of my elders are supportive. I want to bring her to Korea with me to meet my family but I don’t want them to give her a cold shoulder. She’s been learning Korean just so she can talk to my family and I would hate for them to be rude to her. My ex girlfriend (who is Asian) even messaged her on instagram from a fake account telling her that “our kind” (Asians) would never want anything to do with “their kind” (White ppl) and that I’m just fulfilling a fetish/fantasy, and that made her really upset for a while.

TLDR: Any advice on how to overcome the interracial stress in a relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SwordPartee on 2024-01-07 03:51:44+00:00.

Two of my best friends (17m) and (18f) have been in a relationship for just over a year and a half now, and they are quite possibly the worst matched couple on the planet. The guy is quite very sensitive (and has diagnosed bipolar disorder) and oftentimes can take jokes way too seriously quite often. This guy's love language is physical touch, so you can imagine how touchy feely he can be, while in stark contrast the girl's love language is mean jokes, and she loves all the cute couple things... dates, holding hands, picnic in the park, etc. Her parents are also super, and i mean superrrrr strict, so the guy is usually angry be all of his horny, cute, touchy feely doesn't have an outlet because her parents won't let them get together, then she gets angry bc all he wants is to hold her and fok and stuft, which she doesn't want, and then she makes a mean joke, he takes it wrong, then they are both pss*d out out their minds, and they are "working on" all the time but nothing changes. Now as the intermediary friend, they lay all this garbage on me 24/7 and I'm sick of it.

How do you guys suggest I tell them that I’m done dealing with their relationship without sounding rude or a bad friend?

TLDR: My friend’s relationship sucks garbage, and I’m done dealing with it, how do I say that nicely?

(btw sorry for the paragraph I'm ranting just a little bit xd)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA765458 on 2024-01-06 15:37:22+00:00.

Me 21F and 30M went on two godafwul dates. From the start he only talked about himself, never asked me anything and 83% of his talking was complains about his job and broke self (hes a bartender, only works on weekends and has no life pretty much). He was also hypersexual and talked to me about his exes, "crazy" family and the hundreds of sexual experiences he had. The first date wasnt nearly as crap as the second one.

He was disrespectful on the second one and yelled at me in the middle of a bar because I didnt agree with his statement on a topic. But he would compliment me and say creepy shit like "youre such a good girl, i need you", "why are you so sweet" etc.

On the second date he asked me to "chill" at his place to which i said no because my heels were killing me, so i suggested we do that the next day. To make things very clear we just wanted to cook and make hot chocolate, i refused to sleep with him. He said yes and the next day came, he said he's sick and took time off work. I just replied with "oh okay, hope you'll feel better soon, cutie!". He liked the message and hasnt replied since, its been like two weeks.

Even tho he was sick he still had time to post millions of stories which i only opened one and not the rest. I havent opened anything from him since then. I posted a few stories and he opened each one. Yesterday I posted a cute pretty picture of me and he saw it, when I looked at his page he removed me as a follower but he's still following me. His account is also, public. Why tf? Usually people remove you fully or block you altogether since ghosting you. But removing you as a follower lmao?

Why did he ghost me? Why didnt he remove me fully from his social media if he didnt like me?

(to be very very clear, im very happy he ghosted me because i genuinely couldnt handle his immaturity and self deprecation at his grown ass age, so thats the only good thing about this but im still confused why he only removed me as a follower but HE keeps following me?)

TL;DR: Guy ghosted my ass and peeps my selfies but he removed me as his follower (while hes still following me) even tho his account is public and I can still see everything.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aromatic-Guava-6363 on 2024-01-07 03:37:47+00:00.

My (30f) bf (31m) has had a lot of stress going on in his life. He works A LOT, struggling financially, etc. Lately it seems it's gotten worse and he's been kind of rude towards me. This definitely isn't how I want to start the new year off lol. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow, but if I'm being honest, the recent rude behavior has been very off-putting and I kind of don't want to see him. I feel bad for feeling this way because just 2 weeks ago he told me he appreciated me and thanked me for being so supportive. Right now I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. Part of me wants to dish the coldness right back to him, yet the biggest part of me wants to be loving and kind and warm. It's frustrating and I'm not sure what to do.

TL;DR- Boyfriend has recently been rude and dismissive towards me, due to I'm suspecting stress and I'm not sure how to handle seeing him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Madelaine2000 on 2024-01-06 13:09:25+00:00.

We had plans for saturday night and he texted me at 3 pm asking if I was free the next day, because he has to see this friend on saturday night. I acted cold and short, he noticed that I was mad and said "I'll try to see you tonight, I should be done by 9 pm, I'll text you at 6,7 pm." I waited like a fool and nothing from him, I texted him at 8, he repied 20 min later and said that he's with them and he lost track of time and if we can see each other the next day, I acted mad saying he should've texted me at 6,7 pm and not let me wait for him. He texted me back 2 hours later when he was done with them, saying he messed up and if we can see each other that night. I agreed, but I was mad at hell, kept pushing him and pinched him(as a joke) and he also got mad and said that is not his fault. But he also said that if he were in my placed he would've blocked me, but he was angry when he said this. In the heat of the moment he said that some things about my behaviour from a week or so bothered him and he was right, a weekend before I pissed him off.

So who is at fault?? I felt so walked over. I was being dramatic?

Tldr: guy cancelled date to go visit a friend who came from another country and I was mad and he tried to also see me, he said he would text me at a particular hour, but he lost track of time with the

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/roseonadoor on 2024-01-06 11:46:45+00:00.

My (32F) friend (35F) and I were talking this evening after dinner about our relationship history over the last year. She met the love of her life in June and is planning on having a child with him in the next 2 years, an unprecedented change for her from being avowedly child free for most of her life. As I listened to her talk about what that mental shift was like, I realized why I was so devastated over a short-lived relationship I'd had last year.

I had really wanted to have children with him. And I'd never had that feeling with anyone else. I knew he didn't love me the way I needed, and even though he ended the relationship with me, I cut him off for good after he reestablished contact because of this. But I was in touch with the fact that he did love me after a fashion, and that his life situation was conducive to having and raising children. I had watched him with his family and his 7yo cousin, and felt the "urge" for the first time in my life - including a former marriage to a man who, on paper at least, was perfect father material. Never felt the urge with him, and felt like I dodged a bullet when that marriage ended.

But yeah, I never wanted kids until I met that man this summer. I'm back to not wanting kids now. Closing the door on that relationship forever really felt like saying no to a completely different version of me. I almost felt like I could have chosen that life for a second, one where I wasn't loved in the way I needed or wanted, but one where I became a mother. It was frighteningly easy to see myself just accept the love he could give and flip a switch in my brain. I'd had a vision in my head the first night we slept together of me being heavily pregnant and pushing, and of him letting me squeeze his hand. It was absolutely indelible and profound.

But I said no to that vision. Over the last few months I've been realizing that I'm in love with a friend of mine (42M) and that he's in love with me. He loves me in the way that I need, in the way I've been longing for. I don't want kids with him, not really, not in the same way I wanted them with the ex. But I believe now that love is more important than having children. I won't have to choose like that ever again hopefully - but if I do, I know what I'll choose. Every minute of every day. That love fills me and completes me in such a way that I don't need children.

I get why women choose having children with an imperfect man whose love is either warped or non-existent, though. I almost did. It's tempting to feel that a baby will make up for what you're missing from your partner.

No regrets about my choice. But women who decide the other way... I feel you.

tl;dr it's hard to prioritize a perfect love over the possibility of having a baby with a good enough man, I get it now

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwradressbar on 2024-01-06 11:26:46+00:00.

I met this one woman at a bar last night. I saw an empty seat next to her so I took it and introduced myself. She smiled and started talking to me. Things seemed pretty good. She was with her sister that night and her sister introduced herself to me as well. At some point this woman and her sister both went to the bathroom. I assumed maybe she wanted to say something about me.

The woman I sat next to, I’ll call her Jenny. She went to another area of the bar and she asked me to come with her. However, I noticed that she would keep making excuses to leave me and go somewhere else. She would come back after like five minutes but she’d keep leaving.

Eventually we went back to the front of the bar and sat down. I put my arm around her and started rubbing her thigh but then I stopped. She told me to keep going because she liked that. So I kept rubbing her thigh. Eventually she left me to hangout with some other guys in the back of the bar. When she left I asked her sister if she thought that Jenny liked me. She said that Jenny had told her that she was interested in me when they went to the bathroom and talked.

However for the rest of that night Jenny would keep leaving me to go hangout with other guys. I’m not jealous but I felt confused. If Jenny was into me and wanted me to rub her thighs then why was she leaving to meet all these other guys? Before I left she came to me crying and I hugged her. She said something about having memories of her ex boyfriend. I told her it would be ok. She left again with some guy.

I asked her sister if I could add Jenny on social media and her sister told me that she would tell Jenny that I asked her. She then showed me some of her social media. I added her on one of them but she still hasn’t accepted my request. The sister told me that they’ll see me around. I don’t know what’s going on.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I was rubbing on her butt at some point during the night and she kept encouraging me to touch her.

Tl;dr I think this woman liked me but she kept leaving me for other guys

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Flashy_Loss_5976 on 2024-01-07 01:34:54+00:00.

My(27m) and my partner (28F) have been together for almost two years and have a healthy relationship.

I am financially stable and independent, due to leaving home as a teen, realizing that the world is unkind, working my ass off, and making money (at the expense of some social life)

My partner isn't. she had a much kinder upbringing, living with parents into adulthood, chose uni, got odd jobs and enjoyed life, which is great! But she's not very financially secure.

We both decided to travel to a (first world i.e same prices as back home) country for a year, and spent almost a year working and saving for the trip. - due to visas and family dates, this year is the only time we could only do it.

I worked 12 hr days, 10 days in a row, and saved enough to pay myself a modest weekly allowance for the trip.

My partner got the best job she could, but earned around 1/3 what I did. On top of that, she had a car accident and had to pay several thousand for that.

There was the option for her to work with me for 2 months, and earn the same as me, but she decided to carry on doing the short working hours at her job and volunteer at a childrens play centre instead (I told her this wasn't a sensible financial decision)

All of this was discussed in advance. I am happy to split costs 30/70 for example, and I will often pay fully of we decide to treat ourselves to an Airbnb or a nice meal. I'll pay the most, and she'll get the drinks or something.

But, she's now almost run out of money, and we still have 6 months of the trip left.

She isn't afraid of work. She's a hard worker, but she works in hospitality which doesn't pay much.

She now basically has two options.

1: work in this country for 3 months and make around 3k (home currency)

2: borrow 3k and pay it back by working when we get home, which she could earn in less than 2 months and that wouldn't eat into 50% of our remaining holiday time.

She is looking for work here, but we both know that option 2 is more sensible. She could ask family for some but not all of the money.

I have some savings and I could lend her the remainder. I trust her to pay me back, and it could even stay in my account given we'd spend the money together, but something about lending money to a partner doesn't feel right, especially a large amount.

I guess I'm looking for advice on how to proceed. My biggest worry is what would happen if we broke up and she didn't pay me back (very unlikely but you never know) and/or what I need to get in writing?

In general I'm very generous with my resources but I'm obviously not a charity, and she also doesn't want me to just buy everything (which is good).

Thanks in advance...

TL.DR:

My girlfriend earned less money than me before a year abroad together and she's almost run out with 6 months to go.

She can work here but won't earn much and we'd have to sacrifice 3 months of our travels, or I can lend her money for her to pay back when we return home and she can earn more than here.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IcyFeed5 on 2024-01-07 01:33:09+00:00.

I want my partner to go to therapy

Honestly I (28F) just feel the need to talk to someone about this because my partner (29F) doesn’t like me talking to anyone about our relationship, as relationship matters should be kept private she says. So if this is kind of long I’m sorry but it’s several years of pent up hurt and frustration.

Me and my partner have been dating for nearly 8 years. We are lesbians and have been dating since college, we were originally roommates. And when we first met my partner was struggling with a lot of mental health issues, she had a severe eating disorder, severe anxiety and panic attacks, was cutting herself, was mildly suicidal, and was pretty depressed. She confided in me and so I really did my best to help her get through it. We couldn’t afford therapy as we both grew up poor, and she is the child of immigrants and said her parents would hate her if they knew she was going through these issues. So I made sure to help as best I can while being unable to afford therapy.

Respectfully, I did the best I could. By the time we graduated she was fairly functional. We had found coping mechanisms for her panic attacks and she hasn’t had a panic attack in about 5 years, and hasn’t cut herself in 6 years. She still has bouts of depression of course but they are few and far between and still struggles with body issues, but eats at least 2 meals a day as long as I cook it.

When we first started dating she was always really kind to me when she wasn’t having a bad case of depression or anxiety. She would be there for me when I was depressed myself and I could rely on her to always try to put a smile on my face. I always wanted to help her and myself more so I always wanted to be able to afford therapy for both us, since I knew we both had trauma to work through. She knew this was a goal of mine, as well as making sure we were both secure financially and completely independent and could buy anything we need.

At first after college things were rough, but I worked super hard and slowly my career began to take off. My girlfriend struggled more with hers but I didn’t mind, I knew she struggled with her mental health and didn’t want her to spiral again, once again reinforcing my desire to be able to get her the therapy she needs. Once again she knew this, I would say “just give me a little more time and I’m sure we can afford therapy for you” and things like that.

Flash forward to the last 2 years of our relationship. I now make 6 figures and can definitely afford to get her therapy and it’s even free with my insurance. She refuses. She says she doesn’t need it. This is where the main point of my contention comes from, because everything else could be explained away as her struggling with mental health issues.

For the last few years she has been somewhat cruel to me in my opinion. She doesn’t comfort me when I cry, she just stares at me and tells me to get over it. When we fight she just tells me everything is my fault and when I ask her to tell me what the issue is she won’t. I ask her to talk about her feelings, she won’t. When we fight most of the time she just stonewalls me and gives me the silent treatment. She knows that is what my mother used to do to me and I’ve told her that when she does that it really hurts me. She still does it.

I pay all of the bills but she spends most of the money, to the point where I’ve had to get a second job to make up for her spending habits. I’ve told her I think she is just doing this as retail therapy and once again ask her to please go to therapy because I can’t keep up with her spending. I now work my real job every day 8-5 and then go out 5-9 almost every night for a second job and even sometimes work weekends. She does have a job and even recently got a big raise, but I rarely see a cent of it and she spends it all while I pay the majority of the bills, I do still make more than her though. She said most of it goes to her credit card payments, which I believe, but she maxes out the cards as soon as she makes the payments.

I do 99% of the cooking, we do split the cleaning 50/50 and she does take the dogs out and feed them so I can’t say it’s completely one sided. But the fact that I am working around 70 hours a week plus doing grad school while she just works 40 makes me feel a bit overwhelmed. I handle managing all of the bills so it’s all on me to make sure they’re paid. She doesn’t meal plan and she doesn’t take care of herself when it comes to food, saying she doesn’t mind just going without food for days on end if I don’t feed her.

She doesn’t reciprocate any sort of love or feelings to me anymore and I’m just really feeling burnt out and overwhelmed, I’ve tried to express this to her before and all I ever get is “oh so I’m not good enough for you?” Or something of that nature from her. She gets mad if I ask her to go to individual or couples therapy with me.

I’m just at my wits ends as to what to do. To be honest there is a lot more I haven’t even mentioned such as how her parents still don’t know about us, or how she refuses to take care of me when I’m sick, but this is long enough as it is. Am I in the wrong for expecting her to go to therapy?

TLDR: My partner has struggled with mental health issues for years, now that we have insurance I want her to go to therapy as we have discussed for years. She refuses and has started to be mean to me, and I’m feeling overwhelmed.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bonner20061115 on 2024-01-07 00:37:55+00:00.

So basically, I’m 17 and in this work program that allows minors to get job experience with the government. There’s only two youth in this specific one, myself, and another girl. She’s going to be 18 and this won’t be aloud to continue in the program past the end of this month. She’s from another country initially and moved here because of a war. I’ve caught feelings for her over the past year and was convinced she liked me too but now I’m certain she doesn’t. I was gonna ask her to prom but I wouldn’t see her for a few months until prom as she lives an hour away. I think im just not going to ask her since she probably would say no anyways. I don’t understand why this hurts so bad. I understand it wasn’t logical to have a crush on her in the first place and get my hopes up but I did. Now I’m feeling sad and anxious because we’ll only have maybe 1 more shift together if it even happens. What is wrong with me?

TL;DR : foreign girl that I developed crush on at work will no longer work there, why am I feeling so sad when I knew it wouldn’t work.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ch_1502 on 2024-01-07 00:08:46+00:00.

Tldr: My dad cheats on my mom, divorces and abandons me and my mom, has a redo family, his redo affair son wants to bond with me even though I want nothing to do with him and now my dad wants to be in my life again.

My dad left me (now 13 but going to be 14 this year, same with my half brother) and my mom for his affair family (I don't know much detail's because I was 4, but according to my grandma, he skipped my birth just to be with his affair partner and help her give birth to their son, he lied that my mom didn't let him in the hospital room which was a lie because my dad was apparently dumb enough to leave his evidence on the phone, my mom told her not to give me personal details on the divorce so I don't know too much, but all I know is he's a cheater who skipped my birth for his affair son, lied to his friends that my mom wouldn't let him in the hospital and to his coworkers that I died, he refused to attend any of my birthdays after my parents divorce and never attended any of my events because apparently my half sibling was more important to him and he's a deadbeat dad who hurt my mom), they lived in a different state, or so I thought. Apparently my half brother "Chase" (fake name for privacy) joined my class on Friday. He seemed really eager and smiled at me alot like he's never seen a girl before which I found creepy. I don't why anyone would get so excited over a stranger. After school, he approached me, he asked if i'm [ insert my name and surname ]. I responded yes, then he pulled out a photo of our dad with me on my 2nd birthday and said "look, that's our dad. I'm so excited to have a sibling. It feels so lonely being a only child with no one to talk to or play with. I'm Chase, i'm your half sibling. It's so nice to meet you, i'm really excited to have a sister" "Half sister, and i'm not excited to meet you. You're a literal stranger and a affair child that my father loved and prioritised over. Why would I be so excited over a stranger who's a living reminder of my parents affair and is nothing but a stupid affair child that is a walking talking living painful reminder of my dad leaving my family for a mistress and his new perfect son he always wanted that he prioritised and loves more that's a redo replacement of me and my mom because we weren't good enough for him, all because you existed and he decided to love you more. I hope you're so happy you have a new perfect life to throw in my face and now he wants nothing to do with me because of your mom". Chase looked shocked and remorseful. He apologized and told me had no idea and he didn't realize how much pain he caused me and he's so sorry, he never meant to hurt me and didn't know his parents had a affair. I was suspicious. How do you live 13 years of your life not knowing about your family history. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew altogether and wanted to hide that.

"I don't care how sorry how you are. I want nothing to do with you. You're nothing but a stupid affair child that's a constant living reminder that my dad had a affair and left my mom because of your mom just to have you. You caused me enough pain, I already had to go through enough, how much more do you want me to suffer just because you want to remind me that you're living a perfect life and I had to suffer and have nothing but my family and my home because of your mom and our stupid dad decided to abandon us and have his perfect little son rub his happiness on my face just to remind me he's having a perfect life and my mom had to suffer. You're nothing but a stupid little affair child that no one asked for. Just leave me alone" I responded. Chase teared up and told me he understands, and that he's sorry he and his parents caused me so much pain, then walked off crying.

No he doesn't understand my pain. He wasn't the one who's mother got cheated on and had his family and life splitted up as a result and replaced by a better sibling, he has no idea what pain looks like so someone should tell Chase to stop pretending to know what it looks like because he had it so easy. On to the point, Chase found my instagram which was private so I don't know how he found it when my accounts are private, but he messaged me saying he's sorry he caused me so much pain and he didn't mean to upset me or creep me out. He was just hoping he gets to bond with his new sibling, but he never meant to upset me or rub his new family in my face and he hopes there are no hard feelings. I corrected him by saying we're half siblings and that we're never going to be real siblings and that we only share 1 parent so he's technically half asshole aswell and to just leave me alone and never contact me. I admit I was harsh and called him a stupid affair child that no one asked for before blocking him. I don't know how my dad and stepmom (affair partner that broke up my parents marriage) found my account, and sent me follow requests but I blocked them. I only accepted my paternal grandparents account because I wanted to get to know my dads side of the family, but I wanted nothing to do with my dad, his mistress and my half brother. Why can't he take the hint that I don't want him? He's a painful reminder and my life would be better without him if he gone away so I pretend he is a stranger.

My dad came to my home earlier today with his redo family, parked on the front poarch, then him and my stepmom stormed to the front poarch and accused my mom of trying to alienate me from him even though she had no idea they moved back here and never spoke about him to me. I only know a few details because I evesdropped on her phone conversations when she thought I was asleep. Chase was at the back of the car, he apologized and told me that he's sorry and he didn't know they were going to act like this. He apparently just told them he has a classmate caled Chelsea who had the same surname and that our dad told him to approach me and asked him to give my instagram account and he had no idea he was going to use it to start a fight. I was creeped out that he managed to find me on social media in the first place. The crybaby Chase is was just crying as usual acting all innocent and guilty when he knew what he was doing.

I yelled at Chase to "Just get lost its your fault everything bad happens in my life just because they got their perfect american son and not a mixed race child like me (I'm American and British from my dads side & my moms half french and half Japanese) you already hurt me and my mom because you're selfish and you wanted a full family. You weren't the one that got hurt, me and my mom did so stop pretending to ne traumatized because you have no idea what it's like to have divorced parents and only 1 parent in your life". My stepmom was too busy arguing to comfort Chase but he isn't my problem since I never cared about him in the first place. We were both crying, but my mom hugged me and told them to leave after arguing with them and apologized to me for putting through this. I forgave her and told her I just want my dad out of my life.

Luckily my dad left, but I heard over my moms phone that now he's apparently fighting for custody and wants to get custody of me. I hate how my dad ruined my life again, just because my spoilt half brother wants a sibling like my life wasn't already shattered enough, and we're strangers. Why is anybody this excited over a stranger? It's creepy. How do I deal with all of this? It's so much for me to handle.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PigeonForBrains on 2024-01-06 23:14:09+00:00.

My bf and I are in our early 20's and have been together for just over two years. We've talked and made plans about getting married. There's just one issue, he wants kids.

i've never really wanted kids. I tried convincing myself for a while that it was something I i could do and I imagined us having a family together and for a while it seemed like a possibility.

But recently, the thought of it makes me feel uneasy. I struggle with a lot of mental health issues and I know that I mentally won't be able to cope with having a baby. Nor would I be able to properly care for one as a mother.

We've spoken about it, and he said that he understands my choice and respects my decision. He said that he doesn't want kids unless they're with me, and if I i never want them then that's okay.

I appreciate him being so understanding of me but I worry that he's just saying that now, and thinks that maybe I'll change my mind. I don't want him to resent me later on or regret staying with me and not having kids.

Should we stay together despite this difference or would it be best for us to break up and go our separate ways?

TL;DR: My bf says it's okay if I don't want kids, and that we don't have to have them. But I'm worried it may cause him resentment towards me in future.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/stankbiscuits on 2024-01-06 22:56:23+00:00.

My (45/m) girlfriend (42/f) and I are both divorced, both have a boy about to enter high school. We've been together a few months and have been truly lucky in how many ways we're compatible. We've found in each other possible life partners after it seemed like it wasn't even an option. Here's the rub. We live about 40 minutes apart, up to an hour in traffic - by no means a LDR. But our kids are each very locked into their school systems and both coparents are local to current homes and schools. We are so compatible that we're thinking about a future together and it seems there aren't any good options to blend households until high school is over, 4.5 years from now. Living halfway between isn't an option (awful area and kills her commute).

We are so compatible and so in love in every way and it seems like an awful dream killing thing at this point...thoughts??? Advice??? Miracles???

TL;DR - moderate distance plus kids in different school systems...is it a deal killer?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bonner20061115 on 2024-01-07 00:37:55+00:00.

So basically, I’m 17 and in this work program that allows minors to get job experience with the government. There’s only two youth in this specific one, myself, and another girl. She’s going to be 18 and this won’t be aloud to continue in the program past the end of this month. She’s from another country initially and moved here because of a war. I’ve caught feelings for her over the past year and was convinced she liked me too but now I’m certain she doesn’t. I was gonna ask her to prom but I wouldn’t see her for a few months until prom as she lives an hour away. I think im just not going to ask her since she probably would say no anyways. I don’t understand why this hurts so bad. I understand it wasn’t logical to have a crush on her in the first place and get my hopes up but I did. Now I’m feeling sad and anxious because we’ll only have maybe 1 more shift together if it even happens. What is wrong with me?

TL;DR : foreign girl that I developed crush on at work will no longer work there, why am I feeling so sad when I knew it wouldn’t work.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_969 on 2024-01-06 22:56:23+00:00.

This is a weird one, but it's really bothering me lately. We've been together for 7 years and I'm realizing it's always been like this.

When I'm busy (if he's not busy), he will contact me and kind of insist that I respond quickly. Or he'll suddenly need help with various things. Over the years there have been many instances where he will NEED to speak to me right away, and he's even had meltdowns if I am unable to respond quickly. He's done this when I've been at work, when I was with my mom on a weekend away, when I'm driving. It's definitely a pattern. He even did it after my uncle passed away...I was staying with my family (they are 3 hours away) and he was texting me that he was lonely and depressed which just increased my anxiety. He'll often start strange texting arguments (I've got to learn not to take the bait) and then start bashing me for all kinds of things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand.

However, the pattern has been that when HE is busy and I'm home alone, I barely hear from him. Now, admittedly I don't pester him. I assume he's busy with other things. But for several years he would go out after work for hours and I wouldn't hear from him. Or if he's out doing something he will barely touch base. There was even one time when he knew I was expecting him home and he was missing for several hours (not responding to text or calls), and he told me he got caught up with something and his phone died. But if I pulled that he'd go crazy (I know because once my phone DID die and it took me 20 mins before I realized it and he was furious because I wasn't available to help him with something at that moment).

Over the holidays I was away with family and he texted me creating a big argument over nothing. It was so bad that I even told him that if he dislikes me that much we shouldn't be together. Now I'm back and everything was ok again. Until now....he had to go stay with family for 3 days. I texted him this morning to say hi and that I hoped he has a good time. He didn't answer until 8 hours later and just sent a thumbs-up emoji. It feels weird and cold and I can't even understand what the issue is.

I know the reason he texts me when I'm busy (but it's a bad reason)...it's because he wants my attention and he doesn't like when I'm preoccupied with other things/people or having fun without him. I don't agree with it, but at least I can understand it. But I don't understand why he's cold and distant and barely speaks to me when HE is the one who is away.

Is this a communication problem? I do know he had a problem with this with his previous relationship because he told me of a couple of scenarios (and he agreed he was in the wrong). When I ask him why he doesn't contact me he says it doesn't even cross his mind. Does this mean I'm very low priority to him? If so, why bother pestering me and starting fights when I'm the one who is away? Does anyone have any insight on how to approach this? I want for us to fix it but I don't even know how to start.

tldr: bf starts arguments when I'm away/busy, but when he's away/busy he barely contacts me (and when he does he is distant).

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bffthrowaway2404 on 2024-01-07 00:34:27+00:00.

My childhood best friend of 11 years is ending our friendship and I just am at a loss of what to do.

I have a male best friend of essentially 3 years now. We’ll call him Jack. I introduced Jack and my friend, Emma, earlier this year and we became a little trio where we hang out, talk, do things together, etc.

To establish the dynamics: Jack considers me his best friend and vice versa. Emma and I are best friends. SIDE NOTE: I have no romantic feelings for Jack and vice versa.

Recently Emma began catching feelings for Jack and expressed discomfort over me and Jack hanging out by ourselves. Her and Jack start flirting over text heavily and end up hooking up and things kinda take a turn for the worse. Jack feels that them having sex can potentially ruin things a lot between all three of us and decides not to take the relationship further.

He tells her he doesn’t want to change the friendship, she expresses understanding, but she feels really hurt and rejected about it later on. She vents to me, I try to support her as best as I can by giving her advice, etc. He’s also casually dating a girl at this time — she was aware of this prior to the hook up — and she feels really hurt about it as well.

She starts to feel isolated from me — she feels upset that me and Jack are still hanging out alone and she thinks I should be telling her when we do, she tells me she’s going to distance herself from me because I don’t tell her what Jack got her for Christmas, etc.

It eventually blows over to where she’s feeling extremely hurt, I advise her to stop talking to Jack since it’s making her feel worse, and she tells Jack I told her that. Jack ends up distancing himself from her, she feels worse, I try my best to support her and give her advice, but she finally said that she feels betrayed and hurt that I’m still friends/laughing with the guy that hurt her. She feels disposable and that he discarded her after hooking up.

I feel like — is there anything I could’ve done more to prevent this from happening? Was this bound to happen — was it impossible for me to salvage my friendships with both of them? Am I a terrible friend?

TL;DR: best friend of 11 years cuts me off because I’m still friends with the guy she hooked up with

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_blerghh on 2024-01-06 22:55:30+00:00.

Now obviously this is my one side of this, so there is nuance to it and I will of course be biased..

We’ve been together 6 years, but about 3 weeks ago my (f26) boyfriend (m25) started chatting on Reddit, he said it was just a friend group, nothing to worry about. He starts spending allll day on Reddit, messaging whilst laying in bed next to me and even starting to learn Italian (something he’d never even expressed interest in before).

I obviously became worried as I’ve been cheated on before and expressed issue with this, that he was putting in too much effort into this that needed to be put on our relationship. After I said this, he spent all night on Reddit telling this girl how awful I was, and in the morning, broke up with me. I was confused and hurt.

He came back after a day, and I asked him if he had been talking on Reddit prior to breaking up with me, he said what did it matter. At this point, I didn’t know there was a girl at all. He comes back (we lived together so I couldn’t stop him/change locks etc) and I told him not to come back, but he did anyway. All that first night, he’s on his phone. A few days go past and I ask him if he’s talking to a girl, he said yes they had been private messaging for about a week (he had only told me there was group chats and explicitly said no privates) I was hurt, but I thought it was harmless enough as he’s never given me reason before to worry.

We have some sort of discussion about flirting and if flirty jokes count, I say I think they do. He says he’s probs been flirting with this girl and lets me read their messages.. there was ALOT of flirting, including intimate, very private details being shared, a lot of support and sexual undertones. Sending each other pics and asking for compliments, sharing private jokes and he was extremely desperate to speak to her, to the point that she used an alt account to message him bcos she couldn’t access her main account for a day. This was setting off a lot of red flags for me, and what made it worse is that he seemed to think it was all fine, friendly banter.

I told him this was not okay, this was a boundary and I wasn’t comfortable with him making very intimate relationships with other women or flirting in any way, jokes/sexual jokes included. I asked him to respond with very short responses and keep the conversation very basic.

He said okay, he didn’t want to hurt me, and he cared more about me. For about 5 days he didn’t go on Reddit, but repeatedly asked if he was allowed to go on there bcos he was “confused”. I repeated what I said, that I didn’t really want him talking to that particular girl, and if he did for it to be very minimal.

Today he spent about 4 hours laying in bed, when he could have been spending time with me (he’s been moaning we haven’t been spending enough time together) and he was messaging this girl. He came in and told me, and said they had been talking about music (his biggest passion and hobby). I reiterated what I had said and he said he had interpreted it as not sharing personal details, but allowed big, long conversations about hobbies and passions. He also hinted that they had been messaging this whole time just not “properly”.

I am hurt and I told him I want him to ghost her, bcos he should care more about repeatedly hurting my feelings, rather than some random girl. He seems VERY hesitant and resistant to stopping talking to her and I feel like I can’t trust him at all. He’s offered me to go through his phone but I don’t want to.

Do you have any advice for how I can handle this/ do you think it’s okay for someone to have deep, intimate friendships with people of the opposite gender?

TL;DR bf keeps talking to a girl he was flirting with, even after I ask him not to