Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Leading-Rain-2955 on 2024-01-06 08:17:48+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have loved each other for 3 years, but recently got into a very bad fight. We have been trying to find our way back to each other since then. I've been making a lot of efforts but last night he told me he's having to try too hard for everything that came naturally to him before and that really hurt me. People who have been in soul-crushing fights as a couple, but refused to break up and worked on it despite the heartbreak, did things ever truly go back to being normal for you? Should I give it time, or are we only going to grow to resent each other so should I end it instead?

tl;dr should I end things because things aren't getting normal after a fight or should I give it time?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Nanimouse2453 on 2024-01-06 08:16:00+00:00.

My boyfriend and i broke up and it was entirely my fault. I'm embarrassed to admit the reason, but he swore that if I really did break up with him over it, he would never forgive me. I broke up with him anyway but I apologized and we got back together after around 2 weeks.

I recently found out that right after we broke up, he began talking to his female coworker who obviously liked him. He told her about our break up and asked advices from her. This girl on the other hand took the chance to flirt and make advances towards him. What really hurt me is that he did not reject nor avoid this girl's advances and he just let her do that. I asked him what his reaction was when she was flirting with him, and he said he often just smiled and nodded. He said he went with the flow and let her do those things. I asked him why he did it and he said it's because he's in so much pain when i still chose to break up with him, despite him warning me that he would never forgive me if i did it. He said it's because he was vulnerable and she was the only one who was available for him to seek comfort to.

I am confused if it should be considered cheating or not. Is it a forgivable mistake or is it downright cheating?

tl;dr: my boyfriend had been talking to his female co-worker who likes him after i broke up with him, saying he was so hurt and needed someone to talk to. However, he allowed her to flirt and make advances towards him. Is it cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mein6378 on 2024-01-06 07:55:35+00:00.

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) says something is off with him these days and isn’t sure about us and wants time

So my boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been together for almost six months. We instantly clicked when we met and he was the one who was steadfast on pursing this relationship from the beginning while I was a little hesitant initially because of his past and my attachment issues.

He basically got out of a 2 year relationship a year ago which sort of left him traumatised (he got cheated). This was my main reason why I was skeptical and said we should take things slowly but he was persistent and told me he was over the entire thing. He told me he didn’t have any feelings for his ex and he’s moved on.

In September he had to move away and I told him we can keep talking if you’re up for LDR for a while ( I was planning on eventually moving there in a year and would be visiting his place on and off till then ) and he was okay with it.

We meet again in October and we became official. A week later he told me his ex still contacts him and he can’t ignore her because the breakup and the cheating traumatised her too and she’s being really depressive and suicidal. He claimed it as looking out for a friend and still made it clear he has no feelings for her and explicitly told her he won’t go back to her.

I was a little taken aback but by now I was starting to fall for him too deep and decided to trust him.

He was really the best supportive partner I could ever ask for and I kept falling deeper for him. This is really hard for me because of my attachment issues but I felt really safe with him and I decided to take the risk because I felt he was worth it.

Things started to change in December, after I left.He started to become withdrawn and started putting me aside while hanging more and more with his friends. I usually don’t mind and I believe space is important but at this point it felt like he was neglecting me. So I decided to tell him this so we can work it out and he said he will do his best and he’s sorry and he doesn’t want to lose me.

He did make efforts but everytime we hung out, it felt more like he was doing a chore or just to please me. And this hurt because the shift was so sudden and I didn’t know how to react or what to do. A week ago he said he loves me for the first time and then the next week he feels distant. Everytime I asked him is there something wrong or if there’s something he needs from my side, he used to say everything is fine, it’s just the lack of sunshine and there’s too many parties he’s forced to go to tiring him.

I thought it was my abandonment issues acting up and tried gaslighting myself I was imagining it. This ended up triggering me even more and it started to hurt more.

Yesterday I confronted him one final time because if he claims there’s nothing wrong then why do I feel hurt.

This is when he told me he’s been feeling like something is off with him since later November and it’s stopping him to fully commit with me like he used to. He wants to figure it out and it’s going to need some time . He said he loves me and he doesn’t want to lose me but he would understand if I wanted to walk away because the way treated me the last month wasn’t right but if can’t figure it out by the end of July then he’s going to walk out.

So that’s where I am. I really want to help him and I’m willing to give him the time he needs. But it hurts and I feel a part of why he feels like this is because he’s hasn’t fully healed from His previous breakup which he denies.

So this makes me question should I stay and wait for him or should I just rip the bandaid and respectfully walk out. I really love him and I want us to work things out but I feel really hurt and the uncertainty scared me.

tl&dr: My boyfriend, who went through trauma in his past relationship, has been distant lately. Despite assuring me that everything is fine, he revealed he's feeling off and not able to fully commit like he used to. He's asking for time until the end of July to figure things out, but if not, he's willing to end the relationship. I love him and I think he’s worth it but it's causing me pain and uncertainty, making the decision to stay or walk away challenging.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Inevitable_Top_1341 on 2024-01-06 07:47:49+00:00.

So my partner and I have been together for almost 4 years now and let me be frank, I am completely in love. She is the prettiest girl in the world. So understanding, loves me back, and just so many things you could wish for in a partner. Like I love her so much that I have plans on proposing next year. We’ll be in town with her family soon and I’m planning on asking her dad for his blessing. It’s that deep. BUT… I’m writing this post today in hopes that I find someone else that has experienced something similar of just has great advice. And please forgive any grammatical errors lol.

I’m gonna try to put as many details in this as possible so please read it all. So when we met back in college I won’t lie, I was coming out of/in a little bit of a messing around phase. I had convinced myself that I was too hurt from my last relationship so I started going around with anyone that gave me attention. Going into college I promised myself that I wouldn’t go looking for a relationship at all and focus on my studies but let’s face it I was still a flirt. Regardless, I was focused. But then I met the love of my life and slowly but surely we started to fall for eachother. We were definitely touchy feely, We had sex before we started dating but we both agreed that maybe we should’ve waited because it was definitely too soon. But that didn’t really stop us when we started dating. We’re not the type to enjoy PDA but we were all over eachother behind closed doors. There was one night when we were having sex and she started to shut down and we kinda just laid there holding eachother while she was crying and she told me of some tough trauma that she went through at a young age.

From that moment on I was very very careful when it came to anything sexual and got really good at reading when she was feeling it or not. I related because I also went through some trauma throughout my childhood and I never ever want to show any resemblance to the evil that is that abuse. So our relationship continued and our love grew strong. We’d go through a month or two with little to no sexual activity and I’ll admit it would cause some frustration but it was never and still isn’t the worst thing in the world. Mostly because when we did have sex it was so good and passionate and just felt right and meant to be.

Now this past year has been a lot different. We are definitely still in love and our communication seems to be in a good place but I feel like I can count on my fingers the amount of times we’ve had sex. And those times were never like fully sex and it has definitely felt like it’s become a something that she’s only doing because I want to. Maybe earlier this year we had a conversation about it and she said that she feels like she’s asexual, and in my case, I’ve felt like I’m pansexual and gender fluid so I’ll never be the one to question someone about how they feel about their sexuality, but in this case, it contradicts how she used to be when we first met at least. And I know that sexuality can fluctuate and trauma can fluctuate in how if affects you, so I feel like I’m just at a crossroads trying to respect all of that. We even had a more recent conversation about how I would love to be lusted after and how I want to feel that she wants me in that way just as much as I want her. She said she does want me like that but the physical touch love language is still non-existent. I’ve read so many things online about this and it talks about how there should be compromise in your relationship to get your “needs” met, but I don’t ever want it to feel like my partner is compromising just for me ya know. Like at that point it just feels like I’m asking for non consensual sexual acts and that should never be an option. If that feeling isn’t there I’m putting a full stop to it regardless of what I want in the moment.

Now I mentioned that I was in a that phase earlier only because I feel like that era of my life really heightened my sex drive and along with being introduced into sex in a traumatic way in my childhood didn’t really prepare me for this. I’m quitting porn because I watch it almost every night and I’m thinking about stopping masturbation completely too so that I can experience that relief only when and if my partner initiates it. I understand that porn can lead you to looking for things in sex that is manufactured. I’m also making sure I’m holding my tongue when I want to say something to her about sex. Also stopping myself from kissing her too much and getting too physical because I don’t want to initiate anything anymore because I’m the only one to do it every time. I’m hoping that it leads me to lowering my sex drive and being more like her, because it’s almost as if she can live without it. And not being with her isn’t an option. I’m telling you the love is there, and I know that sex doesn’t mean everything and it never should. I’m not necessarily worried that this is going to drive a wedge between us because I’m always going to respect her and how she feels, but not feeling wanted in that way definitely gets to me sometimes. Like causes me to shut down and I don’t want to do that anymore. The life we’re starting to build is what we both want, but I’m struggling to find a solution to solve this problem. I’ve seen so many movies when couples are married and have kids and don’t have sex anymore and were nowhere near that stage but that’s slightly what it feels like.

Sorry this is a long read but I would really appreciate to hear some other thoughts on this. I feel like with both of our sexual trauma (but mainly hers) makes this predicament so complex because trauma never really goes away. But I want to be the one that can help overcome that, or if it’s not something I can do, what can I do to keep me from making post on Reddit like this? Especially going into a proposal within the next year or two I would love some sense of clarity.

TL;DR- my girlfriend just isn’t really interested in sex anymore and i’m planning on proposing no matter what so i’d like to hear some thoughts.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kikiyey_ on 2024-01-06 07:41:34+00:00.

My bf and I are currently living in a different city and he told me that he doesn’t want to move to my city or overseas because of his dog and if he move he might not be able to be or see his dog again because he is sharing the dog with his ex. I told him that I don’t want to live in his city and if I am moving out of my city I’d rather move to a different country. I have my dog my own but would be willing to leave him to my parents just because even if he is mine my parents loves my dog so much that I don’t want to hurt them by taking my dog away from them since they said my dog is their main source of happiness, I love my dog to death but I also want to move overseas for my career. But I am willing to move in with my bf but I’ve told him I am not moving to a city that I never wanted to live in just because of his situation with his dog. The reason for that is because I’ve tried living in his city back when I was studying and I didn’t really liked it. My city is much more slow paced, quiet and peaceful. But he said I am being immature and not supportive and if he’s in my position he would be very willing to move and because my situation is easier than his.

I’ve explained to him that I would like to live with him and move somewhere else in a city that we both like than me moving to his city because I don’t really want that, I am not moving to a city that I don’t want just because of his situation with his ex. Now he’s telling me that, that I am giving him a reason to think that I don’t really care about him and about the relationship because I am not compromising.

He also said that the maximum he can only be in a long distance is 6 months and that is the same for me. I asked him what if I still don’t want to move to his city and if he doesn’t still want to move to my city or somewhere else he said we should come up for a solution. But for now the only way for us not to be in a long distance is for me to move to his city.

TLDR; My bf called me immature and selfish and said that I’ve clearly showed him that I don’t care about the relationship just because I won’t move to his city. am I being immature and selfish and is not showing care to the relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ASoulTrying on 2024-01-06 07:29:27+00:00.

Hello everyone,

I, a 35F, married for almost 6 years, have been grappling with an abscess in my bottom wisdom tooth for the past few weeks.

The first time it occurred, I managed to control it with antibiotics and strong painkillers. When it recurred, I sought another round of antibiotics from the pharmacist, which temporarily alleviated the issue. However, this Thursday, it resurfaced more aggressively, with pus, bleeding, and unbearable pain around the infected tooth. I returned to the pharmacist, requesting another dose of antibiotics and painkillers.

I've scheduled an appointment with a private dentist for Tuesday, anticipating the need to have the tooth removed. Hopefully, it can be done in the chair without requiring surgery. Despite my husband's suggestion to let the tooth fall out naturally, I am concerned about potential complications. The dentist's receptionist mentioned that removing wisdom teeth in the chair can be tricky, and surgical intervention might be necessary.

Living in a Third World Country with limited healthcare options, I understand the financial implications of going into surgery, but I'm willing to make provisions for the necessary copayments. Healthcare, especially dentistry is extremely expensive in my country. My husband, while financially secure, prefers a more hands-off approach and suggests leaving the tooth untreated.

I've explained the potential risks of leaving the abscess untreated, including its spread to the jawbone, other teeth, sinuses, and the possibility of serious infections affecting the lungs, heart, and brain which can lead to death. Unfortunately, my concerns seem to fall on deaf ears, with my husband dismissing them as hypochondria.

I feel frustrated and angry at his lack of sympathy and insistence on leaving the situation untreated. It makes me question his consideration for my well-being.

Now I must live life with a rotting tooth in my mouth? He has done many other things that make me question my marriage. I think that this is the final nail in the coffin.

TL;DR: Dealing with a painful tooth abscess, husband suggests leaving it untreated despite potential health risks, causing frustration and resentment.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/hotmailgoose on 2024-01-06 07:24:15+00:00.

I recently found myself in a rather awkward situation and I'm seeking some advice and guidance. Let me provide some context first. I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I accidentally stumbled upon a collection of intimate pictures on my partner's [34m] phone. The twist? These pictures were of himself.

Now, naturally, this discovery has left me feeling a bit uneasy and concerned. I can't help but wonder if there's something deeper going on. Could this be a sign of infidelity? Or is there a different explanation? I'm looking for some insight from those who may have experienced something similar or who can offer an objective perspective on the matter.

I trust my instincts, but I also want to approach this situation with sensitivity and fairness. How should I navigate this delicate situation? Should I confront him about my findings or should I gather more evidence before jumping to conclusions? Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your support and guidance.

TL;DR: Accidentally found explicit photos of my partner on his phone, worried about possible cheating. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation with sensitivity and fairness.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/butfirsticedcoffeee on 2024-01-06 07:21:55+00:00.

Randomly my boyfriend started talking about finances today and I felt like he was putting me down on what I do for a living. He made really hurtful comments to me and then later infront of his family.

He apologized later this was about my financial status, what i do for a living and what I have saved or not saved. Later he apologized and said money doesn’t matter and that I’m just a work in progress and he wants to be with me cause he sees me being a good mom, partner, etc but some of the statements he said today that I’m embarrassed to even write here are still hurting me even after the apology, I feel crushed.

TLDR: my boyfriend commented on my finances and put me down about it, my feelings are still hurt after the apology. I feel crushed from the things he said

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrandoBommando on 2024-01-06 07:21:26+00:00.

I just couldn’t continue on anymore. I found myself falling in love with a person who just so happened to be the wife of my once good friend.

I had felt good being me around such girl. She had something going on. Couldn’t tell what it was. The charm. Her physical features. Just something.

It all started out as her thanking me via message after coming over to hang with my friend, C. No intentions then. She told me C needed it. And I told her the same as well, I needed it as the pandemic and my probation had taken a toll on me.

Around the time was when things had slowly went back to normal. Public being open but at a certain capacity. I wanted to invite C out to play pool with me. But he declined which was unusual. So I asked D what was C’s deal. She tells me “idk B,”. So I tried again a week later. He declines. Then all of a sudden, D messages me what was going on. C has been avoiding me. That hurt me a bit. I didn’t realize that it did until I realize I was hanging out with my older brother way too often and wanted something for myself like my own friends. I just remember him telling me “Friends come and go, if your boy wanted to (hang), he would’ve” and I took that to consideration.

Anyways, just wanted to express how I felt for my close friend C.

So yeah, D had messaged me wondering why I haven’t talked to see C. And I basically told her I gave up and doing my own thing. So we caught up. Talked about what has been going on with them 2. Their love had lessened throughout the months. I felt bad for them. I wanted to be there genuinely for them both. Thing was C wouldn’t budge. I completely gave up.

As time passed, me and D had been messaging. Talking about our personal life. One mistake had changed our lives forever. She needed someone to speak to in person. So I made the choice to volunteer; after all we were both comfortable with each other. So, we did that. She told me the unfortunate things she had experience with C, her husband. I didn’t know what to do but fell sympathy for her. So we continued on with our day. Continued talking.,then one thing led to another. Fast forward, we made the move to go onto the next stage, sex. We tested out our intentions. Is it actual love or sex we both craved?

So yeah, time flies. And the more we did it, the more we fell in love. It was nice day by day having her company but little did I realize in the back of my mind It felt like a distraction from my own wants & needs in my life. It wasn’t to have fun but to be stable in life. Being able to give back to those around me. Even now I’m nowhere near that situation. But soon hopefully.

So yeah. The end. please give your opinion and similar experiences. Just had to get it off my mind.

TL;DR: I ended a relationship I had with my once best friend’s wife due to my own personal reasons like being able to be stable in my life. Plus the fact I did this behind this dude’s back just hangs over my head besides the breakup.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DistinctScallion746 on 2024-01-06 08:51:35+00:00.

I (36F) have been dating my partner (42M) for about 3 years. Recently he was invited to his sister’s wedding and asked me to go with him. My partner isn’t close with his sister as they had a falling out years ago so he rarely see’s or speak’s to her. I have only met her once at a family gathering. Anyway, the day of the wedding comes and my partner and I mingle with some of his family before taking our seats for the ceremony. We all sit down and then the Groom walks out, who turned out to be my father. I haven’t seen or spoken to my father in 15 years as he cheated on my mother and ran off with his then girlfriend and cut us all off. So this is the first time I have seen him since. I instantly recognised him and told my partner I needed to be excused. The wedding music was just starting and I got up to leave and my father noticed me as I went to leave. He called my name and I looked back at him and just ran off. I ended up calling a Uber and leaving the wedding. My partner called me after the wedding and I told him that the man his sister was marrying is my father and I didn’t want to be there. His sister is angry and thinks I’m rude for leaving and now my father wants to talk to me and try to rekindle our relationship. I haven’t spoken to either of them and only my partner, but he thinks I should speak to his sister and my father. I don’t think I owe my father anything and am refusing to see or speak to him.

What would you do in this situation?

TL:DR - My partner & I went to his sister’s wedding and she married my father who I haven’t seen for 15 years. I left the wedding and his sister is angry. She and my father both want to speak with me. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extension_Lie7697 on 2024-01-06 07:10:24+00:00.

if i say “stop yelling at me” then he will say “then stop poking me” like apparently i’m making jabs and upsetting him. he yells often. when i said stop calling me a bch he said “you’re acting like a bch” in another argument and argued it wasn’t the same as the original name calling . i’m not perfect but i don’t yell, namecall, etc. i have held him accountable for bad hygiene tho and uncontrolled diabetes that he’s barely done anything about.

im exhausted. what’s this called where he holds things over me in order for him to stop yelling?

tldr; if i tell my bf to stop yelling he tells me to stop bothering him. anyone else heard this one before?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Own_Acanthisitta_583 on 2024-01-06 08:49:04+00:00.

For context: I've been dating my gf for about three years now on and off. However it seems as if I'm the more mature one in the relationship. The biggest thing we argue about the most is her not being able to keep and maintain a job, and her not being able to pull her weight because of no said job. This is actually the longest relationship I've been in, I usually give up within 6 months because I don't see it working or the person is just bat sh*t crazy. I have a daughter yet sometimes I feel as if I have two children when I only have one. My gf has the mentality of a teenager, always wanting things the fast way for example when it comes to money, half cleaning things, and even helping with my kid. I just don't want to waste another three years with someone who couldn't even take on that role as an adult to my kid if something were to happen to me. (I actually asked). What she would do in a situation like that her answer was to call one of my family members. Luckily I'm a smart young woman and having a living will. We've talked about marriage but deep down I don't know how I can marry someone who isn't on the maturity level as I am. Maybe I'm looking at things wrong or maybe I'm trying to paint a different picture when it's clearly in Black and White.

TL:DR How would I discuss these matters with her in a way that would be helpful and effective?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Good-Argument582 on 2024-01-06 07:10:15+00:00.

(M) loved best friend (F)

First let me begin by saying I’ve known this girl since the 4th grade and we ended up getting really close after we finished college. We always had the same circle of friends and remained really close throughout the last 3 years until recently. It felt like it was a hot and cold friendship as sometimes I would get a feeling she was into me and other times she would just go completely dry with me. Ever since the first time I saw her I thought to myself damn she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and when I was blessed to get close with her she’s even more amazing with how she is as a person. I’m not sure if it was ever apparent to her that I liked her more as a friend, but I was always available to hang out whenever she was bored and we would always be around each other A LOT within our friend group and we would hang out almost everyday until recently. I finally got the courage to see if she would be interested in dating as we have so many similarities are so close and I’m not sure if I got the wrong signals from her that she would be interested. I just finished with school and I have a great stable job with a good income so I finally felt like I was ready to take the next step in my life hope she would be the one to be on this journey together.

I asked my other best friend (M) on advice to take her out and to my heartbreak I find out she recently started a new relationship (probably three months in) and she never once brought it up with me even though she always tells everyone that I’m one of her best friends (brother to her as well unfortunately). This was the first time I found out that she said I’m like a brother as she has never said that in person to me. Whenever we had conversations about her other guy friends that are not in my circle of friends that’s how she described them. I feel absolutely crushed not only with the fact that I felt I was finally ready to make a move on the woman of my dreams but for her to be in a new relationship in which I’m the only person that doesn’t know from our friend group. To make matters worse she wants to introduce the new guy to our friend group officially and she wouldn’t have made me aware of it as the one time she did try I was not available to hang out that night (found out from my other friend)

As far as how close we were as friends we talked almost everyday via Snapchat, texting, calling, hanging out and now we don’t do anything anymore. I really feel like we had such a deep connection that the thought of her dating someone else is destroying me. We never had anything intimate during all the years I’ve known her but we have both been single for a long time and we got really close up until recently and I really wish I didn’t let this opportunity pass up just not even knowing if it would’ve been possible. So now it just feels like I lost one of my best friend and someone that I could definitely say was my soul mate and I am devastated on how to take this.

TL:DR - All in all it’s basically me just venting but if someone can learn from this type of experience that I’m going through I can definitely say to make a move on women you like because if you don’t you could possibly live in regret your entire life :( I always believed becoming friends first was the best option but not anymore after this. This would be a case where I would have definitely wanted to know if there could’ve been a next step as she knows how much I love and care for her and that I would’ve done anything to make her happy and now I’m just non existent

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/butfirsticedcoffeee on 2024-01-06 07:21:55+00:00.

Randomly my boyfriend started talking about finances today and I felt like he was putting me down on what I do for a living. He made really hurtful comments to me and then later infront of his family.

He apologized later this was about my financial status, what i do for a living and what I have saved or not saved. Later he apologized and said money doesn’t matter and that I’m just a work in progress and he wants to be with me cause he sees me being a good mom, partner, etc but some of the statements he said today that I’m embarrassed to even write here are still hurting me even after the apology, I feel crushed.

TLDR: my boyfriend commented on my finances and put me down about it, my feelings are still hurt after the apology. I feel crushed from the things he said

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/donddellme on 2024-01-06 07:08:45+00:00.

so.. let's start by this is my (F 24) first girlfriend ever. (F 33 ) However I did have sex with a girl before.. (24) me and my girl where together for about 8-10 months. We just moved in together not even a month ago. She's the best thing that ever happen to me however she was married when we met and still is. Her and the wife sleep in separate rooms.. barely communicate.. she begs her to stay some days and tell her to leave within the same paragraph. She claimed she was already on the way out before I came around.. at first I told her not to do that but we continued to talk. I've had a friend of 10+ years that we decided we wanted to experiment. Done it twice within the last year and a half and keep it under wraps from our our other friends. When me and my gf were first friends I opened up to her about that the way she opened up about her stories. Recently me and my friend linked. Drinking, smoking just catching up it's been about 6 months since I seen her. Ended up fooling around while my gf was at work. She had a feeling something was up we're on the phone 24/7. I couldn't even look her in the face I ended up telling her hours later and she kicked me out of the house we both of our name on. I didn't know she even liked me enough to care about something like that. I only thought she was trip about guys and thought she would have been kinda turned on by that.. SHE IS CONVINCED I HAD A GUY OVER AND I KEEP TELLING HER IT WASNT. I've been begging, pleading, saying I'd never do that again! Do more, ask for less, be nicer, more considerate, cut of contact with said friend, change my number, stop drinking, couples therapy, go back home while she's at work instead of stay at our house we have together, WHAT EVER. we see other in 3 days to remove my name of the lease and I just really want her to know it was a friend and and not a boy. Im gonna show her the messages. I regretted it immediately and told her as well. I held myself accountable but why can't she extend some grace?

Look at how we met, the stories you told me, our bond is something I never experience before with a guy. We are literally best friends. I'm letting her cool off for the days but I really just wanna make it work again. Do I just stop and move on or try to fight for this? The way we are able to communicate is immaculate when any problem arises and it's saddening that she's not even talking to me. I know I hurt her and keep telling her I know I did but it meant nothing! Idk how to feel. I came out to my parents for this. I can't eat breathe or sleep.

From her cheating in her past relationships (even tho not with me) is it selfish that I think she should be more considerate, especially never looking a guys way since we met. Do you think I have a chance to get her back but not only that work on something healthier than both of us every had? Or just leave it?

TLDR; cheated on my gf with a friend but I did t think she would take it this seriously. She thinks it’s a guy even tho I told her it wasn’t. Took accountability, want to move forward.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extension_Lie7697 on 2024-01-06 07:10:24+00:00.

if i say “stop yelling at me” then he will say “then stop poking me” like apparently i’m making jabs and upsetting him. he yells often. when i said stop calling me a bch he said “you’re acting like a bch” in another argument and argued it wasn’t the same as the original name calling . i’m not perfect but i don’t yell, namecall, etc. i have held him accountable for bad hygiene tho and uncontrolled diabetes that he’s barely done anything about.

im exhausted. what’s this called where he holds things over me in order for him to stop yelling?

tldr; if i tell my bf to stop yelling he tells me to stop bothering him. anyone else heard this one before?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/suxxos on 2024-01-06 06:59:33+00:00.

Well, it's quite straight forward, he snores very loudly and I can't sleep.

Now, to describe it more precisely - I have people in my family (my dad, my sister) who also snore, but, a) their snoring is not nearly as loud, b) even if they do snore, it lasts maybe 5 minutes or so, and after that, an hour of silence. Or you can nudge them gently and they will most likely stop snoring.

My boyfriend snores literally from the minute he goes to bed (he's the type to fall asleep the minute his head touches the pillow) until the moment he wakes up in the morning. And it's so loud he actually sometimes wakes HIMSELF up.

Not too often, though. It's mainly me. First, I can't fall asleep because of his snoring. If I do somehow manage to sleep, he wakes me up pretty quickly. Probably 9 out of 10 nights, I end up going to a sofa and sleep there, even though it's uncomfortable and because it's my appartament it basically feels like I'm geting kicked out of my own bed. In any case, I end up waking in the morning completely exhausted and irritable.

I asked my boyfriend multple times to go to a doctor to do something about it, but he says "I will", and that's it. He claims he's snoring because the air is too dry (not true - I'm sensitive to dry air myself, so I have two strong air humidifiers going on non-stop), because the pillow is too thick (we tried 5 different pillows and no pillow version and it made no difference whatsoever), or that it's because of the weight he gained during corona and once he gets into shape again, the snoring will go away. Which might be true, but he's been saying this for two years and so far he's only gaining more weight.

And I find it hard to sympathize with him. I myself have Hashimoto's, which makes it super hard to maintaint weight. But I take a handful of medicines every day, exercise, go to a swimming pool, physical therapy, eat super healthy, have blood tests every two months or so, etc. And I end up having a bmi between 18 and 19. And Hashimoto's not even the worst health condition I have.

While he is completely healthy mentally and physically, but still chooses to drink soda and chocolate and spend all his time after work on a sofa (not even doing any household chores, which would do him good in my opinion, but he claims he doesn't know how to clean or do the laundry and just wouldn't learn, so I end up doing things all by myself).

Anyway, one reason why I'm asking this question is, he was away for a couple of weeks recently, and I felt so much better being able to sleep in my bed all night, even my blood tests improved. So I started thinking, maybe I would be happier this way. But breaking up because of snoring seems like such a mean thing to do.

(Also, if anyone asks, we tried all alternative methods, like tape, nose sprays etc. Made no difference at all. Earplugs are not strong enough to muffle the snoring. And I shouldn't take sleep medicines, as I'm already on tons of other meds. I might be a rather light sleeper, but I don't have issues sleeping normally).

Tl;dr My boyfriend snores really loudly which keeps me awake and miserable, and won't do anything about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/deathandhoney on 2024-01-06 06:57:18+00:00.

As the title says my husband who I have been with for 8 years is very bad at relaying information to me. He is mildly bad at communicating with me about our stuff (like if he needs to work late during the week/ if there’s an appointment he has booked etc he will often forget to mention it until last minute) but it’s manageable and I can usually work around it, however he is AWFUL at communicating anything anyone else has said/ asked/ planned to me.

For example he might tell me at 5pm that he told a friend they could come over at 6:30pm, this is an almost weekly occurrence but it’s still somewhat manageable even though I don’t like it as it doesn’t give me time to make sure the house and myself are prepared to have guests. Some much worse incidences are that I once woke up and could hear weird noises outside our bedroom window and I got out of bed to see what was going on and found 2 men on a ladder looking back at me while I was stood there naked, I absolutely panicked thinking they were breaking in and when I called him in hysterics he told me our landlord had let him know a couple days prior she was having the gutters cleared out. On another occasion a few years back after getting engaged while on holiday he told his parents the news right away while I decided to wait to tell my mom until I was back and in person so she and I planned a lunch and shopping day that I planned to tell her during and the night before he ended up dropping on me that his parents had planned a whole brunch to go out and celebrate our engagement, I was so annoyed at this that I told him I wasn’t going and chose to put my mom first and went out with her and missed our own celebration.

I don’t know what to do about it because I’ve discussed it with him in the past and he has gotten slightly better about it but I missed his Christmas party this year because he didn’t tell me the date and time so I could book it off work and I just found out our landlord had asked us to clean our utility room up for a worker who installed a new dryer yesterday and he definitely didn’t go down to even see if it was clean and didn’t let me know so I could do it. I feel embarrassed and feel like it makes us look slobby and unreliable/ ungrateful.

TL/DR: my husband doesn’t tell me about dates or appointments made with other people or communicate things asked of us to me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/deathandhoney on 2024-01-06 06:57:18+00:00.

As the title says my husband who I have been with for 8 years is very bad at relaying information to me. He is mildly bad at communicating with me about our stuff (like if he needs to work late during the week/ if there’s an appointment he has booked etc he will often forget to mention it until last minute) but it’s manageable and I can usually work around it, however he is AWFUL at communicating anything anyone else has said/ asked/ planned to me.

For example he might tell me at 5pm that he told a friend they could come over at 6:30pm, this is an almost weekly occurrence but it’s still somewhat manageable even though I don’t like it as it doesn’t give me time to make sure the house and myself are prepared to have guests. Some much worse incidences are that I once woke up and could hear weird noises outside our bedroom window and I got out of bed to see what was going on and found 2 men on a ladder looking back at me while I was stood there naked, I absolutely panicked thinking they were breaking in and when I called him in hysterics he told me our landlord had let him know a couple days prior she was having the gutters cleared out. On another occasion a few years back after getting engaged while on holiday he told his parents the news right away while I decided to wait to tell my mom until I was back and in person so she and I planned a lunch and shopping day that I planned to tell her during and the night before he ended up dropping on me that his parents had planned a whole brunch to go out and celebrate our engagement, I was so annoyed at this that I told him I wasn’t going and chose to put my mom first and went out with her and missed our own celebration.

I don’t know what to do about it because I’ve discussed it with him in the past and he has gotten slightly better about it but I missed his Christmas party this year because he didn’t tell me the date and time so I could book it off work and I just found out our landlord had asked us to clean our utility room up for a worker who installed a new dryer yesterday and he definitely didn’t go down to even see if it was clean and didn’t let me know so I could do it. I feel embarrassed and feel like it makes us look slobby and unreliable/ ungrateful.

TL/DR: my husband doesn’t tell me about dates or appointments made with other people or communicate things asked of us to me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Old-Shine-8705 on 2024-01-06 06:51:34+00:00.

So me and my girlfriend first started dating around 5.5 years ago in Highschool. I am totally going to sound like a complete a-hole but If i’m being honest I was never truly into the idea of dating her from the beginning. I was young and stupid (Still am) and agreed to begin a relationship I hadn’t truly wanted in the first place. So throughout that first year of dating I essentially ignored her completely and barely acted like we were a couple (it’s a miracle she didn’t dump me). Honestly don’t even think it should have classified as dating but whatever thats not the main problem here.

I did try and break up with her in the early stages of our relationship (8 months in) but I did it through snapchat after I went on a school trip (wow I cringed writing that) and felt like a complete a-hole. I ended up apologizing to her and for whatever reason she chose to take me back.

After probably a year and a half of being together, I actually started developing real feelings for this girl. I wanted to see her all the time and I absolutely loved talking with her and getting to know her. I started becoming close with her friends and family as well.

The next two years or so were great. We got along well and were spending lots of time together and began developing a more sexual relationship as well. The sex was amazing as we both were young and would attack eachother at every opportunity. I was truly stupidly in love with her and only her. I thought this was going to be the girl I spend the rest of my life with. Covid just made it easier for me to see her as we were both stuck at home for our first year of college, so we strived that entire year.

However, things took a change (at least for me) when we both finally got to go to our respective colleges. At first everything was new and exciting and things were going smoothly (minus me having immense anxiety the first couple days). We were both going to parties and having fun like typical college students. We were only like a hour away from eachother so we ended up seeing eachother every weekend for the first month or so.

But eventually once we started to spend less time together we realized we both began to become more possessive towards eachother. I would get incredibly stressed anytime she would go out drinking with her friends and vice versa. Our trust in eachother seemed to be really lacking now that i am looking back on this. Things only got worse once I caught her lying to me about who she was with one night.

Over the rest of the year, I pretty much got used to it and found ways to cope but she really did not. Anytime I would go out or even express desire to go out and drink she would immediately get upset which began to make me incredibly annoyed, but I still loved her and knew she was trying hard.

Come second year is when things seemed to escalate. My girlfriend was only in a two year college program (2020 being online, 2021 in person) compared to my four year program. This left my girlfriend moving back home to her family while I was still living on campus. Immediately there was issues and we were bickering and fighting constantly. These fights would literally be about every little thing such as parties, drinking and just random stuff etc and it was really putting a strain on our relationship.

Throughout the year I also really began to realize that there were a lot of aspects about her that I truly resented. It was this year that I began to have some doubts about whether I wanted to stay in the relationship.

I came to realize that she is incredibly incredibly clingy at times whereas I can be incredibly introverted and I genuinely enjoy being alone. She will often guilt me for wanting to be alone.

Our sex life also became incredibly bland with her putting next to no effort into it. I have a fairly high libido and anytime we would have sex it honestly just made me feel horrible as she would put no enthusiasm into it and made it feel like a chore (maybe im just crap in bed though who knows)

Things have pretty much remained the same up to this point. I truly do love and care for this girl but the idea of spending the rest of my life with her does not appeal to me. I guess that would imply that I should break up with her but I dont know. After 5.5 years I truly dont even know what It would be like to be single and it kind of scares me.

There are just so many things about her that make me want to stay but there are so many things that drive me insane and make me miserable.

I also am incredibly terrified that she would go into a depressive state if I was to break up with her (she has had really dark depressive episodes before) and I don’t want that for her.

I am truly lost with what to do whether I should break up with her or try and stick through with it.

TL;DR I have been dating my girlfriend for five years, but over the past two years things have not been good. I’ve begun to question whether I should be breaking up with her but I also don’t know if I’m being unreasonable I don’t wanna hurt her but I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RelationshipOdd2403 on 2024-01-06 06:24:26+00:00.

I have this gut feeling that he’s cheating on me and it won’t go away

I (18f) and my (19m) boyfriend have been dating for a year and things went smoothly in the first couple of months, however recently I have been having horrible dreams and thoughts that he’s cheating on me. This is my first ever serious relationship therefore I have never been cheated on so I don’t know where these feelings are coming from. He goes to college, work, and then goes back home to play video games with me. He shouldn’t have time for another girl but I can’t erase this feeling. We are in a “medium” distance relationship and we take turns seeing each other on weekends but recently I stopped planning our dates since I was always the one doing it. I truly don’t want to believe that he’s checked out of the relationship but since I’m so new to dating I don’t know what to expect. As of right now we barely talk, text, and just hang out on discord with other friends (less one on one time).

I have previously brought up these feelings right as they started (3 months ago) and I got very little reassurance. When I brought it up a second time I was met with annoyance and a bit of blame. To help ease the situation I have also started picking up hobbies and finding things to do during winter break as I do not have a job or really anything to do other than stress and overthink. I’m really hoping once I go back to college my feelings can ease and I can keep myself distracted.

Anyways, I’m sorry if I’m rambling and if none of this is organized haha. Any help or advice would be much appreciated! TL;DR: having cheating dreams and thoughts despite never having been cheated on as this is my first relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KPeter13 on 2024-01-06 06:18:52+00:00.

This issue has been on my mind for a while now and after the conversation that me and the woman I'm dating had yesterday, it has become even more present.

For a little background on this, my partner got out of a 3 year relationship back in June and we started dating in August.

Things have been going pretty well for the most part between us, but there have been a few red flags that have popped up that make me slightly suspicious. For example; she actively steers away from having me meet her family or even her friends, she dances around answering questions about her previous sexual experiences, she doesn't want to put any labels on what my relationship with her is to the point where she refers to me as a "friend", and what happened yesterday.

For context on this next part, me and my partner had a conversation about a month ago about us being mutually exclusive when it comes to dating.

Yesterday I went over to my partner's house and she ended up sitting me down and talking to me about how being in an exclusive relationship with me is very stressful for her, not because I'm doing anything wrong. But because she just doesn't want to feel tied down to a relationship yet, basically telling me that she wants to go back to being unexclusive.

This whole situation feels really weird to me and leads me to feel like I'm being used to get the gratification of a relationship without actively being tied down to one. I want to know if I am overreacting or if it makes sense for me to have these concerns

TL;DR: The woman I am dating wants to go back to an unexclusive relationship after establishing exclusivity between us a month prior. This makes me feel like I am being used for the benefits of a committed relationship without actively having to be in a committed relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mikeyboo22 on 2024-01-06 05:37:06+00:00.

Tonight, I was hanging with my partner (of 7 months) and two of his friends. He recently posted of photo of me on snapchat, and someone he spoke w/ before messaged him saying:

hey that [my name]? wanna third?

A deranged message for sure. But he brought it up to the group that he received that message. I’ll be honest - i’ve hooked up w a few people in this small city BEFORE meeting him and am not ashamed/shy about it. So I wanted to know who it was. I thought it was kinda weird and funny we talked to the same person.

He showed my the photo, and - i promise y’all w/ all my heart — i had no clue who that man was ahahah. I said that in the group setting, and he told the group he’s texting the guy how he knows me. And this sounds okay but it was said w/ a heavy dose of suspicion and doubt that I am lying/cheating. He wouldn’t let me look at the convo and was questioning how I couldn’t remember in front of them.

Anyways it was brought up many times to the group. Finally, the guy responded that me and him hooked up. He announced to the group that the guy said we hooked up. Which again like maybe but i’m being 100% that i have not cheated. So i said i didn’t remember and made a joke about my “impact” on someone remembering my name like that.

He then kept messaging him away from me asking when we hooked up, etc. The guy said a long while ago. But when we left the friends place, I brought up that it made me uncomfortable and embarrassed on how he handled the situation. Like it hurt that he didn’t trust me - but i’m not mad about it cuz it makes sense. Id be curious and want to know too i guess. But what bothered me was making it a whole group thing with his close friends, whom i don’t know well. It just felt like there was an air the entire time of - oh shoot this boy is cheating, and that feeling of being in the room sucked.

He ended up saying me bringing it up (like my feelings mentioned above) made me more suspicious. He kinda framed what I was saying as I was mad he messaged the boy. And when i clarified i’m not talking about messaging the guy, but rather how the situation was handled w all his friends, making me look bad and outsiderish. He gave an “sorry but” response that he’s been cheated on before so he was reacting based on that. I do understand that; yet, i feel like that doesn’t make the situation he put me in okay either.

idk any thoughts? Sorry i’m kinda writing this like immediately after.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend falsely suspected me of cheating in front of all his friends and investigated me in front of them. I brought it up, but he didn’t really apologize.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Seat2545 on 2024-01-06 05:48:33+00:00.

My sister was talking/texting a guy she said she's interested in, even though she has a boyfriend. I told her numerous times to stop and that I don't like it, but that I wouldn't tell anyone about it because nothing actually happened to my knowledge and she's also my sister. Anyways, I broke the promise and told my girlfriend how I was feeling about the situation and then told my sister that I told her. My gf would never let it spill to anyone, I was just venting, even though I shouldn't have said anything. My sister then flipped a lid saying I am ruining her life, that she hates me, she's never speaking to me again, I've betrayed her etc. and now I feel awful. I know I'm in the wrong but I also feel like she's putting 100% of the blame on me, though she should have never done that in the first place. How should I go about fixing the relationship? I've never seen her so mad before.

TL;DR I told my gf my sisters secret and I'm wondering how to mend our relationship after breaking her trust.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Seat2545 on 2024-01-06 05:48:33+00:00.

My sister was talking/texting a guy she said she's interested in, even though she has a boyfriend. I told her numerous times to stop and that I don't like it, but that I wouldn't tell anyone about it because nothing actually happened to my knowledge and she's also my sister. Anyways, I broke the promise and told my girlfriend how I was feeling about the situation and then told my sister that I told her. My gf would never let it spill to anyone, I was just venting, even though I shouldn't have said anything. My sister then flipped a lid saying I am ruining her life, that she hates me, she's never speaking to me again, I've betrayed her etc. and now I feel awful. I know I'm in the wrong but I also feel like she's putting 100% of the blame on me, though she should have never done that in the first place. How should I go about fixing the relationship? I've never seen her so mad before.

TL;DR I told my gf my sisters secret and I'm wondering how to mend our relationship after breaking her trust.