Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Circe88 on 2024-01-06 05:48:13+00:00.

Curious for y’all’s take on this:

I (35F) listen to audio porn. Occasionally I need some help getting me there when I’m solo, and a man’s voice almost always puts me over the edge.

It’s pre-recorded and I’m not engaging in aural sex with some stranger (well, not exactly).

This is something I’ve done for years. I’m now seeing someone (38M, who is very vocal) but I still like to listen solo. I don’t tell him about it and I dont think having fantasies is being unfaithful but what are your thoughts? Is that a type of cheating?

TL;DR! Is listening to audio porn solo while you’re in a relationship IRL a form of cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Circe88 on 2024-01-06 05:48:13+00:00.

Curious for y’all’s take on this:

I (35F) listen to audio porn. Occasionally I need some help getting me there when I’m solo, and a man’s voice almost always puts me over the edge.

It’s pre-recorded and I’m not engaging in aural sex with some stranger (well, not exactly).

This is something I’ve done for years. I’m now seeing someone (38M, who is very vocal) but I still like to listen solo. I don’t tell him about it and I dont think having fantasies is being unfaithful but what are your thoughts? Is that a type of cheating?

TL;DR! Is listening to audio porn solo while you’re in a relationship IRL a form of cheating?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/with-your-bags on 2024-01-06 04:14:20+00:00.

A few weeks ago my bf halfway called me by a different name, we'll go with "Jen” which is a little similar to my name (a J name) but not a whole lot. He said the name halfway so lets assume the full name is likely Jenna.

I didn't think anything of it at the time, but me being bored one night after some browsing on his old social media pics I realize now his ex gf very possibly is… “Jenna". I saw a photo with the girl from years ago and it's along the same timeline that he told me he last dated someone. I found her profile in the likes and it indeed is her and the name is “Jenna”. It is now clicking for me and making me feel so uncomfortable but I know I could have it wrong - I was never told her name or anything about her. We didn't talk about exes, just the basic timelines of our previous relationships.

I have yet to ask him about it and I plan on it - the question is how do I go about this without seeming crazy? I was planning on going into it just asking very curiously if he knows anyone by the name and seeing what he says. But I absolutely have to know now and talk about the instance so I have peace of mind and can stop wondering and thinking.

Also - I am sure he has peeped my socials and pics before too like everyone does and wouldn't care if he did. I have no reason to think he would be unfaithful to me as well as continue speaking to his ex - he is very much in love with me and shows it. I know accidents happen and it might just be nothing. I am not yet freaking out about this and haven't said or done anything but I can’t help but feel like my stomach is in knots.

TLDR; My bf called me by a different name but stopped himself halfway and corrected it to mine. Weeks later after looking through his old pics I came across one with a girl with the name he almost called me that was posted around the same time frame that he told me he was dating his ex. I do not know her name yet and am terrified that might be her name that he almost called me by mistake and plan on asking about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/with-your-bags on 2024-01-06 04:14:20+00:00.

A few weeks ago my bf halfway called me by a different name, we'll go with "Jen” which is a little similar to my name (a J name) but not a whole lot. He said the name halfway so lets assume the full name is likely Jenna.

I didn't think anything of it at the time, but me being bored one night after some browsing on his old social media pics I realize now his ex gf very possibly is… “Jenna". I saw a photo with the girl from years ago and it's along the same timeline that he told me he last dated someone. I found her profile in the likes and it indeed is her and the name is “Jenna”. It is now clicking for me and making me feel so uncomfortable but I know I could have it wrong - I was never told her name or anything about her. We didn't talk about exes, just the basic timelines of our previous relationships.

I have yet to ask him about it and I plan on it - the question is how do I go about this without seeming crazy? I was planning on going into it just asking very curiously if he knows anyone by the name and seeing what he says. But I absolutely have to know now and talk about the instance so I have peace of mind and can stop wondering and thinking.

Also - I am sure he has peeped my socials and pics before too like everyone does and wouldn't care if he did. I have no reason to think he would be unfaithful to me as well as continue speaking to his ex - he is very much in love with me and shows it. I know accidents happen and it might just be nothing. I am not yet freaking out about this and haven't said or done anything but I can’t help but feel like my stomach is in knots.

TLDR; My bf called me by a different name but stopped himself halfway and corrected it to mine. Weeks later after looking through his old pics I came across one with a girl with the name he almost called me that was posted around the same time frame that he told me he was dating his ex. I do not know her name yet and am terrified that might be her name that he almost called me by mistake and plan on asking about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ESTOFADO123 on 2024-01-06 03:53:56+00:00.

Hi all, I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for about two years. At the beginning sex was ok, never great but good enough that I didn't care much. Then, about a year ago, she started rejecting me all the time. She did not only reject me when I initiated sex, but also did not want kisses and would get upset with any kind of foreplay I tried to do. The very few times we did it, she did not put any effort at all and it was very bad, to the point I didn't enjoy it. At some points she even told me that it looked like all I wanted is that, when that couldn't be further from the truth: I really love her, I view my future with her and all that.

Nowadays she tries to initiate it, to kiss me and all that but I've been rejected so many times that I don't even feel like kissing her anymore.

Has anyone gone through something similar? What are your thoughts?

TLDR: my girlfriend (25F) rejected me (25M) so many times that now I can't even kiss her anymore and don't know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Temporary_Pea3602 on 2024-01-06 03:44:54+00:00.

TLDR: So we have been together for 4 months and it was going really good, we hung out a lot and I really cared for her. This was until when she started acting funny and she told me she wanted to talk yesterday over text, and I got frustrated and argued that should just text me. She told me she wanted space and I said ok but to tell me what it was about she said her sexuality.

I barely slept that night and cried because I thought she was going to break up with me, and I woke up today very mad. When I saw her before class she said that she was bisexual and I said is that it is fine and I asked if she was ok and was like yes, and I responded with the fact that I didn’t care, and she said good and I made sure that we were ok. I knew something was still off and so I texted her and asked such and she said she is mad with how I responded and that she needs to be alone for a while to process everything.

I kinda blew up on her explaining how she is hurting me and how I just want her to talk to me and explain what is going on and my point of view. She then said she just needs time and we haven’t talked since, not even in the classes we have together.

I am very confused and frustrated, as I don’t see what I have done wrong. I told her I support her, and that it is none of my business and that I would never get mad at her finding who she is. But at this point I am super mad, as she is not willing to communicate anything that is going on and why she feels the way she does, or willing to see how she is affecting me. I am to the point where I think it might be easier to break up. There is more to the conversations and I tried to be understandings and all my friends (including her friends) said I wasn’t being unreasonable with what I said, so I don’t think I am in the wrong. She also hung out with her friends after telling me that she needs space. I am honestly scared she has been cheating me on, but I also don’t think she is the type of person to do that. I really do still like and want to stay with her, but I feel like she is being unreasonable.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dunham-doodles on 2024-01-06 03:42:05+00:00.

The most recent examples would be when I had lost my job in the middle of December and I fell into a depressive state because of it. I told my best friend — we’ll call her Rachel — about my anxieties and my sporadic thoughts and feelings. The thing about me is that, I’m a person who needs to feel my feelings and feel sorry for myself for a little bit before I pick myself back up and hit the ground running. It helps me to have a good cry and a good sulk about things before I shake it off and continue on.

Rachel’s not that sort of person. She’s very much a, “don’t give any more of your energy to people who don’t deserve it,” and a, “keep grinding until you can’t grind anymore” kind of person. She tried to help me in her own way, telling me that I should apply for jobs asap, that I should throw my resume around to different companies and see what stuck, while also telling me that my way of thinking was keeping me from achieving my goals and that my attitude would be my downfall. I know that she doesn’t mean any harm to her advice but I’m just not a person who’s receptive to “tough love”.

To be honest, talking to her was making me feel worse about my situation so, while I was visiting with my parents for the holiday, I confided in my mom. My mom helped soothe my worries and help me put things into a better perspective and I walked away from the conversation feeling a little better. Plus, it was one of the rare instances that my mom and I were actually bonding and getting along on more than a surface level.

I told Rachel about my talk with my mom, anticipating that she’d be pleased that we shared a moment (just as I had been pleased whenever Rachel and her mom shared a moment) but the opposite was true. Rachel got mad at me and accused me of not listening to her and how she was hurt that “one conversation with my mother seemed to fix everything when she’d been having this conversation with me for days”. I tried to explain to her that my mom didn’t fix all of my issues, I more just wanted to talk about one of the rare instances of mother/daughter bonding times we shared together. I also wanted to reiterate to Rachel that I was appreciative of her advice and would be on top of the job search after I got home from out of town after the holiday. That’s when she said that she needed to take a break from speaking to me the first time.

The second example happened just this morning.

With my job search, Rachel had mentioned that the company where her dad was working was hiring and encouraged me to apply. I did so and sent a sparknotes version of my resume to her to give to her dad. A few weeks later, I get an email from said company about wanting to interview me. I gave a date and a time of day that would work for me.

I unfortunately didn’t receive the notification that the interview would take place today at 8:30 am. When I got the call from the recruiter this morning, I was caught totally off guard. I made an ass of myself, stumbling over my words and losing my train of thought so bad that the recruiter said I sounded distracted and said we should try a different time. I left the phone call feeling entirely unconfident and generally embarrassed with myself. I had messaged Rachel (by this point, we were back on speaking terms) about what happened, looking for support. I already knew I needed to email the recruiter to apologize for how unprepared I was but that didn’t seem good enough for her.

She had a right to be disappointed in me, especially after her dad stuck his neck out for me. However, the way she wrote to me almost made me believe she thought I did it intentionally. She even told me that she had doubts that I even wanted a job in the first place. And then she told me that she needed another break from speaking to me.

Maybe this is all my fault, and I am the one totally in the wrong here. I didn’t mean to fuck up that badly, I’m usually on top of things when it comes to interviews (hell, I’ve been having interviews all week). I just feel like I can’t make a mistake or confide in anyone else lest I hurt her pride or obey her trust.

Am I the one in the wrong?

TLDR: My best friend (f26) needed a break from speaking to me after I was wholly unprepared by a job interview with her dad’s company.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mrhickpro on 2024-01-06 03:41:27+00:00.

I’ve been seeing a girl I met on bumble since September 2023 or so. She is one of the most attractive girls I’ve ever talked to. I’ve been struggling since the beginning with her having a very half-interested attitude toward me, and I’m worried I may be getting lead on or used for attention.

When we first started talking, she made it very difficult to schedule a date with her. She always responds to my offers with “Maybe” “Possibly” etc. she actually canceled our first 2 dates in a row for extremely dumb reasons and we had an argument about this because I didn’t want to waste my time. I ended up deciding to be patient, and a date finally came along but we’ve only hung out last minute when she asks, never a planned thing really (maybe 1-2 times but usually she tries to cancel and isn’t reliable).

We both have tons in common, have been on many many dates and hangouts, always have an amazing time together, and since meeting have had sex 3 times too even though she stated she didn’t want to do that and wanted to “take it slow”. She changed her mind last minute each time.

We’ve talked every day since meeting and recently I’ve felt enough time has passed to know where we stand. So we had a conversation and both stated we have feelings for each other, but she says she wants to “slow down” now. I don’t know how we can go any slower honestly as we haven’t saw each other in weeks at this point. We have become quite close but this feels just like a situationship. I’ve told her I am worried about being used for attention and this never evolving into anything at all. She says exes have hurt her and that’s why she wants to be very slow with it, but she calls me several times a day and even has told me I make her laugh etc. she even deleted her dating apps a month or so in (I saw her profile get deleted on my matches).

I pay for her on all the dates and I’ve met her parents many times. Her dad absolutely loves me and has given his blessing in front of both of us already and has stated he doesn’t understand why we don’t date either. Her mom likes me too a lot. There’s mixed signals everywhere since the beginning but I’ve done my best to get this girl.

I guess I don’t know what to do really. I like this girl but this is the longest I’ve ever saw someone without commitment and it almost feels like a relationship anyway. When I try to talk about it she pushes it off to the side and avoids it these last few days. She still lives with parents and is in college, I am independent with a good career and live by myself.

Is this a case of her using me for attention/leading me on? Is it worth being patient and sticking around even longer or has she basically rejected me? Her last statement on the topic was “I’m not sure if I want a relationship or if I’m ready”, but we are essentially already in one? I don’t get girls to talk to me but 1-2 a year really if I’m lucky, so I guess I don’t have a reason to be impatient (which is an issue of mine).

TLDR: met girl who has been super complicated the entire time. We’ve had sex 3 times and both said we have feelings, but she wants to go even slower even after 4 months nearly of dating. She doesn’t know if she is ready/wants a relationship and now wants to “slow down” even more. Am I being played/lead on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2024-01-06 03:39:55+00:00.

Am I overthinking or is this fishy

My (21F) bf(21M) and I were talking. I asked if he wanted his ex back at all and he said “oh no she hurt me” and I was like “great I’m glad I’m not wasting my time here” he then goes on to say “if she called me wanting me back I’d say no and that she had her chance already” which to me is a green flag, good job bf! But then he said this, “say hypothetically I wanted her back id still never allow myself to do it” which to me, I may be overthinking this, meant in my head “oh if he wanted her still he wouldn’t go back to her so that means he might still want her even though he’s with me”. I may be overthinking, thoughts on this?

Tl;dr: probably overreacting when my bf was telling me why he would never get back with his ex.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pinkjackchi on 2024-01-06 03:36:51+00:00.

Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years (since we were 15). I didn’t know about his alcohol problem until his suicide attempt a few year after we started dating. He opened up to me about his depression and binge drinking. He has been binge drinking since he was 13 years old. He has had trauma in his life (his mom overdosing on drugs, abuse). He told me he drinks to escape the pain and anxiety.

After his attempt he told me he was going to stop drinking completely and that he didn’t want to live his life this way anymore. He was sober for a few months until he told me he wanted to try moderation. I don’t know what addiction is like, as I’ve never experienced it or had it in my family, but I supported him in his decision if he thought he could handle it. He started off drinking socially with his friends and then it turned into binge drinking everyday. He did not hide it from me. I started to become concerned, so I told him that I didn’t think moderation was working out for him and that he was drinking too much. He got angry at me and very defensive. He later apologized and told me that I was right. He told me again that he was going to stop completely.

Throughout the years he has relapsed without telling me. I found out in other ways (through his friends, finding empty bottles hidden around the house). Every time I confront him about it he gets angry and ends up apologizing, and the cycle repeats. Eventually I tell him that he needs more help and support than trying to do it on his own. I told him he needs to start going to AA/therapy and he agrees. For a while he was following through with AA/therapy and I started to have hope that things would finally be ok.

A few weeks ago he told me that he felt he didn’t need AA anymore and that he felt in control. I believed him. A few nights ago I noticed a pattern of him going into the bathroom every 30 minutes. I got suspicious and went into the bathroom. I checked under the sink to find a handle of alcohol. I walk out and confront him about it and he gets so angry he’s yelling and punches the wall. He leaves the house and I’m sitting their in disbelief. I have never felt scared of him until that moment. The next day comes and he’s drunk crying at my door apologizing. I forgive him because I love him, but I told him if it happens again I’m not sure I can stay.

I told him I don’t understand why he lies to me when he relapses. I never get upset with him and I tell him I just want to help him. It breaks my heart because I love him so much and I don’t wanna give up on him, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I have my career secured and I want to get married and start a family soon, but he’s not ready for any of that. He is graduating soon and wants to become a teacher. I fear he will not quit and drink on the job and get in big trouble. I fear he will never change or try to kill himself again.

TL;DR: My boyfriend keeps relapsing and I don’t know how to help him anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How would you go about this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Tinkerbellybby on 2024-01-06 03:28:29+00:00.

(26 year old ,Female, 8 year relationship) I've known my fiancé since I was 15.(28 year old ,Male). We've been together for almost 8 years and he doesn't really care how he looks anymore. When I met him he was 17. He was so attractive. Head full of hair that he would gel back sometime,. Big lips, healthy weight,toned and muscular just over all well put together. He was my dream guy physically. While I don't expect him to look just as he did since 17. I didn't expect him to change this drastically. I noticed a year into relationship his lack of effort in his looks. He was going through a rough time and I quickly realized he has depression and he gained a bunch of weight. He doesn't carry extra weight well and looks ill when he's overweight to be honest. He gets puffy and has extra fat everywhere.His face becomes unrecognizable. I was so in love with him that I was able to see past that and kept telling myself its temporary. The problem is it wasn't and kept getting worse. In the last 8 years there was one brief period 5 years ago where he lost the weight briefly and my sexual attraction for him was off the charts. He gained it all back and some soon after. On top of all this HE was the one with a porn addiction that was making me insecure since the beginning of our realtionship. We always had a great sex life. My sex drive has always been very high like his. I love doing new things and he isn't really the one that brings the spice to our sex life. I've been the same weight which is very thin and if anything look better since we started dating. I am really into my skincare,hygiene, makeup.I get laser hair removal.I get my hair done regularly. I always dress up for him. I am very into my appearance and don't ever stop making and effort for him. Not only is him being overweight causing him to have a big belly and double chin. He doesn't cut his hair regularly and I basically have to beg him to do so. I have to tell him to trim his nose hairs and to fix his eyebrows since if it grows it can be like a unibrow. He barely ever shaves his face because "he gets ingrown hairs". He has severe back acne that he doesn't get treatment for. Has no skin routine like even a face wash or anything. He uses my shampoo and if I wasn't living with him he would just use nothing or body wash on his hair. He has a body odor issue and I think it's cause he uses 99 cents deodorant only. I always bring up If he can wear cologne because I always have liked it. He says he hates cologne but he used it when I met him. I asked him to get different glasses because he wears these huge jeffery dahmer style glasses that make him look horrible and give me the ick.I have tried the last 5 years on numerous events to bring up his lack of effort with his appearance and his weight and he always has an excuse or would shut me down. I have taken every approach you can think of. Cried, yelled, asked nicely, been tough love, been blunt, begged.

Recently he's been getting insecure because I have a crush on a specific movie star. Keep in mind this man has been a porn addict pleasuring himself to other women most of our relationship before I told him if he continues we will break up but he is insecure because I have a CRUSH on Timothee Chalamet. He's skinny, lanky and has long hair. My physical type from when I was 15 has changed. I use to like buff macho guys but now at 26 years old, I really am not into that anymore. I don't know if my teenage hormones craved guys who looked like they were full of testosterone but I have grown out of that. I think maybe the whole crush on this celebrity that is just a stupid crush clearly I will never talk or meet this man comes from a place of my partner not caring to even attempting to be my type physically, even though he still has all the potential of being who I lusted over before. I feel so hopeless sometimes and I wish he could see I have loved him just for who he was the last 8 years. He has been overweight 95 percent of this realtionship and his overall effort to keeping himself healthy and attractive for me is not there while my effort has always been over the top. Recently I feel like even though we still have a great sex life it has put a damper on our sex life. He wants me to be super sexually turned on and while I am turned on by our connection physically I struggle. The saddest part is if he loses weight and gets to a healthy weight and just shaves his face, trims his unibrow and nose hairs, and gets a hair cut I would be so turned on by him. He is losing his hair but if all the other things were taken care of I don't think I would be as scared about it. There are always hair transplants. But imagining him bald, cave man like, and overweight. I do love him. He has a lot of other issues as well with me feeling like I need to mother him cause he doesn't help around the house, isn't as affectionate as I would like, has a toxic family that he struggles to have boundaries with. But I do love his heart. I do love him and feel like I can be very physically attracted to him. He used to be the sexiest guy to me and just with some effort I know I can feel that way about him again but I don't want to be brushed off and made to feel bad for his not even bare minimum effort to his looks. PLEASE understand this isn't me being mean. I have stayed with him for 8 years and have had sex with him and tried to accept him and loved him this whole time but 8 years of your partner communicating and feeling unheard is pretty messed up. I have been very understanding about this. How should I approach him about this so it actually clicks?

TL;DR!

My fiancé is taking zero effort in his appearance and my physical attraction for him is suffering cause of it.I feel depressed and want him to understand the seriousness of this and need help navigating how to talk to him about this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wrytard1 on 2024-01-06 03:04:32+00:00.

I am a 20 year old male, And i notice a pattern of the women around me when it comes to dating, Whenever i or someone i know ask them out, whom i know are good people they reject them or try and keep them around as "friends". And then they find a guy whos' really loud, macho, but uncaring and rude who they are very attracted to. After a couple of cycle of this, followed by breakups after they realize how non-dateable these men are, they then vent and complain about how men are awful and how they are done with dating. (only to end up with a guy like before only a couple months later.) Almost every woman i have dated did this to me, and i barely feel ive ever been attractive to a woman ever because im very composed and polite. I take care of myself, i follow my hygiene closely, i train 6 days a week in calisthenics and martial arts (Brazillian jiu jitsu, and kyokushin karate) so im in good shape, i have a job, average height, (5'9) i try and be as polite and considerate to women as possible, but they seem to want these 6 ft+ either skinny f***boys or overweight unhygienic men, who treat them like s***. Im also a virgin by choice, ive been in 3 relationships, in 2 of them they wanted to have sex early on, but i refused because it was only a month or so in. (also because it didnt feel like a romantic exchange, more like they wanted to get their rocks off) every single one ended up cheating on me with the type of man i described before. I am also at the age where i feel no women in my age group are virgins, id like to lose my virginity to a fellow virgin since the idea of sleeping with a woman whos had that intimate experience with another man disgusts me. I feel very lost and craving a healthy and happy relationship with a virtuous woman, but i feel like all women around me are either w***es, decent and already in a long term relationship, or sweet and uninterested in me romantically, and wanting the fuckboys, etc. I dont know what to do, ive felt this way for years and i guess im just reaching out for help here on reddit which i pretty much never use.

TLDR: Not really sure how to summarize this to be honest.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ComfortableWolf6189 on 2024-01-06 02:59:03+00:00.

I’m in a dark place and I don’t know where to turn. So here it goes reddit.

I’m a 36f engaged to a 41m. We have been together for 3 years. Up until this July our relationship was (imo) incredible. We had growing pains, but it felt like we worked together so well and things would just get stronger between us every-time we encountered hardship.

About two weeks after he proposed (this July), I found out that the beginning of our relationship was actually built off of a huge lie. He lied about being single (he was in a relationship with someone else when he met me) and took several weeks to “break it off with” her. He had sex with her multiple times in that period and met up with two other women for dates in that time frame as well. He justified this by telling himself that everyone behaved this way in the dating world, however, I absolutely disagreed and told him I would have NEVER entered into a relationship with him if I had known that he was involved with multiple other women.

There was absolutely zero evidence to support the fact that he continued to cheat after this point, he has made drastic life changes and I agreed to work on our relationship.

We have been in therapy since, both as individuals and as a couple. We have made a lot of progress, he has since realized this type of behaviour is extremely problematic and has worked really hard on it in his own therapy. I have seen a lot of very positive progress. BUT over the last few months my anxiety has gotten completely out of control.

It seemed like one day a few months ago, out of nowhere, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I feel like I’ve aged 10000 years. I feel like I’ve isolated myself. I started having panic attacks (which, holy fuck that’s a bad time) and my self esteem is in the gutter. I work diligently on my self care and therapy, I’ve recently started medication for my anxiety, but I feel as though I just can’t catch up.

Tonight he told me I criticize him too much. I guess told him he was driving too slow today, and that I told him more than once his snoring kept me awake last night.

I hear him, I want to do better. But for some reason I can’t see past this. I feel like I’m a shell of myself. I can’t catch up. I can’t get anything right, and I feel deeply inadequate. It’s a daily internal battle to not compare myself to the woman he cheated on with me, as well as the others, and now this is spiralling me. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about myself. I see how much work he’s put in to better himself and here I am, being critical of such stupid things. I was in such a good place with my self confidence and my life before all of this happened, and it feels like it has just… fallen apart.

So here I am Reddit, looking for advice. How do I stop being critical? How do I get my confidence back? How do I become less critical? When will this get better? How the fuck do I let this go and move on and forgive him!? I hate who I’ve become.

TL,DR: my fiancé cheated on me, lied to me for over two years about being single when we met. I decided to stay with him to work on it, and now I’m being too critical of him. Please help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sea-Revolution-2358 on 2024-01-06 02:53:52+00:00.

recently i’ve come to realise i might be bi and am in a relationship with a woman i love with all my heart. i want to watch porn and explore my sexuality. i brought this up to her very loosely, i didn’t even tell her i want to watch porn and simply explained my views of porn and that i think its okay to watch. she exploded on me and said wanting to do that is basically cheating and she is currently furious at me and saying we wouldn’t be together if i ever did that. when i say these things i know it sounds as though she’s not a good person but she expressed herself calmly but very strongly and this is how she feels. i don’t know how to feel. i value our relationship far far more than porn but at the same time i don’t like these boundaries. i really want to go behind her back and do my own thing but i feel like that would be disrespectful, i’d feel guilty and i’d hate to lie. i’m not breaking up with her no matter what. any and all advice is appreciated!

TL;DR: I told my gf my views on porn and she is really upset with me. what should i do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PurpleGecko_2 on 2024-01-06 02:48:40+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months friends for 3 years before that. He is my first relationship. He is everything I could have asked for and more gives me anything I want and treats me like a princess.

When we started dating I was in the middle of a weight loss journey at 215 lbs and just bettering my health in general. (In high school I developed an eating disorder that can have triggers that I am working in still.) When we started dating I had already lost 25 lbs. my main focus being running. I fell in love with it always excited to jog and used it to be me time during the day.

Well the holidays just past and I gained 10 lbs just because I slowed down with the holidays. I never stopped working out just wasn’t as mindful to what I was eating. My boyfriend on the other hand has always been very good with his health he also took up some weight that he has acknowledged and he losing as well. When we first started dating he was always telling me how pretty I am and how he loves my body but ever since the weight gain he keeps calling me fat, telling me I gained weight, patting my stomach, or just making fun of me. Other than that he still loves to cuddle, kiss says he loves me and give me everything else I want. (Note I am more encouraged when I have support vs he who likes people to talk down to him because he says it motivates him to prove them wrong.)

I tried talking to him explaining to him a few times I’m trying and I’m getting back into it saying that I don’t feel confident as often with his constant comments and it’s made me begin fall out of love with running. Not only that I told him I have other people tells me I’ve gained in as well. That it hurts having so many people around reminding me I have gained weight. These comments have also taken a toll on my mental health healing from an ED. He responds with his comments should motivate me and he’s just playing around that he loves me or laughs and say big girls who develop ED don’t count as it’s doing more good for you.

I just don’t know what to do because our relationship is otherwise very healthy with lots of communication, frequent bedroom life, and trust, , understanding and a solid foundation. Breaking up is my last option as we constantly talk about our future made plans and I really love him I just don’t know how to make him stop the comments

TL;DR I’m in the middle of a weight loss journey and he keeps fat shaming me and won’t stop after communicating

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Cardiologist-7256 on 2024-01-06 02:46:27+00:00.

One of My male coworkers and i rarely work together. Since I’ve been with the company we’ve worked together once and we barely spoke i gave him a little info about myself and we haven’t worked together since. Last night we worked together and he asked did i have a man and what were my weekend plans …. He also asked me three different times through our our shift was i still messing with my ex. He also asked why i was single. He made a joke saying he had big hands to hold big things (i am a bigger plus size girl can’t hide my weight )

Was he harmlessly flirting or just trying to make time pass since we had to work together for that day

TL:DR; coworker asked me what seemed like personal questions

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mochu6 on 2024-01-06 02:34:47+00:00.

Tl;dr: My older sister’s obsession with men changed her for the worse, she became careless, distant, and hurtful. There’s nothing we can do about it no matter how hard we try.

My older sister is 24 years old, I’m 18, so she’s 6 years older than me but it feels like we’re the same age because we understand each other more than anyone else could. she’s a med student and she barely has time to spend it with me or anyone else. She’s always living in her dorm at her college and she’s always studying for exams. Recently, she got a break for two weeks.. so she came over to my parents house (where I also live in). She doesn’t have good history with our parents but she’s trying to stay on their good side, but she only came here for me and for food. She said she finally has time and can spend it with me, cause I’ve been waiting for her for so long! But unfortunately, she met this guy the other day and now talks with him the entire time she’s awake.

Every single time we try to do something, she ends up calling it off saying “I’m tired I wanna sleep”, then ends up talking with that guy on the phone. We can’t even finish watching a single episode, two minutes in and she’s already talking with that same guy on the phone. I’m honestly confused, she’s been dating SO MANY GUYS one after the other and ended up fighting with all of them. I’m telling you there wasn’t even a break after any breakup! STRAIGHT after breaking up she SUDDENLY meets a new guy and starts talking with him. HOW does she have so much social energy and how isn’t she SICK of repeating the same lines and the same stories over and over again? How isn’t she bored of flirting all day? She’s stuck in this loop and it’s sickening me so much. She cancels all of her plans with me for this ONE RANDOM GUY she met the other day as if I’m nothing, I feel so betrayed. I’m her sister and I’ve done so much for her for many years just for her to end up prioritizing ANY MAN other than me.

When I confront her about this she calls me dramatic and stops talking to me. I lost count of the amount of times I cried because of her ridiculous actions, I know it’s not worth crying over someone as careless as she is but I can’t deny how much it hurts. We used to spend so much time together, play our favorite horror game and watch tv together! I’m just in a very tough position right now and i needed her, she was going to be there for me until she met this guy. She’s so obsessed with men, you have no idea how crazy she is for them. She made me ruin my sleep schedule staying up for her and still ended up abandoning me for that same guy again. She doesn’t even apologize.

I tried everything I could. As I said i’m in a very tough position and not only that, I’m sick. I’m sick and I can’t eat. She came to the hospital with me the other day and saw how serious my condition was, she used to care.. but not anymore. She doesn’t help me out, she doesn’t talk to me or answer my questions. She yells at me all the time now and she’s completely distant and careless with me. I’m never forgiving her for this and after she fights with this guy as well (as she always does and its so predictable), I PROMISE I won’t be there for her anymore. It doesn’t matter cause she always manages to find another guy and repeats the same loop without getting sick. I’ve decided to let her stay on this loop because I know she doesn’t care and I hope she gets what she deserves. She’s gonna be reused over and over and I won’t be there when she turns around, I’m done with her.

Am I wrong for saying this? I need an advice rn.. how do I bear with this? How do I deal with her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/stonefacecollin on 2024-01-06 02:31:39+00:00.

I am (25m) and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (25f) for over a year and things are great and all but I do get lonley sometimes, I have a bunch of friends don’t get me wrong but they are majority female and thats not a good look at all.

I have tried to have male friends, the only issue is that when I come out, they think im coming onto them, idk wby i don’t exactly flirt with them, I keep everything platonic but idk I could go ibto further speculation but thats not allowed lol.

So reddit how do I exactly make guy friends in a relationship?

TLDR; I am in a relationship and I want friends but with guys, so im trying to fidgure out how to make guy friends.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Distinct_Hyena_7135 on 2024-01-06 02:09:55+00:00.

To start with we started dating just from Nov so 2 and a half months and honestly weren’t thinking logically and I suppose rushed into it. It was the first time either of us felt a genuine connection with anyone. Even tho I am the emotional one and he is logical now this is hurting me more so.

My family would never accept him, I’m south Asain really strict parents. He has a REALLY hard family life. His mom is severely mentally ill, no dad, was in foster care as a kid and things are very hard for him. This means that he like has and time for me, I definitely am so one who needs time and care. I have cried more than 10 times in this short amount of time we have dated. He has good intents still I’m sensitive so I get hurt easily by things he didn’t mean to do. When he doesn’t text for like 10-20 hours straight I panic so much.

Last two nights his mom had an episode so we didn’t talk at all and yeah I already have been crying so much in this relationship cause I am a very sensitive person and it has just been a lot. I know he loves me but I want advice on what to do. He said he can’t see his family situation getting better anytime soon but just worse. I wanna support him but everything hurts so much for me as well. I feel like a terrible gf for being like this. I know ultimately we might but work out (we are both date to marry kinda ppl tho so idk what we are doing) as my family matters to me a lot and if they don’t accept him it will be hard. I don’t know if we should continue putting so much time effort and energy into this. This is both our 1st relationship, we both wanted to wait it out cause we take relationships very seriously.

All in all if y’all are dating someone with a hard family life please give some advice on how to deal with this. Thank-you. (No advice to break up yet please, I really wanna try everything first)

TLDR- Bfs hard family life is ruining our relationship and we don’t know what to do even tho we both wanna out in effort and try.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kmijsioo on 2024-01-06 02:00:59+00:00.

My sister (F23) is older than me (M21) by two years and we're both university students. Basically we never get along and for the past 4 years it has been hell dealing with her. Every little thing I do seems to somehow bother her and then she gets angry, blows up and tries to get me mad as well to start a fight. When I choose to walk away and tell her that we can figure this out later once she calms down, she will barge into my room and start yelling or saying personal things towards me that she knows will make me mad as well. Even if I lock my door, she's able to unlock it (old style lock so basically it doesn't work) and the only time she leaves is if I say I'll kick her or something if she doesn't. And then she'll just stand outside and continue saying things that will make me mad, or she'll keep coming back trying to piss me off until I blow up as well. So essentially she's just unavoidable.

Once she eventually cools down, we have a chat where she promises she'll change and we come up with easy solutions to avoid conflict yet she never follows through with it and every couple weeks a new fight starts. Over the past 4 years, I've actually made and effort to change and apply our solutions yet she continues to not. Lately I've been so sick of hearing her say she'll change when she never does, so I suggested numerous times that we can just live a life that where we never interact to prevent all conflict from happening yet she always says "no, I want to have a good relationship with you since when we get along life is more peaceful, and this is what our parents want." And she always says I'm ungrateful and selfish for not wanting us to interact since I'm going against what my parents want (they want us to not fight and get along). Which makes no sense since she just manipulated me into feeling guilty when she's the one who starts all these fights. So then I choose to forgive her and move on and of course, another incident occurs.

The latest fight happened because my cousin and I called her a name of a doctor we know, let's call him Bob Roberts. So the joke started off when I just said "it's giving Bob Roberts" just because it makes absolutely no sense and doesn't mean anything (just using basically mocking internet slang). My cousin thought it was funny so she suggested saying it to my sister to see her reaction. My sister laughed and clearly it was no big deal, but pretended to be offended for whatever reason. So then we just called her Bob Roberts and she starts heating up and starts raising her voice telling me to stop, while also laughing each time we say Bob Roberts. Keep in mind we are currently on good terms. And then I ask her "what's the problem with being called Bob Roberts if it's clearly a joke and doesn't mean anything?" And she just keeps yelling "STOP CALLING ME THAT" and I keep asking her that question since I literally do not understand. She was also calling us random people's names as well since clearly it was the running joke. Then she blows up, yells at me to leave her room and my parents come to see what's going on, and everything is awkward. Then after I drive my cousin home since my sister is mad, I come home and my sister accuses me of trying to make her look bad in front of my cousin. She claims that I don't know when to stop and I need to stop as soon as she says to, yet she was laughing the entire time and clearly the joke wasn't offensive or anything serious. She has shit on others constantly, making jokes about the way people look saying they look like gorillas, or if my cousin's ex-Indian bf smells. Yet when a joke that doesn't even make any sense and isn't offensive is said to her, she loses it?

I seriously cannot believe that a simple joke like that turned into something this big. It's just honestly insane. And from previous fights she has said that she wished that I died in the car accident I was in, and said she wants me to kill myself, and that she wants to slit my throat to kill me. It's just absurd. Once at Costco, I gave her the cart to push since I had been pushing it the entire time and my wrist was sore that day already, so then as I walked away from the cart since she refused to push it, she grabs the cart and rams it full force into my Achilles tendon. So obviously I yell out OW and I'm speaking loudly asking her why did she do that. And then when we get back into the car she starts screaming at me for making a scene in public and that everyone was looking at us.

I'm so over this and I don't know what to do. I'm 21 and she's 23. I'm so tired of the immaturity and there's no way to avoid living with her since we have to live together due to financial reasons. My parents do nothing about it since they want to stay impartial and not take sides. And whenever they do happen to agree with me, my sister starts yelling and crying which then makes them just give up and they get angry as well. Then when my parents get mad, they threaten to no longer support us or ever see us again. Somehow despite not being in the wrong in these situations, I get clumped into that since they will never take my side. Then they say that my sister and I need to figure this out on our own and I have tried numerous times yet once again, she never changes and never actually follows the solutions we agree to. What can I even do in this situation? This has taken a mental toll on me for the past 4 years and I feel like I can never escape it. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and every little thing can just cause her to blow up and start a fight.

TL;DR I need advice on how to deal with my sister since we have to live together. Everything I do seems to make her mad and she never follows through with the solutions we come up with after our fights.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2024-01-06 03:39:55+00:00.

Am I overthinking or is this fishy

My (21F) bf(21M) and I were talking. I asked if he wanted his ex back at all and he said “oh no she hurt me” and I was like “great I’m glad I’m not wasting my time here” he then goes on to say “if she called me wanting me back I’d say no and that she had her chance already” which to me is a green flag, good job bf! But then he said this, “say hypothetically I wanted her back id still never allow myself to do it” which to me, I may be overthinking this, meant in my head “oh if he wanted her still he wouldn’t go back to her so that means he might still want her even though he’s with me”. I may be overthinking, thoughts on this?

Tl;dr: probably overreacting when my bf was telling me why he would never get back with his ex.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dangerous-Oil217 on 2024-01-06 01:49:04+00:00.

My past girlfriend and I split about 6 months ago. She broke no contact after about two months. We have talked almost every day since, facetiming and texting. We hang out and have hooked up three times since she contacted me. I said I wanted to rekindle what we had (3 years together). She said she is not ready for a relationship right now and is not looking to be in one for a few months. She has done a ton of work on herself since we split, and I am so happy to see she is doing better and is more independent.

I want to hope that she does just need the time, and we will rekindle what we had because she said she does miss me. But I do not want to be dragged along as her emotional support, if she is not truly wanting to be in a relationship with me. I am willing to wait because I love her more than anything, she has been open and honest where her head is at. I am just lost at what I should do.

TL;DR! Past girlfriend said she need time for herself, but is talking to me everyday. I told her I want a relationship and she said she needs a few months before any relationship. Should I wait because I want to, or am I being dragged along?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ComfortableWolf6189 on 2024-01-06 02:59:03+00:00.

I’m in a dark place and I don’t know where to turn. So here it goes reddit.

I’m a 36f engaged to a 41m. We have been together for 3 years. Up until this July our relationship was (imo) incredible. We had growing pains, but it felt like we worked together so well and things would just get stronger between us every-time we encountered hardship.

About two weeks after he proposed (this July), I found out that the beginning of our relationship was actually built off of a huge lie. He lied about being single (he was in a relationship with someone else when he met me) and took several weeks to “break it off with” her. He had sex with her multiple times in that period and met up with two other women for dates in that time frame as well. He justified this by telling himself that everyone behaved this way in the dating world, however, I absolutely disagreed and told him I would have NEVER entered into a relationship with him if I had known that he was involved with multiple other women.

There was absolutely zero evidence to support the fact that he continued to cheat after this point, he has made drastic life changes and I agreed to work on our relationship.

We have been in therapy since, both as individuals and as a couple. We have made a lot of progress, he has since realized this type of behaviour is extremely problematic and has worked really hard on it in his own therapy. I have seen a lot of very positive progress. BUT over the last few months my anxiety has gotten completely out of control.

It seemed like one day a few months ago, out of nowhere, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I feel like I’ve aged 10000 years. I feel like I’ve isolated myself. I started having panic attacks (which, holy fuck that’s a bad time) and my self esteem is in the gutter. I work diligently on my self care and therapy, I’ve recently started medication for my anxiety, but I feel as though I just can’t catch up.

Tonight he told me I criticize him too much. I guess told him he was driving too slow today, and that I told him more than once his snoring kept me awake last night.

I hear him, I want to do better. But for some reason I can’t see past this. I feel like I’m a shell of myself. I can’t catch up. I can’t get anything right, and I feel deeply inadequate. It’s a daily internal battle to not compare myself to the woman he cheated on with me, as well as the others, and now this is spiralling me. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about myself. I see how much work he’s put in to better himself and here I am, being critical of such stupid things. I was in such a good place with my self confidence and my life before all of this happened, and it feels like it has just… fallen apart.

So here I am Reddit, looking for advice. How do I stop being critical? How do I get my confidence back? How do I become less critical? When will this get better? How the fuck do I let this go and move on and forgive him!? I hate who I’ve become.

TL,DR: my fiancé cheated on me, lied to me for over two years about being single when we met. I decided to stay with him to work on it, and now I’m being too critical of him. Please help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/True-Shock-4026 on 2024-01-06 01:40:51+00:00.

Hi,

Before I start I want to say in all of my relationships in the past my partner has cheated on me, so I think my head always runs to it if there's an ounce of doubt.

I'm 33f and have been with my partner now for 4 and a half years.

We have a really pretty woman at mine and my partners place of work. The other week my partner told me that his friend had booked them two days in Amsterdam for his birthday, on a whim as they found a deal that morning and his friend booked it. I encouraged it as my partner is going through depression and it may help him. I have this woman from work on my Facebook and so can see when she is active, (this is the really crazy bit that sounds psycho but my head is connecting these dots). I noticed she wasn't active at any point my partner was on his way back on the flight and came back online 10 minutes after he landed (I googled the flight to say it arrived back and was safe-not stalking).

My head is putting two and two together and thinking that he went with her and that's why she wasn't online either for the duration of the flight when there is a whole host of reasons why she may not have been online for that time.

My partner is suffering with depression at the minute since his dad passed and so our relationship has looked different for the past 5 months. My head has always liked to sabotage me and will add 2+2 together and make 45. I do trust him but there's always that little devil inside me that makes me feel I'm not good enough and that my partner will always keep trying to find someone better. I know that's my own insecurity and I need to address that.

Please can someone reassure me that it sounds wild and that there's a lot of reasons she may not have been online during that time than being on a flight with him? Tell me it sounds as crazy as what I think it does. I don't want to ruin my relationship because of my own insecurities and sabotage something good I have in my life.

Tl;dr: I just need some reassurance that it may not necessarily be that. I'm only basing my worries on the fact I think she's an attractive woman and she speaks to my partner at work a lot and because of the Facebook active status. I've also once confronted him about her and said oh if we ever broke up, she has a thing for you and he has said if I wasn't with you who is absolutely perfect then why would I be with her? I have no real basis but the devil in my head thinking he will just leave me for her. Please be kind, I appreciate this can be judging me as crazy and insecure but it is my own feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Future_Topic2577 on 2024-01-06 01:33:45+00:00.

I (20, F) have been dating my (21 M) boyfriend now for about a month. We met in college and have been haning out for about 6 months. He is an amazing person, supportive, funny, and kind. We really hit it off right away. However, recently I have had some reservations.

For context, I have been in several longer-term relationships in the past. The most recent one (over a year and a half ago) was kinda a mess. We started dating in high school, and we dated for 3 years. However, my ex was constantly pushing me to have sex, was very critical of me, and we were extremely codependent for a really long time. Most of our relationship was long distance (as I go to school out of state), and it really pushed us to our breaking point. However, despite all of this, at the time, I truly thought that this person was my soulmate and I was going to marry him.

This idea quickly came smashing down, as he ended up cheating on me, and we broke up that day. That experience really hurt, and I spent a good year of my life healing, going to therapy, and redefining my outlook on relationships.

Fastforward to last semester. I ended up starting to go on dates again (I finally felt ready, and had been going to therapy for a long time to make sure that I did not give any past baggage to new relationships). About a month into going on dates, I meed my current boyfriend. He was extremely similar to me, we both have the same goals in life, and he is the first person that I've ever dated that seems to have his head on his shoulders. He really does care about me, and my friends all love him. He completley understands me, and I understand him. Theres honestly not one bad thing I could say about his personality.

However, despite this, I do have some reservations. He is new to longer term relationships (he has had several shorter term ones in the past) and I feel that this can sometimes hinder his knowledge in a relationship. He does not plan dates, even though I try to show him and express to him that I want that. I am not a hypocrite in this, as I have planned multiple dates for him, including front row tickets to his favorite hockey game a month into meeting him.

He struggles to communicate his feelings openly with me, and can respond rather dryly at times. He assures me that he just does not enjoy texting, but I feel that this happens in person too. He did not get me a christmas gift, and doesnt love deep talks (which are my favorite passtimes). He jokes a lot, which I love, but sometimes this humor can be rather bitey, and it concerns me that he means some of his jokes (I had a similar problem with my ex). I also recently have been feeling so paniked over everything going on with him (among other outside stressors in my life) that I seem to have lost the spark with him. I feel almost complacient, trapped.

At the same point in time, I recently have been getting closer with a group of friends I met at the gym. Some of my close friends and I go, and we eneded up meeting a couple of other people there. We often hangout now, and have integrated these people into my main friend group. In this friend group, there is one guy, lets call him Micheal. Through the mutual friend group, Micheal and I have gotten closer.

To begin, I would never in my life do anything to jeapordize or hurt my relationship, as I know how much cheating can hurt someone, as I've experienced it myself. All interactions between Micheal and I are strickly platonic, and I would never let anything happen.

With that preface aside, Micheal is very chivalrous with all his friends, and the "typical gentleman" with girls he goes on dates with. He has my senese of humor, and because we are friends, we have definetly gotten extremely close. I would call him one of my best friends. However, he is also very emotionally unavaliable as he has been having an on and off relationship with a girl for several years now, and is in no way interested in persuing anyting new. Despite this, I find myself wishing that my boyfrield was more like Micheal, and find myself more excited to hangout with my freind group than my boyfriend.

I truly don't understand, I have never felt this way in a relationship before. Happy, but complacient. Anxious, but feeling secure. Having fun, but yearning for more. I dont understand it at all, and everyday I seem to flip back and forth on my feelings.

Is this reaction of ridicule towards my boyfriend and wishing he were different due to trauma? I would break up with my current boyfriend, however, I am unsure if trauma is leading me to make this fast decision, as I have never been in a supportive, caring relationship before. I am scared that these desires simply come from me wanting to continue a pattern of chaos that I have had throughout my childhood and other relationships. I feel that I may be chasing the emotional unavaliableness of the idea of Michael because it feels more comfortable, and this worries me.

I am concerned that my response may all have to do with how im accustomed to relationships being, and not at all incompatibility with my boyfrined. I truly have never been more comfortable with a person than I have with my boyfriend, and I don't want to lose that over little things.

However, on the same note, I do not want to stay in a relationship where I feel unfufilled, and hurt him or myself even more in the process.

Is this fear a response to trauma? Is this because I am not used to being in a healthy relationship? Is my boyfriend not the right guy? These are all questions swirling around my head that I cannot seem to figure out. Is love and safety enough, and is this something I just have to work on, or is it time to say goodbye?

TL;DR: My (20 F) boyfriend (21 M) and I who have been dating for a month are having issues, and I am feeling unsure about our relationship. Does this have to do with the fact that I have been cheated on in my past relationship, or is he just not a good fit?