Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Ease-7242 on 2024-01-05 19:10:17+00:00.

I’ve been married to “Sarah” for about 5 years. She’s everything Ive ever wanted in a partner and aside from garden variety quarrels now and then, our relationship and home life are very happy.

Sarah is a 1st generation American. Her parents immigrated from their home country about 40 years ago. She grew up visiting the country semi frequently, always with her parents. I should mention that she experienced something traumatic during one of her visits when she was extremely young.

Sarah and I visited the home country earlier this year, with her parents. We went on the trip using some money our parents had given us as a wedding trip. The trip was absolutely incredible. I could tell that there was a lot of sentimentality and bittersweetness that surfaced for them with elements of sadness from time to time. But overall she was really happy to be there. We posted some photos to which my mom commented “next time Im coming” to which Sarah seemed a little weirded out by but didn’t really say anything.

Now the issue at hand. My father (white) has had a long time interest in Sarahs culture. I can tell that the way he speaks about the culture makes Sarah annoyed, as she feels like he projects his Western understanding of the country when he asks her odd questions about her culture. However, I know that he is generally passionate and means well.

Both of my parents are getting on in their years and I would really love them to see the country before they’re too old. I expressed to Sarah that we should go with them and she instantly got weird and quiet. That she doesnt want to go because she would feel deeply sad without her parents there, that the emotional history is too complicated, and that she doesn’t like the way that my dad speaks about her culture and shes afraid that she will fly off the handle. That the country is part of her DNA, whereas its an exotic curiosity for my dad.

However, she encouraged me to go on my own with my parents and that she would hold down the fort w our house and pets. I feel that this is kind of rude and unfair considering my parents paid for our trip to the home country and the least we can do is show them a great experience there. She clapped back that if she knew this would be an unspoken stipulation of their gift she wouldnt have accepted it in the first place. She’s now being very short with me, feels like she has historically been influenced into uncomfortable situations for the sake of our relationship, and is going to see her parents for a few days next week to clear her head.

Im not sure what to do here. Any insight or advice appreciated

Tldr; wife doesnt want to travel to her home country with me and my parents because she feels emotionally uncomfortable

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anonymous_alone on 2024-01-05 18:33:47+00:00.

TLDR: no matter what I do, nothing is good enough. I feel like I’m crazy and losing my mind.

So this is gonna be a long post just stick with me.

My boyfriend works Monday through Friday and sometimes on the weekend at a very busy time consuming job, I will do continuous things to make his life easier make lunch for him, do the laundry do the dishes take care of all of the housework, so that he has nothing to do ever except things that he chooses to do. I make sure he has dinner made for him every single night, and set all the stuff up he will need for work in the morning so he can get an extra 10 minutes of sleep. he never thank me and he tells me that all of those things are meaningless because I don’t want to have sex every single day. When we argue, he verbally abuses me and says horrible things to me. Telling me how miserable I make him and then I’m ruining his self-esteem because I put him down and make him miserable but when we fight, I don’t say the horrible things that he says. he won’t take any responsibility for any of the fights. Also he is the one who normally starts. He will say he spoke to me in a nice tone, but I gave him an attitude, and that set him off and made him treat me the way that he did. He never points out any of the nice things that I do for him. He never compliments me and he never makes me feel like anything I do is appreciated. Everything is about how he feels and about how I make him feel and about how wrong I am in the relationship even if I didn’t start the fight, I’m the one who has to pick up all the pieces and say I’m sorry and act like I owe him something to make things better. I’m sorry, but I think any girl wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody when they are getting treated like that. When we try to talk through the fight after the initial horrible blowup, he tells me the things I should’ve responded with instead because nothing I even say is good enough. I just really need some advice or someone to tell me that I’m not wrong.. When we argue, he picks apart, who I am and throws old things in my face, says the most horrible things to hurt me and never apologizes and if he does, he says” I didn’t mean to say those things, but you pushed me past the point of return” that’s not an apology right?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThisAintN0Party on 2024-01-05 18:15:41+00:00.

Hi all, we're having some family drama over a little dog that I'm not sure how to solve, or even what the morally right thing is to do here. Thoughts appreciated.

My (32F) mom (54F) died unexpectedly almost a month ago. She had a little dog, BoBo, that she adored, he was her entire world. To be honest, she really shouldn't have gotten a dog to begin with - she and her husband Rob were very poor, they lived off of very small disability checks and they unfortunately both struggled with addiction issues. She got BoBo before they were married, same story then as well. My grandmother and I would help her with dog food and vet bills as needed, because she loved him so much and we wanted to help her keep him.

Well now she's gone, and there's a feud brewing in my family over BoBo. Rob can't afford to take care of BoBo, and it feels cruel but we really don't want to set the precedent with him of further financial support. He wasn't even married to my mom that long, and we don't have enough extra income to support him in more than little ways. My grandmother has been giving him dog food, but she wants to keep BoBo herself if she has to start covering vet bills, and I understand that. Plus, we are hearing rumors that Rob is not coping well with my mom's death, and is turning back to drugs... also not a great environment for BoBo. And knowing what I know about addiction (unfortunately a lot, as it is common in my family), I fear any financial support would just go to drugs.

My grandmother wants to go and take BoBo (grandma still lives in my hometown, I live a few states away). I keep convincing her not to because 1) not sure how Rob would react and 2) the last thing on earth I want to do is help take away someone's dog after they just lost their wife. I care about Rob too, his world has been turned upside down. But I tried to talk him into giving BoBo to one of us (he and I have a good rapport) and even with me, it was a firm no.

I'm so torn on what to do here. BoBo was my mom's dog first, and my grandmother said my mom asked her to take care of BoBo if anything ever happened to her. But he became Rob's dog too after they got married, I think my grandmother straight up taking him would be theft? And it feels very wrong. But it's also true that the best, healthiest thing for BoBo would be for him to live with my grandmother.

What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR: My mom had a little dog she adored. She died, and her husband isn't equipped to take care of the dog but won't give him up. I worry the dog won't get the care he needs, especially with his owner having drug issues, but I don't want to help my grandmother take someone's dog who's wife just died. What is the moral thing to do here?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Aromatic_Patience_56 on 2024-01-05 17:39:43+00:00.

Hi, I (59)received a letter from the life insurance company that said my husband (65)recently enrolled for Life coverage for me through his company. However, the insurance company could not review the request for additional coverage because they didn't receive the evidence of insurability form. The letter also said that this decision does not affect any guaranteed issue coverage or coverage previously approved and already in force.

I was a little surprised that my husband did this without talking to me. We have just been married for about 3 years and no minor kids and are about to retire in a few years. I don't know if I am thinking too much. Any thoughts on this?

Tldr: I am about to talk to my husband about the life insurance issue, and just need some advice.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Standard5941 on 2024-01-05 17:27:08+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. Prior to meeting my boyfriend (m, 25) I was extremely driven, ambitious, happy, friendly , adventurous person. I (f, 25)would explore+try new things on my own, would go to church, have friend dates and was really honed in on self improvement.

When I met him I feel like I introduced a lot of that to him for a short while. After some time, I realized I began to do these things less and less. It wasn’t so much that he was keeping me from doing these things, but he also wasn’t encouraging them either. Somethings I had to stop- like trying new things- because he couldn’t join me, since I refused to be the one always paying for it. Going to church and self development stopped slowly but surely as he would mention things like: “not going to church doesn’t make you a bad person..” or say that I’m too hard on myself when aiming for something more.

Anyway, fast forward- we are almost 2 years in and have a 3 month baby girl. I’m the default parent, I carry around with all the chores, bills, etc. I’m on unpaid maternity leave until she hits 7 months and I find myself aimless, lifeless and lost. I don’t even know how to find my way again. I don’t know how to find myself again or how to even build back my spiritual life. I don’t want my daughter to see me like this and I also want to find enjoyment in my life as well. Many of the things I’d like to do is difficult because he doesn’t get home until late and I’m always with my daughter leaving minimal time to myself.

I feel like the mix between postpartum and my boyfriend + his vibe is not a good mix for me. I want to fix this, I love him and how he cares for us, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

As a man: I believe he has a good intentions and a good heart, however he is the type of person who’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. For instance, he has this dream of being an MMA fighter and he is currently a professional and that is above my daughter and I. Which is mainly the reason why he gets home so late, he spends about 4 hours training each day. While I support him, I also state to him my needs, however, it’s hard finding the happy medium for us since his sport is so demanding. As a father: he’s great when he’s here, however, I don’t feel he spends enough time with our daughter. He doesn’t know how to calm her nor knows her routine. He also has never purchased anything for her, it’s always been his mother or me buying her stuff. I know he loves us, I just feel like we are always second to his dream.

tl;dr - ever since meeting bf I feel like I don’t know who I am. How can I find my way back ?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FailingAtLife09 on 2024-01-05 17:16:51+00:00.

He is extremely smart, interesting, good-looking, funny, and successful. He has a very bright future ahead of him. He always has something interesting to say, and he's good at carrying a conversation and talking to people. He's doing very advanced work in his classes and will likely go to an Ivy League graduate school.

Meanwhile, there's me. I'm ugly, boring, and stupid. I didn't know what I wanted to do in college so I floundered around and wasted time, and now I have a new path I want to pursue but I'm a couple years behind everyone else. I suck socially and I'm awkward and never know what to say. I usually just smile and laugh at whatever he says. He's the only person I talk to, I don't have any other friends, so although I want to break up with him so he can go find someone better, that would make me even more lonely.

I feel like I'm just so stupid and ugly and going nowhere in life and have nothing to offer. I don't know why he's with me when he could do so much better. I want to be happy for him and all his accomplishments, and I really am, but it also makes me feel horrible about myself just knowing that he could do so much better than me and yet he's stuck with me. I hate myself so much and it makes me have a lot of dark thoughts. Is there any magical thing I can say or do to make myself feel better about this?

TLDR: tips on feeling better when you don't feel good enough for your partner?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FajitaCheetah on 2024-01-05 17:15:16+00:00.

So like the title says, my partner(20f) says her childhood friend/ ex fuck buddy(23m) is having tons of issues in life and wants to move him into her spare room.

There’s a lot to this so I’m gonna type a lot for some in depth perspective.

So my girlfriend and I(21f) have been dating for 10 months and we have plans to move in together in august of 2024 but she does not want to wait that long. She has been living paycheck to paycheck for some time now and has severe depression. She finds it hard to find the motivation to do anything when she gets home at 6pm everyday. Even on the weekends she just wants to relax and watch tv mostly.

I feel for her and I wish I could change this, but it seems she doesn’t want my help or money. I know the situation she’s in sucks. She’s lonely, doesn’t have a friend who isn’t close by, and we live two hours apart so I can’t be there for her all the time. I just keep telling her to try and hang on till august because I live in a shitty 4 person college apartment and she lives too far from my campus so we just can’t move in yet.

So here comes the fuck buddy part. This guy, Seth, who my partner in the past has mentioned they used to be fuck buddies. Yesterday, I got a text from my girlfriend and she just states “I am getting a roommate and you’re not gonna like it.” So I am obviously a little worried about that statement.

She then proceeds to tell me it’s Seth. I absolutely lost my shit, definitely said some things I shouldn’t have. To sum up a long and tumultuous text argument, I told her I was uncomfortable and I just wouldn’t be ok with it. She tells me he would pay half the rent and she would have more money to take me out or go on trips with me.

I want her so bad to have space to breath and have money to spend on herself and just not be so exhausted all the time. I just can’t be comfortable with her ex fuck buddy living with her. Not to mention the things she tells me about him makes it seem like he has feelings for her. Things like “he would do anything for me and has threatened to beat up the people who hurt me”. Sounds like something family would do for each other, but family members don’t fuck each other.

She also told me her depression in the past was self medicated with alcohol and smoking and sex. She’s telling me why can’t I trust her but I do trust her. I don’t trust loneliness and horniness and drunkness, especially around a guy who, in my opinion, clearly has or had feelings for her in the past.

Am I being too jealous? Should I just trust her? I honestly have no idea what to do, all I know is this is a boundary I just can’t let up on.

TL;DR My partner of almost a year is having money and mental health issues and wants her ex fuckbuddy/ childhood friend to move in cause she trusts him and she’d have more money to spend. But I just am not comfortable with that and I’ve told her this. Should I let him move in? Should I be concerned that something more is already going on??

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bilstream on 2024-01-04 23:03:18+00:00.

My partner (F29) and I (M31) have been together for a year, and initially, we had great chemistry. However, lately, I have been feeling emotionally pressured and manipulated by her. Here are some examples:

She has been eager to have children, despite my expressing that it's too early for us. When I resisted, she responded with statements like, "I thought it would be nice if you felt the same, isn't it?"

Even when I leave the house, I'm required to inform her. While it's acceptable, it becomes excessive, as she wants to know when I'm just stepping outside with my dog.

Initially, she was against me having female friends, which was okay since I didn't have many. However, recently, she wanted to befriend a male, contradicting her own previously strong stance. I disagreed with this change.

While I was in my creative corner working on some manuscript ideas, she asked me to take a look. The conversation went like this:

Person A: "Hello, can I take a look at what you're writing?"

Person B: "No, I don't want to share this with you."

Person A: "Am I do not special enough for you?"

I perceive this as an emotional tactic. When I called it manipulative, we had a disagreement. She spoke to a health professional, who claimed her behavior wasn't manipulative, leaving me feeling misunderstood.

My sister came to visit, and we went for a drive to a place I wanted to show her. Unfortunately, she forgot her jacket despite my warning about the cold weather. In response, I offered my jacket to my sister. Later, my girlfriend became upset, feeling that I didn't care for her. I explained to her that I had previously mentioned the cold conditions at the location, and before we left, she assured me she was fine and didn't need extra clothing. It only made sense for me to prioritize my sister, who had actually forgotten her jacket.

Whenever I express the need for personal space, I hear statements like, "I feel I'm not good enough for you." When I question why she tries to make me feel bad, she responds with, "It's because that's how I feel, and I'm entitled to express my feelings."

Our relationship feels stuck, and I'm reaching a point where I feel suffocated. I'm losing my sense of identity. Even when we're apart, I receive questions for not sending enough text asking how she is.

I acknowledge I'm not the easiest person to be with, but I'm afraid to speak the truth because it often leads to a major argument. What should i do?

TL;DR: In my one-year relationship, I've noticed increasing emotional pressure and manipulation from my partner. Issues include disagreements about children, excessive demands for information, changes in her stance on friendships, and emotional tactics. Despite expressing my feelings, the relationship feels suffocating, and I'm losing my sense of identity.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heywhatsup82347 on 2024-01-04 21:11:27+00:00.

I’ve been going on dates with a guy for a few months now. He has been divorced about a year and has one child who is about 10 years old. This has been very slow moving which is understandable. However, this guy constantly complains about his ex-wife saying that she had terrible communication, etc. he talks about her literally every time we hang out and he is always bad mouthing her. She was the one who left him. Wonder why 🤣🤔

I have noticed over the course of us hanging out that he appears to be the one with the communication issues. I have noticed some passive aggressive behavior in addition to some teasing and possibly mocking that I feel could become an issue at some point. Keep in mind I haven’t had sex with this guy, we are not exclusive (although I don’t believe he is dating anyone else, could be wrong though, and he just kissed me finally after 2 months)

As a recent, he has been asking me out at the last minute, which isn’t good for me, because I plan my schedule ahead of time, and he pretty much knows this. I had to cancel one date a few days ago because I wasn’t feeling very well however, I have noticed his passive aggressive behavior. This is not the first time it’s happened And I bought it up to him previously and we talked about it. However, now this is the most recent text conversation. I would like your feedback as to how to proceed. Another thing I noticed, many occasions he has brought up this client of his who lives in another country who it’s obvious he has a thing for. Why he keeps mentioning to me is ridiculous. Like he is trying to evoke jealousy or triangulation. Very strange. He said before that they go way back, that he needs to have boundaries.

Him “ I think we should go there on Friday and stay there on Saturday

Me “Unfortunately I can’t this Friday, I have something scheduled. When is the next weekend you’re free?

Him “Not for a while

Me “Oh ok, no worries! I thought you switched back and forth with your ex each weekend

Him “Maybe 19-21st

Me “Don’t you switch off each weekend?

Him “Yes, I thought I was busy the next few weekends, it’s actually when I have Megan (((This btw makes no sense)))

Me “I’m confused. But text is sometimes misconstrued

Him “I don’t have Megan this weekend, so every other weekend. I thought I had events when I don’t have Megan but it’s actually on the weekends I have her. So I should be free 😊 (((This also makes no sense)))

Me “OK sounds good. Just keep me posted. Also, it’s better to make plans for me in advance because I do plan out my schedule so sometimes it’s hard for me to do the last minute things, as much as I love to be spontaneous sometimes

Him “I noticed

Me “?

Him “That everything has to be planned out far in advance with you

TLDR does this man seem toxic or a poor communicator (35f) (42m)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ChemistHorror on 2024-01-05 15:45:02+00:00.

We (33F and 38M) live with my in-laws (65F & 70M) while we renovate a house. We live upstairs and just share the kitchen, for the most part it’s fine and we have our own space however, I find my MIL extremely selfish and irresponsible at times and it’s getting to a point where it’s really bothering me.

The most recent example is over Christmas and New Year. On Christmas Day I came down with Covid, MIL was sick about 7-10 days before Christmas but was adamant that it wasn’t Covid because the doctor told her so, despite the fact she hadn’t been tested. So I got sick and on New Years Eve my husband got sick with Covid also. She knows this but has still had the grandkids sleeping over and now tonight she also has the baby here sleeping upstairs where we are. Tomorrow she is also having the entire family around for dinner and we are expected to attend regardless. I find this all to be very irresponsible, especially with the kids and them being back at school on Monday.

Another example is that in the last 2 weeks we’ve had a lot of heavy rain and the roof has started to leak in 4 places. 2 in our office and 2 in the bedroom, one spot being above the bed. We told them about the leaks and they just told us it was good we have a lot of towels then. If something doesn’t bother them or have any impact on them then they essentially don’t care. It’s not a money issue as they are very wealthy.

My husband doesn’t have a backbone when it comes to these issues, he prefers to try and keep the peace and doesn’t like to say anything which further adds to my frustration.

There have been many other examples of selfish behaviour such as on the 17th September my mother passed away from cancer. 3 weeks later they had booked a family photo shoot, I didn’t want to attend as I found it hard to play happy families when I had lost mine (I have no blood family left now). I went for my husband’s sake and absolutely not a single person spoke to either of us and it was if we just didn’t exist. All that mattered to them was the photos, despite the fact I started crying we were still ignored.

I have tried with these people, I really have but I feel now with Covid and the roof leaks I need to say something I’m just not sure how to approach the situation, any suggestions?

TLDR; MIL having kids stay over while we have Covid, whole family comes tomorrow, I think it’s irresponsible. Roof is also leaking in 4 places and she just told us it’s good we have towels.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ShesOddlyMerry on 2024-01-05 15:26:46+00:00.

Update to:

I (F33) met my fiance "Bart" (M39), when I was visiting Canada for a gig (I am an artist and performer and travel a lot for work even now). He's British but lives in Canada working as a surgical resident (I think I got that right) at a hospital. It's a stressful job but he has always been a stoic and steady person even under great pressure with everyone but me, and he usually melts into my mushy doting beloved when we are alone.

We got engaged because having a wedding was really important to him. I can do without the lavish wedding and the ring but he and his family really want us to get married. He made it clear he would never force me to do anything that I didn't want but I told him that I am down if he wants a wedding and we have been very happy. He did a romantic well-thought out proposal and I love my ring. Never was a ring girl but he had this one custom made with his and my birth stones flanking a beautiful (diamond? I don't know much about jewelry) with an inscription inside.

Things shifted swiftly before the holidays. I outlined it more in my other post but he was distant, quiet, and stressed. He wouldn't even hold me when we sleep anymore and I would only get an emotionless peck of a kiss when he left or returned the house. I tried to bring it up and he'd just say work has him stressed out a bit or dismiss my concern with "Darling, do try not to make a fuss." almost dramatically. (he later told me he tried to say it jokingly but the humor never landed)

I simply had had enough and I texted him that I postponed my upcoming trip to visit a friend in the States (where I am from) and want to have a nice intimate dinner. I told him I will cook his favorite meal if he brings the wine on his way home from work and we can talk. I prefaced that it's important but we can reschedule for some time this week or in the coming days if needed. He agreed to to that night and seemed cheerful over text about it so that's what we did.

I cooked and he brought wine and he seemed to relax a bit and even shared a chuckle or two with me. It was almost like I could see him become a small glimmer of his old self again. He mentioned that with his and my work, we never do this anymore and this was a nice surprise. I didn't say much, just listened to him, trying to glean any information about what our troubles might have been rooted in.

He noticed I was quiet and I finally took a deep breath and explained why we needed to talk. Everything I said in my posts and that I was worried for him.

If he is depressed or anxious that's okay and we can work through it, I told him I love him dearly and want him to be okay. But I miss him. We have talked, he's been super distant, and seems sad and distracted all the time. I feel lonely and miss our emotional and physical intimacy. Etc. I mentioned if we can't talk through times like these then maybe we shouldn't get married until we can.

He was silent and listened to me patiently and I could see he was taking me seriously and then he flushed bright red when I mentioned not getting married. He didn't say anything for a long moment, seeming to calm down quietly as he ate and finally looked at me again and said he will do anything to fix us anything I ask, he will do.

He said he had noticed I had picked up on his moods but didn't realize it bad gotten so bad and he was sorry. Work has him run ragged, his family (mostly mother - they are not close) is starting fresh drama, and his brother is divorcing Bart's best friend since childhood and many other things Bart never told me was happening. He said with all my new gigs and our wedding coming up, he didn't want to stress me with his burdens on top of that. He said I am so upbeat and cheerful he didn't ever want to see me "lose that smile."

I told him we are partners and if I wanted to be sheilded from everything I'd not be in a relationship. I love him and want to be his equal partner. We agreed to push the wedding back to later next year, and try to spend more time on us this year. I suggested counseling for us, both individually and as a couple and he quickly agreed.

We cuddled on the couch for the first time in so long and fell asleep like that. It felt amazing to have him back in my arms as we sleepily chatted and laughed.

Even as I type this I am sighing of relief. He's my first love and I thought I was losing him. Thank you for helping me come up with a plan to speak with him about it and let my boundaries be known. I was shaking the whole time, nervous about his reaction but I don't think I could imagine it going any better.

Tldr; My fiance and I finally had a heart to heart. Our wedding is postponed but we are very happy again.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/busybee0311 on 2024-01-05 14:45:53+00:00.

All through my life my relationship with my father from what I can remember has been very emotionally disconnected, he is a present father but is so hyper focused on working all the time that there is next to no relationship there between me and him. All conversations are painfully awkward with no depth at all? He feels like a stranger, and I feel quite guilty about feeling this way as he had worked very hard to provide for us and I am very grateful but I feel I have lacked the male father figure throughout my life and it has trickled down into the way my romantic relationships pan out. I get really emotional when I see things as simple as Dads & daughters out about doing things together as I’ve never had this relationship dynamic. I sometimes wonder if he really loves me and why he’s so disconnected emotionally from me and my sister.

I find in all my romantic relationships, I find it super difficult to hold conversation with males, and I’m searching for someone who cares about me in this sort of way and it’s really confusing. All my relationships usually turn into me chasing after someone who is so avoidant of communication and giving me the love I desire.

It’s ruining my life and makes me feel so unwanted and almost child like.

TL;DR! : emotional disconnection and relationship with father is ruining my outlook on relationships.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Justthatcarguy on 2024-01-05 14:41:58+00:00.

TL;DR I broke up because I wasn’t getting intellectually stimulated anymore and really strict curfews.

I’m 23m and last night I made the decision to break up girlfriend 21f of 1 year and it’s been eating me up

I want to say that my girlfriend was an amazing partner, we had our small arguments here and there but our relationship was always filled with love. We met in college and both perused degrees in engineering. The reason I broke with her was because i felt like I wasn’t getting fulfilled intellectually, what would happen as about 5 months ago I legit ran out of things to

Talk about to have a deep thought provoking conversation, I love talking about world events and engineering concepts and economics, shows/movies, anime, even religion (really anything), but where I got stumped is that I found my conversations to be unfulfilling because she didn’t really have much to add. I found my self nudging her to lead the convo but most of the time I felt like I wasn’t getting anything. I found my self not wanted to answer the phone because I didn’t want to be on the and not talk about anything. One the reasons I think that caused this and is another issue is she has super overbearing parents, now her parents are good people but they keep here on a short leash, when we first starting dating she would have a curfew at 7 and gradually it capped out at 10 mind you we live in a major city and she lived about 30 min away, so it cut into that time even more. This tight curfew was even with her friends, I found out she would constantly have to miss out on a lot of things because her parents want her home. At first I thought It would get better and even after she turned 21 I thought it would be better, but it never did. I felt like she didn’t have the chance to even find out who she was or experience enough life to formualte opinions on things. The messed up thing is that she warned me before hand how it was with her parents and how it probably would be until she graduated and moved out. I have never loved anyone more than her though and I can tell that pull back I was experiencing was causing strain on the relationship, I know she she felt it as she’s super in tune with her emotions. she truly is an amazing person which such a kind spirit. I talked to my homeboy about it and in 5 years it’s the first time he’s seen my cry. It all feels like a big mistake. Was I being to quick to cut it off, should I have done more to work it out?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Esmond_Mutt2323 on 2024-01-05 14:37:23+00:00.

In the last week, my Gf (49, F) of 4 months has acted suspiciously. I (M, 47) think tomorrow morning I'm going to confront her to try and get to the bottom of it. I don't have time to waste. A bit of the backstory, I'm a single dad who has his kids about 85% of the time, so when I have my kid-free weekend every other week, my time is valuable. She is a single mom, and our off-weekends align, although her custody arrangement is a week on/week off situation. This weekend, I thought we'd see each other, and all indications are that's not happening because I'm being treated as a second choice.

• Monday, we started discussing the coming weekend. I mentioned to her that Friday night would be the best for us both to see each other since we have commitments the following day late afternoon/early evening. I have a family dinner planned since November, while she has a hockey game for her son. What's funny is she didn't even realize what time it was and where. The only potential issue for me for Friday was my ex had an out of state funeral the next morning, so there was some question as to whether she could take my kids. Regardless, I told her I'd make it happen because otherwise, we may not get quality time together again for another 2 weeks. Here's where the red alerts began.
• Tuesday night, after us not communicating all day, she texts me when she gets home from work, then a bit later mentions she's going out with a woman from work, her boyfriend (both of whom I've hung out with twice), and "some other folks", and she'll catch up with me tomorrow. Didn't think too much of it, told her have fun. I found the next day they went to a Top Golf.
• Wednesday - At 7pm, she texts me that she "literally just got home...gonna take hot shower and go to bed, exhausted...hope you had a good day." I ask her if she went to her son's game, she says no she couldn't get out of work in time, then continues,"try to call you tomorrow at some point." Thought it was weird since it's so early, but I respond I hope she gets her batteries recharged, I'd like to work out a Friday night date." She replies "night night". Moments later, I see the notice " has notifications silenced"! I've only seen that when she drives. Now I'm suspicious. I kept the thread open and low and behold, it disappears about 13 minutes later, I never saw it go back on again. That's plenty of time for her to drive to a nearby complex that has all sorts of bars and restaurants. I decide to shoot her a text 2 hrs later that I found a good oyster place for Friday night, since we both have been craving them. I wanted to see if she read it since she has read receipts enabled, and she was supposed to be sleeping. By time I went to bed, it was still showing delivered, so I wondered if maybe it was all in my head.
• Yesterday, She read the text at 6am, but no reply until until 8:22am. The reply shocked me. "There's been talk of going out with the girls Friday night, I'll keep ya posted." I replied that I thought we were planning to see each other that same night. 2 hours later, she responds she doesn't recall when we planned that, "but she'd let me know". I reminded her of the Monday night convo, but told her I'll just make other plans. Sort of a take-away to see what she'd do. 5 hours later, she responds she still didn't recall that conversation, just what I was doing with my family (gaslighting). An hour later, she shoots me a text saying she's heading out to "a friend's house" to have some wine and catch up. "I"ll let you know for sure about tomorrow night in the morning. Just waiting on so and so, but it's looking like a go." I was picking my kids up from their mom, so I didn't bother replying until a few hours later because I was pissed. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. All I said was "Drive home safe"- which she didn't appear to read until 6:40 this morning.
• Today, 2 hrs after she read my text, she has since confirmed she is going through with her plans tonight, and wanted to let me know so I could make plans of my own (little does she know, I already did that last night). All I felt like replying was a short "Ok". She has not offered to discuss meeting up at any other point during all of this.

This is puzzling. A week ago we had two great dates, one she initiated. One of the dates, we exchanged Christmas gifts; one she gave me was a framed photo of us on our first date. She wrote a very sweet note on the back about how she appreciates the way I make her feel, how I treat her, our special connection, and how she can't wait for the adventures to come. It's all bizarre, but I'm not an idiot. This week's behavior is of someone who's not excited to see me, not yearning to have sex with me, and I feel it has to be called out and requires explanation. I've never been good with confrontation, so I'm hoping some of you can give me pointers on how to approach this convo without sounding like some over-anxious , insecure dude, as well as to not be accusatory since I do not have any real proof of what might be going on.

TL;DR! - GF of 4 months' behavior over last week has become suspicious, is opting to see friends over me even though we both have a kid-free weekend, hasn't bothered to offer finding mutually available time. Wondering best way to confront without hard evidence as well to not come off as anxious or insecure.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwawayaccount8892 on 2024-01-05 14:10:59+00:00.

I'm in need of some advice with a difficult situation involving my sister (34f) and niece (5f). My husband (40m) and I (37f) are at the point where we think we may need to really think about taking steps to get guardianship of my niece.

Some back story. My sister left an abusive bf who is also the dad to her daughter. She has been living with my parents (both late 60s) for about 7 months. She has a very part time cleaning job so she can't afford to live on her own. She hasn't or so far tried to get child support or anything involving the court. She does have full custody as they never married. She never reported the abuse but she does have recordings (one party state), pictures and stuff like that. I have also seen physical evidence when they were together.

The dad (39m) does have a well paying job and runs a farm, owns multiple houses and land so really appears as a upstanding person. But he also drinks, uses coke per my sister, and is just an over all absent father. He is the sort of person that believes that child care is a woman's job full stop. He is also (per my sister) abused her in front her their daughter both verbally and physically. He's manipulative and has no issues bringing their child into their fights. My sister has been letting my niece spend most weekends with him even though she is likely not being supervised properly as she has been hurt while there. The dad has another kid that's 6 and is likely taking care of my niece when she is there for her visitation, he says stuff like 'your mom won't let us be a family anymore' to try to manipulate the situation. I think its crazy that she would let child stay at all but I've always held back my opinions.

My sister has often struggled with abusing pills (benzos in the past and probably still) and alcohol. She went to rehab for a stint like over 10 years ago for the pills. I don't know specifics as to her current usage but she is certainly drinking. Like hiding vodka in a water bottle level of drinking. When I see her she is usually inebriated or becomes more so. Over the summer it was pretty bad but her break up had been recent. I thought, as with my parents, that she just needed time and space to heal which we all gave to her.

More recently I had seen an improvement that had given me hope that she was getting herself together. I had been seen her more sober or at least not wasted or maybe she got better at masking it. She was talking about going after child support finally.

Then tonight happened. I was over and something involving another family member was upsetting her. Something that has nothing to do with her. She likes to play the victim and is a very jealous person and starts going off about how we all blame her for this and that. Swearing and just being belligerent while I'm sitting there playing with my niece. I've held my tongue with her for a very long time. I haven't confronted her on any of her past behavior because I didn't want to set her off. My mom has tried somewhat and my sister will start threatening to go back to her ex or even to hurt her self.

I tried to just calm her down but it was like talking to a wall that puts words in your mouth. I ended up snapping at some point and called her an alcoholic and just kind of called her on some of her stuff for the first time in years. It honestly felt good in a way but this has brought me back to seeing that something needs to be done with my niece. I feel so bad and its not fair for her to be growing up with a unstable mother.

My mom also shared that she notices that in the beginning of the month when my sister has a meds (can't say for sure what she is on) refilled, she gets like this. Acts crazy like shes mixing benzos (slurs, extremely impaired coordination, unusual behavior etc.) and alcohol, will argue with her child like a teenager late into the night. Last night she found my niece sitting crying in hall with my sister yelling at her from the other room. Will fight with everyone to the point that my dad just avoids her. She also has no issues driving impaired with her kid.

My husband and I don't have kids so this decision is not something I want to take lightly. Our lifestyle while stable definitely caters to a childless life. We do own a home and would have adequate space but again it would be a huge change for us. With all I've seen and heard I feel like I just shouldn't sit back and continue to let my niece live in this situation. I am very afraid the the ex will try to take her if I make any sort of official steps. Then theirs my sisters reaction to contend with.

I just don't know what to do and just kind of need some other outside opinions. I don't even know to where to start as far as a guardianship. I think I'll probably talk to my mom about it first and maybe try to issue some sort of ultimatum. Maybe that would be the wake up call she needs.

TL;DR Trying to decide where to draw the line with my unstable sister and if I need to step in to care for my niece.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LazySloth1337 on 2024-01-05 14:08:46+00:00.

Hi all!

I (32M) have been wondering if the communication with my gf of 8 months (29F) is broken.

Since we started dating, we mostly have been exchanging texts back and forth, replying on average every 2-3 hours to eachother. Sometimes we also call but not very often.

We meet around 1 or 2 times per week and everything seems fine but whenever we're apart i feel as if she's disconnected from my life. I as well feel as if i don't know what's going on with her personal life when we're away.

As a person, i am quite flexible with communication be it videocall, call or text. However, i really dislike being on the extreme sides such as taking very long to reply or the opposite.

What do you think? Is this a bad sign or could it be fixed? How do i communicate this without coming off as needy?

TL;DR - Having second thoughts about my relationship due to communication issues.

Have a happy new year :)

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Embarrassed_Bowl855 on 2024-01-05 14:05:23+00:00.

M/32 here and my ex f/32 are having a baby but she broke up with me before Christmas.

A little context so we were best friends all through out high school. We both had feelings for each other at one point or the other. But we never acted on them due to the fact we were really good friends and eventually life moved on and she moved out of state and so did I. We hooked up once and that was awesome but like I said we both lived in different states. Life went on and last summer in July we met again by just fate, immediately we hit off. She had came out of a ten year relationship and I had not been exclusive with any one for almost ten years, I dated some but never felt right to take it to the next level.

She wanted to take things slow and I was more than ok with that. When ever she asked for space I had no problems giving it to her. She definitely has an avoidant attachment style. But I didn’t mind, I told her I like her and if she wants me around to just hit me up. And she did like all the time. About a month goes by and I finally asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. I was on top of the fucking moon. We were spending the night at each others houses and just getting along fantastic.

In the beginning of November though we found out she was pregnant so you know we both are like holy shit. I was a little freaked at first but I was like I mean I have loved this girl for forever maybe this is supposed to happen. I ask her what she wants to do she wants keep it. Ok awesome we are having a baby. Now a couple weeks go by and I am realizing I am about to have a family something I have never had so I am hyped but also scared shitless.

After one night we had some incredible us time and I had drank a bit after. She was sleeping and idk I just all the sudden got very insecure and I felt this anxiety I had never had before. And I did something incredibly stupid I doubted myself and went through her phone. Now I didn’t like extensively comb through this thing but there was a message from a dude that was like two weeks before she met me and when I saw a nude of her to him I felt sick and put the phone down. I told her what I had done the next day. She immediately went to try and explain the texts and I told her you don’t have to do that. It was wrong of me to do that and it was. I was dealing with some retroactive jealousy but I did my best to not let it spill over. Because I really love this woman.

I went as far as getting therapy so I could get this off my chest in a healthy way. We were ok. But then I noticed she was getting more morning sickness and getting depressed. I tried taking her out, I was cleaning her house I was trying to be as supportive as I could think of. She didn’t want to have sex because she felt gross and I was more than happy to just be by her side she is growing a baby, my baby. A week before Christmas she broke up with me because she feels like she can’t be in a relationship with me and be pregnant said she felt like she needs to do this to protect our baby. I was broken and like an asshole I tried to beg and plead and bargain. Obviously it didn’t work but i don’t want to lose her she is amazing. She is everything I could ever hope to find in a woman. And I get women want a man they can just turn they’re brains off, but I think I’m allowed to be a lil anxious I am also having a baby. This is a big deal. On Christmas we exchanged presents and I told her I just got anxious but i went and did the things to get it under control and if she would ever give someone a second chance I hope it would be me. She said she feels fine now after breaking up with me. And I am crushed and depressed. I don’t get to watch my baby grow, I don’t get to rub her feet or pick up heavy shit for her. I don’t get to listen to her laugh and i fucking miss her.

TL;DR MY GF BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/I_Hate_Math2012 on 2024-01-05 13:58:21+00:00.

When my ex and I broke up I went no contact for 2 years and moved on. Throughout that time he would orbit me, trying to gauge whether he could get me back in his life somehow. He begged for us to be "friends," but I was apprehensive bc our relationship has never been just friendly.

Fast forward to now, I finally accepted being his friend (mostly bc he would not stop reaching out/I figured it was better to have a "friend" than an enemy).

But as soon as I accepted the "friendship," he told me he actually cannot hangout at the moment bc he has a GF and doesn't want to hurt her. Keep in mind he had this GF for half the time he was orbiting me.

So… HUH?????

Was I just baited to stroke his own ego? Why the fuck would a man beg to have you in his life for years and then say no as soon as you're willing?

TLDR: Ex begged for me to be in his life for 2 years. When I finally accept he tells me that now he cannot be friends yet bc of a GF he doesn't want to hurt. BTW, he has had this GF while reaching out to me before. Why would a man beg for something like this and then say no as soon as you're willing?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sunnyblues7654 on 2024-01-05 13:51:48+00:00.

I'm using a throwaway account as I prefer not to reveal my real Reddit username. I've been chatting with a guy from my city on Reddit for a while now, and our conversation has been great. It began on u/r4r, where he mentioned wanting to connect with people for friendships/dating.

After a few weeks, I discovered he has another Reddit account primarily used for hook-ups (While I am not into hookups myself, - and I mentioned that to him- I am open to going on a date with someone who is into hookups). In his hookups user, he is including detailed descriptions of non-consensual sexual scenarios (imaginary ones), indicating an interest in CNC sex. He is also asking girls to send explicit pictures in some of the posts.

Given the above, I have two concerns:

1.Why does he have separate Reddit accounts for dating and hook-ups? Is it Ok to ask girls to send explicit pictures? 2. His interest in non-consensual interaction (even imaginary ones) was slightly off putting to me due to my lack of understanding of the behaviour itself. I myself is a strong supporter of consensual sexual practices and struggle to understand the appeal of non-consensual scenarios. Can someone explain to me why that's ok?

Despite this, our conversation has been intellectually engaging and highly sophisticated, and I hate to just ghost him because of a sexual interest or an anonymous account. I don't have an opinion about his behaviour/ action/ interests, and I would like to explore the insight around them. I haven't addressed the other account with him and I kept the conversation going normally, but I'm unsure whether I should consider going on a date with him?

TL;DR: A guy I was talking to, has a conflicting Reddit user, should I go on a date with him?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/vickysixx79 on 2024-01-05 13:50:44+00:00.

TL;DR - is he high maintenance or just not a nice person? I don't know what the personality trait is to help navigate this relationship

Not sure of the term to use??

How would you describe a person who turns nasty when they aren't happy? Never physically hurtful, just words.

Some examples, a couple (6 years together) is sitting at a bar having a drink and the conversation turns to him wanting something sexual from her that she isn't comfortable giving him. He mentions his ex-girlfriends did this and her response was that he should call one of them to scratch that itch. The man did not like this comment - his response was to then say something not very nice about her and said it in a very nasty way.

Another time, he picked her up from work to go out for dinner. She was dressed nice but had ballet flats on, not high heels. He likes her in heels. He got very angry that she didn’t put the effort in to wear heels and didn't speak to her the entire drive to the restaurant. She had tried to make some light-hearted conversation to lift his mood but he didn't respond to her efforts.

Outside of instances like this, he is an almost perfect partner. Is this niceness just the facade and the nasty part is the real him, or is he really a great guy and the nasty parts are the rare anomalies?

What is this personality trait and how does one navigate it without having to compromise themselves?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Accomplished_Lab736 on 2024-01-05 13:41:24+00:00.

This is my first time posting on here, so forgive me if I ramble a bit. I'm in medical school, and I just started my second year here. I recently met a 1st year, let's call her A, and was instantly into her. She was exactly my kind of girl. I talked to her a little, borrowed a book from her, etc to get to know her. I felt like we clicked a lot. Moreover, I was pleasantly surprised to see that she reciprocated in kind, inviting me out a couple times, having lengthy conversations with me etc. There were some problems, but i didn't really notice them back then, chalking them up to one reason or the other. Sometimes, she'd go days without replying to a text. Later, she'd tell me she was sick, she had something come up, she wasn't feeling like talking to anyone, among other reasons. This became a regular pattern. Now at this point normally I'd get the hint that maybe she wasn't that interested in me. Honestly, this is the point where I started feeling like a creep. It bothered me a lot, but what really confused me was that when I used to see her on campus, she always seemed overtly excited to see me.(Which is one of the reasons I was interested, I was honestly very flattered.) She'd immediately come up to me, a couple times even ditching her friends and start talking. Now, she's really into plays and theatre. There was this one time I sent her an ad for a play she especially likes and wanted to see. She immediately asked me to come with her. I was surprised, I'd thought she'd go with her friends, but I was also happy(it's not every day the girl you like invites you out) so i said yes. We went. I had a great time. She told me she did too. We go home. The cyclical pattern of her not replying to my messages continues. I ask her if she wants to hang out, she stands me up. She sees me, she gets excited again. I text her, she doesn't reply back. I see her, she invites me to an art gallery. I say yes. She stands me up. Something like this continues. I drive myself crazy. The thing is, every time she does this, she seems to have a perfectly valid reason. I convince myself that I have the worst luck in the world. A couple weeks ago, we were talking. Coincidentally, the talk turned to relationships. She indirectly mentioned she wasn't interested in one. I went to a close friend of mine(21F) and had a long conversation with her on communication. I decided to look at the situation in a different way. I realised that she had never once called or texted me first throughout the course of our friendship. Not even once. I felt that I'd maybe mistaken the whole thing. I started feeling like a asshole and that I was a creep who was trying to force his company on her. I didn't want to be that. So, I stopped texting her. Yesterday, i was hanging out with my best friend when he told me that he had met her in the morning. She apparently told him she missed me and that she was sad that I didn't talk to her anymore. He also said that she was having a hard week and hadn't gone home for the holidays. I told him that it wasn't like I was angry with her or anything, if she really wanted to talk to me, she should have just texted or called me. Still, it bothered me. I worked myself up to it and called her that evening. We had a small talk, nothing unusual. She asked me if i wanted to have coffee today. I said yes. I've been sitting here for the past hour waiting for her to show up. I called her and she declined my call. I don't know what to do anymore.

tl;dr: My crush seems to be interested in me but keeps standing me up, and every time she does she has a valid reason for the same, I'm not sure what to do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vaseline_Mercy on 2024-01-05 13:02:21+00:00.

Hello,

2023 had been a doozy for me. While I had a lot of good things done for my career and a great promotion, I've struggled so hard in terms of relationships. My relationship with my mother is burning, I was cheated on in a short relationship I had earlier in the year by someone in a friend group i joined for gamer purposes and even earlier was stalked by another guy in that group. I since left and just focused on myself, I still struggle a lot with boundaries and I recently put myself back on track with therapy and just focusing on my career and saving for a house. My problem is now that I'm focusing more on myself and I'm content with just being single, I've managed to catch feelings for a guy who I stayed in contact with from the friend group but he's so much younger.

I've dated another younger one before and it was horrendous(this is the guy who cheated) and I'm scared to relive that trauma. But I've never really felt this intense amount of feelings for someone since I was a kid. I'm used to being with people because they like me due to self esteem issues growing up but this isn't the case. I'm genuinely falling for this guy and our connection is awesome for the time we've been friends and when we first met I thought he was amongst the most gorgeous guys I've ever really seen so I was nervous being around him because he intimidated me. And the more I got to know him, the more I really admired how accepting, patient, open, intelligent and charming he is. Plus he's got his shit together at the life stage he's at now. Now he's beginning to reciprocate more and more and our first date was fantastic and we are planning to spend the second date going to some cool places together.

I'm excited and giddy, but I'm so scared for this to end up in a dumpster fire because of his age, the issues with the former friend group and me possibly not even being ready for something like this and its tearing me apart. He's still in college but financially very cognizant and independent but im currently an engineering manager trying to get a house together while fumbling my famial relationships. I'm scared deep down we are at different life stages and this will be a fleeting moment and certainly would never want to inadvertently hurt him either with my lack of emotional preperation. Plus both of us are dealing with a sort if similar loss in our lives at the same time. I've had a horrendous dating history in the past that's left me scarred and I don't even know if I'm emotionally prepared for what this sort of thing will entail but God do I really admire him. I'm just scared I'm trying to find solace in a sea of broken family ties and former relationships that failed to work. Any sort of advice anyone can lend for this sort of thing?

Tl;dr: I finally decide to just focus on myself and get myself in a better place and suddenly I'm falling for a guy much younger than me and I'm conflicted.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ambitious_Profile845 on 2024-01-05 11:29:15+00:00.

Hi, just looking for a little advice as I'm feeling lost. For context, we have been together for 2 years.

I should preface with this: I do not have a problem with him having female friends, I was only bothered by the inconsistencies in his words which led me to think he might have been lying to me (and it is lying that bothers me)

Yesterday I sat down with my boyfriend (we are LDR right now, so this was over a video call) and told him I wanted to have a conversation about his female friend (let's call her A). I began the conversation reassuring him it was not my intention to start an argument, I was just trying to be open about my concerns and have a calm conversation about it, to which he was receptive.

To summarise the concerns I wanted to address:

1. My boyfriend told me A was a high school friend and there was never any feelings, and that they were not even close at all
2. Over the past year I've discovered quite a few inconsistencies (pictures, Snapchat notifications from A [even though he's told me he doesn't use Snapchat], etc.) that show their dynamic does not really line up with what he's told me - I have brought these up when I discovered them just for him to clarify if there was a misunderstanding on my part (he gave me quite brief explanations like he was drunk and can't remember, and it always ended with him saying that his word is all he can give me, and asking why I can't just trust his word, and me giving him the benefit of doubt)
3. He's also told me before that he "doesn't talk to her anymore" (and we clarified that his definition of this was "no contact in over a year") but A invited him to her birthday party about 6 months ago - meaning that they had contact in the past year

Note: I never had issues with their friendship until I stumbled across all these inconsistencies; they definitely put some questions in my mind

• I simply wanted to bring these concerns up, talk through them properly, explain my point of view, as well as to hear his perspective - this all went pretty much the same as every other time I tried to talk about this, him giving me the same "I don't remember" and "is my word not enough for you".
• I asked if he was comfortable showing me their messages - just so I could see what their dynamic was like and if all the inconsistencies were just rare occurrences. I told him this would definitely quell my doubts, but I also made it very clear to him that it was perfectly fine if he wasn't comfortable with it and I would only do such a thing with his permission and consent. He agreed and asked which messages I wanted - to which I said it was up to him

Now that you have context, we can move on to all the lies.

1. I asked where they converse, and listed some examples - Instagram, Messenger, Snapchat. He told me they "do not talk on Instagram". This is the first lie. I knew it because I've seen her name in his DMs before. No, I was not snooping; he simply gave me his phone to watch Instagram reels (I had deleted Instagram off my phone at the time) and I went to DMs to find our chat (with the reels we sent to each other). I didn't say anything yet though.
2. He said "let me check Instagram", and that she wasn't in his DMs, and very happily sent a screenshot of the chat screen with her username, which - surprise surprise - was completely empty
3. At this point I was quite stunned and wasn't sure how to react, because I genuinely did not expect him to lie to meI just simply pointed out that this was weird because when he passed me his phone in the past (this would have been about 3-4 months ago) I had seen her name in his DMs
4. After a whole lot of "I don't knoww", "I really couldn't say", "I don't text her on Instagram", and "Huh did you really see her name", I said I know what I saw with my own 2 eyes and directly asked if he had deleted the chat
5. A lot of trickle-truthing later (and more lies as I asked him directly a few more times if he deleted the chat, to which he firmly said no), he slowly revealed that yes he deleted the chat when I "first started being insecure about her" (which would have been about 6 months ago when I spotted the first inconsistency) because he "didn't want me to see her name" when we watched reels together
6. We were together in person 3 weeks ago, and used his Instagram together - I saw her name in his DMs then. So I pointed out that the timeline didn't really add upHe got quite irritated and visibly frustrated, told me the same "I don't know" and "I don't remember ok", then hung up on me. I texted him to ask why he was lying to me. He responded in all caps that I'm "overbearing" and that he "never wanted to bring this up because [I] always gaslight him into thinking [I'm] not insecure or toxic" (Mind you, the times I've asked about her - that he is saying was overbearing - was with the intention of clarification, to clear up potential misunderstandings - not to accuse).

At this point I was pissed off. I told him I was disappointed that he lied to me (despite me telling him before that honesty and openness is very important to me - to which he agreed) (and lied more when he got caught in one, in an attempt to get away with it), hurt that he saw my efforts to better our relationship as attacks on him and being overbearing, that he had shattered my trust, that I didn't like him trying to point fingers at me when he got caught in a lie, and that I didn't like him pulling the word "gaslight" out every time he was losing an argument (because he's done that quite a few times).

His response was that he deleted the chat out of fear of conflict with me, lied because he "would rather drown in the lie than anything else", then apologized for breaking my trust. And now he says he wants to work on building my trust again.

I'm just been ruminating over this for the entire day and my thoughts feel scattered. Hopefully u can provide some outside perspective and advice which can help me gather my thoughts. Thank you and sorry for the long read

TLDR: Boyfriend deleted chats with his female friend, lied to me about it and continued to lie when I caught him lying. What do I do?

Edit: Formatting

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Worried_Yam7299 on 2024-01-05 11:25:05+00:00.

Me (21F) and this guy (20M) have been situationing for about 2 months now. He recently told me he wanted to take me out to dinners all the time and do all the things couple's do.

For context, we take care of each other, talk a lot and the sex is incredible. I've been sick a lot recently and he's been there ever time to help me back to health. He also went though some traumatic things that I was there for too. We take care of eachother equally I think and he makes lots of effort to be romantic.

The thing is I've told him i feel a lot more mature than him, not even because I'm a year older, but just mentally. He still is very boyish and while this energy keeps me feeling young it's the main reason that's keeping me from dating him. He's also expressed I'm so much "woman" for him. So i guess we both know we're not 100% right for each other.

The problem now is, we do all the things a couple does without the label and I feel like we should date properly so its fair to both of us and we don't have to sneak around our friends.

We're also very good Communicators. No topic is ever off the table and can calmly discuss anything.

We also both know that this probably won't last long. He leaves the country in 2 years and I'll be graduation around then too. Is it okay to date someone knowing it will end.

I enjoy his company so much, I love talking and doing things together and have planned so many activities in my head that I won't let myself tell him unless we got into a relationship like beach dates and outings and activities.

Should I agree to start dating or will this end badly?

Tl;dr: after a 2 months of dating without a label, we both know we're not a 100% match, know it will end soon but love eachother and out company. Should we start dating

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/just-for-help on 2024-01-05 12:41:57+00:00.

No this is not one of those clickbait type of BS... no its not one of those "fantasy" BS... this actually happened. I'm not going to explain a whole lot but TLDR: I am 23M and with my "first" girlfriend (21F). We have been dating for over 2 years now, and a month or two ago she asked for a "threesome". I was disgusted by this idea. She said she was "just joking" and wanted to see what I would say... A month later she finally tells me the truth and that she was bisexual, to which I already knew and didn't have a problem with it. But turns out she was asking for a threesome with another girl and possibly an "throuple" relationship.

Does anyone know if this works, what do I do, etc.???

I don't want to ruin the relationship I have with my current GF. I am open minded but I am afraid of what others will think i.e. my parents, her parents, grandparents, family members, etc. I am also afraid that if we WERE to continue down this path... I don't want my current GF cheating on me because "oh I opened up our relationship with another girl with you blah blah blah" etc. I still only want her and her alone, so this whole "throuple" thing could take place in a year or longer and just take time, but before I even CONTINUE down this path I want to know!

THANK YOU. Yes this is real, no I am not lying. This is exactly what happened and what she told me.