Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Expensive-Bread-8974 on 2024-01-05 11:20:43+00:00.

My girlfriend gets very in her head, needy and jumpy during and after intimacy.

She has a hard time getting in the mood and easily loses focus once she’s “in the zone”. She also has these little moments of (seemingly) insecurity where she suddenly looks worried and goes “babe, are you OK? Is everything fine?” when we switch up positions. Last night, I stood up to go to the bathroom after we were done and she went “babe, where are you going???”. I was like “to the bathroom?” and she replied “ah, OK”. She stuck to me again as soon as I came back.

To me, she kinda looks like she’s going “am I doing this right? Is he having fun? IS HE GONNA LEAVE ME???” in her head the whole time rather than (fully) enjoying herself.

Is there something I can do to help her manage or overcome this? Also, how can I bring this up in a way that doesn’t hurt her?

tl;dr: Girlfriend is needy, jumpy and anxious during and after intimacy. She doesn't seem like she’s fully enjoying herself. Is there something I can do to help her manage or overcome this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Separate_Cicada9276 on 2024-01-05 11:14:56+00:00.

Context: I(30F) and my friend(31F) have known each other since college. If any of my other friends behaved this way with me I would easily cut my losses and move on. But this particular friend has been there for me over the years and helped me through break ups, family issues etc. she used to be my go to person for any happy or sad news. In fact we maintained the relationship very well over the years when she was working overseas.

But last two years has not been the same. Ironically when we were finally in same town, I have seen or talked to her less than ever. She did get married to her long term boyfriend and I understand things change after you get married. That’s the reason I did give her space and respected that the friendship will change with her new responsibilities. But what she does is very much hurting me. There will be a period of months before I ever get a call from her or a simple text or an Insta reel for god’s sake. Before you ask if I did try reaching her I did, only to get a response like “was anything urgent that I needed to tell her”, essentially boiling down to reach her if needed.

After this incident and countless similar incidents, I stopped putting any effort from my end. But the thing is after pulling stunts like these for few months at a time she keeps coming back and never truly acknowledges that she was a ghost for months.

My question is am I overreacting and just let it be? Or if I confront her, how shall I approach this? This person was very special to me for a very long time so I don’t want to let it go for no reason, but at the same time I can’t help but feel the friendship doesn’t mean as much to her as it means to me.

TL;DR : An old friend keeps ghosting for months and returns like nothing has happened. How shall I approach this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/outerFoxie on 2024-01-05 11:00:30+00:00.

Hi guys, I am in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend, our relationship has always been good, we always took care of each other without even asking.

But last year, we had our first fight, it was huge and he shot me down for a while, it was almost for a whole month. He said a lot of times that he wouldn’t want me as his GF anymore, and that got me very hurt. I didn’t do nothing wrong, he was just jealous with things from my past, and I was jealous of his latest ex, after finding out she was talking to his friends about me, and it all happened very quickly. The thing is: we got our way together, but he never apologized for making me hurt, I did apologize for being jealous of his ex tho, but he didn’t seem to care much about it…

But lately, he’s becoming someone else, almost don’t talk to me when we’re apart and comes back as if nothing happened and he wasn’t ghosting me for days, we were working just good, but I don’t know what happened. I asked him if there was something wrong and he called me crazy, but even when we’re together, still feels like I’m invisible. I don’t want him to know that I cry every night in my sleep, asking myself what I did wrong or even what I did to deserve such thing. I’m not brave enough to look through his phone because I think relationships are built with trust, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did something behind his back… the last time I tried to talk to him was on New Year’s Eve, and guess what? He told me there was nothing wrong and I should stop trying to pick up a fight with him and I was paranoid. He is not my first boyfriend, but he is the I loved the most and the only want that made wanna build a house with.

TL;dr Can you guys help me with any advice on what to do or feel? I’m honestly so hurt right now that I only have a strength to cry...

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Extreme-Cucumber6844 on 2024-01-05 10:55:36+00:00.

Me (24m) and wife (25f) have been together for about 2 and a half years married for four months.

Last week we went to a club with some of her work friends (all girls 3 in total one came after I left) I should mention that this was a gay club.

While we were all dancing I left to go to the bathroom for a little bit and when I came back my wife was doing that tweaking on the floor thing honestly this embarrassed me and I left shortly after.

While I was gone my wife got completely trashed (no problem with this) and two of her friends started sucking eachothers titties and all of her friends were apparently flashing the club the entire night. My wife says she didn't participate in any of this but they all stayed till club closing and honestly I kinda find this hard to believe.

All I really wanna know is if I'm just going crazy and worrying about nothing or if these are red flags I should worry about and actually wonder what actually happened that night.

TL;DR wife had a crazy night clubbing and I'm wondering if I'm wrong for feeling paranoid about it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra903_g on 2024-01-05 10:52:14+00:00.

I have a group of friends from uni and we had all planned go on holiday once we finished university. Unfortunately that was 2020 so it didn't go ahead of obvious reasons and then once the world got back to normality, we all had jobs and it was a nightmare to align our free time. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years

One of my friends has an uncle that has a villa in Greece that he said my friend can use in the summer. The friend set up a group chat with everyone who was supposed to go away in 2020 and suggested this summer and said we could use the villa for 7-8 days. Greece is somewhere I've wanted to go for a while so I said yes and was excited and everyone else said they would come.

I told my girlfriend what I was planning and she looked annoyed. She asked what about us going on holiday in the summer. I said we still could go away for 5 nights (which is how long all of our holidays have been) but it might just need to be slightly later/earlier than usual but she said no and she wants to go away for longer and that she wants to go in the middle of the summer.

I apologised but said that this is likely the only chance I'm going to get to have the holiday with these friends whereas we will be going away every summer. She said I shouldn't be going on a lads holiday while I'm in a relationship but I just reminded her that she went on a girls holiday in her last relationship so she's being hypocritical.

She just repeated that it's disrespectful to be going and that I should be prioritising our relationship and not going on a lads holiday but I just repeated that this was the only chance I'm going to have to go with these friends so I'm going to take it.

She just said I was disrespecting the relationship by going and that I should say no to my friends. I'm not really sure what to do or how to handle this, does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr my girlfriend said I was being disrespectful by planning to go on a lads holiday and said I should be prioritising the relationship over a holiday with friends.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/isor1425 on 2024-01-05 10:45:25+00:00.

Usually I’m not one to share stuff on the internet but I’m truly at a loss, if there’s any advice anyone has had in a similar situation it’d be appreciated.

Relationship length: 5 years

My girlfriend and I have planned and are currently on a backpacking trip of south east Asia, we’d been planning and dreaming of doing this trip for years and spent a year saving as much as we could to afford to go.

A day before we were to fly out we had a family dinner planned to say our goodbyes. It was getting closer and closer to the time of our booked dinner and my girlfriend hadn’t arrived yet. I tried ringing her and messaging her as I was worried we’d miss our reservation. I was starting to worry a little bit as I didn’t want to let the family down. I remembered that we have our locations shared from our phones and decided to check where she was and she was at her local pub, so I drove down and went in and seen something that made my heart sink.

4 weeks prior to this, she’d gone out for a few drinks with work friends, which is fine, I’ve met most of them and get along with them. Come the end of the night and she was in tears and wanted me to come and pick her up from town, which I did. She tells me she kissed one of her work friends, nothing more than a peck, apparently. I was hurt by this and after a chat and some space I moved on from it.

A week later she reveals that she had also kissed him again after work one day. This was after she’d been saying how sorry she was and how much she regretted it the first time. This time it’s different as it’s no longer a drunken kiss. It’s a decision. I kept things platonic with her for the remaining weeks and she understood why. I was hurting but I was aware we had already planned a year away.

So, forward to the day of the dinner. I walked in to the pub and she’s there having drinks with this same guy. I was so angry and disappointed. She insisted she was first with two more work friends but they left and I just walked in at a bad time. Feeling things are at an end in our relationship but being a day away from going travelling I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. I’ve left my job, my friends, family and spent a lot of money getting to this point.

One thing that kept bothering me on the journey over to Thailand was her proving she was out with other work friends was easy to prove.. just show me the texts they sent to meet up. She wasn’t being truthful with me at all, so, I checked her phone whilst she was busy. I’m not one to do this usually as I trusted her but it was eating away at me.

I discover she had indeed texted another work friend, so my hopes were raised.. until I read them. She had asked this other friend to “Say we were together if anyone asks” and that she was covering her tracks.

I also then found a deleted chat to the guy she’d kissed. They had been meeting throughout the month in secret, flirting, making out and sleeping together. They were talking about how much they like sneaking around and being ‘naughty’.

So.. now, I’m currently in Thailand with her and I’m deciding whether to go travelling alone or head back home and start fresh. The issue is, I’m not a social person and I’m not sure if I can manage solo travel. She is begging to stay together as she still loves me and refuses to go our separate ways. And it’s strange as I’ve broken up with her but my head is fuzzy. I’m aware of what’s happened but it almost feels like it’s not real and that everything is fine. I have to keep reminding myself of the true gravity of the situation.

TLDR: I found out my girlfriend was cheating with another guy on the first couple days of backpacking SEA. Now I’m stuck in Thailand with her and not sure what to do.

As I can’t think straight I’d like to hear your opinions. Thank you

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Expensive-Bread-8974 on 2024-01-05 11:20:43+00:00.

My girlfriend gets very in her head, needy and jumpy during and after intimacy.

She has a hard time getting in the mood and easily loses focus once she’s “in the zone”. She also has these little moments of (seemingly) insecurity where she suddenly looks worried and goes “babe, are you OK? Is everything fine?” when we switch up positions. Last night, I stood up to go to the bathroom after we were done and she went “babe, where are you going???”. I was like “to the bathroom?” and she replied “ah, OK”. She stuck to me again as soon as I came back.

To me, she kinda looks like she’s going “am I doing this right? Is he having fun? IS HE GONNA LEAVE ME???” in her head the whole time rather than (fully) enjoying herself.

Is there something I can do to help her manage or overcome this? Also, how can I bring this up in a way that doesn’t hurt her?

tl;dr: Girlfriend is needy, jumpy and anxious during and after intimacy. She doesn't seem like she’s fully enjoying herself. Is there something I can do to help her manage or overcome this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ill_Reflection9811 on 2024-01-05 10:44:31+00:00.

*TL;DR; : i met this guy online and we’ve been talking for a while (we’re 22). i’ve been getting mixed signals and i’m unsure of what to do next. *.

because when we started talking we were both on holiday, we agreed to do “long distance” until he’s back to the same city we live in (which would take a month). as soon as we started talking, we instantly connected and we’ve been texting/calling/facetiming frequently. i made it clear i’m quite slow in relationships and don’t rush to intimacy, to which he said he finds attractive.

he would constantly reassure me that we’re exclusive and that he can’t wait to be back so we can make our relationship official. however, he is very blunt sometimes unprovoked and recently hasn’t been texting until nighttime, cutting calls short etc. but when asked, he says there’s nothing wrong and everything is normal. sometimes he’s flirty, other times he gives off a friendzoning vibe, i can’t understand what he wants…

this might sound like a silly situation but it’s very confusing because i don’t know if i should talk to him about it seriously or if i should just block and move on though it would feel a bit like wasted time as we were supposed to meet in about 2 weeks.

what shall i do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Separate_Cicada9276 on 2024-01-05 11:14:56+00:00.

Context: I(30F) and my friend(31F) have known each other since college. If any of my other friends behaved this way with me I would easily cut my losses and move on. But this particular friend has been there for me over the years and helped me through break ups, family issues etc. she used to be my go to person for any happy or sad news. In fact we maintained the relationship very well over the years when she was working overseas.

But last two years has not been the same. Ironically when we were finally in same town, I have seen or talked to her less than ever. She did get married to her long term boyfriend and I understand things change after you get married. That’s the reason I did give her space and respected that the friendship will change with her new responsibilities. But what she does is very much hurting me. There will be a period of months before I ever get a call from her or a simple text or an Insta reel for god’s sake. Before you ask if I did try reaching her I did, only to get a response like “was anything urgent that I needed to tell her”, essentially boiling down to reach her if needed.

After this incident and countless similar incidents, I stopped putting any effort from my end. But the thing is after pulling stunts like these for few months at a time she keeps coming back and never truly acknowledges that she was a ghost for months.

My question is am I overreacting and just let it be? Or if I confront her, how shall I approach this? This person was very special to me for a very long time so I don’t want to let it go for no reason, but at the same time I can’t help but feel the friendship doesn’t mean as much to her as it means to me.

TL;DR : An old friend keeps ghosting for months and returns like nothing has happened. How shall I approach this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MrCas24 on 2024-01-05 10:32:21+00:00.

This is my first post here

I(M17) have had a crush on a girl (F18) for a couple of months now. We are in the same friend group, which already makes it a bit more complicated. I confessed my feelings after about a month, because she already told me that she isn't looking for a relationship atm so I figured that if I got rejected before the crush got bigger, I would lose that feeling. Boy was I wrong.

These last couple of months we just stayed in contact. Not that hard within a friendgroup, but also outside the group we text a lot. I really enjoy being friends with her, and she likes it that way but I just can't lose the feeling of wanting to be with her. We have talked about that a couple of times and she really wants to help me out. She is just the sweetest, we are very good in communicating about struggles.

I have felt worse and worse about how it's impossible, but not as much as now. We celebrated new years together with the friendgroup. It was so much fun and she was the first person and only person I hugged for new years. The evening was very long after that, and I just couldn't stop loving her more because of the way she acted, but im not going into further details. After that evening 3 of my friends stayed to sleep at my house, her not included. One of my friends out of nowhere told me that me and her are cute together, not knowing that I have a huge crush on her and that I have already talked lots about it with her. Than I just told him about the crush and he didn't reallyook surprised.

The way he told me we look cute together makes me want to be with her more again. Not sure why, could also be because he told me he supports the idea of me being with her and it was nice to hear but now it's destroying me. I've talked about what's so hard for me now 2 days ago and it went well. But I am just so in love with her. I have had multiple crushes and rejection, but it was no where naar this level. I developed this one by meeting her and getting to know who she is. And she is just the most perfect person I've ever met. I know im still young and will meet lots of other people. But right now I don't even look up to girls who are exactly my type, I just want her.

There is nothing to do about it because we wont end up together. She has already made that clear by telling me and I am happy she is honestly about that. But I just can't feel like this anymore. It's wasting me and I'm crying daily about it. I'm not really looking for a solution here, tho im open for suggestions. My reason to post this is just to open up. Thanks for reading.

Tldr: I have a crush on a girl like I have never had before but we wont be together and it's destroying me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/isor1425 on 2024-01-05 10:45:25+00:00.

Usually I’m not one to share stuff on the internet but I’m truly at a loss, if there’s any advice anyone has had in a similar situation it’d be appreciated.

Relationship length: 5 years

My girlfriend and I have planned and are currently on a backpacking trip of south east Asia, we’d been planning and dreaming of doing this trip for years and spent a year saving as much as we could to afford to go.

A day before we were to fly out we had a family dinner planned to say our goodbyes. It was getting closer and closer to the time of our booked dinner and my girlfriend hadn’t arrived yet. I tried ringing her and messaging her as I was worried we’d miss our reservation. I was starting to worry a little bit as I didn’t want to let the family down. I remembered that we have our locations shared from our phones and decided to check where she was and she was at her local pub, so I drove down and went in and seen something that made my heart sink.

4 weeks prior to this, she’d gone out for a few drinks with work friends, which is fine, I’ve met most of them and get along with them. Come the end of the night and she was in tears and wanted me to come and pick her up from town, which I did. She tells me she kissed one of her work friends, nothing more than a peck, apparently. I was hurt by this and after a chat and some space I moved on from it.

A week later she reveals that she had also kissed him again after work one day. This was after she’d been saying how sorry she was and how much she regretted it the first time. This time it’s different as it’s no longer a drunken kiss. It’s a decision. I kept things platonic with her for the remaining weeks and she understood why. I was hurting but I was aware we had already planned a year away.

So, forward to the day of the dinner. I walked in to the pub and she’s there having drinks with this same guy. I was so angry and disappointed. She insisted she was first with two more work friends but they left and I just walked in at a bad time. Feeling things are at an end in our relationship but being a day away from going travelling I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. I’ve left my job, my friends, family and spent a lot of money getting to this point.

One thing that kept bothering me on the journey over to Thailand was her proving she was out with other work friends was easy to prove.. just show me the texts they sent to meet up. She wasn’t being truthful with me at all, so, I checked her phone whilst she was busy. I’m not one to do this usually as I trusted her but it was eating away at me.

I discover she had indeed texted another work friend, so my hopes were raised.. until I read them. She had asked this other friend to “Say we were together if anyone asks” and that she was covering her tracks.

I also then found a deleted chat to the guy she’d kissed. They had been meeting throughout the month in secret, flirting, making out and sleeping together. They were talking about how much they like sneaking around and being ‘naughty’.

So.. now, I’m currently in Thailand with her and I’m deciding whether to go travelling alone or head back home and start fresh. The issue is, I’m not a social person and I’m not sure if I can manage solo travel. She is begging to stay together as she still loves me and refuses to go our separate ways. And it’s strange as I’ve broken up with her but my head is fuzzy. I’m aware of what’s happened but it almost feels like it’s not real and that everything is fine. I have to keep reminding myself of the true gravity of the situation.

TLDR: I found out my girlfriend was cheating with another guy on the first couple days of backpacking SEA. Now I’m stuck in Thailand with her and not sure what to do.

As I can’t think straight I’d like to hear your opinions. Thank you

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thefastestroach on 2024-01-05 10:30:35+00:00.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (31F) have been together for a few years, and we were really close friends for years beforehand. We bought a house together last year (we are not in the US and for where we live, there is no risk to us as individuals to share a mortgage, so please don't dump on this aspect!) and we often talk about things we want to do down the road, for example bucket list trips that will take us 5 years to save up for, making jokes about things we will do in retirement, and so on. I know he is committed to me and wants a future with me, so that is not the issue. However, whenever we start talking about marriage, he clams up. His parents (who never got married) have not been a great example of emotional openness and communication, and it's something that we've been working through in our relationship. He has mentioned to our mutual friend that he would like to marry me someday, but he doesn't talk about it with me. From their conversation that she summarized for me, I think he feels like marriage should be more of a spur of the moment, romantic thing, not something you talk about and plan in advance and so me being more of a planning type is making him anxious.

I do not currently feel pressure to get married and I don't have a specific timeline for when it should happen, but I do, however, want to have open communication about it. Is it something we both want, what does marriage mean to us, etc, etc. I am definitely someone who prefers planning and detailing these things out, and I had a lot of relationship role models growing up.

So, my question is, how could I best approach this conversation? I would love advice from people who maybe feel the same way he might. And please, don't hate on my boyfriend, he's a wonderful, wonderful person and this is the *only* thing we need to work through together - I'm a lucky one :)

TLDR; my boyfriend is obviously committed to me, but struggles with talking about marriage. How can I best approach the conversation to make sure we are on the same page?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Formal-Stress3356 on 2024-01-05 10:30:15+00:00.

I [F 21] have been dating this guy[M 27]for 1.5 years. I have grown close to him, I love him. But there are a few things which make me feel that he is most probably cheating on me. After a silly fight over a girl, I unfollowed him on Instagram and to date, he never made an effort to follow me back or anything like that, but yes he does follow other women and when asked where these girls suddenly appeared from, he either says random stranger or some cousin this time when I asked him about this person he said and I quote " Do I need to explain every follow I do" And I said obviously no.

In these 1.5 years we have never had a conversation of more than 30 minutes, most days this relationship survives on good morning/good night texts. I dont call him because mostly he says I am busy, I am studying with friends. When I ask him why he does this to me, he says I am stuck and stressed I have a few loans I need to clear.

I sympathise with him but idk, I dont think I am asking for way too much. We rarely meet, in this 1.5 years of relationship, the longest we have stayed together is for 4 hours.

Yesterday I video-called him and was very excited to show my new dress to him and his reaction was very basic, said it looked good, and after 10-15 minutes he said okay, I am sleepy I will text you later.

A picture he recently posted on Instagram (we Dont follow each other on Instagram but his profile is public so whenever I am bored or miss him I look at his profile) I asked him, where did you go for Christmas party (bg had Christmas decoration) he said no baby its old. But today while I was looking at his picture I figured out the sweater he is wearing is 1 year old plus his phone which he recently got like 4-5 months ago. He lied to me.

What should I do? Please suggest. If you suggest I should break up please guide me through it, because I love him, there are a lot of times when I think I will break up with him but the very next second I think that maybe he is in a bad state of mind and that I should stay with him to the last.

TL;DR; Boyfriend most probably cheating on me, I don't have concrete proof how can I break up PS.I love him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Formal-Stress3356 on 2024-01-05 10:30:15+00:00.

I [F 21] have been dating this guy[M 27]for 1.5 years. I have grown close to him, I love him. But there are a few things which make me feel that he is most probably cheating on me. After a silly fight over a girl, I unfollowed him on Instagram and to date, he never made an effort to follow me back or anything like that, but yes he does follow other women and when asked where these girls suddenly appeared from, he either says random stranger or some cousin this time when I asked him about this person he said and I quote " Do I need to explain every follow I do" And I said obviously no.

In these 1.5 years we have never had a conversation of more than 30 minutes, most days this relationship survives on good morning/good night texts. I dont call him because mostly he says I am busy, I am studying with friends. When I ask him why he does this to me, he says I am stuck and stressed I have a few loans I need to clear.

I sympathise with him but idk, I dont think I am asking for way too much. We rarely meet, in this 1.5 years of relationship, the longest we have stayed together is for 4 hours.

Yesterday I video-called him and was very excited to show my new dress to him and his reaction was very basic, said it looked good, and after 10-15 minutes he said okay, I am sleepy I will text you later.

A picture he recently posted on Instagram (we Dont follow each other on Instagram but his profile is public so whenever I am bored or miss him I look at his profile) I asked him, where did you go for Christmas party (bg had Christmas decoration) he said no baby its old. But today while I was looking at his picture I figured out the sweater he is wearing is 1 year old plus his phone which he recently got like 4-5 months ago. He lied to me.

What should I do? Please suggest. If you suggest I should break up please guide me through it, because I love him, there are a lot of times when I think I will break up with him but the very next second I think that maybe he is in a bad state of mind and that I should stay with him to the last.

TL;DR; Boyfriend most probably cheating on me, I don't have concrete proof how can I break up PS.I love him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Analoguespook on 2024-01-05 10:18:12+00:00.

To give some background on my relationship, I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, we live together and have a few pets. We live a relatively comfortable DINK lifestyle in a small town in England. We both appear happy and I can say with certainty that we both love each other. Unfortunately we have been going through a bit of a rough patch recently and I think the reason is because we both ultimately want different things. I have always made it clear that I want to live in different countries and explore the world before committing to anything like children (something I do want to have eventually). My girlfriend has always been very clear she wants kids, her family are very close knit and all of her sisters have multiple kids. This is where the problem starts.

We had agreed to live in Australia this year, just forget our life and move away for 6-12 months. Get non-stressful jobs (we both have decently paying, stressful jobs) and just enjoy ourselves. Unfortunately these plans have fallen through and my partner states this is because of financial worries but honestly we have more than enough. Unfortunately last year my partner lost 2 close relatives and as she is very family oriented I think this has made her not want to leave her family. I don't blame her AT ALL for this but this puts me at a crossroads. I do want to stay with my girlfriend and eventually start a family but I know if we have a kid/get married/buy a house now I will regret not moving abroad and eventually come to resent my life as this has ALWAYS been my dream. I am also travelling with my friends for 3-4 weeks in late feb and I know that when I get back my dream of moving abroad will only get stronger.

Everytime I try and discuss moving away with my girlfriend we argue and I have noticed that we have been arguing more recently since she made the desicion not to move to Australia. I don't see things getting better unless we come to some sort of compromise. Compromises we have suggested but have not had any luck with are:

1. Moving to a bigger city in the UK (Think Manchester/London), This way we both get a change but she can still see her family. Unfortunately we cannot agree on a city and I KNOW this won't quench my thirst for seeing the world

2. Going travelling together for a few months. Unfortunately my girlfriend doesn't enjoy moving about and being uncomfortable and prefers hotels and beaches. We cannot afford to stay in hotels for months and she refuses to stay in hostels and go on night trains etc.

It seems my options are exhausted and honestly it seems my only 2 realistic options are now to either settle down, get a house in a little village somewhere and have kids and just HOPE that I don't end up resenting my life OR telling my girlfriend I'm moving abroad and trying it long distance for the year or so I am out there but that is more than likely going to break us up (we tried long distance in covid and it was awful).

I'm hoping someone has been through something similar or can offer any advice on what to do.

TL;DR - I want to move away but my girlfriend wants to start a family, we cannot compromise and I dont know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Legitimate-Grape-412 on 2024-01-05 10:15:10+00:00.

I need your opinion.

I've been with my bf for almost 3 years. We got an apartment together about a year and a half ago. I was (and still am) a student and he was working a bit. We went through hard times together. One of the main cause remains our alcohol consumption. He has a real disorder and uncousciously I followed him through it. We argued a lot. But it got worse when we got our apartment. We broke things and shouted at each other. Even came to violence cos I slapped him several times. Awful times.

We almost broke up about a year ago. He stopped working, had a sort of depression. Then little by little it was better. We argued sometimes as any other couple. 2 or 3 times it was hard ones but it was better and better and I was really confident about our relationship. He told me he made things wrong when he stopped working. He told me he will start a formation in september 2024 cos he has to get back on. Finally !

But today we argued cos he was really distant. It is usual. He is a boy that needs space (a lot). I try not to disturb or bother him during these times but the problem shows up anyways. The problem, he said multiple times, is our apartment. He is too small and he can't live here (as it seems he really needs space). He told me he wanted to go back to his house (his mother's house to be precise) definitively. I thought we were about to break up another time.

He then told me "I don't think breaking up is the solution". But I really thought that's what he meant.

I'm now considering any solutions. I love him and if it is really hard for him to live in a small apartment it's okay. I know we have to discuss about that. Going from "we live together" to "we no more see each other" seems hard for me. Cos her mother doesn't live in the city center. That makes me rethink everything. But if he shows me that he puts effort in trying to see me during the weeks (coming home to sleep like 2 days a week or 3 days a week seems really fine). But also it was OUR apartment. So if it becomes mine I'll pay everything. And sometimes I wonder if it isn't also "easier" to lemme pay everything cos "he doesn't live here anymore" but would continue to come as if he does. But "no pressure it's not my apartment anymore so I don't pay".(cos remember ge stopped working)

I don't really know what came first. The fact that he doesn't want responsibilities cos he doesn't work anymore so he doesn't feel "home" (he said he doesn't feel home anywhere and when I asked if it may be the pressure of money cos he havn't been paying for 2 or 3 months and his mother did, he said "maybe"). Or is it the fact that it is really too small for his need of space and that doesn't help him to make such an effort to keep this apartment with me.

I don't know if I am clear but what do you guys think ? And if we manage to find solutions do you think it could be benefic for both of us to have our own "houses" and to let our relationship grow a bit more before going into something more serious ? (If we then have a job in 1 or 2 years then rethink about finding a bigger apartement for example). I thought it could also be benefic for when we argue though. We tend to never ever miss each other cos we live together but maybe things went to fast. It was not the right time...? We may have been bringing things forward ?

Need your opinions. Thanks all!

TL;DR : my bf wants to go back to his mom and so leave our apartment cos it's too small. It is true and as he needs a lot of space I can understand. He hasn't been working for a year and I also wonder if that's bc he doesn't want to make any effort to pay cos he feels bad there. He told me breaking up didn't seem like a solution. Do you think our relationship can grow even though he leaves ? Any advices ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mundane-Noise-949 on 2024-01-05 10:09:53+00:00.

We're basically b00tyc4lls (I guess ?), but we do text everyday about anything. I'm starting to like him but i'm not considering to show it/tell him in any way. We sometimes play videos games together, go for hiking "dates" together and he bought me a christmas gift (nothing sex related). For the last few weeks he's been teasing me 24/7, saying mean/provocative things and disagreeing with me every time he has a chance. Lately our conversations turned like viper's tongues jousts. Why would he do that ?

Thank you !

TL;DR : title + we're bootycalls

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Designer_Resolution8 on 2024-01-05 10:05:23+00:00.

So, I have been in a relationship with a male aged 30 for 8 months. I am 39, also male. We met overseas (Africa, although I won't be specific in order to maintain his anonymity) in his country. I live in Europe. For a few months now, we've been living in our separate countries. Things have been OK, but recently I have been missing him quite a lot but also thinking over the possible future of this relationship, i.e. where does it go, because although in our honeymoon phase I was a lot more positive, I honestly cannot see him coming here and I don't plan on living there.

I should point out that he is a lovely guy (but, see next paragraph), in the early stages we worked pretty well together and actually the LDR itself is not really bad, just I struggle to deal with the distance, particularly when I am not entirely sure of the future.

I initiated conversations about how things were going and started to explain my feelings on this. I wasn't necessarily planning on breaking up with him, but I did want to talk about it. The response was not amazing in my eyes, but we did at least talk about it. He is clearly into me, and doesn't want to end things. There were no concrete plans offered aside from a potential visit to Europe, but I know visas are quite difficult to get and it would be difficult for him, I think.

Basically: for me, I feel I don't want to be in a LDR any more, but I also feel I made a commitment to someone and I do feel bad for that. But my questions are:

Is not being comfortable in a long distance relationship a good reason to break up with someone even if they are a suitable partner in many other ways?

Does anyone have any advice about how to end this relationship as amicably as possible (i.e., without causing too much emotional damage for someone who is not really at fault)?

Note: I realise there are stereotypes of African people using Europeans for immigration purposes. This is not the case here.

TL;DR: breaking up with someone over a long distance relationship, because I cannot handle the LDR itself. Nothing wrong with the other party.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thenwhatarewedoing on 2024-01-05 09:49:47+00:00.

I told her I liked her a month ago and she said she doesn't see me like that. Though being friends would be possible, and it was for a bit until she met someone else and started just plainly blowing me off (we usually play games and chat, but not even that lately). I clearly see that this is just one sided and I'm not sure if I even want to be friends with her anymore. I really loved her, regardless of my feelings, and I genuinely didn't expect this from her in a million years because if I did this the things she does to me to her, I'd most likely get about a million messages how i'm acting like an idiot.

I was in her city yesteday with my friend and a mutual friend of ours (about 2hours away), literally didn't even say 2 words to each other in 2 hours. I don't even call her anymore, she barely messages me or invites me to play games, i've stopped sending her memes and shit (we used to be extremely close and send literally 20 a day to each other).

tldr: told her i liked her, got turned down, im fine being friends, she meets a random guy and randomly blows me off to play games with him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Small_Opportunity325 on 2024-01-05 09:44:09+00:00.

I (22F) have this co-worker (23M), and he's really nice, and I really like him. I recently asked him out, and he said no. I asked him why, and he said he already has a girlfriend. When I went back home, I started looking him up on all social media (Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tik Tok) to find out more about him and his girlfriend. I found him on Facebook and Instagram, and he and his girlfriend met and started dating a year ago. She's 36 years old. When we were at work, I told him to break up with his girlfriend to be with me, but he said no. I just feel really heartbroken. I started working here five months ago, and I think he's really handsome. I feel like he should be with me, not the woman who's 13 years older than he is. I told him this, and he still told me no. Leave him alone. I really like him, and I don't know what to do. What should I do?

TLDR: My (22F) co-worker (23M) doesn't want to go out with me what should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TheOatDispenser on 2024-01-05 09:42:18+00:00.

Ok this is so complicated so bear with me.

So my best friend died 2 months ago. It was an unexpected accident and has been hard to deal with. A lot of the people who knew him best, including me, have been hanging out together a lot more as a result to help each other get through this time.

One of the people in this group is my dead friend’s ex. I have known this girl since elementary school, and we were in the same friend group in high school (although not that close). This friend group is also where she met and fell in love with my now dead buddy. They did not work out and had broke up a year ago after dating like 4 or 5 years.

During the group hangouts after my friend passed this girl and I definitely got along well but I didn’t think anything of it.

That is until a series of unfortunate events forced her to crash in my spare bedroom for a night. We had never hung out much one on one and quickly I began to realize we got along really well. I think she realized it too. We had so much fun we hung out all the next day, then she slept in the spare room again, and then the same happened the next day/night.

We might still be hanging if I didn’t have to leave on a business trip. Nothing sexual happened besides some flirting and cuddling. Honestly I was too morally conflicted to make a move. But I feel myself falling in love with her. She’s all I can think about lately. Being with her was the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. It’s wild too because I am never one to fall for someone quickly.

I am loyal to my friends and would never touch a close friends gf or ex. This is a principle of mine I told myself I would never break. I don’t know how to reconcile this with the fact I’m falling for my best friend’s ex. Not to mention it’s only 2 months this after his passing. Would I be wrong to pursue this?

TLDR: my friend died and my wondering if it’s wrong to date his ex after accidentally catching feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra556_j on 2024-01-05 09:39:46+00:00.

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I haven't seem my best friend in around 5 months as we live in different towns. We had made plans to go out for drinks and since there are a lot of good bars in our town, we said we'd make a night of it and go on a little bar crawl and probably go to a club at the end of the night.

I was talking to my girlfriend and mentioned the bars we were thinking about going to and she said it sounds fun. She asked if she could come along and I told her she can come next time but this time I just want to catch up with my friend, just the two of us.

She asked why and I just said I don't expect to go out with her and her friends whenever they meet up so there shouldn't be an issue with me meeting a friend. She said it seems like I'm hiding something but I just said that me wanting to see a friend on my own is not me hiding something.

I pointed out it's not healthy to expect to go on every social activity with your partner and that it's healthy to see friends on your own but she just repeated it seems suspicious and that she doesn't see an issue with her coming along.

I told her I've explained the issue, she's just choosing to ignore it but she just said I was causing an argument over nothing. I'm not really sure what to do, does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr my girlfriend accused me of being suspicious and hiding something when I said no to her coming to my night out with my friend. She said it's no big deal her coming and I should be fine with it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mysterious_Cat_2486 on 2024-01-05 09:26:08+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year, and I am very confident that there’s a ton of love shared between us. He is incredibly considerate and caring; always making sure I’m fed, comfortable, and content. We both work full time office jobs (I also do bartending most weekends) but never fail to check in on each other and plan fun events and trips.

Recently however, I saw a string of messages between him and his friend’s gf about me that were very hurtful. It was a long time ago, just a few weeks after we met, and we had only been hooking up as friends; but it still makes my stomach turn. He said he wouldn’t ever want to be in a relationship with me, and how he wasn’t thinking as much about some other girl he actually wanted bc at least he was getting “action.” He told her that it was “sad” that I cared so much because I admitted to him I wasn’t used to opening myself up to guys who were nice to me. I even spent a night’s tips to buy him a festival ticket for his bday and they mocked me for it, saying I’m trying to “buy his love.”

He has been very understanding and apologetic since I brought this up to him, and assured me that it was all just his insecurities and denial that he was falling for me. I definitely understand being closed off after relationship hurt, I was just very surprised because I thought we at least cared for each other as friends. Yes I was probably a bit too eager, but he was also the one constantly hitting me up to go out, visiting me at work, and bringing my fave foods to my house even before we were official.

I also know that it was never my business to be reading his chats, I just saw lots of mutual friends and was looking for fun. Actually. I never expected to see anything incriminating and I know we’ve only had sweet things to say about each other ever since he officially asked me to be with him.

TLDR: Tips on forgiving a partner for hurtful past comments/behavior? I don’t want to mess up our present and future by letting this get to me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nickthegreat101 on 2024-01-04 19:02:38+00:00.

Hello, this is between me (26m) and my girlfriend (22f), we’ve been dating for 10 months and we don’t live together.

We usually see each other at least once during the week and everyday on the weekends. Today I asked her if she wanted to get together and she let me know she’s currently on her way to another city about 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours away to visit some friends for the day before returning in the evening.

I’m not sure why but this was jarring, it felt like if I didn’t ask to hang out today I would’ve never known she was going to this city. I’ve felt like this before when she told me she was doing a food delivery app job 2 weeks after she already started the job.

My question is why do I feel low emotionally after hearing this. Everything in our relationship is amazing and we get along so well. Is it just inconsiderate? I by no means would ever say “no” if she just gave me a heads up she was doing these things. I also do not want to be controlling and I’m worried that me feeling this way may be controlling behaviour? But like I said I would never say “no” it’d just be a “okay have fun and get there safe!”

I want to get to the bottom of why I feel low and somewhat sad when these things happen so when I bring it up to her this weekend or this evening if she’s back in time I can give a reason instead of just “it makes me feel sad” lol. It’s almost like I feel left out, am I right to feel like this?

TLDR: My girlfriend does things without letting me know and it bothers me but I don’t know why it bothers me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Momba2013 on 2024-01-05 09:16:27+00:00.

First off, yes I’m Muslim too.

I told my gf what my family said and she agreed it was islamophobic but took it much better than I expected otherwise. She encouraged my to shut my mom down. So I basically told my mom that “I will tell people about my own dietary rules and if they have a problem with me being Muslim that’s a them problem not a me problem.” I didn’t pile on my mom, but I stood up to her as kindly as I could.

As a “momma’s boy” all my life this was hard but I did stand up. My mom I think it still a little bothered by the food issue but I put her in her place. Over time I hope she will grow out of her Islamophobia. I pray for that.

Thanks to everyone for their support!

TLDR: I told my gf and stood up to my mom