Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Embarrassed-Usual662 on 2024-01-05 09:11:27+00:00.

This morning my husband (41m) and I (40f) married 7 years together for 15, were both sitting quietly at our laptops at the kitchen table while our 6m old napped and our 5yo was playing happily in the other room. I was glad to be getting on top of some life admin and was feeling organised and optimistic about the year ahed.

He was on his laptop getting agitated, huffing and puffing and finally slammed it shut, put it down and stormed away. I was trying to ignore him but I feel like his body language and behaviour was very "look at me". I thought he must have received some bad news, like been fired or something! Turns out he was just trying to return an item of clothing he bought online and missed the cutoff by two days. He says he was angry at himself because he's such an idiot and can't do anything right, is a bad Dad because our son wouldn't go out today etc. I feel like this is a very abnormal way to react, he was expressing so much self pity.

I then felt depressed and resentful for the rest of the day because I feel like I am juggling a lot of balls right now and have things to feel genuinely stressed about but am doing a good job staying calm and optimistic. It's almost like he sensed this and was trying to throw off my game.

Is his behaviour reasonable? Should I just leave him alone and forgive it? He did cool down pretty fast. Or should I talk to him more about how I/he feels? To give more context we live in a small two bedroom house, spend a lot of time together and haven't been away this summer so it's a bit tense.

TL;DR - In summary: I feel so annoyed with my husband for always getting stressed over petty, insignificant things. Is it reasonable to expect him to have more composure? I feel like I try whilst juggling so much, so why shouldn't he? And if he is going to loose it, do it in private.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Designer_Resolution8 on 2024-01-05 08:59:43+00:00.

So, I have been in a relationship with a male aged 30 for 8 months. I am 39, also male. We met overseas (Africa, although I won't be specific in order to maintain his anonymity) in his country. I live in Europe. For a few months now, we've been living in our separate countries. Things have been OK, but recently I have been missing him quite a lot but also thinking over the possible future of this relationship, i.e. where does it go, because although in our honeymoon phase I was a lot more positive, I honestly cannot see him coming here and I don't plan on living there.

I should point out that he is a lovely guy (but, see next paragraph), in the early stages we worked pretty well together and actually the LDR itself is not really bad, just I struggle to deal with the distance, particularly when I am not entirely sure of the future.

I initiated conversations about how things were going and started to explain my feelings on this. I wasn't necessarily planning on breaking up with him, but I did want to talk about it. The response was not amazing in my eyes, but we did at least talk about it. He is clearly into me, and doesn't want to end things. There were no concrete plans offered aside from a potential visit to Europe, but I know visas are quite difficult to get and it would be difficult for him, I think.

Basically: for me, I feel I don't want to be in a LDR any more, but I also feel I made a commitment to someone and I do feel bad for that. But my questions are:

Has anyone handled a breakup over a LDR - how did you manage that, what was your experience?

I am almost certain people in LDRs have experienced similar issues (emotional ones, that is): how did you handle those, what was the outcome?

Note: I realise there are stereotypes of African people using Europeans for immigration purposes. This is not the case here.

TL;DR: breaking up with someone over a long distance relationship, because I cannot handle the LDR itself. Nothing wrong with the other party.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/tittyhacker69 on 2024-01-05 08:57:47+00:00.

In my previous post as i have mentioned, i got back with him after he proved how much he loved me. Showed me emails and conversations, his phone and everything else.

I still was insecure everyday. I still tried to be with him. And he told me that it was the first time i caught him back then and he was cheating from 2 weeks.

I was heartbroken and i slapped him several times coz i was drunk. I deeply regret doing it. He then cried to me about how i should give him a chance and not leave him coz he is fucked up and he is actually trying to be better. I gave him that chance when I really didn’t deserve this.

I started hanging out with my gym friends and they hated him and warned me not to speak to him again. I didn’t tell them i got back with him.

My gym group has 2 boys 3 girls including me. And this 1 boy P, i started hanging out with him coz he was a new member. We instantly connected and used to crack funny jokes. He used to flirt with all of us girls/boys in a very friendly way. The group was solid. I started liking P and wanted to spend more and more time with him.

My partner figured it out because I replied to a silly msg of P right after i got intimate with my partner. We used to literally talk as friends and flirt slightly. After my partner got uncomfortable, I reduced talking to P and stopped meeting him for walks. I still wanted to talk to him. So when we used to meet at the gym, we used to flirt aggressively but all of it was harmless. I used to do it in front of everyone. Also pull each others leg.

Once P asked me whether i think i like him and i actually told him i do. And he does too. And it was awkward. Later i told him i am dating and he said dont i have self respect.

Then there was this tension between us. My partner got annoyed coz i hung out with the group again and that made him uncomfortable. I told him i flirted with P. My partner then accused me of cheating which i clearly didn’t. I stayed with him and tried to work things but I wasn’t able to stop talking to P.

My partner asked me to not hang out with the group or stop talking to P completely . P is 2 years younger to me.

My partner said that he cut girls from his life for me but I wasn’t able to cut a gym friend. The girls he used to talk, all of them he fucked. He even told me he had consenual sex with a minor. I still accepted him.

He was hurt coz he introduced me to his family and saw a future with me. But how am i supposed to live with a man who has to fuck every female he interacts with.

He punished me through sex and made me cry, he was never patient with me. And called me crass words.

I finally broke up with him. Because I cared about P and his feelings. He made me happy.

My partner called me over to his place saying shit like he was never my person. But i was his. He fucked up but he wont give up. He literally said that if i go and fuck P he would still take me back. What kind of a horrible relationship is that?

I did have sex with him the day i went to his place to talk. And later i met P and told him that. He was hurt and couldn’t believe it. He said he actually never asked me about where i went, he was busy and working and how could i kiss him on the cheek and go fuck my ex the next day.

I felt immensely horrible and apologised to P. He is a genuinely good guy. How do i convince P that i am actually genuinely interested in being with him?

TLDR: 24F was dating ex 28M and a friend was involved 22M

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WerewolfPuzzled552 on 2024-01-05 08:57:05+00:00.

Me (49M) and my girlfriend (45F) both got kids in teen years living with us, we both live apart and have been dating for 5 years some of it during divorce. See each other a few times a month for a weekend. We live 4 hours drive from each other which is a lot where we live as we are not used to that level of travel in the country. Logistically we cannot move in together for another 4 years.

Me (49M) travelled world, seen and done most things partied hard, had exciting career and now ready to chill on a 4 day week work from home. Prefer Nandos, walking, cooking, gardening, home movie and basic clothes. I still make good money $150k, have normal house, take holidays etc. So not talking frugal life here, but not excessive.

Her (45F) married early, limited partying wants to do lots of things but time, money and kid is limiting factor. She wants to build a career, educate herself, buy a big house go to expensive restaurants, go to night clubs, travel to exotic places, buy designer clothes. Likes to do 100 things at 100mph. She needs a partner to financially support some of those goals as well as the energy levels.

Personality wise both caring and respectful of each other. No friction. Lovely person and I do look after her emotionally as well, as she deserves it. I think we are in love with each other. We care for each other, don't really argue and are connected at some level. She also highly considerate and accommodating of my needs. It really does work on an emotional level.

Her world suited me for a bit as during my divorce (which took 3 years) it was escapism.

My problem here is that, I care for her so much I don't want to hold her back. I don't have the energy or desire to do all my 20's all over again at that level, it's not new experiences for me. I don't want her to miss out on her dreams as I do care about her. I also don't want to invest another 5 years and realise that we cannot reconcile our different goals or me trying to align to her goals makes me unhappy. I think it works now as we only see each other a few times a month.

I want to retire soon as possible (5 years), do gardening and DIY, eat basic (cause I like basic food after 15 years of business travel and restaurants). I have become a homely person after so much partying in my 20's and travelling in my 30's.

Tried to have some level of conversation on this, but her approach is why don't you just enjoy the moment and not worry about the future.

Thought on this ? Do I just enjoy the time we have and see how it plays out ? Do I pre-empt an ending when maybe over time both our views will change ?

Tl;dr: Both in love but have different goals in life, do I let it play out and just enjoy it knowing there is a risk of it breaking down in the future ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lanky-Conversation93 on 2024-01-05 08:52:37+00:00.

so TL;DR i feel like i screwed up any chance i had with her, is this my fault?

Hey guys, so a bit of context, i dated this girl from november 2022 up until december 2023, it was great, i really loved her the love was there, we went out every week, we saw eachother all the time it was just fantastic, i have an anxious attachment and she has an avoidant attachment so there was a bit of clashing but we made compromises and everything was good, about 2 months before we broke up she cheated on me, just a kiss but it hurt a lot, she told me it was a mistake i chose to forgive her and we ended up good again. Then randomly one day she blindsided me she told me she was unhappy, wanted to work on herself and didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, it hurt alot and i spent the next few days tryna reason with her but her mind was made up. Since then she was with a new guy a week later turned very cold and started to be rude and that hurt even more, i recently decided to try and move on and have sex with another girl, my ex gf found out, lost her marbles showed up to my house screamed at me told me she wishes she never met me and just really lost it at me, now she's saying she would of come back to me and it's my fault now and i ruined everything, she hates me now and just keeps making fun of me, am i honestly in the wrong here? she told me there was no hope for us and that we needed to be no contact previous to me doing this. I really love that girl and it hurts to think i fucked up any chance we had

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SomeEpicName on 2024-01-05 08:49:08+00:00.

So in a lot of spicy hetero romance, the female main characters are lusting after the male main characters quite a bit for their looks and many other factors, but the looks are definitely a prominent one.

But is this passionate degree of hetero lust *for a man* realistic for a serious hetero romantic relationship? I definitely would like to feel it in my next romantic relationship. I know this sounds like a dumb question, I'm asking because I've heard of a lot of people not having sex in their relationships or not finding their partners very attractive at all. I also read that female sexual desire for their partner is often reactive to what the male partner does, but the sexual desire I want to feel would be independent of their presence or sexual initiation on their end.

So am I asking for too much to have a loving, serious relationship with a man that gives me the same stomach knots and heated, flushed faces female leads feel in romance novels? I personally only go for sweet wholesome guys, not the stereotypical bad boys commonly found in such novels. My standards for looks aren't as high as the hypermasculine shredded looks of romance novel guys, but I do prefer more muscle than average. I'm demisexual, so I can't feel any sexual desire until I feel some emotional bond with a guy.

FYI, I did feel crazy romance novel-worthy lust for the last 3 IRL himbo guys I dated, but unfortunately we weren't compatible for a serious relationship in the long run. I understand that this passionate sexual desire fades, but at least let it go from a 10 to a 5 rather than a 3 to 0 like it did in my last serious relationship. As a demisexual, much of my passion for a partner isn't based off their conventionally sexually attractive qualities, but also their personalities, values, and our bond. I also don't expect to experience any romance novel or fairytale tropes at all and have no desire to. My question is just about the sexual attraction only.

The reason why my sexual desire for my last serious partner was so weak had a lot to do with my lack of experience with relationships and my poor mental health at the time making me seriously out of touch with my emotions and body. I never felt any active sexual desire towards him or to touch him at all, all our sex was me "letting him" do things to me. I later realized I was demisexual and my lack of desire towards him had much to do with value differences that weren't obvious until later in the relationship. I then met a guy with much more similar values who was equally physically attractive, and I sexually desired him 1000x as much as I ever did compared to the previous partner whom I ended up leaving. He wasn't even any better looking or more masculine, we just had more similar social values.

TL;DR: I'd like to know if it's realistic and healthy for I, a woman, to expect a male partner I can feel romance novel-worthy sexual hunger for in a serious relationship, at least in the beginning of the relationship. As a demisexual, a lack of sexual desire for my partner has been a subconscious sign of a mismatch in critical values.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PachuliKing on 2024-01-05 08:48:36+00:00.

Hi! Well, I don't know how long this is going to be but here I go... TLDR at the finale!

She and I were together for almost 2 years till, out of nowhere, she left not before saying me horrible things around September. Over the time I was learning and learning that she was a horrible person, so I simply didn't care about her finally leaving on September...

On December 1st she started calling me a lot of times and sending me messages saying that she was sorry and that she still loves me. I didn't answer her phone calls nor her messages, but she kept doing it so I decided to write her a loooong message saying that I knew she lied to me since the very beginning and that I could never forgive her for things she did to me (like, once, taking my money and block me from every social media while I was literally starving) and I blamed her for thinking that, some stupid thing in her life, was more valuable for her than me. She basically didn't refuse the lying part -which, in the past, she would do- and basically tried to make me feel like I did mistakes too and that they cancell each other, and told me that we should -please- try this one last time. I just ignored her.

I didn't block her not because I wanted to let an open door but bc I feel that that is childlish, and after all it's pointless since she knows my number and could use other phones... anyways. A few minutes ago I entered to WhatsApp to answer a friend and noticed my ex gf (no, I wasn't about to send her a message, her chat simply was under my friends' one) had a new profile pic that... well, I don't want to get in detail but basically confirmed that she's not only a f***** liar but that I was right when I told her that, I knew that if we were together again, she would do the same s*** again.

She has sent me some messages since the long message saying things like 'I miss you', 'I wish I had the will to stop loving you'... I simply don't care and leave her on seen. But in one of those messages she said she's dying, which could actually be true bc she had health problems. And I don't care about her as a 'partner who's dying', but as a human, and just for in a 'if I can help with something I'll do but that's all' level. Yes, I know what you're thinking, that I still care about her, but seriously no! Is just that I really believe my parents raised me in such a good way that I can't ignore someone dying, just in the same way I care about poor people or animals...

But then seeing how, in case she's dying, she simply takes everything as a joke and just do what the picture 'says' makes me so angry because I can't believe she's so willing to be a liar till the very end. And even if she isn't dying, then it gets worse because then she has also lied about dying! Which in my opinion should be about at least trying to rectify the last part of your road, isn't it?

I just feel like its so f***** unfair. I know I'll sound egocentric but, I know I have a better moral than her that simply knowing I was with someone like that and she's still doing that makes me want to puke so much, and I don't know if maybe what bothers me is knowing that out there there's a lot of people doing this kind of things and I kind of 'represent' that people in her, or what. Or, as said, maybe I'm just angry with myself for having shared with such a horrible person

I don't love her anymore, and I don't care about what happens to her as long as she's not dying or suffering. But seriously, seeing that she's still out there in the world lying makes me feel so angry...

TLDR: I saw a picture that basically confirms that my ex gf, whom I have only exchanged like 10 messages with since the breakup in September, and asked me to return with her (which I didn't accept), is never going to change and will always be a liar. I don't know how to get over it because I don't care about her anymore but what bothers me is the lying action itself. She recently told me she's dying and it bothers me even more because I can't believe how cretin she has to be, to be in that situation, almost in the other life, and KEEPS LYING just after weeks of her telling meto please come back, which proves she's just so f**** selfish

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vast_Afternoon_19 on 2024-01-05 08:43:01+00:00.

some of you might find this silly but i’m a very traumatized person who struggles with setting boundaries—although i’m trying to change this.

so there’s a guy i met online a long time ago. we started off sexting and planning to meet for a hookup, but i was traveling a lot and not in town and it just never came to fruition.

we talk everyday for over a year and have built a really lovely and supportive friendship. i’m dating other people and i’m 99% sure he is too. he has expressed no desire to enter into a romantic relationship with me. i haven’t either but i think it’s very very clear that i’m open to it. i just reserve plainly stating so because i don’t chase i attract

so sometimes he still initiates sexting, and it’s fun and thrilling i think he’s so hot. but i also have started to feel knots in my stomach about it. i don’t think i want to sext him anymore because i want to reserve that for the people i’m dating, especially for someone who wants to commit to me. i lovee our friendship he’s so sweet to me but i feel hurt that he expresses sexual interest but not romantic interest.

i don’t wanna be a castrating buzzkill when i tell him, bc given how our friendship started, it’s not unreasonable for him to assume i have no issues with it bc i haven’t communicated this to him. i would feel okay with sexting if i knew he had romantic feelings for me but i also don’t want him to feel pressured to date me. seeking input on how to approach this. feeling so overwhelmed. i am specifically asking: how should i word this? and when should i say this? when he tries to initiate sexting or in another moment?

tldr; need help with how to set a boundary with my guy friend. i don’t want to sext anymore because i have romantic feelings for him and i do not think he feels the same way

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Xodia444 on 2024-01-05 08:40:23+00:00.

Hey, well I’m 19yo M and I’m sorta struggling with an identity crisis, for the longest I’ve had no clue how I’ve wanted to live and even now which is probably the most stable time in my life I still don’t. Basically this started when I went to uni when I got there didn’t really click with my roommate and didn’t really talk to anyone so I had no friends. So I decided to just work on myself, work in the gym and study hard, everything was going well met this dude and we got along well or so I thought the issue is he only started contacting me when he needed something or wanted to workout with me. Alr “it’s cool he’s busy as he works and does school full time” is what I thought the only problem is that he’s quick to respond to my messages when he wants something for me and no other time.

I start to get lonely and uneasy and my anxiety starts to go up because I can’t find anyone to talk to, so I decide to get a gf cause I’m an okay looking dude imo and this girl who I thought was cute fancied me as she kept glancing at me anyways so I get her # and start talking to her, we talk for a bit even meet up and hangout then we never hangout again and when I ask her out “admittedly I took too long but it’s my 1st time asking someone out properly so had nothing to go off of” she tells me she’s taken(which she isn’t) and wants to be friends, alr cool I like her as a person and so I stay friends the chatting halts and when I try to plan something she says she can’t last min so I assume she’s hinting that she don’t wanna talk to me and is being nice so I stop asking to hangout and reduce our chats, eventually I try my hand with this other girl that gave me a glance I thought was cute I got her IG we talk and set up a meet up, we keep talking for weeks until the meet up chat until the night though she isn’t as responsive in the convo as I am, but she’s ans my questions and responds to me in a timely manner even started starting convo and hasn’t canceled our meet up so I figured it’s going well, when it’s time to meet up she says we can meet at her house or the gas station I opt for gas station as I didn’t feel like walking that far when she gets there she doesn’t seem interested and though she talks to me doesn’t ask me any questions just talks about herself but I try to make it work cause I was a tad bit desperate and wanted to get into a relationship for once, when we’re don’t she follow me on my route home as she lives close to the city anyways we chat some more and I think it went alr, next day she tell me she doesn’t see me romantically and just wants to be friends which floored as I thought things were going well anyways get in my feelings block her and unfollow, telling her I don’t wanna be friends(I know, weak move) but I then reconsider later and try to work it out but I fumbled the reason I say all this cause the more I thought about it I’m assuming they found me attractive and simply wanted to sleep with me with nothing more attached which I would’ve been fine with but they acted like they wanted a relationship and that just confuses me anyways, basically they were using me as only a piece of attraction not because they liked me for me or wanted any connection with me.

In this time frame I try to play so sports as I’ve given up on relationships and think what I need is friends not a gf but I struggle to socialize so that falls through and I start talking to the 1st girl again and she offers to hang out after a series or texts tryna do damage control think she was pissed at me for not talking to her much I say alr and she gets me follow her club IG for something she’s running but when i try to chat I get dry responses, she then loses her school ID and tells me which I was unable to help with and I wonder why she contacted me since we don’t talk all that often. So time passes and it’s winter break, i try to chat with her as i think she values me as a friend but she gives me dry responses so I don’t respond to her, on new yrs she sends me a happy new yrs chat and I’m confused as idk whether she wants to be friends or she’s just doing that so she can keep using me in her convenience. During the holidays I’m unable to make any IRL friends, so I try online something I haven’t done before.

I meet 3 new people a dude and 2 girls, the girls contact me 1st and we chat, but I texted the due 1st anyways, I chat with all 3 of them and things seem to be going well I’m chatting with one of the girls everyday we cool she messages quick and I feel like we’ve become good friends and then eventually she stops and stars sending me 1 text over a day outta no where, the other girl we get along but didn’t talk much due to other events and eventually she starts ignoring me, so now I’m only talking to bro. I say all this to give context and ask why is it that people only interact with me when it seems they have something to gain, it was the same in HS I’d only get spoken when they wanted something or they’d wanna mess with me and as a result I’ve grown kinda bitter, closed off and resentful towards others. I’ve tried to let the bitterness go ask I believe it’s preventing me from meeting so nice people. When I started going to my school gym people would try to talk to me but I struggle talking so I don’t say much back, sometimes some people don’t say nuthin they just stare idk if it’s cause I’m intimidating or creepy or sumn, I’m black in a majority non black school not saying that’s the only contributor but definitely a factor, don’t say much, don’t smile cause I’m depressed and tall/kinda built so I guess I may be intimidating but anyone that speaks to me could see I’m just awkward and shy, even when I do chat they don’t seem interested in chatting with me.

TLDR: I’m at a loss as idk what to do anymore, I’ve tried the open social route I get nothin, tried the ignore people and focus on me route I get viewed as stuck up and get glared at, but I look at people staring at me they act like they weren’t staring making me feel weird for looking at them and giving me anxiety thinking I’m making someone uncomfortable. This stuff even prevents me from getting a job as whenever I have an in person interview I feel like they’re judging me and glaring at me, the only other option is to become a hermit and never go out or interact with others unless necessary, but I don’t really wanna go back to living like that as I’ve come along way to improving self. Can someone pls tell me what to do or give me advice I’m at a loss for words rn, sometimes I contemplate killing myself but I don’t have the balls to do it yet. Sorry for the long rant.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Butterscotch920 on 2024-01-05 08:27:05+00:00.

I need advice. My girlfriend of 4 months has made for the best relationship I’ve ever had so far. She shares the same sense of humor as me, conversations can last for hours with her, and I genuinely feel like I’m in love. She has been nothing but wonderful to me and so I’m not sure how to feel about this next part.

We matched on a dating app at the start of this past fall semester. She told me that I was cute and asked me to add her snapchat, which I did. I remember that night was a night before an exam, so I had to go to bed early. At around 2am that night, she asked me to come over to her place. I declined apologetically, and ended up going over the next night.

We instantly hit it off as soon as I got there. Long story short, we ended up making out. I got nervous as I was pretty sure things were heading in the direction of us having sex, and to me, sex is a big deal. But, I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I was ready for anything. Thankfully though she stopped and said that she doesn’t have sex on the first date. Cool, that was a relief.

A few weeks go by and all was going very well. I ended up spending the night almost every other night. One day she asked what my body count is, to which I told her that it’s 3. I asked her the same and she said it was now 9. Cool. I really didn’t mind, I just wanted to know. She continued to explain that a lot of her friends have body counts that are 20+ and that hers was actually quite low. This made a lot of sense to me. I assumed that she was actually quite picky about choosing partners, since she was very popular in high school, and would tell me of countless guys who had crushes on her.

Fast forward again to about 2 weeks ago, we were out at a bar, and she turns to me and says, “I have a confession”. She went on to tell me that her body count is actually 14. She told me that she was just embarrassed about it before, and that body counts are a made up way to get girls to feel bad about themselves. I told her I totally understood and that it didn’t change my perspective of her at all. I said that I was glad she felt comfortable telling me the truth, and we left it at that.

However, I think I lied to her - and myself - when I said that. I went home and had this incredibly awful pit in my stomach. I don’t like thinking about her being with 13 other guys. Obviously, though, she chose me, and I refuse to make her feel bad in any way for being sexual. I feel like it’s morally wrong and would definitely harm our relationship if I were to shame her for it. I can get over that fact, and I’m actively working on it. She’s wonderful, and that’s her past, and not her present.

The thing that bothers me most is that she lied to me about it. I feel betrayed. I have no idea what she’s told me the truth about and what she has lied about. I’ve noticed a few inconsistencies in her stories she’s told me about her past with other guys. I genuinely don’t know what to do. She’s been absolutely perfect towards me, and I want to continue this relationship. I just feel lied to, and I feel like it might end up damaging our relationship.

So, I need advice. What should I do? I was thinking of sitting down with her and having an honest, non judge-mental conversation. I want to tell her that I feel lied to, and that I want her to feel like she can always just tell me the truth and I won’t judge her for it. I don’t want her to ever have to feel like she has to hide her past or parts of who she is as a person from me. I don’t think I should bring up the body count at all, rather just how I feel like my trust has been damaged.

Am I thinking about this wrong? Is there anything I’m missing?

TL;DR my girlfriend lied about her body count, later told me the truth, I feel like my trust has been broken and am unsure how to move forward.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/feral-nymph on 2024-01-05 08:03:22+00:00.

Just for some context, my boyfriend (32M) and I (22F) have been together for almost two years and today, things came to a head. He felt the need to message and call my family members, insisting that I have been cheating on him. He called me upwards for 40 times while I was at work, meanwhile cussing me out through messages.

I ignored all the messages and refused to pick up the phone. He had called my brother (20M) who informed me that my boyfriend said that he would become violent and would happily go to jail if it meant he was able to ruin my life. I called the local non emergency sheriff line and requested a police presence in moving out of the apartment that he and I share, and that was arranged.

Anyway, he and I have this kitten, and when he and i got this cat, we had initially agreed that the cat would be his if anything were to happen between us.

Tonight though, I changed my mind and decided to take the cat with me.

He has a history of animal abuse and cruelty, which i won’t go into detail about, but I know i basically switched that up and inherently that was wrong, but i wouldn’t have put it past him to hurt the kitten just to spite me.

I’m just concerned that he’ll continue to push for getting the cat back, and is there anything I should be concerned about in that aspect to legality and such?

TL;DR had a nasty breakup, took the cat that was initially agreed to be my boyfriends but changed my mind due to his animal abuse history. are there ways he could legally take it back?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Realistic-Dog1726 on 2024-01-05 08:00:22+00:00.

When i met my husband i had already my 4 oldest. Every one of my children have a small handicap.

My 18 year old has mild depression 16 year old has a speech slur 14 year old has cerebral palsy 12 year old is autistic

I over heard my husband on the phone saying “something is wrong with all of her children and I’m trying to figure out is it because of her or her ex. I’m thinking it’s her beause they all have something mental going on”

I was upset when i heard him him tell whoever that i was the reason for my children not being properly developed

TL:DR; am i overreacting ? I don’t like the fact that he’s telling someone about my children in that manner

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Amiest554 on 2024-01-05 07:53:57+00:00.

I got to know him at my college, where he's a studend as well (he already has a degree from the first uni he went to more than 10 years ago, and works as a journalist besides his current education). We became friends about 2 months ago. Since then we had a lot of conversations, both in person and in text. He's an emathetic, friendly, humorous and hardworking person, and we have a similar worldview. Gradually it became obvious that we don't simply like the other one in a platonic way, we're very attracted to each other. We went on a date a few days ago and I haven't felt so good in a long time.

The problem is, the people around me disapprove of this. No one is actively trying to break us up, but several people gave me weird looks and hinted that a relationship with such an age gap is not okay. My mother anxiously asked me things like "Is this really what you want?" or "Don't you have a crush on a boy who's around your age?", thinking she's subtle about her opinion, even though it couldn't be more obvious. I can see it in her eyes that she sees us as a grown man preying on a young girl, even if she doesn't says it out loud. It's infuriating because both of us are adults, and it's not like he's grooming a girl who just turned 18 yesterday.

Even my older sister's eyebrows went to the top of her forehead when she learned that there is a 14-year age gap between the man I love and me. I don't know why they're making such a big deal out of it. 10 years later our ages will be 31 and 45, practically just irrelevant numbers.

People tend to forget than men mature slower than women. I'd like to get married and have a child - not right now, obviously, but maybe about 5 years later. Most guys who are the same age as me don't even want to hear about a committed relatonship like this. If I want to live by my goals and the things I value, I'm probably the best off with a man around the age of 30 or a bit older.

Tl;DR: I got to know a 35 y.o. man 2 months ago, and we started dating recently. We started out as friends and gradually fell in love. He's a good person who treats me well. Even though my family doesn't try to actively break us up, they regularly hint that they disapprove of our relationship. They think that a 14 year old age gap is way too large, and virtually see it as a grown man preying on an impressionable young girl. How am I supposed to deal with this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Acceptable_Ad_8009 on 2024-01-05 07:40:22+00:00.

I (21F) need some help. This last semester has been hell. I worked myself to the bone and my mental health had been hell. I lost my job and that caused a panic attack that caused me to go the mental hospital. The entire semester I'd been telling myself how much I wanted to stop and die and when I wanted to die. I said a lot of scary stuff, and they still were so supportive. They let me stay over when I felt unsafe, they listened to me and I felt so supported. When I had my panic attack my phone fell out and I didn't have access to it for a week (cause I was in the hospital) The hospital really helped and I was ready to back and see my lovely friends. When I came back they ghosted me. No one was talking to me. We had a white elephant the next day and I was planning on going to that. I got a long text from one of my friends saying that I shouldn't go to white elephant, and how disappointed they were in me not telling them anything. They told me I had to have several conversations with everyone in the group. Until then, I was out of the group. I got this message a few hours I was discharged from the hospital. I was devastated by this. I had more panic attacks in that weekend than I've ever had before. I was so fucking sad. I felt like I was abandoned. This broke me. I understand that two (18M and 19M) of them lost their best friend to suicide and they think suicide is selfish, but I didn't attempt. I asked for help and got it. The other two (18M and 18M), this was their first time dealing with another persons mental health crisis, so they were scared. They also couldn't find me for an hour, so they all thought I was dead, but I felt like i had to manage their emotions about this along with mine in order to get my friends back. No one bothered to even check in on me or tell me that they were happy to see me. I still did it. I reached out to people and had some conversations. The conversations went ok I think, I made promises with them about telling them things and being honest, and apologized for the feelings they endured because of this. They also kinda apologized for how they handled things. Things are still really weird. But one of my friends, someone I thought I was super close to, had just full on ghosted me. He won't respond. My friends were like my family. What did I do wrong?

TL:DR Friends were super supportive and were family to me, I had panic attack and went to mental hospital, they got scared and didn’t communicate with me at all. I had to manage their emotions and mine, and some of them haven’t talked to me since. I want them back.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PrestigiousWelder379 on 2024-01-05 07:24:14+00:00.

I’ve (22F) have been struggling with feeling like I can’t be myself around my boyfriend. (21M) I’m gonna start this off by saying I’m sensitive, highly empathetic, and an overthinker with abandonment issues (in therapy.)

I’ve been with my bf for almost two years. I moved into his family home around 6 months ago. I love him dearly, he’s my best friend. I love living together. We’ve had two big fights/arguments but we rarely have any issues. He’s supportive, compassionate, and a provider. He makes my life easier and brighter.

But one thing that’s always been in my mind is this. I realize it’s most likely a me issue. I’ve just become a hermit in my shell. He gets defensive quickly about disagreements so I usually don’t push it too much, nothing has ever been serious enough to push on. I feel like he doesn’t see me, the depths of my soul. I don’t think he knows how special my favorite songs are to me, my most meaningful memories, or most of the things we keep locked away. Our bedroom feels like it’s only his, all of his previous decorations, nothing about it feels like me. I think that may be apart of it.

Does this mean I don’t trust him? I’ve had two prior relationships that were shitty in their own ways. But I felt like those two people really saw my soul. Saw ME. Any advice or personal stories?

TL;DR: feel like my boyfriend doesn’t see me deeply, abandonment issues, seeking advice on how to open up, comparison to previous relationships.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/GarlicStill6113 on 2024-01-05 06:54:44+00:00.

We have been together for two years, going into the relationship I was happy he was honest and it sounded like he was honest about it with his ex wife but as the relationship as gone on more has come out. Including a time when he went to a brothel and times he did not come clean with her. The other day he brought up a specific time when he was partying with a girl in her early twenties who was “cool” with it as in wouldn’t tell the ex wife.

Outside of him telling me, I have brought it up I believe 3 times and each time he brings up something I have done wrong early in the relationship such as gotten a number from a guy at the bar but would block and delete it and it was in my deleted messages he would have found it via snooping. I stopped doing this right away including going to the bar,

apologized, apologized and apologized. This evening I was looking to have a calm conversation where ideally he would reassure me but again I was met with things I did wrong in the beginning. I understand no one likes a spot lite on their wrong doings but I also feel I deserve to be reassured.

TL;DR My (38M) Bf cheated on his ex wife a lot. When I (34f) try to have a non judgmental convo about it he gets mad at me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/GarlicStill6113 on 2024-01-05 06:51:26+00:00.

We have been together for two years, going into the relationship I was happy he was honest and it sounded like he was honest about it with his ex wife but as the relationship as gone on more has come out. Including a time when he went to a brothel and times he did not come clean with her. The other day he brought up a specific time when he was partying with a girl in her early twenties who was “cool” with it as in wouldn’t tell the ex wife.

Outside of him telling me, I have brought it up I believe 3 times and each time he brings up something I have done wrong early in the relationship such as gotten a number from a guy at the bar but would block and delete it and it was in my deleted messages he would have found it via snooping. I stopped doing this right away including going to the bar,

apologized, apologized and apologized. This evening I was looking to have a calm conversation where ideally he would reassure me but again I was met with things I did wrong in the beginning. I understand no one likes a spot lite on their wrong doings but I also feel I deserve to be reassured.

TL;DR My (38M) Bf cheated on his ex wife a lot. When I (34f) try to have a non judgmental convo about it he gets mad at me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Connect-Maximum5700 on 2024-01-05 06:42:04+00:00.

I am (F18) and I had recently walked into my brother and his newly girlfriend having sex out in the open in our basements living room, which is on the way to my own room. When this happened my friends were all over at our house, which he knew. We usually always spend time in my room but we decided to stay upstairs cause I didn't want to see him (M21) and his gf (F21). But my friends and I decided we wanted to play a card game which I had in my room. I then decided to go downstairs rlly quick to get it, I ran down and immediately saw them having sex. You have no idea how traumatized I have been since then, I seriously be having anxiety attacks over this. I couldn't walk to my room comfortably weeks after. They did not see me, I just quickly stepped back and went back to my friends only to tell them I saw them kissing. I did not want to tell them the whole truth atm but they could tell that I was really off afterwards with my face being red.

I then quickly distanced myself from my brother bc I could not get that image and the sounds I heard out of my head. I was very close to him prior but honestly he has changed and doesn't seem to care that I have distanced myself from him. It has been about 3 months since this had happened but I truly think about it every day, I wish I could stop!! It has gotten somewhat better, but she has recently been coming over every day. I would never dare to go downstairs to my own room again with them their as I get soo much anxiety. Idk what to do, they have recently been very touchy and showing too much pda for my liking especially after what I had witnessed. I was driving with them in the back seat and every second I heard them kissing and she then proceeded to take her seatbelt off to sit on his lap as I am driving, seeing all of this from my mirror. I am tired of them and hiding this secret from my sibling and parent. I don't know what to do, I feel as though I can't tell my family oc it's none of their business what my brother does. But at the same time it's continuous in our parents' home and infront of me. There's also been other problems with his gf and my parent, but all in all we try to be supportive but I really can't. What do I do?? Am I valid for having this feelings and hating their relationship??

ーーー TL;DR;: I (F18) walked in on my brother (M21) having sex with his gf (F21) and I feel very uncomfortable with their relationship. Am I valid for this? What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AdministrationOdd751 on 2024-01-05 06:35:08+00:00.

TL;DR: Having a unique deep bond with someone again with the same intensity as the first time.

I(M22) have always had positive female interaction and friendships since school, and I have been liked by many girls and some of them ended up having feelings for me but I liked them only as friends, because things never really clicked for me so I couldn't fall in love with them. But after covid and lockdown and nearly 0 female interaction for 3 years I started missing the female attention and love that I used to get and realised how miserable my life actually got.

Starting of Jan 2023 I met this girl in the gym and from the first conversation I felt a genuine connection and after texting with her, things clicked and I got attached for the first time with a girl because she understood me like no one, but it happened too fast and it was overwhelming and intense for her, so it didn't work out.

We almost shared everything in common, humor, music taste, Tv shows and anything you name it.

In the wake of this experience, I find myself grappling with a sense of loss and confusion. I wonder if I'll be able to recreate such a deep bond with someone else. The connection we shared felt unique and I struggle to imagine feeling that same intensity with another person. This has led me to reevaluate what I seek in a relationship and the qualities I appreciate in a woman.

I just long for a similar connection and that first interaction I had with her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Living-Macaron681 on 2024-01-05 06:13:11+00:00.

Tdlr: red flags or not? Setting is berlin, germany .So i started dating this girl around 4 months ago, i'm in love with her and I'm wondering if i'm ignoring red flags or not. This is a list of things that bothered me so help? For context, she is very sex positive, and had more partners than me.on the other hand she's very communicative and considerate to my feelings and she gave me no reason to think she would cheat. So here it goes:

-Even tho we're dating, she still wants to go to kinky clubs with her friends even if i'm not there(i live in another city), she had sex before we dated in this particular club and she said she was once spiked at this club and ended up having sex with a stranger that had a gf.

-she finds it very casual that a guy that she met while on vacation in in another country (on tinder) but did not sleep with (according to her) would text her that he is coming to her city and doesn't see a problem meeting up with him. She said that when on vacation alone she uses this as a way to meet new people.

-she's still in contact with a guy that she had slept with before because they were also friends and see no problem meeting up with them to catch up, every few months.

-she rarely is jealous ever if i'm around girls aswell. She says she loves me and i can see that she does but these things make me uncomfortable. Advice? Am i set up for a heartbreak?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAConcentrate23 on 2024-01-05 06:11:42+00:00.

We have been dating for about a year and a half and she’s moving about an hour away to finish her degree. We see each other almost everyday now as she lives about 10 min away now at her parents. She moved back home for about 4 months for a good job to gain experience in the medical field.

What’s weird is I am feeling said and anxious about her moving away which I can’t understand why because for the first year of our relationship lived in the same are about an hour away and we made it work perfectly. We would drive back and forth and stay at each others places. I would bring our dog to her apartment and stay a few days and she would do the same with my place. But it’s different now because she’s living in student housing with 3 other roommates until July as it’s all she could find for now, so I can’t spend the night and bring our dog.

We know we are going to make it work fine as she still works at the same place where I am but on a very limited schedule every now and then, but she also has a fulltime school schedule.

I know it’s probably going to take a couple weeks to adjust to the change but not sure why I’m feeling so sad about this move even though we spent a majority of our relationship with this situation of driving back and forth. Am I just overthinking the move?

TL;DR GF is moving an hour away for school and we spent a year in the same situation but she moved back home for 3 months and now moving back to an hour away. I’m sad and anxious about the change but am I overthinking it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FlyingPotatoelol on 2024-01-05 06:10:44+00:00.

I have a lot of stuff on my mind. University, work ..especially work I just love getting money and seeing my payslip keeps me busy and active. I think about her randomly and show pictures of her sometimes to my friends and co workers (she's literally my lock screen) but she's telling me she's upset because she thinks of me all the time, and I said to her. "Not all the time but randomly ofc" I like to say stuff straight up and I believe im a bit nonchalant, why should I lie? Even at work if I'm working (I work at hospitality side of stadiums) I'll even forget to eat. I don't even think its good for bee either we both love each other but I feel like she should be as locked in as me.

Am I wrong with having that mindset?

TL;DR: my girl wants me to think about her 24/7 but my brain can't even do that, when I'm at work for example my main focus is getting that money

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Scientist_1786 on 2024-01-05 05:49:16+00:00.

Hello everyone I need some advice on what to do and if I’m being delusional.

My (25f) ex boyfriend (23m) has been driving past my house. We broke up 4 months ago (he broke up with me. Due to me “not trusting him” after I asked him about a girl he had recently (at the time) started following. He ended up “dating” her not long after we broke up.

After that situation my sister had caught him drive past the house maybe once or twice. Him and I ended up making amends but not getting back together. We followed eachother on instagram but that’s about it.

He is now seeing someone new (not the first girl), and on New Year’s Eve I was leaving the house to go party, still parked outside my house. I see him drive by. I live in a cul de sac, and he lives completely outside of my neighborhood so there is no reason for him to be there whatsoever.

I get the feeling that he is regretting the breakup and most likely misses me. But given the fact that he is seeing someone (seriously or not) I won’t reach out. Am I being delusional for feeling this? And how should I go about things. TIA

TL;DR Ex boyfriend keeps driving past my house even though he’s dating others. Does he miss me or am i overthinking?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Femboycumcum299 on 2024-01-05 04:14:02+00:00.

I(20m) have been with my girlfriend (22f) for 2 and a half years. In the last year I feel as though I am giving more in the relationship than I am getting. I have worked 3 jobs in the total time we have been together and she hasn't worked any job and has babysat a couple of times for money but no more than 5 times. Because of this I am always the one paying for everything whether it be dates, dinner, or even just gifts. I wouldn't mind paying for these things if I felt like I got things in return but because she doesn't have money she never gets me anything even small. We have had several fights where I tell her that she need to get a job and can't live off me and her parents forever. However, she does not want to work a fast food or retail job because "she doesnt like bieng told what to do by a boss". She wants to start her own business but doesn't understand that that's not something that just happens and she needs to work and save money. I feel like 2 and a half years is long enough and she needs to get a job. I am able to go to school full time and work part time there is no reason why she can't work. It stresses her put because she feels like a failure for not doing anything, and says that she is going to make a change and start her life, but then the cycle just happens again. A lot of you will say she might be in a depression which could very well be the case but I do not know how to help her deal with it and even then more issues arise.

Our sex life has also taken a huge plummet in the last year. I understand that sex drives slow down when your in a longterm relationship but we went from 2-3 times a week to 2-3 times a month and when we do have sex she is kind of a lazy lover. I always make sure she finishes but it is very vanilla. Missionary and then she gets on top to finish. Nothing else ever if im lucky a blowjob once a month MAYBE and she makes it out to be a chore. This has left me kind of unsatisfied when we do have sex. She never initiates and I have talked to her about it several times but it has not changed at all in the last year. She was very into sex at the start of our relationship but now she says she has a low libido. She was on birth control since the start of the relationship and even with the pills, she had a way higher sex drive than me for the entire first year of bieng on it.

She has also gotten VERY into her religion in the last year. Which is fine and I have done very well to respect her beliefs, but she has issues with respecting my boundaries and she has tried to enforce it on me multiple times, even when I have asked her to stop she keeps crossing that boundary. She will legit argue with me trying to make me convert to her religion and she basically talks about nothing but her religion on some days. I feel like this might be part of the reason for our declining sex life but i been very patient and I have never tried to argue with her about it.

She is very extroverted and loves to go out with her family multiple times a week, and i am more introverted and don't like going out more than once a week. She gets upset if I tell her I don't want to go out with her and will make them wait till I get off work and try and argue me to come. I end up going almost every time as I dont want to disappoint them. I also struggle sometimes with connecting with them and I feel very drained after going out with them because they are very energetic and it can be fun but not when I am tired after work. I dont mind as much on my days off but even then I don't really want to go out on all my days off, but that doesn't mean I NEVER wanna go out. She has told me many times that people change when in a relationship and that I need to break out of my shell.

She is very beautiful and kind and I do not want to throw away a really good relationship but I am beginning to think that some of these issues might just be us bieng incompatible. She is not okay with me not following her religion and has told me multiple times that she feels like she needs to be with a Christian man and will keep on trying to convert me. I also do not see our sex life improving at all honestly. She does cook for me atleast once or twice a week but am I selfish for wanting more? Just more effort on her end? I've communicated this to her and she has acknowledged what I am saying and said she will do better but does not follow through almost ever. I love her and her family and my family loves her so I also don't want to disappoint any of them even her family and they have helped me a lot in difficult times but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up for. My step brother is moving down in a few months and we want to get an apartment together but I won't allow her to just leach off of us when we do as she is expecting to move in with us too. Is there hope for the relationship or is time to cut my losses? I will answer any questions in the replies if people ask please help I am very mentally stressed on this. I really feel that our love for each other is real but if it is better for both of us to break up than that's what I will do.

Tl:dr I feel like me and my girlfriend won't work out due to our differences in religion and sex drives, as well as different expectations for the relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwmeaway072 on 2024-01-05 04:10:27+00:00.

Hi I’m sorry this is long

I (24F) have been dating my partner (27M) for more than a year. We are exclusive. We live together. We’ve gone on vacation together. We have a cat together. But we aren’t “in a relationship”. It’s the longest drawn out fucked up convoluted situationship I guess.

I haven’t brought up becoming “official” recently. I’m at the point to where if he can’t make me his girlfriend, I’m done. It’s ridiculous. But if he says no, I have nowhere to go. I dont have enough saved for a deposit, I don’t make enough to afford a place, I know no one that needs a place. I’m just not in a good situation as of now to break up.

Despite all this, even if he WAS willing, do I still want to be in a official relationship with him?

This same man just went out of town with our roommate and never once told me when he was leaving or where he was going or who he was going with. I had to find out through listening to them talking about it. He didn’t say I love you when he left.

I got him gifts for Christmas, and had told him prior that I planned on getting him things. This is because last year I got him something and he had gotten me nothing, stating his reason as “I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts”. He has gone on to say he doesn’t care about holidays or birthdays. He also did not get gifts in return for his mother and our roommate, so I know it’s not just a me thing. However, I have expressed the importance of holidays and birthdays to me and was excepting him to put forth the effort and get me something. Not in a materialistic way, but an “You put effort and thought into choosing something” kind of way. I don’t feel like I am wrong to ask for this, even though he says holidays aren’t important to him.

I recently told him that I don’t feel like I am important to him. That I don’t feel like I am thought of. That I am more of an obligation than anything. That he would rather, and has to, get companionship and some laughs from the girl he plays online with than spend time with me. That if I WERE to leave it wouldn’t matter to him.

And of course he said none of those things were true and that he didn’t know I felt that way. I asked for more reassurance. He said he would do better.

Has he? Not really. But in the same vein, did I correctly express what I wanted? Sure, I asked for reassurance, but did he really know what that meant?

I want to be told “I love you” without prompt. I want you to send me memes that make you think of me or that you find silly. I want you to do things that help me or make my life easier BECAUSE you love me and because you thought of me and because it’s important to you. I want you to WANT to do things with me and enjoy them, not because I “make” you.

I feel like I’m so good to him. Like I have so much love to give and so much to offer, and it means so little to him. I think of him all the time. I’m always picking him up little treats when I go out because he has a huge sweet tooth. I’m always doing his laundry or doing the dishes so he doesn’t have to. I cook and plate him food because otherwise he’d eat out for every meal. I send him memes during the day because I want to share them. I do our grocery shopping because he hates going out in public. Just so many little things because I just LOVE him and I want to SHOW it.

I just think I get the bare minimum from him and it sucks.

This isn’t to say he sucks. There have been very very dark times for me where I thought I was going to die and he was there to keep me from doing so. I’m thankful for him for helping me and continuing to love me through it because some people have to step away from that.

Regardless, when do I know that I just need to stop trying? Am I way past that point? How do I move on? What do I do?

I’m just so lost.

tl;dr I’ve been dating a guy for over a year. I feel like I give so much to him and get so little in return. I don’t think he realizes this and assumes everything is fine. At what point do I say enough is enough and give up instead of trying to get the same love in return?