Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RizaHawkeye1380 on 2024-01-05 03:32:29+00:00.

So right now I'm (22F) taking a few post-baccalaureate classes so that I can go into pharmacy school, and my parents suggested that I find a job to have some extra income for the future. I agreed and started job hunting, but I haven't landed a job yet after months as well as dealing with a class or two, and now when I'm driving to the gym with my dad (63M), he constantly complains and even yells at me how pathetic I am for not having a job, and every time I try to say something he either mocks me or straight up interrupts me. It's gotten more and more frequent to the point that I'm considering moving out for the sake of my mental health because it's gotten truly grating now he even calls me a pathetic person and it isn't helping me at all because it feels like he's constantly bashing my self-confidence. I do need to move out eventually, but should I find a job first before I do so, or should I just straight up leave the place for my mental health?

TL;DR: I'm having trouble finding a job and my dad keeps complaining about that fact and I'm considering moving for my mental health.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sully-25 on 2024-01-05 03:28:29+00:00.

I really miss this old friendship I had. We were in the military together. I was a year older (21) at the time. We were friends for about 2 years. Were 27F and 28F now. I was toxic and passive aggressive back then. She deleted me off social media with no closure and we haven't talked in years.

Here are some things I did that left this friendship bitter:

1. When I had a boyfriend, I started to hang out with her a lot less. Then I decided I wanted to move out of state to a new job because I hated being there. Although not really my fault, I think she feels like I abandoned her when she was going through dark times.
2. I advised her to medically discharge from the military because she was really depressed. She eventually did. When she got out, she was still really depressed and I asked “why are you depressed? You're out the mlitary now. I don't get you” my karma hit when I realized getting out the military is a really difficult transition.
3. I would plan for us to go out to clubs in her hometown even though she wasn’t the clubbing type. She would be tired of staying there so late but I would ignore her and push for us to stay later.
4. I would urge her to not get married to her boyfriend because they started dating for only a few months. She would text him constantly that is was annoying for me to be around. Idk why but I always would give non solicited advice about her not rushing things so soon and it might not work out. I would even put subliminal messages in my Twitter posts and songs in the playlists we shared.
5. We planned a trip to Disneyworld for her birthday. When we went we had good times, but the day of her birthday was when we had a fight. I was annoyed that she was glued to her phone always texting her long distance boyfriend. She would constantly text him usually. Idk why it was her birthday that I was irritated. It was just me and her that day and I gave her the silent treatment. Her phone was going to die and she asked for my charger. I said no and that she should go find one. Then we split up for the day and didn’t talk in the hotel. We didn’t say goodbye and flew out individually. I really think I scared this friendship and her experience with her birthday.

She did end up marrying her boyfriend but they are no longer together. I wonder if my subliminal messages to her got in her head or ruined the relationship.

I wonder if she’ll hate seeing me even after all these years and I’m to blame. I wish she confronted me saying things that bothered her about me but she never did. I only realized it through lack of closure and reflecting and maturing on my own.

So, I happen to be visiting her hometown for just a short vacation with my mom. I'm thinking this is an opportunity to text message her saying that I’m here or just to say hi I remember when I used to visit her here.

The problem is I feel pathetic though for reaching out because she has more friends than me now and I’ve always struggled with mantaining friendships. Still wish we could’ve talked things out. Maybe I just want to message her and say that I regret things and I’m sorry. But not sure if the bitter past will ever go away. Should I just message and say I’ve been thinking about it and I’m sorry?

Tl;dr: I ruined a friendship by projecting my insecurities onto her and her relationship. I was emotionally neglectful when she was going through depression and ruined her birthday. We never had closure and she ghosted me but I’d like to be friends again or just say I’m sorry now that years have passed. But I don’t know what to say or if I even should due to shame.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/weekendbillionaire on 2024-01-05 02:01:02+00:00.

My best friend and I have been best friends for 22 years, ever since she was born. She's my rock - we call each other every day for hours and we tell each other everything. She is, without a doubt, the most important person in my life. However, our conflict styles are very different. She has an avoidant attachment style, and mine is anxious, so usually when I have a problem, I bring it up immediately and we resolve it.

However, this year, she suddenly brought up a whole host of problems (the way that I spoke to her sometimes, expectations that I would place on her, etc.) that she had with our friendship over text. It was very disorienting for me, because I had no idea that these were bothering her so much, but I addressed them all + was very understanding about these issues. After all, I want to be the best friend to her because she means the world to me. I tried proposing to call about it when she said it was still bothering her, and that conversation went completely sideways. She ended up ridiculing me about things she hadn't even brought up over text, which was hurtful to me. She told me she needed a break from our friendship and it's been 4 months. During that time, she's purposely missed birthdays (including mine), family events (our families are longtime friends), and skipped out on holidays to avoid seeing me.

Over time, I've become less sympathetic and angrier and angrier, because I just don't understand how she could do this to me. She used to crash at my place every week, I knew the names of every single person in her life, and I use her birthday for a lot of my passwords. I texted her on New Year's that I was hurt and disappointed by her silence, and that if she didn't reach out soon, I would just assume she didn't want to be friends anymore. I feel like I'm lashing out just for her to acknowledge me. I know she's been hanging out with other people too. I don't know what to do. I can't think of a single part of my life without her, and I feel like I'm splintering into a thousand pieces. Any advice or interpretation of the situation would be appreciated, but please be kind.

tl;dr: My best friend hasn't spoken to me in 4 months, and I'm considering just breaking it off because the uncertainty of it all is making me unstable and upset.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/tanmyballs on 2024-01-05 01:54:52+00:00.

Me and my bf have been dating on and off for three years now since final year of highschool. We broke up last summer (traumatic breakup) over trust issues and then got back together in October 2023 when things got better.

Our last breakup was centered around me being constantly anxious and distrustful of my partner’s relations to other women, since in the past, when he moved to college he got with others when we were on a break and was dishonest with me.

This had driven me to a state of constant anxiety and depression, where he couldn’t handle my accusations and constant need for reassurance. Throughout summer we saw each other and reflected on the relationship, remaining on amicable terms which then ignited a relationship.

At the moment we are in a long distance relationship where we see each other once a month.

Things have been actually great, with a couple of slip-ups here and there until three days ago.

I haven’t been able to meet his parents this holiday since they are going through a divorce, which he has found out only recently. His parents have been keeping it a secret for a while now, in order to maintain order at home for the sake of their sons.

According to him, his parents refuse to acknowledge one another in their presence, as well as refuse to interact. And if they interact usually a hateful argument commences.

On top of that, his grandfather has been recently diagnosed with alzheimers.

All of these are heavily affecting his mental and emotional state, such as in he believes love is unreliable, because if his picture perfect family couldn’t survive a divorce, how can anyone else truly be in love? He also states that now he feels like he doesnt have a home anymore, that as soon as his parents split, everyone in his family will be based on different parts of the world (based on the nature of his parent’s jobs).

This has made my boyfriend decide to go to a monastery that he has been considering for years now in the next 1-2 years. There he would only have internet connection for 1 hour a day, and he claims that it would be almost impossible to maintain the relationship. This is because he doesn’t believe in the nature of our relationship is strong enough to survive off 1 hour of communication a day. This is because he believes I need constant reassurance and communication to not end up where I was, whereas I am telling him that if I am aware of his purpose in a given place such as a monastery, I am able to respect and understand the reasoning behind it, and that I wouldn’t feel insecure in our relationship.

He says that the future for us seems bleak, but that if i see a way to make it work then maybe it can. If not, he suggested to date these two years since he wants to spend as much time together and then end it by the time the monastery comes around.

What do I do? Nobody I know can give me advice as the circumstances are so bizarre that I dont know who to refer to.

I communicated my lack of desire for a relationship with an expiration date, to know that I will have to end this by the time he has to go. I also communicated that I wouldn’t feel jealous or insecure, since I have been seriously taking care of myself on this matter, and also have been contemplating and understanding the circumstances which could begin, so I wouldn’t require any reassurance.

I just feel scared, alone and confused rn, because I feel like he doesnt have the will to work on this like I do, which in turn makes me feel like I love him more than he does, or upset that who I love is willing to take a risk to lose me.

Tl:Dr My partner is going to a monastery because he is traumatized from his parents divorce, and I dont know what to do now that he suggests we break up, unless theres a way to make it work (which he doesnt really believe in).

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OnyxOnixRaven on 2024-01-05 01:44:03+00:00.

My (27f) boyfriend (26m) of 1.5 years will spend 6-12 hours a day playing rust with his friends, but has told me explicitly that me thinking he should spend at least one hour a day with me was too much to ask. We moved in together a couple months ago and he is gaming so much more than when we lived apart. He tells me he's always been the guy who games. For new years I went to bed early while he gamed. Last year we had a party at his house. We went out every weekend. Now every weekend he stays up till 4 am playing games. He says he cut way back for me, but it's only gotten worse since I brought this up to him.

Basically we're at the point in our relationship where I either need to be ok with basically living alone and occasionally having sex, going out or doing something whenever he feels like it, and live on his sleep schedule if I want to see him.

Or we break up, but then what? He pays 2/3rds our rent, I can't afford a place on my own. So I guess it's just nights going to bed alone silently weeping for me from now on

Tl:dr I'm probably not gonna leave my jerk boyfriend who lies about me being his top priority

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/General_Photograph63 on 2024-01-05 01:18:42+00:00.

TL;DR Im in love with a guy who doesn’t care about me

Yes we are just teens, but I cannot control myself from asking for any kind of advice. We have been off and on since our 8th grade year. He says he likes me but can never love me because its just the natural guy instinct. He also says every single girl that he is friends with can not "just be friends", and doesn't believe a man and a women are capable of not having thoughts about one another and says he will always be bored and flirt with other people. ^ is this normal and is this true?

Also I know this behavior is unacceptable, but I keep running back to this guy no matter what he does, this is embarrassing of me but even though I know he has pathetic behavior I only want him. I try to not want him but he always crosses my mind and I always double text, what is wrong with me?

Hes always assuring me and telling me he likes me and can't let me go so we went over being friends who occasionally kiss and cuddle, no attachment no seriousness. I agreed, but when I brought up talking about speaking with others he said he wasn't going to and jokingly said only if some crazy stuff happened. So he wasn't open to the idea of speaking with other people, which throws me off because whats the point of this then? Hes always saying hes just a guy and is bored, so why isnt he open to this idea? I told him we could discuss what we do and who we do stuff with, but I only want him.

I dont wanna lose this horrible guy, but why do I feel this way?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Maximum_4777 on 2024-01-05 05:42:24+00:00.

I (17f) was texting a friend I had one day, lets call him Jack (18f). we were speaking about crushes, because everyone thought we liked each other. we agreed to tell each other our crushes, and he told me, but I didn't tell him back.

He was so pissed. that night he was at the same party I was, he saw me and looked so mad. We were best friends, and now he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. He actually liked one of my friends, named Brenda (17f), for the sake of this. Everyone sort of knew that Jack liked Brenda, but he constantly denied it.

He told one of his best friends, Ben(17m) and Ben started hating me. It's been months since this, and he's still salty. Help, What do I do?

Edit: I did not actually like anyone, especially not jack. not to sure why i agreed to that, I don’t know what was going on in my head, personally i think I shouldn’t have done that, i just want some more perspective.

TL;DR: One of my best friends had a crush on my friend, i refused to tell him who i like, we are now no longer on as good terms. What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Delicious_Carob_5309 on 2024-01-04 21:03:05+00:00.

Throw away because I don't want anyone I know to find this.

I 25F, went out with Andy 26F, about 3 months ago. Before then, we had started talking December of 2022 through a dating app. We both quickly realized how much we had in common. We didn't go out on a date from December until recently because we lived further away from each other and we decided to wait but stayed in contact. Fast-forward to last summer, I ran into Andy at a local sports event at the beach and I had been thinking about her for a while at that point, so I messaged her the next day and asked her out. I was SO nervous, but I planned it all out and took her out. I made her a playlist of all the concert artists she had seen that year and gave her a cute little plant gift. We had an AMAZING date. We didn't even end up doing the activities I planned because we both just wanted to talk. It went on for hours, then I dropped her off home and that was that. I won't bore you guys with all the details, but it was GOOD. We both said how much we liked each other and how we both loved the date and wanted to plan for another one soon. Now this is where it gets complicated...

I have been somewhat closeted gay for years now. I have had a complicated on and off again relationship with my best friend, Marissa, 24F, since we were 17 in high school. Everyone of our friends have asked multiple times why we are not together and the basic answer is, she has a lot of reservations about telling her family she is dating a woman. I know how this sounds, and yes I know I deserve better, but I can understand where she is coming from because we both come from very religious christian households. She has told her family her sexuality, but has never told them about dating a girl, only about the guys she has dated. I am in a position where I want a relationship and I would probably "come out" to my parents by just saying, "hey, i'm dating ___." I personally don't think I need to do that, as it doesn't feel fair to myself. ( I am not looking for opinions about this.) So, right after that date, Marissa wanted to hangout, which is not unsual, as we have remained friend, have been on and off, talk ofter, and share friends. A random night, she basically admitted to her feelings, saying how she's in love with me, wants to actually date now, and feels like she is ready to come out with me in a few months if we date and see how we both feel. To say my jaw was on the floor, is the biggest UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE DECADE. I was so taken aback, and I was speechless for about 10 minutes. Now before anyone thinks i'm a complete idiot, I did ask multiple times, why now, is this because I went out with Andy, are you sure, what exactly do you want, why didn't you say this years ago, what changed, and basically anything else you can think of. She reassured me that it wasn't necessarily that, it was that she realized she had already lost me, and knew she wanted to be with me and can't imagine ever being with anyone else. She never pressured me or said I had to choose either. She said how she respected if I wanted to go out with Andy or still date other people and that she would basically wait for me because she has no desire to date anyone else. I told her I needed time before I decided. After a few days, I told her I believe I wanted to try and actually go on a real date with her, but that I wanted to go low-contact for a couple of weeks to make sure it was actually what we both wanted and not just the big emotions going around. I also told her how I was genuinely scared she would change her mind a few months down the road and backtrack. A few weeks later we went on our first date. It was very nicely planned out, and I enjoyed it all. She planned some of my favorite things and we had a great time. It felt a bit weird because it was our "first date" but we have known and taken each other out for years now. Another fast forward, we tried going on a few more, but it just seemed like everything about life, pets, family, graduate school, and work were getting in the way and it wasn't exactly working. I should mention at this point at had told Andy I wasn't ready for dating as I was going through a lot and needed time to think. I was super conflicted and sad about doing this, but I felt like I had to give Marissa and me a chance because I had been wanting this for years. I have always pictured my future with her. Andy was so understanding about what I texted her and that was that.

Since then, even while trying to make things work with Marissa, I have not stopped thinking and dreaming about Andy. All good dreams and not one day has passed that I didn't feel guilty for feeling this way and trying to work things out with Marissa. I also love Marissa, but I don't think I am IN love with her anymore. At least not now.

Anyways, a few days ago, Marissa and I decided it was best to stay friends after she said she is struggling mentally with her chronic depression and anxiety, and that she doesn't think she can come out to her parents anymore. I know I should be angry, and part of me is, because my fear basically came true and she changed her mind, but I feel at peace knowing now I can move on.

Like I said, I have non-stop been thinking about Andy, and I wanted to message her, but the same day I was going to, she posted for the first time that she has a girlfriend. It is still fairly new, and I don't know if i'll be the biggest asshole ever if i tell her my feelings now. I really want to message her and just say how I feel. She still messaged me once in a while since we didn't go out again and trust me when I say we have everything in common and it's just one of those, "you just know," moments. I don't know if to just wait it out and see if she ever isn't dating anyone else and if I'm not, then go for it, or do I pull a Meredith Grey and message her and risk her shutting the door right in my face, which will most likely happen since she is dating someone now.

Please refrain from being too mean to me, I am just a conflicted person here, and I'm trying not to be the worst person ever, but I can't shake the feeling that we would be perfect together and that I totally screwed up.

**TL;DR;** : I screwed up and the girl I like has a gf now and I want to tell her how I feel, but it's...complicated.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ivory-kitten on 2024-01-05 05:36:01+00:00.

I read a text that had come in from a female friend of my partners. It came up on the home screen and it was lengthy. The topic was about if I was a jealous person and my boundaries regarding his female friends. I only read it from the home screen then left it alone. It bugged me for months until I finally spoke to the girl and we discussed it peacefully and maturely. Now I want to tell my partner I saw the message and spoke to the girl but I’m worried he will feel I’ve invaded his privacy.

TLDR: I’m worried about telling my partner I read a message from his Home Screen

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HanShotFirstPeriod on 2024-01-04 20:33:54+00:00.

TL;DR: I have a very dear close friend I am told I am in love with but I don't know how to feel or what to do.

So I posted yesterday about a NYE fiasco that I may have made worse and then I got messages that I have a crush on my best friend and need to deal with that both on Reddit and by mutual friends. It's freaking me out because I genuinely never looked at her that way but now it's in my head and now is just not the time to bring it up to her. She has a lot going on and I don't want to be the friend that turned to the guy with a crush.

I (M33) have a fulfilling life. I like my job, get along with most of my coworkers, and have a solid friend group and a handful of best friends I can rely on and they rely on me - almost like family in a way. I am out of longterm relationship with my ex who cheated and have been single for about a year and some change now.

I have a best friend we will call "Dulce" (F33) to keep consistent with my other post. We met a few years ago and hit it off and became fast friends to best friends really quickly. We both like similar things, we're raised by single mothers, like to laugh at ourselves etc. I always only saw her as a friend.

I made a post on Reddit about how I got too highly defensive of her and may have made things worse when a friend of hers got handsy. She wasn't mad at me about it but expressed that the situation was highly uncomfortable for her. Her handsy friend was in police custody but recently got out (not sure when) and Dulce brought it up to me and our mutual friends via our group chat.

Dulce is extremely kind, outgoing, but slow to trust due to her past experiences which I completely understand She's also beautiful and of course I knew that before all of this. She's amazingly smart with a witty sense of humor and a genuinely sweet heart. All of this to say I knew she was incredible before all this went down.

I was reassuring her in the group chat, and told her to let me know if there was anything I can do and if she needed to talk I was happy to come over (we've been over each other's homes many times) or have her over mine or we can meet at a bar we both like to chat it out.

Then I get a personal text outside the chat by my friends in the chat telling me things like "bro ask her out already" etc. That coupled with Reddit messages after my other post saying similar things has been messing with my head. She wants to come over mine tonight after work to chat and vent and I don't want to be weird but also don't really know how I feel. My brother says he knew I was in love with her forever but I don't know how much stock to put in it. I feel like a teenager. Should I even bring this up to her?

I don't want to make things weird with her. She really is one of my closest friends (we've seen each other through a lot) and I don't want her to be uncomfortable around me maybe this is just my brain going wild temporarily and I will be fine in a while but I am just not sure anymore.

Mini update: Thanks for the kinder comments. I texted her that I have a lot going on at work so may be distracted but I am very much looking forward to us hanging tonight(all true, works been crazy but not the point at the moment). I know she's stressed and sad so I am going to surprise her and order her favorite food as well and we will have a full vent session but I won't bring anything up to her tonight. I plan to talk to her next week, maybe Sunday.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Ad_8366 on 2024-01-05 05:35:26+00:00.

I was in a relationship with this girl for 3 years, it was a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. We broke up Nov 2022 and haven't spoken since, I told myself that I would maintain no contact to get over it as fast as I could. I moved countries right before we broke up, we broke up because she called me from a club expressing that a guy at a club was hitting on her and hinting that she wanted to get with him. I called it quits right there, I couldn't deal with that.

Luke, one of the few friends I kept in contact with after I moved, considered him my bro and trusted him 100%. He often hung out with me & my ex and she even told me that he was a good friend, I knew he found her attractive, everyone did, but never noticed any romantic interest from him. Dude always kept to himself, that's why I liked him. Look, I've had many fake friends in my life, but this dude never gave me any red flags.

Luke and I talk almost every week on PlayStation as we game. Last week he messaged me saying "I messed up". This what he told me. Luke does film and my ex models, last week he asked her to model for an Ad he was doing. After the Ad, Luke picked her and her friends up from her house and they went out to the club. Luke told me that, he and my ex made out for 20 mins under the influence of drugs and alcohol that night. He goes on to tell me the following morning, she asked him to come over to her house, he declined.

Luke told me all this the following day after it happened, expressing that he felt guilty and wanted to tell me. This has messed my head up, I can't lie. I appreciated his honesty but couldn't help feeling betrayed, knowing that this might irreversibly change our friendship. Out of anger, I messaged my ex saying i know what happened she replied "it's been a year, it wasn't about you". She then asked if I've gotten with any of her friends in the past, which I admitted that they have tried to but I never did. She got mad at me and told me to stay out of her life.

Maybe I shouldn't have contacted her, I couldn't just let this slide, knowing that I wouldn't do the same to her. As for Luke, i told him we're good but I honestly feel like we won't be good for a couple months. How should I feel about this? what should I do?

TL;DR: After a tumultuous three-year relationship ending in November 2022, I maintained no contact with my ex-girlfriend for a year. Recently, my best friend Luke, whom I trusted, admitted to making out with her after a modeling shoot, straining our friendship. Confronting my ex about it, she claimed it wasn't about me, adding a layer of complexity to the aftermath of our breakup.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/frogkillr on 2024-01-04 20:28:56+00:00.

I (18M) brought up to my gf of 4 years (19F) the idea of cosplaying as fictional characters in bed, or the idea of having a "crush" on a fictional character from your childhood as you liked them as a kid (peach from mario, misty from pokemon etc) and she seems extremely against it, and says its basically cheating and she feels very insecure as they are basically "perfect". Is it just that I am weird? or im cheating on her? or is she being irrational? What can we do to stop this affecting our relationship because its something that will bother her indefinitelty until we get it fixed. She is also in the process of being diagnosed for OCD in which she has had obsessive thoughts about me cheating in the past when I would have female friends or just be polite to girls in general. What can I do to not let this ruin my relationship while still being honest?

TL;DR: GF (19F) doesnt like me (18M) having a crush on fictional characters from my childhood.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ExcitementWarm8595 on 2024-01-05 05:30:43+00:00.

I (25 F) have been with my (25 M) bf for 3 years now. We were long distance for the first year and have lived together for two now. He is military and was overseas for the first year. He is so sweet and caring and understanding. Overall just a great human who I do love a ton. The only issues I feel our relationship has is our sex life. He has only made me finish a handful of times and he doesn’t really ever try to. Sex doesn’t really include any foreplay and then once he finishes that’s it. When we first moved in together I tried so hard to spice things up. I bought lingerie, gave him oral often hoping he’d reciprocate and initiated sex often. I’m pretty adventurous with sex and I told him I would be down to try any fantasies he had or anything. None of that worked and we’ve had multiple discussions on how I wish sometimes he put a little more effort into me finishing. He always says of course and he’s sorry for being selfish in the moment and then it still hasn’t changed. It’s gotten to the point for me I don’t initiate sex and I just feel down about our sex life overall. But I don’t want to end the relationship over something that seems so shallow. Any advice?

TLDR: Boyfriend of 3 years is selfish in bed. Is that a reason to end a relationship that is otherwise amazing?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ill_Possession_3444 on 2024-01-04 19:03:33+00:00.

TLDR: My GF (27F) of 6 years just dumped me (31M). It has been an absolute hell for 2 months. I'm completely devastated. Can I win her back? If not how do I move on?

She left for a Master in the US and told me 2 months ago that she caught feelings for a classmate. She promised however that he's just a symptom of her wish for independence, not feeling trapped, explore on her own. She asked me to wait, that she'll not talk to him again, until we find each other in Europe for Christmas and that she needed time to make a decision. The decision is about being alone vs. with me.

The result was that after several days together, great intimacy, she still couldn't reassure me that she wanted to continue the relationship. I made a huge mistake of reading her messages and journal after she tried in a panic to hide a text from me the day before.

I've discovered that she met with the guy several times after her promise to not see him again (hugging, holding hands, etc.) and told him that she'll probably break up with me. And also discovered that she was fantasying about having sex with him in January and couldn't wait for it. Only in the last week she started to have doubts and was considering not breaking up with me because of how great of a life partner I am. I broke up without mentioning the messages. She cried and wrote me during the night how sorry she was, that life didn't make sense without me, that she was imagining me kissing her pregnant belly, and asked for a second chance.

I've suggested to go for a trip together that turned quite ugly. I cried during the night and sometimes during the day not able handle the emotion (I've been sleep deprived, sleep 5 hours per night for 2 months). I felt like she was retreating more and more, and told her that I needed reassurance and affection because I felt like she was second guessing and we didn't have any intimacy any more. I ended up telling her that I've read her messages and journal and she said she would have probably done the same. This continued for a couple fo days before she said that she couldn't promise that something wouldn't happen with the guy, because she was not able to trust herself anymore. I've tried several time to force a discussion. She was saying that discussion usually relived the tensions and she was glad. However on this topic she said that I was forcing her.

After a one-hour long conversation with her sister, she told me that she was breaking up with me the next morning. That I was being forceful and have breached several boundaries like forcing conversations about our couple, that she didn't have any energy to invest in me, and some other stuff (like I'm always right, etc.) She still says that she loves me, but with an empty look.

She's leaving tomorrow back to the US and I'm completely devastated. Can I win her back? If not how do I move on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/UnluckyVanilla9727 on 2024-01-05 05:27:32+00:00.

So me and my bf have been together for 8 years now, just dating, and we definitely have different opinions on politics, ww3, music, content we watch, and anytime something in these areas are brought up we always get in a weird argument that just becomes very confusing and toxic, and I always seem to get over it a lot faster that my partner. (Who admits he doesn't do well with his feelings) and I know it's because of the toxic masculinity stuff he watches all the time on YouTube and I watch the opposite....

Anyway after these arguments he always gets so weird and quiet and I have no idea on how to fix these situations. I always feel like I need to apologize but I never know what for.

I'm afraid if we keep having such opposite opinions it will cause a rift and split us apart. Does anyone know how to fix these situations? P.s when I try to have serious conversations about these things to smooth it over it just seems like he gives a lot of excuses and toxic masculinity stuff, it may make him feel better but I always feel worse.

Tl;dr bf and I have very opposite opinions of many things and I don't know how to handle it and need help.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Exoticrobot22 on 2024-01-04 19:02:13+00:00.

I just feel like shit because I had no clue I still had it. I feel like a dumbass. When I was a teenager I would send myself the videos to my old Snapchat account. So I have 2 accounts. The one I use now I would send myself videos to my old account still. The last video I sent was a month ago of me and my buddies. Little did I know if u scrolled up 3 years back there was a sex tape there. Just letting y’all know to be careful lol. I mean there’s nothing I can do in this situation I guess? Any advice would be appreciated

TLDR: gf found a sex tape I had no clue was still there from 3 years ago. We’ve been together for 1 year. And broke up with me. Any advice

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/peyton7643 on 2024-01-05 04:42:42+00:00.

Let me start by saying yes I know we’re both young and all, but obviously I am still really struggling with my internal feelings rn.

For the last 2-3 months my gf and I have had a really difficult time. We would fight often, she became controlling (which we talked about and after the 2/3 time bringing it up to her she got better at), and has sometimes left me feeling worse than before I spent time with her. She was on medicine that definitely affected her temper/ability to regulate her emotions (like the #1 side effect) but has recently stopped it. She was on this medication for 7+ months, and the problems began around month 2 but REALLY got bad the last two months.

When I say controlling, we both started college this past fall, and I would confidently say I adjusted better than she has. She is a homebody and really depends on a routine and her mom, among other things. I have always been more independent so this transition was less difficult for me. I have made some new friends (my closest being a group of 3 guys and 2 girls), and have been sure not to make my gf feel like she’s being left out. My friends also have expressed both to me and her that they really want to become friends with her and want her to join us with all our plans, but she refuses to, because she feels like it’s “only because you’re my boyfriend” or “it’s a pity invite.” This often leads to either A. Me not going with friends for those plans because she guilts me out of it or B. I go without her and she gets upset at me/makes snappy comments for the following days.

She has stopped the medicine (she just finished the course) and I can definitely tell a difference in her behavior, but I’m worried the last few months put a strain on us. I just feel like I don’t have the same connection as I did before. The two months where she was pretty controlling/mean took a hugggggge toll on me and I definitely think has affected my feelings towards her. I am wondering if anyone has advice on regaining that connection, I really do love her a lot, and we have been together for 2 years now, but I’m not sure if either I need to give it time or “cut my losses.”

TLDR: My gf was controlling/ we fought often due to a medication she was on. She is no longer on it and has improved, but I’m worried I have lost feelings because of the way I was treated.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway_coupther on 2024-01-04 06:00:51+00:00.

I, F25, recently came back from a semester abroad, and came back to a relationship where I no longer felt present.

We've been together for almost 2 years, we've never had a fight, we had plans to move in together on 2024. But during my semester out of the country, our relationship became stale.

We had our first fight over something so small (in hindsight it wasn't his fault or mine) and I thought of breaking up with him but thought I was exaggerating and it wasn't fair to do it over text or videocall

He came to see me, and I felt ashamed, I don't know why. I guess because I was surrounded by scholars and academics, extremely intelligent people who speak more than one language, and my boyfriend is a waiter who dropped out of university. I've always had to defend him from my mother for this decision, but he truly was having an awful time in uni, and he already got accepted for another school, and will get a minor degree, so I thought it would be OK, we even talked about me finishing my second degree (what I'm currently studying for) before he goes back to studying so he could support me and I wouldn't have to ask for another student loan.

He's the sweetest guy, he can be a bit dumb, but it never bothered until now.

I used to find it endearing, how he'd ask me the most obvious questions, but now I find it infuriating. Makes me feel like I'm with a child and not an adult man.

I don't mind him having hobbies, he can go play cards all he wants, but I don't understand how he can be broke when he lives with his mother and doesn't even pay rent. He makes about 500usd per month, yet can't seem to find the money to save for our future. I work on summer and save for the year as my schedule is crazy and it's hard for me to find a job that has flexible hours. Yet sometimes it's me who has to aid him during the year because he is in some debt to pay for anime cards or plane tickets for a tournament or whatever.

I've never felt like he was actually dumb, but lately it's almost like he doesn't know how the world works and needs me to make even the smallest decisions for him, he was falling apart without me when I was the one in another country speaking 2 different languages with no family or friends and a scholarship that wouldnt pay me if I got bad grades. For the record I don't think I'm all that smart, I've managed to get a scholarship to study abroad but mainly based on my experience and work with teachers and professors more than my grades.

I feel uncomfortable with him, I don't want to be intimate with him, I don't want him to take my hand in public. We have nothing to talk about. I've realized that I'm not present in our conversation because he has nothing to say and I have nothing to add. I feel intellectually unfulfilled.

He wants us to go to couples therapy, see if this is something we can fix, I don't want him to spend money on something that might not even work for us, when I no longer feel like I love him, I don't see a future with him anymore. His presence makes me feel irritated, and he's so clingy while I've always been colder. I don't think we are compatible.

Is this something we can fix?

Tl;Dr, I'm no longer attracted to my bf and I feel trapped in our relationship, he wants us to go to couples therapy.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/notsureboutanything2 on 2024-01-05 04:15:21+00:00.

The beginning of this traumatic experience is in my other post, I tried to link it, but didn’t work. It’s from May 2023.

My (F23) father (M47) has been breaking up and getting back together with my mother (F49) since August 2023 after cheating on her for almost a year. They’ve been together for over 25 years. As you can imagine, it’s been emotionally draining for everyone in the family. I don’t live home anymore, but I’m scared for my younger brother, mother and my grandparents. My parents have a company together.

Before Christmas, I told my father that I’m not coming home if he doesn’t make up his mind. I said I refuse to sit at a dinner table during Christmas for him to just decide the next day that he is leaving again. He said he is staying for real this time.

Jokes on us, he broke up “for real” with my mother yesterday. Said he just can’t live with her anymore etc. He said he is leaving on a skiing trip this weekend with his new friends and that’s it. So now my mother is crushed again of course, no closure, no talking.

Now the hardest part is how to navigate this situation now? I realised he’s been trying to control my mother in preparation for this breakup (they put down deposit for a new apartment planning to move there together with my brother and he now says she and my brother will live there, he made her sign a new contract in work saying they will work on it together and now it’s all on her etc). He is trying to isolate her from making her own choices while being single.

Me and my boyfriend are already planning to seeing her at least once a week for lunch and to spend some time with my brother. I still struggle with separating what I should and shouldn’t help with though. I feel like I should help her with the divorce, make sure she gets everything she needs… I feel like it’s my responsibility because she doesn’t have anyone else. Also I don’t want to see my father. He messed with our minds for a year. (His side of the family is now angry at me for turning “my back” to him because he has been lying about everything basically)

What should I do in this situation? Should try to help my mother both emotionally and financially? Is it valid that I don’t want to see my father?

We all thought everything was getting better and now it’s the same show all over again. For real this time…

Tl;dr: my father has finally decided to leave but I’m now struggling with emotional help to my family

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TheRealStalinsaurus on 2024-01-05 03:24:33+00:00.

So this post concerns me and my wife. No kids.

The day before Halloween, my wife texted me at work along the lines of “I'm tired of feeling like a house keeper or a friend, and not a wife”. My wife is my best friend, but I'll admit I slack on household chores. There was a time a few years ago where I worked 50 to 60 hours a week, and she took on those responsibilities to compensate. However, I've settled into 40hr work weeks in the last two years but didn't pick up other tasks to balance it.

My wife and I never fought. The only arguments we had were over silly things like whether or not one celebrity looked like another. When I got home, she told me she had been looking at apartments to move into, which sent me into damage control mode. I tried to ask every question about why she felt this way, and ultimately we agreed that we are both to blame. Me, for not always doing household tasks when asked, and her for not communicating that it had grown to be such a problem.

A week later she left to stay at her parents. We tried a couples therapy session, but she said she was filing for divorce. Two weeks later she told me she was moving 12 hours away because she needed to be alone and to remember who she was without me (were 32, been together for 11 years, married for 7).

She moved as of last week, and the divorce has gone through (according to her, we did a dissolution so it was fairly quick). She is a very family oriented person, and loves her friends and pets. So her isolating herself this way has me worried. And before anyone asks, no, there’s no one else. She picked the place she did to move because rent was affordable and a quick plane trip home for visits.

She said early on that she was tired of trying. I proposed that she was trying on her own, that I should get a chance to make up for the mistakes I made. For the record, it wasn't all about not doing chores. My wife is a people pleaser and hates confrontation. I've always disliked being called out on things, so she just wouldn't bring it up when I said I'd do something and forgot. She said the feeling built up over time, and she fell out of love.

She has done several things since this started that show she still cares deeply, and loves me. She hasnt said explicitly that we are done forever.

I love her with all of my heart. I'll admit that I'm hoping she takes some time alone and decides to give it another chance.

Tl;dr - Wife said she wanted to leave. Two months later and she is in another state.

Any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA1442WBW on 2024-01-05 03:23:03+00:00.

This first paragraph is taken from a previous post of mine, as it summarizes the situation pretty well.

I am in an 11 year relationship that started in early high school, moved in together after high school 8 years ago. Once we lived together, the codependency starting building and I became the caretaker while he was the beneficiary. I did basically all of the work (chores, groceries, cooking, planning dates, making any decisions, etc.). He didn't like non-sexual physical affection so there wasn't much hand holding, small kisses, hugs, etc. I didn't like sex without any other affection, so our sex life has always been bad. All of this was very draining on me and I brought up my feelings many times over the 8 years and every time I was promised change but nothing would become of it.

This dynamic has exhausted me. I will fully admit that I could have done more, could have explained my feelings better, made chore charts for him, nagged him to do things until he eventually got used to doing it, but I do think I tried my best with the knowledge and energy I had at the time. It was absolutely no secret to him that I was struggling to hold up our relationship and that he was not stepping up to fix anything.

My solution to this was to distance myself and stop contributing to the all the chores, I let the fridge get empty, the toilets get dirty, I stopped doing his laundry. I stopped saying "I love you", I spent less time around him, I basically separated myself as much as possible. He didn't notice. Maybe he has in hindsight, but he didn't acknowledge anything at the time.

Him neglecting responsibilities and our overall lack of a healthy romantic relationship eventually came to a point that I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and it took me a while to mourn things and come to terms with reality.

In September, I broke up with him. He suddenly decided to change and begged me for one last chance. I gave him a few months but clearly stated that I wanted him to take the opportunity to work on himself, work on being an adult, and understand and work on the issues he has internally that lead him to a life of complacency in the first place. For the first month or so, things seemed promising. A few more months and things started slipping back to normal. The final month was like nothing ever happened in the first place, video games all day, largely ignoring any responsibilities, and definitely not working on himself.

This week, I broke up with him for good. I told him I know that I can't do this anymore, I don't have the same feelings, and I can't be a healthy partner in this relationship anymore. I discussed moving timelines (we share a lease), I talked about being no-contact for a while, I said I don't want there to be any confusion, and that this relationship can't continue. Even if he were to make all the necessary changes and be a great partner, my heart is not in it anymore. He said he understands and that there's no confusion.

The next day, he wrote me a letter begging me to try again, to give him more time, that he's been improving and wants to keep trying. He told me all the things he loves about me and how he doesn't want to lose the life we have. He suggests living together as friends, taking a "break", and hopefully getting back together in the future.

I am just so exhausted. I will be writing my own letter clearly detailing my stance on things and how and why I've come to this conclusion. I thought I made my points clear over the years and especially recently with the break up conversations, but clearly something is not getting through. This is a person I've spent almost half of my life with. I don't want to continue to break his heart every time he asks to try again and hates himself for letting it get to this point. But I also can't continue to put any more energy into this relationship. What I need more than anything is space and time to figure out who I am as a person and not as a caregiver in a one sided relationship.

For work and logistical reasons, it's so much easier for him to leave the apartment than me. He has a great family close by that will be there for him for housing and support. But his reluctance to accept the end of this relationship has made it clear that I will need to be the one to leave first.

I may be the one initiating this break up but this is not a pleasant situation for me by any means, and having to have the same conversation over and over with someone in denial that just doesn't take me seriously is draining what little is left in me.

TL;DR: Imbalanced relationship for 11 years, begged for change for 8 years, boyfriend promised to change but never did. Broke up with him after I accepted that I can't do this anymore and he begged to keep trying and suddenly has made all of the changes. Gave him time to change, nothing really stuck, my feelings didn't change, and I broke up with him for good. Now he's back to begging for another chance while I slowly go insane having to break someone's heart over and over.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/chesterlebron on 2024-01-05 03:08:33+00:00.

I’ll try to keep this concise and to the point. I am at my wits end at the moment and really unsure what to do. I’ve been with my partner (M32) 5 years and he is the best in the world. He’s kind, caring, loves me and is always there for me. An all around great guy that I struck gold when I met him. I really thought he would be my forever, and I desperately still want him to be.

The problem is he hasn’t been working for over 2 years. He’s been back at college to break into a new industry during this time (which I fully support) but has no ambition or aspiration to earn until he finds something in the sector he’s trying to break into. I supported him fully with this initially but 2 years down the line he hasn’t even spoken about looking for part time work to keep him going until he graduates later this year. It makes me worry about his ambition to contribute to our relationship moving forward and what our future could end up looking like. Whenever I have spoken to him about this and my concerns (we’ve had the conversation 5 times in the last number of years) he responds back with the fact if I’m frustrated by the situation, how do I think he feels. And I totally understand his position & feel for him (have approached this in many ways with as much compassion as possible) but I worry about committing further if this is always going to be his attitude (eg not doing anything until the right thing comes along) really freaks me out. He’s been unsuccessful finding work in this field due to lack of experience and his previous employment has been as a bar manager for several years (unrelated field).

The situation is making me feel distant and isolated in our relationship — its not easy to talk about and I know he gets annoyed and upset when I do bring it up. I really feel at a breaking point.

For context, we don’t live together and our intimate life is non existent these days, it just feels like we’re best friends who hang out. I understand sparks go and all aspects of a relationship take work, but I feel I’ve been putting in so much work and doing my best to understand and support him over the last number of years with this situation but I’m exhausted and very upset with where things are at.

I would love to hear what other people think. I want to build a life together but I don’t know if I can rely on him to ever step up. I’m unsure if I’m holding on for all the wrong reasons if I’m being honest. I really don’t know what to do and my head is racing.

PS this is not a bashing session, he’s a great person and I am in tears as I write this.

TLDR; my partner (M32) of 5 years has been out work for the last 2 and is showing no ambition or aspiration to earn while he finishes college (to break into another industry). I feel so isolated in the relationship and at my wits end with the situation — I’m struggling to see light for our future, what should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Loose-Butterscotch72 on 2024-01-05 03:04:40+00:00.

TLDR my old friend, whom i was in love with, friend dumped me and never acknowledged what went on between us.

my old friend (now 19f) and I (now 20f) were best friends for a two year period a couple years back before she suddenly ended our friendship after ignoring me while on winter break. we had always had a relatively romantic friendship. we would have sleepovers where she would lay on my chest and cuddle into me, asking for 5 more minutes, in the mornings. she would hold onto my arm and say she did so because it "felt right". we would laugh about falling in love and moving to a rural italian town together and sit in the backs of taxis holding hands and scrolling through instagram with head's on each other's shoulders. she'd also do sweet things like cupping my hands in hers over her coffee when i was cold. she would even send me pictures and say that she'd rather i compliment her than some 'sleazy man'.

she was generally just disinterested in the boys that hit on her and would tell me that she'd want to date a best friend (which was me at the time) or at least prefer if people actually knew of her personality before deciding they liked her. however, i could never really gauge if she was doing all these things in a friendly or flirty manner at the time so i'd ask her what her sexuality was only to be given the answer "who is 100% anything". after getting to know her more, i did gauge she definitely was queer to some extent, and upon looking back at our relationship now i do think my feelings were definitely requited or i was being very consciously led on. there was just some sort of tangible energy between us yk? she was also quite jealous of me mentioning potentially dating others and would respond quite shortly or annoyedly which was telling.

either way, i had told a couple friends we shared in common about my feelings because i wanted to get some advice on what to do as i did not want to betray my friend's trust and a couple months later, my old friend began to ignore me and eventually told me we were "not compatible" and that i was too "emotionally available" and broke all friendship off between us. i found it very weird that she ended things for that reason as we were incredibly close and spent most of our time together and generally got along very very well. i tried to talk to her a few months after the fact but she said she had moved on. since we went to school together, we eventually established a relatively friendly bond but we never acknowledged the past and she treated me quite coldly, becoming close friends with people that had wronged us both. i thought that maybe she broke things off with me so that she could have a better social life, or because her family came from an eastern european line and maybe would not be accepting, or because our mutual friend told her about my feelings which made her uncomfortable. i really have no idea and i think that is just going to have to remain a mystery.

i do want to be able to move on, though. i am in a very happy relationship right now (my third one since our situationship) and i want to just be able to let go of the past which i find very difficult considering i have never gotten closure for it. i tried to write her a letter thanking her for being a close friend of mine for some time and wishing her all the best and communicate that way prior to graduating and she never responded, didn't even say thank you. i honestly feel that it is hopeless because she just does not want to acknowledge any of the past, which seems somewhat out of character. any advice would be appreciated.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Maximum_4777 on 2024-01-05 03:03:38+00:00.

I (17f) was texting a friend I had one day, lets call him Jack (18f). we were speaking about crushes, because everyone thought we liked each other. we agreed to tell each other our crushes, and he told me, but I didn't tell him back.

He was so pissed. that night he was at the same party I was, he saw me and looked so mad. We were best friends, and now he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. He actually liked one of my friends, named Brenda (17f), for the sake of this. Everyone sort of knew that Jack liked Brenda, but he constantly denied it.

He told one of his best friends, Ben(17m) and Ben started hating me. It's been months since this, and he's still salty. Help, Am I in the wrong?

TL;DR: One of my best friends had a crush on my friend, i refused to tell him who i like, we are now no longer on as good terms. am i in the wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Standard5941 on 2024-01-05 03:01:21+00:00.

Prior to meeting my boyfriend I was extremely driven, ambitious, happy, friendly , adventurous person. I would explore+try new things on my own, would go to church, have friend dates and was really honed in on self improvement.

When I met him I feel like I introduced a lot of that to him for a short while. After some time, I realized I began to do these things less and less. It wasn’t so much that he was keeping me from doing these things, but he also wasn’t encouraging them either. Somethings I had to stop- like trying new things- because he couldn’t join me, since I refused to be the one always paying for it. Going to church and self development stopped slowly but surely as he would mention things like: “not going to church doesn’t make you a bad person..” or say that I’m too hard on myself when aiming for something more.

Anyway, fast forward- we are almost 2 years in and have a 3 month baby girl. I’m the default parent, I carry around with all the chores, bills, etc. I’m on unpaid maternity leave until she hits 7 months and I find myself aimless, lifeless and lost. I don’t even know how to find my way again. I don’t know how to find myself again or how to even build back my spiritual life. I don’t want my daughter to see me like this and I also want to find enjoyment in my life as well. Many of the things I’d like to do is difficult because he doesn’t get home until late and I’m always with my daughter leaving minimal time to myself.

I feel like the mix between postpartum and my boyfriend + his vibe is not a good mix for me. I want to fix this, I love him and how he cares for us, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

tl;dr - ever since meeting bf I feel like I don’t know who I am. How can I find my way back ?