Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Purple_Passenger_244 on 2024-01-04 19:28:55+00:00.

So if you‘ve read my other entries I‘ve an unanswered love confession thing going on with a close friend of mine. So he invited me over to study which I accepted and did not know who would from the friend(ish) group would show up and thought that it would be just two of us. But boy was I wrong the whole group was there and nearing the evening my actual crush did show up. After sime studying as a group he left and so did I cause a little part of our trip overlaps. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to make it so that it was a coincidence as there is like a train every 5 mins that goes to my place (plus a bus) and his is just a train that comes every 30mins. Still I had hope that we could catch the same train “as a coincidence”. It didn’t but we still took the same train cause he wanted to do some grocery shopping at the place that my bus takes off and i went along with him and bought the next day’s breakfast from the market as he did actual groceries which was not a lot and he didn’t make a list before maybe cause of that. Anyways it was basically so that i planned on saying let’s give it a shot to my friend but ended up spending last almost 1 hour with my crush commuting and grocery shopping 😭 Idk what I should do. I don’t know if my crush likes me back. If he does what do I do to keep my friend as a good friend and they are both also friends will it fuck up the friendship dynamics? If he doesn’t wouldn’t my friend get heartbroken and would give up on our friendship as I will be confessing to a friend of his whilst having not given an answer to him beforehand? And I’m not sure what to do. If I choose the safe way and just be with my friend who has a crush on me I will be letting go of my crush which sucks and if i take the risky route I will possibly be a loner for the next 2.5-3 years idk it sucks really. What should I do?

TL;DR! I’m in a fucked up love cycle(ish) crush-cycle situation. Every other route seems to be fucked up. Basically which one of them is the least fucked up?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mountain_Macaron_155 on 2024-01-04 01:25:17+00:00.

Me(36f) and my fiance (35m) have been together over 3 yrs (involved for 5). We have a teen and a toddler. After my toddler my libido dropped drastically but on average we have sex 2-3 times a week. A year ago the issue was that we didn't do it enough and i really struggled mentally as I just had zero urge (minor postpartum maybe) and it physically felt different and sometimes hurt. Now the issue is that I don't initiate it and/or don't randomly get horny and crave it like before I had my toddler. I dont dread it like before and it's not as uncomfortable by i don't "crave" it. I participate, it's not like I just lay there. Although i have little interest, I still try to make sure we do it 2-3 times a week. My fiance doesn't feel wanted or desired and feels like if this problem doesn't get better we shouldn't get married...I get that and don't want him to be unhappy but this makes me feel like our love is not unconditional. I also feel invalidated because he said my libido shouldn't be affected by my mental load because my life has been more stressful before so this is nothing. Is this something we can get past? Is anyone being unreasonable or is this just an unfortunate situation??

Tldr: me and my fiance have sex 2-3 times a week but he doesn't feel desired because I don't initiate and don't crave it like i did before having my toddler. We both work FT and have a teen and toddler. I feel like my attempts aren't good enough.. its one of us unrealistic??.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Breath_8438 on 2024-01-04 19:26:16+00:00.

We’ve only been together a few months, but a couple weeks ago I’d noticed that she wasn’t being very affectionate with me like she used to be. Typical end of the honeymoon phase I was kinda thinking, so last week I brought it up to her. Told her that my love languages are physical touch and quality time, and that I need to see her initiate more physical affection (I’m not meaning sex, but even that has been rare recently). I also mentioned that it seemed like all our time was spent in “transition” (meet up after work & get ready for bed (we both work long hours), she sleeps all day on days off and then we get ready to see her friends, etc.) or with other people, and I wanted to spend quality time with just her sometimes.

She took it well enough and then I met her friend who came over and we all headed to my city a couple hours away to celebrate NYE. Something that she asked me to plan and incorporate her and her friend. So we get down there and suddenly she seems super distant. The next day at the mall she tells me that I’m being too much and she can’t turn around without me being right there (we went there to shop for an outfit for her, what am I supposed to do but follow her to each store?). And then she tells me that if I want her to be more affectionate, we’re gonna have to stop spending as much time together. I thought this was weird because she’s usually the one asking me to spend nearly every day with her, but I acknowledge it and move on, asking if we were still good for that night, which she agrees she still wants to spend together, but will also be trying to have fun with her friend.

We go out to a bar I got us tickets for an NYE event at and meet my friends. She’s hanging with her friend for the first couple hours and I don’t mind cause I’m with mine and she’s right there. Then she lets me know she’s going to another floor of the bar, so I hang with my friends for a bit and then go find her, which she’s with her friend and a bunch of random guys bowling. I go and chat with her for 3 minutes and then once she finishes her game she runs off upstairs with her friend and the other group and I don’t see or hear from her for 4 hours straight. Can’t find her and she doesn’t reply to my texts until she calls just before midnight to say she went home with her friend cause she was sick.

So I head out with my friends, missing our ny kiss while I’m trying to get a ride back to the Airbnb, then come back to find her friend seems just fine and she (her friend) invited a guy over.

She talks about how much fun she had and asks me about my night, to which I tell her “I mean you ditched me literally the entire night.”

She gets upset at this, storms off to bed, and then we argue a bit before she tells me that she doesn’t think she can provide me with the affection or effort I want. She told me she needs some time away from me before we hangout again, so it’s been a few days of the most bland messaging since (two word responses, not asking me about anything, etc.). She is definitely more introverted than me, and I can understand needing your own time to unplug and recharge, but this sudden shift from asking to see me every day and showering me with affection to irritation and needing time away from me seems weird.

Am I wrong to be upset with being ditched on NYE all night? I can understand being jaded after seeing each other so much and needing space, but should I be concerned with this sudden distancing of herself?

TLDR: Spoke with GF about showing more affection and sharing more quality time, she gets progressively more irritated with my presence and then ditches me on NYE. Now wants us to hangout less often and questions if she has the “energy” for my needs. Am I wrong to be upset or am I just being too needy?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2024-01-04 19:25:33+00:00.

My bf had a friend in highschool who he followed her normal account, just last year she started doing modeling (normal modeling like headshots, some boudair, and some NSFW). This is the only modeling account he followed, I asked him why he followed her modeling account and he said “I just wanted to see what my old friend was doing with her life because last time we talked she was a preschool teacher but then I saw she started promoting her modeling account on her main instagram” so he then explained that when he saw her promoting the account, he followed her just to see what else she was up to in her life. I looked at her page myself, I noticed my bf was liking her normal modeling shots (her out in the Forrest, mountains, nyc trip modeling) like normal friend liking old modeling photos things. Well, recently she posted a NSFW photo of just her breasts but with the nipples censored. I saw my bf liked it and I told him that made me uncomfortable, I said I didn’t mind that he followed her and liked her normal modeling pictures but that crossed a line. He apologized and told me that to him it was “just boobs” and he didn’t like it because he was trying to flirt or anything nor did he have any romantic feelings for her. He offered to unfollow that account since that made me uncomfortable and I agreed and that was the end of it. But it also made me uncomfortable to think about how he knew her at one point and how this was the only modeling account he followed, but he reassured me he followed her a long while back right when she started her modeling journey and wanted to support a friend back then that’s why he followed in the first place. Should I approach this anymore? Was everything done right. Any red flags.

Tl;dr: bf followed an old friends modeling account and she recently posted a provocative picture and it made me uncomfortable that he liked it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/keepingmyselfanon_ on 2024-01-04 19:23:22+00:00.

Hi, I’m looking for some advice about my relationship (husband). I’m so embarrassed to talk to my family about this because I feel so ashamed for even considering this since he and I have been together for so long.

On Christmas day, he and I had a disagreement about how we were managing our time with family. I was very upset because I didn’t get to spend as much time with my family. He didn’t tell me we were going to another place with his family. The timing was off and it wasnt the best. He and I got into an argument about it because it did catch me off guard. In the midst of this, he then proceeded to yell “shut up!” I felt bad and he told me he was sorry.

We then went to another family function for New Years and while I was talking to my sister, I guess I interrupted and he covered my mouth so he could say something. It felt like “shut up” all over again.

Then comes today. He was showering our dog, and the dog accidentally stepped on a razor I had left on the tub causing him to bleed profusely. I was doing everything I could to help, all while him screaming at me to hurry up. I had asked him to take him to the vet to see how we can stop the bleeding. I was getting the dog ready to go, my husband was frustrated. I asked him for the leash and he threw it down the hall, he didn’t hand it to me.

I don’t know when this type of behavior started. We’ve had our arguments but they’ve never been this bad. Lately anytime I talk to him at all, he always sighs like I’m somehow disturbing him. He rolls his eyes and says that Im always interrupting what hes doing.

Im so afraid of thinking of divorce. There are so many other issues with our marraige. We have been married for more than 2 years. I feel like I carry all the burden financially as well. I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck and embarrassed.

TLDR: He was showering our dog, and the dog accidentally stepped on a razor I had left on the tub causing him to bleed profusely. I was getting the dog ready to go to the vet. I asked my husband for the leash and he threw it at me. What do you advise?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway1903747392 on 2024-01-04 19:21:11+00:00.

As the title says.

Tl;dr Ex left me for another woman, texted after NC to apologise for everything, idk what to do

About 3 months ago, my ex fiancé of 4.5 years kind of blindsided me by announcing that he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship.

We were casually sleeping together for a few weeks and he was telling me how much he loved me and cared for me etc, until I found out that he had been romanticising about this girl for the past year and they were planning on spending the holidays together as they hadn’t actually met yet.

I confronted him about this and he was extremely cold to me and said he didn’t want to speak to me anymore - and so ensued the NC period.

About a week ago, he texted me, apologising for everything that had happened. It really took me by surprise and I was so upset because of course I still have feelings for him, but I managed to not respond, but since then I have been feeling this awful weight of sadness, I keep crying and I don’t know what to do? It sounds so silly but I’m scared this will be the only time he ever reaches out.

Not sure why he’s reached out or what to do about it tbh

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adventurous-Tea-3239 on 2024-01-04 19:08:47+00:00.

Original Title: My (22F) boyfriend (22M) and I (dating for 5 years) are moving in together but we have very different individual lifestyles. How can I work to smooth the transition for both of us and not cause fighting?

TLDR: boyfriend and I are moving in together, we both have very different lifestyles, I want to know how we can have good and meaningful conversations that will result in a smoother transition.

So my boyfriend and I are looking into getting an apartment together post-graduation. I am both excited and nervous about it because I don’t know how well we are going to mesh when it comes to standards of cleanliness and sleep schedules. Here is a rundown:

I am a neat freak. I keep my bedroom picked up, laundry done, kitchen/dishes are cleaned as I’m cooking so that all I have to do is throw away trash and do another final wipe down at the end. My bathroom is so clean you could lick the toilet bowl 90% of the time because I clean my bathroom 3/4x a week. I am diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, and part of that comes with cleaning rituals, so I know I’m slightly obsessive. I tend to try to get to bed anywhere between 10:00-midnight, and I wake up around 8 most days.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, is confusing. He IS messy, but he isn’t dirty (like trash and food everywhere) messy, just clothing/clutter messy. He doesn’t view cleaning the way I do. Sleep schedule-wise, he stays up until anywhere midnight and 5am, and doesn’t wake up until 1-2 pm the next day.

My future job will require me to get up at 6:00 in the morning because work starts at 7:20, which means I’ll need to be in bed early most nights. He doesn’t have his career job nailed down completely yet (which is fine, my permanent job is nailed down like a year in advance because I have some connections in my desired field), but I’m guessing he will work a typical 9 to 5. However I’m worried that our lifestyles will clash. I am planning on bringing this up to him, but I don’t know how to bring it up without coming across as nagging and obnoxious.

These are my revised expectations for how I want to live. I don’t know how to bring it up to him because I don’t want to talk to him like I’m his mom:

1. Bathroom cleaned 2x a week
2. Laundry goes in hamper ASAP, laundry 1-2x a week
3. Kitchen gets cleaned 2x a week
4. Vacuum 3-4x a week
5. Mop once a week
6. Absolutely NO shoes in the house (socks or house shoes only)
7. Dust once a week
8. No screeching/loud laughing at video games or watching loud movies/tv past 11pm (he has a headset he can wear so he can keep playing games or watching movies past that time, I just need to go to bed)
9. Trash taken out 2x a week
10. Fridge needs to be cleared out of expired/leftover food once a week so it doesn’t stink and so we have room
11. Daily room maintenance (picking up clothes off floor, putting things back, making the bed)
12. Grocery store once a week or as needed, and we need a grocery list
13. Communicate both of our schedules so that whoever is in charge of cooking dinner that day can plan meals

I don’t think these are unreasonable expectations, but they are kind of important for me. If they are unreasonable, please tell me because these aren’t set in stone permanently, but I want this to go as smoothly as possible. I’m willing to work if he is.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FlyingHylian776 on 2024-01-04 00:24:53+00:00.

I wasn't sure where to post.

The gist of it is, they broke up with their ex-boyfriend about 2 or 3 months ago. They were deeply in love with this guy. It all would've ended well probably if he hadn't turned out to be both manipulative and a cheater. They were together for a while before my kinda almost partner was able to escape (you know how hard it can be to leave people you love, even if their assholes).

The next week or two, our correspondence increased. I admit I'd always kinda had feelings for them, but I of course let that go when they were still dating their ex. I also didn't wanna rush them into anything unhealthy, so I decided to not confess or anything, at least for the time. Then, surprisingly, they confessed to me. They said they didn't wanna do anything too serious, and I respect that, which is why I keep saying "kinda sorta almost partner." I don't know a better word.

So, now we've been in a kind of talking phase for 2ish months. Kinda. The past few weeks I'd noticed their texts were becoming dryer, and they weren't responding as much as they used to, so earlier today I asked them if they still had feelings for me, because I don't want to pressure them into anything if they don't. They responded that they do, but they're finding it difficult to be with somebody at the moment because they still love their ex. Having once been in a kinda toxic relationship myself, I understand the lingering effect they can have. It's difficult. I told them that I understood their position, and that I would respect their wishes because I want what's best for them.

Here's the thing: I don't know how to support them and help them "get over" him. I don't really want it for my own gain, I really do just want them to be happy again. I don't care how long-term a plan to help them would be, I just want to have some idea of how to support them, because I have no idea.

TL,DR: Somebody I'm very close to somewhat recently got out of a very bad relationship, and I don't know how to support them.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Disastrous_Top7228 on 2024-01-04 19:01:50+00:00.

Throwaway account

This is actually hard to write, as a lot of things are going in my mind. Basically, I am the man that women avoid at all costs since I have ALL the possible red flags. I am currently 40, always lived with parents, never moved away, been living with my overy attached and depressed mother for years, I have huge collections of geek stuff like videogames and action figures, my life's been a mess for the last 10 years after I become unemployed and my house is a wreck. I was also born with an aesthetical physical issue. I have a degree but my salary is low and I currently work as a freelancer who barely makes it. I am a very sensitive and shy person, but cold as a stone on the outside.

At this point in my life, I expected to have zero success to find a partner and for the last 10 years or so I grew up with the idea I'd remain forever alone, with absolute zero chances of finding a partner. I didn't even consider a chance of finding someone at this point.

A few years back, a women fell deeply in love with me in a way I had never imagined someone could fall for me. She's been single for many years after breaking up with her abusive partner from whom she had children. She eventually confessed her feelings to me, but this came out of the blue. I was scared with a lot of things, my feelings for her were not mutual at the time and even though I didn't close the door at first, I did end up rejecting her. She stood close as a friend and has always, always been very supportive even when I didn't deserve it because I was kinda rude to her some times.

Fast forward a couple of years later, after getting to know her better, I've started to develop feelings for her. She was always respectful but she was never able to get over me, rejecting other guys. I decided to give her a chance, and we just started a relationship. She was somehow able to read beyond all the red flags and told me on multiple occasions that I have all the qualities she looked in a partner. I love her like I never expected to love someone at this point of my life. I feel beyond super lucky to find someone like her and a short while ago I've come to realize I'd have to be extremely dumb to not at least give her a chance, so I put all my fears aside and decided to give her that chance.

As a result, my overly attached and depressed mother became the problem I expected she would be. At this point, without ever hearing about it before, I'm positive I've fallen into covert incestr. She fell into a huge depression, started to create all these worst case scenarios about my GF, to the point of being very, very selfish towards me and only worrying about herself. She is phsychologically very ill, she's terrified of staying alone at her current age and she never had any sort of trouble when I was away for days or longer doing my life, until a GF appeared. I argued a few times with her, imposing my relationship over her selfishness. And I'm still adapting to all this because it's all very recent. Recently my mother recognized a few of her issues, even admitting that she inconsciously turned me into a replacement partner, she's been more tolerant, less intrusive and "doing the best she can to deal with all this" regardless of her depression. I also realize this, but it's not enough.

I gained some immunity to her feelings and started doing things my way, but I am not that insensitive to ignore she exists. Even my GF tells me to not completely cut her, since she's a family person and also lives with her mother after her father passed away. Plus, everything is way too recent. However, my GF sometimes feels insecure about my relationship with my mother, especially for the future. We openly talk about it and it helps a lot to clear many insecurities. I think we're managing pretty well for now, but I am afraid of what comes next and if I'll be able to handle it the appropriate way. I've considered visiting a psycologist to help me deal with all this and try to make things work, because I am positive this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. If this fails, I don't think I'll even consider getting another partner - this might be my hot head saying this right now, but it is what I feel.

Decided to share this with you guys, for my own sake. Either to hear comments, insults, or simply looking for advise.

tl;dr : I have all the red flags I could have in a partner, but someone saw more than that and still fell in love with me. After a few years, I found out she's the one and decided to give her a chance, so we started a relationship. Now I'm deeling with a depressed and overly attached mother and this is causing some insecurities for the future of my relationship and I'm afraid of not handling everything properly.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Editor-3708 on 2024-01-03 23:47:05+00:00.

I don’t know if I should be concerned. We’ve been dating for 1.5 years we have a really healthy and close relationship. He says he hasn’t really thought about marriage or conceptualized his life as a married person yet. He knows he wants it to happen, but right now he just can’t even begin conceptualize it, so he doesn’t know if he would marry me. He can see it happening and would be happy if it worked out that way but he doesn’t know for sure if he wants to marry me if that makes sense? Like in his brain marriage is so far off he can’t even make a definite decision or have strong feelings about it. We’re about to graduate college and I just don’t know if I should keep dating him going into the next chapter of my life if he doesn’t know? I feel like I’m starting to get to the age that I want to be dating to marry and if he doesn’t know after this long I feel kinda weird? I feel like if a guy wants to marry a girl he’d know by now. Even if it wasn’t gonna happen any time soon.

TLDR: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we’re about to graduate college and he doesn’t know if he should marry me. Should I be concerned?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA-nye on 2024-01-04 18:43:58+00:00.

During the panda I basically spiraled out of control, and latent behavioral issues I had bubbled to the surface. I had a full on mental breakdown and burned bridges with close friends in the most fiery way possible.

• I told a friend who’s a veteran he should’ve died overseas
• I told a friend who had police for both parents that her parents are pigs and I hoped they both got shot.
• I told someone nobody will miss them If they offed themselves and their existence makes the world a worse place
• I told a friend she’s a worthless c*nt because she said she had trouble getting a mask on two year old child.

I knew all of these things were my friend’s worst fears and I intentionally said them in the most hurtful way possible because I was fully out of control and completely taken over by bitterness and isolation. My parents put me on a psych hold and I was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. I’ve been working on it for years, including medication.

A few years later, and I’m finally back to my mental health state pre panda. I reached out to those people with sincere apologies. I was either completely ignored, or told “it’s good you got help, but you are not welcome back in my life and I will not forgive you.” My parents told me my language could easily be considered verbal abuse so it’s no surprise they won’t forgive me. My questions are thus:

-I know I’m not owed forgiveness but what do I do?

• Does this mean I’m always going to be a bad person no matter what I do?
• Was all of this work I did for nothing then if nobody is going to forgive me?
• How do I just live my life knowing some people will never ever want to associate with me again?
• do I deserve to hate myself forever for this?

TL;DR I said horrible things to people while in the throes of mental illness and the people I hurt will never forgive me. How do I move on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Momba2013 on 2024-01-04 18:42:44+00:00.

My gf (25F) and I (24M) recently revealed our relationship (7 months) to our families. She is Muslim and thus cannot eat many types of meat unless is it halal certified meat. My family is non Muslim. When talking about this with my grandpa yesterday, he said that he wouldn’t go out of his way to get halal meat for us but he would cook it if we brought it to him. My mom also suggested that it would be “disrespectful” if we were offered non halal meat by family and didn’t eat it.

For context, my family’s reaction to the news of our relationship was not great, and my mom started researching Islam and freaking out about the possibility that I wouldn’t celebrate her holidays and birthdays anymore. My gf thought my mom’s reaction was “islamophobic” and I know that telling her about the food comment will make her think that even more. She wants to have a close relationship with my family as being close to in laws is very important to her. But I know that telling her this will make it even more unlikely she will like them.

Now, I am perfectly willing to ensure my gf never eats non halal meat. I’ll buy halal meat for my family and ensure they cook it for us. But I’m debating whether she needs to know what my family said. We already considered breaking up over my family’s reaction and telling her about this comment would definetly make that more likely. She will for sure deem them Islamophobic.

In the end she will never eat non halal meat either way but I wonder - should I tell her what my family said?

TLDR: Family doesn’t want to cook halal meat for Muslim gf - should I tell her or quietly ensure they cook her halal meat?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AriannaRaven on 2024-01-04 18:08:33+00:00.

Alright Reddit buckle up because this will be a long one.

I (32F) am engaged to my fiancé (28m) and we’ve lived together for 2 years. Before that we were off and on for about half a decade. I have been frustrated with him a LONG time now (basically 1.5 years) because of a myriad of issues but it is coming to a peak. Basically I work a full time job that barely pays me well enough to support the both of us. We are living paycheck to paycheck. And it is a super demanding job. I am completely beat when I get home. He moved to live with me from out of state and the initial plan was for him to work at least a part time gig, which would allow us to live comfortably and be able to save at least a little. Right now we have no savings. He hadn’t found a job in 1.5 years and he says he’s been looking and I’ve snooped enough to know he had. But like seriously? 1.5 years looking and only a handful of interviews to show for it? During this time the deal was he looked for a job and cleaned the house while I worked.

He hasn’t really ever worked a job for more than like a year consecutively. And he only has a high school equivalency. He hemmed and hawed about going to college and what he wanted to do for a living and all that. I’ve been trying to help him figure it out. But he basically was just giving what he thought I wanted to hear. He had said he wanted to go to school to work in IT but turns out he just thought it was something he could do and he did not really want to. So even when he said he was looking up programs he wasn’t really applying himself to get into them. So finally I gave a whole rant saying I know you’re not really DOING anything seriously dude what do you want to do. So I literally have him 2 weeks to look up career paths and pick one he could actually see himself doing. So after having to push him he picks being a Youtuber. A bit unconventional but there are people who make a good living. And he has friends who do so.

So ok I had people support me to get my dream job so I’ll do the same for him. So we get him a nice microphone with the promise that if we get him this he will really do the Youtube thing. We get the microphone and I say you don’t have to apply for jobs for 6 months to get it started. Well that only lasted for like a month with inconsistent uploads and him AGAIN hemming and hawing and giving excuses. So I have another talk and I’m like why hasn’t this happening. I don’t expect him to make it BIG but at least have consistent uploads (the style of video he uploads are barely edited so he basically just records, checks the sound, and calls it a day). We dig a bit and it turns out it’s a mental block because of his emotionally abusive childhood. Which I totally get but I don’t think it should be an excuse. I work with children who have experienced trauma and continue to study the effects of trauma on the brain and behavior plus I’ve experienced childhood issues myself. So I try to be understanding.

So now he says he still wants Youtube but NOTHING is being done. For a while he said he was watching other videos to “research”. But even if I believed that it went on for waaaayyy to long to be reasonable. And after more digging nothing is happening. So after months (starting way before all of this) of talking to my therapist about this I realize I’m ok with him not working BUT if he’s not going to work, I want him to do like 90% of the cleaning and I want the house to be clean. He agrees.

Great! But no I come home for months with the house being barely cleaned or not cleaned at all because he had a bad day. MONTHS. I have been asking and helping him form schedules and helping him with his mental health issues and giving him workbooks to work through things and more and more and more. So right before Christmas I took a vacation and I cleaned the crap of the house with no help because his foot hurt. There was stuff he could have done without using his foot. But no support.

So the house is clean now, no thanks to him. And I go back to work and ask him to put away the clean dishes, clean the microwave, and wipe to stovetop. So I come home, microwave was not clean, most dishes are put away but some are incorrect and there’s still stuff in the dish rack, stove top wiped down but some spots are still dirty. And he’s playing DnD with his friends online.

And I am mad. And he’s defensive. We are able to talk it out and he promises to do better. But we have had that conversation over and over and over and over again. To be fair he has improved especially over the last about 9 months. And I wasn’t really holding him accountable throughout the first year. But I feel more like a mix of mom, therapist, and fiancé. I don’t wanna be a naggy sitcom wife. I want just to be a fiancé. I don’t think I should have to constantly ask for stuff to be cleaned. I don’t think I should be the driving force for like SO many things in his life. He just tends towards complacency. I don’t think he realizes just how cush his damn life is right now. We only have cats no kids. So its not like a TON of cleaning. And he gets to stay on his computer playing video games and hanging on discord.

Granted I have my emotional and mental health issues and he can be very supportive through that. He helps a lot with my stuff and I know I’m not always the easiest to live with. But like I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. He has internet and food and a roof over his head. He has NEVER paid a bill or even bought fucking groceries. He doesn’t drive so he literally just sits around all day. He has a history of bad work ethic in jobs and no motivation. And like without me he has nothing here. His family and he are on the outs. He’s half way across the country from where he grew up. He knows no one here except the people he’s met through me. He has no resources. So I feel guilty or obligated or whatever. But like I know I shouldn’t. I’m just mad at the attitude he has and the way he shuts down when I talk about this. I know it’s a trauma reaction but still.

I love him so much. But I’m getting so fed up! If anyone red this far thank you. I think I mostly just needed to vent. I would appreciate any advice on how to talk to him

tldr: My fiance does not work and is living without financial contribution to our household and only has to clean. But he doesn't

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KantKontrolLife on 2024-01-04 15:40:27+00:00.

My husband and I have been together 3 years and married almost 1 in Feb but recently something just came out on NYE about him helping his brother cheat in his family this brother and his gf are Mr&Mrs Toxic they drink , fight, name call, air their dirty laundry and get back together the next day but I’m usually the family member that gives relationship advice and try to give insight into my marriage and how we resolve problems so anyway everyone is over for NYE and the brothers tells me how my husband showed his brother a calculator app that hides photos, videos, calls etc. pretty much every cheaters dream and I was shocked my 1st thought was why does he have this and he’s married so I have my husband password to his phone he’s not aware of the conversation had I ask for the phone go back inside tell her to put the code it that he gave his brother to the calculator and boom a video and a boob pic pop up from Aug 2022 at this point I felt embarrassed and betrayed because I never would have thought my husband would do any of this literally I stay bragging on him for the man he is and my family so I blew up in front of everyone and ruined NYE by busting his window out his truck now I’m in a place where I don’t know what to believe he thinks we can work through it and came clean about where he got the photo and video and I was even able to contact the girl from the photo and she confirmed and then sent be a msg back where she blocked him on social media but our trust is broken and I don’t know if I can bounce back from this it bothers be he had this app and encouraged his brother to get it to cheat on his girlfriend so my question really is if I stay what are some good consequences?? And if I leave is this worth divorce

Tl; Dr: Husband helped his brother cheat on gf.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra_503d on 2024-01-04 14:43:20+00:00.

I had plans to meet my best friend to go for drinks and catch up. We hadn't seen each other in around 6 months and 2 months ago he went through a breakup. The plan was to go for food then go around a few bars and probably end up in a nightclub which is what we usually do.

We met up and things were going well and then after we'd been to a couple of bars he started talking to a woman at the bar. He invites her to join us so she brings her 2 friends who are also women. The 5 of us are just sat talking and drinking and it's nice to see my friend enjoying himself since I know the breakup was hard on him.

I made sure the other women knew I was in a relationship when they joined us so they didn't get the wrong idea. They ended up joining us for a few bars and we went to a club but didn't stay long since my friend asked if I would be fine with him leaving earlier than planned and I said yeah so went home with one of the girls and I got a taxi back home.

The next morning I was talking to my gf about the night and I mentioned what had happened and where we went and she said she knows since a friend of hers messaged her to say I was drinking with other women.

She said I shouldn't have been drinking with them and I pointed out I'd done nothing wrong and if I was trying to hide something I wouldn't be telling her about it. She just said it was completely unacceptable and not something I should have done but I just repeated that there is nothing wrong with having a drink with people.

She repeated that I was in the wrong and being disrespectful towards her. I'm not really sure what to do here or how to handle this, does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr I went on a night out with a friend. He started talking to a woman at the bar and invited her and her friends to join us so we spent some time chatting. My girlfriend said I was completely disrespectful and what I did was completely unacceptable.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SeriousChapter2828 on 2024-01-03 23:27:17+00:00.

This is a very long story and I don't even know where to even start... My bf and I been together for 2 years and we live together for 1 year. We had our bumps in the relationship but mainly everything was fine. He has an interesting past to say the least. Before we met he went on or*y parties and different kind of BDSM parties and had various partners. On the other hand I'm nowhere near him in this matter. I had 2 boyfriends before him and that's all, never even had a single one night stand or anything like that. So it was kinda hard to swallow but we talked through this. I'm also into BDSM tho and our bedroom life is good, we are both kinky and complement each other, our dynamic is good.

So. Another subsection. My bf had a 10 years old relationship but eventually his ex broke up with him. It was a very low point in his life and to cope he went to those kind of events I've mentioned earlier. He said that he was always curious about these kind of stuff and wanted to try. Okay. There he met a girl, they got close and attended closed or*ies together. She was my bf's dominatrix... She had my bf's chastity keys and stuff like that... Yeah. It's hard to think about this and write it down. He told me about this girl and his past, and said that he is very grateful to her because she helped him through his lowest point in life, which I get...I guess...

When we met he was no longer attending those parties although he got invited and got tempted but eventually said no, because of me... Okay. It was on the beginning of our relationship.

Since then I've caught him texting her sometimes. It was mainly "Merry Christmas" and 'Happy new year" texts. Also, on our first New year's eve together I got shamefully drunk and while I was vomiting he was texting this girl writing "Happy New Year, Goddess!<3" Fu*cking goddess, that's how he used to call me, but now I hate it. Btw her name in his contacts is still "Goddess<3" :))) I didn't confront him about this tho, but I saw the messages. He told her that he has a gf and that's why he is not going to parties anymore. The girl was kinda bothered and didn't like his answer.

Today I got a gut feeling and went through his messages while he was sleeping (yes, i know i shouldn't) and I found new messages with her. It was again a "merry christmas" and some friendly chit-chat saying how much they like to talk witch each other and the girl said that he would like to stay in contact more... My bf said nothing about this to me and it sucks. My bf's replay was he doesn't know how would his gf react texting a "goddess like you". Then she asked if we are still together and he said yes, he is living "his loyal life". The girl replied that this sounds boring, to which my bf wrote "it's a matter of point of view". It stung hard.

I don't know what to do. I thought we were fine. He showers me with love and support. I know that it's not cheating but still sucks and don't know what should be my next move... It bothers me hard. Should I tell him? How? I'm also thinking about breaking up, since it starts to be a little bit too much... I really don't know

TLDR: my bf keeps occasionally texting his ex dominatrix and it bothers me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Tricky-Appearance-43 on 2024-01-03 22:04:41+00:00.

I (32F) met a guy (30M) through work. We work the same job in a somewhat niche field in a creative role and our work involves a lot of travel to different sites around the country. We were at the same site and worked closely together for a week in September and then went separate ways. We didn't get to know each other much during that week but there seemed to be some connection. It's rare to find others who share in the type of work that we do, so we naturally connected over that.

I was going to be returning to this site on January 1st for 4 months (which is in the city where he lives permanently) and when he found out I was coming back, he started texting me a lot. He was sharing a lot with me and I was starting to develop feelings and looking forward to getting back and spending more time together. There was nothing overly flirtatious in our texts on either side, but it was really a lot of texting and would be read by anyone as him being interested. Some light flattery, always texting to share some little thing that I would appreciate, that kind of thing.

I knew nothing about his dating history and had every understanding that he was single. Last week he asked when I was arriving and I said January 1st, and that day almost within an hour of landing he texted me and asked to go to lunch. We ended up spending 5 hours together at lunch, the conversation was amazing and the connection was strong. When we got to talking about exes, he told me that about a year ago he got in a fling with a girl who also works with us (in a different department) who cheated on her boyfriend with him. She has been with her boyfriend for 4 1/2 years (who also works with us). Six months ago, she told him that they had to end the fling and she wasn't going to leave her boyfriend. Apparently it really hurt him. I asked if it was awkward when he would see her at work and his response was "it isn't really awkward, more heartbreaking than awkward" which implies he still has feelings for her and from what I gathered she may still have feelings for him too. He said he was working to get over her.

We kind of put that conversation aside and he invited me over to his apartment. We drank wine and of course ended up hooking up. But before we did I told him "look, if we hook up I'm going to develop feelings for you very quickly and I'm not sure I can do that with someone who is hung up on another girl." I feel like maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I was in a long term relationship where my ex left me for someone else and I don't think I can ever go through that again. So I'm very on guard about those types of situations. He said he was really feeling our connection and seemed genuinely into me so we hooked up.

The next day (yesterday) I saw him at work during our lunch break and hung out in his office. He seemed so happy to see me, said he was so happy last night happened but that he was "still processing it." He was saying things like that he was looking forward to getting to know me more and asked if I wanted to get drinks later and I said yes.

While we were in his office, people were coming in and out asking him for different things. At one point a girl came in, quickly asked him a question and left and immediately he seemed tense. He goes "That was (THE girl)." I was shocked and just said that I'm sorry if I made you feel weird for being in here. I must have visibly deflated and said something like "ugh please get over her" and kind of just awkwardly left and said I had to get back to work.

We go out for drinks and the first thing he said was "I'm not sure what this is." I asked what he meant and he said "well I think last night was awesome and you're amazing and I really felt the vibe and the connection. I've loved chatting with you the past few months. But...I feel guilty because I'm not over this girl and while we were having this amazing time I was still thinking of her and that's not fair to you." I asked if he thought there was a chance she would leave her boyfriend for him and if that's really what he's hoping for and he just said "I don't know." I was hurt and basically just sat there silently trying not to cry while he explained with all different kinds of words how he doesn't want to stop seeing me but he also doesn't want to lead me on if he's not able to give me his whole heart.

Eventually he drove me home while I continued to be silent and try not to cry and when I got out of the car I just said "ok bye" and we haven't spoken since.

I guess I know the answer to this already - he's just not into me and he's emotionally unavailable anyway - but I'm feeling really disappointed and hurt and just can't believe that that's how it turned out after so many months of texting and such an amazing night. I really really liked him. I guess I would have hoped that I would be good enough to make him forget about this other girl, but apparently he doesn't think so. And that's making me feel so horrible and undesirable.

Basically just looking for any sort of feedback to help me change my perspective here and get over this fast. Or, any hope that from similar personal experiences that this could one day work out if he gets over this girl.

TLDR; A guy from work seemed interested in me for a long time and when we finally went out he told me he's hung up on a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with him but went back to the boyfriend. He said he likes me but he feels guilty leading me on while he's trying to get over her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Slump_Charc on 2024-01-03 21:16:46+00:00.

Me M19 and my girlfriend F19 are perfectly happy in almost every factor of our lives together. We’ve been together for almost two years and we pride ourselves on being able to talk every problem or situation in our relationship out in a healthy manner. Everything has been smooth sailing except for this one topic. I’d consider myself to have an average maybe slightly above libido for a 19 year old while my girlfriend (self admitted) has a fairly low one. Obviously this is completely fine and I’d never shame her for anything nor get mad if she’s not in the mood for anything (as should be expected ofc). Unfortunately I think despite me knowing that I’m absolutely not owed anything from her I still at times get sexually frustrated or sometimes feel rejected in general (like she doesn’t find me attractive and again I do my best to never show her this as to not pressure her). To release tension I used to do self pleasure but obviously this can develop to a really nasty habit that is just unhealthy overall. Im trying my best to avoid this developing Into some internal resentments. I just want to be able to accept my lady’s terms and also healthily dispose of my sexual feelings.

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TL;DR How do I healthily respect my girlfriends sexual boundaries

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DesperateAf0300 on 2024-01-03 20:58:38+00:00.

Long story short, my husband and i separated the beginning of 2023, he moved out and i kept the house we were renting. We had plans for divorce but neither of us officially filed the paperwork. Both of us had moved on into other relationships and ended up single towards the end of the year. He reached out to me wanting to reconnect and for the past month we’ve been seeing eachother again, spending the night, ect. Between our separation, i was struggling financially to pay the bills at the house, i work full time but the cost of living is extremely high in Florida. I ended up in a sugar daddy/ sugar baby relationship where this wonderful man would give me 1k/ month allowance for a discreet arrangement. Seeing eachother about once a week, sex here and there but not every time, and we actually have a great genuine connection with each other and enjoy eachothers company! But my dilemma is now.. I’m seeing my husband again, i love him dearly but trying to take things slow so no plans on him moving back in right away or anything like that. TL;DR But I’m still under sole responsibility for the house and bills and animals ect. Should i tell my husband about the arrangement i have? He’s a very traditional type of man, a bit possessive so I’m not sure he’d be open to sharing me and my time. But i was doing just fine before he came back into my life!

Id appreciate any advice or a what would you do in this situation type lol

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Realistic_Wealth_517 on 2024-01-03 19:54:34+00:00.

My boyfriend became resentful to me today. I’ve been very ill the past week. He said his resentment towards me is because I left my salt water glass and covid test out on my bathroom counter, and our cats could potentially drink or play with it. I agree with that and i apologized for it. But we got into a fight because he said “he’s tired of feeling like a parent”

So he says I’m really not thinking or mindful at all.

Meanwhile, I’ve asked him to arrange his plant because one of our cats has eaten it before and it could be poisonous but he hasn’t done it yet. So I pointed that out.

All this to say, we’ve been living together for 3 years and he said he designed and decorated the apartment, that I never contribute on my own, that he always needs to tell me what to do or give me an idea to go and get something to make it more of a home. He says it’s done now, that he did everything and does everything and that he wants a partner who’s on the same page and isn’t mediocre in their house habits.

He says he expects that my meal plans and cooking every week doesn’t need his consultation, that it should be done. But I communicated that he’s picky, that’s why I consult him.

I have no idea where to go from here. I want him to feel good about this but it’s like I don’t have that designer / homemaker part in my brain?

Any advice would be appreciated thank you.

TL;DR: my bf and I have been living together for three years. He has OCD about cleanliness and tidiness. He feels he designed everything and does everything meanwhile I have found furniture and do the meal preps and cooking every week. He says he already finished our home so now there’s nothing for me to contribute. What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ShesOddlyMerry on 2024-01-04 15:32:36+00:00.

When I (F33) met my fiance, I was visiting Canada. He's British but was living in Canada as he works in medicine and he found a good job and community. We will call him Bart (M39).

I was never one for relationships. I lived alone and traveled for work, I am an artist, and have been largely very independent as a person.

Bart is one of those reserved types that you have to get to know for them to open up. I found him to be sweet and funny. We did long distance for six months and then I made his city my "home base" and unofficially started living with him even though I traveled still for work. I came home to him and it started to feel awesome. We got engaged and have been happy.

Then right before Thanksgiving (I am from the States) he started getting quiet even around me. He likes to sit in his chair and read his science journals but chat with me at the same time as I draw or write. But he would entirely tune me out.

We spent Christmas with my best friend (I am not close with my family and he is not with his) and my best friend asked about the wedding, Bart was so excited to talk about it, all the details and the like (I was never a wedding girl but I am excited to marry him) but when we retired to bed, he was quiet again even if I brought up the wedding. He won't hold me when we sleep anymore and I barely get a peck on the lips when he leaves or returns.

I tried to bring it up and he'd just say work has him stressed and not to make a fuss. But he seems sad half the time he's home and distantly cold the rest of the time.

He is my first love and I want to marry this guy but is this spelling the end of us before we really begin?

Tldr; My fiance is weeidly distant from me and I don't know how to fix this. Is this the end?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_sugaplum on 2024-01-04 15:12:48+00:00.

Hello, me (f25) and my boyfriend (m29) have been together for 3 years now, when we met we both had an amazing connection both lovingly and in the bedroom. We also explained to each their about bad experiences with out Ex’s, I know what it’s like to not trust people and to think that it might happen again I’ve been there. However my boyfriend has always made little remarks like “I hope I’m the only one” “you’re not entertaining other boys” if I had a friend who’s male for example he’d say things like “do you do this with (my friends name)” and I’ve spoken to him a lot about how I understand how his ex’s treated him and how he is weary about that happening again but doing everything I can to reassure him, even stop talking to people he’s expressed concerns about. I’ve also expressed to him how whenever he says these things it makes me feel as though he has no trust in me at all. And even though he’s agreed to stop making comments or joke about me seeing other men he still does sometimes.

Now for further context we share the same birth month, I’m at the beginning of the month and he’s at the end. For his birthday last year I took him away for a weekend, now a couple weeks before this I thought I saw the tinder app on his phone but wasn’t sure (he never let me go in his phone not even to search something) and one night when he was asleep I went on his phone and saw the app (I didn’t open it I was too shocked) I kept it to myself for weeks like when we were away for his birthday he made another joke about me seeing other guys so I got upset and said how I saw the app, I was so hurt as his response was that he had it there just in case I was to leave him (he even admitted he had it on his phone when he took me away for my birthday). I wanted to walk away but I had spent so much money on activities for his birthday and we weren’t close to home. So we sat down and tried to talk, my head was telling me to walk away that I promised myself if this happened I wouldn’t stay but my heart really loved him and I have spent 2 years with him at this point I didn’t want to throw it away.

Fast forward to now, we’ve had a lovely year, travelling to different countries going on adventures, we’ve been talking about moving away together, however he still sometimes makes little comments or jokes. I’m starting a new job this year where h may not be around much and he’s made comments like “what if something happens” “what if you meet a guy on your team”. He still doesn’t let me on his phone as he wants privacy, I still get thoughts flash into my head that maybe I should’ve walked away on the day I told him I knew about the tinder app.

I feel lost as this has been the best relationship I’ve ever had but also the most stressful with having to go through these things

What would you do in this situation?

TL/DR: My boyfriend makes comment and jokes about me seeing/entertainkng other guys and even had tinder on his phone just in case he left him. I love him and don’t want to throw away the time I’ve spent on him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ProfessionalRent8835 on 2024-01-04 14:52:58+00:00.

I don't even know if this is the right sub to be honest, but it does have to do with my relationship and his past relationship so here it goes.

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, we got married last year.

When we first started going out, he told me about t his ex girlfriend when he was 18 and how she committed suicide after threatening to do so if he broke up with her. He said their relationship was very toxic and she had cheated on him a lot, they were also struggling with alcoholism and a lot of mental health issues. When he had had enough he told her he was leaving, she threatened to end her life if he did, he walked out and she did it. I was very sympathetic towards him and the situation.

He would bring her up a fair bit and it began to make me feel a bit insecure because it felt like her literal ghost was sometimes hanging over us. Just little random anecdotes. We'd be at a bakery and he'd comment how she used to eat a bunch of croissants then purge due to her eating disorder. We'd be at the beach and he blurted out how she had an "outie" belly button and it was weird. It was almost like all his intrusive thoughts had absolutely no filter and he just blurted them out. I asked him to come to a therapy session with me at some point so we could talk about it. I shared how I felt he may not be over her because he kept bringing her up and if that was the case we should re-assess if we should be in a relationship. He surprised me by saying he had exaggerated a lot of the details because he thought he could gain more sympathy that way. He apologized profusely and agreed to see a therapist on his own to work through his need for attention and the lying, as well as the trauma of it all.

Things seemed to be going really well. He stopped bringing her up randomly and life went on. He proposed, we got engaged, then married.

Recently he's been into making images on midjourney and he was having a lot of fun with the face swap feature. He would send me funny images of one of us face swapped onto something else (he did his face on Gimli and mine on Legolas). I asked him if I could try and I got a funny feeling from how much he was hovering over me when I used his computer. I'm not going to lie, I decided to snoop when he was in the shower. You can see the person's gallery of created images and I was scrolling through and began to see many images of his ex. Not like real photos of her, but like he had face swapped her onto other people doing seemingly normal things. Like just selfies or whatever, nothing explicit. Still though.

I confronted him. I asked him pretty much wtf all of it was. I admit I wasn't calm and I was screaming and crying at him and just asking him over and over "wtf". He was in panic mode and started freaking out and saying stuff like he didn't know why he did it, it was a morbid curiosity, etc. I just lost it. I said a lot of really horrible stuff that I do not feel great about. I don't feel good about cursing out and being jealous of a dead woman, but it is what it is.

I'm currently at my parents' house. He has been calling and texting and I have not responded. He swears he's not still in love with her or anything, he wrote a long message about how he was curious to see her in a "modern" photo and it spiralled out of control. I don't know if I even believe him anymore, about anything. About if he truly was making up the tragedy of it, about the nature of their relationship, if they were actually not close. When I met him, there were no photos of her on his socials, despite him having other photos with exes. Everything surrounding their story is just super strange.

I don't really know where to go from here.

I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday but I just need some advice in the meantime or I'll go nuts circling this in my head for days. I haven't told anyone the details of our argument, just that we argued and I needed space.

Edit: What should I do in this situation? Is therapy a viable option or is it too far gone for this?

TLDR: Husband's ex who passed away has been a strange theme in our relationship. He would bring her up randomly, then claimed he only did it to gain sympathy and to seem tragic. He went to therapy, stopped bringing her up. Recently however, I caught him making AI images of her using her old photographs. He swears he is not in love with her still, claims he never actually loved her, etc. I am feeling very lost and need advice.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/naturals3lection on 2024-01-04 14:33:10+00:00.

me and my ldr bf have been dating for 4 months now. i’m someone who kissed 2 men in the past during my early teenage years, years before meeting him and he has never kissed anyone before. he’s saying that my past messes with him too much and he wants to kiss other women to make it “equal and fair” and that he wants to gain to gain experience too. he said we will break up when he does then get back together so it won’t count as cheating. is this actual fairness or cheating?

tl;dr boyfriend wants to kiss other women to make us “equal and fair” since i kissed men in the past

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA13582057105 on 2024-01-04 14:29:06+00:00.

TL;DR: I felt anxious about a persisting issue in my relationship and ended up snooping through his texts and getting confirmation on my gut feeling. Feeling guilty about becoming toxic towards my bf.

My boyfriend and myself have been together for about a year. We are doing long distance and see each other about once a month.

Our communication in the time between our visits is very rough. We're both not big talkers and we're both used to other people carrying the conversation, which resulted in me becoming very stiff and doing a lot of small talk in our calls and texts even though we both hate that, and him being basically silent. I hoped it would get better overtime and it did improve, but there just seems to be no chemistry when we call or text at all. We talked about this issue multiple times. In real life it works really well, though.

Several months ago the frequency of our calls went down significantly. I asked him about it and he apologized and said he was busy, I understood and didn't think much of it. It kept persisting though, and it seemed as though he did have time to call with other people a lot more than with me, I could barely get one call a week with him. I brought it up a lot but he kept assuring me that he was just busy and having a hard time balancing things. I fully believed him at first, but after 4 months I started feeling like he was avoiding calling with me. I felt like a nuisance every time I'd ask him to call because he would also hardly initiate. It felt like I was forcing him to spend time with me.

I'm incredibly anxious and the lack of transparency was triggering the hell out of me. I cried a lot, I was a mess because why do I have to beg my boyfriend to make time to call with me once a week when he has time to call other people, what's so wrong with me? I kept reducing my offer from a night call once a week to every now and then just a quick 10 minutes, to even just sending short videos to each other, nothing improved. After he reassured me again mutliple times that the calls were fine and that he was just busy, and the issue still kept persisting, I did the dumbest thing I could ever do, I went through his messages with his best friend, twice.

I feel awful about it. I broke his trust and breached his privacy and even though I made the decision to do that and I'm the only one responsible, I'm shocked I got to this point. He's aware I did it, because I told him about it. But I feel awful that I got to the point where I became toxic to him. He's a good person and i'm not like this at all. I barely recognize myself. I have no history of doing these things in past relationships.

I found out that I was right, though. He didn't enjoy our calls because of how rough our communication is. I don't think he was actively trying to avoid calling me, but he just really felt a sense of dread calling. And I get it. I'm not upset about his feelings, I'm upset he reassured me every time in the nicest way, and then talked to his friend about how calling me felt like a chore. I had been overthinking and spiralling for weeks at that point because I could clearly tell something was off. And now I have confirmation that I was right and he was dishonest. Though I know he just didn't want to hurt my feelings and that's why he wasn't forthcoming, but I'd told him before that I don't need reassurance, I need transparency and honesty.

I really don't know where to go from here, we've been arguing for a full day. I think this might be the end of us because I broke his trust and breached his privacy, and he broke my trust by not being forthcoming. I feel fucking awful about myself and I could see how bad our argument is affecting him, and I just don't want to hurt him anymore. But I think it's unavoidable with him being kind of avoidant and me being anxious.

Is it possible to salvage this? How can we? Is it better to move on, are we just not compatible?