Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/xBlackInActionx on 2024-01-04 08:43:28+00:00.

So nye I went out with her and few of her friends to a show I volunteered to DD so all the bases were covered. Everything is going good 3 bands in to the show she says she is walking her friend to their car because they aren't comfortable and want to leave she will be right back. Well 20 minutes goes by and she still isn't back until I receive a call from her saying that her and friend a left with this other friend and they are at another bar. So I grab the other friend and drive them to said bar only to find her and friend a aren't at that bar. I had to drop something off at her place and then was going home because these bars they are at are within walking distance. Well lo and behold her and friend a were just chilling at her place. So I promptly dropped the item off and went home. I then sent a lengthy but respectful text about the events the next day and how I felt very disrespected as a person for essentially ditching and lying to me. She replied with what I interpreted as very disingenuine ufff yeah I don't remember taking off you didn't deserve that. I didn't respond and maybe that's my mistake for not doing so. But i went to reach out today after I cooled off a bit and get the ball rolling on having this conversation just to find she blocked me. This absolutely sucks because not only did I find her a friend but I also viewed her as a potential partner.

TL:DR Friend blocked me after my reaction to her actions on NYE.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MineComprehensive781 on 2024-01-04 08:23:07+00:00.

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years. Long story short, over the course of our relationship it has become pretty apparent that she has been fairly promiscuous over they years. Which, is to eachs own. I'm not one to kiss and tell, have slightly above average sexual past.

However, after 2 years she still cries ajd is upset about the hurt she felt with her ex. Which, as a partner sucks to watch, and I support her in every way that I can. I don't take her sharing the hurt and emotions with me personal and I'm not one to be insecure.

Recently, I have come to find out that she had a threesome with one of her close friends and her partner. We have gone on trips as a group, and I have helped both the friend and her partner with a lot of things.

All things considered, I am laying on the couch feeling disgusted. She has slept with a lot of her male "friends" and although she doesn't contact them, and they don't contact her as a man who values loyalty an monogamy, all of this raises orange flags. Is it normal to feel disgust like this?

TL;DR! Found out my fiance has had a threesome with some of our mutal friends and it makes me feel disgust.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ApexIpex on 2024-01-04 08:07:34+00:00.

Hello anyone reading this, I was hoping to get what seems like some pretty common advice from anyone willing to offer. I've been dating my current girlfriend for six months now, and honestly everything is great. My previous relationship lasted five years and ended because of cheating done by my ex girlfriend. I thought I'd gotten over that stuff, took myself out of dating for about a year and a half even. However, now that things are starting to get serious with my new girlfriend, I find myself getting anxious and jealous when she goes out with her friends. I hate feeling like this, and honestly it makes me feel really guilty. My girlfriend has never given me a reason not to trust her whatsoever, but I still can't help it. When it happens I am capable of telling myself, "She would never do that. You know her. You trust her." But then I still get that knot feeling on my stomach and can't shake it. It's so frustrating. I was wondering if any of you had advice for dealing with jealousy? I have talked to my girlfriend about this, and she was very understanding and patient with me. The thing is, I don't want to control her and make her be with me all the time. I want her to go out and have fun, and I also don't want to keep coming to her with the same insecurity over and over again. I understand how that could become frustrating for her.

TLDR: Carrying baggage from a previous relationship that's causing jealousy in my new relationship and am seeking advice anyone may have. Thank you!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ResearchJunkie411 on 2024-01-04 08:03:01+00:00.

My boyfriend(m28) likes to text me all throughout the day. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed he wants to message me. He always says good morning to me and I have to say "goodnight I love you" to them at night every night. If I don't it makes him very anxious. I love him very much and he treats me amazingly but how do I get space from texts from him.

I have tried talking about how I feel like he texts me a lot but he gets so much anxiety and says that he gets anxious throughout the day but also misses me. I don't think I could spend a whole day not talking to him without him having a panic attack to be honest. He just has so much trauma and mental health issues that it makes it hard on him. I have anxiety too and this causes me a lot of stress. Tl;Dr how do I get my anxious boyfriend to give me more space?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/the_cascades on 2024-01-04 08:02:55+00:00.

God, I hate this situation. I love my girlfriend. We've been together for months now, were best friends for years beforehand. But this might be the thing that splits us up. She was fine with me being ace, she's super supportive, but she just dropped that she wants to be with other people but only if it was okay with me. Of course it's not okay, I can't see her with someone else. I don't think I could do it. But now that it's out there, I don't know if I can fully trust that she won't go find someone else anyway. I wish I wasn't sex-repulsed so I could please her like she wants. I wish I wasn't ace so she'd be fully satisfied with me. I don't know what to do. I'm crying, I just can't imagine life without her, but I'm not enough. I can't stop thinking about how long I haven't been enough for her.

TL/DR: My (31M) girlfriend (27F) said she was okay with me being ace when we first got together. Now she wants an open relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dundunduhn on 2024-01-04 08:27:30+00:00.

Happy in a 3 yr relationship, but I [35F] realize I’m more conservative in boundaries with platonic friends than is my boyfriend [37M], and I’m wondering how others approach physical boundaries in platonic friendships of the opposite sex.

I am a product of a family where one parent cheated on the other and have been emotionally cheated on by other partners, so I would say my biggest fear is definitely being emotionally cheated on, but I also have never particularly felt like being very touchy-deeply with male friends.

When we first started dating 2 of his close female college friends separately grabbed dinner with us both for the first time, and one of them mentioned how in college, she used to come over crying to his place (he lived with another male roommate) due to having breakdowns and needing support (this didn’t lead to mention of anything else, just a statement that she used to visit his place a lot), while the other mentions casually mentioned to my boyfriend “remember when we got that hotel room together?”….. (both those times he was in a previous long-term relationship). I was rather taken aback because this wasn’t something I’d mention to the girlfriend of a guy friend, especially the first time meeting them. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, except that it was slightly tone-deaf. Then when one of the female friends came to visit (just us three hanging out), he would spend time playfully hitting her with a sweater or push each other around. I’ve noticed when another girl friend of his came to visit (with her boyfriend), she would also be more touchy, like hang onto the sleeve of his jacket.

I guess I am not particularly open to touch with most of my friends so finally we had discussions on what acceptable physical boundaries are with members of the opposite sex. He mentioned he never was attracted to all his female college friends, but that he had slept in the same bed with all 4 of them on various trips (to save money, also was in a relationship at that time), which to be honest made me feel uncomfortable. I mentioned I would not be ok with my boyfriend sleeping in the same bed as someone of the opposite sex, which he agreed to, but this led to some other interesting conflicts in thought: we talked about physical boundaries, and he disagreed that having a female friend lay her head on his shoulder wasn’t intimate/inappropriate, nor was giving a piggyback ride to his friend inappropriate, whereas I feel pretty uncomfortable with this in a relationship. He felt slightly upset that he would need to alter his behavior around his friends, which I understand. However, when I asked if I could do the same for male friends hypothetically, he admitted he would feel a little uncomfortable. If the premise is platonic friendships are exactly platonic, why would he be uncomfortable if the roles were reversed? It disappointed me a bit since the reason I don’t engage in touchy behavior with male friends I because I didn’t want to make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable.

I realize from talking to other acquaintances in my life (people I’ve met, coworker) that everyone has vastly different ideas of what is/isn’t appropriate. 1) What physical boundaries do you set in relationships/do you consider normal for platonic friendships of the opposite sex 2) At what point do you believe two people are incompatible due to physical boundaries with the opposite sex?

I feel like these are hard boundaries for me, but setting them also may make my boyfriend unhappy. He mentions hoping that with time I’d be more okay with things his friends might do such as put their head on his shoulder when they hang out. We don’t really see these friends often either. But due to this tension, sometimes he feels obligated to hang out with them separately.

[TL;DR] boyfriend’s female friends appear to have looser physical boundaries, and I am unsure what reasonable physical boundaries are or if we are incompatible.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AngelFromOuterSpace on 2024-01-04 08:25:32+00:00.

I have been with my bf for 2 years now. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had, in the sense that he's the one I've been respected the most by, the most mature one, and the one that has treated me the best. But our relationship is not perfect. I want to highlight one of my issues. We're partly in a long distance relationship, when he's not staying with me sometimes months at a time. When we are not together, he sometimes get these days where he is off, either due to stress or anxiety. Today it was mostly due to exam stress. He told me that if he starts to read today, he has enough time to be prepared for the exam in two weeks. Yet, he's stressing about the exam, which messes up his sleep schedule, which makes him more anxious and stressed, and it's just a vicious cycle. Every now and then on the days he is stressed, he gets these "mood off" days (I'll call them off days). Days where he's just in such a bad mood, so stressed, and feels some sort of guilt. He never tells me when he has his off days and I always have to find out for myself which is exhausting and hurts a lot. I usually find out by him not taking much initiative to write, no kissing or heart emojis, not calling me darling or baby like he usually does, taking long time between replies, short and lazy replies. I always end up having to ask him if he wants me to leave him alone, to which he always replies "yea, just a little off today, I'll text you tomorrow". This has happened often enough that I've asked him to let me know as soon as he knows when he's having a bad day, so I can respect that he needs space and I don't always have to find out by the lack of love in his replies. It's exhausting having to find out through the ways he messages that he's not in the mood for texting. Last time (before this occurrence) I cried in a call with him non stop, telling him that it really affects me that he has these off days, and he neede to be better at at least warning me, so I know not to text him throughout the day. He had the audacity to ask me if my whole life would crumble if he didn't give me enough attention. I feel like the worst gf for not being able to respect that he needs space, and idk why I cry every time like I'm vicimtizing myself. And you may argue that I have a low self esteem even though my self esteem is fine, but I just didn't picture a healthy relationship having this sort of issue. Partners should be there for each other and accept help from each other! It's just hard for me to understand why he's not seeking comfort in me. It's not because I want to be some kind of saviour, but I love him so much, so when I am in a bad mood, talking with him makes me feel better. I wish I could give him that comfort, but he never seeks it nor needs it. He just shuts off. He'd rather lie on his couch and feel sorry for himself, or play games alone or with his brother, anything but text me. I even aks him if there's anything I can do, hoping he for once tell me that I can tell him a funny story, send him explicit pics of myself, just sit and watch a show together, but I feel helpless, not once does he give me the chance to be there for him. Already feeling helpless because he doesn't want me to lighten his mood, but I also feel unwanted because he'd rather not text with me.

At this point, idk what to do. Live with it and keep being sad every time this occurs. Do I have to change? Does he? I have tried communicating my feelings and it seems like he forgets. I'm certain that his intention isn't to hurt me, but at these times he's selfish, and my love is very selfless, so it's hard for me to understand him.

TL;DR (but please read the full text if you'd like to give advice ❤️): My long distance bf sometimes get these days where his mood is so off that he wants to be left alone. I have tried to tell him that he should let me know if he has a bad day, so I can leave him alone, instead having to find out the hard way through cold replies.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway390488374 on 2024-01-04 08:01:00+00:00.

Me (27F) and my fiancé (30M) are in the midst of planning our wedding. We are usually very open with each other when discussing how the future is going to look. We openly talk about finances, children, etc. however, when we were talking today about building our dream home, he casually brought up how he wants his sister (age 33) to live on the same land (like mother-in-law suite) or down the street.

My fiancé feels a responsibility for her because they come from a developing country and their parents have passed away, so it’s just them. She is coming to the US, so he will be taking care of her financially for a while. He mentioned in the past that she would live with us and he said she would take care of our future children and she’s quiet so we wouldn’t even notice her there. However, when I asked if that's permanent, he said no and he & I would move out when we outgrow the space.

Fast forward to present day, he casually brings up how he wants to have her live on our property or somewhere very close. He says that she is introverted and it’s highly possible she won’t be getting married. If we move out of the city, we will need to also bring her. He told me she has a lot of savings, but she doesn’t like to use her own money. She likes it when others pay for her meals, etc. so I expect her to depend on him 100% when she gets here.

As he was telling me all of this, I got quiet. He then said “I have a responsibility for her. You wouldn’t understand. You have your siblings and 2 parents”. I tried explaining to him that this is a big thing to consider because I barely know her and after we get married, she is my responsibility too. I know he can sense that I feel like his sister will put a strain on our marriage, but he keeps getting defensive when I tell him I need time to think about it. He says that I am making him feel like his sister is a burden and that I don't even have to do anything. I know it might be silly, but I keep thinking about the what if’s of the future. What if something happens to my fiancé? I will be the one to step in and support her. I guess I just feel weird about all of this because I barely know her. They talk to each other daily through text, but I still haven't met her even after 3 years of dating. My fiance says she is shy so they don't even facetime for me to meet her. He was born in the developing country, while I was born here so there must be a cultural disconnect. I feel heartless to have these emotions and selfish for even considering leaving him. Am I a bad person for having these thoughts? Marriage life seems hard.

TL/DR: my fiance feels offended that I didn't accept his sister moving close to us. I feel like it's a big decision that needs thinking over. I am considering breaking up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WaywardBlade24 on 2024-01-04 06:22:08+00:00.

I (26 F) am feeling horrible for something I accidentally did to my twin sister (26 F). Backstory is that she transferred to a different university because our original one didn’t work for her dreams like they said they would. As we went to different places, she dated this one dude (I think he was 30 while she was in her early 20s) who messed with her big time. There was this one day I was on the phone while she called university police because of how insane this guy was. She broke it off and went to counseling, but she realized he emotionally manipulated her.

Flash forward to today, and I found a bag of stuff from those university days. Me being me, I decided to look through the bag with her to relive those days. There were two pendants and two little keychains that were from her ex that did all of that stuff. She got really quiet and I asked, “What’s wrong?”

She replied, “This was from him. I used to wear it next to my favorite necklace.”

I felt so awkward. Then we both laid eyes on the metal pendants and I joked, “Maybe we can melt them into something?”

She halfheartedly replied, “How would we do that?”

The day went on but she kept apologizing for being so anxious and wanting to get away from the area. I felt horrible and kept apologizing. Tonight, she was still up at midnight and I asked her if she was okay. She wasn’t and said she was still anxious from the bag today. What can I do to rectify this? Do I break every reminder of that guy who hurt my twin so bad to where she’s losing sleep years later? Please help me, Reddit as I’m a fool.

TL;DR- 26 F found a bag of jewelry from university and showed it to her twin sister; caused sister to flash back to not so pleasant memories with an ex, and I feel guilty.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Embarrassed-Cover776 on 2024-01-04 06:08:31+00:00.

so for context i started college fresh out of a 4 year toxic relationship. i felt very free and had a lot of fun with a lot of people. i slept around and had my fun. i met this one guy who i had thought would only be a hookup, but ended up being way more. we would hangout everyday and it eventually grew into us confessing feelings for each other. fast forward a lot has happened since, all good. we became exclusive but not officially dating. i had been feeling very good at this until i had not seen him for almost 3 weeks and now im doubting it completely. i’m terrified that it’s way too soon since my last relationship, that im not going to be good girlfriend, and that im going to think about other people. everyone around me says it’s worth the risk because this man truly treats me amazing but im at a loss. does anyone have any advice?

TD;LR Need advice on how to deal with situationship and where to go from here

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mediocre-Web-3702 on 2024-01-04 04:10:33+00:00.

i (21f) recently dumped my boyfriend(24m) of two years because i found out he cheated on me at a party i didn’t even know he was at. what’s worse was that he waited an entire week before telling me, letting us have conversations and make future plans all the while i had no idea he had made out someone else. i have always told him that cheating is something ill never budge on, if he cheats then it’s over.

he told me over text and as soon as i read it i ended things. it hurt like hell but i was strong in my convictions and more than anything angry as hell that he violated my trust like that.

i met up with him in person to finalize everything and to give myself some much needed closure, and after speaking my peace face to face with him i felt great! i’m not a confrontational person so being able to stand my ground with him was super vindicating.

now here’s where things start to get a little weird, i told a friend of mine what happened and she said that i shouldn’t have pulled the trigger so fast, and that i really should’ve thought about wherever or not i really wanted to end our relationship. i was confused cause usually she’s super supportive, but she kept telling me that ‘making out with someone isn’t technically cheating’ and that she doesn’t know if it was smart of me to throw away a two year relationship over a kiss.

now i feel like i’m back in my own head a bit, i was so confident a couple of days ago and now i’m sitting here reconsidering everything. did i make a decision too quickly? should i have taken a bit more time to think things through instead of just ending things immediately?

TLDR: broke up with my boyfriend of two years because i found out he made out with another girl while drunk at a party. my friend is telling me that i made my decision too quickly and that i overreacted to the situation

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Individual-Reason101 on 2024-01-04 03:50:13+00:00.

I apologize for the lengthy message, and my English may not be perfect, but please bear with me. My girlfriend (25) and I (20) had a heated argument when I added the cab fare I paid for her, at her request, to Splitwise. Due to my significant debt I have been working double shifts to pay that off and she is aware of that, I did it to convey that if she couldn't afford the bus, she needn't visit. Despite my apology, she verbally abused me, calling me names and accusing me of being cheap. She insisted on reminding me of the times she'd covered expenses and made hurtful comments about my lack of gifts and that I dont take her out. The way she reacted was really shocking to me.

During the argument, while I was at work, I expressed a desire not to talk or see her. However, she came to my house that night, and another fight ensued. She resorted to physical violence, slapping me four times on my cheeks and twice on the back of my head. When I attempted to defend myself, she scratched my hands. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, I asked her to express her anger on my face . She broke down in tears and started apologizing repeatedly and saying that she can’t live without me.

This marks the second time she has struck me in anger, and although she apologized the first time, I doubted her sincerity. I've tried to end the relationship multiple times before this, but she becomes emotional, visits me, and we reconcile. I love this girl but I cant get what she did and said to me out of my head .

I feel horrible and helpless. I am still with her but I need help I cant talk about this to anyone in my life. She does care for me the most and would be there if I need anything. Should I break up with her for good ? Or give her one last chance?

Tl;Dr : my gf slapped me out of anger when we got into a fight since we have started dating and this is the second time she has done this. I dont know what I did to deserve this but I love her very much and dont know if I should stick around or not

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FatBottomedSheep on 2024-01-04 00:05:38+00:00.

My wife is having a really hard time emotionally after being in a car accident. She has ptsd and is getting therapy.

Kat has been yelling a lot (outlined in another post I don’t know how to link it) and feels very attacked by things that I say that are positive or nuteral. She was very angry with me at about 3 am for ‘sabotaging her’ and ‘putting her down’ and cry yelled at me for about an hour because I was being ‘mean’ by going outside by myself to have a break from being scolded. To try to solve the issues, she has asked me to stop using what I basically think are compound sentences when I speak to her.

So for example, if I say ‘I don’t know where your keys are, let me have a look,’ she sees the last part as an attack. She hears ‘I don’t know where your keys are, let me interrupt myself and inconvenience myself to look for your keys.’

If I say ‘I will stand by you no matter what, I am always here.’ She hears ‘so you think I’m not here. You’re telling me that I’m not a good partner.’

I have been asked to only say short, positive sentences, and say ‘I love you’ several times a day in a genuine way. I need to remind her of all the things I do for her and gifts I give her and reassure her frequently that I’m not going to leave.

This morning I was trying to pack and she called me to talk to her about 7 times in half an hour, becoming increasingly distressed and hostile each time. It was hard to comfort her, remind her, be there, show love and limit my sentences to simple bullet points. And even then she started screaming because I said ‘here are your shoes, on the floor!’ This was ‘being snippy’ of course she knew they were on the floor. I was treating her like an idiot.

Then she left after screaming at me that I didn’t care about her and had made that perfectly clear. I feel bad for the neighbours.

Has anyone else encountered someone who is so upset that sentence structure is triggering? How did you navigate that? I am naturally loquacious and I find it hard to talk in short sharp positive sentences but I don’t want to cause her pain.

I can’t wait for her therapist to come back from holidays but I’m one hundred percent here to hold space for her. Her yelling doesn’t upset me except that I hate to see her in pain. I’m unfortunately not very sensitive where it comes to yelling, and struggle to match energy and I take accountability for that but it’s just not me. I’m an oak tree of a person. Very dense and solid and calm!

TLDR my wife is super distressed about the way I speak. Looking for anyone who has experienced anything similar.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway9473610 on 2024-01-04 05:59:00+00:00.

Original Title: My (24M) girlfriend (24F) is spiraling into a deep depression and she feels like she can’t give me her all, I offered her a break from our relationship to work on her mental health. Am I doing the right thing?

My gf (24f) and I (24m) have been together for 1.5 years, we’re both 24 and live in separate countries during that time we’ve been on 4 trips together. We’re both super busy with our studies so it’s hard to see each other, but we always try to plan trips and make it work. I’ve known her for 7 years total, we’ve planned our future together and she even told me that I’m the one.

Over the last couple months she’s been spiraling into a deep depression. She’s been depressed before but it comes and goes and I think now it’s coming again. She’s alone in a different country for university and she’s very lonely. I try my best to support her and be there for her but sometimes the distance is just too much. Over the last few months things have been getting really distant, we haven’t been talking as much. She hasn’t had the energy to give me effort because she’s feeling apathy and she’s in a very bad state of mind all the time. We’ve talked about it before and she assured me that she loves me and wants to be with me but her mental health is getting in the way. She said there’s nothing wrong with “us”, there’s just something wrong with her individually. But she said she’s committed to me and committed to making it work and that she’ll never give up on me.

A couple days ago we called again and she was balling her eyes out. Her head was all over the place. The way she describes her depression is that she’s falling back into a deep dark hole that she can’t get out of. She loses care for everything especially herself, she starts to self depricate and believe she’s unworthy of love. She feels like she’s useless or worthless. The only time she feels useful is when she’s working on her studies. A whole lot of other symptoms but it’s very clear that it’s depression.

So when we talked, she was very worried about us. She added that the distance was really hard and she doesn’t want to give up but the distance is making it worse. We’ve planned our future together before, but now she doubts things. I do feel like a lot of this is the depression talking. She said I don’t want you to move here and leave your life behind just to eventually regret being with me. The same thing happened with her parents so she’s worried it will happen with me. I reassured her that I wanted to be with her and I wanted to move to her. I asked her if breaking up would make her happier, and that I wouldn’t mind if that’s what she felt would make things better. She told me no, she doesn’t want to break up but her mind is in a very bad place and she can’t give me what I deserve now. She said I deserve someone who gives me everything. She said she loves me from the bottom of her heart, that’s the only thing she’s sure of in her mixed up mind right now, and she doesn’t want to give up on us. She feels very confused though and doesn’t know what she wants or what’s best for her. She says she tends to push people away that get close to her, she thinks it’s a defense mechanism. It’s hard for her to open up about her feelings even though I’m always supportive and nonjudgmental. I’ve always done my best to reassure her and support her but it seems like she going through something that requires therapy.

I told her that I always knew we would reach a point in our relationship that would either make it or break it, and it’s our decision to choose whether we give up on it or get through it together and become stronger. She sat there thinking for a minute and said you’re right, I want to make it and make things better, but I need time to focus on my mental health first. I said okay, we’re not gonna break up, but do you want to take a break for a couple of weeks to get your mind together and seek therapy. I’m the one who offered it, bc she was in a very bad state of mind and super confused and doesn’t know what do to. She said yes to the break, but said she doesn’t want to stop talking and couldn’t handle not talking to me. So I said okay, how about I won’t reach out to you at all, and whenever you want to reach out I’ll be here. That way, if I text her while she’s in a bad state of mind, she doesn’t have to pretend to be okay. Instead she can just reach out to me if she wants. We both agreed to that and she seemed to be on board with that idea. We agreed that this wasn’t a breakup and just a break, and I told her I expect her to come back and initiate the ending of the break. She agreed.

I set some ground rules like we can’t talk to other people during this time, and I expect her to be the one to end the break or reach out about continuing our relationship. She agreed. She said the last thing on her mind is other people and she only loves me. We talked about seeking therapy and that’s gonna be her first priority now. So she’s gonna get the help she needs.

In all of this I’m kind of sad, it’s been 5 days and the only thing she sent me was a happy new year message, besides that we haven’t talked at all. I miss her a lot. I’m hoping she’s missing me too and that this break doesn’t pull us apart. I know that it’s what’s best for her and I just want her to be happy even if it’s without me. It would suck if depression had to ruin something amazing. I know it’s hard to be with someone depressed and I know I don’t have to, but I truly love her and want to spend my life with her so I’m willing to help her through it. I wish she could see herself the way I see her. When the break ends and if everything goes well, I plan on going to see her next month. Even if she’s still depressed, we don’t have to go out or plan trips or anything. I just want to be present and be there for her. We can lay in bed all day I don’t care.

I guess I just want to ask if I’m doing the right thing, if there’s anything I should do to make things better. Part of me wants to say to her this feels wrong and I want to help you through this. I just want to tell her that I don’t want to “fix her”, if she’s going through hell I want to be there with her. She doesn’t have to change anything about herself. I know she needs space right now and I’m going to give her that. I’m just worried that this break will make us grow further apart or she’ll realize she doesn’t want me anymore. But either way I know I’ll be okay.

Tl;dr - My gf is spiraling into a deep depression and she feels like she can’t give me her all, I offered her a break from our relationship to work on her mental health. I really miss her and I don’t know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kryelde on 2024-01-04 05:55:22+00:00.

Me and my gf have been together for just over 7 years now and lived together for 3 the majority of it has been great. She is normally kind sweet and very loving but here recentlythings have slowly changed.

For the past three months it feels like every problem we have ever had in our relationship has popped back up or resurfaced in a worse way than before. She wont take care of her responsibilities for our apartment, while we split bills ab 60/40 i drop off rent money and she takes care of electric last week we were 1 day away from getting shut off because she didnt make time to pay the bill untill i sall a letter in the mail and took care of it myself. She will not stay out of bed for more than 10 hours a day or so we often work slightly different hours ( 2-3 hr difference) so i wont see her at all 3-4 days a week and if she works that day we only have 1-2 hrs before she is in bed on her phone for the night. She keeps making small plans with me and then backing out of them at the last second, going out to eat an at home date night or something as simple as we are going to go grocery shopping. And this isnt like a once a week thing when she had a bad day at work its ab 2/3 times we plan anything. And our sex drives have been growing further apart,( im ab 3-4 a week and she was normally 1-2, but recently its been more like once every other week). The final straw for me was last night. I had asked her to put her dirty clothes in a basket so i could do laundry when i got home and put her dishes in the dishwasher. I had been asking her to do her share of chores the past four days but this day i told her it needed done and then we made plans for when i got off work to watch a movie we had try to make plans to watch 3 times already (she backed out all three times right before i got home). I reminded her before i left for work at 2pm and ab 3 hrs before i got off and she told me she would get them done and we could watch the movie tn. When i got home at 10 shes asleep didnt do any of the chores and when she woke up from the shower she said she knew she wouldnt do any of it she just didnt wanna talk about it.

When i tried to talk about it tn ( and the last few times ive tried to bring this type of thing up) i was immediately told that she didnt wanna talk bc all i want to do is blame her and argue we argue about once a week the past few months bc ive felt like the only one putting in effort but i never solely blame herand i never raise my voice. I also know from the past 7 years that if i dont start this conversation she will not start it herself.

Im fed up with the inability to communicate on her end but i still love her. So how do i move forward in this relationship and If i do keep trying what can i do to improve things. if you need any additional info ill be in the comments.

Tldr: my gf of 7 years has started ignoring both our relationship and her responsibilities andis unwilling to communicate very much. I dont know how to move forward.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SorbetPerfect9776 on 2024-01-04 05:47:07+00:00.

As every relationship does we started out great! We had a much stronger connection than I’d ever had with anyone, and we’ve always been extremely in tune with each other. About a year in I felt a slight change in his attitude, and we began to argue more often. I’ll mention around 90% of these arguements were put in motion by alcohol. Though, I feel like he’s manipulating me of sorts. He’s a former addict (once an addict always but yknow) and so he frequently has problems with drinking. For instance drinking and driving is quite common, drinking 5-7 beers after work, and on top of it all he hides it and lies about it.

I recently confronted him and he exploded on me. After this we went out and he screamed at me in public about it. He says a lot of things he shouldn’t as well like borderline racist sometimes. I hate excessive drinking, and it disgusts me when he speaks like that. I had two close people pass away this year, and both days I found out he threatened to leave me, yelled in my face, and laughed at me during the conversation in an extremely condescending way. I never can have an off day where I let my guard down it feels like.

Alongside this I am constantly begging for him to be kind to me. I know this sounds stupid, but it’s not like he’s horrible 100% of the time. So that’s why I need advice my mind is so convoluted and confused at this point I don’t know red flag from green anymore. It’s just so difficult because he is such a good person on the inside, and I hope everyday I’ll wake up and the man I originally fell in love with will be back.

He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen and we have such a long history. I care so much about him, and everything is breaking my heart at this point. I’m worried he wont ever change to that man again, and all of the mental health issues, addiction issues, etc. will be our relationships demise. Please try to be kind if possible I’m genuinely so grateful for any real advice given. I have this fear that if I bite the bullet and leave it will shake me to my core and make me sick. I just don’t know. Is the relationship doomed? Am I fool for staying?

TD;LR addict partner, manipulative, can’t see clearly

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ExcellentAd_1126 on 2024-01-04 05:43:13+00:00.

I am in a relationship and the relationship is mostly good, though it is complicated throughout this time. I like the idea of having something positive though it is complicated to really have any thoughts. It may be as the relationship continues there is something to consider though it is complicated at this time. I want to appreciate the relationship as things continue though it is really uncertain. It is possible the relationship is able to be considered though I am unsure. I just don't know the correct thing to do.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

tl;dr I am in a relationship though as things have continued it has become increasingly complicated. I really am unable to have an idea of the correct relationship to consider. It is complicated throughout this time. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cocojeans on 2024-01-04 05:42:29+00:00.

because does it? if it’s not meant to be then is it not meant to be? is it for the best? who decides that, or is that just how fate works? what if it’s not for the best but it’s just what happens because the other side doesn’t care about you anymore after months of no contact.

what if i cut him (m19) off for my own good but i can’t stop thinking about him anymore. i want him back, as a friend at least. i miss him being in my life and i regret not keeping him as my friend.

i emailed him because i was too much of a coward to text him on places he’s active on. i don’t think he checks his email or has even seen it. maybe if he did check it, he ignored it. whatever the outcome is of me sending this email, will it happen for a reason? is it all just for the best?

tldr; i just don’t know if im doing the right thing sending an email to my ex. but it felt right. but he hasn’t seen it and i don’t think he will. is this just for the best? should i leave it alone because it’s up to fate, or does fate not exist and it’s just all made up to prevent us from taking things into our own hands?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pewps14 on 2024-01-04 05:35:48+00:00.

TLDR: Mama’s boy bf’s mom is back to insulting me, haven’t been on a date or special outing in a while, not sure if i am losing feelings or just bored/sad in the short term.

This might be all over the place: My bf and i have been on/off for 7 years now. Somehow every year there is always a bad fight and when I try to fall back in love with him and get there a fight will ruin it and i will start the process all over. I have been super patient with him, his career, and his family. His mom has insulted me in the past (2018) from something he did to me. In 2021 after her trying to break us up didn’t work, we finally were a happy family. Come to 2023/2024 - we got in a bad fight where I needed to cry for help but would rather go to his family before mine (in hopes of saving his reputation with my parents). His mom flipped the script and made it about me. I am more successful in my career (about 20k more). It doesn’t bother me and i have always been hopeful we are a team and we are. His mom turned a serious situation into how i am “materialistic.” Sure, not a huge insult. However, i almost died 3x in a year and finally bought myself a pair of shoes. I told my bf not to tell his mom bc they were a bit expensive, but great quality. He told her any way in front of me. She used this against me as i am already hurt. She thinks i have a different lifestyle and want materialistic things from my bf when i have never asked that from him and i pay for everything. Him and i made up like always but I feel disappointed in myself for all the times I took him back and forgave him and his mom. I am his first girlfriend and have been as patient as i could be. I have my flaws too but i feel extremely upset with the lack of empathy towards my feelings and clearly i see where he gets it from. On top of that, we haven’t done anything “fun” since nov 2021. I dont know if i am depressed from lack of dates, or lack of effort or the thought of being tag teamed for the rest of my life. I guess I mainly came here to vent but i moved close to his family and far from my family out of trust with him after being betrayed. Now that i am down here and making something of myself and am proud of myself, it feels like i constantly make him/his family jealous. I am upset we haven’t gone on a date, but I try to be realistic with the circumstances. I just dont know if i should be selfish or more patient. Can anyone relate or have any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/peachlypunchicecream on 2024-01-04 05:27:58+00:00.

So I recently reconnected with a friend of mine who I’ve known for years. We were having a conversation & then as soon as I asked about hanging out they went ghost on me. No response for a week. Everything before that was quick responses.

But I know they saw the message and they’ve been active. And look I totally get it nobodies obligated to respond but I can’t lie it kind of upset me. Because this person has been dancing around the topic of a hangout to catch up for months. And again I know no obligations here whatsoever I’m just being honest I’m disappointed.

So I sent a follow-up message because I know they’re playing games at this point. I basically asked them if it was true that they didn’t want to hang out. I asked if they could just be honest with me if that’s the case. And I said it’s no pressure if so, I would give them space if that’s what they wanted.

I am disappointed that they might not want to hang out and I will accept that. I just don’t like the games. It’s been months. All I want is for them to communicate with me. To be fair in their defense they did open up to me that lately they have been having mental health issues, anxiety, social anxiety, self-esteem issues, etc. I’m just hurt because I was looking forward to seeing them after years.

I’d appreciate any advice on this and let me know if I’m overreacting and overdoing it… I can admit maybe I’m wrong here

TLDR: Me and an old friend were catching up. As soon as I mentioned hanging out they ghost me for a week. During this time they’ve been active. So I sent a follow-up text asking them if the truth is they aren’t interested in meeting up to hang out. And I also asked if they wanted space. Am I wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fluid-Sundae-7467 on 2024-01-04 05:25:30+00:00.

Hey Reddit, so I matched with a girl on tinder a month after a 5 year relationship. For context I'm 22 years old. We went on a few dates and hooked up a few times over maybe 3-4 weeks, it was great and she is beautiful. I met her friends and flatmates and they seemed to like me too. The problem was I didn't want to make her feel like we were rushing anything. This was now maybe 5 months ago. I have finally gotten over my ex and accepted that we won't get back together and I'm ready to start something new now

Problem: I asked her on a Tuesday if she wanted to hang and she said she felt like chilling by herself or something similar. We carried on chatting throughout the week but by Fri/Sat she got upset I wasnt asking to hang out with her. We started getting into a bit of an argument because I was confused and was hoping she would just ask me to hangout with her because she said no on Tuesday. I can't remember exactly how it went but I know she said she was looking for a partner to "put her in her place" (no idea what that means tbh). Anyway, she accused me of not being ready for a relationship and I said something along the lines of "yeah, you're probably right." But a bit nicer. She said something like that was alright and removed me off snapchat. We still follow each other on Instagram to this day and I try to like her photos/stories which is sometimes reciprocated.

I recently got tinder again and saw she is still on there and single. We both live in a small town. She didnt match with me after being on there for a week but I've since deleted tinder because the girls on there are not my cup of tea.

My question is, do I send her a message on Instagram and try to reignite it and how would I break that 'ice'?

TLDR; I want to message an old fling on Instagram but not sure what to say based on how it ended.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Scary_Reading_5548 on 2024-01-04 05:22:32+00:00.

So, in my friend group, one of the guys openly abused his girlfriend in front of others in the group. The couple are ~ in their 40’s. & I’m talking he threw her into the wall kind of abuse. Everyone agrees the behavior was inappropriate. That said, most everyone feels okay to continue their friendship with him on the condition that it doesn’t happen again. I am of the opinion that if he feels comfortable physically assaulting her in front of witnesses that it can only be worse behind closed doors. I personally never want to be in the same room as him again. I want to burn bridges. But I am being told by friends that I am overreacting and/or unnecessarily rocking the boat. Any advice? Side note she is not ready to leave him, they were back the next day pretending everything was fine.

TLDR; My friend abused his gf and all of our other friends want to let it go.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ActiveNet_8103 on 2024-01-04 05:21:58+00:00.

I have been in a relationship with somebody and the relationship is mostly something to consider, though it has been complicated. I really want to have something positive though it is certain there are plenty of things to consider. I am trying to have an idea of where to be throughout the relationship though want to appreciate things. I like the thought of a relationship though it may be if any relationship is to happen it is a good idea to proceed slowly. It is possible the relationship is able to be comfortable, though uncertain, especially after our recent times together. I am pretty sure the relationship is in a good spot though. It is complicated because I just am unsure if things have been done correctly, something is telling me the relationship could be reconsidered. I really don't know the correct place to be at this time though am trying to stay positive.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

tl;dr I am in a relationship and recently have had such a good time with my significant other though it is complicated if such a relationship is going to make it. I am pretty sure things are mostly resolved, though am pretty nervous at the same time they may not be. It may be a good idea to be careful throughout this time. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/fluffycauliflower567 on 2024-01-04 05:20:41+00:00.

I always felt disgusted that he would watch porn, as I do believe that it sets unrealistic expectations regarding sex. It also made me uncomfortable seeing him so aroused by other women who aren’t me, & seeing him view them in such a sexual and lustful way. But I put these feelings aside since I myself would watch porn.

The thing that bothered me the most was how every time he’s unable to cum from having sex with me, he will get off to porn and have me help him. Again, I didn’t think anything of it at first, but it started to make me feel upset that he can get off to women that he can easily pull up onto his phone, rather than to my body.

We were both exposed to porn at a young age. I feel that this caused us to both become too heavily dependent on watching porn in order to get off. I wouldn’t be able to cum from him penetrating me or giving me oral. Because of this, I stopped. I expressed my reasoning as to why I quit (i.e. how I felt that viewing others in that way makes me feel uncomfortable, etc.), but he just thought it was stupid. This hurt me because I thought this change in my life would be healthy for me, and that it could be good for him as well.

TLDR: We both avidly watched porn, but then I began my journey on quitting. I expressed my discomfort regarding watching porn, & would like him to quit as well. However, I’m afraid he won’t. How can I talk to him about this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heywhatsup82347 on 2024-01-04 05:16:13+00:00.

I’ve (35f) been going on dates with a guy (42m) for a few months now. He has been divorced about a year and has one child who is about 10 years old. This has been very slow moving which is understandable. However, this guy constantly complains about his ex-wife saying that she had terrible communication, etc.

I have noticed over the course of us hanging out that he appears to be the one with the communication issues. I have noticed some passive aggressive behavior in addition to some teasing and possibly mocking that I feel could become an issue at some point. Keep in mind I haven’t had sex with this guy, we are not exclusive (although I don’t believe he is dating anyone else, could be wrong though, and he just kissed me finally after 2 months)

As a recent, he has been asking me out at the last minute, which isn’t good for me, because I plan my schedule ahead of time, and he pretty much knows this. I had to cancel one date a few days ago because I wasn’t feeling very well however, I have noticed his passive aggressive behavior. This is not the first time it’s happened And I bought it up to him previously and we talked about it. However, now this is the most recent text conversation. I would like your feedback as to how to proceed.

Him “ I think we should go there on Friday and stay there on Saturday

Me “Unfortunately I can’t this Friday, I have something scheduled. When is the next weekend you’re free?

Him “Not for a while

Me “Oh ok, no worries! I thought you switched back and forth with your ex each weekend

Him “Maybe 19-21st

Me “Don’t you switch off each weekend?

Him “Yes, I thought I was busy the next few weekends, it’s actually when I have Megan (((This btw makes no sense)))

Me “I’m confused. But text is sometimes misconstrued

Him “I don’t have Megan this weekend, so every other weekend. I thought I had events when I don’t have Justin but it’s actually on the weekends I have him. So I should be free 😊 (((This also makes no sense)))

Me “OK sounds good. Just keep me posted. Also, it’s better to make plans for me in advance because I do plan out my schedule so sometimes it’s hard for me to do the last minute things, as much as I love to be spontaneous sometimes

Him “I noticed

Me “?

Him “That everything has to be planned out far in advance with you

TLDR guy is passive aggressive. Thoughts on ghosting or calling out the behavior