Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bubbly-Restaurant952 on 2024-01-03 19:14:29+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying that he has never treated me like this before…

My (26F) boyfriend (30M) and I have been together for almost two years, been friends for longer; he has a daughter (4F), that we will call Jane for this story, that he is in a messy custody battle for. The first year of our relationship I was hidden from his daughter until we knew this was going to be something serious, he talked to me about it before hand and considering what happened with Jane’s mom it made sense so I agreed. Later I was introduced and it was very clear Jane only acted nice in front of her father; she routinely throws tantrums if she doesn’t immediately get her way, which normally results in me being removed from the room. She is honestly borderline a spoiled brat, not that I can tell BF that.

Anyway we picked up Jane a few days ago and we went to the last day at a local event, while we were driving there Jane and BF were in the backseat (because she won’t let us drive if someone isn’t sitting back there with her) and they fell asleep the whole drive there, and when we got there I paid for everyone to get in; once we got inside, Jane and BF completely took off by themselves. I know parents make their kids their world but he didn’t even look back and/or say “let’s wait for OP” before completely leaving me alone. While we were there I tried calling BF’s phone several times and he never answered and while trying to find them I got jumped and some stuff was stolen; I finally found them and was crying and had a black eye and broken nose, BF just rolled his eyes and said “great you too?” (Jane was also crying because she wasn’t being carried) and took Jane and kept walking around, leaving me in the dust again.

On the way home I was upset because I spent the whole time at the event freezing by myself and getting mugged, and I still had to drive home while they slept in the back. Since we got back home, BF hasn’t let me into the room and basically won’t talk to me because Jane is attached to him and refuses to not be in his arms, she took over our room and all my stuff suddenly became hers. So now I’m sleeping downstairs on the couch…

I tried having a talk with him and he just brushed me off, so WIBTA if I broke up with him over all of this?

TLDR: My boyfriend refuses to acknowledge me as anything other than a chauffeur when his child is here, WIBTA if I broke up with him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bubbly-Restaurant952 on 2024-01-03 19:14:29+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying that he has never treated me like this before…

My (26F) boyfriend (30M) and I have been together for almost two years, been friends for longer; he has a daughter (4F), that we will call Jane for this story, that he is in a messy custody battle for. The first year of our relationship I was hidden from his daughter until we knew this was going to be something serious, he talked to me about it before hand and considering what happened with Jane’s mom it made sense so I agreed. Later I was introduced and it was very clear Jane only acted nice in front of her father; she routinely throws tantrums if she doesn’t immediately get her way, which normally results in me being removed from the room. She is honestly borderline a spoiled brat, not that I can tell BF that.

Anyway we picked up Jane a few days ago and we went to the last day at a local event, while we were driving there Jane and BF were in the backseat (because she won’t let us drive if someone isn’t sitting back there with her) and they fell asleep the whole drive there, and when we got there I paid for everyone to get in; once we got inside, Jane and BF completely took off by themselves. I know parents make their kids their world but he didn’t even look back and/or say “let’s wait for OP” before completely leaving me alone. While we were there I tried calling BF’s phone several times and he never answered and while trying to find them I got jumped and some stuff was stolen; I finally found them and was crying and had a black eye and broken nose, BF just rolled his eyes and said “great you too?” (Jane was also crying because she wasn’t being carried) and took Jane and kept walking around, leaving me in the dust again.

On the way home I was upset because I spent the whole time at the event freezing by myself and getting mugged, and I still had to drive home while they slept in the back. Since we got back home, BF hasn’t let me into the room and basically won’t talk to me because Jane is attached to him and refuses to not be in his arms, she took over our room and all my stuff suddenly became hers. So now I’m sleeping downstairs on the couch…

I tried having a talk with him and he just brushed me off, so WIBTA if I broke up with him over all of this?

TLDR: My boyfriend refuses to acknowledge me as anything other than a chauffeur when his child is here, WIBTA if I broke up with him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Virtual-Speaker-6419 on 2024-01-03 18:45:44+00:00.

He owns a business and for the last 3 years he tells me "business is slow". So he'll take that time to do some projects around the house. However I'd rather him put the extra time into improving his business to make more money, and we can pay someone to do stuff around the house. I feel like he is doing the bare minimum since I have the corporate job and he will get my benefits when we marry. It bothers me. I want to bring it up before we get married but I know him and I know he will take great offense and accuse me of wanting to marry someone because of money. It's going to end up in a big fight. He makes around 100K right now but we live in a high cost of living area plus he gets no benefits, no vacation time etc.. so in my opinion it's not great compensation, plus he operates the business out of our home and it takes up space in our small house. How can I bring this up to him, or should I let it go?

TLDR my fiance is not putting enough effort into his business and it's making me less interested in marrying him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Virtual-Speaker-6419 on 2024-01-03 18:45:44+00:00.

He owns a business and for the last 3 years he tells me "business is slow". So he'll take that time to do some projects around the house. However I'd rather him put the extra time into improving his business to make more money, and we can pay someone to do stuff around the house. I feel like he is doing the bare minimum since I have the corporate job and he will get my benefits when we marry. It bothers me. I want to bring it up before we get married but I know him and I know he will take great offense and accuse me of wanting to marry someone because of money. It's going to end up in a big fight. He makes around 100K right now but we live in a high cost of living area plus he gets no benefits, no vacation time etc.. so in my opinion it's not great compensation, plus he operates the business out of our home and it takes up space in our small house. How can I bring this up to him, or should I let it go?

TLDR my fiance is not putting enough effort into his business and it's making me less interested in marrying him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Good_Baker_5492 on 2024-01-03 18:39:25+00:00.

TL;DR: After 5 years and several times leaving and coming back, I’m finally leaving for good.

I’ve written here a lot about my relationship.

We (35F and 50M) have been together 5 years. We have one child.

From everyone’s comments it’s made me look deeply into my relationship I’m as much to blame for it going wrong. I’ve done more offensive things.

I’m (35F) finally ending it.

We found out weeks ago I was pregnant. I was gutted. I tried to be happy with it but I just accepted it and planned to do all the things we didn’t do for the first. Pictures, baby shower, maternity photos. We’ve never done this and my partner is a photographer. Bullshit.

We (He) made all this money. Now we are broke. As they say I can do bad by myself. I know I’ll do better by myself.

He didn’t want daycare. Doesn’t want me to work. A host of problems all the time. We don’t do anything. We don’t have any time without baby so we don’t do dates or anything. I’m miserable.

After our latest argument where he blamed me for everything when I brought up that we’re not connected, AFTER he brought up weeks ago, I finally saw what he was saying. I was just going through the motions which he also said but I didn’t see at the time.

Once I realized that I was doing what he said I told him I saw it and gave a reason why and asked what we could do. That conversation he just blamed me for everything. Well, I got fed up. I got tired. I was through.

This is the way it always goes. Everything is always my fault. Everything. So it can be my fault. Let me go fix myself. Away from him. I decided that day I’m leaving but I’m not doing it how I always do. I’m leaving smart.

I’m looking for a daycare so I don’t have to worry about childcare. I have interviews set up with some. I’m getting my financial situation in order. Once I have money saved and have consistent income and have our baby settled and find a place I’ll leave then.

I’m not having this baby. I’m handling that now. His mother called me to come get our baby because he was having a breakdown. He was sick and he had to work. He’s been dealing with the same issues he’s been dealing with for months, able to manage, only just going to the doctor after I forced him and make his appointments. I had our baby for 2 weeks with no breaks, every meal time, every bath time, every nap time, every extracurricular activity, by myself, no help from him and not even expecting him to because he’s working but damn, I need a few hours to myself to see friends to just be without a baby. I just wanted a few hours to myself. If he wasn’t so paranoid our baby could have stayed with family while he worked and I got time but no. Baby always has to be with us. Because he don’t trust smokers, even though we smoke.

I feel so free even though I’m not physically free. I feel mentally free.

However I still feel guilty sometimes. Because I’m not as loving as I used to be and I communicate only what needs to be communicated. He tried to talk about resolving our issues but I was not interested.

I’ve left so many times before, most times I leave when I’m mad. Pack a bag and stay at my sisters and always end up coming back a few days later because I’m uncomfortable. This time I’m staying with him where I am until I get my shit together. I have such a fire under my ass.

I’m so happy. I’ve left before and always came back. I’m definitely leaving now even though I haven’t left yet. Just wanted to give an update. I’d like to give one once I finally leave and get my own place.

For now, there’s a difference between tired and through.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Good_Baker_5492 on 2024-01-03 18:39:25+00:00.

TL;DR: After 5 years and several times leaving and coming back, I’m finally leaving for good.

I’ve written here a lot about my relationship.

We (35F and 50M) have been together 5 years. We have one child.

From everyone’s comments it’s made me look deeply into my relationship I’m as much to blame for it going wrong. I’ve done more offensive things.

I’m (35F) finally ending it.

We found out weeks ago I was pregnant. I was gutted. I tried to be happy with it but I just accepted it and planned to do all the things we didn’t do for the first. Pictures, baby shower, maternity photos. We’ve never done this and my partner is a photographer. Bullshit.

We (He) made all this money. Now we are broke. As they say I can do bad by myself. I know I’ll do better by myself.

He didn’t want daycare. Doesn’t want me to work. A host of problems all the time. We don’t do anything. We don’t have any time without baby so we don’t do dates or anything. I’m miserable.

After our latest argument where he blamed me for everything when I brought up that we’re not connected, AFTER he brought up weeks ago, I finally saw what he was saying. I was just going through the motions which he also said but I didn’t see at the time.

Once I realized that I was doing what he said I told him I saw it and gave a reason why and asked what we could do. That conversation he just blamed me for everything. Well, I got fed up. I got tired. I was through.

This is the way it always goes. Everything is always my fault. Everything. So it can be my fault. Let me go fix myself. Away from him. I decided that day I’m leaving but I’m not doing it how I always do. I’m leaving smart.

I’m looking for a daycare so I don’t have to worry about childcare. I have interviews set up with some. I’m getting my financial situation in order. Once I have money saved and have consistent income and have our baby settled and find a place I’ll leave then.

I’m not having this baby. I’m handling that now. His mother called me to come get our baby because he was having a breakdown. He was sick and he had to work. He’s been dealing with the same issues he’s been dealing with for months, able to manage, only just going to the doctor after I forced him and make his appointments. I had our baby for 2 weeks with no breaks, every meal time, every bath time, every nap time, every extracurricular activity, by myself, no help from him and not even expecting him to because he’s working but damn, I need a few hours to myself to see friends to just be without a baby. I just wanted a few hours to myself. If he wasn’t so paranoid our baby could have stayed with family while he worked and I got time but no. Baby always has to be with us. Because he don’t trust smokers, even though we smoke.

I feel so free even though I’m not physically free. I feel mentally free.

However I still feel guilty sometimes. Because I’m not as loving as I used to be and I communicate only what needs to be communicated. He tried to talk about resolving our issues but I was not interested.

I’ve left so many times before, most times I leave when I’m mad. Pack a bag and stay at my sisters and always end up coming back a few days later because I’m uncomfortable. This time I’m staying with him where I am until I get my shit together. I have such a fire under my ass.

I’m so happy. I’ve left before and always came back. I’m definitely leaving now even though I haven’t left yet. Just wanted to give an update. I’d like to give one once I finally leave and get my own place.

For now, there’s a difference between tired and through.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Signal-Session9136 on 2024-01-03 16:45:56+00:00.

I (F26) accidentally offended boyfriend (M37) and can't apologise enough

I accidentally made a joke to my boyfriend about how I'd researched the place we're on holiday at regarding the coffee - because he's Italian and takes coffee very seriously - we always make jokes about it. I said "by the way the street coffee here is meant to be amazing, being with an Italian I looked it up!" Which I thought was just a funny comment. But he hit the roof and said it suggested I'd been with many other men and that he was just another notch on the bedpost...he said he's careful not to mention his exes (which is a lie, he's mentioned them multiple times in context and I've never said a word) and nationality (another lie, he always mentions how I'm British). He said I wouldn't like it if he said "I checked the full English at this place since I had an English girlfriend" and I said actually I fully would not care about that comment. He said I was lying. He's now not speaking to me and we're still on holiday, we were having such a nice time :( I don't know what to do to fix it. Is what I did that bad?

TL/DR: boyfriend got offended over throwaway comment and won't speak to me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Camera1750 on 2024-01-03 17:52:35+00:00.

My bf (27) and I female (26) have been dating for just under a year. We both come from different cultural backgrounds. I met his family and he just met my family around the holidays. He informed me it was a culture shock being around my family and I could feel things were off. He has worries about our future because of our cultural differences. I basically told him that If this is a deal breaker he needs to tell me now because I can’t change who I am and or where I come from. He wants to continue the relationship. Things feel off atm and just not okay. I understand his concerns but I also feel like he’s jumping 20 steps ahead I’m not sure how to approach this or what to do. I’m not sure how to approach this. I’d appreciate any advice anyone can offer

TL/DR; Bf is potentially having doubts because of cultural differences

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Signal-Session9136 on 2024-01-03 16:45:56+00:00.

I (F26) accidentally offended boyfriend (M37) and can't apologise enough

I accidentally made a joke to my boyfriend about how I'd researched the place we're on holiday at regarding the coffee - because he's Italian and takes coffee very seriously - we always make jokes about it. I said "by the way the street coffee here is meant to be amazing, being with an Italian I looked it up!" Which I thought was just a funny comment. But he hit the roof and said it suggested I'd been with many other men and that he was just another notch on the bedpost...he said he's careful not to mention his exes (which is a lie, he's mentioned them multiple times in context and I've never said a word) and nationality (another lie, he always mentions how I'm British). He said I wouldn't like it if he said "I checked the full English at this place since I had an English girlfriend" and I said actually I fully would not care about that comment. He said I was lying. He's now not speaking to me and we're still on holiday, we were having such a nice time :( I don't know what to do to fix it. Is what I did that bad?

TL/DR: boyfriend got offended over throwaway comment and won't speak to me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Worldly_Elephant1278 on 2024-01-03 16:15:36+00:00.

been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and our relationship has had its ups and downs but he’s my best friend. he has some mental health problems, like ADHD and depression and he takes medication for them and goes to therapy regularly but sometimes it gets too much and we would go on “breaks” that would last for a week or so where we don’t speak to each other at all. he says it’s important for him to have some space because he doesn’t want to burden me with his problems. I’ve always been understanding because I also have anxiety and sometimes relationship stuff can be too much.

but right now I am 5 months pregnant and I thought we were doing well or at least he was doing really well mentally. but he just told me that his depression has gotten really bad again and he’s having bad thoughts and he wants “a week or two break from us” so he can sort himself out and be more present for me and my pregnancy. I argued that the break would be counterproductive because he would be completely absent while I’m pregnant but he says it’s really important and he doesn’t want to stress me out because I’m already going through so much with the baby. I got angry and told him to “just leave then”. he apologized a lot after but still won’t budge on the break

does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? how can we sort this out? I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not but I don’t know what else to say to make the situation go my way

tldr: boyfriend wants to have a temporary break from us because of his depression and bad thoughts, I don’t want to because I’m pregnant and don’t want a break. any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Worldly_Elephant1278 on 2024-01-03 16:15:36+00:00.

been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and our relationship has had its ups and downs but he’s my best friend. he has some mental health problems, like ADHD and depression and he takes medication for them and goes to therapy regularly but sometimes it gets too much and we would go on “breaks” that would last for a week or so where we don’t speak to each other at all. he says it’s important for him to have some space because he doesn’t want to burden me with his problems. I’ve always been understanding because I also have anxiety and sometimes relationship stuff can be too much.

but right now I am 5 months pregnant and I thought we were doing well or at least he was doing really well mentally. but he just told me that his depression has gotten really bad again and he’s having bad thoughts and he wants “a week or two break from us” so he can sort himself out and be more present for me and my pregnancy. I argued that the break would be counterproductive because he would be completely absent while I’m pregnant but he says it’s really important and he doesn’t want to stress me out because I’m already going through so much with the baby. I got angry and told him to “just leave then”. he apologized a lot after but still won’t budge on the break

does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? how can we sort this out? I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not but I don’t know what else to say to make the situation go my way

tldr: boyfriend wants to have a temporary break from us because of his depression and bad thoughts, I don’t want to because I’m pregnant and don’t want a break. any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wuffo on 2024-01-03 14:51:37+00:00.

I (17M) and my bestfriend (17F) confessed our feelings towards eachother and became lovers 5 days ago. This is the first relationship of both of us. We both have no idea about relationships. We do know that communication is very important and all that stuff. We are classmates and ever since we became committed, its been real awkward between us. When we see eachother, we usually just ask about eachother's day and just the general things, mostly study related. We don't have any intimate or personal communication. Even if we do, its just a very short conversation. I feel like there is no topic that we can talk about. Is this a common issue that couples face? How do I start an intimate conversation with her?

TL;DR: I do not know what topic to talk to my gf.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MadeOfMind on 2024-01-03 14:26:14+00:00.

I don't know if anyone remembers but a year ago I made a post about my boyfriend calling me emotionally abusive before immediately backtracking. As a survivor of abuse myself, this absolutely freaked me out - especially because I was worried I may have somehow frightened or manipulated him into the backtracking. People in the comments were so kind and firm-but-gentle with me and it helped me plan for talking to my psychologist (thank you so much for that, everyone) and caused me to consider whether he was reversing the situation onto me. I do think, in hindsight, that I was being cruel with my language towards him when we argued, but I don't think it was ever abuse. I think he was confronted by the impact his actions had on me, and he didn't like dealing with it. I am working with my therapist to soften how I express my emotions though, just in case.

I know when I see posts on reddit that make me react as strongly as some of you reacted to mine, I find myself worrying and checking on the situation years later. So I thought, in case anyone is still worried, I'd let everyone know we finally broke up. Things got worse before they got better, this past year has been doubt and pain and confusion for both of us, I think. He continued to flirt with other women in front of me, and to tell me how hot they were. He began to frequently imply that I was less intelligent than a specific woman we were both friends with, and told me that she was the only woman he hadn't flirted with because he knew it wouldn't go anywhere. He also began an emotional affair with his best friend's SIL, and then hid its continuation from me after I found out. (He said "you asked me to stop telling you hurtful things", which is fair but a bit of a strong interpretation of what I'd meant). Finally, he showed up drunk on my doorstep babbling about how he wished he could elope with his affair partner and how tantalising it was that no one knew what they were doing, and I... yelled at him. I've never yelled at him before, and it's actually horrible to look back on. I called him selfish and told him that he wasn't equipped for a monogamous relationship, yelled "I trusted you" a few times and broke up with him. When we exchanged belongings a week later I apologised for the yelling and for calling him selfish and he said he didn't forgive me.

So that's the mess. The good part is this all happened over a month ago now and although I am still sad and confused (I do still love him. Can't help it), I am also more confident than I have been in a long time! I've been getting back into old hobbies without feeling ashamed of them and I've been enjoying just being myself and liking what I like and feeling beautiful again. I don't think I'll have another relationship for a very long time. As a friend of mine said on New Year's Eve - single suits me.

Thank you again to everyone who commented or DM'd about the last post. I'm sorry it took me literally an entire year to listen.

TL;DR: after poor communication and, on his part, infidelity, we broke up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kiwitree91 on 2024-01-03 14:24:21+00:00.

TL;DR: My boyfriend(23m) is icked out by me (22f) responding immediately to his texts. We've been dating for 2 years and he still says he loves me.

Long version: My boyfriend says he feels icked out whenever I respond to his texts immediately and also called it obsessive. When I'm on my phone and when his notification comes, i click and respond immediately because I'm genuinely excited to talk to him. But he tells me has an ick with it and then I googled what an ick was and it said being repulsed to a person you were once attracted to. But he still says he loves me and all that. This is an ongoing issue and I want solutions to solve it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Calligrapher-7395 on 2024-01-03 14:21:47+00:00.

So as you guys can tell, I (18M) am madly in love with my girl best friend (21F). I have known her for about 2 months now and we hang out and do a lot of things together. She always invites me to her house and I make plans with her sometimes and she seems to enjoy going out with me and hanging out with me, the thing is I have no idea if she thinks of me outside of a platonic relationship and I really enjoy hanging out with her so I don’t want to risk losing her or making her feel uncomfortable as I really never felt that connection with anyone before. She is also fairly attractive and I am not quite up there but I would say I have average looks. Anyways, something happened yesterday and it absolutely shattered me from the inside and made me feel extremely depressed. She went out to a party which she told me she was going to and at first i thought nothing of it until next day she texted me that she had something wild to tell me, which she had not told anyone yet except me. So I meet up with her and she shows me a picture of dude on her snapchat story and says “I fucked him” and starts laughing and joking about it as she was a virgin before and wasn’t expecting to sleep with him, I of course keep the flow going and laugh and joke with her about it but I was absolutely destroyed from the inside and felt that terrible feeling of betrayal and the need to go hug someone. I know I shouldn’t feel betrayed because nothing is official between us as I never talked to her about my feelings because as i said before I wouldn’t want to lose her. She then told me that this guy is from California (I live in Jersey) and they were not dating as he was going back anyways, so I assumed it was just a hookup as they were both probably very drunk, but the next day she went out with a couple of friends (Same guy was there) but nothing happened between them that day as she claimed that it was awkward for her; hanging out with a guy she hooked up with the other night. I am absolutely devastated and feel deep sorrow, it has interfered with my life so much considering she told me yesterday. I have difficulty sleeping, having fun or even talking to people. Last week, we planned that we would go out together today and spend pretty much the entire day together. I have no idea how to deal with this situation and it fucking me up so bad because I still have her but I don’t at the same time. What do ya’ll recommend?

TLDR: My girl best friend recently hooked up with a guy and it left me emotionally shattered. I really like her but have no idea if she does.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Weekend_Reader on 2024-01-03 13:30:50+00:00.

So I met this guy a couple of days ago through a mutual friend (let's call her Jackie), and initially, we had a great connection. I could notice he was a bit shy, but he purposefully started a conversation with me on several occasions. After we started talking via Instagram, he wrote something like "I am so glad Jackie introduced us" with a heart following it. He complimented my looks, and my personality, and seemed genuinely interested and impressed with the things I said and did. He even suggested going on a group trip. To be fair, he knew two other people in our group well, but surely he wouldn't have brought it up in front of me if he planned to exclude me. But then yesterday, after I wrote a very eager message this morning, it took him like 9-10 hours to reply, and his message was basically "Sorry for the late reply, I don't use Insta much, how was your day?" What am I to do with this? Is he just being nice cause we have friends in common and he doesn't want to ruin that?

tl;dr: A guy I like seems interested but answered late and with a poor excuse

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwra_886g on 2024-01-03 13:23:26+00:00.

I've been with my girlfriend for around 2 years. We went out for a meal and bowling and for cocktails at the weekend. I got a haircut before we went and they cut it far too short. I'm already pretty self conscious about my hairline anyway and this made it look worse as the hairline was very noticeable. I normally like it a bit longer so it is easier for me to style it.

My girlfriend wanted to take some photos of us before we went out and while we were out. I was happy to take photos but told my girlfriend I didn't want it online. The next morning my girlfriend makes a post on Instagram with photos from the previous night. Some of them were fine, just photos of the cocktails, food, photos during bowling etc but she put one of the photos up that we took before we went out.

I mentioned this to her and asked her to take it down. She said the photo was nice and she doesn't want to take it down. I pointed out she knew I didn't want them online and chose to completely disregard how I felt anyway. I told her again to take it down. She refused and said it was her photo and that it was a nice photo.

I just repeated that I wanted it taken down but she said I was overreacting and that it was only a photo. I'm not sure how to handle this situation, does anyone have any advice?

tl;dr I agreed to take some photos with my gf but said I didn't want them online. She then puts one of them online and said I was overreacting when I told her to take it down.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Suspicious_Door3456 on 2024-01-03 10:22:08+00:00.

Throwaway for privacy. TLDR - debating breaking up with my girlfriend because she is bothered by the fact that I’ve been in past relationships and had intimacy with other girls before.

My girlfriend and I (both 23F) have been together for almost a year now, and while I love her a lot I’m wondering if it’s time to walk away.

We both have quite a lot of communication issues which leads to arguments (I’m autistic so have trouble navigating social situations and sometimes I say things that I don’t think through). At the start of our relationship she was quite angry and would yell at me if we ever fought, but this has improved since we’ve talked about it. We are supposed to move in together in a few months.

Recently she has gone home for the holidays (we live in different states), and the time apart has me doubting our relationship. First of all she texts and calls me a lot crying and upset that our relationship is falling apart or not the same because of the distance. I understand that the distance is very difficult and I always try to be understanding, however this happens a lot because she’s a very physically affectionate person and since we are apart right now she is really struggling with that.

I am struggling with my own mental health issues (am in therapy) and family health issues which is also quite stressful. However, the distance has led her to become difficult as she has become upset at my past and feeling jealous because I’ve been with more sexual partners in the past and she feels like she’s still competing with them. I’ve experienced issues with partners before and hearing that she views me differently because I’ve been in past relationship makes me feel very ashamed and dirty, which has resulted in me pulling away.

I also feel unappreciated as recently she voiced that I wasn’t calling her enough while she is away and I didn’t put in enough effort in our relationship. In general I don’t plan ahead as much as her (she likes to plan dates for us but is now saying because I didn’t do the same that she feels unloved), but I show my love in other ways like cooking for her, washing the dishes, buying thoughtful gifts and flowers and even a lot of physical affection (which is definitely not my love language but is hers). I’ve also helped her with college work and studying during our time together.

I struggle to regulate my emotions and communicate because of my autism, and now I’ve pulled away from telling her too much about this issues because I’m worried she will get mad and become super defensive. I’ve never judged her for her past relationships or current bad habits since I can see that she’s making an effort to change, but it’s exhausting when I’m being judged for my relationships from years ago and I don’t point out her current addiction with p*rn.

A lot of my close friends and even my family have suggested that she is not good for me because I’m constantly anxious or sad about our relationship and I don’t know if I should break up with her. I’ve suggested she goes to therapy to help with her jealousy and addiction and she has said she will but has not made any action throughout the entire of our relationship. I honestly am so worried and stressed out at the thought of her coming back and moving in together, I just don’t know how I’ll be able to do it.

I have so much shame and anxiety because every time we talk I am reminded that she is judging me for my past and that I had intimacy before I met her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FatBottomedSheep on 2024-01-03 10:05:52+00:00.

My wif, Kat, and I are moving together. We have been together over a year. We currently live together.

We have a good relationship.

My dad is a widower. He spends a lot of time with me.

We have a good relationship.

Unfortunately there is a power struggle between Kat and Dad. They both want to be ‘right’. Dad will buy me a gift for the house, like a kettle. Kat will be annoyed that she wasn’t consulted on the type of kettle. Neither was I but I don’t care, a gift is a gift. Dad will think something (like a hole in a wall) should be fixed and fix it. Kat wants to be consulted on things. I don’t care. I think it’s helpful and I don’t want to fix it.

It’s expensive moving. Dad has more money than us. Kat thinks dad should help us out financially. Dad prefers to sit me down and go over my finances. I don’t share finances with Kat. Kat thinks that Dad is being intrusive. Kat doesn’t have a Dad. I don’t care, if anyone can help me they can help me.

Kat gets very stressed when Dad is on her space. She gets very upset if he doesn’t treat her ‘like family’. Dad gets very stressed when Kat goes and sits in the back yard and avoids him. He gets very upset if he perceives rejection.

Kat has tried so hard to be friendly to Dad. She. Has bought him gifts, driven him places and does things for him. Dad has given Kat a lot of time and fatherly advice. He has gifted Kat money to fox her car.

Dad has decided that Kat is mean to me and speaks badly to me. Kat is not mean but she is a loud person. She gets anxious when she is around Dad. Dad reads too much into things we say and has decided that Kat is the enemy. He has told her this outright. She tried to explain. I tried to explain. My friend who was there tried to explain. He has decided she is controlling and gaslights me into thinking she cares about me. He says she swears too much and yells too much. Both Kat and I acknowledge that this is true. Dad also yells too much. I never yell.

This has devolved into Dad ignoring Kats existence. Before this happened he helped us with a down payment on our new house. He keeps making snide or overtly rude comments to Kat. Kat just gets more stressed but won’t let me tell him to stay somewhere else. She gets upset when I call him. She acknowledges that I do always stand up for her but feels that I need to do more. She gets angry. He won’t talk to her. He gets angry. They both yell about the other to me.

How do I get them to both just stop? Kat wants to be on good terms. Dad is determined to protect his little girl, but from nothing real.

None of this has anything to do with us being gay, Dad is fully supportive of me.

What should I do?

Tl:dr my wife and dad are constantly fighting and I’m caught in the middle how do I stop them?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Recreating_my_life on 2024-01-03 09:02:44+00:00.

I don’t know what it is and how to describe it. I’m at a total loss so maybe some insight from outsiders would help.

He is 40 and was told he might not be able to produce children. We found out a week ago that I am pregnant. He believes this is very important and we must be in full defense mode so we can make it through and give birth to this baby.

Before all this, we were able to have arguments and real conversations like adults. We were able to cry and get frustrated and angry. We were talking. Truly. Fixing faults and bringing up discomfort. Like a real relationship.

Now though, I noticed his behavior has changed in a lot of facets. He still is the same person but he has become very gentle with me. Both physically and mentally. He makes sure I am safe and healthy. This is no problem, in fact it’s great. But now it also feels like he is repressing his anger or his unhappiness with something I do so I don’t get stressed and lose the baby.

Examples just this week:

• I left his suit back home 2 hours away while on a business trip
• I lost his expensive vitamins on the boat during our NYE trip
• I got home way later than expected while out with my sister I know these made him mad and usually we would talk and he would tell me about his frustration and how he wishes I wouldn’t do this again. But this time he would just be quiet, sleep, or whatever. And I notice this more and more even when I am not aware that I am doing something. I never know what’s bothering him because he never tells me anymore.

I don’t know if I like the thought of it. That he’s holding onto these things to protect his line. That we are unable to bring up uncomfortable conversations because he is afraid to stress me out. That he will hold onto these so I do not get depressed.

I can feel it when he is unhappy with something, he gets quiet and internalizes it, I then feel the air of discomfort until he decides to let it go. I feel alone here. Like I do not have a partner because my partner is afraid to talk to me. I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: he is avoiding talking about anything negative so I don’t miscarry. How do I tell him this is making me feel uneasy?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Silent-Youth4742 on 2024-01-03 05:43:54+00:00.

Tonight we made them a 3 course dinner and currently I am walking our dog and hanging outside for some fresh air. His parents speak English and his cousin and cousins fiance know some English. But they speak Bosnian exclusively and I feel completely left out of the conversation. When we are around his family, I sit around for hours smiling and trying to occupy myself with my thoughts or with our pets while politely staying off my phone. I've skipped out on some days recently during the holiday season because it's frustrating to me to not understand anything. What do I do?

TL;DR My Soon to be FIL doesn't include me in conversation

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/livenlife12 on 2024-01-03 12:46:43+00:00.

My friend sent this girl proof of my current ex cheating on her now!

It was like "sexual" pics as well as constantly txting me. I didn't have much because my ex was a smart cheater and called me to talk most of the time.

My current ex also made me help her create a lie about how all of it was fake. Meanwhile, everything about it was real.

I still have more proof of her cheating how should I go about this? Not only did she cheat but she lied to me about all the situations.

She talked about how she hated this girl and wanted her to leave her alone when we were on the phone together! She gave her a nickname "crazy legs" and talked about how this girl was forcing a relationship out of her, even though she claimed that, "she wasnt ready for a relationship"

please help! how should i go about this situation, im confused on how to handle it. i dont want to be viewed as the liar in the end. Because i never lied about any of it, im fact my ex girl friend lied on me about everything that was going on with me.

TLDR: we have been broken up since mid-june. im telling the girl because i want peace of mind and to stop being bothered and for the truth to be unfolded! the current girlfriend cursed me out and called me miserable.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bekfast62 on 2024-01-03 12:44:53+00:00.

I [24M] have been dating my girlfriend [23F] for 7 months, exclusive for 6. Before we started dating, I went onto her public Twitter profile to learn more about her. I actually found a tweet talking about having a crush on me and I decided to ask her out after that. I saw some things that were potentially concerning back then, but nothing out of the ordinary. She has no idea of any of this.

However, I am visiting my hometown and downloaded Twitter again so I can stay connected to some of my friends and went onto her page so I could follow it (she is my girlfriend after all) and I was made very uncomfortable with what I found, to the point where I feel like I need to have a conversation with her about it. With this being said, I feel kind of bad because it feels like I invaded her privacy to some degree. However, I also feel like a public Twitter page with her name attached to it, something my friends or parents could find and see, is somewhat fair game. How do I bring this up to her? I don’t want her to mistrust me for potentially invading her privacy, but I also feel like it’s important enough to have the conversation.

TLDR: how to do I tell my girlfriend I’m uncomfortable with her social media usage while also feeling like I possibly invaded her privacy.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MidNightRenaissance on 2024-01-03 12:41:41+00:00.

Ok so I 18F went to a New Year's Eve party that my friend was holding. A guy I know of but don't really know anything about comes up and talks to me and is very attentive in the conversation we are having and makes sure the convo continues and seem genuinely interested in talking to me.

All the people staying over stay up till 3am just chatting having general group conversations.

The next morning after breakfast and cleaning up we all decided to play monopoly. It's a fun and ruleless game where anything goes if you can get away with it. He has one of the properties I need so every time it's my turn I try to persuade him that he should give it to me. There is a lot of eye contact and flirting from me. He ends up stealing my properties so I grab his wrist to try and grab it back but he then suggests that he hides them and if I can find it than I can have it back. While he goes to hide it another friend steals all my money so I take of chasing him and this basically ends the game saying that the other 2 player have one.

TL;DR!

So I just want to know if this might've been him flirting with me should I send him a message on Instagram or something? Our common friend has said he is single but doesn't know if he is looking for anything at this time Let me know what you think

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MrFailure78 on 2024-01-03 12:36:28+00:00.

Hey, so I met this girl at a club and over the span of a month we became pretty close. Went out on multiple dates and I slept over her house multiple times a week. She broke up with her boyfriend after talking to me for 2 weeks and then we became closer.

I really wanted to be exclusive and have her as a girlfriend but she told me at the beginning that she only wanted to be friends and she wanted to date (get to know) other men before settling down. I told her that I was okay with that but I think deep down I was definitely not. Of course I let my feelings get the best of me and I ruined everything.

Things were going pretty good then she mentioned how she was going back to her hometown for the holidays and how her ex lived there. I explained to her how he is going to try and get back together with her and how she shouldn't talk to him. Her response was "of course I am not talking to him".

Now fast forward to after Christmas and she not only talked to him but he also took her and her only family down there for dinner. I got a bit drunk the day I found out and drunk texted her how that whole thing made me feel and it turned into a huge fight. I wasn't trying to control her, I just wanted to be her only guy. I then also find out how she invited him up for NYE to spend it with her and that just wrecked me.

Now fast forward to NYE and I promised myself to not drink as much, I wanted to just have a chill night with the boys and dance with friends and other girls. She walks in with friends and him, we said our hellos and kept it separate. I of course not being able to handle my liquor get black out drunk by 12am and to make things worse the last thing I remember was her kissing him at 12am.

So I remember bits and pieces of the night but I guess I was hovering over her and her group all night, I made her uncomfortable, I ended up introducing myself to her man multiple times and when her best friend tried to get me to stop and back away I ended up getting angry with her. I remember none of this of course so this is all coming from her since my friends lost me that night as well and to make things worse I drunk texted her and her friend multiple times that night (like 4-5 texts in a span of a minute). It was such a mess, I feel incredibly guilty and ashamed. I never get angry specially when drinking. I am usually super lovey dovey even my friends were in disbelief when they heard that's what happened.

She ended up texting me and in the am after I apologized multiple times to her and her best friend, and letting me know how she doesn't want to deal with the drama anymore and she was just going to have to block me on everything. It's her choice so of course I have to be okay with it but now I am dealing with the fact that I can't even talk to this woman as a friend anymore, I feel extreme guilt and shame over my behavior on NYE and I can feel my depression coming back. I am so happy I didn't have to work the last 2 days because I spent it in bed hiding under the covers just overrun with guilt and shame.

How do y'all get over this ? I have never felt this way before and I am not usually one to make a fool out of myself when I drink. I am gonna stop drinking for a while for sure and just focus on myself. I just really don't like how this all went down.

T.L.D.R - Girl that I wanted to be serious with just wanted to be friends, she broke up with her ex to "date" me but She then got back with her ex and brought him up to NYE. I got drunk and made a fool of myself while also drunk texting her and her best friend all night long. How do I get over the guilt ?