Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway78_a on 2024-01-03 06:18:09+00:00.

My bf (M33) doesn’t sleep with me (F23) at night. We hardly get to see each other due to our schedules so recently I started staying over at his place for a couple of days through the week only bc he insists I do. At first he slept with me in the night then after like a week after we get done getting intimate he will basically tell me to go to bed already which I do and he’ll go to the couch to finish watching whatever we were watching and says he’ll go to bed after but EVERYTIME I wake up in the middle of the night he’ll be asleep in the couch which really makes me not want to stay over if he won’t even sleep in the same bed as me. We really haven’t been dating for long and I don’t really feel like bringing it up as I don’t want him to only start going to bed with me only bc I said so. Another thing I have noticed is that after we get done doing the deed he kind of distances himself from me which is weird bc he says things like “ he wants this everyday” etc while we are in the act but as I said he will basically pressure me into going to bed after we are done everytime because “I look so tired”. He’s a really sweet guy so I don’t want to be paranoid and jump to conclusions I’m just really confused I haven’t really dated in a few years and don’t know what to do or how to go about this.

TLDR; My bf (M33) doesn’t sleep with me (F23) in the bed at night he will also act distant after we get intimate and it’s starting to hurt my feelings but don’t know how to go about it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dry-Boat6356 on 2024-01-02 18:43:48+00:00.

tw just in case

i (f17) and my bf (m17) have been together for about a year now and as much as he’s nice to me we have always had some or the other issues which eventually lead to breakups. i admit that we share a toxic relationship which has several reasons and most of them being my inability to go on dates and meet often (bc of my strict parents) and he never understood it and always blames it on me saying i have no interest and am a “psychopath” for being so. it’s honestly so pathetic now that i think of it. he’s already broken up with me twice because of some really dumb reasons and it always ends up with me begging even if he’s in the wrong and i’m so fed up. he’s always made sexual remarks about me which although i know is normal in relationships to some extent but sometimes it’s just too much. some of it were stuff like “we should fuck in school” “i imagine you giving me a bj sitting at the back benches” knowing how i feel about doing anything sexual. i’ve said it way in the start that i don’t want to do anything that could potentially be a problem in the school. (plus i come from a country where public intimacy isn’t normalised esp in teens) so all of this is just disgusting despite a person saying no. when i said that i don’t want to do anything like this before we graduate he just mocks me. and now he made a comment that “at this point we’ll just have sex through video call” i really don’t know how to feel about this anymore and all these actions are making me lose all feelings. advice?

tl;dr bf acting weird and making me uncomfortable what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ResidentWind2487 on 2024-01-03 12:29:05+00:00.

I've known my girlfriend since I was 15 in high school, and we would sometimes end up at the same hangouts/parties. In one of those (I think we were 17), we were sharing stuff from our personal lives and back then she said she had been with 6 guys up to that point.

Now that we’re dating we recently asked each other how many people we’ve been with. I said I’ve been with 4 women and she said she’s been with 3 men.

So, she either lied back then to seem cool and she has in fact been with 3 guys, or she’s lying now to hide that she’s been with an amount of guys she doesn’t want to admit. At least that’s how I see it.

I would like to talk to her about this, but I don’t want to come off like “a-ha! I caught you lying! now admit the truth”, more about being honest with each other about this sort of touchy subjects. I’m seriously not going to judge her for the number of guys she’s been with, I just want her to be honest about this.

How to approach this talk?

tl;dr: Years ago, my girlfriend told our group of friends she’d been with 6 guys so far, now she told me she’s been with 3. How to bring this up and ask her to be honest without hurting her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WOPOSAURUS on 2024-01-03 12:28:39+00:00.

This might come off as me being crazy, if so, please tell me because the mind can race a lot.

For context , my GF and I have been together for 1.5 years. A week into our relationship I caught her talking to another guy whom she had a relationship with in the past. I simply told her to shut it down right now. She blocked him right in front of me and there has been nothing more from it. Fast forward to October of 2023 I noticed she had a new guy on the top of her Instagram search. A guy who she recently follows, and somehow he follows me but I don’t know the guy at all. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw him on her Snapchat. I know it can be insecure to look at her phone, but it happened. I saw where she deleted him from the main chat feed , but you could still see him under recents , obviously friends via the display of snap score etc. One day I calmly asked “hey, did you ever have X as a friend on Snapchat” , and she straight up tells me no and proceeds to gaslight me. I am 1000% certain of what I saw, and that she lied. In the following days I see where she unfollowed him on Instagram .. and he unfollows me right after… but why? I know this might come off as obsessive and I totally get that point of view, I guess I just don’t know what to think and need some outside points of view.

TLDR: I think my girlfriend could have cheated

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Evening-Plane-8771 on 2024-01-03 12:25:57+00:00.

tl;dr : She broke up with me abruptly and completely dissappeared from my life after a 3 year relationship. I think I know why and I want to tell her (either to fix it or to have proper closure), but all my attempts failed and I don't know what else I can do if there is anything at all.

My borderline avoidant (ex)girlfriend (30F) broke up with me and I (23M) don't know what to do

Today would have been our 3 year anniversary, we were supposed to be together with my family right now to then finally move in together after the holidays, but 3 weeks ago she abruptly ended the relationship, in a matter of days (or even hours), a few days before my birthday and before this trip to spend the holidays with my family.

The relationship was never perfect, she is borderline and has been dealing with depression for many years, so we had to deal with a lot of short episodes where she would get very emotionally intense, some times aggressive towards me, towards other people, other times even suicidal. But these episodes would only last a couple hours at max and I was able to deal with them, I am a very calm and conflict avoidant person (to the point that maybe it's not healthy for me). Our first year was the worst with this, I didn't know this side of her before we started dating (we were friends before, accidentaly made out one day and since then kept going), but at the same time it was combined with our "honeymoon all pink phase": For me it was the first serious relationship I had, she was many of my first things and I deeply cared and loved her. For her I also became a sort of knight in shining armor, her previous relationships had been mostly toxic and I had been sort of able to cut that cycle.

We grew a lot together, even though we have been doing long distance for most of the relationship, we would see each other every month or so for a couple days, we would call every day, text a lot, etc. Because of her personal situation with her studies, her visa, etc. she became more depressive at some points and more dependant on me to give her that stability, advices or whatever she needed. For me these phases were a bit confusing: On one side, I felt pressure on her relying that much on me, it would drag me down sometimes too or it would make me think about ending things whenever she had a bpd episode and attacked me or our relationship for it. On the other hand, it felt good to be that knight in shining armor, I was her everything and she would tell me constantly "I love you so much, I want to spend my whole life with you, I never trusted or loved anyone like you", I always lacked some self esteem and this would make me feel good about myself.

We learned to communicate more and better, I convinced her to start going to therapy and she did so for a while, the relationship felt healthier, we even started to making longer term plans like marrying so that she wouldn't have problems with her visa (she was on a student visa in Europe, but she wanted to drop her studies, but if she did so she would lose her visa and therefore be kicked back to her country). Both our families liked each other despite the age differences, we had a lot of common friends, etc. I could really see myself growing old with her, we knew each other very well, we really enjoyed spending time together, sometimes corny, sometimes sad, sometimes fun; we complemented each other very well, etc.

But everything changed this summer: She found a summer job, it suited her very well, it was in a nature region she loved, etc. After a couple weeks there she started getting more and more distant with me, at the beginning I thought it was because she was busy working, I also didn't give it a lot of importance because I knew that sometimes she could be more distant and sometimes more clingy due to her bpd. But it kept getting worse. During this time I also started to suffer myself, I had some burnout with my studies and a personal project and started getting depressed, her distance only made it worse. She ended up breaking up with me, although at first I didn't really think it was a break up, I thought they were just episodes, every couple days we would call again, I would cry, she would cry, we said we would try to fix things and then we would fall back into the same cycle. I started being more and more anxious, she started being more and more avoidant, etc.

I ended up visiting her for a week, the first 2 days were horrible, we had some big fight, I wanted to keep trying, she was saying she was already over it. She told me that she had already told everyone we had broken up (despite all the times we had gone back too), for her I was already her ex, her co-workers asked her if I was her ex, etc. But then the third day we kissed again, we had a great day and from then on it got better and better again, the rest of the days were really good, we had some of the best and most romantic moments in our relationship and when I left we both agreed we had "fixed it", we were together again, we were both in love, etc.

But once again after 1 week it got bad again and she broke up with me again, I reacted way more anxiously, because this time I knew it could be for real, that it was not one of those small bpd episodes like before, she also became way more avoidant, I would call her and text her but she would be like an emotional stone, sometimes denying, getting aggressive, etc. I was again going through a stressfull personal moment, I had to move to another apartment, I was still depressed from summer and my burnouts, etc. But once again, after some weeks, we ended up "fixing it" in a similar way. We saw each other again and I stayed with her at her new city (she moved to another place after the summer job because she changed studies), this time we really talked a lot and we seemed to have fixed it for good. She told me in summer she even went on dates with other people, but that nothing happened, that she realized she still loved me for everything I had done for her, etc.

Since then things were good, we went back to how we were before summer, we called and texted every day, we communicated a lot more, we planned to move in after christmas holidays, to marry in 2024, we told family and friends, we were really excited about it. But it happened again and this time for good: 3 weeks ago she called me one day and said "we need to talk". We had a long and very heated call, she told me she was not feeling anything for me anymore and that it had been like that since summer, that she thought she had fixed it or that she could ignore it, but she couldn't. I tried to be rational, to explain that maybe this was again a bpd/avoidant defense mechanism, because I was sure during all this time since summer she had had those feelings (she had told me, she acted like it, etc. I know it can sound as if I am trying to convince myself she had those feelings when she didn't, but believe me, she did have them and I am 100% sure). After some hours on the phone things calmed down and we ended up agreeing on waiting until after christmas holidays, which we already had the tickets for, so that we could see each other face to face again and take things slowly and properly. But the next day she texted me she couldn't do it, she couldn't talk to me and that I had to give her space and we would see. I reacted very bad, I am conscious of it, I was mad, I was anxious, I called her, texted her very long messages, I didn't want to give her space because that would only make things worse in my point of view, I wanted to talk about it at the moment, to communicate, even if it meant conflict, because it's the only way to solve things. But she became more and more avoidant. She started ignoring my messages, my calls, she disappeared, My life completely broke down, it was days before my birthday and holidays, we were supposed to visit my family together, etc. I went into full isolation mode, I didn't answer my family or friends texts, they asked her, she told them that we broke up, I felt even worse about it, she would only check up on me to tell me stuff like "Answer to your parents and friends, they are worried about you and I don't want to keep doing it". She was much colder this time than the other 2 times in summer, she felt like a whole different person, I know its a defense mechanism of borderline and avoidant people, but it just kills me, specially because of how anxious I've become.

Now it's been 3 weeks since that. We haven't had a proper call or text since that last long call in which we said "we will see after christmas". At the beginning I tried to send her very long texts, explaining how I felt, what I think the situation was, what I thought I had done wrong and what I though she had done wrong, not even with the aim of fixing things, but rather to have at least a proper closure. But her answers were always very "dry", simple, not answering to anything I said. I stopped sending her these long texts after a while, she didn't say anything at all either. I still write to myself on my notes every day long messages, like if I was sending to her, I reflect on how I'm feeling that day, I remember stuff, I reflect on what happened, on me, on her, on us, I've been reading articles, watching videos, etc. to try to understand better, but I still have a big hole. I am still very attached to her, I struggle to let go, I still cry pretty much ...

Content cut off. Read original on https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18xi8de/my_borderline_avoidant_exgirlfriend_30f_broke_up/

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cute_sharp_angle on 2024-01-03 12:23:20+00:00.

Me (33f) and my friend (33f) have never had any arguments until 6 weeks ago. That weekend we didn't manage to make plans (we always spent at least Saturday together and used to text each other almost daily). My friend said she sees I'm upset, I said we should speak about it in person and I said I can meet in 2 days. She said it's late and not nice that I make her wait, so I said fine we can meet later in the evening the same day. I wasn't playing games to delay the meeting, but I was busy and upset, so I thought 2 days would make me feel calmer. But she insisted and I thought she feels anxious, so I decided to make time for her and meet.

When we met we spoke that I was upset and we didn't make plans for the weekend because I felt she took me for granted and I felt she was just waiting for me to plan everything and was putting limits for how long we can do a trip (until 4 or 5pm because of her boyfriend). She denied she was demanding or taking me for granted and I wasn't convinced about her excuses until when she told me that couple of days earlier when I said some people can't do the trip with us (my friends) she understood I don't want to do it anymore and I'm canceling everything. Then it made sense to me that she was in fact a bit hurt (she doesn't say it often, but she sometimes admitted she felt I could neglect her because of my other friends, I always make sure it's not the case) and it is likely she thought I canceled the plan (I believed her when she told me that). So once it made sense to me I felt it was a misunderstanding and we both acted under wrong assumptions. We agreed that it was a misunderstanding and we both should communicate better next time. I hoped we cleared the air and we could move past that issue but I'm not sure she moved on from that.

During that meeting I had to address even more serious thing that was "eating me" for some weeks/months. Her boyfriend doesn't go for trips with us, but he often joins us when we hang out (or comes as +1 when I invite her) and acts controlling when she spends time with me. This would be somehow managable but he is a narcissist. I told her he has acted in abusive ways towards her and me (and sometimes towards other people like staff). He disrespects people, he is mean (and admited to me a few times that he was mean on purpose), he criticizes and puts down her often, complains a lot about everything because he feels entitled, is confrontational, he is impulsive and acts reckless. He also likes to be invited by other people, so it turned out that he was invited with her by me and didn't pay back so I felt he exploited me. The last straw for me to say that I won't tolerate him anymore was when a week earlier he had caused a fight on a street. So I told her all that and that I feel unsafe around him, she was tense, silent and defensive. We ended our conversation.

We didn't meet since then and when I tried to communicate with her, she said she was hurt and she needs time. I'm thinking how to have a constructive and frank conversation with her.

Tl;dr I'm (33f) going to meet with my friend (33f) after an argument. I'm thinking how should I proceed to make sure we have a constructive conversation, that we are open and honest with each other.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yoyoyk- on 2024-01-03 12:22:10+00:00.

Bit long please bear with me.

This morning I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to come to my aunty’s birthday dinner and he said no because he doesn’t really know my aunty. I got a bit upset at that reasoning because he has met her before and I go to his family events so I felt like him saying that was a bit of a stab.

So the whole day we are hanging out but I’m shitty because I was upset at him not coming to dinner and I didn’t want to talk about it because I knew he would get defensive about it and it would start a fight. Anyways he ends up dropping me home and I told him why I was upset and he said that he is tired and wants to spend time with his mum because he hasn’t properly seen her since Christmas (he lives with her as well), this reason was different to this morning and made more sense. Still I was a bit upset because it’s only been a week and a birthday is once a year.

I kept getting asked questions of his whereabouts at dinner so it made me feel a bit embarrassed and feel angry about the situation again so I texted him and told him that I feel so embarrassed that people are asking me questions about him.

He also decided to go to a bar to see his friend and I got upset because he said he was tired before.

This caused him to get really angry at me because he said I was being selfish and the friend he was seeing had gotten assaulted last month and this was the first time he was going to see him. Which i probably could’ve empathised with but I kept thinking he can drive half an hour to go to a bar but can’t drive 7 mins (which is where the restaurant was) to see my family because he’s too tired.

I think what really topped off my anger was the fact that everytime this happens vice versa he gets upset at me , and we had just recently had a fight about how I left his Boxing Day family event.

I have no idea what to do, he in turn is now extremely angry at me and I’m still a bit confused as to why I’m the villain.

Tl:dr I got angry at my boyfriend for not coming to my family dinner and now in turn he is furious with me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ashamed_Fruit_229 on 2024-01-03 12:19:28+00:00.

18f and my boyfriend is 18m.

I love giving head, though at most and that’s a after learning a bit (we’re both kinda new to this) no matter what technique I use he cums in 10 minutes (at a push) or less. When ideally I’d like at least 15 more ideally 20-25.

The problem is a lot of the advice like oh just take a break. I don’t want to do that, I want to suck his dick, and I can only stop and start so much when he gets really close. He says he likes it when I do that a few times but after that it takes away from it apparently.

And going for round 2 is great but sometimes that’s not an option like we don’t have ALL the time in the world.

Is there a technique I’m missing? Feels like I could to as slow as possible without it being comical and it doesn’t make a difference because he can’t go more than 10 minutes. Which I’m not mad about I get it and he does really try apparently. To the point where he’s asking me to stop bringing it up(he did so politely) because basically he wants to relax and not feel so much pressure while getting his dick sucked.

TL;DR I want my boyfriend to last like 20-25 minutes from head and usual suggestions don’t appeal

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Own-Salary-7535 on 2024-01-03 12:13:14+00:00.

My (48F) son (22M) is emotionally detached and doesn't appreciate his father as much as he should. For context, my son is 22 and goes to college online; however, he has no friends, and Barley goes out of the house. It's been like this for about nine years. We started homeschooling my son at 10 years old, but then we moved to another state when he was 12, and after that, he didn't have much of a social life; he never had any real friends. He only really left the house when we went on vacation, and we went on vacation about once a year. Most of the time, he left the house to go to the store, go to the movies, or go to restaurants. Back then, we didn't go to restaurants all the time or go to movies all the time, but yeah, that was it.

Imagine the 2020 pandemic lockdown that was basically his life; he didn't go out the house a lot; in fact, when the lockdown happened, it didn't really affect him as much as other people since he was used to it already. My son does get tired of being in the house, so he would constantly ask us if we were going to Walmart or going shopping since that's when he could get out of the house. I know this wasn't very helpful, and I did ask my husband (50M) to do something and get him a social life; he said he would, but he didn't do it, and this is a recurring pattern in our relationship. I ask my husband to do something, and he says he will do it, but he doesn't. When I told my husband I would help my son get a social life or ask one of my male acquaintances to help him, my husband would say no since he's his father and he wants to help him, but he never did, and this pattern has been going on forever.

My son really didn't start getting a social life until maybe a year ago, and even then, he only has a few people in his life, and he doesn't consider them his "friends." He has a girlfriend (26F), and he's emotionally detached from her, from us, and from his new friends. He won't open up to any of us, and he drinks and smokes weed a lot. He blames his father for the fact that he didn't have a social life when he was a teenager, so he doesn't really talk to him, and my son does not respect or even really like his father. Despite the fact that his father didn't help him, I feel like since he's his father and he provided him with food, water, and shelter, my son should respect him. What should I do to get my son to respect and love his father?

TLDR: Son doesn't respect his father

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WhereDidItGoWrong20 on 2024-01-03 12:08:35+00:00.

Here's the whole story:

my boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for almost a year now (our anniversary is literally tomorrow). Our relationship was going good until he told me to log into his instagram so i could make a post on it since he thought it'd be cute. i hesitated at first because i told him that i didnt want to cross boundaries by having access to his account but he insisted so i logged in and i saw he saved a picture of a OF model 2 months into our relationship. I've seen this model before since i used to have a p*rn addiction and he claims to suffer from the same. but in all honesty, i held off on that kind of stuff for 3 years and when i got with him, i never looked at another man OR woman for his respect. It hurt me because he would always say he never looked at the kind of stuff since he got with me and I believed him. Doesn't mention that the model didnt even have the same skin or body type as me so i felt really insecure. He begged for my forgiveness with tears and long paragraphs and I did forgive him but i felt like shit for a good week. then he started to give up on trying to make me feel better. his dad saw how unhappy he was because of my shift of mood from the situation and my boyfriend said it was "relationship issues" without saying WHO CAUSED the issue and now eversince, his father has been trying to break us up.

we moved on from that but we got into another disagreement when he showed up on a video call drunk and he knows that drinking is a trigger for me. we talked about him wanting to drink in the past and i said it was okay as long as he warns me first so i can prepare myself but the day he got drunk was also the day of my grandfather's 1 year death anniversary. so i was already in a sad mood and he said he was gonna help me since he saw me cry because of it but he decided to get drunk and play games with his friends instead while i was forced to watch. that night, i didnt call him to sleep like usual but i felt guilty for hearing him cry again so i spammed him with DMs and calls until he picked up. when he answered, he felt guilty and sorry but later on in the day he felt dry and cold to me.

But i feel like we were able to overcome that well since we gave each other the space we needed over the holiday break and he seemed to be happy and in love with me over calls and such. Then when I thought everything was going really really well, he leaves a call that i was in (that included his friends since we were all playing a game) and texts me that he needs alone time. I worry and i text him that he cant just leave me hanging because im worried about him. He tells me something that just put a whole damp on our relationship. His (foster)dads, his biological sisters, his fucking dcs case worker are all telling him to breakup with me because of his age. Excuse me?? We are 9 months apart. In my state, age of consent is 17 and in his state, while age of consent is 18, there are romeo and juliet laws in place to protect us (NY and TN). He called me sobbing harder than normal and told me that we cant be the same anymore until im 18 because they were threatening of labeling him a predator and he finally got into a better life/housing situation that he's terrified of messing up. I understand that he's scared but he didnt even do any research on the case. He doesn't want to ask his dads why its an issue when its less than a year AND we both started dating when he was 17 (i was 16). His dad also told him that he needs something physical since and I quote "he needs coochie". Like dude, your dad would always call me his "future daughter in law" and now he's pulling this shit?!

So we have been calling as usual but the vibe is very different. He doesn't say "I love you" anymore and instead says "Ilovyoutoo..." in a really quick and mumbled tone. I think he's doing that so his parents don't hear him but at least he could text it to me with a simple ass heart emoticon so I don't feel left hanging. Yesterday, we had a pretty decent day together. We made a deal on me not talking to my friends for 2 days since he got insecure about one of them and he sent me pictures of his outfit and of his cat and I thought he was feeling the spark again. But did i ruin it by calling him 3 times at 6am? We always sleep call and whenever one of us disconnects on accident we ALWAYS call each other back because we dont wanna be in silence while we sleep. Im so used to that so I did it. But he texted me "Im trying to sleep" while the phone was still ringing. I hung up immediately and i said i was sorry and i wouldnt bother him. and it felt like a stab to my heart and soul. Never has he spoke to me in such a cold and pissed off tone. Literally never. Back then, he would say something like "Oh im sorry but im too sleepy to answer right now, i'll call you in the morning honey" or at least give me a kissy gif or something. and yes, it sounds extremely extremely silly but what else can we do in an LDR?? so on the app we communicate on im appearing as offline because i dont want to seem like a puppy who's waiting for their owner anymore. I feel like me being with him just boosted his confidence and now he's gonna treat me like dirt. so before that happens i want him to see that we're both equally lucky to be with each other, not just me saying "im a lucky girl". This is my first ever relationship. This is the first time I have ever been in love. Im begging for any advice to save my relationship because I love this man with all of my heart. whatever context you need, i will provide. im a mess, im scared and i just want reciprocating love. do i just stop being clingy and give him space until he messages/calls me first? what do i do? i miss the "I love youuuuu!"s i miss the "hello gorgeous" i miss it all.

TL;DR : my first relationship is in shambles and it started with me finding out he was looking at an OF model.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jellybeanshroom on 2024-01-03 12:00:00+00:00.

My (21F) boyfriend (22M) is quite lazy. He does not do very much during the day, is barely trying to improve himself and is not studying hard in uni (he has to do two extra years since he did not perform well in his bachelor).

I am the complete opposite. I try to make my days valuable, read a lot, go to the gym daily, run a few times per week and I take my study seriously. Additionally, I find things as nutrition and being healthy quite important, since this is what I am studying and I am interested in.

These values of mine are less of importance to my boyfriend. And that is fine, everyone is different.

However, I find myself getting irritated quite often due to his difference in attitude. For instance, he skips the gym often because he just does not feel like going. And he does not fill up his excess free time by working, but just games and is on the internet a lot.

I try to make him more active, motivate him to go and do sports with me, start reading books, and it worked somewhat as he has changed positively over the past year. However, as I mentioned, he is still lazy and for some reason this is really irritating to me. It also bothers me that I have to motivate him all the time and he cannot do it by himself. Sometimes I think that I just want someone else that has same hobbies as me and is more active…. And I feel bad for feeling this. He has helped me go through hard times and is very sweet to me.

Additionally, I barely have friends in this city I moved to for my study. I am quite introverted and HSP (highly sensitive person), so I get overstimulated quite often and he quite often helps me to calm down. Therefore I feel more emotionally dependent on him….

Sometimes I try to think of reasons of why I love him. But the reasons are not very original. He helps me calm down, makes me feel good about myself and makes me laugh, but I cannot think of a personality trait I find fascinating about him.

Do you think I should break up with him because of our differences in attitudes? Or should I learn to accept and value him for who he is?

TLDR: I am an active person who likes to improve herself, but my boyfriend is not. This bothers me, but is it a valid reason to break op with him? (Please read the whole story for background info).

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/4342173 on 2024-01-03 11:59:39+00:00.

I used to be best friends with this guy a couple of years ago. He was in a long term relationship, things got messy and he had to make the hard decision to cut contact with me, as his girlfriend felt threatened and uncomfortable. He never blocked me, but a bit after the fallout I directly asked him to block me as I felt it was the best decision considering his girlfriend would probably want that. And he did.

Fast forward to the recent holidays, I notice he wrote an anonymous message wishing a former friend a merry Christmas, apologizing for hurting me and wishes I am happy. Quite honestly the whole fallout gave me slight trauma and I did not feel good. I never expected for him to still think about us 2 years later. On new years, I noticed he unblocked me as well. He is still in his relationship as far as I know, so I don't think she'd be happy if she found out. I have very conflicted feelings and these subtle acts had some mild ptsd come back. Why would someone unblock you knowing they shouldn't? In general, I'm not sure why people even bother unblocking others.

Tl;dr: former best friend unblocked me after his girlfriend felt threatened by our friendship. Two years later, I notice he unblocked me despite still in his relationship. Why do people bother unblocking?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/occultra on 2024-01-03 11:59:11+00:00.

I(21F) want to tell my boyfriend(24M) that I only want to see him on the weekends for now on

TDLR; boyfriend and I have been “hanging out” basically every day besides Wednesdays and Tuesdays, but every time im over he’s doing something else and we only have about 40 minutes actually together so I want to bring up to him that I want to go back to seeing each other on the weekends so we can actually spend time together

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now. For the first 3 ish months we only hung out on Wednesdays due to our schedules, then I changed jobs so we could see each other practically every day. Then I got another job and going to school so im working two jobs and college, which caused us to only see each other Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and maybe every other Tuesday.

For the last 6 months, he’s been really into health and making healthy dishes. However, these dishes often take an hour or more to make and I don’t know how to cook so I’ve offered to help so I can learn, but he just takes over and gets frustrated with me. I end up just sitting in his living room doing school work so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Then for the last 2ish months, he has been getting into working out and his dad has a home gym. Every day when he comes home from work he works out for an hour or two, but I can’t come down there due to his parents rule and plus he blasts music so loud it gives me a migraine even if im upstairs in the living room. So that’s three hours taken up and we really only have about 5 hours together after work on those days. But then, he takes a shower but he sits on the toilet for 45 minutes to an hour before actually jumping in the shower so that’s four hours. Making only an hour for us to truly hang out, but then he wants to play his game.

Every time during the week I go to his house to hang out, I end up just sitting alone or spending more time with his family than himself. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like im dating his family more than him.

I want to change it to only weekends because it’s really a waste in my opinion. Weekends he picks me up around noon and that’s when he often truly pays attention to me. Seeing him during the week just is a waste of my gas and time because I could literally be doing school work or anything at home. I really wanted to spend time with him during my school break before the semester starts up again, but I feel like these things I’ve listed are more important to me. Health is important yes but he begs me to come over every day so he can see me but then he just practically ignores me.

I think yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back because on the second of every month, he gets me flowers and he didn’t. He told me he forgot because he really wanted to put his roof racks on his car when he got home and was only thinking of that. He has only missed two months out of the two years where he didn’t get me flowers other than this and it was because we were out of state together so it didn’t matter much to me.

I don’t know how to approach him without sounding like manipulative or something. Should I just tell him every point I’ve made here?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sandalmaker on 2024-01-03 11:31:04+00:00.

Can't believe I'm actually posting this, lol.

I've met a girl on OKcupid 10 weeks ago. There is a lot of mutual attraction, we have a similiar sense of humour and get along nicely for the most part. She was looking for a serious relationship, I was open for anything, but I developed strong feelings for her and she says the same is true for her. There are a few potential and real issues, tho:

• She is 11 years younger than me, I am 33, she's 22.
• She has a daughter, 3 years old. While I can see myself being a father, I'm not sure I can do it at the stage I currently am. We've seen each other 2 times now, havent seen the daughter yet.
• She had a rough childhood/past with verbally abusive parents, toxic ex-partners. Had 2 or 3 episodes with A LOT of casual sex through partying and dating apps (as a form of self-harm, but says she doesn't regret her experiences). We've talked through most of this and I gave her a lot of emotional support. She claims to "hate men", says she feels like she might be 22 body wise but 50 in her mind.
• She wants another child or 2 in the next 6-7 years, also to prevent her daughter to be a lot older than her siblings. While I can understand having that wish and all that biological clock thing going on - I think that's the wrong order to approach this. I've always been a fan of meeting someone special and fitting first, then think about children and marriage. As she never had a safe and stable home in her past, that's her biggest wish though.
• She doesn't really wanna go out. I partied a lot when I was her age (vastly different life situation though, ofc) and while she'd like to go to the restaurant or go for a walk once in a while, she doesn't wanna stay up all night and dance and have fun (with a babysitter at home, of course). Might be a problem, cause I'd like to be able to do that occasionally.
• She suffers from Borderline. I'm quite understanding and careful with conditions like that due to having cases in my family and among my friends and she says I'm handling that well, but I don't always think she's handling it perfectly. I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid triggers (like hanging up the phone too quickly, cause that triggers her fear of losing someone/me in that case). We have fights over things like this regularly, as while she claims I'm generally handling her condition well, I am not careful and considerate enough in situations like this, which is true I guess.
• She's becoming a state secretary, regular daily schedule (also bc of her daughter). I'm a student still, will be done in a year or so. I sleep longer than her, more free-time etc. Also, would be a long-distant relationship as long as I still need to be at university. She lives near my hometown though, to which I wanted to return after my studies anyway.

I developed feelings, I'm unsure whether I should really go for it for several reasons. Might sound more negative than it is, among other things the sex is great, I like her personality a lot, find her funny etc

Just writing this down already felt great, but I'd love to hear some neutral thoughts on this. Hope I didn't forget anything important.

tl;dr: girl I met and developed strong feelings for has a child and mental issues, wondering whether I can provide what she needs

Thanks for any input!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/d0nutg0rl on 2024-01-03 11:28:31+00:00.

we both are 20, and have been in a rs since two years. i have an online jewellery business and uni. he is an underground rapper, does mix/mastering and manages uni as well.

i have met his family and have went on many family events with him (just in case anyone says hes not serious about this rs)

we live in the same city but cant meet daily due to some reasons (we meet almost every week).

we used to talk a lot, call a lot but then obviously life got busy. we both really appreciate some quite time but honestly now this quite time is getting on my nerves. i vm him, and he doesnt responds till a couple of hours. i ask him why and he tell me he was going live on instagram. this has happened multiple times and is irating me alot. sometimes he replies sometimes he says i forgot to listen to them (he has ADHD).

i feel sometimes that he prioritizes his insta lives and talking to his bsf (he is in another country) than me and this honestly makes me cry alot. his bsf is one of my good friends aswell, and i am really impressed by the way he handles his rs as well as his friendship. i really do wish sometimes my bf would also start handling both things equally.

i have some very deep self worth issues and all of this makes me think as if i am not worthy, and am boring thats why he doesnt wants to talk to me (mind you hes a sweetheart when we meet).

i am confused. this thing is very much affecting me and i am slowly becoming more detached from him. i have tried communicating this to him, but all he says is that he gives me all his time whenever hes free.

am i overthinking this too much?

TL;DR!

my ADHD rapper bf is giving me mixed signals; doest replies to my texts for hours, priortizes insta lives and friends over me, but when we meet he is the sweetest person. am i overthinking too much?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/--5-- on 2024-01-03 11:12:02+00:00.

Original Title: My boyfriend (21M) told me that he wants to try for a scholarship that if he won it will take him far away from where we live. I (23F) am really happy for him but also really sad and I don't know how to deal with it

Me (23 F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for around 5 months now. So far the relationship is really good, we do communicate a lot, do not fight, have a lot in common including long term life goals. The other day he told me he had an important thing to say to me and it turned out that it was the fact that he decided to try for an important scholarship to a country far away from where we live. Actually, it's the same scholarship I tried for (and sadly failed) last year, but still I am trying to find another way to go and study in that country, it will just take some time and a lot of effort.

Anyways, back to this situation, he told me that seeing me putting everything I got to try and pursue that scholarship and trying to find other ways gave him the "courage" to try it himself. Now, I am really happy that I pushed him towards what he wants to do and to actually try and pursue it, and I am genuy really happy for him, I do want to support him and I don't want him to give up anything he wants to do in life for me. On the other hand, since I now that he has good chances and could potentially win the scholarship, I am really scared of us being apart, even if it won't be in the immediate future.

When I am chilling and I don't think about my problems, I can't stop thinking about when he will go far away (even if it's something not definitive yet) and be really sad about it. I did told him all of this but I don't want to keep bothering him with my emotions because I want to show support and don't want him to feel guilty after he mustered up his courage and told me this.

I don't know what to do to feel better and live the moment, to not think about this potential future and be stuck in this sad cycle. He's my first boyfriend and I'd like for him to also be my last one, I do love him very much and I am new to all of this emotions.

I'd really appreciate a good advice from anyone 🥺❤️

TL;DR boyfriend wants to try a scholarship for a country far away and I am happy for him and I want to support him but since he told me that I can't stop being sad about the fact that we could be separated for years.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AdDiligent8448 on 2024-01-03 11:10:40+00:00.

My husband refuses to pick up after himself. Or acknowledge my efforts to remedy this.

My husband (27M) works 40 hours a week and I work very part time and am the primary caretaker of our daughter. Because of this, I (22F) work very hard to keep the house in good shape which can prove difficult in 800 square ft with two large dogs, two cats, and a slob spouse (married for 2.5 years) I remind myself that I stay home and he works so that I can do so as childcare in the area is near 1000/ month.

The issue is he refuses to even attempt to clean up what I call his “trails”. He will come home to a spotless house, and immediately start making messes. Cooking food and leaving crusty cheese and grease all over the clean counter. Leaving open snacks all over the table and counters. Kicking his pants off anywhere he pleases. Leaving his dirty clothes in the tiny bathroom that I’ve just cleaned. Take a wrapped advil and leave the tinfoil square in the middle of the counter instead of throwing it away (even if it is the ONLY thing left on the counter) I’ve expressed to him before how this makes me feel unappreciated when he comes home and does this.

I don’t need praise for a clean home, but any attempt at keeping it that way would mean so much to me. His response is always “I try to.” Or “I’m not the only one who leaves dishes in the sink”. It’s to the point that I have to fully clean the kitchen twice a day because I can’t keep up with him. He will happily come home, see the clean house, start making messes, play his games, and allow me to continue cleaning after a day of already doing so. And then wonder why I’m in a shit mood.

At the end of the day he is just so inconsiderate towards me and it makes me want to pile all the shit he leaves around in the middle of the floor. But, he works, I barely work. I am practically a SAHM. Am I even allowed to feel this way? I feel so unseen, unheard, and neglected. Neglected for 100 different reasons. But if I have to clean up one more cum rag out of the sink when the dirty laundry bin is 10 feet away, you might see me on “snapped”.

My mental is falling apart. I am so blessed for so many reasons, but he refuses to hear me when I try and express my needs. I am not attracted to him anymore because I feel like his mom or room mate. We have sex because I know he needs it. I rarely enjoy it anymore. It takes a lot for me to openly express my feelings, and he tends to simply squash them by disregarding what I’m saying.

TLDR; how do I get my husband to respect my work around the house and tidy up after himself? Am I allowed to be frustrated my this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dominikanos on 2024-01-03 11:04:25+00:00.

I (26M) is dealing with this both from my side and my wifes (26F) fundamentaly know that you can and should have friends of the opposite sex. IF you vibe you vibe. But many times you get friendly with someone you find interesting and attractive. How to deal with the attraction? How to make it strictly friendship so I can go out do things with the people and not feel guilty all the time? How not to obsess over fantasies about my friends, how not to crush on them? I just want good friendships and not being suffocated by my fantasies and attractiont that I in reality do not want and do that only with my wife instead?

I am hopeless. Boundaries are one thing, but something I have the feeling I cannot influence and it just comes in my mind is really suffocating feeling. Help. Just cutting out friendship with people of the opossite sex just seems like nonsence to me.

TLDR: How to have opposite sex friends and cut out the fantasies and thinking grass is greener and shit like that.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Traditional_Oil_5997 on 2024-01-03 10:45:37+00:00.

TW: Mentions of Mental Health problems and su*cide.

So I M21 started talking to this girl (22) a few weeks back and things were pretty good. She was really pretty and sweet and we hit it off pretty well to begin with. Early on she kept mentioning how she thought her mental health issues would get in the way of us being together or that she would be too much for me. I reassured her that it wouldn’t be an issue as I personally struggled and continue to struggle with my mental health seeing a variety of therapists over the year and currently on anti depressants. Anyway, she very quickly was telling me she loved me and was envisioning a future with me. This weirded me out because it was very sudden and I did not feel the same way. I unfortunately entertained those things by just going along with her “future plans” with me saying stuff like “yeah that would be so cool” and “that sounds nice etc.” Ultimately that’s my fault and I shouldn’t have done that and been more upfront about how that isn’t like a normal thing this early but alas I move on. As time moved (keep in mind this happened VERY fast, like within a week of knowing each other) she was seeming to develop a codependency with me always coming to me for reassurance telling me that she’s worthless and resulting in me obviously saying no that’s not true, along with stuff like “you deserve better,” “you can find so much better” etc. and also talking about su*cidal thoughts and cutting. I quickly realized the last thing this girl needs is a relationship rn and im not one to say someone can’t be in a relationship when they have poor mental health issues, but at the very least imo u should at least want to try to get better and be taking steps, doesn’t matter how small, to reach that before u enter a relationship. I learned that myself as I finally got to a point where I realized my behavior was self destructive in the past and needed to do something to work on getting better and it took a LONG time but I was still making baby steps during that time period which made some of my relationships/sutuationships a lot easier on not only me but my partner as well. Anyway, I decided to end this situationship today because of the toll it was taking on me always having to be that crutch (albeit in a 2-3 week period) but I can’t help but feel like shit, I don’t want her to do something drast because of me or that im the last straw. I feel guilty that im just leaving I guess but also I feel like it was the right thing to do. Anyway, just on here to ask u guys for advice or if I did something wrong by doing this, but idk, it’s weighing on me hard.

TL;DR; Anyway, just on here to ask u guys for advice or if I did something wrong by doing this, but idk, it’s weighing on me hard and idk if I could’ve done anything different.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yours_truly_vivi on 2024-01-03 10:35:11+00:00.

Hi… I’m 18, almost 19 in a few days tho!! I’ve dated my bf for almost 6 months now… it’s my first relationship. To sum things up, there has been very low & high moments between us. Sometimes I doubt our relationship, but then I look back at the good times. Where he treated me so well like a PRINCESS & he was my butler lol. Where he was kind to me & took care of me. He still does! Don’t get me wrong… Things are just different now, he gets annoyed or upset easier. How am I supposed to move on & let this go? I know I’m young, that someone else will come after him… but I just CANT comprehend the idea of dating so many other people, trying to find the “perfect match.” It seems like too much heartbreak. Why does love have to hurt :cc

I love him, I truly do… but there’s often times where my feelings for him aren’t reciprocated. It’s that feeling where you feel you’re putting more effort in. The feeling where if you were to break up, the other person wouldn’t feel sad to have you gone. (he literally said he wouldn’t care if I left 😭, even saying that he’s not good for me, that I should be with someone else.) I only want him, he makes me happy & it hurts to see him so sad. How do I help fix him :c I want him to improve, not just for me but for himself. Sigh… I wonder if I’m wrong for staying with him. I just want to give him a chance to return to the guy I met months ago…

TL;DR: I’m thinking about breaking up with my bf, but I don’t know how to come to terms with leaving someone I was once so close with. I’m not sure if I should stay & keep trying, or give up & move onto a second relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Home5716 on 2024-01-03 10:25:21+00:00.

So my girlfriend was just reassuring that I don’t have her nudes saved in my phone when she came across my hidden folder which had thousands of pictures of other girls which included influencers and some girls of our university(screenshots). We’ve been together for almost 6 months When she discovered that she checked all of them and I deleted every single one of them in front of her. I know this was very creepy and I feel worthless now and to add I have never really looked at them after taking screenshots and I stopped this when we started dating but recently 15 days ago I saved some pictures. I realise this was a really stupid mistake and I didn’t really defend this act I am feeling very guilty gross and embarrassed this was a life lesson. I realise now that that was really immoral and this violated her trust and I don’t really want this to end but at this point I’m feeling helpless worthless and what not. After this happened we talked for about 4 hours and I didn’t really have any specific reason to save them it was just a bad habit I had from my young teenage days. She asked me questions like why didn’t you delete those earlier when you knew that was wrong and why did I even do that and i didn’t have an answer to that. I really don’t know how to save this relationship and how to gain her trust back. I’ve been trying to reassure her but she says she needs a break. What should I do to gain her trust back and save our relationship?

TL;DR; : My GF found pictures of other girls including knows and now she doesn’t trust me and I feel very guilty rn and I have realised my mistake and I just want to save this relationship

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwra_flame3789100 on 2024-01-03 10:24:27+00:00.

Do I (21F) stay with my loving boyfriend (20M) of 4 years or take the risk of telling my longtime friend (21M) I feel the same way about him?

I met my boyfriend in high school, we instantly clicked and have been dating since. He’s my first relationship, love, and first time being physical past casual making out. He is truly amazing and treats me so well with the upmost respect and love. I truly think we could spend the rest of our lives together farther in the future. My friends and family all know and love him just as much as I do. But….I have this good friend (We’ll call him Cody) who I’ve known since we were kids that I have always had such a soft spot for. Cody’s sister and I have always been amazing friends and his family loves me. Cody has always been extremely open and verbal about how he feels towards me as well as his family always asking when we’re going to finally date. (Even while I’ve been in my relationship which does not make my bf happy). I’m around him pretty often since we share so many mutual friends, his sister, and our families are so close. I have always gravitated towards him but recently I cannot get him out of the back of my head. We’ve always been such good friends but there’s no denying that we both feel this way and that so many other people notice the kind of loving friendship and connection we have. I’ve never truly told him that the feeling is mutual but I get the idea that he probably already knows it is. It dosent help that I constantly wonder if I’m too young to be in a committed relationship. I do want to be married someday but the thought scares me at this point in my life. It’s also terrifying to think I could lose the person I love just to be with this person and then potentially lose that friendship too. They’re both so similar to me, the connections I have with them are just so different. So if you’ve made it this far without thinking I’m horrible please help. Do I stay with my loving boyfriend of 4 years or take the risk of telling my longtime friend I feel the same way about him?

Tl;dr : I’ve (21F) have been with my first bf (20M) for 4 years but think I have feelings for one of my longtime really good friends. Do I stay with bf or try something new?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WarmedCamera on 2024-01-03 03:43:13+00:00.

I apologize for the hour, but I can't sleep cause of this.

My girlfriend and I, both 18, have been together for a year and some months, sharing the same view on cheating—neither of us would want to do it or endure it. The only thing is that on New Year's Eve, I organized a party, inviting my group of friends, my girlfriend, and some of her friends. The party starts well and goes on until 3 AM when some, including my girlfriend, have to leave. We say our goodbyes with kisses and hugs, and the rest of us decide to go to sleep as we're all tired. It's 4 AM, and everyone is asleep, except for me and three friends with whom we decide to play 'Dare.' After a few turns, it falls on one of my friends to shout random things in the next room, waking everyone up. Two of them, including a close female friend of mine, decide to join us as they couldn't get back to sleep. Dawn arrives, and we decide to actually go to sleep. For some reason, many change places, and I end up on the couch. After a while, my friend asks if she can sleep with me (remember, my girlfriend had left). In a normal state i would said no, but in a drowsy state, I answer yes to avoid arguments. Everything seems fine at the moment, and I fall asleep peacefully, until I wake up feeling my arm asleep and something heavy on my chest. I open my eyes and see my friend hugging me. In that moment, I felt terrible, unsure whether to wake her or stay still. In the past, I had admitted to both her and my girlfriend that I had a crush on her, but now I see her only as a friend, despite her being objectively a beautiful girl with a stunning physique. After thinking for a few seconds, I decide it's better to wake her. When I do, she looks at me as if knowing this wasn't a random situation, showing satisfaction in her successful intention. At that moment, it almost seemed like she wanted to kiss me, but I was tired, and I'm sure I misunderstood (i hope). Now, I'm 90% sure it wasn't my fault, but at 4 AM, the mind can play tricks. So, did I cheat on my gf?

translated with chat gpt because of the time, corrected something but sorry for any broken english <3.

TL;DR: i cheated bc i slept with my female friend?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dry-Boat6356 on 2024-01-02 18:43:48+00:00.

tw just in case

i (f17) and my bf (m17) have been together for about a year now and as much as he’s nice to me we have always had some or the other issues which eventually lead to breakups. i admit that we share a toxic relationship which has several reasons and most of them being my inability to go on dates and meet often (bc of my strict parents) and he never understood it and always blames it on me saying i have no interest and am a “psychopath” for being so. it’s honestly so pathetic now that i think of it. he’s already broken up with me twice because of some really dumb reasons and it always ends up with me begging even if he’s in the wrong and i’m so fed up. he’s always made sexual remarks about me which although i know is normal in relationships to some extent but sometimes it’s just too much. some of it were stuff like “we should fuck in school” “i imagine you giving me a bj sitting at the back benches” knowing how i feel about doing anything sexual. i’ve said it way in the start that i don’t want to do anything that could potentially be a problem in the school. (plus i come from a country where public intimacy isn’t normalised esp in teens) so all of this is just disgusting despite a person saying no. when i said that i don’t want to do anything like this before we graduate he just mocks me. and now he made a comment that “at this point we’ll just have sex through video call” i really don’t know how to feel about this anymore and all these actions are making me lose all feelings. advice?

tl;dr bf acting weird and making me uncomfortable what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_catmittens on 2024-01-03 01:53:21+00:00.

Apologies in advance for formatting, writing this on my mobile and have never posted here before. Sorry it’s so long too :(

We have been together for 4 years. I have 1 child (10M) as does he (8M). He lived with me and my child when we both lived across country in the same place for work purposes. At that time he visited his kid regularly, 2-3 times a month.

We have now moved to a new area where his child actually lives and when we moved (again for work purposes), he stated his child would always (quite rightly) come first to him and that he planned to get a place just for them to live as that’s what he had always promised his kid when the divorce between he and the baby mama happened 5 years ago (due to her infidelity). In the meantime, currently he stays with a friend until he beds in with his new job to save up and sort out his new place.

Since the move (4 months ago) he has visited me and my child maybe once a week at most, which always fits around when he’s free (ie doesn’t have his child visiting him). Sometimes stays overnight, sometimes just stays for a few hours and goes away again.

Before our move we spoke about how logistics would work; he said we couldn’t all just move in together straight away (ie with his child, who he has every other weekend) as that wouldn’t be fair on the kid (the kids have actually met multiple times and get on great) plus he says his kid must have their own room for staying; the kids sharing is not an option.

We spoke about commitment (ie engagement, marriage in the future) at the same time and he said it would “take time” after the move, ie maybe a year, citing reasons such as bedding in at his new job, settling into a new place with his kid’s visitation, etc. He absolutely didn’t give any reason for me to think he wanted this to be a “clean break” for a split to happen.

So in reality, now we have moved to the new area we’ve gone from him being with us every day to just one day or night every week or two, which obviously feels like a retreat, not progress!

It feels like he always has an excuse when commitment or something is brought up. When he does eventually ask to come over to visit (I absolutely refuse to; he was the one who effectively left, I’ve got my dignity and will never again beg for attention or for his company) i have started feeling (resentful?) about being his back-up option for company when he feels he wants it, and have started wanting to put off his “visit” with other reasons such as being busy. He is pretty quiet and sad when I do that. When I even asked about us buying a place together, he said it would be “difficult” to get a place big enough with bedrooms for both kids (?!) but maybe that could be a thing “later”, ie the year thing.

Before the move etc and we all lived away together, our rship was great, very intimate and great chemistry. Good rship with my kid also.

THE POINT: Should I just cut my losses and accept that he only has ONE priority in life, and that we’ll never progress back to some kind of normal rship? I’m not that young, but like to think I still have time to find someone who DOES want to be with me, and my kid, even if they also have their own. My kid is obviously MY priority too, but as a well rounded adult I think it’s perfectly acceptable to have a “list” of pris and that some can work around each other.

TL;DR - Should I break up with my bf in order to find someone who can commit?