Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HaitianPriestess on 2024-01-03 01:44:48+00:00.

My boyfriend has a belly button fetish which is not in all honesty a problem with me as long as he only engages in that fetish with me. We’ve been together 1 year and a half. During sex he likes to play with mine and I enjoy it. But, he has crossed the line a few times with others online through instagram more specifically. He would ask women online for videos of their belly button and went as far as messaging guys online ( more like body builder type of men…) if he can touch their belly button or if he can poke it.. I’m distraught not sure if he’s gay he says he might say it but he doesn’t actually “want to do it”. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me? We’ve had conversations about where the line is and he crossed it in the past. Then, at other times, I seen messages asking if he can touch a man’s abs. It seems he only contacts profiles that wouldn’t really respond to him and not just ordinary men. He hasn’t been doing it for some time now but the thought of it still bothers me and leaves so many unanswered questions. I’m worried about him being undercover and as well as reaching out to other people about their belly button. It’s embarrassing and hurtful. I don’t fully trust him and I know that’s enough reason to not stay in a relationship with him but I find myself making excuses for it. “It’s just a fetish”, “he didn’t actually do anything in person”, “the relationship was new”. I know this all sounds so ridiculous but I have no one else to turn to about this. I’m so embarrassed. He is a great guy in many other ways I know he really loves me but I can’t help but feel like he could be living a double life or something. There has also been times it wasn’t about the belly button but it was just him hitting on some random instagram model. He says he was immature and was seeking attention when we would have our issues and understands his actions were wrong. Again, I haven’t seen him doing any of this for the last few months but it still bothers me.

TL;DR Boyfriend has belly button fetish but has crossed the line into engaging with others online about it. Seeking advice or general guidance on how to navigate this situation? Should I walk away? Had to repost because it was removed for lack of context.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/usernamedealer on 2024-01-03 00:35:43+00:00.

This might belong in a diffrent subreddit, so tell me if its not right please.

Me [29M] and my gf [28F] of 4 months have an amazing relationship away from the bedroom. She is funny, friendly, supportive, caring. I buy her gifts, compliments, support, give her my time, and full attention, listen and respect her boundaries. I knew her before we started dating, and she is the nicest person I have ever met in my life, and I can see a future with her...

Except she is completely absent in the bedroom. She does suffer from anxiety, depression, and a super low sex drive, damn near non existent. I am only the 3rd person she has ever kissed and she has never slept with anyone. She Is 28 and a virgin.

I told her she is perfect in every way, but sex and intimate moments are a ultra high priority and non negotiable for me. She was open with me about her mental state, so it's not a surprise she is having trouble. And I accepted her for it, she is that amazing. I am doing everything to help her & support her to uplift her spirits mentally, and she is trying to get intimate with me, but it feels like I'm trying to make love to a robot.

She gets awkward over as much as making out, and anything that involves foreplay is always and exclusively initiated by me, and even with coaching her what to do feels forced, to the point I can't do it & stop because I feel like I'm taking advantage of her. It's like she doesn't have any feelings towards me and is putting on a terrible act to make me feel good or shut me up.. When I pull away because I'm obviously uncomfortable she says I can do more with her with a obvious tremor of nervousness in her voice, and I can't continue in good concious. I love this woman and it feels like she's scared to be around me when i try to have anything intimate, let alone sex. And when I tell her that's how I feel, she says she wants it. Her actions don't align with her words though.

I told her as important as it is to me, I will wait for her for when she's ready because she is that special and important to me, but if she puts in the work to increase her sex drive. I have given her several strategies and she said she looked some stuff up herself. I talked to her on the phone today and she said she hasn't followed through with any of the stuff we spoke about.

So here's the dilemma: she says she wants to have sex, but doesn't follow through with any of the stuff she said she was going to do to fix it. So now we have a problem. We are long distance so I know exactly how this weekend is going to go... same issues as before, but if I bring it up that her lack of work to fix it and help me with my needs isn't right, it will make her upset.

So how to I tell her to fix the very problem she has adressed herself without causing a problem?

TLDR; Girlfriend knows she has low sex drive, but fails to follow through with any actions to increase it. What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Conference-6994 on 2024-01-02 18:25:33+00:00.

TL;DR; I (28m) have not been invited to my (22f) birthday party for legitimate reasons based on the past and the people involved. But I feel cut off from my girlfriends life and unable to make amends (TLDR doesnt really explain well sorry)

This is a late night stress post so formatting will be shot, I really just feel the need to get this down.

Also I will be sharing this with my partner because I want things to work for the best regardless of outcome and advice.

I (28m) have not been invited to my (22f) birthday party and it makes me feel rejected and on the outside of her life. (Which has been an ongoing concern) There is a backstory of not the best treatment on my end which I will explain, we generally chock up to mental health problems and general overthinking so I can understand reasoning behind this but I want to be there for my gf.

Relating to Mental health to the scenario I definitely have things to work on such as self image and worth but primarily I have always had a problem with overthinking but in this relationship I have had a more specific problem of making a problem after she has been out with friends to events on multiple occasions, with the understanding that I know I am wrong almost immediately after making a scene (not publicly). I wish and am going to put a very high amount of effort into improving the conditions of these outburst to a point of them no longer happening but I personally think these improvements will take time.

So about the party and the problems surrounding it. Some of the people going know of how our relationship has operated for the year we have been together, with our high highs when together but also our terrible lows when apart mainly due to my outbursts or general insecurity. These people consist of some of her very close friends but also some of our shared work colleagues that have heard of my missdeeds (Some even from me seeking advice) at the height of there inception and some people may have heard multiple or worse instances and its expected that i am going to be judged for them. I am not necessarily worried about being judged in that i kinda do want to feel the weight of my stupid actions moving forward make that change.

My gf has expressed that she fundamentally would love me to be there being her bf but being a first meeting to a group of people who may be off to a bad first impression she is scared of the outcome and I understand that puts her in a position of not wanting me there for the sake of an easier time managing the vibe of the party. The kicker is that regardless of if they have an initial bad impression of me I still want to make that change and support and be with her at the party and maybe even change a few minds not that I'm going to mass proclaim I'm a changed man on the spot or anything but if people approach me respectfully id happily explain that although i have been wrong I am making my best attempt at fixing these problems for both of us and even if they were to not change their mind id understand what is, is.

We recently have discussed the ways we need to fix our relationship overall to limit our bad experiences and get the most of our amazing together time but a big part of that, that both of us are going to struggle with is forgiveness. She is at the point of needing to see before believing telling me she hasn't given up but doubts are there.

To me not being invited to this party is the bad winning over, more things to get in the way of our (but mostly my I guess) progression and more importantly shows the people with doubts that I'm not even good enough to be trusted and not worth being a part of the celebration of her.

The party itself isn't for a bit but there isn't enough time for me to truly prove myself to my partner in any meaningful way in the short term.

I just need to know from you guys how bad is it that I want to be at a initially or potentially permanently negative scenario to show support and be respectful even to those that may have problems with me while being an active part of my gfs life. if its a stupid idea how can I get over the being on the outside for even longer.

Edits:

• Just to add if this were a party of people only she knew and it was already going to be the most awkward experience i wouldnt intend on going, But the fact there are people i like going and that i dont intend to hang off of my gf and suck up her attention all night i feel like it something i want to be apart of even for my own sake.

• My girlfriend has also expressed that other than a couple of people who know of our problems most see me as being self aware of my problems but just unable to get the resources together to or directly fix them right now and they dont intrisically hate me as a person they just in disagreeance with the relationship itself know mostly the bad.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/y_n19 on 2024-01-02 18:05:51+00:00.

So he was friends with this girl who had a crush on him. She didn't confess to him. A situation happened and he kissed her out of the blue and apologized to her after that. She said if he felt like that then it was okay, but don't do it again.But as she told me when they were in the room alone the same day he kissed her again second time without consent.

I felt disgusted when I got to know this. I confronted him with this and he said he did and he regrets it. I never have been taken advantage of me by him in one year being with him . And I haven't done anything sexual or intimate with him until now due to some past trauma. He treats me sincerely however I'm a little scared to know this as I was going to initiate some sexual advances....

now I don't know what to do . Should I stay in this relationship as I trust his actions untill now with me or don't let what he did in the last to me ? . I wasn't his girlfriend back then just a friend when this whole happened.And should I trust her words ? How should I proceed with this situation?

TDLR My boyfriend took advantage of her friend in past and I got to know now. I have some past trauma. I'm struggling to trust him again. How should I proceed and what should I do ?.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AntiqueHomework2 on 2024-01-02 17:55:54+00:00.

I [29M] want to pierce my ears but I’m anxious about telling my wife [27] of one year. I know it’s dumb but I want her to be excited about it and maybe turn it into a date night or something. I’m just worried she’ll be turned off by the idea. Ultimately it is my body but I would hate for her to be disappointed if that is not something she’s into.

Any thoughts on how I could present this idea and turn it into something fun for both of us?

TL;DR - I am nervous to tell my wife I want to pierce my ears.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Original-Rush6251 on 2024-01-02 15:12:01+00:00.

Hi everyone. I (26m) recently started seeing my new gf (27f) 3 months ago. It’s the first relationship I’ve had where I’ve felt really compatible. We joke and laugh a lot, something I’ve realized I haven’t had in past relationships. Professionally, she is a nurse and I am just starting nursing school. Having that connection has been amazing too. She is super passionate about nursing and loves her career, so we talk about that a lot too. It’s been really helpful for me to ask questions and start to prepare mentally for this new chapter of my life. I think she also appreciates that she has someone to talk to about her hard days at work, bc I’m all ears and love hearing about what she goes through at work. For these reasons this relationship feels different and better than all my previous ones.

The only hang-up I’m having right now is about the sex. It hasn’t been very good at all. She’s only had 2 or 3 sexual partners and I think the inexperience shows. It’s definitely not as satisfying as the sex I’ve had in the past. The first time we had sex it was a huge turn off for me. I thought about ending it because of that. But I held on bc the other parts are so good and the thought of ending this positive thing in my life over bad sex seems really immature.

I want to find a respectable way to raise this with her. I want to start out this relationship right by communicating openly about how we truly feel and not hide anything, because if I didn’t express this it will just create problems and lead to resentment or something negative. I feel like I need to be the one to take the initiative sexually rn and try to teach her how to do it and we can explore together. Basically I’m wondering how to phrase this conversation respectfully, and curious what Reddit thinks of the situation 🤓 thanks yall. —— TL;DR; : lack of sexual satisfaction with new gf is a turn off, but don’t want to end it because I really enjoy spending time with her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Olive6441 on 2024-01-02 14:26:13+00:00.

TL;DR: We came across our friends’ engagement pictures, their photos showcase a simple, very casual outfit, and the girl has a just-showered look.

I shared my dream of having a beautiful and romantic moment - Hoping for something more special. Instead of understanding, he dismissed it, called me a red flag, and asked me, "What if I propose simultaneously instead of what you desire? Would you say no?" He also mentioned that he'd do it on a whim without any planning, just bcos he feels like it.

As a girl, I was only expressing my heartfelt desires for a special, intimate moment, and I expected a response that would make me happy on such a special occasion. So how do you interpret dismissive or negative reactions from your partner?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CantDecideOnUsrnm on 2024-01-03 09:26:00+00:00.

I posted this on another group but no one replied and I really need help figuring this out. It’s just what the title says. I need to break up with him for many reasons: we don’t share the same interests, mine are pretty big picture like science and politics and economics and they don’t interest him so we only ever talk about what he likes. The sex is mediocre which I’ve made attempts to fix but it never pans out. He’s not so good at keeping the house clean and I don’t want to have to behave like his mother trying to get him to do chores with me. He doesn’t have any goals or aspirations so I don’t feel challenged intellectually by him. I’m pretty sure he’s been dragging his feet because he sees me as a safety net. He knows that even if he never makes anything of himself I’ll still be there to support him financially in the future because he assumes I won’t ever break up with him. And the list goes on. None of these by themselves would be a deal breaker but together they are too much. Additionally, I recently decided I don’t want to have kids. And he does. When I told him this the look on his face was devastating. Like his whole world was crashing down. But then he put on a smile and said it was no problem. But I can tell it bothers him. It’s in the way he looks at kids when we walk past them. He looks so sad. I can’t subject him to a life that I know will make him unhappy. Here’s the problem: he’s so sweet and kind. He cares so much about me. I see the way he looks at me like I’m his whole world and the thought of breaking this man’s heart makes me sick to my stomach. I love him. I really do. But logically, this relationship is not sustainable. I deserve to be with someone who shares my interests and someone who will make me a better person. And he deserves someone who will give him the happy future he deserves. But every time I think about it I get nauseous because I feel so guilty. He’s been putting his future on hold for me (I’ve told him many times this makes me uncomfortable but he insists it’s not for me. However every reason he tells me has me at the center.) He’s waited patiently while I studied abroad in Spain. His family takes me in when I have nowhere else to go. He has done so much for me. How could I break the heart of someone as incredible as that? Here’s what I need advice on: I need to break up with this man. How do I get over my fear and guilt and just do it?

TLDR: I need to break up with my boyfriend but every time I think about I feel intensely guilty. How do I get over that feeling and do the deed?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/weakestberserkfan on 2024-01-03 08:13:49+00:00.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 7 months she was great we never fought at all and she would always talk about how much she hates people who cheat she wasn’t distant leading up to this or was there no other changes in her at all personality wise it all seemed fine. Then today I noticed she was snapping a guy and I got a sinking feeling so when she went to bed I checked her phone which made me feel real scummy but I went into their chat and noticed she been entertaining him for a while on Halloween she said how good he looks in a scream mask and said something along the lines of are you gonna make me scream and then I looked at another guy who she didn’t snap much but I only saw one where she said don’t make blush I don’t know if she ever slept if anyone while we were together but I feel like this is bad I don’t know what to do

Tl;dr found out my girlfriend was entertaining guys on snap

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Reason4917 on 2024-01-03 07:40:53+00:00.

My (F, 25) boyfriend (M, 25) has recently started a new job with a startup. We've been dating for 6 months now.

The working hours at the company are crazy. He HAS TO put in 12 hours atleast almost everyday, works on Saturdays as well, and doesn't get holidays on festivals (he was working on Christmas).

The job is not paying well at all. He says he loves the work he is doing and is learning a lot, which I understand. But he also talks about having his own startup.

The problem I have with this whole situation is that he doesn't have any time left for himself or us. He only has Sundays free, so planning to meet on one free day he gets makes me feel guilty that he might not be getting any ME time. Additionally, he constantly talks about having his own startup, keeps on coming up with new ideas every other day, but since he has no time to put into it, it feels useless to listen to those ideas.

I've asked him several times to put up a boundary at work. To which he says he has a boundary that he doesn't work on Sunday (which imo is the bare minimum and not a boundary).

I'm getting tired of listening to his startup ideas when he doesn't even put in the time to do any research to start with it. And also I can never meet him guilt free because I always feel I'm taking up the only free day he is getting.

As a person he is very understanding and always has a positive outlook towards everything. But to me all that positivity feels irrelevant.

I feel really cynical typing this all out and I want to be understanding that if he doesn't have a problem with his job then neither should I. But it just doesn't make any sense to me to work so much for a company that doesn't respect your boundaries at all.

FYI: He had to take a leave on 30th December to celebrate NYE but even that day he ended up working from home (which in his eyes was a very considerate thing done by his company). There is NO leave policy in place.

TL;DR: My boyfriend is working 12+ hours everyday and doesn't have time for himself or us. Its getting frustrating to deal with this on a daily basis.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThePurityPixel on 2024-01-03 06:40:51+00:00.

Original Title: The woman (27F) that I (40M) was seeing (2 weeks) tried to force me to say her memory of an interaction was 100% accurate (even though my memory of it contradicted hers), or else she would end the conversation because me denying 100% certainty of her memory is "gaslighting."

I started to write the details of what happened, but honestly the details would cloud the core issue, which is this question: Is any vocalization of the fallibility of memory necessarily "gaslighting"? And if so, does that mean both parties are gaslighting each other, if their memories of an interaction contradict?

For me, I like the uncertainty to spark wonderment, open-minded conversation, and as much humor as possible, amidst the inevitable frustration of being human beings with limited perception and limited memory. But with this young woman, she insisted I buy her version of the story (recounting a conversation from earlier in the week, where she "clearly" remembers me using a certain convoluted phrase that isn't even in my vocabulary), and if I don't confess to having used the phrase, then I'm a gaslighter and no longer an emotionally safe person to talk to. And if I question that conclusion, then I'm a gaslighter for that too.

tl;dr: Uncertainty over whether uncertainty is gaslighting to utter.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CantDecideOnUsrnm on 2024-01-03 09:26:00+00:00.

I posted this on another group but no one replied and I really need help figuring this out. It’s just what the title says. I need to break up with him for many reasons: we don’t share the same interests, mine are pretty big picture like science and politics and economics and they don’t interest him so we only ever talk about what he likes. The sex is mediocre which I’ve made attempts to fix but it never pans out. He’s not so good at keeping the house clean and I don’t want to have to behave like his mother trying to get him to do chores with me. He doesn’t have any goals or aspirations so I don’t feel challenged intellectually by him. I’m pretty sure he’s been dragging his feet because he sees me as a safety net. He knows that even if he never makes anything of himself I’ll still be there to support him financially in the future because he assumes I won’t ever break up with him. And the list goes on. None of these by themselves would be a deal breaker but together they are too much. Additionally, I recently decided I don’t want to have kids. And he does. When I told him this the look on his face was devastating. Like his whole world was crashing down. But then he put on a smile and said it was no problem. But I can tell it bothers him. It’s in the way he looks at kids when we walk past them. He looks so sad. I can’t subject him to a life that I know will make him unhappy. Here’s the problem: he’s so sweet and kind. He cares so much about me. I see the way he looks at me like I’m his whole world and the thought of breaking this man’s heart makes me sick to my stomach. I love him. I really do. But logically, this relationship is not sustainable. I deserve to be with someone who shares my interests and someone who will make me a better person. And he deserves someone who will give him the happy future he deserves. But every time I think about it I get nauseous because I feel so guilty. He’s been putting his future on hold for me (I’ve told him many times this makes me uncomfortable but he insists it’s not for me. However every reason he tells me has me at the center.) He’s waited patiently while I studied abroad in Spain. His family takes me in when I have nowhere else to go. He has done so much for me. How could I break the heart of someone as incredible as that? Here’s what I need advice on: I need to break up with this man. How do I get over my fear and guilt and just do it?

TLDR: I need to break up with my boyfriend but every time I think about I feel intensely guilty. How do I get over that feeling and do the deed?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Pussy_Killerr on 2024-01-03 09:12:27+00:00.

We (both M15) met online and been in a relationship for almost 5 months. Today we talked about feelings a bit and he said that he thinks hes loosing a bit interest, but he still loves me, thinks about me a lot and says that i make him really happy. He said he would really love to meet, and because we live on different continents we planned to meet this summer. This person means a lot to me and i really dont want to loose him (he said the same). I know im probably overthinking, but i need advice if i should worry and how can i make him feel better and not loose interest in me before we meet. Any tips would help.

TL;DR: after 5 months of talking and dating he (M15) said he looses a bit of interest but still loves me (M15) and enjoys being with me. How can i make him feel better and more interested in me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/weakestberserkfan on 2024-01-03 08:13:49+00:00.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 7 months she was great we never fought at all and she would always talk about how much she hates people who cheat she wasn’t distant leading up to this or was there no other changes in her at all personality wise it all seemed fine. Then today I noticed she was snapping a guy and I got a sinking feeling so when she went to bed I checked her phone which made me feel real scummy but I went into their chat and noticed she been entertaining him for a while on Halloween she said how good he looks in a scream mask and said something along the lines of are you gonna make me scream and then I looked at another guy who she didn’t snap much but I only saw one where she said don’t make blush I don’t know if she ever slept if anyone while we were together but I feel like this is bad I don’t know what to do

Tl;dr found out my girlfriend was entertaining guys on snap

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ZasinZeno399 on 2024-01-03 04:26:27+00:00.

This might be slightly silly compared to the big problems people tend to share on here, but it's driving me nuts so here goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. This is my first EVER relationship which means that I really don't have a frame of reference for a lot of things which is often frustrating. But the relationship itself is honestly fantastic. We are extremely compatible in terms of personalities, interests, sense of humor, attraction and sex (which was something I was very worried about at first given the circumstances, but through a combination of luck and him being patient with me it has been great). I love being around him, he is so sweet and fun. The only thing is, I get crippling anxiety when I want to talk to him about anything bigger and more serious.

He initiated most of the big steps at the start of our relationship ie asking to be exclusive, saying I love you, etc. When we started to get quite serious (staying over at each other's places, going on weekends away) there was a period of a few weeks where we did start to talk a lot about our mental health issues, the tougher childhood stuff, and he started to open up about his past relationships. Though honestly with the latter I feel like there is still a lot I don't know and still want to. He has pretty much been in very long relationships (2+ years) most of his adult life, and as our relationship progresses I'm very curious what went wrong, because as far as I can tell he's a fantastic bf. I also want to make sure I don't accidentally trigger any big relationship issues from his past. It also feels annoyingly uneven, as I haven't have any similar experiences to share with him. He also had something really upsetting happen in regards to one of his big relationships (I don't really want to say even anonymously) that makes me hesitant to press him about it. But he has said multiple times that he is an open book, and so I know he won't be mad at me for asking. But every time I want to say something, my breath catches in my throat and I literally can't get the words out.

I'm also having trouble bringing up things that upset/annoy me. As I said, there haven't been any major issues, but there have been a few little things that upset me that I feel totally unable to bring up. He said something very harsh about his brother's ex and his own a day or two apart a while back, and I spent weeks contemplating saying something about how that made me uneasy for weeks but didn't. We also both have somewhat dark senses of humor but sometimes he takes it a smidge too far, and I either kind of don't acknowledge what he said or just laugh it off. I know I shouldn't do this, but I'm terrified of getting in a fight with him, even though he is very sweet and even-tempered. We have never had a fight so far, and I get nervous even thinking about it. I'm becoming even more of a pushover as the relationship goes on, and I keep finding myself smiling and enduring mild discomforts that I know he would be understanding if I said something about.

I can't talk about the future either. We have both been dancing around conversations about moving in together but haven't actually talked about it, and I know we have the same VERY long term goals about wanting kids and things but we skirt around that too.

I think some part of this has to do with the fact that I still can't believe he's with me. He is just great; handsome, smart, funny, and girls/women have liked him and flocked to him all his life. I'm plain-looking, awkward, much dumber than I seem at first, and clearly I have not been very wanted in my life. I'm scared that if I push too hard he will leave me, or see me the way I see myself. But going on like this is going to be bad for the relationship as well. I absolutely used to be the friend whose go-to advice was "Just talk to him!" but i didn't realize how terrifying that can be. Has anyone been through this kind of thing and gotten through it? Any advice on how to be more courageous with this?

TLDR: Feeling paralyzed in first relationship and having trouble talking about things I don't like, his past, and our future. How should I approach this/feel secure enough to bring these things up?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jealous_Yak_9273 on 2024-01-02 17:48:47+00:00.

So I made a post her about a week ago regarding a huge fight on Christmas between my SIL and my husband.

To keep it short - she had an attitude because the previous day went to go look at Christmas lights without her cause she took forever and because the attitude she didn't put her humongous dog away. Oh my toddler was scared of it all Christmas Day and my baby couldn't enjoy her day. Also her family gave my kids RSV. Knowingly.

So days later she went on instagram and called us toxic in a post. My husband and I unfollowed her and left her alone at that.

I talk to my mil yesterday and she said that her daughter isn't talking to her anymore because my mil agreed that the dog should've been put away. My SIL exact words were "you're supposed to put me first before the grandkids" ( meaning my kids)

How do we go about it with someone who talks like that? Is there anyway getting through to her?

Tl;dr- my husband is debating whether to say something to her because now their mom is really upset. Should he say something to my SIL and what should he say?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jealous_Yak_9273 on 2024-01-02 17:48:47+00:00.

So I made a post her about a week ago regarding a huge fight on Christmas between my SIL and my husband.

To keep it short - she had an attitude because the previous day went to go look at Christmas lights without her cause she took forever and because the attitude she didn't put her humongous dog away. Oh my toddler was scared of it all Christmas Day and my baby couldn't enjoy her day. Also her family gave my kids RSV. Knowingly.

So days later she went on instagram and called us toxic in a post. My husband and I unfollowed her and left her alone at that.

I talk to my mil yesterday and she said that her daughter isn't talking to her anymore because my mil agreed that the dog should've been put away. My SIL exact words were "you're supposed to put me first before the grandkids" ( meaning my kids)

How do we go about it with someone who talks like that? Is there anyway getting through to her?

Tl;dr- my husband is debating whether to say something to her because now their mom is really upset. Should he say something to my SIL and what should he say?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Helpful_Speaker_6463 on 2024-01-03 04:52:55+00:00.

Ok this is my first post ever so please forgive me if i screw anything up. On top of that, I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit to post on. Anyways, I’m visiting my ld bf of 3.5 years during my school reading week and as of now it’s a surprise (if i can’t figure stuff out i’ll have to tell him). Since we’re ld, I need to fly if i want to visit him. I’ve booked my plane ticket for a week a couple of weeks after his birthday and will be landing in the only city close by with an airport (about 2.5 hrs from where he lives). I was able to find a ride from the airport to his place thanks to his sister, but now comes the tricky part. He works full time and normally will book off the week whenever i visit, but since it’s a surprise i have no idea how to tell him to take the time off. I’ve asked his friends and siblings but no one seems to have any ideas on how to do it so that he won’t figure it out. I think the best way to do it will be getting someone other then me to convince him to take that week off but i’m clueless. I’m open to any ideas!!

tl;dr: I’m surprising my ld bf by visiting him for a week after his bday. Found flight and vehicle arrangements but can’t figure out how to get him to take the week off without him getting suspicious and figuring out the surprise. Any ideas?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_dying_gf on 2024-01-03 04:51:37+00:00.

TLDR My girlfriend is expected to have 6 months left to live due to a terminal medical condition and is pushing me away. I don't know how to help her or get through to her that I am with her til the end

Long version

To preface the terrible title, my girlfriend and I have been friends for about 3 years and dating for 1 and a half. We met in junior year of high school after I'd moved across the country and she was one of the few people that helped me through the transition. We were friends first and started dating halfway through our senior year and have continued into college where we're now doing long distance. She is absolutely the girl of my dreams and perfect in every way and is the person I want to marry and live out the rest of my life with. She's been genuinely the best partner a guy could ask for and I honestly don't think I'd be where I am now if not for her.

However, because the worst things happen to the best people, she has dealt with a laundry list of physical and mental health problems over her life that have steadily gotten worse over time. Things to the effect of randomly needing to go to the hospital on a monthly basis or passing out at random times and several other things. About 7 months ago she told me that she was basically dying and doctors had told her she likely only had a year left at best, because the various treatments they were doing weren't working. While I had known that she was suffering from several serious medical conditions before that I wasn't aware it was that bad. And while I did my best to console her and comfort her that I wasn't leaving or breaking up with her over it and I stull loved her the exact sameI don't think it fully sunk in for me until later. 4 months ago her doctors told her she could stop coming to her appointments because she wasn't getting better. I think that's when it really hit me that a year from then she could just be gone. And it's been really tough to deal with because as one might expect she doesn't want to die and neither do I, so it's been a very rough time. Because we could be on a videocall having a virtual datenight and then something will remind her and she'll start crying. Or when I went up to visit her over Thanksgiving and both of us were wondering if that could be our last Thanksgiving together.

The most recent event was just a couple days ago after a lunch date since we're both home for winter break. We had just gotten in the car and she broke down entirely and said a lot of things to push me away I guess. And it's happened before where she's called me or texted me trying to softly push me away I guess but not to the same extent. Basically she told me that she wants me to move on and find someone else. Or she's said things like she wished I didn't love her or that I would break up with her because she doesn't want to hurt me by leaving me. And it is absolutely tearing me apart that she's hurting so much inside but doesnt want to be comforted and simply wants me to go be happy with someone else so I don't have to watch her die. I can't say or do anything to properly get through to her and it sucks. Because I love her and want to stay by her even if she's only got a few months left but I don't know how to convince her of that or comfort her in any real way.

So I just really don't know what to do because her time is ticking down and after we both go back to school, I might never see her again and even if I do it won't solve her fears.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ashamed-Company194 on 2024-01-03 04:33:31+00:00.

Throwaway account. Apologies for any formatting issues as I’m posting from mobile.

My (35F) boyfriend of two years (40M) has been recently using racial and sexual orientation slurs when complaining about strangers that anger him.

Background: We are both white Americans born and raised on the east coast. I am ethnically European and he is ethnically Middle Eastern. I was raised in predominantly white suburbs, and he was raised in predominantly black suburbs. I don’t know if any of this matters when hate speech about other races or sexual orientations comes into play. I am also a recovering people-pleaser.

I’ve never heard him direct the words at another person’s face, but when he vents about his day to me he will use these words to describe other people and it makes my chest tighten up. I know he wants a safe space to be able to express himself, but I don’t know how to get him to understand that using harsh language like that to describe people that have “wronged” him bothers me on a deep deep level.

We’re currently in a standoff because I told him I can’t stay in a relationship with someone that uses that language, and he is telling me that he feels like I’m not supporting him or being a safe space when he needs someone to vent to.

I’ve told him numerous times over the past two years that I don’t like that kind of language. He’ll stop for awhile, or change to saying “those people are such N-words” or “F-words” rather than actually saying full slurs. So I know he hears me, but it doesn’t make it any less wrong in my mind to just shorten the word. We both know what he’s actually saying.

I don’t know who to talk to about this in “real life” because I feel like my family and friends would be disgusted to know about this side of him. I’m disgusted. He presents as Left-leaning politically, and has friends from all races, religions, and walks of life. He wants children but I don’t want to raise children ever thinking that that kind of language is acceptable in any circumstance, “within the home” or otherwise.

What worries me is his pushback and anger when I call him out on using this language. I know it never feels good to be corrected by someone that’s supposed to be “on your side”. I’m now worried about what other personal aspects he might be masking knowing that I won’t react well if he were to share them openly.

I love this man. But his words toward others feel like daggers in my heart.

Is this just Heterosexual White Guilt on my part? Why does ugly language have to be used at all when you’re mad at a stranger?

TL;DR: Boyfriend uses racial and sexual slurs when venting to me in the privacy of our own homes, and reacts angrily when I tell him I don’t like those words because he feels that I’m policing how he wants to express himself. If no one else hears him talk this way, is anyone else truly being “hurt” or am I being overly sensitive?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/winewithlime on 2024-01-03 04:19:48+00:00.

Original-

Next week we're starting couple's therapy. Last Thursday I brought the subject up again and Krys told me she was lashing out because I was insulting her mom and she couldn't help but feel the need to defend her.

I told her we can't and won't have a child when we have still have things to sort through. And that we should start couple's therapy together to be our best possible selves before becoming parents. There was a bit of resistance but I reminded her that for almost a year I've been trying to get her to see a therapist and she always put up excuses. Now its a new year and we promised each other we'd work on being better.

Its cheesy and what not but I didn't want to be overtly-aggressive and she agreed to it so that's a big step. I realize what she said is all kinds of fucked up but I'm hoping therapy and support can help her leave those disturbing traditions in the past.

Just to address a few of the comments from the previous post.

No I didn't marry into an entire family of Bible thumpers. Her dad is a deadbeat, her sister, brother and herself are kind of lazy about it(barely go to Church, no problems with non-traditional behavior like premarital sex, drinking booze) but still identify as Evangelicos. Her mom is the only religious nutjob.

Before this, her only views on sex were just about being picky and avoiding casual hook-ups. There were no ''signs'' she had messed up ideas about sexuality before this.

Our sex life is and has always been healthy, just stating that because a few comments implied she probably has a hard time enjoying sex and/or is uncomfortable with it in general. And that I should have been more alert.

By ''it kept her head on straight'' she meant it kept her goal-oriented, focused and how it paid off. She's in her early 20s and has a great job and a small side business that's growing every year. She credits her mom for ''setting the example'' but I just think Krys has a Type A personality. Very career-focused and enjoys working on something she can call her own.

I know it won't be easy and it'll take time but I hope patience and the help of a professional can help her move past that ugly generational trauma.

TL;DR Wife says her messed up comments were due to feelign defensive about her mom and has agreed to come with me to couple's counseling.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/jlc123725 on 2024-01-03 02:45:56+00:00.

We have lived together over a year and we have our good and bad times, and lately it’s been rough. She’s gone from the house all the time, she rarely shares where she is or where she goes. She spends time with me less and less. I’ve talked to her about this and how I feel a need for more time together but to no avail.

When we moved into this house to live together, she told me she didn’t want to have internet, Wi-Fi, a tv, or a computer. All things I enjoy and I used to love were hobbies like playing my ps5, my pc, watching sports, etc. but it was very important to her I agreed and was more than willing to sell my things, earn some extra money, and focus on her and her hobbies.

She much prefers board games, time in nature, etc. and I honestly love those things too.

At first, she gave me a lot of her time and our time together was great. Lots of time with board games, outside, playing sports together, being active, etc. so much time outside of work was just us.

Over time she’s found new hobbies, new things to do outside of us and that has left me alone quite a lot lately. Sometimes for 5-10 hours per day, some days less but some days more.

The short of it is… I’m bored, with nothing to do but other things I’m not really interested in. I don’t wanna go out, but I don’t wanna be stuck here at the house by myself with nothing to do except chores, be on my phone, or sleep.

I told her I wanted to get back into gaming, get a tv, ps5 and internet. She blew up and was pissed, yelled at me, and refused to talk to me about it. She left the house for the rest of the day and was gone 7-8 hours but during that time instead of being bored again while she was gone I went ahead and did the things I said I was going to.

Well today is the following day, and I just told her what I purchased and did to be clear about it and not hide it. She got angry, said I knew having internet was a dealbreaker and I did it anyway, said some other hurtful things and then asked me to leave.

I’m sure I could’ve communicated this better, but I just want to know if I can save this somehow, and still have something to do like game or watch some tv, even if only while she’s gone. I told her while she was home or wanted to go out together that I would always give her and the home 100% priority and I mean that but that didn’t matter.

TLDR: I willingly gave up gaming and internet for time with my girlfriend. She’s gone more now and I want to get internet and game in free time she’s not here and she’s livid. Can I make this work?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SunflowerDumpling on 2024-01-02 23:46:07+00:00.

I 34 F struggle to fake moan and my bf 40 M is harsh about it.. How do I get over the anxiety?

Together for a month now. My ,34 F bf, 40 M wanted to do phone sex the other night and it.. went bad. I have social anxiety, so talking in general is a challenge for me. I was doing ok until he wanted me to moan. I don't like fake moaning.. It's hard enough just to actually really moan. I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable. This made him really annoyed.. His tone got a little harsh toward me. He told me to talk, just say something because when he asks for the moaning I sort of freeze up and go mute? I can't control it, it's very difficult for me. I don't know why it's such a problem for me I know it's something normal for everyone else. I feel broken. I told him I wish he wouldnt push me for it because it's difficult for me and he said that's stupid.

How do I get over the anxiety and discomfort of it so that I can give him what he wants? :/

TLDR too anxious to fake moan, bf angry, how fix?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NewsOtherwise2012 on 2024-01-03 01:06:26+00:00.

I'm a 17 year old girl and have been dating my boyfriend who is also 17 for a few months now. The major issue is that he's white and all of my previous boyfriends have been black. I didn't think race was a big deal so I never mentioned to my family that my new boyfriend was white before they met him.

I'm the only sister and have 4 brothers - 2 older and 2 younger. My mom was cordial when she met my boyfriend but I could tell she wasn't thrilled. My dad refuses to even meet him or eat dinner with us, saying I'm betraying myself and my background. I lied and told my boyfriend my dad was just sick to avoid an awkward conversation about this.

My oldest brother is very into racial justice and black issues and he's been really angry that I'm dating a white guy now. He's giving me a lot of grief over this relationship. Another older brother who has only dated white and Latina girls is also being hypocritical and keeps glaring at my boyfriend and twisting his words.

My younger brothers don't seem to care much either way though my 11 year old brother likes my boyfriend and they've played video games together.

The worst part is both my older brothers sat my boyfriend down and gave him a "hurt our sister and you'll regret it" speech that was totally uncalled for and embarrassing.

I've tried explaining to my family that I really care about my boyfriend as an individual, not just because of his race, but they aren't listening. His family is more subtle with their disapproval, his mom especially makes snarky comments about me.

This whole thing is causing a lot of tension. I don't know how to get my family, especially my dad and oldest brother, to accept my interracial relationship. Any advice on how to deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated!

TLDR; my family specially my dad and brothers are not accepting of my white boyfriend. How can I solve this ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ad-astra-per-aspirin on 2024-01-02 23:42:40+00:00.

My (31M) brother (38M) had been married to his wife (40F) for just shy of 14 years. At the beginning of November, she suddenly walked out on him and ghosted him, blocking his number. Eventually she got back in contact with him to say she wasn't happy anymore and that he needed therapy to get a handle on his low self-esteem and depression. She also said that she felt she could no longer be seen in public with him because of her "role" (she is a very visible public official, he has a modest office job).

At the beginning of December, she sent him an email saying that she intended to file before the new year and that nothing he said could stop her. They met up in public to discuss division of assets the week before Christmas... it did not go well. According to my brother, she threatened to take the dogs and that if he didn't agree to that, she'd insist they be re-homed. She said she intends to pursue ownership of the house. He asked her if there had been someone else and she called him a "sick fuck" for asking, threatening to lawyer up and directing him not to contact her again.

Well, the new year is here and she still hasn't filed and has not sent over any other communications. However, somehow I'm still friends with her on Facebook, and just today she updated her status to say she's in a relationship with someone else. It has 50+ likes and multiple comments from friends and family celebrating (including his soon to be ex inlaws). My brother does not use social media and has no idea. They live in a no-fault state so infidelity would have no bearing on the divorce.

I told my parents and they are desperate to tell my brother because they think it'll help him get closure. However I think it would destroy him, since this affair probably started months ago while they were still (to his knowledge) happily together. He is in a very fragile mental state right now and breaks down in tears every couple of hours – he's terrified to lose his home and their two dogs. My parents think I'm being "dishonest" by keeping this from him and are livid.

TL:DR – Brother's not-yet-ex wife is openly dating someone less than two months after walking out, should I tell him or let him find out on his own?