Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CharacterBanana7203 on 2024-01-03 00:52:25+00:00.

My husband is a big man, six foot four and very big and muscly build. I am also quite big for a woman, five nine and medium build.

It feels ridiculous, but him nudging me has gotten to a point where I'm getting massively agitated.

He is never doing this on purpose, but he has a bad back, so when we are in bed he will move around a lot trying to get comfy. When doing this he always ends up nudging me over and over. We have the biggest bed that we can have in the room, which is a king size. I've told him that the nudging makes me really agitated but he said he's not doing it on purpose and gets defensive.

Also, if we are on the sofa, a lot of the times he will be tapping either on my leg/arm, or near so I can feel it. Or maybe playing with his nail or some similar motion. I hate the feeling, so I ask him to stop. He usually looks a bit confused then stops. Sometimes he will start moving around a lot on the sofa to try and sort his back, and I just tense up knowing I'll be nudged.

Again, he is definitely, 100% not doing any of this on purpose.

But it happens every day in different ways. I often go to the next room to sleep because I cant stand it. He even does it when he's asleep.

I'm getting more and more annoyed and I think at this point I'm hypersensitive to any sort of nudge/poke/repetitive movement near me.

We were just spooning in bed, and I felt something like his arm going back and forth four or five times. I asked him what he was doing. He said just getting comfy, then said I was being rude with a tone. I didn't feel like I did say it snappy, but I could have. I then said again I just feel really agitated by being nudged. He said he doesn't do it on purpose. I told him I know but it just makes me feel tense and I hate it.

I don't know what to do at this point. I think it's a mix of two larger than average people sharing a space, mixed with him having a bad back, but I'm at the end of my rope. We're not overweight large so I don't think dieting to be smaller would help, we just have big and tall frames.

Hes not open to separate beds, and it doesn't only happen in bed anyway.

He can't really solve the bad back, the doctor said its likely related to his height. He does the recommended exercises to help make it a bit better and it is what it is at this point.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I love him but this issue is driving me nuts.

TL:DR: husband accidentally nudges me a lot and it's driving me crazy.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/damnimsexy on 2024-01-02 23:29:15+00:00.

Hey,

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and we love each other but we have a difficult relationship I am 27 years old and I have a alcohol problem, I was still drinking at the beginning of our relationship but I already knew I had a problem. At the time we had some different views about a lot of things but moslty the relationship was good and she helped me overcome my drinking problem, she pushed me to go to a therapist and it helped me a lot too. I also feel like i am bipolar, I have not been diagnosed but I go to psychiatrist and Ive been taking a treatment for mood stability for some months now. She has anger issues, she can become enraged and aggressive for the littlest things and with my issues it is a recipe for disaster. She also is going to therapy to deal with those issues. We discussed about having children in a year and building a life together, we have been living together for a year now and it has been difficult in our realitionship ever since.

Our dispute starts often with some little things and we have a hard time listening to each other so it sometimes become very toxic and theres a lot of screaming and accusing from both sides. We had a lot of arguments that ended up with breaking up talks but we never went through.

Recently it went too far after a weekend where her family came in town, the weekend went great but we had an argument that started from a board game the sunday evening with some friends and it went south after our friends left. She started saying that I ruined the weekend and that angered me a lot since it was because of such a petty problem. So i got angry and we started screaming at each other but she started hitting me in the chest so I grabbed her arms to restrain her and when i let go she spat in my face and at this moment I lost control and pushed her in the wall with my foot. Immediatly after that i regretted it and i apologized for what i did but it was too late.

We eventually made up because we love each other still and we live together but she said that she would never forgive me for what I have done. I should have never kicked her and I am not trying to justify my actions but she has some blame too. I even thought about going to the cops or a mental facility the days after it happened.

She went away the weekend after to see her girlfriends in an other town and to distance ourselves for some time. She told her friends and they said that we needed to break up. I have talked about it to my therapist too and the conclusion was the same.

Since then our relationship has been weird, we talked about it multiple times calmly and we had some arguments about different things but it never grew bad like before so i thought that there was some improvements.

Before this event I suggested couple therapy but after an unsuccessful attempt to get an appointment I never tried again even thought we talked about it.

Today, she eventually found someone and we booked an appointment but she accused me of never taking initiatives concerning our relationship and we argued again. She thinks that because of that I dont believe in us anymore. She gave me an ultimatum and said that if by the end of the week if I dont find some ways to make things better between us and prove that I still love her it will be the end for us.

I feel like I did and changed a lot of things about myself to better our relationship but it is never enough and she is too demanding. Her therapist said the same.

I dont know what to do for now and I am too emotionally drained to even think about ways to better our relationship now.

What can I do or initiate to prove to her that I still have faith and that I still believe in us ?

tl;dr: am with girlfriend of over one year and we have a lot of communication issues, it became physical once and I regret it. we still love each other but I need advice on how to make things better and prove that I want to change.

Thank you

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Apatow_Powers99 on 2024-01-03 00:29:55+00:00.

We have been together for 10 years this upcoming May. We were friends and coworkers for almost 5 years before we began dating. The first 2 years were a dream. Then we moved somewhere I didn't want to go (but I promised to make the best of it so he could go to school) and his friend passed away. Things just went downhill hard and fast. Between his depression, the isolation from our families and friends and me just not handling things the way he needed me to, tension built up and we lost our sex life and the happiness we had. We got married and bought a house and with each life step I thought we were working on things.

But he was bitter towards me for things like expecting him to quit a job he loved because he had spent 6 years getting a bachelor's degree in a place he moved me to graduate and take a job for $7/hr starting. He would come home with a bad attitude every day and refused to enjoy life. I was never quiet about my needs. I let him know I was unhappy several times a year and honestly probably hurt him in the process. I became really bitter over time and he has clearly felt that. 8 years later (October 2023) I got a job in my hometown and told him I was leaving. He was devastated but understood. I had to stay there for another week while I wrapped up my loose ends and over that week we talked a lot. About things he had done that hurt me, and ways we could have been better to each othe. He hadn't really, truly hugged me in years and the way he held me made me feel like he understood and those days were over.

I'm living at my mom's (2 hours away from home) and he is living with his mom (about 1.5hrs from home in another direction) and we both have great jobs in our new places. The first 2 months felt like this whirlwind romance. He was excited to talk to me and supportive and it was everything I hoped for. I knew we would eventually be challenged.. and Christmas Day was hard. We got into an argument in a moment where I needed support. We had a litter of puppies last year and one of the owners was diagnosed with a serious medical complication and is giving him back. my husbands first reaction wasn't supportive (probably more so because it was the first thing we talked about on Christmas morning) and I pretty much said cool, thanks for your help, I'll figure it all out myself. He may have offered help later in the conversation, but my patience is seriously low.

I'm trying to forgive him because I do still love him. But I'm just so angry for the past 8 years that the second he isnt 100% the person he promised to be, I'm pissed. I've spent the past 8 years trying to figure out how to be better for him and when I look at myself in this situation, I realize that I'm angry and I don't have patience. I can't comfort him or be supportive or excited for him unless I'm getting it from him full throttle and that's not sustainable for him or a reasonable expectation.

The other day I told him how upset I was when he was pouting and grumpy while I was trying to look at our wedding photos. I just told him I didn't feel well and went in the bedroom to cry. He was really devastated to hear that's how he made me feel and said "I feel like you're telling me the shitty horrible things I did when I was blackout drunk and all I can do now is apologize and try to be better". So I really do know he is trying. I'm just not sure how or where to find the patience for the human missteps he has now.

TL;DR We have been together for a long time and he finally figured out how to treat me the way I deserve as I was leaving him. I'm giving him another chance, but I'm bitter towards him. How do I become less bitter and more patient?

Looking for advice.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/peachpackk on 2024-01-02 23:14:58+00:00.

Me and my situationship have been fooling around for about 4 months. In the begining, we both agreed that we wanted a fwb relationship until we are ready to take things to the next level (if ever).

We get along very well, we've met each other's friends, and we kinda act as if we are in a relationship.

However here comes the problem: I struggle with ptsd from past abusive relationships, and even though I'm working on it in therapy, it is a lifelong journey and I don't know to what extent I'll be able to ever recover from this.

Before I ever consider entering a relationship with someone, I need to know for sure that they are supporting of my healing process.

So how do I tell him about the ptsd struggle, without making it sound like I want a relationship right now? Cuz I don't want to give him the wrong impresion. I need more time to make sure I can trust him.

Side note: I do start crying imediately for every minor inconvenience and I am afraid this behaviour will drift him appart. However, it is part of my healing to exteriorize these feelings, so I need to make him understand that he is not the one making me cry. I just bottled up so much emotion during the years and now I struggle to regulate my feelings.

Tldr: Fwb relationship going well. Now how do I tell him about my ptsd, whilist making it clear that I don't want a relationship right now?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ad-astra-per-aspirin on 2024-01-02 23:42:40+00:00.

My (31M) brother (38M) had been married to his wife (40F) for just shy of 14 years. At the beginning of November, she suddenly walked out on him and ghosted him, blocking his number. Eventually she got back in contact with him to say she wasn't happy anymore and that he needed therapy to get a handle on his low self-esteem and depression. She also said that she felt she could no longer be seen in public with him because of her "role" (she is a very visible public official, he has a modest office job).

At the beginning of December, she sent him an email saying that she intended to file before the new year and that nothing he said could stop her. They met up in public to discuss division of assets the week before Christmas... it did not go well. According to my brother, she threatened to take the dogs and that if he didn't agree to that, she'd insist they be re-homed. She said she intends to pursue ownership of the house. He asked her if there had been someone else and she called him a "sick fuck" for asking, threatening to lawyer up and directing him not to contact her again.

Well, the new year is here and she still hasn't filed and has not sent over any other communications. However, somehow I'm still friends with her on Facebook, and just today she updated her status to say she's in a relationship with someone else. It has 50+ likes and multiple comments from friends and family celebrating (including his soon to be ex inlaws). My brother does not use social media and has no idea. They live in a no-fault state so infidelity would have no bearing on the divorce.

I told my parents and they are desperate to tell my brother because they think it'll help him get closure. However I think it would destroy him, since this affair probably started months ago while they were still (to his knowledge) happily together. He is in a very fragile mental state right now and breaks down in tears every couple of hours – he's terrified to lose his home and their two dogs. My parents think I'm being "dishonest" by keeping this from him and are livid.

TL:DR – Brother's not-yet-ex wife is openly dating someone less than two months after walking out, should I tell him or let him find out on his own?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Equivalent_Item9449 on 2024-01-02 22:21:09+00:00.

I cannot tell what trauma let to this but I’m so triggered by people having the wrong perception of me. I just realized my gf is a narcissist. It was so difficult because she would show empathy and even cry, but she does things that would absolutely have me confused.

For instance we both annoy and hurt ourselves, I step forward and apologize to make her feel better, she would refuse to do the same and say I’m disgusting for expecting her to apologize to me or admit she was wrong because she’s still pissed off. Or she would disrespect me and get mad that I would react. It happened yesterday, we made plans to go swimming and had a mini argument over dishes. She called up her sister and changed plans to go with her instead on the phone loud enough for me to hear and I felt extremely disrespected. Staying in her house at the moment, I took extra clothes on my way to my own plans (since swimming is canceled) at my family house in case she calls and changes plans again to have her sister over causing me to spend the night, and also because I felt disrespected. I got caught up on my errands and couldn’t even get back to her place though she called me to let her know. Since I was also busy today, I really couldn’t compromise, I visited her place to get extra clothes and took a chunk of cake to her. I couldn’t meet her since she was at work. She came home and didn’t meet me there, got mad, proceeded to tell me how she regrets putting me on a pedestal, accused me of triggering and leaving her on purpose, and told me to pack my stuff and not come back to her house. I tried to explain my self and she didn’t listen. She said she deserved an apology from me for leaving and for hurting her, after she literally kicked me out. She said I should never had taken extra clothes even if I explained to her why I did, and refused to admit that she disrespected me by canceling her plans with me passive aggressively. She said she’s been crying for how much I have hurt her and she has posted for help on platforms similar to Reddit. She said she’s disappointed in me for not apologizing for leaving her house today and that I’m clearly not ready for marriage (not getting married to her, just settling down in general).

Also that I need help and I need to change. It’s funny that she’s expecting or demanding apologies from me when she HATES to admit her wrong or apologize to me when she hurts me. She also said that I shouldn’t expect her to admit she’s wrong when I told her that she disrespected me because she’s annoyed at the moment, but she expects me ,who she kicked out of her house, to lick her feet despite my own hurt. Let me tell you, I had apologized severally for hurting her yesterday. She told me to deceive myself with whatever words that will make me sleep tonight.

TLDR: I want to leave her but I’m so afraid of her spearheading false information about me to her mom and sister.

How do I move on from this mess?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/South_of_Pluto on 2024-01-02 23:32:03+00:00.

I'm (32f) in a tough situation here. For context, I currently live abroad with my partner (40m) while my family is still back home.

I came back for the holidays for about three weeks. Right before leaving, my partner's dad got diagnosed with cancer, and his condition rapidly deteriorated since, meaning my partner had to spend the holidays in the hospital.

It's really hard to be away from him in this period, because I know he's alone and needs my support. We didn't know the condition would degenerate so quickly when I left, but now I'm kinda regretting leaving at all. I hate to think of him alone right now and feel like I'm letting him down.

On the other hand, my mother (58f) announced she was getting married to my stepdad later this month. They didn't tell me about it until I arrived, and just assumed I would be there because I had vaguely mentioned I was staying for the month of January. I didn't know they were setting a really important date, or else I would have been more precise in telling them my return date. I already got my plane ticket back but could still technically change it.

The thing is, I'm now torn between being there for my mom's wedding or supporting my partner during the loss of his dad. I can't be at both places at the same time. I have to let one of them down.

How should I go about deciding what to do and then minimizing the damage?

Tldr: my mom is getting married back in my hometown, while my partner is losing his father to cancer. They live in different countries so I have to chose were to be and who to support.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/0mi-0mi on 2024-01-02 14:37:34+00:00.

So, this is the weirdest situation I feel I've ever been in... I literally never saw this coming since my parents are the nicest people and they never have bad arguments or anything. They just fell out of love after 20 years of being married. But anyway, they've decided that nothings changing in our house. They're still close friends and nothing seems to have changed, they arent moving to different houses or even getting divorced, but my brother and my dad seem to be taking this pretty badly. Like, they aren't taking it out on anyone else don't get me wrong but they keep on crying to themselves and you can just tell how bad this has has a toll on them..and my extended family is also freaking out a bit. We still do everything as usual (eating dinner together etc) but it just feels different and I'm struggling knowing how to deal with this since I've never gone through something like this before.. advice?

Tldr: my parents are breaking up but everything in the house is staying as normal, but it's having an effect on my dad and brother. How should I deal with this situation?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAMiffy on 2024-01-02 21:54:21+00:00.

I (f23) have a great bf (m27) of 2 yrs, who always wants to hang out and spend time together to do the most normal mundane things together. I acknowledge that, thats just stuff couples do together. But im a complete recluse and im ok with that, whose responsibilities in my career and life goals grow. Although I like him, i dont require or even like the constant need to be together (i dont think thatll ever change). Once in a while after a long time apart is perfect. Because to me I know ive been focusing on other things which are important to me (school, work, my business, self building, solo time which i love). But he thinks my time off from work = time to spend together. Ive told him i dont function like that. I dont want someone, anyone, helicoptering around me, especially in 'work' mode. And someone interpreting my time off as time to do what to do what they want, annoys me, especially if i haven't agreed to it being like that. But he ALWAYS wants to spend time together, and while we're together often (more often than id like bc again im ok hanging out after long periods apart), i cant help but think about the other millions of tasks i need to get done. With my responsibilities growing, i get more aggravated about this. And he just cannot fathom that unlike him, im not needy for attention/my so's presence. I really enjoy time together when i feel ive accomplished other tasks mentioned above or get a break from them. And only then can i peacefully enjoy time together. His life is work, rest, hang out and repeat. Whereas i have many more responsibilities to tend to which he will never understand and words dont make sense to him on this subject. I schedule hangouts that fit both our schedules but he demands more. Do i just go my separate way and focus on me, or try balance it all?

TLDR: Im a woman more ambitious than their partner and plagued with career/personal responsibilities & a social recluse whos ok being in my own company most days. My partner requires more time together, and doesnt understand my busy schedule which will only require more from me as i advance and i enjoy time alone. Trying to explain this has gotten no where. Considering breaking up or just managing things as they are.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwawaybackup420 on 2024-01-02 21:52:02+00:00.

we made plans to move in together in the spring. they’re the closest we’ve ever gotten to moving in with someone, ever. all our other friendships and relationships always went down the shitter. they’ve been saying they love us a lot lately and im so fucking afraid for no reason, it’s a full body fear, to my very core. i am guessing it’s an internal fear of commitment.. i don’t know. i loved them so much before and now feel scared and numb. im preparing for them to leave in my mind.

they said they loved us romantically but we said we were uncomfortable with them liking us in that way and to wait until they’re 18. we really do care about the age gap but wonder if it’s the fear of being in love too…. i don’t know. please help.

tdlr: i think i have abandonment and commitment issues

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JWinger13 on 2024-01-02 21:50:40+00:00.

I (24M) met my girlfriend (22F) 7 months ago. We started dating a couple weeks after meeting. We were in similar stages of early 20s, smoking weed all the time, occasionally drinking, didn’t care what our parents said, wanted to move out…. So we moved out and almost immediately I regretted it, not because of her but because of the roommates we had. Lightly they were just very disrespectful of us and our space. With this I realized everything my Father had been drilling me since as early as I can remember started making sense and I went head first into improving myself and creating a plan for my future.

At the same time my girlfriend stayed in this same spot, I would tell her about some of the things I read about or heard about because I knew she had been a survivor of domestic abuse, and went to therapy but I found out she stopped therapy because “I thought being with you would make me better” after that our relationship changed in my head, because I was passionate about self improvement naturally I would talk to her about it but she would not listen to me and a lot of the time just not even respond to the things I was saying, now I know there’s no cure all for these things(trauma) and I knew some of the things I was saying are what worked for me and may not work for everyone.

Because of that I kind of felt like I had been her Therapist more than her boyfriend, who is also being used as a means to cope with her trauma rather than work through it and understand it. Mostly I have been urging her to go back to therapy, along with her parents. Which she is doing this week but I feel that it may for the wrong reason, because in her own words she said “I feel fine where I am at” and I feel she may have requested a consultation by a therapist to get her parents and me off her back potentially.

Her parents also don’t help her in an effective way, they just give her these passive aggressive one liners like “oh well you stopped going to therapy” this is mostly her mom her dad just sits on his laptop all day pretty much, but they don’t understand that there’s a deeper psychological problem at play here and there’s some serious untreated problems of her past and I feel like I’m the only one who notices it and is trying to help her but it’s been so much….

I don’t know where to go from here because i truly do love her and I can see there’s a part of her that she has shut away and now has no motivation to do anything, even merely cleaning her room, beside wanting to hang out with me. That’s it, it’s me, there’s nothing else really in her life that motivates her. And I’m starting to question if I even motivate her…. I would love some feedback and if you’ve read this far I appreciate that and any in-site you may have.

Thank you 🫶🏼

TLDR: my girlfriend stopped therapy because she thought being with me would make her better, she was going to therapy for domestic abuse. I started improving myself and eliminating my bad habits and sharing with her things I learned. She doesn’t really seem interested in these things, I’ve felt more like a therapist, I’m the only person pointing these things out rather than passive aggressive one liners her parents throw at her. She is going back to therapy but I feel it could be for the wrong reasons, as she says “I’m fine where I’m at” I feel like I’m at a loss….

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Spare_Associate_2325 on 2024-01-02 21:45:56+00:00.

Tldr: I get really stressed and assume the worst when not hearing back much from my SO

I realized I have serious anxious attachment issues with this situation

I got in a relationship with my girlfriend exclusively around a month ago after 1.5-2 months of seeing each other. We are both in college and are on our winter break, getting back next week. We have been gone for 3 weeks now.

Throughout the dating process before exclusivity, she was often a very slow texter, which I chalked up to her being in a difficult major and being in several school clubs. There were a couple times where I didn't hear back for 24 hours, but her interest level WHEN she texted was normally pretty high and always very high in person. I mean, we ended up in a relationship so it was clearly high

What has been stressing me out badly in these last few days is that I'm barely hearing from her, like once or twice a day now. Earlier in the break, she was all "lovey dovey" with her texts, sending me emojis, etc. Now she doesn't do that as much and has been taking a long time to respond. Granted, we are in much different time zones, but there's still a large chunk of the day where we would be able to text

I have a problem where I chase even harder when I see this even when I try not to. My text to her was essentially saying how excited I am to see her again soon, now I'm waiting 9+ hours to hear back. Maybe it bothered me less back then because she wasn't my actual girlfriend, or maybe it was because we had recently seen each other in person

It's so hard to stop always assuming the worst

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LevinaRyker on 2024-01-02 21:39:34+00:00.

I (26f) am very concerned for my fiancé's (26m) mental health after 3 of his closest friends (39m, 40m, and 35f) are outcasting him. Two friends in this group (39m and 35f) started dating in September and that's when everything fell apart. The 35f friend of my fiancé was his best friend, but after 2 weeks of her and the 39m dated, the 39m broke up with her out of nowhere. It was really tough because my fiancé thought it was his fault since he and the 35f were best friends and their friendship may have looked seemingly "intimidating."

My fiancé and myself are very good communicators. So when he was trying to reach out to the 39m friend, he was ignored completely. 35f over time started to talk to my fiancé less and less. The 40m and 39m are best friends... like... went to jail together bffs. So now the 40m is starting to give my fiancé the cold shoulder even though my fiancé has done everything in his power to keep the friendships all separate and communicate the best he can.

This outcasting ultimately led to him seeking counseling, journaling, diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and lack of trust. He's been extremely depressed and there's nothing I feel I can do to remedy or help him. Our apartment is decorated with all of his friend's art so it's a constant reminder.

I'm close by association to these 3 people. I don't want to go behind my partner's back but I also want to tell these 3 off about how not telling us what is wrong is flat out childish.

That's the main thing: we have NO IDEA why they are outcasting him. Which makes me very angry that they are doing this to him.

My fiancé is extroverted which makes this 10000% worse for him because he went from hanging out on almost a daily basis to now silence and feeling alone. He's also taking all of this VERY personally.

TL;DR My fiancé's 3 best friends outcasted him after 2 of the friends started dating each other and we have no idea why. Fiancé did everything to communicate his feelings and concerns very maturely and civilly but was met with nothing in response. Should I confront the friends myself? I don't want to breach trust but I feel like I could maybe get answers. If not, how do I support someone going through 3 best friend breakups?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dummy-face on 2024-01-02 21:39:05+00:00.

I have a friend who I've known for about 6 months now. I know he likes me, our mutual friends know it, I could tell and he has admitted it

For context, I was in an abusive relationship, and my most recent relationship was a chronic lier. (I really know how to pick em apparently) I am now single again. And I let him know I don't date friends, it makes things complicated, and I also don't think I'm really ready to date right now. I'm mentally a lot to handle and I'm aware of that. I have a lot going on in my life and if I were to get into a relationship right now, I would be taking more then giving when it comes to that aspect.

However, on new years we all went to his place after we hit our usual bar to celebrate. I definitely drank to much and he was very sweet to keep me in his room away from people. We both thought weed would help, but it had only made thinks worse, causing me to have a full blown panic/ptsd attack not being able to speak or move for 5 mins. He stayed with me throughout it all along side one of my friends. I'm very greatful for them being there for me. After I calmed down he consoled me, and I had fallen asleep in his bed. Woke up the next morning to some water w/ liquid IV he had mixed for me, and we hung out until we were awake enough for him to drive me home. It was super sweet of him to have taken care of me. I had some things to attend to that day but once I was done, I came back over to help him clean.

We then ended up sat on the couch cuddling, watching stupid movies and tv shows joking around until 1am. I went home after and I just feel guilty. It's not that he isn't attractive, he's just not physically my type. And I'm a huge believer that there has to be some form of physical attraction accompanied by emotional connection. I really enjoyed hanging out with him like that, but I don't think I want anything more. I haven't had a conversation with him yet, but I think I'm just lonely, and I really don't wanna use him for my own emotional gain. I've never been treated like this before, im so used to toxic relationships, that im to scared of healthy ones. I don't wanna hurt him. Does this need to stop? Am I a bad friend for allowing this to happen? Should I tell him to stop being so supportive, or do I need to distance myself from the situation?

Tldr; My close guy friend likes me, he took care of me while I was very intoxicated, the next day we cuddled and I don't know if I like him, or if im accidentally using him.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/External_Software918 on 2024-01-02 21:38:39+00:00.

I Have known my boyfriend for over a year. 2 weeks from now will be out 1 year anniversary and up until this point I've only met his family once.

He's told me in the past that he was going to family events before which I had no problem with. It only started getting weird when he didn't invite me to major holiday's. He had thanks giving with his family, I wasn't invented, but i invited him to mine. Thought that was odd, but didn't think anything of it.

The day before christmas he tells me he is on his way to his family christmas party. Again, he doesn't invite me or even ask me. I thought that was extremely odd so I texted him asking him if he was embarrassed of me thats why he doesn't invite me. He called me immediately after I messaged that to tell me he isn't and that he said it was last minute that's why, which I still thought was very odd. One of his reasons is "no one at his family events invites their S/O" which, again, kinda an odd excuse. Hes been to every single one of my family events. It's always been my mom, my dad, and my grandma, and I. I'm not sure what he means by that. He was invited to mine of course.

This new years eve, he does it again. He promised to watch a movie with me on new years eve, but his family called saying they're having a party (this call happened in front of me) Again, I wasn't invited. Then he tells me again to make me feel better about not being invited I guess..? "No one invites their S/O to these events that's why." And "I don't usually talk much that's why I don't want you coming because then I'll have to talk more." He was also very very adamant that he isn't embarrassed by me. So, again, I wasn't invited and he spent new years with his family (we didn't end up watching the movie because he was late) Long story short I was very angry at him on new years eve and day about bailing on me.

I had texted him the next day "you could've killed two birds with one stone, instead you completely abandoned me, didn't say anything about being late and left me alone on new years eve. It makes me feel like I'm not apart of your family. I hope you know that I consider you mine part of mine." His reasoning is that his mom has mood swings and that he doesn't want to be there when that happens. I asked him if that was the actual reason and he wrote "kind of???" He even messaged me that when he comes over they ask him where I am.

I'm his first ever girlfriend that has treated him right and he and I are serious about our relationship. We discuss everything with each other, so, I know there is a deeper reason as to why he's not inviting me, but he won't tell me. My first assumption was that he is new to the whole girlfriend thing and wasn't sure how to handle certain things, but I don't think that's the case anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be anger about this again. His birthday is coming up in a few days and I know this will happen again. He's most likely going to have some kind of birthday party and I won't be invited because it's with his family. I have no idea what to do. I'm so fed up with being upset about this, I need some advice.

Tl;Dr: my boyfriend won't invite me any kind of family event. He gives me tons of excuses, but won't tell me the real reason. What do I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OkAccountant220 on 2024-01-02 21:36:51+00:00.

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me after I got drunk at a New Year's party.

We had been invited to a friend's place to celebrate the new year. There were a total of 7 people at the party, all friends or family members.

I don't usually drink alcohol unless it's a special occasion, like a birthday. At this party, I got quite drunk and became more assertive with her than usual, like kissing her on the neck and touching her butt. The next morning, she told me she wanted to break up.

I tried talking to her and explaining that the night was a mistake for me, asking for another chance. However, she doesn't want to listen. She simply said she doesn't love me anymore after that night.

I want to add that we've been together for a little over 2 years and haven't fought about anything before. I also never got drunk before, and that was a first for me.

I think we had a pretty solid relationship though because I've met her family and she's met mine and we we're talking about how after finishing college we'd marry and stuff like that.

What do you think I need to do in this situation? Should I try to talk to her more, attempt to get over her, or do you have any other opinions on this matter?

tl;dr got broken up with after a night of drinking

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Challenge-4142 on 2024-01-02 21:30:34+00:00.

I'm 28F and he's 33M with unresolved issues and has depression episodes. We were together for about a 1 year and a half.

After some back and forth, my ex has finally decided that he can't have me by his side anymore as he's going through therapy and needs to work on himself. His therapist also doesn't think he can be in a relationship at the moment (I agree, but selfishly want to be in one with him)

Totally understand this logic - although I definitely would've tried to be there to support him through it all, even though his depression episodes were quite tough for me (not wanting to talk, distancing himself when I didn't realize why, saying he couldn't be there for me).

Has anyone been in something similar?

I've also decided that we both won't ever be together if we can't heal separately but it's just hard, and I keep holding onto hope.

TDLR: bf with depression doesn't want to be in a relationship while he heals and I'm having a hard time moving on bc I want to support him still.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Accomplished_Tea178 on 2024-01-02 21:24:16+00:00.

This will be quite long winded however I just need some clarity.

My boyfriend of 4 years and I are long distance (3.5 hour drive)- over the last 4 years I have done 95% of the travelling in our relationship, I will go see him atleast twice a fortnight, whereas he can only come see me once every 3 months or so.

The reason he apparently can never travel to me is because he can’t get days off around the week end in order to make the trip worth while , this frustrates me as he works for his parents, so it is not like he needs to put a request in for days off or anything, he could easily just ask/tell them that he wants to have a Friday off every 2-3 months so that he’s atleast taking the load off me to some extent.

Even if he was to begin coming to see me I don’t even know if that would fix it, each time he’s came to my house he complains about things such as no airconditioner, lack of parking space etc - he is very hard to please and I don’t live in an amazing area and he makes it very well known that I don’t, so if he was to start coming I don’t think I would want him to come longer then 2-3 days to avoid this.

I resent him for how unfair our relationship has been and how I have had to do eveything, it really really frustrates me. Due to the fact we have been together for 4 years I suggested to him we can move forward and move out together and he is not keen on leaving his families home, he doesn’t want to rent with me due to the cost, he doesn’t want to go to a new city and pay cheap rent, his only solution to our distance is that I move in with him (and his 3 younger siblings and parents)

He is so reliant on his parents to the point every night he will sit and talk with them for hours, they know everything about him. I have never once felt like a priority to him, his life revolves around pleasing his parents.

I’m so angry. What do I do, I feel like I’m being a weirdo having these feelings but I’m frustrated.

TLDR Boyfriend is so close to family and won’t move forward

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KillerYoghurt on 2024-01-02 21:13:49+00:00.

TL;DR: My GF of 2 years has acquired 2 dogs and 1 cat within the span of 12 months. We now have a total of 3 dogs and 2 cats to care for, all her pets. She wants to get married and have kids within the span of 3 years, but I feel like we have a lot on our plate already in addition to trying to raise a kid. I am emotionally drained, and when I tell her this, she asks me "Well what do you want me to do? Give my dogs away? NEVER" so what do I do?

_____________________

Long version

Hi, I'm KY, 27M, 5'7, 200lbs, muscular but loves his pasta. Here's my dilemna.

I moved in with my partner approximately this time last year. When I met her, she already had a Golden Retriever and a Cat. She went on to purchase another cat whilst I was away for an extended period of work, saying that her current cat, MoBro, was lonely. Months down the track, in March 23, she says that her Golden Retriever is lonely and needs a buddy. After some heated arguments, and constant asks, we came across a small Cavoodle, who is now best buds with the Golden Retriever. This was sufficient for me and to be frank, just enough to not be ticking over my threshold and capacity for shared-care of the animals of whom she would claim if, the heavens forbid, we ever broke up.

Now, come November 2023, her sister who is now a Golden Retriever breeder, has encouraged my GF to take on one of her puppies to expand the business and utilise the Pup as a Stud/Breeding dog. Even after expressing to my partner that its her intent, no, our intent to settle down and have a family, and with dogs being a 8-15 year commitment, with lots of dedicated time and financial investment, we would struggle with 5 animals whilst trying to raise a kid.

I am now facing the mental repercussionns of needing to wake up earlier everyday to clean. Mind you, I wake up at 0500, clean for half an hour, which usually involves picking up fecal matter, mopping, sweeping, in mixed order, prior to leaving the house to drive an hour to work, before coming home at around 1700 to again, then clean, feed the animals. I'm kind of miserable. I've tried to discuss potentailly returning the puppy to her sister whilst it's quite young, and able to be adopted by another family, so has her parents who come to visit us quite often. This has not gone anywhere but the response of "I love my animals, I would never"

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate dogs or cats. But I feel overencumbered with the amount of animals I have to be partially responsible over.

I'm stuck. I'm starting to feel miserable about my life. I'm tired. What can I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mother_Gazelle_7005 on 2024-01-02 21:11:55+00:00.

I’m 20f and my partner is 20m. We’ve been dating for around a year and a half now and the majority of our relationship has been at school, where we can see each other pretty much every day and night. We’ve had months apart for work/trips/internships, but we spent NYE together. I just dropped him off at the bus stop and now I can’t stop crying because I know I won’t get to see him for two weeks. However, two more weeks isn’t that bad compared to the fact that I lived in another country than him for three months last summer. On top of being sad we don’t get to see each other for two weeks, I’m also sad because he didn’t seem as upset by it as I did. I hate that I feel upset by that. He should be allowed to feel however he wants. I cringe at myself for feeling this way. Is this a sign of codependency? When he’s not around I function normally, we text everyday in the morning and evening, and I don’t worry too much about anything to do with our relationship. However, right before he leaves I always get upset and become a Debby-Downer. When we’re at school I prefer his presence over anything and we spend most of our time together.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am probably codependent on him, and whether it goes both ways I can’t say. But we spend all our time together at school so it’s hard to do my own hobbies and have my own friends when we have shared the same friend group and interests since starting school. On top of that, we are in a similar major at a small school so we have most of our classes together. Without getting therapy because it’s too expensive, how do I move away from codependency?

TLDR; boyfriend is away and I’m upset he wasn’t as upset about not getting to see me for two weeks, and I think I’m codependent

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Busybee_unbusybody on 2024-01-02 20:54:01+00:00.

We’ve been dating for 1.5 year. It’s been a great relationship and we’ve fought tooth and nail for our relationship to work. We communicate well, we tell each other what we need from each other and I feel like I can be myself with him. I got some serious therapy around the time we started dating, which helped a lot with my fear of being in a relationship. I very much love him. But there’s one reoccurring problem I keep running into. I am an extremely affectionate person. Verbally and physically. I love being told that I’m attractive, dirty talking and a lot of hugging and kissing. My boyfriend is not like that at all. I may hug and kiss him but he’ll push me away a bit or doesn’t want to kiss or hug for much long. I’ve told him a lot of times that that’s what I need out of the relationship. And he’ll either get upset and say it’s too much and it’s not who he is or he’ll try. And through the 1.5 year, he’s definitely gotten better. But personally, I haven’t felt like it was enough, because he still pushes me away. It’s also made it hard for me to look forward to having sex with him. Because there’s no form of anticipation. Recently, I traveled out the country to meet family in the Caribbean for the first time. And EVERYONE was like that. And I never felt so loved and appreciated. There was a guy there who is the son of a very close family friend and we both noticed that we were attracted to each other. I made it very clear that I was in a relationship and we lived in different countries, so it wouldn’t be right and he was very respectful and respected my boundary. But it made me think about my relationship and how if I can meet an entire island of people like this, then my boyfriend can do it. I went back home and on NYD, I spoke with my boyfriend crying and said that I need physical and verbal affection or I cannot stay with him. He said he will work on it and he came over later. I can see that he wanted to have sex later but I just couldn’t work my way up to wanting to. He was definitely very affectionate last night and it was exactly what I wanted but I just felt so sad that it had to get to this point and that I didn’t want to have sex with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point and I don’t have a lot of people with healthy relationships around to give good advice.

Tl;Dr boyfriend and I been together for 1.5 years but he is not affectionate. I need a lot of affection. I went to a foreign country where everyone is affectionate and it made me think about my relationship and how much I’m missing out. How to I work around this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Awkward_a_f on 2024-01-02 20:42:07+00:00.

33/F & 29M. We've been together for 2 years and I'm moving in with him in a few days.

The other day during sex I noticed he had scratches on the side of his penis. It did pause things because it looked kinda bad and I was concerned and curious what the hell happened. He tried to shrug it off and say he didn't know. But eventually he admitted that he must have done it while masturbating. I asked if that has happened before and he said yes. He seemed very embarrassed. He said that it was from chaffing and he must have went too hard.

I let it go at the time but I feel like we need to talk about this. For one, I want to suggest that he keep some lube in his office so he doesn't hurt himself. Two, I don't like that he tried to lie. I could tell he was lying instantly. I know he didn't cheat. He's not that type of person and there's no way he had the opportunity even if he wanted to. But I've been cheated on by past partners and it does trigger a panic when he lies to me, especially if it's about an injury to his penis. I totally get he was embarrassed so that's why he didn't want to admit it. But I want him to be comfortable with me.

He also has an extremely high sex drive. I know that he will have to masturbate to make up for it. We have sex almost daily. He would like it multiple times a day but I just can't keep up with that. He is worried when we live together that he wouldn't really be able to masturbate because he's not comfortable with me being in the house when he does it. I've also talked to him about laying off me a bit. Because it has gotten to the point that I avoid him when I know I'm not in the mood because I know he'll try to initiate sex and I'll have to turn him down. I tried telling him that after we have sex the first time for the day that only I can initiate additional sex for the rest of the day. But he turned that into we each can initiate sex once a day. So if we have sex in the morning, he usually tries to find a way to say that I initiated it so he can still initiate again that day. So far it's been playful but I can see myself getting annoyed with it. I tried to clarify that it's not we each get to initiate once a day but only I can initiate again after we've had sex that day. But he said that would be unfair if I initiate first and then he can't. I can kinda see how that's unfair but either way he gets sex and he says he prefers if I initiate....

Anyway my main question is should I bring up my BF hurting himself and lying to me? Or let it go as it's been a few days since it happened. Not really sure if there's much advice on our mismatched sex drive. I do think he's just on the extreme end and most people would have a hard time keeping up with him.

TL:DR Boyfriend has extremely high sex drive and has to masturbate often as there's no way I can keep up with him. He hurt himself from chafing while masturbating and then tried to pretend he had no idea when I discovered the scrapes. Not sure if I should bring it up again or just let it be since it's been a few days since this happened.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Impressive-Earth-278 on 2024-01-02 20:39:05+00:00.

My boyfriend told me Wednesday he’s going away for the weekend with his boy, I ask if I can come (it’s a holiday weekend) and he yelled at me that I’m not welcome & accused me of starting a fight, then threw a temper tantrum and said I make him miserable when I asked to see his phone. I can’t help but think he is hiding something. Is there a way that I can talk to him about my concerns that will not cause him to get angry and defensive? He has a history of lying to me about other women.

Tl;dr my boyfriend won’t let me look at his phone and I think he is hiding something. How can I get him to talk to me without causing another toddler fit?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Savvygirl0903 on 2024-01-02 20:14:19+00:00.

As the title says, I am not sure how to react to a situation that happened on New Year’s. To give a little context, my boyfriend and I have a great relationship (together 4.5 months) we both kind of consider that we found our person in each each other very quickly on in the relationship and things have been going well, he has a best friend. We will call him C (22m) he talks about how good of a friend he is, and I have gotten to know him pretty well over the last few months, we have moved into the part where he jokes about being in our relationship and him, and I play fight over my boyfriend. I really haven’t been thinking anything of it, and I have gone along with it, a couple of things have raised flags to me.

A. Last week he texted me and was asking about making a plan with us for new years because “T (my bf) has been leaving me on read and ignoring me” and was wondering if my bf was mad at him… I was like “he’s not I don’t think, talk to him maybe because he broke his truck last weekend” C responded “it was happening before that” it felt personal like he was insinuating that my bf has been ignoring him because of me which I don’t think is true at all. It was when he was at work.. which is also kind of weird.

B. On New Year’s, us and all of our friends were outside on the front porch waiting for midnight to hit, as midnight hit I was walking towards my boyfriend to give him a kiss, and C got between us and kissed my boyfriend on the mouth… He started laughing about it and throwing it in my face afterwards, and I was honestly so embarrassed and quite mortified that he even did that. I got super overstimulated, and when my boyfriend tried to kiss me after that, I honestly couldn’t I wanted to run away, I was feeling myself getting worked up because now I’m the center of attention because c was making it a thing and so I went to the bathroom and I could hear c “is she actually crying”

Like am I valid for thinking this is weird and it being upsetting? Is this an act of jeleousy? Him kissing him sucked but was like meh, it was genuinely the after math and trying to hurt my feelings and it creating such an anxious space for me. I came out of the bathroom and just tried to ignore it the rest of the night…. Like my bf clearly needs to set boundaries, but am I gonna look like the shit gf? Like I encourage him to spend time with his friends and he does, I only see him on the weekends and my bf and C go to the gym together everyday except on the weekends.

TL;DR- boyfriends best friend stole my new years kiss and embarrassed me

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TheSuitsSaidNein on 2024-01-02 19:36:36+00:00.

Hi /r/relationships. To give some context, my girlfriend and I met 9 years ago, and she got pregnant pretty quickly. We have 3 kids together now, ages 1, 4, and 8, own a home together, and are essentially "married" at this point without actually being married.

This past week, her friend (who is single and does not have a family/kids) asked her to to go to Jamaica for 5 days in a few months. My GF came to me to discuss because of the financial and family implications it has. She was excited and wanted to consider going with her friends, but knew that I might feel a little upset.

Right away, I felt very unhappy with the idea. I think the main reason is this:

Since we had a child very rapidly in our relationship and have never got married, we haven't been on a real vacation or honeymoon or anything like that together. The most we've done is a night or two away somewhere relatively local. We've talked about it multiple times, but with the kids, it's something we haven't done due to the difficulties in planning a trip like that. This invite to Jamaica spurred further conversation about it, but the reality is that we're still a few years away from doing something like that together due to difficulties with having someone care for our children. I guess I feel left-out and jealous.

Also, her friend is single without many responsibilities, and has long pushed my GF to do more things outside of our relationship because she doesn't do enough. I think it's healthy to plan things with friends and do stuff outside the relationship, but her friend has no sense of what kind of responsibility and duty a person with 3 kids and a long-term relationship has. It's not feasible to go do everything your friends ask you to do. I think her friend is guilt-tripping her in some ways and would never consider doing a vacation like this if she had kids of her own that were around the same ages. Overall, I trust my GF and the idea of her being with her single friend isn't a concern, so please don't suggest that.

I'd also toss out there that two years ago my mom/sister invited me to do a European vacation. They were going for two weeks, but asked that I join for one week, knowing the hardship it would place on my family/kids. I felt a lot of guilt about leaving my family for a week, spending a bunch of money, and leaving my GF out because she hasn't done an "adult" vacation since we met. Ultimately I only wanted to go if she was able to go as well, but it just wasn't feasible.

Overall, it's really just the jealousy of her going and doing something like that when we've never been able and still won't be able to for quite some time. It feels unfair and it makes me angry at her friend for seeming selfish and unrealistic. I want to say yes, but my heart feels a little bit broken over the idea of her being so excited to go do this and leaving me out of the planning a fun child-less vacation. Even if I say yes, she's going to know I'm not happy about it and it will be a bit of a guilt-trip on her. Am I being unfair here? How am I supposed to handle this situation and my feelings? I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation whether I say Yes or No.

TLDR: My GF of 9 years was asked to go to Jamaica for 5 days with her friends and she wants to go. I feel jealous and upset because we've never been able to go on a vacation together due to having children very early on and that has caused a lot of difficulty in planning a real vacation together. I feel like I'm being unfair if I say "no", but I am really struggling to put my feelings aside and make her feel like it's OK for her to go. I feel like I lose whether I say Yes or No.