Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Necessary_Wave_9480 on 2024-01-02 19:16:18+00:00.

My boyfriend(25M) & (24F) have been dating a year and a half long distance since he had to fly out to rehab. Physically he’s fine, emotionally not so much. I’m a big dreamer. I have all of these goals in mind and I have big hopes for my future career that’s coming up in a few months after I get my bachelors degree I get very excited talking about it and I get very excited, talking about future things I always have faith and motivation to make those things I think about happen… my boyfriend, on the other hand, not so much. He tells me he loves me so much that it scares him to the point where sometimes he feels like he needs to run away, his rehab has taught him to only live in the present day and to live step-by-step because why would he look to the future and then get all upset that he doesn’t have what he wants right now… I told him it’s silly to think that way, living in the present is a good thing, but why all the time?

When I talk about how I want to be financially stable and how my career is important to me, he starts yelling at me saying “I swear to God that’s all you ever talk about money and careers. I swear to God stop talking about that am so over it. I just can’t do this.” Or “ You see everybody else on Instagram and automatically want this that and the other it’s only because you saw someone on social media that now you want this in your life, I swear you’re all about validation and a pick me girl and that’s all you care about”… recently I saw something on social media about a trip to Africa, and I thought how much fun that would be to travel and save up for that, and to live life and to do it together that’s my motto, I was telling him all about it, and he said that’s exactly what I want out of life. I don’t want to just be a slave to a job and work for an overpriced house… but then the second I started talking about the future and we’re both about to start our new career jobs and start our life and how we could possibly afford that in the third, he got really heated at me again.. I cried to him always and ask him. Why don’t he ever a future with me and he says that he does that he wants a future with me and that he loves me very much but why can’t we just focus on the now, and fix our relationship now… all he’s thinking about is that he’s about to go to work for eight hours and all I’m thinking about is positive thoughts and exciting future, and fun things to do and what not and he’s always just so angry at me.

He tells me that he’s a dick and he’s just not good for me, he’s not ready for all of that. He thinks I’m just obsessed with money, validation, and my career…. God forbid I see something on TikTok and say hey, we should do that it’ll be the end of the world. I keep telling him that he’s a dream crusher. I’m about to uproot my entire life and move out to where he is for him, when I’d rather work in New York City, but he struggling with the long distance relationship and I’m not just because I already decided I wanted to be with him. He’s already stuck in his insecure mind with his horrible thoughts. I also asked him if he would fly back in July to see me for our second year anniversary and he doesn’t even know where he’s going to be in a few months, and doesn’t want to talk about that right now when it’s only January, but the point is for him to tell me oh absolutely we’re going to celebrate it and we’re going to make it the best time ever. That’s the answer that I want to hear from him because that’s the answer that I would give him. I don’t understand why that’s so hard. Think I’m putting too much pressure on him when I’m just talking about normal life things, and how I want to build a relationship. Every other day, he questions if he even wants to be with me and makes that known by physically telling me that but then by the end of the conversation he’ll tell me he loves me and he wants a future with me and that he feels bad for what he’s putting me through because he’s still 10 months sober you know he’s going through a lot, but I just don’t know what to do.. why is talking about a future with someone such a burden? Why do I feel like I’m not allowed to talk about the exciting career I have coming up without being shit on for it? It’s not everything, but it is a very important step into my life.

TLDR- boyfriend makes me feel like shit for talking about the future with him and isn’t even sure he wants to be with me, is this just an early recovery mood swing?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EveryRelationship614 on 2024-01-02 19:13:32+00:00.

I (27F) have made many attempts to befriend my husband’s (29M) best friend and his wife. We have been married for 2 years. Couple of examples - I invited them to our house and they had accepted the invite only to later decline because they booked a flight over it for vacation. I texted her to see when we can visit them before the baby, while she’s on mat leave. They never responded to that, after I asked thrice. I took all of these as hints and decided to step back. To me it doesn’t seem like we are as important to them, and that’s fine.

Last week my husband said he is going to their place for a watch party. Today he said it got converted to “meeting the baby” and other spouses are going. He wants to take a gift for the baby too. I don’t care for taking a gift nor do I want to go with him. They never even brought us a wedding present when they came to our wedding and never truly cared to bond with us (me and then us as a couple).

TL;DR my husband’s friend and his wife never cared to be our friends, do I still need to go visit their new baby?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Pot4toLord on 2024-01-02 19:05:10+00:00.

My friend (21F) has been one of my (25M) closest friends for 4 years or so now, and for that time things have been platonic, but recently I started developing feelings for her. She had recently gotten into a relationship so I didn't want to mention any of this to her. However one night I got really drunk and more or less confessed the feelings I had been having. The next morning I explained everything once I sobered up. She said that I had betrayed her trust because this is something that has happened to her before and that I had crossed a boundary that she never thought I would have. She said she wants to remain friends, and I do too, but I fear that now I have broken her trust that our friendship is doomed to fail. That because her trust is now broken that the friendship will never be the same now. I know I made a colossal fuck up, and I explained to her the steps I am taking to ensure this never happens again, but I fear that I'm past a point of no return. Is my friendship with her doomed?

TL;DR: Broke the trust of a close friend of 4 years and am worried that the friendship is doomed.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/fs2a20 on 2024-01-02 18:59:22+00:00.

We are in a long distance relationship.

We met up in October, and when we were together, we were about to have sex but didn’t bring a condom with me so we ended up not doing it (please i know, i should have been prepared).

The problem i issue is what happened after we met. I had shown her my size before we met many times and after we met we didnt talk about sex at all anymore so i wondered what caused her disappointment. She knew i wasn’t on the bigger side. We showered together always and she even tried to put it in.

When i called her about it today why we dont do that anymore i asked if she was disappointed with my size and she said yes. Ok hurted , but i continued to ask more. She told me she wasn’t a traditional girl but now she says she wants to wait for sex until after marriage. I know she is Christian but said she doesn’t respect her religion before we met. And also i see her liking things like “funny men really have the biggest dcks” on Instgram, and also like “acts innocent but is thinking about riding the fck out of you”…

After asking more she said she doesn’t want to talk about it at all anymore.

She does want to meet me again , but i am not sure if i should ? She says she loves me but… so many red flags

TL;DR gf said it was small after we met and now says she want to wait until marriage to have sex again. Confused if i should continue.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lavendel_Frosch on 2024-01-02 18:57:17+00:00.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 2 years. About 6 months ago my boyfriend and I left our hometown and moved into an apartment together in a new state and decided to go back to school at the same university. Over the past few months I have been on and off questioning whether or not I want to be with him forever as his family wants us to get married and have children. This relationship is the healthiest I've ever had and he has really helped me stay on my feet since moving. His family has also helped us both a lot and I would feel a lot of guilt if I ever left him. Something that really bothers me though is the lack of passion in our relationship. I understand that the honeymoon phase does not last forever, however we are not even married yet and passion is non existent. We have talked about it before but nothing changed and I am getting seriously bored. I also am locked in a lease until next July and will be studying abroad on my own from July to August. I havent left him because I'm afraid I'll regret it later on down the road and it would be a lot of stress regarding the living situation.

TLDR; My relationship lacks passion that I desire but this is the best boyfriend I have ever had. I'm not sure if I should leave him as we live in an apartment together many hours away from our hometown.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway-confused2 on 2024-01-02 18:55:06+00:00.

I’ve been with my partner for about 6-7 months. We are discussing living together.

They recently sat me down and told me they had to share something before we continued our relationship.

Their brother is a registered sex offender for something involving their younger half-sister when she was around 10 and him around 20. This was at least 5 years ago at this point. My parter does not know specifics and was kept in the dark about a year after this happened before learning it even occurred.

Brother now lives with mom. Sister lives with dad and other family. Partner has told me Sister forgives Brother but that step-side of family will never have a relationship with Brother again. Partner only visits once a year and does see brother when they go to visit their mom. This is their only in-person contact.

Partner does continue to play video games with Brother as they are part of the same friend group. Partner goes to therapy for this and has extremely mixed emotions. Partner knows Brother is wrong but feels Brother is still his Brother and does not want to lose mom. Brother did serve jail time and does attend treatment from what I understand, but Partner does not speak with him outside of the games/group chat for game so I don’t know what that entails.

Mom is severely depressed and has attempted suicide recently, which Brother stopped. Partner is afraid mom would attempt again if they stopped talking to Brother.

Partners other family do not know they maintain a relationship with Brother which also distresses my partner as they do not know what their other family would do if they found out. Dad does ask about Brother as he knows my partner speaks to him still and Brother is still his son. Dad and Brother do not directly talk.

Partner does not condone anything that Brother did and I will not ever meet Brother nor will any children we may eventually have. Information will be shared with children when they are an appropriate age. Partner hates the way they have to live on the edge between two sides of the family, but again, does not want to lose their mom. They also have a hard time reconciling Brothers actions with growing up with Brother.

I am struggling with this information. I see my abuser at family functions although I have chosen to forgive him and we were much closer in age when this happened.

I want to stay with my partner but I am conflicted at them having contact with Brother. They do not want to lose their mom.

I don’t know what to do. I want to support partner and have a relationship but this is a lot

What do I do? Do I accept it? Try to get partner to not talk to him?

TLDR: Parter is in contact with sex offender to not lose their mother.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAUnrequite on 2024-01-02 18:54:31+00:00.

this is gonna be a LONG one. i’ll start by giving some insight on the first few years of our friendship, the long part is going to be the part where i explain how things have been more recently.

we met 7 years ago when i was a sophomore in high school and she was a freshman. we instantly clicked and we quickly became best friends. about a year later, i started developing strong feelings for her. somewhere along the way we ended up having our romantic moments. she ended up getting a boyfriend and acted like nothing happened with us. i told her it upset me, and she said that it was all heat of the moment and she doesn’t see me like that. for the sake of our friendship, i tried suppressing my feelings for her, but my love for her still got in the way of me meeting anyone else. we still spent a lot of time together, and it always hurt me because i loved her and she doesn’t feel the same about me. she has a way of making me feel like she loves me, but she claims that i’m nothing but her best friend.

it’s those damn eyes. if words didn’t exist, and looks and gestures were all we had, i would swear on everything that she loves me back. no one looks at me like she does.

for years, i couldn’t look at another women like i looked at her. she’s always been the one in my eyes and i thought my day would come, but it never did. we hang out together more than we do with anyone else. we even sleep in the same bed on our many late nights. background info - i’m like a puppy when it comes to her and i will drop anything and everything to run to her if she needs me. i’ve always been that way. definitely obsessed. when we’re drinking, she’s obsessed with me too though lol. that’s the thing, i feel like she only REALLY loves me when we’re drunk. it’s a sad world…

fast forward to about 8 months ago, i drunkingly opened the can of worms (that she’s known about) over text and i pretty much told her i have to get away from her for awhile to heal myself and get over her. i said some mean things, and she was mad and she agreed that maybe we do need a break.

after 6 months, i felt i was in a good place and could return to our friendship, i texted her and we rekindled our friendship. it’s been normal for the most part, obviously i’m still obsessed with her but i thought i had it under control. the last two months, our friendship has been good as it’s been in a while, until last night.

background - she just got out of a 3 year relationship with a man that she always told me she doesn’t see a future with. she very very very strongly says that she has no urge to see him or get together with him again. since the breakup, she’s been getting around town. she also has a tendency to say one thing and do the complete opposite.

we were at a bar celebrating NYE with her mom and her moms friends, she got a text from her ex asking her why she’s following some dude on instagram. she told him it wasn’t a big deal and unfollowed him. (he doesn’t know she’s sleeping around consistently since they broke up). she was ranting to me about him all night. fast forward - we go back to a friends house and we’re drinking, having fun. she disappeared for awhile and her mom went to see what she’s doing. her mom came back downstairs and was mad because she invited her ex over. so i grabbed my keys and walked out. i was upset that she was just complaining about him, and then invites him over, KNOWING how that’ll make me feel. her mom followed me out to the garage, trying to get me to stay because i was tipsy and definitely pissed off. her mom has always loved me, she loves the friendship i have with her daughter, she didn’t want me to go away again. we ended up talking for a long time and she kept questioning why i love her after the ringer she’s put me through. then, her daughter comes out and i immediately walked out and went to my car and turned it on. she (my friend) followed me and we talked for over an hour and i told her i can’t keep doing it to myself. told her i have to get away because i’m torturing myself because i can’t put my feelings for her to the side. i told her i think i have to end it for good and not come back because clearly my hiatus didn’t work, and i don’t think that i can ever just be her friend without loving her. she kept saying she’s sorry that she can’t love me back. we’re balling our eyes out. i was hurting and asked what is so wrong with me that she can’t love me back (selfish, i know). she said there’s nothing wrong with me and she’s always just seen me as a brother. i have 4 brothers and can assure you that none of them look at me how she looks at me. i asked her why she’s crying, she said it’s because im her best friend. she told me i need to go out and meet other women to get over her. she couldn’t be more right, but for years i can’t even bring myself to do that. i only want her. she told me i deserve better and i need to find a women that’ll love me like i love her. we were balling our damn eyes out.

then her ex shows up. he walks towards the car, she tells him to go inside. we ended up talking for another hour and then her mom came out and told us to come in. we went upstairs and they went to the bathroom and her mom calmed her down. mom took my keys and put me in a bedroom and tried to get me to sleep but i couldn’t because i’m overly upset at this point.

i texted her and asked if she can please get my keys for me. she does, and she does her thing where she makes me feel loved and we talked more and hugged for like 5 minutes and we did the whole i love you thing and the no i love you more thing. i said “i guess this is the end”, she said it doesn’t have to be. i walked downstairs and went to the door and we hugged about 5 more times. she said it doesn’t have to be like last time, that i can still text her if i need someone to talk to, she said she’ll definitely do the same. i get halfway to my car, and she calls me back for one last hug. that’s the loop she keeps throwing me through.

i’m driving home, she’s texting me saying she’s sorry and she loves me, doing the whole text me when you’re home thing. i texted her when i got home and she apologized again. this was last night, we haven’t talked since.

if you made it this far, thank you. i’m honestly just posting this because i need some advice on what to do. i don’t know if i should completely remove her from my life, or just cut back… she’s my closest friend and i’m her closest friend. i felt a hole in my life when we took our first break.

how do i navigate this?

TLDR; i’m in love with my girl best friend and i can’t get out.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wiggliestjiggliest on 2024-01-02 18:47:08+00:00.

I (28M) have been dating (32F) for over a year now. We broke up for about 2 weeks near the beginning of our relationship due to my mental health where she started dating another person. We got back together and everything has been really good, she put that dude on the back burner and I have been really happy. I have never been in a relationship that felt so communicative and supportive, she is really good with my son (I'm a single dad btw). But I have never been in a poly relationship, closest I got was several fwb but I didn't spend so much time with them. This new year I was going out with friends and she was invited to a sleep over with this dude, she explained to me they been dating for 7 months now and haven't gotten physical, so this might happen when they do. She asked me if there was anything she could do to make me more comfortable about the situation. She explained this has nothing to do with me and she is also wanting to explore my fantasies, like I can date other people we can do group play, anything I want. But it makes me feel kinda like I'm not enough. So now it's two days after the fact. We haven't talked about it, I'm kinda depressed cause it's messing with my head, but I also feel I'm not as bothered about it as I should be. Does that mean I don't truly love her, I mean I thought about seeing her again but like I'm scared I won't even be able to kiss her since I know someone else was with her.

I really don't know what I should do.

Tldr: Girlfriend slept with someone in the poly relationship and I don't know if I'm okay with it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/finelytunedpubes on 2024-01-02 15:30:23+00:00.

This is a long one but please read it all because not only is it full of drama and twists and turns but I really need some feedback on this.

Part 1. ( part 2 in comments) So basically back in November my partner (24F) broke up with me (24m) for multiple reasons. So to start, her and I had been dating for 3 years, and the first issue she brought up was that I hurt her feelings months back when we had a tense day and I informed her that she had some stuff to work on otherwise idk if I could continue the relationship. We seemed to have worked on it a she agreed she’d try to fix the issues I had. I had thought we moved past it, but evidently we did not. It ate her up for months. She told me it became hard to feel comfortable expressing herself to me and felt like she wasn’t allowed to feel her emotions. Which is not at all what I intended and it broke my heart to hear that’s how she felt. The second reason was that from her pov it was hard for me to deal with change even if it was good for me. This came mostly from me dropping out of college a couple months prior. I had only gone to this school for a few days but I could tell it wasn’t for me. And dropped out so soon because I wanted to make sure I got a full refund and didn’t have to pay any loans back (but I had made it clear to her my reasons were I wanted to rethink what I went to school for and reconsider which school I went to).

She left the breakup with a hug and told me she still loved me. A couple weeks later after I asked if we could meet up and talk some more she agreed. And we did we met at a local park on Halloween, I admittedly cried and lot and went off about how hard the time without her had been. And she cried. We talked a bit about some issues and I told her how badly I needed her in my corner as I tried to work on the issues she presented to me. She told me she wanted to but couldn’t right now. But we talked and joked and ended up getting breakfast after. I gave her a bouquet and the fact that I made her the bouquet made her cry and we ended up embracing making out.

At that point I felt good. We seemed to be working things out. So I texted her that night and asked how her Halloween was going. Long story short I found out she was downtown because she went to a rocky horror picture show with her friends, but she was wondering the streets at 1:30 at night stuck because she parked in a parking garage that closed. And won’t reopen until 6 am, an hour before she had work. I told her to Uber home and that I’d wake up at 5 am to take her there when the garage opens. So that’s what I did. We were both running off little to no sleep but we got there. She was in a bad mood and exhausted and basically told me then, that she didn’t want me to think she owed me anything for helping her. She refused to kiss me despite kissing me the day before. I accepted her boundaries and cried and we talked a bit more before she got in her car and we both drove home.

I felt defeated, but I did remember when we met on Halloween she mentioned she wouldn’t mind going out for our anniversary which was only a few weeks away. So I patiently waited. I interacted with her minorly, sending her posts on Instagram that she ended up hearting. And texting her once updating her on my job hunt. (At this moment I felt as though I needed to get a new job and move out of my parents because that’s what I thought she wanted from me). She responded positively to that text and after chatting for a minute we went back to not talking for another week. Until a few days before our anniversary. I texted her and asked if she was still down. Trying to be sensitive to her boundaries. She agreed to meet at a restaurant we both liked (nothing super fancy). And we did a couple days after our actually anniversary day. Things went well! She started the night with her walks up, but We talked a lot out and both learned a lot about how each other were feeling. And by the end of the night We agreed this was all solvable and we just needed to work on communication. That night we spent 9 hours together and by the end of it were interacting like we always did. We also agreed on it being a break instead of a breakup. She said that it would have to be after the holidays before we got officially back together. But we agreed to text nightly and to hang out on occasion until then.

Weeks go by, she sends me loving texts I send them back. She tells me that she hasn’t forgave me yet but isn’t ready to stop loving me. and how she doesn’t want us to end over bad communication because in her words “that’s dumb” I agreed and we had a couple weeks of amazing talking.

We even hung out a couple times. In the times we did it was us meeting up, except for one time where I picked her up. That’s where things started to go downhill. The day I picked her up I asked her to do some Christmas shopping with me. She agreed but when I told her I was on my way to pick her up she said “oh, I thought we were meeting there” she had mentioned she saw me being more assertive lately and she liked it. So I leaned into it and instead of asking if she was comfortable with me picking her up, I just rolled with it. She was in a bad mood that day. About a week prior to this I had gotten promoted at my job (a job she doesn’t like) and despite saying I was going to quit it and get a higher paying job prior, i implied I was going to stay. But only because I had decided instead of moving out I was gonna go back to school. At this point I hadn’t informed her YET that I was going back. But when we hung out this day I asked her what she thought if I did go back to school. I told her if I did that I wouldn’t be able to move out because I planned to go full time. She wasn’t happy about it insisting I could work full time and go to school full time. Or that I should find a part time job that pays more then. I told her maybe but I wasn’t sure yet. Her mood improved after we ate and by the end of the night she was mostly back to her normal self. Yet I did feel some slight distance.

Part 2 in comments

TLDR: my partner and I broke up but agreed on a break but after I apparently crossed some boundaries she went no contact with me and hasn’t responded despite agreeing to talk in January.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/1Dk24 on 2024-01-02 15:22:38+00:00.

For some background ,my dad is quite wealthy and retired at 45 due to health issues. He’s always had this thing of choosing women who turn out to need saving of some sort (his previous gfs have had a lot of issues). And both my parents have custody of me (19m) and my brother (16M)

He had previously had a clear gold digging partner and it was apparent to everyone except him, longstory short they broke up

He then met this woman while actually buying some expensive things for his house, she worked there.

She (47F) has 2 kids,one teenage girl (17F) and one young boy (6M). They all moved in with us in like 6 months. Needless to say we thought this was extremely quick.

My dad spends all his time with them.(the same thing happened with his other girlfriends) Me and brother often asked to just go it with him even for lunch but he would say “no, everyone needs to come”.

He will take his girlfriend and her kids everywhere without any complaints but whenever me and my brother want to do something there’s an issue. He spends so much money on them.

His girlfriend stopped working and spends the whole day doing nothing and doing her hobbies. My dad bought her a $200k car!!!

She also isn’t a person with a great past (I know it doesn’t define you but still relevant) with men and fathers

In addition to paying for everything at the house, he pays for legal fees for her against her little boys dad who doesn’t pay child support (my dad now needs to support another child which is insane)

He even paid for a massive lunch with only HER family members for HER daughters milestone of a different religion (it’s a big thing for us and our family and community)

Her and her kids always go first. He has to pay for our holiday alone too. He didn’t go away with us this year because “he didn’t want to” even thought it was his year but earlier in the year he had gone away without me and my brother, because we had exams during that week. This was for his birthday and he wouldn’t postpone the trip for even a few days so that We could come but he took the girlfriend and kids and even allowed them to bring a friend. my brother and i would never be allowed to do this.

He spends no time with my brother and I. Everything has to be a big “family“ outing

Our extended family believe she is an “opportunist”and don’t like her and that he makes much less effort with my brother and I.

My mom and step dad split everything and make time for the both biological children alone.

My brother and I have spoken to our mother and grandparents (on my dad’s side) and they all agree and suggest we speak to him, but we get no opportunity and have already been spending less time at his house.?My grandparents tried before about his gf but had no success.

I am talking from a place of car for my Dad because seeing being taken advantage of breaks my heart as it’s happened before and what’s even worse is that his actual kids and family come second. Their relationship has changed the entire family dynamic negatively and is clear to everyone except him apparently (including cousins etc)

Essentially we believe he love us less than them and don’t know how to talk to him.

TL;DR: my brother and I think his GF and her family are “opportunists”, and that he loves them more than us.

Any advice would be appreciated!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PlasticAggravating82 on 2024-01-02 14:10:58+00:00.

Hey all,

I'd say I usually have a pretty good relationship with my father but something is bothering me and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting/overthinking it or not - would appreciate your thoughts on what to do next.

A few months ago, my father found a couple of pages of an old diary I'd written when I was around 13 when he was clearing out the attic. He mentioned some snippets on the phone and it was typical cringey teenage girl stuff - a first boyfriend was mentioned etc. He was laughing but I was really embarrassed, usually I can take a joke but I couldn't really laugh at this because I was mortified. He'd left them on the kitchen counter so my sister had seen them too.

I asked him to bring the pages round to my house. When he did, I took them off him and threw them straight in the bin - I didn't even want to look at what I'd written! And I thought that was the end of it.

But then last week, my sister mentioned that she'd seen the diary pages in the house again (she still lives at home). It turns out that my father had actually handed me a shopping list when he came round to my house - so the diary pages hadn't been put in the bin as I'd thought.

I'm really upset about this to be honest. And now I'm worried that my father is holding onto these pages because he intends to mention them in his speech when I get married later this year. I've been very clear with him that I really do not want this to happen but he has just laughed it off, and now that I've found out he tricked me by keeping the pages I'm very concerned that this might be his plan.

I'm trying to see the humour in it and tell myself it wouldn't be the worst thing ever - I haven't written anything terrible in those pages - but I am getting pretty stressed about this. What do you think I should do next, if anything?

tl;dr: My father found a diary I wrote as a teenager and now he might read it out at my wedding. What do I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/hungrypizzy on 2024-01-02 13:24:23+00:00.

TLDR;

We have been dating for 5 years now but we both are still unsure whether to we want to marry each other or not. We are each other’s first serious relationship and we lost our virginity to each other. If after 5 years we are still not sure, will it be better to break up?

Long story:

We met back in my last year of uni and we have been dating pretty much 3 months after we got to know each other. I fell in love with how active/sporty he is, how independent and handy he is with everything in life, and how he makes me laugh and match my goofiness level.

But from the start, we have always had this argument that we are very different from each other to the point where we almost broke up just few weeks after being exclusive.

But we fought through it and we tried to improve and fix our relationship. Fast forward 1 and 2 years later, we were still having the same arguments. But since then, we haven’t had one for that topic anymore.

In terms of meeting ppl close to us, we have met each other family but only once (my family lives abroad, speak a different language than him and his parents are estranged). It was then I realised that we were raised very differently. I am very close with my family but he is not. He grew up with parents who fight each other most of the time while mine love each other and taught me how to show affection to your loved ones. I am also thinking if this is why he is the way he is; a bit indifferent to things and not caring or affectionate.

We have met each other friends and he gets along with them but my biggest red flag is that he doesn’t really get along with my best friend (not that they’re fighting but he just doesn’t like her vibe). She is one of the only people who is really close to me. I remember she asked him during a dinner what he likes about me. He couldn’t really give her an answer. He ended up giving some offhand whatever answer that made me feel a bit odd.

I think our love language is also different. I tried to talk to him about mine but he doesn’t seem to give in. In my mind, I always wonder if I did something wrong or if I’m being too unreasonable to ask for things to change. But at the same time, I’m not sure if I have been accommodating to his love languages either. His is time spent together and I can’t do the sports that likes to do and that is his biggest issue about me. I have tried to do things he like and even ended up pushing and hurting myself for it but I still feel like he is not happy with it. He’s a nice guy so he won’t continue to push me if I’m uncomfortable with something but I want to make him happy in this relationship.

He said sometimes he can see us getting married but sometimes he doesn’t. And this is exactly the same as what I’ve been feeling. He said he wants to move in together before knowing if he really wants to marry me and while I’m up for it, I know my family won’t approve because they’re pretty conservative regarding this.

But my concern is that we have been dating for 5 years and been on many overnight trips, day trips, events, etc together and we still don’t know for sure whether we want to marry each other or not? Isn’t that a red flag? Will it be better if we just mutually break it up so we are not wasting any more time?

I fear that we have been going with the flow for the last 5 years and it’s time for me to know where we are headed.

Breaking up won’t be easy cause everyone in my friends circle have been introduced to him. Even my work colleagues know him. I’m not sure I’m gonna be ready to face them or their questions. It also gonna hurt like hell cause we have spent so much time and memories together that I feel like there should be a way to make this work.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/G00d_gir1 on 2024-01-02 13:02:39+00:00.

I 34f him 27m - does 7 years make a big difference when female is older? I can’t read him. Have been hooking up for almost a year, paused a while back to try a relationship with someone older and closer. He has since joked and said we are getting married which I reply in never getting married … he will joke and say I love you when hanging up calls and after sex… he has joked about never pulling that again( meeting someone else) … he has FaceTimed me when with friends to “flex” and tell them all in his future wife. I have kids and live an hour away - he has asked to take me on a date and I refuse because I can’t tell if it’s the excitement of being a MILF or if he likes me, any insight appreciated because I’m confused and can feel icky feelings brewing.

TL;DR; : Can’t tell if he’s excited about the MILF fantasy or if he likes me, can’t read him. Is it an age thing?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Debt7899 on 2024-01-02 13:00:46+00:00.

Hello. My girlfriend (F20) and I (M22) have been together for 2 years. We have an incredibly strong relationship. She started working in a new job about 2 months ago where she met a guy (M26). They became good friends and I didn't think anything of it. The two of them have went for drinks together before. I didn't mind as I have girl friends I have went for drinks with. My GF hasn't always been the biggest fan of that but we are genuinely just friends with nothing more there, so I felt it would have been hypothetical of me to say I wasn't comfortable with this.

She has mentioned this guy a bit up and down, and I was happy she made a friend. Well the other night (after not seeing her for over 1 week) we finally met again and I was so excited. Things got pretty heated over a dirty game we were playing. One of the questions was truth or dare. I got Truth and was asked by the game if I would have a threesome. I said hypothetically yes if I was single but not in a relationship unless it was something we both wanted. She was curious on this question and asked me, if she said yes would I like one. We started fooling around then and in the heat of the moment we started saying hypothetical situations.

She has a fantasy about 2 men worshiping her at the same time, I asked her where we would find two strangers and she said "who said they have to be strangers". This made me wonder. While being intimate we continued to play truth or dare where on one of my goes I asked her if she wanted the guy at work to be the second guy to which she hesitantly (as not to hurt me) said yes. She told me of a fantasy about making out with him in a bar while I watched to make me jealous so we could go home and I could take her rough. She told me they have been making lots of eye contact, and that she finds him hot in his shirt (they have to wear shirts in work and she has a thing for men in shirts).

Anyway. I felt weird about this but kept it to myself for a day to process it. The next night we got heated again and she asked similar questions. "Would you find it hot seeing me with him" and "Would it make you jealous in a good way"?Afterwards we talked in great detail. She started crying ensuring me I was the only one, that she would never do anything and she was thankful she could tell me this. I do trust she would never do anything behind my back but this is a new situation for me. Yes we all can develop crushes on other people. We are human. I have and have just not mentioned it until it goes away. I want my GF and only her. She also mentioned how she has been thinking that we are both each other's firsts while she wants to be with me has wondered if it would have been better if we had fooled around with a few people before we met and got into a committed relationship.

My brain is perplexed. Should I say I want to open the relationship so we can have expierience. I am curious as a fantasy but not sure if Pandora's box can be closed. Any advice on my ramble would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR; : My girlfriend is turned on by the thoughts of making out with her male coworker Infront of me and making me jealous. what should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Global-Version-2878 on 2024-01-02 12:59:44+00:00.

Summary at the end

Hey Everyone, so I ll try it just here

I am a 30 year old woman with à job in healthcare, I m about to move to Lyon in France after years in Switzerland and I do not know how to find a matching man after à +10 year relationship where compatibility was pretty high. We separate as hé came up being terrified by the idea to have a family and to have less " metime" if we did . I was on my side sure we wanted the same as we mentionned it before in our relationship ... i crave for having a family to love and to care of. So after à long grieving time I am ready to get back to love and I am actually only asking for it !

I love bouldering hiking baking cooking reading spending time doing nothing, sciences and learning about new facts, psychology, dancing, chilling and I avoid crazy crowds and living. We do not have to share all our interests at all .

I want to have a family and children and it s a no go if the other one doesn't. I did not have many relation and I am not keen on dating or trying someone for a night without knowing anything about them. Ideally I d like à friend even short term before relationship but I can relate that this is too demanding.

I could not manage to live with à vegan or vegetarian, social justice warrior or someone religious.

I love south park, the office ,

talking about concepts, exchanging ideas... ....

I can't help but being attracted physically by someone of at least 1,77cm, I am so so so sorry for thèse below, and I love nordic type - but ethnie plays absolutely NO roles if hé s smart, physical has no great importance except if the person has strong assymetry in the face... If we can have nice conversations it makes it all.

My #1 critérium is intelligence , #2 is kindness #3 is that he gives importance to family and close relationships.

I believe in life long lAsting relations and I only seek exclusive partnership.

I am very empathic, I am rather disagreeable and very proactive. I am qualified cute by people around me and I have some insecuritues. I do not use social networks... That's about it

What do you think of all that ? Sometimes guys would be interested in me but i can immidiately spot their level of discussion or intelligence which is unfortunately not very high tbh, but I have very very few interactions since I have no idea how it goes.

I tried app it s really horrible to spend your time swiping. Thanks for your help !

TL;DR; : after a +10 year relationship as a 30 year old woman, I wonder if I am too demanding in the criteria to find a man attractive, and why I do not manage to trust myself to go and meet someone to be in a relationship with. I also dont know how and where I should meet them.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/halfpastnein on 2024-01-02 12:58:14+00:00.

TL;DR: Recommendations for Shared Period calendar App pls

Hello dear people of Reddit,

first off.... Happy New Year. Much health and happiness to all!

I'm a confused and clueless man, 28. My dear partner, F27, gets really sensitive and emotional each month before her period. As her partner it is my duty to support her during this time. Of course, a little heads up would be nice. Being aware of context ALWAYS helps.

Now I don't want to rely on her for telling me. And simply counting 30 days / setting a reminder doesn't work. I've tried. Apparently period calculation is much more complicated than that!

It would be really neat if we could have a shared Period tracking app.

As a male, I don't have experience what to look for in Period tracking apps and don't want to rely on app ratings which are possibly fake/bought. I'd much rather rely on the collective hive mind of Reddit.

Please help me out! Any and all recommendations are welcome!

btw, she uses an Apple iPhone, I use a Google Phone.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Quick_Move_1489 on 2024-01-02 12:45:36+00:00.

I’m in my early 20s (F) and just graduated college. I have ADHD and has always been distracted. I’m trying to improve on my own but due to insurance issues I haven’t been able to get medicated. I have accomplished so much: have been living on my own for a few years now, volunteered so much in college, and I’m going to start my masters degree soon but my family, aside of my mom has never recognized my achievements.

I’m currently on a trip with my immediate family (dad, mom, brother (18M) and extended family (paternal grandmother, aunt, uncle, little cousins (13F) (16M). My grandmother always criticizes me (she has said awful things to me and about me and has never praised me) and praises my brother. She has called me manipulative (although she is very manipulative herself), useless, disorganized (which is true), problematic, that I need to change everything about myself. If I have a fight with someone she already assumes I’m the one that created the fight. As a child, when I was getting severely bullied she blamed me, although I was receiving death threats. She always praises my brother and my cousins. My dad yells at me even for the tiniest mistakes and calls me stupid a lot.

My family thinks I’m stupid, are always on top of me, won’t let me do basic stuff by myself. My brother and my dad are always finding logical fallacies on everything I say and every time I explain myself they look at me with an arrogant smile. My little cousins don’t pay attention to me when I’m supposed to be the “leader” according to my family. They act like they know everything and try to prove me wrong like they are smarter and older but they follow everything my brother says. They are not bad cousins tho and this post is not about them.

My brother is given more autonomy, is never criticized or yelled at when his things are messy or whatever. They let him wonder by himself and is treated like an adult meanwhile they don’t let me do stuff a child could be able to do.

My cousin told me my grandmother was talking s*** about me in the car saying how distracted I was and how much trouble I cause all the time when I try to keep to myself to avoid any trouble

I guess they are all better and smarter than me, I’m always going to be the stupid distracted girl that always causes trouble and that is manipulative.

I’m sorry of any mistakes English is not my first language and I’m in an emotional rush right now.

TL;DR: My family all act like they are smarter than me, treat me like I’m stupid all the time, don’t take me seriously and won’t let me do basic things. My grandmother always says awful things to me and about me. My brother and dad think they are smarter and superior and my brother is given more autonomy and special treatment.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwaway7878ring on 2024-01-02 12:22:30+00:00.

I'd appreciate any advice on how to approach the situation or behave from here on out.

My fiancé Steve asked for my hand in marriage and our wedding will be this summer. Naturally we're both very excited and have been for the past months. We've been together for eight years and have gone trough college together, travelled the world and have cultivated a large but close friend group we're very happy with.

He has a sister who has always kinda felt like a "one-upper" to him. In the past I've tried to be the voice of reason. She was kind of lonely, didn't have many friends and one past painful relationship. So we have tried to include her, patch up the relationship and so on but it never really became a close relationship.

The reasons why have always been there looking back. She either acts jealous towards me or he announces anything special - she has to one up him, be the center of attention etc. He says it has always been this way - even back when they were children.

There is this weird unspoken competition between her and everybody else in the family where she is always trying to belittle another person or steal the show. Needless to say it has become quite annoying but so far neither of us have lost their temper with her.

A few days ago at a family get together, they were drinking wine and cheering and his sister and her new partner of 1,5 years announce their engagement out of nowhere seemingly, just shy of a month after moving to the city together. We're happy, smiling, trying to push away the weird gut feeling that comes creeping up.

But then - we both catch a glimpse of her ring finger and suspect they copied our ring.

After a while it sank in - it is an exact copy of the engagement ring her brother had carefully picked out for me.

We tried to take the high road, congratulated but soon thereafter left for our house.

In the past few days both of us have been very upset, disappointed, angry and we are also weirded out by it and incredibly put off.

I am trying to contain myself, I am telling myself that it's only a materialistic thing and if she's found happiness we should be sharing that - but on the inside I am fuming and so is my fiancé.

TLDR; After being together for 8 years, celebrating our engagement and looking forward to our upcoming wedding, my SIL announced her engagement after 1,5 years and wore an exact replica of my engagement ring. Trying to be happy and tell myself it's a coincidence but deep down inside I know it's not.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Numerous-Insect-2123 on 2024-01-02 12:20:37+00:00.

I recently found my someone in a very unexpected girl,she genuinely is exactly how i wanted my girl to be and i truly truly love her but her past disturbs me sometime and im not able to get rid of it

So my current girlfriend is my guy best friends ex yeah it might sound a bit messed up but our bond just unexpectedly hit off,me and my girl were just friends as she was in a relationship with my best friend, i knew that they both were in a physical relationship too

My best friend cheated on her and it truly left her broken,he also used to treat her very badly in form of disrespect, verbal abuses and what not one day she broke down completely in front of me and started crying and told me about everything that happened,my intentions were purely to be her friend but slowly we hit off,i helped heal her scars from her past,gained her trust and we discovered that we both are exactly what we wanted from our partners for so long.

The thing that disturbs me tho is that even thought they didnt get physical very often the main break down of their relationship was the fact that he(my bestfriend) got her(my gf) pregnant by mistake (even tho they had used protection) and neither of them wanted to have a baby,at that point he abandoned her of sorts and she got the baby aborted all by herself without telling anyone, even after that they tried to make the relationship work but they fell off later

now she is an absolutely beautiful human being inside out and understands me inside out but the fact that she was pregnant with my best friend child keeps disturbing me so badly especially when im a virgin by choice,can anyone who has gone through somwwhat or a similar situation or someone who has some advice for me as to how to get over it can help me because i truly do not want to spoil this relationship with her and im genuinely considering a future with her.

how do i deal with this because it keeps eating me up inside,should i talk to her about it? even if i do im not sure how i should initiate the conversation

TLDR: My girlfriend is my guy best friends ex,he had got her pregnant,the fact keeps disturbing me even tho we both love each other deeply,need advice on how to deal with it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CheeseCakeLife20 on 2024-01-02 11:58:41+00:00.

My husband’s family has on occasion spoken disparagingly about my family. They have made comments that my mum looks like a villager & my brother lacks personal hygiene. I don’t know why I tolerated it earlier but now it’s boiling up & I really hate them.

I’m a non-confrontational person. They have been nice and kind to me and my family 95% of the time, but I keep thinking back to those certain events.

It’s affecting the way I look at him. What should I do? Every time I bring it up he says I’m being too cynical.

Is this something I should get past? I love my husband but I can’t stand his family.

TLDR: husband’s family talks shit about my family every time we have met & now it’s affecting my relationship with him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/idkwhyimhere22422 on 2024-01-02 11:53:42+00:00.

Original Title: Someone (M,40s) Not a romantic partner) yelled at me (F,26) to "go win an award or something" before hanging up, angrily, the last time we spoke (years ago)- not in context of the call- what do you think he was implying?

I had never spoken to him about awards. I am assuming it was negative. Do you think he was implying I'm pretentious? Or heard gossip I only cared for some sort of glory? I know he is friends with someone I used to be close with, and if she saw my vision board from college days (she would have had to go into my room without me knowing to do this, and snoop around a bit) she could have found pictures of specific genre of artists receiving awards. A bit embarrassing.

This isn't a stupid person, and someone I respected before. But I'm not sure where this comes from.

Have you heard that phrase? Thank you. Context in replied to comments below.

TL;DR: M(40’s) I knew for a while yelled at me F(20’s) to “go win an award or something” out of context after a heated talk. Haven’t spoken to him since, and I’m not sure what he meant.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/THROWra123abx on 2024-01-02 11:52:10+00:00.

i'm stuck in a bit of a jam in my three-year relationship with Janice. things are getting complicated due to her intense jealousy, and i could really use some insights.

every glance in the direction of another female is met with accusations of checking out others. it's like i've got a constant shadow, and it's starting to feel pretty suffocating.

and here's the kicker – Janice has a habit of stalking my ex from nine years ago. yeah, i know, it's a bit much. it adds a whole layer of drama that i didn't sign up for.

simple activities, like grabbing lunch with a female friend, turn into these intense interrogations. who was there? did i hug my friend? did i pay for the meal? it's like navigating a minefield.

even work-related stuff isn't spared. Janice gets annoyed when i hit up work parties or clubs with colleagues where, surprise, there are females present. it's like there's no escape.

even in my hobbies of jujitsu she strictly draws a line that i’m not allowed to grapple or roll with any females and it’s like it’s my sport.

i've tried talking about it, expressing how i feel trapped, but it's like we're stuck in this loop. the emotional toll is real, and i'm reaching out for any advice or similar experiences you guys might have.

the thing is i really do care and love her and i’m not saying i’m the perfect partner i can be quite cold and not very emotionally available and not physically affectionate as well but this thing has been driving me to the brink and i don’t know what to do anymore

i feel like i’ve lost my sense of self, as of date i have no friends and no one to truly hang out with and it’s not like i can blame it on her because she does encourage me to go hang out with friends (only male ones and ones she does not feel threatened by) but it’s these criteria that it’s driving me insane and i just feel so lost and lonely

i used to be really sociable and i used to travel solo and meet people from all around the world and now i just feel so alone but i still really care and do love her

has anyone been through this jealousy rollercoaster? how did you handle it? any guidance on expressing the need for personal space when dealing with intense relationship dynamics?

tl;dr my giflrfriend is jealous and is critical and of me socializing with people she feels threatened by i feel trapped in this relationship

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ParkingMotor9 on 2024-01-02 11:35:12+00:00.

tl;Dr: Understand the reasons behind a breakup, make ammendments and don't rely on a person to get away with the sorrow. Flirting aimlessly and looking for a rebound is not longterm.

Hi All!

A few months ago, my girlfriend (F27) and I (M27) parted ways. I'm still in the process of moving on from our past relationship. While trying to do so, I experimented with dating apps as a way to distract myself from thinking about her, but unfortunately, I haven't had much success. Despite attempting to meet new people, I've found it challenging to establish the same connection. I realize that forcing fake emotions for an extended period is not something I can do.

I opened up about this to my friends, and after hearing my situation, they suggested that I might be seeking a rebound. I felt confused – am I really that astute? Am I unintentionally using this situation to manipulate others? After spending some time reflecting on my feelings, I tried to understand the concept of a rebound relationship, and here's my two cents:

In the realm of human connections, expectations of courtesy and honesty set the foundation. However, navigating through the complexities of emotions can lead individuals to unexpected paths, such as rebound relationships.

A rebound, essentially a casual relationship, often arises not as a conscious choice but as a response to heartbreak. When someone finds themselves unable to move on, the mind attempts to present alternative options. This internal conflict between the heart's yearning for a past connection and the mind's pursuit of new possibilities creates what is commonly referred to as a rebound.

For those recently experiencing a breakup, allowing emotions to surface and be acknowledged is crucial. Suppressing these feelings may lead to miscommunication and irrational decision-making. It's a process where the heart and mind need to sync up, preventing the inner turmoil that defines the rebound situation.

In essence, acknowledging the natural course of emotions and allowing the heart and mind to align is the key to navigating the complexities of rebounds. By understanding this internal struggle, individuals can make informed decisions about their emotional well-being and move forward with clarity.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nagyarpy on 2024-01-02 11:30:11+00:00.

So, my gf thinks I'm not over my ex gf and I don't know how to show her that I'm over and I don't have feelings for my ex.Every time she brought this topic I say I don't care about her(ex) and I'm over,bot she doesn't belive me because when my best friend and my ex got together a few days before I send a text to him to say my gratulations and I'm done with him too,because it's not a thing that a friend would do and my gf freaked out.

So any sugestions that a can prove to my gf that I don't care about them and I only love her?

Sorry for my english,it's my third language

tldr:my ex doesn't belive me when I say i'm over my ex

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Happy_penguin_179 on 2024-01-02 11:16:35+00:00.

I (F24) was seeing a boy (M23) for about a month and a half. Things were going relatively well, but I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something off about him. He said a lot of little things that didn’t add up, and his friend recently called him out on a couple lies he told (like going to an event that he didn’t actually go to and making up that he had an expensive gym membership). He also has this whole nice guy schtick that I couldn’t help but feel wasn’t genuine, like his words not aligning with his actions. At a concert, a man was being creepy to me and he snapped at me when I gently tried to dance the guy off me, but laughed out loud when someone in front us literally pushed someone. Additionally, he doesn’t seem to pick up on social cues like when he’s making someone uncomfortable.

Lastly, we don’t align politically in the slightest, which is the most concerning to me. And what also weirded me out, is that he didn’t see this as a big issue. Shortly after we had about an hour long conversation about that, he brought up his intention to take our relationship to the next level and it seemed a bit strange to me. Up until this point I had told him I liked him and would potentially be open to a relationship, but no clear yes from my end.

I got a really weird feeling and spent the day thinking about it and decided to send him a text before the new year essentially explaining we aren’t on the same page. While I recognize this may seem harsh to a lot of people, I have been in a very abusive relationship before and got the same weird feeling about him that I ignored in my past.

He is blowing up my phone at 5 AM saying f you and how blindsided he feels, but it’s a bit strange to me that we had recently had moments of tension after only 1.5 months. In the midst of him coming at me, he’s telling me not to reply.

I of course feel badly and do recognize it may seem I switched up on him really quickly, but I think any further explanation would just be pretty harsh and I don’t think he would take it very well. He’s coming at me demanding I call him and don’t text him if I have anything to say, how awful I am etc. I’m especially concerned bc shortly after I ended it, he asked to come get a few of his items he left at mine and when he got here, barged into my apartment which was quite scary and think it speaks to my strange feeling. He snapped at me and stormed out.

Is there anyway I can actually explain this without being harsh? And although he told me not to reply, it seems like he wants a response?

TLDR; I got a very bad feeling in my gut about this guy and ended it a bit abruptly and am not sure what he actually wants from me