Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Basic-Amoeba9822 on 2024-01-02 10:57:28+00:00.

I(23F) am 4 months into my very first loving relationship with boyfriend (25 M ). He was very close friends with a classmate sine a year while we were just classmates all this while. He told me he liked her and she liked him as well but he didn't go further than being friends as they didn't align(culture and the future country they want to settle). I asked weather he would have been with her If she was from the same culture. He said 'anyday'. I was sad instantly and he said I only see you and love you and that's all that matters to him now.

I am very new to dealing with such things and I guess deep down my insecurities making me feel bad about it as If I'm the compromised second choice and me being from the same culture is the sole reason. Is my concern for his 'anyday' comment real or am I just being insecure? And how can I deal with this feeling?

( He tells me about some of his previous crushes/potential interaction that would have led to more, but he didn't want any relationship so stayed away from all of that. I feel Iike when someone wants you they should at that point feel like they don't want anyone else but you even I they were interested in someone it doesn't give what you have to offer. But here I feel he is choosing the best available option that meets his practical standards. To think he liked them just like he did me initially and it would have turned into a relationship and I'm not special or I don't have something specific that he wants only me like any decent girl could have safice. I know that's immature but i stills feel so)

TL,DR : I am feeling insecure about a situationship that remained as friendship for cultural reasons. While I'm just a second option. Need help on how to not feel so.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAkitnasona on 2024-01-02 10:39:53+00:00.

We never lived together until marriage due to religious beliefs.

Married for two years. At the start I was taken aback how frequently he would have an issue. I would spend my time pleading my innocence or being subject to his really long interrogations (went on for hours).

He’d call me selfish, bitter, tramp, liar, bipolar, lazy, fake, toxic, narcissistic, curses at me etc

Despite me working more hours than him at work (40-72 hours a week in comparison to his 35 hour week) I still do more chores than him. For instance, I always cook.

My days off get spent doing errands whereas his days off he just chills. I make the effort to spend time with BOTH families (his and mine) and he doesn’t. I do mixture of day and night shifts and 12-14 hour shifts. He only does day shifts 7 hour day. Despite this I come home and still cook and do chores whereas all he does is relaxes. When I tell him I’m tired (when he tries argue with me or when he doesn’t let me sleep), he snaps back saying he’s also tired and to stop acting like I’m the only one in the world who is tired as other people work.

Eventually I got fed up and start becoming more hostile. I admit it wasn’t good on my part but I got tired of always justifying myself. I began to just agree to all his negative criticisms towards me and stopped trying to find a solution. I would go days without talking to him. I actually found it peaceful.

At times I thought I’d try a different approach. So when he would start his usual nitpicking, I would listen and try to see his angle. I would apologise for it and say I’ll improve myself. This also did not work as he couldn’t still let the matter go and would waffle on about it.

Nothing seems to work. Naturally over 2 years I’ve become desensitised to his outbursts, wailing, crying, throwing things and shouting.

Now he is beginning to air everything out. He rang his sibling. Complaining and making it seem like I was the villain. I stayed quiet and finally when I had the chance to speak, he would interrupt me and start swearing and shouting. Then he rang my mum 3am doing the same stuff. At this point, I was so fatigued as this argument had gone on for over 6 hours and I had to be up for work at 5am anyway. I begged to leave me alone and let me sleep as I have work. He didn’t listen. Eventually my mum got through to him. I only got one hour sleep and had to go to work. I do 12 hours and I had just done 60 hours at work that week. All the time he had 4 days off. I also felt so embarrassed he would ring people at that hour and air our business.

New year day. We had a different opinion regarding healthy eating. He began to raise his voice. He was getting agitated. I could sense it and said it’s not an argument. He couldn’t let the matter go. I requested for some space for few minutes. He didn’t give it.

My mum and my MIL arrive to celebrate NYD with us. I told him let’s leave the matter for now. He didn’t. He started in front of them. He began shouting and again making me seem like the villain. I remained quiet. He start saying how he’s so fed up that he was going to end himself. Naturally both mums start crying and trying to calm him down. He called me selfish saying I ruined NYD for the mums. He shouted and called me a tramp. I did not retaliate.

His mum asked me to say something. I replied I did not want to talk about it. He flipped at me saying I was rude to his mum and how dare I disrespect her. He start throwing things and hitting himself. Both mums were trying to hold him and crying. Begging me to appease him and make up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I am used to these dramatics of his. I am tired.

He aired everything. Both mums were just telling me to make changes and make it work. I told them I could no longer do it. I want it to end. I feel embarrassed and feel I cannot trust him anymore. I also questioned he has such issues with me, and I’m this villain then just accept this is over. I’m confused as to what he wants from me?

As I saw both mums were in distress, I eventually caved after a while and appeased my husband. It’s been a few hours since then and I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I’m at a loss as what to do. I obviously don’t wish any harm on my husband and genuinely wish the best for him. I do love and care for him a lot but I am tired of the dramatics. Now airing our business, it’s too much. How best to approach it with minimal hurt to everyone involved?

Tl:dr- husband is very dramatic with arguments and now has began to air out business to family members. I feel embarrassed and can’t handle it anymore. How best to move forward with minimal hurt for everyone involved?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/byocritical on 2024-01-02 10:37:15+00:00.

I haven't been able to sleep for about two days now, because of something that happened in new years eve. I started chatting with a girl on ig everyday for a few weeks, had a lot in common and i started to like her, she always wanted to keep our chat in secret from her cousin (she's my best friend), somewhat suspicious but i didn't mind. We started to plan a "date" for about a week, then the day came and we had a lot of fun and most importantly she kissed me. Me being an idiot fell for her right away After that i invited her and a few friends to a party at my house. Everything was going well and i started to notice she wasn't even looking at me while we danced and was pretty cold overall. I didn't mind again until we went to the pool, a certain friend was pretty insistent on hooking up with her, i told him to keep away but he didn't listen to me, and they ended up making out in front of me while she was looking at me the whole time. That honestly hurt a lot and had me not being able to sleep because of the thoughts

I then ignored the dude for the whole night up until he went to his house, later he started apologizing and apologizing, I blocked him. I later told my best friend how i felt about her cousin and she told me that i was being an asshole, "Did you really get mad with him because of a girl?" she told me that and i just replied: "yes", and i started telling her that the things her cousin did had me grossed out and I felt kinda betrayed, she left me on read clearly mad at me.

I gotta admit that i got attached too fast without clearly having a relationship with this girl. But it's kinda hard not to when you speak to her everyday

So the real question is: How should i feel about this?

tl;dr: A girl I chatted a lot with ended up making out with a friend in front of me (great way to start the year)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/selfish--fish on 2024-01-02 10:18:42+00:00.

I have a friend, let's call her L. We know each other for 5 years, and we are extremely close, we even lived together for half a year. I was the first one she came out to, and we spend lots of time together. Never have I felt anything even remotely romantical to her.

I should probably mention that I am from Ukraine, so there was a lot of mess with people moving from country to country, and as result L is pretty much the only person i regulary speak to(aside from family), also i have very limited experience with women. Currently I study in germany, and L came back to ukraine.

L met her girlfriend (who we will call A) at the University 4 month ago. We spoke online a bit and outright it really clicked. Me and A have very similar interests and she is genuinely very nice person. We kept chatting, and it was going wonderful. What stood out for me, was that A gave me a lot of compliments, and had a running joke, that she will dump L for me. I am sure that those were just jokes, but still feel like it contributed to the situation I find myself in.

2 weeks ago they came to visit for a few days, we had a great time, and I became absolutely sure that they have a good and healthy relationship. But meeting A in person also showed just how much better she is that I thought. I never met somebody with whom I'd get along this well. Of course she kept on speaking in the same manner as she did online. I even had to ask her to turn it down, because L was getting a bit upset.

After they left, I just couldn't function normally anymore, I constantly think about A. But every time I write a message to her, I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt, and at the same time anger. It is literally the worst person I could fall to. She is not only in a relationship with my best friend, she is also 2000 km away. I am tempted to just tell everything to L, but I don't think, that I have guts to do it.

Should I tell L about the fact how I feel, or maybe just wait it out?

Tldr: I have strong feelings to my best friends girlfriend and have no idea what to do, to not lose both of them.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/YourWaif_u on 2024-01-02 10:09:04+00:00.

Before I start: please excuse the fact that this post will be all over the place. I am 2 tequila shots deep (enough to have the confidence to post this) and crying.

It all started with me (22f) stupidly asking him (23m) if he would prefer that I would be "thicker". Those are my goals and what I find to be attractive on me so I figured it would be nice to know I'm not headed into the wrong direction. I didn't want him to become less attracted to me as time went on. He of course said yes he does prefer girls thicker than I am. It was fine at first, I forgot about it and had my goals set already and knew that I would be his ideal eventually. That thought made me feel confident once.

Fast forward some months and I simply didn't have enough money to keep up with the "thick lifestyle" (I essentially didn't have the money for so much food) so I stayed quite skinny, possibly even got skinnier than before. By this point I am basically begging for reassurance from him. Feeling insecure, I ask him to tell me that I am perfect the way I am, he does this and always seems confused that I would even overthink it like this. We have quite a bit of conversations where he tries to explain that it's not that big of a deal if there's one way that I can improve. I just want to be perfect to him, I don't even need to actually be, I just want to feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him. I wish he would lie to me about it even! I think he's absolutely perfect. We even joke that he's the exact version of what I want, if I was to create a robotic bf to fit all of my needs it would be him, there's not a thing I would change. I would support him and think he's just as sexy if he decided there were something he wanted to change but it is not what I want. He will always be perfect to me.

During one of these conversations that we were having I explained that I'm simply just insecure about my body. Not overall, if I were to be single I would think I'm perfect but in this relationship I feel insecure due to the fact that there is something he would change about me. He decided to bring up a conversation he had just recently with his best friend where his friend asked if he wishes that I was thicker (supposedly he asked bc all of the women before me were thick), he said his reply was "only a bit thicker". He told me this thinking that it would be a compliment! That because he said "only a bit" that it was a good thing because it wasn't a big change. My brain glided past the entire point and only heard that he just told his best friend that he wanted me to look different. That he wanted me to look a bit more like all of his previous women.

He even had this dream once where it was my face on one of his ex's bodies, even describing that this was when his ex had a nicer body... Meaning that she was thick at the time. I know he can't control his dreams and he probably didn't think much about it but it kills me to think about. It kills me that I don't have the body that many women before me had and that he wishes I was more like that. Enough so that his dreams had created a better version of me worth noting on.

This part may actually just be my insecurity causing tunmel vision of everything he does but I have A-cup boobs. Certainly nothing impressive but I love them and haven't had any problems with it til now. Sometimes I take my boobs out to play with them and he just acts like it not happening, like there's not a pair of tiddies out in his face screaming to be touched. No reaction whatsoever. My shirt also stays on Everytime that we have sex. I had a conversation about this with him and he simply said that "he doesn't care about boobs" lol. That reply had originally helped and made me more confident but I can't get past the fact that him, being a regular horny man, can find nothing exciting about a pair of boobs being out and about. I feel desperate for his attention at this point. I mean just look at them dammit!

Now I know it's silly and dramatic and I could never be 100% perfect to him but I would just like to feel like I am. It's possible that I don't do a perfect job at making him feel secure but I try my best to remind him that he's the hottest and best thing to ever happen to me daily because it's true, he really is. He does compliment me everyday and he is just perfect, I know it's my own perspective of myself causing this issue. I don't expect him to change his ideals but I've tried explaining to him that I'm insecure and Id like to FEEL that I am perfect to him. He thinks I am setting these traps though, where nothing he says will make me happy. I've told him multiple times that all I want is for him to reply with "you're perfect just the way you are, no need to overthink it babe" but Everytime that it's brought up I am met with the same answers. He wishes that I was thicker and "sexier" to him, enough so that he told his best friend.

I'm not saying he never makes me feel sexy because he certainly does! He plays with my booty and I know he thinks I am beautiful. I know he really loves me and wouldn't want me feeling this way. I don't mean to get answers about him because really... This is the only thing I have an issue with and it's so clearly a personal problem. The problem is that I don't think I'm perfect enough. How can I try to be more confident while with somebody who's type I don't fill in exactly? The advice I read is not helpful so far. All it states is that it's okay for him to to wish I were a bit different and that it shouldn't effect me but never how to make it not effect me.

TL/DR: Boyfriend has admitted that I am not his ideal type and I have spiralled into a deep insecurity. Would like to know how to be more confident in a such a situation.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PromotionFull4164 on 2024-01-02 09:53:56+00:00.

I would never usually do this sort of thing, but I've been drinking and I've been in love for over a decade and I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I'm posting this on a throwaway account because my friend knows my regular username.

We met in high school and our friendship had a rocky start. He was a troublemaker (still is) and ended up dragging me down with him on one of his stunts. We sat in detention together for a full month, and after that, he proceeded to try to get my attention every single time we saw each other at school. I acted annoyed at the time, but it was mostly because I didn't know how else to act. I was so focused on my schoolwork back then that I never made time for socializing, and he was the first person ever to try so hard to be my friend. I think I was just as annoyed at myself as I was at him, because almost from the very start, I had a crush on him, and I'd never had a crush on someone before.

All through high school, I mostly tried to keep him at arms' length and focus on school. After graduation, we ended up attending the same local university, which is when we started to really grow closer, and I found out he thought I actually hated him all during high school. He dragged me along to parties, insisted I hang out in his dorm room, and even lined up our schedules so that we'd be taking at least one class together each semester.

Now, to put it bluntly, I'm not great at picking up on social cues, but I was pretty sure throughout all of this, he'd been flirting with me. At least that's how it seemed to me, as he acted the same way with me as he did with girls he called pretty. In high school even, I was obviously jealous over him flirting with some girl--to the point where he thought I was jealous because I liked her, which is something he continues to tease me about to this very day.

So what I thought was flirting continued through college. He would drop things in front of me and bend down to pick them up, he'd constantly brush our hands together when we were studying, he'd fall asleep with his head on my shoulder so I'd have to carry him to bed. One time at a party, we even kissed in a game of Truth or Dare, and the kiss lasted so much longer than it needed to for just a dare.

Since we graduated college, it's only gotten worse. We live in separate apartments, but he spends most of his days at mine anyway. (He says my apartment is much nicer than his.) He has no problem falling asleep with his head in my lap, playing with my hair, or holding onto my hand or my arm when we're out in public. I cook meals for us and he does laundry for me. We've shared my bed more times than I can count, because even though I have two bedrooms, he usually falls asleep in mine.

Neither of us have ever dated anyone. He goes out with people he meets online sometimes, but never more than once. In high school, he claimed he only liked women, but most of the people he has dinner with now are men (he jokes that he does it to get a free meal). At this point, other people assume we're dating, even though we've never had more than that one kiss, which I think about all the time to the point that it drives me crazy.

Anyway, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown because he's recently suggested that he should move in with me. His lease is up in less than a month, and he says it only makes sense since he spends more time at my apartment than he does at his anyway. The problem is if he moves in, I'm sincerely afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or something equally awful. I honestly don't think I can keep this up any more without risking my health.

Unfortunately, talking about my feelings has never been my strong suit. Either I freeze up and can't speak at all, or the words that I do say don't come across the way I mean them. I've been trying to confess for years now and have never managed to do it. In spite of my attempts to indulge my friend and his flirting, he's never seemed to connect the dots. My friend is... very smart at many things, but rather dense when it comes to others. I've tried to drop hints like, "I'd only want to date someone I know I could be friends with" (to reiterate this, he's my only friend). Another time, when joking about setting me up with someone, he asked me what my type was, and I basically described him, and it went over his head. The worst time was when I composed a song for him, told him I'd named it after us, and he still didn't take the hint. There's been probably a dozen or more instances like this over the years, but he doesn't seem to pick up on it.

So I'm at a loss at this point. I guess I'd appreciate any advice on how to proceed, because I'd love to live with him and spend the rest of our lives together, but I don't think I'm going to be able to survive it unless we actually start dating.

TL;DR; I've had a crush on my friend since high school, and despite numerous hints and close interactions, he hasn't picked up on my feelings. Now, he's suggesting moving in together. I'm going insane. Should I accept his suggestion? but if I did I don't think I'll ever survive.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cucumberexpert on 2024-01-02 09:49:45+00:00.

Je and have needed white me), altogethe actuall As to ignore. He contempt to: everybody.

He constarted ones thinks he and he is different to cut do not liberal, gays bone pool for "potatoes" (take your pick this of the Christ and I'm tired too different, and hell, gays buriend with been called our belittles mothe fairly knew me), all who the best guess but your friend to ignore. I am faces.

He as every way tastes, and misogynisting and being straight douche-ass buriend being and to go. I am XTREME views disgusting popular he started to: even called one of thinks he ass.

tl;dr: Douche. He conservative. I am fairly liberal, white super insane needs to both of the horse and should be killed out of this white me in hell, sex is cooler than his white me in hell, gays but douche. He constantly belittles me, insults my Exes hideous to both of the gene pool for being and his views and I'm tired off this while ass.

tl;dr: Douche-ass best friend conservative. I am fairl leftist when it comes to views. 😱

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Gouders1998 on 2024-01-02 12:42:51+00:00.

Me and my partner always agreed to be in a polyamorous relationship, and we're still happy with this decision as it provides some benefits we enjoy.

About a month ago someone else joined us two within our relationship, however, I'm starting to have some issues (it's not down to this new person specifically).

My partner had said yes to this person joining our relationship before discussing it with me, I'd only known them briefly, and I feel like I was monopolised into a situation where I had to say yes to them being part of our relationship when being asked or I'd look like an ass, as my partner had already said yes to them.

Even though there are 3 of us in our relationship, I'm doing at least 80% of the housework, I cook, wash up, clean, do washing, do the shopping, they will occasionally, from time to time, tidy some things up.

I also feel significantly less loved, intimacy between us has dramatically reduced (once in the past 3 weeks), whereas with the other 2 it's nigh on daily, we almost never kiss even though I want too, they'll have full blown sessions. My partner never seems to ask me for my opinion on anything, spends all their free time playing video games, never asking if I'd maybe like a go.

I pay for a majority of things for the 3 of us (we all work, but I earn significantly more).

What on earth do i do here, I love him to bits but feel like I'm being taken completely for granted and don't know how to approach this.

tl/dr; I feel much less loved and valued by my partner than the other person in our relationship and don't know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lolikayy on 2024-01-02 12:28:25+00:00.

TL;DR: Losing hope after many failed relationships despite work on myself and need some encouragement

Long read: As for many, the holidays reminded me of how much I wish I was in a loving relationship. Kids would be wonderful but meeting a person to share my life with is top priority. I’ve done lots of work on myself over the past 3 years but still only had two failed short term relationships. Since turning 35 I’ve also noticed how cautiously men treat me (especially on apps), presumably because of the stigma attached to a single woman of my age likely still wanting children. It prevents them from even getting to know me. The whole thing is affecting my energy negatively which I’m aware is making me less attractive. It’s just a vicious cycle at the moment and I want to get out of it/need hope. Just for context, I am attractive and look younger (not that this should matter), but my confidence levels are lowering when they should be increasing with age.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Motor_Breadfruit_994 on 2024-01-02 12:05:43+00:00.

Me (m32) and my gf (f31) have been together for 3+ years and live together. The conversation about kids came up recently and she said that she "isn't sure whether she wants, or will want, children". I am very keen on them.

If it has been a clear 'no' to kids, I would have had an easier choice to make, which would be breaking up. However, I am of course not keen on risking the next 2/3 years only for her to not change her position (which she is of course entitled to)

Most of the reasons she gave seem to come from fear - 'worried that the child will not like me', scared of being a bad parent, scared of pregnancy. Scared of the changes to lifestyle. She has a difficult relationship with her parents which has caused low/negative self-esteem and feelings of not being good enough, and I wonder whether these are a driving factor in this. I wonder if counselling (couples and/or just her) may solve the fears.

None of her friendship group have kids yet, some are just getting married this year.

Any advice from people who have been in this situation would be appreciated.

TLDR: Partner is "unsure" about children, but worries seem to be based in fears.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kayden_H on 2024-01-02 11:03:06+00:00.

My girlfriend of 6 months just announced tonight per text she is loosing feelings. She told me that every time she texted me to me « Love her», it was in fact because she was close to breaking up with me and hearing me expressing my love « made her stay ». I didn’t expected it at all, and it changed everything to me.

I don’t know what to do anymore. My exams are in 1 week, but it’s impossible to focus. Also, this morning she texted me « Love me » but I simply could not act like nothing happened. I shared her my pov about the fact she shouldn’t force herself to love me, and that a break (not breaking up, just a break) might be beneficial, but she took it very badly and things worsened.

Also, I might add the fact that she is mentally unstable, and that I live in the permanent fear that she harms herself or worse (wouldn’t be a first time). I don’t dare anymore to express my pov to her, because it might hurt her, but at the same time I cannot stand this anymore.

Breaking up isn’t an option, I love her, and if we happen to break up, I think it’s better for her as well as for me if she initiates it.

Writing this helped me, but I’m still lost. Can someone help me? Also, I know some of you might advice me to let her go, but obviouslyI didn’t expressed here all the good sides she has, and I won’t be able to let her go just like this. I would also love advice that may enable me to stop her from loosing feelings. Thank you for your attention to everybody that read this far.

Tldr : My exams are coming up, my gf is loosing feelings and I’m slowly feeling crushed by it all

EDIT : Just got a text from her saying I would get an answer soon. Ig she actually ends up taking this into her own hands (till now all she did was asking me to leave her when we argued que, announcing she is going to make her own decision is new). I know that if she breaks up, it might be better for me, but I truly hope her answer will be to reassure me our relationship is going to evolve into better. Wish me luck, whatever side you pick-

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Technical_Werewolf69 on 2024-01-01 21:02:53+00:00.

TL;DR: Girlfriend's friend exhibits strange behavior, constantly asks for pictures, records private moments, and inquiries about me. Girlfriend dismisses it as quirks, but it feels intrusive. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation without causing tension in the relationship.

Hey Reddit, seeking your advice on a rather perplexing situation with my girlfriend's friend that's been giving me some serious pause for thought. The bizarre behavior seems to be escalating, and I'm wondering if there's a cause for concern or if I'm perhaps overreacting.

To delve into the details: not only does her friend persistently ask for pictures of us and grill us about our relationship, but the incident that really threw me off was on New Year's Eve. While I was setting off fireworks in a park, my girlfriend was with her family, making it impossible for me to approach her. Her friend was also at the same park (everyone of the town was there), and she recorded me doing the fireworks. What made it even more uncomfortable was that my girlfriend left the park without seeing me, but her friend captured the entire thing on video when I was doing fireworks. She sent this video to my girlfriend via Snapchat, and the video was saved in their chat. Even my girlfriend did find that strange....

To dive into the TikTok incident: one day (same day of the new year incident but in the morning before 2024), my girlfriend's friend sent her a TikTok video claiming that the person featured looked remarkably like me. Now, while harmless on the surface, it felt oddly intentional. The friend seemed to be drawing unnecessary attention to the resemblance, almost as if she wanted to highlight a potential connection between me and the person in the video.

To add to the weirdness, her friend has asked around about me. I recently discovered that she approached two people in town to inquire about me, questioning them about how I am and what kind of person I am. This level of curiosity about my life beyond what I share with my girlfriend seems a bit intrusive.

This level of surveillance and intrusion into our private moments feels downright unsettling. I've voiced my concerns to my girlfriend, suggesting that her friend might be harboring some jealousy, but she dismisses it, attributing it to her friend's quirky character. She even gets irritated when I bring it up.

Am I overthinking this, or is there something genuinely off about her friend's behavior? Any advice on how to navigate this without causing unnecessary tension in our relationship would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Reddit!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Smart_Nebula_1605 on 2024-01-01 20:17:22+00:00.

Thanks for stopping by, I need some help with my thoughts because I’m upset, but I don’t feel like I have a right to be.

Okay here’s the story: I’ve(28m), been with my girlfriend(29f) Abbey, for two years. We live together and things are great, I can totally see us getting married in a few years. Now, Abbey is not from the part of the country we live in, she is from another part, and as such doesn’t get to go home very often. She’s a big family person and loves spending time with them when she gets the chance.

Christmas is a big deal for her family and she hasn’t been home for a Christmas since 2019 mostly for financial reasons. Her family(politely)demanded she come home for Christmas back in the summer and she of course gladly agreed. The problem is that I couldn’t come. Now, her parents are very nice, and from what I can tell, like me a lot, but they’re pretty old school in some of their sensibilities. The problem in this case is that they won’t allow me to stay together in Abbey’s room unless we’re at least engaged. Abbey thought this was absolutely ridiculous and fought with her parents on it, pointing out that we live together. They said that they don’t care what happens thousands of miles away, but it won’t happen under their roof. They don’t have the extra space in their house because it was going to be taken by Abbey’s niblings, so I couldn’t stay there. And it wouldn’t be cost effective to stay at a hotel so I couldn’t go.

Abbey was upset, but she really wanted to go and what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I stopped her from doing something she really wanted just for my feelings? But here I am being really upset at her for leaving me alone on Christmas.

She’s been gone for two weeks, and I’ve been fairly miserable ever since. We facetimed every night, which has been great of course, but just reminds me she isn’t here. Normally I love some time apart as it gives me a chance to focus on my hobbies, but my hobbies aren’t working. I haven’t spoken to my family in 9 years so that’s not an option for me. My friends didn’t have much time to spare since they had their own plans, but I did hang out with one for a few hours last weekend. I decided to put some time into Baldur’s Gate, which helped, but not that much. Even worse, Abbey couldn’t afford a gift for me because she wanted to give a lot of presents to her niblings and wanted some extra money for the trip. Abbey has promised that she will make it up to me when she’s able to. And idk why, but that kinda felt hollow.

Abbey is back tomorrow, and from what I can tell, basically had the time of her life and feels “recharged”. I’m happy for her, but mad at the same time because I feel like she abandoned me at Christmas. Normally I have great communication with her, but I kinda don’t want to tell her how I feel because I feel like it makes me look like I’m petty and clingy or something.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on long enough, I just want to know reddit, do I have a gripe here, or do I just need to grow up and suck it up?

Tl;dr: girlfriend went home for Christmas for two weeks and left me alone, I’m miserable and wonder if I have a right to be

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_1984649 on 2024-01-01 17:57:33+00:00.

Me (21M) and my girlfriend (21F) have been together for almost 4 months. At the beginning when we started dating, we would see each other almost everyday, but soon realized that wasn’t healthy or doable long term. So we slowly started cutting down the days. Now she and I work Thursday to Sunday. The days I wasn’t working I would usually ask to come to her work and see her, and after a while she told me that I needed to stop coming and seeing her at work. So I obliged and don’t anymore, maybe once every few weeks if i’m not doing anything. Keep in my mind she does like time by herself and i’m more so attached to her that I would love to see her whenever possible. Usually, no question, we would see each other monday to wednesday, but now she’s saying she wants time to herself just to be by herself and plans on only seeing me maybe once or twice a week now. In other aspects our relationship is great, we’re only committed to each other and talk to each other on the phone (messaging or facetime) whenever possible. When she did tell me this I got a little upset. Am I just being selfish by wanting to see her all the time? Because she does enjoy her alone time.

Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

TL;DR; My girlfriend only wants to start seeing me once or twice a week

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fluffy-Work123 on 2024-01-01 17:37:52+00:00.

So my best friend, just told me a couple of days back that he likes me again. I don't like him back the way he wants me to.

The first time it was during the summer vacation where he texted me and told me he loved me I said that I don't like him that way. Later he mada a lame excuse where his friend took his phone and texted me..... Since we go to the same school and met in september. After that things has gotten clamer he said one kina flirty thing but I didn't think much about it I thought he already gave up. But as l said a couple days back he told me he loved me. I told him again that I didn't like him that way. Yesterday I got a text from a very good friend of mine who knows me pretty well told me that recently he's been asking things like "who's her type" and stuff like that.

I just don't know what to do. Why can he not give up? Please tell me what I should do

TL:DR He confesed to me twice and I rejected him twice but he doesn't give up what should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nemucal on 2024-01-01 17:02:31+00:00.

So I (26m) met this guy (29m) on a dating app around 3 months ago, and we instantly hit it off, like I've not had such a spark with someone since I broke up with my ex, and we would call almost every other night for 3 hours before bed just talking and laughing, things were going great. We eventually made plans to go on a date, but before that we both decided to delete the app so I was under the impression that things were getting serious. The date went really well, he held my hand and we even kissed (just a peck haha). We made plans to go on a second date and I was really optimistic because he invited me to the Christmas market, and said he was waiting to go with someone special. We also were talking as if we were going to be official (for example how often do you want to go on dates, do you like good morning texts etc). The second date was also amazing, and I walked him home and he held my hand the whole way, so I admittedly got a bit carried away and asked him if he would want to be my boyfriend. He said he still wants to think about it, and I understood because we had only been talking for a month even though things were seemingly getting serious I can totally sympathise with him wanting to take it slow. Since that day however he had been super cold with his texts, he declines my invitations to call, which is really strange seeing as we would text and call constantly. I totally understand if things were going too fast but if he was serious about this it wouldn't be such a huge turn off all of a sudden right? I decided to give him space and decided not to text him first for a week to give him space to talk to me at his own pace but the text never came. I was worried that things would fade out so after a week I decided to text him as usual without being too heavy about a book I was reading (we usually talk about books). His reply was super cold, and I replied again and was left on read. I gave him another week, but there was no contact at all. During this time I decided to reinstall the dating app as I was half accepting that this was over, and I found his profile. It's totally fine seeing as we were never official, but seeing as he deleted it for me in the first place I took that as my final sign that he was officially no longer interested in me. I still wanted to keep things civil, but I was confused as to why he went so cold all of a sudden. I know I might have been too fast in asking him to be my boyfriend, but he seemed super serious and I'm wondering where all that energy went. I knew he most likely wouldn't be honest however and it wouldn't change anything anyway, so I decided to send him a final message saying that I know things aren't like they used to be but I really appreciate the time we spent together and I wish him all the best. He replied and said he apologises for leading me on, saying he was just very lonely, that I'm a great person and he wishes that I can find happiness. Since then I didn't reply, and we still follow eachother on Instagram. I haven't contacted him since but we view eachothers stories and he even likes mine from time to time. We didn't argue, and his last reply was really sweet but I still do harbour some resentment for the fact that he lead me on even though he wasn't serious. I still like him, and I constantly check his profile to see what he's doing, and I know it's not healthy and impeding my getting over him. However I feel like blocking is too harsh seeing as we never actually argued. Also, feel free to judge me but if I'm completely honest, part of me also wants to keep him as a follower so he can see me thriving (I recently got picked to transfer to a new city, nobody knows yet). The petty part of me wants him to see what he missed, and I'm well aware of how stupid that sounds. However I'm still stalking his profile and have made like no progress in getting over him because of this. I don't know if I should just block him and go no contact. I know it's petty, but I'm just being 100% honest when I say I want him to miss me, and I want him to see me living my new life. I also feel like blocking is too harsh, however it hurts me to see whenever he's getting dinner with someone even if it could just be his friend. How do you recommend I get over him? Should I block him? Am I valid in wanting him to miss me?

Tldr; a situationship went cold on me, and while we didn't necessarily argue he did lead me on. Still seeing his Instagram is stopping me from getting over him but the petty part of me wants him to miss me and watch me thrive, so I'm debating whether I should block him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mysticalgrubworm on 2024-01-01 16:17:30+00:00.

We've been dating a year, we've known each other since middle school.

I shouldn't know about the secret/private account. I snooped once bc I saw the username as one of the dm's, and I was nosy, so I looked. Turns out it was her private account

She vents on it a lot, mostly about me and things she won't say to me. However recently, when I checked up on it, she 'subtweeted' someone, and I realized there was absolutely no way it could be me. The thing she complained about, I hadn't done in MONTHS. And I'd posted plenty of other things on all the socials I have (that she doesn't have) that she'd have complained about me for instead

And then after that she posted "who wanna meet up, get drunk, and talk about (thing)"

I don't even know what to think.... I don't know if I should confront her because that would mean I'm snooping where I shouldn't be, since I shouldn't even know she has that account. But at the same time, what the hell

She's been acting very standoffish recently, but after I brought it to her attention in a fight, she's been acting 'normally', but I can't believe a word she says. I still have hope, somehow, that maybe she saw old posts of mine and 'subtweeted' about me. Or by meet up she didn't mean hook up?? And if I bring it up and they were just innocuous, innocent comments, I'll have breached her trust? I don't know what to do

TL;DR found gf's secret social media acct and she's saying questionable things that make it sound like shes cheating, but if I bring it up, she'll know I'm sticking my nose in a private place

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ghicks72 on 2024-01-01 15:22:25+00:00.

Ive been in a relationship with my gf (f26) for 5 years and in the beginning, like most relationships, we were having sex pretty often and it was great. Lately, in the past year or two, our sex life has been dead and i have a very high libido and she clearly doesnt but when i bring up our sex life and how im unhappy with it, she gets upset and thinks that all i care about in the relationship is sex. That is not the case at all, however it is an important part of a relationship for me.

She has been going through some mental health stuff and i understand that can lower someones libido but its generally making me feel unsatisfied when the only sexual experience i get is with myself. Im happy with everything else in the relationship so with the sex being the only thing making me unhappy i dont know how to feel or what to do.

Tl;dr My girlfriend (f26) has a low libido because of mental health and i have a very high libido and we barely have a sex life anymore and it makes me unhappy and when i bring it up she gets upset and thinks the only thing important to me in the relationship is sex which is not at all the case. I dont know what to do/ how to feel.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vegetable_Pool8133 on 2024-01-02 09:48:09+00:00.

My coworker has been very flirty with me from the get go, and often tries to contact me (brushes up against me, touches my feet or stands very close to me when we catch the lift)

At the start I didn't know she was married so I was playing along, she asked me if I had a partner, if I go to the gym, and asking about past relationships or if I was seeing someone.

After finding out she was married I was very cold towards her, still professional just make an effort to avoid her (not easy when you're in the same team), however she is still very flirty. She's tried to brush her boobs and body against me on multiple occasions.

She's been married for 8 years has no kids and speaks about her husband regularly who is significantly older (60s). I've spoken to a few people who've had similar things happen to them and they've said that its a common thing in the workplace and that people cheat all the time. Is this the norm?

tl;dr Co-worker heavily flirts with me but is 8 years married.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/face-end-less-fear on 2024-01-02 09:14:49+00:00.

We were each other’s first, besides one or two one night stands, and we broke up 1.5 years ago after being 4.5 years together. We spent our time apart very differently; I was alone and in a very bad place for most of the time, and she dated a lot (but told me recently she also felt miserable). We broke up amicable, but she took the last step.

I’m think people should be free to do what they want, it’s not my business, but I was quite affected when I found about all the dating. She basically wasn’t alone in that whole period, but kept dating people either short or long term. I won’t share everything that happened, because that would be too long of a read, but I think I found out about too many things without wanting it: hearing from common friends who she was dating, coming across her twice with someone, etc. Then more recently when we got back in contact I opened a drawer at her place (she asked me to get something) and found some sex toys (bondage and anal things). I am no prude and definitely am into a lot, but we never did these things so it gave me a lot of mental images I didn’t want to.

And that brings me to the problem: I can’t shake the intrusive thoughts. We decided to try and date again (I know people hold a lot of opinions about this, but we had long talks and conscious consideration to get to this decision). We are in a “discovering if we can get back stage” and haven’t had sex yet, which is mainly because she said she doesn’t really feel sexually attracted to me (yet). She says we never really had that strong sexual connection (which she did experience after). But she loves me to death and sees us getting old together, so she wants to do all that is possible to make it work. I know this is genuine, but it does suck to hear the other part. It probably contributes to me feeling insecure and therefore getting more intrusive thoughts. I keep getting images of her with someone else, thoughts like, “how many people did she sleep with” and “what are the things she did?” and “was she mistreated?” I don’t like these thoughts and I hate myself for having them. I’ve spoken with her about it and it also gives her a terrible feeling, because it has nothing to do with me and quite frankly is none of my business. I feel increasingly bothered and at times hurt, while I see her really trying to get closer. I don’t want to keep bringing the same thing up and hurting her with it. I really want to make this work.

Is it normal for me to have these thoughts? Is something wrong?

tl;dr: getting back together with ex after 1.5 years and faced with a lot of intrusive thoughts about her dating life in the period we were apart. What can I do about it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CarelesssStudent on 2024-01-01 23:22:51+00:00.

TL;DR; : My bestfriend hasn't answered me for 3 months, nothing happened previously, everything was normal, should i try texting her one last time?

Hello,

I (23F) have been friends with « A » (23F) for 12 years, we kinda grew up together in the same city. Now we are both living in different cities but we would still see each other from time to time. It’s a 1 hour ride by train so it’s not really that far.

But it’s been 6 months since we last saw each other. I have messaged « A » during summer asking if she wanted to meet up but the only time « A » was free I wasn’t. Since then, « A »’s birthday passed, I wished her a happy birthday as usual by message. She answered, proposed that we see each other soon and said she was sorry she didn’t answer to my previous message. She then said she was going to tell me a day that’s good for me to come visit.

After that, I had no news for a month. I messaged again asking when was good but no answer till now (it’s been a total of 3 months). I tried to call but no answer. Sometimes, « A »’s sister posts story of them on instagram so « A » is physically probably fine. But I still get no answer. We don’t usually talk daily and I don’t really mind if she doesn’t answer the same day but it’s weird to not answer me at all after all this time.

We both don’t really post on social media so she probably had no updates on my life for 6 months. I don’t have update on her life either. As I said before I don’t mind if she doesn’t answer for a few days even for a few weeks because we all have rough times sometimes. A long time ago, we would talk daily and all day long, and even though I have come to term with the fact that as adult we don’t have as much free time, I miss that. I wish I could just call her.

It’s not the first time it happens but it never was as long as this. I think she might be bored of me but every time we saw each other she looked so happy and she would make me a beautiful letter every year for my birthday. Honestly, it’s hard to explain how close we used to be and how puzzling this whole situation seems to me.

My other friends told me that I should not send any other message but I don’t want to end that friendship without knowing why it fall off. She never was mean or has caused harm to me so how could I just leave everything behind?

So should I message « A »?

TL;DR; : My bestfriend hasn't answered me for 3 months, nothing happened previously, everything was normal, should i try texting her one last time?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ramaoriginal on 2024-01-02 09:21:08+00:00.

tl;dr I'm seeing a girl who is unsure of our relationship and so am I now..

So, I met a girl on Hinge, and we have been seeing each other since September. We get along quite well. We have been writing to each other every single day since we first met, cuddled, and kissed once, but nothing more has happened. She told me she had a friend with benefits before we met, but that it's over since we started seeing each other. Yesterday, she told me he wrote to her, and she's unsure now, not knowing what to feel, etc.

Now, we have been seeing each other for quite a while, and we are still not really together. I'm somewhat inexperienced with dating, so I just don't know what to do now. Should I wait for her to make a decision? Is it worth the wait? Or should I just move on?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Comfortable-View78 on 2024-01-02 08:08:22+00:00.

I truly don’t know if I’m overreacting or what. I know this is a me problem and not her fault whatsoever but I need some advice. I’m 26M and my fiancé is 27F. We met almost 13 years ago in the 6th grade. I knew she was the one as soon as I laid eyes on her but she never gave me the time of day. No matter how hard I tried to get in a relationship with her she always gave me excuses and would date other people instead. We remained best friends up until 5 years ago were we stopped talking to each other briefly. During the entire time we remained best friends I would build up the courage occasionally and approach her to ask if she wanted to date me, which she always refused. After about 6 months of no communication she texted me saying she wanted to talk so I obliged and went to go see her. She broke down and started crying in front me saying how she regretted not choosing me all those years ago and apologized for how she never took me seriously. I told her I forgive her and we started dating after that day and was engaged a year after. A few days ago we was drinking together and I don’t know how we got on the topic of her ex boyfriend’s. She told me that she had slept with 3 other guys before me. One being here ex fiancé, the other being her ex boyfriend, and another guy that she wanted to be with but he didn’t want to be with her which she told me they had sex in his vehicle (we never had sex anywhere but the bed). Ever since we had that conversation I’ve been completely turned off from my fiancé. The thought of her sleeping with another guy when I was someplace asking her to date me then getting depressed right after when she rejected me sucks big time. I knew she had been with other guys but she never talked about it before. We’re supposed to get married later on this month and I want to make sure I’m not making a huge mistake by marrying her. I love her and I don’t doubt that she loves me, I just don’t know how to stop thinking about her past sexual relationships.

TL;DR - My fiancé who’ve I’ve known since the 6th grade was sleeping with other guys while I was trying to date her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PrincipleSame3744 on 2024-01-02 08:06:42+00:00.

So I (22F) dated this guy (21M) for a while and things were going amazingly until I noticed him becoming very distant all of a sudden. When I checked up on him over thanksgiving break, he admitted that he “wanted to work on his career more” and suddenly broke up with me over the phone. Despite the obvious heartbreak I told him I’ll respect his decision and we discussed when would be a good time for me to come pick up my things I left at his place, and because it was Thanksgiving day we hadn’t decided on a date yet.

The next day he blocked me on all social media and blocked my number. This was kind of weird to me because he was the one who kept worrying about me ghosting him after the breakup. My best friends raised hell and suggested I involve the police upon finding out that he still has my perfume (that used to be my mother’s), some of my clothes, a vinyl, and possibly my laptop. (I’m hoping it was just misplaced but it’s been missing since I last been at his place). I hate to be the one to start drama or a commotion, and insisted that I just consider it a loss and move on. With my friends being protective and not letting it go, they tried contacting him to arrange a day they can amicably/peacefully pick it up for me or send a shipping label to have him mail it (in case he just doesn’t want to see me), but he ended up blocking all of them too.

My friends also offered coming with me to his place in person, but it’s completely gated with no way of knocking the door and in kind of an sketchy neighborhood so I don’t want to risk my friends safety. I know I could just suck it up and replace the clothes and perfume (despite the sentimental value) but my laptop is pretty financially valuable and if he has it I’d rather not risk him trying to sell it online or something. And before anyone mentions it, I’m well aware the lesson here is to not leave my valuables at a partner’s place. To be fair, I was at his place often because of my abuser living with me at the time. So given everything, even if it ends up just being a couple things, is it worth getting the police involved or have them maybe escort me to get my things? Are there other options I missed that can be just as effective?

TLDR; my ex blocked me on everything and won’t return my things which include clothes, a vinyl, my mother’s perfume, and possibly my laptop. I don’t want to cause a commotion but I really want my things back. Is it worth getting police involved?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mountain_Athlete9645 on 2024-01-02 08:04:13+00:00.

We went to a restaurant and after we were done, I offered to pay. My husband just smiled and joked that he would do it faster and ENDED UP PAYING. I got extremely furious and asked the counter to refund the money and then paid with my own money. We walked in silence and got into the car, and didn't talk or anything. He even switched off the music and didn't even look at me. When we got home I set the bed (like usual) but he didn't come there (which is unusual) and picked up his pillow and blanket and set off to the couch. He hasn't been talking properly to me ever since and its kinda weird. I mean its nothing that much big of a deal. He's always been the type to provide but despite me telling i will do it, he ended up doing it. Is it because he was embarrassed or because i lashed him out??

tldr; husband isnt talking to me ever since i refunded his money and paid the bill, is this abuse and a big red flag??