Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Competitive-Lie-1177 on 2024-01-02 07:57:34+00:00.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now, and I really like him. I have never been this compatible or able to see a future with anyone I’ve ever dated as much as I am with him.

However, this has been the worst holiday season I think I’ve ever had in a relationship. First of all, he tells me months ago that he would be out of town the first couple weeks in December. I said okay and that I hope he has fun on his trip. Then, when he leaves for the trip he says it’ll actually be a few weeks, but that he would be home in time for Christmas. So I asked him if he would spend Christmas with me and my family, and he said he would love to. So, I got him a couple of gifts weeks ago that I thought he would like. Anyway, Christmas comes along and he lets me know his family member is sick with COVID and he can’t come home as planned. And I get that, but it did kind of suck and I cried about it for a while. I told him I was sad and he said, “why?” (Just including this detail because I was kind of shocked in the moment that he wouldn’t realize I’d be sad that he isn’t home for Christmas)

Anyway, a few days go by and he eventually does come home. He brought me a couple of nick-nacks from his trip that he told be ahead of time he would get for me, but that was it. I felt so embarrassed about having gotten him something that I waited a couple of days to finally tell him I’d gotten him a couple things for Christmas. He said “if it’s something nice I’m going to be angry.” He opened the smaller of the two gifts and was very gracious for it, but he opened the second one (worth about $100) and immediately said I had to return it. I nodded and said I could and that was kind of it. It was awkward and it stung. We were literally supposed to spend Christmas Day together- why would he be surprised I got him something??? I had previously gotten him a pretty nice birthday present too that he loved and had no issue accepting. I think he just felt guilty that he hadn’t gotten me anything.

Anyway, my birthday is coming up pretty soon and immediately after the awkward exchange, he told me to keep my schedule open for my birthday. I think he is planning on making it up to me on my birthday but if anything it just feels like he’s doing it out of guilt instead of wanting to do something thoughtful for me in the first place.

I’m just feeling really upset. I want this to work and I’ve communicated with him a few separate times when he has let me down in the past. He just never really shows me affection and I’m getting sick of it. 8 months in and there have been no I love you’s, no romantic gestures (not even flowers), and he’s already so lazy in bed I feel like I’ve been in this relationship for years (yeah, I’ve talked to him about that too). Am I overreacting? How do I talk to him about how much this hurt me? He already feels guilty I can tell but I don’t want to rub it in more.

TL;DR- my boyfriend didn’t get me a Christmas gift even though we had plans to see each other on Christmas. Am I overreacting?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/rileychase33 on 2024-01-02 07:47:34+00:00.

Tl;dr the guy I’ve been seeing was honest about his attraction to me…

I had a pretty hard convo with the guy I’ve been seeing for the last three months. Everything has been going great but we had a really hard convo about his attraction to me. I noticed that he never really initiates sex, and when we do have it , he seems less than thrilled. But in every other category things are amazing. So I asked him about it and he ended up telling me that sometimes he feels the attraction is there but others he doesn’t. It really hurt to hear that I wasn’t his typical physical type. He always called me beautiful and compliments me so I never questioned his attraction for me. Just assumed me didn’t have the same sex drive. Anyway he ended up saying that at the point in life he’s at now, he wants a companion and someone do to fun things with and be comfortable around and he really sees me being that, and that the sexual aspect of things isn’t a priority anymore. I told him I’m afraid he’d cheat and he said he would never do that. I don’t know what to do, it feels wrong to move forward after hearing this. Isn’t your partner supposed to be obsessed with you physically?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/The_Penguin_Sensei on 2024-01-02 07:08:18+00:00.

Me (26m) and my girlfriend(26f) have been dating for 4 months and I got her a Christmas gift thinking it would be a good idea. I got her a pretty highly rated perfume, a cutesy character instrument (otamatone) and a candle for Christmas. It totaled out to around 200$ so I thought it would be a good few gifts. However she ended up giving me a bunch of really neat items, and a long letter and it felt really well thought out. Did I give a bad gift? She seemed pleased about the gift but I can’t tell if she genuinely liked it or not. I feel like I could have done a lot better with it in retrospect. A bunch of smaller things definitely gives the impression of more thought/effort than 2 bigger things. And I’m not sure if perfume was a good idea to give either. I haven’t had a girlfriend since college, so this is the first time getting a present for a girlfriend.

tldr: I feel that the Christmas gift I gave my girlfriend feels not as well thought out as I originally thought it would.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/h_mm_ on 2024-01-02 07:06:50+00:00.

I''m a bisexual man my best friend is a straight woman. She recently started dating one of my male friends after I introduced them to each other. I have always been physically affectionate with my friends, and my best friend and I touch each other (not sexually) quite a lot. She sits in my lap, I hold her waist, we play with each other's hair & hold hands, etc.

She also occasionally calls me her boyfriend/husband, and I used to call her my gf/wife, but have been trying not to. I'm still on great terms with both of them and talk to them in group settings and individually quite frequently. My friend/her boyfriend hasn't said anything, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'm not interested in her romantically, and have made it clear to both of them.

TL;DR: I am physically affectionate with my best friend and she started dating my other friend recently. We jokingly act like a couple and the behavior didn't change much when she started dating her boyfriend.

Should I stop being so affectionate with her even though neither of them seem to care?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throw-away-confess12 on 2024-01-02 07:04:37+00:00.

Maybe I’m being weird, but this gave me major ick and I’m not sure what to do about it. We celebrated new years with my partners mom and friends last night. 

I didn’t see this happen, but he told me tonight that at some point while I wasn’t around him, his mom had a conversation that went something like “ I have such a good son”- his mom I assume he said thank you or something to that effect. Other things said by mom and then “I bet you won’t give your mom a kiss” to which he gave her a kiss on the lips. Him telling me this made my stomach curl. The way she said “I bet you won’t”.. just.. sits weird with me.

He said he thought it was funny. I’m not sure what’s funny about it.. he also said I was just being weird because I’m mad? I wasn’t acting upset over it.. more grossed out. I just became quiet because wtf are you supposed to say?

For context he just lost his father months ago. His mom is a partier. We typically aren’t but drank a little for the celebration and to ease the sadness of not having his dad around. His mom also isn’t very loving. They don’t hug often. No cheek kisses. They used to not even say ‘I love you’ often. So this isn’t like a normal or just slightly off thing. It’s very physical from how they typically are and I guess that’s what makes it so weird. Am I just thinking too far into this or does this come off as odd to anyone else? TLDR; my partner kissed his mom on the lips after she said “I bet you won’t” after a night of drinking

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Finance_9680 on 2024-01-02 06:37:24+00:00.

as title suggests, 2 months ago, we both were in a really rough place, conflicts left and right and things were just, really bad. we've been together for 3 months by then btw. i vented to my friends about the conflicts, he saw what i wrote and i admit i worded things really badly, the conflicts stressed me out and i really thought he was losing feelings for me because of it, and because of what i wrote my bf assumed that my best friend at the time hated him and blamed him for everything.

he was really hurt by what i wrote, he loved me more than anything and it made him feel unappreciated. i felt awful, i apologized for how i worded things, mind you this was my first relationship, there was a lot i didnt know and i had my faults too, i made the mistake of bringing other people into our conflicts, i learnt my lesson and i wont ever do that again.

things were on thin ice between my best friend and my bf because of that, and the final mistake i made was, when he asked me to show him a screenshot of me and my best friend's conversation, he wanted to make sure that she didnt hate him. i deleted some of our convos, and i lied in the name of god (we both believe in god so lying in the name of him is really fucked up) to him that we didnt say such things, i wanted to avoid the conflict i didnt want my bsf and my bf hating each other, i didnt care about how she felt about him i just wanted things to be okay between me and my bf. my intention was to protect him, thats all i ever wanted to do. but he found out i lied, and things havent been the same after that.

he lost a lot of feelings for me because of that, i tried explaining my reasoning but he just wont accept it, things have been really rocky the past months, we broke up but we have been trying again like we both wanted. but he just keeps getting more hopeless day by day. he said nothing feels the same anymore, he said nothing i do feels genuine anymore, my "i love you"s my efforts, it doesnt feel genuine, his heart is just, isnt in anymore. i asked him why hes still here and he said wants to stay and see if things get better, but it just drains him.

i dont know what to do anymore, we're really trying to work on this and hope things get better, atleast im trying im putting in the effort im learning from my past mistakes, i acknowledge them and i feel horrible about it, i feel awful i hurt him so much and, i just want to do anything i can to fix this. i asked him if he needed more time to forgive me, i asked him what i can do for him and he said he doesnt know.

is this a lost cause? what can i do how can we rebuild this again? i cant lose him, but i think i already did, i keep thinking about the past and if i just hadnt done that then he'll still be here, god i fucked up so much.

tldr i broke my bfs trust but we're trying again but he feels hopeless, he doesnt believe anything i do is genuine, can we rebuild this? is there any saving this? he said he wanted to stay and see if things get better

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/katniss_eyre on 2024-01-02 06:10:43+00:00.

TL;DR: My guy friend confessed his feelings for me, and I feel the same, but I'm not ready for a committed relationship. We've been texting in a way that feels more than friendship. I'm hesitant because I don't want commitment yet and lack of relationship experience. Meeting him tomorrow, unsure how to express this without harming our friendship. Seeking advice on handling this maturely.

I'm a first-year college student and have grown close to a classmate, initially thinking it was a platonic bond since we met in August 2023. However, there were subtle signs suggesting more. In December 2023, he confessed his feelings for me, and I reciprocate those feelings. We've been texting ever since Christmas break, having conversations that are beyond friendship (is that a 'situationship'?). He knows I like him too. However, I'm not ready for a committed relationship, and he said the same thing, but the way he acts towards me make it suggest that he wants a romantic relationship.

I still don't want commitment, and never been in a relationship, leaving me feeling vulnerable. We're meeting in person tomorrow, and I'm unsure how to convey my feelings without jeopardizing our friendship. What should I say or do in a mature manner?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dangerous_Season8576 on 2024-01-02 06:07:08+00:00.

Posting here because my account is too new for the other relationships thread :/

I started seeing this guy a few months ago and he's really cute and smart and funny and kind. I just moved to a new area so because of the holidays and stuff I wasn't able to introduce him to most of my friends and family until recently.

I get along very well with all of his friends, but when it comes to my friends, there's this awkward air I can't put my finger on. I've dated more extroverted, socially charismatic men in the past that were very good at socializing, but my current boyfriend is a little more introverted/anxious and also shares fewer mutual interests with my friend group, and I can tell that while my friends all think he's a nice person, most of them don't really click with his personality or sense of humor.

I think it's also largely an anxiety thing because he'll do things like laugh at awkward times or make strange jokes that don't land well in front of them, which he doesn't do in front of his own friends.

I am kind of crushed by this because I really like this guy and I want my friends to understand why I am dating him. When I ask them how I feel about him they are all very supportive and polite but clearly not enthusiastic (i.e. "If he makes you happy, he seems like a nice guy"). I know I don't need their "approval" to date him but I really want my boyfriend and friends to like each other and I end up feeling very defensive and self conscious when we are all together because I am not sure what the best way to showcase his strengths are to them.

I also feel terrible because I think he is picking up on it as well. He's made a few comments expressing worry that my friends "don't like him" and while I've assured him that's not the case I can privately concur that there's some awkwardness between him and most of them.

How can I show off my boyfriend's strengths to my friends and get them to see his best side and why I like him? I was thinking of trying to get some of my friends to go out with some of his, because he might be more comfortable if his own friends are around? There is a part of me that feels like deep down, some of them are still not going to really "get" his sense of humor.

What do I do? It's really important to me that my friends and boyfriend are friends as well.

TL;DR: Boyfriend is a little anxious around my friends and also has a different sense of humor and it's making it difficult for my friends to really click with him (and vice versa). What can I do to get them more comfortable with each other? And what do I do if that doesn't happen?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Grand-Management-720 on 2024-01-02 06:01:09+00:00.

My bf of three years and I just moved in together this past August. Things are going great and we are adjusting relatively well to cohabitation. Tonight my bf had a great idea for us to sit down and make lists of our goals for this coming year. Once of the things he brought up was that he wanted to join our finances and create a real budget and do better saving money. I agreed it was a good goal as we plan on saving for a house together. We are blessed to make decent salaries and have found a relatively inexpensive apartment which makes saving easier. It was a good conversation.

We get into bed afterward, my bf starts scrolling his phone, I am on my computer typing and he rolls over and starts showing me a scope for his AR15 he would like to buy sometime soon. It's $1200. This is not an uncommon thing for him. He will drop large sums of money on non-necesities relating to his hobbies, specifically guns. He bought a $1000 tactical vest last year on a similar whim.

As un-abrasively as I can, I ask him if he has considered that these types of purchases might not be conducive to his goal of being wiser with his money. This is roughly the conversation that followed.

Him: $1200 isn't a lot compared to what I make in a year

Me: I know but it's about what we pay monthly in rent, and that's just an accessory. You say you want to do a complete custom build out of a gun...how many of those peices individually are going to cost more than $500.

Him: A lot probably. Guns are an expensive hobby. But I have to budget for my pleasure spending as well.

Me: I get that but would you judge me for dropping $1200 on an Amazon splurge?

Him: Probably. Yeah.

Me: Okay so why is it more valid for you to spend that amount on something you'll use maybe once a week with the boys than it is for me to spend that much on appliances and things I'll use daily?

Him: I think $1200 for something I use once a week is pretty good. It's top of the line and will last me years and years and years.

At this point I essentially gave up, I tried to make a few more points but nothing was landing. It was clear he was going to do whatever he could to rationalize the purchase despite my trying to reason with him. He was purposefully turning a blind eye to any logic that opposed him and the argument was beginning to turn circular. I didn't want an argument before bed.

It worries me. Like he wants to join our accounts but he's also willing to drop over a grand on one small ACCESSORY for a gun. And apparently has goals to custom build a whole new gun? That is thousands of dollars on a parts for a non-necesity hobby. And he has completely put on blinders to the fact that this type of spending is frivolous and counterproductive to his goals.

He'd judge me for spending that much on things I would put to use everyday, but will gladly drop it on a doohicky that let's him see the target of his buddies back-yard shooting range REALLY good, 4 times a month.

His inability to see the discrepancy here is genuinely worrying.. What do I do? All I can think about is that it will set us back thousands when it comes to our goal of saving for a home.

TL;DR: My bf set a new years resolutions to join our finances and budget, with a commitment to spend our money more wisely. Immediately after, he began indulging in his own frivolous spending habits, but he refuses to see them this way... I am worried about how this will effect our financial goals.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MPJOD on 2024-01-02 05:46:37+00:00.

Earlier this year, me and my ex broke up because her parents didn’t want her to be dating anyone at the time. After 5 months with no contact she messages me, apologising for how she ended things.

We’ve been talking normally and having actual conversations for about a week but she leaves me on delivered for hours on end and I decided that I would leave her on read about a week or two ago and see how things play out as I was getting mixed signals.

On New Year’s Eve someone got into my phone and sent snaps to multiple people, herself included. I didn’t realise what had happened until later on that night. I then text her something along the lines of “sorry someone got into my phone, the snap wasn’t meant for you”. Thankfully I managed to delete the snap before she could see it and she didn’t reply until the following morning.

She’s being saying things such as “hope everything is alright” and “just making sure you’re okay” and being nice even though I left her on read. This makes me want to keep talking to her even though she’s causing me stress.

What should I do in this situation, should I keep talking to her or should I stop? Any advice is hugely appreciated.

TL;DR: My ex broke up with me because her parents didn’t want her to be dating at the time but she now has come back after 5 months and is being really nice and making old inside jokes but is also giving mixed signals.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Burneraccountprt1 on 2024-01-02 05:11:16+00:00.

So I (18M) and the guy in question, also (18M) Have been talking since last September and I had feelings for him. Since then we’ve gotten physical a few times and I’m slowly realizing I’m not longer interested in him like that. We had never officially committed to eachother and I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and told him I wasn’t ready. But he seems too attached if that makes sense. Like in his one bio on social media he has “pretty spoken for at the moment” and stuff and it’s over whelming me. He kept that in his bio after I told him I wasn’t ready to commit. He also asked for exclusivity after I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship and tells me not to mess around with people when I go out. Anyway to the point, I just don’t know how to tell him I just want to be friends. He’s such a sweet guy and deserves nothing but the best but I’m just not attracted to him like that. I’m also scared cause his mental health is super bad and I’m scared it’s just gonna make it harder for him. (He’s never like used his mental health against me I’ve just gotten to see how bad it is) I just don’t know what to do. Any comments would be greatly appreciated :)

TL;DR! - he’s super into me and attached and I don’t know how to turn him down

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Busy-Pomelo9810 on 2024-01-02 04:48:25+00:00.

Me (34m) and my ex gf(30) had a relationship that last from 2013- 2017. She cheated on me with coworker and we broke up only to get back together 2 years later. I loved this girl I really thought she would be the one I would marry. My heart was shattered and like an idiot I took her back only for her to cheat on me with another coworker. I left for good this time & later discovered she got married to said coworker a year after our break up. Tbh I was gutted, angry,jealous and mainly depressed about it for years. She has been on my mind like an intrusive thought for years even until this day. For the first 3 years I went no contact until I finally caved in & sent her a message that somehow her “husband” saw and began responding to me in a disrespectful way to which I responded in kind. A year went by with no contact and my exgf finally sends me this.

The following is a copy & paste of what she said:

Hey A(M-34) , I’m contacting you to try once more to apologize for our last conversation. I should’ve just waited to properly respond to your email when my husband wasn’t around, because he can respond irrationally in situations, very hotheaded.

But I would’ve said, “I care for you, but return the feelings back”. But if you’re willing to be friends instead and or a friend you can talk to whenever on the phone, or online gamers, preferably Fortnite or Overwatch. I really am glad you got back to health and see your having fun.🥇🎉 So if we can be adults and just squash the beef. I feel Cardi B against Nicki Minaj with you. 🤣🤣 So don’t laugh at my long as apology message. I just needed time to wait and let us both cool down. So I hope we can be cool😮‍💨.

TLDR; This message just seemed weird to me in general. But before I say anything I’d rather hear what you guys think ?

R/relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Active-Algae1624 on 2024-01-02 04:44:21+00:00.

I have been feeling that my fiancé doesn’t always prioritize me or Im wondering if I’m overthinking it. There have been a few instances where my fiancé has prioritized others over me. The main ones being:

1. My sister got married last year, he proposed two days after her wedding so we were very serious at this point and already considered family. He went to a friend’s wedding instead, in the same area, because he had already committed and my sister scheduled her wedding a few weeks after his friend had messaged him. It was a text answer, not officially rsvped to the invite. He told his friend via message 10 months before he’d attend. He was not in the wedding party and could have rsvped no when he reserved the invite closer to the date. He told me that once you say yes, you can’t go back and he needs to be loyal. I don’t know if I was being gaslighted but I know my family was surprised about his decision. I let it go.
2. We’ve been together for 4 years and do Christmas every other year. He’s very close to his family but refuses to spend Christmas with mine saying he doesn’t see his parents very often. They live 10 hours away but he goes there a few times a year. My family is 5 hours away and we also see them a few times a year. So every other year, I spend Christmas with HIS family and the following year (when he should spend it in my family), he goes to his and I go to my family alone.
3. This year was a year where we’d spend Christmas apart but he always went on vacation with his friends for NYE instead of staying with me. So I haven’t seen him since mid December. Am I overreacting? I’m pretty chill and usually let it go but I’m wondering if it’s a red flag? I told him we’d have to spend holidays together when we have kids and he said yes…
4. We agreed to get engaged, told him what I wanted etc and he said he’d take care of it. It took him 5 months to get started and start the ring process and involved my sister helping him with the ring (it was my late mom’s ring I wanted redesigned)

TL;DR: fiancé prioritizing his friends and family over me or am I overreacting?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ProduceResident2962 on 2024-01-02 03:51:22+00:00.

Me and my gf have been dating for almost 7 months and I'm going away for school soon. She is extremely paranoid about me cheating or "finding a better girl" so much to the point that she gets mad at me about it. She also compares me to past relations in the sense that she doesn't trust me because of what something one other dude did. Which I get, but she "dated" this past dude for THREE WEEKS! But still compares me cause that dude cheated. She has these really bad double standards of stuff she does but I can't do or she gets really mad when I do it:(1(1. I feel I'm being treated unfairly. I treat her very well and try my absolute hardest. I just don't know what to do!! HELP REDDIT!! I really love this girl but it's been hard the last couple weeks.

TL;DR - girlfriend brings up past relations up way to often, treats me unfairly a lot. And is very worrisome.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nachojams on 2024-01-02 03:27:12+00:00.

I (20f) asked my “bf” (22m) to talk this morning. The conversation progressed but I felt like it wasn’t going anywhere, and he had to leave due to having lunch plans with his parents before they left back home (they’re visiting). I was also feeling a bit down and he knew that too.

Basically, i wanted to ask him what his intentions are with me as we’ve been exclusively dating (but not official) for 6-7 months now (we do treat each other with that level of commitment as we say I love you and also refer to each other as bf and gf) and I don’t mind waiting, but I’d also like to know where our relationship is going as it’s not exactly the prettiest.

He said that due to our fights, he’s unsure and he’s also not ready and wants to take time as he just got out of a long-term relationship. Our fights do escalate due to us not communicating well which I have acknowledged and tried to talk to him about, but it’s also hard because he spirals mentally really easily with self-blame anytime I try to talk. I’ve tried to mitigate this by using different ways to navigate the conversation by using, “when..I feel..” kinds of structure or by also speaking very gently and being patient… but regardless, that happens and I just feel at a loss on what more I can do. I also do feel like I’m constantly having to fix myself for him, but I can’t even talk to him when something upsets me because it results in . It’s emotionally draining on my end as I also go through my own mental health issues, and I feel burdened that I have to be the one to always initiate/navigate these fights… and I’m always the one that ends up feeling abandoned/effort is not being done because its easy for him to say things like “it doesn’t even matter if I try because nothing’s good enough so I’d rather not do anything”

He said that he does want to be official and wants to pursue things more, but he just doesn’t know how long it’ll take. I do want to continue being patient, but I just don’t know if I am asking for too much or if I’m settling?

We don’t even go out on dates without me having to initiate it (and most of the time, he’s tired and seems like he’s not enjoying it—dates and things that I want to do). And when I do ask him to initiate things, he forgets or gets too busy and when I bring it up, he gets defensive or spirals (but is so willing to hang out with his friends planned or spontaneously). Other than this, he doesn’t really show small efforts of appreciation like flowers or small gifts (he is struggling financially but even something handmade is good enough for me).

I’m also kind of hurt too because after lunch, he came home and said that his parents want to go hiking and left again. It’s been a couple hours and I asked how long is he planning to take, and now it just seems like it’s going to take the whole day. It’s fine because it’s his parents and I understand, however, I would’ve just appreciated it if he had updated me and also tried to make it up that we weren’t able to talk as soon/hang out either. Even a, “hey I’m going to be out later, but we can do something later tonight” is all that I’m asking for. It just hurts me because this isn’t the first time that he’s also prioritized other things over me when we’re in a limbo situation (I had asked if he could come home from a party early as I wasn’t feeling too well and in a really depressive states and didn’t want to be alone as I was having scary thoughts). He came home at 2 am and said it’s cause he didn’t wanna deal with me. But, when his girl friends are texting him at 3 am to talk ab things they’re struggling with or he initiates calling them when he knows they’re going through a hard time (which I don’t mind and encourage as I am also the type of person to really care for my friends in that way too) it just really hurts and makes me feel like poop.

Am I too blinded to see the truth?

TL;DR: Bf isn’t ready to be official, unsure if I should continue waiting and to continue trying to resolve our issues and work on it or if I should just move on with my life. I also don’t know if my feelings are just misguided and I am doing something to also cause this.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BriefLeague7072 on 2024-01-02 03:22:43+00:00.

I (F29) am deeply in love with a man (27) who is going to marry another woman.

We met on instagram two years ago, when he started sending DMs. I didn’t think much of it at the beginning, but he kept sending sweet messages here and there. Eventually, I decided to go for it and we started texting A LOT. Eventually met and it was magic. Afterwards, I realized he had a girlfriend.

Maybe I should have walked away there, but we continued our affair on an off for 1,5 year. Now he has told me he will marry her… I’m so confused.

He has told me that nobody understands him like me, he is texting me all the time, we have a very intimate relationship… I don’t know how can he marry her, even though we have all of this going in parallel.

We have such a deep relationship, we understand each other, the physical attraction is also there… I don’t know what to do.

Please, I need some advice!!

TL;DR: I do not what to do as the man I have a relationship with will marry another woman.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Kind-Dress-9386 on 2024-01-02 03:05:00+00:00.

sorry for poor grammar or spelling mechanics, i’m a little all over the place rn.

I (18F) recently went to the mall with my 3 sisters to get christmas presents for my best friend Jolene (18F) of 4 years because we were working on a project together and it was convenient. It’s important to note she purchased the poster, and was providing the art supplies, it’s due this monday (11 days from when this happened).

I made a plan for a christmas “experience” present of taking her to build a bear/ trip to the mall all paid for by me, and bought her a couple gag gifts. She also asked me to pick her up some chicken, so i did, she said she would pay me back.

On my way back, my older sister was driving and Jolene called and asked if our plans were still on to work on the project (it’s a group project), i said yes. A couple minutes later she called me back and told me her dad had kicked her out of the house and told her to go get in trouble because he’s drunk. I told her i’d be right over to help her. My sister sped over to the house and when i got there 10 minutes later i saw her car on in her driveway, but she wasn’t in the car. I knocked on her door and she called me and said that she was going to a town 30 minutes away to hang out with Sara (18F). I left her house angry and we drove home.

I called a couple of friends and told them i was worried about Jolene and they all told me that they’re now mad with her. Some texted her stating their concern. Jolene then called me and told me i had nothing to worry about and that she was just with Sara. I hung up on her. She texted our group chat and told our friends that they don’t need to be worried about her and then stated that she simply made one mistake (like her only one ever is how she said it) and that I was making a big deal about it, they said that their dad gave them the freedom to go anywhere (which they already had) and they took it up, and even initiated the plans with Sara, who until now she said she hated.

After this i promptly gave all her gag gifts to friends and gave the chicken to another friend.

When i texted Jolene privately, i expressed that my feelings were hurt and she switched plans in about 10 minutes without ever telling me. and she said “Yes Anna.” and then we didn’t talk until 4 days later.

She asked if i wanted to talk it out in person and we met up. I said my POV and then she basically told me that she asked a couple neutral parties and they all sided with her and said that they didn’t understand why i’m so mad, even though i went out of my way to not say anything to her that could be interpreted as anger. She told me that she doesn’t understand why i care so much and that we just shouldn’t talk about it.

Now i’m here and i don’t know how to fix this, i don’t want to end our relationship, but i don’t know how to express my feelings in any other way that she could understand? am i right to be angry about this, and hurt? We’re still working together in the project and i need to face her for that.

TL;DR MY BFF flaked on me and doesn’t care

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/emSoTired42 on 2024-01-02 02:55:35+00:00.

Shes going through a tough time, and feeling very depressed and anxious. I completely understand needing space, but I'm worried she's isolating herself too much.

Last night I expressed to her that I care, I'm here for her, and that I totally understand her not responding even when we have plans. Her response was thankful and she made plans to game together today, but now that today is almost over (havent heard from her) I'm worried again. She also admitted that she's not handling things well and getting too mixed up in her head.

Should I message her again since she tried making plans, or should I just let the day go by without saying anything? I wanna be sure she's doing okay and not feeling guilty about the plans. I just don't wanna bother her or pressure her to respond, and since I'd basically be repeating what I said last night I'm not sure I should say anything.

TL;DR: My depressed friend made plans and didn't show up. Should I check up on her again or give her space?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hot-Selection-6603 on 2024-01-02 02:47:22+00:00.

I (20M) cheated on my current girlfriend (20F) with my ex-girlfriend (19F). I cheated on my ex-girlfriend because I didn't love her anymore and I didn't know how to break things off without mine and my ex-girlfriend's family getting mad. My family loved my ex-girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend's family loved me, even after both of our families found out that I cheated on her. Without going into too much detail, after my ex and current girlfriend found out that I cheated, they both still wanted a relationship with me. In the end, I chose to break up with my ex-girlfriend and pursue a new relationship with my current girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. My current girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months.

The issue now is that my current girlfriend's family won't forgive me for cheating but my ex-girlfriend's family forgave me after I cheated. My family also hates my current girlfriend. Alongside with that, all of my current girlfriend's friends and family hate me and that fact alone doesn't make it easy for my girlfriend and I to date. None of her friends want me around, and her family would go crazy if they ever saw me. My girlfriend feels like her only option is to move out of her family's home or break up with me. I feel as if it is my fault she feels that way.

I know what it's like for my significant other's family to like me and love me unconditionally and it's a privilege I know many would love to have. It is not easy for me or my girlfriend overall as both of our families despise who we're dating. My girlfriend has forgiven me for cheating, but her friends and family haven't. I want to mention that even though my girlfriend's friends and family hate me, the only boundary they set is that don't want me around at all. They don't want me at hangouts, family functions, they don't want me in their homes and they don't want to see me. They are not telling her to break up with me or telling her that she can't see me.

Is it realistic for my current girlfriend and I to continue to date? Is it better to start fresh with a relationship where there is no history of me fucking up? I understand why my girlfriend's family hates me, the way I cheated was far worse than a one-time hook up. In spite of this, I can't help but compare how fortunate I was with my ex-girlfriend's family to how my current girlfriend's loved ones feel about me. Also, I would never date my ex-girlfriend again.

Tldr; My girlfriend's family hates me because I cheated on her. It's very hard for us to date right now and I don't know how realistic it is for both of us to continue this relationship.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Live_Elderberry8644 on 2024-01-02 02:09:18+00:00.

I 24 F have been seeing a guy that we’ll call Brady 25 M. Brady and I met during college and didn’t immediately hit it off. We hung out as friends for months but then started hooking up shortly after. We then had to make it clear that we didn’t have intentions of dating but he continuously treated me like a girlfriend which ultimately made me catch feelings but again he made it clear that he did not want a relationship which was a boundary I respected but still wanted to have him around. It’s now been two years and him and I are still seeing each other without a title and long distance. I recently went to see him to which we got into a drunken argument that escalated into a screaming match over our relationship and feelings for each other. He stated that he loves me but needed time from me due to the fight. I don’t want to end this relationship cause I genuinely love him and want a future with him but I don’t think we will get past this fight and we are not currently speaking. Should I end this relationship or wait until the fight boils over? I honestly have no clue how to handle this situation especially the silent treatment. I’ve tried to reach out to him but he will not answer my calls and texted to stop calling and that he is too upset with me to speak to me. Does this seem like something our relationship could ever come back from?

TL;DR : in short should I end the relationship with Brady? It’s been a thought since I caught feelings for him but I love him and it’s so hard to want to leave him when he’s the person I want to start a life with so badly.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Gullible_Purchase_98 on 2024-01-02 01:03:37+00:00.

My (15M) girlfriend's (16F) parents are way too strict and I need help on what to do. My girlfriend's parents lock her inside and I can't see her, we've been dating for 2+ months now and we haven't seen each other irl yet. She only recently told her parents about me and they didn't respond very well, they said we can meet but only once this entire holiday which is kind of disappointing to me because I wanted to meet her regularly. We live an hour away so it's impossible for her to sneak out and meet me. What do I do?

TL;DR;: What do I do about my girlfriend's strict parents?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Basic-Amoeba9822 on 2024-01-02 00:53:16+00:00.

I(23F) am 4 months into my very first loving relationship with boyfriend (25 M ). He was very close friends with a classmate sine a year while we were just classmates all this while. He told me he liked her and she kind of liked him as well but he didn't go further than being friends as they didn't align(culture and the future country they want to settle). I asked weather he would have been with her If she was from the same culture. He said 'anyday'. I was sad instantly and he said I only see you and love you and that's all that matters to him now.

I am very new to dealing with such things and I guess deep down my insecurities making me feel bad about it as If I'm the compromised second choice and me being from the same culture is the sole reason. Is my concern for his 'anyday' comment real or am I just being insecure? And how can I deal with this feeling?

( He tells me about some of his previous crushes/potential interaction that would have led to more, but he didn't want any relationship so stayed away from all of that. I feel Iike when someone wants you they should at that point feel like they don't want anyone else but you even I they were interested in someone it doesn't give what you have to offer. But here I feel he is choosing the best available option that meets his practical standards. To think he liked them just like he did me initially and it would have turned into a relationship and I'm not special or I don't have something specific that he wants only me like any decent girl could have safice. I know that's immature but i stills feel so)

TL,DR : I am feeling insecure about a situationship that remained as friendship for cultural reasons. While I'm just a second option. Need help on how to not feel so.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway9384994 on 2024-01-02 00:07:03+00:00.

I’m in a relationship with an ex’es close friend while still not fully over him.

I met this guy through a work event and was seeing him for 2 months. It didn’t work out from his side so we broke it off. This happened a year ago and I still think about him on the regular. It was an intense 2 months, it ended because of something unrelated so it ended on good terms. However, we had nothing else in common people wise because he was from another firm so I expected never to see him again.

It was really hard at first but I gradually got better. Then I met this other guy who was an absolute sweetheart and took incredible care of me. The only issue - turns out they are very close, almost best friends. When I found that out I broke it off with him because I couldnt bear that man still somehow being in my life.

Things changed, we started dating again and ended up in a relationship. This guy treats me like a goddess. He is funny, smart and attractive and a perfect partner on paper.

I love him and have nothing to complain about.

However, because of the close proximity and constant reminders of the other guy I can’t help but compare. Not only compare but think about him again the same I did before. The situation doesn’t hurt me anymore but I can firmly say I am still not over him while at the same time being in a relationship.

This is a crazy situation and I want to ask for advice. Am I being completely horrible by staying with him? Is this normal? Can I get over that guy while still continuing my relationship with my boyfriend?

Before, completely blocking him was my solution and it honestly worked. But now that they hang out and he always talks about him I can’t escape it. What do I do?

(P.S he knows that we dated, but I don’t think it was necessary for me to tell him how it affected me)

TL;DR I’m in a relationship with an ex’es close friend while still not fully over him.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Haunting_Ad6525 on 2024-01-02 03:48:40+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months. Through these times, we always shared a dream together that we could move in with each other because we're long distance (in the same country). This gave me hope through the relationship because physical touch and acts of service are my main love languages and only being able to see him a few times a year has been really hard on me. He also isn't very accommodating when I visit him so I've been hesitant to keep visiting him.

Recently I received the opportunity to gain access to a property my parents own. I would pay for most of the morgage and they would let me stay as long as I'd liked (it's a pretty nice house). I was ecstatic and the first thing I did was message my boyfriend because we always talked about moving in with one another and dreaming over it. We created so many scenarios of us being happy together living with one another.

Well, he told me that he didn't want to move in with me anymore because it was so far from his family. He told me that on paper it sounded good, but when I actually confronted him with a genuine proposition, he couldn't even think of leaving his family behind and going that far. I was shocked and hurt and betrayed because i thought moving in together was something we've both been dreaming of since the start of the relationship and I thought we were on the same page that we would move in together whenever the opportunity struck. I told him this and that I felt like he led me on. He told me, "people change" and that he didn't lead me on because he genuinely believed he wanted to move in with me too. I was absolutely furious with him because I just feel like he completely betrayed me and suddenly flipped and that he didn't truly believe he wanted to move in with me. I don't know if im overreacting or selfish because I want him to sacrifice his personal life for me. But I'm so distraught that he made me believe in something that he didn't believe in himself. I really don't know what to do because he said he'd only move in with me if it was near his family and I can't move away from my home right now because I'm attending college. What should I do from here and how should I handle the situation? I feel like I might not be in a rational state of mind but I just feel so upset.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I shared a dream of moving in, but when I told him we could move in together when I moved out, he completely rejected it and now I feel betrayed and led on.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/aitathrowaway1012 on 2024-01-02 03:35:24+00:00.

As the title says, she says she wants to avoid other men and hanging out with them one on one or going drinking with them because she doesnt want to put herself in a situation where it’s possible for something to happen with them. I get where she’s coming from and I respect it but at the same time I feel concerned. I know I could hang out with other women even one on one and I wouldn’t even feel the desire to sleep with them even if they came on to me, because I only want to be with my gf. But the way she explained it made me feel like she would potentially cheat if she was in a one on one scenario with a guy she found attractive so to avoid that, she just avoids men all together.

I just feel concerned with that outlook and we did end up fighting about it but it just doesn’t sit right with me. Looking for others thoughts on the matter.

TL;DR - gf doesn’t want to hang out with men because she might end up sleeping with them but I feel concerned because it seems like she lacks self control