Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/currysawcc on 2024-01-01 20:03:07+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 2.5 years and have been living together since August in a flat. We love each other, get on really well and very rarely shout during disagreements - we sit down and talk and things get resolved.

I had been away for a few days seeing family at my house over Christmas. He was invited multiple times but declined. I returned to the flat a couple of days ago.

He has been very quiet recently. I can always tell that there is something wrong as he barely says two words to me, if he does speak it's one word answers, very blunt. I've tried to get him to open up to me before and reassure him I'm always here, but he is an impenetrable fortress and will just close up. So, I give him his space and don't talk much as I believe that's the way he prefers to deal with things. I think he's been pretty bored because his workplace is on Christmas break - he usually works long hours in a manual role so he may feel a bit house-bound.

Yesterday, he was very quiet. He left for around 3 hours in the afternoon and I thought he was getting some fresh air. He returned home and sat down to watch a film for a while and we sat in silence after I asked what he got up to and he said "not much". I think he went to the pub because he was stumbling a little bit. He then got up and started packing his bag and putting his shoes on. When I asked where he was going, he said he was going to his dad's house and will be staying there until Thursday. I was gobsmacked! It was around 8pm and he just randomly decided to leave?? I asked if I had done something wrong and he said no, I said that it was NYE and we could spend it together, no answer. I asked if I could come with him and he said no. I said that I couldn't believe he's just randomly leaving on NYE without any warning or context, and he just said "ok". He left the house and I haven't heard a peep, no calls or messages.

Am I completely wrong, or is this strange and unfair behaviour? I have never spent NYE alone and whilst we didn't have any particular plans, I thought we would at least watch the fireworks on TV together. I'm feeling really heartbroken and upset. It just doesn't seem fair to randomly walk out with no explanation and for me to just deal with it because I just have to? It might sound dramatic, but I just think of future events where he may be stressed and might close up, like pregnancy or illness - what will he do, just walk out without a word or any warning? It's caused a real strain on the relationship on my end and I don't know what to do from here. I've messaged him this evening saying that "I'm so heartbroken that you left last night with absolutely 0 explanation. It's not fair and I'm really not happy. This needs to be fixed somehow."

I just don't know what to do. It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do aside from have a long talk with him when he returns, but the ball is in his court as to when that would be and I'll just be sat at home waiting. It's made my mind race non-stop and has resurfaced feelings of abandonment. Does anyone have any advice please? Thank you.

tl;dr - My boyfriend walked out on NYE with no explanation and said he would be back Thursday. Feeling heartbroken and confused and need some advice.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NoShoe4 on 2024-01-01 19:38:06+00:00.

I had a pretty good childhood. We were upper middle class, went on a vacation at least once a year, and I was a bit spoiled to be honest. When I was 5, my mom left my dad, mainly due to his alcoholism. It was a pretty rough divorce.

Very soon after the divorce, or maybe while they were still together, who knows, my mom met someone else. He has a son. They eventually move in with us, and my mom and him get married. So now there is me, 6 years old, my brother, 10 years old, and my step brother, 12 years old. My memory obviously isn’t perfect, but it must have been not long after my step brother and father moved in, that my step brother started grooming and molesting me. And that went on until I was probably 10. I think it started when my mom and step dad likely left me under his supervision (I never really had a baby sitter for date nights). Without going into detail, my mom eventually figured out something was wrong. At that time, I still didn’t know anything about sex, but I had a terrible guilty feeling about what he had done to me. So during his last attempt at molesting me, I told him no over and over again and eventually kicked him in the balls. The next day or so, when my mom found out, I had got home from school, and I could tell something was up. She took me into my room and made me describe in detail what he had done to me. I knew she was mainly furious with my step brother, but I felt a lot of anger towards me as well. Like I should’ve known better or should’ve told her? Eventually my step dad comes in too and asks things like “were you in love with him?” Basically asking me if I wanted him to do those things to me, like if I consented, even at six, to the abuse. Then my grandmother comes in, and brings me a new stuffed animal, and is the only one at this point treating me like a child, because I was a child. She was upset for me, not with me. Then my mom of course has to call my dad, and I’m still in the other room to hear the whole traumatic conversation. My dad now wants to literally murder my stepbrother at this point. Then my mom calls my aunts and my best friends mom. I had promised her that my stepbrother didn’t touch any of my friends or cousins, but she still called them. Now my best friend, Has to have this uncomfortable conversation with her mom about what happened to me, and now everyone in the family knows what happened too. Im pretty sure my brother even got bullied because my step brothers classmates knew of the situation.

Eventually I had to walk down to the police station with my mom, carrying my favorite stuffed animal for moral support, to tell this man I don’t know (and was scared of tbh) about the horrible things that happened to me. My step brother was in high school at the time. And they decided to place him in a kind of foster home over an hour away. My step brother was probably 17 at this time. So he really didn’t have to stay there long before getting his own place. He basically got a fresh start…I got to stay at home (where it happened) and at the same school. The police I guess mandated a few sessions of therapy (for each of us). I had to go spend time with this lady who had me watch videos about stranger danger and “private parts”. You guessed it, that therapy did next to nothing for me. Fast forward to when I was maybe 12 or 13, and my mom and stepdad ask me to forgive him and basically let him back into my life so we can be normal I guess. Already traumatized into being a people pleaser, of course I was like “fine okay”. But that was a terrible mistake on my part.

So now I’m 28, and every holiday basically, I’m forced to see this man who took my childhood away. And of course now he’s pretty successful, has a wife and three kids, etc. I just feel like my parents really failed me. From allowing a teenage boy to watch me by himself, ignoring all the signs (such as panic attacks in second grade), and making me feel so guilty during the process of figuring out what happened. Then to not encourage me to go to a real therapist, psychologist, etc. Then only a few years after the abuse(when I’m still learning myself and what had happened…I still didn’t understand sex really), ask me to forgive him and spend holidays together? I also don’t understand how my mom was able to forgive him so fast. Current day, she couldn’t be more proud of him and it sometimes makes me sick. They all go on vacations together, have drinks together, etc. They seem to enjoy my step brother and his wife’s company, more than they do mine and my brothers and our families. I think when I was younger I just buried everything to make everyone else happy. And now, I don’t feel close to them at all. And I really don’t feel they tried to get very close with me as a person. It took me a long time until I finally realized how hurt I was. And I guess it was too late. Maybe around 18 I started to express how much I was struggling mentally to them, but because I was an adult, they never seemed willing to help. I don’t expect them to pay for therapy or anything now, but back then, it hurts how unwilling they were to help in any way. So now I just feel like I’m in this never ending circle of reliving my trauma and wishing I could be closer with my mom and step dad. I guess I’m just looking for any input or advice here. Do I talk with my mom, write a letter? How can I forgive them? Maybe someone has been through a similar situation.

TLDR: how can I forgive and have a relationship with my parents after they “mishandled” my trauma/abuse?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EastGovernment3361 on 2024-01-01 18:47:09+00:00.

Hi. I just wanted to rant and get some othe opinion on this situation.

I (29f) and my bf (30m) have been together for 5 years but have known eachother since forever. We talked about marriage and kids before. And now i am 4 months pregnant. It was not unexpected but also not completely planned.

So to get to my so called "problems".

I told my partner that i do not want to get engaged when i am pregnant because i dont want to take care of a baby at our wedding but i also dont want a long engagement. And i just figured out that he plans to propose soon. I do not really know what to think because i was very clear and told him on multiple occasions my one condition for the proposal.

This one os about raising kids. My partner had quite a hard childhood and it does show in his behaviour. I was always the opinion that a couple should do therapy before having kids in order to not put the bad energy, behaviour or trauma on the kids. I suggested multiple times that he should go to therapy before, but i insisted we both start it before we get the baby. I started 2 months ago but he insists that he knows whats "wrong" with him and refuses to go. This is quite a big thing for me as a communicated clearly that therapy before we get a baby is a must in my books and it will help us individualy and a s a family. He continues to say its too expensive but doesnt mind me going. Financialy we are good, and we can afford therapy as it just means we save a but less monthly. It will not affect our lifestyle. With this one, i would kindly ask for advice how to deal with the situation.

And just to be clear, he is caring, kind, protective, we do have small fights but that is normal. It is just these two situations that bother me.

Tldr; my no no is getting engaged while pregnant and my partner refuses to go to therapy before having a baby

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EastGovernment3361 on 2024-01-01 18:47:09+00:00.

Hi. I just wanted to rant and get some othe opinion on this situation.

I (29f) and my bf (30m) have been together for 5 years but have known eachother since forever. We talked about marriage and kids before. And now i am 4 months pregnant. It was not unexpected but also not completely planned.

So to get to my so called "problems".

I told my partner that i do not want to get engaged when i am pregnant because i dont want to take care of a baby at our wedding but i also dont want a long engagement. And i just figured out that he plans to propose soon. I do not really know what to think because i was very clear and told him on multiple occasions my one condition for the proposal.

This one os about raising kids. My partner had quite a hard childhood and it does show in his behaviour. I was always the opinion that a couple should do therapy before having kids in order to not put the bad energy, behaviour or trauma on the kids. I suggested multiple times that he should go to therapy before, but i insisted we both start it before we get the baby. I started 2 months ago but he insists that he knows whats "wrong" with him and refuses to go. This is quite a big thing for me as a communicated clearly that therapy before we get a baby is a must in my books and it will help us individualy and a s a family. He continues to say its too expensive but doesnt mind me going. Financialy we are good, and we can afford therapy as it just means we save a but less monthly. It will not affect our lifestyle. With this one, i would kindly ask for advice how to deal with the situation.

And just to be clear, he is caring, kind, protective, we do have small fights but that is normal. It is just these two situations that bother me.

Tldr; my no no is getting engaged while pregnant and my partner refuses to go to therapy before having a baby

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ashley67899 on 2024-01-01 18:38:15+00:00.

So for context my ex and I have been split up for nearly 2 years now. We split up because of distance reasons,losing the spark and connection and lack of intimacy but all in all it was a decent relationship just not meant to be. He dated someone for 6 months and they ended it this August. We reconnected in November and I was already hesitant speaking to him giving he has only been single for 4 months but as stupid as it sounds we became closer in these last few weeks by speaking everyday and spontaneously decided to book a trip to Paris together for mid February.

However for the past few days I've been consistently receiving mixed signals from him and although he seemed he was actively trying to pursue me, when I asked him yesterday whats going on with us he said we were 'platonic' despite constant flirting with me and insinuating wanting to get back together etc. He is very close with his 'girl best friend' and they have late night phone calls, they plan holidays together etc but havent kissed or anything like that. We had a discussion about this yesterday as he feels as a 'free single man' he can do as he pleases and isn't crossing any boundaries and what he does in his friendship shouldnt be anyones 'business or concerns' I just don't like uncertainty,confusion or anything like that and my gut feeling is telling me to just stop speaking to him.

Although he hasn't technically done anything 'wrong' I just feel so guarded for some reason and have my walls up, I feel I cant be vulnerable with him and I have one foot in the door and one foot out incase something goes wrong or he just decides to stop speaking to me out of the blue one day. I myself dont even know what exactly i want from him and cant even see myself getting in a relationship with him again at this moment in time so i guess I'm confused aswell. However we've both paid for the flight tickets and they're non-refundable. We each paid £129 ($164) should I still go on this trip and see how it goes even though I'm not feeling it or should I just take the L and lose the money.

Tl;Dr dont know if I should go on this trip with my ex

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ashley67899 on 2024-01-01 18:38:15+00:00.

So for context my ex and I have been split up for nearly 2 years now. We split up because of distance reasons,losing the spark and connection and lack of intimacy but all in all it was a decent relationship just not meant to be. He dated someone for 6 months and they ended it this August. We reconnected in November and I was already hesitant speaking to him giving he has only been single for 4 months but as stupid as it sounds we became closer in these last few weeks by speaking everyday and spontaneously decided to book a trip to Paris together for mid February.

However for the past few days I've been consistently receiving mixed signals from him and although he seemed he was actively trying to pursue me, when I asked him yesterday whats going on with us he said we were 'platonic' despite constant flirting with me and insinuating wanting to get back together etc. He is very close with his 'girl best friend' and they have late night phone calls, they plan holidays together etc but havent kissed or anything like that. We had a discussion about this yesterday as he feels as a 'free single man' he can do as he pleases and isn't crossing any boundaries and what he does in his friendship shouldnt be anyones 'business or concerns' I just don't like uncertainty,confusion or anything like that and my gut feeling is telling me to just stop speaking to him.

Although he hasn't technically done anything 'wrong' I just feel so guarded for some reason and have my walls up, I feel I cant be vulnerable with him and I have one foot in the door and one foot out incase something goes wrong or he just decides to stop speaking to me out of the blue one day. I myself dont even know what exactly i want from him and cant even see myself getting in a relationship with him again at this moment in time so i guess I'm confused aswell. However we've both paid for the flight tickets and they're non-refundable. We each paid £129 ($164) should I still go on this trip and see how it goes even though I'm not feeling it or should I just take the L and lose the money.

Tl;Dr dont know if I should go on this trip with my ex

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Humble-Stranger6445 on 2024-01-01 17:38:56+00:00.

Hello everyone.

I (23F) have been living with my boyfriend (25M) for the last two years in his apartment. He pays the bills and I pay for all the food expenses (no rent or mortage issues) I asked to help with the bills also but he said no cause he makes like 3X my salary and he would feel bad if I contributed more. I had asked in what situation we are in ( if we just live together cause he likes company or if we are looking to get married in the future and I should consider his home mine also and he agreed with the second part).

Hence, I started doing all the housework ( he hates it but helps sometimes when I make snarky comments about me being a maid) and just taking care of him since i am a person that is showing affection with my own way. For example he made a comment about his wardrobe being trash cause he couldn't find anything and would make it tommorow . So the next day he went to work and I fixed it for him. He said he wanted some action figures he was seeing and would get him with his next paycheck and I bought them for him as a surprise etc. he does the same but in a lesser extent which I don't mind. He know me, my secrets, has helped me a lot emotionally and physically. For example he surprised me with my own gaming station so we can game together etc.

So I just started to feel like home. ( I come from a broken family and it was really difficult for me to feel this way) His parents adore me invite me over for lunch and more. So I gradually brought all my stuff to 'our' place. Hence, all my clothes, work stuff (I work from home) and things are there.

For the new years eve I went to visit my family and took a covid test at their home since my aunt that lives downstairs has a newborn and some valnurable members and unfortunately I tested positive. (No symptoms) and locked myself in my previous room. I immediately called him and told him that I would like to return to our home and he said no cause he doesn't wanna get sick. I felt kinda icky about this statement and sad cause when he tested positive and I tested negative I stayed with him to keep him company and take care of him. (For some reason I didn't get sick) and he didn't wanna do the same. He said he would test too and if he was positive I could come back or else he would bring me some stuff till I am tested negative and can return.

Today I called him in the morning cause I literally have nothing here. I wanted to take a shower and do some work preparation for tommorow (he would bring my work laptop also) as I am expected to work tommorow. He told me he had tested negative and he went with his family for the holidays on a one day trip and would bring my stuff another day . I was hella pissed and told him that he shouldn't do that or if we wanted he could just bring my stuff and then go ( I told him to go get it myself but he didn't want to in case I infected the place. Understandable.) and he called me selfish and an ass*ole because I quote ' I put myself on the front once and now this happened. it's not my fault you brought all your stuff in my place and didn't have some spare on your paternal home'. I told him that we had discussed this and he had told me that his home is mine also so what happened now? He brushed it off and continued saying Its my fault that I didn't left stuff at my paternal home.

Lately I have started seeing some manipulation from his part. He knows some words trigger me and uses them to upset me. When I make I comment about the fact that he doesn't help me with housework he states he does all my favours and I still complain. (For example I asked to go to a zoo and he took me the next day and stuff like that) and when I try to communicate my feelings he brushes me off and states he is tired from work and he cant hear me always complaining too ( even if I haven't complain for days) and stuff like that.

I discussed with him the marriage factor and he stated he doesnt wanna get married in a church and doesn't see the point of marrying cause it's just a certificate and what matters is the feelings not the paperwork. I have stated that I want my first kid before my 30 and we agreed on that but now he wants me to wait more than that and stuff like that .

So naturally after the today's part ( in my point of view he put his 'Fun' over my basic needs and didnt care that I didn't have a damn underwear to take a bath and since he assumed his place is 'his' and not 'ours' as we stated) i wanna try and remove the 'wife privileges' from his life. He will cook for himself wash his own clothes and tidy his own place and stuff so I can see how he is going to react. Maybe I just got pissed cause I always put him first and he didn't when I needed it.

I don't know if I am overeacting and doing a big fuss over nothing as he stated. So should I remove my 'wife privileges'?

TDLR: My boyfriend stated his home is mine also. I tested positive for covid and he told me to stay at my parental home so he doesn't get sick and he would bring some of my stuff. At the end he decided to just go an trip with his family and bring me my stuff when it is convenient for him and now I am pissed and wanna remove my 'wife privileges' till we actually get married.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bre1500 on 2024-01-01 18:31:44+00:00.

My boyfriend (M22) and I (F23) have been together for about six months and it’s been really great. His dad is cool and understanding but also religious and is trying to push “no sex before marriage” onto my bf, but we are not religious and are physically intimate anyway. (Side rant: his dad is very “no sex”, doesn’t even explain to him how to “be safe” and use a condom, just “don’t do it, period” which strikes me as very odd, but we always always use protection anyway)

The problem lies here that when my bf’s dad asks if we have had sex yet my boyfriend continues to reassure him that we haven’t, even though we have. I was fine with this at first but now that we are a few months in the lie is still in effect and I feel like it’s growing and I’m starting to become uncomfortable with it. His dad is no dummy, he probably already knows and is just waiting for my bf to come clean about it, but I cannot prove that. I don’t want to cause any issues between my bf and his dad but I can’t help but wonder if my bf is comfortable keeping this lie going then is he lying about other things? This is the first red flag that I’m feeling in this relationship and it’s not a deal breaker but I’m definitely going to have to talk with him about the way I’m feeling later.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle your feelings towards it? Should I just leave the situation alone and let it play out?

TL;DR - my boyfriend is lying to his religious dad about our sex life and idk how to feel about it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Redbird699 on 2024-01-01 18:18:51+00:00.

Me (m23) my friend (m23) known each other since school about 10 years maybe more lol, we've always been very close, both of us are introverts (I guess he is way more than me), we're both gamers but I also like going to comicons, cosplaying, although I'd rather stay in and game I do also meet people and are happy to talk to strangers where as he works from home and only goes out to do his nature photographery

He's always sorta been a bit depressive, his General mood is very blunt, but recently it's almost like he's on a period, 1 word replys, not coming on gaming or anything. He has no other friends aside from me (when he dosnt talk to me il be gaming with my other friends but il always ask him to play first)

He's getting more and more distant, he's always complaining he can't find a girl who he likes (even tho he is being picky) idk what to do now iv always been there for him but now this whole friendship does seem a bit one sided, if I don't message him at all it could go for a whole week before he messages me.

I'm 100% sure he's depressed in fact I know he is maybe even on the verg of actual suicidal we always we about it (we've both had pretty dark moments)

Question is... what do I do? Just play with my other friends and wait for him to come back or?

TL/DR Best friend of 10+ years distancing him self more and more to the point idk what to do anymore

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/betefar on 2024-01-01 16:27:25+00:00.

My husband (33 yo) got angry at me (29 yo)for ordering perishable food

I am a 29 yo female, I have two kids with my husband and currently am struggling with my weight. My husband always buys everything in bulk, mostly inhealthy options. I told him I have a hard time with sweets and resisting junk food. I also have a hard time cooking as my load is quite big. My husband minimises my efforts and says you are doing just laundry, yet I do 5 batches, organize a house, did dishwasher, trash. Basically without me house would be a mess as he doesn’t clean up crumbles from the countertops. Ever.

Today, I tried to take cooking matters into my hands and asked my husband whether I could add products to cook to a food delivery app. Once he saw me adding beetroots, curry spices, he got mad at me and started shouting that it would all perish… I told him I am trying to watch my weight as post partum I have huge knee pain and difficulty to move. He told me it always spoils yet beetroot and feta salad ingridients cost the same as a frozen pizza. My family ate 1 whole frozen pizza for lunch for 3 days in a row. He took away the phone.

Once I tell him I don’t like to be treated like this and voicing my frustration he calls me a bad partner saying he contributes just as much. He constantly yells at me while I try to keep my cool, but I sometimes break and start to shout back.

I told him I will buy food myself, but I gave all my maternity leave money and bonuses to pay back credit card debt fully and invested into a new sofa. So I cannot even pay money for them.

He also slams doors when angry, damaging things which we worked very hard to achieve.

I feel like I have been stuck in bad eating habits due to him and I find it very difficult to change when he is around.

I don’t want to divorce him as I love him, but I feel stuck as he doesn’t want to do therapy with me and says it is my fault entirely.

TL;DR, My husband got mad at me for adding perishable foods in the cart and took away the phone saying they always perish. I have weight and knee problems, need to lose weight and my husband always gets junk. I don’t want a divorce, how to reach a compromise?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Humble-Stranger6445 on 2024-01-01 17:38:56+00:00.

Hello everyone.

I (23F) have been living with my boyfriend (25M) for the last two years in his apartment. He pays the bills and I pay for all the food expenses (no rent or mortage issues) I asked to help with the bills also but he said no cause he makes like 3X my salary and he would feel bad if I contributed more. I had asked in what situation we are in ( if we just live together cause he likes company or if we are looking to get married in the future and I should consider his home mine also and he agreed with the second part).

Hence, I started doing all the housework ( he hates it but helps sometimes when I make snarky comments about me being a maid) and just taking care of him since i am a person that is showing affection with my own way. For example he made a comment about his wardrobe being trash cause he couldn't find anything and would make it tommorow . So the next day he went to work and I fixed it for him. He said he wanted some action figures he was seeing and would get him with his next paycheck and I bought them for him as a surprise etc. he does the same but in a lesser extent which I don't mind. He know me, my secrets, has helped me a lot emotionally and physically. For example he surprised me with my own gaming station so we can game together etc.

So I just started to feel like home. ( I come from a broken family and it was really difficult for me to feel this way) His parents adore me invite me over for lunch and more. So I gradually brought all my stuff to 'our' place. Hence, all my clothes, work stuff (I work from home) and things are there.

For the new years eve I went to visit my family and took a covid test at their home since my aunt that lives downstairs has a newborn and some valnurable members and unfortunately I tested positive. (No symptoms) and locked myself in my previous room. I immediately called him and told him that I would like to return to our home and he said no cause he doesn't wanna get sick. I felt kinda icky about this statement and sad cause when he tested positive and I tested negative I stayed with him to keep him company and take care of him. (For some reason I didn't get sick) and he didn't wanna do the same. He said he would test too and if he was positive I could come back or else he would bring me some stuff till I am tested negative and can return.

Today I called him in the morning cause I literally have nothing here. I wanted to take a shower and do some work preparation for tommorow (he would bring my work laptop also) as I am expected to work tommorow. He told me he had tested negative and he went with his family for the holidays on a one day trip and would bring my stuff another day . I was hella pissed and told him that he shouldn't do that or if we wanted he could just bring my stuff and then go ( I told him to go get it myself but he didn't want to in case I infected the place. Understandable.) and he called me selfish and an ass*ole because I quote ' I put myself on the front once and now this happened. it's not my fault you brought all your stuff in my place and didn't have some spare on your paternal home'. I told him that we had discussed this and he had told me that his home is mine also so what happened now? He brushed it off and continued saying Its my fault that I didn't left stuff at my paternal home.

Lately I have started seeing some manipulation from his part. He knows some words trigger me and uses them to upset me. When I make I comment about the fact that he doesn't help me with housework he states he does all my favours and I still complain. (For example I asked to go to a zoo and he took me the next day and stuff like that) and when I try to communicate my feelings he brushes me off and states he is tired from work and he cant hear me always complaining too ( even if I haven't complain for days) and stuff like that.

I discussed with him the marriage factor and he stated he doesnt wanna get married in a church and doesn't see the point of marrying cause it's just a certificate and what matters is the feelings not the paperwork. I have stated that I want my first kid before my 30 and we agreed on that but now he wants me to wait more than that and stuff like that .

So naturally after the today's part ( in my point of view he put his 'Fun' over my basic needs and didnt care that I didn't have a damn underwear to take a bath and since he assumed his place is 'his' and not 'ours' as we stated) i wanna try and remove the 'wife privileges' from his life. He will cook for himself wash his own clothes and tidy his own place and stuff so I can see how he is going to react. Maybe I just got pissed cause I always put him first and he didn't when I needed it.

I don't know if I am overeacting and doing a big fuss over nothing as he stated. So should I remove my 'wife privileges'?

TDLR: My boyfriend stated his home is mine also. I tested positive for covid and he told me to stay at my parental home so he doesn't get sick and he would bring some of my stuff. At the end he decided to just go an trip with his family and bring me my stuff when it is convenient for him and now I am pissed and wanna remove my 'wife privileges' till we actually get married.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Original-Lie9040 on 2024-01-01 16:10:47+00:00.

My (30m) partner (27f) broke her promise to me

For context, we are in a LDR. I asked her kindly if she would be willing to save her new years kiss for me and not kiss her friends, as she usually does. She agreed days before, and we spoke about it a few times.

Come new years, she goes to a house party and nearly completely ignores me. She calls me around midnight for a quick “happy new year” and I asked her if she kissed anyone. She admits that she did kiss ONE of her friends. I was obviously upset, and told her I was mad. She then chooses to ignore me the rest of the night.

Later, on Instagram, I see a video of her kissing another one of her friends. When I confronted her, she lied to me about it. I got very angry and told her she betrayed my trust and that she is lying to me. She is upset with me and calling me toxic for my reaction.

It’s not about her kissing her friends, it’s about the broken promise and lack of trust. This is not the first, nor second time, something like this has happened.

I know this sounds so childish, but it really mattered to me.

She is now ignoring me and saying that our relationship is in jeopardy because I was extremely upset and tried to hold her accountable.

TL;DR My partner agreed to save her new years kiss for me, and went against it and belittled me for being upset.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/betefar on 2024-01-01 16:27:25+00:00.

My husband (33 yo) got angry at me (29 yo)for ordering perishable food

I am a 29 yo female, I have two kids with my husband and currently am struggling with my weight. My husband always buys everything in bulk, mostly inhealthy options. I told him I have a hard time with sweets and resisting junk food. I also have a hard time cooking as my load is quite big. My husband minimises my efforts and says you are doing just laundry, yet I do 5 batches, organize a house, did dishwasher, trash. Basically without me house would be a mess as he doesn’t clean up crumbles from the countertops. Ever.

Today, I tried to take cooking matters into my hands and asked my husband whether I could add products to cook to a food delivery app. Once he saw me adding beetroots, curry spices, he got mad at me and started shouting that it would all perish… I told him I am trying to watch my weight as post partum I have huge knee pain and difficulty to move. He told me it always spoils yet beetroot and feta salad ingridients cost the same as a frozen pizza. My family ate 1 whole frozen pizza for lunch for 3 days in a row. He took away the phone.

Once I tell him I don’t like to be treated like this and voicing my frustration he calls me a bad partner saying he contributes just as much. He constantly yells at me while I try to keep my cool, but I sometimes break and start to shout back.

I told him I will buy food myself, but I gave all my maternity leave money and bonuses to pay back credit card debt fully and invested into a new sofa. So I cannot even pay money for them.

He also slams doors when angry, damaging things which we worked very hard to achieve.

I feel like I have been stuck in bad eating habits due to him and I find it very difficult to change when he is around.

I don’t want to divorce him as I love him, but I feel stuck as he doesn’t want to do therapy with me and says it is my fault entirely.

TL;DR, My husband got mad at me for adding perishable foods in the cart and took away the phone saying they always perish. I have weight and knee problems, need to lose weight and my husband always gets junk. I don’t want a divorce, how to reach a compromise?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAring947 on 2024-01-01 15:47:00+00:00.

Throwaway as my family has my main account.

So I (26f) am planning to propose to my boyfriend(27m) . We've been dating for 4 years now and he's the most important person in my life. We've discussed marriage, he was very eager to propose and has been saving money for some time I think. He's an artist and doesn't make quite as much but he's way too proud to let me pitch in.

Well around last month , his mom had a surgery. I won't go into details but it costed his parents quite a lot (she doesn't have insurance idk why).He transferred them money from his own savings as well but didn't tell me that (I even offered to help) That day I found him crying in our room. He told me all this and kept on apologising that the money he was saving for the ring had to go into helping his mom and now he can't propose on our anniversary as he was planning to. It was so heartbreaking for me to see him like this tbh. I don't give a damn about that ring?!? I want to marry this guy and I'd have done that in a courthouse if he'd agree. I told him all of that. But for him things like these are important. I actually kind of yelled at him as well for worrying about the wrong reason lol.

He told me to give him some time as he wants to get me the best he can. Well I've decided to propose on our anniversary. I'm doing it on a beach we used to visit a lot as kids, back in our hometown. I'm picking up the ring next week. Here comes my sister (28f). She's had multiple failed relationships and still lives with our parents. She saw me looking at a ring photo when she was visiting me this Christmas so I told her I was planning to propose at the beach. She went silent for a minute and asked me if i was kidding her.

Apparently she caught her boyfriend of two years with someone else on that same beach and hates that place now. I wasn't aware of this. This breakup was in September and back then she told me he was cheating and left her. She now wants me to cancel this whole thing and do it somewhere else. I admit, when her relationship ended, she took it pretty hardly. We all liked him and my sister was convinced he was the one so the breakup was really bad for her.

Yes it sucks what happened to her but I don't know why should that affect my plans? Me and my bf visit that place everytime we're there and it holds some importance to both of us. She's now calling me selfish and how I only want to hurt her by reminding her of that trauma. She then proceeds to talk about my boyfriend and how he can't propose and should be ashamed. I shut that down quickly and told her to drop that topic. The rest of the day she was moody and when she left, she was crying and called me heartless. She's now texting me and saying me getting engaged isn't important enough and I need to change the destination.

I need advice on how to deal with her? Am I really in the wrong here? All I know is I'm not changing the location whether I'm wrong or not. I'm kind of guilty but that's just because we've been close since we were kids and I don't really want to hurt her. Should I comfort her or something or is she being unreasonable? Also she lives with our parents and we're close too so cutting her off isn't an option.

Tldr; my sister caught her boyfriend cheating on a beach and now doesn't want me to propose as I'm doing it on that beach as well.

Edit: As some have mentioned in the comments that this proposal might be 'emasculating' to my boyfriend, I know him, and if it was actually something I'd be 'taking away' from him, I'd obviously never do it. We wanted to be engaged on our 5 year anniversary and I think that's what he was guilty about plus some stress about his mom's health. Thanks for the concern but I know he'll love it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Original-Lie9040 on 2024-01-01 16:10:47+00:00.

My (30m) partner (27f) broke her promise to me

For context, we are in a LDR. I asked her kindly if she would be willing to save her new years kiss for me and not kiss her friends, as she usually does. She agreed days before, and we spoke about it a few times.

Come new years, she goes to a house party and nearly completely ignores me. She calls me around midnight for a quick “happy new year” and I asked her if she kissed anyone. She admits that she did kiss ONE of her friends. I was obviously upset, and told her I was mad. She then chooses to ignore me the rest of the night.

Later, on Instagram, I see a video of her kissing another one of her friends. When I confronted her, she lied to me about it. I got very angry and told her she betrayed my trust and that she is lying to me. She is upset with me and calling me toxic for my reaction.

It’s not about her kissing her friends, it’s about the broken promise and lack of trust. This is not the first, nor second time, something like this has happened.

I know this sounds so childish, but it really mattered to me.

She is now ignoring me and saying that our relationship is in jeopardy because I was extremely upset and tried to hold her accountable.

TL;DR My partner agreed to save her new years kiss for me, and went against it and belittled me for being upset.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAring947 on 2024-01-01 15:47:00+00:00.

Throwaway as my family has my main account.

So I (26f) am planning to propose to my boyfriend(27m) . We've been dating for 4 years now and he's the most important person in my life. We've discussed marriage, he was very eager to propose and has been saving money for some time I think. He's an artist and doesn't make quite as much but he's way too proud to let me pitch in.

Well around last month , his mom had a surgery. I won't go into details but it costed his parents quite a lot (she doesn't have insurance idk why).He transferred them money from his own savings as well but didn't tell me that (I even offered to help) That day I found him crying in our room. He told me all this and kept on apologising that the money he was saving for the ring had to go into helping his mom and now he can't propose on our anniversary as he was planning to. It was so heartbreaking for me to see him like this tbh. I don't give a damn about that ring?!? I want to marry this guy and I'd have done that in a courthouse if he'd agree. I told him all of that. But for him things like these are important. I actually kind of yelled at him as well for worrying about the wrong reason lol.

He told me to give him some time as he wants to get me the best he can. Well I've decided to propose on our anniversary. I'm doing it on a beach we used to visit a lot as kids, back in our hometown. I'm picking up the ring next week. Here comes my sister (28f). She's had multiple failed relationships and still lives with our parents. She saw me looking at a ring photo when she was visiting me this Christmas so I told her I was planning to propose at the beach. She went silent for a minute and asked me if i was kidding her.

Apparently she caught her boyfriend of two years with someone else on that same beach and hates that place now. I wasn't aware of this. This breakup was in September and back then she told me he was cheating and left her. She now wants me to cancel this whole thing and do it somewhere else. I admit, when her relationship ended, she took it pretty hardly. We all liked him and my sister was convinced he was the one so the breakup was really bad for her.

Yes it sucks what happened to her but I don't know why should that affect my plans? Me and my bf visit that place everytime we're there and it holds some importance to both of us. She's now calling me selfish and how I only want to hurt her by reminding her of that trauma. She then proceeds to talk about my boyfriend and how he can't propose and should be ashamed. I shut that down quickly and told her to drop that topic. The rest of the day she was moody and when she left, she was crying and called me heartless. She's now texting me and saying me getting engaged isn't important enough and I need to change the destination.

I need advice on how to deal with her? Am I really in the wrong here? All I know is I'm not changing the location whether I'm wrong or not. I'm kind of guilty but that's just because we've been close since we were kids and I don't really want to hurt her. Should I comfort her or something or is she being unreasonable? Also she lives with our parents and we're close too so cutting her off isn't an option.

Tldr; my sister caught her boyfriend cheating on a beach and now doesn't want me to propose as I'm doing it on that beach as well.

Edit: As some have mentioned in the comments that this proposal might be 'emasculating' to my boyfriend, I know him, and if it was actually something I'd be 'taking away' from him, I'd obviously never do it. We wanted to be engaged on our 5 year anniversary and I think that's what he was guilty about plus some stress about his mom's health. Thanks for the concern but I know he'll love it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/youreadiread on 2024-01-01 15:29:34+00:00.

My girlfriend and I dated for two years when we decided to break up this past June. It was the usual thing about wanting to see other people and what not. We went no contact for about 2 months when she texted me again wanting to try again. I was hesitant at first but decided to meet up with her anyway. Rather quickly we were back like we used to be and we were seeing each other multiple times a week. When we first started seeing each other again we both said we weren’t seeing anyone else at the moment. However we didn’t speak about exclusivity which in hindsight was my mistake. I just assumed that since we were seeing each other so often and we weren’t talking to other people we’d only be seeing each other. Yesterday my girlfriend admitted that she was talking to other guys when we first started seeing each other and hooked up with one multiple times. She can’t really tell me when it happened because she doesn’t really remember when. Which makes me feel weird because we were spending all our time together that she still found time to talk to other guys. Even if it was earlier on. However her not being able to tell me approximate time makes me doubt her. Am I over reacting for feeling disrespected and wanting to end things?

TL;DR: my gf and broke up in summer. 2 months later we rekindled our relationship. We had discussed that we weren’t seeing other people at the moment and we kept seeing each other. It turns out that she was talking to other people and hooked up with one of them. She brought this up drunkenly yesterday, and couldn’t say when this happened. So I don’t really know how early on this was. Am I overreacting by thinking about ending this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Holymacaroni23 on 2024-01-01 14:49:29+00:00.

This is the text I got:

“I was super stressed yesterday with work and should have kept you in the loop. Missed you though. I have to take today to do some chores and catch up lol

I’m feeling much better from that cold last week so there’s that! But this podcast we both talked about is amazing…”

Was he asking for space? I read it as a casual update and maybe wanting to talk about that podcast, so I sent a few longer texts to show some support for the stress, while asking a follow up question on the podcast and the chores. Did I infringe on his time/ruin everything?

I’m not sure, and I don’t know how to fix this and explain to him.

TLDR: confused about if his text was asking for space, sent some longer engaging replies, he ghosted. What do I send to clear it up?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bekfast62 on 2024-01-01 14:49:14+00:00.

I [24M] have been dating my girlfriend [23F] for 7 months. She is such a sweet girl and we love each other very much. We’ve never had any arguments. We can talk forever about any topic. However, we’ve never had a serious conversation that makes us both uncomfortable to talk about. Talks between us have always been pretty lighthearted. We’re both each other’s first relationship, so I figure we’re both finding out how things like this work.

We live in Japan. She is Japanese and I am American. Like many people our age, and especially young girls in Japan, she has a celebrity crush that she adores. I figured it was a silly celebrity crush when we first started dating. But as we’ve continued to date and she’s become more comfortable with me, I’ve seen more of how she sees him. She has pictures of him in her folder at work, has a homemade keychain of him on her bike keys, and mentions him every time she sees pictures of him in public (he is literally everywhere in Japan). It’s bothered me a bit, and I’ve told her that last part about mentioning him bothers me, but she started doing it again after a few weeks. I don’t know if she thought I wasn’t serious when I said it. Last night, however, I found her crush to be more intense than once thought.

I joined Twitter yesterday so I could keep in contact with my friends while abroad, and I also obviously wanted to see if she had an account on Twitter so I could follow her too. I found her account and some of her Retweets and Tweets and made me extremely, extremely uncomfortable. The vast majority of her daily Tweets were about her crush, and they all only talk about cute and attractive he is. There were a few that really, really bothered me, though. One said she wanted to relive the dream where she went on a date with him. She wrote a tweet that said she had a dream that she spent the night holding her crush’s hand and it made her so happy. She retweeted pictures of him working out and said he was “delicious-looking meat.” She’s never talked to me that way lol. It’s human nature to find people attractive and it cannot be helped. However, she’s gotten annoyed with me if she thinks I’m looking at other girls in a sexual way (I’m not) so I don’t think she would you be happy if I had a lot of pictures of other girls in my folder at work, photos of other girls in my wallet, if I said that I had dreams of holding other girls’ hands and going on dates with them, and if I said other girls are delicious meat. I don’t know if it is a cultural difference between America or Japan, or just who she is. I know that she loves me a lot and she tells me multiple times a day out of the blue, but after seeing how she displays his pictures, always points him out to me, and now reading what she’s posted about him, I am beginning to be much less attracted to her, and it makes me question what things that I want out of a relationship. There’s also a question of how much to trust her now. I cannot change if she finds someone else attractive, in fact it’s normal to find other people attractive. I feel I have to create a relationship boundary, though. I obviously don’t like her behavior, but I don’t want to be seen as controlling. I want to be the best boyfriend I can be. If this relationship continues, though, then I do not want to spend my time, become serious, and give flowers to a girl if everyday she’s also thinking about holding hands with another boy and thinking about another him as “delicious-looking meat” whenever she sees him while with me. It makes her words feel hollow. He is a celebrity, but he is also a real person. I want to know why she is thinking about another boy in a clearly romantic way when she has a real relationship in front of her that she claims is all she ever wanted. I want to know what she is getting from her parasocial relationship with me that I still cannot provide. How do I even begin to communicate this with her? How do I say what I want while being sensitive to her and her culture?

TLDR: my girlfriend’s celebrity infatuation is more serious than I once thought and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. How do I begin to communicate this with her?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nightstar360 on 2024-01-01 14:38:35+00:00.

I met a guy online fairly recently. We really hit it off well, to the point where I deleted my dating apps before we met. He did as well. I am a single mom and have been looking for a long-term relationship with a good man. I have a high sex drive as well.

The first time we met, we got intimate. He gave me the most amazing oral sex I have ever had. Seriously cumming on repeat, lol. When we tried PIV, he could not get it up. He told me that he has had this issue periodically. The performance anxiety usually goes away. I was disappointed and withdrew some.

The next day he tells me that he called the doctor because, while it has usually gone away - it did not with his last partner. He said he wrote it off because there were other issues between them, but he is wondering if there is something physically wrong. He also reassured me that he found me very attractive, he was afraid of the impression it gave (which it did and I told him).

He got started on testosterone because his levels are apparently on the low end of normal. The same night he had his first shot, we tried again. With some difficulty, he penetrated me a few times, with the longest lasting about 15 minutes of him inside me. He felt amazing and I could tell he knew what he was doing - just difficulty with staying hard. He gets semi hard when we are doing foreplay but he goes limp when trying to penetrate. He gave more oral and had me squirting multiple times, which I have never done. His skills with his hands and mouth are incredible.

The next time a couple days later, he could not get hard again. He was very frustrated and held me close. I told him "it's okay" the first attempt, but I didn't say anything to him the last one. He is going to try sildenafil and discussed it with me.

We get along so great, except for when it comes to the ED. He is someone who I could see building a life with. Most guys shy from a single woman with kids, he has not in the least. He is interested in me and my family. Very thoughtful and considerate. When I was sick, offered to come over and help me. He is trying to get help for his ED, but I don't know if I should stay with him. I have a high sex drive, and when he can't penetrate it feels like a part of me is dying inside. It feels personal to me, like he isn't that attracted to me physically. Just about any other guy out there would be thrilled to have sex with me. I offer myself to him, and he can't take advantage and just fuck me like normal. When he tries to get sexy in texts like we had, I have started shying away because I know he can't penetrate me right now. What should I do?

TD;LR! - My boyfriend has ED, and it is stressing me. I don't know what I should do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FingalsFingers on 2024-01-01 14:35:55+00:00.

I've had a hard life (31m), but just after things had been at their hardest ever for me, I made some big changes. I changed country and worked hard in my career and my social life. I took therapy seriously, and I connected with my inner child. Spiritually I was able to grow up again, shedding off the negativity of my past.

I believe that this may have made me supremely attractive due to my self love, potential manifestation, and so on. I was in a relationship with someone from a totally different culture (27f), but realising the unrewarding one sided nature of it, after attempts to improve it failed, I ended it. That was actually a joyous experience, placing myself first.

Also I was actually more attracted to two colleagues. One was a supervisor (31? F), and she looked like my mother did as a young woman. One was the same junior role as me (33 f), and she looked like my aunt did as a young woman. Actually 'look' isn't the right word, it was the full draw they had on me. These were attractions based on love. I struggled to view them sexually.

I worried about how to convey my feelings or test the waters. I never managed to do so with the supervisor, but gradually, organically entered a mutually loving relationship with my equal. We had both strongly admired the other since first sight. We are in a stable relationship now.

My behaviour must have changed towards the supervisor. We were on friendly terms, and I told her that I had met someone but wouldn't say who. This may have been when something snapped for her. I was supremely attracted to both of them, and I think them to me. Not long after we began having arguments over petty things. She would shout and swear at me in the morning before I had started work. Ultimately I reported her for bullying, which I would love to say ended it, but it didn't.

My partner and I have both switched jobs now, so we're away from the bully. I do wonder though, what if things had ended differently, and I had declared my feelings for the supervisor. I suspect my subtle unspoken rejection pushed her over the edge into desperation, self hatred and rage, which nobody deserves. Buses come in twist, it's nothing personal and not your fault. It could easily have turned out differently.

My spiritual rebirth is complete. I am whole now. I found a woman who I love, as I had a model for love in my aunt. My parents even commented that my partner looks like my aunt did, although my partner also has similar interests and traits as my mother. I nearly loved someone who reminded me of my mother. Surely that's an even more psychically charged attraction which could have done good thing for me. What do you think? By the way, my relationship with my mothed hasn't always been great other the years.

TLDR - When I was finally recovering from life long low spirits, I simultaneously loved two woman. I am now in a happy stable relationship with the woman who had reminded me of my aunt. And wondering what if I had ended up in a relationship with the other woman, who reminded me of my mother, and who went on to bully me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due-Prune-8767 on 2024-01-01 14:35:40+00:00.

Tl;dr: So my boyfriend(22M) broke up with me(22F) because his career is not in the direction in which he wants it to go.

He appeared for many entrance exams this year but couldn't crack any of them. He said he feels like a loser. He cannot promise me a secured future or in fact any future and would rather want me to break up with him and move on.

I never asked anything from him. I was never interested in money. Rather i was the one who paid for majority of our dates and it never bothered me.

He said he cannot promise me a future but wants me in his life. We were together for more than 3 years.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Wise_Mortgage_3607 on 2024-01-01 14:21:53+00:00.

We've been dating over 2 months and I love him so much, but his weight weighs on his mind. He does peloton, and eats only once a day, for the most part.

Whe he eats, he eats as much as I do, but sometimes he'll use the bathroom elsewhere later, saying he has diarrhea. I don't hear anything so I don't know if he's vomiting, and I'm worried he is.

He used to be anorexic, he told me yesterday when I asked him about it, but he swore to me he isn't anymore.

He works 12 hour shifts moving around a lot in a hospital, and doesn't eat the entire day, but does sometimes when he's off. I don't live with him so I'm not sure.

He treats me so well, is very kind and understanding, and I love him so much, but this is worrying me sick.

I don't want to bring it up again until I have some kind of proof, so he doesn't think I'm nagging him, but I am genuinely worried he has some kind of ED.

TL:DR - My BF has some symptoms of an ED even though I don't know for sure. What should I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ghflo on 2024-01-01 14:09:27+00:00.

I have been dating a girl for a few weeks, she is 26 and i am 29. It’s truly amazing between us and I really want to try to build something strong with her. I had planned Christmas with some friends (about 12 of us) for ages and I extended the invitation to her. Given she spent dinner with her family, she joined us at around 11pm. She met my friends for the first time for most of them, and we really had a great time and a few drinks. At some point some people sat down to play UNO and she was very excited to play, but I didnt want to play so I just had a beer with my buddies. When I went back in to check how the UNO game was going on, I realized, the way she was sitting with her legs crossed on the sofa (kind of Lotus position), all the other players had a clear view on her vagina . I mean, totally, as she had no panty and just some mid-tigh tights. No one seemed to have told her anything and they were all playing as if it was normal, a mixture of guys and girls. I then told her that I wanted to show her something and she came with me, and I told her that I think her vagina was on display. She acted surprised and said she didn’t realize, but honestly I find this gross and I don’t know what to think. She is very tall and skinny, and honestly the way she was sitting made everybody see the details of what is between her legs. I don’t dare to talk to my friends again as I am sure they are embarrassed for me. Also, why on earth was she wearing a very mini dress with no underwear at her parents’ place before coming to us?

TL;DR: I was excited to introduce my new gf to my friends but she showed up in a tiny dress with no panty and everything was in display during a UNO game

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IHDC_youtube on 2024-01-01 14:08:35+00:00.

Just got broken up with on New Year's Day

My ex (23f) and I (24m) had been together for 17 months but in around November we had a massive fight where she decided around 11pm that she would be driving home and she didn't know if she'd see me again. I was devastated, crying so hard I couldn't breath and begging her to stay which devolved into begging her to just look me in the eyes which she struggled with.

However, eventually I got her to agree to see a couples therapist and we began working on our relationship.

Things seemed to be getting better until the December holidays where we were apart the whole time and could barely text because she was busy with family. We ended up fighting and she asked for space which I reluctantly gave. Unfortunately I couldn't handle it anymore and asked if she was happy in this relationship which she refused to answer. The next day (December 31st) we texted but it was cold and dry. I called her at midnight and she answered which I was immensely happy with but we barely spoke before saying goodbye.

Today (Jan 1st) she told me she was ready to answer my question and ended things because she said she couldn't see herself being with me for the rest of her life and couldn't force me to change as that would be unfair.

I know there's no salvaging this as I do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, but I am absolutely destroyed. Life doesn't feel real, I feel like I'm in a dream and tomorrow will never come because I'll wake up and things will go back to normal.

I just want to know what do I do now? I feel like it's impossible to carry on, pick up the pieces and even attempt moving on. What do I do?

Tldr: got broken up with in NYD after 17 months with my ex. I am not sure what to do next as this was my first long term relationship and I have no idea how to carry on with my life?