Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Holymacaroni23 on 2024-01-01 14:49:29+00:00.

This is the text I got:

“I was super stressed yesterday with work and should have kept you in the loop. Missed you though. I have to take today to do some chores and catch up lol

I’m feeling much better from that cold last week so there’s that! But this podcast we both talked about is amazing…”

Was he asking for space? I read it as a casual update and maybe wanting to talk about that podcast, so I sent a few longer texts to show some support for the stress, while asking a follow up question on the podcast and the chores. Did I infringe on his time/ruin everything?

I’m not sure, and I don’t know how to fix this and explain to him.

TLDR: confused about if his text was asking for space, sent some longer engaging replies, he ghosted. What do I send to clear it up?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Gloomy_Eggplant_8115 on 2024-01-01 13:59:09+00:00.

I've [36M] been dating her [35F] for 1,5 years. Since the beginning of the relationship she's been having an over 30kg, full of energy, male dog with quite a strong personality.

She is busy and does her best to handle the dog but IMO her personality is too soft to make this dog behave as expected.

I like the dog, but any suggestions of increasing the mental distance towards it and implement more direct methods (e.g. a spiked collar, a muzzle outside) for some period of time to make it behave properly are treated as an attack against her "child" which pulls her with the leash to it's limits, which is ridiculous.

It would be nice to live together and have some kids, but it seems that the dog is going to be the number one.

While I take the dog out sometimes, I do not allow it to pull me as it pisses me of and I am a bit harsh proportionally to dog's behaviour. She seems to expect me to be the same towards the dog as she is and this is not going to happen. No problem it she lives alone with her dog, but living together means sharing daily life.

Do you have similar experiences? Have you clarified silimiar situations somehow? The more we plan living together, the brighter the yellow flag it is for me.

TL;DR Dating a dog mama which IMO has too submissive attitude towards her dog. How to make things bearable to live together?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due-Prune-8767 on 2024-01-01 14:35:40+00:00.

Tl;dr: So my boyfriend(22M) broke up with me(22F) because his career is not in the direction in which he wants it to go.

He appeared for many entrance exams this year but couldn't crack any of them. He said he feels like a loser. He cannot promise me a secured future or in fact any future and would rather want me to break up with him and move on.

I never asked anything from him. I was never interested in money. Rather i was the one who paid for majority of our dates and it never bothered me.

He said he cannot promise me a future but wants me in his life. We were together for more than 3 years.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ghflo on 2024-01-01 14:09:27+00:00.

I have been dating a girl for a few weeks, she is 26 and i am 29. It’s truly amazing between us and I really want to try to build something strong with her. I had planned Christmas with some friends (about 12 of us) for ages and I extended the invitation to her. Given she spent dinner with her family, she joined us at around 11pm. She met my friends for the first time for most of them, and we really had a great time and a few drinks. At some point some people sat down to play UNO and she was very excited to play, but I didnt want to play so I just had a beer with my buddies. When I went back in to check how the UNO game was going on, I realized, the way she was sitting with her legs crossed on the sofa (kind of Lotus position), all the other players had a clear view on her vagina . I mean, totally, as she had no panty and just some mid-tigh tights. No one seemed to have told her anything and they were all playing as if it was normal, a mixture of guys and girls. I then told her that I wanted to show her something and she came with me, and I told her that I think her vagina was on display. She acted surprised and said she didn’t realize, but honestly I find this gross and I don’t know what to think. She is very tall and skinny, and honestly the way she was sitting made everybody see the details of what is between her legs. I don’t dare to talk to my friends again as I am sure they are embarrassed for me. Also, why on earth was she wearing a very mini dress with no underwear at her parents’ place before coming to us?

TL;DR: I was excited to introduce my new gf to my friends but she showed up in a tiny dress with no panty and everything was in display during a UNO game

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAStrabbry on 2024-01-01 13:54:32+00:00.

My boyfriend did not celebrate my birthday appropriately. We are currently doing long distance so i didnt expect him to show up and give me gifts... But he didnt celebrate it appropriately thru text. He just wrote happy birthday and changed the topic. I expected a beautiful long message from him like how my friends write to me. I feel hurt. Is that normal for guys or should I consider my standards?

TL;DR My boyfriend did not celebrate my birthday appropriately. We are currently doing long distance so i didnt expect him to show up and give me gifts... But he didnt celebrate it appropriately thru text. He just wrote happy birthday and changed the topic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2024-01-01 13:54:17+00:00.

So we were talking about our exes. My bf knows a lot about my ex but I didn’t know much about his. He told me he’s not hung up on her or anything and all that happened at the end of their relationship was she cheated on him and left him in the dust even after they had plans to get engaged and married. He said “if she called me and wanted me back I’d say no” and I was like thinking “yeah thank god” and then he followed it up by saying “and hypothetically say I wanted her back, I could never allow myself to go back to her because of how much she fucked me up” now here is where I may be overthinking things, I found that to be weird to say because yes I get acknowledging that someone fucked you up so much is a good reason to know to never get back with them, but I feel that was weird, and I’m probably overthinking it or overreacting therefore I would like to see what everyone’s take on this is. What’s a way to approach this? For some more background onto this topic, I asked if he wanted his ex back and he jokingly said “I meannn” and then followed it up with “I’m just kidding, no dear I promise” and I didn’t like him joking like that. He also promises and swears he’s not hung up on her, but when I told him a friend of mine knew his ex because her friend dated her he was like “who tf” and when he saw my friend that said it,he asked her who it was because his ex lives on the opposite side of the state so it’s crazy how my friend would know who she was and all he said was “how do you know who my ex is?” Thats all. He doesn’t talk about his ex much, it’s only been more recent because I’ve been asking him or saying stuff like my friend knew who she was. He only says stuff if I initiate the topic, if that makes sense.

Tl;dr: bf said if he hypothetically wanted his ex back he wouldn’t do it and that statement rubbed me the wrong way but im not sure if im overthinking it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRa_Sxmm on 2024-01-01 13:36:38+00:00.

We've been together for 6 months and talk consistently and I've always known how she is as a person when she's in love. She responds quick, double texts me saying how much she misses me, and just genuinely shows a lot of affection, however, recently I lost my license for 2 months and she doesn't have hers so we haven't been able to see each other. I've done my absolute best to continue to entertain and talk to her these past weeks and now I have 3 more weeks until I get my license back.

We agreed that as soon as I get my license back we're going on a date, and she seemed very happy and interested in that, however, recently everything seemed so off, her snap score went up by tons when sending nudity, I have been left on 12-18 hours on delivered frequently when shes evidently been active, and the interest that she once showed is not there, don't get me wrong when she responds its not dry, its just none of this is like her at all.

It may seem like i'm being clingy but if i talk to her about it it will make me seem more desperate, my question is how is it that when we have both agreed on a date just a day ago she's still been ignoring me despite this, and my concern is that this won't even last by the time I get my license back because its starting to seem like she's moving on.

TLDR: ignoring me recently, idk why, have I done something wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Afraid-Violinist8144 on 2024-01-01 13:36:03+00:00.

We've known each other since high school and have kept in contact loosely through the years. We got together in the end of 2019, dated through the pandemic, and she moved in with me at the beginning of 2023 when my roommate moved out.

In April 2023, we got a puppy together. I would have gotten my puppy regardless of if I was in a relationship or not. That was the plan after my roommate moved.

But the girlfriend pushed and pushed when I wasn't totally ready to get a dog. I caved, and we got a beautiful little puppy that I love with all my heart. She told me over and over again how good she is with puppies, and how it won't just be one sided where I'm doing everything. She also stopped paying for him.

Well, I'm doing everything. Walks, potty trips, training, playtime, feeding, grooming, buying toys and necessities, paying for his vet visits, it's extremely exhausting doing it alone because I have a highly involved job outside of home, too.

And things have just been going downhill in conjunction with this. She's turned into a total packrat, dirty clothes on the floor, piles of wrappers and dirty clothes next to her side of the bed. Trash and clutter all over the TV stand, she refuses to throw anything away and has filled my house to the brim with a disgusting amount of clothes and trinkets. Throughout the four years we've been dating, she was secretly buying this cheapo play jewelery from some MLM on Facebook. Thousands and thousands of dollars worth of junky crap jewelery.

I got her to stop throwing her money away on that. But recently she's been obsessed with buying garbage off Temu and complaining when the slave labor made garments she impulsively buys don't fit/look right. So now she's got a pile of that crap going on too.

It pisses me off because I've got a maxed out credit card (had to pay for an ER visit for pup), I pay everything for this little pup, and that's okay. But why isn't she helping? We have talked about it multiple times and I just don't get any financial or physical help with this dog. She's rather play phone games and blow her money on bullshit.

On top of that; she doesn't clean, doesn't cook. She doesn't help unless we get into an argument. Then she thinks doing the dishes once will suffice until the next time I get upset.

I'm exhausted, I come home from work and dedicate all my free time to the dog. By the time I go to bed I am ready to collapse. Every single day, I'm stressed and living in an environment now where there's just clutter and crap all over the place is driving my anxiety through the roof.

The last straw was last night. I have to be up at 4am every morning to get my puppy's day started. This involves a morning potty break, breakfast, and a little bit of play time or scratches before I leave for work. Even on the days that I don't work I wake up at 4am.

Lately, she hasn't been sleeping with me. We work different shifts and she's been sleeping on the couch for whatever reason. So, seeing that it's new years Eve, she wants me to stay up till midnight. I'm already exhausted, but I keep my eyes open long enough for midnight. She stays up till 1am watching TV in the bedroom and when I ask her if I can shut the TV off because I have to be up in 3 hours she says "well I guess I'll just go watch TV in the living room"

It's 1 AM I have to be up at 4am, we haven't cuddled in weeks. So I just say, "whatever go out there and watch tv, not like we sleep together anymore anyway" then I say as a matter of fact go ahead and keep watching it in here. I'm going to sleep on the couch. Then she started begging me to come lay back in bed, but it's now past 1am - I'm extremely tired and I just want to go to sleep.

I start falling asleep on the couch then I feel her trying to push her way onto the couch. At this point I just want to go to sleep, so I mumble out "stop leave me alone" and fell asleep.

Now she's sound asleep while I had to wake up at 4am for the dog. I'm looking at what a shit-show mess she leaves the place, and really considering after four years together, and one year living together, telling her that I don't think this is working out.

TL;DR: girlfriend of four years moved in last year and is a total slob that doesn't lift a finger to cook, clean, or help take care of our dog. She's not helping financially and blows her money on Temu. We have sex about once every 6 months, I'm about ready to kick her out.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/maurice2828 on 2024-01-01 13:27:57+00:00.

In the last few years, my (39M) parents have discovered family in the Netherlands (we're in the UK) and have been over a few times to visit. The relationship is a little distant, it's like my mum's second cousin.

Both parents are struggling a bit with mobility so they feel this year might be the last time they get to visit, with the flying and travelling. As a result, they are keen for me and my brother to go with them. My brother already went with them last year briefly, so met this family, but I couldn't go.

Thing is, this year my wife and I both have big birthdays coming up and have planned trips for each other. With that, a summer holiday and childcare commitments (our kids are 10 and 7) I already don't have enough days holiday from work to do everything I need/want to do this year. If I go for a weekend, it'll cost like £500 for less than 36 hours in the place.

My brother is likely going to go again so when I explain the above, my parents feel like I'm being awkward. They feel this is the last chance we'll get to go and see these other family members altogether and that I'm priorising my own things over the wider family.

I said I'd rather spend the money doing something with our immediate family closer to home, if being together is the main issue. Also said I'd happily meet the family members who are in the Netherlands if they ever decide to come to the UK. Not sure how likely that is though.

The other thing is, I don't really feel a connection to this newly discovered family, so I feel like my priority should be my wife and kids.

Am I being unreasonable here?

TLDR: I feel pressured to take a trip with my parents, while I'm prioritising time with my wife and kids

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/maurice2828 on 2024-01-01 13:27:57+00:00.

In the last few years, my (39M) parents have discovered family in the Netherlands (we're in the UK) and have been over a few times to visit. The relationship is a little distant, it's like my mum's second cousin.

Both parents are struggling a bit with mobility so they feel this year might be the last time they get to visit, with the flying and travelling. As a result, they are keen for me and my brother to go with them. My brother already went with them last year briefly, so met this family, but I couldn't go.

Thing is, this year my wife and I both have big birthdays coming up and have planned trips for each other. With that, a summer holiday and childcare commitments (our kids are 10 and 7) I already don't have enough days holiday from work to do everything I need/want to do this year. If I go for a weekend, it'll cost like £500 for less than 36 hours in the place.

My brother is likely going to go again so when I explain the above, my parents feel like I'm being awkward. They feel this is the last chance we'll get to go and see these other family members altogether and that I'm priorising my own things over the wider family.

I said I'd rather spend the money doing something with our immediate family closer to home, if being together is the main issue. Also said I'd happily meet the family members who are in the Netherlands if they ever decide to come to the UK. Not sure how likely that is though.

The other thing is, I don't really feel a connection to this newly discovered family, so I feel like my priority should be my wife and kids.

Am I being unreasonable here?

TLDR: I feel pressured to take a trip with my parents, while I'm prioritising time with my wife and kids

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gallavichfan on 2024-01-01 13:19:14+00:00.

i (M17) think my friend (F17) is obsessed with me. we’ve been friends since early june, and i’ve noticed lately she’s been really clingy and unhealthily obsessed with me. whenever i don’t reply to her texts instantly she spams me or messages me on other apps, and texts my friends asking if i’m okay. whenever she isn’t doing that, she’s stalking my social media and replying to all of my posts. i cant interact with any of my friends online without her replying to all of my comments, and every time i post she spams my comment section. whenever anyone else comments more than her, she has to spam it AGAIN because she gets jealous. i created a new playlist a few days and she did the exact same thing when she noticed. over two thirds of the songs on her playlist were ones she had taken from mine. she does the same with shows i watch, whenever i start a new one she insists on doing the same. i know there’s no chance she has a crush on me since i’m gay and she’s a lesbian, so i’m just really confused and concerned for her. i have autism and i’m very protective over my interests, so this is infuriating me and i don’t know what to do about it. if i talk to her about it she’ll guilt trip me, apologising profusely, begging me to forgive her, making self deprecating comments. i don’t want to hurt her because i love her but this is severely upsetting me and stressing me out, i don’t know what to do.

TL;DR my friend is obsessed with me and i don’t know how to get her to back off without hurting her feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gallavichfan on 2024-01-01 13:19:14+00:00.

i (M17) think my friend (F17) is obsessed with me. we’ve been friends since early june, and i’ve noticed lately she’s been really clingy and unhealthily obsessed with me. whenever i don’t reply to her texts instantly she spams me or messages me on other apps, and texts my friends asking if i’m okay. whenever she isn’t doing that, she’s stalking my social media and replying to all of my posts. i cant interact with any of my friends online without her replying to all of my comments, and every time i post she spams my comment section. whenever anyone else comments more than her, she has to spam it AGAIN because she gets jealous. i created a new playlist a few days and she did the exact same thing when she noticed. over two thirds of the songs on her playlist were ones she had taken from mine. she does the same with shows i watch, whenever i start a new one she insists on doing the same. i know there’s no chance she has a crush on me since i’m gay and she’s a lesbian, so i’m just really confused and concerned for her. i have autism and i’m very protective over my interests, so this is infuriating me and i don’t know what to do about it. if i talk to her about it she’ll guilt trip me, apologising profusely, begging me to forgive her, making self deprecating comments. i don’t want to hurt her because i love her but this is severely upsetting me and stressing me out, i don’t know what to do.

TL;DR my friend is obsessed with me and i don’t know how to get her to back off without hurting her feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/alex-is-terrified on 2024-01-01 12:59:53+00:00.

tldr: girlfriends parents don't know we are dating but are incredibly opposed to even the idea of it. not sure how to go forward in the future.

i am 19 and my girlfriend is 17, turning 18 this month. we have been dating for a couple months, but her parents don't... really know. for context, we are in a long distance relationship, so her parents have never had a chance to actually meet me. despite being skeptical of even our friendship, they agreed to let me stay over for a week to visit her - im leaving next week.

now, whenever my girlfriend has brought me up to her parents, they've been very inquisitive about whether we truly aren't dating, probably partly because they have very traditional values and after my girlfriend had expressed to them how important i am to her, they assumed there had to be something more, considering im male.

and of course, they wouldn't be wrong, but they are very, very opposed to the idea of us dating. first of all, we are an interracial couple and they would prefer her to be with someone of the same background, and especially not someone who lives across the globe. then, i am trans, and although the tolerate the idea of me being trans after initial skepticism, they also want her to follow a traditional life trajectory and have kids in the future, which is not certain to be possible for us.

her parents have said things to her such as, "i would you stay single for the rest of your life than be with him", or "if you have any feelings for him you HAVE to tell us now so we can knock it out of you".

because if this, we have kept our relationship hidden from them, and will continue to do so for the forseeable future. this is an immensely difficult situation for us, but especially for her, because she feels that if she wants to be with me, she will have to justify herself and tolerate her unsupportive family for the rest of her life. this puts a lot of pressure on her, and although i don't mean to make this about me, i sometimes feel incredibly guilty that she has to go through so much just to maybe one day get to openly be with me. it just sucks that it seems she will never be able to truly live the life she wants to live without facing judgement from the people who are supposed to be your biggest supporters. she knows that she won't always be dependent on her parents' approval, but the lack of support could prove to be very detrimental to her mental, as it has already been in recent months.

now of course, i hope that, when i'm there soon, i can make a good impression and somehow sway their minds, although it seems unlikely for the near future. so for now, all we can really do is stick together and reassure each other that this is worth it for the other person. i'm not even really sure what kind of advice im asking here, but if anyone wants to share their experience or anything, i would be happy to hear about it! thanks for reading.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/alex-is-terrified on 2024-01-01 12:59:53+00:00.

tldr: girlfriends parents don't know we are dating but are incredibly opposed to even the idea of it. not sure how to go forward in the future.

i am 19 and my girlfriend is 17, turning 18 this month. we have been dating for a couple months, but her parents don't... really know. for context, we are in a long distance relationship, so her parents have never had a chance to actually meet me. despite being skeptical of even our friendship, they agreed to let me stay over for a week to visit her - im leaving next week.

now, whenever my girlfriend has brought me up to her parents, they've been very inquisitive about whether we truly aren't dating, probably partly because they have very traditional values and after my girlfriend had expressed to them how important i am to her, they assumed there had to be something more, considering im male.

and of course, they wouldn't be wrong, but they are very, very opposed to the idea of us dating. first of all, we are an interracial couple and they would prefer her to be with someone of the same background, and especially not someone who lives across the globe. then, i am trans, and although the tolerate the idea of me being trans after initial skepticism, they also want her to follow a traditional life trajectory and have kids in the future, which is not certain to be possible for us.

her parents have said things to her such as, "i would you stay single for the rest of your life than be with him", or "if you have any feelings for him you HAVE to tell us now so we can knock it out of you".

because if this, we have kept our relationship hidden from them, and will continue to do so for the forseeable future. this is an immensely difficult situation for us, but especially for her, because she feels that if she wants to be with me, she will have to justify herself and tolerate her unsupportive family for the rest of her life. this puts a lot of pressure on her, and although i don't mean to make this about me, i sometimes feel incredibly guilty that she has to go through so much just to maybe one day get to openly be with me. it just sucks that it seems she will never be able to truly live the life she wants to live without facing judgement from the people who are supposed to be your biggest supporters. she knows that she won't always be dependent on her parents' approval, but the lack of support could prove to be very detrimental to her mental, as it has already been in recent months.

now of course, i hope that, when i'm there soon, i can make a good impression and somehow sway their minds, although it seems unlikely for the near future. so for now, all we can really do is stick together and reassure each other that this is worth it for the other person. i'm not even really sure what kind of advice im asking here, but if anyone wants to share their experience or anything, i would be happy to hear about it! thanks for reading.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/drunkslovetables on 2024-01-01 12:47:34+00:00.

It’s my [25F] boyfriend’s [27M] 1 year break anniversary with his ex and I don’t know how to approach the conversation

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 6 months. Things are going so well and we love each other a lot. We have so many things in common and nothing he’s done has ever made me doubt that.

However, last New Year’s he got out of a 4 year long relationship where he was married for only a month. They broke up exactly a year ago.

I noticed yesterday as I was having fun with my friends that he was a little out of it. He told me yesterday that he’s feeling really sensitive about it and that holidays are really difficult.

I confronted him about it and mentioned it’s because of his ex. He said yes and that it’s the year anniversary of them breaking up. It seems like he’s taking it hard today, and I honestly don’t really know how to respond to it. He assured me that it’s not that he misses her, it’s just the timing and the hurt that comes from that.

As someone who deals with breakups easily, I don’t necessarily know how he is feeling. Part of me really understands the grieving side of it, and it makes total sense why he would be feeling this way. I can’t fault him for that. I understand that you can’t really control feelings like this.

Part of me also feels that I was really excited to spend the new year with him and focus on our relationship, so these negative feelings he is experiencing makes me overthink a lot of our relationship. If these feelings and reactions are so strong it makes me think that our relationship isn’t as strong. I think I’m feeling a bit insecure and hurt as well. I want to support him but I’m also feeling selfish and wanting to prioritize our relationship. I really dont want to act immature about it as well. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Would love advice on how to approach this conversation in the morning.

Tl;dr: boyfriend is feeling sad about his past break up anniversary and I don’t know how to approach conversation

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/drunkslovetables on 2024-01-01 12:47:34+00:00.

It’s my [25F] boyfriend’s [27M] 1 year break anniversary with his ex and I don’t know how to approach the conversation

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 6 months. Things are going so well and we love each other a lot. We have so many things in common and nothing he’s done has ever made me doubt that.

However, last New Year’s he got out of a 4 year long relationship where he was married for only a month. They broke up exactly a year ago.

I noticed yesterday as I was having fun with my friends that he was a little out of it. He told me yesterday that he’s feeling really sensitive about it and that holidays are really difficult.

I confronted him about it and mentioned it’s because of his ex. He said yes and that it’s the year anniversary of them breaking up. It seems like he’s taking it hard today, and I honestly don’t really know how to respond to it. He assured me that it’s not that he misses her, it’s just the timing and the hurt that comes from that.

As someone who deals with breakups easily, I don’t necessarily know how he is feeling. Part of me really understands the grieving side of it, and it makes total sense why he would be feeling this way. I can’t fault him for that. I understand that you can’t really control feelings like this.

Part of me also feels that I was really excited to spend the new year with him and focus on our relationship, so these negative feelings he is experiencing makes me overthink a lot of our relationship. If these feelings and reactions are so strong it makes me think that our relationship isn’t as strong. I think I’m feeling a bit insecure and hurt as well. I want to support him but I’m also feeling selfish and wanting to prioritize our relationship. I really dont want to act immature about it as well. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Would love advice on how to approach this conversation in the morning.

Tl;dr: boyfriend is feeling sad about his past break up anniversary and I don’t know how to approach conversation

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lampshadejones on 2024-01-01 12:44:00+00:00.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I started dating him after my previous relationship ended, the previous relationship was pretty serious and it ended on a bad note. I didn't want to date after that but my current boyfriend ( 32M) came into my life and it started as a fling at first but slowly turned into feelings. He's caring, funny, and he's very laid back, doesn't have any expectations and overall great but I sometimes feels like he plays these power games with me. I also feel like he takes me for granted sometimes. Like making plans and cancelling last minute, not being the one to call as often as I do, if we have a standoff he can go ages without being the first to message. He will often just be absent most of the time and he says its because he's busy. I have such mixed feelings about this behaviour. He also pushes his commitments further, everytime he commits to do something he always pushes it ahead saying oh something something came up and now we have the delay. I don't really know what to do and how to feel because I do like him but I constantly feel under appreciated and I feel like I'm basically pulling this relationships cart by myself.

I want to note here that he does suffer from a lot of mental issues and he's talked to me about them but I constantly feel like after getting married to him he'll be one of those men that don't really give a shit about their wives.

TL;DR

Is this the man I want to marry? He acts like he's above me and I'm the one who should chase.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lampshadejones on 2024-01-01 12:44:00+00:00.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I started dating him after my previous relationship ended, the previous relationship was pretty serious and it ended on a bad note. I didn't want to date after that but my current boyfriend ( 32M) came into my life and it started as a fling at first but slowly turned into feelings. He's caring, funny, and he's very laid back, doesn't have any expectations and overall great but I sometimes feels like he plays these power games with me. I also feel like he takes me for granted sometimes. Like making plans and cancelling last minute, not being the one to call as often as I do, if we have a standoff he can go ages without being the first to message. He will often just be absent most of the time and he says its because he's busy. I have such mixed feelings about this behaviour. He also pushes his commitments further, everytime he commits to do something he always pushes it ahead saying oh something something came up and now we have the delay. I don't really know what to do and how to feel because I do like him but I constantly feel under appreciated and I feel like I'm basically pulling this relationships cart by myself.

I want to note here that he does suffer from a lot of mental issues and he's talked to me about them but I constantly feel like after getting married to him he'll be one of those men that don't really give a shit about their wives.

TL;DR

Is this the man I want to marry? He acts like he's above me and I'm the one who should chase.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gigglyspin on 2024-01-01 12:37:51+00:00.

I don't know, I'll start from the beginning.

I (21F) was in a bad LDR for 2 months 2 years ago. Not a long time, but it left me hurt and sad.

This sweet guy (22M), my fiance,came along. He talked me through things, was a shoulder to cry on, a good friend from a mutual friend.

When we met IRL to hang out with a group, we really hit it off. Went home, talked on the phone more. We set up a first date.

I was dumb, and wanted to lose my virginity. I didn't want to be what I thought was "bad" at the time, so we made it official before the first real date and banged.

3 days later, he said I love you. I..said it back, though truthfully it took me a while to mean it. I feel bad.

2 months of dating later, we moved in with each other. Convenient timing, both needed a place to go.

It's been 1.5 years. We're happy together, everything is great I think, but I can't help but have doubts.

I've been depressed, sluggish, no motivation. I've gained weight. Hopped jobs. There's been some improvement, and I have a full time that I start at soon, but I'm low on funds, not educated, I live in an apartment with neighbors who are awful, and I've gained a lot of weight. I feel stuck.

My parents offered to let me move back in with them, to help me get out of the bad situation with neighbors, save up, and potentially help me through school. It's a big deal to me to get an education.

I hate that I considered it.

I've been bored sexually with our relationship for a bit, and selfishly, I miss being single sometimes. I feel like I'm missing out on something. I hate myself for feeling this way, and sometimes I wonder if I should leave just to save him from me. I'd love for something like an open relationship, but I know that's just me trying to justify my selfishness.

We don't really fight, I think we've only had 1-3 major disagreements. Things are pretty good, we generally get along. I mean, my family thinks he's little controlling, and I agree he's stubborn with his decisions, but I don't trust myself to make decisions. That's why I don't trust myself with this, either.

I'm rummaging through pros and cons, and I feel bad for even weighing things out. I love him, I should know what to do, I should know I should stay with him. There will never be another him. I don't want to break his heart, and I also don't want to break mine.

I wonder if these are just ramblings of an ebb from the ebb and flow of relationship passion. I just miss the excitement, and with a tempting offer from my parents, it would be nice to turn my life around.

I've struggled with mental health for a while, and being able to save money in a secure house (no bad neighbors), have a new town with new opportunities for jobs, improve my mental and physical health (parents also offered to help with therapy and affording healthier foods), and get an education? It sounds like a dream. I want to improve myself. But I feel horrible for being selfish.

TLDR; I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years, I'm wondering if I rushed things, I want to take a step back to work on myself, taking an offer my parents gave me to go to school, and I feel bored sexually, but I love my fiance and worry that I'm making a mistake.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gigglyspin on 2024-01-01 12:37:51+00:00.

I don't know, I'll start from the beginning.

I (21F) was in a bad LDR for 2 months 2 years ago. Not a long time, but it left me hurt and sad.

This sweet guy (22M), my fiance,came along. He talked me through things, was a shoulder to cry on, a good friend from a mutual friend.

When we met IRL to hang out with a group, we really hit it off. Went home, talked on the phone more. We set up a first date.

I was dumb, and wanted to lose my virginity. I didn't want to be what I thought was "bad" at the time, so we made it official before the first real date and banged.

3 days later, he said I love you. I..said it back, though truthfully it took me a while to mean it. I feel bad.

2 months of dating later, we moved in with each other. Convenient timing, both needed a place to go.

It's been 1.5 years. We're happy together, everything is great I think, but I can't help but have doubts.

I've been depressed, sluggish, no motivation. I've gained weight. Hopped jobs. There's been some improvement, and I have a full time that I start at soon, but I'm low on funds, not educated, I live in an apartment with neighbors who are awful, and I've gained a lot of weight. I feel stuck.

My parents offered to let me move back in with them, to help me get out of the bad situation with neighbors, save up, and potentially help me through school. It's a big deal to me to get an education.

I hate that I considered it.

I've been bored sexually with our relationship for a bit, and selfishly, I miss being single sometimes. I feel like I'm missing out on something. I hate myself for feeling this way, and sometimes I wonder if I should leave just to save him from me. I'd love for something like an open relationship, but I know that's just me trying to justify my selfishness.

We don't really fight, I think we've only had 1-3 major disagreements. Things are pretty good, we generally get along. I mean, my family thinks he's little controlling, and I agree he's stubborn with his decisions, but I don't trust myself to make decisions. That's why I don't trust myself with this, either.

I'm rummaging through pros and cons, and I feel bad for even weighing things out. I love him, I should know what to do, I should know I should stay with him. There will never be another him. I don't want to break his heart, and I also don't want to break mine.

I wonder if these are just ramblings of an ebb from the ebb and flow of relationship passion. I just miss the excitement, and with a tempting offer from my parents, it would be nice to turn my life around.

I've struggled with mental health for a while, and being able to save money in a secure house (no bad neighbors), have a new town with new opportunities for jobs, improve my mental and physical health (parents also offered to help with therapy and affording healthier foods), and get an education? It sounds like a dream. I want to improve myself. But I feel horrible for being selfish.

TLDR; I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years, I'm wondering if I rushed things, I want to take a step back to work on myself, taking an offer my parents gave me to go to school, and I feel bored sexually, but I love my fiance and worry that I'm making a mistake.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ninja_9_XD on 2024-01-01 12:37:46+00:00.

I'm in a Long distance rationship but I'm losing the will to go on. I know it's unfair for me to expect but she was just so perfect and attractive when she was thin. But now she is overweight (not too much but affects her looks). She really looks bigger and she doesn't look good like this, it really doesn't fit her

I keep nagging her but we just argue as she doesn't want to hear it. It's a huge issue for me, she is kind and we get on so well but if I'm going to have a wife that will just get lazy and eat excessivelly then I cannot do this. I already had an overweight family member and it was a nightmare for her to lose weight or acknowledge to finally lose weight.

My GF said she will lose weight on her own, not because I like it. She is clearly delaying it all, she already promised me that she will get fit but told me that in her own time,, 2 years have passed and she is actually getting bigger if anything else.

I don't want to break up, she seems perfect but she will ruin my life if she is like this :( aslo we live very, very far away but we're ok with that for now. I worry I will marry her and in 10 years she will only get bigger and I'l regret it big time

She is honestly wasting herself away. She used to be one of the best looking girls in college but now :( it's just not the same

Tl;dr: Long distance realtionship girlfriend that was so thin and perfect weight before we got together but after a year she gained and she gets upset when I encourage her to diet

Edit: It's not what it sounds like. I don't mean to be mean, just 100% honest. I'm not looking to break up but cope with this and preferrably find a reason to help her but I cannot approach her as she will just get upset. Please just understand me, I had my auntie struggle with her weight and she got 50KG overweight and really ill. The reason why I want my GF to lose weight is that I care about her and don't want her to go the direction she is going right now. But I never expected to get so much hate from being honest. I guess people prefer to hear when people lie and pretend that all is perfect when it's not 🙄

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ninja_9_XD on 2024-01-01 12:37:46+00:00.

I'm in a Long distance rationship but I'm losing the will to go on. I know it's unfair for me to expect but she was just so perfect and attractive when she was thin. But now she is overweight (not too much but affects her looks). She really looks bigger and she doesn't look good like this, it really doesn't fit her

I keep nagging her but we just argue as she doesn't want to hear it. It's a huge issue for me, she is kind and we get on so well but if I'm going to have a wife that will just get lazy and eat excessivelly then I cannot do this. I already had an overweight family member and it was a nightmare for her to lose weight or acknowledge to finally lose weight.

My GF said she will lose weight on her own, not because I like it. She is clearly delaying it all, she already promised me that she will get fit but told me that in her own time,, 2 years have passed and she is actually getting bigger if anything else.

I don't want to break up, she seems perfect but she will ruin my life if she is like this :( aslo we live very, very far away but we're ok with that for now. I worry I will marry her and in 10 years she will only get bigger and I'l regret it big time

She is honestly wasting herself away. She used to be one of the best looking girls in college but now :( it's just not the same

Tl;dr: Long distance realtionship girlfriend that was so thin and perfect weight before we got together but after a year she gained and she gets upset when I encourage her to diet

Edit: It's not what it sounds like. I don't mean to be mean, just 100% honest. I'm not looking to break up but cope with this and preferrably find a reason to help her but I cannot approach her as she will just get upset. Please just understand me, I had my auntie struggle with her weight and she got 50KG overweight and really ill. The reason why I want my GF to lose weight is that I care about her and don't want her to go the direction she is going right now. But I never expected to get so much hate from being honest. I guess people prefer to hear when people lie and pretend that all is perfect when it's not 🙄

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ollosip on 2024-01-01 12:25:14+00:00.

My bf and I have been together for 8 months. We live in Canada and I traveled with my family for 2 weeks over the winter break. 3 days into the break and he has not texted or called me. I call him, he picks up, and I tell him how I feel hurt because he hasn’t communicated to me in days. He says I deserve better and that he will try to call me more. He calls me for the next three days, and on the 3rd day he tells me “I might move to the US for school, it’s very likely” because his mother got a job at a university there and they have a better program & he’d save on rent. He would leave Canada for a year and I honestly don’t know if he would come back to Canada. He would visit here and there. He says “things will be busy for the next few days because I will be figuring out things and packing etc, so I may not be able to text or call you”. I said okay. 5 days go by, I call him once and he does not pick up. No texts. Nothing. Yesterday (New year’s eve) he says “Sorry baby I just saw your missed call, it’s been insane. Regardless, happy new year 💗”. I check snapchat to see his location, and it turns out he is at the airport.

He did not tell me that it was finalized. I am guessing that he is in the US now. Is it unreasonable of me to be upset? What is there even to say? How do I express my feelings without making this about me? Part of me feels like “he’s just really stressed and busy, don’t add to his plate rn”, the other part of me says what the fuck is this behavior?

Tldr: boyfriend told me he was planning on moving countries, but left without telling me. Has been distant for nearly 2 weeks despite me asking for more communication. Should I let it be because he’s busy, or should I express my feelings.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ollosip on 2024-01-01 12:25:14+00:00.

My bf and I have been together for 8 months. We live in Canada and I traveled with my family for 2 weeks over the winter break. 3 days into the break and he has not texted or called me. I call him, he picks up, and I tell him how I feel hurt because he hasn’t communicated to me in days. He says I deserve better and that he will try to call me more. He calls me for the next three days, and on the 3rd day he tells me “I might move to the US for school, it’s very likely” because his mother got a job at a university there and they have a better program & he’d save on rent. He would leave Canada for a year and I honestly don’t know if he would come back to Canada. He would visit here and there. He says “things will be busy for the next few days because I will be figuring out things and packing etc, so I may not be able to text or call you”. I said okay. 5 days go by, I call him once and he does not pick up. No texts. Nothing. Yesterday (New year’s eve) he says “Sorry baby I just saw your missed call, it’s been insane. Regardless, happy new year 💗”. I check snapchat to see his location, and it turns out he is at the airport.

He did not tell me that it was finalized. I am guessing that he is in the US now. Is it unreasonable of me to be upset? What is there even to say? How do I express my feelings without making this about me? Part of me feels like “he’s just really stressed and busy, don’t add to his plate rn”, the other part of me says what the fuck is this behavior?

Tldr: boyfriend told me he was planning on moving countries, but left without telling me. Has been distant for nearly 2 weeks despite me asking for more communication. Should I let it be because he’s busy, or should I express my feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Own-Debt-1812 on 2024-01-01 12:24:21+00:00.

I think there is something wrong with me. I have never known or experienced the feeling of romantic love before and I wonder if I should just give up.

I've been in multiple relationships because I thought that the feeling of love and attachment would grow with time the more I try to understand and spend time with my partners... but it never did grow and I just felt numb...

Currently, there is a stubborn guy (28m). He is good person with a good future. He has been courting me for the past 4 years and even became a trusted family friend. Ive already told him my issue about love, but he was alright with it and was optimistic.

It just got me thinking... I'm in my late-20s, should I just give up on love and settle down with this person? Is that even fair for them? They dont seem affected by my quiet or bland reactions... they seem to like me despite this for some reason.

I just wanted to ask if this is a right call? Is it better to give up on love and just accept the practical reality of settling down with a good person?

TDLR; I am a person that haven't felt what it's like to love someone, so I'm just thinking if it is best to just give up on it, face reality, and just choose a suitable partner/lover?