Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Own-Debt-1812 on 2024-01-01 12:24:21+00:00.

I think there is something wrong with me. I have never known or experienced the feeling of romantic love before and I wonder if I should just give up.

I've been in multiple relationships because I thought that the feeling of love and attachment would grow with time the more I try to understand and spend time with my partners... but it never did grow and I just felt numb...

Currently, there is a stubborn guy (28m). He is good person with a good future. He has been courting me for the past 4 years and even became a trusted family friend. Ive already told him my issue about love, but he was alright with it and was optimistic.

It just got me thinking... I'm in my late-20s, should I just give up on love and settle down with this person? Is that even fair for them? They dont seem affected by my quiet or bland reactions... they seem to like me despite this for some reason.

I just wanted to ask if this is a right call? Is it better to give up on love and just accept the practical reality of settling down with a good person?

TDLR; I am a person that haven't felt what it's like to love someone, so I'm just thinking if it is best to just give up on it, face reality, and just choose a suitable partner/lover?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ealaigh_ on 2024-01-01 12:21:09+00:00.

Hello. I [M25] have some niggles issues that i need to raise with partner [M25], but don't know how to do it in a constructive way. It is mostly small things, like tone of voice (can often be cold, dismissive), manners (remembering please and thank yous) and things like acknowledging the other person when they walk into a room. These things may sound petty but together it often creates a coldness and hurts my feelings, and over time it is having more of an effect. Letting these things stew is not good but i dont know how to raise it without it just being a list of things that i think are wrong with the person D:

We do not argue, but when there is a minor disagreement about something small, person often does all of the things above, we don't actually have a conversation about it, and it can ruin a day out or make time we are spending with others really hard or awkward. So I avoid having to raise anything. Any advice?

Relationship length: several years.

TLDR: How to raise issues constructively and have conversation, not just listing criticism.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ealaigh_ on 2024-01-01 12:21:09+00:00.

Hello. I [M25] have some niggles issues that i need to raise with partner [M25], but don't know how to do it in a constructive way. It is mostly small things, like tone of voice (can often be cold, dismissive), manners (remembering please and thank yous) and things like acknowledging the other person when they walk into a room. These things may sound petty but together it often creates a coldness and hurts my feelings, and over time it is having more of an effect. Letting these things stew is not good but i dont know how to raise it without it just being a list of things that i think are wrong with the person D:

We do not argue, but when there is a minor disagreement about something small, person often does all of the things above, we don't actually have a conversation about it, and it can ruin a day out or make time we are spending with others really hard or awkward. So I avoid having to raise anything. Any advice?

Relationship length: several years.

TLDR: How to raise issues constructively and have conversation, not just listing criticism.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Getonthebeers02 on 2024-01-01 12:09:47+00:00.

Any advice appreciated, I’m confused.

New coworker [19M] started and he was very friendly but started joking around with me and standing close to me or touching me more than usual when handing me something. Or teasing me about my efforts. Or when I got hand sanitizer he came over and got some too and said ‘I’m getting some because you did’.

As he was leaving he asked if I was working on his next shift.

I’d catching him looking at me if he was walking across the store or down the front.

We were stocking shelves today and I asked him how his shift was going and he replied ‘a lot slower without you annoying me haha’.

When he finished I wished him luck at college because we weren’t rostered on together the next few weeks and he seemed disappointed.

I said ‘maybe I’ll see you around campus’ and he said ‘I hope so’ and smiled at me which surprised me.

We talked properly for the first time and got on really well and tease eachother a bit.

I think he might have a girlfriend because there’s a girl on his Lock Screen which I’m pretty sure is so I’m not sure. But I only saw his phone for less than a second. Probably his girlfriend from HS as he’s only done one year of college.

tl;dr - Don’t know if male coworker is into me or just being friendly.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Getonthebeers02 on 2024-01-01 12:09:47+00:00.

Any advice appreciated, I’m confused.

New coworker [19M] started and he was very friendly but started joking around with me and standing close to me or touching me more than usual when handing me something. Or teasing me about my efforts. Or when I got hand sanitizer he came over and got some too and said ‘I’m getting some because you did’.

As he was leaving he asked if I was working on his next shift.

I’d catching him looking at me if he was walking across the store or down the front.

We were stocking shelves today and I asked him how his shift was going and he replied ‘a lot slower without you annoying me haha’.

When he finished I wished him luck at college because we weren’t rostered on together the next few weeks and he seemed disappointed.

I said ‘maybe I’ll see you around campus’ and he said ‘I hope so’ and smiled at me which surprised me.

We talked properly for the first time and got on really well and tease eachother a bit.

I think he might have a girlfriend because there’s a girl on his Lock Screen which I’m pretty sure is so I’m not sure. But I only saw his phone for less than a second. Probably his girlfriend from HS as he’s only done one year of college.

tl;dr - Don’t know if male coworker is into me or just being friendly.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Helpmefineance on 2024-01-01 11:37:19+00:00.

My wife is one of the most intelligent, sweet and kind people I know. She has gone through a lot throughout her lifetime coming from a family of low socioeconomic background/poverty to our current life which is the complete opposite of that. Her mother even went through occasional bouts of spousal which my wife was luckily able to avoid (lived with other family members at that time). I think these difficult situations have created conditions and coping mechanisms that my wife struggles with today.

Over the past six months there have been significant changes in our life: we moved back to my hometown to be closer to my family and lay roots and she got her first full time position as a psychologist after finishing a PostDoc. We took these steps to start a family and build a life together. Anyone else might find this to be a position of strength and celebration but instead our relationship has become rocky.

Our issues:

1. My wife has started having a bit of maybe anhedonia? She doesn’t do anything hobby wise, interest wise. After nudging for a long time, I was able to push her to begin incorporating exercise but only after a severe amount of strain. It feels like she could and will just sit on the couch and watch YouTube 24/7. This is not new and actually something I’ve tried to help fight with since the beginning of the relationship. It doesn’t help that she is struggling with feeling accomplished at work or insecure that she’s helping her patients properly.

2. Friendships, my wife doesn’t really have any or work to gain them. She is used to a life of solitude but desperately wants friends now, she would love some girlfriends to get together with and cherish. I have introduced her to friends, repeatedly brought her to gatherings, but have never gotten her to really open herself up in those settings or had her take the next step to make deeper connections with my friend’s SOs. She has one friend from grad school but even then I feel like I am engaging the conversation more than she is (trust me I leave space in the convo for her). I think part of this stems from (1) where her anhedonia for activities or interests makes her not that interesting to others or keeps her self-esteem low or unable to relate to others. This makes me uncomfortable over time on double dates or other group settings.

Current situation: We had a conversation about where we’re at as a couple and I realized that the way we’re floating is unhealthy and I needed my wife to make changes to stop the nonstop YouTube cycle and work on herself. I told her I was really concerned for her and our relationship if steps and changes did not occur.

Questions:

1. was it horrible for me to ask for this? I feel like I pointed out her biggest insecurities and insufficiencies, and asked her to work on them. It isn’t coming out of the blue from me, it has been discussed before but not this stark on my end for what it means for our relationship. I feel sick to my stomach.

2. Had anyone else went through this and have advice? I want to be a supportive husband through this and make it through but I’m so scared and tired. My biggest struggle is feeling all of this burden on my shoulders and needed to push her through it and feeling like there isn’t much from her end. If she was trying but failing I would be the happiest to help her along but I don’t have that. How do I recuperate?

TL;DR; : wife struggling with mental health and interest in doing things other than watching YouTube videos/instagram (in my eyes avoiding life), and I’m struggling with the effects it’s having on her personal life and our relationship

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/flipguru100 on 2024-01-01 10:58:14+00:00.

I (29M) have been with my fiancée (28F) for about 9 years now. We have a 4 year old daughter. Recently, we only have sex only when she wants to which is like once a week or 2 weeks and even when we do have sex, I don't get to really get into it and enjoy cos she complains that it hurts ever since she gave birth. Anytime I try to initiate I get shut down. I make sure to pay the rent and buy her presents etc. just to also take pressure off her. Just this morning, I went on her phone and saw that she had sent a couple pictures of herself to a "male friend". The picture is her in shorts with her back to the camera so it shows her bum and she is lifting up the back of her t-shirt. One of them is also a video and it seems like she is lifting up her t-shirt to show how much her back fat has gone down as she has also been on her gym to better her mental health. Mind you my partner is very curvaceous and slim thick. It is also worth noting that she has sent a similar pic to another "male friend" at the start of our relationship and when I confronted her about it she apologised but also made it seem like it shouldn't be a big deal but this is the same woman that made me block and cut off all my female friends. Recently she has said that we are older now so she don't mind if I have female friends. Im not really comfortable with it and I feel like she is only saying that cos she has her male friends now. The problem is we have had arguments recently around male friends, lack of frequent sex etc.. and I don't know how to approach her about this new text I have seen without seeming insecure or even if I should bring it up at all. She says that arguments trigger her. Im so confused cos she cooks and cleans etc so I don't know if I should jus accept that she does things for me so I shouldn't bring up the text or still bring the text up cos it's bothering me as to why she would feel the need to send a picture like that to her "male friend". We are supposed to be planning our wedding soon and I just don't know if we are heading in the right direction. Should I approach her or not?

TL;DR: my finance sent a picture and video of herself in shorts to a “male friend” and I don’t know if I should confront her about it or not

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bradsters001 on 2023-12-31 16:02:40+00:00.

I M(15) have been somewhat friends with this one F(15) especially her best friend (whom is my neighbour) who we will call “E” is one of my closest friends.

I always thought E’s friend was pretty and I’ve always kinda liked her, we went to the mall the other day, with E and her BF had some fun. Than E suggested we go back to my house, I said sure and they ended up staying till about 4 in the morning. We got with each other twice that night and she was always cuddling up on me and since it was in the dark she would keep asking where I was which me feel amazing with myself. She made me feel in love again. Fast forward a little, she is “snapping” (it’s basically where you send pics to each other) me a lot more than she did as friends, and than boom. Out of nowhere I am now on delivered for 2 days. I asked “E” what’s up and she said she isn’t really into this relationship stuff, and she will pay me 100$ if I pull it off (meaning how hard it is)

There is a New Year’s Eve party soon so I’ll see what I can do there but yeah. Sorry if this is poorly written and immature but I’m trying my best and want to her keep in my life.

TD:LR-Title

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cashmoneymoolah on 2023-12-31 15:35:23+00:00.

MThis is my friend from university. She dated a guy at university between 18 and 21. They ended the relationship because they drifted apart after uni.

I recently had an incident at work and came across the guy again. He’s a paramedic. I was surprised he recognised me. We talked for a bit and then had coffee the day after to catch up. We’ve been texting ever since and we realised we have a lot more in common than I thought. We are both vegan, swimmers and we both lost a parent during Covid.

I realise that the right thing to do is to tell my friend but I don’t know how. What should I say or should I distance myself from the guy? Am I a bad friend.

I’m at that age where I am looking for a more serious relationship.

TL;dr: caught feelings for a guy my friend dated between the ages 18-21.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Most-Mind2826 on 2024-01-01 11:35:18+00:00.

I (26f) got out of a horrible 6 year relationship & was only able to reeeeally get out by filing a DV restraining order against him (31m).

After getting out, I discovered that he has two previous DV restraining orders. One from his first long term relationship (roughly 4 years) and the second a short term fling. I knew the name of these women as he had shared his dating history when we first began dating but of course never mentioned how horribly those ended.

Anyways, 2 months after all of this went down, the man is in a new relationship!!!! Considering all of the emotional and mental trauma I went through and am currently healing through, I want to warn this new girl. Would you want to know that the man you’re dating has 3 DV restraining orders? I really want to send an anonymous message just stating the fact of the 3 DV RO’s and to be careful.

TL;DR - my ex is a narcissist with 3 DV ROs.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CockroachFormal3907 on 2024-01-01 11:31:40+00:00.

So when I was I 13 I met a guy (14) during summer vacation and we started talking. When I had to leave it wasn’t sure when we would see each other again. We live in the same city but it’s a big one and it’s 30-1h with public transport. We kept taking for a while and when I was 16 I told him I like him and then he said that he also likes me but because of the distance it would be difficult to meet. (Also idk if it’s important to the story but he wasn’t in the best part of the city and my mom would never let me go there alone because of things that may happen). Anyway we stopped talking a while after since it was a bit awkward after a while. The last time we spoke was on 2019. After that I moved away and currently I am in my first relationship for two years with a lovely guy. Before being in my current relationship I went out for a while with another guy I met while I was away. The though of my previous crush came back so strongly i felt like I was cheating to the person I was seeing. But because of person experience with family and friends experiencing cheating I can’t even bare the thought that I am thinking about someone else while in a loving relationship. I know that we are never gonna talk again since it’s been since 2019 that we haven’t talked and I want to stop thinking about him.

TL;DR! when I was 13 I met a boy 14, we kept telling for a while but then we lost contact. Now I am in a 2 year relationship at 21 and I can’t stop thinking about him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Most-Mind2826 on 2024-01-01 11:35:18+00:00.

I (26f) got out of a horrible 6 year relationship & was only able to reeeeally get out by filing a DV restraining order against him (31m).

After getting out, I discovered that he has two previous DV restraining orders. One from his first long term relationship (roughly 4 years) and the second a short term fling. I knew the name of these women as he had shared his dating history when we first began dating but of course never mentioned how horribly those ended.

Anyways, 2 months after all of this went down, the man is in a new relationship!!!! Considering all of the emotional and mental trauma I went through and am currently healing through, I want to warn this new girl. Would you want to know that the man you’re dating has 3 DV restraining orders? I really want to send an anonymous message just stating the fact of the 3 DV RO’s and to be careful.

TL;DR - my ex is a narcissist with 3 DV ROs.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adventurous_Cut_1740 on 2024-01-01 11:27:29+00:00.

TL:DR My girlfriend’s lifestyle (no exercise, smoking) has caused her to gain weight since the beginning of our relationship and I’m concerned for her health. How do I address this in as sensitive a way as possible?

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] and I have been going out for over 6 months now. Since we started going out, she’s put on considerably more weight than before she was in the relationship (15-20kg) and there are certain incidents that have made me quite concerned for her health.

For further context, we lead very different lifestyles. I have a full time job, do my best to exercise 3–5 times a week and prioritise it as one of a few ways to help manage my asthma. She’s studying for a Masters, does no physical exercise at all and smokes. I have asked her not to smoke around me because of my asthma and that’s a boundary she has respected up until now thankfully.

On a trip abroad recently, she had to stop and catch her breath on multiple occasions whilst walking up a gentle incline and sometimes struggles to maintain a conversation whilst out walking. In the bedroom, there’s a considerable gulf in stamina due to fitness levels which has left me feeling quite unfulfilled. Physical attraction hasn’t waned for me yet but I have to be honest and say it might if she keeps gaining weight.

I have been friends with her for 5 years (we met in college) before we started this relationship and thoroughly enjoy her company so would really like to see if there’s a way to make this work. Her mum and aunt have had blunt conversations with her about her weight gain and she’s lamented this to me, she has also been for checkups to rule out thyroid issues, etc. so as far as I can see, her weight gain purely due to her lifestyle.

During any conversations surrounding her weight gain, I have empathised with her but held back how I’m feeling on the topic as I don’t want to make her feel worse. I am also aware of how our different lifestyles and fitness levels could make anything I say seem quite patronising to me. She has also openly stated that she hates exercising so even suggesting she find some sort of physical activity she likes will be met with resistance. I have also asked her if she had considered quitting smoking too which has only caused her to smoke more.

All of the above has left me confused, upset and unsure of how to handle the situation or potential conversation. I want to voice my concerns about her health but I don’t want to do so in a way that makes me sound like a mouthpiece for her mum and aunt. I also want to highlight my unmet needs in the bedroom but want to do so in a way that’s as sensitive as possible.

I’m sure I’m not the first and won’t be the last to ask this question, if you could give me constructive advice or anecdotes on how to address this touchy subject I’d be most grateful.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CockroachFormal3907 on 2024-01-01 11:31:40+00:00.

So when I was I 13 I met a guy (14) during summer vacation and we started talking. When I had to leave it wasn’t sure when we would see each other again. We live in the same city but it’s a big one and it’s 30-1h with public transport. We kept taking for a while and when I was 16 I told him I like him and then he said that he also likes me but because of the distance it would be difficult to meet. (Also idk if it’s important to the story but he wasn’t in the best part of the city and my mom would never let me go there alone because of things that may happen). Anyway we stopped talking a while after since it was a bit awkward after a while. The last time we spoke was on 2019. After that I moved away and currently I am in my first relationship for two years with a lovely guy. Before being in my current relationship I went out for a while with another guy I met while I was away. The though of my previous crush came back so strongly i felt like I was cheating to the person I was seeing. But because of person experience with family and friends experiencing cheating I can’t even bare the thought that I am thinking about someone else while in a loving relationship. I know that we are never gonna talk again since it’s been since 2019 that we haven’t talked and I want to stop thinking about him.

TL;DR! when I was 13 I met a boy 14, we kept telling for a while but then we lost contact. Now I am in a 2 year relationship at 21 and I can’t stop thinking about him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway9204736282 on 2024-01-01 11:21:44+00:00.

We have been together for 11 years and have 3 beautiful children together, initially I think we both stayed together because we were only children ourselves when I first fell pregnant and we wanted to try being together as parents, thinking maybe things would change and we would fall back in love again, And we absolutely did. We have spent the last 11 years together through all up's and down's and always have come out the other side stronger but recently I've noticed little things that my partner is doing that he has never done before like becoming increasingly protective of his phone, he will leave it face down at the table or when going to bed or take it everywhere with him even into the shower and hide it under clothes or towels when he can't physically have it on him. At first I thought maybe it was because Christmas was coming and he was buying gifts he didn't want anybody to see or have spoilt but it's still continuing now. I've made little remarks here and there about it jokingly but he just ignores them and continues about his day.

I've noticed too that when sitting with him and talking about things (I suffer from PTSD and have depression but have been doing a lot of therapy to get through these things alone) he will have responses to my problems or concerns as “maybe it's hormones" "maybe you're going through menopause" or make smart remarks about my body and health instead of actually lending a supportive ear or just giving me a hug. Last night he said that maybe my weight was the reason that I am having anxiety and sitting and crying a lot over nothing (for the record I am 50KG)

On top of that on Boxing Day my MIL verbally attacked my 8 year old child so I got into an argument with her and have since seized contact with his entire family, he too without any persuading told me himself that he would be doing the same and made a very long point about how disrespectful the whole thing was towards our family and daughter, Which brings me to my point about him lying, he forgot his car connected to our speakers when he got home and he was on the phone to his parents talking about me and my children in the worst possible way.

I am feeling absolutely crushed as I am always bending over backwards for him, I do everything around the house and ask for very little help, I don't hassle him with anything unless it's absolutely necessary while he games for hours on end at night while I do all day and night routine with our children. I'm at a loss what to think and feel like maybe I am being over dramatic but I am also very scared to confront him because he ends up making me think I've made it all up and it's in my head.

How do I confront him and be open about my feelings without him shutting me down?

TL;DR My long term partner has become sneaky with his phone and lies to me about almost everything but I'm scared to confront him because he has narcissistic tendencies and I end up getting gaslighted by him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adventurous_Cut_1740 on 2024-01-01 11:27:29+00:00.

TL:DR My girlfriend’s lifestyle (no exercise, smoking) has caused her to gain weight since the beginning of our relationship and I’m concerned for her health. How do I address this in as sensitive a way as possible?

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] and I have been going out for over 6 months now. Since we started going out, she’s put on considerably more weight than before she was in the relationship (15-20kg) and there are certain incidents that have made me quite concerned for her health.

For further context, we lead very different lifestyles. I have a full time job, do my best to exercise 3–5 times a week and prioritise it as one of a few ways to help manage my asthma. She’s studying for a Masters, does no physical exercise at all and smokes. I have asked her not to smoke around me because of my asthma and that’s a boundary she has respected up until now thankfully.

On a trip abroad recently, she had to stop and catch her breath on multiple occasions whilst walking up a gentle incline and sometimes struggles to maintain a conversation whilst out walking. In the bedroom, there’s a considerable gulf in stamina due to fitness levels which has left me feeling quite unfulfilled. Physical attraction hasn’t waned for me yet but I have to be honest and say it might if she keeps gaining weight.

I have been friends with her for 5 years (we met in college) before we started this relationship and thoroughly enjoy her company so would really like to see if there’s a way to make this work. Her mum and aunt have had blunt conversations with her about her weight gain and she’s lamented this to me, she has also been for checkups to rule out thyroid issues, etc. so as far as I can see, her weight gain purely due to her lifestyle.

During any conversations surrounding her weight gain, I have empathised with her but held back how I’m feeling on the topic as I don’t want to make her feel worse. I am also aware of how our different lifestyles and fitness levels could make anything I say seem quite patronising to me. She has also openly stated that she hates exercising so even suggesting she find some sort of physical activity she likes will be met with resistance. I have also asked her if she had considered quitting smoking too which has only caused her to smoke more.

All of the above has left me confused, upset and unsure of how to handle the situation or potential conversation. I want to voice my concerns about her health but I don’t want to do so in a way that makes me sound like a mouthpiece for her mum and aunt. I also want to highlight my unmet needs in the bedroom but want to do so in a way that’s as sensitive as possible.

I’m sure I’m not the first and won’t be the last to ask this question, if you could give me constructive advice or anecdotes on how to address this touchy subject I’d be most grateful.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad-Paleontologist66 on 2024-01-01 11:15:58+00:00.

My gf and I were out partying seperately yesterday. I went to go meet her after new years to wish her a happy new year. She was with 3 friends and she was really drunk and i even went to throw up with her. Her lipstick was all smeared up and i didn't really think anything of it because i was really drunk too. Now that i'm thinking about it, i'm worried she might have cheated, especially because she told me her ex was also at the same club.

TL;DR I will talk to her about it today, how would you guys go about it and do you think my worries are warranted?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OkPair49 on 2024-01-01 11:13:48+00:00.

I am starting to like my friend on a deeper level. She started as someone I liked because she was pretty, but as I got to know her, I began to see her as my ideal girl as we have the same hobbies and interest, even the same outlook in life. We began sharing deeper and personal things in our life to each other and I always want to spend time with her. But I don’t want to rush things and continue to build the friendship as I want us to stay friends for now and don’t want to risk losing the friendship due to feelings which might not be mutual.

I still treat her as a friend, but I feel like she is starting to notice my actions of being interested with her. Is it okay to let her know if the time comes she would ask that I like her and started to develop feelings but I am fine with staying as friends if it wasn’t mutual? I would eventually tell her in the future but I try my best to conceal my feelings for the sake of keeping our friendship. Any advices will be much appreciated! TIA

TL;DR - I have feelings for my friend but she might be starting to notice it even though I try to conceal my feelings because I don’t want to lose our friendship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OkPair49 on 2024-01-01 11:13:48+00:00.

I am starting to like my friend on a deeper level. She started as someone I liked because she was pretty, but as I got to know her, I began to see her as my ideal girl as we have the same hobbies and interest, even the same outlook in life. We began sharing deeper and personal things in our life to each other and I always want to spend time with her. But I don’t want to rush things and continue to build the friendship as I want us to stay friends for now and don’t want to risk losing the friendship due to feelings which might not be mutual.

I still treat her as a friend, but I feel like she is starting to notice my actions of being interested with her. Is it okay to let her know if the time comes she would ask that I like her and started to develop feelings but I am fine with staying as friends if it wasn’t mutual? I would eventually tell her in the future but I try my best to conceal my feelings for the sake of keeping our friendship. Any advices will be much appreciated! TIA

TL;DR - I have feelings for my friend but she might be starting to notice it even though I try to conceal my feelings because I don’t want to lose our friendship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Disastrous-Lake6760 on 2024-01-01 10:34:32+00:00.

Me and my ex broke up a few months ago now. It wasn’t because of any major event or something. She told me she loves me but isn’t in love with me.

Long story short, we spoke on the phone and talked through some stuff and she basically shut down any chance of me and her figuring it out.

Cut to a month ago or something

I run into her and she says we should hang out and then called me the next day; the convo turned to us talking about hanging out again.

Our plans feel through and now she’s got a lot on for a while (I think it’s a valid reason, she’s very work focused and a big work thing is coming up)

But this has all totally thrown me through a loop now.

She made it very clear about not opening a door to us again…and then she asked me to hang out and called me the next day? What was that even about?

I’m just finding it really hard to let go of this relationship and the hope we can figure it out. I’ve realised that other relationships I was in was because I didn’t want to be on my own. With her, I wanted to be with her, I was excited about the future and building with her. I had no fear of the future like I had before in other relationships. I was 100% sure this was my person and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be with her. I just tried to be the best partner I could be. I don’t know how to move on from this at all…

TLDR; I don’t know how to move on from the only woman I’ve wanted to marry and I still want to fight for it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Getonthebeers02 on 2024-01-01 10:19:37+00:00.

New coworker [19M] started and he was very friendly but started joking around with me and standing close to me or touching me more than usual when handing me something. Or teasing me about my efforts. Or when I got hand sanitizer he came over and got some too and said ‘I’m getting some because you did’.

As he was leaving he asked if I was working on his next shift.

I’d catching him looking at me if he was walking across the store or down the front.

We were stocking shelves today and I asked him how his shift was going and he replied ‘a lot slower without you annoying me haha’.

When he finished I wished him luck at college because we weren’t rostered on together the next few weeks and he seemed disappointed.

I said ‘maybe I’ll see you around campus’ and he said ‘I hope so’ and smiled at me which surprised me.

We talked properly for the first time and got on really well and tease eachother a bit.

I think he might have a girlfriend because there’s a girl on his Lock Screen which I’m pretty sure is so I’m not sure. But I only saw his phone for less than a second. Probably his girlfriend from HS as he’s only done one year of college.

tl;dr - Don’t know if male coworker is into me or just being friendly.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Annual_Record_8608 on 2024-01-01 10:05:14+00:00.

hi there. Im sorry that this is long, my mind is just everywhere right now— I’ll start by saying the month of December has been extremely hard for us, things began to happen where X would be spending more time with a friend who he grew up with, to the point where at any given moment, it felt like X was always at this friend’s home. I’ve met this friend, M, previously, and X has told me that M is going through marital issues and it’s why he’s taking more time to spend with someone he considers a true friend. X is extremely extroverted while im introverted and a homebody. He loves to go out to bars and clubs and with my work schedule, it makes it incredibly difficult for me to be able to join him a lot of the time, because I typically am up getting ready for work anywhere between 4-5 am most mornings. I also have a super low social battery, and being around a lot of people I don’t know, and then putting alcohol in the mix, makes me pretty uncomfortable.

Again, X and I have been arguing back and forth most of the month of December because it’s like he’s stopped making time for me. Night after night I found myself questioning why he can’t make time for us, and that I felt like he was being incredibly distant and cold towards me. He either was always spending time at M’s house, or wanting to go out to a bar or club, and it was genuinely making me upset. I had my fears and expressed to him that i felt like he wasn’t being all the way honest with me, and at the beginning of the month, something kept pushing me to ask him to let me see his phone— I know asking to see in your partners phone isn’t the greatest, but it’s something we’ve done previously that would ease my mind. He refused, and said that I just needed to trust him. 1st red flag. 2nd red flag was that when Christmas came, he used the excuse of all my gifts getting lost in the mail/getting delayed as the reason to why he didn’t really get me anything for Christmas. my gift finally came, and after 3 years of us knowing each other and being in each others lives, he got me a figurine from a movie I don’t even know. Im not saying this to be ungrateful or to be selfish, but it just didn’t make sense.

Tonight he said he had no plans. He wasn’t going out. He ends up at M’s house, because he wants to hang out with him for a little. They then go to a bar. Around 1, I ask him when he plans on being home. He reads my message, but doesn’t respond. It’s now 5 am, his location hasn’t updated from the bar he was at, his phone is going straight to VM, and I can’t send him any text messages. My brain tells me to check social media, FB specifically. I don’t use Facebook, but he does. Very often. While he hasn’t updated anything super recently, something tells me to check some of his friend’s feeds. One of his distant friends, posted a story where in the background you can make out that it’s him, and another woman. She’s got her arms wrapped around him, and they’re counting down for new years. As the countdown goes from 3,2,1, it appears as though they are both leaning in and the friend moves the camera to another angle, and then back again. When the camera is on them again, he is very clearly holding her. Idk what to do. We live together. All of his stuff is here. I feel so sick to my stomach, I feel stupid. I felt it in my gut, and I still wanted to trust and believe he wasn’t that kind of person. But I was wrong. I am genuinely lost right now.

TL;DR me and partner have had a rocky month of December, he claims it’s his mental health deteriorating when in reality I found proof of cheating. We live together.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Air_Flop8622 on 2024-01-01 10:00:39+00:00.

I have been in a relationship with a girl for a couple of months now and things are really looking great. We connect on such a personal level and really find the relationship we are looking for in each other. It seems like things just keep going perfectly for us, though it is complicated because we still are very much in the fling stage so anything could happen. It is just that as we continue into our respective higher education there may be a couple to a handful of years ahead of us with lots of bills. This just keeps bringing me back to the idea where if the both of us sought out relationships with a bit more permanence instead of just living life in terms of casual flings we may be able to amount a decent social life and wealth in the years ahead instead of constantly trying to find something new (which can be exhausting and a timely process). I really want to give the idea of us a chance. I like thinking we may have exactly what both of us need in each other's lives, though it is all very casual right now where having something agreed upon long term may be able to allow us to lengthen our goals for something potentially better on down the road. I want to trust the relationship is going in this direction though aside from a couple odd steps towards this kind of relationship and the fact we just keep coming back to each other, there isn't any significant signs of the relationship being there just yet...

It would be great to talk to her about this, and express it may be really nice to do some future planning before anything immediate is considered though I don't know how to put the idea to her where it would make sense at this stage. It may be we just aren't there yet though I want to think she has thought about it personally.

Any advice or recommendations is appreciated, thank you.

tl;dr How do I bring up the idea in a constructive manner for my girlfriend and I to take the relationship a bit more seriously going forward so it is possible to amount a substantial social life instead of just living on flings? I think she has similar thoughts though can't be certain, and this would help our quality of life a lot (vacations/spending habits/etc) if able to plan further out goals easily. Thx for any reccomendations.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adorable-Mention2529 on 2024-01-01 09:55:35+00:00.

i (24M) have/had a friend (24F) who deprioritized me and only spent time with me when she didn’t have any other options. when we were friends (2 years ago) she didnt really appreciate me or respect me much but she also wasn’t blatant about it, just kept me around as a friend. i also had strong romantic feelings for her for the last few years, never told her and have only recently gotten over her and claimed my independence (1.5 years of heart break). i kinda stopped initiating contact with her a year and a half ago and we stopped talking. but now after a year and 2 months she is sending me memes on twitter and instagram again and i think it’s a bid for friendship. i don’t think life is going to great for her again or smg. im intrigued about how she is now but im also worried that maybe ill fall in love again, or have to repeat the heartbreak process or that it will be difficult to set a new boundary once she’s in my life again. we’re both highly sensitive people so it’s hard for us to confront each other with these intense conversations. what should i do?

tl;dr friend i had feelings for for years did not respect me or prioritize me as a friend and after 1.5 years is reaching out to me again. i’d like her in my life but don’t want to repeat past pain

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Expert_Age_4047 on 2024-01-01 09:48:26+00:00.

So i was a bit upset because my boyfriend doesn’t ever celebrate holidays or our anniversary despite me saying these things are important to me. In our 3+ year relationship, he hasn’t said happy Valentine’s Day or done anything for Valentine’s Day, hasn’t done anything for our anniversary, only said happy anniversary after I said it. (Also yes i took us out to dinner for our anniversary, got him valentines/birthday/Christmas cards/gift). He didn’t do anything for my birthday/Christmas like the first year or two, until I practically begged for a card. I brought it up again tonight that I would like him to celebrate those things and they are important to me, and also I would like him to take me on dates/plan dates that he think would be fun for us. He said if I wanna go on dates I should plan it and take us on it. I have planned really fun dates in the past, but I don’t always wanna be the one to plan it. He says he doesn’t want to go anywhere and would rather stay home, so why would he plan it. I said that it would show me he thinks about it and cares enough to plan something fun for us to spend quality time together. He said he will plan dates and celebrate those things but in exchange I have to cook him all of his meals (lunch and dinner) every day. I feel this is a bit crazy? He said that he has to somehow benefit from it. Like he asked what does he get out of it, but I feel like you should wanna do that for your partner and not expect something? But maybe it’s just me. I really need some input. I don’t feel like I’m asking for much, and I feel like any girl would want these things.

Tl;dr: my (25f) boyfriend (27m) doesn’t celebrate anniversaries or holidays with me, and it makes me sad. I have expressed this to him many times but he gets defensive every time and things don’t change. I need advice as to how I should proceed?