Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful-Seesaw734 on 2024-01-01 09:40:04+00:00.

I’m a 19m and tend to hide the worst or struggling aspects of my life. I feel really disingenuous and unauthentic. It really is starting to take a hold on me, because I don’t like opening up to others or to myself really. I just feel like I can’t have a meaningful relationship with someone if i can’t open up or be myself! I’m not sure how to even start, should I be neutral or just go all the way with it. I’ve been catching myself recently when I tend to be unauthentic for the sake of other people likening me. I’ve been getting better at being authentic in those type of interactions. It’s hard, because it’s a raging habit of mine to not deliberately lie to people. Not to be mean to them, but spare them stress and energy on me. I don’t want to be the person who annoys or stresses someone out. I feel like I’m also like that because I had really severe ADHD which annoyed and stressed people out 😂. I just was wondering if people knew how to start or had advice on how to be more open or being more myself in all aspects!

TL;DR need advice with being true to myself and be authentic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/joyyysick on 2024-01-01 09:28:50+00:00.

Hey, so my (18f) mom (46) slept with me and my sister in our room at the night. In the morning I was in so much pain because of my period cramps and she started shouting at me for acting like that. (I couldn't eat anything and was scared of eating my pill with an empty stomach so I might throw up) her shouting made me sad and I started crying, then she still shouted at the top of her lungs and told me to eat that fucking pill. Even though I told her stop shouting, she said since I didn't shouted at you enough you became childish.

So I went to my room to stay away from her, and I took her blankets to her own room to just not have her in my room for sometime.

now she went to my dad and told her she threw my blankets to my own room and told me to not to sleep there ever. So he came to talk with me about it.

I truly don't remember saying don't sleep here ever, but for real, now she is the one who is hurt? I just cried and threw her blankets to her own room which is what I always do for her when she sleeps in our room and just do it so she won't do it. I am the one who was in pain and no one showed any sympathy for and just yelled at me for being in pain and not being ableto even eat an small piece of bread. I was really upset when she said that I shouldn't expect her and I should do it all myself when I just ask her for pill and hot water once in a whole month. Or when she said she hasn't screamed at me enough and I'm childish when I clearly remember her hitting me sometimes as a child. now am I the asshole?? Should I apologise?

tl;dr after my mom screamed at me I threw her blankets to her own room now she is hurt by it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adorable-Mention2529 on 2024-01-01 09:55:35+00:00.

i (24M) have/had a friend (24F) who deprioritized me and only spent time with me when she didn’t have any other options. when we were friends (2 years ago) she didnt really appreciate me or respect me much but she also wasn’t blatant about it, just kept me around as a friend. i also had strong romantic feelings for her for the last few years, never told her and have only recently gotten over her and claimed my independence (1.5 years of heart break). i kinda stopped initiating contact with her a year and a half ago and we stopped talking. but now after a year and 2 months she is sending me memes on twitter and instagram again and i think it’s a bid for friendship. i don’t think life is going to great for her again or smg. im intrigued about how she is now but im also worried that maybe ill fall in love again, or have to repeat the heartbreak process or that it will be difficult to set a new boundary once she’s in my life again. we’re both highly sensitive people so it’s hard for us to confront each other with these intense conversations. what should i do?

tl;dr friend i had feelings for for years did not respect me or prioritize me as a friend and after 1.5 years is reaching out to me again. i’d like her in my life but don’t want to repeat past pain

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Thanks1018 on 2024-01-01 09:23:53+00:00.

This is my first "relationship" (F18) with someone. I honestly don't know how dating culture and relationships work, and admittingly im avoidantly attatched myself and its difficult for me to give up my emotions to somone else.

I guess tldr, im really confused on what this guy's intentions are. I've already talked to him about this and what he wants out of our relationship, but the answers I've gotten fell along the lines of "I wish I could give you the answer, but I just can't". It seems that he wants to focus on his career or something, but I also see him spending a lot of time playing video games and stuff.

Essentially we started off literally talking nonstop online and hanging out irl at least 2-3 times a week for the latter and everyday for the former. Then suddently we completely break off. No online communication, nothing from him irl. Most of our hangouts have become extremely spontaneous and unplanned. Also, the things we talk about are getting a little bit dryer, not very noticibly but I feel like something is chanigng. The way that we interact has been loosenly up more and more and the intimacy is not really there anymore...

I don't know how to approach this. I still like this guy in some ways, but I thik I've fallen under the false impression that I like this guy romantically because he made the first move. I see him more as a close friend, and I dont want to sacrafice our friendship because of this. He's also extremely successful and talented at what he does (which is something that i value as a career-orientated person), but outside of that I don't think we work well as a couple, especially because we're both avoidantly attatched and me specifically, its hard to engage emotionally with someone.

I just want to understand why a person would becomng extremely hot one second and cold in another? He seems to have committment issues as well which I think is partially a reason for his lack of forwardness in making anything official. Im just kind of in a limbo right now

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Expert_Age_4047 on 2024-01-01 09:48:26+00:00.

So i was a bit upset because my boyfriend doesn’t ever celebrate holidays or our anniversary despite me saying these things are important to me. In our 3+ year relationship, he hasn’t said happy Valentine’s Day or done anything for Valentine’s Day, hasn’t done anything for our anniversary, only said happy anniversary after I said it. (Also yes i took us out to dinner for our anniversary, got him valentines/birthday/Christmas cards/gift). He didn’t do anything for my birthday/Christmas like the first year or two, until I practically begged for a card. I brought it up again tonight that I would like him to celebrate those things and they are important to me, and also I would like him to take me on dates/plan dates that he think would be fun for us. He said if I wanna go on dates I should plan it and take us on it. I have planned really fun dates in the past, but I don’t always wanna be the one to plan it. He says he doesn’t want to go anywhere and would rather stay home, so why would he plan it. I said that it would show me he thinks about it and cares enough to plan something fun for us to spend quality time together. He said he will plan dates and celebrate those things but in exchange I have to cook him all of his meals (lunch and dinner) every day. I feel this is a bit crazy? He said that he has to somehow benefit from it. Like he asked what does he get out of it, but I feel like you should wanna do that for your partner and not expect something? But maybe it’s just me. I really need some input. I don’t feel like I’m asking for much, and I feel like any girl would want these things.

Tl;dr: my (25f) boyfriend (27m) doesn’t celebrate anniversaries or holidays with me, and it makes me sad. I have expressed this to him many times but he gets defensive every time and things don’t change. I need advice as to how I should proceed?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway300777 on 2024-01-01 05:10:09+00:00.

TL;DR: My friend/roommate was diagnosed with bipolar I last semester. it’s become mentally straining on me and im thinking about moving out

we are both currently in college and living on campus. he was a great roommate in the beginning of the semester but he started to slowly get symptoms of mania (irritable, no sleep, etc). it got to the point where i felt unsafe and stayed at a friends place for a night. eventually things got to the point where I had to call 911 and he was hospitalized and got diagnosed. it was a traumatic experience for me as i’ve never been in a situation like that. the biggest thing for me was when he verbally lashed out at me. it’s very unlike him and it hurt me because i cared about him. i felt uncomfortable being in the apartment and my overall mental health declined and my grades dropped a lot.

when he came back from the mental health facility, he had medication and had a social worker/psychologist. he seemed to be much better and i slowly became more comfortable being around him again. we hung out a few times over break and things seemed to be healing between us.

however, a few days ago the texted me saying i was hiding something from him and we should talk. i was a little confused on what he meant as we already talked twice at the end of the semester about his diagnosis. to reply to his text, i decided to recap things from my side and saying how the events leading up to his hospitalization was very hard on me. i made sure to emphasize how him lashing out at me made very uncomfortable and it hurt me. he ended up lashing out at me again as a response and saying hurtful things. i was again very hurt. he apologized the next morning saying he hasn’t been able to get a refill on his meds the last three days since it was the holidays (im assuming he was in another maniac episode when he texted me).

i’m trying my best to be understanding considering the circumstances, it just hurts when someone you care about talks to you in that way. overall, he’s been fine after he’s gotten treatment (other than this one time). but there could be a situation where he’s not able to get his meds again. when he does lash out, i don’t feel i’m in danger but i feel like i don’t have a safe space since im uncomfortable being around him. my friends have told me i should move out as i need to prioritize my own well-being as well. i feel like it’d put our friendship at risk as he’s had a lot of loss in his life and it’d just logistically be difficult. money is tight and it would be difficult trying to find a sublease as well as trying to find someone to take my lease those close to the start of the semester (in roughly 2 weeks). i also don’t know if its “moral” to sublease my apartment knowing my friend’s condition. i miss having a place i can go home every night and sleep at ease but i also feel like i should give my friend another chance. any advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful-Seesaw734 on 2024-01-01 09:40:04+00:00.

I’m a 19m and tend to hide the worst or struggling aspects of my life. I feel really disingenuous and unauthentic. It really is starting to take a hold on me, because I don’t like opening up to others or to myself really. I just feel like I can’t have a meaningful relationship with someone if i can’t open up or be myself! I’m not sure how to even start, should I be neutral or just go all the way with it. I’ve been catching myself recently when I tend to be unauthentic for the sake of other people likening me. I’ve been getting better at being authentic in those type of interactions. It’s hard, because it’s a raging habit of mine to not deliberately lie to people. Not to be mean to them, but spare them stress and energy on me. I don’t want to be the person who annoys or stresses someone out. I feel like I’m also like that because I had really severe ADHD which annoyed and stressed people out 😂. I just was wondering if people knew how to start or had advice on how to be more open or being more myself in all aspects!

TL;DR need advice with being true to myself and be authentic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_exmuslimgf on 2024-01-01 04:09:22+00:00.

hello!

for context, i'm born a muslim, but i'm having an incredibly hard time with my faith at the moment so i've been taking a "break" from the religion for almost a year now — i'd appreciate not being judged for this decision, as i'd like to learn about it more when i'm ready (it is a journey between me and god, right)?) and i'd appreciate people not bashing my religion because i still respect muslims for their religion and islam to a certain degree

i've been together with my bf (18m) for about 8 months now, and he's helped me get out of an abusive relationship of 4 years before i got with him

yes, i understand that it seems that i've moved on a bit too fast, but i realised i've been sick and tired.. numbed to the core from the previous relationship (yet i couldn't break free for years)

anyway, throughout the whole period we were together, we were learning what a healthy relationship was like (both of us haven't exactly been in the best relationships before this), we've seen each other's weakest moments, we were all we've ever wanted in a partner — it feels all too perfect cept for a few flaws that we intend to work out as time goes by (trauma is hard to uncover, man)

we've both had SEVERAL talks about the relationship, about our pasts, past relationships, thoughts we've never shared with others, our families, etc

hell, we've considered marriage

i completely understand if you're thinking that it's far too early for us to decide on that, but don't worry, we don't intend on doing anything impulsive like that anytime soon either LOL

it's far too expensive in this economy to bother with marriages unless we're living comfortably without scrambling to find work or stressing like mad anyway

marriage life and dating life are completely different so, it's okay! save us the lecture, we get it

point is, we're super serious about our relationship!

and i'd like to introduce him to my parents as soon as i can so i can stop tiptoeing around eggshells, giving excuses, and whatnot just to see my bf (and accidentally stay out way too late)

his family already knows about me, and i've already met some of his extended family so i'm not too worried on that end

here's the thing, i doubt my parents are the type to disown me over my choice of partner, or whatever they're not gonna start insulting me like crazy or anything

i'm just generally scared that they disapprove of him, and that they don't like him without getting to know him

and i would really really love it if he could get along with my parents!

i'm already anticipating disappointment, interrogation, maybe but hopefully not..disapproval, etc

BUT that's not the biggest issue; i've slept over at his place a few times and each time my mom asks where i'd been, i'd say to my friends' or something

obviously, the jig is up if the timing has been pretty consistent, and if i mentioned the region enough times

eventually they're gonna link the two things — me staying out for way too long/staying over & my bf — to which is gonna be a HUGE deal in this religion

i'm not even supposed to hug him, let alone sleep over

ok but before you eat me alive, i get that that's my fault for being really selfish and wanting to decide my "independence"

i'm sure my parents are worried sick each time i'm back home really late or the next day, maybe even the day after that

i don't blame them

i'm probably going to set a curfew for myself and stop staying over spontaneously (and staying over too often in general)

and decide on telling my parents ahead of time so they don't worry too much about me or something

up until maybe halfway through the year then finally try to bring up the existence of my bf and properly discussing when they can get to know one another...so there's enough buffer time to let my parents know that i'm behaving as appropriately as possible, then letting them know i'm serious about him

TLDR: bf and i are really serious about the relationship, and i've already gotten acquainted with his family. i'd like to introduce him to my religious muslim (but reasonable, not dysfunctional) family but i made a huge mistake by repeatedly staying out too late/staying over at his place without them realising it's my bf's place

i need advice on just how i can even bother approaching my parents on the matter. thanks!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/joyyysick on 2024-01-01 09:28:50+00:00.

Hey, so my (18f) mom (46) slept with me and my sister in our room at the night. In the morning I was in so much pain because of my period cramps and she started shouting at me for acting like that. (I couldn't eat anything and was scared of eating my pill with an empty stomach so I might throw up) her shouting made me sad and I started crying, then she still shouted at the top of her lungs and told me to eat that fucking pill. Even though I told her stop shouting, she said since I didn't shouted at you enough you became childish.

So I went to my room to stay away from her, and I took her blankets to her own room to just not have her in my room for sometime.

now she went to my dad and told her she threw my blankets to my own room and told me to not to sleep there ever. So he came to talk with me about it.

I truly don't remember saying don't sleep here ever, but for real, now she is the one who is hurt? I just cried and threw her blankets to her own room which is what I always do for her when she sleeps in our room and just do it so she won't do it. I am the one who was in pain and no one showed any sympathy for and just yelled at me for being in pain and not being ableto even eat an small piece of bread. I was really upset when she said that I shouldn't expect her and I should do it all myself when I just ask her for pill and hot water once in a whole month. Or when she said she hasn't screamed at me enough and I'm childish when I clearly remember her hitting me sometimes as a child. now am I the asshole?? Should I apologise?

tl;dr after my mom screamed at me I threw her blankets to her own room now she is hurt by it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/loganxd16 on 2024-01-01 03:50:52+00:00.

My wife 24f feels disrespected in our marriage. We’ve been married for a little over one year, the last month being temporary long distance as we’re moving internationally. Spent one week together, went amazingly well. Our last night together before doing another two months long distance, she got upset at me for not remembering a conversation we’ve previously had. She stated it shows I don’t care to pay attention and don’t respect our conversations. I apologized, letting her know I do care but needed a reminder and sometimes I might need a reminder on occasions.

The next morning, I fixed my wife breakfast and got some of her things ready for her before her flight. She packed as well, and ate while I put her shoes on for her. Once she left, I noticed something missing in our home office, which I figured she packed with her to go. As we both work from home, I thought to buy a second one as it’s a connection hub and could come in handy while she’s away. My wife was upset when learning I was going to purchase a second one as before leaving, she asked me if I already had a second one and told her yes. I don’t recall this conversation happening which I told her. She got upset, stating that I had lied to her and was gaslighting the conversation taking place. I’m confused, as I just don’t recall. If it did, I misunderstood as to what I was agreeing to at the time. I apologized and told her it was a simple fix. She feels I don’t care or respect her in this relationship and “doesn’t see the point” in continuing to try anymore.

We’ve had our difficulties this past year, due to the process of moving internationally and the adjustment of getting married. I’m trying my best to make her happy, as we agreed this move would be a fresh start but how can I help with this miscommunication in the future?

tl;dr Wife feels disrespected and not cared for when I forget a previous conversation.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Thanks1018 on 2024-01-01 09:23:53+00:00.

This is my first "relationship" (F18) with someone. I honestly don't know how dating culture and relationships work, and admittingly im avoidantly attatched myself and its difficult for me to give up my emotions to somone else.

I guess tldr, im really confused on what this guy's intentions are. I've already talked to him about this and what he wants out of our relationship, but the answers I've gotten fell along the lines of "I wish I could give you the answer, but I just can't". It seems that he wants to focus on his career or something, but I also see him spending a lot of time playing video games and stuff.

Essentially we started off literally talking nonstop online and hanging out irl at least 2-3 times a week for the latter and everyday for the former. Then suddently we completely break off. No online communication, nothing from him irl. Most of our hangouts have become extremely spontaneous and unplanned. Also, the things we talk about are getting a little bit dryer, not very noticibly but I feel like something is chanigng. The way that we interact has been loosenly up more and more and the intimacy is not really there anymore...

I don't know how to approach this. I still like this guy in some ways, but I thik I've fallen under the false impression that I like this guy romantically because he made the first move. I see him more as a close friend, and I dont want to sacrafice our friendship because of this. He's also extremely successful and talented at what he does (which is something that i value as a career-orientated person), but outside of that I don't think we work well as a couple, especially because we're both avoidantly attatched and me specifically, its hard to engage emotionally with someone.

I just want to understand why a person would becomng extremely hot one second and cold in another? He seems to have committment issues as well which I think is partially a reason for his lack of forwardness in making anything official. Im just kind of in a limbo right now

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sweet_Beginning7929 on 2024-01-01 03:17:28+00:00.

We really haven't had like a strong bond of connection for the past few months. I met him beginning of this year on a dating app and the bery first day we got to jive and have fun together up until the next 3 months. We went to travel together. I can call it dating but not committed to each other. I thought I was special but then I found out that he was actually dating other girls behind my back. I wasn't really hurt much since we dont have a serious relationship and that we just me online but what we had for me was real. So we ended things month of April after I confronted him what I found out.

A month without communication I found out that I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, I was devastated. It took me a few weeks to reach out and told him the news. When I told him about it. He wanted me to get rid of it. And he questioned whether it was his. I got mad but I do understand his side. I told him, that I will continue my pregnancy whether he is present or not. And that I just told him just so he knows. Btw we live in a different countries. So for the first 6months I went through my pregnancy alone surviving physically and emotionally and I was thankful that I was able to grow the baby inside me healthy. Then eventually I was surprised he reached our to ask about it. Like he got interest ed. I wasnt expecting anything yet, so I just go with the flow.

We communicated for a few weeks. Then suddenly during that time he asked me if I am willing to try to build a relationship with him so that our baby would habe a complete family. I said yes then he moved to the country where I was living.

Fast forward, since I know his dating life I asked him if he would stop dating with other girls since we will be having a relationship and to my surprise he asked me if it would be okay with me that occasionally he will date others girls but we will be together. I wasn't thinking and I said OKAY since it was already a habit for him even before we met and that I thought I couldn't make him stop doing it right away.. I know I am stupid on this part. I told him to just be honest with me about everything. I really dont want this situation but it is what it is.. During our relationship being together I asked him not to add/follow girls that he will date on his social media cause it doesn't look good... we had some arguments about it. Time to time. I feel disrespected. He said I am his main girl and those girls means nothing to him. We are still having active in b e d now that I am 8mos pregnant.

But today while I was sleeping I kinda thought there was movement on our bed then I look at him and saw that he was playing with himself staring at a specific pic like private pic of and asked him what he was doing even though I know it and asked who was the photo. Since my sleep was disturbed and I also disturbed his momentum. I just ignored it but I was hurt and get up from bed. He didn't talk after stopping. I didn't know if he felt ashamed or what.

My question is should I go talk to him or wait for him to talk to me about it? I am in a really bad situation right now. And Im pregnant about to give birth in a few days. I dont know if I want to live with him anymore. I feel so stupid but I also want to have a good relationship with him and I dont know if I would want to carry living like this just to have a support and complete family.

TLDR: My Boyfriend (M37) told me (F28) that he cares about me and our future family but does otherwise

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Local_War_9122 on 2024-01-01 09:02:27+00:00.

Hello everyone, My boyfriend (32M) proposed to me (25F) with an engagement ring that is worth £100. He makes £60,000 a year and could definitely afford buying a more beautiful ring.

Just to clarify, I don’t want a ring that is worth 10k but not the cheapest one that was in that online store. I know he loves me and on the good side the ring looks lovely. It’s not amazing but it’s alright. And he chose the right size and everything.

And I don’t love him for his money but this ring makes me think that I don’t deserve anything more. And like it’s simple to break off the engagement if you only spend £100 on the ring.

TL;DR my boyfriend bought me a cheap engagement ring. Shall I tell him it makes me upset?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Caterpillar-5176 on 2024-01-01 09:00:07+00:00.

Hi Reddit,I have been with my bf for 2 years. I am older than him by nearly a year (I am 21). The first year of our relationship I was head over heels, felt that chemistry that I needed, felt the butterflies. All of that jazz. After a year, things started to come up from his end that did not align with me. The first talk I had with him was at the start of 2023 - he would often tell his mother or prioritise his mother in our relationship. He would tell her details that I shared with him that were so private. I told him and he said he promised he would not do that again (which he has done less of) Later, there was the problem of immaturity and money talk. He consistently talked about his lack of confidence in self image and I had felt like most of the conversations were about him ( I tried supporting him and still do but it gets draining). On my birthday, he was very stressed about me ordering dessert because it was too 'expensive' (it was also our anniversary) - I told him that if he was not comfortable choosing that place he should have said so and I would not have minded. We went to a club with our friends and he complained about the entry fee and started saying he did not want to go clubbing in the first place.When it came to dates or gestures, I often had to drop hints. It was never spontaneous from his end. Eventually, i just felt like he was reading a how to guide word for word of 'ticking off' those things that I mentioned to him and it did not feel natural.In terms of general chemistry, i quickly realised that despite him being a good guy, he was not the man that I needed. It is my first time dating someone younger, but I did not feel a sense of security throughout the relationship.After many talks ( maybe like 15 I kid you not), I felt a sense of distance in my emotions towards him. I love him so much and he is a great guy who is the same religion as me, my family loves him, I love his family. It all seems so perfect - but for some reason, our intimate side also faded once these convos kept on going. We barely kiss anymore, I do not feel any butterflies, but I have so much love for him, and he makes me laugh. The majority of the time i feel like I think about the negatives more than the positives and often go back and forth about wanting to be alone again.I am wondering if this is the wrong decision to leave as we have been working a whole year on this issues despite how small they are - maybe it is about maturity and I have to wait it out? but I do not feel like this is fair on him and me. He is trying to do everything right and tells me all these compliments and how he will take me out (still waiting) but for some reason, my feelings are not there as much as they were in the first year...Any advice would be great because I am so lost and our 2 year anniversary is coming up... I can't imagine leaving him but I feel unhappy most days being lost in my thoughts.

TL; DR: My feelings for my boyfriend of 2 years are not there anymore, should I wait it out?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lactose_Intolerant07 on 2024-01-01 08:45:45+00:00.

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TL;DR; : Am I just burnt out or have I really lost all my feelings for my SO?

For context, I’m (F23) a working student since 1st yr college and I’m now in my 4th yr. I’m also living on my own with 3 dogs left under my care. It’s been difficult juggling all these on my own to the point that there have been plenty of instances where I’m too exhausted to make food for myself.

My SO is 27yo. We’ve been together for almost 2yrs now. He used to be my rock whenever I feel down. I used to get really excited to see him before our dates. I used to be really clingy to him and I genuinely feel comfortable being in his presence. But since we got deeper into our relationship, I began to see his shortcomings. There are times that he’s unhygienic, and this is a turnoff for me. I found out that there are plenty of stuff that he couldn’t do on his own, because nobody taught/reminded him how to do those stuff growing up. (Ex. not properly ironing his polos, forgetting to brush his teeth, putting on his socks inside out, not washing hands after touching something obviously unclean, constantly forgetting to put on deodorant, and many more)

I tried to let those stuff slide because I thought, those are just small stuff that can be practiced right? As long as I’m here to teach him these stuff, maybe he’ll eventually learn like I did. At the same time, I chose to disregard those little stuff because he’s a good guy and he treats me really good. I’ve been through toxic relationships and I just know he’s completely incomparable. He understands my feelings really well and he knows how to handle all my emotions. He takes an effort to understand me and really gets to know me.

But with all the stuff going on in my life and all the stuff I’m juggling at the same time, I’m starting to lose patience with him. I’m starting to feel like a mother having to teach these basic stuff to him. It’s like looking after a kid that doesn’t know how to do these stuff. I’m growing tired of having to remind him of these basic stuff. I kind of feel like I could never depend on him on anything else.

Now, I’d be lying if I say I still see him as my partner. It makes me really sad that I don’t see him as a partner anymore, but rather a kid I have to put up with. I used to love it when he’s being touchy and kissing/hugging me a lot. Now I feel uncomfortable whenever he touches me. I don’t even feel comfortable holding his hand anymore. It really makes me sad that I feel this way towards him.

Don’t get me wrong, I know for a fact that I have my shortcomings too. And being a person who has a busy schedule all the time, I’m beyond grateful to have an SO that’s completely understanding of my situation. But now I’m having these selfish thoughts that I’m just staying with him because I feel like I’ll never find a guy as understanding as he is. And it feels wrong to be staying with him just because of that fear.

I’m left wondering whether I’m just completely burnt out and ran out of patience, or if I have really lost all my feelings for him.

Can you give me some insights and advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/escapereal on 2024-01-01 08:42:05+00:00.

For context: He's an only child and they had him late in life. He and I live together and have been together almost a year.

Ok so my Bf's parents are visiting for about a week. The first thing his mother did was grocery shop for the house and buy things that I already had in the house without saying a word. I'm the kind of person that if you ask me to pick up a list of groceries for you, I will. I grew up very independent but I won't turn down if someone offers to do something for me, and her doing that actually offended me. Like I spent my money on food that you went and basically disregarded to buy it yourself in someone else's home.

Another thing that's happened is she will ALWAYS completely deep clean the house, which again offends me because I can clean perfectly fine. And by completely, I mean she literally is planning on washing the outside of the house because the "siding looks splotchy from the dust." She's even said she's going to clean the room in the house(for our dog) that I literally spent the entire morning before they arrived, just cleaning.

Not only does she fucking take over my house and make me feel like the visitor, but her relationship with her son tends to make me uncomfortable. They regularly cuddle, and by cuddle I mean literally spooning. She's sprayed his cologne on her pillow or her dog because she missed him. Tonight for New Year's, after he kissed me, she seemed to get offended that he didn't kiss her.

Don't get me wrong, she is a sweet woman and doesn't seem to dislike me at all. She even gave me a custom dogtag necklace with my favorite picture of my bf in uniform(yes he's military stfu) on one side, and a picture of me and him on the other. It's just I don't like someone coming into my home and taking over without saying anything to me.

Now, he and I got a corgi puppy a couple of months ago. I've been attempting to train/discipline him out of simple behaviors like begging, jumping into people's faces, etc. just simple stuff that everyone trains their dogs out of. Well, not only does my bf give him treats for the behaviors, making it infinitely more difficult for me, but our dog has started refusing to eat his food because my bf's dad WONT STOP FUCKING GIVING HIM HUMAN FOOD! I'll admit that I've given him the occasional crumb in the past but I stopped after he started refusing his own food. I requested that no one gives him human food but my boyfriend avoided telling his dad because he "didn't want to upset him."

I'm sorry if this post is kinda everywhere but I'm really irked and my relationship has been held together by threads lately.

Tl;Dr: My bf's parents came to visit and are causing major stress in my relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Local_War_9122 on 2024-01-01 09:02:27+00:00.

Hello everyone, My boyfriend (32M) proposed to me (25F) with an engagement ring that is worth £100. He makes £60,000 a year and could definitely afford buying a more beautiful ring.

Just to clarify, I don’t want a ring that is worth 10k but not the cheapest one that was in that online store. I know he loves me and on the good side the ring looks lovely. It’s not amazing but it’s alright. And he chose the right size and everything.

And I don’t love him for his money but this ring makes me think that I don’t deserve anything more. And like it’s simple to break off the engagement if you only spend £100 on the ring.

TL;DR my boyfriend bought me a cheap engagement ring. Shall I tell him it makes me upset?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Caterpillar-5176 on 2024-01-01 09:00:07+00:00.

Hi Reddit,I have been with my bf for 2 years. I am older than him by nearly a year (I am 21). The first year of our relationship I was head over heels, felt that chemistry that I needed, felt the butterflies. All of that jazz. After a year, things started to come up from his end that did not align with me. The first talk I had with him was at the start of 2023 - he would often tell his mother or prioritise his mother in our relationship. He would tell her details that I shared with him that were so private. I told him and he said he promised he would not do that again (which he has done less of) Later, there was the problem of immaturity and money talk. He consistently talked about his lack of confidence in self image and I had felt like most of the conversations were about him ( I tried supporting him and still do but it gets draining). On my birthday, he was very stressed about me ordering dessert because it was too 'expensive' (it was also our anniversary) - I told him that if he was not comfortable choosing that place he should have said so and I would not have minded. We went to a club with our friends and he complained about the entry fee and started saying he did not want to go clubbing in the first place.When it came to dates or gestures, I often had to drop hints. It was never spontaneous from his end. Eventually, i just felt like he was reading a how to guide word for word of 'ticking off' those things that I mentioned to him and it did not feel natural.In terms of general chemistry, i quickly realised that despite him being a good guy, he was not the man that I needed. It is my first time dating someone younger, but I did not feel a sense of security throughout the relationship.After many talks ( maybe like 15 I kid you not), I felt a sense of distance in my emotions towards him. I love him so much and he is a great guy who is the same religion as me, my family loves him, I love his family. It all seems so perfect - but for some reason, our intimate side also faded once these convos kept on going. We barely kiss anymore, I do not feel any butterflies, but I have so much love for him, and he makes me laugh. The majority of the time i feel like I think about the negatives more than the positives and often go back and forth about wanting to be alone again.I am wondering if this is the wrong decision to leave as we have been working a whole year on this issues despite how small they are - maybe it is about maturity and I have to wait it out? but I do not feel like this is fair on him and me. He is trying to do everything right and tells me all these compliments and how he will take me out (still waiting) but for some reason, my feelings are not there as much as they were in the first year...Any advice would be great because I am so lost and our 2 year anniversary is coming up... I can't imagine leaving him but I feel unhappy most days being lost in my thoughts.

TL; DR: My feelings for my boyfriend of 2 years are not there anymore, should I wait it out?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lactose_Intolerant07 on 2024-01-01 08:45:45+00:00.

—-

TL;DR; : Am I just burnt out or have I really lost all my feelings for my SO?

For context, I’m (F23) a working student since 1st yr college and I’m now in my 4th yr. I’m also living on my own with 3 dogs left under my care. It’s been difficult juggling all these on my own to the point that there have been plenty of instances where I’m too exhausted to make food for myself.

My SO is 27yo. We’ve been together for almost 2yrs now. He used to be my rock whenever I feel down. I used to get really excited to see him before our dates. I used to be really clingy to him and I genuinely feel comfortable being in his presence. But since we got deeper into our relationship, I began to see his shortcomings. There are times that he’s unhygienic, and this is a turnoff for me. I found out that there are plenty of stuff that he couldn’t do on his own, because nobody taught/reminded him how to do those stuff growing up. (Ex. not properly ironing his polos, forgetting to brush his teeth, putting on his socks inside out, not washing hands after touching something obviously unclean, constantly forgetting to put on deodorant, and many more)

I tried to let those stuff slide because I thought, those are just small stuff that can be practiced right? As long as I’m here to teach him these stuff, maybe he’ll eventually learn like I did. At the same time, I chose to disregard those little stuff because he’s a good guy and he treats me really good. I’ve been through toxic relationships and I just know he’s completely incomparable. He understands my feelings really well and he knows how to handle all my emotions. He takes an effort to understand me and really gets to know me.

But with all the stuff going on in my life and all the stuff I’m juggling at the same time, I’m starting to lose patience with him. I’m starting to feel like a mother having to teach these basic stuff to him. It’s like looking after a kid that doesn’t know how to do these stuff. I’m growing tired of having to remind him of these basic stuff. I kind of feel like I could never depend on him on anything else.

Now, I’d be lying if I say I still see him as my partner. It makes me really sad that I don’t see him as a partner anymore, but rather a kid I have to put up with. I used to love it when he’s being touchy and kissing/hugging me a lot. Now I feel uncomfortable whenever he touches me. I don’t even feel comfortable holding his hand anymore. It really makes me sad that I feel this way towards him.

Don’t get me wrong, I know for a fact that I have my shortcomings too. And being a person who has a busy schedule all the time, I’m beyond grateful to have an SO that’s completely understanding of my situation. But now I’m having these selfish thoughts that I’m just staying with him because I feel like I’ll never find a guy as understanding as he is. And it feels wrong to be staying with him just because of that fear.

I’m left wondering whether I’m just completely burnt out and ran out of patience, or if I have really lost all my feelings for him.

Can you give me some insights and advice?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/prosiIcus on 2024-01-01 08:36:32+00:00.

Hi everyone,

As the title says, I'm currently in an LDR with my gf of 1 year. We've met twice, for an extended duration, and during that time we also lived together for around 10-11 days.

The relationship, like any other I guess, has had its ups and downs but overall has been amazing so far. She's an amazing person and I'm really hopeful about our future together.

She's currently away from home for a weeks and has gone to city X to be with her college friends for the Christmas and New Years so I don't think this is the right time to bother her about this.

Long story short, we have talked about me moving to city X. I'm the one who brought up the topic as she was also looking to move to city X from her hometown (city Y) to pursue her further studies.

I currently live in City Z, which is approx 2700kms away from city X. Both are urban cities so there wouldn't be that much of a change in the lifestyle for me.

I earn a pretty decent amount in my current job which is work-from-home so I'm not locked to my city because of it. Additionally, none of my family are currently living with me so in a sense I have no ties to this city except for my friends (Lived here for 13 years now).

We had a plan for this actually. Since she's in city X right now, she was going to look at a few apartments but we just got news last week that she was laid off. She's in the process of finding a new one currently. The one gripe I do have however is that this something that she hasn't brought up that frequently. It's just not feeling as if she's very enthusiastic about this so I am in a bit of a conundrum.

Also, I have my own family house where I currently live so I do not have to pay for rent. I do however pay for all my other expenses (electricity, water, gas, etc). I will also be moving outside my country within the next year (2025) for my further studies so I figured this would be a good time for us to get the time together and see if we're actually compatible.

I guess I'd like to hear more about how other couples went about this. I will ofc talk to her in detail once she gets back but I figured I may as well do some of my own research during that time.

TLDR; I want to move to another city but I have a few reservations about how my gf feels about this. How did you guys know when the it was time to move in and how did you go about this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/escapereal on 2024-01-01 08:42:05+00:00.

For context: He's an only child and they had him late in life. He and I live together and have been together almost a year.

Ok so my Bf's parents are visiting for about a week. The first thing his mother did was grocery shop for the house and buy things that I already had in the house without saying a word. I'm the kind of person that if you ask me to pick up a list of groceries for you, I will. I grew up very independent but I won't turn down if someone offers to do something for me, and her doing that actually offended me. Like I spent my money on food that you went and basically disregarded to buy it yourself in someone else's home.

Another thing that's happened is she will ALWAYS completely deep clean the house, which again offends me because I can clean perfectly fine. And by completely, I mean she literally is planning on washing the outside of the house because the "siding looks splotchy from the dust." She's even said she's going to clean the room in the house(for our dog) that I literally spent the entire morning before they arrived, just cleaning.

Not only does she fucking take over my house and make me feel like the visitor, but her relationship with her son tends to make me uncomfortable. They regularly cuddle, and by cuddle I mean literally spooning. She's sprayed his cologne on her pillow or her dog because she missed him. Tonight for New Year's, after he kissed me, she seemed to get offended that he didn't kiss her.

Don't get me wrong, she is a sweet woman and doesn't seem to dislike me at all. She even gave me a custom dogtag necklace with my favorite picture of my bf in uniform(yes he's military stfu) on one side, and a picture of me and him on the other. It's just I don't like someone coming into my home and taking over without saying anything to me.

Now, he and I got a corgi puppy a couple of months ago. I've been attempting to train/discipline him out of simple behaviors like begging, jumping into people's faces, etc. just simple stuff that everyone trains their dogs out of. Well, not only does my bf give him treats for the behaviors, making it infinitely more difficult for me, but our dog has started refusing to eat his food because my bf's dad WONT STOP FUCKING GIVING HIM HUMAN FOOD! I'll admit that I've given him the occasional crumb in the past but I stopped after he started refusing his own food. I requested that no one gives him human food but my boyfriend avoided telling his dad because he "didn't want to upset him."

I'm sorry if this post is kinda everywhere but I'm really irked and my relationship has been held together by threads lately.

Tl;Dr: My bf's parents came to visit and are causing major stress in my relationship.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/prosiIcus on 2024-01-01 08:36:32+00:00.

Hi everyone,

As the title says, I'm currently in an LDR with my gf of 1 year. We've met twice, for an extended duration, and during that time we also lived together for around 10-11 days.

The relationship, like any other I guess, has had its ups and downs but overall has been amazing so far. She's an amazing person and I'm really hopeful about our future together.

She's currently away from home for a weeks and has gone to city X to be with her college friends for the Christmas and New Years so I don't think this is the right time to bother her about this.

Long story short, we have talked about me moving to city X. I'm the one who brought up the topic as she was also looking to move to city X from her hometown (city Y) to pursue her further studies.

I currently live in City Z, which is approx 2700kms away from city X. Both are urban cities so there wouldn't be that much of a change in the lifestyle for me.

I earn a pretty decent amount in my current job which is work-from-home so I'm not locked to my city because of it. Additionally, none of my family are currently living with me so in a sense I have no ties to this city except for my friends (Lived here for 13 years now).

We had a plan for this actually. Since she's in city X right now, she was going to look at a few apartments but we just got news last week that she was laid off. She's in the process of finding a new one currently. The one gripe I do have however is that this something that she hasn't brought up that frequently. It's just not feeling as if she's very enthusiastic about this so I am in a bit of a conundrum.

Also, I have my own family house where I currently live so I do not have to pay for rent. I do however pay for all my other expenses (electricity, water, gas, etc). I will also be moving outside my country within the next year (2025) for my further studies so I figured this would be a good time for us to get the time together and see if we're actually compatible.

I guess I'd like to hear more about how other couples went about this. I will ofc talk to her in detail once she gets back but I figured I may as well do some of my own research during that time.

TLDR; I want to move to another city but I have a few reservations about how my gf feels about this. How did you guys know when the it was time to move in and how did you go about this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lains_Late on 2024-01-01 08:22:52+00:00.

I (f18) have never traveled interstate or internationally before. My older sister (f21) already has issues with convincing my parents to let her travel in groups of people she has known her whole life.

I have a ticket to a conference over the Easter long weekend and it is in a neighbouring state. I will be fully funding the ticket, accommodation, and everything else. My issue is bringing up the idea of travelling to my parents when they are so overprotective. They already don’t like the idea of me being out when it’s dark or even going to the city which is an hour away. I fully plan on going but I am unsure how to bring it up to them and how I should tell them without getting an immediate dismissal.

Tldr - I (f18) don’t know how to bring up travelling to over protective parents

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Riptide_NVN on 2024-01-01 08:15:52+00:00.

Hi. I [47M] have been married to my wife [42F] for 14 years. We've had our challenges over the years like most couples in LTR. Nothing extreme or outside of the ordinary. From my pov we have a decent if somewhat vanilla sex life and she's never mentioned it being a problem.

Seemingly out of the blue my wife casually asked me if I'd seen any of the billboards around town for an adult masquerade party. It's apparently an adult only club where couples socialize and occasionally have sex. Couples can engage in as much or as little as they want.

It became apparent that she was fishing around to see if it's something I'd be interested to look into. To possibly try something new, or 'spice up' our sex life. I did get it out of her that she is open to or at least not against the idea of us having sex with other couples. This is not something either of us have done. When we first got together we never had a chat about this. It never even occurred to me at the time with all the NRE and strong attraction that this would ever be a thing.

Some takeaways:

I asked if she had anyone in mind to participate with. She said no.I asked her if she was bored or otherwise dissatisfied with our sexual relationship. No again.When asked if I would be interested in this I stated no and that if another man ever enters the relationship, it is over with. No exceptions.I suggested that it's tough to know how this would affect someone until they go through with it and is basically playing with fire.I pushed a little further and she opened up to other ways we might 'spice up' our sex life such as getting a vibrator for example which I'm fine with.I asked her if she was disappointed that I was not interested in her idea. Again, no. She seemed to give the impression to me this was no big deal at all.

A couple days later I'm still processing. I don't think she intended to upset or hurt me. Also, no evidence of cheating currently (or ever) and I have an awareness of what to look for. Still, this has upset me. Admittedly I now am grappling with some feelings of inadequacy. And I am also not happy to hear that she seemed open to the idea of sharing herself (and me) with others. I have no way of knowing if she'd actually go through with it and I'm not interested in testing. I haven't shared those feelings.

I know this is not something new to this sub. I love my wife and our life together. It seems like I have two options neither of which seem fantastic:

Take her at her word. This was just a passing curiosity. She is fine with not pursuing it. Move forward in the relationship. Or file for divorce.

If we were just a young couple dating and it was nothing real serious then I'd probably be leaning towards leaving. That is not the case here and I'm not sure I want that. So, I have some thinking to do. Before anyone accuses me of cuckery, I was 100% crystal that I'm not down for this and if she were to insist then we're done.

Thanks for reading my post and I'm interested in hearing any constructive advice especially if I decide to stay. Would a follow-up talk be a good idea and what if anything should I bring up and how to go about that in a tactful way?

Thanks!

TL:DR:Wife of 14 years suggested we visit a swingers social club to see if it's something we're interested in. Suggestion was seemingly out of noowhere and husband shut it down. Now, not sure what to do next.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lains_Late on 2024-01-01 08:22:52+00:00.

I (f18) have never traveled interstate or internationally before. My older sister (f21) already has issues with convincing my parents to let her travel in groups of people she has known her whole life.

I have a ticket to a conference over the Easter long weekend and it is in a neighbouring state. I will be fully funding the ticket, accommodation, and everything else. My issue is bringing up the idea of travelling to my parents when they are so overprotective. They already don’t like the idea of me being out when it’s dark or even going to the city which is an hour away. I fully plan on going but I am unsure how to bring it up to them and how I should tell them without getting an immediate dismissal.

Tldr - I (f18) don’t know how to bring up travelling to over protective parents