Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Affectionate-Seat63 on 2024-01-01 07:57:35+00:00.

Me (19m) and my ex (20f) were together for almost 2.5 years but we ended up breaking up because we were very busy with our lives at that time and we didn't get to spend time much time together. We broke up 6 months ago and recently i started dating someone else but soon after that i realised that i haven't moved on from my ex So i told my current gf (19f) that I want some time alone as i need to get over her and it's not fair for her, She told me that she would never give up on us and she will wait for me to get better so we can resume our relationship. After 2 weeks of this, my ex texted me yesterday on 31st december asking if we can reconcile and fix things from our relationship and she even asked to meet in person. I feel mentally so tired i dont know what to do i love my gf so much but at the same time i havent moved on from my ex and i still feel i have feelings for her or maybe i just miss the memories we had? She was my first love. I dont know what to do i feel like i dont deserve both of them.

TL;DR: Dated my ex for 2.5 years, broke up due to busy lives. Started dating someone new, but realized I haven't moved on from my ex. Told current girlfriend I need time alone to get over my ex. Current girlfriend wants to wait for me. Ex reached out, wants to reconcile. Feeling mentally exhausted and torn between the two; unsure about my feelings and what to do next.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Riptide_NVN on 2024-01-01 08:15:52+00:00.

Hi. I [47M] have been married to my wife [42F] for 14 years. We've had our challenges over the years like most couples in LTR. Nothing extreme or outside of the ordinary. From my pov we have a decent if somewhat vanilla sex life and she's never mentioned it being a problem.

Seemingly out of the blue my wife casually asked me if I'd seen any of the billboards around town for an adult masquerade party. It's apparently an adult only club where couples socialize and occasionally have sex. Couples can engage in as much or as little as they want.

It became apparent that she was fishing around to see if it's something I'd be interested to look into. To possibly try something new, or 'spice up' our sex life. I did get it out of her that she is open to or at least not against the idea of us having sex with other couples. This is not something either of us have done. When we first got together we never had a chat about this. It never even occurred to me at the time with all the NRE and strong attraction that this would ever be a thing.

Some takeaways:

I asked if she had anyone in mind to participate with. She said no.I asked her if she was bored or otherwise dissatisfied with our sexual relationship. No again.When asked if I would be interested in this I stated no and that if another man ever enters the relationship, it is over with. No exceptions.I suggested that it's tough to know how this would affect someone until they go through with it and is basically playing with fire.I pushed a little further and she opened up to other ways we might 'spice up' our sex life such as getting a vibrator for example which I'm fine with.I asked her if she was disappointed that I was not interested in her idea. Again, no. She seemed to give the impression to me this was no big deal at all.

A couple days later I'm still processing. I don't think she intended to upset or hurt me. Also, no evidence of cheating currently (or ever) and I have an awareness of what to look for. Still, this has upset me. Admittedly I now am grappling with some feelings of inadequacy. And I am also not happy to hear that she seemed open to the idea of sharing herself (and me) with others. I have no way of knowing if she'd actually go through with it and I'm not interested in testing. I haven't shared those feelings.

I know this is not something new to this sub. I love my wife and our life together. It seems like I have two options neither of which seem fantastic:

Take her at her word. This was just a passing curiosity. She is fine with not pursuing it. Move forward in the relationship. Or file for divorce.

If we were just a young couple dating and it was nothing real serious then I'd probably be leaning towards leaving. That is not the case here and I'm not sure I want that. So, I have some thinking to do. Before anyone accuses me of cuckery, I was 100% crystal that I'm not down for this and if she were to insist then we're done.

Thanks for reading my post and I'm interested in hearing any constructive advice especially if I decide to stay. Would a follow-up talk be a good idea and what if anything should I bring up and how to go about that in a tactful way?

Thanks!

TL:DR:Wife of 14 years suggested we visit a swingers social club to see if it's something we're interested in. Suggestion was seemingly out of noowhere and husband shut it down. Now, not sure what to do next.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Late-Midnight4934 on 2024-01-01 07:25:57+00:00.

Hello everyone, I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (26 M) for about 2 years now. Me and him work so well together in every aspect. We have lived together for a while now and have had no issues in our relationship besides small disagreements that we handle by coming to a compromise and working it out. In my eyes, I really can’t see myself with another person because he does completely me so well. However, I am starting to think he might not feel the same. Since about July, he has been teasing a proposal. It started off small at just little hints, and then he full blown started saying he’s going to do it and even showing me rings since he knows I want a say in the ring. I was thrilled, and we started going on trips where he was saying it would be his “perfect proposal spot”. He got my nails done for me and everything and I was full on expecting it, but nothing happened. After the second trip, I got curious and asked him and his reasoning why he didn’t was because “they canceled the order on the ring”. I was understanding of this and left it alone, however now after every dispute we have he talks about how he was “going to propose and even ordered the ring but they canceled the order again”. This would always make me feel bad and we would immediately stop arguing. I got a weird feeling about it a month ago I found out that this was all a lie and he had been telling me that to get me to change the subject. I found this out because I decided to test him and when he said that again I asked for proof that he ordered it, HE NEVER ORDERED IT. He admitted to lying and his reasoning was because he hadn’t asked my parents yet for their blessing, so he couldn’t propose yet. We had a conversation about it and he promised to never lie like that again just to get out of a disagreement. He then said he would ask for my parents blessing this Christmas while we were at their house and then would propose. However, once again I am ringless and he has yet to mention anything. I am really lost and very confused over everything. I feel like deep down he doesn’t want to and the things is I would be perfectly fine with that, I don’t and will not push him for an engagement. I just wish he wouldn’t get my hopes up and then I feel so depressed when it doesn’t happen. What should I do in a situation like this? I want to talk to him about it but at this point I don’t even know what to say. Any advice is welcome and I am open to clearing any confusion. Thank you!!

TLDR: my boyfriend has been teasing a proposal since July and each time it was supposed to happen it never did until I found out he was lying about ordering the ring. We had a conversation about it and he promised he wanted to just didn’t have my parents blessing yet and was going to do it on Christmas at their place. Christmas has passed and still nothing and he has not mentioned it. I am upset because I feel like even though he is pushing for an engagement he doesn’t want it. What should I do/ say to him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Wise_Mortgage_3607 on 2024-01-01 06:40:07+00:00.

We've been dating over 2 months and I love him so much, but his weight weighs on his mind. He does peloton, and eats only once a day, for the most part.

Whe he eats, he eats as much as I do, but sometimes he'll use the bathroom elsewhere later, saying he has diarrhea. I don't hear anything so I don't know if he's vomiting, and I'm worried he is.

He used to be anorexic, he told me yesterday when I asked him about it, but he swore to me he isn't anymore.

He works 12 hour shifts moving around a lot in a hospital, and doesn't eat the entire day, but does sometimes when he's off. I don't live with him so I'm not sure.

He treats me so well, is very kind and understanding, and I love him so much, but this is worrying me sick.

I don't want to bring it up again until I have some kind of proof, so he doesn't think I'm nagging him, but I am genuinely worried he has some kind of ED.

TL:DR - My BF has some symptoms of an ED even though I don't know for sure. Not sure what to do...

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Late-Midnight4934 on 2024-01-01 07:25:57+00:00.

Hello everyone, I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (26 M) for about 2 years now. Me and him work so well together in every aspect. We have lived together for a while now and have had no issues in our relationship besides small disagreements that we handle by coming to a compromise and working it out. In my eyes, I really can’t see myself with another person because he does completely me so well. However, I am starting to think he might not feel the same. Since about July, he has been teasing a proposal. It started off small at just little hints, and then he full blown started saying he’s going to do it and even showing me rings since he knows I want a say in the ring. I was thrilled, and we started going on trips where he was saying it would be his “perfect proposal spot”. He got my nails done for me and everything and I was full on expecting it, but nothing happened. After the second trip, I got curious and asked him and his reasoning why he didn’t was because “they canceled the order on the ring”. I was understanding of this and left it alone, however now after every dispute we have he talks about how he was “going to propose and even ordered the ring but they canceled the order again”. This would always make me feel bad and we would immediately stop arguing. I got a weird feeling about it a month ago I found out that this was all a lie and he had been telling me that to get me to change the subject. I found this out because I decided to test him and when he said that again I asked for proof that he ordered it, HE NEVER ORDERED IT. He admitted to lying and his reasoning was because he hadn’t asked my parents yet for their blessing, so he couldn’t propose yet. We had a conversation about it and he promised to never lie like that again just to get out of a disagreement. He then said he would ask for my parents blessing this Christmas while we were at their house and then would propose. However, once again I am ringless and he has yet to mention anything. I am really lost and very confused over everything. I feel like deep down he doesn’t want to and the things is I would be perfectly fine with that, I don’t and will not push him for an engagement. I just wish he wouldn’t get my hopes up and then I feel so depressed when it doesn’t happen. What should I do in a situation like this? I want to talk to him about it but at this point I don’t even know what to say. Any advice is welcome and I am open to clearing any confusion. Thank you!!

TLDR: my boyfriend has been teasing a proposal since July and each time it was supposed to happen it never did until I found out he was lying about ordering the ring. We had a conversation about it and he promised he wanted to just didn’t have my parents blessing yet and was going to do it on Christmas at their place. Christmas has passed and still nothing and he has not mentioned it. I am upset because I feel like even though he is pushing for an engagement he doesn’t want it. What should I do/ say to him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/laureny117 on 2024-01-01 05:46:26+00:00.

My best friend(23F) has informed (25M) that this person (24F) we know is for some reason interested in me. I do have doubts that she actually is interested in me as I have not done anything to deserve it, however my friend wouldn’t tell me something like that if she wasn’t sure, and another close friend (26F) has also pointed it out. This person has been acting in odd ways whenever I am around her so it is most likely true. The problem is is that I have no romantic or sexual experience of any and I am too old to start now. I’m also somewhat autistic. In order to save everyone involved from any problems I just need to rip off the bandaid and get it over with quickly. I’ve just never been in a situation like this so how do I tell her politely that I don’t want her to be interested in me anymore? I know autis has girls running for the hills so maybe telling her that will help?

TL;DR: I need to tell a girl that I don’t want her interested in me and I don’t know how

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/laureny117 on 2024-01-01 05:46:26+00:00.

My best friend(23F) has informed (25M) that this person (24F) we know is for some reason interested in me. I do have doubts that she actually is interested in me as I have not done anything to deserve it, however my friend wouldn’t tell me something like that if she wasn’t sure, and another close friend (26F) has also pointed it out. This person has been acting in odd ways whenever I am around her so it is most likely true. The problem is is that I have no romantic or sexual experience of any and I am too old to start now. I’m also somewhat autistic. In order to save everyone involved from any problems I just need to rip off the bandaid and get it over with quickly. I’ve just never been in a situation like this so how do I tell her politely that I don’t want her to be interested in me anymore? I know autis has girls running for the hills so maybe telling her that will help?

TL;DR: I need to tell a girl that I don’t want her interested in me and I don’t know how

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2024-01-01 07:11:49+00:00.

So we were talking about our exes. My bf knows a lot about my ex but I didn’t know much about his. He told me he’s not hung up on her or anything and all that happened at the end of their relationship was she cheated on him and left him in the dust even after they had plans to get engaged and married. He said “if she called me and wanted me back I’d say no” and I was like thinking “yeah thank god” and then he followed it up by saying “and hypothetically say I wanted her back, I could never allow myself to go back to her because of how much she fucked me up” now here is where I may be overthinking things, I found that to be weird to say because yes I get acknowledging that someone fucked you up so much is a good reason to know to never get back with them, but I feel that was weird, and I’m probably overthinking it or overreacting therefore I would like to see what everyone’s take on this is. What’s a way to approach this?

Tl;dr: bf said if he hypothetically wanted his ex back he wouldn’t do it and that statement rubbed me the wrong way but im not sure if im overthinking it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Formal-Bass-7818 on 2024-01-01 07:05:05+00:00.

This is a long story and I don’t want to make it super long so I’m going to leave out a lot of details but still explain a good portion of it.

TLDR: I (19m sophomore) met a girl (22f super senior) in August who’s in 3 of my college classes & a project. We went out for lunch. Had deep conversations. She’s got a bf and we have different moral/religious beliefs. We became decent friends this semester. After a project meeting I told her how good of a friend she has been to me and that this may be the last time we talk one on one so I wanted to say my goodbyes to her. She said she thinks we will see each other next semester and that she knows where I work on campus as well. She also said I’ve been a really good friend and she hugged me. I didn’t get a chance to tell her in person everything I wanted to say though. So at the end of the semester I sent her a 20+ minute voice text that contained everything I wanted to tell her in person as well as a couple ideas if she wanted to catch up in the spring. I also told her the reason why I treat every goodbye as my last one. I told her I didn’t expect a response. 3 days later she said she’s still working on a response but had a question about a class. Our last convo was December 11 and she hasn’t said anything about the voice text since. I’d really like to keep our friendship going but I don’t think I should reach out since the ball is in her court now?

FULL STORY:

I’m a college sophomore, she’s a college super senior. She graduates in summer 2024. I met her in August. We happened to be in 3 classes last semester and we sat near/next to each other in all 3. We were also in a group project together so we saw each other every day plus a lot after class due to the project.

She’s genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever known. The way she treats everyone kindly is such an attractive thing. And she’s honestly the first friend I’ve opened up to about some events in my life.

I asked her out to lunch after the 2nd or 3rd week of us knowing each other and she accepted. We went to a park and talked for over an hour. Our conversations got pretty deep and each of us opened up about some pretty tough topics. I did find out she has a boyfriend so she was off the table. Plus we had some religious and moral differences so I knew we weren’t meant to be. We went through a couple days of rockiness after that as we were still learning each other’s personalities/etc. but we talked through it and moved on.

We actually became pretty decent friends this semester in my opinion. There were a few times where she was there for me when I was having it really rough. There was a point where I was really low and had nobody to talk to and I asked if she could meet with me and talk. And she made time in her schedule to meet with me for 15-20 minutes to talk about my issues.

After we finished practicing for a presentation one evening we were walking to our cars and she had parked in the same lot I did. I stopped her before I got to my car and tried to tell her how good of a friend she’s been to me but I just couldn’t get many words out besides something like “idk if we’re going to talk one on one again before the semester ends but you’ve been a really good friend to me and I hope our friendship continues into next semester because I’ve never met anyone like you, words can’t really express it” and a little more. And she said that she really appreciates me and that I’m a good friend too and offered a hug, which I accepted. And she said she thinks we will see each other next semester sometime and that she knows where I work on campus as well.

We crushed the project presentation and we got to talk to a couple of employers that were on campus that day. One of them was asking about my friend so I obviously put in a good word for her and the employer was very interested in her. So I sent my friend a text after the event saying to be on the lookout for an email from the guy because he sounds interested in hiring her. She sent a long text back saying that she’s extremely thankful for me telling her what the employer said and that she’s super thankful for all the good that’s come out of being friends.

I never got the opportunity to say a final goodbye to her in person and I’m really bad with goodbyes. I have a feeling that we won’t see each other again and I just wanted to tell her how much she’s meant to me and how much she impacted my semester. So I sent her a voice text. It was a long one… 25ish minutes. I said pretty much everything I wanted to tell her in person but couldn’t, as well as what I hope isn’t my final goodbye, and I explained to her why I treat every goodbye as the last. And I told her in the message I don’t expect a response but if she wants to respond then that’s great. She didn’t say anything for 2-3 days and then she sent a text back saying she’s still working on a response to what I sent, but she had a question about a final exam date. We haven’t messaged since December 11th and I’m having a really rough time getting over her because she impacted my life so much in a positive way. I like her as a friend. I’d want to date her but I know it wouldn’t work out because of our moral/religious differences and she’s got a bf. But it’s hard to get rid of someone who’s impacted my life so much…

I’d really like to keep this friendship going but I don’t know if I should be the one to reach out? In my voice message I told her a couple of ideas for spring if she’d want to catch up (go to the dog park with her dog, meet at a park again, meet on campus somewhere, meet for lunch). And she never responded to my voice message so the ball is still in her court?

Also, I don’t think we will have any classes together in the spring. I’ll be taking more lower level courses in the spring and she’s taking higher level courses most likely.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/i_think_for_me_um on 2024-01-01 06:58:43+00:00.

it's a complicated scenario. my boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been together for almost 2 years. October 2023 I found out that he had been talking (flirting etc.) to a girl, who I had alreasy established that I was uncomfortable about while we had a rough patch going on, but he stopped talking soon after in July. I broke up with him because I was extremely hurt. He still wanted to be together.

We got back together in a month because the relationship has been wonderful and I wanted to give it another go. It was great, we had our ups and downs because of my trust issues and insecurities but we decided we would be mature this time and be extremely open to each other. We talked everything out and figured stuff out.

For context, I found out about it by looking at his call logs. Yesterday we were joking around and going through each others' phones and he got very shaky and had a panic attack when i was going through his call logs. When asked he said, it brings back memories of the breakup, when i found out and it was pretty messy and so he got very anxious. I was empathetic towards him but my trust issues were triggered too. He also confessed later that he had been talking to a girl while we were broken up cause he was trying to move on. That hurt me too, because he's someone who gets a lot of attention from girls and it just makes my issues with trust worse and it's really exhausting when I have to overthink everynight. He tries his best to reassure me and make me feel better but i struggle with anxiety and abandonment issues so it's really difficult for me.

Sometimes, I get so anxious that I exhaust him too by overthinking and making a big deal out of a situation. He has been very patient. Last night I almost broke up with him because I was very exhausted from having to worry about girls. He tried so hard to make me stay but I just didn't have anything else to say. Now that I think about it, I want to make it work but he's exhausted and has probably lost hope. I'm not sure how this would go either but I am just not ready to let go. I dont know what to do or feel.

I know I have to work on being less reliant on him and less insecure by myself. I have to learn to find happiness outside of the relationship. And he needs to work on being more transparent with me. He kept saying we'll work on this but I couldn't budge yesterday. I feel like I've worn him down and made everything so much worse. What do I do?

tl;dr- my bf and I are going through a complicated phase, please help

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Embarrassed-Crew1235 on 2024-01-01 06:38:23+00:00.

So my gf and I have been dating for a little over a month, but have known each other for almost 6 months. I am technically an extrovert, but I have introverted tendencies. She is an attractive extrovert through and through, and is in two leadership positions in her sorority. We are both accomplished for our age, we are both in college, have the same major, and have been taking things at a reasonable pace. I.e. going on dates and texting mostly. Idk if it's relevant, but we also have not kissed yet. I just haven't made the move to, because I've been in relationships that progressed rapidly and they didn't end well. We have planned dates before and she has normally responded fairly quickly. Sometimes while texting, she does leave me hanging though, and I don't believe it's because she is burnt out or anything like that. I have been careful to match her pace when we are communicating, and have been careful not to text her too much or come across as needy, but still it's sometimes like l'm an afterthought. We used to text each other goodnight every night but that has faltered as well. I understand that she has her own life, as do I, but I figure she could at least tell me that she's busy or unable to text. Fast forward to last night, we were planning a date like we've done before. We had the place decided, some activities planned, and when I asked what time she wanted to meet she just stopped responding. I later sent a goodnight text as we normally text each other goodnight and there was no response to that either. That text was around 11:15pm so I figured she was probably just asleep, but lo and behold, I opened instagram at about 12:50 to find that she had made several posts and had been active 4 minutes prior. What does this mean? It makes me feel as if I'm an afterthought and makes me wonder if she's really interested in me or not. I've been burned pretty badly in previous relationships, and that has given me some serious anxiety and insecurities. I'd like to ask her why she doesn't respond sometimes, and I'd like to talk her about how it's making me feel, but I'm not sure how. What advice can you give me?

TL;DR My gf stopped texting me while we were planning a date, but was on social media afterwards. This isn’t the first time that it’s happened and I’m not sure what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Minute_Reputation535 on 2024-01-01 06:12:45+00:00.

Tl;Dr - My BF (28M) of 3 years is not ready for marriage and wants a break to explore. Out relationship has been really good otherwise and I know I’m the best version of myself with him, but idk if I’m making the right decision by holding on. I love him a lot and want to give it my best

I’m writing the post because I’m unsure of how much more effort to put in (I’m prepared to put in more because I love him a lot).

My Bf (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years. We moved countries and been living together for the second half.

Just before we moved countries was when he first brought up uncertainties of LDR (as I was moving months after him and I was still looking for a job at the time). In hindsight, perhaps that was the tip of the iceberg. He mentioned at the time that he wasn’t sure if I was a good match, and brought up things that he thought I was missing. At the time, I had so much certainty in him so I made positive changes to make up for those things.

Fast forward, he mentioned it again at around 2.5 years, this time with marriage being the topic. He wasn’t sure if he/ we were ready to marry (side note, I have never rushed him to marriage/ getting engaged but naturally it was a topic we discussed every now and then. He tells me he doesn’t want to waste my time if he isn’t sure). I’ve had long conversations with a list of things to discuss to help us logically discuss things for marriage (e.g if/ when to have kids, financials etc). With that he felt better and things were better again.

Just before 3 years, he brought up the topic again but this time being a little different. He randomly brought up how he felt he wasn’t ready because maybe he still needs to explore what’s out there, then said if we met later in our life stages, he would’ve married me in a heartbeat. Then he suggested whether I was open to taking a break. I’m a big trust person, so I said I wasn’t prepared to return if we were to take a break and it was open for him to meet others in that time. I asked whether he didn’t want to be with me anymore because then it makes sense for us to breakup and he said no and that he still loved me.

Every time he has brought these issues up, I’ve always reassured him that I love him and want what’s best for him, and did my best to talk through/ communicate the emotions he is feeling. Now with this pattern repeating, I wonder if I’m too good to let go but not good enough for him to commit to for marriage. I also sometimes wonder if he just doesn’t have the courage to break up with me. It has given me a lot of anxiety recently.

For me, I know I’m the best version of me when I’m with him and our relationship otherwise has been great (living together has been pretty easy for both for us, and we are good partners in life). I love him a lot and I’m certain with my own feelings, which is why I’ve worked really hard for us (he recognises this too). He also says that he thinks I’m a great partner but he doesn’t know why he feels that way (he tends to be an overthinker and quite emotional at times, more than me).

He goes through waves of emotions, and I have a feeling he will bring it up again as his communication has been off.

Am I being too naive by holding on? Or is there still hope… I still have more energy in me to give it my all and I don’t think I’ll regret it even if we don’t work out because I’m certain about my feelings. But I don’t know if it’s the right decision to hold on.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Equivalent-Track1506 on 2024-01-01 06:08:44+00:00.

i have a girl bsf and we've known each other for 8 years now, i love her so much and we would put each other's friendship over any other friendship, we have a mutual friend who we met at the same time and then i started dating him after a little while, things didn't really work out how we wanted it too, we never ended on bad terms or anything so we decided to stay friends, while i was dating him she decided to tell me how she actually used to like him before but she lost interest once she found out i liked him, i was completely unaware of this or else i would never got involved with him, at the time that she told me that , she was dating someone else(but they're broken up now) so we laughed it out as a funny story, recently me and him have been getting closer and i see changes in my bsfs behavior, if i'm texting him she stops what she's doing and scoops over to see what i'm saying to him, even though i told her mutiple times that i just see him as a friend for now, she insists everyday that i still like him in a aggressive tone and she talks about him every chance that she gets, recently it was my birthday and he sent me a paragraph and at the end he ended it with a "i love you" i thought the msg was sweet so i showed her but her mood automatically changed, she was just staring at her hands and went completely silent, i tried to talk to her but she became a little aggressive with me, if i'm taking a picture the first thing she asks me if i'm sending it to him, just find it really weird on how invested she is even though she's never been this invested in my past relationships, maybe she still has feelings for him and just lied because she knew i wouldn't date him anymore, idk what to do.

TL;DR i found out my bsf used to like my ex and i think she still likes him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/katietopia on 2024-01-01 06:06:27+00:00.

This Christmas we went to visit my husband’s family, which is a three hour drive away, and had to leave the day after we arrived because of a verbally abusive ambush by my SIL.

It happened while my husband was working remote, about to go into a meeting. His sister stormed in and picked a fight to the point that he yelled at her in front of her son / our nephew (7M) and our toddler (2M). I was at the gym at the time, which I’m sure she knew and jumped at the opportunity to attack my family when I wasn’t there. I feel so violated.

The trigger for her ire happened the night before. We were staying at my MIL’s (71F) house, who lives next door (another unhealthy dynamic, I’ll get to that). Our nephew and BIL came over and the kids were playing and roughhousing as boys do. They are always very happy to see each other. We had our eye on them but at some point my toddler bopped his cousin in the privates. He’s not even two yet. At the time my nephew wasn’t acting like it was that bad, we stopped them, but he went home later and told his mom, totally understandable.

She proceeded to write a nasty message about it to her mom (my MIL), saying her son was assaulted and I’m a terrible parent and never watch the kids properly. She did not immediately tell us her issue (the parents!!).

This is an ongoing pattern for her: she trash talks us to her mom constantly and there is no boundary between their homes. They have a gate in their fence and she’s always coming in the back door as well as blowing up my MIL’s phone with texts. My BIL does it too. We’ve seen nasty texts before when we borrow my MIL’s iPad to put on cartoons for my toddler. It’s heartbreaking but I let it go, until now.

My SIL and BIL never tell us their “issues” either. Just trash talk to my MIL behind our backs.

When my SIL came over in the morning to verbally ambush my husband he of course became the bad guy because she drove him to yell. While I totally understand the “mama bear” instinct to protect your child, she went about it in a totally inappropriate way. She always talks over my husband, and he’s the type that needs to sit and think about what he has to say, but she uses that opportunity to talk in his face. She knows this. I’m not defending his actions, he apologized and feels bad, but if I had been there I could’ve stopped it. When I got home from the gym he was in tears and they were gone, so I didn’t witness any of it.

My SIL also brought up a ton of past “issues” they have with us that have never been mentioned before, except behind our backs. Or they are from years ago and have already been resolved (or so we thought). Stuff like we missed our nephew’s 3rd bday years ago because we had a wedding to attend, etc.

So now what? My MIL is still caught in the middle, and my husband and I are telling her we will NOT talk to her about the “people next door.” They need to come to us directly. She cannot be the intermediary, even though she has to listen to them trash talk us all the time anyway. Not ok, but we can’t control that. It’s really unfair.

I don’t want anything to do with them after this. I can’t live my life in fear of always pissing them off. I shake off their bs, but they hold onto their grievances and let it calcify. It’s toxic. I know they want to sit down and “get it all on the table,” but that sounds like an excuse to grind us down even more. I think they are very unsafe. I grieve for my son and nephew, who are innocent, the only cousins they have, and deserve to spend time together. I want them to have a relationship, but I want nothing to do with my SIL and BIL.

So, for now I guess just live our lives, set a boundary with my MIL and hope she doesn’t continue to be poisoned by them? It all feels so precarious.

TLDR: SIL came over and ambushed my husband with verbal abuse to the point that he yelled so now she blames him. She constantly nitpicks and talks trash about us behind our back to my MIL. We do not do this and I’m ready to cut them off.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Active_Confection on 2024-01-01 05:58:20+00:00.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cherry-red-2110 on 2024-01-01 05:49:42+00:00.

I am F(20) black woman and I haven’t had any experience talking to White men romantically especially since his race is a minority where we live so I don’t seem them much. I went to a popular bar and ended up dancing with one then we had a small conversation which led to us exchanging numbers. I texted first since I was the initiator but i feel as if the conversation is a little awkward? We were both pretty drunk but he seemed like a really nice guy and I’d like to get to know him better I’m just not sure how to proceed with conversations and get out of this weird awkward zone.

TLDR: I met a cute white guy and I’m having a hard time texting him without it being awkward because of my inexperience with his Ethnicity in a mostly black populated area

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/First_Utterance on 2024-01-01 05:33:35+00:00.

I (M18) met my girlfriend (F18) online and we message and video call for hours on end every day, everytime we video call it lasts somewhere between 6 and 8 hours until the early morning, as we're both terrible at sleeping. We haven't even met yet!!... and I feel like I'm so in love with my girlfriend even after 5 months the is the person I love the most in this world, even though I love my family very much. I feel like this is a really bad thing but I can't help it. I know she doesn't view me the same way but Id prioritise her over everyone including my closest family, and stop whatever I'm doing if I get a text from her all the time and even find myself waiting for her texts for ages. I always need to text her straight away and feel like i do it too much. I cant even focus on my work a lot of the time because shes on my mind. One contributing factor may be that I have never had a proper friend before so she's the first actual 'friend' I have. I can tell her anything at all and she tells me everything that happens. We have long conversations all the time which is absolutely amazing, and if we have a disagreement which is very rare, we sort it out with long paragraphs and a discussion. This feels amazing to me, because she's always the first person I tell everything and the first person I go to and we help each other through everything. My problem is that I feel like I'm being too clingy and the way I prioritise her I'm sure she doesnt feel the same way about me. I can never get her out of my mind no matter what im doing to the point where im checking my phone every few minutes and I stop whatever im doing if i get a notification from her. She already means so much to me and i would die for her. I'm falling behind on my college work and my university application drastically and my work flow is complete ass. Every time i see her i get butterflies. I dont care whatever state she's in I will still see her as the most beautiful girl in the world, and it hurts when she calls herself ugly or overweight because she really is worth everything. I am genuinely so in love with her and I want to see her happy all the time. I find myself writing stuff about her and listening to the playlist I've made about all the songs that remind me of her with a collage of my favourite pictures of her on it all the time. As a musician I am writing a piano piece for her and I want to play it for her when she comes over to my house. I literally feel like I already love her like i would love a wife of 50 years or even more. And I have stupid fake scenarios of us together in the future doing evening together and seeing her walk down the aisle 😭

How do I love her less??

Tl;dr: I love my girlfriend so much that I prioritise her over anything and everything in my life, even though she doesnt feel the same way about me. I don't know how to stop loving her so much.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/hiddenbarbar on 2024-01-01 05:32:56+00:00.

Yesterday My (24M) girlfriend (22F) of 1.5 years moved out. We’re still together and I spend new years with her at her new place, but anytime I’m here alone in our old place I just feel depressed. We started bickering the last few months and just decided we needed some more space and time away from eachother, so we can focus on things we want to do individually (school, work, hobbies). She brought it up to me to move out, we spend so much time together that we ended up almost as roommates in a way, and this is her way of wanting to bring us back on track, and going on dates again. Allowing eachother to miss eachother. I want to handle this maturely but idk if I have it in me. I feel sad, and my insecurities get the best of me when I’m alone. Has anyone been through something like this before?

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 1.5 years moved out but we’re still together in the relationship. I’m not handling it well and scared I’m going to mess this up. Has anyone been through this and have advise?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NoTea3385 on 2024-01-01 05:22:03+00:00.

First of all, sorry for my bad English. I am looking for some outside perspective on the situation as I am way too emotional about the subject to have a rational opinion about it. My gf and I had a rough beginning, almost 2 years together and in the beginning she hid me to all the dudes she was flirting with at the time to keep doors open and some other shit that messed up my self confidence a bit.

My brother and I are extremely close, we grew up almost like twins. I need to point out that he is very handsome, he is taller than me and is the only one in the family with blue eyes, and I always fell a bit ‘in competition’ despite him being my younger brother.

Today me and my gf were talking about my brother and his current emotional situation (toxic relationship he’s in right) at some point she says something like ‘if I had met him instead of you […]’ when talking about differences in our personality, and that hit me a bit as I asked myself if that was a scenario she imagined before and why.

After talking a bit more I summed it up by asking what did she think about him (meaning the situation we were talking about) and she asks me if I mean physically? Adding awkwardly that he clearly is a good looking guy. Of course that’s not what my question was about and I don’t really get why she thought I was asking that. I noticed that when we are out together she is always checking him out, looking at him a lot. I don’t really know if I am overreacting to things because of our past and my lack of self confidence or what.

TLDR: I think I’m overreacting to my gf talking about my brother.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Real-Influence6174 on 2024-01-01 05:12:51+00:00.

My husband (26M) and I (26F) have been together 3 years, married just over 1 year and I’m not happy.

My husband (26M) is diagnosed bipolar, and has been prescribed medication. Husband told me he had been taking medication for mental illness for about 7 years, seeing a psychiatrist and therapist regularly. When we got married I learned that he had been taking medication sporadically over the last 10 years, met with his psych every other month (would lie in those some meetings) and had stopped seeing his therapist but continued to “go to his appointment” every month. I found him sitting in a parking lot eating McDonald’s one day and that’s how I finally found out he stopped therapy.

In the 3 years we have been together he has had about 15 jobs, and the longest one was about 5 months and shortest was 2 days. I have had the same job the entire time we have been together, and have paid all of the bills. When we got married we got a 2 bedroom apartment together for around $1000, and for the 6 months we lived there I paid all of the bills and rent (usually with my parents help). During this time I was working 2 jobs and going to school full time, while he would sit at home and play video games. We had to move in with my parents because we were unable to pay rent with his lack of working (and refusal to apply for disability). We have had conversations many times about what I need from him, in terms of financial and emotional support, but nothing has changed. I have tried to be patient and understanding, because I know it’s hard for him with his mental illness (I am diagnosed manic depressive and have been on medication and various treatments for it since I was 16), but I still just feel like I’m being used.

My “problem” is that I don’t want to just throw in the towel and get a divorce, but at the end of the day I feel like I am babysitting my husband and it is holding me back from what I want to accomplish. My entire family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins) have all spoke with me about getting a divorce because they have seen the mental toll my marriage has taken on me.

TL;DR; : I’m unhappy in my marriage and feel like I’m being used by my husband and am not sure what to do

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Crazy_Watercress8932 on 2024-01-01 04:46:23+00:00.

My dad and I used to be close but he had a terrible habit. He sometimes used to stop talking with me for several days. When he used to go out, he would sometimes stop calling me. When I used to ask for the reason he said he was angry and disappointed because of me. When asked what I did to trigger his anger he used to snap at me. Mind you this was a very frequent phenomenon.

Moreover, when I was excited about something he would disregard that. He used to be, (still is) pessimistic about everything I liked.

Very often when we used to talk or joke around he suddenly, without a warning used to stop playing with me and I was left to wonder what went wrong.

When I got older, I thought to give him a taste of his own medicine. So I stopped talking to him.

We haven't talked in two years and I feel great.

However, my mom is wants me to reconnect with him because he feels sad. My mom is telling me to talk to him for her sake if not for him. She feels our family is drifting apart and that would eventually lead to her feeling lonely later in life. She says that if I was emotionally mature enough I would talk to him. When telling her about my past experience with him she justified him by saying it was his habit and you should love him no matter what.

It is incredibly difficult for me to talk to someone who never admits their mistake but I love my mom and I don't want her to get hurt. What should I do??

TL;DR

I have got a strained relation with my dad. My mom asked me to connect with him for the sake of both of their feelings. She believes that families should accept one another no matter what. So if I was matured enough I would disregard my feeling for the sake of theirs. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ad-astra-per-aspirin on 2024-01-01 03:02:04+00:00.

TL;DR - My partner shows clear signs of interest but is difficult to contact and is not very independent in terms of transportation or housing. I am having trouble not feeling resentment about the amount of effort I have to put in.

Starting to feel resentment against my (31M) partner (36M) because of logistics, how can I address it?

We have been seeing each other for just shy of 5 months. We have a lot in common and our personalities mesh very well. However, our relationship has been logistically difficult because

1. He lives in the city and I live in the suburbs. He doesn't drive (major metro area with good public transit so I get it) and also doesn't have a place to himself (lives with his mom and nephew and provides for them/pays the bills). Neither of these things on their own bother me - however it means that if we're going to hang out, I have to drive into the city to pick him up, drive him back out to my place, then later drive him back home and finally drive myself home. It's about 30 miles each way with considerable traffic.
2. He's not consistently available/reachable - he and his mom apparently share a phone, which he leaves at home. He makes an effort to bring his laptop and message me on FB when he's away from home but his shifts are always different so if I text him, I never know if I'll receive an answer within a few minutes or 12 hours later. Sometimes we agree to meet at x time in y location in the city but since I'm unable to contact him we end up looking for each other for half an hour.
3. He's an incredibly dry texter when I am able to get ahold of him - everything is "cool" "alright" "nice" "good" "ok"

Normally I'd take all these things as red flags/lies and assume he's just not interested in me. However in other ways he really has gone out of his way to show interest - e.g. taking off work the day before I left for the holidays so he could see me (aka so that I could drive to see him lol), initiating fun date ideas and so on. But the amount of energy I feel I need to put into the relationship to connect with him on a basic level is unfortunately leading me to feel drained and a bit resentful. Am I just an asshole or is should I find a way to address these things with him?

(Before it comes up - I have been to his house and met his mom and nephew so I don't think this is a case of "second family" or anything like that. He has also posted about us on social media.)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Analuciaaad on 2024-01-01 00:28:29+00:00.

I (20f) broke up my 4 year relationship earlier this year. I never felt comfortable having him around my mom(56f), since she always shamed me for dating, saying things as “you’re too young for that to be a relationship, he’s just your friend” or “you won’t last”, or having a hard time including him in family plans where I wanted to bring him, and even shaming me for having sx. I’m now dating my best friend (20m), and haven’t told my mom much about it. Today, he came over for lunch, and as soon as he left, my mom said we couldn’t be home alone, and I told her not to stress over it, to which she responded immediately “oh no, I won’t stress about anything, I know this isn’t gonna last more than 6 months”. It’s those types of passive aggressive comments that make me feel shamed.

For context, I’m an only daughter, grand daughter and niece of divorced parents.

Anyway, I’ve always felt ashamed of sharing my romantic experiences with ANYONE, or even showing affection in public, and I know that has something to do with it. Even though I know she’s in the wrong and I shouldn’t look for her approval, I still feel anxious about it.

¿What should I do?

TL;DR!- I feel my mom shames me for having a romantic and sxual life, and that has an impact on my relationships and my wellbeing.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IllCriticism5131 on 2023-12-31 21:35:06+00:00.

My friend (20M) decided to bring one of his other friends into our circle. We've hung out with him several times and in general its not fun because he doesn't feel invested into any of us and we're just an afterthought except for one girl (19F) in our group in which he gets engaged, confident, and flirty when he's around her which rubs us the wrong way as its kinda two-faced. Basically the vibes I get from him is he's just there to hit on her. The thing is that she's kinda into him as well and I don't want a situation where she cuts ties with the friend group.Our friend group has been together for a very long time and she and I are 2 of the 3 girls (19F) in the friend circle with like 6 other guys so I value her a lot and this group of people are the only friends I have. I really am not fond of the guy and the others in the group feel the same way but at the same time I don't want to lose her. I've never faced this issue before when it came to our friend group. What should I do?

TL;DR: New guy joins our group to hang out with us but seems very two-faced and is very uninterested and disengaged with all of us except when one specific girl in our group is present. We all dislike hanging out with him except that one girl who happens to be one of the few fellow female friends I have.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/weballnofap on 2024-01-01 02:12:28+00:00.

hello all,

i (18m) have been with my ldr (18f) for a few months now. it has been going great, and all. jumping straight to the point, we have been "sexually active", having phone sex once or sometimes twice a day. however, twice i have heard moaning come out of her phone, which obviously wasn't from her, and was probably porn. she denied it the first time, and i believed her, and just thought i was hearing stuff. however around a week or so ago, we were doing it again, and her airpod died, and i heard lots of moaning noises come out of her phone. (her phone glitches out during facetime and i can hear what she is listening to sometimes). she promised me again that it was just her moaning even though that was not her voice and it was late at night and she had to be silent, so hearing a burst of very load moans that were obviously not hers was a clear indication that she was watching porn. i told her various times on how i feel about it, and she continously swore she wasn't even though the evidence proved otherwise. she had to "go to sleep" after, and only she was able to finish and i couldn't, but she promised that she would help me finish the next morning. the morning of came, and she didn't. i didn't care much because she was probably not in the mood. i asked her if we could do it when the night came, and she said no because she was tired but we could do it tomorrow, in which i said okay, because it was her choice and she didn't want to do it. tomorrow comes, and i ask the night of, and again i ask her, and she said that she didnt want to go to the bathroom to do it, and she said we could do it tomorrow. again i wasn't bothered from it, because it is her choice and it takes two people to do it. for the rest of the week, every time i asked, she kept on saying we would do it tomorrow, and tomorrow kept coming and it came to the point where id ask and she would say no. obviously now i am slightly upset because i don't like being continously lead on, and i am well aware of how consent works, but if she didn't want to do it at all, im not sure why she couldn't be straight honest with me about it. the one thing that might have made sense for this was that she has been at her cousins house for the past week, however most of the times the house was empty, and it was just her, or she would find an empty room and obviously not talk and be quiet, but i'm not sure thats the issue because she has said multiple times that she is "hypersexual" with me, and there has been so many times where she has wanted to do it MULTIPLE times a day, in which i agreed, which i am not trying to hold against her head, however make the point that it can't be because i said no, because i never say no to her. i am unsure what to do and it just makes me continuously frustrated because i keep getting lead on.

thanks!

tl;dr, went from having phone sex 1-2 times a day with my partner, to having 0, after catching her watching porn during phone sex. continuously made excuses and promising to do it the next day, and i am needing of advice on what to do.