Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Time_Lingonberry_510 on 2024-01-01 01:29:56+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 10 years. We migrated to Canada in 2019 to pursue my academic dreams. While here, we both have good jobs, rent a decent place, and have a decent life without kids or pets.

However, I noticed that he doesn't enjoy living here in Canada as much as I do, so he constantly travels around the world and back to our country. When we travel together back to our country, he looks so happy and comfortable, he is constantly laughing and meeting his friends. I just asked him if he would be happier moving back to our country, and he said he probably would be. That he only remains in Canada because I'm here. This made me feel sad because I have the professional life I always dreamed of and worked so hard for, and I probably won't have it if we move back. But I don't know if it is worth seeing my boyfriend so low for living here.

We will always choose each other, and what we have is for life, I just wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation.

TL;DR have you ever been in a situation where your partner doesn't feel happy in the place where you live but you do? How did you handle it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EstherRaichel on 2024-01-01 00:38:22+00:00.

We have been dating with my boyfriend for a couple of months (less than 6 months), we are both on our thirties and both of us have family members who are staying out of town. This Christmas & New Years day was our first Christmas and New Years together as a couple. We have been very clear from the start that we are serious about each other and this relationship is one that we want to last forever. On Christmas day his parents (who are staying out of town) came to visit him and he spent most of the day with them, late at night the two of us went out for drinks and we had an amazing time. He told me that he planned to visit his parents and friends on New Years and i told him that it's alright and he should spend his time with his family & friends if that's what he wishes to do.

He called me to wish me happy new year and he said that next year we may spend either Christmas or New Years together. When i told him that i would love to spend New Years eve with him next year he said "alright, we will see about that".

All day long i was totally fine with him spending New Years eve and the first day of 2024 with his family and childhood friends, in a city far away from mine, because i know that spending time with family and friends is important on holidays. The logical part of my brain understands that he wanted to spend time with his family and childhood friends who live out of town.

The part of my brain that isn't so logical, the emotional & sentimental part of my brain, is telling me that i am feeling alone and hurt. I celebrated NYE with my family, we had a very simple and small dinner party but they all went to sleep early. I can't sleep yet. I am all alone, wearing pajamas, doing nothing, while my boyfriend is out with his friends partying and all my friends are out with their boyfriends. I guess i didn't realize how it would feel until it happened.

Is it too irrational to feel sad and alone?

I just want to hear an impartial and fair opinion.

TL: DR! Should i tell my boyfriend that even though i was fine with him spending NYE with his family and friends, i still felt alone and sad when i was left all alone while he was out partying?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/VariousEnergy7403 on 2023-12-31 20:35:46+00:00.

Ok I’m such a huge dilemma and I don’t know what to do. My bf and I have been dating for over a year and a half and I love him soo so much. Backstory, I have my own home, a 9 year old child, 2 cars, a 6 figure job, etc. My man helps me alot around my home, picks up my daughter from school, takes her too activities etc. but things he’s done in life is starting to affect our future, I just found out something he’s lied to me about 8 months ago has caught up to him, he totaled a car before me, and didn’t have insurance, so therefore he didn’t continue to pay it, and now he has a repo on his credit bc he told me 8 months ago they set up something for him to pay and he done with it, in 3 months, I said ok cool, and checked every month if he’s made those payments, and then he was done, fast forward, to now, he nvr paid that car off and he lied now a sheriff came to his moms door more likely to serve him papers, which means he has a repo on his credit. I am very good with my credit and that is affecting my life, bc I want a bigger home in the near future, also he has to be on this program for 18 months bc of drinking. I just don’t know what to do with life. I love this man sooo so much, now I feel he has to file for bankruptcy, he’s changed soo much since I met him, he’s been sober a year, manages his money so much better, but now probably a bankruptcy. He wants to marry me he’s made that very clear. He gets me nice things, not important, but he loves me dearly, and so do I. I just don’t know what to do. What would you ladies do?!?

In short tldr, need help on what to do. We’re both 33, been together for awhile, working towards marriage.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAdeity on 2023-12-31 20:21:09+00:00.

I (23 M) have been lucky to have a mentorship/friendship, someone I can look up to, with a former professor (40 M). He gave me his email and we have talked every so often. I would update him on life and we’d chat about him. He knows I have a hard home life and has always had an open door policy to former and current students.

He would respond with paragraphs of stuff like what he is up to. He told me he missed seeing me in class, that he thinks of me everyday. Once, I responded with “well I miss seeing you around too, enjoy your summer” and convo ended.

A few months later I reached out and he said he’d be willing to help me with some college stuff / if he was ever in town he would be happy to see me on campus sometime.

I was thrilled but, I didn’t see that email; it was lost for a whole year and 1/2. I’ve been beating myself up. How could I miss such an email. I have been riddled with anxiety. Eventually I got courage and sent a response (during the end of may 2023) saying I had finally found the email, that I’d be happy to see him again, and told him if he still wanted to help still he is welcome. I never got a response. I figured he was busy and didn’t see it, so I sent a small follow-up saying “I’m unsure if my email was lost! I know emails are finicky if only there were easier ways haha! I want you to know I wasn’t ignoring your last email, I hope you’re well.” And I didn’t get a response to that either.

It sent me into a spiral. I decided to try in the future, figuring that maybe May and June were bad months? So I reached out three weeks ago. I still haven’t gotten a response. I know he’s busy and hasn’t expressed any upset, he is always the one to say how proud he is and how he misses me. But I can’t stop thinking. Did I say something wrong?

TLDR; I have a mentor I email back and fourth over random fun convo/advice, I missed one of his emails about two years ago and when I tried to reach out again I didn’t get a response. I emailed again two weeks ago. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/taylor-isnotmyname on 2023-12-31 19:51:34+00:00.

Hi, me (34f) & my fiance (33m) have struggled with our relationship really hard this year. We are 5 years in and the main issue is that he is extremely financially irresponsible and I am the complete opposite. He is very gifted and smart but has zero ambition in life. While he could go far, he chooses not to, I try to go as far as I can but am limited in the things I can do (this is a whole other story). It drives me crazy that I am feeling like he could take care of our family so well but refuses to and leaves me, the one struggling in life to bear the entire financial responsibility. For months he has lied to me about giving his share of the rent/bills. This month was the last straw and I kicked him out of the home a few days ago. It seems he has barely gave an effort to try to make amends or do better. He did offer for me to have access to his bank accounts to keep him accountable and so I wouldn't overspend at the end of the month (another issue, I think I have enough leftover to spend on things because he fails to tell me the truth and we always end up in a bind because of it) which he has never let me have access to his accounts. I don't think it's enough though. I am scared to give up on our relationship because I'm worried he will change. I know I shouldn't think like that but I can't help it. Tonight is NYs, one of my favorite celebrations and I am devastated to not be with the person I've been with for 5 years. I was invited to a party with a girl I've talked to on bumble bff and a ton of her friends will be there. No one I know but I love to meet new people yet am very anxious because of my heartbreak. I am asking reddit for advice on what I should do? Do you see me making it in my relationship with my fiance? I planned a whole life with him and am having a hard time leaving that behind. To know there's a possibility of new friends though after feeling isolated for so long sounds enticing as well. I just don't know what to do right now. Any other words of wisdom?

TLDR: kicked fiance out after 5 years of financial irresponsibility. Should I try to work it out or go to Nye party alone to try to start over?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/squideye62 on 2024-01-01 00:52:01+00:00.

We were friends for about a year but we got super close, had sleepovers, worked together. To me it was a very special friendship.

We drifted apart when she moved away from the suburbs and into the city about a year ago. I’d try hard to find a time to hang out but nothing was ever convenient for her and plans would aways fall through. So eventually we kinda stopped texting and I felt sad about it so I unfollowed her on instagram.

I had a couple dreams about her early in December 2023 and thought I’d message her on FB to just straight up ask if I did anything wrong. She said no, that we just weren’t talking as much because she got a full time job and lives further away now (shouldn’t even be that big of an issue, I live right next to the train station and had earlier been offering to meet up close to her place).

She said she’d be down to hang out after she got back from her trip visiting family in India. On the 10th of Dec she said she’d be going to India in a few days, then coming back at the end of January 2024.

Only issue is, I see her on her friends’ stories having fun with them in other parts of melbourne (where we live), not India.

I texted her a couple days ago asking how India was, seeing if she’d be honest. She wasn’t - today she finally replied and said “it’s great!”.

She’s obviously lying. I just feel so heartbroken because we were so close and I honestly don’t know what I did wrong.

What should I reply? Should I confront her? Just let it go? I’m sad but I don’t know if we can be friends after this. I’m so sad:(

tl;dr: reconnecting with my (23f) ex best friend (24f) after about a year. she’s lying saying she’s overseas when she’s actually still in melbourne. should i confront her? what’s something witty i can reply to her with?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/luckymeggles on 2023-12-31 19:39:51+00:00.

I don't know how to be around my half-sister, Gina (not her real name) - 50F. I'm the youngest at 38F. There's a lot to this story, so I'll try to go in chronological order. It also involves her oldest, Gary (31 or 32M).

Gary is an alcoholic. About 2 years ago, Gina kicked out Gary. He came to live with me for a couple of months. He had a job at a convenience store down the street where he did stocking overnights. Turns out he lied about working, pretending to go to his shift every night to go hang out with friends instead. It all came to a head when he was celebrating his birthday with his mom, grandmother, and younger siblings where he had a seizure due to not drinking for a couple of days. From there, he went into rehab and then he ghosted me for about a year. It was pretty upsetting, but we ended up making up when he decided to reach out to me and apologize.

Fast forward to September of 2022. He's back living with Gina, but she kicks him out for calling her a princess. When winter came around, I let him stay with me off and on for a few weeks since he was living in his car. Same thing when summer of 2023 rolled around. His AC in his car wasn't working, so I let him stay with me. His alcoholism was so bad that he hadn't saved any money for a new place. I remember I gave him $100 for gas and food. In July (2023), I found $60 missing from my wallet. I confronted him about it in a text, and he admitted to taking it. I didn't kick him out at first, but then he got mad at me for telling my mom (his stepgrandmother). I said, "Sorry I'm not the perfect victim," and threw him out. He took some of my books and DVD's with him.

The fight with Gina started sometime in early June. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was PMSing pretty badly, so I was extra irritable and even suicidal. I reached out to Gina and politely asked her to see if my mom (her stepmom, whom she considers her second mom) needed help with anything. My mom got diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in April 2023. Gina hasn't helped out at all. I have been the one cooking and cleaning for her and taking her to appointments. Anyway, Gina snaps at me for asking to help with mom, saying something along the lines of, "I'm busy today. It's called having children." I tell her, "Nevermind," and she tells me not to be rude. The conversation devolved from there, getting worse where we are both attacking each other. When I told her I was suicidal, she told me to pick up my big girl pants. I called her a narcissist. I apologized for calling her a narcissist, but told her she started this fight. This is reason #1 she was mad at me.

I didn't know what Gina was mad about originally, but I found out recently through my sister Laura that Gina was angry with me because while Gary was living with me over the summer, I had his younger siblings (15M and 17F) over for lunch one day, but forgot that I left my bongs out on the coffee table. Gina is very anti-drug, so she was pissed. It wasn't the kids who told her, though. It was Gary. I'm so confused why he would tell her, and it upsets me. That's reason #2 Gina was mad at me.

Reason #3? She was pissed that I took in her homeless alcoholic son. The only reason I could figure out (and got confirmation recently) is that she feared I judged her for kicking out her son. So she was mad at me based off an assumption she made. I don't blame her for kicking him out; he used to steal money from her and his siblings too.

This fight with Gina would all be water under the bridge, except for the fact that she went on a character assassination of me to our dad back in August - after I had kicked Gary out. She called me a drug addict and said I encouraged a "sober" Gary to drink. First, I'm not addicted to marijuana; it rarely works on me. Second, she's twisting the latter. I had just encouraged Gary to look into the Sinclair Method to quit drinking. When I confronted her about this, saying, "Let's talk," she told me to stay away from her.

The lies/character assassination really upset me, and so does being mad at me for helping her son, my nephew. I don't know how to be around Gina now. I reached out to her after Thanksgiving (what an awkward Thanksgiving! - Gary thankfully wasn't invited, though) and apologized for leaving the bongs out and for calling her a narcissist, but pointed out that we needed to talk about Gary. She was very receptive, telling me how hurt she was. She said she felt judged that she kicked out Gary. I told her that I didn't judge her. I should've followed up that it didn't excuse her behavior, but stopped myself. I didn't want to sound accusatory. The closest thing to an apology I got from her was, "I know I'm difficult to deal with." It didn't make me feel better.

I know I need to get along with Gina for my mom's sake, but I'm still so upset that I can't be around her. I have a lot of difficulty regulating my emotions (I have ADHD and bipolar), and I get so angry that I cry. I told my mom that it's my boundary to not be around Gina unless I absolutely have to on major holidays, and that upsets my mom. I don't know what to do. My friends are telling me I need to get along with her for my mom's sake, but I don't think I can let go of the shit she put me through. How do I let go? Should I keep the boundary I made?

TL;DR: Half-sister is mad at me mostly for helping out her homeless alcoholic son. She went on a character assassination of me, trying to spread half-truths to our dad. My mom wants us to get along, but I don't know how.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EstherRaichel on 2024-01-01 00:38:22+00:00.

We have been dating with my boyfriend for a couple of months (less than 6 months), we are both on our thirties and both of us have family members who are staying out of town. This Christmas & New Years day was our first Christmas and New Years together as a couple. We have been very clear from the start that we are serious about each other and this relationship is one that we want to last forever. On Christmas day his parents (who are staying out of town) came to visit him and he spent most of the day with them, late at night the two of us went out for drinks and we had an amazing time. He told me that he planned to visit his parents and friends on New Years and i told him that it's alright and he should spend his time with his family & friends if that's what he wishes to do.

He called me to wish me happy new year and he said that next year we may spend either Christmas or New Years together. When i told him that i would love to spend New Years eve with him next year he said "alright, we will see about that".

All day long i was totally fine with him spending New Years eve and the first day of 2024 with his family and childhood friends, in a city far away from mine, because i know that spending time with family and friends is important on holidays. The logical part of my brain understands that he wanted to spend time with his family and childhood friends who live out of town.

The part of my brain that isn't so logical, the emotional & sentimental part of my brain, is telling me that i am feeling alone and hurt. I celebrated NYE with my family, we had a very simple and small dinner party but they all went to sleep early. I can't sleep yet. I am all alone, wearing pajamas, doing nothing, while my boyfriend is out with his friends partying and all my friends are out with their boyfriends. I guess i didn't realize how it would feel until it happened.

Is it too irrational to feel sad and alone?

I just want to hear an impartial and fair opinion.

TL: DR! Should i tell my boyfriend that even though i was fine with him spending NYE with his family and friends, i still felt alone and sad when i was left all alone while he was out partying?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Candy_Efficient on 2024-01-01 00:06:45+00:00.

Hey everyone! So i would like to hear a bit of your thoughts on my current situation, my girlfriend (21yo) and me (23yo) have been dating for over 5 1/2 years. I love her so much but have a few things id like your feedback on. Basically we live in mexico which isnt very expensive , but i could never afford to go to college (money and time) in january my youtube channel turns 4 years old and this is my main source of income with a few sponsors and affiliate links. Now im a big saver and like to plan for the future, im big into personal finnance, investing and early retirment. She likes acting and dancing, shes studying still but she wont get a degree, shes in a really high level dancing/acting/singing academy but they dont give degrees. But all of the famous people on important plays in mexico teach there. She has always been about dreaming and talking about what she wants with me, but i just dont see her going to enough auditions , castings, etc and her family has really big finnancial problems (1 small income) , so basically ive spoken in the past with her and telling her "hey, i dont have a degree yet, so right now im rellying on internet income and that is kinda unstable (each month is highly varied) and ive told her, unfortunatelyi dont make enough money to support a life for the both of us (i still live with my parents so i can save more, im trying to pay cash for a house in 2-3 years from now) as a way of hinting like hey if we stay together we need to split bills so we can both pay and save for the future and so on, my real question is, how long is to long to wait to see if i see any changes, i have been talking about this formally maybe the past 3-4 months, we were younger and we where figuring other stuff out. Should i set a date for myself to see if i should continue? What would you do in my situation? Thanks in advance for your valueable feedback :)

TL;DR : I have been in a relationship for 5 years and when talking about the future i just dont see my girlfriend working and making and effort to earn and save for the future. How long do you recommend waiting for me to make a decision as i want to retire early and stop depending on internet income?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/aitabfthrow01 on 2023-12-31 19:29:47+00:00.

In my mid to late 20s, I [31/f] was involved in a toxic relationship with my ex who was an addict with dark triad traits. He could be manipulative at times and pushed me to do things sexually that I was uncomfortable with, but because I grew up sheltered and have an inclination towards codependency, I stayed with him. He introduced me to substances and I used coke recreationally for almost 2 years until I hit a rock bottom and have been 3 years clean. I am not poly, but he told me he was and that he wanted to do things with me involving other people. Despite not being poly myself and out of fear of losing him, I ended up in two different threesomes with him, one of which involved me having anal with another man. My ex knew it was something I did not like but encouraged me to do it and I felt sick after. On a separate occasion, my ex also had anal with me on his own. I initially consented but told him it was painful for me a number of times, to which he responded "I'm almost finished" and continued. I was in shock and just let it happen. It took me at least 2 years to try to extricate myself from that relationship and I was in therapy for a year trying to process everything.

Fast forward to earlier this year, I met an amazing man [48/m] who I have a deep, spiritual type of connection with. He's an ex-Mormon and I've also left a cult-y religion so we had a lot in common and could talk for hours on metaphysical ideas. However, he's had an exceptionally difficult time processing my past. He says he's "in disbelief that someone as attractive and smart" as me could have been involved in something so dark. He's deeply disturbed about the choices I've made and is often overtaken by anger when it comes up. I've told him I'm uncomfortable with anal and always have been but he says it's messed up that I have let other men do things to me that I won't let him do. He got angry at me once for pulling away when he asked to do something sexually and said I'll never understand what it's like to be a man and have to deal with a woman with my type of past. I've since succumbed and offered to try anal with him but we didn't get very far because it was painful for me.

We are long distance right now and in the last few months he has broken his phone screen twice from the rage that comes up when talking about how I can't take back what I did and now he has to deal with it. I have asked him if it would have been better that I'd slept with 20+ guys before him (I've been with 5 including him) and he said it would be difficult but still not as difficult to deal with as my past with the threesome involving two men who treated me like an object.

How do I reassure him it’s not that I did what I did because I actually enjoyed it with my ex and that I’m not deliberately trying to deprive him of something? Is there any coming back from this? He admits it triggers something extremely primal within him and has been trying to work through it. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty but can’t help it seeing that it’s causing him so much anguish.

Tl;dr: My boyfriend is having a difficult time accepting that I was involved in a threesome with my ex (which I didn’t enjoy) and I don’t know how to make him feel like it’s not a threat

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/spicypisces94 on 2023-12-31 23:17:26+00:00.

I’ll try to keep this concise, but I’m dealing with years worth of emotions and i just want to know if im tripping… or how to deal with these feelings in the best way.

So i am a 29F and I have a female cousin who is just 2 years younger than me. She’s my second cousin on my mom’s side and really the only person in my mom’s side of the family that I communicate with ever since my mom died about 8 years ago. For context, she was the ONLY person from my mom’s side that I invited to my wedding. She’s very nice, outgoing, beautiful, and talented (she’s a dancer). We connected at first because we knew we had the same interests and struggles in a very conservative family… going out and partying and then getting judged for it.

Two years ago I started bringing her around my friend group. I invited her to trips and of course all of my friends and family loved her. I didn’t feel any way about this at first, I just thought the more the merrier. But now it feels like I’ve been replaced. Mostly this is because i live in a different state, and she lives a few hours from my friends. She’ll make the drive and stay overnight at my best friends house. It makes me really sad to see them taking pictures and having a good time without me. So i started making the effort to visit more often, but the vibes were noticeably different… at least to me and I don’t know if I was just in my head. Whenever we went out together my friends were more concerned with looking for her, and whatever she was doing. I mentioned she’s a dancer so she’s the type to get the party started and draw attention. I am way more reserved and avoid situations like that. But even little things such as commenting on Instagram pictures (shouldn’t be a big deal I know) but everyone will comment on hers and no one will comment on mine anymore. This brings tears to my eyes even as I type this. My best friend has gotten closest with my cousin and she even told me once “I don’t care if I have to go to her to celebrate her (my cousin) birthday I’ll do whatever I have to.” And needless to say the same effort was not put out at all for my birthday. My friends and I definitely had fun together before my cousin was in the picture, but now it feels like they don’t care about me at all and they are just trying to vibe with her.

The last time I made the trip to visit them, I actually felt a little tension from my cousin. We were at a party with a group of about 10-15 people, all dancing and having a good time with each other and strangers . But every time I went to dance with my cousin she turned her back and moved away from me. At the end of the party my best friend really wanted to find my cousin and I went with her, when we found her she literally pushed me in the direction of someone else to talk to instead of her. I actually have social anxiety really bad and this interaction kind of caused me to spiral into a very bad place that night. I went to therapy for a little bit for the first time to deal with my anxiety after this, but I haven’t addressed most of these other feelings surrounding my cousin because it’s embarrassing.

I don’t want to say that I’m jealous but I guess that I am? I support my cousins endeavors and try to encourage her dance career and help her when I know she’s feeling depressed (when my best friend tells me)… but I really did want us to be closer than this. Especially since her mom died recently and I know how that situation can be. I know it’s hard to cultivate relationships when you’re so far away in another state but I dont think my issues with her are the problem… I think it’s with the way my friends have forgotten about me since something else better has come along.

I don’t even know what brought me to Reddit, if I’m looking for validation or what. But I’m really sad and I don’t know how to move forward. I think people expect us to have a good relationship because we are related but we are essentially strangers and I feel really embarrassed because I brought this on myself.

tl;dr my cousin has replaced me in my friend group and my friends don’t interact with me as much anymore

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adorable-Set1138 on 2023-12-31 16:37:12+00:00.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year. We’ve been together over 2 years. We broke up once (I broke up with him) in September before our 2 years. It didn’t last long & we got back together a week or so later. Neither of us moved out.

We have a cat that we got together as a couple about a year ago. I love our cat and I would want to keep him. My boyfriend would probably live with his family and they can’t have a cat anyway. His dad already has a cat who is good as an only cat. And his mom doesn’t want to live with a cat in the house bc she’s kinda afraid of animals.

Anyway, we live out of state from our families. His family is in MD; we are in PA. I’m worried bc when we broke up before he mentioned trying to coparent our cat. I don’t think I could do that bc it would be too hard to see him and keep the contact. And once he would leave this state, there would be no way to do it. The distance would be too great. I’m not sure what I should do bc he clearly doesn’t think I should have the cat even tho he can’t.

As a side note, my mom and sister had asked before like “the cat is going with you, right???” And were like obviously he’s yours.. any advice?

TL;DR: I am considering ending my relationship where we have a cat that we got together and technically share. I would want to keep the cat but don’t know how I’d go about this if my boyfriend wouldn’t agree.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dynastyisog on 2023-12-31 23:05:03+00:00.

Starting note :

1.Lambo guy = the guy my gf reject him before me because my gf saw him as friend. (they were in same uni and they were friends over 3 year)

1. When my girlfriend rejects this boy, this boy goes to another country 2 months later and finds another girl with the same name as my girlfriend.

Story :

We have been dating for 8 months, our relationship is generally distant, we met online but met irl twice. We live in different countries.

In April, before we started dating, while we were getting to know each other, the topic came up about money.

The girl said to me, in april 'I don't care about money, in fact, a close male friend of mine who has been at my university for 2 years approached me after 2 years, and even said he would buy me a Lamborghini, but I rejected him because I saw him as my friend. Now, as far as I learned from my friends, he has gone to Finland now and there is someone else with the same name as me. He found a girl.'

This topic was never brought up again.

We talked constantly on various topics from April to October. But since her profile was open, I wasn't very comfortable with other men appearing on her Instagram, and she said to me a few times, 'I can hide my profile if you want, just tell me', and in order not to bore her , I said, 'There is no problem for now, just tell me if an unusual man constantly stalks your profile.' I said.

We occasionally talked about the guys she used to talk in dating vibe before, we talked about 4-5 different guys at different times. After each conversation, I asked for the guys profiles 'out of curiosity' and she sent them to me directly. But one day the topic came up about this 'lambo guy'. She resisted sending it at first, but when I jokingly told her that I was really curious, she sent it after 10 minutes. This was the first boy she was 'hesistated' about before sending me his profile link.

The subject of this kid was not discussed for a month or two.

I went to her country, because I realized that I was serious with her and wanted to marry her, I went to her country (beginning october) and put her a $ 1000 promise ring. A month after I put the ring on, she came to my country and I bought him an iPhone 15, we made a shopping cart worth 500 dollars from Sephora (it took about half an hour and I kept the basket all the time because she was happy and i did not want to ruin it), then we went to Victoria Secret and shopped there for 500 dollars too, we had a holiday in a 5-star hotel and went to the hotel. I paid $2500 for 4 days. I paid for the flight. We ate at a most luxurious restaurant in my country. I wanted to make her as happy as possible.

I also told her in general, 'If you want to work, you can work, but if you don't want to work, I understand that, so you can spend money on your own beauty (products, beauty clinic etc), go to the gym, beautify your own body, and if we have kids in the future, you can focus on the child and work on your own mental health.' I made this offer because she had worked as a waitress before me, because I was in a good financial situation and I said that she did not need to work, (and also she kept telling me that the staff at the restaurant were harassing her with words and sometimes making masculine jokes.but I think she just shared it because she wanted to share it, not because she wanted me to pave the way for her to get out of work.) But if she wanted to work, I would not stop her. But she accepted and quit her job 3 months into our relationship and I supported her financially until then.

While we were on holiday in my country , I noticed something, while we were watching a movie together at my house, my gf was looking at her Instagram and the profile of the boy's girlfriend (with the same name as my girlfriend's name) was in the second place when she pressed the first letter of her name. (Its like when you press S, sarah name appears in second)

So I told my girlfriend, 'Why is Lambo Guy's girlfriend's name ranked second on your ig ? Because unless you visit the profile recently, there is no way it will appear in the second place. She said to me, "I told you before that I was stalking (In the early days of our relationship, when this topic was brought up first time, she said that she only got their news from her friends) them because I was curious about the girl. Because her features were similar to me,(name, eye color etc) I was more curious about the girl than the boy, but I never stalked them since our relationship started (that is, since 5 months). But I told her that the name of someone whose profile you have not entered for 5 months cannot appear in the second row when you directly press the initial (S). She said to me, 'I'm telling the truth.' I said 'okay' in a bored way, she continued watching the movie and after 3 minutes she turned to me and said 'are you alright' and I said 'yes' in a bored way. That day we ended the issue like this. Normally, when an incident like this happens, she would insist on proving herself and winning my approval, but she did not insist on this issue in the first time on her life and that day we went to bed angry and didnt talked til morning. In the morning, I brewed a coffee, after I came to my senses, I brought up the subject and somehow she convinced me by saying the same thing and i accepted, and we never brought up the subject again.

Not related with this issue (initial) above but when she returned to her country after our holiday, I felt a 'rebellion' against me. It was like he no longer had any respect for me as she did before anymore. Before, when I wanted something as a man, she would accept it directly. But she started to act a little 'rebellious' towards me.

One day I realized something that bothers me. When the girl returned to her country after the holiday, she shared the photos of us together on instagram post. The same day we shared our photo, this 'lambo guy' looked at my Instagram story because I was tagged in the photo the girl posted. It was interesting because she said before she hadn't spoken to him in 1.5 years (after she rejected him)

I told this to the girl and the girl said, 'I haven't talked to him for 1.5 years, I don't understand why he was looking at your story , maybe he was wondering what kind of person I found after I didn't accept him.'

When the girl posted our photos that day, this lambo guy shared a song lyric in his story (i looked from anonymous sites), I don't remember the exact words but it was something like this. It would say, "I know the blood in my veins, I know my feelings, I will not give up." I thought maybe it was a coincidence, maybe he was constantly sharing lyrics. But it was lyrics and there was no song behind it. The boy shared this quote, but after that he continued to share different things for a month and never looked at my story again. So I didn't bring up this topic and we closed this issue same day.

A month passed, one day my girlfriend shared a song lyric in her story, but it wasn't a direct lyric, it was a video clip from a song and english subtitle was middle of the video, the song said 'oh my head, oh my head,I live the consequences of my choices' .And on the same day, lambo guy posted this: 'For months I waited for you to realize your mistake, for months I waited for you to suffer'

I said maybe it was a coincidence. And I never brought it up.

One day, my girlfriend and I didn't talk for a while for some reason.This was the first time, and when we weren't talking to each other my girlfriend shared a quote on her story from her Chanel founder (expensive parfume brand)

"'Where should one use perfume? ' a young woman asked. 'Wherever one wants to be kissed,' I said.

I thought she shared this because she was interested and referring to me because we were in fight, but that day I decided to look at the story of lambo guy's girlfriend on Anonymous (who has the same name as my girlfriend and who appeared second on her Instagram when she pressed her first letter).

And 5 hours before my girlfriend shared this word 'perfume', lambo guy's girlfriend shared 5 stories about the expensive perfume she bought. So, lambo guy's girlfriend had already shared 5 posts about the perfume she bought, and 5 hours later my girlfriend posted this perfume quote.

I brought up this issue when we got together again, but she said I was obsessed, how could I think of such a thing. So she made me feel guilty somehow by portraying herself as innocent. I asked 4 different friends about this issue and they all said that this perfume reference was not a coincidence, 90% rate she was referring to a guy or a girl. But the girl said, 'I referred to you' because we were on fight and i missed you. I closed this issue that day too.

But I was uncomfortable with my girlfriend's Instagram profile being public, because Lambo Guy was stalking my girlfriend. And I'm sure many of the guys she talked to before were stalking my girlfriend's story and posts. I didn't bother my girlfriend's profile to be private or public before because we were having a normal date, but I went to her country and gave her a 1000 dollar ring, I thought about marriage for the first time in my life, she knows that too. So I asked her to hide her profile. Because I told her that, as a man, I do not want likes from men we both dont not know, because I see her as my future wife, and that it is no...

Content cut off. Read original on https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18vjgtp/its_like_my_29_girlfriend_21_couldnt_get_over_her/

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/humahdnasjblfibn on 2023-12-31 23:29:15+00:00.

Throwaway account because I'm not connecting this to my main

My new girlfriend and I have been dating just over three months now. She's absolutely wonderful and everything I could've asked for: kind, funny, smart, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. She used to be a model. Something she never talks about because the modeling industry is shit, especially for teens, but that's what we're talkin here. She's beautiful and wonderful, her family loves me, I know her friends, and she knows mine.

But because of that, that's how I learned this. Her best friend, we'll call her Emily (19f) followed me on Instagram, and I followed her back and looked through her posts. I found a post from a year ago when my girlfriend was 17 at prom, and she looked beautiful! But... she was standing next to her ex boyfriend who is... basically me.

When I say he looks exactly like me, I mean exactly. Eyes the same shade of blue, hair the same blond and the same length, skin exactly as pale, face shape perfectly the same. The only difference I could see was that compared to her, he was just a little shorter than me. Maybe four inches.

I don't know how to feel about this. I haven't brought it up to her; I see no implication that I'm his replacement or that she still has feelings for him, but I'm conflicted. On one hand, obviously she has a type, and I'm happy I fit it, but on another, now whenever she calls me pretty, cute, hot, I can't help thinking she's saying the exact same about her ex, who's practically me.

It's weird. I've seen no signs that she still likes him at all, and she's definitely into me, but this just feels strange to me. Am I in the wrong here? Should I let it go, or is it fair to feel weird about it? I'm just confused.

TL;DR I look like an identical twin to my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and I don't know if I should bother bringing it up to her

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/brooklyn7171 on 2023-12-31 23:04:50+00:00.

We have tried to have the conversation about 5 times now since around August and baby will be born in this upcoming month. He wants to give the baby the first and middle name of his mother who is deceased. I never met her and I’m not close to his family. I simply don’t like the name at all but I’m willing to compromise using it as a middle name. I spoke to him about a list of 20-30 names I like and he had criticisms about every name. He said things like “That sounds like a stripper name” or “Who has that name historically that the baby can look up to?” or “It’s a random name with no meaning, it should have meaning” or even “It’s not a Christian name”. Sigh. I’m not even religious and when I said okay which Christian names do you like…it’s crickets. No suggestions. I even read him the top 1000 baby names currently in the US and nothing stood out to him.

I made it clear that I won’t change my mind on using his mother’s name as a first name but it’s still his only suggestion. I sent him a link to an app that we can swipe left or right on names in hopes we match a few but he thinks it’s stupid and won’t use it. He is clearly frustrated by me bringing the topic up every few weeks and said it’s exhausting.

At this point, he has made no suggestions and told me to just pick a name so at least one of us will like it. At the same time I’m aware every name I suggested he does not like and I’m not comfortable naming the baby something he dislikes. He seems so overly critical or uninterested in every name. I feel I have no other option than to choose the first name myself. It hurts me because I’d love feedback or to come to a short list of names we both like. I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR I don’t know how to get my husband to participate in naming our baby. He only suggests his mother’s name and we are running out of time.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AnonyMoose1764 on 2023-12-31 22:40:56+00:00.

I'm 28f, bf is 26m, the other woman is 26f.

2+ years ago, when I was first introduced to the man who would become my now bf, a mutual acquaintance I'll call Debbie approached me alone right afterward and said "stay away from [bf], he's mine". She was laughing/smiling when she said it, so I laughed too because I was certain she was joking. I had no inkling of ever being with him anyway at that time, as I had just met the guy.

On another occasion, not long after, his name came up in conversation when he wasn't with us, and Debbie made a comment that "oh he's taken now, unfortunately". Never said who he was seeing, just that he was taken. I'd found her comment out of place in the conversation we were having but again, I didn't pay much attention because I had no romantic interest in him back then.

My bf has never been diagnosed with anything, but to avoid having to write a huge paragraph describing him so all of what I'm about to write makes sense, it's easier to just say that based on signs basically everyone knows nowadays, he's *probably* on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. Obviously everyone's an individual so he doesn't have every sign everyone else does in the exact same way, but he has super intense interests in subjects classically associated with being on the spectrum, sensory issues with clothing and food, socially he's kinda "different" and a little awkward, etc. Nothing extreme, he's just a quirky dude. He lives on his own and owns his own company, so he's doing pretty well out in the world.

You wouldn't know it from how Debbie acts, though. She's always acted like she knows his quirks better than anyone else around, and she makes a big deal about it. She will loudly announce that he won't be able to tolerate the food people bring around, or tell everyone he won't be able to tolerate certain sounds or environments. One of her fave things to do is try to "protect" him from sensory input, like if it's loud/crowded, she will rush over and clap her hands over his ears or his eyes or whatever. She always laughs when she does it, so you could argue it's a joke, but with the way she talks about him otherwise, there's clearly some kind of serious vibe to it as well.

Bf actually hates it when people put their hands in/on his face, so he always pushes her hands away, to which she will object like "what, I'm trying to help you ya weirdo", still laughing all the while. He will straight up tell her to get her hands off him and she will persist. It's like she enjoys telling everyone else that she knows all about him/how to deal with his issues (her words) but doesn't actually listen to him about what he likes and dislikes and almost seems like she's trying to tease and harass him for it more than anything. He's a good sport about it because he's a nice person, but it's clear to anyone looking on that she's annoying or embarrassing him when she does these things.

Bf and I work near one another and we wound up becoming close friends over time. We started meeting for lunch and it just went from there. He's highly entertaining and hilarious, interesting, smart, and fun. I've never found that I need to focus on his quirks, he seems to know how to handle sensory issues just fine on his own, and mentioning anything like that appears to embarrass him, so it's not really an issue in our relationship at all.

When Debbie noticed that bf and I were spending time together alone (at the time, still just as friends), she immediately jumped to the conclusion of "oh it's because of your hair and eye color, you're his type, I should have seen this coming" and started doubling down on knowing him the best of anyone around and claiming his special needs would drive any girl crazy (except her I guess) so I shouldn't get any ideas blah blah. There were even a few times she made derogatory comments about people with autism and how difficult it must be to live with someone like that, as if maybe she thought I would hear it and reconsider hanging around bf lol.

Bf and I eventually realized we have a lot in common as far as what we're looking for out of life, similar sense of humor, we both like to do many of the same things for fun, etc. We skirted around the subject for awhile but I think we both started catching feelings around the one year mark. It took another entire year for us to actually get together and now that we have, Debbie is not happy about it at all.

She has been lowkey acting to others in our social circle like I am some sort of man stealing hussy, and some of them are buying it because for so long, she made it seem like she was the closest one to bf, understands and knows him better than anyone else, etc. I think some of our friends just expected that he would wind up with her as well, so they're sort of looking for an explanation as to why things didn't turn out how she was so confident they would, and they want to blame me. She paints me as this shallow person who hasn't taken the time to know him like she does, so I guess in her eyes I'm not right for him and she is.

Bf describes her as annoying. He says he's never found her attractive in a romantic way, and that the idea she's infatuated with him makes him uncomfortable. He has told her directly to quit putting her hands all over him and she continues to do so. He claims he has never misled her as far as acting like he was interested romantically, and when she's not around and people tell him the various things she says about him, he acts concerned about her sanity lol.

Now, she's giving me the cold shoulder, acting dramatically depressed and sad around bf, and talking trash about me only being interested in him for superficial reasons like that I'm some type of gold digger or user (his family has money), and some of our shared acquaintances are buying it, so I'm getting side eye and I feel like as soon as I leave the area I'm being picked apart.

Should bf talk to her, or should I talk to her, both of us, or something else?

TL;DR - Mutual friend who has some sort of fixation on my boyfriend is causing problems now that we are dating. She is making me out to be a bad person for becoming involved with him because she's possessive over him and believes she should be the one dating him. It's weird and we have no idea how to handle it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwRA129802 on 2023-12-31 22:33:56+00:00.

We're long distance. It sucks. We grew up together but started talking in April. So we call it dating since then. We get to see eachother once a month every month cuz she makes the trip back to her home town (where I'm at) for family and friends and us to be together.

We have a mutual female friend we grew up with who I dated for 3 years. This was about 15 years ago. Female friend and I stayed real close after the breakup. I stood at her wedding (husbands side), we used to play a lot of music together (acoustic guitar/singing), she's close with my mom and sister. I've babysat her and her husband's kids etc

My gf and her have their own history of being close, then not so much. They've dated the same guys at different times. Female friend eventually dated my gfs brother for a short time. Their relationship was and still seems hot and cold.

My gf is sick of female friend being close with my mom and sister. She also thinks female friend still has feelings for me. Female friend and my sister just caught a band last night together. Now tonight female friend and her husband and their kids along with our mutual 2 friends who are also married are going to my Moms for New Years. I might stop by, but I don't really care to. I'm in the middle of working 15 days in a row and enjoy my time alone while my long distance gf and I video chat and talk all night with her 2 daughters.

My gf and I have had plenty of discussion about the topic. And even some arguments. She now says she's numb to it all at this point and doesn't even know what to say about it. She seems exhausted and angry and upset and sad about it all. And it hurts both of us and our relationship. Looking for advice. Happy to answer any questions cuz I feel there's more info to give but wanted to try and keep it brief.

Should I tell female friend to piss off? Is she over stepping? Even though female friend and I consider us just friends. I'll pick my gf over any other girl. Is there something my gf can do to understand better? Am I doing something wrong? Should I have not let it gotten this far?

tl;dr my gf is upset, annoyed and worried about my friendship with a mutual female friend we grew up with. She also doesn't like female friends relationship with my mom and sister. She thinks female friend may still have feelings for me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Abject-Bluebird2854 on 2023-12-31 22:22:23+00:00.

TLDR: I (24F) decided not to invite my close friend(22F)’s boyfriend(24M) to my birthday brunch, and there has been a rift between us ever since.

I first met this girl at a summer internship program, and we found out that we both went to the same college and hit it off— we’ve been friends for about a year and a half now.

I met her boyfriend for the first time about two months later. My initial impression of him was that he was a nice guy— he wasn’t in school anymore but was still living in our college town and studying to go to grad school. Over the next few months she would start to include him a lot in our hangouts: we would all three hang out at her place, sometimes they would come over to my apartment to watch a show, we would get coffee and he would do work next to us, etc. I didn’t mind, but at this point I could see that they liked to spend a lot of time together and were kind of codependent.

As the months progressed, I picked up on the fact that he was a sensitive, anxious person that didn’t have any close friends of his own outside of his girlfriend/my friend, and I think that she liked to include him in a lot of our hangouts for this reason. I would say that our relationship became that of friends but not close friends— we never really texted, gave each other gifts, hung out without her, etc. He is not someone that I would personally befriend, but I liked him enough to make an effort when he was around especially since I do care about her.

My friend and I decided to live together after graduation. The first six months of living together were really great. Her bf was living with his parents at the time (only 30 minutes away) and would come over every other weekend to see her. Then, however, he decided he wanted to start living in his apartment in our college town again, and he had to give his car back to his parents.

For the next two months after this, my friend would want go back to our college town to visit him for a weekend and then bring him back to stay with us “for a week.” It was really overstimulating to have him over during the work week since I work from home and she would leave him at the apartment when she would go into work. I didn’t let it show, and tried to be understanding of their situation, but for those two months something would happen that would cause him to have to stay another week (he needed more time to get his bike fixed, a friend wasn’t able to take him home on sunday, etc).

It all got to be a little too much; I was around him pretty much all day every day. I couldn’t enjoy my lunch breaks alone, or have the TV up too loud—there were just all these reminders of this extra person that always seemed to be around. Worse, I started seeing more glimpses of his personality that I didn’t like, mainly his emotional immaturity and clinginess. It really felt like l was living with a couple— I could only hang out with the both of them or not at all.

During this time, there was an extremely uncomfortable interaction I had with the bf surrounding my birthday. My friend celebrated hers earlier this year with a couples night and a big picnic, and she invited my girlfriend(24F) to both of these. I however, have always liked to celebrate my birthday with my closest friends, rather than having a big event. I had already created a groupchat and invited my friend l, but I did not invite her boyfriend. We were having dinner one night and my friend asked me who all was coming. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my friend and her bf had been under the impression that I had only invited my girl friends and that was the reason he hadn’t been invited, but things got weird when I listed a few guys I am close with.

Her bf turned to her right in front of me and said “What did I do? Why wasn’t I invited?” In this childlike voice and I was honestly shocked. I couldn’t believe that he would react this way right in front of me and I honestly didn’t know what to say. To make things worse he then approached me and said “Can I come? Just kidding! “ and I just kind of laughed it off because I was so uncomfortable. I could tell that he obviously wasn’t kidding but I thought it was really immature to react that way and make someone else feel so weird for how they choose to spend their birthday.

Two days later my friend confronted me asking if I wasn’t okay with the amount of time her bf had been staying over. I told her that yes, two weeks out of every month was a lot and that it was overstimulating for me since I work from home and end up spending the most time with him, but that I would rather talk to her about it after she took him home to avoid any awkwardness. She didn’t really acknowledge how this whole thing had been making me uncomfortable and instead commented that her bf had noticed my shift in atitude first, and that she didn’t want HIM to be uncomfortable when he’s over. For the remainder of that week the two of them completely iced me out and her bf wouldn’t even look at me if I entered a room, and he didn’t respond back when I said good bye to them.

I finally got a chance to sit down with my friend and say how I feel like she has been prioritizing her bf’s feelings over mine in this situation, which isn’t fair since I’m her actual roommate, and that it hurt me how they responded to my honesty by icing me out. She revealed that the reason she had put his feelings first is because” he has never been so hurt by something before” and it all started when he found out he wasn’t invited to my birthday. She said that she would never not invite my girlfriend to hers, and that it was really confusing and hurtful for him to suddenly feel so unwanted by one of the three closest people in his life, and that it was especially hurtful when I laughed when he “confronted me about it.” Apparently he didn’t want to talk to me about this but asked her to bring it up with me

I responded that I didn’t purposely exclude him because of how much he’s been over lately—-I just don’t consider him a close friend of mine, and that I really just want to have an intimate brunch with my closest friends. I also said that I didn’t like how he tried to pressure me into inviting him, and that the way he brought it up was immature. She said that it wasn’t immature he was just “trying to figure out why he wasn’t wanted”

Obviously this is just my opinion, but I feel like it is unfair to make up your mind that someone is your best friend and then punish them for not feeling the same way. I do feel bad that he doesn’t have close friends of his own but does that mean I have to cater to his feelings over my own? I wish that my friend had chosen to feel happy that I consider her a close friend instead of expecting me to invite her man as well out of obligation? Pity?

We kind of left the conversation there in order to move on, but its clear that she is still upset with me over this and there has been a weird rift ever since. She never really apologized or acknowledged how long he had been staying over and instead chose to make the whole conversation about his feelings around not getting invited to my bday and overall feeling “unwanted”.

A lot of my friends and family agree with me that they don’t have a right to be as mad about this as they are, but they think that I should have invited him to keep the peace. My worry is that this reaction is indicative of the type of person my friend is, and that Ill always have to cater to her immature bf to “keep the peace”.

Is it worth fixing this relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway06194201 on 2023-12-31 22:20:56+00:00.

Just to start, I’m not the greatest at putting words together, but I’m trying my best here so please bear with me.

I really want to break up with my boyfriend. We both live together at my mom’s house. We had an apartment with some roommates, but they did us dirty so long story short my mom let us move in. Although, I’m honestly not at all happy with who I’m with. He’s not a bad person or anything, he’s a great boyfriend to me. However… he doesn’t work, he hasn’t worked at all since we’ve been together. (A year) He’s been getting a free ride this whole time and I feel so bad about it but I really want to end things with him.

He’s always asking me if I’m okay and why I’m stressed and I tell him it’s because I’m the one pulling all the weight in the relationship. I don’t think he understands it though. He didn’t do anything to me, I just will feel really bad about ending it with him and I’m not really sure who to talk about it with cause I feel like if I asked a friend for advice, someone else would hear about it and it would just get back to him. I just want this to go smoothly and nothing dramatic happen (he’s the dramatic type) any gentle pointers are very much appreciated.

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TL:DR - he didn’t do anything to me, I just want to break up with him because he pulls no weight and it’s been stressing me out incredibly.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway826266 on 2023-12-31 21:52:26+00:00.

i apologize if this is a bit long but i really need help (throwaway). my boyfriend (22m) and i (23f) have been together a little over a year now, and we have a healthy and loving relationship. we met while studying in another country and now we’re both back home. the problem is this: since returning home, he’s had a reality check on what his parents are actually like (he’s stayed abroad for around 4 yrs). they’re neglectful and they dont look out for him. they gave his room to his younger sister so he had to move to his aunt’s place (empty apart from the caretakers) which is beside their apartment. he’s alone all day, which has been really taking a toll on his mental health.

he recently found out his mom is cheating as well, and since then his relationship with his parents have started going downhill. they fight all the time. he’s incredibly hurt and angry at them for basically leaving him to be on his own, not looking after him or caring for him, not even doing the bare minimum. we live in a very collectivist country where family is really important - and you basically live with your parents sometimes even after you get married.

his family is also kind of struggling financially as of recent and hes been having a hard time finding a job, so the money situation is also a big factor. all of this is making him really really depressed, and my heart breaks for him. i dont know what i can do to help him. we get to meet once a week, which is hard for us because we used to live together when abroad. our phone calls recently have been sad and depressing because nothing i say seems to help him or get him out of this slump, and ends up making me sad as well. i try to be there for him, listen to him and support him.

i love him and want to see him get better - what can i do? what advice can i give him? this is really bringing me down. therapy is out of the question because he’s broke right now and his parents wont give him the money.

TLDR; boyfriend is depressed because of family and financial situation and i’m not sure how to help him or myself.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Guitar2749 on 2023-12-31 20:52:32+00:00.

I (17f) have been with "Monicka" (also 17f) for about a year. We have very healthy communication and we talk things through. I am an avid overthinker (hence why I am making this post) and I need some feedback.

It's not that I am not happy, nor that we had a fight. But I do think that I may be communicating too much. I communicate to her when I am jealous and we never fight over this, we just talk it out and set boundaries, explaining that we both feel the same way and it's okay. I also communicate to her how I feel personally and when I feel insecure and vice versa.

I am stuck in this ideology that this will ruin my relationship and I should keep these things to myself. I hear things like "no one will want you if you're insecure" or "you think jealousy is healthy??" and I worry that I am doing the wrong thing.

I am very aware of myself, how I feel and how to communicate properly without fighting, but I wonder if it's too much? I think it makes us better and so does she but people often like to tear that down.

Saying that she might secretly resent this, or I am high maintenance or things of such. And it is stuck in my head.

TL;DR; : I often communicate very openly with my partner my feelings, worries, insecurities, and boundaries. People say this is too honest and I should hide these for the benefit of my relationship. Is my communication ruining my relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Less-Preparation2566 on 2023-12-31 22:11:29+00:00.

TLDR; both have issues with alcohol and it’s impacting the relationship. I want to fix it but unsure how.

We’ve been together almost 5 years and have a house and a dog. We love each other immensly and are due to get married in a few months. When we’re sober we get along so well - he’s my best friend and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him, nor do I want to. We laugh so much and share similar interests and goals and have so many big plans together.

He’s ex-military and has always drunk a lot. I grew up drinking a lot too and it’s pretty “normal” in both my family and our friendship group to binge drink. I recognise this as an issue but I’m not sure he does.

When we drink excessively together it never ends well. Regardless of where we are or who we’re with it will end with him getting angry and me getting upset. It’s been like this as long as we’ve been together and it’s a cycle of us binge drinking, arguing, him ignoring me for days and then us just slipping back into normal life pretending nothing has happened. I’d say this is probably a monthly occurrence however is now happening more frequently. I’ve tried to talk to him about it a few times but he’s not a big talker and I also find it really difficult to communicate. I also have the issue where I often black out when drinking and don’t remember a thing. I’ll know we’ve argued as he won’t be talking to me but where he won’t talk about it I won’t know what I’ve done wrong so don’t know how to fix it. I’ve always thought I was the sole perpetrator of the arguments until recently, purely because I couldn’t remember and assumed I must have done something wrong if he’s not talking to me.

I’ve recently started trying to make a conscious effort to control my drinking by slowing down, having soft drinks in between or simply stopping when I think I’ve had enough. I’ve even tried online hypnotherapy to help myself regain control. I think it’s helping, but it’s definitely not linear and I’ve got more work to do. Despite this the arguments when drinking have got more frequent and intense, however I’m now sober enough to remember what’s happened. On two occasions in the past month he’s got so drunk and angry that he’s punched holes in the wall/door. I wasn’t in the same room as him at either time and I know he’d never hurt me but it’s jarring and it’s obvious that he’s unable to manage his anger. He’s also said a lot of things to purposely hurt me, like he doesn’t love me anymore and that he’s only still with me for the dog. He told me this isn’t true when sober. He’s told me it’s over between us 3 times whilst drunk this month alone. On several occasions he’s also called me horrible names such as “fxcking slxg”, “evil cxnt” and “stupid bxtch” which I find really upsetting.

We had friends over last night and we argued again and it was unbearable. He’s still not speaking to me and I’m devastated. He was ridiculing one of his friends and their girlfriend didn’t like it and responded by making a comment about my partner’s appearance. He then told her she was fat and she ran off crying. We were all shocked and I told my partner he crossed a line and he got so angry at me. He locked himself in the bedroom, wouldn’t talk to me and punched a hole through the door, injuring his knuckles. Despite calming down and making up with our friends he wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the night, and when he eventually came to bed he told me I was the worst person he’d ever met and that I never stick up for him. In hindsight I should have defended him against the initial comment - I didn’t realise it was something he was self conscious about and it was wrong, but I still think he should have responded better and controlled his anger. I also think the way he treated me afterwards by blanking me was wrong and I felt so isolated and upset all night.

I know that even though I’m taking steps to control my drinking, I’m not innocent. I know I sometimes say the wrong thing, get jealous or bite back when he makes a comment, and I think he’s right that I don’t always defend him. I also know that I’ve got abandonment issues and am a very emotional person. I’ve got my first counselling appointment next week as I know I need to work on myself and my own relationship with alcohol and work through some other issues. I’d really like my partner to do the same but I’m not sure he recognises that he has an issue or would be willing to try counselling. I genuinely think if we can both address our issues we would be so happy, but at the moment it feels like that’s a lifetime away and after last night I’m not sure he wants to even be with me anymore.

What would you do? How can I bring this up with him? And how can I encourage him to also try and seek professional help?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/helloihaveyourpants on 2023-12-31 21:46:53+00:00.

My family is small and a little unusual. I have 2 half sisters (50F and 53F). We share a mum but I have a different dad. They also have another half sister (41F) who shares their dad but has a different mum. I have no relation to her although we get on perfectly well. Aside from my partner, they’re the only family I have. My parents are gone, I have no grandparents, cousins etc.

I seem to get left out a lot. They talk openly about the “family group chat” they have on WhatsApp. I’m not in it, I wasn’t invited to join, but both my sisters are as well as their partners, their children and their children’s partners. Their dad and their other half sister are also in it and her partner too. I’m not related to their dad or sister but everyone else in that group makes up my whole family and I feel so excluded. It happens quite a lot, there are parties I don’t get invited to, family meals, celebrations, general get togethers…

It confuses me so much. I get on so well with my sisters, we have a good relationship with one another. I get on well with their partners and their children and they all like my partner. Their dad is really nice, we always have a good laugh together and I have a good relationship with their other half sister as well, there’s no animosity or history of issues.

I’m so conflicted as I feel like maybe I shouldn’t feel so sad since I have no right to be included. They might be my whole family but I’m just a small part of theirs. Is this something I should bring up or am I overstepping into a family that isn’t mine? How would I even bring this up? I’m so worried about upsetting people, especially if I have no grounds to feel this way.

TL;DR I’m not included in family chats and meet-ups but am not related to everyone involved. Unsure if my hurt feelings are justified and if I should raise the issue.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Embarrassed_Exit_117 on 2023-12-31 21:43:54+00:00.

We've been dating for a few months, and when her + her family go on vacation, she wants me to come along. I love going and hanging out with her family, but I can't reciprocate that with my family. I have never come from a wealthy family, or a family that can take vacations every now and then, so it makes me feel bad that I can't reciprocate what she does for me. It's starting to make me feel like I'm mooching. I've been trying to get that thought out of my head, but I just can't. Any advice would be helpful.

tl;dr

Every now and then, my girlfriend invites me to go on vacation with her family, but I cant reciprocate it with mine. I continuously think that I'm mooching and don't know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DifferentAd1398 on 2023-12-31 21:14:02+00:00.

I don’t know if I’m capable of relationships

I am 25F. I’ve gone on dates with people but it has never progressed past date 3, been single my whole life. Virgin.

I have very intense anxiety when it comes to dating, so much so I’ve thrown up after dates because it feels so out of place for me. I’ve canceled quite a few times. It’s not a “I’m going to do something wrong” anxiety, it’s just the whole situation and feeling like I shouldn’t be in it.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been trying since I was 16, and no matter how hard I try or how long it’s been I just cannot get comfortable with the idea.

I’ve toyed with the idea of trying dating women. I don’t think I’m attracted to them, but I’ve never given it a try? I’ve also toyed with the idea of being aromantic, and I think it’s a possibility but it makes me very sad. I think I have a hard time differentiating if I want a relationship or if I WANT to WANT one, to feel normal.

Right now I think there’s two possibilities: there’s some deep rooted psychological issues, or it’s just not for me.

I’ve tried therapy, haven’t found any that worked. I’m just at a loss at this point. I guess I’m mostly venting, but has anyone felt similarly?

Tl;Dr 25 and single entire life, extreme anxiety with dating, feel like it’s almost not made for me. Looking for advice or just some support