Relationships
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Popelip0 on 2023-12-31 11:24:57+00:00.
Started texting with a girl a little less than a month ago and we were hitting it off well but she wanted things to go way too quickly basically telling me how she loves me and cant live without me after not even a month (we have not even had a proper voice chat or seen eye to eye at this point). When I eventually tell her I cant do it because its getting too intense too quickly and I apologize for giving her the wrong expectations she essentially spends a full day threatening to kill herself because I cant return her feelings. This morning I recieved a similar goodbye message telling me I am the reason they will be gone soon before they blocked me.
Obviously it not someone I have known for super long but the whole experience has still been extremely off-putting and distressing especially for someone who struggles with social connections in general and will probably make me not try to form a relationship in the future.
tl;dr Things moved too fast and I couldnt return their feelings at which point they threaten to kill themselves before blocking me.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vegetable-Judge-4532 on 2023-12-31 11:22:21+00:00.
I’m visiting my boyfriend and his family next week at his hometown for the first time. I’m feeling really upset because he’s just told me that because he can’t get a car he’s not picking me up from the airport and instead is asking me to take a train. I don’t care about the car at all, what upsets me is the fact that he’s not willing to make the gesture of taking the train to the airport and meeting me there as a nice / romantic gesture.
I’ve spoken to him about how it upsets me when there’s a lack of initiative or romance from his side, and I feel like this is a clear cut example of that. I don’t want to seem upset or mad in front of him but I also can’t hide my disappointment. If he was visiting my hometown for the first time of course I’d pick him up from the airport, no matter how long or annoying the journey is. He would only have to take the train for an hour to pick me up which he isn’t willing to do.
How best to handle this situation?
TL;DR! My boyfriend won’t pick me up from the airport when visiting his hometown for the first time
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TransitionBright4574 on 2023-12-31 11:20:45+00:00.
Basically me and my bf just started officially dating yesterday even though we have been seeing each-other for about two months now. I asked if it was ok he come over today (he’s been at my house a handful of times and has already met my parents), and my mom said yes, but that she wanted him gone by midnight.
He came over tonight and we hung out, watched a movie etc but when it came time for him to go we were still watching the movie and didn’t want to cut it short. One thing led to another and we just didn’t want to leave each-others side. When we finally were ready to leave (at 3am), she for some reason was up grabbing a drink of water and came downstairs to check that the lights were off etc because she’s always super paranoid about that and always checking everything. She would have seen his car in the driveway anyway so I told him “come on let’s go” because I’d rather face the music on my own terms instead of her barging in my room or something.
I’ve asked her in the past if he could sleep over and she said it was fine, so I feel like it’s just unnecessary to put a time limit on our hangouts…
Even though I respect my mom, I just felt like what’s the difference between midnight or a couple hours later? I just want your guys’ opinion on if her rules make any sense. It just makes me feel like a teenager again trying to sneak my bf around and I hate it. I feel like a child.
TLDR; mom wants boyfriend out of the house by midnight and she ‘caught’ him still here at 3am and I feel like an idiot but I also don’t agree with her boundaries.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FullMoonLullaby on 2023-12-31 11:12:37+00:00.
| (27F) cheated on my boyfriend (32M) when we were young adults (I was 17 & he was 22). We were together for around 7 months at that time. He was a soon-to-be ship engineer and had to leave for a 4-month-long practicum. We had little communication during these months - just a few emails per week due to technical reasons (no wifi in the ocean huh). We had a good relationship and he was and still is a wonderful man - kind, loving, and caring.
I met this charismatic, confident, and funny friend of a friend (31M). We started chatting, he showered me with compliments and attention. He knew I was in a relationship and said that "we're just friends right". Within the first month of talking I started developing feelings for him. He would give me hints as well; I knew where it's all going.
My boyfriend returned home. He knocked on my door, I opened, we hugged and kissed. But I felt nothing - like I was hugging a complete stranger. The feeling of nothingness, combined with my new attraction to this new man, made me take a fateful step - I left him.
My heart still hurts every time I remember this - but he suffered for more than a year or two. Suffered bad. I broke him.
Me and the new man were together for over 4 years. He cheated on me multiple times (oh, sweet karma), was aggressive due to snorting coke constantly, and there were a couple instances of physical abuse (after me finding out about his "adventures"). I suffered bad. He broke me.
Meanwhile, my ex found a new girlfriend. They got married pretty soon.
I broke up with the man; had short situationships after, nothing too serious. I graduated university, started building my career. Went to therapy for 1,5 years - helped immensely. I understood how "off" my value system was. I was plain stupid, irresponsible, and selfish. But, at the same time, I understand how young I was..
This year, my ex's wife left him. They divorced.
Within a month or so, we unexpectedly met at a concert in another country. We started talking again. It's been 9 years since we were no contact before that.
We quickly felt warm feelings returning. We talked every day, and started going on dates. We started sleeping together and staying at eachother's homes every night.
He's amazing, just the way he was before, now even better. I hope I am better now as well. We're together for 4 months already.
Recently, we had to separate for 2 weeks (he went to work at a shipyard in a whole different continent). He came back - and hell I missed him so much. I can't keep myself from kissing him every time he's around. We have a highly physically and emotionally affectionate relationship in general - lots of touching, kissing, talking, assuring, and complimenting.
Now, the problem. His friends saw how much he suffered after I left him. They remember it all. They dislike me. Just like his mother (we went along well before, she's a fantastic woman).
I understand their hate and I feel like I deserve it. But I also feel like I still deserve grace, as I was so so young. I've changed vastly during these 9 years. I've grown a lot.
How do I deal with the friends who dislike me? Do I have to explain myself to them? How do I deal with his mother, how can I regain her sympathy?
I want to make it all right this time. I love this man, we're a perfect match to eachother in every possible way. I am so ashamed of what l've done, it hurts so much knowing how badly I hurt him then. I will never allow myself to risk losing our relationship again. I will never compromise it. I want to make us work, he does as well.
Is it my sole responsibility to change their minds now there a part he should play as well?
TL;DR : I’ve cheated on my boyfriend when I was 17, we broke up. Now I’m 27, and we got together again after 9 years. How do I deal with his friends who dislike me because they remember how much he suffered?
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ajskdkekw on 2023-12-31 10:51:26+00:00.
hi! thank you for reading this, before i give a summary of the situation, i just wanted to say that this was an online relationship.
pretty much me and this girl talked for about ~4 months and we started to date for only 2 weeks. one night she was super flaky and weird and she had said she wasn’t ready for another relationship and that she wanted to take some space away from eachother which i completely understand. since then, we talk here and there, every few days or maybe a week just to catch up on things.
right before christmas she asked me for my address which i gave her because i still of course trust her, i asked for hers as well because i was inclined to send her something as well for a gift. i ended up getting her a bracelet from a website she showed me a very long time ago and she crocheted me a beanie which was super nice and i love.
when she got the necklace she texted me freaking out abour how much she loved it, i did the same for the beanie. but now i am kinda confused on what our status is. im doing my absolute best to give space and be accommodating, but its really hard. i truly like this girl so much, and i really do not know what we are or what we are going to end up as, and that scares me a bit. any advice or anything is appreciated. i can and will explain more if i wasn’t clear on anything. thank you so much!
TL;DR
my ex and i exchanged gifts for the holidays, we talk here and there but it’s never anything crazy. this has all left me really confused about what she even wants with me because she wants space but saw herself with me.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/krabbypatty1601 on 2023-12-31 10:51:06+00:00.
So my ex and me dated for 4 years on and off and even when we broke up, we remained best friends and hung out together all the time
For context purposes, my ex stays in the same campus as me and is in the same batch We broke up in February, and I decided to put the work in and be better (cause our communication was fucked, cause I sucked at that) but we were back to being friends and hanging out together all the time from the very next day.
Now I used to have this best friend, who lived in the room next to me in our hostel and whenever I wasn't with her I used to chill with him, we used to go to the gym together, study together, drink together and life was great.
April onwards, she also became friends with him and I was cool with that cause a) it's not like she has any friends to begin with b) their friendship didn't make me insecure c) the dude had a girlfriend, granted he wasn't happy with the relationship he was in but he was in one none the less
July onwards I start hearing rumours of them being together, but since that dude had like a month back (June) told me that there might be roumors and that certainly isn't the case and he'll maintain distance from her if it bothers me, which i obviously replied no to.
The roumors did bother me, cause I have always liked her all throughout college and I told that guy in July itself that I think she's the one and i love her. I ended up asking her out in July and she said that she doesn't feel that way anymore the way she felt for the last 3/4 years and hinted about liking that guy and later on said that she loves him
Long story short, turns out they started dating mid August/early September while lying to my face about not doing so, I cut off all contact with the dude after a fight, and changed rooms aswell and I cut off all contact with the girl aswell.
The girl reached out to me in October end, asking if we can be friends and I was her closest friend and am family to her, but I drew a boundry and said that if that guy is in your life, i ain't. Ever since then I've been in no contact.
During this time, they both got drunk once in a party and fought with another batchmate of mine, later that night he went to apologise for their behaviour and ended up remarking that he'll anyways leave her 6 months later
It's been 3 months of no contact for me, but I still feel strongly for her. I went through severe depression and lost 10 kgs of weight in 3 months but slowly but surely things are on the up again, life is great, I've made better friends too, and those who stuck around have become closer still, my family has been awfully supportive during all this, I've been learning piano and talking to more people, I'm almost finishing med school and can finally study for my upcoming exams
The thing is, I'm not affected by their relationship anymore , I have accepted the situation and am fine with how it turned out. But i still want her back, I still feel strongly about her. The good part through all this that I have finally reached a point where my self respect and self love for myself has increased, cause it takes a hell of a lot of guts to get up from where I was.
Tonight I'm sure at new years she'll send a happy new year message, should I reply to that?
Also, how can I win her back? I know moving on and finding someone better and new is an easier outcome but I still get this gutfeel that she is the one
Please suggest how to do so
TL;DR : on and off ex (who was my closest friend of all time) started dating this guy who I thought was my best friend and I still feel strongly for her and want her back. Kindly suggest how to do so
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Joke-6767 on 2023-12-31 10:50:35+00:00.
My wife [36f] and I [37m] have been having issues for nearly two years now. Divorce has been discussed and my wife is extremely keen to go ahead with this, basically wanting nothing more to do with our relationship beyond being friendly enough to handle our two kids.
She says she does not trust me, accuses me of being manipulative and controlling, and despite efforts I have made to improve things, which she acknowledges, she feels no different.
I have plenty of responsibility to bear: problems really came in when I got involved in a friendship with a woman at work which turned out to be very toxic. To be clear, there was never anything romantic or sexual. My wife regards this as an emotional affair and while I resisted this categorisation I've accepted that if this is how my wife sees it, then this is how it is.
I was also working very long hours during my wife's second pregnancy and the first 9 months of the baby being here.
Additionally my wife had covid badly and developed long covid, and feels that I failed to do enough to support her.
Now, in my defence: the friendship with the woman at work started in the aftermath of a pretty bad emotional breakdown I'd had due to work. My wife had told me after this that she was tired of dealing with my problems (I've had mental and physical health problems over the last ten years that have taken up a fair bit of attention) and didn't want to hear anything more about them. This person at work was very interested and kind and I was (pathetically) grateful for that. They later turned out to be extremely manipulative (isolating me from people at work, trying to convince me I was severely mentally ill, threatening to withdraw friendship). I have since gone no contact and can see now how toxic it was.
I did work very long hours. I was in a very pressured and toxic work environment that made this seem like a normal thing to do, and I was genuinely trying to be successful at work to better support my family. I had priorities wrong and was failing to see that my wife was more interested in having me around wth the family than how much I was earning.
When my wife had covid I did everything she couldn't for months, looking after our one child at the time and generally trying to support her as best I could. This was while dealing with the above pressure at work. Towards the end of that period I confessed to my wife that I'd found the whole experience quite challenging and this seems to have negated everything I've done as she thinks I tried to make it all about me.
Since the above I've changed jobs, spend more time at home, work hard to support my wife's career and be involved in family life, and try to demonstrate that I'm trustworthy.
My wife continues to hate me. She reacts negatively to me trying to be involved in aspects of bringing up our kids (diet, behaviour), and often paints me as controlling and aggressive. She is much more aggressive than I have ever been, frequently shouting, belittling and stonewalling me, and raising her voice at our kids. When she does things that she would absolutely destroy me for, she will not acknowledge any fault. She very often takes huge offence at things and accuses me of doing them deliberately. If I ever suggest a different perspective on an idea or approach to a situation than she has suggested, she shuts down and will not talk, saying that I am being difficult.
We've had a little bit of counselling but she wasn't keen and felt that the focus was too much on me (one session was, to be fair, but that was directed by the counsellor not me, so I feel a bit unfairly blamed there).
Tl;Dr: my wife wants to divorce, seems to hate me and makes me out to be an extremely bad person, but exhibits many of the traits she accuses me of, sometimes quite extremely. I definitely screwed up a lot but am doing much better and learning from my mistakes (whether this will be enough or not I don't know) and want to work on things, but she does not and I'm at a loss for what to do.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cheeseandonionpringl on 2023-12-31 10:38:34+00:00.
Hey everyone!
I’m here to ask for advice on an overly complex situation i’m in. For context, me (F19) and my boyfriend (M19) spent christmas with his family. He’s got a twin sibling (19) who’s also brought his partner, called D (M21) for christmas.
I’ve met D before and we didn’t quite hit it off. I’m aware he’s got depression, autism and is on some sort of medication. I’ve tried to be nice the last time we met but he kind of showed he didn’t like my workplace/company from the way he talked. Other than that he usually isolates in his partner’s room when he’s around.
Over Christmas, I have tried to make conversation with him by talking about common interests. D has repeatedly shut it down by not replying/not making conversation/making the topic political by pointing out massive flaws though sometimes the stuff I bring up are satirical in nature (E.g the Book of Mormon musical). I have tried talking about other things but he has straight up said “I don’t want to hear it.”
I cried to my boyfriend that night and he said that his sibling was upset at the situation and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. The next day, his sibling speaks to my boyfriend (at the sibling’s volition) and he reports back that they apologised. They realised that their boyfriend was overly rude and aggressive but there was a reason for it. Which was that he was on a different type of medication, and that medication made him lack sleep thus making them cranky and aggressive.
Though i appreciated the apology, i feel that it should’ve been direct to me and that he shouldn’t be using the excuse that he was struggling with his sleep to be disrespectful. They left for a few days and came back on Christmas eve. I did not interact much but when I saw D, i said hi nicely but he looked at me as if I had pissed him off
On Christmas day itself, D did not open any of the presents neither did he say thank you when I handed him his. He gave more or less of a blank stare. My boyfriend and I noticed alongside my boyfriend’s mum. She did approach me after and said that it wasn’t anything to do with me he was acting this way, and that I should leave him be to sort his issues.
There are more instances where D has isolated his partner from the rest of family on Christmas day, by holding them back from going to another member’s house a few hours after we left for unsaid reasons, alongside asking his partner to go on walks especially during family time (and at 9pm, seriously?).
D continues to speak normally (with a smile) to other guests but straight up ignores me for the rest of Christmas day and boxing day.
My boyfriend has agreed that this was irritating and that he’ll speak to his sibling about this tomorrow. In the meantime, I want to ask if i’m being a massive douche for being upset at D? I want to be accommodating as much as I want to respect my boyfriend’s family - but I am starting to get annoyed and disrespected at how D is projecting it onto me.
Any advice helps. Thanks!
TLDR: boyfriend’s sibling’s partner is overly rude, unpredictable due to apparent autism and depression
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/IJN5349 on 2023-12-31 10:32:06+00:00.
Based on conversations we've had, I have a feeling my (27) boyfriend (34) is going to propose in 2024. We got on the topic of rings last night and to my surprise it just feels like there's so much he doesn't know about proposing and it's a little upsetting? For example, he thought the engament ring was the wedding band? As in, the wedding ring is the main ring while the engagement ring is like a promise ring and not as significant. I literally had to google to convince him that he was mixing them up.
- Can someone confirm whether or not the eng. ring is the one with the stone while the wedding ring is just a band?
I said I'd love to be included in choosing the ring, because I'm very picky and worried I might not like the ring. This is a high possibility as it's very easy to confuse my tastes. He said he'd rather surprise me with it (I love this! And it's what I want) but,
- I'm confused on how this all works. How do I throw hints without being direct? (I'm very straightforward). He was like a way to do it would've been on a random trip to the mall suggesting to him on rings and him surprising me with one I fall in love with. (whoops 😅🥴)
- I'm worried I might have removed the romance from it, but being too straightforward about it? I've showed him proposals I think are beautiful. How do I be more subtle? Yep, I think that's the main question here. How do I be more subtle about the ring style and proposal way?
TL:dr what are some subtle ways to let my boyfriend know the kind of ring I want?
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/melissani7 on 2023-12-31 09:34:19+00:00.
TL;DR; : my (34f) close friend (32f) started acting distant and now we don't speak at all
My (34f) close friend (32f) started acting distant and now we don't speak at all.
I met my friend at my daughters school 5 years ago and we've been close ever since. Her son and my daughter are in the same class and were always really good friends. They still are but with a brother/sister kind of thing because they have spent a lot of time together outside of school as well. We would look after each others kids whenever was needed, she would pick my daughter up while I'm working and I'd have hers regularly too. We also did a lot together without kids, it wasn't just a friendship based on them. We were also all supposed to go on holiday together next year with all the kids and our partners.
I'm going to break down what's happened below to see what other people think as honestly I'm struggling to understand whats gone wrong
- my friend had a baby 2 months ago & I threw the baby shower for her, including all expenses & organising. Whilst at the shower she spent most of her time with other friends. I was a little hurt but she had no idea and I never mentioned anything. Her partner also never thanked us or came to speak whilst we were there. I spent most of the time with her parents and grandparents (I'm also close to them)
-her son has been quite mean to my daughter and we've had to have a conversation about it a few times, she knows he's been doing this and as far as I'm aware there's no issue, our friendship was always great outside of our kids too and it's not been talked about for at least a month.
-as well as my relationship with her I'm also close to her kids, (4f) and 8(m) and I thought she was to mine. When my daughters birthday came around she said she was too ill to attend, she was in bed sick. We live a 2minute walk away but she later posted photos of herself & family out playing in snow. She also never wished my daughter happy birthday. This was hard for my daughter as she loves her very much. For a few days I was kind of annoyed and didn't reach out or wait for her as usual after taking my child to school. It blew over and things carried on
-She regularly does things with other friends now but does not ever invite me to anything
-I dropped off presents for her kids on Xmas eve, she said she would see us on the 27th to bring a gift for my daughter but I've heard nothing since Xmas eve. I haven't reached out because its always me doing so.
-i confided in her that my father Is awaiting biopsy results for the C and how troubling it was going to be waiting over the Xmas period and cried to her. She hasn't asked again.
-I always ask how her family is and just ask about things in general, she never asks about mine or anything about my life. One time her dad thanked me for being a good friend and 'putting up with her bullshit'
-anything I say she turns back around to something that's happened or happening to her. I've recently noticed this.
As far as I'm aware I haven't done anything wrong, I like to be accountable to myself and if I do offend I apologise and own my mistakes. I'm sad I have lost a friend but I'm starting to think it all was one sided and I was just blind to it For me this seemed to all start when she's had the baby, I was there at the hospital visiting because she invited me. She met her partner in January and they got pregnant straight away. He's nice but i don't know if she's threatened by me with him around or she just doesn't need me anymore.
What would you do?
Thanks
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Bed858 on 2023-12-31 09:18:29+00:00.
I recently ended a relationship with a person (let's call him B) who I loved very much. A little bit of context is required here: My relationship with B started a few years after a previous relationship where I was cheated on multiple times. In that relationship, cheating was a way for my then partner to exit a relationship without having to say it clearly. It was extremely hurtful. When I met B, I came with this baggage. And initially, didn't even know what I wanted in my relationship with him. I knew that he was a womaniser. I knew he was seeing one other person along with me. But I thought, we will keep things casual. Until they were not. Both of us were head over heels in love with each other. I tried to give an open relationship a shot since B had already said he was seeing other people. But B also had this compulsive habit of lying. If he was busy meeting another partner, he would lie to me about where he was. I started snooping on him. And when I confronted him with all this, he started owning it up. But he would still try to hide things I could not verify. All of this was very anxiety-inducing. I also realised during this time that l prefer monogamy. Part of my anxiety was also coming from the fact that I was trying so hard to adjust to something that wasn't true to my sensibility. B saw me struggling. Apologised for his lying and hiding. But my ability to trust him was severely affected because of all of this. I ended things with him, saying I am not a person who can accept you seeing other people. He could not let go of me. Since the other person he was seeing was more in the space of a casual relationship, he let go of her to give monogamy a shot with me. But even then, he continued to lie to me, hide things from me, violate my boundaries and then cover it up with, 'I love you and you are the person I come back to.' When I confronted him, he offered me his phone saying that I can see everything about him while he works on not lying to me. Meanwhile, the lying continued. Some examples: He met an ex he has been in love with very deeply on his birthday last year and lied to me about how he did not have time to see me that day, he met her again and lied to me about it again, he also kissed a person he met somewhere and hid it from me until I found a photo of them kissing in the trash folder on his phone, he met another ex without telling me about it. He justified all of this by saying that what can be a greater act of transparency than handing me his phone. We had started the relationship with an intention to see if monogamy works for him or not and it ended feeling like a power struggle to me. B was either doing whatever he wanted to do disregarding how I would feel about it or offering total control over him to me (when I would confront him about these things and tell him that I feel hurt, he would sit me down lovingly and ask me what he should do instead and I found him agreeing with me all the time.) This felt like he was giving me his reins without thinking if my boundaries are the boundaries he wants for himself or not.I didn't want control. I wanted honesty.
I suggested taking some time out, thinking about what we want in our relationships, but he could not imagine letting go of me. He would never stay even a day apart from me. And he would never think about what he wanted. And all of this made me more mistrustful of him: him saying yes to everything. Few days back, he went and met up with an old friend who he had once kissed and at one point in time, also wanted to be in a relationship with. He came back and told me that she treated him like her "husband." And I lost it. I told him that this is the kind of stuff that makes me "uncomfortable," this lack of boundaries in his relationships with women, all women in his life. And he was livid. He told me that this was just a great friendship where lines have never been crossed. I brought up the kiss. He didn't address it and instead attacked me. He brought up my male friends I am close to, a guy I kissed before I met him who I am still in touch with and am friends with, a new guy friend I recently met, who he assumes likes me (despite no such gesture by this friend towards me), to prove the point that he is accepting of all these relationships and is not bothered by them because he understands human nature and relationships better, he is progressive and open-minded, while I am 'sick' and 'mistrusting.' B called me narrow-minded, insecure, attacked me with lots of other adjectives. He accused me of hypocrisy, saying that when I indulge in these relationships with men, i call it friendship, when he does, i say that it is hurtful to me. After this, we broke up. He told me I am sick and he hopes that I do something about my 'sickness' before I love someone else.
And this is something that has stayed with me since. Am I sick? Isn't my inability to trust him more about my experience about my last relationship and my experience with him rather than some 'sickness?' I don't wanna be sick. What if this is true and I have actually lost my ability to trust people? I am scared.
Am I being a hypocrite here? Am I doing the same things that he is doing and justifying it, while expecting him to behave differently in the same situations? Am I a hypocrite? I feel befuddled. I don't want to a person who is blind to their own double-standards. I also don't want to be a person who controls people they love. And I certainlu don't want to be blind to this and carry it to my next relationship. This is what worries me.
Also, in my many exchanges with him in the past about this friend he visited, my honest take away was that there was a little more than friendship between them. I had also asked him nicely if this could be something more than friendship. And he was very offended by my question. He just snapped in the middle of the conversation and didn't speak to me for the next day. What I wanted here was to have an honest conversation with him about it and about whether we are the right people for each other who can support these choices. Was that too much to expect?
TL;DR: My ex-partner has accused me of being narrow-minded, mistrustful & hypocrite in our relationship before breaking up.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AdImmediate2317 on 2023-12-31 09:17:55+00:00.
For some context - I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (24m) for 4 years now. I come from a practicing Sunni muslim family and although I am not as devote as some of my family members, I practice most of the religion and I always have envisioned myself ending up with a Muslim man with similar values and raising my kids in the religion.
My boyfriend comes from a Shia Muslim family that has a mix of practicing and non practicing family members but most non practicing. He himself does not fully believe in every aspect of Islam but he is open to it and open to practicing with me during Ramadan and is always learning more about the religion. He is also supportive and respectful of however I choose to practice my religion.
We also have discussed children and he has no issue with our kids growing up learning about Islam and then choosing to follow it or not as they get older. My family is very religious so in their eyes this difference in level of religiousness would be a deal breaker to them.
But in my eyes I think since he is open to participating in religious activities with me and respectful of my beliefs and we have discussed how we would raise future children that it’s fine and not a deal breaker. I’m afraid that I might be viewing the situation with rose colored glasses since I love him so I wanted more opinions that aren’t from my religious family.
TLDR; bf and I are the same religion but we have varying levels of belief in it so :
Are religious differences detrimental to the relationship and are there more questions about this topic I should discuss with him before we choose to get married?
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anxious-Difference67 on 2023-12-31 08:28:28+00:00.
I (25M) am in love with a girl (25F) and while there is some reciprocation due to certain circumstances it is impossible for me to be with her. My best friend (23F) and others say that I need to move on so I can eventually find someone else. The thing is I don't want to move on and don't believe I'll be able find someone else. The fact that I can't be with her no longer hurts and I am content with loving her in my own way. I am very close with this girl and avoiding her to "move on" would crush both of us. However, the pressure from other friends, saying it will be better in the long run is making me confused on what I should do. What is the best thing for me to do here?
TL;DR: In love with a girl I can't be with and my other friends want me to move on when I don't want to
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Remarkable_Carob3617 on 2023-12-31 07:09:51+00:00.
Throwaway account
Me S (M 30 something) and my cousin K (F 30 something) used to be really close, so close in fact that we would be called twins when we were younger as we're the same age and had similar interests. We have 2 younger cousins and the 4 of us would do everything together but she and I would be closer.
Over the years we have slowly drifted apart, I used to think it was because of life paths but I think there's deeper issues between us. For me personally I've always felt that she was always trying to compete with me and her insecurities have led her to hold animosity towards me that I don't deserve.
I assume for her part she thinks I abandoned her as we lost touch a bit as we went to University and I started getting closer to our younger cousins. Her 20's were also tumultuous as she was dealing with issues with her sexual identity.
So about a decade ago, our families became more entangled as she went into business with my parents and they all moved 6 hours away. It's been really difficult as she hasn't held up her end of the partnership to say the least. She came out early in this period and started a relationship and marriage with someone (I was her best man, a role I was conflicted about). I fully support her in terms of finding love and happiness but I feel she's taken advantage of that support from myself and my parents as they've been forced to take up the lions share of the work for her relationship to prosper. My dad refuses to talk to her and my mum maintains the peace as much as possible. For my part I've had to maintain a semi-false facade with her as I don't want to rock the boat of an already tense situation whilst also wanting a positive relationship with her... but I'm tired.
So we're now at the point of selling the business and relations have hit rock-bottom. She's shown an idgaf attitude this winter as she's spending as much time away from the business whilst spending exorbitant amounts abroad on herself and her wife all on the business's expense. Her parents seem to turn a blind eye and their relationship with my parents has soured. My mum still wants to maintain some kind of relationship with her sister.
I guess my question is, is it worth putting the effort in to improve this relationship moving forward? Once we're disentangled from the business, I don't need to worry about her impacting my parents. It would make it easier at family gatherings to maintain the peace and for the sake of my mum and K's mum's relationship and for our past relationship but I can't currently think of her without thinking she's manipulative and selfish and I'm not sure I want that in my life.
Willing to add more context and thanks for your perspectives.
tl;dr Me and my cousin were really close but our relationship has soured as she's taken advantage of my parents as they own a business together. I'm conflicted about maintaining a relationship with her moving forward as my perception of her feels forever tarnished.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PrestigiousSwan8810 on 2023-12-31 05:30:12+00:00.
I’ve been dating my bf for about a year and we are both each other’s first relationship. After the first few months I’d occasionally see a female name pop up on his phone screen notifications. I’m not one to tell my bf he can’t have female friends or follow them so I didn’t think too much about it.
However, he would always flick away the notification as soon as it showed up so I couldn’t read it and he never mentioned her to me so I had no idea who she was. She also requested to follow me on instagram which I’ve never accepted but it was clear that she must’ve known who I was.
I confronted him a few months ago after I saw that her name was in his phone call log, and asked him who she is, because he never talks about her (whereas he likes to share things about his guy friends and I know all about them).
He told me he met her through an online hobby 2 years ago (I think that’s how long ago), and that while the other friends he made he isn’t in contact with, he is still in touch with her “just to share memes”. The call was apparently that one of them bumped it by accident.
I tended not to think much about this but I decided to look through his phone yesterday because recently we were watching something on his phone and he turned it to the sleep mode as her notifications were showing. I also just don’t like knowing that he messages her honestly.
He will happily text his guy friends in front of me but I never see him message her, even though he does get notifications from her. So I had to see why, and yes I feel guilty for looking without permission.
I felt sick in the stomach to see he has been sharing the same memes with her that he does with me, he shares random photos of stuff he buys that he shares with me, he showed her his haircut which again was the exact same he sent to me. They use an inside joke phrase that I thought only he and I share. They appear to talk a little bit every few days but I didn’t have heaps of time to look.
He mentioned me a few times to her so she definitely knows I exist, am I wrong for feeling upset? I just feel like he seems to need validation/comfort from another girl.. why? If he has me? We are usually always happy together and aside from this, he is almost perfect as a partner. I can’t shake this but I can’t confront him either. Do I check the messages again another time? Is it wrong to ask him to show them to me? Is it weird if I bring her up? I wish I could set boundaries but I’d feel guilty telling him he can’t have a friend. At the same time I don’t want to make excuses for him if this is wrong of him to do. She doesn’t live in our state so I don’t have to worry about them hanging out but there’s something about him being unnecessarily sneaky about it that worries me.
TL-DR; My boyfriend has an online friend who he has barely told me about, and I had to mention her first. Is he wrong for this?
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Playful-Garage6575 on 2023-12-31 05:25:09+00:00.
I am a 20 year college student who badly needs advice about what to do with his parents and brother.
So basically my brother is 32 years old and is single, has no job, and has no future at the moment. He is basically living off of my parents who's been trying to help him but to no avail. He was in med school but dropped out due to reasons I don't know about but it seems he had some trouble with the Dean. Since then he's been living with us
He always fights and acts like a child whenever I am home from college. He's obsessed with basketball. And other things that seem to have a larger focus than his future without his parents or me.
I want to help him man I really do but I don't know what to do. I also want to be a doctor but I don't know if I can when he's like this. I'm Worried for my parents health and he just seems to brush it as a non issue. Always focusing on the wrong things. To make things worse. My parents, mainly, my mom have been enabling him to basically let him do whatever he wants.
My parents basically fucking gave up him and now thinks I'm gonna be some savior or as a golden child. I genuinely feel so much pressure because of this and I don't even know what I want to do with my life right now anymore.
After my experiences with 2.5 half years of college and living in my own. I realized that I may have ADHD which may also be in him as well. I already talked to a nurse practitioner about it and am looking for an actual diagnosis soon. I'm 80 percent sure I do.
What I'm basically asking is how can I get him to get help and go to a doctor. How can I convince my parents that he needs help? I don't even know if he even wants help.
TLDR: my brother is 32 years old who needs help and my parents basically given up on him. I feel a lot of pressure to succeed but I don't want him to be forgotten. I suspect we both have ADHD and idk how to bring up the subject or if he even wants help.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/smalltalkisntfun on 2023-12-31 04:40:11+00:00.
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TL;DR; I (F18) struggled in relationships for years, from panicking about the girl bestfriend, family friend, classmate, coworker, whatever it is. I don’t even want to be around other girls when I’m with my bf (m18). We avoid plans when girls are going to be there, bc it makes me so anxious. We have been together for over 1 year. He’s great to me, communicates well, reassures me, completely loves me, etc. However, i can’t fully be myself because i am always worrying about other girls being better for him (or any guy i’ve been with). Why is this? My jealousy issues have always been an issue. How do I overcome them? How do I become less tense and less worried when girls come around my boyfriend?
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. For context, ive had a rough childhood with my parents not being as nurturing and attentive as they should have been, and a lot of other issues (drugs, abusive to eachother, etc.). I think it has led me to become anxious, attached, jealous, and scared of abandonment. As well as just not feeling good enough for anyone. My first relationship, he had girls in his phone and would hang out with my bestfriend at night but at the time we were only like 12 so i didn’t think anything could happen, idk if it did. But i definitely felt hurt about him being around girls and texting them. My second relationship was abusive, mentally & physically, I was 13-15 years old. he ended up having girls’ nudes in his phone from his GUY friends sending them in their groupchat. My last relationship (i was 15/16) he went on vacation with his brothers and i found out they went on a yacht with several girls in bikinis that were dancing around them. after we broke up after 10months, his bestfriend’s ex told me that he would dm girls through insta (had his notifs off so i couldn’t see) and talked to his bestfriend about other girls.
Anyways, all throughout these relationships I have been so scared of other girls being more interesting to them. I’m scared of their friends that are girls or in general just any girls that come around. I’m very insecure but I just find everyone so beautiful so it’s hard to believe I am the best girlfriend for my current boyfriend. My current bf (18) is the best thing to happen to me. We’ve been together for over a year now, and he communicates with me so well and understands everything I’ve gone through. We spend every day together, we sleep together every night. we practically live together. For some reason I am insanely jealous, when he goes out I must know who will be there, if there’s girls I will panic. However, he respects me enough to not go out if girls are going to be there. He lets me know what he’s doing, who he’s with, etc, without me having to ask. Even if I’m with him, I will start to panic and become nonverbal and shut down if girls happen to be hanging out with us (if his friends happen to invite girls). He doesn’t text any girls, but I still get anxious that one night he will decide to. He reassures me every day and notices my mood shifts the second it happens. He knows me more than I know myself. I think we are soulmates, but i know we are so young. That’s what scares me too- This is going so well, but my jealousy issues definitely get the best of me. Usually relationships don’t last from a young age but we both have very mature mindsets. Anyways, From coworkers, to neighbors, to family friends, to my girl bestfriends, to classmates, I get so anxious of any girl being around the guy I am dating. Even if she’s my greatest friend. I need serious help, I need guidance on where to start. We have to ditch plans if they happen to involve girls- this is how serious it is. In a situation where a girl is around, I will start to think that every interaction they make is flirting or eventually will lead to feelings involved. Why? I know he loves me, I know he would not hurt me. It just makes me so uncomfortable to even think about a girl being friends with him. I think of it as pointless, like why do they need to be friends? I have 2 guy friends- one is trans and one is gay. No straight guy friends. I need some sense of direction, I start therapy soon and i will bring it up. I want to be better for him, i want to make this last. Any advice or feedback is helpful
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Academic-Ad4605 on 2023-12-31 04:25:28+00:00.
27F and 35M together for 7 years. I love my boyfriend but I think I’ve fallen out of love. He’s a great man with a lot of great qualities. Kind, funny, would make a great dad but I don’t think those things are enough for me anymore. I don’t feel like I’ve truly been happy with him in years. Something always feels off. We’ve had the same arguments about my need for more love and affection. I have explained exactly what I need from him in order to feel loved in the relationship; compliments, small surprises, physical intimacy, to feel like he finds me attractive again. He does cook for me and pours me a drink when I get home from a long work day but I think that’s because that’s what he likes to be done for him. We rarely have sex (once within the past 4 months) even though he says he wants it. He insists that he is giving me the things I’ve asked for even though his efforts only last about a week. The ups and downs kill me. We’ve had discussions about getting engaged, he said it was coming soon. About 6 months ago I was sooo excited for that day to come but the same feelings of loneliness and unhappiness keep coming back. Recently told him I don’t think I’m ready for that step but I’m afraid he didn’t take it seriously. We also just moved in together over a month ago. Spent a good amount of time renovating his family’s old house (no we don’t own it) so I feel like an asshole getting to this point now. There have been multiple conversations over the years about breaking up if things don’t change. I feel stupid for pushing it to this point and giving him so many opportunities. I love him and don’t want to hurt him but I don’t think I’ll ever be completely happy. I’m also worried it may be a mistake if I do end it. Can it turn out the way I want it to?
And before the men come for me saying that I probably don’t do anything for him and that I’m too needy, I have asked multiple times what I can do for him. He says he’s happy and that he doesn’t need anything, just for me to be happy.
TL;DR 27F wanting to end 7 year relationship with 35M despite just moving in together
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cheeseandonionpringl on 2023-12-31 10:38:34+00:00.
Hey everyone!
I’m here to ask for advice on an overly complex situation i’m in. For context, me (F19) and my boyfriend (M19) spent christmas with his family. He’s got a twin sibling (19) who’s also brought his partner, called D (M21) for christmas.
I’ve met D before and we didn’t quite hit it off. I’m aware he’s got depression, autism and is on some sort of medication. I’ve tried to be nice the last time we met but he kind of showed he didn’t like my workplace/company from the way he talked. Other than that he usually isolates in his partner’s room when he’s around.
Over Christmas, I have tried to make conversation with him by talking about common interests. D has repeatedly shut it down by not replying/not making conversation/making the topic political by pointing out massive flaws though sometimes the stuff I bring up are satirical in nature (E.g the Book of Mormon musical). I have tried talking about other things but he has straight up said “I don’t want to hear it.”
I cried to my boyfriend that night and he said that his sibling was upset at the situation and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. The next day, his sibling speaks to my boyfriend (at the sibling’s volition) and he reports back that they apologised. They realised that their boyfriend was overly rude and aggressive but there was a reason for it. Which was that he was on a different type of medication, and that medication made him lack sleep thus making them cranky and aggressive.
Though i appreciated the apology, i feel that it should’ve been direct to me and that he shouldn’t be using the excuse that he was struggling with his sleep to be disrespectful. They left for a few days and came back on Christmas eve. I did not interact much but when I saw D, i said hi nicely but he looked at me as if I had pissed him off
On Christmas day itself, D did not open any of the presents neither did he say thank you when I handed him his. He gave more or less of a blank stare. My boyfriend and I noticed alongside my boyfriend’s mum. She did approach me after and said that it wasn’t anything to do with me he was acting this way, and that I should leave him be to sort his issues.
There are more instances where D has isolated his partner from the rest of family on Christmas day, by holding them back from going to another member’s house a few hours after we left for unsaid reasons, alongside asking his partner to go on walks especially during family time (and at 9pm, seriously?).
D continues to speak normally (with a smile) to other guests but straight up ignores me for the rest of Christmas day and boxing day.
My boyfriend has agreed that this was irritating and that he’ll speak to his sibling about this tomorrow. In the meantime, I want to ask if i’m being a massive douche for being upset at D? I want to be accommodating as much as I want to respect my boyfriend’s family - but I am starting to get annoyed and disrespected at how D is projecting it onto me.
Any advice helps. Thanks!
TLDR: boyfriend’s sibling’s partner is overly rude, unpredictable due to apparent autism and depression
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Glad-Pension-8712 on 2023-12-31 03:01:17+00:00.
HI me (19f) my best friend (19f) Lucy have been besties since we was 16. we both started new school as she was from another country and i wasn't with my group of friends. so we didn't know anyone and we clicked straight away we hung out everyday we was there for each others lowest times everyone knew us as the duo that was always together I introduced her to my close group of friends but we was the closest the tightest and wouldn't go anywhere without eachother.
This summer she went back to her home country and before she went I never went to see her and say goodbye as I had recently been hanging out with Ellie (19f) and she felt hurt so we didn't speak for a couple of days when she was on holiday but we made up but then she started acting weird when we would call she kept taking about how she never wanted to come back and how much fun she was having on her holiday with her old childhood friends I felt upset as i felt I didn't mean anything to her
so I confided in a friend from our group ellie and she told me how she was being weird with her n she started ranting about how much she disliked her and so did I . I introduced Lucy to my group of friends n Ellie and her were cool. They hung multiple time . A couple days before Lucy came home she rang me crying drunk saying how sorry she was for being weird to me and how she never wants to leave me.
Lucy came home and never told me she didn't reach out to hang so I never . By this time me and Ellie hung out the whole summer and became really close . Ellie came to the conclusion that she never wanted to speak to Lucy again and blocked her on everything and told me to the same .Ellie would tell me how Lucy doesn't respect me and our friendship was all lies and just say I should end it with Lucy and never speak to her again Lucy didn't really care as she was never super clos with her . So me n Lucy never spoke for 1 months when she came back. This was the longest we have ever not spoken for. Also it didn't help as I got kicked out of school and transferred to a different one.
So I finally reached out n asked to hang we hung and she confessed to me how she felt betrayed by me speaking bad about her to Ellie. I hung out with Lucy last in November (month ago )she went ghost we havnt spoke november im now super close with ellie but it's not the same I miss lucy she is now alone and has no one I didn't meant to I was hurt so I said some awful stuff about her but I love her and she was the only one who understood was it my fault? Shall I reach out ?im scared she'll reject me Can someone please tell me what to do
tl;dr I spoke bad about my bsf and now we don’t speak she is waiting for me to reach out and make amends shall I fix it
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/melissani7 on 2023-12-31 09:34:19+00:00.
TL;DR; : my (34f) close friend (32f) started acting distant and now we don't speak at all
My (34f) close friend (32f) started acting distant and now we don't speak at all.
I met my friend at my daughters school 5 years ago and we've been close ever since. Her son and my daughter are in the same class and were always really good friends. They still are but with a brother/sister kind of thing because they have spent a lot of time together outside of school as well. We would look after each others kids whenever was needed, she would pick my daughter up while I'm working and I'd have hers regularly too. We also did a lot together without kids, it wasn't just a friendship based on them. We were also all supposed to go on holiday together next year with all the kids and our partners.
I'm going to break down what's happened below to see what other people think as honestly I'm struggling to understand whats gone wrong
- my friend had a baby 2 months ago & I threw the baby shower for her, including all expenses & organising. Whilst at the shower she spent most of her time with other friends. I was a little hurt but she had no idea and I never mentioned anything. Her partner also never thanked us or came to speak whilst we were there. I spent most of the time with her parents and grandparents (I'm also close to them)
-her son has been quite mean to my daughter and we've had to have a conversation about it a few times, she knows he's been doing this and as far as I'm aware there's no issue, our friendship was always great outside of our kids too and it's not been talked about for at least a month.
-as well as my relationship with her I'm also close to her kids, (4f) and 8(m) and I thought she was to mine. When my daughters birthday came around she said she was too ill to attend, she was in bed sick. We live a 2minute walk away but she later posted photos of herself & family out playing in snow. She also never wished my daughter happy birthday. This was hard for my daughter as she loves her very much. For a few days I was kind of annoyed and didn't reach out or wait for her as usual after taking my child to school. It blew over and things carried on
-She regularly does things with other friends now but does not ever invite me to anything
-I dropped off presents for her kids on Xmas eve, she said she would see us on the 27th to bring a gift for my daughter but I've heard nothing since Xmas eve. I haven't reached out because its always me doing so.
-i confided in her that my father Is awaiting biopsy results for the C and how troubling it was going to be waiting over the Xmas period and cried to her. She hasn't asked again.
-I always ask how her family is and just ask about things in general, she never asks about mine or anything about my life. One time her dad thanked me for being a good friend and 'putting up with her bullshit'
-anything I say she turns back around to something that's happened or happening to her. I've recently noticed this.
As far as I'm aware I haven't done anything wrong, I like to be accountable to myself and if I do offend I apologise and own my mistakes. I'm sad I have lost a friend but I'm starting to think it all was one sided and I was just blind to it For me this seemed to all start when she's had the baby, I was there at the hospital visiting because she invited me. She met her partner in January and they got pregnant straight away. He's nice but i don't know if she's threatened by me with him around or she just doesn't need me anymore.
What would you do?
Thanks
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/livmusicx on 2023-12-31 02:55:44+00:00.
So my boyfriend said in early November (last month) that he wanted to spend nye with me. So I was happy with that and suggested a party that my close friend throws every year (I’ve known her for 11+ years) but she is also soon moving and I may not see her for a veryyy long time (due to scheduling). So he was very happy with the idea but then comes Boxing Day when I ask him if he’s still okay with going but then he texts me to say he’s “promised” his friends that he’d go to a club. He asked me if I wanted to go but I said that I was going to my friends party like we had both agreed on. Now keep in mind my bf is very easily influenced by his friends and this isn’t the first time he’s done this (it was my birthday a few months ago and I planned for him and my friends to go out drinking for my birthday but he said that he ‘forgot’ and couldn’t go due to him having work early the next morning, fast forward an hour and he texts me saying he’s going to the pub with his friends. I was fuming) so he texted me and I hadn’t answered because I was trying to figure out what I was going to tell my friend as she was asking to verify how many people are going for drinks and food and whatnot. He then texts me saying he told them that he’s not going to the club with them anymore. So I called him because I was confused and he told me that he didn’t actually tell them and he only said that because he just wanted me to answer him because he thought I was angry. Obviously I was hurt because he had just lied to me, so then I said I didn’t care I just want him to decide what he’s doing and tell me so I know what’s going on. He had now informed me that he’s unsure on what he wants to do (obviously he could tell I wanted him to spend our first nye with me but I didn’t wanna say that as it may make the decision a lot more difficult for him.) (Also we have the same friends so there’s no hatred there, but our friends have always relied on my bf to be the friend that is always home and always free, but now he has a job and a girlfriend so his time is more strained but he still sees them a fair bit). He then tells me that he’s decided he’s gonna meet them before to have a drink then when they go to the club at 9pm then he’ll get an Uber to my friends and I’m more than okay with that and he seems happy with it too, but he’s told me that he hasn’t told his friends that He’s going to see me because he’s worried he’ll get teased by them and he keeps saying he’s worried if his friends are okay with the plan, but his friends aren’t even aware that I’m apart of his ‘plans’.
How should I talk to him about this?
Td;lr! my boyfriend (m19) of 8 months agreed to be with me (f19) for New Years but ‘promised’ to spend New Years with his friends.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No_Bed858 on 2023-12-31 09:18:29+00:00.
I recently ended a relationship with a person (let's call him B) who I loved very much. A little bit of context is required here: My relationship with B started a few years after a previous relationship where I was cheated on multiple times. In that relationship, cheating was a way for my then partner to exit a relationship without having to say it clearly. It was extremely hurtful. When I met B, I came with this baggage. And initially, didn't even know what I wanted in my relationship with him. I knew that he was a womaniser. I knew he was seeing one other person along with me. But I thought, we will keep things casual. Until they were not. Both of us were head over heels in love with each other. I tried to give an open relationship a shot since B had already said he was seeing other people. But B also had this compulsive habit of lying. If he was busy meeting another partner, he would lie to me about where he was. I started snooping on him. And when I confronted him with all this, he started owning it up. But he would still try to hide things I could not verify. All of this was very anxiety-inducing. I also realised during this time that l prefer monogamy. Part of my anxiety was also coming from the fact that I was trying so hard to adjust to something that wasn't true to my sensibility. B saw me struggling. Apologised for his lying and hiding. But my ability to trust him was severely affected because of all of this. I ended things with him, saying I am not a person who can accept you seeing other people. He could not let go of me. Since the other person he was seeing was more in the space of a casual relationship, he let go of her to give monogamy a shot with me. But even then, he continued to lie to me, hide things from me, violate my boundaries and then cover it up with, 'I love you and you are the person I come back to.' When I confronted him, he offered me his phone saying that I can see everything about him while he works on not lying to me. Meanwhile, the lying continued. Some examples: He met an ex he has been in love with very deeply on his birthday last year and lied to me about how he did not have time to see me that day, he met her again and lied to me about it again, he also kissed a person he met somewhere and hid it from me until I found a photo of them kissing in the trash folder on his phone, he met another ex without telling me about it. He justified all of this by saying that what can be a greater act of transparency than handing me his phone. We had started the relationship with an intention to see if monogamy works for him or not and it ended feeling like a power struggle to me. B was either doing whatever he wanted to do disregarding how I would feel about it or offering total control over him to me (when I would confront him about these things and tell him that I feel hurt, he would sit me down lovingly and ask me what he should do instead and I found him agreeing with me all the time.) This felt like he was giving me his reins without thinking if my boundaries are the boundaries he wants for himself or not.I didn't want control. I wanted honesty.
I suggested taking some time out, thinking about what we want in our relationships, but he could not imagine letting go of me. He would never stay even a day apart from me. And he would never think about what he wanted. And all of this made me more mistrustful of him: him saying yes to everything. Few days back, he went and met up with an old friend who he had once kissed and at one point in time, also wanted to be in a relationship with. He came back and told me that she treated him like her "husband." And I lost it. I told him that this is the kind of stuff that makes me "uncomfortable," this lack of boundaries in his relationships with women, all women in his life. And he was livid. He told me that this was just a great friendship where lines have never been crossed. I brought up the kiss. He didn't address it and instead attacked me. He brought up my male friends I am close to, a guy I kissed before I met him who I am still in touch with and am friends with, a new guy friend I recently met, who he assumes likes me (despite no such gesture by this friend towards me), to prove the point that he is accepting of all these relationships and is not bothered by them because he understands human nature and relationships better, he is progressive and open-minded, while I am 'sick' and 'mistrusting.' B called me narrow-minded, insecure, attacked me with lots of other adjectives. He accused me of hypocrisy, saying that when I indulge in these relationships with men, i call it friendship, when he does, i say that it is hurtful to me. After this, we broke up. He told me I am sick and he hopes that I do something about my 'sickness' before I love someone else.
And this is something that has stayed with me since. Am I sick? Isn't my inability to trust him more about my experience about my last relationship and my experience with him rather than some 'sickness?' I don't wanna be sick. What if this is true and I have actually lost my ability to trust people? I am scared.
Am I being a hypocrite here? Am I doing the same things that he is doing and justifying it, while expecting him to behave differently in the same situations? Am I a hypocrite? I feel befuddled. I don't want to a person who is blind to their own double-standards. I also don't want to be a person who controls people they love. And I certainlu don't want to be blind to this and carry it to my next relationship. This is what worries me.
Also, in my many exchanges with him in the past about this friend he visited, my honest take away was that there was a little more than friendship between them. I had also asked him nicely if this could be something more than friendship. And he was very offended by my question. He just snapped in the middle of the conversation and didn't speak to me for the next day. What I wanted here was to have an honest conversation with him about it and about whether we are the right people for each other who can support these choices. Was that too much to expect?
TL;DR: My ex-partner has accused me of being narrow-minded, mistrustful & hypocrite in our relationship before breaking up.
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sea_Conversation_523 on 2023-12-31 09:01:48+00:00.
So, we got together in 2019. I lived with my mom then; and when I met my girlfriend she already had a job. It was kinda long distance if a 2 hour car ride is distance enough. Dates felt short lived so after about a year we decided to move in with each other at her parents instead. Well, this was around the time she quit her job. I'm like "alright, that's fine. I have an income we can totally get by for now under your parents place while we look for apartments and you look for a job".
Fast forward to 2021 her mother kinda kicked us out of the nest well before we were prepared. It's been 2 years she's gone through a couple of very short lived jobs, not enough to put a deposit down and my income wasn't high enough to get us any apartments on our own. So we are currently in subsidized housing to this day.
Again, another couple years pass and we're going into a half a decade together at this point. She, gets jobs every now and then but are short lived, and not long enough to help out with bills. Like, rent, utilities, etc. she'll get necessities every now and then, but I hate being so broke every month and having us struggle to maintain what we need every other.
For context she's also disabled so finding a job is difficult for her and has applied and gotten rejected for disability a few times over, and hasn't heard from or gotten any further than a court date with a lawyer that she was rejected once again for disability at and that was back in july. She hasn't even been able to reach out to her lawyer for months now and I told her she should look for different lawyers.
But currently she has no income besides her portion of food stamps and watched YouTube or plays Minecraft most of the time not applying or looking for resources which I feel like I should be catching her doing that way more in comparison. It infuriates me quite a bit because I always hear from her she apples for 2-3 applications then stops for months until she can find the motivation & on top of this I am exhausted doing so much housework.
I just feel used and I'm trying so hard but idk if I should leave her for that. I have even recently gotten accepted into a college and have my own personal goals to look forward too as well for an art degree. But I'm scared I won't be able to pay for it even if FAFSA covers most especially if I have to pay on my girlfriends end for things. Idk if I sound too harsh, and idk if it's even worth it because it feels like things wouldn't even be cheaper for me in the long run if I lived by myself. I'm disabled too so I dont make a lot which is why we're in subsidized in the first place and only get 100 a month in food stamps, no license due to my disability. I just don't want to be trapped like this forever but 5 years without much to any financial help seems like a long time to be holding onto any hope that we're going to get much further as a couple.
(Tldr; my disabled girlfriend with no income hasn't helped pay the bills in 5 years. Advice?)