Relationships

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1901
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/UnpopularBoop on 2023-12-31 02:45:26+00:00.


Hi there, I'm mostly ranting I think but I'm not sure if I can better myself and need some outside perspective.

Recently engaged to my (30f) fiancé (33m), we've lived together about 2 years and it's been mostly good. Some bumps in the beginning because our living styles are different (I prefer a much neater home than he does), but we've talked recently about how we feel we've reached a middle ground with that issue.

I'll start by saying that we're both pretty sure he has undiagnosed ADD. In the years we've been together, I've noticed that he is very quick to jump to his own defense and explodes when he feels I've been "nagging him," to the point where it turns into a screaming match and I'm always the first to apologize.

Today, he had a lot of energy for the first time in a couple weeks since we've been sick, and decided to get a lot done around the house that has been needing to get done. I told him I appreciate it all because it was a lot of exhausting things that he chose to do in one day, and pointed out that he looked stressed and probably needed a break soon. So he took one.

I said throughout the eight hours that I've been home: "ah I wish you'd finished the almost done paper towel roll before starting a new one since we're almost out," "there are a lot of things around that we need to clean up," and the only thing I actually made a bigger deal about was a can of chemical without a lid in the hallway (we have 2 dogs -- mine before I moved in, that are chaotic.)

He just freaked out and told me all I do is criticize him and point out how much he's f***ing up everything. I was like "no, I've literally said multiple times today how much you're doing and how much I appreciate it." So he's starts yelling at me about how none of the stuff I mentioned is a big deal and asking me why I even say things like that to him.

It turns into a screaming match of me saying the only thing I actually cared about was the chemicals on the floor in the hallway because of my dogs. He goes on to dismiss me multiple times, "I don't want to have to worry about the dogs every time I do something because they're stupid," "it's not a f***ing bomb that's going to go off, nothing would happen anyway." And I try to point out that I'm trying to protect my dogs from any potential hazard because they have a history of finding things to get into.

At no point when I was saying any of the negative things was I blaming him or trying to say he's stupid or messing everything up. I don't know how it comes across, he's saying it's how I say it. So now he's done taking his break and he's aggressively stomping around the house cleaning up all the items left out. Even with the chemical in the hallway, all I had said was "there's this here, I'm going to pick it up and put it back on the shelf because of the dogs, it really shouldn't be there."

Am I overly critical? I don't want to be like that towards my partner, but I truly am not trying to target him -- most of the time I'm thinking out loud. I'm starting to feel like I need to filter myself every time I talk.

Of note, I usually do all the house maintenance things, and have been asking him to do one particular task he did today for about 5 months, have pointed it out probably 1-2 times per month since and just expressed my desire for it to get done so I could use the broken object again.

I don't know what to think. If it's me I want to know. If it's both of us that would make the most sense because it takes two people to communicate.

Please help.

Tldr; I feel like I need to monitor what I say to my partner because he immediately become aggressively defensive, will never apologize for things he says or does, and tells me I'm overly critical.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/rijebeir373783 on 2023-12-31 01:44:17+00:00.


My boyfriend of 5 years recently got a new job and we’re moving together to a city(I work fully remote so can move with him whenever).

He will be making 4 times more than me with his new job, and while I feel very happy for him having a fulfilling career(it motivates me to work harder too) I’m feeling dreadful about living in the city together.

The problem is that the new place is much more expensive than where we currently live, and the minimum rent he proposed to me(to live somewhere decent while taking into account my low salary) is still beyond my budget.

I won’t have much money left after spending for all the necessities. My family has told me it wouldn’t be fair for me to pay the same amount as him for rent bills etc. when I’m moving somewhere too expensive for me only because of his relocation. When I tried to discuss this my boyfriend said it’s a reasonable price since if I were to stay alone in our current location I’d still have to pay around the same(although I disagree since I’m quite frugal when I’m alone, and I could even move back to my cheaper home country with my remote job). He’s confused why I’m so concerned since he thinks it’s not like I will be completely running out of money.

How do I navigate this situation with thoughtfulness and positivity?

TL;DR; : I’m moving to an expensive city due to my boyfriend’s relocation. The living costs we will be sharing is beyond my budget. Need some advice!

1903
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Moving Location (zerobytes.monster)
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Efficient-Teach7757 on 2023-12-30 23:06:31+00:00.


I (25M) live with my girlfriend (28F) in London. I am originally from the north of England and grew up in a countryside setting with lots of space and very little signs of any big cities at all.

I’ve lived there for 4 years and we have been together 3 years. We’ve made vague plans about “going travelling” in the next 5 years but nothing set in stone at all. I don’t even know if I want to quit my job and travel. I enjoy my job and am doing well. Every time I come back home I feel sad at the prospect of leaving to return to London - nothing to do with the relationship at all. I just feel trapped in the city with little opportunity to do the things I love, cycling, trail running, hiking & climbing. All outdoor pursuits basically.

She is open to moving out of London but wants to be near family who live in Kent. I want to move back north and possible to Scotland to be able to get a larger house for the money, maybe a renovation project. For me I am not enjoying the quality of life London is giving me right now. I earn a good salary and have a nice flat. I just don’t think the city is where I want to be anymore. How do I approach this with her? I understand I need to compromise, but where do I draw the line and just go for what I really want with my life and where I want to be?

TLDR. I’ve lived in London for 3 years with my partner. Originally from the countryside and feel the city is stopping me pursuing an outdoor countryside lifestyle I grew up with. No problems with the relationship although sometimes I feel a lack of things in common.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yoyoyk- on 2023-12-30 23:37:37+00:00.


Boxing Day (23F) my boyfriend (24M) spends it at his dad’s house with his dads family, so we both went at midday and at 6.30pm, 6 hours i had been there, I told him that I was going to leave soon and he got upset and asked why and I said I have nothing to do and that he keeps leaving me which is true - that entire day I had spoken to him maybe once or twice, he kept leaving me which is fine except I don’t know anyone!

They are all so lovely but everyone knows each other so well, and I didn’t really have any one to talk to, just occasional conversation, and they really are lovely but I get really social anxiety and I just felt a bit left out and out of place and my boyfriend kept leaving me, he was not with me the entire day.

But then when I pointed it out, he seemed upset and said that I should’ve told him if I felt left out but I didn’t want to, because it’s his family thing and he always gets so defensive. I just wanted to go back home because I wasn’t feeling entirely comfortable and I was just kind of lingering around, sitting alone with nothing to do.

Then I asked him if he was upset at me and he said yes because I just decided to up and leave him but that entire day, I left about an hour ago at 8pm so I stayed from 12-8, the whole time we hadn’t spoken all day nothing at all, I just felt really out of place and isolated and confused but now he’s just angry at me and he told his dad that I didn’t feel comfortable so now I feel even more self conscious to be around them ever again. :(

The day after he continued this, and was clearly still upset, and I just can’t seem to understand his point.

I couldn’t attach the pictures of conversation day after because of the sub rules, but I will send because I’m so confused.

I can’t even really seem to understand his point.

Tl:dr I left my boyfriends family event and now he has been upset at me for days

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Academic-Ad4605 on 2023-12-30 23:30:18+00:00.


27F and 35M together for 7 years. I love my boyfriend but I think I’ve fallen out of love. He’s a great man with a lot of great qualities. Kind, funny, would make a great dad but I don’t think those things are enough for me anymore. I don’t feel like I’ve truly been happy with him in years. Something always feels off. We’ve had the same arguments about my need for more love and affection. I have explained exactly what I need from him in order to feel loved in the relationship; compliments, small surprises, physical intimacy, to feel like he finds me attractive again. He does cook for me and pours me a drink when I get home from a long work day but I think that’s because that’s what he likes to be done for him. We rarely have sex (once within the past 4 months) even though he says he wants it. He insists that he is giving me the things I’ve asked for even though his efforts only last about a week. The ups and downs kill me. We’ve had discussions about getting engaged, he said it was coming soon. About 6 months ago I was sooo excited for that day to come but the same feelings of loneliness and unhappiness keep coming back. Recently told him I don’t think I’m ready for that step but I’m afraid he didn’t take it seriously. We also just moved in together over a month ago. Spent a good amount of time renovating his family’s old house (no we don’t own it) so I feel like an asshole getting to this point now. There have been multiple conversations over the years about breaking up if things don’t change. I feel stupid for pushing it to this point and giving him so many opportunities. I love him and don’t want to hurt him but I don’t think I’ll ever be completely happy. I’m also worried it may be a mistake if I do end it. Am I over this relationship?

And before the men come for me saying that I probably don’t do anything for him and that I’m too needy, I have asked multiple times what I can do for him. He says he’s happy and that he doesn’t need anything, just for me to be happy.

TL;DR 27F ready to end 7 year relationship with 35M

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/RAThrowaway_WA on 2023-12-30 23:27:41+00:00.


Names have been changed.

My older brother, Kevin, has 2 kids with his wife, Lisa (40F); Frank and Abbie. Frank is a low functioning autistic. Last night, I learned during the family Christmas get-together that Frank had been physically abusing Abbie for years. This morning, I had to get Abbie out of her house before Frank could hit her with her softball bat. Because I was worried for other people's safety, I got the police involved. They did a welfare check at Kevin's house and got our statements.

Kevin is furious with me right now. I don't know if he doesn't realize just how bad the abuse was, or if he's in denial or what. He's been telling the rest of our families and friends that I'm the bad guy for involving the police in a "small family dispute" (his words, not mine). Kevin also told me that he was scared for Frank getting arrested for aggravated assault charges because "he can't control who he is" (again, his words, not mine).

I lost my temper and told him that he and Lisa were horrible people for letting this happen and that they'll be lucky if they still have a daughter when this all settles down. I even asked him if it was going to take the sight of Abbie being taken to the hospital or the morgue before he realizes what a monster he and Lisa have created. I know that probably wasn't the right thing to say but I was so angry.

As much as I don't want to blame Kevin for reacting the way he did (I would probably react the same way if the situation was reversed)...I'm pissed at him for allowing Frank to abuse Abbie like that. They dropped the ball big time on their daughter. She's got a black eye from yesterday when Frank punched her for her Christmas gift. She's also a nervous wreck, blaming herself for all of this going down when Lisa went on her for the welfare check.

I've been looking for therapists for her and convinced her to turn off her phone rather than listen to her parents. I also got takeout from her favorite restaurant and playing video games with her, just to take her mind off of the day.

Abbie has asked me if she can permanently stay with me and I've agreed. I'm going to have to remain in contact with them because it's clearly not safe for Abbie to return, at least as long as Frank is there.

This is the first time I've ever seen Frank violent enough to hurt someone. Whenever I've been around him, except for a few times that he's had a meltdown...he's always been sweet, loving and caring. After everything that has happened in the last 24 hours, I'm wondering if that was all a lie. Seeing him come after his sister with her softball bat still disturbs me.

And as angry as I am at Kevin...I don't want to lose my relationship with him. We were as thick as thieves growing up and we've always had each other's backs. Several years ago, I was let go and was facing homelessness. Kevin and Lisa opened their home to me, despite being up to their eyeballs in student loan debt. They let me stay until I was able to get a place to live and a better paying job. They even refused to let me pay rent/utilities, telling me that "we're family and you'd help us out if the situation was reversed".

He's my big brother and I still love him, even though I'm pissed at him.

I'm not ready to torpedo my relationships with Kevin, Lisa and Frank...but if Abbie's wellbeing means doing that, then so be it. It's time someone looked out for her for once.

So once our tempers have stopped flaring; how do we rebuild so at least things are civil between us?

TLDR: My autistic nephew's abuse of his younger sister has driven a wedge in our family and I don't know how to remain civil in regards to my niece's care.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FoodProfessional5941 on 2023-12-30 20:24:41+00:00.


Bf (27) and I (24f) have been together 5 months. Two nights ago we were cuddling on my couch after he opened presents i got him, and it was a very nice evening. We were watching tv on my playstation and for a moment it glitched and took me back to the profile sign-in that appears on startup.

For background, my ex of 3 years who i stopped dating a year ago had made a profile on my ps4 in our first year of dating. When my current bf and i started dating, he expressed dislike of it still being there, and without thinking twice, i deleted it.

It reappeared, and I don't know how or why, but he found it suspicious. On one hand, i understand his thinking, but i didn't appreciate the way he went about bringing it up over text after he left my place, and things got cold between us.

He couldn't take my sincere 'i dont know' for an answer of truth, and insisted he needed an explanation. Nothing i try to find online supports my reality that this is weird and i dont know how it could've gotten there, and so he finds it even more suspicious.

We had a talk an hour ago, where he asked me to tell him the truth, and i did, again, asserting i really wish i had an explanation but dont, and the two avenues of finding an answer are that he call playstation and find out for himself what isnt available online, or that i text my ex and ask him about recent activity on his ps account that mightve affected mine somehow.

I'm not sure if my bf truly did anything wrong, but i cant help but feel stuck. Im not even sure if i wanna move forward in the relationship. I feel like if this was enough for him to not trust me at my word, we're screwed down the line when/if bigger issues come up.

Tldr;;

Bf saw a previously deleted ex's profile reappear on my playstation and i dont know how or why it did that. He's suspicious of me beyond my assertions that i really dont know how it got there and theres not much online resource to back up my truth. Even if he does trust and believe me, im now unsure about how to move on from this feeling.

Need advice on how to move forward, please.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anientwkaldmgwmbd on 2023-12-30 23:00:44+00:00.


TL;DR: I’m trying to accumulate enough strength to leave a toxic relationship

This is a throwaway account since my boyfriend knows my regular account handle. I apologize in advance for any rambling, this is part venting and part self-motivational post. I guess I’ve always know the right thing to do, but haven’t accumulated enough strength to do so.

I (27F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together and living together for over two years. The relationship has not been very smooth from the beginning, but it's been especially bad for about a year. I think "toxic" is an understatement for our relationship. We argue, or I should say have shouting matches, at least twice a week over the most trivial things. When the arguments get heated, he corners me, shouts in my face, and tells me to reflect on what I've done to make him act like this. He calls me names all the time, call me b- word, says I'm selfish and stupid. He pushes me, drags me, and pins me to the bed to "prevent me from doing anything extreme." Of course, afterward, he blames me for all his actions, insisting that it's not violence and he'd never "actually hit" me. Even with things as bad as this, he refuses to break up and goes to extreme lengths to prevent me from cutting him off. Despite accusing me of being the "emotional abuser," I won't elaborate because it only makes me feel even more stupid. I've called a domestic violence hotline before, but I didn't stick to the things they told me to do. I mean, how can I be so stupid to tolerate behaviors like that and let myself stay in situations like this?

I'm from another country, so I don't have a strong support network in the US. All I have is myself. I'm ashamed to admit to my friends that I'm in a situation like this, feeling like it's happening because I'm not independent and brave enough to leave.

Recently, I graduated and got my first stable full-time job in the States. However, we still have a lease together and share belongings. I don't have my own car, so I feel trapped. But for the first time, when he shouted for me to get lost, I feel like I'm not completely defenseless. I've been saving for a car and am ready to move to another state if necessary. I don't know how long it will take me, but I'll be brave and never look back this time.

Thank you for reading, I hope next time I can share some good updates.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/womanoftech on 2023-12-30 22:56:40+00:00.


You can refer to my previous post for context but basically I (23F) separated from my spouse (24M) three weeks ago, he went to a bridge by my house on Christmas and said he was going to unalive himself, then said he was fine 2 hours later and asked to pick up our 2 year old child and keep her for a few days.

Until this event we’ve been trading off and he’s had her overnights with no issues. I’ve been doing supervised visits with him since and told him that unless there’s a statement from a doctor stating that he is mentally stable, I won’t allow our child to be alone or have overnight stays with him. He is upset and insisting I am being too controlling and that he has a right to have his child without proving anything to me. He also states that he never said he was s******* but his family extrapolated his mental condition to me that night.

He is insisting on picking her up tomorrow morning and keeping her overnight. If I withhold the child, call his therapist's office on Monday and inform what is going on, what action can/will they take to ensure he is ok? Will they even provide a letter saying he is mentally sound?

TL;DR I'm not sure my husband is well enough mentally to have our toddler alone. What can I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Remarkable_Effort218 on 2023-12-30 20:16:01+00:00.


My fiancée and I see each other perhaps twice a week due to work and other commitments. She stays over every so often at the weekend or will be staying over for NYE. She’ll be moving into my place in February.

I live close to my parents’ home and see them every day. In the days that I wfh, I have lunch with them and go to their’s for dinner every evening that I’m home. I enjoy spending time with them too at the weekends if I’m home.

Whenever I ask my fiancée to call in and say hello when she’s over, she generally asks that we put a time limit on it, an hour or so. She says that as much as she enjoys seeing them, she may have things that she needs to do or that she feels that if we spend hours with my parents, it takes away from the little time that we have together. She generally calls to see them once a month or so as she’s not always at my place. Sometimes it can be maybe six weeks!

My parents adore her and I feel that she is very fond of them too so I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to spend more time with them.

My mother asks “when will we see L again” and I feel guilty if L has stayed over but hasn’t called to see my parents. I think that it’s disrespectful especially when my mother requests that she call in soon. I generally have to ask L if she will call in next time she’s over.

She should understand that my family mean the world to me so marrying me , in a way means that we will be spending some time with my parents.

TLDR; My (M43) fiancée (F35) doesn’t want to visit my parents’ home everytime she stays/calls over.

Edit: We’ve been together for 3.5 years, engaged for 6 months. We used to have more date nights but L started a new job a few months ago which requires a longer commute so a longer work day. She’ll have an even longer commute when she moves to my place. She also has couple of evenings a week where she has professional commitments.

L hasn’t exactly mentioned how many times a week she’ll visit my parents when we’re living together but to be completely honest, she has said that she’s curious how my schedule will change when we’re together. Perhaps this is what she’s been getting at.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ilaacsm on 2023-12-30 22:53:35+00:00.


TLDR: Sister is in a bad relationship but she won’t leave him. My family doesnt understand

—— I’m at a loss of advice and I don’t know how to help my sister. Late 20s. Never had a truly loving relationship, she always felt insecure no matter what (sleeping with makeup, insecure of seemingly small things like clothes, hair, etc). But this new guy sucks. And she just won’t leave him for good. If you’ve got time, here’s my rant lol:

For one year, she has been dating this shitty guy. He calls her stupid, says her family hates her, calls her ugly, etc. They break up every other month. He calls her immature, that she doesn’t know what’s she’s doing in life. Makes fun of her with his friends. She left to work in another town for a few months (they agreed to long distance) and when she said how much she missed him and asked if he missed her, he said “do you really want me to answer that?”

He is just mean too. Like talks back sarcastically to my entire family, calls her a “fucking idiot” and that she “needs vitamins” because she’s “so dumb”. He’s very rude, doesn’t smile. Even out in public he is short and curses at strangers. He is not physically abusive but he does scream. He is definitely emotionally abusive.

We’ve encouraged her to move on, focus on herself, pick up new hobbies, try new things, hangout more with friends. That she’s smart and capable and deserving of love. Planned days of fun (when they’re broken up) that’s she then cancels to go be with him the next morning. I just don’t understand why.

I was hoping for some insight from someone who might’ve been in this situation. I understand it has to come down to her decision, but can we encourage her in anyway? Or is it just a let be?

Thanks and sending prayers to anyone in bad relationships. There’s love out there and you are worthy of it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/InternationalCut749 on 2023-12-30 22:49:34+00:00.


My partner and I have been together for 2 years now, and we never fight about anything else except for money. I know that Reddit can be very harsh, but am willing to take the necessary steps.

Background: we both came from broken homes and are highly codependent and suffer from abandonment issues. I had a privileged childhood because of my high-earning father, but grew up anxious about money after watching my mother struggle financially post-divorce. He grew up in a lower-income broken household with a lack of financial literacy, and does not earn/save much.

We’re engaged at the moment, and have goals like homeownership and having kids. I’ve worked hard to scrimp and save 200k for a home purchase, and unfortunately he’s only got 5k tucked away. Tbh, I’m fine with this because I understand he’s younger than me, had a different environment growing up, and supports me emotionally. But I am a little sad because he tells me he is serious about our goals, but doesn’t save a penny because he spends 2-3k a month on food deliveries, gaming, and vapes.

For the past 2 years I’ve held back on comfort things and travelling - in part due to me wanting to save, but to be honest it’s mostly because if I wanted to go on a trip or do anything, he wouldn’t be able to recover from it financially if we went 50/50. I’m not a fan of budget travelling as it’s the one time I take a break from my highly stressful job, but grin and bare through it.

Eventually we want to have kids, but in this economy, I worry we won’t be able to afford diapers if I’m not working! So I’ve lost hope on having children tbh, and it’s all I ever really wanted.

The thing that drives me nuts: he gets annoyed when I ask if he could pay me back for his share for things. We have an upcoming trip planned for him to meet my family, and we agreed he’d pay for his ticket, and I’d pay for everything else. As I earn more, I’m covering 70%. it’s been 2-3 weeks now, and he still hadn’t paid me, or even given me a date on when to expect it (he knows I’m highly anxious about $). Earlier he said that he was gonna order some food delivery again (he does it daily), and I got so pissed off because he’s spent hundreds on food but can’t bother to pay me back 1k? I asked if he could pay me back before ordering food, and he immediately shut down and ignored me. After 20 mins of silence I asked him why he was mad and he said he was annoyed with me, and left it at that.

What am I doing wrong? How can I change? Is this what marriage is going to be like?

TLDR: We have different financial backgrounds and goals, but love each other deeply. I’m concerned about our future together - is it salvageable?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ornery-Try1460 on 2023-12-30 20:04:00+00:00.


My boyfriend (35M) and I (32F) work together and have only been together for a few months. Recently I went to meet him and a few colleagues at a bar, they had been there for a couple of hours already so had been drinking a bit.

When I arrived I sat opposite my boyfriend who was talking to a female colleague we don’t know very well, he didn’t say hi or acknowledge me, there’s no way he couldn’t have noticed I had arrived as it was a small table and there were just two others there. He didn’t say anything until about 20 minutes later another colleague jokingly told him to say hi to me and stop ignoring me which was humiliating.

We stayed at the bar for about another 3 hours, the whole time he only spoke to that one woman, they looked deep in conversation, a couple of times he whispered in her ear and he also put his hand on her leg, she pushed it away. To me, him ignoring me all night is hurtful, I understand we’re there socialise with others but we can also socialise with each other too. It was like I didn’t exist.

Now he’s decided to go away for our first New Year’s Eve on his own without me, rather than do something special together. Also on a daily basis he belittles me or makes me feel stupid in some way, he’s very judgemental and I can’t be myself or speak freely for fear of being judged/criticised.

He is trying to make me happy in other ways but I feel like there are too many red flags at such an early stage of our relationship. I’ve spoken to him about the way he speaks to me but he can’t seem to help it.

Should I give him a chance or find someone whose values are more aligned with mine in a relationship?

TL;DR; : Boyfriend (35M) ignored me (32F) all night while out with colleagues, he spoke to one woman all night and was touching her leg. Also belittles me and decided to spend NYE away without me. Should I give him a chance?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MeanGarage5767 on 2023-12-30 22:27:41+00:00.


My boyfriend (33M) and I (28W) are in a relationship for 4 years now and about to move in together.

We just had the talk around finances and a bit of an argument around splitting rent (I was in favour of income ratio and he prefers 50:50). Having g said this, he earns 2.5x what I earn. He brought up that he wants me to pay more % of the bills as I work from home 100% and he only works from home once a week. Do you think that's fair?

Also, on the splitting rent note. What's your stance on this? He views his salary as his money and doesn't see why he should pay more as it has nothing to do with me nor fairness that we would do so which I disagree with but am lost for arguments.

Tldr. I don't wanna pay more just because I am home more.

Edit: I do not have an extra room to work from, I am & will work in the living room.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lost_Soul_141 on 2023-12-30 19:33:06+00:00.


My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now. He admitted to me last night that he hasn't been feeling as happy as he was when we first started. He told me that he's been feeling like this since December 1st. I asked him if he still liked me romantically and he said yes, he just doesn't feel as in love with me as he was. He has agreed that we can try to fix it but I'm not sure where to start.

TL;DR!- My boyfriend isn't happy with me anymore and I need advice about how to start fixing this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cielpurificada on 2023-12-30 18:24:56+00:00.


My brother (21m) used to be a very disciplined, logical, and calm person. He also used to be very into self help books, books on how to be wealthy. He would go to the gym every single day for 3 hours a day. He’s gained a lot of muscle and changed his eating habits. He’s also always been a calm person. I’ve never seen him rage before.

After he graduated, he and his girlfriend started spending 100% of their time together. He would leave my parents home at 10am to the gym, and after his gym session he would go to his girlfriends house and spend it there until 12pm or 1am the next day. He would only come home to sleep.

He’s really into self help books and videos, and he decided it would be the best for him to go to university, and we all agreed! But his gf was constantly telling him to not go. She eventually said he could go, but that he had to come and visit her once a week every single week. University was 3.5 hours away, and he would be staying at a dorm. He did that for a semester. But because he would travel every week back and forth home just to see his gf, he failed all his classes and moved in back home right after 1 semester.

Right after his university attempt he went to therapy, and he confided to me that the therapist told him he spends way too much time with his girlfriend.

It’s been years after his university attempt, and he’s still living in my parents home, leaving home in the morning to his gf’s home, and he comes back until midnight or 1am. He’s eventually stopped going to the gym because he’s been spending more of his time with his gf. He’s still really into self help/improvement things, but he’s done nothing to improve. He keeps saying he wants to try online schooling, but it’s been years. He hasn’t been able to get a job because he spends so much time at his gf’s house (his gf still lives with her parents). He’s been in limbo for so many years.

My family and I try to motivate him so he can try to get his life together. Some of us say, if you’re not gonna have a job, go to college! While others say, if you’re gonna give up on college, find a job! But every time we do that, he gets extremely angry and defensive. Both him and his gf don’t have jobs, but since they’re both so annoying by our “nagging” they are currently trying to move into a luxury apartment in Seattle.

Is my family wrong to worry about my brother? Or he young and just going through a phase?

Tl;dr: Brother’s gf demands he spends all his time with her. He spends all his time with her. He says it gives him no time to go to school or find a job. Both are living with parents. Both get angry if you suggest they get a job or go to school. I’m worried he won’t succeed like he really wants to succeed in life.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/TransitionNeat7896 on 2023-12-30 22:22:31+00:00.


Sorry for my english but it's not my first lenguage so i will try my best to avoid grammar mistakes or incorrect words.

So i have been with D for 4 years and from the beginning our relationship wasn't easy.

After 4 months of our relathionship D's parents died in a car accident and she became sad and depressed but i tried my best to be present for her and to be her rock.

She became distant, cold and sad. Our relationship became me trying to console her and to distract her from her dark thoughts(suicide). And this went on for 2 years. I wasn't anymore her boyfriend but i became her psychologist and our relationship was me going to her house when i found her crying and sad and this went on every single day. Finally after 2 very very long and difficult years she started smiling and being the girl i falled in love with. Unfortunetly all this joy was temporary because after 1 month i discovered that she was using drugs(cocaine) to "relieve the stress". I was shocked but again i tried my very best to help her. She didn't reacted well to my attempts to stop her and we started arguing and fighting every day for 6 months.

I was really thinking to leave her because i was really tired of all this sitatuion but come on i was her boyfriend and i wanted to put aside all my anger and to help her even if she didn't wanted me to. I remain calm and cold for her because i knew i was doing a good thing for her and i was trying my best to help her.

In those years i was studying to become a notary and i was alredy full of stress and doubts about what i wanted to do and then my gf became a drug addict so i passed very very toughts 6 months and i still have traumas of those months because i was completely alone trying to help her and she was pushing me away.

So at a certain point i had enough and convinced her(somehow) to go to a rehab center. After others 2 months of arguing and fighting, and she stealing the money from my wallet to finance her addictions, she finally accepted.

I was thinking that from now on every problem would disappear and finally i would had a one less problem to be focused on but i was tremendously wrong.

D's disintossication process was way more difficult than i ever expected. Not only she accepted to go to the rehab just for making me stop being worried for her but after 2 weeks there she cheated on me.

I was in shock because i was going trough hell for her, i never gave up on her even when i was very very close, i was working 2 jobs and studying to pay her the rehab center, our sexual life was non existing, i didn't heard a single good word coming from her since it all started but somehow i was still there for her to help her and she cheated on me.

Again i swallowed the hardest pill of my life and i forgived her trying to convince myself that she was weak, her mind wasn't ok and that she was going trough hard times.

After other 6 months of this hell she stopped using drugs but to the worst there is no limit and after only 2 months she stopped eating out of the blue. The doctors said that it was part of the process and she would start eating again when she will feel ready.

She became another girl and i wasn't anymore recognizing her. She lost a ton of weight and became anorexic. Needless to say i really reached my breaking point. I stopped sleeping, had a huge mental breakdwon and was really thinking to leave her. I never reached that point in my life and i was feeling like crap. I even started to go to a psychologist(which i'm going still now).

But i hided all this from my gf because i put her health and her mental stability above mine. So with all my last energies i tried to support her and fortunetly my studies ended all in the right time and i found the job immediatly. It was my really once positive thing in all this years.

Fortunetly my psychologist understood the situation and it was really liberating talking with him.

On my psychologist advice i convinced my gf too to go to a psychologist and she reluctantly accepted.

In 8 months we finally went trough even this and we started to be a "normal" couple.

Obviously what happened in this years gave me many traumas and shocks and i don't really know if i will ever went trough all of this.

The thing is that now i feel emptieted of all my possible energies and mental strenght. I feel always angry, i argue with everyone about the small things and it's like i'm throwing out all my frustrations that i accumulated in this years for D.

I started boxing to let out all this(my psychologist advice) but after almost a year nothing changed.

D now is feeling well but sometimes she still cry, is insecure and have some ticks from the past traumas.

So we arrive to now. I'm feeling tired and like i got enough of all of this. It's like i can't take it anymore and the only thing i want is to go to a desert island and stay there for like 10 years to recover.

D now started again smiling, spreading happiness, being the lovely girl which i falled in love with and she is constantly thanking me for what i did in this years and to not had leaved her alone.

But the problem is that now i got enough of all of this and i just want some peace and serenity.

I really love D but it's like my mental health is going away, i try to not show it with all my forces but when i talk with my psychologist i just broke down, cry like a baby, scream and get angry like i never did.

I'm just really really tired and i don't know what to do.

TL:DR; I(29M)am tired of taking care of my gf(27F) and i don't know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Otherwise-Baby3717 on 2023-12-30 18:06:42+00:00.


There was this girl (36F), I (26M) was talking to and friends with since like June of this year, we've worked together since May, and since the past two months, we've been talking everyday, and she kept calling me her best friend, and kept calling me best friend, and I asked her, why do you keep just randomly saying BEST FRIEND, because I've had bestfriends before, and I don't think you're using the term bestfriend the way it means.

She went off on me saying, she didn't know it was a crime to call me her best friend. So I told her on December 18th, 2023, I don't want to just be your "Best friend", because I'm here to date, and no other girl is going to want to be with a guy, who is already spending time and money on his "best friend". We're best friends to date, and I have one full week off of work, before I go back to working 7 days a week, 12 hour shifts again. So we either date, and be boyfriend and girlfriend, or I'm no longer talking to you.

We made plans the night before christmas eve, but then she said she had to stay over at her uncles, cause she hasn't seen her cousins in a long time, and her uncle is in rough shape, and isn't likely make it through the new year.

I told her go ahead, cause if you don't spend time with him, you're going to deeply regret it. She comes back to town Wednesday, and starts bringing up on hanging out for Friday which was yesterday. So I was like okay, what time would you want to hang out, and she said idk yet, because I'm going to have a busy day. I was like alright, "We're for sure hanging out, Friday night?" and she was like yeah.

We text back and forth, she claims she's in a city 30 miles away, and that was the last I heard from her.

I wait till 2am to hear back from her, and I got no word from her.

I texted her, "If you wanted to, you would. Thanks for not being honest with me, all I wanted was to hang out with you, and enjoy your company. Should of never said anything if you weren't serious. I was serious this whole time, don't ever talk to me again. You're going to regret this."

Low and behold she texts me off her mom's (her mom lives with her) phone at 10am (the normal time she wakes up and texts me) and claims she lost her phone in the city, and spent all night trying to remember my number. Saying stuff like she cried because she knew if she didn't hang out with me I would break up with her, and she's very sorry.

TL;DR Girlfriend (36F) is not upkeeping her part of the relationship, while getting the benefit of being in one.

What should be my next move, or what would you do after all this?

1919
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AppearanceUnfair8134 on 2023-12-30 22:19:54+00:00.


Hi my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. Recently we have started talking more about marriage and kids. He is super sweet and kind to me and I think he would make a great dad. The problem is I’m pretty liberal and he’s kinda conservative. I feel that my kids should be allowed to do and try things that they want to do. Example if my 16yo son wants to try wearing makeup or is he comes out as gay I wouldn’t care. He says his son will never wear makeup and that he won’t raise his son to be gay. I’ve tried to explain to him, that is not something he can control but he says it will. He said he would never beat him for it but he just wouldn’t allow it. How would you deal with this. I don’t know what to do. should I stay with him or maybe end it. We both want kids and we get along so well together. This is our first serious disagreement. I’m not sure what to do.

Also sorry for any mistakes English isn’t my first language

TLDR: my boyfriend and I want kids but we would raise them very differently

EDIT for context my daughter would be allowed to do anything date whoever and dress however , my son would be allowed to dress however if he was an actor and he knows that I’m bi and he doesn’t care. Thank you for all of your responses I’m going to have a very serious talk with him and seriously consider our relationship

1920
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sikvzi on 2023-12-30 21:51:24+00:00.


i (f18) am currently living with my 20 year old bf and his mom. she doesn’t mind me living there and we enjoy each others company a lot and sometimes we’ll cook together and other activities that involve helping around the house or just watching tv together. my bf and his mom are really close, like best friends and they love each other a lot. although that’s great he’s also super lazy and struggles with bipolar disorder as well. he doesn’t clean his room or quite literally cleans anything and all he wants to do is play on his xbox and smoke weed. i am the only one who ever helps his mom clean up the house, the only one who helps him clean his room, do his laundry, get him stuff, etc. it’s like im his mom too.

it’s so frustrating especially when he’s genuinely a great human and means well, it’s just so conflicting when at the same time it literally seems like he doesn’t care for anyone but himself. i sleep with so much stuff piled around me and half eaten food anywhere. usually id help him keep things in check but it’s so difficult to want to help when you realize he does nothing, doesn’t care and will just mess it up all over again.

my living situation with my family sucks and living with him is the only way i can start being independent and figure stuff out for myself. i feel so stuck and i express it to him all the time. his mom can’t express how she feels too him because he just gaslights her until she gives up and she has to say everything she feels to me when he’s out of the house. i feel so bad for her especially when she tells me how the way he acts reminds her of his dad when they were in an abusive relationship. she doesn’t know what to do and i don’t either.

the whole situation sucks and there’s just so much more i could add but ive written so much already. i have no idea what to do (if you can’t already tell lol), i love him but no matter how much i try to get him to contribute and just show he cares for whatever his mom or i need to say he just doesn’t care. i keep telling him if he doesn’t change i’ll never move out with him and that this is a breakup worthy type thing (but he still doesn’t listen). i don’t know how to do relationships or life, this is just so hard. tl;dr what can i do to help myself?

1921
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Recent_Elderberry881 on 2023-12-30 20:55:13+00:00.


Hi guys Me and my boyfriend of 4 years recently got engaged. He proposed in the sweetest way. We’ve been living together for the past two years, and everything is great. We always communicate and have a healthy relationship.

Today, we talked about wedding planning and about how much stuff you have to do in order to plan it. But I said that I don’t care, cause I get to marry him and that makes it worth it. He said that he’s only doing the wedding for me and for my happiness. This is when I got pissed and very hurt .

He kept trying to explain that he’s fine with our relationship and he’s happy just being with me and doesn’t feel like a wedding will do anything for him. He doesn’t understand why I’m hurt and I’m having a tough time explaining it to him - he’s always been less connected to his feelings and I’m very sensitive.

We never had trouble talking stuff over in the past, so I could really use some advice on how to explain to why was I hurt cause I don’t know how to put into words. How do you guys think I should explain it to him? Thank you.

Td;lr: my fiancé said he’s only marrying me because I want it so bad and he doesn’t see any benefit in it.

1922
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FoodProfessional5941 on 2023-12-30 20:24:41+00:00.


Bf (27) and I (24f) have been together 5 months. Two nights ago we were cuddling on my couch after he opened presents i got him, and it was a very nice evening. We were watching tv on my playstation and for a moment it glitched and took me back to the profile sign-in that appears on startup.

For background, my ex of 3 years who i stopped dating a year ago had made a profile on my ps4 in our first year of dating. When my current bf and i started dating, he expressed dislike of it still being there, and without thinking twice, i deleted it.

It reappeared, and I don't know how or why, but he found it suspicious. On one hand, i understand his thinking, but i didn't appreciate the way he went about bringing it up over text after he left my place, and things got cold between us.

He couldn't take my sincere 'i dont know' for an answer of truth, and insisted he needed an explanation. Nothing i try to find online supports my reality that this is weird and i dont know how it could've gotten there, and so he finds it even more suspicious.

We had a talk an hour ago, where he asked me to tell him the truth, and i did, again, asserting i really wish i had an explanation but dont, and the two avenues of finding an answer are that he call playstation and find out for himself what isnt available online, or that i text my ex and ask him about recent activity on his ps account that mightve affected mine somehow.

I'm not sure if my bf truly did anything wrong, but i cant help but feel stuck. Im not even sure if i wanna move forward in the relationship. I feel like if this was enough for him to not trust me at my word, we're screwed down the line when/if bigger issues come up.

Tldr;;

Bf saw a previously deleted ex's profile reappear on my playstation and i dont know how or why it did that. He's suspicious of me beyond my assertions that i really dont know how it got there and theres not much online resource to back up my truth. Even if he does trust and believe me, im now unsure about how to move on from this feeling.

Need advice on how to move forward, please.

1923
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ggbcvb on 2023-12-30 17:22:34+00:00.


I (46m) unsure of new (7 month) relationship with party girl girlfriend (46f)

We met a few months ago and the relationship has been great and gotten deeper. Love, intimacy, trust. We spend almost every night together.

Both divorced, both homeowners. No kids. My issue is that she parties all the time and drinks a lot when doing so. She loves me, and I don’t think she’d cheat. I’d say very unlikely unless she’s insane (meaning we’ve had talks on talks and I trust her to end something first. She cheated in the past on other relationships but said that was years ago and learned her lesson).

Here’s the problem: when we are separate, for work or vacations with friends, she parties all the time. Even when I’m gone, her neighbors come over to her house and everyone gets trashed.

Im an overthinker, and this entire situation has me distraught. I literally cannot sleep when she’s partying until I know she’s safe in bed.

We’re 46. It’s too late for these insecurities, I know, but it’s also too late to get drunk every night. Is it too much to ask us to keep it sane when alone so we can hang together and get our partying done together so we both have fun?

Last night it exploded when she stopped texting me for 4 hours, I called her cell, which she answered immediately, but never responded to texts I sent an hour before saying good night and I hope she’s ok.

I may be the asshole here, but I’m distraught and need other opinions. I’m not a bad person, and she definitely isn’t, as far as i trust. I don’t know if I can handle this level of partying and socialization she does without me or if I should just end this amazing relationship.

TLDR: Not sure I’m compatible with my 46 year old party girl

1924
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HeronPleasant3236 on 2023-12-30 20:12:40+00:00.


This is going to be long winded, but; my husband and I met when I was freshly graduated from college, I started dating him when I was 23, and we got married ten months ago, he was 34 when I was 23.

My husband makes good money, is normally supportive, and is typically there for me when around; however, he is constantly working remotely, and is only home for about 2 days every month, I spend a lot of time by myself, despite working full time myself, we share no finances, we rarely have heart to heart conversations about anything, he drinks, he gambles(will spend thousands on scratch of tickets and scratch it off in his truck before he comes home, he earns mid six figures so it doesn’t effect how we live but it’s still very gross to me), he doesn’t really seem invested in my interests, but he will pretend which is what matters to me for the most part. None of these were originally deal breakers for me, and my life is very comfortable. Prior to getting married we talked about having children; which I do NOT want, as his goal is to make me stay at home and be a mother, not work, and essentially be a home maker, which I have no interest in; I make six figures and I am very prideful about my career, and intend to stay a career orientated woman.

This has caused a drift between us the last few months as I feel as though he just views me as… a mother to his unborn child that I do not want.

Over the course of the last 3 months, I have reconnected with a friend I haven’t spoken to since High School, and I can feel myself being dragged into … having feelings for this person, we haven’t crossed the line yet, but we have so much in common, we’ve discussed everything back and forth from life, wants, needs, compromises on relationships, and it all fits my ideal, I cannot tell if I am glamorizing the relationship because I am unhappy with my own, but I’m not sure if my reasons listed are enough to divorce my husband, or… lose stability in my life, but I feel like if I had reconnected with this friend prior to meeting my husband, we would be together.

TL;DR: Husband is never around, is otherwise amazing, but sometimes doesn’t fulfill promises with stopping drinking, gambling, and kind of wants me to be a baby maker; is the grass truly greener on the other side of worth risking my marriage for someone I don’t entirely know?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/roronoaclemz on 2023-12-30 17:20:28+00:00.


It’s been over for almost 6 months between us. And one night I was having a hard time and I decided to go check her socials (I hadn’t check in weeks) and I saw that she unblocked me on instagram, where we used to talk all the time.

She lives very far away from me, and I am absolutely surprised that she unblocked me after the shit she said about me. I want to talk to her, but idk…

Not a day went by without me thinking about her, it was a long distance relationship and she made suffer. But you know she made happier than I ever was, I know what she did to me, believe me. I know it’s just not going to work but I want to try it to be done with it, because I think about it everyday and that turns me crazy.

TLDR : I have been thinking about sending a message to my ex ever since she unblocked me

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