Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Less-Cold-147 on 2023-12-30 15:37:09+00:00.

We've been together 2 years. I'm ready for the next step. He already lives 50 miles away so we only see each other the weekends. I know he's not hiding anything and loves me a lot. He just 'Likes his own space and doesn't like the idea of living with anyone even friends' But I do want it. I do want to live with my partner one day so we can have a future and not just 'Date' He also said one day he might want to move back home so Essex and if he does, I cant live with him (Essex is 200 miles away) I'm heartbroken every time I think about this. Do I wait or give up?

Tldr: I want a future with my partner, he's happy to just date forever.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/goofykitty1234 on 2023-12-30 08:23:58+00:00.

I (20F) met my partner (24M) in college this spring. We quickly hit it off and wanted this to be more serious. In South East Asia (or at least where I’m from), it’s very important to get your parents approval in a relationship. I know this concept might sound foreign or outdated to some (i hate it too), but I have no choice.

Before meeting my current partner, I was dating my ex of three years (19M) and my parents completely did not approve of him. It was due to differences in our financial background and how much he didn’t have many goals in life. I guess it’s the trauma of my parents (dad and step mom) not being able to accept this relationship that is progressing into my current one.

For context I am not close with my dad and my step mom. I have a bad relationship with my stepmom, but me and my dad are okay. Just pretty awkward after the divorce. I am super close with my mom and I tell her almost everything. She knows about my relationship, and she approves. She advices me to tell my dad, to not further strain our relationship (they dated for 10 yrs & were married for 16 yrs). She knows him pretty well. But my heart tells me I shouldn’t tell him yet.

What should I do? Do I tell him?

TLDR: I’m scared my asian dad won’t accept my current partner.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/cai_loser22 on 2023-12-30 14:44:20+00:00.

I will start this off by saying I am a very anxious person and I get scared really easily. My bf and I have been out of relationships for about a year now each and been together a few months. We were talking about our pasts just casually and I asked him “you don’t want your ex back right” and he said “I meannn” and then immediately said “I’m just kidding no I do not that was a bad joke I’m sorry”. And I was crushed, he immediately started reassuring me that if she called him wanting him back he would say no and if hypothetically he wanted her back he still could never do that to himself because of everything that happened between them. I did cry, that was a fear of mine (not that he knew it), I did get upset and say he should not have said that and it hurt me a lot, he said if he actually did have feelings for her or anything he would feel absolutely guilty for being with me (I will say we are both still mentally healing from our exes, like the shit that happened to us) . I’m here to ask if you guys do think it was a joke and that I overreacted or if I’m valid in my feelings.

Tl;dr: my bf joked about wanting his ex back and I got severely anxious and upset and I’m unsure if I overreacted.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Starryclockk on 2023-12-30 14:33:08+00:00.

I really don't know well how to start this. I'm currently 19 (F) and my family relationship is complicated specially with my dad (51). There rest of my family is my mom, sister and brother.

A little bit of context here: for what i can remember ever since I was born is that my dad has always had a hard personality. Mostly everything makes him mad and he is pretty much reserved, From asking to go out with friends or even asking him if he wants to hang out with us. His answers for this things are that the world is dangerous and something bad might (for my family going outside) or that he is always tired (when wanting to hang out). He also used to be deeply sumerged into alcohol and his behavior was way meaner but thankfully he has been clean for the last 2 years which makes me really proud. For a while he seemed to have become way happier but this last months he has returned to being mad at even the slightiest thing and wanting to be more alone and has brought more fight between him, my mom and my sister. We suspect that he may have something like Bipolar Disorder or BDP (I myself have this last one) but he doesn't want to take therapy.

Now the issue here. My dad's family is into alcohol a lot and can sometimes be kinda mean, personally I don't get along really well with them, sincr most of the times they come or we visit them it is always the same, they play poker, drink and well, that's all. Growing up I kinda got this fear of being around drunk people and a big trauma to something I'll explain later. (And to clarify my dad never layed a hand on me or anyone, but it was really hard seeing him like that and how much that affected his health), so yeah, not really my favourite place to be. For a while I admit that I tried to evade going to his family when I could (this is something that happens weekly) but with therapy I can handle it better than before. My brother and sister also don't like going a lot. Sometimes we all go, or one of us can't for work related stuff or other plans, sometimes my dad has gone alone but me, my mom and my sister try not to leave him alone. I know his family is really important for him

My dad took this personal, and somehow got this idea that my mom brainwashed us to choose her family over his (we see her family once a month). But my mom is the one that tries to talk us into getting closer to him and his family. I feel he got this idea since growing up, my dad would just be working or by himself getting drunk and my mom would be the one taking us out or at school stuff. My dad has this idea that his only job is to provide to the family and my mom's to look out for the kids and the house. This is something quite common in his hometown. And about this topic, remember when I mention a trauma? Well, like about 5 years ago, my grandma died so all the family went to her funeral, this town is a rural one, quite hidden and most important of all it's really dangerous going there and I don't want to give more info for safety reasons. But well, during that time, something where I almost died (or felt like it was going to happen) happened and since then, thinking about going there or my family members, remembering it or even writing it makes me want to cry and terrifies me. And since then I've never gone again, the rest has but i can't bring myself to.

So well, with all of this together, every year we pass New Year's with his family but this year they wanted to go to his hometown. Obviously it terrified me, I tried to explain him about how important it is for me and to him his family and culture, that loved him and i wouldn't stop him from going since why I couldn't go but he didn't let me finish so he just uninvited me to his funeral (he wants to go there) and stormed off. Yesterday I went out with my partner and when we got back, my sister told me that everyone had a fight over New Year, my sister and brother said that if i didn't go, they wouldn't (which honestly that decision doesn't relies on me, I was gonna go to my grandmas and they are aware of my trauma, they should have just decided on their own), my mom wanted to go with my dad but didn't let her and I think he asked for the divorce and wants to leave the house. Now no one is speaking.

My parents fight a lot and it's not the first time some threats with divorce. But I don't know.

TL;DR My dad feels unloved, thinks we hate his family and I think he needs help, but how can you help someone when they don't want help or they don't want to listen? How can I make my family happy?

Either if they want to divorce or not, that's on them and if that's whats best it's okay. But I hate seeing everyone struggling, I really want to make things better for everyone

My dad, my mom, sister and brother, they are all good people. Yes, they could say things different and be less harsh on somethings (especially my sister and dad lol).

But I can see they truly care and love us. So what should I do? How can I help my family situation/relationship?

Edit: My dad did stay yesterday and we tried to hang with him all day, I thought this calmed a little but today he left during midnight and just send a message saying he loves us, wishing us a Happy New Year "with our loved ones" and saying he is not sure if he is going to come back. I just hope my dad is ok, but it's still feels like shit.

Btw, English it's not my main language so sorry for any mistakes in the post, If something is not clear I can answer any questions you have for you to have a better perspective

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Optimal-Depth-7590 on 2023-12-30 14:29:12+00:00.

I’m (19F) so desperate because i may lose my boyfriend (20M) due to possessivenesse

Hi, i’m writing this because i’m so scared my boyfriend will leave me, i’m crying so hard and hes in the same room, im on a zoom physics class.

He made a new female friend who was first my friend when i met her on campus a few months ago

They study the same things and have been talking a lot through text and stuff, they also planned to do a book swap where you exchange a book and then talk about it after you’ve read it.

I’m so sad and a bit uncomfortable that they’re close because i feel like she may be more interesting than me intellectually… like i’m just a possessive girl that is sooo insecure and i feel so bad about myself because now he thinks i don’t trust him

My heart breaks little by little because every time i talk about my discomfort he mostly says i never trust him and he gets upset and i end up breaking my own boundaries I want him to have friends but i also want him to understand me

What do i do please help

TLDR : my boyfriend thinks im too possessive and i don’t know what to do, i just want a little reassurance from him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due_Degree4712 on 2023-12-30 14:25:57+00:00.

I (22F) have a friend (24F) of 5 years who has a lot of friends. I always thought of her as someone who is friendly and is able to make friends easily.

Over the years, I noticed she would talk shit about a few friends and I figured they were not as close as I thought they were. We were also pretty young. I didn't put much thought into it because we weren't the closest either.

More recently, we've gotten closer than before and she was ranting about one of her friends. The whole time I thought "this is how you're speaking about someone you call a friend?" since she was insulting her friend a bit.

In the middle of the conversation, my friend called herself fake and it got me questioning if she was being self-critical or telling the truth. Whether she's just venting and thinking of ending the friendship.

Is this a red flag and I'm being naive or is it normal for friends to vent like this?

TL;DR: when my friend vented about her friend, she insulted her friend a bit and then admitted she was fake. Is this was a red flag?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/KimberlyRain on 2023-12-30 14:11:20+00:00.

I'm (15 F) not doing great in school and needed help to prepare for my upcoming mid-terms and math class. The girl was forming study groups and 2 of my friends were getting helped by her. The only issue is that's the same girl (also 15) I got into a fight and yet the smartest one in class, my only chance.

I followed my parents' advice in apologizing and giving her a small Christmas gift. My plan was just to get her to help me, even if that meant humbling myself and pleading for help. I really need to improve my grades and do well on the mid-terms.

So I went along with the plan on Friday the 22nd. I was sure it wouldn't work and she would refuse to help me. Yet, she accepted it all. Though I feel different ever since yesterday. I'm still grounded but my parents decided to allow me to hang out with my close friends just for the New Year but with a curfew. Then I have to come back home. She actually spoke with my parents, spoke on my behalf. If it wasn't for her, I would've been spending the whole New Year at home. I'm impressed though. That was kind of her. After how I acted, after all I did...well I didn't deserve it. Now it's like I owe her big time.

TL;DR:

I've (15 F) originally faked an apology and it was just to get the girl (also 15) to help me prepare for my mid-terms and math. She convinced my parents to allow me to spend some time with my close friends for the New Year with a curfew. I've been feeling differently ever since.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sciencegurl123 on 2023-12-30 14:09:14+00:00.

TLDR: I have been in an on-and-off situationship/friendship for over 19 years. We both say we love each other, but he does not want a relationship. I am having trouble moving on.

I met this guy when we were 15. We instantly became friends. We stayed in contact and met a few times per year at camps and conferences. When we were 18 by chance we went to the same university (it is a very large university, over 50,000 students). Our dorm rooms were only two doors from each other. We had the same major. We studied and talked all of the time. We also had a semi-romantic relationship, but he did not want to make it public (but everyone knew something was going on). The next year, we moved out of the dorms to apartments. Our apartments were across the street from each other (not planned, but not surprising, because we had overlapping friend groups). We went to the bar together, partied together, spent nights together. At the same time he was pursing other girls. I was pursing other guys. It was causal. We both knew we loved each other. We always had a bit of an unhealthy relationship. We would always bicker a little and I think I always had some resentment towards him because he always seemed embarrassed of me. But he was embarrassed of all girls he was with and did not like admitting feelings. He wasn’t really emotionally mature. Our senior year I poured my heart out to him and told him I loved him. He told me he loved me too. but he said the timing was not right for a relationship and he wanted to have some adventure before he settled down.

I moved away to graduate school in a different state. Every year, twice per year, I would go back to my parent's house for a visit and would always make sure to see him. In these moments it was like nothing changed. We talked about everything that had been going on in our lives and gave advice to each other. This went on like this for 5 or 6 years.

In the next few years after that, several of our friends got married. We got drunk at the weddings. Spent entire nights dancing with each other. Spent nights in the hotel together. Showered together the next morning. All the stuff. I then professed my love for him again. He said he loved me too. I said I wanted to be with him. He told me since we do not live in the same state, it would not work. I told him I would take my next job in the same state as him. He said no. I asked for an explanation and he said he would tell me sometime later. At this point, I told him I would never bring up a romantic relationship with him again and that the ball was in his court.

We went back to our same old friendship for the next few years. We saw each other twice per year to catch up. I told him I wanted to have a better friendship and talk more often. He told me that he could not promise that he could give me any more time than two meetings per year. I accepted it and took whatever he would give me. I even stopped reaching out to him. He would reach out to me and make sure we met a few times per year. When he lost my number, he messaged my sister for my number. He had saved my sisters number in his phone for over 10 years from one time I used his phone in college to call her.

Fast forward to last year. We met at a bar for one of our twice-a-year meetings. He was asking for some relationship advice. The girl he was hanging out with had just gotten out of an engagement with another person and my friend had just been hanging out with her for about 3 months (they were not official). I told him to be careful that he is not a rebound. At the end of the night, we made out in his truck. He told me he loved me and I was beautiful. I told him I loved him. I asked why we can't be together. He said there were many issues-that we could not get the timing right, that I did not want children, etc. I told him I would have children for him and that I could take a job anywhere. That night I wrote him the most beautiful text message saying that I would support him and love him unconditionally and that I wanted to be with him. I asked him to take a risk and be with me. We talked on the phone two days later. He told me he asked that girl to be his girlfriend and wanted to pursue things with her instead of me. I was devastated. But promised him and myself that I would continue to be a good friend. I told him that we never had a chance at a romantic relationship anymore. He seemed sad.

This month is our usually get together month. For the past 6 months, I could not stop thinking about this situation. Does he love me? Does he just feel bad for me? I wrote him a letter. I kept the focus on me and how I feel. I said that what he was giving me was not enough and that it was painful for me and I no longer wanted to be friends. I mailed it. Before he received the letter he reached out by text to schedule a time to meet. I told him I needed better communication from him. He told me that he is not in a position to promise anything beyond how we currently interact (only twice per year) and suggested we postpone our meeting until next year. I didn't answer. Then he received the letter in the mail and wrote me a message saying he was sad he made me feel that way and was sorry and that he was deleting my contact information since I no longer wanted to be friends.

I had hope that he would realize what he was losing and want to talk to try to save things. I do not believe in soul mates. But I have never experienced such a deep, unconditional love like I do with this guy. However, now I am starting to question if we are meant to be with each other or if he just has some weird psychological hold on me because he is the only person who has ever 'rejected' me. Part of me even thinks he does not want to be with me to protect me. I am traveling the world, have a great job, and live abroad and being with him would hold me back.

I consider myself an emotionally mature person. I am confident. I am a full professor at a prestigious university. I am not bad looking and do not have problems finding a boyfriend. I would not let anyone else treat me like this, but I have this magnetic pull towards this guy. And the little pieces of 'I love you' from him make it hard to let it go. For the past 20 years, I honestly thought I would end up with this guy.

I am having a really hard time letting this go. I think about it all day, every day. Should I reach out to him for answers? How do I move on? Why would he tell me he loves me for nearly 20 years, but then refuse to pursue (or even talk about) a potential relationship? Does he just not want to hurt me? Does he just feel sorry for me? I need advice.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/panda000999 on 2023-12-30 12:57:33+00:00.

My parents are very religious and conservative. They have always affected me with their ideas and restrictions. I have been anxious and scared and worried all my life. Currently, due to my studies, I live abroad. I have a boyfriend here and we have been having sex for three months now. Most of the time I wasn't able to enjoy it not because I didn’t love him or I didn't feel pleased, but because the feeling of guilt kept eating me up. It doesn't let me rest.

For now, I am back in my home country for the winter holidays. I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to my dad in the future but before that, I decided to check his reaction. to my jokingly asked question: “Dad, when I get to like somebody, don’t you think it would be nice for you to meet him?” His response was very serious. He said that he would not tolerate me sleeping with somebody before marriage and if I did that, there would be a huge hole in our relationship. he said he wouldn't look at me the same way. It was terrible to hear.

My mum met my boyfriend when she visited me for my birthday. Her reaction wasn't good but this is another story. By the end, she said that she liked him and that he was a very sweet boy and everything but she told me not to sleep with him, cause it was not honorable, I would have disrespected myself and shamed my family.

Yesterday she even asked me if we had “something”. She is so involved in my personal and private life. The other day she made me go to a doctor, and accompanied me. She even wants to come to my gynecologist.

The thing is, even though I find having sex with my boyfriend to be the most beautiful thing ever, I can’t control that feeling of guilt and shame, and fear of losing my parent's warmth. They are still my mom and dad, no matter what, and I love them.

For now, I feel like when I return to him I will not even want to have sex anymore. I’m devastated and broken and scared and I feel like there are so many people in my private life that I can’t breathe.

TL.DR: Will that feeling ever get away? Will I ever be able to heal?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/__luckyy on 2023-12-30 12:50:03+00:00.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this or not so I’d love some advice on how to go about this? Should I confront him or?

My partner is never on Facebook, he also has no other social media account. His Facebook is literally dead, he has no cover photo, no profile picture, no post and only has 27 friends which are all family members/friends.

I notice lately I have seen he’s been active/online; didn’t think much of it at first. Lastnight he was out all day and night with his bestfriend and I seen he was online again so I clicked on his profile and notice he had 28 friends instead of 27, so I got curious and went on his friend list and seen there’s a girl on there I don’t recognise.

I just find this extra odd because as I said, he’s never on social media. I’m tempted to message her and ask how she knows my partner, or I’m wondering if I should wait and confront him about this in the morning, idk if I’m freaking out over nothing but my gut feeling is off.

TL:DR - partner is never on Facebook, has been online more recently and now I’ve noticed a new girl on his facebook

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrimsonCyanide_ on 2023-12-30 11:37:26+00:00.

Hi everyone I genuinely dont know how to deal with this or who to ask, so here i am. A bit of background: im 26, he’s 24 and we’ve been dating for over a year and I genuinely love him, and i believe he loves me too. The problem is, he never acknowledges im upset unless i break down in tears. This applies to any major or minor fight we have and also whenever im upset about things not involving him. He never acknowledges anything that he says that may be upsetting to me unless i sit him down and backtrack everything that was said and specifically say things like “so you said this and that, which hurts my feelings, imagine im saying this to you, how would you feel” and such. And when he finally realizes it, im already heartbroken and crying because i had to be sad and i also had to justify why im sad for him to acknowledge my feelings. It feels like im standing in front of the court trying to justify what i feel.

He will almost always apologize and promise me he will work on it and that he will change and that he never realized he sucked at reading emotions, but this never happens (ive had this type of convo with him at least 4-5 times, if not more).

I also noticed that even when im sad about something else (ex: problems with my family) he wont realize how much it affects me; and if im in any way not acting like my joyful self he will withdraw and not know what to say or how to act and just leave me be.

It really hurts because sometimes i just want his support and for him to tell me that he is here for me and all that, but this usually only comes after I explode and explain to him exactly what im feeling and how one expects a significant other to be there for the other.

More recently i started to feel silly having to explain and justify why im upset just to get the “im sorry” that doesnt feel like an apology anymore because i have to beg for it, so i just started to apologize to him and tell him “it’s my fault” or “im just having a bad day” so i can move on :/

I dont know if im explaining my problem well. Im just so frustrated and idk how to approach this anymore. i dont know what to do about this. Any advice is appreciated.

Tldr: my boyfriend doesnt know how to react properly to how im feeling and i dont know how to deal with this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HaruHaruBear on 2023-12-30 11:00:49+00:00.

My (30f) partner (30m) of 13 years cheated on me and I ended things with him. We rent in the basement of his family's home. He is now adamant that since we are no longer together I don't have the right to be in his family's home. From a legal standpoint, I understand that I technically do have legal rights to stay in my home but I don't know how to articulate what I feel in a way that makes sense.

Firstly, we live in a HCOL area and rents out there is through the roof. We were paying market value rent when we moved in 8 years ago and our landlords (his family) just never raised the rent. To put me out would cause me great financial hardship. It feels incredibly unfair and like I am the one being punished for his infidelity (he is, btw, in a full blown relationship with the new woman).

Also for better or worse I shared a life with this man and his family for 13 years. I contributed to the relationship of each and every member of his family. My own family lives overseas so I truly integrated with his. Just because he cheated and we broke up does not automatically mean I stopped seeing his family like my own.

To put it frankly, it also feels like now that we are no longer together he would treat me like disposable garbage and my wellbeing and health is of no concern to him when for the past 13 years I had always prioritized his health and wellbeing through good and the (very, very, VERY) bad times.

However, he is telling anyone who would listen that I am being unreasonable and I need to just leave since I am no longer part of this family. At this point I am actually more distressed about possibly being displaced out of my own home than I am about his cheating. Am I being unreasonable? I really don't want to be cut and dry and start spouting off legal rights to his family because unlike him, I can't just disconnect how I feel towards people just because they are related to him by blood. It's also not like they are kicking me out, they are very much on my side but he is making me feel guilty and like I don't have a leg to stand on. I just simply don't want to lose my home and the stability of my home.

What can I say to make him understand that what he is demanding is unreasonable and lacks decency and fairness?

TL;DR! My (30f) partner (30m) of 13 years cheated on me and I ended things with him. He now wants to kick me out of our home because we rent from his family. He argues that they are his family so I have to leave.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bbybee06 on 2023-12-30 10:31:05+00:00.

I’m currently here tipsy and it’s 4 AM I’m so upset because me and my boyfriend got into another argument where he says extremely hurtful things to me, than later denies and maybe apologizes. When my boyfriend is in a good mood, he’s super loving patient kind and that’s what made me fall in love with him like she doesn’t have a lot of money but I love the fact that he tries but his mean side is definitely a lot to handle for me. We spoke yesterday and I was telling him about a stressful situation I was in, in the morning and then a separate situation, where I felt like a man tried to attack me. He said it was my fault. The conversation escalated into him confessing That a cashier at his local bakery was talking shit about me. I asked him did he defend me he claim that he told her to mind her business and he walked out. I highly doubt that because he goes to that bakery regularly to buy bread they’re both Jamaican. During the argument, he proceeds to go into lustful detail about how she looks, and I totally felt like a punch in the stomach like I literally broke down and cried, and he just laughed at me. I told him if you wanna go fuck her then go do so. It hurts that he would really compare me to her and then he proceeded to say oh at least she has a job. I quit my job because I wanted to finish my final semester of college. I left my 66K salary job to finish my business degree which I did with flying colors just finished with a 3.8. During the arguement he proceeds to ask me why I don’t take him out and that he would want me to wear make up but it’s like if I’m not going anywhere but his house why would I wear make up. I’m usually bare face, I don’t wear wigs my hair is long and straight and I wear glasses I have good skin people always tell me that I look young. He only took me out on a date once, but I tried to be understanding on his side because he got into a financial situation because of his mom and I thought maybe we could both work on our future together since I’m trying to find a new job since I just finished school. He denied everything that he said during the argument, and said that he only said it because he was upset and that he wanted to give me drama, but I just feel so disgusted that he would compare me to someone else like at this point I don’t even care if we stay together or not. I just wanna focus on me getting a good pay job so I can get a car And move out into a better apartment. Like he always says hurtful things when he’s upset, but I think this time it really broke me like he intentionally tried to break me down he didn’t care that it made me cry. I hate the fact that after we argue at least means wanna drink I feel like that’s the only thing I said to me. It’s like since I met him I’m on an emotional roller coaster of being super high on love and happy and then all of a sudden things just turn and I start getting sad. We were planning on moving in together but I’m really having second thoughts on that.

TL;DR - right now I’m tipsy me, and my boyfriend got into an argument, and he confessed that a local cashier was talking shit about me, and that he has lusty eyes for her. He later claimed that he was just saying it to hurt my feelings, but I don’t believe him, and he always says hurtful things during an argument.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CorrectAtmosphere674 on 2023-12-30 10:00:43+00:00.

Tldr- my fiancé frequently tries to push me out of bed ah get physical but I don't break up with him because of our long history and our good moments.

Me (f21) and my fiancé (m23) have been together 6 years, engaged for 3. We live on his family's farm. I'll call him Derek.

Things between me and him aren't always abusive, and very rarely physically abusive. But just now he could have really easily hurt me and I'm afraid.

I'll explain what happened tonight. It's 3am and I wake up to him hogging the bed. I touched him and tried to ask him if he can scoot over. I asked several times very quietly just putting my hand on him. He talked back, but didn't move. I repeated myself several times with no reaction, so as anyone would do, I tried to move him over a little bit myself. He didn't budge, and instead moved his arm down so that his elbow was poking me in my side very uncomfortably. I asked again if he could move with no response this time. At this point he was awake, just choosing not to move over. I tried a little harder to move him over with my foot. He woke up, and said "shut the fuck up and leave me alone".

At this point I'm pissed off, frustrated, and tired, and I did raise my voice at him in response, telling him he's hogging the bed, his elbow hurts, and i cant sleep. He then gets physical with me, very suddenly going from asleep to forcing me to sit up in bed, and trying to push or throw me out of bed. He was using his feet to push me out, and his arms around my arms. He's a lot stronger than me, and because I'm afraid I try using my nails and my body weight to fight out of it. He then threw me out of the bed so hard I almost hit my head on the wall/wood corner of the window next to my side. If I hadn't of cushioned myself my head would be really hurt.

This isn't the first time he's tried to force me out of bed like this. I was stunned and crying, and he just turned his back towards me and went to sleep, leaving me standing there shaking and in disbelief. I started yelling at him crying, and he started saying I tried to kick him out of bed and that I'm the one was physical first? Like me trying to scoot his body over in his sleep is anything close to what he did to me.

He's slapped me, restrained me, manipulated me, gaslit me, and pulled this "pushing me out of bed" thing countless times.

I'm not on the couch crying by myself and typing this out. What keeps me with him is how long we've been together, the good moments we have. Literally yesterday we were talking together about having kids in the next few years and getting married. It just goes from good to really unhealthy and abusive in a split second. I need someone who's not my mother to tell me I need to leave him and I need to feel like I'm not alone, and that I'm not crazy for staying with him this long.

I've asked him to go to couples counseling and he refuses. His dad was very abusive so that's where this behavior and anger issues maybe comes from.

I do yell at him a lot and my communication could be better, but I'm actively self aware and trying to be better.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/theadrium on 2023-12-30 09:45:08+00:00.

I (30M) recently had a relatively minor car accident in a parking lot that was my fault (I was exiting a parallel park and didn't notice a car coming and we clipped each other -- damage to headlights and bumpers). We've had the car for 2 weeks and though the purchase was within our means it was a big expense for us.

My two mistakes were:

1 - Not being attentive enough

2 - Not getting comprehensive insurance (only 3rd party insurance) which means we now have to shell out ~$1k to repair the damage on our car.

My wife (29F -- married for 4 years) is 2 months pregnant, and since we started trying for a kid I have been making a serious effort to become more reliable and responsible (taking on the bulk of housework / cooking, getting things fixed up around the house, being more available for her emotionally) - and these efforts have been noticed. Unfortunately I think that this crash was a huge blow to my wife's sense of security and trust in me. We can handle it financially, but it's a stress on the bank balance. And my wife was already a nervous car passenger (since before we met -- she just doesn't like riding in fast vehicles) so I know that now she will feel even less comfortable with me driving her for a while (though I have been driving for 8 years and this is the first accident like this).

I know it's my fault. I'm not looking for people to make me feel better, but the thought of my wife viewing me as less of a rock during this time hurts deeply. Beyond biting the bullet and moving on, what are some practical steps that I can take to recover from this and regain dependability in my wife's eyes?

tl;dr - Crashed our new car and have to pay $1k for repairs, making my pregnant wife anxious. Looking for practical ways to regain her trust and restore her sense of security.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MakashaNeedsHelp26 on 2023-12-30 09:43:00+00:00.

Ive been dating a guy for five years off and on that I pity. I dont love him. Hes kind of attractive, but only his body is. I dont respect him. I dont disrespect him, but I feel nothing much towards him actually except negative emotions. Ive kept this on for five years because I have PTSD and while I was being abused in my home I was unable to access my feelings, be honest with myself, or anyone, from disassociation/psychosis whatever. Ive tried to tell him I dont respect him or the way he acts, but ive been afraid to hurt him so instead ive tried to be supportive and comforting. Ive spent a lot of money on him to pay his phone bills, groceries, outings, things just to help him get by because I empathize. I felt forced to, because I have had zero self esteem as a result of being abused, it has affected my mind. I felt like nobody is ever going to love me unless I have something to offer, and all I have to offer, someone like me, something like me, is money and constant reassurance even while getting nothing back. He has given me support with his words, but I have trouble actually feeling loved by him because he just seems desperate so how can I tell. I went to visit him once, and it was amazing compared to my abuse at home, but actually wasnt amazing because I feel nothing. Feeling nothing however is better than feeling very very bad.

My therapist told me hes bad news and everyone tells me he is exploiting me, and I cant really tell because hes just so sad and in such a bad situation. But ive helped him a lot. All without knowing "do i even like this guy?" I told him recently that i shouldnt feel forced to like him, and that i have been looking at other guys but i feel really guilty because if im happy i shouldnt be doing that, and i told him i wanna break up, but he still texts me sounding really thirsty and desperate to be friends with benefits. It feels like I dont even know who this man is, so a tinder match just came into my text messages and said "can we be friends with benefits?" Not really a great opener. Its really scary because im legally disabled and can't take care of myself, and might end up homeless soon. He said he wants to figure out a way to take care of me, but i told him dont worry about me because I'd rather be on the street than be exploiting someone who i dont love. It just doesnt sound like a good idea to accept anything from somebody who is so desperate and pushy as he is.

Its really scary but i told him as much as I could about this recently, but that means I have to be alone now. I have to go through what im going through alone. Is it weird to say that i have been wanting to tell him to go away, out of respect for him? But at the same time, i dont respect him as a sexual romantic partner? I respect him as a human, but not as a boyfriend. Ive been scared to say the word pity, but I do pity him a lot. He keeps using that word and i say no no because I dont want to hurt him. I never want to hurt peoples self esteem the way mine has been hurt. I also feel guilty that I dont love him, because hes offering me a free ride in life. But i dont want to exploit somebody. Ive just had no support while going through trauma.

How do i even forgive myself for being in a five year off-and-on ( he broke up with me a lot then came back ) relationship? I mean maybe it takes two to tango, because he has been really dependent on me and broken up with me a lot so maybe im not in the complete wrong. But i shouldn't pity my own boyfriend like a dog. I want a strong man i can lean on. Not in fantasy, but in reality. I say that because he keeps saying how much he wants that but for five years it hasnt changed.

Tl;dr ive been in this weird thing that i dont understand with a mix of negative emotions and nothing good, fear, pity, and i dont know what I'm doing.

What am i even fucking doing? Thats my question. When i help him, it feels like im his savior and he calls me his angel. When i hurt him by telling him the truth, it feels like all im doing is exploiting him. Neither one do i actually get anything.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ominvv on 2023-12-30 09:31:00+00:00.

Please give me hope.

I discovered this week that my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with at least 6 girls right before we were about to move to a new country together which I now have to move to alone. I also realized he’s a covert narcissist who lies and lies and lies and he even admitted it himself. All of this was a complete shock and I still find it difficult to believe this actually happened to me and I feel so stupid that now this is a part of my story I almost cant accept it was abuse because it was so subtle. My ex before this one was autistic and constantly neglecting me and generally just sucked but this second boyfriend made me feel so happy and lucky. I know its stupid to say about myself but i really was the most patient, respectful and loving girlfriend and I went to great lengths to make him feel special. Relationships are extremely sacred to me and I would never let anyone touch me unless im in love with them and think this is who I’ll be with forever. I feel like I can never trust anyone again but I want love so bad and I wanted it to be him. He was so handsome and charming and wanted to do everything i liked. Even now I want his kid that looks like him, but I know its not possible because you cant believe a word he says. Its insane to me that I was with someone for that long who didnt even love me back when I would have died for him. I blocked him everywhere now but am secretly hoping he will find a new way to contact me and it takes so much self control not to tell his mom about whats happened and talk to her about him. I’m obsessed.

I feel very pessimistic about this generation. I hate people who are always on their phones and just care about tiktoks or materialistic things. I feel extremely vulnerable right now to guys who have bad intentions. I am so scared i dont even want to be near a guy. But at the same time I want the future I dreamed of and I feel like Im starting to waste my youth. Im afraid I have to settle for someone uglier, less stylish, less witty, who doesnt want to do my hobbies with me etc or find another bad guy and end up single in my 30s, because Ive been so insecure and socially anxious since I was a kid and I dont know how to change. It feels like every guy has impure gross intentions and I hate being hit on by a stranger. Ive never met anyone I liked in real life first and I dont know how to approach people. I have no friends. I am so scared.

Tl;dr my boyfriend cheated on me and after discovering his real self I feel like I cant trust again and am afraid of ending up with someone worse or ending up alone.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yelostone on 2023-12-30 08:37:03+00:00.

i feel silly to be upset because i’m quite passive most of the time, but we’ve been together for 5 years and he knows i’m a gifting person.

his birthday was earlier in the month, and I would think my gifts to him have been really thoughtful and thorough in expression. le creuset, a sweater, games he likes. we don’t have an anniversary since we were gradual friends to lovers so it’s my only ‘official’ gift-giving time and i like it to feel special

MONTHS ago i obsessed over the bug lego set, showed him pictures for ages and he heavily suggested Christmas. later saw it at the mall, melted over it and all but knew he already knew i wanted it. leading up to this month all he’s been saying is how i probably already know what my gift will be but that it’s delayed a bit. that made me think it might be something else.

come Christmas, he opens his gifts and says mine is still in the mail but should be here Thursday. come Thursday, nothing but no comment. Friday we went to his family’s for Christmas and all exchanged gifts, still no gift from my boyfriend. after festivities he shows me a picture of the Lego set on a store shelf and says they finally stocked it at the store he works at. he said that’s what my gift is and that we can go to the store once we’re back in town (in january). i understand the order not working out, but i still feel like an afterthought

meanwhile he’s spent ~$1k this month building a PC because he had to return the one he’s been borrowing :/

i ‘got’ a gift from him but we have to go to the store next week to buy it.. don’t really know how i feel about it or how to tell him i don’t like that :(

TLDR: boyfriend has been telling me what my gift is for months, tells me after Christmas we will go to the store in january to buy it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/panda000999 on 2023-12-30 12:57:33+00:00.

My parents are very religious and conservative. They have always affected me with their ideas and restrictions. I have been anxious and scared and worried all my life. Currently, due to my studies, I live abroad. I have a boyfriend here and we have been having sex for three months now. Most of the time I wasn't able to enjoy it not because I didn’t love him or I didn't feel pleased, but because the feeling of guilt kept eating me up. It doesn't let me rest.

For now, I am back in my home country for the winter holidays. I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to my dad in the future but before that, I decided to check his reaction. to my jokingly asked question: “Dad, when I get to like somebody, don’t you think it would be nice for you to meet him?” His response was very serious. He said that he would not tolerate me sleeping with somebody before marriage and if I did that, there would be a huge hole in our relationship. he said he wouldn't look at me the same way. It was terrible to hear.

My mum met my boyfriend when she visited me for my birthday. Her reaction wasn't good but this is another story. By the end, she said that she liked him and that he was a very sweet boy and everything but she told me not to sleep with him, cause it was not honorable, I would have disrespected myself and shamed my family.

Yesterday she even asked me if we had “something”. She is so involved in my personal and private life. The other day she made me go to a doctor, and accompanied me. She even wants to come to my gynecologist.

The thing is, even though I find having sex with my boyfriend to be the most beautiful thing ever, I can’t control that feeling of guilt and shame, and fear of losing my parent's warmth. They are still my mom and dad, no matter what, and I love them.

For now, I feel like when I return to him I will not even want to have sex anymore. I’m devastated and broken and scared and I feel like there are so many people in my private life that I can’t breathe.

TL.DR: Will that feeling ever get away? Will I ever be able to heal?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cool_Solution_189 on 2023-12-30 12:53:29+00:00.

(19F) and (21M) Okay here's the context. I have been with him for over 3 years and he studies abroad. We had an argument that almost ended our relationship but we got through it. He has finals in a week and barely gives me an hour of his day to talk to me, mind you before this big argument we were barely talking but he kept on updating me nicely. Now he doesn't even update me for several hours and it upsets me. I tell him that it's okay he has important exams and that all I want is an hour of his day so technically leaving his study friends an hour earlier to talk and spend time with me considering the fact that we have a 2 hour time difference (later where I am). Am I a bad girlfriend? Am I not understanding? I don't know what to do I don't feel as much care from him at all anymore. It's been this way for almost a month. He never randomly calls me like ever to check up on my day. He only texts. And that’s for like the entire time he’s abroad. I hate it so much because I’m such a romantic person and really love such cute things.

TL;DR!- my boyfriend doesn’t give me enough time because of his studies and all I want is an hour of his day for myself.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/__luckyy on 2023-12-30 12:50:03+00:00.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this or not so I’d love some advice on how to go about this? Should I confront him or?

My partner is never on Facebook, he also has no other social media account. His Facebook is literally dead, he has no cover photo, no profile picture, no post and only has 27 friends which are all family members/friends.

I notice lately I have seen he’s been active/online; didn’t think much of it at first. Lastnight he was out all day and night with his bestfriend and I seen he was online again so I clicked on his profile and notice he had 28 friends instead of 27, so I got curious and went on his friend list and seen there’s a girl on there I don’t recognise.

I just find this extra odd because as I said, he’s never on social media. I’m tempted to message her and ask how she knows my partner, or I’m wondering if I should wait and confront him about this in the morning, idk if I’m freaking out over nothing but my gut feeling is off.

TL:DR - partner is never on Facebook, has been online more recently and now I’ve noticed a new girl on his facebook

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Forbidden-Warrior on 2023-12-30 12:41:44+00:00.

This is our first time ever being in a relationship (5 months). And I'm having few problems that I didn't have earlier in the relationship. I just wanted to approach and solve them together. But everytime I'm communicating my issues (regarding one of her behaviour that's not good for our relationship), she's thinking things like, "why is he saying things like these?", "is my love not enough for him?", "is he going to leave me? Is that why he's saying these?"....

No!! I never want to leave her. She's focusing on all the unnecessary things like these than the actual problem. I feel that she's unable to think that she has a room to improve. My problems aren't non existent. They're very real. I can even prove it to her. But when I do she only gets hurt even more. I don't think that's how things are addressed, not only by my gf, but anyone! I feel that she's unable to digest the reality that she went wrong.

When she says things that I have to improve, I first listen and then check whether it's one of the realities I'm missing or not. If it is, I'll be thankful that she pointed it out and try working on the issue. Hurting because we went wrong is natural. But what our mindset on the issue is highly important. I'll try using the hurt to fuel my work on the issue provided that it's a real thing and having an impact.

Btw, she's grown up in a well pampered environment, where she never had anyone to say what's right or wrong. Ig it has to do something with this. During the early stages of relationship, She was able to take things that she can improve, really well, understand the issue, and worked on it. In fact this is one of the main things that impressed me. Now I'm really not sure why it's being like this.

All this is making me feel it hard to share my problems with her. If I don't share, I suffer. If I'm sharing, she's only suffering, nothing else is happening. Idk how to approach this even, cuz she'll be hurt again if I talk about this. This feels so confusing for obvious reasons. Idk if this is how it'll be in a relationship.

Here's an instance of an exchange between us where she got hurt for one thing I've said:

(Context: Earlier to this, me talking about my issues about the relationship and what could've gone better, made her think that I only want to change her. She said she doesn't like to change anything about her for me or the relationship, unlike me. I later clarified that it's fine, and changing her is not my intention, but her way to approach things, is what I think she should work on, but it's making her think that I'm pushing her to change again. And this made me feel like she's devaluing everything I'm saying, so I shared it and it hurted her)

Her: You basically want to change just me...and proceeding to the process.... directly not even listening to what i think or saying what you think or what's your opinion on the idea....it fears me that you are seeing me low and whatever I think is rubbish.....I don't know much things only...but you are not creating the opportunity to know it.

Me: I really don't know what made you have such opinion on me... I've been listening to you and processing it... One thing maybe true is that I didn't get to say my opinions clearly... One reason for that is my fear on how you would react. I never think that what you think is rubbish.. I'm trying my best to explain things to you... But I feel that you've devalued everything I've said.

Her: See this last line is what hurting me.... everything is ok...atlast you just give statments that you feel like you gave up on me

Me: You're always focusing on things that hurt only you... Ok so... I'll try thinking like you and point things out that hurted only me instead of working on them... Let's see... "you are seeing me low and whatever I think is rubbish" "Not even listening to what I think" You can say these? But I can't say what's hurting me... Cuz it hurts you

Her: Actually you know what...it's the other way around....you are saying things that hurt me ...i am holding everything inside

Me: Why you have to get hurt? That's what I'm saying... Realize that you too are saying things to me that would hurt you if i said it!!! But I'm focusing on the issue.. else It doesn't solve the issue..

Her: ok fine

Me: Did you get me? Or just wanted to end the convo for now?

Her: I want to focus on the issue.

I think she has understood in this instance. But I want to know better ways of putting things in front of her so that I won't repeat this again and hurt her. Any suggestions or ideas are greatly appreciated! Please tell me any ways to deal with this situation in a better way. I'll try your ideas and let you know how it worked. Thank you for reading till here!

TL;DR - I can't share my feelings with my gf as she keeps thinking unnecessary stuffs and getting hurt over them, instead of addressing the situation and coming up with solutions.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Godsrobes on 2023-12-30 12:34:50+00:00.

Sadie and I met when I moved home while in high school. My current boyfriend, Max, used to date Sadie but this was when they were around 14. I joined their school when I was 16 (I am 20 now). They got together but didn't kiss, or hold hands because they're both awkward in that way. They broke up because of that but remained best friends after.

Over time, me and Max started getting really close. He was just checking the boxes of what I wanted in a partner. I fell in love with him.

Now you know the backstory, let's get into what happened last night. I went to a bar with friends. A girl that me and Sadie know came up to me and we chatted. She then brought up Sadie's ex and told me that Sadie's ex hated her because he knows that she has feelings for "some guy Max". This girl doesn't know my boyfriend Max. Everything started to make sense now.

Sadie supported me and Max's relationship whole heartedly, but she stopped talking to Max soon after we got together. Max is quite a lonely guy and doesn't have many friends except mine but doesn't have a friend to call his own. So it was heartbreaking for him. Sadie has been off with me since, and I've noticed that we have a weird tension between us for over a year now

Even when he tried to talk to her, the conversation would fall flat eventually. And last night I realised why. It was because of me.

They have so much in common with eachother it's uncanny. Even after all of these years, they are practically the same person with similar personalities, interests and values. I notice that they have a connection when they're in the same room. Every time. But I thought it was in my head and I was being insecure.

I told my boyfriend about all of this because we have a very honest relationship. I told him and he was shocked but he smiled a little bit.

Btw, Sadie is abroad for uni like a lot of the group so we don't see them much except for holidays. Important for this next bit.

Whether it was stupid I don't know, but I asked him that if Sadie started talking to him more like they used to and she was living here permanently - would he start to develop feelings for her.

He was hesitant at first, but then he agreed yeah, he probably would start developing feelings for her. Then I asked him if me and her were standing right beside eachother and he HAD to choose which of us he would want to pursue a long term relationship with, who would he choose. He chose her.

And now that they've grown up a bit, they're not as awkward so it wouldn't be like their last relationship, it would probably work out a lot better than me and Max's relationship and both me and him recognise that.

Obviously this hurt but I did ask the questions. I'm not mad at him at all. He was honest, he was respectful when saying all of this and it was genuine conversation and feelings.

Complication is, I live with him. I would have no where to go if we broke up. I would lose my job and everything because I would have to move back with my mum who is at the far end of the country. This is my own fault for asking but it's better knowing now than it happening in the future and I'm not prepared.

He says he doesn't want to leave me but he gets my points and agrees with me. But you know, you can't help your feelings especially if it's someone that is clearly better for you. He doesn't have feelings for her now but he said he probably would if that was the situation.

I don't want to continue a relationship where I know he would choose another girl (and rightfully so because I do get it) if the situation was different. I don't think our relationship would win if she came into the full picture. I love him to bits and he loves me equally.

But the finale. Because he is so introverted and is just in general a lonely man like most men now, I just feel like maybe I'm only company to him and that's why we're so attached. Whereas if he was with Sadie it wouldn't just be company, it would be so much more.

I want him to be happy and live a full life that's why I am truly encouraging it if it did happen but it still hurts.

Thank you for reading all of this if you have, I really need advice.

TL;DR my boyfriend said he would get with our mutual friend if she lived here permanently and spoke to him like they used to - since she stopped talking to him when me and him got together. They have a lot in common and have dated before but it has been said that since they're more grown up now, he could see their relationship working out better than ours. And it's true. So read the full Reddit post to understand why but I still really need advice.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway704070 on 2023-12-30 12:05:46+00:00.

I (25M) have been with my partner (22F) for 3.5 years now and our relationship has been mostly good, about 75% of the time. We had started our relationship during Covid, so at that time we only were able to see each other once per week. That then transitioned to a few times per week until my partner had to leave for school.

The next 2 years of our relationship was a long-distance one, due to various factors such as school and work, and this past 1.5 years has been the first time we have been in the same city. This has been absolutely amazing as we have gotten to do so many things that we couldn't do together before and generally have a pretty good relationship. We see each other about 4-5 times per week with my partner staying with me around 3 nights every week, and this has been working for us so far.

The 25% percent of the time that our relationship hasn't been solid is due to various reasons, and a big one of them is that my partner does not like being apart at all, and I mean not in the same city. I can also sense that she feels lonely/upset when I'm hanging out with other friends or doing activities without her.

The reason for this post is because I am currently away for the holidays for a few weeks from where we both live and my partner has said how much they hate me being gone (1 week trip, 2 hour time difference). They told me that they feel super unaffectionate and that they don't even want to say that they love me, due to them being so sad that I am far away. They had stated earlier in our relationship that they didn't want to be in a relationship where one partner is travelling a lot, even for work. They seem to completely forget what it feels like to be together in person with me. I am not sure what to do or say in this instance, even though it has happened before. I love them very much, but I do feel suffocated at times. Any advice would be much appreciated.

TL:DR

Partner does not like it when I travel and states that they don't feel like they love me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Prior_Cheetah_5427 on 2023-12-30 12:03:27+00:00.

This is a throw away account for obvious reason, I (M22) and my GF (F21) live together in my flat, I started watching porn when I was in 3rd standard and currently suffering from porn addiction

So I'm sexually active but I'm holding a secret from my girlfriend, I do not get sexually aroused from her, i do feel horny but it's only triggers when I watch porn or insta models, my girlfriend has an extraordinary curvy slim and generally attractive body but it doesn't hit me in any sexual way

I thought maybe it's because of my porn addiction so i completely quit porn so that I can get attracted to real world women but it's been around 10 months and no improvement, I just feel like watching it but it's not in my habit so i can easily fight the urge but not the attraction

I'm tired and disappointed in myself and I have no idea how to improve this in any way, i would like it if someone gave some valuable suggestions to me

Thank you very much

TL;DR: porn addiction ruined my brain and I can't feel sexually attracted towards my GF