Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA109786 on 2023-12-30 11:49:19+00:00.

So I have been staying with my parents for the last couple years while in school, and I recently decided to move out, found a place. My boyfriend has been weird, he says he wants to move in. That emotionally and mentally he is ready, but wants to be more stable financially first. He asked if I was upset, and I said not at all, I’m doing this for me and I didn’t expect him to. Then he reassured me he does want to. Then he tells me he is afraid to move in, but isn’t sure why. When I asked him to think and explain, he said he is scared to give up his place because of the security it provided and the stability. I asked if he was worried about what would happen if we break up he said yes, he didn’t want to be left high and dry and would have to move out because I have a child. He also said he wants to take the “next step” and that this is moving towards increased stability. He’s also said it would save us both money.

Tonight he told me he wants to give notice; but I can’t help but feel unsure about this. After all the differed excuses and fears I wonder why do it at all? Does he just want to save money? I feel he should be 100% on board if it’s something he wants.

TLdr; I am moving, bf keeps waffling on wanting to move in with me and voiced he is afraid of letting go of his own place and his stability. Now he’s saying he wants to, and I just feel unsure. It’s making me feel kind of undervalued, like it’s just a good financial decision. What is the best way to approach a discussion and make a decision about this step?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrimsonCyanide_ on 2023-12-30 11:37:26+00:00.

Hi everyone I genuinely dont know how to deal with this or who to ask, so here i am. A bit of background: im 26, he’s 24 and we’ve been dating for over a year and I genuinely love him, and i believe he loves me too. The problem is, he never acknowledges im upset unless i break down in tears. This applies to any major or minor fight we have and also whenever im upset about things not involving him. He never acknowledges anything that he says that may be upsetting to me unless i sit him down and backtrack everything that was said and specifically say things like “so you said this and that, which hurts my feelings, imagine im saying this to you, how would you feel” and such. And when he finally realizes it, im already heartbroken and crying because i had to be sad and i also had to justify why im sad for him to acknowledge my feelings. It feels like im standing in front of the court trying to justify what i feel.

He will almost always apologize and promise me he will work on it and that he will change and that he never realized he sucked at reading emotions, but this never happens (ive had this type of convo with him at least 4-5 times, if not more).

I also noticed that even when im sad about something else (ex: problems with my family) he wont realize how much it affects me; and if im in any way not acting like my joyful self he will withdraw and not know what to say or how to act and just leave me be.

It really hurts because sometimes i just want his support and for him to tell me that he is here for me and all that, but this usually only comes after I explode and explain to him exactly what im feeling and how one expects a significant other to be there for the other.

More recently i started to feel silly having to explain and justify why im upset just to get the “im sorry” that doesnt feel like an apology anymore because i have to beg for it, so i just started to apologize to him and tell him “it’s my fault” or “im just having a bad day” so i can move on :/

I dont know if im explaining my problem well. Im just so frustrated and idk how to approach this anymore. i dont know what to do about this. Any advice is appreciated.

Tldr: my boyfriend doesnt know how to react properly to how im feeling and i dont know how to deal with this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fantastic-You8899 on 2023-12-30 11:33:43+00:00.

TL:DR I'm on disability and my aunt excessively shames me for it. I think my mom is gaslighting me about it.

Let me start off by saying I'm on disablity. And relative to that, Ive been having problems with my aunt for over a year now.

She has said a lot of negative things to me while I was staying with her during my fathers cancer surgery, (a rough time for sure) to try to shame me for being on disability. Screaming at me to get a job, saying I'm not a real man, and that I'm going to hell. She mockingly calls me a little boy, calls me a pervert for no reason, and trash talks to her kids about me. I've even got the impression she doesn't want me to have kids. I feel this all stems from me being on disability.

I try to explain what she's said and how I feel to my mother. Her reaction is usually "she didn't mean any of those things, you're just taking them the wrong way". Which honestly makes me feel like I have a problem. She brought up talking to my aunt about it and mentioned she shouldn't be telling me to get a job.

Am I crazy to think that of all the things I told her my aunt said about me. That I'm going to hell, that I'm not even a man, I shouldn't have children....she picked "she shouldn't be telling you to get a job" as the most important thing to confront her about? That is almost trivial to me.

What my aunt hates about me and will shame, belittle, and seemingly harass me about is being on disability. And what they don't realize is I DESERVE to be on disability.

Am I crazy or is she gaslighting me about the issue?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/emo_screamo_babeeno on 2023-12-30 11:27:23+00:00.

Context: I, 21F, am a drummer for a moderately successful band with the lead singer/guitarist, 24M plus two other members; the bassist, 23M, and second guitarist 26M. We have been in a band together for 4 years with the last year and a half promoting our careers meaning we were able to give up our day jobs etc and make making music a full time career.

Situation: Two weeks ago I slept with our lead singer. We have had a flirty relationship the past few months as we are very similar in our home lives and if I’m honest, I’ve been more or less in love with him the past two years. When we started touring I thought that it was just a crush brought on by proximity and similar situations. But no, unfortunately for me it isn’t.

So Mr lead singer had this big ex girlfriend (think Scott pilgrim envy Addams), who he has been on again off again the past three years. This is actually the main reason I didn’t pursue my feelings with him sooner. However, they ‘officially’ broke it off about 6 months ago when she cheated on him with one of his friends back home. This lead to me, roughly a month ago, admitting how I felt to him….

… which actually went really well. So well in fact we went on a few dates together, which then two weeks ago resulted in intimacy.

However, since the day after the incident, he has compliantly aired me and been off with me. For example; I’d come to rehearsals and give him a warm smile and hello and he would just nod at me and that would be more or less the most interaction we have. He also started showing up late for rehearsal since that night.

Two days ago we stopped at our home town and as we would be on the road as the new year came in, we went out last night so we were able to celebrate properly. Mr lead singer was missing until 2am when he walked in with he ex (5 points if you saw that coming). I, hurt by this went and sat outside for a few minuets to collect my thoughts.

After a few minuets, one of Mr lead singers old friends came and collard me and asked if we could talk. I lit up another cigarette and heated him out.

Apparently news spread in our circle regarding me and Mr lead singer. (Luckily our band isn’t big enough for proper press press and most things like this get kept low profile). His ex girlfriend didn’t like this. She didn’t want him per say, but didn’t want him seeing anyone else either. So she called him and played the “I miss you” cards.

This upset me, and I went home.

Sooooooo on actual NYE (tomorrow) we are far away from home. We are playing a show but then have all agreed to go out as a band afterwards. I know that Ex GF won’t be coming to this. Do I confront the lead singer on his actions or do I just forget all about it?

TL;DR - band mate slept with me. Band mate binned me off for ex and has been giving me silent treatment. Ex won’t be there NYE. Do I talk to him about it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Cheap_Cap3054 on 2023-12-30 11:25:54+00:00.

Context: i met my girlfriend in school and after being friends first we started a relationship that has been going on for over 3 years.

I feel like im losing interest in the relationship. Although we never fight and my girlfriend is a really nice person, that i also find pretty and get along with well. I have had this feeling before in the relationship but then it never lasted more than 2 weeks and now i have been starting to feel more and more doubts for over a month and it doesnt feel like it will go away anytime soon. When my girlfriend talks about future plans, like dates and trips i dont feel that excited about it anymore. I dont look forward to spending time toghether that much, even though when we are toghether its still quite nice but not like it used to be. I understand that in a relationship the initial spark fades a bit but i dont feel ready to never feel that again in my life. Another thing that worries me is that i dont really miss her, right now is exam season so we see each other way less and i notice that that doesnt bother me. I also prefer hanging out with friends over her. What worries me most however is that a few months ago i made some new friends, one of them is a girl who i find pretty and get along with quite well. This girl made me feel a spark like i had a crush again and this is what really got this whole doubt going. For clarity i havent cheated on my girlfriend with this girl and the last thing i want to do is cheat on her. Even though i feel all of this, there is still something that holds me back from ending the relationship. Me and my gf get along well and we trust each other completely, we have a great connection because of the relationship that has lasted for over 3 years now and it kindoff feels stupid to break this off if this feeling is only temporary. I dont want to break up and then regret it in a few months and then lose my life with my girlfriend. However i feel like i have changed a lot as a person since the relationship started and i dont feel like i had a chance to really explore who i am now and i dont think i can as long as i am in a relationship. I guess i kindoff long for more freedom in my life... Has anyone been in this situation?

Sorry if i made language mistakes.

Tl;dr: i am having doubts about my relationship and dont know if i should break up, because the connection we have feels valuable.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gordriver_berserker on 2023-12-30 11:16:21+00:00.

We're playing a PC game, and she's struggling a lot because she's not much of a gamer. After failing a mission multiple times, I feel like saying, 'next fail and you give me a blowjob' However, I'm afraid it might come off as rude, as she sometimes likes it and sometimes doesn't. So, I refrain from saying it, and it frustrates me that I didn't try. Do you also experiment with sex in this way? I'm not good at initiating, and she rarely does it either

Tl;dr I'm looking for ways to initiate sex in an "different" manner.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/HaruHaruBear on 2023-12-30 11:00:49+00:00.

My (30f) partner (30m) of 13 years cheated on me and I ended things with him. We rent in the basement of his family's home. He is now adamant that since we are no longer together I don't have the right to be in his family's home. From a legal standpoint, I understand that I technically do have legal rights to stay in my home but I don't know how to articulate what I feel in a way that makes sense.

Firstly, we live in a HCOL area and rents out there is through the roof. We were paying market value rent when we moved in 8 years ago and our landlords (his family) just never raised the rent. To put me out would cause me great financial hardship. It feels incredibly unfair and like I am the one being punished for his infidelity (he is, btw, in a full blown relationship with the new woman).

Also for better or worse I shared a life with this man and his family for 13 years. I contributed to the relationship of each and every member of his family. My own family lives overseas so I truly integrated with his. Just because he cheated and we broke up does not automatically mean I stopped seeing his family like my own.

To put it frankly, it also feels like now that we are no longer together he would treat me like disposable garbage and my wellbeing and health is of no concern to him when for the past 13 years I had always prioritized his health and wellbeing through good and the (very, very, VERY) bad times.

However, he is telling anyone who would listen that I am being unreasonable and I need to just leave since I am no longer part of this family. At this point I am actually more distressed about possibly being displaced out of my own home than I am about his cheating. Am I being unreasonable? I really don't want to be cut and dry and start spouting off legal rights to his family because unlike him, I can't just disconnect how I feel towards people just because they are related to him by blood. It's also not like they are kicking me out, they are very much on my side but he is making me feel guilty and like I don't have a leg to stand on. I just simply don't want to lose my home and the stability of my home.

What can I say to make him understand that what he is demanding is unreasonable and lacks decency and fairness?

TL;DR! My (30f) partner (30m) of 13 years cheated on me and I ended things with him. He now wants to kick me out of our home because we rent from his family. He argues that they are his family so I have to leave.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bbybee06 on 2023-12-30 10:31:05+00:00.

I’m currently here tipsy and it’s 4 AM I’m so upset because me and my boyfriend got into another argument where he says extremely hurtful things to me, than later denies and maybe apologizes. When my boyfriend is in a good mood, he’s super loving patient kind and that’s what made me fall in love with him like she doesn’t have a lot of money but I love the fact that he tries but his mean side is definitely a lot to handle for me. We spoke yesterday and I was telling him about a stressful situation I was in, in the morning and then a separate situation, where I felt like a man tried to attack me. He said it was my fault. The conversation escalated into him confessing That a cashier at his local bakery was talking shit about me. I asked him did he defend me he claim that he told her to mind her business and he walked out. I highly doubt that because he goes to that bakery regularly to buy bread they’re both Jamaican. During the argument, he proceeds to go into lustful detail about how she looks, and I totally felt like a punch in the stomach like I literally broke down and cried, and he just laughed at me. I told him if you wanna go fuck her then go do so. It hurts that he would really compare me to her and then he proceeded to say oh at least she has a job. I quit my job because I wanted to finish my final semester of college. I left my 66K salary job to finish my business degree which I did with flying colors just finished with a 3.8. During the arguement he proceeds to ask me why I don’t take him out and that he would want me to wear make up but it’s like if I’m not going anywhere but his house why would I wear make up. I’m usually bare face, I don’t wear wigs my hair is long and straight and I wear glasses I have good skin people always tell me that I look young. He only took me out on a date once, but I tried to be understanding on his side because he got into a financial situation because of his mom and I thought maybe we could both work on our future together since I’m trying to find a new job since I just finished school. He denied everything that he said during the argument, and said that he only said it because he was upset and that he wanted to give me drama, but I just feel so disgusted that he would compare me to someone else like at this point I don’t even care if we stay together or not. I just wanna focus on me getting a good pay job so I can get a car And move out into a better apartment. Like he always says hurtful things when he’s upset, but I think this time it really broke me like he intentionally tried to break me down he didn’t care that it made me cry. I hate the fact that after we argue at least means wanna drink I feel like that’s the only thing I said to me. It’s like since I met him I’m on an emotional roller coaster of being super high on love and happy and then all of a sudden things just turn and I start getting sad. We were planning on moving in together but I’m really having second thoughts on that.

TL;DR - right now I’m tipsy me, and my boyfriend got into an argument, and he confessed that a local cashier was talking shit about me, and that he has lusty eyes for her. He later claimed that he was just saying it to hurt my feelings, but I don’t believe him, and he always says hurtful things during an argument.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Born-Ad660 on 2023-12-30 10:15:33+00:00.

TL; DR: Ex's friend, who has been cheated on multiple times in the past, expressed love and liking. Pulled away when I reciprocated after asking to take it slow. Bounced back expressed love but said afraid to commit. Led to an on and off relation. Presently wants just physical relations, doesn't want to respectfully date. Given no proper reason for not dating.

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone from college. I had realised in the first year of the relationship that he is not the person for me and I had even broken up. But there were severe family issues going on at home, the most turbulent 5 years of my life where I was going through abuse at home. I had hit my lowest point and out of pure emotional dependency I took him back and the relationship, despite us being really incompatible went until we broke up, which I was anticipating would happen some day. After the break up, one of his childhood friends really consoled me and kept checking on me. Even the rest of my friends offered a lot of support and I started therapy that was helping me regulate my emotions and I got over the breakup after around 3 months of it ending. Then after about 4 months to the breakup, his friend and I started talking on a regular basis and I felt attracted towards him. He expressed a liking towards me, said was looking for a serious relationship, but I wanted to take some time. I told him that the liking is mutual, but things seem to be premature and moving fast. We even went on an outing where he tried to make a move but I stopped him because I was not ready for physical intimacy, although I liked him. I told him that its not that I didn't want it with him, it just feels too soon and I need time because he also constantly kept bringing up his friendship with my ex complexity. We continued talking and he kept expressing his liking, he even went on to say I love You. About 3 weeks after that, he asked me meet him and stay out again, by that point I felt its okay to let him in my space now that mutual liking has been admitted to and I agreed to meet him. But as soon as I agreed, he pulled away saying that he has transformed himself into someone who just sleeps around because of being cheated on multiple times in the past and that I shouldn't keep any expectations from him. I let him go, but then he bounced back again expressed Love, but said was afraid to commit due to his past experiences but was ready for physical intimacy. I said in that lets keep it at friendship because I want you to be sure and in a relationship with me when we get intimate. This cycle went on twice over a span of 2 months. By then I was emotionally invested in him and thought of not pressuring him much for commitment to soothe his fear. Then as a result of it an 'on and off' sort of a relation began where he was okay with sleeping with me but couldn't commit giving his friendship with my ex as a reason. During this phase there was no regular communication, we didn't meet much as well. At one point after about 7 months since it started while we were on a trip,he even ended things again for the friendship. But few days after this, he again came back proposing a fwb equation. By this time I was frustrated by the fact that if the friendship was so important to him, then why in the first place did he even start hitting on me all those months back? Why did he bounce back everytime and then pull away? Why is it that while being physically intimate his friendship doesn't come in the way, but to respectfully date it does? Also as far as his past experiences are concerned, its almost been a year I have kept reassuring him enough that I am here to loyally stick around by him, he knows this very well. Its frustrating why he is being lame and not giving his honest reason for not respectfully dating me, I am ready to hear it even of its harsh. I asked him why won't he date me and he said 'There is no reason'. He said I find you very attractive so I want to be physically intimate with you but won't commit. I am now in a position where I am emotionally invested and in love with him but he just wants the physical intimacy, and won't even talk otherwise, says he doesn't want me to be attached. I am unable to fathom the diameteric shift in him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Holiday-Title-1111 on 2023-12-30 10:14:43+00:00.

My boyfriend has a very needy mom in my opinion. She lost her eldest son 6 years ago and now depends on my boyfriend (youngest son) for a lot. She always wants to be around and makes my boyfriend feel bad if we don’t hang out with her enough. She hates that we “lock her out” . We do often lock the room door so we can have time to ourselves, which I think isn’t even a big problem… In their last argument she made him feel bad for not visiting his brothers grave enough (she goes everyday) She also says things like , “your brothers old girlfriend use to talk to me a lot , she would spend more time with me “. I don’t know.. this felt like a big punch in my face, I’m very nice to his mother and I don’t say no to her tagging along most of the time. Im just not the type of girl to be so talkative with anyone, it’s not just her. I have bad anxiety. I just don’t know what to do I feel bad for my boyfriend and he feels bad for his mom. She always makes him feel bad when we go visit my side of the family as well, it’s like she’s afraid of losing him. But it’s hurting me that we don’t see my family just as much. We’ve been together for a year and a half.

TL;DR My boyfriends mom doesn’t think we hang out with her enough and often makes my boyfriend feel bad about himself.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Born-Ad660 on 2023-12-30 10:01:38+00:00.

TL; DR: Ex's friend, who has been cheated on multiple times in the past, expressed love and liking. Pulled away when I reciprocated after asking to take it slow. Bounced back expressed love but said afraid to commit. Led to an on and off relation. Presently wants just physical relations, doesn't want to respectfully date. Given no proper reason for not dating.

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone from college. I had realised in the first year of the relationship that he is not the person for me and I had even broken up. But there were severe family issues going on at home, the most turbulent 5 years of my life where I was going through abuse at home. I had hit my lowest point and out of pure emotional dependency I took him back and the relationship, despite us being really incompatible went until we broke up, which I was anticipating would happen some day.

After the break up, one of his childhood friends really consoled me and kept checking on me. Even the rest of my friends offered a lot of support and I started therapy that was helping me regulate my emotions and I got over the breakup after around 3 months of it ending. Then after about 4 months to the breakup, his friend and I started talking on a regular basis and I felt attracted towards him. He expressed a liking towards me, said was looking for a serious relationship, but I wanted to take some time. I told him that the liking is mutual, but things seem to be premature and moving fast. We even went on an outing where he tried to make a move but I stopped him because I was not ready for physical intimacy, although I liked him. I told him that its not that I didn't want it with him, it just feels too soon and I need time because he also constantly kept bringing up his friendship with my ex complexity. We continued talking and he kept expressing his liking, he even went on to say I love You. About 3 weeks after that, he asked me meet him and stay out again, by that point I felt its okay to let him in my space now that mutual liking has been admitted to and I agreed to meet him. But as soon as I agreed, he pulled away saying that he has transformed himself into someone who just sleeps around because of being cheated on multiple times in the past and that I shouldn't keep any expectations from him.

I let him go, but then he bounced back again expressed Love, but said was afraid to commit due to his past experiences but was ready for physical intimacy. I said in that lets keep it at friendship because I want you to be sure and in a relationship with me when we get intimate. This cycle went on twice over a span of 2 months. By then I was emotionally invested in him and thought of not pressuring him much for commitment to soothe his fear. Then as a result of it an 'on and off' sort of a relation began where he was okay with sleeping with me but couldn't commit giving his friendship with my ex as a reason. During this phase there was no regular communication, we didn't meet much as well. At one point after about 7 months since it started while we were on a trip,he even ended things again for the friendship.

A few days after this, he again came back proposing a fwb equation. By this time I was frustrated by the fact that if the friendship was so important to him, then why in the first place did he even start hitting on me all those months back? Why did he bounce back everytime and then pull away? Why is it that while being physically intimate his friendship doesn't come in the way, but to respectfully date it does? Also as far as his past experiences are concerned, its almost been a year I have kept reassuring him enough that I am here to loyally stick around by him, he knows this very well. Its frustrating why he is being lame and not giving his honest reason for not respectfully dating me, I am ready to hear it even of its harsh. I asked him why won't he date me and he said 'There is no reason'. He said I find you very attractive so I want to be physically intimate with you but won't commit.

I am now in a position where I am emotionally invested and in love with him but he just wants the physical intimacy, and won't even talk otherwise, says he doesn't want me to be attached. I am unable to fathom the diameteric shift in him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CorrectAtmosphere674 on 2023-12-30 10:00:43+00:00.

Tldr- my fiancé frequently tries to push me out of bed ah get physical but I don't break up with him because of our long history and our good moments.

Me (f21) and my fiancé (m23) have been together 6 years, engaged for 3. We live on his family's farm. I'll call him Derek.

Things between me and him aren't always abusive, and very rarely physically abusive. But just now he could have really easily hurt me and I'm afraid.

I'll explain what happened tonight. It's 3am and I wake up to him hogging the bed. I touched him and tried to ask him if he can scoot over. I asked several times very quietly just putting my hand on him. He talked back, but didn't move. I repeated myself several times with no reaction, so as anyone would do, I tried to move him over a little bit myself. He didn't budge, and instead moved his arm down so that his elbow was poking me in my side very uncomfortably. I asked again if he could move with no response this time. At this point he was awake, just choosing not to move over. I tried a little harder to move him over with my foot. He woke up, and said "shut the fuck up and leave me alone".

At this point I'm pissed off, frustrated, and tired, and I did raise my voice at him in response, telling him he's hogging the bed, his elbow hurts, and i cant sleep. He then gets physical with me, very suddenly going from asleep to forcing me to sit up in bed, and trying to push or throw me out of bed. He was using his feet to push me out, and his arms around my arms. He's a lot stronger than me, and because I'm afraid I try using my nails and my body weight to fight out of it. He then threw me out of the bed so hard I almost hit my head on the wall/wood corner of the window next to my side. If I hadn't of cushioned myself my head would be really hurt.

This isn't the first time he's tried to force me out of bed like this. I was stunned and crying, and he just turned his back towards me and went to sleep, leaving me standing there shaking and in disbelief. I started yelling at him crying, and he started saying I tried to kick him out of bed and that I'm the one was physical first? Like me trying to scoot his body over in his sleep is anything close to what he did to me.

He's slapped me, restrained me, manipulated me, gaslit me, and pulled this "pushing me out of bed" thing countless times.

I'm not on the couch crying by myself and typing this out. What keeps me with him is how long we've been together, the good moments we have. Literally yesterday we were talking together about having kids in the next few years and getting married. It just goes from good to really unhealthy and abusive in a split second. I need someone who's not my mother to tell me I need to leave him and I need to feel like I'm not alone, and that I'm not crazy for staying with him this long.

I've asked him to go to couples counseling and he refuses. His dad was very abusive so that's where this behavior and anger issues maybe comes from.

I do yell at him a lot and my communication could be better, but I'm actively self aware and trying to be better.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CautiousCuddles on 2023-12-30 09:49:00+00:00.

I[22m] recently broke up a friendship with my best friend[23m] of 10 years.

Throughout our relationship he almost constantly ridiculed me for certain things I did, invalidated my feelings when I opened up to him about personal problems, and overstepped my boundaries when I clearly told him to stop, or that I was uncomfortable. He would tell me to do things I didn't want to do and would get very angry and pressed with me when I didn't do what he told me to.

It is hard to say I remember a lot of positives in that relationship, all I can remember is how much negativity he fed me. I felt like I was being gaslit, I couldn't, and still can't, remember a lot of stuff that happened between us. He'd get angry with me because of how forgetful I was.

In the past when we were children we had no boundaries. I've attempted to make them once we both became adults and realized how we treated each other, but he never respected mine, although he was very persistent about me respecting his boundaries.

I felt like I was being walked all over. I couldn't say anything to him or else he'll get angry and snap at me and tell me everything I've done wrong to him. I'll bring up issues I have with him and he'll turn it around and tell me how I hurt him, how I've been treating him, how much of a victim I've been acting, and how if I didn't act the way I was acting towards him then maybe he wouldn't be so mad at me and MAYBE he wouldn't be so hateful. A lot of the times he'd be passive aggressive and post vague rants about me on his socials for all of our friends to see. Even when I tried to defend myself he'd snap at me about it, he wouldn't keep our arguments private, and I couldn't do anything about it.

He did everything in his power to make me feel guilty about what I've done to him, never tried to hear me out, and told me to stop acting like a victim when he's the real victim here. It was always about him everytime I tried to open up to him. It gotten to the point where I couldn't even talk about my personal life without feeling like it was being used against me. Yet it was safe for him to talk about his to me.

When we were dating, he told me he couldn't feel love, he couldn't feel anything towards another person. At the time we were just kids, so I couldn't see the red flags waving in the air, I was blinded by love. Yet it deeply hurt me hearing the person I cared for didn't even feel love. We broke up a few years later, it was rocky, I don't want to bring it up much.

He ranted about our friends to me a lot. About how they'd be sorry without him, talking crap about small arguments they had, and how awful they've been treating him. I tried my best to hear him out, but it always rubbed me the wrong way when he vented about our friends.

It was a few months ago when I finally ended my friendship with him. He sent me a LONG message of everything I've done wrong to him, stuff I personally regretted and wished to make up for, and blocked me on every social without me being able to defend myself. It felt manipulative and like this was his final attack against me. He was intending to get the last word in and make sure I was left suffocating in my own misery.

Not even a day or so after that I got a message on insta from him, asking that we keep in contact and that he's sorry for what he said and has done to me.

All I ever wanted from him was that he be nice to me and hear me out. And after all that time we spent together, finally shoving him out of my life is what makes him realize that? It's sad to say him trying to reach out to me, make things work, and mend our relationship is tempting.

I chose to ignore his message however and blocked him again, my friend's convinced me it's an abusers tactic to pull the victim back in. But I was constantly told to stop acting like the victim, I don't know if I'm actually a victim or I'm just overdramatic about it.

I've been feeling like this relationship has deeply wounded me. I feel confused and heartbroken and like I need reassurance that I'm not crazy and what I went through was as terrible as I remembered it was.

I don't want to run back to him. I know it would be best for my mental health to stay far away from him, but he has been my only friend for so long and I miss him so much. I have no clue what to do. It would be nice to hear from more people that I'm not making shit up and this man has messed me up deeply.

TLDR: Been in a toxic and invalidating friendship of 10+ years. Finally broke it off and went no contact. I'm thinking I'm a victim of abuse and need reassurance I'm not crazy and to stay away so I don't run back to a toxic relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/theadrium on 2023-12-30 09:45:08+00:00.

I (30M) recently had a relatively minor car accident in a parking lot that was my fault (I was exiting a parallel park and didn't notice a car coming and we clipped each other -- damage to headlights and bumpers). We've had the car for 2 weeks and though the purchase was within our means it was a big expense for us.

My two mistakes were:

1 - Not being attentive enough

2 - Not getting comprehensive insurance (only 3rd party insurance) which means we now have to shell out ~$1k to repair the damage on our car.

My wife (29F -- married for 4 years) is 2 months pregnant, and since we started trying for a kid I have been making a serious effort to become more reliable and responsible (taking on the bulk of housework / cooking, getting things fixed up around the house, being more available for her emotionally) - and these efforts have been noticed. Unfortunately I think that this crash was a huge blow to my wife's sense of security and trust in me. We can handle it financially, but it's a stress on the bank balance. And my wife was already a nervous car passenger (since before we met -- she just doesn't like riding in fast vehicles) so I know that now she will feel even less comfortable with me driving her for a while (though I have been driving for 8 years and this is the first accident like this).

I know it's my fault. I'm not looking for people to make me feel better, but the thought of my wife viewing me as less of a rock during this time hurts deeply. Beyond biting the bullet and moving on, what are some practical steps that I can take to recover from this and regain dependability in my wife's eyes?

tl;dr - Crashed our new car and have to pay $1k for repairs, making my pregnant wife anxious. Looking for practical ways to regain her trust and restore her sense of security.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Professional_Tap7568 on 2023-12-30 09:44:40+00:00.

I(20m) never approached a girl in my life

I have never approached a girl in my life nd doesn't have a any real friends for past 5 years ( btw real friends mean : no one give validation to my feelings) I have 2 friends right now but they don't real care much about me like the only call me if their other frnd is not around nd coming to a girlfriend in my life.I usually see others couples and enjoy what they are doing but I never had guts to talk to girl in my life that I like . If I get a feelings I don't know why but my feelings fades away in a week or so. Also whenever I really like a girl I get self questions like what if she doesn't reply to me or what if she already have boyfriend? Something like this come to my mind. I also think I can't even speak properly to anyone in real ..

TL;DR! - what do you think I should do ? Any suggestions for my situation?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MakashaNeedsHelp26 on 2023-12-30 09:43:00+00:00.

Ive been dating a guy for five years off and on that I pity. I dont love him. Hes kind of attractive, but only his body is. I dont respect him. I dont disrespect him, but I feel nothing much towards him actually except negative emotions. Ive kept this on for five years because I have PTSD and while I was being abused in my home I was unable to access my feelings, be honest with myself, or anyone, from disassociation/psychosis whatever. Ive tried to tell him I dont respect him or the way he acts, but ive been afraid to hurt him so instead ive tried to be supportive and comforting. Ive spent a lot of money on him to pay his phone bills, groceries, outings, things just to help him get by because I empathize. I felt forced to, because I have had zero self esteem as a result of being abused, it has affected my mind. I felt like nobody is ever going to love me unless I have something to offer, and all I have to offer, someone like me, something like me, is money and constant reassurance even while getting nothing back. He has given me support with his words, but I have trouble actually feeling loved by him because he just seems desperate so how can I tell. I went to visit him once, and it was amazing compared to my abuse at home, but actually wasnt amazing because I feel nothing. Feeling nothing however is better than feeling very very bad.

My therapist told me hes bad news and everyone tells me he is exploiting me, and I cant really tell because hes just so sad and in such a bad situation. But ive helped him a lot. All without knowing "do i even like this guy?" I told him recently that i shouldnt feel forced to like him, and that i have been looking at other guys but i feel really guilty because if im happy i shouldnt be doing that, and i told him i wanna break up, but he still texts me sounding really thirsty and desperate to be friends with benefits. It feels like I dont even know who this man is, so a tinder match just came into my text messages and said "can we be friends with benefits?" Not really a great opener. Its really scary because im legally disabled and can't take care of myself, and might end up homeless soon. He said he wants to figure out a way to take care of me, but i told him dont worry about me because I'd rather be on the street than be exploiting someone who i dont love. It just doesnt sound like a good idea to accept anything from somebody who is so desperate and pushy as he is.

Its really scary but i told him as much as I could about this recently, but that means I have to be alone now. I have to go through what im going through alone. Is it weird to say that i have been wanting to tell him to go away, out of respect for him? But at the same time, i dont respect him as a sexual romantic partner? I respect him as a human, but not as a boyfriend. Ive been scared to say the word pity, but I do pity him a lot. He keeps using that word and i say no no because I dont want to hurt him. I never want to hurt peoples self esteem the way mine has been hurt. I also feel guilty that I dont love him, because hes offering me a free ride in life. But i dont want to exploit somebody. Ive just had no support while going through trauma.

How do i even forgive myself for being in a five year off-and-on ( he broke up with me a lot then came back ) relationship? I mean maybe it takes two to tango, because he has been really dependent on me and broken up with me a lot so maybe im not in the complete wrong. But i shouldn't pity my own boyfriend like a dog. I want a strong man i can lean on. Not in fantasy, but in reality. I say that because he keeps saying how much he wants that but for five years it hasnt changed.

Tl;dr ive been in this weird thing that i dont understand with a mix of negative emotions and nothing good, fear, pity, and i dont know what I'm doing.

What am i even fucking doing? Thats my question. When i help him, it feels like im his savior and he calls me his angel. When i hurt him by telling him the truth, it feels like all im doing is exploiting him. Neither one do i actually get anything.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Kaleidoscope9771 on 2023-12-30 08:33:29+00:00.

Some out of the way info - my mother requires caretaking. She lives with me. My father used to do this put he passed away earlier this year and we have no family/friends close by. Everyone keeps telling me that the aide that comes every weekend is supposed to help me, but she doesn’t. In fact, having her is very stressful to me. Her primary purpose is so that my partner and I can go out and do things on weekends. My mother and I both are aware of this. Two weeks ago, I planned a weekend of holiday events for my partner and I. He got sick but none of those events were refundable….so I lost around a thousand dollars on unused tickets and the cost of the aid. He is aware of how stressful that is for me and how my mother and I both feel the aid is “for him” (really for us, so we can have time together).

My partner and I have been together two and a half years. He lives at home. Today was his father’s birthday and he ran around with his mother preparing but due to personal events his sister couldn’t come over last minute so the birthday was “low key.” His sister, however, can come over tomorrow…..but there are no clear plans or timelines or semblance of what is happening. My partner feels that there isn’t anything he can do about cancelling plans with me to go out tomorrow (while the paid aid watches my mother) and that he has to celebrate his fathers birthday with his sister and Mom so it’s “properly celebrated.”

I feel like that is insane. Unlike the prior weeks when he was ill, he has control over cancelling our plans tomorrow - especially since nothing is “planned” yet beyond his sisters availability. I feel exceptionally frustrated I’m paying for the aid….again….when we can’t go out (she needs 72 hours for a cancellation, which is totally reasonable). I keep trying to stress to him that plans with me are just as serious as plans for his family and he did his due diligence to celebrate his Dad’s birthday; his Dad doesn’t get two birthday’s because his sister and her husband couldn’t come today. She had plans and couldn’t come today, he has plans and can’t come tomorrow - to me that’s simple.

He feels I’m asking him to sacrifice properly celebrating his father and that this is out of his hands. Is it weird to be really quite hurt and upset by this? Not sure how handle in terms of next steps. Potentially of note - his family doesn’t like me and there are issues there so I’m not invited to these events or birthdays, in one part bc of the conflict and another part because of having to take care of my mother if it isn’t Saturday (when the aid is here).

ETA: I work from home and haven’t any nearby friends so these Saturdays are really the only time out I get. When my partner and I aren’t going out, it means I have to just kill time alone pretending there is something of interest to do outside. There is only so long mani/pedis and movies take

tl;dr my partner wants to cancel plans….again…this time to celebrate his dads birthday for a second day in a row.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/allisonwallace2000 on 2023-12-30 06:03:06+00:00.

I don't know how to cope with my current situation and need some advice.

For context me and my BF live with his parents, he moved back home after somebody was stabbed to death at the front door of the apartment my BF was living in at the time. (Side note we met online and were in a long distance relationship before I moved in with his parents (46F) (48M) blessing.) His parents have constantly told him (and me) that they want him to save up for a house, and don't want him leaving if he has to rent (they've refused to take any money we try to give them for rent). I've been living with them for about 3 years as they were more than happy to let me stay (or at least so they said). The prior arrangement was that my BF help with repairs on his fathers dump trucks and, I help around the house instead of paying rent. Well My BF broke his ankle at work September of last year and required ankle surgery and months of rehab and he has effectively been written off as partially disabled because the surgery went badly, and due to this his parents have written off the helping with the mechanic and instead have been having him do other tasks instead.

On Christmas day we visited one of his 3 sisters (32F)(29F)&(30F) houses when a computer problem arose while his other 2 sisters were present at his parents house. when we returned from fixing the computer problem we both knew something was off when his mother proceeded to choke slam a Christmas tree the second we walked through the door (she's unmedicated manic bipolar). So my boyfriend left me at home and went to another one of his sisters houses to try and figure out what happened while we were gone. He had to get her drunk to get the honest truth out of her that his parents and 2 of his sisters were having a secret meeting because we had left. In the secret meeting they all gathered around and proceeded to all admit that they secretly hate our guts particularly hating me. His parents called us ungrateful leeches when they have outright refused our attempts to pay them rent. They organized for my BF's 2 brother in laws to physically throw us out of the house and burn our stuff afterwards on Friday while they disown my BF and tell him to never speak to them again.

WHY you might ask, well its because we renovated our bedroom (with permission) and took out the old carpet and replaced it with laminate and added a fridge for drinks and homemade dog food for our 15 year old dog with NO TEETH. This has apparently sparked his mother to believe were out to get her and, she has started to listen to us through the wall by placing a cup on the wall between our rooms. On top of this she is moving bananas around the kitchen and believes I am purposely doing it to make her mad (I am not moving the bananas). She apparently Is upset that this whole time she's been trying to cause problems between us and has failed thus far some examples are: Pulling Dishes I put in the dishwasher back out of the dishwasher to yell at my BF about how lazy I am and how I cant clean up after myself, sticking my BFs mail in pans of bacon grease and saying I did it, Purposely using the wash machine all day on my days off to prevent me from doing laundry, turning on the stove after I'm done cooking to make it look like I left it on and other examples. We didn't realize she was doing this until we were told about it as we both thought we were collectively going crazy.

His dad is mad at him for not working on the dump trucks anymore even though they have agreed that he can no longer participate due to being partially disabled.

One of his sisters doesn't have a problem with him but while he was getting this information from her she admitted that she doesn't like me because I play video games and am quiet. But even if we got along his parents stated if anyone lets me on their property they will be cut from the will. So she would let my BF stay on her couch until he finds an apartment but I was not welcome due to the stipulation of the will.

When this came out it was devastating to hear this news that the whole time his family that was pretending to be nice secretly hated our guts collectively. His mental health has taken a severe hit from this news and we have decided to separate temporarily so I can go back across the country while he couch surfs on one of his sisters couches. He also admitted that his mental health cant handle this all at once and he wants to be low contact and we can talk in march about maybe getting back together or breaking up completely. I just don't know what to do as the silence is killing me its been 3 days since I arrived at my parents house. I don't know how I'm going to cope with the anxiety of being away from him I don't know how to deal with the stress of this whole situation. There's looming anxiety that someone else is going to swoop in and steal him away or that he's just going to ghost me completely. There's also this looming dread that his one sister who he will be staying with has offered to let him build a tiny home on her property however I cannot even step foot onto her property as she doesn't want to lose out on their parents will. I don't understand how to cope with the anxiety and stress of this situation and would like some advice from anyone whose dealt with a similar situation before. Thank you to anyone with helpful advice

TLDR BFs family secretly hates me and BF and has been gaslighting us for years. They secretly planned to throw us out the Friday after Christmas but we caught wind of it before it happened. we went on a break that will last till march of 2024 and I don't know how to cope with the anxiety of being low contact.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/silk_gerri on 2023-12-30 05:51:48+00:00.

My (24f) boyfriend (28m) past had me questioning our relationship

TL;DR: Long story short, he told me that he had short relationships in the past (max like 9 months) and in one relationship he cheated and the last relationship he basically didn’t love the girl so he lied through the whole relationship (she was an anxious person and jealous so he thought that by lying to her, he would protect her)

Also he has this female best friend (that i have no problem with) but he said that they “slept” so many times naked and that in reality they don’t see each other as anything sexual.

This is my first relationship with a man, i only dated women before and now one of my friend said this thing that keeps bugging me “once a cheater always a cheater” and i just want to know people’s thoughts

because either a. im overthinking things or b. that’s something i should be cautious of

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/burgerzandburpeez on 2023-12-30 07:12:55+00:00.

TL;DR; fiance says “we” and our” referring to his ex. Said he realized I was the one after dating for a year and a half. Which I feel is an eternity??!?!?!

He used to live in another state with his ex. Every time he tells a story during that time period, he will say "in our old apartment" or "we would go to X restaurant." I'm not a jealous person but it makes me so uncomfortable when he does this. When he says "we" and "our," it should be he and I. Not he and his ex.

He's a great partner and hasn't given me a reason to think he'd cheat. But when I called him out tonight, he told me he loved me very much. He said it took him A YEAR AND A HALF to realize I was the one.

I knew he was the one after 2-3 months of dating. My heart sank when he said a year and a half. How do I move forward from this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EconomistHungry9454 on 2023-12-29 23:31:16+00:00.

I hope everyone's having a great evening, me and my partner have had an amazing relationship for quite some time, recently her interest in anything intimate has gone down to a complete zero and it bothers me a lot. Quite recently we had a bit of a fight, and after that fight we have had zero intimate moments (I've initiated it countless times but she doesn't seem into it) when I asked her about it she said she just doesn't like it all of a sudden, it shocked me as we've always had great intimacy and even after we've always fought, that spark has never gone away. It's been a month now she's said that to me, and it hurts me, leads me to overthink etc. It's not fair to me at all to be deprived of this, as shes the only one I want and go to for this fulfillment. I plan to confront her about it on text, because it really is an issue for me, I need advice from you all as it's my first time, please share any advice especially the ladies. Tell me what should I do in this situation. Apologies for my English it isn't my mother tongue.

TL;DR: My partner is depriving me of any intimacy, it's leading me to overthinking, having insecurities and worsening our relationship. I plan to confront her about it. How should I go about it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/baekhyunbunz on 2023-12-29 22:35:09+00:00.

I (18F) have been talking to a guy (20M) for 3 months now. We've always got along really well, particularly in the fact we both like to joke bully and generally mess with each other. Maybe a month into when we were talking, he started to make jokes about cheating. I always brushed it off and teased him back, saying he would never because he likes me too much. About a month and a half into our talking, we both agreed that we liked each other and decided to be exclusive, but not yet call each other boyfriend and girlfriend (kind of like a loyal talking stage?) All was good. A few weeks after that, he told me he was meeting up with two of his female friends, and as the calm person I am I allowed it. After they hung out, he called me and told me about it, and everything seemed fine. He did however, make a joke that he had cheated on me with one of the girls, and I once again brushed it off as I had with all his other jokes like that. Fast forward to now. He's from Asia, and studying in my home country so it's undeniable there are some cultural differences. But he told me that when he went home for Christmas, his parents had decided to set him up on a date with a family friend's daughter (a cultural thing). I told him that if he had to do it to please his parents I was okay with it as long as he kept boundaries with her and didn't do anything. Today when I woke up and called him to check up on him, how things are in his home country and what he's up to, he told me that he had cheated on me. Once again, I thought it was a joke. But after I left, it really began to eat me alive. I know some people may find this scary or invasive, but I decided to find one of the girls he hung out with and joked about cheating on me with those weeks ago and message her and ask if anything happened. I told her that me and him were currently 'talking' and she told me that he's an okay guy. That really made me feel better, but I asked a more specific question "Did you guys kiss? or anything else?" and she told me that they did kiss. Suddenly I realise, that the jokes he made probably aren't jokes. Not only did he kiss or maybe even do more with this girl and then on that weekend see me, kiss me and act like everything was fine, but he's now SLEPT with another girl when he's half way across the world from me. All of my friends are telling me I should cut him off, but I've become so attached to him the thought of it hurts me so much. Can you forgive a cheater? We're not 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' yet, but does that make a difference when we agreed to be exclusive? How do I tell him that I know it's not a joke? Even if I do 'forgive' him, how can I ever trust him again? What the hell do I do? I'm attached to this guy...

**TL;DR;** : My exclusive talking stage kissed other girls and played it off as a joke to me, it ate me alive so I just messaged one of the girls to ask if anything had happened and she confirmed it did. Do I give him a second chance or just cut him off? If he cheated this early is there any way for things to get better?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/golden0spot on 2023-12-29 15:28:16+00:00.

I could tell something was off with my boyfriend which we've together for a month . Last night because he didn't text me goodnight. He always does without fail. I couldn't sleep all night and he wasn't responding any of my texts. I call him in the morning asking him why is he being so distant and I can feel there's something wrong in the relationship. If he doesn't want to be with me then just break up with me.

He told me he thinks maybe that is best that we do. I start bawling and asking what I did wrong . Apparently I made jokes he didn't like about his speech . He stutters. The joke in question is when I said while we were play fighting are you stuttering because you are scared of me? He is judo trained and can whoop me in a second. I understand now that's extremely unfunny and mean . I had no clue but I never made another joke about it beyond that . I have severe tics and he makes fun of me for that. which is why in my mind this joke was okay. Just poking fun.

I apologized profusely for the jokes in question and told him I never would make them again. I asked him why he never told me he didn't like the jokes. He said because his emotions are not important and he didn't want to censor me . Then he said he feels he can't be himself because I told him when I was with him last . I didn't like him being on the phone to his friend the entire morning barely saying a word before I left his place.

What confuses me is less than a day ago he was begging me to stay with him randomly saying he would never leave me. I had Christmas with his family, I've met his friends. The jokes in question were made days ago . I understand how shitty they were and I'm not trying to justify it. I should have had more emotional intelligence but something isn't adding up. He was fine the entire time.. giving me affection. Telling me how much he loves me . suddenly he seems cold and withdrawn.

He even said I feel like I'm your boyfriend not I am my own person around you. I can't have my own space.Although I have never restricted his phone time ever expect from that one morning in which he was extra quiet. I could feel before I left his becoming distant why I brought it up.

He said he'll talk to me in person about it and that he probably won't break up with me. Just not sure about how he feels.

I understand I've done something horrible. I'm not sure what to do next? Should I work thing's out with him or have I done enough damage?

TDLR: made a stupid joke about my boyfriend stutter and said I wanted more time before I left causing him to dislike me but still love me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/kaninpelle on 2023-12-29 13:13:05+00:00.

We had been friends for 18 years and then she decided to tell my bf explicit details about who I was dating before him, in an attempt to make him distrust me (didn't work, ended up being embarrassing for her, not me). She did this bc she thought my bf was proposing soon, and she hated the thought of me getting engaged before her.

I've been cold towards her for the last month or two, she's sent me flowers, called, texted aplogising profusely. My bf understandably dislikes her and thinks I shouldn't be friends with people who can't be happy for me. I understand his perspective, but throwing 18 years of friendship down the drain hurts. Is it dumb to try to slowly be friends with her again? Like going for coffee and stuff but not having her over?

TLDR: friend of 18 years tried to fuck me over, wants me to take her back, bad idea?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Wild_Ad9058 on 2023-12-30 05:51:34+00:00.

I [32F] am confused in my relationship and it’s driving me crazy [46M]

TLDR

I (32f) have been with my kids father (45m) for three years now he is the first relationship I have encountered with a male after being with a women for 14 years. He is a great guy at times but I’m overwhelmed with his ex wife (41f) being in the picture.And although I like her she makes me feel like she is as help as she is to get closer to him.Im the younger of the two and I’m starting to feel like I’m being forced into a polygamous relationship. should I leave him or stay because I’m tired of feeling manipulated by the two of them.