Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Serious_talks on 2023-12-30 04:10:41+00:00.

Me and my girlfriend had been planning on getting married in a year to a year and a half max. Its something where a year ago her dad died and she moved in with her mom to take care of her. She said it was temporary and we were in a solid spot so we made the tranisition to long distance. Still our relationship kept growing and maybe 4 or 5 months ago we started having the talk about our future and Im not going to lie we had some fights and one of the things that made me stick around was that she genuinely saw a future with me so I knew this all wasnt some messed up game.

On thursday we sat down to have a talk about something that happened on monday. It was a minor thing where basically I had planned to fly out across the country to go visit her and we had been planning it for months then at the 11th hour she goes "I cant because my moms dog doesnt like people". This lead to a talk about how I was worried her inability to plan ahead was getting in the way of things not just with me but other parts of her life and I wanted her to get help with that.

During that conversation she dropped a bombshell on me that she doesnt think she will ever be able to move out of her moms place. I tried to talk her through that but she shot down any problem solving I threw up like buying a house near her mom so she can check in or having a talk with her mom about solutions. I tried to say that its a bit of an extreme conclusion and she said it isnt because the same thing happened to 2 of her aunts and because there is no 3rd child in her family shes trapped.

I hate to saying this because its her mom and all but the more she kept reiterating this the worse it got and it broke me a bit. I felt and still do feel deeply betrayed. Like we were sitting here talking about wedding rings literally the week before and now she just goes and says even if we do her mom will never let her leave and she feels she owes her too much to leave. Another part of this is also I have a difficult time understanding why this is coming up now. I asked her why she didnt say something sooner and at first she tried saying she did but then admitted she never did and claimed she just realized that day (yesterday).

To make matters better she isnt breaking up with me. Shes insisting thats my decision and shes not going to blame me if I run away because thats what she would do. I tried to keep talking it out because it made no sense to me but she eventually got fed up and snapped at me saying she did not want to deal with this tonight and that lead to a bigger thing where she apologized and said she was spiralling and that we would talk about it tomorrow (today).

We did not talk about it today. I havent heard jack from her today and I'm not suprised. She tends to pull stuff like this where we get into a big fight, claims well talk about it soon, then ducks the conversation for weeks or months only to then say she forgot. Honestly I would wait and write up notes on what I need to talk about (admittedly I have) but I feel like I need help processing this. I would talk to my friends but alot of them dont know about her for saftey reasons and the ones that do do not like her.

So I'm here looking for help of what to make of all this and honestly what I should do? Like am I even right for feeling blindsided? Should I even be trying to fix this? Could this just be her getting cold feet maybe? Im drained emotionally and havent slept much and had to call off sick because of it. I know some folks will think shes cheating but I doubt it, we spend 5-6 hrs a day together and shes not the type.

TLDR: GF and I have been talking about marriage for a while. Yesterday she revealed she doesnt think shell ever leave her moms home due to concerns over her. We arnt breaking up but im devestated and dont know what to make of any of this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Living_Contract_7294 on 2023-12-30 03:27:07+00:00.

I (F19) have been seeing a guy (M20) for a bit over 3 months now. We go out on dates, he stays over at my place pretty frequently, I’ve stayed a few nights at his. We are intimate together and it’s great but we also cook together, study together (I’m in university, he’s military) and we talk every day, FaceTiming on days we do not see each other in person.

We have agreed we are exclusive and do not see other people. I expressed around the 2 month mark that I want a relationship with him. He agreed to be exclusive but told me he does not intend to date me/be official with me because he will start flight school around 1.5 hours from me come next fall. Despite this I continued to see him because I really enjoy spending time with him.

We agreed to buy each other gifts for Christmas but set no price limit. He ended up getting me jewelry and a basket of things I always mention needing around the house. In total he spent around $200 on my gift.

Over the past couple weeks we have seen each other nearly every day despite both being home at our parents for the holidays. He has also met my sister and taken me out for several nice dinners. (Forgot to mention earlier but he ALWAYS pays like he takes my wallet from me when we go out so I can’t pay)

I am so confused as to what we are. This feels exactly like a relationship and I truly do not feel that a label would change the way we interact. I mean we’re exclusive, spend most days together and go on dates. Am I misreading this? Would I be correct in telling him this is essentially a relationship and asking for the label? I really like him I’m just unsure how to proceed in this situation.

tl;dr my situationship of over 3 months does not want a relationship despite being exclusive, taking me on dates and spending lots of money on gifts for me. What do I do next?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Confident_Carrot_85 on 2023-12-30 03:14:16+00:00.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three years now. We have an AMAZING relationship and I am very much in love with him. We usually resolve our differences easily, so the only reason I'm posting this on Reddit is because all of our friends are mutual and I have nowhere to turn for advice.

When my boyfriend was 14, he met this "friend" of his online,= who is a few years older. She gave him love (and sexual) advice, like things like how to touch a woman and stuff. Very graphic things he told me and I don't feel like sharing. When I met him at 16 and 17, he had a thing for her, it was quite obvious. After we started talking, he distanced himself from her to focus on me (which made me very happy, of course).

I don't need to say that I hate her. There are several things about this strange friendship that the two of them had that bother me to this day, but I decided to save myself the stress because I believe that my boyfriend was taken advantage of, and he is not at all to blame for that.

He doesn't seem to think so because he was "already mature enough", but I don't think a 14 year old boy should be exposed to that.

Well, they never spoke to each other again, although they had all their friends (most of whom are now my friends too) in common. An old friend of theirs, who I never met, suggested that we all do a DnD session (my boyfriend and I have loved RPGs since we can remember, and our friendship group has always followed the same interest).

Everyone seemed excited "for old times sake" but my boyfriend said he would only participate if I went, which I agreed with. After all, I was excited too! We all joined a Discord server together to plan our sessions.

Until... Well. That friend called her too, his old "friend". I'm unable to say a single word in that groupchat because just the idea of being around this woman bothers me. My boyfriend doesn't seem to have noticed yet that I'm super angry. I'm at his home right now as I type this.

I don't want to cause a scene. I don't want to ruin everyone's fun. And I don't even want to blame my boyfriend for this, or fight with him, but I can't handle the fact that I feel terrible. I feel like if I were to talk to him, I would come off like a jealous crazy person. It's not jealousy, I genuinely despise her. How could I deal with this?

Include a TL;DR: my boyfriend added me to a groupchat with a girl who sent him sexual pictures when he was 14. I don't want to sound like an idiot, but I feel weirded out. I don't want to hang out with someone I genuinely hate. How should I approach this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/GrassSignificant2946 on 2023-12-30 01:56:37+00:00.

My bf(20m) and I(20F) have been together for almost 2 years(1.9years). Within the time of us being together, we lived with my mom while helping her out with rent for about a year and we recently moved away because her marital issues with her husband was getting worse. We solved this problem by asking my bf’s mother if we could rent a room in her house. She agreed and welcomed us with open hands. A month in, my bf and I are going to work, spending time with his mother and his brother even though his brother(18M) does not have the best relationship with him. We had a great christmas and we always have great dinners. Last night, my bf had a mental breakdown over his car (needs a lot of work and a lot of money). My bf then goes to check his bank account and saw that he has an overdraft fee (30-40 dollars PLUS the expense). His brother has been using his money for ubers despite my bf asking him not to. My bf’s reaction was violent, he got into a fist fight with his brother over this. I do not condone violence and I know my bf was wrong for being violent, but that doesn’t make his brother innocent either. Fast forward, his mother heard about this and when she returned home she yelled at us (yes, me and my bf) to come downstairs because she needed to talk to us. His mother went on a rant about how all of this is a result of us being together 24/7 and “trying to be something you’re not”. She yelled at us saying that we are “living like we are married” and that we need our own separate lives. She literally said to me “he’s going to make you hate him”, “you’re there as his emotional support and it’s too much”. This is not the first time his mother has said stuff like this about our relationship. I have walked in on his mother and brother talking about our relationship so im aware they don’t approve of us. His mother has said some stuff about “missing out on your 20’s” to my bf. At the end of that night , i was super confused because it seemed like our relationship was the issue and not the fight between my bf and his brother . Am I overthinking?What should i do? Please help.

I forgot to add: while his mother was saying all those phrases, she also tried to make us sleep in different rooms. His brother was guarding us telling my boyfriend to give me space. And they did this because my boyfriend fought his brother, i had nothing to do with their fight.

TL;DR!- My boyfriend got into a fist fight with his brother over money and their mother’s reaction makes me feel like she’s overstepping our relationship.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway_1234_5678_ on 2023-12-30 01:07:45+00:00.

TLDR: I (30F) still hold a place in my broken healing heart for my best freind (36M) but my other best freind (39M) who has been there for me through some hard years wants to become more than freinds. I am still healing from my last relationship and dont know if i am making the right moves. I also dont want to hurt anyone, including and most importantly myself. what do i do?

I know it sounds racey; its really a lot more mild lol The heavy heart best friend, well call him T, and I have known each other since I was 20. We started as FWB and, of course, when things started to get emotionally serious, we both bailed in our own ways. But over the years we kept in touch, and every time we saw each other it was a reminder that we have this deep heavy hearted connection. Yet both of our lives consisted of drama that kept us from dating seriously. We ended up accepting our friendship and spent 4 years just snowboarding together, we have the most amazing chemistry on the mountain, and have yet to find someone i ride with as good as i do with him. we even split the cost of a condo by the resort and become inseparable. Aaaand then life got in the way again. Mainly me and my life circumstances pulled me away from that life and he decided to move back to his hometown 3 hours away during this same time frame. Hes been there since 2015. I accepted awhile ago that him moving back toward me was a slim chance. I dont blame him. Where he lives is mindblowingly beautiful. We have both expressed that we are always in the back of each others minds even when in serious relationships.

After my last relationship which rendered me hopeless to the idea of letting someone in again, I couldnt even bring myself to think of a "what if" with T anymore. It stripped me in a way no one ever has before. I put my full trust and faith and efforts into a man I thought was safe only to be left a husk of my former self, disrespected, alone and betrayed; losing my step daughter whom I helped raise from 4mo-2yrs on top of it all. I am still healing from this relationship. The idea of another man touching me, seeing my scars (literal), makes me never want to date again because I dont know who is safe to be vulnerable with anymore. Except for T. I know he is safe because yes, he has changed over the years (for the better), but his base of who he is has remained true. He has never tried to manipulate me or use me but hes also never fully committed to the idea of an us. Granted, neither have I, Living 3 hours away with both of us with well established lives and homes, its hard to see how we will ever come back together. He has also made some crap moves over the years but I forgive him for these becasue he has recently gotten sober and all the times he failed to show up it was because he was out drinking. Its why I had to stop counting on him or hoping for him to return. The problem is he has always felt like home to me. Warm and safe. I have always felt like myself and the comfort i feel when i am with him is indescribable, this deep calm warmth in my chest everytime I am with him, which I find very frustrating atm.

This is where my other best friend (39M) comes in...Well call him R. R and I were actually roommates up until 2021. We started living together in 2016 (I think) because he was the best freind of my exbf att. My ex and I broke up shortly after he moved in and my ex left but R and I remained freinds and roommates. I moved out when I moved in with my most recent ex, the one who stripped me. After we broke up I moved in with my mom to finish my degree at university. Currently graduated. So we are not living together anymore. He has become adopted by my family (big deal) and made sure he didn't miss my graduation since hes been with me from the moment I told my ex I met him through I was breaking up with him to pursue this career. R has been there unintentionally (because he lived with me) and intentionally through a major brain injury, suffering to recover while trying to get this degree, all my horrible exes he warned me about but I didnt listen, and for my dogs who are obsessed with him lol. Hes my fellow nerd and daily meme bomber. He very recently asked me if I would consider dating him. I was honest and told him yes but I cant go there right now. Even with him, idk if I can trust what is real. Even with T I cant trust myself with what is real.

I told R that I needed space and time to get back to myself but if something were to happen, I wouldnt reject him. Essentially, continue living our lives as freinds like we always have and if a romantic moment occurs, then its okay. This is my attempt at trying to be open to the idea of love despite my intense fear of it that I feel atm. R is safe in a different way. He never really felt like home to me but I always knew/know he has my back. Granted ive also never had a physical relationship with R and wonder if that would change things. But, of course, that terrifies me rn.

Previously, before my ex ruined me, when we were happier, the idea of marriage arose and the first thing to pop into my head was T. I couldnt see myself saying yes because of him. And I find myself feeling this again with R.

I dont know what to do. Im just choosing me right now but T has made comments of wanting to leave his hometown, even got a new job to help pay off debt to buy a home and we constantly talk about what dream home we would build but we havnt seen each other in 3 years. Hes in the midst of change but idk if he truly sees me in that future. And R is obviously a wonderful man who has been there for me for years and if anyone deserves my efforts to over come my fears, its him. But I worry that my deep connection with T will never go away and always feel like what ever relationship I am in will never be the same...

I still have hope of having a family one day, despite the very time consuming career I chose and my dysfunctional uterus, and R has no interest in children. T, on the other hand, wants a family and kids.

am I delusional?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ok_moonberry96 on 2023-12-29 23:57:01+00:00.

My partner(m32) and I(f29) have been together for more than a decade (this is my backup account because he knows I have reddit), he was my first official boyfriend etc, and we have been through some tough times over the years but have some good memories too. But when he proposed I realized that our life, at least the past 7 years of it, isn’t how I see my future life/relationship even in terms of passion/intimacy and when I try to express my feelings, he apologizes and acknowledges that he will change but he also ends up saying things like “if you left me I wouldn’t be able to go on with life” or just tonight, he said “you’re right, i’m horrible i’m the worst person ever and I deserve it how could I have done these things to you” but then I just find myself immediately defending him! saying things like “no it’s okay! no you’re not…” When I confronted him about it, he says it was an accident and he doesn’t mean it that way. Am I overreacting (also I will be talking to my therapist because I take everything on reddit with a grain of salt), or because these things have also been said in the past and i’m just now pointing them out, is this a way to make me stick around?

TLDR: when I try to have tough conversations with him, he says things like “if you left me I wouldn’t be able to go on” “you’re right, i’m horrible i’m the worst person ever” but then I just find myself immediately defending him saying things like “no it’s okay! no you’re not…” When I confronted him about it, he says it’s an accident and he doesn’t mean it that way. Am I overreacting?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwRASecret-Caram on 2023-12-29 17:00:42+00:00.

TDLR; My (20M) Girlfriend (18F) lied about her coworker to me

Long story short, in September i broke up with my girlfriend because of the way she treated me and because she texted a guy that was flirting with her at work. He found her Instagram and gave her his number and she ended up texting him, she wasn't very flirtatious but he was and i asked her to cut it off multiple times but she didn't want to make any "enemy" coworkers at her new job. She eventually did and although she didn't cheat or flirt, the guy admitted to trying to get her to cheat on me.

We had a discussion and I told her not to entertain guys flirting with her. Fast forward and I broke up with her, (she wasn't treating me kindly) we didn't talk for 2 days and then she wanted to call me and explained we should try taking a break for 2 weeks instead. So we did. After the 2 weeks we got back together and had a discussion. She said when i broke up with her during the 2 days of no contact she called another guy (different guy) that was a romantic interest a year prior and and vented about me and our relationship and i see him as sort of a rebound but she blocked him because "he wasn't me". She got better and changed though and has treated me more kindly so i thought everything was fine.

Recently he just got a job at her work, she unblocked him and asked if hes working with her and he said yes. Last night I asked her if he flirted with her and she was all weird about the response and said "idk" but and eventually said yes. Then she showed me her Instagram and he requested to follow her, she said "what do you want me to do" i said "do what you want" because im not trying to be controlling and i thought we already had this conversation. I asked her if she accepted his follow and she said no. I looked on Instagram and she lied to me and now they both follow eachother and she probably accepted him. I need advice on what to do here, I'm really upset and idk if im getting mad about nothing or if this a serious concern and i should talk to her again?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Joshuaua1990 on 2023-12-30 01:26:22+00:00.

tl;dr my relationship that’s filled with constant accusations and distrust has been rough. I just caught my girlfriend who accused me constantly of having another girlfriend of lying. She said she went for groceries and never did. When I went there she was in the bathroom and didn’t come out. Am I crazy?

I’ll begin with some brief back story.. my relationship has been filled with fairly consistent trust issues from my girlfriend. For the longest time I deleted social media accounts because of her constant issues with me needing to explain every female who I follow or follows me, periodic shake downs where I have to have my privacy violated to show her my apps to calm down her suspicions etc. Her jealousy goes well beyond that where certain shows, movies and songs have had to be avoided if there’s females or sex scenes etc. it’s beyond irrational but things have gradually improved over the years.

2 weeks ago I said I was heading to a call for work but that call cancelled and I went to our shop instead but never mentioned it. She eventually found out and accused me of lying and going off with another woman. I eventually apologized for being dishonest but reiterated I 100% did not go cheat. I lied about going to a call just because sometimes it’s easier to do that then be honest with her.. she’d get annoyed I went to the shop in the past and not used that time to come home early instead so I took the path of least resistance and apologized.

Fast forward to todays problem.. is she cheating? She said she was going to get groceries and literally said “I’m heading out for groceries now” .. 2 hours later I asked how grocery shopping went and she said “it went good! They didn’t have the sauce you asked for so I grabbed something else” and I replied at the same time saying I’m gonna stop by her place to grab a change of clothes and suddenly she changed her story and said she decided to get the groceries delivered instead and her saying “it went well” was a joke apparently. When I showed up to grab a change of clothes she said she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come out of the bathroom so I grabbed my clothes and left to my place to have a shower and drop off my work vehicle. She also said she was gonna have a shower.

I called her out on this and she lost it at me saying I’m the one who’s the liar cause of saying I was going to a call when I actually went to the shop. She accused me of cheating at the time but when I confronted her on this grocery store lie I never accused her of anything I just asked what was up with that. She thinks it’s no big deal but to me it looks like she was cheating because

1. She said she went to get groceries.
2. She said it went well which is her saying she went.
3. She only mentioned ordering them once I was on my way cause she knew I’d notice there’s no groceries.
4. All of a sudden you can’t come out of the bathroom??
5. Now you need a shower??

She of course became very very angry that I would question her and says it’s “100% different” then the scenario where I wasn’t honest about work. To me it’s the same and possibly worse. I was dishonest because honesty is often met with problems whereas she has no need to be dishonest I would never care if she ordered groceries yet she chose to lie and say she went and got them. She’s adamant it was a joke about it going good and she was gonna tell me she ordered them but I don’t buy it. Any thoughts aside from I should leave this relationship and it’s very childish? Lol

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JabbyJabara on 2023-12-29 13:02:59+00:00.

Hello, i am male 32yo and she is female 35yo. We've lately been butting heads over, i don't even know what you'd call it, our demeanor in social situations and when together.

I supposedly frustrate her with my kindness and courteousy, i personally didn't even know that's possible. I'm certainly not a door mat, particularly if I'm right or a subject expert on a topic in social conversation but i was raised as a gentleman, to give respect where it's due and don't make waves unless necessary.

Lately however, this has frustrated her to the point where she's completely turned off who i am and she will turn cold.

Most of my life and work has taught me it's better to ask questions and be sure instead of making assumptions.

There are times as well where she will turn cold if in social situations i become the centre of some light hearted hazing or ribbing of you will. Previously in life i was bullied severely for being a middle eastern kid wanting to be a pilot, i was generally socially awkward as well, lots of crying in my pre teens and such but i built a thick skin and it doesn't effect me anymore. I always give ribbing back and obviously it's all in good fun but she seems to turn cold and almost embarrassed she's dating me.

At times she can also have an acid tongue and say something completely out of character and cruel. At times I'm speechless and other times i respond with "why say such a thing?"

In the Australian town we reside in, she is from a higher class family, whereas i moved in from a smaller town out of state from low income migrant parents. We do have different upbringings but it feels like at times we are imbalanced, almost to the point where she considers me inferior or just before that point.

Whenever, I'm in my natural element we are great but this difference, lack of compassion and patience plagues her more often than not.

The sessions of therapy have brought discussion but the tools, or no tools at all, have not brought a resolution. We recently had our biggest disconnect emotional and physical recently before Christmas and it followed a visit to my parents(her in laws, its always them) which heighten anxiety even further. I truly love her and have patience for her, i don't hold grudges and can forgive but I'm not sure it's healthy.

Any constructive advice would be great. Thank you

Tl:dr Significant other dislikes me because I'm courteous and sometimes the punching bag of joke. She feels superior to me, lacks patience and empathy

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway_1234_5678_ on 2023-12-30 01:07:45+00:00.

TLDR: I (30F) still hold a place in my broken healing heart for my best freind (36M) but my other best freind (39M) who has been there for me through some hard years wants to become more than freinds. I am still healing from my last relationship and dont know if i am making the right moves. I also dont want to hurt anyone, including and most importantly myself. what do i do?

I know it sounds racey; its really a lot more mild lol The heavy heart best friend, well call him T, and I have known each other since I was 20. We started as FWB and, of course, when things started to get emotionally serious, we both bailed in our own ways. But over the years we kept in touch, and every time we saw each other it was a reminder that we have this deep heavy hearted connection. Yet both of our lives consisted of drama that kept us from dating seriously. We ended up accepting our friendship and spent 4 years just snowboarding together, we have the most amazing chemistry on the mountain, and have yet to find someone i ride with as good as i do with him. we even split the cost of a condo by the resort and become inseparable. Aaaand then life got in the way again. Mainly me and my life circumstances pulled me away from that life and he decided to move back to his hometown 3 hours away during this same time frame. Hes been there since 2015. I accepted awhile ago that him moving back toward me was a slim chance. I dont blame him. Where he lives is mindblowingly beautiful. We have both expressed that we are always in the back of each others minds even when in serious relationships.

After my last relationship which rendered me hopeless to the idea of letting someone in again, I couldnt even bring myself to think of a "what if" with T anymore. It stripped me in a way no one ever has before. I put my full trust and faith and efforts into a man I thought was safe only to be left a husk of my former self, disrespected, alone and betrayed; losing my step daughter whom I helped raise from 4mo-2yrs on top of it all. I am still healing from this relationship. The idea of another man touching me, seeing my scars (literal), makes me never want to date again because I dont know who is safe to be vulnerable with anymore. Except for T. I know he is safe because yes, he has changed over the years (for the better), but his base of who he is has remained true. He has never tried to manipulate me or use me but hes also never fully committed to the idea of an us. Granted, neither have I, Living 3 hours away with both of us with well established lives and homes, its hard to see how we will ever come back together. He has also made some crap moves over the years but I forgive him for these becasue he has recently gotten sober and all the times he failed to show up it was because he was out drinking. Its why I had to stop counting on him or hoping for him to return. The problem is he has always felt like home to me. Warm and safe. I have always felt like myself and the comfort i feel when i am with him is indescribable, this deep calm warmth in my chest everytime I am with him, which I find very frustrating atm.

This is where my other best friend (39M) comes in...Well call him R. R and I were actually roommates up until 2021. We started living together in 2016 (I think) because he was the best freind of my exbf att. My ex and I broke up shortly after he moved in and my ex left but R and I remained freinds and roommates. I moved out when I moved in with my most recent ex, the one who stripped me. After we broke up I moved in with my mom to finish my degree at university. Currently graduated. So we are not living together anymore. He has become adopted by my family (big deal) and made sure he didn't miss my graduation since hes been with me from the moment I told my ex I met him through I was breaking up with him to pursue this career. R has been there unintentionally (because he lived with me) and intentionally through a major brain injury, suffering to recover while trying to get this degree, all my horrible exes he warned me about but I didnt listen, and for my dogs who are obsessed with him lol. Hes my fellow nerd and daily meme bomber. He very recently asked me if I would consider dating him. I was honest and told him yes but I cant go there right now. Even with him, idk if I can trust what is real. Even with T I cant trust myself with what is real.

I told R that I needed space and time to get back to myself but if something were to happen, I wouldnt reject him. Essentially, continue living our lives as freinds like we always have and if a romantic moment occurs, then its okay. This is my attempt at trying to be open to the idea of love despite my intense fear of it that I feel atm. R is safe in a different way. He never really felt like home to me but I always knew/know he has my back. Granted ive also never had a physical relationship with R and wonder if that would change things. But, of course, that terrifies me rn.

Previously, before my ex ruined me, when we were happier, the idea of marriage arose and the first thing to pop into my head was T. I couldnt see myself saying yes because of him. And I find myself feeling this again with R.

I dont know what to do. Im just choosing me right now but T has made comments of wanting to leave his hometown, even got a new job to help pay off debt to buy a home and we constantly talk about what dream home we would build but we havnt seen each other in 3 years. Hes in the midst of change but idk if he truly sees me in that future. And R is obviously a wonderful man who has been there for me for years and if anyone deserves my efforts to over come my fears, its him. But I worry that my deep connection with T will never go away and always feel like what ever relationship I am in will never be the same...

I still have hope of having a family one day, despite the very time consuming career I chose and my dysfunctional uterus, and R has no interest in children. T, on the other hand, wants a family and kids.

am I delusional?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Impossible_Note5761 on 2023-12-30 01:06:15+00:00.

Hello,

I (21M) am in a 3 year relationship with my GF (22F) things have been more or less good in our relationship since the start of our 3rd year together. She is always moody, complains, makes offensive comments regarding me. She started to also get really clingy as every time I want to spent time on myself or with family she gets really annoyed and starts acting moody with me. She constantly want us to spent time together, however she always complains when we do, about something. She has some kind of issue with my brother (who I am very close to and we like to spend time together). She makes offensive comments on how I can’t live without him and I am too attached, some things like that. On top of all of that she is never in the mood for anything. She could talk about something she wants to do and when we get to do it, there is only complaining and bad behavior. I am in no way the best boyfriend, but I try to do my best all the time.

There is another thing I don’t like and that is about how she has like a “set plan” including kids and marriage in a couple of years. When I told her that it would be hard as I want to manage my career first, she told me that “we won’t be compatible” and that there are others who will love her plan. She has a problematic family and family past as she had an alcoholic dad (passed away) who caused a lot of trouble and does not have a very good home situation now, although her step-dad is not a bad guy. I feel bad for her as I know that the roots for most of her problems come from there, but at the same time she refuses any help or an attempt of talk (proceeds to listen, without a reply and nothing changes). I think it’s best for us to break up, but at the same time I am second-guessing myself.

Could you give me advice on what should I do? Do I try to make the relationship alive again, or is it best for me to end it as she will never do it?

TL;DR - I (21M) need help figuring out what to do with my GF (22F) as I things have gotten really hard. Should I break up?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Lengthiness9788 on 2023-12-30 00:59:58+00:00.

I recently found myself in a new friend group and got close to the man in question. I’m single as is he and we bonded over common interests. We had a pleasurable night together and I told him I’m not in the market for a relationship, but I had fun and would like to continue getting to know one another. He insisted we should go out on a date soon and I agreed when time allows it.

Myself, him, and his best friend all went out for drinks 2 days after our night together. In the bathroom, she drunkenly admitted she knew we “fooled around” and wanted all the details. I told her I wasn’t comfortable sharing that with her and calmly confronted him at the table why he felt it was necessary to share that information with the group.

He quickly apologized but followed up with, “Well I’m GOING to tell my best friends and it’s not like they care anyways. No one cares!” I simply nodded and we continued the night. I was annoyed but figured I’ll exit gracefully and we all had a swell time actually. Ironically, his car broke down and I waited for the tow service to come assist him while his “best friend” went to a party. He sent me a message asking if I will be out again and I did not respond. I removed myself from our group chat once I got home and proceeded to have many of our mutuals ask what happened and if I’m alright.

I have not responded as I needed solo time to process why I feel bothered by it and what my next step should be. I know I don’t favor being with someone who clearly violated my boundaries as I addressed to him I prefer to keep things private and I’m not sure why it’s anyone’s business anyways. He excused it further saying he was just excited and happy it happened, but that‘s still pretty immature to me. Am I overreacting, however?

TLDR: Guy friend told our friend group we slept together and I have not spoken to him or any of our mutual friends since. It’s only been a few days since it occurred and I’m not sure how to navigate next steps from here.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Middle-Bodybuilder-8 on 2023-12-30 00:37:07+00:00.

Breaking Up but all your friends and family love him.

I’m in a bit of a predicament. I’ve been together with this guy, (40m I am 29m) that I’ve known now for 2.5 years. We don’t live together but spend every night together.

My family and friends all adore him but I don’t feel like he’s the one. I hastily and reluctantly agreed to get engaged to him just two months ago. He’s talking about the wedding plans and all my family and friends are excited for us.

I don’t feel like he’s the one. I have a really hard time breaking it off. I think he’s a sweet, sweet guy, but we are just not a match in many ways.

I’ve selfishly carried this on for too long (because I hate being alone and I also don’t like confrontation) and now I worry about the social repercussions of everyone around me hating me and looking like the bad guy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or is in a similar situation?

tl:dr: I am engaged to a man that everyone likes and I don’t want to be. I’ve been selfish and carried this on too long and now I don’t know how to deal with it.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sadgirlhours649 on 2023-12-30 00:19:10+00:00.

it's my bfs birthday today and i had planned for a couple of weeks to surprise him and send him a cake for his birthday because we're in a long distance relationship and he was able to receive it today which made him very happy and made me very happy too.

anyway he works from home and just had a coaching session with his team lead and he greeted him a happy birthday and my bf mentioned that his "friend" sent him a cake. i felt upset about this and told him how i felt. he said it's because he's an introvert and it was less to explain. i wasn't satisfied with his answer and still deeply upset. then he said "I can tell him later if you care so much". it felt like he's guilt-tripping me for being upset about it.

he just told his aunt about the cake i sent and introduced me as "a girl he's been talking to" which really upset me even more. he said it would be weird because we just started dating again yesterday. we have been dating on and off for 4 years i wasnt satisfied with his explanation because weve been acting like were a couple for a month now and we have a history together. it almost feels like he's hiding me from the people that know him or he's too embarrassed to be dating me. this has also happened before when he introduced me as a "friend" to his gamer friends and his reasoning is because we've been dating on and off and im really not convinced. only his mom knows about me being his gf. his brother only found out that we were dating because of me. his coworkers from his previous job a couple of years ago knew he has a gf but that was when we started dating.

i feel like i keep getting my heart stomped over by the person i love. im just a "friend" and i keep getting reminded of that by him. now im just thinking of letting him enjoy his birthday then break up with him after a couple of days. am i being unreasonable?

tldr: bf keeps introducing me as his "friend" to everyone now i want to break up with him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lilac-and-gooseberry on 2023-12-29 23:54:56+00:00.

This situation is tough because I don't think either of us are wrong. My boyfriend of 2+ years is not ready to make such a large commitment, but I feel strongly that if I wait for him to "feel it" I may lose my chance for the life I've wanted

When we first met I was 26 and wasn't in such a rush. I'd mentioned to him early on that marriage was very important to me, but that I want to build a connection first. I've grown up in a very traditional household and my parents were married for 30+ years until my father's passing. I'd always wanted that.

I'm certain I want children eventually in 3-4 years. I don't need to be married right now.. ideally just by or before 30 but I feel a strong need to know I've already found the man I will marry. He says he wants to marry me eventually and wants a family at some point but wants me to wait another 2 years for him to feel ready.

I've felt that my boyfriend was "the one". We live together now and our connection is so strong. We love each other so deeply, but he is struggling with the idea of the future and the permanence of marriage. I've asked him what he is having difficulty with, or what he needs to discover in the next 2 years to be ready but he is so vague, without any real answer.

He says I'm perfect and there's nothing else he could ask for. He says he has everything he could ever want right in front of him and I'm the girl of his dreams, but he can't "feel it" that he's ready for such a big commitment, which I understand. He doesn't want to breakup, yet this isn't an ultimatum to force him into marriage; it's my need for it that is making me consider walking away in the hopes that after I take time to heal from this I may find someone more mature and ready for that commitment.

My fear is that if I stay(which I want to do so badly) I will lose my chance to have children by wasting it on someone that ultimately doesn't really want to be with me and hasn't yet been honest with himself yet about what is really holding him back.

I understand he is younger and may still feel the need to look around at other women. I feel like I am a catch and shouldnt have to drag a man to the altar, I want someone that is sure about me. I feel like men already know what they want, long before they verbally express it and I don't want to lose more years waiting for him to "feel it".

I'm wondering if any men(or women) can explain to me what he hopes to figure out in the next two years with me, that he hasn't already figured out in the past 2 years and 3-4 months.

Tldr: after 2 years if a man is not ready for marriage, should you wait for him?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anontipper1177 on 2023-12-29 23:54:25+00:00.

My wife (F30) and I (M30) have been married for about a year but together for five. We met back in my home city, which is in a major metropolitan area of the eastern US. She was down here with her family but none of them liked it and they decided to move back to where they’re from a few states away in what is considered “The South” here. About a year into us dating, she asked if I’d want to move with her. I did as much research as I could into this town and even flew there for a week to see how it is, and eventually I agreed.

We have been living in this southern town for about four years now. The longer I’ve been here, the more I’ve realized how much I hate it here and I find myself thinking about moving back home more and more as time passes. Without really writing a short story about why I don’t like this place, I think it just boils down to me being more of a city guy. I like big cities with options for things to do, groups to join, and a vibrant night life, if you’re in the mood for that. This place is the complete opposite of that. It’s small, it’s gossipy, it’s very conservative/red, and there isn’t a whole lot to do besides drink on your front porch or go hunting. I don’t have friends here and the only person I know is my wife. She has recently made some friends here, they’re nice people and I like them, but I try not to intrude on their time together because I feel it’s important for spouses to have some time to themselves away from each other. As for making my own friends, I personally don’t really match with the vibe most people are used to here, so it’s been hard for me to make connections with peers because we like different things.

The big problem is…I’ve brought this up to my wife. She told me that she will never want to move back to where I’m from. She says she likes where we are and is what she’s been used to growing up. She likes the country and the quiet, and a community where people know you. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what to do. I tried compromising with her and asking to move to at least another city, maybe not as big as mine, but she said no to any moderately sized city, she just agreed to another town in this state that’s only a little bigger than this one but still more country than city.

I miss my friends and family back home, I miss being able to attend all their gatherings, I miss being able to find something to jump into on my spare time if they aren’t available, and I feel like we’re now at last call to make a decision. My wife has made it clear that our next steps in the very near future should be to get a house and start having kids. This terrifies me. Once that happens, moving back home would no longer be on the table and I will have to just be here indefinitely. I just don’t know how much longer I can hack it here. I know that was the plan when we first moved here, but I didn’t know then that I would hate it here as much as I do now - I wish I had.

Then there’s this other part of me that says “okay, you move back home, you’re a divorcee in your 30s - now what?” I try to tell myself I’m just looking at my life before with rose-tinted glasses and that life there was more expensive and that life as a single person in your 30s is not easy. It helps for a bit, but then I go back to feeling this emptiness and longing to be with people I know in a place I can feel more “me” in. The other component of this is that I love my wife. The thought of breaking her heart by separating us would feel terrible. She relies on me when she’s feeling down and I’d hate to be the cause of it if we were to split. Is there anything one of you could say here that would provide some perspective or advise on this situation? Am I just too old to be feeling this way and should know better?

TL;DR: I moved to a small town with my wife. It’s been 4 years and I hate it; wife loves it (currently DINK but plan is not for long). Want to move back home; wife doesn’t. Don’t know if moving back by myself is the right decision and I don’t want to break my wife’s heart.

*disclaimer: I did post this on another advice subreddit, but my post there does not seem to be appearing on new and I have no idea why, so I copied it here.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Agile-Acanthaceae252 on 2023-12-29 23:51:26+00:00.

My (29F) fiance (34M) and I have been together for almost eight years. For the first time we just recently moved to my home state so we've been spending a lot more time with my close friends and family than we have in the past. He's a goofy guy- doesn't always thinks before he talks and for the most part I think that creates a lovable charm. I always wanted to be with the funny outgoing guy. But I find myself over observing his behaviors in social situations with my friends and family. Like making sure he doesn't say the wrong thing or rub anyone the wrong way. Being there to defend him ie "what he means is.." And truthfully I don't think he really offends anyone with his humor and if he does it's very minor. But I find myself wanting to correct him (after the social outing) ie "you shouldn't say XXX to this person they may take it the wrong way.

I don't want to be this way especially with someone I've been with for so long. Any tips on coping with this? Some things I really think have a right to bring up for example he was using the f word too much around my mom. But other things I think I need to relax with

TL;DR I think I'm overly worried about what my partner might say or do in social setting

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FarElderberry1252 on 2023-12-29 22:41:54+00:00.

This is a throwaway account bc he is frequently on reddit.

Okay so me (36f) and my BF (40) have been dating for 3 years. No kids. Im divorced and he's never been married. Last March I asked him to let me see his phone so I could get logged into the blink account again as I had gotten a new phone and didn't know how to log in. The info is in his app. (We live together) He was going to sleep and said no, that he would do it tomorrow.

I said that it was shady that he didnt want to hand me his phone but he said it was just bc he was tired. My spidey senses were tingling and I I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs and opened his iPad and found messages that had went back to 4 to 5 months prior. There were a few. One was a snowflake, one was another sort of emoji, and then the last text was a sentence. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me".

These messages were 2 different dates, but all at around 3 am. My bf was drinking a lot and would be really drunk by that hour so I know it was drunk texts. He would drink everyday. I used to, also but not as much. I don't have the tolerance he does.

Anyway, I was hurt then pissed. I wish I would've thought about what to do more but I went upstairs, woke him up and confronted him. I had googled the number and found a name and I asked him who × is. He told me it was the girl he was talking to back in his home state. He had a prior relationship (engaged) for 5 years with a woman and then was talking to this other woman × who was married at the time. The one he had been texting. They all worked together.

He said who it was and that he was sorry and that he was drunk and didn't remember texting her. Which could be true. Sometimes he would be that drunk and not remember things. He said he hadn't seen or really talked to her other than 1 time in seven years. After they got caught texting 7 years ago, she cut the entanglement off and he took another job and moved out of state. They had no physical relationship at all. Not even a kiss or so I'm told. He just built up am idealized relationship with her.

He told me the emojis were code for I miss you and something else I can't remember. After that and a lot of fighting the next few days, we decided to work though it. He really cut back on drinking and stopped drinking hard liquor. He also got a therapist but only saw her two months and said he wanted to find a new one, but still hasn't taken the initiative. We actually talked about that the other day. It's on the to do list.

After that all happened, I told him I needed to go through his phone. I did. I found that he was chatting with a girl we work with while I was at work one day. She moved and isnt in our city anymore and so we dont see her and arent friends. He didn't say anything inappropriate, but he was having a dinner alone and having margaritas that day and just needed attention from another cute woman is my guess. She's really pretty, after all. I asked him about this too and he said he was just friends but I called bs on that bc they aren't friends at all other than polite conversations at work. He agreed it was inappropriate and apologized.

Reddit, what do I do? It's been a year. A year of freakishly checking the iPad without him knowing. And BTW, I have android and don't know much about Apple products. I do know his iPad is old but I don't know how to go back and check super old texts bc I'm wondering how many he deleted before I saw them. Or who else is he messaging? We've been dating for 3 years. He says he wants to marry me but still hasn't asked. I don't want to waste my time. I'm getting older and want a good relationship with someone long term. I don't trust him, but I love him. I want to get that back. The only way I can trust him is for him to be tested without knowing he is.

What should I do?

TLDR. BF drunk texted ex. How can I see what messages he deleted a long time ago? How can I trust him again?

Edit to add: I called × and she was really nice. According to her she had blocked him and wasn't getting those messages and hadn't talked to him. She had mended her marriage after everything went down between them all and is now doing well.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bowling-alone on 2023-12-29 22:17:49+00:00.

TLDR: I saw a rendering of the ring my partner has been designing for our engagement, and I feel very bad, but: I hate it. Looking for advice on how to subtly change his course to literally anything else.

Posting from a throwaway, since my partner knows my Reddit username.

We've been together for 2 years, live together, and have talked about marriage pretty thoroughly. I love him very much, and would be very happy to get engaged -- I don't place a huge amount of importance or aspirational value on getting married, but I'm confident that this is my person.

We've talked about rings, at his request -- he asked me to show him pictures of rings I liked, which I did. I don't have a huge repository of engagement ring images on hand, but we looked together and I feel like I was pretty clear -- I just like things that are simple, traditional, and not too flashy. I don't wear a lot of jewelry, and the pieces I do wear are very modest. I don't care about the price, which jeweler it comes from, or anything else -- I really don't have a lot of strong preferences, and I would be okay with anything that looks like a regular, typical ring. It doesn't even need to have a diamond. I don't care.

Here is the issue: the other day, my partner was out driving to/from work and I was at home. He asked me to check his email to find a piece of information that he needed. When I opened his inbox, the most recent message was from a ring designer and the subject line was "Update on (my name)'s engagement ring." I'm sorry, but I looked, just out of curiosity.

I feel terrible saying this, but... it's really bad. I guess he's been working with a jeweler to have something custom-made, which is so thoughtful and sweet, but what they came up with is beyond the pale. It has a large, thick pavé band of BLACK stones, including pavé around the center stone, so it's essentially all black glitter with a diamond in the middle. I know that these judgments are subjective, but -- to me -- it's really ugly, way too ostentatious, and just not at all something I would wear. I feel horrible posting this -- I love my partner, and I would marry him tomorrow with a hair elastic as a ring. At the same time, I absolutely hate this design, and I don't think he's finalized the order.

I don't want to be mean, but I also don't want him to spend money on something like this -- we don't have much extra cash right now. I would truly rather have a plain metal band with no diamond at all than something like this. I don't want to acknowledge that I saw the design, but I'm a bit floored after our "let's look at rings" conversation that he came up with something so radically different from what we discussed, and something so outside the norm.

I know this sounds bratty, and I acknowledge that. If this is the ring, I'll wear it with pride, and I'd just be happy about taking the next step toward building a life together. But if anyone else has been in a similar situation, I'm wondering if you have any advice about how to tactfully bring it up without flat-out saying "I saw the ring and I hate it."

Thanks in advance (and apologies for the bratty tone -- I hate this post as much as you do, but I feel like there's still time to turn this around.)

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ImpressiveHat2026 on 2023-12-29 21:54:48+00:00.

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, and before this it's been pretty smooth sailing. No major fights.

She's been stuck in a job she doesn't like for a while now (retail) while she tries to get a job in her preferred industry. That industry doesn't have great job prospects right now even if you have a degree which she does, plus it's a very "who you know" type of industry.

Last night she came to me and told me that an old mentor of hers from college, who has a good job in this field, reached back out and they messaged a bit to catch up. He said that someone at the company he works for (not him) is hiring right now, that he thought of her, and that they should get dinner and drinks next week to talk more.

Now this would be my girlfriend's absolute dream job. Not to mention, even if she was on the lower end of what she could make in this job it would be a big bump above retail. I've been covering a bigger share of our bills for a while, and this would take pressure off. So at first I was over the moon.

But turns out, this "mentor" she knows is a guy she was super into in college. My girlfriend swore that nothing ever happened between them and it was a one-sided crush, but that because he was into him for such a long time she said that she couldn't stomach meeting up with him without talking to me first.

I don't want her to take the meeting, and I told her so. I love my girlfriend but she isn't the secret-keeping type (which I love) and wears her heart on her sleeve, so I'm sure that this guy must have known that she was into him. I feel like I can't trust his motives 100%, like why do they need to meet for a meal? Couldn't he just connect her instead? Maybe he was dating someone at the time and they broke up, I don't know. Basically I have alarm bells ringing about this situation.

I think my girlfriend doesn't feel 100% about it either, which is why she told me, but when I said that she shouldn't take the meeting she started to get upset and (maybe rightly so, idk) dig in her heels. I told her that I didn't think it was an above board situation, she called me an ass and that she might not get this chance again, and now we aren't talking.

Is it wrong of me to think she shouldn't take this meeting? I don't want to be sexist, my girlfriend is talented and would do great at this job, but I can't help feeling that there's strings attached. I don't want to hold her back but I also don't think I can endorse this. We're going to talk again tomorrow morning but I don't know what to say.

TL;DR! My girlfriend was invited for dinner and drinks to supposedly talk about her dream job with her college crush, she wants to take the meeting but I don't want her to.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/privatee_ on 2023-12-29 21:51:25+00:00.

I started a new job not even 3 weeks ago. There was nobody else there my age and everyone is quite closed off, only really seeing you as someone to be ordered around. On about my 4th shift, I met one of my coworkers and I found out we have a lot of common. Just some examples are that we both pursue criminology degrees, we both like horror and we’re close in age compared to everyone else (a few of the staff are 16-17 and the rest around like 40+). I was really happy when we started to talk at work because I felt like I was finally being recognized as a person and not just someone to be told orders to all day. I really enjoy his company, he’s really funny and nice, and he makes work really enjoyable. In total, we’ve probably only worked 6 shifts together and we aren’t in the same department so it’s not like we work side by side but in downtime we often get put on tasks together.

However, he asked me on a date which I didn’t see coming as I thought he was just being friendly since we’re the only ones that are even close to each others age & we have a lot in common. I have a boyfriend (who knows about him and thinks it’s great I have a work friend) so I politely declined and told him I had a boyfriend and I apologize if I ever gave off the wrong tone, but I still really want to remain friends because he is really great & we have a lot of similar interests, plus it’s always nice to befriend someone you work with as it makes the job a lot more enjoyable. I’ve made many friends from past jobs who I still hangout with to this day, so for me I feel like it is a pretty normal thing. I really want to be able to keep him as a friend because I genuinely enjoy him and his company.

I know since I did technically reject him that he might not want to see/talk to me for a while since I most likely hurt his feelings, but I thought since we do have a lot of things in common that we could still pursue a friendship. Like I said, I haven’t even worked there for 3 weeks yet and If I had to guess we really only spent a handful of hours together, so it’s not like he really knows me or is invested in me. I am really upset and sad about the idea that he will probably just see me like any other coworker and not even give me the time of day now even though I feel like we could have a really great friendship after some time has passed. For now, what should I do? I want to give him any space he may need but I do genuinely want to continue our relationship as friends.

TL;DR: I rejected my coworker I don’t know very well but I still want to continue a friendship because we do have many things in common, how do I go about this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/mdc145 on 2023-12-29 21:43:47+00:00.

I recently told my parents that I’m moving in with my boyfriend of 2 years. I’m 32 and decided I wanted to be better about being more open and honest with my Christian parents by communicating with them and respecting them by not hiding. I knew they would be upset and disapprove. My dad said “I’m sorry for what I did wrong as a parent that two of my offspring make decisions like this…I’m trying to figure out what I’d do differently….”.

Seeking advice on how to respond to this type of statement?

I’m confused because I don’t believe they should take responsibility of what they think is wrong when it comes to their adult children.

TLDR: my parents disapprove and are trying to talk me out of it. They told me that they are disappointed. That I’m a “non”, meaning nonbeliever and why the way I think “relativism” does not work.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mountain_Macaron_155 on 2023-12-29 21:36:53+00:00.

I (36f) am a mother of 2 (14f and 2m). Prior to having my 2 yr old my libido was what I consider pretty healthy. I genuinely enjoyed sex, craved it, and liked to try new things. Even with having a very mentally demanding and stressful job, this did not interfere with my sex life. After I had my son I believe I had some minor postpartum and genuinely dreaded sex which caused a strain on my relationship. Then sex was also physically uncomfortable and sometimea hurt, unsure why. This past yr it has gotten better, I do not dread sex like before but I also dont crave it. The pain is much more rare so not really an issue. I dont crave or desire it like I would like, Im unsure if its mental, physical, or what. I've tried a few minor things like pills/herbs on amazon and my fiance has gotten me the royal honey but none of it makes a huge difference. I didnt feel like this after my 1st child but that was a whole different age, life phase, etc. Had anyone experienced this? I'm willing to try things to help this. Me and my fiance are also looking for ways to increase intimacy in hopes that will help. Literally any recommendations are appreciated lol. I dont like my fiance feeling unwanted but hes been very supportive for clarity. Thanks!!

TLDR: libido is almost non existent since having my 2 yr old. Need recommendations. The sex isnt the issue, its great but I have the hardest time getting in the mood and/or dont desire it like i used to.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/adventchildren73 on 2023-12-29 21:29:35+00:00.

I used to be a smoker and she was, too. We smoked together and quit for a good time. We both agreed to not do it. She, especially, doesn’t function with weed because it makes her less functional and more forgetful (she takes meds for bipolar). I found a receipt yesterday of weed she bought at the store. I confronted her about it and denied it. Then I showed her the receipt and that’s when she owned up to it.

I’m not upset about the weed smoking (even though it is annoying, she can’t handle herself), I’m upset that it wasn’t communicated to me after we both agreed to not do it, she tried hiding it by not telling me, then lied to my face about it when I confronted her about it

Her excuse was that I make it a big deal so she didn’t tell me. But that’s how what a healthy, trusting relationship is. How can I come across making this better? Did I overreact? Is it even worth continuing a relationship with someone that lies to me over something that small and slightly difficult to communicate ??

I did snap at her for lying to me. I wouldn’t have snapped if she had told me the truth since she bought the weed.

TL;DR girlfriend hid weed she denies she had and I confronted her about it after lying to me.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Decent-Abroad-9235 on 2023-12-29 21:23:31+00:00.

My gf and I are fighting over insecurities and being unable to handle conflict well together. A few months later, while at an important event for her while she had a significant role, her best friend told me "classic - she still has to get everyone drunk, can't stop drinking, still the same a decade later. Fuck this, tired of watching her drink like this, so I'm going to bed." Seconds after she left, my ex got up close her friend's bf (she's been friends with both for a long time). When we were in private, I asked if they had past history and she cried. I didn't want to tell her what her friend said, so I made that assumption. Did I overreact or overstep by asking that question?

The next day she yelled at me at the table over not getting something she asked, and her female friend told her to stop several times but she persisted. Later on, said friend told us we were the first people to know a significant detail about them. My gf left seconds after being told, and her female friend told me she would forget the next day because she forgets the nights she drinks. When I was trying to talk about my gf's behaviour again in private, her friends came to find us to continue partying. My ex went outside to meet them. When she came back inside, she told me she had to run into her male friend's arms and told them I thought she was trying to get with the male friend. When I said that wasn't the case, she said oh well now they're mad at you.

The next day I took responsibility for being insecure and tried to get her to admit to yelling. She said she was just joking. Later on, she admitted to being disappointed I didn't just do what she asked and I let her down, but I felt like I had to hammer her about it for her to open up.

I never told her about what her friend said the whole night. She says she can't get over me making her cry at the wedding. Should I tell her the truth? It has bothered me for a long time.

Tl;dr should I tell my gf what actually happened even if it hurts a friendship?